[♪♪♪]
[VOICE SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[CREAKING]
[KEYS JINGLING]
[KNOCKING]
Ma'am, you must eat something.
You must be terribly weak by now.
I won't do it anymore.
I can't.
You can.
You have to.
Everyone is most concerned about your behavior.
[GRUNTS]
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN 1: She's-- She's out!
She's out!
Find her!
MAN 2: Look in the cellar!
Somebody check the grounds.
Go, go, go!
MAN 1: Bar the doors. Seal the rooms.
It all ends here.
With me. Ma'am, wait!
Please, no! Stop!
No!
[TRAIN HORN BLARING]
PRESENTER: Thank you.
It's a pleasure to be here with you all,
celebrating the ten-year anniversary of UnlockYourPast.
Beef carpaccio?
Mm-mm. We hit this milestone
because people yearn for connection.
For a sense of family.
A sense of belonging.
Beef carpaccio?
And for the sense of purpose that comes
from knowing who you are.
We should do it. I want you to ask yourself:
"Who am I?" Beef carpaccio?
Shh.
And "What is my true purpose?"
[SIGHS]
Beef fucking carpaccio.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
Ugh. What a creep. You gonna call him?
[SCOFFS] No, gross.
If you not gonna call him, maybe I will.
Evie, don't judge.
You know how hard it is out here.
Can you imagine being that rich?
Just walking around like you own people.
Girl, he probably does own people.
Wanted to add you to the roster.
So I got a boob graze and a butt grab tonight.
How about you?
Dos to the tetas. Mm. Frisky.
Want me to call HR for you? Oh, hey, Tony.
We were just messing around. Just jokes.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] You know there are
plenty of other girls who would be grateful for this gig.
[CLEARS THROAT]
What an asshat.
I did grab us a swag bag.
This one's got little bottles of wine in them.
My favorite. Mm-hm.
And there's a DNA test in there too.
I gotta run. Got my midterm tomorrow.
You're gonna crush it. I know. See you later.
♪ Does it show on my face? ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm holding Everything ♪
Excuse me.
♪ Mm-mm-mm-mm ♪
♪ Life plays back In my mind ♪
♪ Some scenes They kinda sting ♪
♪ And stay ♪
♪ Put it all In a hot air balloon ♪
♪ Cut the strings And it's straight to the moon ♪
♪ This is not what I wanted But my head's downhearted ♪
♪ I had a talk With my inner child ♪
♪ She is caught Between gentle and wild ♪
Hi, Evie, love. It's Mom.
Happy birthday.
You are such an amazingly talented artist.
And I know you have big, big things ahead of you.
I'm so proud of you.
And your dad would be too.
And I know you're worried about being alone,
but I'll always be with you.
Just know that when things are hard,
you're stronger than you think you are.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love you too, Mom.
Okay, bye-bye, sweetie.
[WHEEL GRINDS]
[SIGHS]
♪ This is not what I wanted But I get downhearted ♪
WOMAN [RECORDED]: Unlocking your family history is as easy as DNA.
Collect your sample, seal it,
and mail it back to us.
You'll get an e-mail when your results are ready.
And don't forget to tick the box
to notify your newfound relatives.
[♪♪♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[♪♪♪]
Did you ever go out on a date with that bartender guy?
Ugh. I'm ignoring his texts. Why?
You said you liked him. Ah...
I can't handle the New York dating scene right now.
It is exhausting.
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
No way.
[GASPS] What?
I got a cousin.
Holy shit.
That is the whitest man I've ever seen.
He wants to meet up.
A stranger? Off the Internet?
Mm-mm. You're not doing that.
He's family, and I don't have any.
So you wanna be catfished? Oh, interesting.
He's wearing an ascot.
What could he want with my broke ass?
Your kidneys. [SCOFFS]
That's probably exactly what this site is.
Tinder for unassuming organ donors.
Says right there in the corner.
And he's British. They're all absurdly polite.
Because they're racked with colonial guilt.
Doesn't mean you need to mistake that for good manners.
I'm sorry, whose last, wait, three boyfriends were white?
Mm-mm.
We are unpacking that in therapy.
Don't do me like that.
Look, all I'm saying is,
leopards don't usually change their spots.
[♪♪♪]
Cousin Oliver.
[MOUSE CLICKS]
Oliver.
Evelyn.
Hi. Please, have a seat.
You can just call me Evie.
[CHUCKLES] Cousin Evie.
It sounds so Jane Austen when you say it like that.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
So, um, you're in town for work?
Yeah, family business. Real estate.
La, la, la. Sounds, uh, exciting.
Not in the slightest.
OLIVER: Okay, tell me everything about yourself.
Work, relationship status.
I want to know it all.
Well, I am trying to get my MFA, uh,
but I'm mostly just freelancing right now.
Catering, really. Hm.
And I am very much single.
Oh, God, me too. Painfully so.
What about your parents? Are they in New York too?
My dad...
My dad died when I was 14,
and my mom passed just a few months ago, actually.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks, um...
You know, she was sick for a while. Cancer.
But she always wanted to take me to England,
so we could learn about our family history.
So... Yes.
Well, it's quite fascinating, actually.
You're part of the family scandal.
Just before her nuptials in 1925,
your great-grandmother, Emmaline,
had an illicit affair with a footman.
A Black footman?
Well, evidently, yeah.
Wow. I imagine that was quite the scandal.
She kept it a secret from everyone,
including her future husband.
Quite the rebel, your great-grandmother.
So, what happened to my grandfather?
The baby.
Turns out the footman left the village
and raised the baby, your grandfather, on his own.
Scandals aren't what they used to be.
Everyone is utterly overjoyed by the news.
Everyone?
I can't keep secrets.
The whole Alexander family knows about you.
Great-Uncle Alfred, Uncle Julius,
my three brothers, all the cousins.
There's a wedding coming up. My...
Our cousin Martin is getting married in a few weeks.
Huge celebration in the English countryside, really posh.
That's him and his fiancée, Cecile.
She's one of the De Villes.
Très rich. It'll be the wedding of the century.
You know what? You should come.
[COUGHS] What?
To the wedding. You should come. Uh...
I'd love to, but I cannot afford a trip right now.
Don't be silly. Our treat.
I've got so many frequent-flier miles.
You'd be doing me a favor.
Oliver, really, thank you,
but that is too much to ask.
Great-Uncle Alfred is dying to meet you.
Literally. He's 89 and quite frail.
He'd love for us all to be together.
It's a brilliant idea.
I just...
Are you serious?
I can't imagine what you've gone through
after losing your mother.
It's tragic, but you still have family.
You could fulfill your mother's wish
by taking the trip she always wanted.
Worst-case scenario,
it's an all-expenses-paid trip
to Whitby, Yorkshire. You just have to tolerate
my terrible sense of humor for a few days.
Come on, say yes.
[♪♪♪]
[STAMMERS]
GRACE: Hey, girl. How's the motherland?
EVIE: You know, it feels good.
I'm excited to meet my family.
GRACE: Oh, I'm excited for you.
Now, what are the three rules?
Uh... Eat, pray, love?
Girl, if you wind up dead in a ditch,
I'm telling you, I'm not helping.
Okay, okay. Send you a picture of the license plate.
Text you when I go to sleep. And...
And don't trust...
Don't trust men with goatees. ...men with goatees.
No. There you go.
I'm at Arrivals. I'll call you later.
If you see Idris Elba, say hi to him for me.
All right, bye. OLIVER: Evie.
You made it.
Hi. How was the flight?
Uh... You've ruined coach forever.
My pleasure. [CHUCKLES]
Ready for an adventure? I guess.
Come on, let's go.
[♪♪♪]
EVIE: So who lives here again? OLIVER: The De Ville family.
But our family will be staying the weekend for the festivities.
Holy shit.
Are they royalty or something?
OLIVER: No, it's just old money. England's full of it.
Right this way. There you are.
Watch your step.
There you go.
All right.
You definitely must be on your best behavior.
[SCOFFS]
Welcome to New Carfax Abbey.
Wow, it's...
incredible.
Let me go find our host.
All right, text a photo of the license--
Oh, shit.
I am so sorry.
No, miss, we're sorry.
Very sorry.
Oh, please, miss, we'll clean this up.
It's okay. If we don't help each other out, who will, right?
I'm Evie, by the way.
I'm Diya.
Or Dee is fine too.
I'm Imogen.
And what has happened here?
Oh, hi. Uh, it was me. I--
Clean it up immediately. We have important guests arriving.
Yes, sir, of course.
It was really my fault.
I don't care whose fault it was. Just get rid of it.
There's no need to be snarky about it.
I beg your pardon? [SCOFFS]
Did I stutter?
At ease, Mr. Field.
I believe this is one of our important guests.
And that makes a difference?
My sincerest apologies, ma'am.
Sir.
Thank you, ladies.
Sorry about that. He can be quite demanding.
More like an asshole.
Oh, so you must be Evelyn.
Evie. And you are? OLIVER: Walter.
You beat me to the punch. You've been introduced?
Yeah. Uh, no.
Well, not formally.
This is my cousin who I was telling you about,
Evie Alexander.
It's Jackson, really.
Evie, this is the lord of the manor, Walter De Ville.
You can just call me Walt.
Oh, uh...
Hi, Walt. Um--
Hi. Yeah, so...
I was the one who ran into them and the glasses.
So, yeah, it really wasn't their fault.
Okay, so you're the klutz. Got it.
Is this a gift for the happy couple?
Uh, yeah.
May I? Oh, yeah.
I made it.
Wow.
It's very impressive.
Sir? Hm?
The grounds are ready for inspection.
Ah. Well, excuse me.
I hope you enjoy your time at New Carfax, Evie.
Oh, and thank you for letting me stay.
Your, uh...
m-mansion, it's beautiful.
My home is your home.
Well, that was only mildly awkward.
I'm sure he got a kick out of it.
Sir, may I escort the lady to her bedroom?
Evie, this is Mr. Field, head butler here at New Carfax.
Yeah, we met.
I got it.
OLIVER: Have fun.
You're most welcome to venture anywhere within the estate.
Except the library. We're renovating.
[♪♪♪]
Are these all real?
I can assure you everything is authentic, ma'am.
The master is a great supporter of the arts.
Allow me to introduce you to your lady's maid,
Mrs. Swift.
[SCOFFS] I get a maid?
Of course. Hi, I'm Evie.
Welcome, miss.
Right this way.
[DOOR OPENS]
This is my room?
Is it to your liking, miss?
Uh...
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That is something.
SWIFT: A gift from the maids of honor.
There's more than one? Yes, it's a De Ville tradition.
The mirror broke last week,
but we've ordered a new one.
Isn't that seven years bad luck?
What's with the bars?
The shrikes are quite aggressive this time of year.
Shrikes?
Local carnivorous birds, miss.
They exhibit a peculiar strain of brutality.
They impale their prey on thorns.
Legend has it one plucked out a stable boy's eye
and stuck it on a fence spike.
Gave the maids quite a fright.
Holy shit.
Miss? Yeah?
This is the service bell.
Just pull it if you need assistance.
[BELL RINGS]
Yes, like that.
Please, don't.
Sorry.
Who's that?
A former lady of the house.
Well, she looks thrilled to be here.
[SCOFFS]
She was a woman of great depth.
She passed away recently.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
I know the pain of losing someone
never really quite leaves you.
Is there anything else you'll be needing, miss?
No.
I promise, I'll be your easiest customer yet.
Thank you, miss.
[♪♪♪]
GRACE [OVER PHONE]: Is that a four-poster bed?
G, this place is insane.
They got drawing rooms and service bells.
All right. Well, don't get lured in.
Next thing you know, you'll be posing for nude portraits.
Oh. And I made a total ass of myself
with the "lord of the manor."
Did you overdo it on the bubbly again?
Maybe. But in my defense,
his butler was being an entitled douchebag,
and then the lord swooped in and saved the day.
Did I mention he's hot?
Wait. The butler or the lord?
The lord, Walt.
And you'd think he'd be like 100 years old,
but he's our age.
Hold up.
[KNOCKING]
Hang on a sec.
Oh.
Hi. Hi, Walt.
Sorry to bother you so late.
I saw the light on under your door.
What's up?
I just wanted to apologize again.
Our butler, he's a bit old-fashioned.
I hope you weren't offended.
Um...
I was, actually.
Oh. Um...
I am sorry.
I'm sorry. I'll... I'll talk to him.
Is there any chance we can erase the memory and start over?
I don't know if that's possible,
but you could maybe make a better second impression.
Right, okay.
And how am I doing with that?
Solid seven and a half.
Maybe-maybe an eight.
Okay, well, that's a start at least.
I trust your accommodation meets your high standards?
I mean, I can live with this.
Yeah? Yeah.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Thank you for tolerating it.
Thank you for apologizing.
I am gonna let you get some rest.
I'm glad that you decided to make the trip over.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.
Me too.
Good night, Evie.
Night, Walt.
GRACE: Mmm! Shh.
I do believe our Miss Evelyn
is gonna get some destination-wedding D.
Stop, all right? He is just being a good host.
Are you seriously gonna deny that accent?
What happened to "don't trust anyone"?
Anyone with goatees. He's a lord.
And you and I both know
it's been a minute since you had some.
Okay, I'm gonna go for a jog.
You better snog him.
[♪♪♪]
[CREAKING, DOOR CLOSES]
[♪♪♪]
[WAILING]
...ends here.
It all ends here.
With me.
[GASPS, PANTING]
[WIND WHISTLING]
VOICE [WHISPERING]: Evie.
[SIGHS]
[TICKING LOUDLY]
[♪♪♪]
We must wait here for your assignment, ladies.
Should be any moment now.
[GASPS] Jesus, you scared me.
Miss, you should return to your room.
It's not safe in the dark.
I just wanted some water.
[BELL RINGS]
[BELL RINGS AGAIN]
Two.
You're to clean the library.
The rest of you return to your quarters.
Yes, sir.
What are they doing down there?
Final cleaning rounds, miss.
Please, go back to bed.
I'll make you a chamomile tea to help with the jet lag.
Come on now.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY OVER HEADPHONES]
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ Never take it easy On the PDA ♪
♪ I don't miss you At least not that way ♪
♪ But someone better Want me like that someday ♪
[CREAKING]
[WHOOSHING]
♪ I had my hesitation ♪
♪ You're breaking all the rules Down Electric Avenue ♪
♪ Oh-oh ♪
♪ I never seem to... ♪
[CREAKING]
Hello?
[♪♪♪]
[MORRIE MORRISON ORCHESTRA'S "JUST LIKE A DREAM" PLAYING]
♪ Just like a dream ♪
♪ To me, dear, you seem ♪
♪ Like a dream Of so long, long ago-- ♪
[RECORD SKIPPING] ♪ Long ago-- Long ago-- ♪
♪ Long ago-- Long ago-- Long ago-- ♪
[CHITTERS]
[SCREAMS]
♪ Long ago-- Long ago-- ♪
♪ Long ago-- Long a-- ♪
[♪♪♪]
[KNOCKING]
SWIFT: Excuse me, miss.
I believe your family reunion is starting.
Oh, shit.
[GROANS]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR CLOSES]
There she is.
Hi. I'm so sorry. I overslept.
"Party late, sleep late," I say.
I'm your Uncle Julius.
And, you know, we're all so delighted that you're here.
I'm delighted too.
[GLASS CLANGING]
A toast.
Great-Uncle Alfred, patriarch.
Just wanted to take this moment
to welcome Evelyn to the family.
I was overjoyed when Oliver told me of your existence.
What a gift!
We are so blessed.
It truly means more to me...
to us...
than you can ever know.
So many boys...
[CROWD CHUCKLES]
...we thought we were done for.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, uh--
My turn? Um...
Um...
All right, first I'd like to thank Oliver.
You sure know how to spoil a girl.
And I'd like to thank all of you...
for welcoming me with open arms.
It was always just my mom, my dad and me.
Now, um...
to learn I have this whole new family...
Well, it's, um...
It's like a dream, so...
To Evie. To Evie.
GUESTS: To Evie.
Oh, thanks.
It's Dee, right?
A certain Mr. De Ville
was inquiring about your whereabouts.
Really?
He seems to be quite charmed by you. Mm.
I mean, can you blame him? Absolutely not.
So, Walt, um...
Mr. De Ville. Uh--
We're not related, right?
Not in the slightest.
Yeah, okay. I was, you know, just...
making sure.
[HUMMING SOFTLY]
You.
Follow me.
The master of the house has requested the 1897 Vino Cruor.
You need both of us to go get it?
You have a propensity to break things.
What's his problem?
Let's just find it and get out of here.
Okay.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[♪♪♪]
[CHITTERING]
[GASPS]
Shit.
Here. Thanks.
[GASPS] [LAUGHS]
Your face.
Stop messing about.
[♪♪♪]
I said, quit...
Over here!
It's stuck at the back.
Hey.
Dee, what's wrong?
Dee.
Behind you.
Dee.
[GASPING, WHIMPERING]
[BONES SNAP]
[SCREAMS]
[CHITTERING]
[SCREAMS] [SNARLS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
So how's the fam?
Very white.
Oh, so you fit right in?
Ha, ha. [LAUGHING]
Actually, they were really sweet.
Great-Uncle Alfred even shed a tear.
That is so cute.
I love when old men cry.
Did you flirt with the lord of the manor today?
Not yet. But he gave me this dress to wear tonight.
Wow! Evie, that's quite the gesture.
I know. I wonder what he expects in return.
You know what they say.
"When a man buys you a dress..."
What do they say?
Oh! What happened? Are you okay?
Evie? Hello?
Yeah, I-I'm fine. Uh...
It was just a shrike.
What the fuck is a shrike?
Evie.
[♪♪♪]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
FIELD: Announcing...
Miss Evelyn Alexander.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
I was not expecting that.
You look divine.
Own it. You're an Alexander now, remember?
That seems to be official, huh?
Would you like some champagne? Thank you.
Beef carpaccio, miss?
Oh, God, no. Thank you though.
OLIVER: That dress is gorgeous. EVIE: Thank you. It was a gift.
Announcing... Cheers.
...the maids of honor:
Viktoria Klopstock
and Lucy Billington.
[CHUCKLES]
Wow. They're popular.
We finally meet.
You must be Evie.
Yeah, hi.
You're American.
I was expecting something else.
Well, this is what you get.
What were your names again?
I'm Lucy, and this is...
Viktoria.
We just wanted to extend a warm welcome.
So thrilled to have you join us.
Stop trying so hard.
Thank you, Lucy.
I'm equally thrilled to be here.
You're very pretty.
Thank you.
So are you.
Oliver has told us so much about you.
Don't believe a word. He has a penchant for flattery.
So how do you know Cecile?
The bride.
Oh. Heh. Uh--
Cece, we have known her for years.
All of our families have served the De Villes for generations.
My family, the Billingtons, handle their legal affairs.
The Klopstocks manage their finances.
And as I'm sure you know,
the Alexanders find them these incredible homes.
Your life in New York, it sounds terribly humdrum.
How fortunate that your cousin plucked you out of thin air
and brought you here to us.
I'm gonna get a refill.
It was nice to meet you, Lucy.
[GIGGLES]
Champagne, please.
I've always wanted to visit New York.
I'll take the rouge privé.
It's only a hop over the pond.
Yes, I don't travel much, I'm afraid.
Well, you should. I'll show you around.
You would? Of course.
[SOFTLY] I'll take you to the secret spots.
I-I would love that.
That would be unbelievable.
Thank you, in advance.
You're welcome, in advance.
The Lord of New Carfax Abbey,
Walter De Ville.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Wait. What are you doing?
It's customary that I have the first dance.
I don't know any dances.
It's fine. Just follow my lead.
[SIGHING] Oh, my God.
Get out of your head.
Ready?
No. Two, three, one, two, three...
Oh, no. Ahem.
Are you enjoying yourself?
I am.
But I can't shake the feeling that everyone is staring at me.
Can you blame them?
Don't gloat.
You must admit, she has a certain je ne sais quoi.
Yes, her accent gets right into the inner ear canal.
You even make jealousy look radiant, Viktoria.
I suppose congratulations are in order.
A female Alexander.
And here I thought you were all dried up.
Do you want to get out of here?
Don't you have to host your party?
Yeah.
There's too many sycophants.
I prefer real conversation.
Got it. There you are.
Thank you.
So do you ever get bored here?
Yeah, more often than you'd think.
Ugh. I just don't see how that's physically possible.
Well, even a life of indulgence has its drawbacks.
Are there wolves in England?
Americans. Wolves?
We've not had wolves in over 400 years.
EVIE: Knowledge or nudity? Mm. What's it gonna be, Eve?
This is 17th century?
Well done. 1632.
It's beautiful. Hm.
And what's that building?
The icehouse. From a bygone era.
Before refrigeration.
But I have something better to show you.
[SIGHS]
Is this yours?
Mm-hm.
But sadly, not all of us have talent.
Want to give it a spin?
In this dress?
It's fine. I'll just buy you a new one.
[WINCES]
Sorry, I know how that sounded.
It's okay, I get it.
You're Rockefeller rich or whatever.
It's fine.
So, what drew you to pottery?
Ceramics.
Apologies. Ceramics.
My mom. It was one of her hobbies.
When I was a kid, she taught me how to make bowls and mugs,
goofy clay sculptures.
It must have moved her to know you grew up to be an artist.
I'd use the term "artist" loosely.
But, yeah, I think it did.
Now that she's gone,
it keeps me close to her.
What about your parents?
Uh, they are-- They're no longer with us.
It was a...
It was a long, long time ago.
Look at us.
Couple of orphans.
Dickens would have a field day.
I'm not the type that he writes about.
Oh, why's that?
I have zero redeeming qualities.
Stop playing a type.
What type? What type is that?
A mysterious, self-deprecating,
"Oh, I can't help it, I have so much money" bad guy.
It's a front. I can tell.
Yeah? How can you tell?
Well, for one, you didn't blow your whole inheritance on blow.
Quite the achievement. Yeah, you'd be surprised.
And you went out of your way to apologize to me.
That's redeeming.
I did that 'cause I'm trying to impress you.
Anyway, are you showing me all this just to torture me, or...?
Ah, yes. No, what do you mean?
I just-- I can't imagine what it's like
to wake up and have all this
at your fingertips every single day.
Well, maybe you should imagine it.
When are you going to stop saying things like that?
When are you going to kiss me?
What makes you think I wanna kiss you?
[FIREWORKS WHISTLING, POPPING]
Well, now it's cliché.
Mm. [CHUCKLES]
Would you like me to turn them off?
[♪♪♪]
[CHIMES]
WALT: Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Did your girl turn into a pumpkin?
She's recovering from jet lag.
Looked like you were enjoying yourself.
She's quite refreshing.
All sparkly and new?
Play nice.
Always.
I mean it.
[GASPS]
[VOICE WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
Evie.
[♪♪♪]
[CREAKING]
[SCREAMS]
Hey, it's me. It's me, okay?
There's something in here.
What? There.
Where?
There's nothing here.
No, but...
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
It's fine, you're safe.
Look at me. Hey, you're safe.
Yeah. Come here.
[GLASS RATTLING]
You don't have to do that. I made the mess.
It's my job, miss.
Can't have your room in this state.
Oh, damn it. Sorry.
Never mind that.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
Thank you, Mrs. Swift.
Thank you. I'll see it from here.
Yes, sir.
[DOOR CLOSES]
How are you feeling?
Like a fool. Don't.
Okay? It's a new environment. It takes time to adjust.
If you like, I could stay with you till you fall asleep.
I... Yeah, that would be nice.
Thank you. Yeah.
Do you have a preference?
For what?
Side of the bed. I've kind of been sprawling.
[CHUCKLING] Oh. Just everywhere.
Yeah, no.
I mean, whatever works.
Okay. Um...
Let's... Okay.
Talk to me.
It'll help me fall asleep.
There is actually something I am curious about.
But I don't quite know how to ask it.
Oh?
Yeah, it's a little forward.
Well, you are lying in my bed, so...
[CHUCKLES]
I'm wondering, what is it that you want with your life?
Oh, wow.
We're going there. Oh, yeah.
I never mastered small talk.
I've noticed.
Okay, so I'm tempted to say I wanna be a working artist.
Say something important. And all that.
But truthfully, I've been treading water.
Barely scraping by.
I wanna live life fully.
You know? Throw caution to the wind.
That's what I really want.
Great answer.
And what about you?
What do you want for your life?
I think about this quite a lot.
I can tell.
I have a great life, and I know that.
But you know what?
Having all the money in the world, it means nothing.
You know that's something only rich people say, right?
I know.
[SIGHS] I just...
I just want to share all this. Someone to enjoy it with.
I'm tired of the facade
and constantly keeping up appearances.
Yes, it's a grand life, but...
it's isolating.
I want someone to see me for who I truly am.
Doesn't try and change me into an idea or into a concept.
Or an itch that they need to scratch.
Someone that accepts me.
[KNOCKING]
Hello, sleepy head.
What time is it?
It is time for our spa day.
We've arranged a day of pampering
for ladies of the bridal party.
We heard you had quite the evening. [PHONE CLICKS]
Oh, yes. Don't worry about that.
Took me a while to get used [PHONE CHIMES]
to this rickety, old place myself.
You can leave that thing here.
There's no service where we're going.
Come on.
All right.
Spa day.
This is Evie.
Sit, relax.
Hello.
So I'm excited to finally meet the bride and groom tonight.
Oh, yes, they really are the perfect match.
Would you like to get married one day?
Oh, God. I don't know.
Uh, I feel so young.
But what if you met the right person?
Age is but a number.
Mm, maybe one day. But I like my independence.
I see.
Do you have any siblings?
No, one was enough for my parents.
And they probably would've
requested a refund if they could.
No, I very much doubt that.
It was a joke.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Right, of course.
Well, I have older brothers, but, um...
always wanted a sister.
Do leave the poor girl alone, Lucy.
You're like a little Pomeranian.
Yap, yap.
I always wanted a sister too.
You and Walter seem to be getting close, Evie.
We're just getting to know one another.
You don't have to play coy with me, honey.
I am curious though.
What has he told you about us?
Nothing much.
But I'm sure he will tell me
if there is something worth telling.
I'm sure he'll fill you in at the right time.
How well can you know someone
if you don't know their past?
I think you should take people as they are,
you know? People change.
No point digging up skeletons.
[LAUGHING] I call bullshit.
Nobody has that much virtue.
Given the opportunity, we'd all snoop.
Read their diaries, texts, e-mails.
Can't help it. It's in our nature.
I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.
So you're not even a teeny bit curious
what he gets up to behind those locked doors?
What is your problem?
Ow!
[GASPS] I'm sorry, miss.
I'm so sorry. No, it's okay, honestly.
Oh, Evie, you're bleeding.
I'm fine. It's nothing. VIKTORIA: You poor thing.
Let me see.
What the fuck? [GIGGLES]
Oh, my God.
Evie, I'll come with you. It's okay. I'll see you later.
Just teasing you, baby doll. Lighten up.
You'll learn to love me. Promise.
[♪♪♪]
[SHATTERS]
Shit.
[KNOCKING]
Evie?
You okay?
I'm leaving.
Why? Did Viktoria say something?
I do not care about Viktoria. Hey, hey.
Okay, look, I can explain this.
What, that you were stalking me?
Mm, that's a bit of a stretch.
You have a file on your desk with my name on it.
If you let me explain-- I knew this was
too good to be true. Here's the evidence.
Evidence of what? You said
you wanted to get to know me,
but it's all here in black and white.
My mom's name, where I grew up, my school. You knew everything.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
Do you vet everyone who comes here,
or is that reserved for people like me?
That's nothing to do with it.
Smart thinking, getting my criminal record checked.
By the way, I had my tonsils removed when I was 13 years old.
Might wanna add that to your little dossier.
You're being obstinate. You're being arrogant.
You don't know what it's like to have people use you
and take advantage of you all the time.
Really? I don't know what that's like?
[SCOFFS] I wanted to know a few things about you
before I let you sleep under my roof.
Would you not have done the same?
When Oliver asked if he could invite his long-lost cousin
to the wedding,
I asked if he could send some information over on you
to make sure that you weren't an opportunist.
[SCOFFS] It wouldn't be the first time.
I despise technology, and he knows that,
so he printed out a few pages for me.
That is the extent of it.
I do want to get to know you.
The real you, not some bullet points on a piece of paper.
And, yes, I would be lying
if I said I wasn't intrigued by what I saw.
I am guilty of that.
You should've just asked me.
I know, and I'm sorry.
And I made a mistake.
It's just, I'm not...
I'm not used to this.
And I wasn't expecting you to be you.
I didn't expect you either.
Did we just have our first fight?
Don't be charming.
Do you think you're the only one scared of getting hurt?
Please, nothing frightens you. Oh, yeah?
When I saw you packing your things, that scared me.
Please, don't run away.
Okay.
No more secrets.
[♪♪♪]
We should get ready for the rehearsal dinner.
[GROANS]
It's that time already?
Mm-hm. I'm afraid so.
Well, I can't wait to see the wedding of the century.
We should make it a double wedding.
[LAUGHING]
Very funny. Why not?
Why not have a shotgun wedding?
Yeah. Oh, God.
I mean, our families are here.
All the arrangements have been made.
You are high on sex.
We should live in the moment. Throw caution to the wind.
Okay, fine. I accept.
I have left you a dress in the wardrobe,
in case you need something to wear.
Ugh. More gifts?
Mm-hm.
Walt.
You know I was joking, right?
[LAUGHS]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[DOOR OPENS]
Ah, there she is!
[DOOR CLOSES]
WALT: Darling, please, sit down.
The festivities are about to start.
Okay.
Someone surely does look the part.
WALT: My dear friends.
My comrades.
I would like to formally welcome
the three great families to New Carfax.
The Billingtons of Whitby.
Klopstocks, Budapest.
And the Alexanders of London.
Let the feast begin. Hear, hear.
[GUESTS APPLAUDING]
You are a vision.
So that was intense.
You know the English and their traditions.
I'm so glad that we can finally be honest with each other.
Me too.
So where are the bride and groom?
Mm!
If you'll all indulge me for one more moment.
Our four families have served each other for generations.
But as you all know,
there has been someone missing from this table,
someone vital to our alliance.
And we've all felt the strain of this imbalance.
But tonight, that once-broken bond will be renewed,
refortified...
[♪♪♪]
...when Evelyn Alexander and I are wed.
MAN: Congratulations!
[GUESTS APPLAUDING]
What are you doing? Walt.
Refreshments, please. Walt, Walt.
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh, finally. I was getting obscenely bored.
[GASPS]
[SHUDDERING]
[♪♪♪]
[GASPING, GURGLING]
[FLIES BUZZING]
My lord.
For as long as I care to remember,
you lovely mortals have provided me
with the gift of wives.
Three brides.
Three. The magic number.
And in return, you and your families enjoyed safety
and prosperity,
for generations.
We are at our strongest when there are three.
We can thrive when there are three.
When Emmaline, my Alexander bride,
chose to leave us, our union was compromised.
Emmaline, my Alexander bride.
In 1925, your great-grandmother, Emmaline...
Your great-grandmother... EVIE: Who's that?
[ECHOING] Former lady of the house.
She passed away recently.
WALT: Tonight, we celebrate our eternal bond,
the pact that your ancestors made many, many moons ago.
Charge your glasses.
To Evie.
My new bride. GUESTS: To Evie.
You have brought new life...
to these four walls.
Maybe even enough to make this old heart beat again.
[GUESTS CHUCKLE]
May the bridemaidens rejoice.
GUESTS: The bridemaidens rejoice.
I believe congratulations are in order, dear cousin.
I have to go.
I have to...
Please, let me go.
I'm begging you, please.
Evie.
My love, whatever is the matter?
Hm?
I want to go home.
But this is your home.
We are your family.
Evie, I thought we agreed that we were done with this charade.
Hm?
Secrets.
We are now free to be our true selves.
No?
Why are you all just sitting there?
Do something. Help me.
You're all monsters. All of you! Miss.
You're sick!
[WALT CHUCKLES]
Don't take her words to heart.
You know how difficult brides can be.
Help!
Help me.
You're embarrassing me.
Hey.
Hey, shh. Hey, hey. Hey, it's me.
No.
Get her prepared. Tonight is yours.
Tomorrow is mine.
Welcome our new bride to the family.
Eat. Come on, eat.
[♪♪♪]
Welcome to your bachelorette party, Evie.
Hey, no, no, no.
Don't cry.
We'll soon be just like sisters.
Three perfect little dolls for the master.
Please, let me go. VIKTORIA: Enough already.
Even your great-grandmother wasn't this difficult.
Till she refused to feed on the help.
Truly selfish act.
She put us all in jeopardy.
LUCY: Emmaline was lovely.
And we were such great friends. She just...
Well, she became confused.
But you...
You won't let us down like she did, will you, Evie?
That thing...
in my room, that was you?
Apologies. I was in a playful mood.
[CHUCKLES]
EVIE: Why?
Why are you doing this to me?
For your blood, of course.
Our bloodlines are rare.
They're special.
And the combination of them
makes the four of us all-powerful.
Immune to the effects of time.
Look, we were both once in the exact
same position as you are, Evie.
Though choices were limited for women back then.
Viktoria has been with him for 500 years.
Me, only a hundred.
At the ceremony, you'll be bound to the master.
And to us.
But to make the bond permanent,
you must first consume his blood.
When you drink, you will absorb his power.
You will gain the strength of a hundred men.
But only after the master drinks your blood
will we all be granted eternal life.
You'll enjoy your powers for as long as he lives.
[SCREAMS]
VIKTORIA: No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, don't! Don't.
You like this one?
Dee.
Clean this one up. Hold it for the ceremony.
The new mistress has taken a shine to it.
[CHUCKLES]
Look, Evie.
Your new home.
Please, don't put me in there.
No, no, no. Don't worry.
You can still be outside during the day.
There are so many misconceptions about our kind.
[YELLS]
Please.
Say good night.
No. No! No, stop!
Help!
[HAMMERING]
No, no.
No! Stop!
No, don't leave me in here.
No!
No, help.
Help!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SCRAPING]
Shit.
[CREAKING]
Quickly now.
You have to be quiet.
Wait.
Diya. You'll have to send help.
Why are you helping me?
Your great-grandmother was a dear friend.
She held out as long as she could,
for everyone's sake.
But in the end, being married to a monster
was too much to bear.
[MAN SHOUTS IN DISTANCE]
Move quickly.
If you see one, a stake,
beheading or fire are the only ways to kill them.
Don't stop running till you're on a plane out of England.
What'll happen to you?
I'll get what I deserve.
Go, go, go.
[♪♪♪]
[BELLS JANGLING]
[MEN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE]
MAN: Let's go! Lock those doors!
Move, move!
You men, over there! Right.
[GASPS]
[KNOB RATTLES]
FIELD: Scour the grounds.
She won't get far. Sir.
[SOBS]
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
[YELLS]
We will hunt you down!
[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]
[SIGHS]
Help me. Help me, please.
I'm sorry, we don't have any money.
Please.
They're coming for me, please. De Ville.
Jonathan, there's a girl out here.
[DOOR OPENS]
[KETTLE WHISTLING] [ROTARY PHONE DIALING]
Here, dear.
You're shaking.
Chamomile. Soothes the soul.
JOHNATHAN: Yes, hello.
Mr. Harker here.
Yeah, there's a young lady here
who seems quite distressed.
Yes.
I can't quite hear them, dear. Could you try?
Hello, this is Mina Harker.
Yeah, well, the girl says she, well, escaped from New Carfax.
Well, I know. It's terribly alarming, yeah.
Oh, yes, I know.
I've just made her a cup of tea.
[♪♪♪]
Have a sip, my dear.
It's good for the nerves.
Yes, of course.
Oh, it's our honor, really.
They're on their way.
You really should drink your tea.
[WHIMPERS]
Don't fuck this up for all of us, my dear.
[♪♪♪]
[GROANS]
It was a gallant attempt. I'll give you that.
[CHUCKLES]
I trust you have it out of your system now.
Who are you?
Mm...
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
In the old country, they called my kind strigoi or nosferatu.
And in Wallachia, they called me Son of the Dragon.
A sobriquet I rather enjoy.
Are you telling me you're...?
Evie, Evie, Evie. Think about what you're gaining here.
Wealth, power.
Great strength, life eternal.
No more sickness, like your mother had.
No struggle. No longer confined
by the frailty of human existence.
A life of privilege.
A sense of belonging.
And a family entirely dedicated to you.
Isn't that why you came here?
Isn't that what you want?
Hmm?
For someone of your...
mm...
background,
surely this is more than a leg up.
[SPITS]
It would make your life so much easier...
if you came willingly.
Regardless, you have no say in the matter.
You already agreed to my proposal.
You tricked me.
Fortunately for me, the fine print's irrelevant.
[WHIMPERING]
Excuse me.
[SHUSHING]
[GASPS]
Mmm!
The fibula is so underrated, in my opinion.
[♪♪♪]
Stop smiling.
[♪♪♪]
I'm so glad you've come to your senses, my love.
OFFICIANT: We are gathered here this evening
to sanctify the union between our benevolent master
and his new bride from the Alexander bloodline.
Long may they flourish.
GUESTS: May the bridemaidens rejoice.
OFFICIANT: Master.
Do you take this woman to be your bride?
I do.
And do you, Evelyn Alexander,
take the master to love, honor,
serve, and obey, for all the days of your eternal life?
[♪♪♪]
EMMALINE: It all ends here.
With me.
MOM: Just know that when things are hard,
you're stronger than you think you are.
LUCY: You will absorb his power.
...absorb his power.
Yes.
OFFICIANT: May you now exchange blood.
[MOANS]
Slow down, dear.
There's plenty more to come.
I want her next.
[MAN SCREAMING]
No!
No.
No, no, no.
Evie, please, Evie...
[SNARLS]
No.
[GROWLS]
You think you can change thousands of years,
just like that?
I killed him. It's over.
You silly girl.
It was just a flesh wound.
If he were dead,
I wouldn't be able to do this.
No. Diya, go get help.
You're pathetic.
You're not one of us.
You're a halfling.
That all you got?
[CHUCKLES] [HISSES]
You're nothing.
[CRIES OUT]
What do you think you're doing?
It's enough, Viktoria. Please.
You get back in line.
No.
No?
No.
You don't tell me what to do anymore.
[SQUELCHES]
[GASPS]
[SHUSHES]
[YELLS]
I told Master that you were subpar
the moment he mentioned you.
That you were so beneath our standards.
I should have slit that baby's throat, your grandfather,
when I had the chance.
I am going to enjoy cutting your head off
and feeding it to the fucking wolves!
Asshole.
[♪♪♪]
[CHOKING]
I was doing you a favor.
Saving you from your miserable excuse for existence.
Giving you a family.
Status, privilege.
All the power in the world.
I would rather die than be a part of this.
You modern women are so ungrateful.
All those women.
You're a monster.
I am a god!
I hope you all burn.
[SCREAMS]
You...
[SCREAMING]
[♪♪♪]
OLIVER: Hey, it's me.
We've paid off the cops. It's bought us some time.
We have to destroy the evidence and get the fuck out of town.
Don't worry, she's mortal.
She doesn't have any powers.
All right, all right. I'll get back to you.
Still the whitest man I've ever seen.
Mm-hm. I gotta say,
I'm loving this whole look on you.
Well, thank you. Mm-hm.
Out with the old, in with the new.
You know the plan?
Yep, we go in there and take him the F out.
Exactly. But let me take the lead.
Mm-hm.
Don't wanna be relegated to the sidekick?
Please, I have always been your sidekick.
All right, sis. Ready?
For you? Always.
[♪♪♪]
Wait, where did you get a bat?
It's ironic, right?
Bat, vampire.
Come on, E, that's good.
♪ Ay, Mr. Badman Gimme that crown ♪
♪ I'm the king and queen And I don't quit ♪
♪ Turn to fool if you comin' In that big whip ♪
♪ Got the cuties in the coupe And we do not slip ♪
♪ Believe me mi nuh big talk Without a reason ♪
♪ Ay, Mr. Badman Gimme that crown ♪
♪ And we be sittin' In the two seat ♪
♪ Got the lights Engine runnin' ♪
♪ Oh, baby, you like that? ♪
♪ Psycho girl That you're gunnin' ♪
♪ If I'm gonna do that I'mma do it like it's nothin' ♪
♪ I don't see no custom ♪
♪ Ay, Mr. Badman Gimme that crown ♪
♪ Bod gyal ah come see Dem all a drop, run run ♪
♪ Ay, Mr. Badman Gimme that crown ♪
♪ Bod gyal ah come see Dem all a drop, run run ♪
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
[♪♪♪]