1 00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:08,003 Hi. You from the police? 2 00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,563 Yeah, no. Sort of. 3 00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:11,883 Mm, your mates left about two hours ago. 4 00:01:11,883 --> 00:01:13,963 Oh, yeah, I always come after them. I've... 5 00:01:13,963 --> 00:01:16,163 Oh, my God. What? 6 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,243 Where did you get that T-shirt? It's so cool. 7 00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:19,763 I don't know, I've had it years. 8 00:01:19,763 --> 00:01:22,003 Mm. I thought it might be from the vintage place in town. 9 00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:23,163 It looks proper '80s. 10 00:01:23,163 --> 00:01:24,563 Probably is proper '80s. 11 00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:26,083 I probably bought it in the proper '80s. 12 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,003 Shut up! You shut up. 13 00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:29,643 Come on, I'll show you what happened. 14 00:01:29,643 --> 00:01:30,763 Hey. 15 00:01:30,763 --> 00:01:33,203 Your parents have got good taste. 16 00:01:33,203 --> 00:01:34,323 That's MY car. 17 00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,523 I know you'll never be mine, 18 00:01:44,523 --> 00:01:46,683 but no-one could love you 19 00:01:46,683 --> 00:01:48,763 the way I would've loved you. 20 00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:49,923 What are you doing? 21 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:52,283 Oh, no, I was just, uh... 22 00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,523 No, she's good, mate. Yeah, good as gold, that is. 23 00:01:54,523 --> 00:01:56,043 Yep. 24 00:01:58,883 --> 00:02:00,443 In here. 25 00:02:20,203 --> 00:02:22,803 Well, you've stolen my childhood. 26 00:02:22,803 --> 00:02:25,763 Oh, I'm totally obsessed with '80s stuff, 27 00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:27,803 literally anything made in the '80s. 28 00:02:27,803 --> 00:02:29,283 Have you seen Stranger Things? 29 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,683 That wasn't made in the '80s. 30 00:02:31,963 --> 00:02:33,363 But you like '80s, too. 31 00:02:33,363 --> 00:02:35,203 Yeah, I'm FROM the '80s. 32 00:02:35,203 --> 00:02:36,643 Amazing. 33 00:02:36,643 --> 00:02:37,723 Like Back To The Future? 34 00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:38,963 Yes. 35 00:02:38,963 --> 00:02:43,163 "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." 36 00:02:44,923 --> 00:02:46,763 You haven't seen it, have you? 37 00:02:46,763 --> 00:02:48,203 No. No. 38 00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:50,203 Mm. I've got to update me socials. 39 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:53,323 You're cool to do your thing, put tape up or whatever. 40 00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:54,683 Yeah, cool, whatever. 41 00:02:54,683 --> 00:02:57,083 Vibe. What? 42 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,283 I don't know. 43 00:02:58,283 --> 00:03:00,043 It just felt right to say "vibe". 44 00:03:00,043 --> 00:03:01,683 Why? 45 00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,123 What happened with, uh...? 46 00:03:04,123 --> 00:03:07,283 Oh, man, this dude came round to wire in the arcade machine 47 00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:08,563 and...bam! 48 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,203 Bam? Bam. 49 00:03:10,203 --> 00:03:11,883 What's bam? It just went up. 50 00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:13,563 What's a fuse? 51 00:03:13,563 --> 00:03:15,203 They stop people going bam. 52 00:03:15,203 --> 00:03:18,283 Thank God I was out. Blood, it makes me barf. 53 00:03:18,283 --> 00:03:19,443 Hmm. 54 00:03:21,163 --> 00:03:22,523 Poor guy, though, eh? 55 00:03:22,523 --> 00:03:24,843 Ugh, I know. It was, like, so sad. 56 00:03:24,843 --> 00:03:26,883 Yeah. I can see you're devastated. 57 00:03:26,883 --> 00:03:28,003 Hi, guys! 58 00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:29,563 So, today, I'm going to do a vintage haul. 59 00:03:29,563 --> 00:03:31,363 I've been saving up loads of amazing stuff. 60 00:03:31,363 --> 00:03:32,843 Some of it's just old, but this is actual... 61 00:03:32,843 --> 00:03:35,843 I'm going to get my stuff. Oh, oh, wait. 62 00:03:35,843 --> 00:03:37,363 Before you go, 63 00:03:37,363 --> 00:03:39,523 are you cool if I check something with you? 64 00:03:42,203 --> 00:03:44,123 Is that a tray of onions? 65 00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:52,483 Mm. 66 00:04:01,803 --> 00:04:02,963 I'm in shock. 67 00:04:02,963 --> 00:04:05,123 Something terrible has happened and... 68 00:04:06,243 --> 00:04:08,443 ..I don't know what to say. 69 00:04:08,443 --> 00:04:09,883 Sorry, I need a moment. 70 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,443 I know this is going to worry a few of you, and... 71 00:04:14,523 --> 00:04:16,043 ..I'm fine. 72 00:04:16,043 --> 00:04:17,163 Yeah. 73 00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,243 No, I'm not. 74 00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:22,483 I can't do this now, but I'll be back in 30 minutes 75 00:04:22,483 --> 00:04:24,083 to tell you how my life has changed... 76 00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:27,603 ..forever. 77 00:04:33,363 --> 00:04:34,523 Well? 78 00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,443 Jesus Christ. 79 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,923 Did it make you want to like and subscribe? 80 00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,003 Liken subscribe? 81 00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:40,163 Like and subscribe. 82 00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:42,243 I don't know. Please say yeah. 83 00:04:42,243 --> 00:04:43,803 I can't. I don't know what it means. 84 00:04:43,803 --> 00:04:46,003 Well, say you'll like and subscribe. 85 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:47,923 I can't say like and subscribe to something 86 00:04:47,923 --> 00:04:49,083 that I don't understand. 87 00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:51,123 I don't know what like and subscribe is. Just say it! 88 00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:53,603 One button, that's all it is. Just say it. Just say it, please. 89 00:04:53,603 --> 00:04:55,683 Hosea, me, you... But what is it? ..like, subscribe. 90 00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:57,963 How can I if I don't understand it? I need you on my side. 91 00:04:57,963 --> 00:05:00,883 How can I agree to it? I just want you to like and subscribe! 92 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,923 One button. One button. Please like and subscribe. 93 00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:04,523 Like and subscribe! 94 00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:10,043 Thanks so much. 95 00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:25,243 I can't do this now, but I'll be back in 30 minutes 96 00:05:25,243 --> 00:05:26,883 to tell you how my life has changed... 97 00:05:26,883 --> 00:05:27,923 ..forever. 98 00:05:27,923 --> 00:05:29,443 Did you buy all this stuff, then? 99 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:31,603 Oh, most of it got sent to me. 100 00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:33,723 Can I play with some of it? 101 00:05:33,723 --> 00:05:35,283 Sure. 102 00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:39,483 I used to be able to do these. 103 00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:40,683 What do you mean? 104 00:05:40,683 --> 00:05:42,163 You know, do them, complete them. 105 00:05:42,163 --> 00:05:43,923 I didn't know you could do them. 106 00:05:43,923 --> 00:05:46,403 I thought you just switched the stickers. I can complete them. 107 00:05:46,403 --> 00:05:48,003 Are you like Professor Brian Cox? 108 00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:51,803 I'm exactly like Professor Brian Cox. 109 00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:11,363 Ta-da! 110 00:06:11,363 --> 00:06:13,843 Fuck off! You fuck off. 111 00:06:13,843 --> 00:06:15,283 This is going to break the internet. 112 00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:16,483 I'll DM it you. 113 00:06:16,483 --> 00:06:18,043 I think there's probably already videos 114 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,003 of people doing a Rubik's cube online, mate. 115 00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:21,123 You should upload it. 116 00:06:21,123 --> 00:06:22,763 I mean, I can't, because of the big announcement. 117 00:06:22,763 --> 00:06:24,163 What socials are you on? 118 00:06:24,163 --> 00:06:26,443 Oh. I'm only on Facebook. I don't use that. 119 00:06:26,443 --> 00:06:28,443 I keep getting death threats from this woman. 120 00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,683 You should look her up, actually. It's funny - 121 00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:32,083 the Tattooed Milf. 122 00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,203 You should get on Insta and TikTok. 123 00:06:34,203 --> 00:06:35,843 My niece is always banging on about that. 124 00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:36,883 What is TikTok? 125 00:06:36,883 --> 00:06:38,043 What's TikTok? 126 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,963 That's TikTok. Well, I do not like it. 127 00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:51,323 I'm not uploading that. 128 00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,563 I don't like any of this social media stuff. 129 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,243 Who wants to know how people are doing? 130 00:06:55,243 --> 00:06:57,363 Chris Marner's got an Audi R8 now. 131 00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:58,643 At school, he got suspended 132 00:06:58,643 --> 00:07:00,443 for eating the hood off a girl's coat. 133 00:07:00,443 --> 00:07:02,523 You wouldn't have to do any of this police business any more 134 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:03,723 if you got enough followers. 135 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,323 I'm sorry, what is your job? 136 00:07:06,323 --> 00:07:08,003 I'm Home Alone Hosea! 137 00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:13,763 Jesus Christ, Grandad. 138 00:07:13,763 --> 00:07:15,123 Do you own a computer? 139 00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:17,083 Yeah. My mate Weasel got it for me, though, 140 00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:18,443 and the keyboard's confusing. 141 00:07:18,443 --> 00:07:21,403 Well, look me up sometime. I will. 142 00:07:21,403 --> 00:07:23,243 Do you know your name in Chinese symbols? 143 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,283 Catch you later. 144 00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:30,923 Loving the sexy police onesie, by the way. 145 00:07:32,283 --> 00:07:35,403 Rip It Up by Orange Juice 146 00:07:50,523 --> 00:07:54,923 ♪ When I first saw you, something stirred within me 147 00:07:54,923 --> 00:07:58,523 ♪ You were standing sultry in the rain 148 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:04,443 ♪ If I could've held you, I would've held you 149 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:07,603 ♪ Rip it up and start again 150 00:08:09,123 --> 00:08:11,883 ♪ Rip it up and start again 151 00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:17,243 ♪ Rip it up and start again 152 00:08:18,363 --> 00:08:22,883 ♪ I hope to God you're not as dumb as you make out 153 00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:27,363 ♪ I hope to God 154 00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:32,203 ♪ And I hope to God I'm not as numb as you make out 155 00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:36,083 ♪ I hope to God 156 00:08:46,203 --> 00:08:50,763 ♪ And when I next saw you, my heart reached out for you 157 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:53,963 ♪ My arms stuck like glue to my sides... ♪ 158 00:08:54,963 --> 00:08:56,883 Oh, my God, what the fuck?! 159 00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:59,883 Oh, dude, this is bad. What have you done? 160 00:08:59,883 --> 00:09:01,243 I'm sorry, I was thirsty. 161 00:09:01,243 --> 00:09:02,443 You drank that? 162 00:09:02,443 --> 00:09:04,723 Those cans are 35 years old. I got them on eBay! 163 00:09:04,723 --> 00:09:06,803 Never mind that. You've cleaned up all the blood. 164 00:09:06,803 --> 00:09:09,123 Yeah, it's my job. You said you were the police. 165 00:09:09,123 --> 00:09:10,643 No, YOU said I was the police. 166 00:09:10,643 --> 00:09:13,043 Well, what are you? A crime scene cleaner. 167 00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:14,683 You're a cleaner?! Crime scene. 168 00:09:14,683 --> 00:09:16,243 He's just a cleaner! Who are you? 169 00:09:16,243 --> 00:09:18,363 Why didn't you say you were just some cleaner? 170 00:09:18,363 --> 00:09:19,763 Cos I'm not. Says he's not. 171 00:09:19,763 --> 00:09:21,763 Well, he is. I'm not. What?! 172 00:09:21,763 --> 00:09:22,803 What are you, dude? 173 00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,163 I'm a crime scene cleaner! 174 00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,603 If you clean, you're a cleaner. 175 00:09:25,603 --> 00:09:27,963 And you've basically ruined my life! Well done, cleaner. 176 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,563 Not cool, bro. 177 00:09:32,763 --> 00:09:34,083 Cool T-shirt, though. 178 00:09:46,243 --> 00:09:47,723 What did I do wrong? 179 00:09:47,723 --> 00:09:49,483 You cleaned his content, man. 180 00:09:49,483 --> 00:09:51,883 What? He needed that content. 181 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,443 Why do you keep saying content? 182 00:09:53,443 --> 00:09:55,283 He was going to livestream about the dead guy. 183 00:09:55,283 --> 00:09:56,883 Content's money, bro. 184 00:09:56,883 --> 00:09:59,203 OK, I'm not going to talk to you any more. 185 00:09:59,203 --> 00:10:00,843 There's clearly something wrong. 186 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,523 Yo! Stay where you are. 187 00:10:04,523 --> 00:10:05,763 Yeah, we can't light it. 188 00:10:05,763 --> 00:10:07,683 Some massive fat dude cleared it up. 189 00:10:07,683 --> 00:10:09,443 OK, I'll come there now. 190 00:10:10,683 --> 00:10:11,763 Fat? 191 00:10:12,803 --> 00:10:14,203 Yeah, you're, like, really fat. 192 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,163 Mate? 193 00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:26,083 Oi, mate! 194 00:10:29,323 --> 00:10:30,883 Can you come down? 195 00:10:30,883 --> 00:10:33,363 Are you going to make me climb up there? 196 00:10:34,763 --> 00:10:36,203 You think I haven't got those skills? 197 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:39,443 You think I haven't got tree-climbing skills? 198 00:10:39,443 --> 00:10:41,683 All right, strap in. 199 00:10:43,523 --> 00:10:46,003 Yes, please! 200 00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:47,723 Not a problem. 201 00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:49,923 There he is. 202 00:10:49,923 --> 00:10:51,843 Up we go. 203 00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:54,283 Yeah. 204 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,563 All good. All good. 205 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:03,123 Still got it. You never lose it. 206 00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,563 Whoo! 207 00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,603 This used to be like Disney World for us. 208 00:11:06,603 --> 00:11:09,003 Cos you were poor? Boo-hoo. 209 00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:11,723 Look, I don't know what I've done wrong. 210 00:11:11,723 --> 00:11:14,123 I was going to do a big stream about the guy getting fried, 211 00:11:14,123 --> 00:11:15,963 and now it's like it never happened. 212 00:11:15,963 --> 00:11:18,763 People aren't interested in an electrical accident, are they? 213 00:11:18,763 --> 00:11:21,523 I would've filmed Fat Baz down the pub when he blew his thumb off. 214 00:11:21,523 --> 00:11:22,763 Why? 215 00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:25,363 Oh, he was trying to hook a crumpet out of a toaster. 216 00:11:25,363 --> 00:11:26,443 It was... No! 217 00:11:26,443 --> 00:11:28,003 Why are you still talking to me? 218 00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:30,203 I needed that dead guy, and you've cleaned him up. 219 00:11:30,203 --> 00:11:31,883 Can't you put it back? 220 00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:33,283 Put what back? 221 00:11:33,283 --> 00:11:34,323 The blood. 222 00:11:34,323 --> 00:11:36,843 Oh, the blood. Yeah, God, of course. 223 00:11:36,843 --> 00:11:38,203 I've got some buckets in the car. 224 00:11:38,203 --> 00:11:39,643 We'll go and splash it back on now. 225 00:11:39,643 --> 00:11:40,843 You're shitting me? 226 00:11:40,843 --> 00:11:42,163 Yes, I'm shitting you. 227 00:11:42,163 --> 00:11:45,043 Well, congratulations for finding my ruined life 228 00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:47,643 so hilarious, you sad, old fuck. 229 00:11:47,643 --> 00:11:50,563 Go and mop up somewhere else. Well... 230 00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:52,243 I don't even use a mop. 231 00:11:52,243 --> 00:11:53,523 Your move. 232 00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:56,043 Look, what's the matter, son? 233 00:11:56,043 --> 00:11:58,923 It's over. 234 00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:00,323 I know that, really. 235 00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:03,363 Home Alone Hosea is just another Tom from MySpace 236 00:12:03,363 --> 00:12:05,563 or the guy that sang Chocolate Rain. 237 00:12:05,563 --> 00:12:07,123 Or that monkey that banged that frog. 238 00:12:07,123 --> 00:12:09,083 So you've heard of the monkey that banged a frog? 239 00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:10,563 The monkey's a legend, mate. 240 00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:13,843 That's me now. 241 00:12:13,843 --> 00:12:16,163 The monkey that banged a frog. 242 00:12:17,683 --> 00:12:18,963 A joke. 243 00:12:21,163 --> 00:12:22,443 Blackberry jam. 244 00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:25,043 What? 245 00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:27,803 You can make blood with blackberry jam. 246 00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:30,403 Come on. 247 00:12:30,403 --> 00:12:31,883 Let's get it done. 248 00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:41,163 That's the Way by Dead or Alive 249 00:12:48,523 --> 00:12:56,843 ♪ Keep that, keep that body strong 250 00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,083 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 251 00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,323 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 252 00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,443 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 253 00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:05,683 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 254 00:13:05,683 --> 00:13:07,883 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 255 00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:10,203 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 256 00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:12,243 ♪ That's the way Uh-huh, uh-huh 257 00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:14,563 ♪ I like it Uh-huh, uh-huh 258 00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:16,563 ♪ When you take me 259 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,603 ♪ By the hand 260 00:13:18,603 --> 00:13:20,283 ♪ And tell me I'm 261 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:23,763 ♪ Your loving man... ♪ 262 00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:25,763 Ah! 263 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,403 Did you have one in the '80s? 264 00:13:27,403 --> 00:13:29,283 A soda thingy? No. 265 00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:30,803 Mum said they were a waste of money. 266 00:13:30,803 --> 00:13:32,363 I'd just been to the shops for her 267 00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:33,963 to buy 40 fags and a bottle of Cinzano. 268 00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:36,323 The irony wasn't wasted. 269 00:13:36,323 --> 00:13:37,523 Honey. 270 00:13:38,563 --> 00:13:40,483 So, how do you know how to use it? 271 00:13:40,483 --> 00:13:43,283 They're not that complicated. 272 00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:45,243 Hey, when we were kids, if we wanted free stuff, 273 00:13:45,243 --> 00:13:47,363 we had to go down the rec and do a dance for Dirty Bertie. 274 00:13:47,363 --> 00:13:49,883 I can't believe people send it you for nothing. 275 00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:52,043 I can't believe you don't know who I am. 276 00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:54,643 Well, tell me what happened. 277 00:13:54,643 --> 00:13:56,883 When I was 16, my parents moved to Italy. 278 00:13:56,883 --> 00:13:59,603 I told them I didn't want to go and they said, "Fine, that's up to you. 279 00:13:59,603 --> 00:14:02,203 "You're old enough to make your own mind up," and left me in the house. 280 00:14:02,203 --> 00:14:04,123 My Insta went mental. Loads of jealous little kids 281 00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:05,883 imagining the perfect life with no rules. 282 00:14:05,883 --> 00:14:07,563 Now I'm rich. The end. 283 00:14:07,563 --> 00:14:09,043 They left you on your own? 284 00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:11,923 I wanted to stay. Yeah, kids want to eat ice cream 285 00:14:11,923 --> 00:14:14,363 that's been dropped in shit - they shouldn't be allowed. 286 00:14:14,363 --> 00:14:15,763 You got kids? No. 287 00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:18,323 Then what do you know about it? I used to be one. 288 00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:21,563 Oh, yeah. In the '80s, where your parents smoked fags around you 289 00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:23,083 and got drunk on Cinzino. 290 00:14:23,083 --> 00:14:24,643 Cinzano. Whatever. 291 00:14:24,643 --> 00:14:27,003 Yeah. They didn't leave us behind, though. 292 00:14:27,003 --> 00:14:29,123 I don't need them. 293 00:14:29,123 --> 00:14:30,563 I'm my own parents. 294 00:14:30,563 --> 00:14:33,203 Hmm. All right. 295 00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:36,683 Shall we? 296 00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:02,123 Well, splurge it down. 297 00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:04,803 Splurge it down? No? 298 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:07,043 Do you know much about blood spatter? 299 00:15:07,043 --> 00:15:08,803 About as much as you know about Instagram. 300 00:15:08,803 --> 00:15:10,243 Then listen carefully. 301 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,003 From the scene, I can tell you straight away 302 00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:13,683 it wasn't the shock that killed him. 303 00:15:13,683 --> 00:15:15,003 It wasn't? No. 304 00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:17,323 It caused him to spasm, sure, 305 00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:19,483 which meant that he thrashed around here, 306 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,883 eventually hitting his head on this cabinet. 307 00:15:24,283 --> 00:15:27,563 Ew. The blood on that wall was from the head injury - 308 00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:30,203 violent involuntary convulsions from the shock. 309 00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:34,883 Resulting in light to moderate blood spatter, 310 00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:38,163 simple enough to remove from non-porous surfaces. 311 00:15:38,163 --> 00:15:40,843 You'd be amazed how much blood comes from a head injury. 312 00:15:40,843 --> 00:15:42,563 So, that was what killed him? 313 00:15:42,563 --> 00:15:44,323 A third-degree abrasion? 314 00:15:44,323 --> 00:15:46,003 Oh, my sweet child, 315 00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:47,603 I very much doubt it. 316 00:15:47,603 --> 00:15:49,123 No, he's not done yet. 317 00:15:49,123 --> 00:15:51,883 So he's thrashing around at the end of a live wire, 318 00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:54,123 receiving electrical burns at the point of contact, 319 00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:55,603 leading to a bit more of the old... 320 00:15:55,603 --> 00:15:58,043 Light to moderate blood spatter. 321 00:15:58,043 --> 00:15:59,283 Very good. Yes. 322 00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:01,963 Now, eventually, he's thrown this way, 323 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:03,083 where he lands here, 324 00:16:03,083 --> 00:16:04,763 on your glass coffee table. 325 00:16:07,403 --> 00:16:09,363 So, it wasn't the arcade machine that killed him? 326 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,323 Glass severs arteries. 327 00:16:12,323 --> 00:16:13,363 What does glass do? 328 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:14,723 Severs arteries. 329 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,363 And arteries are connected to... 330 00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:18,603 The heart. Nature's pump. 331 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:19,643 Pump Up The Jam. 332 00:16:20,603 --> 00:16:22,123 It's a song. 333 00:16:23,363 --> 00:16:25,003 It doesn't matter. 334 00:16:26,043 --> 00:16:27,643 Can I do it? 335 00:16:27,643 --> 00:16:28,763 I don't know. 336 00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:31,603 Can you? 337 00:16:34,843 --> 00:16:37,683 I was just saying you can have a go. You should have a go at it. 338 00:16:40,403 --> 00:16:41,723 Ah. 339 00:16:43,563 --> 00:16:44,963 What was that? 340 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,083 No good? 341 00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,803 Have you any idea how much blood the heart pumps around the body? 342 00:16:48,803 --> 00:16:50,243 Put some welly into it! 343 00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:56,723 Now we're talking. 344 00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,483 I think you're ready... 345 00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:01,443 Sorry. I think you're ready. 346 00:17:37,963 --> 00:17:39,843 Enough? Is this what it looked like? 347 00:17:39,843 --> 00:17:42,163 Yeah, it's pretty good. 348 00:17:42,163 --> 00:17:43,363 We just missed one bit. 349 00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:48,043 What the fuck?! 350 00:17:48,043 --> 00:17:50,523 Oh. Sorry, I was just... 351 00:17:50,523 --> 00:17:52,083 What the actual fuck?! 352 00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:10,523 I thought I'd lost you. 353 00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:17,003 Blimey. 354 00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:19,563 Is that a Home Alone Hosea look? 355 00:18:19,563 --> 00:18:20,683 One of them. 356 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,603 I had to change, because somebody 357 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:24,643 squirted jam in my face. 358 00:18:24,643 --> 00:18:26,243 Yeah, sorry about that. 359 00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:27,523 Got a bit carried away. 360 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,603 Why would you do that? 361 00:18:30,963 --> 00:18:32,723 For fun? Oh, yeah, 362 00:18:32,723 --> 00:18:35,363 cos squirting jam all over someone is so fun. 363 00:18:35,363 --> 00:18:38,083 You want to have a laugh more often, you do, mate. 364 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:40,163 Bet you've never been in there either, have you? 365 00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:41,283 What? 366 00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:43,803 Four or five cans, couple of tequilas, I'd be straight in there. 367 00:18:43,803 --> 00:18:45,203 It's for fish. 368 00:18:45,203 --> 00:18:47,203 You and your mates have never jumped in there 369 00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:49,403 when you're pissed? I don't drink. 370 00:18:49,403 --> 00:18:50,923 What?! 371 00:18:50,923 --> 00:18:52,443 Why?! 372 00:18:52,443 --> 00:18:55,803 I guess cos I'm not a total loser, that's why. 373 00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:57,763 You've got some space hoppers back there. 374 00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,883 I bet you've never even been on your space hoppers, have you? 375 00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:01,203 I've got what? 376 00:19:02,203 --> 00:19:03,643 99 Luftballons by Nena 377 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,163 How many followers have you got? 378 00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:06,283 Was five mil, 379 00:19:06,283 --> 00:19:08,323 but this dead guy stream should get the followers back up. 380 00:19:08,323 --> 00:19:09,683 Five million? 381 00:19:09,683 --> 00:19:11,563 I find it hard enough to manage five mates. 382 00:19:11,563 --> 00:19:12,883 I only like four of them. 383 00:19:12,883 --> 00:19:14,283 Weasel's on a final warning. 384 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,443 You've got a friend called Weasel? 385 00:19:16,443 --> 00:19:18,043 Yeah. We keep trying to get rid of him, 386 00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:19,763 but he pulls us back in. 387 00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:22,523 Maybe my life's not so bad. 388 00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:31,843 ♪ Neunundneunzig Luftballons 389 00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:34,363 ♪ Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont 390 00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:36,843 ♪ Hielt man fur Ufos aus dem All 391 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,243 ♪ Darum schickte ein... ♪ 392 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:41,563 I just think there has to be some times in your life 393 00:19:41,563 --> 00:19:43,603 where no-one can get in touch with you. 394 00:19:43,603 --> 00:19:45,403 When you're not online at all. 395 00:19:45,403 --> 00:19:46,563 Do you know what I mean? 396 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:48,763 Over. 397 00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,563 It's not working! 398 00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:57,443 The problem is, a 23-year-old living in a house 399 00:19:57,443 --> 00:19:59,323 isn't very Home Alone. 400 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,243 People have stopped finding it cute. 401 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,003 Yeah, I get it. 402 00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,843 Classic Michael Jackson syndrome. 403 00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:07,803 I am not like Michael Jackson! 404 00:20:07,803 --> 00:20:08,963 Whoa! 405 00:20:08,963 --> 00:20:11,523 I don't mean full-blown weird Michael Jackson. 406 00:20:11,523 --> 00:20:13,683 I mean, you know, when people first started going, 407 00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,763 "Oh. His best friend's a monkey, is it? 408 00:20:15,763 --> 00:20:17,163 "A monkey?" 409 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:20,123 People are saying I'm weird. Like Tom Cruise. 410 00:20:20,123 --> 00:20:23,123 So what does it matter what a load of strangers think? 411 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,883 Turn your computer off - job done. 412 00:20:24,883 --> 00:20:25,963 What am I going to do? 413 00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:27,363 Become a cleaner? 414 00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:30,163 I'm a crime scene cleaner. 415 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,883 Ah! 416 00:20:36,283 --> 00:20:39,043 ♪ Neunundneunzig Kriegsminister 417 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:41,603 ♪ Streichholz und Benzinkanister 418 00:20:41,603 --> 00:20:44,043 ♪ Hielten sich fur schlaue Leute 419 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,323 ♪ Witterten schon fette Beute 420 00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:48,963 ♪ Riefen "Krieg!" Und wollten Macht 421 00:20:48,963 --> 00:20:51,363 ♪ Mann, wer hatte das gedacht 422 00:20:51,363 --> 00:20:53,723 ♪ Dass es einmal so weit kommt 423 00:20:53,723 --> 00:20:56,363 ♪ Wegen neunundneunzig... # Whoa! 424 00:20:56,363 --> 00:20:58,003 Have you seen? Looks good, right? 425 00:20:58,003 --> 00:20:59,123 Yeah, bro, sweet. 426 00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:01,283 We've got the livestream ready to go. Come on. 427 00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:04,963 Who IS that? 428 00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:06,003 My manager. 429 00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:08,283 Oh, he's your manager? 430 00:21:08,283 --> 00:21:10,923 Right. I just thought he was the village idiot. 431 00:21:10,923 --> 00:21:12,963 He manages all the big influencers. 432 00:21:12,963 --> 00:21:14,043 Come on. 433 00:21:14,043 --> 00:21:15,283 What? What do you mean? 434 00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:16,563 Well, you've got to be in it. 435 00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:19,163 What? Why? Well, to make it look proper. 436 00:21:19,163 --> 00:21:20,723 You can clean up in the background. 437 00:21:20,723 --> 00:21:23,363 Clean up the mess we've just made? Get lost. 438 00:21:23,363 --> 00:21:25,083 Please. 439 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,723 This is a big deal for me. 440 00:21:37,723 --> 00:21:39,083 Yeah, great. So this is Baxter. 441 00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:41,643 He's our senior consultant demographer, 442 00:21:41,643 --> 00:21:44,363 so he'll be across, like, live traffic analysis, 443 00:21:44,363 --> 00:21:45,763 updating user profiles 444 00:21:45,763 --> 00:21:47,923 and multi-platform brand reach... 445 00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:48,963 ..and that. 446 00:21:50,163 --> 00:21:51,923 Fuck me, there's two of him. 447 00:21:51,923 --> 00:21:54,163 Dude, can you start...thingy? 448 00:21:54,163 --> 00:21:56,283 Cleaning? Is that the word you're struggling for? 449 00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:59,163 We are going live any second, broski. 450 00:21:59,163 --> 00:22:03,163 Well, I mean, I could rub it with this, 451 00:22:03,163 --> 00:22:05,403 but I'll tell you now, without the correct chemical formula, 452 00:22:05,403 --> 00:22:06,883 it's just a man moving jam around a floor. 453 00:22:06,883 --> 00:22:09,563 Please, I'm trying to get into the right headspace. 454 00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:10,963 I've got standards. 455 00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:13,083 I don't want other crime scene cleaners seeing this. 456 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,963 Two out of the three of them are real gossips. 457 00:22:14,963 --> 00:22:17,203 I don't want them chatting shit about me on the WhatsApp group. 458 00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:18,683 You know what that's like. Please! 459 00:22:22,003 --> 00:22:23,963 Hey, guys and girls and my nonbinary friends. 460 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:26,683 So, yesterday, something mad happened. 461 00:22:26,683 --> 00:22:28,643 Y'all know how much I love the '80s, 462 00:22:28,643 --> 00:22:31,123 so I figured what's more '80s than an original '80s cabinet? 463 00:22:32,443 --> 00:22:33,523 Bummer alert! 464 00:22:33,523 --> 00:22:36,123 It wasn't wired properly, like, a fuse had gone or something. 465 00:22:36,123 --> 00:22:39,163 This is when things get freaky. 466 00:22:43,043 --> 00:22:45,083 So this guy came round to fix it 467 00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,843 and was, like, super sweet, 468 00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:47,883 but there was, like, 469 00:22:47,883 --> 00:22:51,283 a massive problem with the machine and it's, like, totally killed him. 470 00:22:52,403 --> 00:22:55,003 So the police sent some clean-up guy to, like, 471 00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:56,163 clean up and that, 472 00:22:56,163 --> 00:22:59,323 but I just wanted my Hoseas to know what's been going on with me. 473 00:23:02,003 --> 00:23:04,723 Oh, my God, look at what is going on. 474 00:23:04,723 --> 00:23:08,083 My poor little cleaner guy. Isn't he cute? 475 00:23:09,843 --> 00:23:12,363 So, apparently, it wasn't the shock that killed him. 476 00:23:12,363 --> 00:23:13,803 That's why there was so much blood. 477 00:23:13,803 --> 00:23:16,363 That's what you were saying, right? 478 00:23:16,363 --> 00:23:18,803 Uh... Yes? 479 00:23:18,803 --> 00:23:21,243 Well, tell... Tell the guys 480 00:23:21,243 --> 00:23:22,803 what you were saying about, you know, 481 00:23:22,803 --> 00:23:25,523 the coffee table and something about the artery. 482 00:23:25,523 --> 00:23:26,643 Oh. 483 00:23:28,483 --> 00:23:29,683 Oh. 484 00:23:29,683 --> 00:23:31,603 You can see from the blood on the wall 485 00:23:31,603 --> 00:23:33,923 that this was actually the first injury. 486 00:23:33,923 --> 00:23:36,803 The victim would have fallen and hit his head here, 487 00:23:36,803 --> 00:23:38,403 against this cabinet, 488 00:23:38,403 --> 00:23:40,843 causing this blood spatter pattern. 489 00:23:42,043 --> 00:23:44,083 But it wasn't the head injury that killed him, was it? 490 00:23:44,083 --> 00:23:46,403 That's what you were telling me. Oh, no, no. 491 00:23:46,403 --> 00:23:49,483 This is actually nowhere near as bad as it looks. 492 00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:51,923 You can see that from... The blood pattern 493 00:23:51,923 --> 00:23:54,443 is actually quite localised from the abrasion. 494 00:23:56,003 --> 00:23:57,763 Ooh. 495 00:23:59,123 --> 00:24:01,603 What is this? 496 00:24:03,083 --> 00:24:05,483 Mm. Sticky! 497 00:24:05,483 --> 00:24:07,963 Ooh, now, that is interesting. 498 00:24:07,963 --> 00:24:10,403 That's actually the victim's wedding ring. 499 00:24:10,403 --> 00:24:12,443 You see, during electrocution, 500 00:24:12,443 --> 00:24:14,163 even the small muscles in the hand, 501 00:24:14,163 --> 00:24:16,123 they would tighten, causing it to fall off. 502 00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:18,843 It's intriguing what you find out about victims in this job. 503 00:24:18,843 --> 00:24:20,523 From that, we know he was married. 504 00:24:20,523 --> 00:24:23,163 From a picture I found in his wallet earlier, 505 00:24:23,163 --> 00:24:25,843 I can tell you he had three small children. 506 00:24:25,843 --> 00:24:29,043 Shut up! This is not about the dead guy! 507 00:24:33,403 --> 00:24:34,563 Not cool, bro! 508 00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:38,643 OK, the stuff about the kids was too much. 509 00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,083 Let's go again! 510 00:24:44,603 --> 00:24:47,083 Please! You're cancelled. You're cancelled. You're done. 511 00:24:47,083 --> 00:24:48,123 Me? You are cancelled. 512 00:24:48,123 --> 00:24:49,963 We'll rebrand. We can't rebrand. 513 00:24:49,963 --> 00:24:52,203 New vibes, new things. You can't uncancel a cancel. 514 00:24:52,203 --> 00:24:54,283 I'm done. This is done. You're done. 515 00:24:54,283 --> 00:24:56,283 You're cancelled. And we're done. 516 00:24:56,283 --> 00:24:58,203 And I'm out. OK? 517 00:24:58,203 --> 00:24:59,963 I'm out. 518 00:25:20,443 --> 00:25:22,523 I bought you a cola-flavoured soda. 519 00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:26,603 They're not allowed to call it Coke for legal reasons. 520 00:25:26,603 --> 00:25:28,243 And because it tastes like piss. 521 00:25:31,043 --> 00:25:32,603 They'll forget. 522 00:25:33,923 --> 00:25:35,483 They'll never forget. 523 00:25:35,483 --> 00:25:36,803 It's there forever. 524 00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,363 Where? In the cloud. 525 00:25:39,363 --> 00:25:41,203 Is it? 526 00:25:42,483 --> 00:25:45,203 You been sending dick pics, Grandad? No. 527 00:25:47,043 --> 00:25:48,683 Wish I was born in the '80s. 528 00:25:48,683 --> 00:25:50,083 Yeah, it was good. 529 00:25:50,083 --> 00:25:51,363 No internet. 530 00:25:51,363 --> 00:25:53,123 No phones. 531 00:25:53,123 --> 00:25:55,403 Endless summers. Yeah, all right, I get it. 532 00:25:55,403 --> 00:25:57,523 The Exxon Valdez oil spill. 533 00:25:57,523 --> 00:25:59,723 The Challenger disaster. 534 00:25:59,723 --> 00:26:01,163 Chernobyl. 535 00:26:01,163 --> 00:26:03,963 What? Yeah. 536 00:26:03,963 --> 00:26:05,763 The '80s are just like now - 537 00:26:05,763 --> 00:26:08,123 really great and really shitty. 538 00:26:08,123 --> 00:26:09,803 Don't believe the hype. 539 00:26:09,803 --> 00:26:12,243 Ugh. Jam everywhere. 540 00:26:12,243 --> 00:26:14,563 Yeah. Funny, innit? 541 00:26:14,563 --> 00:26:17,563 In many ways, it's harder to get out than blood. 542 00:26:19,243 --> 00:26:20,523 I'm like Lady Macbeth. 543 00:26:20,523 --> 00:26:22,563 Out, damned jam? 544 00:26:24,123 --> 00:26:25,763 You've not seen it, have you? 545 00:26:27,443 --> 00:26:29,003 No. No. 546 00:26:29,003 --> 00:26:31,323 Course you haven't. 547 00:26:34,403 --> 00:26:36,683 I'll show you a good way to get jam out. 548 00:26:36,683 --> 00:26:39,003 You're not going to... I am. 549 00:26:39,003 --> 00:26:40,803 But you haven't even got jam on you. No. 550 00:26:40,803 --> 00:26:41,923 I've got no jam on me. 551 00:26:41,923 --> 00:26:44,363 I'm going to jump in the pond just for the sake of it. 552 00:26:45,563 --> 00:26:46,603 Oi. 553 00:26:46,603 --> 00:26:48,243 Put your phone away. 554 00:26:48,243 --> 00:26:49,683 Just do a thing. 555 00:26:55,283 --> 00:26:56,443 Fuck it! 556 00:27:15,003 --> 00:27:17,603 Oh, God, it's freezing! 557 00:27:19,163 --> 00:27:20,603 That is actually awful. 558 00:27:20,603 --> 00:27:21,883 What's that smell? 559 00:27:21,883 --> 00:27:23,083 That's fish shit. 560 00:27:23,083 --> 00:27:24,683 And duck shit. 561 00:27:24,683 --> 00:27:27,003 Ugh! We should've just jumped in the hot tub. 562 00:27:28,123 --> 00:27:29,643 In the what? 563 00:27:31,083 --> 00:27:32,683 Yeah. 564 00:27:32,683 --> 00:27:34,323 Yeah, you're right, this is better. 565 00:27:34,323 --> 00:27:36,603 Mm. We're like the Real Housewives of Atlanta. 566 00:27:36,603 --> 00:27:38,363 I know! Right? 567 00:27:38,363 --> 00:27:40,123 You've not seen it, have you? 568 00:27:40,123 --> 00:27:41,363 No. 569 00:27:41,363 --> 00:27:43,043 So, what happened next, 570 00:27:43,043 --> 00:27:45,003 after you jumped in a pond in the '80s? 571 00:27:45,003 --> 00:27:47,043 Oh, my mum'd bollock us for getting wet 572 00:27:47,043 --> 00:27:48,803 and then feed us watery minced beef. 573 00:27:48,803 --> 00:27:50,643 My life's not so bad, is it? 574 00:27:50,643 --> 00:27:52,643 No! 575 00:27:52,643 --> 00:27:56,843 But maybe leave Hosea at home for a bit. 576 00:27:56,843 --> 00:27:58,643 Go and see some real-world stuff, eh? 577 00:28:01,203 --> 00:28:03,363 What is your real name? 578 00:28:03,363 --> 00:28:04,683 Bernard. 579 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:05,883 Yeah, stick with Hosea. 580 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:12,603 Bernard. 581 00:28:13,563 --> 00:28:16,443 You do know Home Alone was filmed in the '90s, right? 582 00:28:16,443 --> 00:28:18,483 It's not '80s. 583 00:28:18,483 --> 00:28:19,723 It's been pointed out to me. 584 00:28:19,723 --> 00:28:21,003 Ah. 585 00:28:22,483 --> 00:28:23,883 Now the '90s... 586 00:28:24,923 --> 00:28:28,123 ..they were amazing.