1
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:23,357
<i>You're trying to tell me</i>
<i>that these aren't chemtrails?</i>

2
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:27,929
<i>Wake up, you fucking lemmings!</i>
<i>The whole sky is chemtrails.</i>

3
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:51,586
<i>"Take Charge with Toby."</i>

4
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,578
It's okay, man.

5
00:01:16,611 --> 00:01:22,182
Plenty of people
in the same boat, same sad boat.

6
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,919
Just a boat
with a bunch of leaks,

7
00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:28,455
drunk captain, children crying.

8
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,527
That's fine.

9
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,496
Today, it could be better.

10
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,433
It's probably
not gonna be a great day,

11
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,770
but you're gonna do your best.

12
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:46,841
You're gonna flap
those shitty wings
of yours and fly.

13
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:49,209
Oh, God!

14
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,280
Oh, come on.

15
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,630
Did she take the syrup?

16
00:02:08,663 --> 00:02:14,068
<i>I just can't imagine</i>
<i>going through something</i>
<i>like this during quarantine.</i>

17
00:02:14,102 --> 00:02:17,038
<i>At least they're not still</i>
<i>together; what if he was</i>
<i>trapped in that apartment</i>

18
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:19,741
<i>- with her through all this?
- </i> -<i>God, that would've</i> <i>been a nightmare.</i>

19
00:02:19,774 --> 00:02:21,909
<i>Divorce could be the best thing</i>
<i>that ever happened to him.</i>

20
00:02:21,943 --> 00:02:26,080
<i>I don't know,</i>
<i>he doesn't really handle</i>
<i>being alone very well.</i>

21
00:02:26,114 --> 00:02:29,249
<i>Yeah, remember that time</i>
<i>they were separated</i>
<i>and he started painting</i>

22
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,119
<i>those weird self-portraits?</i>

23
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,420
<i>Oh, God, those things</i>
<i>were creepy.</i>

24
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,723
-It's not creepy.
<i>-Well, he's gonna have</i>
<i>to get his shit together.</i>

25
00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:37,091
<i>We're not going anywhere</i>
<i>for a while.</i>

26
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:38,793
<i>I don't</i>
<i>think he's gonna make it.</i>

27
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:42,262
<i>Don't say that about</i>
<i>our fragile birthday boy.</i>

28
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:46,166
<i>-He's gonna make it.</i>
-Oh, I'm an idiot.

29
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,368
<i>-Oh, look, there he is.</i>
<i>-Hey, happy birthday,</i>
<i>birthday boy.</i>

30
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,839
- <i>Happy birthday.</i>
<i>- Oh, birthday boy!</i>

31
00:02:51,873 --> 00:02:54,008
Good God, Wes,
your hair looks awful.

32
00:02:54,042 --> 00:02:57,512
What? I'm just letting it fly,
let it all hang loose.

33
00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,914
It kind of makes me feel like
one of the Golden Girls.

34
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,783
<i>What did you do</i>
<i>to the side of your head?</i>

35
00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:05,485
Oh, I...
I cut it myself. I faded it.
Look at that fade.

36
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,289
That's not a fade.
I don't know what you've
done to your head.

37
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,958
All right.

38
00:03:10,992 --> 00:03:12,359
<i>So I'm not gonna make it, huh?</i>

39
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,128
<i>-I didn't say that.</i>
<i>-Come on, man.</i>

40
00:03:14,162 --> 00:03:17,497
Look, we all know
that you're gonna be fine.

41
00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:19,433
Hey, look, you're already
off to a great start.

42
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,334
You're eating waffles for lunch.

43
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,271
<i>-What a sad bachelor lunch.</i>
<i>-How are you holding up, buddy?</i>

44
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,474
You know,
I'm doing all right.

45
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:30,178
Courtney took Iggy Pup,
but she left the bowl I got him,

46
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,613
so that was
a cute little reminder.

47
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:36,017
I don't have the heart
to throw it away, so now I just
stare at it all day.

48
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,618
<i>So, yeah, things are great.</i>

49
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:39,319
<i>Oh, Wes.</i>

50
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:42,023
Eh, it's fine.
How are you guys doing?

51
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:44,324
<i>I feel like I'm going crazy.</i>

52
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,828
<i>I read Bette Midler's biography</i>
<i>over the weekend.</i>

53
00:03:46,861 --> 00:03:48,996
Well, hey, hey,
speaking of crazy, Wes,

54
00:03:49,030 --> 00:03:51,465
thank you for turning me on
to your friend Toby.

55
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,366
It is the best
free entertainment.

56
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,302
That guy is out
of his fucking mind.

57
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,205
What did he do now?

58
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,840
Right now he's telling
his audience

59
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:00,307
to buy urine
filtration systems

60
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,043
so they can drink
their own piss,

61
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:04,746
because apparently there's gonna
be some big water shortage.

62
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:07,582
Yep. Honestly, it's pretty
convincing stuff.

63
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:10,350
I... I Googled
urine filtration systems.

64
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,020
<i>-Jesus Christ.</i>
<i>-Who the fuck are you</i>
<i>talking about?</i>

65
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:14,387
My old friend, Toby.

66
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,190
We were good buddies
in middle school

67
00:04:16,224 --> 00:04:18,391
back when I lived in Arizona,
and now he's got

68
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,328
this crazy doomsday prepper
survivalist YouTube page.

69
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,564
He's completely lost his mind.

70
00:04:23,598 --> 00:04:27,935
<i>How are you a survivalist</i>
<i>and also named Toby?</i>

71
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:31,672
No clue, but he's got, like,
130,000 YouTube subscribers

72
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,574
and, like, 200,000
Twitter followers.

73
00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:35,610
He's... he's pretty popular.

74
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:40,280
Hmm. That's good someone
like this has power.
Our country's fucked.

75
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:43,017
<i>Yeah, well, I don't know if</i>
<i>that kind of fame is worth it.</i>

76
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:45,119
Some of his fans are
saying he's gone missing,

77
00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:48,689
and I wouldn't be shocked if
one of them was responsible.

78
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,726
-Wait, what?
-Yeah, apparently he didn't
post an episode this week

79
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,728
and he never misses an episode.

80
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,264
So all these people are coming
up with all these reasons

81
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,899
for why he missed it.

82
00:04:57,932 --> 00:04:59,366
<i>And the consensus seems to be</i>

83
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:02,136
<i>that he went missing.</i>
<i>He disappeared.</i>

84
00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:04,071
<i>Why are you friends</i>
<i>with this guy?</i>

85
00:05:04,105 --> 00:05:05,438
<i>-Wes?</i>
<i>-What?</i>

86
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,041
<i>-Birthday boy?</i>
-I'm sorry, guys.

87
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,143
Courtney won't leave me alone.

88
00:05:09,177 --> 00:05:11,311
I actually might have
to hop off here soon.

89
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,147
<i>Social distance her, Wes.</i>

90
00:05:13,181 --> 00:05:15,482
-Way more than six feet.
-What's going on?

91
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:18,820
She just lawyered up
and now she's trying
to take everything.

92
00:05:18,853 --> 00:05:20,487
<i>I cannot believe</i>
<i>she is texting you</i>

93
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,290
<i>on your shitty</i>
<i>quarantine birthday.</i>

94
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,091
And yet she is.

95
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:27,795
Sorry, guys. Thanks for
doing this, but I gotta run.

96
00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:30,330
<i>-Bye, stupid.</i>
<i>-Reach out if you need</i>
<i>anything.</i>

97
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:31,431
<i>Don't go missing too.</i>

98
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:32,767
<i>All right, bye.</i>

99
00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:59,927
<i>When you are bitten</i>
<i>by a rattlesnake,</i>
<i>do not panic.</i>

100
00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:02,096
<i>All you have to do is</i>
<i>cut off all your hair</i>

101
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,832
<i>because the venom flows</i>
<i>right through it.</i>

102
00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:09,436
<i>See? I can already feel</i>
<i>the venom leaving my body.</i>
<i>Goodbye, poison.</i>

103
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:13,074
What happened to you, man?

104
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:15,776
<i>Mm. That's some pretty</i>
<i>fresh bear shit right there.</i>

105
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:18,346
<i>Now, you know what that means.</i>

106
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,815
<i>There must be</i>
<i>some armadillos afoot.</i>

107
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:24,051
<i>Now typically, armadillos</i>
<i>eat on small vertebrates,</i>
<i>plants and fruits,</i>

108
00:06:24,085 --> 00:06:26,988
<i>but in a pinch, they will dine</i>
<i>on some bear feces.</i>

109
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:28,890
<i>And here's a little</i>
<i>Toby tip for you.</i>

110
00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:32,627
<i>Armadillos make for some good</i>
<i>eating due to their lean meat.</i>

111
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,528
<i>You can make</i>
<i>a casserole out of it</i>

112
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,496
<i>and feed off of it</i>
<i>for a good six weeks.</i>

113
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,866
<i>And that's a Toby promise.</i>

114
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:42,469
Me personally, I never
know who's out to get me.

115
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,305
That leads me to a good point:

116
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:47,341
- always assume
everyone's out to get you.

117
00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:48,843
It's a safe way to live.

118
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,345
That's why I'm always
working on my perimeter.

119
00:06:51,379 --> 00:06:53,381
See that?

120
00:06:58,386 --> 00:06:59,654
Immobilized.

121
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:09,697
- And that's how you get away
from a rattlesnake.

122
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,433
- And that is how
you successfully remove

123
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,236
the microchips from your eyes.

124
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,338
You can't fool me, Uncle Sam.

125
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:20,374
I once was blind,
but now I smell the fluoride.

126
00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:05,953
Shit.
Man, you're calling late.

127
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:08,556
Dude, I've been doing
a deep dive in your boy Toby.

128
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:11,459
-Oh, man, I have too.
-How great is it that
he went missing?

129
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,294
<i>We finally have something</i>
<i>to do now.</i>

130
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,896
I mean, I wouldn't say it's
great that he went missing.

131
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:19,133
I'm just saying that
I wouldn't give a damn
if it weren't for quarantine.

132
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:23,437
I'm so bored that I've
completed TV and porn,
like, all of it,

133
00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:24,972
even the weird shit.

134
00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:27,241
Dude. The theories

135
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,976
from his
crazy-ass followers

136
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:31,178
about where he might be
are nuts.

137
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:33,647
-Yeah, I was
reading some of those.
<i>-They're all over the place.</i>

138
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:35,583
Some are saying that he's
going after the government.

139
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,319
Others are saying that the
government is going after him.

140
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:40,488
And they are serious
about this shit.

141
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,023
Some guy said...

142
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:44,258
"Randy Quaid's got him
in his basement."

143
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,460
-What do you think
happened to him?
-I have no idea.

144
00:08:46,494 --> 00:08:48,596
I just sent him
a message on Facebook.

145
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,664
I was thinking of calling him,
but I don't know.

146
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,800
It might be a little weird
after all this time.

147
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,668
-Dude, you have to call him.
-What am I supposed to say?

148
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,270
"Hey, man, I know
it's been 20 years,

149
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,272
but, uh, I heard that you
might've gone missing

150
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,174
from a bunch
of crazy people online."

151
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:03,277
Yes, yes, that's
exactly what you say.
You say exactly that.

152
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:06,313
We get on a three-way call,
and I'll just stay quiet.
I have to hear this.

153
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:09,283
-I don't know, man.
-Come on, man.

154
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,852
Let's solve this mystery.

155
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:13,821
Or you could just go back
to staring

156
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,123
at that sad dog bowl all day.

157
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:22,029
-That's messed up.
<i>-This will be good for you.</i>

158
00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:23,798
It'll help you
get over that demon.

159
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,266
All right, fine.

160
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,041
<i>Toby here. Can't receive your</i>
<i>transmission at the moment.</i>

161
00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,876
<i>Do you copy?</i>

162
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,047
-Damn.
-Yes, straight to voicemail!

163
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,749
The mystery continues.

164
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,952
Yeah, or he could just be
asleep like a normal person.

165
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,887
Or he could be dead
for all we know.

166
00:09:46,921 --> 00:09:48,656
He's been missing for 48 hours.

167
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,125
-Oh, shit, it's been that long?
-Yeah, dude.

168
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,430
So do you wanna go down
this rabbit hole with me
or what?

169
00:09:56,464 --> 00:09:59,834
I don't know, man.
I got-- I got a lot of shit
going on with my divorce.

170
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:04,839
Exactly.
Why deal with your emotions
when you can go on a manhunt?

171
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,674
Yeah, I guess you're right.

172
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:12,079
All right, so how the hell
are we supposed to solve
a missing person's case

173
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:13,714
when we can't even leave
our apartments?

174
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,116
<i>I thought you'd never ask.</i>

175
00:10:15,149 --> 00:10:16,917
So I combed through
all of his comments

176
00:10:16,951 --> 00:10:19,420
and it looks like the last
person he was in contact with

177
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,524
was this guy who sold him
a urine filtration system.

178
00:10:22,557 --> 00:10:25,594
<i>So I think that we get</i>
<i>ahold of this urine guy</i>

179
00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,429
and then we go from there.
But that's where we start.

180
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,231
We start with urine guy.

181
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:34,935
Sure, that seems like
a perfectly logical first step.

182
00:10:34,969 --> 00:10:38,439
So, um... how the hell
do we get ahold of this guy?

183
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:42,143
Oh, I already have all
of his info. I was messaging
with him earlier.

184
00:10:42,176 --> 00:10:45,614
Of course you were.
So should we just call him
in the morning or something?

185
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,081
No, fuck that.

186
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,083
We're gonna FaceTime him
tonight.

187
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,752
Uh, I don't know.
It's kind of late
to be calling anyone.

188
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:55,089
A little late to be
calling a guy who filters
his own urine?

189
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,459
These are probably
his prime operating hours.

190
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:02,229
Good point.
Is it possible
to do a three-way FaceTime call?

191
00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:04,298
Oh, my God, you're such
a boomer sometimes.

192
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,734
Of course it's possible
to do a three-way FaceTime call.

193
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,736
I-- Come on,
how do you not know that? I--

194
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,805
Yes, I'll just take care of that
and then you just sit tight.

195
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,941
I'll get urine guy
on the FaceTime.

196
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,411
God damn it, what am I doing
with my life?

197
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,680
No wonder Courtney left me.

198
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:22,783
Oh, hey there. Hey, man.

199
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,853
Um, hi, this is Luke.

200
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,255
I was the guy messaging
with you earlier.

201
00:11:28,289 --> 00:11:30,391
I'm on here with my buddy, Wes.

202
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,460
- <i>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
</i> -Hey, man, thanks for talking to us.

203
00:11:33,494 --> 00:11:35,763
<i>Hey, my pleasure, guys.</i>
<i>How's it going?</i>

204
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:39,668
<i>So if you guys are</i>
<i>in-- in the market for a...</i>

205
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,436
<i>a little-- a little</i>
<i>urine filtration system?</i>

206
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,838
<i>I'm-- I'm... I'm the guy,</i>
<i>I'm the urine guy.</i>

207
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,675
Oh, no, no, no.
No, we're good on that.

208
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:49,310
<i>-What-- Are you sure?</i>
-Yeah, pretty sure.

209
00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:51,879
Because, you know, your urine

210
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,114
is like
the greatest compound ever.

211
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,350
You know, like,
it's-- it's clean, sterile,

212
00:11:56,383 --> 00:12:00,622
and it's-- it's, um, natural
and it's-- it's bacteria free.

213
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:04,458
It's virus free, fungus free.

214
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,964
That's all of them.
And my filtration systems
are the best systems.

215
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,333
They're even better
than the ones that they have
at NASA.

216
00:12:12,366 --> 00:12:14,335
<i>Actually, you know,</i>
<i>NASA stole my patent.</i>

217
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:15,970
Oh, sorry to hear about that.

218
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,871
No, it's no...
I'm over it now.

219
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,774
I mean, what are you gonna do?
It's fucking NASA, man. NASA.

220
00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:25,212
But anyway, uh, we're actually
looking for our missing friend.

221
00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:27,181
His name is Toby Blackwood.

222
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:31,385
I mean, lookit, man,
he's a really great guy.

223
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,689
He's one of my biggest
supporters, okay? this is what
I remember about it, he's...

224
00:12:34,723 --> 00:12:39,059
um... He bought five
urine filtration systems,

225
00:12:39,093 --> 00:12:41,195
and he said he was gonna
give them to the needy

226
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,163
who needed clean,

227
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:46,233
uh, drinking urine
for the holidays.

228
00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:48,402
So, I mean,
he's a really generous guy.

229
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,838
That's probably
worth something, right?

230
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:55,409
No. What about
anything strange in regard
to his actual disappearance?

231
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,613
You know, I mean,
he talked a little bit
about mind control,

232
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:03,384
but that's kind of
par for the course
with my clients.

233
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,920
Come on, Larry.
Larry, think about it.

234
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,723
<i>Think about it.</i>

235
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,026
I can't...

236
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,261
I can't think
of anything, guys.

237
00:13:14,295 --> 00:13:16,463
I really wish I could
help you guys out.

238
00:13:16,497 --> 00:13:20,034
Oh. No, thanks. It's fine.

239
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,803
Do you have
any need-- urine needs,
urine filtration needs?

240
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,539
Lookit, we're doing
a flash sale over here--

241
00:13:24,572 --> 00:13:26,240
Yeah...

242
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,309
Enough of that.

243
00:13:32,346 --> 00:13:35,082
Yo?

244
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,951
Holy shit, that was even
weirder than I expected.

245
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,688
Hey, this was your idea, buddy.

246
00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:42,056
If he's actually missing,
shouldn't we just call the cops?

247
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:45,893
Thought about that,
but some of his videos
are him with all his guns.

248
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,295
Like, the most guns.

249
00:13:48,329 --> 00:13:51,231
Like--
and that fuckin' flamethrower.

250
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,467
There is no way
those things are all legal,

251
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,336
and that's just the shit
he's showing us.

252
00:13:55,369 --> 00:13:56,970
Oh, Jesus, you're right.

253
00:13:57,639 --> 00:13:59,239
Yeah.

254
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:05,647
Well, listen,
he's got 132,467 subscribers.

255
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,082
So let's just divvy it up
and start at the top, yeah?

256
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:11,251
Sure, 132,000 insane people.
No problem.

257
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,187
- Yeah.
- All right, man.

258
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:14,855
Uh, I-- I gotta get some sleep.

259
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,759
The urine guy
kind of took a lot out of me.

260
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:20,361
All right, buddy,
you get some rest.

261
00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:24,098
I'll just be here thinking
about that fucking lunatic

262
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,767
and what he might be doing.

263
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,621
I could do this till
the end of time.

264
00:14:49,691 --> 00:14:50,759
Fuck.

265
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,536
Oh, thank God.

266
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,828
Oh, for fuck's sake, Luke,
what are you getting us into?

267
00:15:29,531 --> 00:15:30,899
<i>-Hello?</i>
-Hey, Randy.

268
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,867
Thanks for, uh, agreeing
to FaceTime with me.

269
00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:34,736
<i>Yeah, yeah. No problem.</i>

270
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:37,004
<i>I was just messaging</i>
<i>with BigfootMamma42.</i>

271
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,273
<i>You'd be amazed</i>
<i>how many babes you can meet</i>
<i>in the comment section</i>

272
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:41,676
at Toby's YouTube page.

273
00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:45,145
Oh, yeah, no,
I'm sure there are lots
of single people on there.

274
00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:48,449
So I gotta ask you,
is Midnight your real last name?

275
00:15:48,482 --> 00:15:49,717
In seven states it is.

276
00:15:49,751 --> 00:15:51,686
Wow.

277
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:55,523
That is truly the saddest
thing I've ever heard, Janice.

278
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,958
Uh, my friend, Wes,

279
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:00,394
he just got out of
a rocky marriage himself.

280
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,564
He's the one I'm
conducting this mission with.

281
00:16:02,597 --> 00:16:03,964
What mission?

282
00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,201
We're looking
for our friend, Toby.

283
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,938
That's--
That's why I called you,
you remember?

284
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:14,274
Toby goes
on lots of missions.
You guys should team up.

285
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:16,477
Yeah, well, yeah-- Well, yeah,
we would love to do that,

286
00:16:16,511 --> 00:16:18,646
but we need to find him first
in order to do that.

287
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,749
You should find him.
He'd be perfect
for your mission.

288
00:16:21,783 --> 00:16:24,985
-So you think Toby was abducted?
-I do, yes. That is correct.

289
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,955
-Well, who did it?
-Toby did.

290
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:29,824
So Toby staged
his own kidnapping?

291
00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:33,126
No, no, Toby kidnapped Toby.

292
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,095
<i>Titanic </i> was an inside job.

293
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,997
<i>Like, everybody knows that</i>

294
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,900
Benjamin Guggenheim
and Isa Straus

295
00:16:38,933 --> 00:16:41,569
and John Jacob Blackwood,
who were on the boat,

296
00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:43,103
are also, you know--

297
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:46,006
they were also against
the US Federal Reserve.

298
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:49,577
Scores of people
remember very clearly

299
00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:53,247
Nelson Mandela dying
in prison in the 1980s.

300
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,184
<i>And there is-- there are</i>
<i>lots and lots of these</i>
<i>misrememberances that occur.</i>

301
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,119
<i>You know, like, for instance,</i>

302
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:03,958
-I-- I myself remember
a fifth Beatle called Trevor.
-Trevor?

303
00:17:03,992 --> 00:17:06,828
-The chemtrails, bro.
-Right, why would
they be doing this?

304
00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:09,463
There's a million reasons,
my man.

305
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:10,932
<i>Mind manipulation,</i>

306
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,934
population control,

307
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,703
and so that they can
create a meat shortage.

308
00:17:15,737 --> 00:17:18,973
-Meat shortages?
-Bro, please don't even
get me started, okay?

309
00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:20,842
My blood pressure's running
a little high today.

310
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,677
My mother just moved in...

311
00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:26,179
and a damn Romanian, Maureen,
who the fuck knows who she is.

312
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,550
-Are you wearing a wire?
Are you wearing a wire?
-What?

313
00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:30,384
No, why would I be
wearing a wire?

314
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,219
Pull up your shirt or I'm not
gonna tell you where Toby is.

315
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:35,623
These false remembrances
are actually echoes

316
00:17:35,657 --> 00:17:38,392
of events that occurred
in an alternate reality.

317
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,829
Donald Newnan was killed

318
00:17:41,863 --> 00:17:45,299
because he was about
to, yet again, yet again,

319
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,502
prove the flat Earth theory.

320
00:17:47,535 --> 00:17:49,169
<i>Toby went to find his body,</i>

321
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,672
retrieve his body

322
00:17:50,705 --> 00:17:52,472
before the government
could get to it first.

323
00:17:52,507 --> 00:17:55,475
Because once they get to it,
then...

324
00:17:58,012 --> 00:18:03,818
Look, everything that's going
on around here is a distraction.

325
00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:06,921
So then Anthony Lavender,
convenient,

326
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:10,490
he gets hired by the Illuminati
to sink the <i>Titanic.</i>

327
00:18:10,525 --> 00:18:12,392
So Toby, naturally,

328
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:15,495
wants to avenge
the death of the--
of his great-grandfather

329
00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:18,265
by killing the great-grandson
of Anthony Lavender.

330
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,669
<i>All the way up.</i>
<i>All the way up, nips to navel.</i>

331
00:18:21,703 --> 00:18:24,038
<i>A little higher.</i>

332
00:18:24,072 --> 00:18:25,740
Good. Good.
Now give me a little twirl.

333
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,577
<i>Yeah.</i>

334
00:18:30,912 --> 00:18:32,379
Did you just take a picture?

335
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,949
Huh, what?
No, that's my, uh, ringtone.

336
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,384
Of all this fucking
mind manipulation shit
that's going on,

337
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,020
I can't even trust
what I'm saying, man.

338
00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:41,022
I can't even trust what
I'm saying to you right now

339
00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:42,456
because I don't know
if I'm saying it

340
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:44,626
or if the fucking
government's saying it.

341
00:18:44,659 --> 00:18:48,096
You don't think
that the lizard people are
behind the shadow government,

342
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,429
<i>is that what's next?</i>

343
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:51,431
Not only
is global warming a hoax,

344
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:52,800
it goes one step further.

345
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:54,468
Weather is a hoax.

346
00:18:54,502 --> 00:18:56,771
You might wanna start
with the tunnels, okay?

347
00:18:56,804 --> 00:18:58,706
The Thule Society,
the Hollow Earth,

348
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:00,775
monoatomic gold,
they're mining it right now.

349
00:19:00,808 --> 00:19:03,210
It's the Reptilians.
It's always been the Reptilians,

350
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,880
Anunnakee, Anunnaki, whatever.

351
00:19:05,913 --> 00:19:09,483
Space Reptiles,
they manipulate the moon
to control our thoughts.

352
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,418
They control everything.

353
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,453
Look into Tom Hanks,
Pat Sajak.

354
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:16,624
Adrenochrome, harvested
from children for many years.

355
00:19:16,658 --> 00:19:19,093
Their adrenal glands
pump out their life blood

356
00:19:19,127 --> 00:19:20,427
and lets them be immortal.

357
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,096
"Highlander,
there can be only one."

358
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:23,831
You have to put
the pieces together.

359
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,300
Who's Toby?

360
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:30,170
Toby has entered
this alternate dimension

361
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:33,007
with the sole intention
of kidnapping his other self

362
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:36,010
and then using his counterpart
as a resource

363
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:40,180
or even a means of remedying
the disastrous 2020
that we're having here.

364
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,583
'Cause I've had shit
implanted into my DNA also.

365
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:47,021
You find Dean Koontz,
you find Toby Blackwood.

366
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,656
Well, you might not
wanna hear this,

367
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:50,257
but the real Anderson Cooper
is after him

368
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,926
'cause he got his hands
on the Da Vinci Codes.

369
00:19:51,959 --> 00:19:54,294
And how did you arrive
at this conclusion?

370
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,798
-Just do the research.
-You just gotta do the research.

371
00:19:56,831 --> 00:19:59,967
-You just gotta do the research.
-Have you ever been
to Kansas City?

372
00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:01,836
-Uh, yeah.
-Well, there you go.

373
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:05,673
-What does that mean?
-What doesn't it mean?

374
00:20:06,808 --> 00:20:08,943
Anyway, I think I've
probably given you enough

375
00:20:08,976 --> 00:20:10,645
of a steer
in the right direction.

376
00:20:10,678 --> 00:20:12,279
I shall leave you now.

377
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,882
-Uh, you take care, all right?
-No, you take care.

378
00:20:14,916 --> 00:20:18,385
Okay, we can both take care.
Bye.

379
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,554
Don't go.

380
00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:25,225
-Good news, mystery solved.
-What, already?

381
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:27,461
Yep, Dean Koontz
apparently saw this coming

382
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,530
and he's the mastermind
behind it all.

383
00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,699
International bestseller
Dean Koontz?

384
00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:33,534
No, I'm being facetious.
We're fucked.

385
00:20:33,568 --> 00:20:35,803
<i>Yeah, some guy told me</i>
<i>that Toby went to find</i>

386
00:20:35,837 --> 00:20:37,672
<i>the body of a flat earther.</i>

387
00:20:37,705 --> 00:20:40,675
And a Randy Midnight told me
that the Chechens have him,

388
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:43,144
so I definitely feel
like I've been concussed.

389
00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:44,478
Jesus.

390
00:20:44,512 --> 00:20:45,880
What about the girlfriend,
anything?

391
00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:48,082
-I left a voicemail.
-Oh.

392
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,417
<i>So, uh, what do we do next?</i>

393
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,419
-Fuck.
-What?

394
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,889
Mike's texting me.
He's wondering where we are.

395
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:57,525
I'm sick of these
Zoom happy-hour things.

396
00:20:57,558 --> 00:21:00,661
Yeah, I'm kind of getting
into this "Hardy Boys" shit,
even though my brain hurts.

397
00:21:00,695 --> 00:21:02,930
<i>What are you doing?</i>

398
00:21:02,964 --> 00:21:06,868
Uh, nothing.
I'll, uh...
I'll talk-- I'll see you later.

399
00:21:06,901 --> 00:21:10,772
<i>What I don't understand is</i>
<i>why you haven't reached out</i>
<i>to the cops yet.</i>

400
00:21:10,805 --> 00:21:14,742
Because Toby is basically
like a one-man militia.

401
00:21:14,776 --> 00:21:16,577
He has a flamethrower,
for God's sake.

402
00:21:16,611 --> 00:21:19,247
Ooh, I'd like a flamethrower.

403
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,448
That would keep people
six feet away.

404
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:24,018
<i>This might be</i>
<i>a odd question, but...</i>

405
00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:26,220
have you reached out
to any of his family members?

406
00:21:26,254 --> 00:21:28,790
Well, we didn't do that yet
because we didn't want
to alarm his mother

407
00:21:28,823 --> 00:21:32,627
since it hasn't been confirmed
that he's actually
gone missing yet.

408
00:21:37,231 --> 00:21:41,068
But... now it'd probably be
a good time to alarm her.

409
00:21:41,102 --> 00:21:43,237
Yeah, I guess they could
probably provide

410
00:21:43,271 --> 00:21:45,573
a little more insight than
a man named Randy Midnight.

411
00:21:45,606 --> 00:21:47,575
Wes, do you think we
should contact his mother?

412
00:21:47,608 --> 00:21:51,145
I mean, yeah,
it's probably a good idea.
What do you guys think?

413
00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,881
<i>Yeah, I would say</i>
<i>reaching out to family members</i>

414
00:21:53,915 --> 00:21:56,918
<i>versus random insane people</i>
<i>on the internet</i>

415
00:21:56,951 --> 00:21:58,753
<i>is probably a good idea.</i>

416
00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:01,789
But I-- I'm not a detective,
not like you guys, so...

417
00:22:01,823 --> 00:22:04,826
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
we actually have
some really solid leads.

418
00:22:04,859 --> 00:22:07,829
Yeah, like his mother,
which we just gave to you.

419
00:22:07,862 --> 00:22:11,498
Exactly, we know how to get
that information out of you.

420
00:22:15,102 --> 00:22:17,470
If Toby's crazy, then what's
his mom gonna be like?

421
00:22:17,505 --> 00:22:19,974
She's fine, shut up.
I shouldn't let you
be on this call.

422
00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:22,677
- I'm just saying the apple doesn't fall far, is all.
-  -<i>Hello?</i>

423
00:22:22,710 --> 00:22:24,712
Hi, is this Mrs. Blackwood?

424
00:22:24,745 --> 00:22:27,281
- <i>Speaking.
</i> -I'm not sure if you remember me.

425
00:22:27,315 --> 00:22:31,853
This is, uh, Wes Crowley.
I used to hang around
with Toby back in middle school.

426
00:22:31,886 --> 00:22:35,022
<i>Oh, yes, the albino boy.</i>

427
00:22:35,056 --> 00:22:39,160
Uh, I am quite pale,
but I think you might be
thinking of somebody else.

428
00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:41,329
<i>Toby and I used</i>
<i>to skateboard together.</i>

429
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:45,032
<i>Oh, I'm sorry, dear,</i>
<i>I only remember the albino boy.</i>

430
00:22:45,066 --> 00:22:47,501
<i>Well, he was</i>
<i>a real firecracker.</i>

431
00:22:47,535 --> 00:22:49,503
Well, that's... that's okay.

432
00:22:49,537 --> 00:22:53,507
Um, I just wanna ask
a few questions
if that's all right with you?

433
00:22:53,541 --> 00:22:55,442
<i>Well, if this is about</i>

434
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:57,278
<i>the heartworm medicine</i>
<i>for Clementine,</i>

435
00:22:57,311 --> 00:22:59,614
<i>Susan down at the vet</i>
<i>is already on top of it.</i>

436
00:22:59,647 --> 00:23:02,449
<i>Poor Susan, they really</i>
<i>overwork her down there.</i>

437
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:05,319
<i>That's why I try</i>
<i>to bring her a nice meal</i>
<i>every now and then.</i>

438
00:23:05,353 --> 00:23:08,189
<i>You know, I brought her</i>
<i>some dumplings</i>
<i>from The Great Wall</i>

439
00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,191
<i>and she seemed</i>
<i>to really like that,</i>

440
00:23:10,224 --> 00:23:12,727
<i>- but I'll let you in</i>
<i>on a little secret...</i>

441
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,830
<i>...the dumplings aren't even</i>
<i>the best thing on the menu.</i>

442
00:23:15,863 --> 00:23:18,299
For Christ's sakes, nobody's
looking for an albino boy,

443
00:23:18,332 --> 00:23:21,035
<i>nor do we care about Susan's</i>
<i>fixation with dumplings!</i>

444
00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:22,703
We're just looking
for your missing son!

445
00:23:22,737 --> 00:23:24,805
Damn it, Luke, I told you
not to say anything.

446
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:26,874
I'm sorry, I just
couldn't handle it anymore.

447
00:23:26,908 --> 00:23:29,377
I-- I'm sorry, Mrs. Blackwood,
don't mind him.

448
00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:32,747
Um... what I was trying
to ask you is, um,

449
00:23:32,780 --> 00:23:35,216
well, we're just a little
concerned about Toby

450
00:23:35,249 --> 00:23:37,818
and, uh, we're wondering
if you might know where he is.

451
00:23:37,852 --> 00:23:40,955
<i>Oh, I-- I never know with him.</i>

452
00:23:40,988 --> 00:23:43,357
<i>He's always out playing</i>
<i>in the woods,</i>

453
00:23:43,391 --> 00:23:45,526
<i>so he's got</i>
<i>a wild imagination.</i>

454
00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:46,894
You can say that again.

455
00:23:46,928 --> 00:23:49,230
When was the last time
you saw Toby?

456
00:23:49,263 --> 00:23:51,732
<i>Well, I believe it was</i>
<i>the day I crashed</i>

457
00:23:51,766 --> 00:23:54,535
<i>my station wagon</i>
<i>into the post office.</i>

458
00:23:54,568 --> 00:23:55,903
You-- You did what?

459
00:23:55,937 --> 00:23:58,506
And, uh, what was
that conversation like?

460
00:23:58,539 --> 00:24:00,241
<i>Well, the people</i>
<i>at the post office</i>

461
00:24:00,274 --> 00:24:02,944
<i>did not appreciate that</i>
<i>one bit.</i>

462
00:24:02,977 --> 00:24:04,712
We don't give a shit
about the post office!

463
00:24:04,745 --> 00:24:06,380
Aren't you concerned
about your son?

464
00:24:06,414 --> 00:24:09,250
<i>No!</i>
<i>He doesn't work there.</i>

465
00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:11,352
Okay, I'm done.

466
00:24:11,385 --> 00:24:13,554
Thank you for all your help,
Mrs. Blackwood.

467
00:24:13,587 --> 00:24:16,924
Um, if we have any other
questions, we'll-- we'll be sure
to reach out again.

468
00:24:16,958 --> 00:24:20,394
Um, you take care, okay?

469
00:24:20,428 --> 00:24:22,830
Wow.

470
00:24:29,270 --> 00:24:31,138
Yo.

471
00:24:31,172 --> 00:24:34,275
<i>Sorry, man, I couldn't handle</i>
<i>any more of that nonsense.</i>

472
00:24:34,308 --> 00:24:37,611
<i>Doesn't he have</i>
<i>any normal relatives?</i>

473
00:24:37,645 --> 00:24:41,048
I messaged his sister
on Facebook and told her
to give me a call.

474
00:24:41,082 --> 00:24:44,051
- <i>Anyone else?
</i> -Well, he had these cousins that were always around.

475
00:24:44,085 --> 00:24:46,821
-What's their name?
<i>-The Balducci brothers.</i>

476
00:24:46,854 --> 00:24:49,690
<i>Vinny and, uh, Paul.</i>

477
00:24:52,626 --> 00:24:54,095
I think I got their numbers.

478
00:24:54,128 --> 00:24:55,963
<i>How the hell did you</i>
<i>do that so fast?</i>

479
00:24:55,997 --> 00:24:58,399
Dude, all of our stuff
is out there.

480
00:24:58,432 --> 00:25:00,468
-It's messed up.
<i>-That's not good.</i>

481
00:25:00,501 --> 00:25:02,570
All right,
so since they know you,

482
00:25:02,603 --> 00:25:04,438
you should send them
a text saying

483
00:25:04,472 --> 00:25:07,174
that you wanna jump
onto a FaceTime,
and then go from there.

484
00:25:07,208 --> 00:25:09,643
Why the fuck would they
wanna hop on a FaceTime
with me right now?

485
00:25:09,677 --> 00:25:13,147
<i>Because their cousin is missing</i>
<i>and they haven't spoken</i>
<i>to you for years.</i>

486
00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:16,650
<i>- Here, I'm texting you</i>
<i>their numbers right now.</i>
- Fine.

487
00:25:16,684 --> 00:25:18,652
Please, God, don't let
these cousins be fucking idiots

488
00:25:18,686 --> 00:25:20,888
like every single
other person we've talked to.

489
00:25:20,921 --> 00:25:24,859
<i>We don't hear from you</i>
<i>in 20 years and this</i>
<i>is how you come to us,</i>

490
00:25:24,892 --> 00:25:26,761
<i>asking about</i>
<i>our missing cousin?!</i>

491
00:25:26,794 --> 00:25:28,362
<i>We used to be friends,</i>
<i>Wes, you fuck!</i>

492
00:25:28,396 --> 00:25:29,930
<i>You got some</i>
<i>fucking nerve, Wes,</i>

493
00:25:29,964 --> 00:25:31,465
<i>accusing us</i>
<i>of killing our own cousin!</i>

494
00:25:31,499 --> 00:25:33,667
<i>We didn't even know</i>
<i>he was missing!</i>

495
00:25:33,701 --> 00:25:37,438
Whoa, guys, I don't know
what's going on here.
I never said anyone killed him.

496
00:25:37,471 --> 00:25:40,207
Just because our family
business ended in bloodshed,

497
00:25:40,241 --> 00:25:42,511
that don't mean that me
and Vinny are tied to it.

498
00:25:42,543 --> 00:25:44,612
We haven't even talked to him
since the incident.

499
00:25:44,645 --> 00:25:47,181
Wait, what are you guys
talking about? What incident?

500
00:25:47,214 --> 00:25:49,183
Ah, here we go,
"What incident?"

501
00:25:49,216 --> 00:25:51,052
Like you don't remember,
you don't know?

502
00:25:51,085 --> 00:25:53,154
What happened? I don't know
what you're talking about.

503
00:25:53,187 --> 00:25:56,457
Oh, come on, man.
Our father killed Toby's father.

504
00:25:56,490 --> 00:25:59,460
-Wait, what?
-Toby's father was married
to our father's sister.

505
00:25:59,493 --> 00:26:02,863
They helped run Balducci's,
that Italian restaurant
that our grandfather built.

506
00:26:02,897 --> 00:26:04,732
Best Italian food
in all of Kunkle.

507
00:26:04,765 --> 00:26:06,700
Yeah, I remember. We used
to go there all the time.

508
00:26:06,734 --> 00:26:08,335
Yeah, that's right,
everybody loved it.

509
00:26:08,369 --> 00:26:09,904
Beautiful family restaurant.

510
00:26:09,937 --> 00:26:12,206
We even used to sing there,
for Christ's sakes.

511
00:26:12,239 --> 00:26:15,242
-Oh, I-- I didn't know that.
-No, you wouldn't
know that, Wes.

512
00:26:15,276 --> 00:26:17,378
We didn't go
fucking announcing it
on the loudspeaker.

513
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:19,914
Plus, it was during
the Early Bird special.

514
00:26:19,947 --> 00:26:23,417
And even though Toby's dad's
last name was Blackwood,

515
00:26:23,451 --> 00:26:27,455
our father was gracious enough
to still give the guy a job
in the kitchen.

516
00:26:27,488 --> 00:26:30,858
But his father
was such a fucking degenerate,
he owed money all over town.

517
00:26:30,891 --> 00:26:33,227
So when he didn't have money
for his bookie,

518
00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:35,196
the bookie showed up
at the restaurant

519
00:26:35,229 --> 00:26:38,332
and he made one of the worst
mistakes humanly imaginable.

520
00:26:38,365 --> 00:26:40,901
He gave away the family
fucking secret recipe

521
00:26:40,935 --> 00:26:42,236
to our veal scallopini.

522
00:26:42,269 --> 00:26:43,437
That motherfucker.

523
00:26:43,471 --> 00:26:45,339
Oh, wow, so that's a no-no?

524
00:26:45,372 --> 00:26:49,176
A no-no? Are you
fucking kidding me?!
A no-no, Wes?!

525
00:26:49,210 --> 00:26:51,445
Our father shot him
right in the fucking face.

526
00:26:51,479 --> 00:26:55,049
Yeah, I would say that's
a pretty big fucking no-no, no?

527
00:26:55,082 --> 00:26:56,551
Oh, shit.

528
00:26:56,585 --> 00:26:58,520
Ironically though,
the degenerate

529
00:26:58,553 --> 00:27:01,622
was on his lunch break eating
a fucking veal scallopini.

530
00:27:03,657 --> 00:27:05,726
Yeah, we were right
in the middle of our
rendition of "Oh, Marie."

531
00:27:05,759 --> 00:27:08,095
To this day, Wes,
me and my brother,

532
00:27:08,129 --> 00:27:10,297
we still can't listen
to Louis Prima.

533
00:27:10,331 --> 00:27:13,568
We were just kid crooners
at the time with our whole
lives ahead of us

534
00:27:13,602 --> 00:27:16,605
until that piece of shit
took it away.

535
00:27:16,637 --> 00:27:18,706
We have never spoken
to Toby or anybody

536
00:27:18,739 --> 00:27:21,576
on that side of the family
since Daddy got sent away.

537
00:27:21,610 --> 00:27:23,711
Again, guys,
I-- I didn't know any of that.

538
00:27:23,744 --> 00:27:26,213
I-- I was just wondering
if you've seen him around
or something.

539
00:27:26,247 --> 00:27:30,784
Nah, Wes, we haven't seen him
since March 7th of '99.

540
00:27:30,818 --> 00:27:33,854
I-- I'm so sorry
this happened to you guys.
I had-- I had no idea.

541
00:27:33,888 --> 00:27:37,992
Yeah.
Yeah, well, we're all sorry.

542
00:27:38,025 --> 00:27:41,662
Look, man, Wes,
even though we haven't
talked to him in a long time,

543
00:27:41,695 --> 00:27:44,064
I guess Paul and I...

544
00:27:44,098 --> 00:27:47,569
don't really wanna see anything
bad happen to him, you know?

545
00:27:47,602 --> 00:27:50,104
Well, if I hear anything,
I'll be sure to let
you guys know.

546
00:27:50,137 --> 00:27:52,106
Take care of yourself,
all right?

547
00:27:52,139 --> 00:27:54,576
Take a bath,
you're starting to look
like a real fucking lowlife.

548
00:27:54,609 --> 00:27:57,411
Oh, yeah, thanks. I will.

549
00:27:57,444 --> 00:27:59,680
<i>-I'll talk to you later.</i>
-Bye.

550
00:28:03,684 --> 00:28:06,954
<i>I can't imagine</i>
<i>either of those guys</i>
<i>joyously singing,</i>

551
00:28:06,987 --> 00:28:09,290
<i>but I think we found</i>
<i>our first two suspects.</i>

552
00:28:09,323 --> 00:28:11,025
I don't know, man.
I don't think these guys

553
00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:13,427
have the ability
to hide their emotions
if they did it.

554
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:16,864
Well, they definitely
have more motive than any
of the morons we've talked to.

555
00:28:16,897 --> 00:28:19,099
<i>Dude,</i>
<i>these guys aren't murderers.</i>

556
00:28:19,133 --> 00:28:22,703
Oh, yeah, they seemed real calm.

557
00:28:22,736 --> 00:28:25,039
Just a couple of calm guys.

558
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:32,346
<i>Paul and Vinny,</i>
<i>now on my suspect wall.</i>

559
00:28:41,355 --> 00:28:43,057
God, I've always wanted
to build one of these.

560
00:28:43,090 --> 00:28:44,825
<i>It always seems</i>
<i>to help them in the movies.</i>

561
00:28:44,858 --> 00:28:47,228
Oh, totally.
Plus, they look really cool.

562
00:28:47,261 --> 00:28:49,997
<i>All right, so who's</i>
<i>this Oscar guy you sent</i>
<i>over earlier today?</i>

563
00:28:50,030 --> 00:28:52,132
Ah, he's, uh,
his nearest neighbor,

564
00:28:52,166 --> 00:28:54,669
which wasn't easy
to find, by the way.

565
00:28:54,703 --> 00:28:57,672
But, uh, I figured
he could pop over there
and see if anything was fishy.

566
00:28:57,706 --> 00:29:00,174
<i>Oh, this should go great,</i>
<i>sending a stranger</i>

567
00:29:00,207 --> 00:29:02,977
<i>over to a gun-toting</i>
<i>missing neighbor's house</i>
<i>to see if he's still alive.</i>

568
00:29:03,010 --> 00:29:06,247
Well, theoretically,
this is the most straightforward
thing we've done so far.

569
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,984
<i>The only straightforward thing</i>
<i>so far is that nothing has</i>
<i>gone straightforward so far.</i>

570
00:29:10,017 --> 00:29:13,854
Which is why I told Oscar
that we were both journalists
for the <i>East Valley Examiner</i>

571
00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:15,889
and thought maybe we
could get onto a Zoom call

572
00:29:15,923 --> 00:29:17,992
to discuss the disappearance
of Toby Blackwood.

573
00:29:18,025 --> 00:29:20,227
<i>-Why do we need to lie</i>
<i>to this guy?</i>
-Because he's a priest.

574
00:29:20,261 --> 00:29:21,929
We need to seem
as credible as possible.

575
00:29:21,962 --> 00:29:24,331
-Are you ready
to do this or what?
-Oh, yeah, sure.

576
00:29:24,365 --> 00:29:27,401
Let's, uh, lie to a priest
and tell him we're journalists.

577
00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:30,572
Maybe, uh, ditch the bathrobe
and put on some pants?

578
00:29:30,605 --> 00:29:35,409
<i>So...
</i> <i>no more meth-fueled</i> <i>orgies for me.</i>

579
00:29:37,378 --> 00:29:39,913
<i>And that's when I decided</i>
<i>to join the priesthood.</i>

580
00:29:39,947 --> 00:29:42,751
-Wait, you no longer
live near Toby?
<i>-Nope, I don't.</i>

581
00:29:42,783 --> 00:29:46,554
<i>My mother does.</i>
<i>I live in the clergy house</i>
<i>full-time.</i>

582
00:29:46,588 --> 00:29:49,423
Got it. So when was
the last time you saw Toby?

583
00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:51,760
<i>Well...</i>
<i>Let's see.</i>

584
00:29:51,792 --> 00:29:53,294
<i>Uh...</i>

585
00:29:53,327 --> 00:29:55,530
<i>It was probably</i>
<i>a couple Sundays ago</i>

586
00:29:55,563 --> 00:29:59,601
<i>when I brought</i>
<i>my mom a care package</i>
<i>after Sunday mass, yeah.</i>

587
00:29:59,634 --> 00:30:03,304
He asked if I wanted to do
some target practice
for one of his videos.

588
00:30:03,337 --> 00:30:07,808
He said it'd get
some YouTube hits.

589
00:30:07,841 --> 00:30:09,943
Although I was a little
worried about the optics.

590
00:30:09,977 --> 00:30:11,646
Did you notice anything weird?

591
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,415
You mean besides the fact
that he was wearing face paint,

592
00:30:14,448 --> 00:30:16,984
firing a semi-automatic weapon
at rubber alien dolls

593
00:30:17,017 --> 00:30:18,285
while blasting Pat Benatar?

594
00:30:18,319 --> 00:30:19,386
Uh, yeah.

595
00:30:20,588 --> 00:30:21,955
No.

596
00:30:21,989 --> 00:30:24,258
Well, would you be willing

597
00:30:24,291 --> 00:30:25,959
to perhaps swing by Toby's house

598
00:30:25,993 --> 00:30:28,829
to see if anything's
out of the ordinary?

599
00:30:28,862 --> 00:30:31,932
Uh... "ordinary," obviously,
being a loose term here.

600
00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:33,467
Ah, wha...

601
00:30:33,501 --> 00:30:37,338
I was gonna go
to my mom's later, so,

602
00:30:37,371 --> 00:30:39,340
yeah, I guess I can.

603
00:30:39,373 --> 00:30:41,909
Thank you, Father.
Thank you very much.

604
00:30:41,942 --> 00:30:44,144
And you have my phone number,
so if you could FaceTime us

605
00:30:44,178 --> 00:30:46,146
when you get to the house,
that would be really great.

606
00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:47,782
Just so we could
get the full scoop.

607
00:30:47,816 --> 00:30:49,183
For our story.

608
00:30:49,216 --> 00:30:51,352
I guess I could do that...

609
00:30:51,385 --> 00:30:53,788
<i>...even though it seems unsafe</i>

610
00:30:53,822 --> 00:30:55,322
for a number of reasons.

611
00:30:55,356 --> 00:30:56,957
It's fine.

612
00:30:56,990 --> 00:31:00,327
Uh, great. Thank you, Father.
We'll-- we'll talk soon.

613
00:31:00,361 --> 00:31:02,463
God be with you, Father.

614
00:31:02,496 --> 00:31:05,533
-Dude, Toby's girlfriend's
calling me.
-Answer it.

615
00:31:07,101 --> 00:31:08,770
- Hello?
<i>- Oh, hey.</i>

616
00:31:08,803 --> 00:31:10,137
<i>Uh, are you</i>
<i>the guy who called?</i>

617
00:31:10,170 --> 00:31:11,872
Uh, yeah, I'm Wes Crowley.

618
00:31:11,905 --> 00:31:13,708
Uh, I'm an old friend of Toby's.

619
00:31:13,742 --> 00:31:16,477
Just a little worried
about, uh, where he might be,

620
00:31:16,511 --> 00:31:18,780
and, uh, I heard
you were dating him, so...

621
00:31:18,813 --> 00:31:20,447
<i>So, sorry,</i>
<i>how do you know him?</i>

622
00:31:20,481 --> 00:31:22,550
We were good buddies
in middle school, actually.

623
00:31:22,584 --> 00:31:24,318
He's never
mentioned you before.

624
00:31:24,351 --> 00:31:28,055
Uh, yeah, I moved, so Toby
and I kind of trailed off,

625
00:31:28,088 --> 00:31:29,189
which was too bad.

626
00:31:29,223 --> 00:31:30,891
Sorry to be so skeptical,

627
00:31:30,924 --> 00:31:33,327
it's just Toby's
got a lot of crazy fans

628
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,496
and I just had to make sure
you weren't a stalker.

629
00:31:35,530 --> 00:31:38,999
Yeah, you don't have
to worry about that, trust me.

630
00:31:39,032 --> 00:31:42,804
Um, so have you talked to Toby
since the disappearance?

631
00:31:42,837 --> 00:31:45,372
Toby didn't disappear.

632
00:31:45,406 --> 00:31:48,008
It's just those YouTube trolls
starting rumors.

633
00:31:48,041 --> 00:31:51,546
-What do you mean?
-Toby is on his way
to Seattle, Washington.

634
00:31:51,579 --> 00:31:52,881
Why's he going to Seattle?

635
00:31:54,582 --> 00:31:56,083
To get Bill Gates.

636
00:31:56,116 --> 00:31:58,653
Ah, um...

637
00:31:58,686 --> 00:32:00,354
Sorry, I don't follow.

638
00:32:00,387 --> 00:32:02,055
Well... okay,

639
00:32:02,089 --> 00:32:04,559
it's pretty common knowledge
that Bill Gates

640
00:32:04,592 --> 00:32:07,261
started this pandemic
to profit from a vaccine

641
00:32:07,294 --> 00:32:09,062
that'll contain a microchip

642
00:32:09,096 --> 00:32:12,166
that'll track our every single
move and our personal data,

643
00:32:12,199 --> 00:32:14,569
which he will then sell
to the highest bidder.

644
00:32:14,602 --> 00:32:17,371
So Toby is going
to find Bill Gates

645
00:32:17,404 --> 00:32:20,107
and force him
to set the record straight
on his YouTube page.

646
00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:23,578
Oh, wow, um,
a-and you know this for a fact?

647
00:32:23,611 --> 00:32:26,514
Yeah. He left a few days ago,
so he should be there by now.

648
00:32:26,548 --> 00:32:28,583
Have you talked to him
since he left?

649
00:32:28,616 --> 00:32:32,620
No, he didn't wanna
make any phone calls
and leave a trail.

650
00:32:32,654 --> 00:32:35,422
He was very adamant
about staying off the grid.

651
00:32:35,456 --> 00:32:37,291
I mean, you know Toby.

652
00:32:37,324 --> 00:32:39,794
So you're absolutely
sure he's going there?

653
00:32:39,828 --> 00:32:42,129
Yep, I'm totally sure.

654
00:32:42,162 --> 00:32:46,433
And he's got everything
under control, as always.

655
00:32:46,467 --> 00:32:49,269
You got nothing
to worry about, though,

656
00:32:49,303 --> 00:32:52,239
but I'm just...
I'm just so proud of him.

657
00:32:52,272 --> 00:32:55,442
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Me too, that's, uh,
that's pretty neat.

658
00:32:55,476 --> 00:32:58,813
Um, well, can you let me know
if you hear from him?

659
00:32:58,847 --> 00:33:00,314
Oh, yeah, no problem.

660
00:33:00,347 --> 00:33:02,149
Uh, well, you take care now.

661
00:33:02,182 --> 00:33:05,118
Okay. You too.
Don't get vaccinated.

662
00:33:05,152 --> 00:33:08,188
Oh, uh... no, I won't.

663
00:33:08,222 --> 00:33:10,023
-Bye.
<i>-Bye.</i>

664
00:33:15,830 --> 00:33:19,601
-Dude, this makes no sense.
-You're right, but I-- I don't
think it has to make sense.

665
00:33:19,634 --> 00:33:22,302
If we're gonna figure this out,
we have to start thinking
like Toby.

666
00:33:22,336 --> 00:33:25,507
And this is his girlfriend,
probably the closest
person to him.

667
00:33:25,540 --> 00:33:27,809
Yeah. Yeah.

668
00:33:27,842 --> 00:33:30,177
Outside of that
whole Bill Gates thing,

669
00:33:30,210 --> 00:33:33,648
she does have more credibility
than any of the yahoos
we've come across so far.

670
00:33:33,681 --> 00:33:36,083
It definitely sounds like
something that Toby
could get behind.

671
00:33:36,116 --> 00:33:39,419
Yeah. So we're really
gonna follow up on this?

672
00:33:39,453 --> 00:33:41,188
Well, aside from
your crooner brothers theory,

673
00:33:41,221 --> 00:33:43,490
it's our biggest and only lead.
And if he is gonna do this,

674
00:33:43,525 --> 00:33:45,158
<i>we can't let him kidnap</i>
<i>Bill Gates.</i>

675
00:33:45,192 --> 00:33:47,494
He'd go straight
to fucking jail.

676
00:33:47,529 --> 00:33:50,297
God, I wanted it to be
those crooner brothers so bad.

677
00:33:52,901 --> 00:33:56,538
Not a suspect,
but a person of interest.

678
00:33:56,571 --> 00:34:00,875
By the way, how the fuck
are we supposed to follow up
with this poor Bill Gates guy?

679
00:34:00,909 --> 00:34:04,712
What if we hired, like,
a Seattle area private eye
or something?

680
00:34:04,746 --> 00:34:07,549
Yeah, I mean,
what other option do we have?

681
00:34:07,582 --> 00:34:09,316
We can't leave our homes,

682
00:34:09,349 --> 00:34:11,318
<i>and we sure as fuck</i>
<i>aren't gonna fly or drive up</i>

683
00:34:11,351 --> 00:34:12,854
to the beautiful
Pacific Northwest.

684
00:34:12,887 --> 00:34:14,321
I love it up there,
by the way.

685
00:34:14,354 --> 00:34:15,690
All right,
maybe you can get on that

686
00:34:15,723 --> 00:34:18,292
and I'll call
all the Seattle area jails

687
00:34:18,325 --> 00:34:19,827
and hospitals,
see if he's there.

688
00:34:19,861 --> 00:34:21,663
All right,
and I'll tell Father Delgado

689
00:34:21,696 --> 00:34:23,798
-not to go
to that house anymore.
-Whoa, what do you mean?

690
00:34:23,831 --> 00:34:25,733
What if Toby wrote down
an address for Bill Gates

691
00:34:25,767 --> 00:34:27,334
or mapped out his route
or something?

692
00:34:27,367 --> 00:34:28,636
Oh, yeah, yeah,
there's not much

693
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:30,572
for us to go off of
up in Seattle.

694
00:34:30,605 --> 00:34:33,575
But how are we gonna get
Father Delgado to go
in the house?

695
00:34:33,608 --> 00:34:35,242
He's a priest,
and I think it's a rule

696
00:34:35,275 --> 00:34:37,645
that they have to do
what we say, or something.

697
00:34:37,679 --> 00:34:40,882
Yeah, yeah,
I do think that's a rule.
I've heard that, priests, yeah.

698
00:34:40,915 --> 00:34:45,587
Oh, man, I've never hired
a private investigator before.
This is kind of exciting.

699
00:34:45,620 --> 00:34:48,422
-Just let me know what I owe
and I'll Venmo you.
-No problem, man. I will.

700
00:34:48,455 --> 00:34:52,092
Actually, um, just one question.
What are you wearing?

701
00:34:52,125 --> 00:34:53,895
You told me
to dress like a journalist.

702
00:34:53,928 --> 00:34:56,330
You know, we're supposed
to be writing the newspaper,

703
00:34:56,363 --> 00:34:59,433
not delivering it on a bicycle
in the roaring '20s, right?

704
00:34:59,466 --> 00:35:02,904
I'm professional right now,
and I did as you said, okay?

705
00:35:02,937 --> 00:35:05,573
I look like a journalist,
not a newspaper boy.

706
00:35:05,607 --> 00:35:06,941
This is ridiculous.

707
00:35:06,975 --> 00:35:08,342
Bye.

708
00:35:23,323 --> 00:35:25,593
<i>Being waterboarded</i>
<i>is no walk in the park,</i>

709
00:35:25,627 --> 00:35:28,261
<i>but never give up</i>
<i>any information to anyone.</i>

710
00:35:28,295 --> 00:35:30,632
<i>"Did you infiltrate</i>
<i>the motherboard?!"</i>

711
00:35:30,665 --> 00:35:32,934
<i>Like I'd tell you, Jack.</i>

712
00:35:34,669 --> 00:35:36,638
Who the fuck is Jack?

713
00:35:42,175 --> 00:35:44,946
<i>My lips are sealed</i>
<i>and so is the data.</i>

714
00:35:48,181 --> 00:35:52,486
<i>In today's video,</i>
<i>I'm gonna show you how to</i>
<i>collect water from vegetation.</i>

715
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,923
<i>Now, I know it sounds tough,</i>
<i>but it's actually</i>
<i>a pretty simple process.</i>

716
00:35:55,957 --> 00:35:58,893
<i>First, find yourself</i>
<i>a healthy plant.</i>

717
00:35:58,926 --> 00:36:01,395
<i>Take a look around,</i>
<i>they're everywhere.</i>

718
00:36:01,428 --> 00:36:03,798
<i>Oh, hey there, Wes.</i>

719
00:36:03,831 --> 00:36:08,569
<i>I thought we could catch up</i>
<i>over a nice warm cup</i>
<i>of my magic potion.</i>

720
00:36:08,603 --> 00:36:12,573
<i>It's nice and frothy,</i>
<i>just how you like it.</i>

721
00:36:12,607 --> 00:36:14,776
I never said that.

722
00:36:14,809 --> 00:36:16,243
How are you, man?

723
00:36:16,276 --> 00:36:18,278
Oh, I'm fine,
just missing is all.

724
00:36:18,311 --> 00:36:21,516
Now, stop drinking piss,
get out of your fucking bed,

725
00:36:21,549 --> 00:36:23,316
and come and find me,
motherfucker!

726
00:36:23,350 --> 00:36:26,486
-I'm trying my best.
-Your best isn't good enough!

727
00:36:26,521 --> 00:36:29,456
No wonder your wife left you,
you piece of shit!

728
00:36:29,489 --> 00:36:31,258
You never finish what you start!

729
00:36:31,291 --> 00:36:32,660
But I've only just begun.

730
00:36:32,694 --> 00:36:35,362
We're actually making
a lot of prog--

731
00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:43,004
Ahh... Oh, what the...

732
00:36:43,037 --> 00:36:46,007
Ahh, what the fuck?

733
00:36:59,252 --> 00:37:02,389
Ah.

734
00:37:25,345 --> 00:37:29,150
Okay, guys, I'm here.

735
00:37:29,183 --> 00:37:31,152
Nothing out
of the ordinary so far.

736
00:37:31,185 --> 00:37:33,554
Well, can you at least
take a look,

737
00:37:33,588 --> 00:37:35,923
maybe walk up there,
have a peek inside?

738
00:37:35,957 --> 00:37:38,893
Yeah, knock on the door
just in case, see if--
see if anyone's home?

739
00:37:38,926 --> 00:37:40,161
<i>Are you crazy?</i>

740
00:37:40,194 --> 00:37:41,361
I've seen his arsenal.

741
00:37:41,394 --> 00:37:43,231
Come on, Father,
he's gone missing.

742
00:37:43,263 --> 00:37:46,200
- Do you really wanna have
that on your conscience?

743
00:37:46,234 --> 00:37:50,004
I tell you...
I-- I don't know about this.

744
00:37:50,037 --> 00:37:51,973
Please, Father,
we-- we really need this.

745
00:37:56,276 --> 00:37:58,246
<i>Whoa, whoa,</i>
<i>hey, Father, look.</i>

746
00:37:58,278 --> 00:38:00,347
I'm-- I'm all for wearing masks,

747
00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:02,917
but you--
you kind of look like you're,
uh, dressed for a home invasion.

748
00:38:04,384 --> 00:38:05,987
Good point.

749
00:38:08,089 --> 00:38:09,289
Okay.

750
00:38:29,442 --> 00:38:31,112
Oh, dear God.

751
00:38:31,145 --> 00:38:33,781
You're doing great, Father.
The Lord is with you.

752
00:38:33,815 --> 00:38:35,382
Did you see those signs?

753
00:38:35,415 --> 00:38:37,084
Yes, I did.

754
00:38:37,118 --> 00:38:39,086
I was just...
I was just making sure.

755
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:40,320
Just...

756
00:38:50,665 --> 00:38:52,633
I don't think anybody's home.

757
00:38:52,667 --> 00:38:55,603
I saw this on TV once.
Father, take your shirt off,

758
00:38:55,636 --> 00:38:58,105
wrap it around your fist,
then you can punch
through the glass

759
00:38:58,139 --> 00:39:00,473
without it slicing your hand,
probably.

760
00:39:00,508 --> 00:39:02,510
-I'm pretty sure.
-I would rather not.

761
00:39:02,543 --> 00:39:04,912
Come on, just do it.
It-- It'll get us in there.

762
00:39:04,946 --> 00:39:07,915
Well, maybe just give
the doorknob a little jiggle.
See if it's unlocked.

763
00:39:07,949 --> 00:39:10,685
Did you guys forget about
the signs I just passed by?

764
00:39:12,053 --> 00:39:13,486
All right.

765
00:39:13,521 --> 00:39:15,890
Look, Father, we're just
gonna level with you.

766
00:39:15,923 --> 00:39:20,294
We're almost 100% certain
that Toby drove up to Seattle
to kidnap Bill Gates,

767
00:39:20,328 --> 00:39:22,163
so we need you
to break into that house

768
00:39:22,196 --> 00:39:23,931
to see if Bill's address
is in there.

769
00:39:25,867 --> 00:39:28,836
I'm sorry... guys, I...

770
00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:30,905
I don't think I can do this.

771
00:39:32,073 --> 00:39:35,509
Father, you get back there.
What are you-- What are you
doing? We're so close.

772
00:39:35,543 --> 00:39:38,980
- I wish I could be
of more help.

773
00:39:39,013 --> 00:39:40,882
We do too.

774
00:39:43,651 --> 00:39:46,320
I have faith that the Lord

775
00:39:46,354 --> 00:39:49,389
will guide the rest
of your story.

776
00:39:49,422 --> 00:39:53,393
And if He doesn't, please,
don't reach out again.

777
00:39:57,265 --> 00:40:00,234
Poor guy. I feel kind of bad
we put him through that.

778
00:40:00,268 --> 00:40:03,537
<i>Are we gonna have to,</i>
<i>like, go to confession</i>
<i>or something now?</i>

779
00:40:03,571 --> 00:40:06,374
Put him through what,
knocking on a door?

780
00:40:06,406 --> 00:40:08,676
Are you boozing already?

781
00:40:08,709 --> 00:40:11,478
Yeah. You're not?
You should be too.

782
00:40:12,412 --> 00:40:15,850
Well, I-- I am an adult.
How'd it go with the PI?

783
00:40:15,883 --> 00:40:19,086
We've been emailing all morning
and he's really eager
to get on a call

784
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:21,889
and loves the assignment.
He just wants to get
a few more details from us,

785
00:40:21,923 --> 00:40:24,158
but I think he's gonna
be really good.

786
00:40:26,527 --> 00:40:29,897
Hey, Mr. Muldoon,
this is my buddy, Wes,
that I was telling you about.

787
00:40:29,931 --> 00:40:31,866
Oh, hey, Mr. Muldoon.

788
00:40:31,899 --> 00:40:35,236
<i>Oh, hey.</i>
<i>Please, call me Gilbert.</i>

789
00:40:35,269 --> 00:40:36,704
Thanks for helping us out, man.

790
00:40:36,737 --> 00:40:39,774
- Peekaboo.
- Peekaboooooo.

791
00:40:39,807 --> 00:40:42,576
- Sorry about that.
I had to write down

792
00:40:42,610 --> 00:40:45,079
- some important information for an important...
-  -Peekaboo.

793
00:40:45,112 --> 00:40:46,446
...high-end client.
Peekaboo.

794
00:40:46,479 --> 00:40:48,683
- Peekaboo.
- Very big case.

795
00:40:48,716 --> 00:40:51,786
So how'd you get into
the private-eye business?

796
00:40:51,819 --> 00:40:55,189
-My mother recognized
my passion for it as a child...
-Peekaboo.

797
00:40:55,222 --> 00:40:58,359
...with the influence
<i>Cagney and Lacey</i> held over me.

798
00:40:58,392 --> 00:41:01,729
She used it to her advantage
by giving me a Super Nintendo

799
00:41:01,762 --> 00:41:04,265
in exchange
for tailing my father,

800
00:41:04,298 --> 00:41:08,269
who she suspected of
cheating on her at the time
with a local ice cream vendor.

801
00:41:08,302 --> 00:41:10,304
<i>Oh, wow, so you've been</i>
<i>at this for a while, huh?</i>

802
00:41:10,338 --> 00:41:13,541
-No, no, I gave it
a 23-year break...
-Peekaboo.

803
00:41:13,574 --> 00:41:16,210
...until I once again
caught the calling.

804
00:41:16,243 --> 00:41:18,112
Uh-huh, and when was that?

805
00:41:18,145 --> 00:41:22,482
A couple of years ago
when I lost my position
as a barista.

806
00:41:22,516 --> 00:41:27,321
Oddly enough, it provided me
with the perfect training
for the job.

807
00:41:27,355 --> 00:41:30,925
You can tell a lot
about a person just by writing
their name on a cup.

808
00:41:30,958 --> 00:41:34,428
Wow, I can see how
that's a natural transition.

809
00:41:34,462 --> 00:41:36,731
So have you heard from
your contact about our case yet?

810
00:41:36,764 --> 00:41:40,601
-That's an affirmative.
-So does that mean
what I think it means?

811
00:41:40,634 --> 00:41:42,837
That is correct.

812
00:41:42,870 --> 00:41:46,640
I have been able
to ascertain the address

813
00:41:46,674 --> 00:41:49,777
of one
William Henry Gates III.

814
00:41:51,946 --> 00:41:55,082
-And have you gone over there?
-That's a negative.

815
00:41:55,116 --> 00:41:58,586
I'm still working on my alias
for my excursion up there.

816
00:41:58,619 --> 00:42:02,423
I'm thinking of going
with Harold Honeycut.

817
00:42:02,456 --> 00:42:03,958
Would you guys be
comfortable with that?

818
00:42:03,991 --> 00:42:06,360
What? We just need you
to go over there

819
00:42:06,394 --> 00:42:08,529
and see if there are
any signs of our friend Toby.

820
00:42:08,562 --> 00:42:10,598
One thing I've learned
in this biz,

821
00:42:10,631 --> 00:42:12,600
that you always wanna
have an alias.

822
00:42:12,633 --> 00:42:15,136
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, okay, great, yeah,

823
00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:17,338
Harold Honeycut is fine.
Now, will you please
go over there?

824
00:42:17,371 --> 00:42:22,009
"Faithless is he that says
farewell when the road darkens."

825
00:42:23,544 --> 00:42:25,546
I don't... I don't know
what that means.

826
00:42:25,579 --> 00:42:27,882
-It's Tolkien.
-Okay, look, man,

827
00:42:27,915 --> 00:42:29,850
are you gonna go find
our friend Toby or not?

828
00:42:29,884 --> 00:42:31,018
No.

829
00:42:33,522 --> 00:42:37,526
- But Harold Honeycut is.
- Peekaboo.

830
00:42:38,993 --> 00:42:40,694
Go poop.

831
00:42:41,429 --> 00:42:42,963
Where the hell
did you find that guy?

832
00:42:42,997 --> 00:42:44,832
Don't you worry
about that, okay?

833
00:42:44,865 --> 00:42:47,301
I know the guy might sound
a little "out there,"

834
00:42:47,334 --> 00:42:49,538
but I really think
he knows what he's doing.

835
00:42:49,570 --> 00:42:52,507
Awesome. My friend's future
lies in the hands

836
00:42:52,541 --> 00:42:54,642
of a former barista
junior detective

837
00:42:54,675 --> 00:42:56,977
who now goes by the name
of Harold Honeycut.

838
00:42:57,011 --> 00:42:58,646
I like those odds.

839
00:43:07,522 --> 00:43:10,091
What do you want? God.

840
00:43:20,401 --> 00:43:24,038
Leave me alone.

841
00:43:24,071 --> 00:43:27,875
<i>And that's how you</i>
<i>start a fire with spicy mustard</i>
<i>and some aluminum foil.</i>

842
00:43:27,908 --> 00:43:31,378
<i>Remember, you're gonna</i>
<i>need a ton of gasoline</i>
<i>and some matches.</i>

843
00:43:31,412 --> 00:43:33,114
<i>And thanks for watching.</i>

844
00:43:33,147 --> 00:43:35,550
<i>Hope you guys enjoyed that.</i>
<i>And a special shout-out</i>

845
00:43:35,584 --> 00:43:37,586
<i>to all my paid subscribers</i>
<i>out there.</i>

846
00:43:37,618 --> 00:43:39,854
<i>Hope you guys are enjoying</i>
<i>those bonus episodes.</i>

847
00:43:39,887 --> 00:43:43,491
Bonus episodes?

848
00:43:43,525 --> 00:43:45,860
<i>All our decisions</i>
<i>have already been made.</i>

849
00:43:45,893 --> 00:43:48,863
<i>Every year, all the top CEOs,</i>
<i>world leaders, economists,</i>

850
00:43:48,896 --> 00:43:52,567
<i>and whoever else, gather in</i>
<i>some Eastern European country</i>

851
00:43:52,601 --> 00:43:54,735
<i>to dictate our fates</i>
<i>for the rest of the year.</i>

852
00:43:54,768 --> 00:43:58,405
<i>They call themselves</i>
<i>the Ultra Mariners.</i>

853
00:43:58,439 --> 00:44:00,474
<i>And you know where</i>
<i>their headquarters are?</i>

854
00:44:00,509 --> 00:44:02,276
<i>Albuquerque, New Mexico.</i>

855
00:44:02,309 --> 00:44:04,613
<i>And guess who started</i>
<i>a little company there?</i>

856
00:44:04,645 --> 00:44:08,716
<i>- A man by the name</i>
<i>of Bill Gates.</i>

857
00:44:08,749 --> 00:44:13,287
<i>And you're trying to tell me</i>
<i>that he has nothing to do</i>
<i>with any of this?</i>

858
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,322
<i>Open your eyes, sheeple.</i>

859
00:44:16,824 --> 00:44:18,726
Oh, shit.

860
00:44:24,599 --> 00:44:26,601
Hey, Gilbert.

861
00:44:26,635 --> 00:44:28,269
<i>Please don't call me</i>
<i>Gilbert.</i>

862
00:44:28,302 --> 00:44:30,771
<i>It could jeopardize</i>
<i>this entire operation.</i>

863
00:44:30,804 --> 00:44:33,107
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

864
00:44:33,140 --> 00:44:34,643
Is this a secure line?

865
00:44:34,675 --> 00:44:36,243
Um...

866
00:44:36,277 --> 00:44:38,946
It's as secure as the last time
you called me.

867
00:44:38,979 --> 00:44:41,348
Hey, do you mind if I
add Wes to this call?

868
00:44:53,327 --> 00:44:54,762
Oh, hey, Gilbert.

869
00:44:54,795 --> 00:44:58,299
Please, gentlemen,
call me Harold Honeycut.

870
00:44:58,332 --> 00:45:01,001
I cannot emphasize this enough.

871
00:45:01,468 --> 00:45:04,038
Sorry, Harold. Hey...

872
00:45:05,206 --> 00:45:07,509
are you where we think
you are right now?

873
00:45:07,542 --> 00:45:12,413
Indeed, I am outside
of the residence in question.

874
00:45:15,482 --> 00:45:17,318
Well, can we see it?

875
00:45:17,351 --> 00:45:20,020
I can offer you a quick glimpse,
but I don't wanna do anything

876
00:45:20,054 --> 00:45:22,890
that would compromise
the nature of this mission.

877
00:45:25,759 --> 00:45:28,697
There does not appear to be
any suspicious activity

878
00:45:28,729 --> 00:45:31,198
outside of Mr. Gates' home
at this time.

879
00:45:31,232 --> 00:45:33,602
Well, no shit it isn't.
That's not his fucking house.

880
00:45:34,235 --> 00:45:39,139
I can assure you this
is the correct address
I got from my contact.

881
00:45:39,173 --> 00:45:42,376
-Who is your contact?
-My cousin Ronnie.

882
00:45:42,409 --> 00:45:45,312
Oh, that makes me feel
a lot better.

883
00:45:45,346 --> 00:45:48,249
You know, my mom used to say,
"You could always trust
a guy named Ronnie."

884
00:45:48,282 --> 00:45:51,819
Snicker if you will,
but he does work

885
00:45:51,852 --> 00:45:55,523
for the one and only
United States Postal Service.

886
00:45:55,557 --> 00:45:58,993
So he has access
to every address in the US.

887
00:46:01,061 --> 00:46:02,731
Yeah, you know what, Gilbert,

888
00:46:02,763 --> 00:46:04,832
I think we're done here, buddy.

889
00:46:04,865 --> 00:46:06,568
It's Harold, man.

890
00:46:06,601 --> 00:46:08,369
Whatever it is, you're fired.

891
00:46:08,402 --> 00:46:10,371
Guys, come on.

892
00:46:10,404 --> 00:46:13,340
I've got an entire Rolodex
full of contacts.

893
00:46:13,374 --> 00:46:16,410
I'm sure you do,
and I'm certain they'd be
of no help to us.

894
00:46:16,443 --> 00:46:18,747
I think you're making
a huge mistake.

895
00:46:18,779 --> 00:46:21,115
I'm pretty sure we
already made a huge mistake.

896
00:46:21,148 --> 00:46:25,019
Ooh, wait a minute, guys.
I think we have some movement.

897
00:46:30,491 --> 00:46:32,359
<i>Are you outta your mind,</i>
<i>Gilbert?</i>

898
00:46:32,393 --> 00:46:35,563
Bill Gates is not a surfer,
nor does he have
a fucking toddler.

899
00:46:35,597 --> 00:46:38,365
And on that note, Gilbert,
it was nice knowing you, buddy.

900
00:46:38,399 --> 00:46:41,869
I don't think you picked up
as many detective skills
from Starbucks as you thought.

901
00:46:41,902 --> 00:46:43,538
It was a Coffee Bean.

902
00:46:44,138 --> 00:46:46,040
Well, that's probably
gonna be the last time

903
00:46:46,073 --> 00:46:48,108
I hire a detective
off of Craigslist.

904
00:46:48,142 --> 00:46:50,110
That guy was completely useless.

905
00:46:50,144 --> 00:46:53,213
- Yep, back to square one.
<i>- No, maybe not.</i>

906
00:46:53,247 --> 00:46:55,617
While you were being all high
and mighty with your shower,

907
00:46:55,650 --> 00:46:58,419
I stumbled upon
a whole Toby goldmine.

908
00:46:58,452 --> 00:47:00,722
It turns out we've only seen
a fraction of his videos.

909
00:47:00,755 --> 00:47:04,325
-Wait, what do you mean?
-He's got bonus material
and it's the good shit.

910
00:47:04,358 --> 00:47:05,660
What the fuck
are you talking about?

911
00:47:05,694 --> 00:47:07,562
Dude, he's got
all these theories

912
00:47:07,595 --> 00:47:10,632
about how Bill Gates is the head
of this secret society

913
00:47:10,665 --> 00:47:12,299
who makes
all our decisions for us.

914
00:47:12,333 --> 00:47:14,134
And they're called
the Ultra Mariners,

915
00:47:14,168 --> 00:47:16,136
and they created this virus
so that all the small businesses

916
00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:18,305
would shut down
and we'd have to rely on nothing

917
00:47:18,339 --> 00:47:22,109
but huge corporations
like Amazon and Walmart
and all that shit.

918
00:47:22,142 --> 00:47:24,111
The important detail being that,

919
00:47:24,144 --> 00:47:27,948
supposedly, they're based
in Albuquerque, New Mexico,

920
00:47:27,981 --> 00:47:31,485
which just so happens
to be where Bill Gates
started Microsoft.

921
00:47:32,219 --> 00:47:35,523
Holy shit.
But Mandy told us
that Toby's going to Seattle,

922
00:47:35,557 --> 00:47:37,592
so why wouldn't we believe her?

923
00:47:37,625 --> 00:47:40,327
Maybe Toby didn't
want Mandy to know
where he was really going.

924
00:47:40,361 --> 00:47:42,963
Remember that waterboarding
video he made where he said,

925
00:47:42,996 --> 00:47:45,032
"Never give any information
to anyone"?

926
00:47:45,065 --> 00:47:47,702
-Oh, my God, yeah.
<i>-We're onto the right guy,</i>

927
00:47:47,736 --> 00:47:49,671
we're just looking
in the wrong place.

928
00:47:49,704 --> 00:47:53,107
I think Toby went
to Albuquerque to kidnap Bill.

929
00:47:53,140 --> 00:47:55,710
Wait, how many
of these bonus episodes
have you seen so far?

930
00:47:55,744 --> 00:47:58,178
Like six or seven,
and I was just about
to watch one

931
00:47:58,212 --> 00:48:02,216
-on Area 51 until
that shithead Muldoon called.
-Well, how do we watch them?

932
00:48:02,249 --> 00:48:05,052
Oh, I paid 50 bucks
to become a member, so I could
just share it with you.

933
00:48:05,085 --> 00:48:07,555
<i>That place is off limits</i>
<i>to everyone.</i>

934
00:48:07,589 --> 00:48:11,158
<i>How else could a man</i>
<i>build a tech corporation</i>
<i>overnight like that?</i>

935
00:48:11,191 --> 00:48:15,062
<i>He had access to technology</i>
<i>no one on Earth</i>
<i>had ever seen before,</i>

936
00:48:15,095 --> 00:48:17,464
<i>because it wasn't human.</i>

937
00:48:17,498 --> 00:48:20,067
<i>Now, how did he do that?</i>
<i>I guess we'll never know.</i>

938
00:48:20,100 --> 00:48:21,669
<i>But I do find it interesting</i>

939
00:48:21,703 --> 00:48:24,071
that he interned at Area 51

940
00:48:24,104 --> 00:48:26,039
before his senior year
at Harvard.

941
00:48:26,073 --> 00:48:30,177
Rome wasn't built in a day,
but Microsoft was.

942
00:48:30,210 --> 00:48:33,748
Jesus Christ, is he going
to Albuquerque or Area 51?

943
00:48:33,782 --> 00:48:36,049
Wait, Area 51's
not in Albuquerque?

944
00:48:36,083 --> 00:48:39,386
No, idiot, it's in Nevada.
Everybody knows that.

945
00:48:39,420 --> 00:48:43,223
-Oh, man, I'm so confused.
<i>-See, this is why I was saying,</i>

946
00:48:43,257 --> 00:48:46,427
<i>-in order to find Toby,</i>
<i>we have to think like Toby.</i>
-Cool.

947
00:48:46,460 --> 00:48:49,096
<i>The guy that</i>
<i>eats armadillo casserole</i>
<i>and drinks his own urine.</i>

948
00:48:49,129 --> 00:48:51,733
-Yeah, exactly.
-Area 51 then.

949
00:48:51,766 --> 00:48:53,868
Awesome, the most
secretive place in the world.

950
00:48:53,902 --> 00:48:56,771
<i>This mystery is becoming</i>
<i>more and more solvable</i>
<i>by the second.</i>

951
00:48:56,805 --> 00:48:58,405
<i>How are we gonna get</i>
<i>into Area 51?</i>

952
00:48:58,439 --> 00:49:00,407
Well, do you really think
Toby's gonna be able to?

953
00:49:00,441 --> 00:49:03,578
-He's gonna get himself killed.
-This fucking guy
actually thinks

954
00:49:03,611 --> 00:49:06,781
that Bill Gates got
his Microsoft technology
from Area 51.

955
00:49:06,815 --> 00:49:09,717
And that that's the place
that created the virus

956
00:49:09,751 --> 00:49:12,119
but also the place
that created the vaccine

957
00:49:12,152 --> 00:49:14,455
with the microchip
to combat the virus.

958
00:49:14,488 --> 00:49:18,626
I mean,
it doesn't make sense to me,
so I think it checks out.

959
00:49:18,660 --> 00:49:22,530
God, between my divorce,
the quarantine, and these
bizarre conspiracy theories,

960
00:49:22,564 --> 00:49:24,566
I think I've aged
ten years in three days.

961
00:49:24,599 --> 00:49:26,734
Yeah, you have.
Speaking of exhaustion,

962
00:49:26,768 --> 00:49:29,537
<i>we have to get on</i>
<i>another frigging Zoom call</i>
<i>with the group.</i>

963
00:49:29,571 --> 00:49:31,806
I don't wanna deal
with that right now.

964
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,142
All they wanna do is talk
about my feelings. I'm fine.

965
00:49:36,778 --> 00:49:38,278
God damn it.

966
00:49:38,312 --> 00:49:40,949
<i>How's your, uh, little</i>
<i>investigation going?</i>

967
00:49:40,981 --> 00:49:43,317
- I wish you guys would take this more seriously.
-  -<i>Yeah.</i>

968
00:49:43,350 --> 00:49:45,452
We've made some significant
breakthroughs, actually.

969
00:49:45,486 --> 00:49:47,622
<i>-Oh, yeah, like what?</i>
-Well, we think Toby

970
00:49:47,655 --> 00:49:49,624
might've gone to Area 51
to get Bill Gates.

971
00:49:49,657 --> 00:49:51,926
Why the fuck would Bill Gates
be at Area 51?

972
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,428
Because that's where
he got all the technology
to start Microsoft.

973
00:49:54,461 --> 00:49:55,964
Wait, what--
what does that even mean?

974
00:49:55,996 --> 00:49:58,800
<i>Wes, what is that</i>
<i>on the wall behind you?</i>

975
00:49:58,833 --> 00:50:00,902
Oh, that's my, uh, board
of investigation.

976
00:50:00,935 --> 00:50:04,137
You say that as if we all
have a board of investigation.

977
00:50:04,171 --> 00:50:07,441
<i>Why isn't the Denver Airport</i>
<i>on your wall?</i>

978
00:50:07,474 --> 00:50:09,076
Uh, what are you talking about?

979
00:50:09,109 --> 00:50:11,178
Well, everyone knows
that Area 51

980
00:50:11,211 --> 00:50:13,948
is actually underneath
the Denver Airport.

981
00:50:13,982 --> 00:50:15,482
What, are you fucking serious?

982
00:50:24,692 --> 00:50:27,461
Oh, shit, Wes, Keith is right.

983
00:50:27,494 --> 00:50:28,796
<i>How did we not know this?</i>

984
00:50:28,830 --> 00:50:30,130
<i>You guys, that was a joke.</i>

985
00:50:30,163 --> 00:50:31,833
<i>I was just joking, okay?</i>

986
00:50:31,866 --> 00:50:35,335
<i>It's not real.</i>
<i>It's just crap on the internet.</i>

987
00:50:35,369 --> 00:50:38,171
We have to go. Wes, call me.
Call me right now.

988
00:50:38,205 --> 00:50:40,440
So our government's
biggest secret is

989
00:50:40,474 --> 00:50:43,143
an international airport
that hundreds of thousands
of people visit every week?

990
00:50:43,176 --> 00:50:46,146
Sometimes the best place
to hide something is
in plain sight.

991
00:50:46,179 --> 00:50:47,982
Dude, he has to be here.

992
00:50:48,016 --> 00:50:50,217
This is a conspiracy theorist's
wet dream.

993
00:50:50,250 --> 00:50:52,386
Oh, my God, I know.
This stuff is nuts.

994
00:50:52,419 --> 00:50:54,121
Okay, so we know

995
00:50:54,154 --> 00:50:56,290
that Toby is a survivalist
doomsday prepper

996
00:50:56,323 --> 00:50:58,392
-who thinks the world
is gonna end, right?
-Right.

997
00:50:58,425 --> 00:51:00,394
Well, the Denver Airport
has bunkers set aside

998
00:51:00,427 --> 00:51:02,730
for the world's elite
during a global disaster.

999
00:51:02,764 --> 00:51:04,799
-Do they really?
-Yeah, according
to this article I read

1000
00:51:04,832 --> 00:51:07,802
on Eagleeyejerry.net,
it's the safest place
in the world.

1001
00:51:07,835 --> 00:51:10,905
Plus, Bill Gates is already
there because of his ties
to Area 51

1002
00:51:10,939 --> 00:51:13,140
and he's a member
of the Global Elite.

1003
00:51:14,742 --> 00:51:17,512
Toby is going
to the fucking Denver Airport.

1004
00:51:17,545 --> 00:51:20,347
We found him!

1005
00:51:20,380 --> 00:51:22,082
Well, we still need
to "find him find him,"

1006
00:51:22,115 --> 00:51:23,885
but I mean, come on,
it's pretty much in the bag.

1007
00:51:23,918 --> 00:51:25,687
It... it's the general area.

1008
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:28,756
We've narrowed it down
significantly.

1009
00:51:28,790 --> 00:51:30,858
- Oh, shit, my mother's
calling me.

1010
00:51:30,892 --> 00:51:33,027
Uh, I should probably take this.

1011
00:51:33,061 --> 00:51:36,430
Okay, yeah, yeah, you talk
to her and call me back,
and send my love.

1012
00:51:36,463 --> 00:51:38,766
All right, will do.

1013
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,768
-Hey, Mom.
<i>-Hi, honey.</i>

1014
00:51:40,802 --> 00:51:42,369
<i>-How are you doing?</i>
-I'm good.

1015
00:51:42,402 --> 00:51:46,440
I... I just got a text
from your friend Wendy,

1016
00:51:46,473 --> 00:51:48,408
and it was a little concerning.

1017
00:51:48,442 --> 00:51:51,111
She said something
about you trying

1018
00:51:51,144 --> 00:51:53,581
to solve
a missing person's case.

1019
00:51:53,615 --> 00:51:55,248
No, Mom, e-everything's fine.

1020
00:51:55,282 --> 00:51:57,952
I assure you there's
nothing to worry about.

1021
00:51:57,986 --> 00:52:00,922
Actually, Mom, have you ever
been to the Denver Airport

1022
00:52:00,955 --> 00:52:02,790
and noticed anything strange?

1023
00:52:02,824 --> 00:52:06,393
<i>What? Wes, do you remember</i>
<i>when you were in ninth grade</i>

1024
00:52:06,426 --> 00:52:08,529
<i>and Kimberly Larson</i>
<i>dumped you,</i>

1025
00:52:08,563 --> 00:52:11,198
<i>and you thought it'd be</i>
<i>a great idea to build</i>
<i>a treehouse?</i>

1026
00:52:11,231 --> 00:52:12,767
Ooh, I gotta go.

1027
00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:14,769
<i>-You spent all your time...</i>
-Love you, Mom. Bye.

1028
00:52:14,802 --> 00:52:18,472
<i>-What?</i>
-So what's up with Muldoon?

1029
00:52:18,506 --> 00:52:19,607
Well...

1030
00:52:22,644 --> 00:52:25,445
he feels really awful about
how the last assignment ended

1031
00:52:25,479 --> 00:52:27,882
and he wants to do
some pro bono work for us.

1032
00:52:27,915 --> 00:52:30,484
<i>He says, uh, he's worried about</i>
<i>getting a bad Yelp review.</i>

1033
00:52:30,518 --> 00:52:32,587
I mean, how much help
can the guy possibly be?

1034
00:52:32,620 --> 00:52:34,589
Things didn't exactly
pan out last time.

1035
00:52:34,622 --> 00:52:38,026
-Well, it's free.
-I do like the sound of that.

1036
00:52:40,094 --> 00:52:43,163
Do you think he'd be
willing to fly himself
to Denver out of his own pocket?

1037
00:52:43,196 --> 00:52:44,932
I don't know Gilbert well,
but, uh,

1038
00:52:44,966 --> 00:52:46,934
he seems like the kind of guy
that'd be up for anything.

1039
00:52:46,968 --> 00:52:49,904
Gentlemen,
I cannot thank you enough

1040
00:52:49,937 --> 00:52:52,140
for giving me
a second opportunity.

1041
00:52:52,172 --> 00:52:54,609
You've got the Muldoon guarantee

1042
00:52:54,642 --> 00:52:57,111
that business will be
handled this time.

1043
00:52:57,145 --> 00:52:59,312
Oh, yeah, no-- no problem. Sure.

1044
00:52:59,346 --> 00:53:01,949
Um, hey, look,
I know it's pretty
risky to fly right now,

1045
00:53:01,983 --> 00:53:06,020
but would you be willing
to travel up to Denver
as soon as possible?

1046
00:53:07,021 --> 00:53:08,690
I thought you'd never ask.

1047
00:53:10,024 --> 00:53:13,528
Obviously you'd have to pay
for your own expenses.

1048
00:53:14,696 --> 00:53:18,833
-Of course. That's-- that's
the least I can do.
-Yaw!

1049
00:53:18,866 --> 00:53:22,537
So, um, what do you need me
to do out there in Denver?

1050
00:53:22,570 --> 00:53:25,006
Well, we have reason
to believe that Toby
went to the Denver Airport,

1051
00:53:25,039 --> 00:53:28,176
which houses Area 51,
so that he could gain
access to Bill Gates.

1052
00:53:28,208 --> 00:53:30,545
And we need you to find Toby
and intercept him.

1053
00:53:30,578 --> 00:53:33,514
You guys are in luck
'cause Ronnie's cousin Donny

1054
00:53:33,548 --> 00:53:37,952
actually works
as a baggage handler
at the Denver Airport.

1055
00:53:37,985 --> 00:53:40,220
So he knows some people.

1056
00:53:40,253 --> 00:53:42,222
<i>You're not gonna regret this.</i>

1057
00:53:42,255 --> 00:53:44,192
Well, let's hope
that these contacts

1058
00:53:44,224 --> 00:53:46,194
are a little more
useful this time

1059
00:53:46,226 --> 00:53:49,564
because Ronnie wasn't
exactly foolproof.

1060
00:53:49,597 --> 00:53:54,367
I can assure you this case
will be solved within 17 hours.

1061
00:53:54,401 --> 00:53:57,205
My bags are packed.
I'll be on the first
flight out of Sea-Tac.

1062
00:53:57,237 --> 00:53:59,507
Thank you, Gilbert.
We really appreciate it.

1063
00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,374
This will not go unforgotten.

1064
00:54:01,408 --> 00:54:04,244
- "Truth waits to be found..."
- Peekaboo.

1065
00:54:04,277 --> 00:54:07,414
"...but searches for no one."

1066
00:54:07,447 --> 00:54:09,550
I still don't
know what that means,

1067
00:54:09,584 --> 00:54:11,953
but thanks for all
you're doing for us...

1068
00:54:13,453 --> 00:54:14,989
whatever it is
that you're doing.

1069
00:54:15,022 --> 00:54:16,924
Say no more, my friends.

1070
00:54:16,958 --> 00:54:18,559
We won't. God speed, brother.

1071
00:54:18,593 --> 00:54:20,128
I've got you co--

1072
00:54:57,364 --> 00:54:59,767
<i>That's some pretty</i>
<i>fresh bear shit right there.</i>

1073
00:54:59,801 --> 00:55:02,369
<i>Get yourself a walkie-talkie</i>
<i>for when the cell towers</i>
<i>collapse,</i>

1074
00:55:02,402 --> 00:55:04,939
<i>and trust me,</i>
<i>they are going to collapse.</i>

1075
00:55:04,972 --> 00:55:08,276
- <i>Toby kidnapped Toby.</i>
<i>- Peekaboo.</i>

1076
00:55:08,308 --> 00:55:11,179
<i>But be wary</i>
<i>of code crackers in case</i>
<i>you're doing Morse code.</i>

1077
00:55:11,212 --> 00:55:15,448
- <i>Meat shortage.
- </i> -<i>'Cause I have shit</i> <i>implanted into my DNA also.</i>

1078
00:55:15,482 --> 00:55:18,385
<i>Take a bath,</i>
<i>you're starting to look</i>
<i>like a real fucking lowlife.</i>

1079
00:55:18,418 --> 00:55:21,589
<i>You never know when</i>
<i>you're gonna have to parkour</i>
<i>away from an invader.</i>

1080
00:55:21,622 --> 00:55:25,860
Toby... we're coming for you,
buddy.

1081
00:55:27,427 --> 00:55:28,763
I promise.

1082
00:55:31,098 --> 00:55:33,100
<i>"Take Charge with Toby."</i>

1083
00:55:33,134 --> 00:55:35,570
<i>Best place to be during</i>
<i>a flood is up in a tree.</i>

1084
00:55:35,603 --> 00:55:38,506
<i>The whole sky is chemtrails.</i>

1085
00:55:38,539 --> 00:55:40,775
<i>Remember, you're gonna</i>
<i>need a ton of gasoline.</i>

1086
00:55:40,808 --> 00:55:43,911
<i>Do you have any urine</i>
<i>needs, urine filtration needs?</i>

1087
00:55:43,945 --> 00:55:46,247
<i>We're doing a flash sale</i>
<i>right there.</i>

1088
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:49,884
<i>"Faithless</i>
<i>is he that says farewell</i>
<i>when the road darkens."</i>

1089
00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:52,320
<i>And that's how</i>
<i>you start a fire with...</i>

1090
00:56:10,738 --> 00:56:13,174
To find me, you better start
thinking like me.

1091
00:56:14,575 --> 00:56:16,143
You think you're up for that?

1092
00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:20,181
It hasn't been easy,
but I think I'm getting closer.

1093
00:56:20,214 --> 00:56:22,316
Oh, you're way off,

1094
00:56:22,350 --> 00:56:24,685
but whatever helps you
sleep at night.

1095
00:56:27,755 --> 00:56:28,856
What are we eating?

1096
00:56:28,890 --> 00:56:30,224
Armadillo casserole.

1097
00:56:44,906 --> 00:56:46,406
It's pretty good.

1098
00:56:46,439 --> 00:56:48,910
Now you're starting
to think like me.

1099
00:56:48,943 --> 00:56:50,144
Don't fight it.

1100
00:56:54,782 --> 00:56:56,317
Wake up, Wes.

1101
00:56:56,350 --> 00:56:57,551
Wake up!

1102
00:57:04,759 --> 00:57:07,161
Oh. Fuck.

1103
00:57:17,738 --> 00:57:20,107
What the hell is wrong with me?

1104
00:57:28,983 --> 00:57:31,786
Who is it?

1105
00:57:31,819 --> 00:57:34,388
Uh, Postmates,
I got your, uh,
beer delivery order.

1106
00:57:34,422 --> 00:57:36,257
Just leave it
on the doormat and beat it.

1107
00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:38,893
Uh, I gotta see some ID
for the alcohol, buddy.

1108
00:57:38,926 --> 00:57:40,928
It's under the doormat!

1109
00:57:40,962 --> 00:57:42,530
Don't touch it.

1110
00:57:42,563 --> 00:57:45,399
Okay, that's one way
to talk to a person.

1111
00:57:51,739 --> 00:57:53,808
All right, you're all set.
Thanks a lot.

1112
00:57:53,841 --> 00:57:56,110
Wait. Wait. Wait.

1113
00:57:56,143 --> 00:57:58,045
Wait, Wait, Wait.
Excuse me, wait!

1114
00:58:01,682 --> 00:58:04,251
Hey, do you know anything
about the ties

1115
00:58:04,285 --> 00:58:06,821
between Area 51
and the Denver Airport?

1116
00:58:06,854 --> 00:58:08,856
-What?
-Well, do you?

1117
00:58:33,347 --> 00:58:35,516
Toby's dead and that's okay.

1118
00:58:35,549 --> 00:58:38,019
You did your best.

1119
00:58:38,052 --> 00:58:41,088
Wow, you look good.

1120
00:58:42,623 --> 00:58:44,425
Please keep your distance,
all right?

1121
00:58:44,458 --> 00:58:46,327
You've done enough damage to me.

1122
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:48,362
Did you, uh, get any of that
in your mouth

1123
00:58:48,396 --> 00:58:50,297
or did you just rub it
all over your tits?

1124
00:58:50,331 --> 00:58:53,367
You know, it's actually,
it's a tits kind of day, yeah.

1125
00:58:53,401 --> 00:58:55,336
What I do is
I scoop it right off them

1126
00:58:55,369 --> 00:58:58,272
and put the chip
right in my mouth
and it's quite delicious.

1127
00:58:58,305 --> 00:59:01,709
Hmm.
Yeah, it looks like you've
been making some great strides.

1128
00:59:01,742 --> 00:59:04,178
I will have you know I'm
doing quite well, thank you.

1129
00:59:04,211 --> 00:59:07,948
I've actually made
some significant strides,
if that wasn't obvious enough.

1130
00:59:07,982 --> 00:59:10,317
Yeah, I noticed you've been
up to quite a lot recently,

1131
00:59:10,351 --> 00:59:11,786
like hiring a private eye.

1132
00:59:11,819 --> 00:59:14,388
-Really, Wes?
-How do you know about that?

1133
00:59:14,422 --> 00:59:16,525
We share
a Venmo account, you moron.

1134
00:59:18,259 --> 00:59:20,327
Please just call it off.

1135
00:59:20,361 --> 00:59:23,497
We can't call it off now.
He's probably already
at his house.

1136
00:59:23,532 --> 00:59:25,800
What? Who's "we"?

1137
00:59:25,833 --> 00:59:28,503
"We" is the appropriate
amount of people needed

1138
00:59:28,537 --> 00:59:32,206
to get the information,
you know, on a basis

1139
00:59:32,239 --> 00:59:33,707
that is...

1140
00:59:33,741 --> 00:59:36,844
an inner circle of, uh,
you know, contacts.

1141
00:59:36,877 --> 00:59:39,146
And you're on a need-to-know
basis right now

1142
00:59:39,180 --> 00:59:41,348
and you don't need to know.

1143
00:59:41,382 --> 00:59:43,017
Are you having
a stroke right now?

1144
00:59:43,050 --> 00:59:44,685
I'm-- I'm perfectly fine.

1145
00:59:44,718 --> 00:59:46,654
How is it that you didn't
want me hiring lawyers,

1146
00:59:46,687 --> 00:59:48,989
but you're fine
hiring a private eye?
How does that make sense?

1147
00:59:49,023 --> 00:59:51,092
Boy, you sure are
concerned over this.

1148
00:59:51,125 --> 00:59:53,260
You know, Wes, it would
never have come to this

1149
00:59:53,294 --> 00:59:55,229
if you were more present
in our relationship.

1150
00:59:57,031 --> 00:59:59,867
Ohhhh.

1151
00:59:59,900 --> 01:00:01,936
So you want me
to call off the PI?

1152
01:00:01,969 --> 01:00:04,205
Yes, that's... yeah. Yes.

1153
01:00:04,238 --> 01:00:05,906
Well, what are you gonna
do for me?

1154
01:00:09,743 --> 01:00:14,215
I will tell the lawyers
to forget everything.

1155
01:00:14,248 --> 01:00:18,252
Tell you what, you do that
and, uh, you give me back
Iggy Pup,

1156
01:00:18,285 --> 01:00:21,523
I'll terminate
the entire investigation.

1157
01:00:21,556 --> 01:00:24,526
Fine, I only took him
to piss you off anyways, so...

1158
01:00:24,559 --> 01:00:27,795
Wow, the truth comes out, huh?

1159
01:00:27,828 --> 01:00:29,697
Pleasure doing business
with you.

1160
01:00:29,730 --> 01:00:32,567
-Go fuck yourself.
-My mother was right about you.

1161
01:00:32,601 --> 01:00:35,769
-Your mother's a bitch.
-No, she's not.

1162
01:00:35,803 --> 01:00:37,905
My mother's the sweetest
person on the planet

1163
01:00:37,938 --> 01:00:39,541
and you're a monster.

1164
01:00:39,574 --> 01:00:41,475
A monster.

1165
01:00:41,510 --> 01:00:43,978
But look who's doing great
without you.

1166
01:00:58,692 --> 01:01:00,261
Ooh.

1167
01:01:00,294 --> 01:01:02,463
Ah, fuck.

1168
01:01:02,496 --> 01:01:04,331
God damn it.

1169
01:01:08,802 --> 01:01:11,506
- Hello?
<i>- Hi, is this Wes Crowley?</i>

1170
01:01:11,540 --> 01:01:12,940
Uh, yeah.

1171
01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:14,942
<i>Hi, Wes,</i>
<i>this is Tracy Blackwood.</i>

1172
01:01:14,975 --> 01:01:17,111
Oh, my God, Tracy.
It's so good to hear from you.

1173
01:01:17,144 --> 01:01:19,446
- It's been forever.
<i>- Hey. Yeah.</i>

1174
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:22,116
<i>I was surprised</i>
<i>when I got your message.</i>
<i>So what's going on?</i>

1175
01:01:22,149 --> 01:01:25,352
<i>Toby and I haven't talked</i>
<i>in a couple of weeks,</i>
<i>but that's kind of normal.</i>

1176
01:01:25,386 --> 01:01:27,488
Well, you know, I'm just
getting a little worried

1177
01:01:27,522 --> 01:01:29,857
'cause no one's
seen or heard from him
in, like, four or five days

1178
01:01:29,890 --> 01:01:32,826
and some of the YouTube comments
from his fans just got me
a little nervous.

1179
01:01:32,860 --> 01:01:34,596
<i>Oh, those people are all crazy.</i>

1180
01:01:34,629 --> 01:01:36,864
<i>And my brother, I'm guessing</i>
<i>you've seen his videos.</i>

1181
01:01:36,897 --> 01:01:38,432
<i>I mean, he scares me</i>
<i>quite often.</i>

1182
01:01:38,465 --> 01:01:40,134
Yeah. Um...

1183
01:01:40,167 --> 01:01:42,504
Well, we heard that he
might be driving all the way

1184
01:01:42,537 --> 01:01:44,038
to Seattle to find Bill Gates,

1185
01:01:44,071 --> 01:01:45,873
but now we think
he may be in Denver.

1186
01:01:45,906 --> 01:01:47,642
Did he mention anything
like that?

1187
01:01:47,676 --> 01:01:49,710
<i>What are you talking about?</i>
<i>Who told you that?</i>

1188
01:01:49,743 --> 01:01:52,012
-His girlfriend, Mandy.
<i>-Toby doesn't have</i>
<i>a girlfriend.</i>

1189
01:01:52,046 --> 01:01:53,847
<i>If Mandy's the person</i>
<i>that I'm thinking she is,</i>

1190
01:01:53,881 --> 01:01:56,016
<i>then she is</i>
<i>a total fucking lunatic.</i>

1191
01:01:56,050 --> 01:01:58,452
<i>-She sends me death threats</i>
<i>all the time.</i>
-Are you serious?

1192
01:01:58,485 --> 01:02:01,121
<i>Yeah. Do not listen</i>
<i>to anything that woman says.</i>

1193
01:02:01,155 --> 01:02:03,057
-Oh, God.
<i>-What is it?</i>

1194
01:02:03,090 --> 01:02:05,059
How far do you live from Toby?

1195
01:02:05,092 --> 01:02:06,695
<i>About 20, 25 minutes.</i>

1196
01:02:06,727 --> 01:02:08,729
Okay, I-- I know this
is asking a lot,

1197
01:02:08,762 --> 01:02:11,198
but would you, you know,
be willing to swing
by his place,

1198
01:02:11,232 --> 01:02:13,133
just to check on him
and see if he's there?

1199
01:02:13,167 --> 01:02:14,401
<i>Yeah, I can swing by.</i>

1200
01:02:14,435 --> 01:02:15,903
Oh, my God,
that'd be so helpful.

1201
01:02:15,936 --> 01:02:17,738
<i>Yeah, it's no problem,</i>
<i>other than having</i>

1202
01:02:17,771 --> 01:02:19,206
<i>to try and dodge</i>
<i>his trip wires.</i>

1203
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:21,008
Yeah, well, thank you, Tracy.

1204
01:02:21,041 --> 01:02:23,545
Um, and just gimme a shout
when you get there, okay?

1205
01:02:23,578 --> 01:02:25,145
<i>Will do.</i>
<i>Talk to you soon, Wes.</i>

1206
01:02:25,179 --> 01:02:27,214
Okay, bye.

1207
01:02:32,086 --> 01:02:34,888
Oh, hey.

1208
01:02:35,456 --> 01:02:37,258
Toby doesn't have
a fucking girlfriend.

1209
01:02:37,291 --> 01:02:40,060
-What?
-According to his sister,

1210
01:02:40,094 --> 01:02:43,364
Mandy is a lunatic stalker
and we shouldn't listen
to anything she said.

1211
01:02:43,397 --> 01:02:45,266
Why'd we listen to that psycho?

1212
01:02:45,299 --> 01:02:47,835
She wanted us to go to Seattle
when she knew damn well

1213
01:02:47,868 --> 01:02:49,837
that we would go to
Albuquerque and then Nevada

1214
01:02:49,870 --> 01:02:51,438
and then the Denver Airport.

1215
01:02:51,472 --> 01:02:54,275
-Isn't it obvious?
-She's the perfect suspect.

1216
01:02:54,308 --> 01:02:56,844
Shit, and I just sent
Toby's sister over there.

1217
01:02:56,877 --> 01:03:00,281
She's probably gonna end up
seeing her brother with
a fucking shotgun to his face.

1218
01:03:00,314 --> 01:03:03,951
We gotta call Mandy.
Start off real smooth and suave,
let her dig her own grave.

1219
01:03:03,984 --> 01:03:06,688
Remember, she doesn't know
that we know she's full of shit.

1220
01:03:06,721 --> 01:03:11,358
-Yeah, I'm on my way.
-We know you fucking have him,
just admit it.

1221
01:03:11,392 --> 01:03:14,529
<i>I would never</i>
<i>do anything to hurt Toby.</i>
<i>I love him too much.</i>

1222
01:03:14,562 --> 01:03:16,930
How can you love him
when his sister says
you've never even met?

1223
01:03:16,964 --> 01:03:20,301
You don't need to meet
someone to be in love with them.

1224
01:03:20,334 --> 01:03:24,872
And honestly, his sister
has always been jealous
of what we have.

1225
01:03:24,905 --> 01:03:27,207
Do you even hear the bullshit
coming out of your mouth?

1226
01:03:27,241 --> 01:03:29,810
<i>All right, look, fine,</i>
<i>I haven't met Toby,</i>

1227
01:03:29,843 --> 01:03:33,748
<i>but he told me that he was</i>
<i>going to find Bill Gates</i>

1228
01:03:33,782 --> 01:03:35,416
<i>to make him fess up on camera.</i>

1229
01:03:35,449 --> 01:03:36,917
<i>Why wouldn't I believe that?</i>

1230
01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:39,219
Horse shit!
We wanna see the texts.

1231
01:03:39,253 --> 01:03:41,288
I don't
have to show you shit.

1232
01:03:41,322 --> 01:03:43,257
I don't even know you.

1233
01:03:43,290 --> 01:03:45,259
-And you don't know Toby.
-Okay.

1234
01:03:45,292 --> 01:03:47,562
We know you've got him
wherever the fuck
you are right now.

1235
01:03:47,595 --> 01:03:50,931
Yeah, you just want us going
all over the country so we'd
stay off of your trail.

1236
01:03:50,964 --> 01:03:53,167
Well, technically we didn't
go anywhere, but still.

1237
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:57,471
You know what's funny?
Is all of these accusations
are coming

1238
01:03:57,505 --> 01:04:00,140
from two guys
who have been on a witch hunt

1239
01:04:00,174 --> 01:04:04,011
because you're
so obsessed with Toby.

1240
01:04:04,044 --> 01:04:07,948
And it really does
kind of make you guys seem

1241
01:04:07,981 --> 01:04:11,085
like the psycho stalkers,
not me.

1242
01:04:11,118 --> 01:04:14,021
Oh, yeah? Is that why
you're in the woods
behind Toby's house?

1243
01:04:14,054 --> 01:04:16,490
Is that where you're
burying the fucking body?

1244
01:04:17,224 --> 01:04:19,026
All right, you know what?
I'm done.

1245
01:04:19,059 --> 01:04:21,095
You'll both be really sorry.

1246
01:04:21,128 --> 01:04:23,330
You fucking murderer! Hey?

1247
01:04:23,364 --> 01:04:26,634
Did she just hang up on us?
God damn it.

1248
01:04:30,971 --> 01:04:33,608
-Hey.
-I think she has him.

1249
01:04:33,641 --> 01:04:36,711
I mean, it has to be her, right?

1250
01:04:36,745 --> 01:04:38,879
<i>Yeah, and if he</i>
<i>actually did contact her,</i>

1251
01:04:38,912 --> 01:04:41,315
<i>then why didn't she</i>
<i>show us the text?</i>

1252
01:04:41,348 --> 01:04:43,651
Yeah, and she hung up as soon
as we mentioned the body.

1253
01:04:43,685 --> 01:04:45,486
I can't believe the hell
we went through

1254
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:48,122
and it was right under
our fucking noses
the whole time.

1255
01:04:48,155 --> 01:04:51,058
Do you think there's
anything to her saying
his sister is crazy?

1256
01:04:51,091 --> 01:04:53,795
Yeah. Sure. A person who's never
even met the guy she's dating

1257
01:04:53,828 --> 01:04:55,963
accuses that guy's sister
of being crazy.

1258
01:04:55,996 --> 01:04:58,065
Plus, I-- I remember Tracy
a little bit.

1259
01:04:58,098 --> 01:05:00,000
I-- I don't think she's
capable of hurting anyone.

1260
01:05:00,033 --> 01:05:02,369
I'm looking at my person
of interest wall now.

1261
01:05:04,104 --> 01:05:05,372
It's embarrassing.

1262
01:05:05,406 --> 01:05:07,141
It's all dog shit.

1263
01:05:12,580 --> 01:05:14,549
Murder brothers, innocent.

1264
01:05:14,582 --> 01:05:17,619
Ken Griffey Jr.,
the sweetest swing of all time.

1265
01:05:18,385 --> 01:05:20,254
It's hogwash, man,

1266
01:05:20,287 --> 01:05:22,557
the whole damn thing.

1267
01:05:25,627 --> 01:05:26,960
Hogwash.

1268
01:05:29,396 --> 01:05:30,464
Hey, man, you all right?

1269
01:05:33,434 --> 01:05:35,068
Are you crying?

1270
01:05:38,238 --> 01:05:39,741
Oh, shit.

1271
01:05:39,774 --> 01:05:41,709
Toby's sister's calling me.

1272
01:05:41,743 --> 01:05:44,445
Just make sure you loop me in.

1273
01:05:44,478 --> 01:05:46,213
Hey, Tracy, are you at Toby's?

1274
01:05:46,246 --> 01:05:47,916
<i>Yeah, I'm here.</i>

1275
01:05:47,948 --> 01:05:50,250
<i>Uh, nothing weird so far,</i>
<i>but I will check inside.</i>

1276
01:05:50,284 --> 01:05:52,419
All right, I'm gonna
switch this over to FaceTime.

1277
01:05:52,453 --> 01:05:55,389
My friend Luke
and I are pretty invested
in this whole thing, okay?

1278
01:06:02,831 --> 01:06:04,632
<i>Wow, quite the sunburn, Wes.</i>

1279
01:06:04,666 --> 01:06:06,634
Yeah, it's not a great look.

1280
01:06:06,668 --> 01:06:08,435
Hey, Tracy,
no time for small talk.

1281
01:06:08,469 --> 01:06:10,738
We have reason to believe
that Mandy's on the premises.

1282
01:06:10,772 --> 01:06:12,473
<i>Wait, crazy Mandy?</i>

1283
01:06:12,507 --> 01:06:14,776
Well, we don't know
for sure, but be careful.

1284
01:06:14,809 --> 01:06:17,712
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

1285
01:06:28,923 --> 01:06:31,458
Rosary beads? Where the hell
did these come from?

1286
01:06:31,492 --> 01:06:33,060
-Father Delgado.
-What?

1287
01:06:33,093 --> 01:06:35,797
What? Not-- No, nothing.
Keep going.

1288
01:06:35,830 --> 01:06:37,665
Is there something
you guys aren't telling me?

1289
01:06:37,699 --> 01:06:40,969
-No, just keep your eyes
peeled for Mandy.
-Yeah.

1290
01:06:42,469 --> 01:06:43,538
Okay.

1291
01:06:57,017 --> 01:07:00,522
Toby? Toby, are you home?

1292
01:07:00,555 --> 01:07:02,657
You're doing great, Tracy.

1293
01:07:06,193 --> 01:07:09,196
<i>-You're a braver woman than I.</i>
-Check behind that door.

1294
01:07:09,229 --> 01:07:11,365
<i>Wait. No, no.</i>
<i>Don't check behind the door.</i>

1295
01:07:11,398 --> 01:07:13,968
<i>Actually, just check</i>
<i>behind that door.</i>
<i>Just be careful.</i>

1296
01:07:14,002 --> 01:07:16,436
Shit, guys,
I don't think he's here.

1297
01:07:16,470 --> 01:07:18,171
Where's his crazy bunker?

1298
01:07:18,205 --> 01:07:20,140
It's out back.
Just give me a minute.

1299
01:07:20,173 --> 01:07:22,510
<i>Not to further alarm you,</i>
<i>but we just talked to Mandy</i>

1300
01:07:22,544 --> 01:07:24,177
<i>and she sounded</i>
<i>pretty unstable,</i>

1301
01:07:24,211 --> 01:07:26,614
so you should
maybe be on your toes.

1302
01:07:26,648 --> 01:07:28,215
She may very well
have gotten her hands

1303
01:07:28,248 --> 01:07:30,050
on Toby's flamethrower.
That's what I would do.

1304
01:07:30,083 --> 01:07:32,319
You're really not helping.

1305
01:07:32,352 --> 01:07:35,523
-Oh, man, I'm so nervous.
-This is terrifying.

1306
01:07:35,557 --> 01:07:37,025
Still not helping.

1307
01:07:37,057 --> 01:07:38,492
Sorry, I'm sorry.

1308
01:07:38,526 --> 01:07:40,294
We wish that we could
be there, but we're not.

1309
01:07:44,097 --> 01:07:47,769
Just your standard
creepy doomsday domicile.

1310
01:07:49,336 --> 01:07:53,007
<i>Wait, did that box say</i>
<i>"flamethrower number two"?</i>

1311
01:07:53,041 --> 01:07:56,010
-Who has two flamethrowers?
-Can you stop shouting?

1312
01:07:56,044 --> 01:07:59,814
We need to find out
where Mandy lives because
if she's not at Toby's,

1313
01:07:59,847 --> 01:08:04,184
then she definitely has him
hogtied in her basement for
sure, if he's not already dead.

1314
01:08:04,217 --> 01:08:07,387
Look, if you're this
concerned that Mandy has him,
then we should go to the cops.

1315
01:08:07,421 --> 01:08:10,925
We wanted to go to the cops,
but he's got an arsenal
of unregistered weapons.

1316
01:08:10,959 --> 01:08:12,694
Oh, all is registered.

1317
01:08:12,727 --> 01:08:15,663
As crazy as Toby is, he crosses
his I's and dots his T's.

1318
01:08:15,697 --> 01:08:18,398
-You've gotta be kidding me.
-God damn it.

1319
01:08:18,432 --> 01:08:21,069
What was that?

1320
01:08:21,101 --> 01:08:23,705
-I don't know,
do you guys hear that too?
-Yeah.

1321
01:08:23,738 --> 01:08:26,608
- Help!
- Someone's calling for help.

1322
01:08:26,641 --> 01:08:29,343
-Holy shit.
-I'm heading towards it.

1323
01:08:29,376 --> 01:08:31,178
- Be careful.
- Where are you?

1324
01:08:31,211 --> 01:08:33,347
Help! Over here.

1325
01:08:33,380 --> 01:08:34,882
- Oh, my God.
- Toby!

1326
01:08:34,916 --> 01:08:36,517
Shit, where are you?

1327
01:08:38,218 --> 01:08:39,954
-Toby!
-Over here.

1328
01:08:39,988 --> 01:08:42,422
Tracy, get me the fuck
out of this thing.

1329
01:08:42,456 --> 01:08:43,858
Toby!

1330
01:08:43,891 --> 01:08:45,459
<i>Toby!</i>

1331
01:08:47,227 --> 01:08:49,262
Oh. Oh!

1332
01:08:49,296 --> 01:08:50,798
Jesus Christ!

1333
01:08:50,832 --> 01:08:54,234
Fuck. You guys, Toby got stuck
in a bear trap.

1334
01:08:54,267 --> 01:08:57,204
-Oh, God, Toby.
-Oh, God.

1335
01:08:57,237 --> 01:09:00,273
God, that looks awful.

1336
01:09:00,307 --> 01:09:03,044
-I gotta call 911.
-Don't hang up! Don't--!

1337
01:09:06,581 --> 01:09:08,016
Fuck.

1338
01:09:16,758 --> 01:09:18,492
<i>A fucking bear trap?</i>

1339
01:09:18,526 --> 01:09:21,095
<i>What kind of survivalist</i>
<i>gets stuck in a bear trap?</i>

1340
01:09:21,129 --> 01:09:22,664
<i>Did you see his goddamn leg?</i>

1341
01:09:22,697 --> 01:09:24,331
That leg is gone, it's history.

1342
01:09:24,364 --> 01:09:26,400
Odds are probably, yeah.

1343
01:09:26,433 --> 01:09:29,604
All the shit we went through,
a fucking bear trap?

1344
01:09:29,637 --> 01:09:31,405
God damn it, fuck this guy.

1345
01:09:31,438 --> 01:09:34,575
Yeah, but, dude,
we-- we solved
the missing person's case.

1346
01:09:35,275 --> 01:09:37,177
Oh, yeah, we're geniuses.

1347
01:09:37,210 --> 01:09:39,981
Let's pump the brakes
on the genius talk, all right?

1348
01:09:41,616 --> 01:09:44,118
Holy shit. Tracy's calling me.

1349
01:09:44,152 --> 01:09:47,989
I'll listen in.

1350
01:09:48,022 --> 01:09:51,358
-Hello?
<i>-Hi, Wes.</i>
<i>Uh, so 911 is on the way,</i>

1351
01:09:51,391 --> 01:09:53,661
<i>but they said</i>
<i>it could take an hour.</i>

1352
01:09:53,695 --> 01:09:56,631
So can you go on YouTube and
check if Toby has any videos

1353
01:09:56,664 --> 01:09:58,599
about how to get
out of a bear trap?

1354
01:09:58,633 --> 01:10:02,704
Uh, based on
the current situation,
I'm guessing he doesn't.

1355
01:10:02,737 --> 01:10:04,639
Who the fuck
are you talking to?

1356
01:10:04,672 --> 01:10:07,441
Your old friend,
Wes Crowley, from Kunkle.

1357
01:10:07,474 --> 01:10:09,376
The albino kid
from middle school?

1358
01:10:09,409 --> 01:10:12,046
<i>What does he want?</i>
<i>I've kind of got</i>
<i>a situation here.</i>

1359
01:10:12,080 --> 01:10:13,781
I wouldn't have
found you without him.

1360
01:10:13,815 --> 01:10:16,483
-Yeah, we saved you, dude.
-Hey, man, what's it been,

1361
01:10:16,517 --> 01:10:18,720
20 years? How you doing?

1362
01:10:18,753 --> 01:10:22,389
Oh, hey, Wes. Doing great.
Just bleeding out is all.

1363
01:10:22,422 --> 01:10:24,859
Yeah, man,
I'm sorry to hear that.

1364
01:10:24,892 --> 01:10:27,394
You'll be okay, though,
I'm pretty sure.

1365
01:10:27,427 --> 01:10:32,399
Oh, I know, I will.

1366
01:10:32,432 --> 01:10:34,001
How the hell did you find me?

1367
01:10:34,035 --> 01:10:36,236
Well, uh, we did a little
research

1368
01:10:36,269 --> 01:10:38,472
and thought you were at Area 51

1369
01:10:38,506 --> 01:10:40,373
<i>underneath the Denver Airport</i>
<i>to find Bill Gates</i>

1370
01:10:40,407 --> 01:10:43,044
so that you could get him
to fess up on your YouTube page.

1371
01:10:43,077 --> 01:10:45,479
That's actually
a pretty great idea,

1372
01:10:45,513 --> 01:10:48,583
but everybody knows
that the Denver Airport
is one big red herring.

1373
01:10:48,616 --> 01:10:52,887
The real Area 51
is in Jackson Hole, Wyoming,
under the hole, of course.

1374
01:10:52,920 --> 01:10:55,757
- What?
-  -Toby, what the hell happened out here?

1375
01:10:55,790 --> 01:10:57,692
Well, I was working
on my perimeter

1376
01:10:57,725 --> 01:11:00,427
and sometimes I get
a little too clever,
even for myself.

1377
01:11:00,460 --> 01:11:04,565
Long story short,
fell in my own bear trap.
It happens.

1378
01:11:04,599 --> 01:11:07,400
Oh, no, that--
that never happens.

1379
01:11:07,434 --> 01:11:09,036
You gotta stop doing this.

1380
01:11:09,070 --> 01:11:11,172
Like, why didn't you
just call somebody?

1381
01:11:11,205 --> 01:11:13,174
I would have, but I
dropped my two main modes

1382
01:11:13,207 --> 01:11:15,109
of communication
right over there.

1383
01:11:15,143 --> 01:11:17,211
They must've fallen out
of my tactical vest.

1384
01:11:17,245 --> 01:11:19,914
You know you have voice
command on your phone, right?

1385
01:11:19,947 --> 01:11:22,016
Do I look like a goddamn fool?

1386
01:11:22,049 --> 01:11:23,584
-Yes.
-I disabled voice command.

1387
01:11:23,618 --> 01:11:25,285
I don't want "Big Brother"
watching me.

1388
01:11:25,318 --> 01:11:28,122
You have 132,000
YouTube subscribers.

1389
01:11:28,156 --> 01:11:30,357
The-- The whole world
is watching you.

1390
01:11:30,390 --> 01:11:32,593
Yeah, I am good at what I do.

1391
01:11:32,627 --> 01:11:35,229
- You're terrible at what you do.
- What the hell is that?

1392
01:11:35,263 --> 01:11:37,397
Oh, that's
my urine filtration system.

1393
01:11:37,430 --> 01:11:40,134
- It saved my life.
-  -What do you mean, saved your...?

1394
01:11:40,168 --> 01:11:43,370
-Oh, God, Toby!
-Oh, God.

1395
01:11:43,403 --> 01:11:46,274
Yeah, I've been living
on piss and beef jerky
for about, uh...

1396
01:11:46,306 --> 01:11:48,910
...four days now.

1397
01:11:48,943 --> 01:11:51,311
Hey, Wes,
I gotta thank you, man.

1398
01:11:51,344 --> 01:11:55,082
I could've died out here.
I mean, I most likely
wouldn't have.

1399
01:11:55,116 --> 01:11:58,653
I'm sure I would've figured
this out in the next three or
four hours, but still, thanks.

1400
01:11:58,686 --> 01:12:01,122
Yeah, man, it was my pleasure.
It was actually a lot of fun.

1401
01:12:01,155 --> 01:12:04,592
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna slap a few Band-Aids
on here

1402
01:12:04,625 --> 01:12:06,894
and then I'm gonna swing
through LA and we're gonna go

1403
01:12:06,928 --> 01:12:08,763
to Jackson Hole together
to grab Bill Gates,

1404
01:12:08,796 --> 01:12:10,164
just like that plan of yours.

1405
01:12:10,198 --> 01:12:13,100
Uh, yeah,
that sounds, uh, pretty cool,

1406
01:12:13,134 --> 01:12:17,238
but, um, actually,
I'm-- I'm going through
a-- a period of transition.

1407
01:12:17,271 --> 01:12:20,074
And on top
of said period of transition,

1408
01:12:20,107 --> 01:12:23,277
I-- I'd rather not
get on a plane until
quarantine's over.

1409
01:12:23,311 --> 01:12:25,345
Oh, come on, you can't possibly
believe that shit.

1410
01:12:25,378 --> 01:12:26,948
It's all a hoax.

1411
01:12:26,981 --> 01:12:30,017
Oh, Wes,
I have so much to teach you.

1412
01:12:30,051 --> 01:12:32,352
You're stuck in a bear trap,
drinking your own urine.

1413
01:12:32,385 --> 01:12:35,890
You can teach no one anything,
you dumb piece of shit!

1414
01:12:41,394 --> 01:12:42,864
<i>What am I supposed to do now?</i>

1415
01:12:51,038 --> 01:12:55,543
<i>So the survivalist was stuck</i>
<i>in his own bear trap</i>
<i>this whole time?</i>

1416
01:12:55,576 --> 01:12:58,746
Yep, survived on beef jerky
and two gallons
of his own piss.

1417
01:13:01,349 --> 01:13:04,218
<i>Dried waffles again. Hmm.</i>

1418
01:13:04,252 --> 01:13:07,154
Yeah, I haven't really
had time to get any syrup.

1419
01:13:07,188 --> 01:13:09,523
<i>Ah, but you had enough time</i>
<i>to get a lovely suntan.</i>

1420
01:13:09,557 --> 01:13:11,391
Wait, that's your actual skin?

1421
01:13:11,424 --> 01:13:13,794
I thought you just had
some weird lighting.

1422
01:13:13,828 --> 01:13:15,730
Oh, fuck, dude.

1423
01:13:15,763 --> 01:13:19,300
<i>Wes, your face, it-- I think</i>
<i>you need to get some aloe.</i>

1424
01:13:19,333 --> 01:13:20,801
Is it-- Is it that bad?

1425
01:13:20,835 --> 01:13:23,470
<i>I think you should</i>
<i>go to a dermatologist.</i>

1426
01:13:23,504 --> 01:13:27,541
So you guys actually
saved that dude's life?

1427
01:13:27,575 --> 01:13:30,244
Yeah, we're heroes and
you guys didn't believe in us.

1428
01:13:30,278 --> 01:13:32,546
Yeah, what have you been
doing during quarantine,

1429
01:13:32,580 --> 01:13:34,148
reading books
and not saving lives?

1430
01:13:34,181 --> 01:13:37,051
<i>Look, I'm sorry</i>
<i>that we doubted you,</i>

1431
01:13:37,084 --> 01:13:40,420
<i>but I'm glad you can</i>
<i>finally focus on yourself.</i>

1432
01:13:40,453 --> 01:13:45,026
Bullshit!
If Wes would've been selfish
and just focused on himself,

1433
01:13:45,059 --> 01:13:47,561
Toby would probably
be dead right now.

1434
01:13:47,595 --> 01:13:50,364
Yeah, and I might not have ever
found out that Courtney
was cheating on me.

1435
01:13:50,398 --> 01:13:51,933
<i>-What?</i>
<i>-I fucking knew it.</i>

1436
01:13:51,966 --> 01:13:54,602
<i>-When did that happen?</i>
-I found out this morning

1437
01:13:54,635 --> 01:13:56,671
when she accidentally
confessed to it.

1438
01:13:56,704 --> 01:13:59,874
But I'm getting Iggy Pup back,
so that's cool.

1439
01:13:59,907 --> 01:14:02,276
And Courtney's backing out
with the lawyer.

1440
01:14:02,310 --> 01:14:05,212
You know, this whole thing
has actually,
it's taught me a lot.

1441
01:14:05,246 --> 01:14:07,782
I've learned that people on
the internet are fucking crazy.

1442
01:14:07,815 --> 01:14:09,684
I learned to always run
from your problems

1443
01:14:09,717 --> 01:14:11,686
because that's how
you get them solved.

1444
01:14:11,719 --> 01:14:15,222
And I learned
that, uh, in a pinch,
I could survive off my own pee.

1445
01:14:15,256 --> 01:14:20,127
Wow, I am so glad
you learned... some of that.

1446
01:14:20,161 --> 01:14:24,799
<i>Uh, sorry we thought this whole</i>
<i>"going after Bill Gates" thing</i>
<i>was crazy.</i>

1447
01:14:24,832 --> 01:14:27,969
Yeah, seems like you guys
learned something too.

1448
01:14:28,002 --> 01:14:30,905
To, uh... to never doubt us.

1449
01:14:30,938 --> 01:14:32,907
Yeah, this pandemic
would've been pretty boring

1450
01:14:32,940 --> 01:14:34,875
without rescuing a guy
Wes barely knows

1451
01:14:34,909 --> 01:14:37,044
from his own bear trap.

1452
01:14:41,349 --> 01:14:43,150
Wes. Wes!

1453
01:14:43,184 --> 01:14:47,321
It's... it's Muldoon,
he's calling back.

1454
01:14:47,355 --> 01:14:49,824
We forgot about Muldoon.

1455
01:14:49,857 --> 01:14:51,892
Oh, fuck.

1456
01:14:51,926 --> 01:14:54,095
<i>-What?</i>
<i>-Who's Muldoon?</i>

1457
01:14:54,128 --> 01:14:57,331
Oh, we hired
a private investigator
and had him fly to Denver.

1458
01:14:57,365 --> 01:14:59,934
- It's Wes.
- Guys, we gotta go.

1459
01:14:59,967 --> 01:15:01,836
Yeah, we have to go.
We have to get this.

1460
01:15:01,869 --> 01:15:05,139
<i>-Bye.</i>
<i>-What are you guys</i>
<i>talking about?</i>

1461
01:15:07,441 --> 01:15:09,410
Gentlemen, it's Muldoon.

1462
01:15:09,443 --> 01:15:12,246
<i>I'm in the basement</i>
<i>of the Denver Airport.</i>

1463
01:15:12,279 --> 01:15:16,650
No sign of your friend yet,
but you're gonna wanna
see this.

1464
01:15:25,726 --> 01:15:28,496
-Holy shit.
-Holy shit.

1465
01:15:29,196 --> 01:15:33,034
As promised,
17 hours, gentlemen.

1466
01:15:33,067 --> 01:15:35,069
We should've never
doubted you, Muldoon.

1467
01:15:36,537 --> 01:15:39,440
You've got
the Muldoon guarantee.

1468
01:16:31,058 --> 01:16:34,895
Hey there, everybody.
We got a real special episode
for you today because, one,

1469
01:16:34,929 --> 01:16:37,932
we got my good buddy
and new intern, Wes Crowley.

1470
01:16:37,965 --> 01:16:41,035
And, B, we are
at the home of my old mentor,

1471
01:16:41,068 --> 01:16:44,004
the man that taught me
everything, and that's
a whole hell of a lot,

1472
01:16:44,038 --> 01:16:46,073
that's right, Merve Turley.

1473
01:16:46,107 --> 01:16:47,708
And legend has it,

1474
01:16:47,741 --> 01:16:50,545
he is buried underneath
this old, beautiful home of his.

1475
01:16:50,579 --> 01:16:53,548
And today, Wes and I here
are gonna show you

1476
01:16:53,582 --> 01:16:55,282
how to excavate a body.

1477
01:16:55,316 --> 01:16:57,017
-What? What? What? What?
-So here, let's--

1478
01:16:57,051 --> 01:16:59,521
Yeah, we're gonna-- we're gonna
dig him up. It's Merve.

1479
01:16:59,554 --> 01:17:01,523
Yeah, no, you just said
we were gonna build a bunker.

1480
01:17:01,556 --> 01:17:03,558
No, I just said that
to get you down here,

1481
01:17:03,592 --> 01:17:05,893
but I think
once you get into it,
you're really gonna love it.

1482
01:17:05,926 --> 01:17:07,596
-You're really gonna
get a feel for it.
-No.

1483
01:17:07,628 --> 01:17:09,630
You're gonna be a natural,
Wes, don't you worry.

1484
01:17:09,663 --> 01:17:12,199
I've taught you a lot already,
so let's get to work, buddy.

1485
01:17:12,233 --> 01:17:14,301
-Let's get our hands dirty.
-Come on. Iggy, let's go!

1486
01:17:14,335 --> 01:17:16,904
-Are you really
not gonna do this?
-No, no, no, let's go.

1487
01:17:16,937 --> 01:17:19,140
Don't be afraid of death, Wes.

1488
01:17:19,173 --> 01:17:20,975
It's just a state of mind.