1 00:00:04,786 --> 00:00:07,458 [suspenseful music] 2 00:00:07,492 --> 00:00:11,700 - [ominous voice echoes] You are a lost child. 3 00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:16,342 But I have found you. 4 00:00:16,376 --> 00:00:23,223 I am Dr. Marjorie Frost, tenured professor. 5 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,258 [thunder booms] 6 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:28,099 Are you ready to grow up? 7 00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:29,068 [dramatic music] 8 00:00:29,101 --> 00:00:30,738 Good. 9 00:00:30,772 --> 00:00:36,817 Wait, that is the dumbest tattoo I've ever seen. 10 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:41,359 Who gets a back tattoo on the front of their body? 11 00:00:41,392 --> 00:00:44,065 - [whimpers] 12 00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:45,535 [screams] 13 00:00:45,568 --> 00:00:48,173 [dramatic jazz noir music] 14 00:00:49,743 --> 00:00:50,745 - Uh, you need to move. This is my booth. 15 00:00:50,778 --> 00:00:53,183 - Uh, this is not your booth. This is my booth. 16 00:00:53,216 --> 00:00:55,120 - Uh, you didn't even eat here 17 00:00:55,153 --> 00:00:56,389 until you asked me to work for you, so... 18 00:00:56,422 --> 00:00:57,659 - [chokes] I did not ask you 19 00:00:57,692 --> 00:00:59,563 to work for me, David. You glommed on to me. 20 00:00:59,596 --> 00:01:01,767 - No, you asked me. If I recall, it went like this: 21 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,802 [as John] Oh well David, 22 00:01:02,836 --> 00:01:04,338 can you please work for me 23 00:01:04,372 --> 00:01:05,675 at my detective agency? 24 00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:07,646 I'm too stupid to drive a car, 25 00:01:07,679 --> 00:01:10,317 and I'm too scared to stand up to the bad guys. 26 00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:11,687 - David, okay, I'm trying to enjoy 27 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,689 my three-mushroom omelet. 28 00:01:12,722 --> 00:01:14,358 So please leave me alone. 29 00:01:14,392 --> 00:01:15,427 - [normal voice] You know what? You leave me alone. 30 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:16,396 - All right. 31 00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,672 [hums] 32 00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,676 - [growls] 33 00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:23,878 - Okay, don't worry. I'll be done soon. 34 00:01:23,911 --> 00:01:26,349 In fact, my new partner's picking me up in a few minutes. 35 00:01:26,382 --> 00:01:28,219 - Oh, you got a new partner, huh? 36 00:01:28,253 --> 00:01:29,523 Good for you. 37 00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,292 - Yeah, he's a better driver than you are. 38 00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:32,696 He's tougher than you. 39 00:01:32,729 --> 00:01:35,434 And best of all, he's not a bully like you are. 40 00:01:35,467 --> 00:01:38,239 Ah! ow. - Hey booger-eater, let's go. 41 00:01:38,273 --> 00:01:39,475 - Oh, do I have to wear this? 42 00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:41,513 - [laughs] 43 00:01:41,547 --> 00:01:43,183 - What are you laughing at, perv? 44 00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:45,588 - Lance. You hired Lance! 45 00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:47,257 L-O-L! 46 00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:49,563 - Yo, asshole, I can spell. 47 00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:51,399 - I can't wait to hear 48 00:01:51,432 --> 00:01:53,336 about all the mysteries you guys solve, 49 00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:54,740 like the mystery of the guy 50 00:01:54,773 --> 00:01:57,211 who fell off the back of the motorcycle. 51 00:01:57,244 --> 00:01:58,514 - And I can't wait to hear 52 00:01:58,547 --> 00:02:00,183 about all the amazing life goals you achieve 53 00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:02,622 once you finish turning into a pterodactyl. 54 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,858 - Wanna know something? 55 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,296 I actually moved out of my parents' basement, 56 00:02:06,329 --> 00:02:07,832 and I got a new place with a roommate 57 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,402 who's my best friend. 58 00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:10,838 And guess what, John. 59 00:02:10,872 --> 00:02:14,245 We talk about basketball. - Ugh. 60 00:02:14,278 --> 00:02:15,480 - Yeah, it's sports. 61 00:02:15,515 --> 00:02:18,521 It's something that non-weirdos discuss. 62 00:02:18,554 --> 00:02:21,459 I've got a job interview later today, and next weekend, 63 00:02:21,493 --> 00:02:23,196 I'm going to see Dr. Marjorie Frost 64 00:02:23,229 --> 00:02:24,198 in Charlotte. 65 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,802 I did it, John. 66 00:02:25,835 --> 00:02:29,175 [squeaky] I got what I wanted, and I'm flying away with it. 67 00:02:29,208 --> 00:02:30,377 - Well, do you know what I have to say? 68 00:02:30,410 --> 00:02:31,780 - What? - Eff you! 69 00:02:31,814 --> 00:02:34,519 - Eff you! - Eff you! 70 00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:37,157 - Eff you! - "Fufu"? 71 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,161 - Best of luck with your new partner. 72 00:02:39,195 --> 00:02:41,466 - You talkin' shit about me? - No. No. 73 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,671 ♪ ♪ 74 00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:45,675 - You ready? Hang on tight! 75 00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,311 - I'm holding you right... partner. 76 00:02:47,344 --> 00:02:48,948 - Hold me tighter! 77 00:02:48,981 --> 00:02:50,618 Motorcycle! - Ah! 78 00:02:50,651 --> 00:02:53,557 - Imagine having to work for someone you despise. 79 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:55,293 Well, time for my job interview. 80 00:02:55,327 --> 00:02:57,766 I wonder who I'll be working for. 81 00:02:57,799 --> 00:03:00,738 [downbeat music] 82 00:03:00,772 --> 00:03:03,811 - You got some nerve interviewing here. 83 00:03:03,844 --> 00:03:05,447 You called the Department of Health 84 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:07,384 on one of my restaurants, you snitch! 85 00:03:07,418 --> 00:03:09,523 - Okay, I can explain, Loafer. 86 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,562 - Loafer? [laughs] 87 00:03:12,595 --> 00:03:14,365 More like "Mr. Toeknuckle." 88 00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:17,237 - Okay, that was my partner, Mr. Toeknuckle, 89 00:03:17,271 --> 00:03:18,674 my--my ex-partner. 90 00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,279 - So here you are, looking for work 91 00:03:21,312 --> 00:03:24,385 at the food company started by my great-grandfather 92 00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:27,759 and of which I am now the CEO of it. 93 00:03:27,792 --> 00:03:31,533 My, my, how the tables have turned off. 94 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:33,671 - Uh... - What? 95 00:03:33,704 --> 00:03:37,512 - Um, I think it's just "how the tables have turned." 96 00:03:37,545 --> 00:03:41,520 - Oh, buddy, you're applying for a job right now. 97 00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:43,724 - Uh-huh. - That's why you're sitting 98 00:03:43,758 --> 00:03:45,495 on the dinky stool 99 00:03:45,528 --> 00:03:47,866 and I make the hiring decisions. 100 00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:51,439 That's why I'm sitting on the BJ throne. 101 00:03:51,472 --> 00:03:54,780 So if I say it's "how the tables have turned off," 102 00:03:54,813 --> 00:03:56,750 you best believe that's what it is. 103 00:03:56,784 --> 00:03:59,488 - Okay, okay, you're right. - Say it. 104 00:03:59,523 --> 00:04:01,727 Say "how the tables have turned off." 105 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,864 - How the tables... have turned off. 106 00:04:03,898 --> 00:04:05,267 - "How the tables have turned off" 107 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,402 is a normal phrase 108 00:04:06,436 --> 00:04:07,539 that everyone uses all the time. 109 00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:08,741 Say it. 110 00:04:08,774 --> 00:04:09,743 - "How the tables have turned off" 111 00:04:09,776 --> 00:04:10,912 is a normal phrase 112 00:04:10,945 --> 00:04:12,816 that everyone uses all the time. 113 00:04:12,849 --> 00:04:15,487 - Oh, ho, ho! This is gonna be great! 114 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:16,957 You're hired, you damn idiot. 115 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,293 - What's the job? 116 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,963 - Boxing up snacks in the warehouse. 117 00:04:19,996 --> 00:04:21,834 - Uh-huh. - 3:00 a. m. shift, 118 00:04:21,867 --> 00:04:23,671 minimal wage. - Oh. 119 00:04:23,704 --> 00:04:25,575 - You get two bathroom breaks a month. 120 00:04:25,608 --> 00:04:26,910 Use this for the other times. 121 00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:28,981 Drug tests every week, 122 00:04:29,014 --> 00:04:31,987 and before you ask, cocaine is a drug. 123 00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,557 Trust me on that one. 124 00:04:33,591 --> 00:04:34,793 - And what kind of snacks is it? 125 00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:37,364 - Old family specialty. 126 00:04:37,397 --> 00:04:39,335 Here, eat one while I watch. 127 00:04:39,368 --> 00:04:40,738 - Uh-huh. 128 00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:43,009 [anus squelching] 129 00:04:44,813 --> 00:04:46,717 - What's it taste like? I've never had one. 130 00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:50,758 - Uh, like an onion ring, only tighter. 131 00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,996 - [laughs] Welcome to the family. 132 00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:56,369 [moody country music] 133 00:04:56,837 --> 00:04:59,008 - ♪ My day begins in the dead of night ♪ 134 00:04:59,041 --> 00:05:01,345 ♪ I've lost all track of time ♪ 135 00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,049 ♪ But I still clock in to make my pay ♪ 136 00:05:03,082 --> 00:05:05,453 ♪ 'Cause I need every dime ♪ 137 00:05:05,487 --> 00:05:09,729 ♪ I'm a fried pork anus boxer just a-working on the line ♪ 138 00:05:09,763 --> 00:05:11,600 ♪ I deal with assholes every shift ♪ 139 00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:13,704 ♪ Even though I work alone ♪ 140 00:05:13,737 --> 00:05:15,741 ♪ Because my job is literally ♪ 141 00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:17,679 ♪ Boxing pig assholes for distribution ♪ 142 00:05:17,712 --> 00:05:20,918 ♪ To gas stations across central Carolina ♪ 143 00:05:20,952 --> 00:05:23,356 ♪ I'm a fried pork anus boxer ♪ 144 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,060 ♪ I'm a-working on the line ♪ 145 00:05:25,093 --> 00:05:27,097 ♪ A fried pork anus boxer ♪ 146 00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:29,736 ♪ I'm a-working on the line ♪ 147 00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:32,074 ♪ Fuck my life ♪ 148 00:05:36,082 --> 00:05:37,852 - [squeals] 149 00:05:37,886 --> 00:05:40,925 [squeaking] Are you excited to see Dr. Frost? 150 00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:43,497 - Yeah, I've been waiting a long time for this. 151 00:05:43,531 --> 00:05:45,367 - Wait a minute. 152 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,707 You haven't found your inner pterodactyl? 153 00:05:48,741 --> 00:05:50,410 - Oh, right. 154 00:05:50,443 --> 00:05:53,116 [squeaking] I'm just a little tired. 155 00:05:53,149 --> 00:05:56,055 I had a long week at work. 156 00:05:56,088 --> 00:05:58,426 [squeaks wearily] 157 00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,963 - [clears throat] No disrespect, 158 00:05:59,996 --> 00:06:03,671 but your energy leaves much to be desired. 159 00:06:03,704 --> 00:06:05,875 When's the last time you ate something other than meat? 160 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,377 - [stomach growls] I don't know. 161 00:06:07,411 --> 00:06:08,647 Like, maybe, three weeks ago. 162 00:06:08,681 --> 00:06:09,950 - Aha! 163 00:06:09,983 --> 00:06:11,452 The fruits and vegetables 164 00:06:11,485 --> 00:06:13,591 are probably still in your system. 165 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,895 Here, slam a Frost Bite. - Oh, fuck yeah. 166 00:06:15,928 --> 00:06:17,699 Thank you, man. I need this. 167 00:06:17,732 --> 00:06:20,705 [dramatic music] 168 00:06:20,738 --> 00:06:22,174 ♪ ♪ 169 00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,044 - Spell the last name. - Right. 170 00:06:24,078 --> 00:06:26,850 It's David Purefoy, P-U-R-- 171 00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:29,589 - Found you! Oh. 172 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,695 Looks like you have a balance due of $80. 173 00:06:32,729 --> 00:06:34,900 - Okay, I was wondering if there's, like, any-- 174 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:37,404 - We can't make exceptions. - Please. 175 00:06:37,437 --> 00:06:40,143 [squeaky voice] I've had a rough week. 176 00:06:40,176 --> 00:06:42,180 - Oh, shit! It's her! 177 00:06:42,214 --> 00:06:44,586 [squeaky voice] It's her! It's her! 178 00:06:44,619 --> 00:06:46,957 It's her! It's her! 179 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,896 [crowd cawing] 180 00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:53,570 - Oh, that never gets old. 181 00:06:53,604 --> 00:06:56,910 I just wanted to come out here before the program 182 00:06:56,944 --> 00:06:59,783 and meet some of my fans 183 00:06:59,816 --> 00:07:01,954 right here in Charleston. 184 00:07:01,987 --> 00:07:03,624 - Charleston? What? 185 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,730 - Are you ready to stop munching leaves 186 00:07:06,763 --> 00:07:09,669 and start soaring free, Charleston? 187 00:07:09,703 --> 00:07:12,040 - Uh, Charlotte. 188 00:07:12,074 --> 00:07:13,911 [all gasp] - Excuse me? 189 00:07:13,944 --> 00:07:15,480 - Oh, jeez. 190 00:07:15,514 --> 00:07:16,550 Um, sorry. 191 00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:18,520 - Oh, that word. 192 00:07:18,554 --> 00:07:20,758 Everyone, what is rule number six? 193 00:07:20,791 --> 00:07:22,662 crowd: Never apologize! 194 00:07:22,695 --> 00:07:25,968 Saying "sorry" is for sorry people! 195 00:07:26,002 --> 00:07:27,572 - Right, okay. It was my bad. 196 00:07:27,605 --> 00:07:29,241 I'm sorry that-- - What? 197 00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,112 - I mean, I regret-- - What? 198 00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:32,548 - I mean, I wish that I hadn't-- 199 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,485 - What? - I can't even wish? 200 00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:36,623 Okay, please remind me what I'm allowed to do. 201 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:40,063 - You're allowed to hunt, strive... 202 00:07:40,096 --> 00:07:43,036 [crowd chanting] Build, succeed, exploit, 203 00:07:43,069 --> 00:07:45,006 win, soar. 204 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,812 - Right, okay. - You interrupted me. 205 00:07:47,845 --> 00:07:49,014 - Fuck it. 206 00:07:49,048 --> 00:07:50,651 You know what, Dr. Marjorie Frost? 207 00:07:50,685 --> 00:07:52,154 I did interrupt you 208 00:07:52,187 --> 00:07:53,757 because you're in the biggest city 209 00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:54,859 in North Carolina. 210 00:07:54,893 --> 00:07:56,563 This is the 15th-biggest city 211 00:07:56,596 --> 00:07:57,665 in the United States, 212 00:07:57,699 --> 00:07:59,636 with an incredible skyline. 213 00:07:59,669 --> 00:08:02,642 So I would just ask that you show some respect 214 00:08:02,675 --> 00:08:03,911 because this is Charlotte... [stomach gurgling] 215 00:08:03,944 --> 00:08:06,516 Oh, ugh. 216 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:07,685 I think I ate too many 217 00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:09,556 dried-up, penis-shaped meat sticks. 218 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,860 - Yes, yes! - What? 219 00:08:11,893 --> 00:08:15,701 - I knew there was a pterodactyl inside you. 220 00:08:15,735 --> 00:08:16,937 What's your name? 221 00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:18,807 - Uh, my name is David Purefoy. 222 00:08:18,841 --> 00:08:21,145 - What do you do for a living, David? 223 00:08:21,178 --> 00:08:23,717 - I--I am a fried pork anus boxer 224 00:08:23,751 --> 00:08:24,753 working on the line. 225 00:08:24,786 --> 00:08:27,625 - Well, today, you are also 226 00:08:27,658 --> 00:08:30,898 my assistant vice tenured professor 227 00:08:30,931 --> 00:08:33,971 of self-pterodactology. 228 00:08:34,004 --> 00:08:35,808 - [quavering] Oh! Oh! 229 00:08:35,841 --> 00:08:38,279 - You're gonna stand on stage with me. 230 00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:39,749 What do you think about that? 231 00:08:39,783 --> 00:08:41,185 - Oh, thank you. Thank you. 232 00:08:41,218 --> 00:08:42,989 Your book has meant so-- 233 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,795 - Yeah, Laura will get you sorted out. 234 00:08:45,828 --> 00:08:49,001 - My, my, how the tables have turned off. 235 00:08:50,336 --> 00:08:51,707 It's a normal phrase 236 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,911 that everyone uses all the time, okay? 237 00:08:53,944 --> 00:08:55,815 - Right. Well, congratulations 238 00:08:55,848 --> 00:08:57,852 on being named an assistant vice tenured professor 239 00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,221 of self-pterodactology. 240 00:08:59,254 --> 00:09:00,791 - Thank you very much. 241 00:09:00,825 --> 00:09:02,695 - So, along with the balance due, 242 00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:05,066 that'll just be another $2,500. 243 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,770 - What? No, no, no, no. 244 00:09:06,803 --> 00:09:08,941 I'm, like, a special person now. 245 00:09:08,974 --> 00:09:12,347 - I know you are, but the fee for claiming your new status 246 00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:14,318 and joining Dr. Frost on stage 247 00:09:14,351 --> 00:09:17,090 is just $2,500. - [sighs] 248 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,727 - We take cryptocurrency, if that helps. 249 00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:21,165 - Man, I don't have any cryptocurrencies. 250 00:09:21,198 --> 00:09:23,236 I don't know what that is. - Hi! 251 00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:24,939 I was just named... - [stomach gurgling] 252 00:09:24,973 --> 00:09:26,242 - An assistant vice tenured professor 253 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:28,212 of self-pterodactology. - [distorted laughter] 254 00:09:28,246 --> 00:09:29,682 - May I give you my money? 255 00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:31,318 - Of course! $2,500. 256 00:09:31,352 --> 00:09:32,755 - What? - Awesome. 257 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,592 Is Dogecoin okay? 258 00:09:34,626 --> 00:09:36,228 - Absolutely. 259 00:09:36,262 --> 00:09:39,101 - You know what, man? Eff you. 260 00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:45,915 [yells] 261 00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:48,687 [sighs] 262 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,162 Computer phone, 263 00:09:53,196 --> 00:09:57,204 what is Dr. Marjorie Frost actually a doctor of? 264 00:09:57,237 --> 00:09:59,208 - Marjorie Frost has a master's degree 265 00:09:59,241 --> 00:10:00,744 in paleontology, 266 00:10:00,778 --> 00:10:02,314 the study of prehistoric creatures 267 00:10:02,347 --> 00:10:03,884 that no longer exist 268 00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:05,386 and have no relevance to modern life. 269 00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:06,957 - Ugh, that tracks. 270 00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:09,094 - People who search for "Dr. Marjorie Frost" 271 00:10:09,128 --> 00:10:11,933 also searched for "swindled," "ripped off," 272 00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:14,238 and "ashamed of myself." 273 00:10:14,271 --> 00:10:16,810 [jazz noir music] 274 00:10:16,843 --> 00:10:21,853 ♪ ♪ 275 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,959 - Strive, build, succeed, 276 00:10:24,993 --> 00:10:28,299 exploit, win, and soar! 277 00:10:28,332 --> 00:10:30,136 [echoing] Soar! 278 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:34,044 - [sobs] You're so fucking stupid! 279 00:10:34,077 --> 00:10:36,650 [sobbing] 280 00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:39,087 [knock at door] 281 00:10:42,093 --> 00:10:43,095 - Hey, roomie. 282 00:10:43,129 --> 00:10:44,231 - Hey, Mr. Hunchman. 283 00:10:44,264 --> 00:10:45,768 - You doing okay, son? 284 00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:01,633 Made in Georgia