.
[discordant piano chords]
- Whoo!
Let's pregame.
- Uh, no "whoo" for me.
I have no time.
- Everyone is so busy.
Ellis is getting ready
for the party,
Pradeep is setting up Halloween
for his kids...
- So I'm the last one
you called?
- Last and best.
Obviously.
- I have to finish work
and an episode
of "Selling Sunset"
before the party tonight.
I haven't even started thinking
about a costume.
What's the theme again?
- Universal classic monsters.
- [groans]
Ellis!
Why do we have to do a big,
complicated Halloween
this year?
- Complicated?
It's classic costumes!
Plus, you and Garret
are the masters
of quarantine crafting.
- [laughs]
Not anymore.
It has been seven months,
and we are burnt out.
Do you know what we had
for dinner last night?
Stew.
Not a carbonnade a la flamande,
not a niçoise soup, stew.
I don't think we have
a fancy Halloween
in us this year.
- I mean...
do you have to watch an episode
of "Selling Sunset"?
- Uh, yeah, I do.
Garret and I
were watching together,
but then he asked if he
could watch one without me,
and I said,
"Yeah, sure, I'll catch up,"
but then I watched one
without him, and then--
- Michelle.
- I know!
We're stuck
in this catching up loop,
but that show
is like an illegal drug.
I know it's bad for me,
but I just can't stop.
I am so tired.
[doorbell rings]
- Who's that?
- Oh...that's the other reason
I'm drinking.
You know how my internet
is the worst?
- Annie, I told you
to get Verizon 5G.
It is what
we've been waiting for.
- No, I actually have
Verizon 5G, thank you,
but this is
for my home internet.
I asked them to fix it,
and they sent a person.
This is the first human
to step into my apartment
in months.
I mean, what if they're not
wearing a mask?
What if their mask
is down here?
[whispering]
Oh...I can hear them breathing.
- Hello? Anyone home?
- Ooh...
- Cable guy.
Permission to breach?
- Yes, please.
- Yes.
[curious music]
- Are you drinking
hand sanitizer?
- Oh, no, I distilled it
back to mead.
- But you're using
the same bottles?
- Yeah, 'cause I'm not
a monster, Ben.
Save the Earth.
- Whatever.
I'm calling about Annie.
- Oh, so you finally believe
what I said
about her liking you?
- Honestly,
I don't even believe
that's not hand sanitizer.
But I gotta at least
shoot my shot,
and this party
is the perfect time to do it.
I'll just pull her aside--
- Problem.
It's a virtual party.
There is no "aside"
or "pulling."
- Solution. I asked Ellis
to use the breakout room,
and she was covered in cobwebs,
but I'm pretty sure
she said, "Yes."
She might've been
swearing in Yiddish.
Either way,
once I get Annie in there,
I'ma put on that
Boyz II Men voice and say...
[deep voice]
That I've been thinking
about her lately.
That I wanna know
how she's doing.
You know, maybe sliding
some compliments like,
"Hey, Rufus.
I been meaning to say
you look good in them glasses."
- Not to diminish the power
of your Michael McCary
impression,
because I did just
feel something,
but a virtual party?
Not a real party.
And Annie is not
the kind of shallow
micro-influencer you're used
to hitting on.
- This is not
what I need to hear!
I'm nervous! I need a plan!
I mean...
What if I waited too long
already?
Also,
Paz was a mid-range influencer.
- Have you considered
writing her a letter
about your feelings?
- Do I look like
Zora Neale Hurston?
- Every woman I have written
a love letter to
has kissed me at least once.
In fact, I'm writing a letter
to a woman right now.
22 pages.
Double-sided.
This is what romance
looks like, Ben.
- Yeah, there's definitely
some sanitizer left
in that bottle.
- I am starting to taste it,
yeah.
[lively piano music]
♪ ♪
- Zach! Hi!
- What?
When you told me
that you were decorating,
I thought, like,
maybe one jack-o-lantern,
but this looks like
Marilyn Manson's laundry room.
- Excuse me, in this house,
we are feminists,
and we make Jill-o-lanterns.
Oh, wait.
Check this out.
[ghoulish scream]
Meet Zom-Bea-Arthur.
- Okay, this all seems
like a lot of actual work
for a virtual party.
I do love the COVID bats,
though.
- I'm my friend group's
Halloween czar.
Every year, they come over,
we coordinate costumes,
play games, sing karaoke
when we drink too much,
and I will be
queen of the damned
if I let a little pandemic
mess with our tradition.
I even sent everyone
decorations
so we all look like
we're at the same party
for our group photo.
- Ooh, you're basically
a saint.
- Basically Mother Trans-resa.
What are you doing tonight?
- Uh, probably just watching
"Hocus Pocus"
while eating a whole bag
of gummi bears by myself
'cause I'm a grown man,
and I'm worth it.
- What? But you love
going out on Halloween.
- Yeah, going out,
where people aren't just
seeing me from the nips up.
I mean, I get that that's
how it's gotta be,
but I'm trans and I--
- Wait, you're trans?
- Surprise!
I care about my presentation.
And every day, I groom myself,
I put on my binder,
I feel good!
And then I pop into a work chat
with cis people in sweatpants
who basically rolled
out of bed,
looked in the mirror
and was like...
"This is fine."
- Oh, come on, not all
cis people are like that.
Mine have actually been
really supportive
during this tough time.
They get me.
And at least you're being seen.
I mean, think about how I feel.
I put on hair and makeup
to go deliver food
to people who cannot
and should not
even open the door.
But tonight is different.
It's Halloween!
[exaggerated]
The most wonderful time
of the year!
[speaking normally]
And, like, the one time
since March
that literally everyone
has a reason to dress up.
Tonight, no one
is calling it in.
Well, actually,
everyone's calling it in,
but you know what I'm saying.
I have been waiting
for this night
for a year! And nothing!
Not even Zom-Bea-Arthur
is gonna keep me
from living my nips-up
vampire fantasy!
[dramatic piano chords]
- Pradeep.
- Annie!
[voices chattering]
I told you, I can't drink.
I'm too busy decorating
for home quaran-treating
with the kids!
I need a drink right now.
Richie just asked me to prepare
different characters
for when I "answer the door."
I should have never married
a theater minor.
- Pradeep, it's the cable guy.
- What?
Was he not wearing a mask?
Was his nose uncovered?
- No, he was hot and funny,
and he asked me out
on a virtual date.
- Did you just call me to brag?
- No, I called you to panic!
I said, "Yes"!
And I blanked on Ellis'
Halloween party tonight!
Because cute boy
wear mask good.
- Well, why don't you
just "Doubtfire" it?
Yeah, uh, pull up the date chat
and the party chat
on the same computer
and go between 'em.
It's easy.
You know, the software is built
for switching
from meeting to meeting.
- Oh, my God, you're right.
Wow...
this is, like, an actual
benefit of quarantine.
- Hey, and I will text you
with updates
so you don't miss
anything important.
- Amazing.
I need a second costume too.
"Phantom of the Opera."
Lot of mask, not a lot of sexy.
Man, "Doubtfire"-ing is hard.
- [laughs] Yeah.
He gets caught in the movie.
- Wait, he does?
Why am I doing this, then?
- Okay, bye!
I have to go make
my children's eyes magical!
.
[haunting piano chords]
- Hello?
- Yes!
Sing, my angel of group chat!
- [as Dracula]
I vant to suck your blood.
- Wrong character,
but I dig your enthusiasm.
- Good evening!
- Rufus, where's your costume?
- I'm in costume.
I'm modern-day Frankenstein.
- Then where
are your neck bolts?
- Okay,
Frankenstein was the doctor,
not the monster.
I even messed up my hair
a little bit
to make it look
more mad scientist-y.
I'm a lab right now!
- Hey, hey!
- Hi!
- What, no one's
wearing costumes?
Is everyone Rufus-ing?
- I thought Rufus-ing was when
your nose bleeds during sex.
- Okay.
- I'm the Invisible Man.
Just at the beginning
when he was visible.
- Yeah, and I haven't
shaved my legs in a while,
so I'm going as the Wolfman.
- Yeah, I'm growing out
my beard, so I'm--
I'm Wolfman too.
- Oh, my God.
From womb to tomb.
Must you always copy me?
- Hi.
- Oh, finally.
Someone in an actual costume.
- No.
This is just what happens
when two sugar-high children
find your toilet paper stash
and wanna turn daddy
into a mummy.
- Well, at least
toddlers understand
how Halloween works.
Look, no one's in costume.
Fine, whatever.
We're here
celebrating Halloween together,
and what better way
to commemorate that
than with our annual
group photo?
- Sorry, sorry,
before we do that,
I've been drinking
hard seltzer all day.
I gotta hit the coffin.
- You're the Phantom,
not Dracula,
and go, you got two minutes.
I'm timing you.
[computer chirps]
[lightning crashes]
Come on, that at least
deserved an "ooh."
all: Ooh...
[jaunty piano chords]
♪ ♪
- Hi! Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, hey, no, it's okay.
I only just started to think
you were standing me up.
- Oh, no, can you ever
forgive me?
- I don't know...
normally, I wouldn't,
but for a sexy cat...
- [chuckles]
I promise I'm not normally
late for things...
well, okay, I am,
but not important things.
- Is this important?
- Yes...is that weird?
- No, no, I--
I think it's important too.
So if it is,
we can just be weird together.
You look great.
- Thanks.
I know, sexy cat
is what every girl wears
when she forgets
to plan a costume
and remembers she has cat ears
in her closet,
but it's my truth.
- Well, not to blow
my own spot,
but Han Solo is literally
the male equivalent
of sexy cat, so...
- It is?
- Yeah.
It's simple,
you probably have it
in your closet, and come on,
everyone looks good
in a vest, right?
- I mean,
just because you do...
[phone chimes]
- Uh, Annie?
Annie, are you still there?
- Sorry, my internet
is being weird.
- Really? It was great
when I left.
- Yes, right.
That is what you came here
to fix.
It's actually--it's my laptop.
Let me reboot it
and I'll be right back.
♪ ♪
- Ben, Garret, focus.
Every year, he rises
from the pumpkin patch
he thinks is the most sincere.
- Al Roker.
- Ed Sheeran.
- The Great Pumpkin!
- Correct!
But that was way more
than two minutes.
- I had to reboot my computer.
- I thought you said you had
to go to the bathroom.
- Yeah, that's what I call it.
Hooray! Point for us.
Your turn.
- Where's Pradeep?
- "Visage ate
too many sour candies
"and puked all over
her Elsa wig.
I have to go
help Richie clean up."
Says he likes the rainbow tint
it gives the room, though.
- Garret, can you please
wake up your wife?
Are you watching something?!
- Hmm?
- Are you watching
"Selling Sunset"?
- I need to catch up!
- No, I need to catch up!
- Are you sure?
What episode are you on?
Have you gotten to Mary
and Romain's wedding yet?
- Mary and Romain
actually get married?
Son of a--
- How is that a spoiler?!
- They're such a weird couple!
I figured something
would go wrong.
- Uh, okay, guys. Uh, BRB.
[phone chimes]
- Um, one second.
- What is happening?!
- Well! That wig is ruined.
Also, I have a lot of questions
about the food dyes
we're putting
into our children's bodies.
[groans]
Too bad.
Richie spent forever
styling that thing.
- Oh, did he?
Did Richie spend forever
putting a look together
only to have it go to waste?
That is too bad.
[dramatic piano sting]
- Hey. What's up?
- Oh, uh, nothing.
I've just...
[in deep voice]
been thinking about you lately.
And wanted to see
how you're doing.
- Uh...I think my internet
is still messed up.
You sounded insane.
[clears throat]
Sorry. I was just saying...
I've been thinking
about you lately,
and I wanted to see
how you're doing.
- Oh. I'm doing good.
Thank you for asking.
- Your hair looks great,
by the way. I--
that pink really
brings out your...
brown eyes.
- Thanks. It's...
it's been pink a while.
- Yeah, well, it--
still looks good.
- I'm sorry we haven't
been talking much lately.
I feel like things
have been crazy.
- It's okay. You know, if you--
[phone chimes]
if you don't mind,
I would--I would--
love to talk more often.
- Definitely.
Reboot.
- What?
- Yes. Talking.
I love talking.
- Great!
[phone chimes]
- Sorry, I gotta go.
I'll see you back
at the party, okay?
- Great.
[in deep voice]
Guess I'll...
talk to you later, girl.
[speaking normally]
I do sound insane.
.
[haunting piano music]
- So I'm the only one who cares
about Halloween anymore
or what?
- No!
- This is fun.
- Come on, you guys.
You're acting like it's J.Lo's
Oscar nomination party in here.
Ben, where's Annie at?
- I honestly have no idea.
- Michelle, Garret, y'all okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, couldn't be better.
- All right,
I don't believe you,
but if we can all just stay
in one place long enough
for Annie to get back
so we can get that group photo,
that would be amazing.
All right, besties!
Time to get this party
back on track!
Who is drunk enough
for karaoke?
I know I am!
♪ Whaa... ♪
- "Paddington 2"?
- Well, you asked for hidden
gem movie recommendations!
People are sleeping
on "Paddington 2."
- Oh, no, I've seen it.
I mean, it's basically
a perfect film.
- Then why are you
making fun of me?
- Because it's
an incredibly uncool movie
to bring up on a first date.
- What, so you'd rather be
with a guy
who brings up "Audition"
or "Memories of Murder"
or whatever?
- No, I wanna be with a guy
that brings up
"Paddington 2," really.
[phone chimes]
Oh. Oh--oh!
I think I have something
at the door.
- Y-you think? But--
[phone chimes]
Please hold.
I just--I--I gotta put--
I gotta pop out real quick.
I'll just, uh--
I'll be--BRB. Yeah.
No. No, no, no.
Mute, not merge!
- Ah!
- Mute, not merge!
- Annie!
You're ruining my Garth-mena!
And why are you a sexy cat?
- Uh. hello?
- Mute, not merge!
- Who is this guy?
- Annie, what--what--
what's going on?
- Wait, you know him?
- Oh, n-n-no!
This must be one of those video
chat bombs I've heard about.
Interloper!
- Okay, I'm just--
I'm just gonna go.
- No, wait, Cameron, don't.
I can explain to all of you.
My friends are having a virtual
Halloween party tonight,
and when you asked me out,
I didn't want to say, "No,"
so I've been switching
back and forth.
- You've been...
what?!
- Yeah, I figured
something was up
when it took you 25 minutes
to reboot your computer.
- Yeah, I was trying
to switch back,
but I hit merge, not mute.
I'm sorry.
I'm a bad liar.
- No, that's--
that's a good quality.
- Guys, this is Cameron.
We're on a date tonight.
At least, we were.
- I'd say we still are.
- So things are going well?
- They're going interesting.
Uh, but yeah, I'm into it.
Into Annie.
I know it's a little quick
to say something like that,
but I always feel that
if you're into something,
you should go after it
right away.
- That's so sweet.
- So Cameron, tell us
about yourself.
- Age and blood type. Go.
- Sorry, they're a lot.
- Uh, my name is Cameron.
Uh...my day job is cable guy,
but I also host
a Clippers basketball podcast.
- Really? What's it called?
- "Slam Dunk with Cam Funk."
- Never heard of it.
- What--Ben--
what are you talking about?
He's Cam Funk!
We love your podcast!
- Not ringing a bell.
- I bought you a Cam Funk
t-shirt for Christmas!
You said you wished
it was a pillowcase!
- Well, it is
if you put a pillow in it.
- Oh, you're that Cam Funk.
Hey, you know how you said
the Clippers lost
in the playoffs
because Kawhi and Paul George
did have enough time to gel?
- Yeah, I--I think the pandemic
just messed up their chemistry.
- I agree, Cam Funk!
I think they could've been
a great couple
who found lasting success
if an outside force
hadn't came along
and Cam Funk'd everything up!
- Enough!
I have had enough!
Is this party
ever gonna happen?
Because it seems like
every time it starts,
something interrupts it.
A fight or a secret date
or a child's sugar OD.
Have all of you lost
the Halloween spirit?
There's no costumes,
no participation,
and I was gonna let this go,
but how did not one of you
put up the decorations I sent?!
I mean, I literally bought
and mailed them to you!
And I know everyone's busy
and stressed right now--
I'm busy and stressed
right now--
but gourd-damn it,
would it kill you
to put in a little effort?!
- I thought you said
what was important
was being together.
- Yeah! Together.
Not checked out.
Not hopping in and out
of the group chat
like Scooby-Doo
in a hallway of doors!
No, no, no, no.
I can't even get you
all together
in one place
for a simple group photo,
which is now
a moot point anyway
because Annie is a sexy cat,
and she brought along
some rando
who looks like Ethan Hawke
at the end of "Daybreakers"!
- I'm Han Solo, actually.
Sorry, I can leave.
- No, Cam Funk.
This is not your funky fault.
I love your podcast.
I've never been so hurt
and starstruck
at the same time,
which is honestly
very confusing for me,
but as for the rest of you!
I must have found
Halloween's old tweets,
because this party
is cancelled!
Ugh!
[computer chimes]
[lightning crashes]
[Zom-Bea-Arthur screams]
I can't right now, Bea.
.
[light piano music]
- Morning. Anyone else
feel terrible about last night?
- Yep.
- Uh, ya think?
- I feel like a jerk.
- Real bad. Real bad, yeah.
- I think Ellis is mad.
I texted her earlier;
she left me on "sent."
- She's not talking to me,
either.
I know how much this party
meant to her,
which should have made it
mean more to us.
- Well, what do we do?
You know,
she's always there for us,
and last night, we were
literally not there for her.
[computer chirps]
all: Hey!
[overlapping chatter]
- Hey, gorgeous!
- You look great!
- You wear a hangover well.
- Oh, shut up.
I know I look good.
That's not the point.
I'm trying to show you guys
what I look like
when I put as much effort
into my appearance
as you all did last night
so you can see how much effort
I actually put in all the time.
I know you guys aren't trans.
I know you don't think
about what you look like
the same way I do,
but if I could do hair
and makeup every day
to go on a video call
or deliver food,
the least you could do
is throw on a mask
or some face paint
for our Halloween party.
- Ellis, you don't have to do
all that stuff for us.
You are beautiful
no matter what!
- Michelle, that is very nice,
and very cis,
but I am not doing this
for you.
I know I look good
without a wig and mascara.
I've been rocking this look
at protests all summer long.
But those are the things
that actually
make me feel like myself.
I mean, that's the reason
why Halloween
was always my favorite holiday
growing up.
It's, like,
one of the few nights
every year
that Janice's boyfriend
could get away from his wife,
and she'd be so happy
she didn't even notice
what I was wearing.
I could be Jessica Rabbit
or Xena the Warrior Princess
or hell, Mrs. Potato Head,
whatever woman I wanted to be.
And now that I actually am
the woman I wanna be,
Halloween is special
for a different reason.
'Cause it's a night
I get to spend
with my chosen family.
Maybe it was just a party
to you guys,
but this year,
I really needed it.
It's November already!
Quarantine was supposed
to be two weeks!
I am tired of putting my life
on hold.
I just wanted one good memory
from this year.
One Halloween group photo
I could put up with the others
to remind myself
that we didn't just let 2020
slip through our fingers.
I lost 26 years of my life
being in the closet.
I'm not gonna lose another one.
- Ellis, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have "Doubtfired"
your party.
- Annie, it's 2020.
We call it "Hannah Montana"-ing
now.
- Ah! That's my bad.
I keep forgetting.
- I think we're all sorry,
Ellis,
and I'm sorry to you too,
Michelle.
I never should have watched
"Selling Sunset" without you.
- No, I shouldn't have watched
"Selling Sunset" without you.
- Can we just
keep this about me? Please?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Yes, 100%.
- Ellis, how can we make it up
to you?
- Do you want to do
virtual Friendsgiving?
- What about the eight
virtual nights of Hanukkah?
- Yes and yes!
But I am not planning either
of those two things,
you ingrates!
I will, however, plan our
next year's Halloween costumes.
Do you think BTS
will still be popular?
Or actually, more importantly,
you think we'll still be alive?
- Yes and yes!
- Well, remains to be seen.
- Maybe.
- You know I'll be alive.
- Not if you catch COVID.
[laughter]
[uplifting music]
- Okay, Rufus.
Or should I say,
"Dr. Frankenstein"?
- No, no, no, I'm Rufus now.
- Oh, really? I couldn't
tell the difference.
- That's exactly the point.
That's what "Frankenstein's"
all about.
Who's the monster?
Is it the reanimated man?
Or the doctor who made him?
- Are you calling for a reason?
Or are you just Rufus-ing?
- Now, that is how you use
Rufus-ing properly.
Thank you.
Uh, no, I--I've just been
thinking about you lately,
and wanted to see
how you're doing.
- I'm fine.
Managed to get some space
from my complete
and utter disappointment,
and as much as my feelings
were hurt,
I know you guys didn't mean
to do it.
- We really didn't.
And in my defense,
I never dress up.
I--
- No, I get it.
I went out and did
my deliveries like this today,
and it is so freeing
to not care at all
what you look like.
- Okay, well, I do--I do--
I care a little
about what I look like.
- Well, I care a lot.
I just miss living in a world
where that actually matters.
- Okay, I'm not doing
what Michelle did earlier
and saying that you look good
no matter what,
but I am thinking it
against my will.
- Well.
Thank you.
You've done your cisgender
good deed for the day.
- Actually, now I have done
my cisgender good deed
for the day.
- Wha--oh, my God! Rufus!
It looks just like
the Kardashian/Jenner
holiday photo!
I love it!
- I just thought
it would be a tragedy
not to have
photographic evidence
of how incredible
and incredibly film-accurate
you looked in your
"Dracula's Daughter" costume.
- Thank you!
- I mean, wow!
- Can you believe you are
the first person
to actually compliment me
on my costume?
- I cannot.
You looked amazing.
- I worked so hard on it. Ugh!
- Well, I know it's a day late,
but...
Happy Halloween, Ellis.
[sentimental music]
- Happy Halloween, Rufus.
♪ ♪