1
00:00:17,005 --> 00:00:22,005
<font color="#ffff00">Provided by explosiveskull</font>
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

2
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Then we went swimming

3
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:50,041
and Zack showed us how to
jump off the diving board.

4
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And, and, and
he did a really big jump,

5
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:53,574
like so big.

6
00:01:53,616 --> 00:01:55,740
Then he got
water everywhere.

7
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,308
Girls, it's
time for PJ's, come on.

8
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:57,782
Say goodnight to Kris.

9
00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:03,208
I'll see you tomorrow
morning, you goofballs.

10
00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:07,507
One more sleep.

11
00:02:07,549 --> 00:02:08,641
Bye bye, wakka wakka.

12
00:02:08,682 --> 00:02:10,041
Love you.

13
00:02:31,383 --> 00:02:31,916
Kris?

14
00:02:33,317 --> 00:02:34,041
Is that you?

15
00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:34,582
Hey.

16
00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:36,782
Wow, you look.

17
00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:38,950
A little different.

18
00:02:40,216 --> 00:02:41,874
Yeah.

19
00:02:41,916 --> 00:02:45,507
Like, holy shit.

20
00:02:45,549 --> 00:02:47,807
It's nice to see you again.

21
00:02:47,849 --> 00:02:50,074
Thank you for
agreeing to meet up.

22
00:02:50,116 --> 00:02:52,507
I know it's probably a little
weird after such a long time.

23
00:02:52,549 --> 00:02:54,507
No, sure.

24
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:54,582
We, we've got a
lot to talk about.

25
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:56,183
Yes.

26
00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:01,174
I'm so glad we were
able to do this.

27
00:03:01,216 --> 00:03:03,407
I want to hear all about
you, about everything.

28
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:03,983
Yeah.

29
00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:10,474
Thank you for messaging me
and for, for driving from LA.

30
00:03:10,516 --> 00:03:13,174
You know, between
the kids and classes,

31
00:03:13,216 --> 00:03:14,574
it's just really hard
to find the time.

32
00:03:14,615 --> 00:03:15,016
Of course.

33
00:03:17,648 --> 00:03:18,615
Um, should we?

34
00:03:20,581 --> 00:03:23,108
Just this way.

35
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:25,375
So when did this
place open up?

36
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:27,974
Um, like a few years ago.

37
00:03:28,016 --> 00:03:29,041
Can you imagine if
this place was around

38
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,074
back when we were at CC?

39
00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:32,150
I would have set up a
tent right over there.

40
00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:35,741
Would've put
out a freshman 40.

41
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:36,715
More like a freshmen hundred.

42
00:03:39,516 --> 00:03:42,540
So you're here for
a what conference?

43
00:03:42,581 --> 00:03:44,108
Network security.

44
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:45,440
Okay.

45
00:03:45,482 --> 00:03:47,673
Basically we provide security

46
00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:50,141
for banks and such
against hackers.

47
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:52,440
The conference is
pretty much a hacker con

48
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,074
featuring hardware
mods, phone free keying.

49
00:03:55,116 --> 00:03:57,807
Sounds pretty nerdy.

50
00:03:57,849 --> 00:03:58,174
Naomi, it's
good to see you again.

51
00:03:58,216 --> 00:04:00,074
Hey.

52
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:01,341
Hi, is this your
first time at Jonah's?

53
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:02,275
First time.

54
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:04,375
Excellent.

55
00:04:04,417 --> 00:04:04,648
Okay, so our specials
are gonna be right there.

56
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:12,874
You know, I'm
actually super boring.

57
00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,807
Do you have a Caesar salad
with grilled chicken?

58
00:04:14,849 --> 00:04:16,407
- We do.
- Perfect.

59
00:04:16,449 --> 00:04:17,440
- What?
- Thank you.

60
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:18,908
I know, I know, I know.

61
00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:20,407
Sorry, I just broke her brain.

62
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:21,807
No, you don't understand.

63
00:04:21,849 --> 00:04:24,841
In college, this
person used to only eat

64
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like mac and cheese
and burgers and pizza.

65
00:04:28,283 --> 00:04:29,141
Uh, the usual?

66
00:04:29,183 --> 00:04:30,341
Yes, please.

67
00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:32,641
Can I also get a wine?

68
00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:33,506
The same one I
had the last time.

69
00:04:33,548 --> 00:04:34,506
Yeah.

70
00:04:34,548 --> 00:04:36,539
You know what?

71
00:04:36,581 --> 00:04:38,407
I'll have the same and
some water too, please.

72
00:04:38,449 --> 00:04:39,474
I'll get those
orders in right away.

73
00:04:39,515 --> 00:04:41,141
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

74
00:04:41,183 --> 00:04:42,074
What the fuck?

75
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,375
- What?
- What the fuck?

76
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,407
What?

77
00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,539
Vegetables?

78
00:04:46,581 --> 00:04:48,974
Like green things that
come out of the ground.

79
00:04:49,016 --> 00:04:52,141
I started eating healthier
about 10 years ago.

80
00:04:52,183 --> 00:04:53,150
Which how do you think
I got this figure?

81
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:55,683
I just can't believe.

82
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,941
You should've seen
my parents' faces

83
00:05:00,983 --> 00:05:03,141
the first time I had
vegetables in front of them.

84
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:04,208
Oh my God.

85
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:05,440
They didn't die from shock?

86
00:05:05,481 --> 00:05:06,816
No, they're still here.

87
00:05:07,983 --> 00:05:08,716
Thank you.

88
00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:12,449
Guess you're a testament to
how much people can change.

89
00:05:14,816 --> 00:05:16,108
Sometimes I get
so used to being me

90
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:16,849
it doesn't feel that way.

91
00:05:20,481 --> 00:05:22,607
All right, time to eat.

92
00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:24,174
I want my game back.

93
00:05:24,216 --> 00:05:26,174
I know you do.

94
00:05:26,216 --> 00:05:27,573
- But this is gonna go up here.
- Mom.

95
00:05:27,615 --> 00:05:28,741
I hate that.

96
00:05:28,783 --> 00:05:30,908
What?

97
00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:33,841
Like God forbid, we let our
kids just be bored, right?

98
00:05:33,883 --> 00:05:35,473
More of a free
range parent myself.

99
00:05:35,515 --> 00:05:37,439
Free range, like chickens?

100
00:05:37,481 --> 00:05:39,308
Yes.

101
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:41,841
Kids should be allowed to
roam freely in a field,

102
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,674
living life, not
becoming zombies.

103
00:05:44,716 --> 00:05:49,108
Well, I believe it's
all about moderation.

104
00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:51,506
Technology isn't inherently,
well it's how people use it.

105
00:05:51,548 --> 00:05:52,216
It's fucking ridiculous.

106
00:05:57,417 --> 00:05:58,741
What?

107
00:05:58,783 --> 00:06:00,308
You haven't changed a bit.

108
00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:00,749
Oh my God.

109
00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:04,574
Mm-hm.

110
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:06,016
By the way, your
children are so adorable.

111
00:06:07,515 --> 00:06:10,041
Oh?

112
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,341
They remind me of my
cousin's kids, Ava and Willem.

113
00:06:12,383 --> 00:06:14,574
I'm actually staying with
them while I'm in LA.

114
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:16,008
Your kids are?

115
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,241
Ethan and Dylan.

116
00:06:18,283 --> 00:06:21,108
Five and three and
they're absolute handfuls.

117
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:22,674
From the moment he wakes
up until he goes to sleep,

118
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,841
Dylan will not stop talking.

119
00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:28,506
Ethan's like a real
boys, boy, you know?

120
00:06:28,548 --> 00:06:31,874
He likes superheroes and aliens

121
00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:33,941
and blasting things
with his laser photons.

122
00:06:33,983 --> 00:06:34,816
Sounds pretty awesome to me.

123
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:37,308
I don't know.

124
00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:38,674
I mean, honestly,

125
00:06:38,716 --> 00:06:39,506
this is the first
adult conversation

126
00:06:39,548 --> 00:06:39,883
I've been having in months.

127
00:06:41,883 --> 00:06:44,208
I mean, besides Jim, of course.

128
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:45,174
Jim, your husband.

129
00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:46,574
Yes.

130
00:06:46,616 --> 00:06:47,116
He's barely an adult.

131
00:06:49,849 --> 00:06:52,041
I just miss freedom, you know?

132
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:55,116
Before all of this and
before, you know back when...

133
00:07:02,783 --> 00:07:03,116
So,

134
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,183
I haven't seen you since...

135
00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:11,549
Yeah.

136
00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:18,549
Did you know when
we were together?

137
00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:22,916
It's not that simple.

138
00:07:24,616 --> 00:07:26,841
I mean, I knew,

139
00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:29,582
but I hadn't allowed
myself to accept who I was.

140
00:07:36,382 --> 00:07:38,841
The need to transition
was like this awful noise.

141
00:07:38,883 --> 00:07:41,950
This endless ringing in my head.

142
00:07:45,283 --> 00:07:48,008
You saw it a few times.

143
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,216
That faraway look.

144
00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:52,216
Yeah, I remember.

145
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:58,607
Back then I thought being
trans was like a disease

146
00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:02,275
that could be fought
and maybe even defeated.

147
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,983
I thought fighting it would
make me stronger, better.

148
00:08:10,349 --> 00:08:12,474
After I left, I was determined

149
00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:14,674
I was gonna figure
things out for myself.

150
00:08:14,716 --> 00:08:18,216
But instead I drank,
even more than before.

151
00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:23,908
I'd stumble home
to my apartment,

152
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:25,974
throw up all over the floor

153
00:08:26,016 --> 00:08:29,307
and then spend the next
morning still wasted,

154
00:08:29,349 --> 00:08:29,983
cleaning up the mess.

155
00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:33,649
I didn't shower for days.

156
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,849
There were weeks when I didn't
speak to another human being.

157
00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:44,683
Jesus.

158
00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:48,707
Kris, I had no idea.

159
00:08:48,749 --> 00:08:50,574
I mean, I knew things were hard.

160
00:08:50,616 --> 00:08:51,807
I knew it, but-

161
00:08:51,849 --> 00:08:52,582
- I had to learn the hard way.

162
00:08:54,449 --> 00:08:55,674
I'm just one of those people

163
00:08:55,716 --> 00:08:57,150
who has to hit rock
bottom before I change.

164
00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:00,482
But thank God I did
though, you know?

165
00:09:04,482 --> 00:09:05,540
Thank you, Matt.

166
00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:06,540
Absolutely.

167
00:09:06,582 --> 00:09:07,274
Anything else ladies?

168
00:09:07,316 --> 00:09:07,683
Nope.

169
00:09:12,249 --> 00:09:12,950
I can't get over you.

170
00:09:15,549 --> 00:09:17,540
I mean if people didn't
know, they'd never know.

171
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:18,440
It's a silly thing.

172
00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:20,141
I wish it wasn't a thing at all,

173
00:09:20,183 --> 00:09:21,582
but we live in the world we do.

174
00:09:23,683 --> 00:09:27,041
But yes, I'm very
lucky I'm able to pass.

175
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:27,616
Yeah.

176
00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:31,741
How does that work exactly?

177
00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:35,607
Like, are you safe in Phoenix?

178
00:09:35,649 --> 00:09:37,116
I mean, that's like
an all America.

179
00:09:39,816 --> 00:09:41,607
Most people out there
don't even know I'm trans.

180
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,183
Nobody knows?

181
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:45,616
Just a few close friends.

182
00:09:48,816 --> 00:09:51,974
Few people can really
make a difference.

183
00:09:52,016 --> 00:09:54,874
That's part of the reason I
wanted to see you tonight.

184
00:09:54,916 --> 00:09:56,116
When I think about how
far I've come, I mean,

185
00:09:58,282 --> 00:10:00,474
I would never made it this far

186
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,716
without friends like
you along the way.

187
00:10:05,383 --> 00:10:08,916
Back in college you were so
open and accepting of everyone.

188
00:10:11,116 --> 00:10:11,182
I still remember you
chewing out Liam.

189
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:13,482
Oh my God.

190
00:10:14,816 --> 00:10:16,574
Liam.

191
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,807
For saying some
stupid transphobic shit.

192
00:10:18,849 --> 00:10:20,774
You two almost got into a fight.

193
00:10:20,816 --> 00:10:22,841
In case you don't remember,

194
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,841
I had to hold you back
because you kept screaming

195
00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:26,474
that you were gonna
remove his manhood.

196
00:10:26,516 --> 00:10:28,774
My God, yeah, I said that.

197
00:10:28,816 --> 00:10:30,950
You screamed that at The
Basement, sophomore year.

198
00:10:33,282 --> 00:10:34,083
I'd never been around
someone like that before.

199
00:10:35,549 --> 00:10:37,083
Moments like that gave me hope.

200
00:10:39,417 --> 00:10:41,083
You always gave me hope, Nae.

201
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,050
Now it all seems
like a bad dream.

202
00:11:04,582 --> 00:11:05,149
You should have told
me what was going on.

203
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:10,983
I know it would have been hard,
but I would have understood.

204
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:12,582
Naomi.

205
00:11:14,816 --> 00:11:16,674
I know I owed you
an explanation, but-

206
00:11:16,716 --> 00:11:19,107
- You left without
any explanation.

207
00:11:19,149 --> 00:11:21,716
You didn't leave a note,
no phone call, nothing.

208
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,507
You know what?

209
00:11:24,549 --> 00:11:24,983
It was fucking devastating.

210
00:11:28,182 --> 00:11:28,582
I know.

211
00:11:32,683 --> 00:11:33,182
I'm really sorry.

212
00:11:35,749 --> 00:11:37,641
- Truly-
- Look,

213
00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:38,016
I get that things have
been off between us.

214
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:40,616
We were together
for three years.

215
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:44,874
I know you were going
through something hard,

216
00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:46,215
but I had no idea what was
going on or why you left.

217
00:11:48,716 --> 00:11:49,016
It really hurt me.

218
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,082
Do you know how I found
out about your transition?

219
00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:57,616
Through Rachel.

220
00:12:00,549 --> 00:12:01,050
Rachel.

221
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:03,749
I deserved to know.

222
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:15,049
You're right.

223
00:12:18,482 --> 00:12:18,783
About everything.

224
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:21,849
I was leading you on.

225
00:12:24,317 --> 00:12:27,482
And so I'm very, very, sorry.

226
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,807
I always knew deep inside

227
00:12:32,849 --> 00:12:34,716
that I had to become
who I truly was,

228
00:12:38,749 --> 00:12:40,616
but there were times
when I looked at you

229
00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:44,516
and I felt like if
we stay together,

230
00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:49,649
or maybe if we had kids, family,

231
00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:54,115
that maybe that would be enough
for me not to transition.

232
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:57,841
After a while though,

233
00:12:57,883 --> 00:12:58,816
I realized that I was
just staying for myself,

234
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,082
instead of thinking
about what was right.

235
00:13:05,449 --> 00:13:09,607
I'm sorry it took me so long.

236
00:13:09,649 --> 00:13:12,774
I should have reached
out way before this.

237
00:13:12,816 --> 00:13:16,482
To be honest, I was very ashamed
of how everything happened.

238
00:13:18,883 --> 00:13:22,073
But I want to put all
of that behind us,

239
00:13:22,115 --> 00:13:24,150
and I realize I have no right
to ask you for anything.

240
00:13:29,082 --> 00:13:32,516
But I hope that
you can forgive me.

241
00:13:41,082 --> 00:13:41,849
Um, I just, um,

242
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:47,549
I just wish things
hadn't ended that way.

243
00:14:26,883 --> 00:14:29,208
Naomi.

244
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:31,074
I really appreciate you
driving all the way out here.

245
00:14:31,116 --> 00:14:32,574
I should get going.

246
00:14:32,616 --> 00:14:33,741
I have office hours
in the morning.

247
00:14:33,783 --> 00:14:34,549
Let's go for a
drink or something.

248
00:14:37,516 --> 00:14:38,741
I don't know if
that's such a good idea.

249
00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:41,108
I don't want tonight
to end like this.

250
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:44,007
I want to hear more about
your life, your art.

251
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:44,582
Please.

252
00:14:47,283 --> 00:14:48,874
Drinks, huh?

253
00:14:48,915 --> 00:14:48,949
Maybe two.

254
00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:54,341
We can go to Congregation.

255
00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:55,774
That's great, let's go.

256
00:14:55,816 --> 00:14:57,741
Just point me in
the right direction.

257
00:14:57,783 --> 00:14:58,982
Just a couple blocks that way.

258
00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:08,507
So I did a bit
of online stalking.

259
00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:09,449
Yeah.

260
00:15:11,050 --> 00:15:14,574
The dart exhibit,

261
00:15:14,616 --> 00:15:16,749
where you put them inside
your and then, pew!

262
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:20,440
You saw the video.

263
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:22,341
It was very impressive.

264
00:15:22,383 --> 00:15:26,540
- Do you mind?
- No.

265
00:15:26,582 --> 00:15:30,774
Did you make the
balloon penises.

266
00:15:30,816 --> 00:15:32,216
No, but that's a good story.

267
00:15:34,482 --> 00:15:35,649
I'm concerned,
also very fascinated.

268
00:15:38,882 --> 00:15:41,474
I was at a birthday party
for one of Ethan's friends,

269
00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:44,407
he's my oldest,

270
00:15:44,449 --> 00:15:46,649
and there was this balloon
artist there by the name of Juan,

271
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,649
and I already knew I was gonna
be doing the dart exhibit,

272
00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:58,375
so I just casually walk
up to Juan and I was like,

273
00:15:58,417 --> 00:16:01,241
"Excuse me, Juan."

274
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,507
"Have you ever dabbled in
balloon genitalia before?"

275
00:16:03,549 --> 00:16:05,141
You didn't.

276
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,440
Of course I did.

277
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:08,607
At a child's birthday party?

278
00:16:08,649 --> 00:16:09,941
Well, I didn't do it
in front of the children.

279
00:16:09,983 --> 00:16:12,974
Jesus, I'm not a
complete degenerate.

280
00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:14,607
Thank God.

281
00:16:14,649 --> 00:16:16,941
Anyway, I'd never seen

282
00:16:16,983 --> 00:16:19,507
such perfectly rendered
balls and penises before,

283
00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:20,649
especially in balloon form.

284
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,407
And I was getting a
lot of satisfaction

285
00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:27,741
shooting those darts
out of my vagina

286
00:16:27,783 --> 00:16:28,983
and watching those
balloon penises pop.

287
00:16:30,582 --> 00:16:33,641
Jesus, you're a menace.

288
00:16:33,683 --> 00:16:36,174
You know, that wasn't even
my craziest performance.

289
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:37,549
No, I do not believe you.

290
00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:39,915
Give me one of those.

291
00:16:46,050 --> 00:16:46,482
Thank you.

292
00:16:51,882 --> 00:16:52,582
Mm-hm.

293
00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:59,008
Okay, so when I first
started my professorship at CC,

294
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:03,241
I did this performance in
front of the full length mirror

295
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:07,308
where I was putting on my
makeup while completely naked.

296
00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:08,474
Why naked?

297
00:17:08,516 --> 00:17:09,407
I'm getting to that?

298
00:17:09,449 --> 00:17:11,641
Okay.

299
00:17:11,683 --> 00:17:13,574
So I sit down in
front of the mirror

300
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,707
and I start to lay
out all of my makeup.

301
00:17:15,748 --> 00:17:18,407
You know, like the
mascara, the blush,

302
00:17:18,449 --> 00:17:22,141
and I started to put on the
makeup very, very precisely.

303
00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:23,474
And?

304
00:17:23,516 --> 00:17:24,482
And then I,

305
00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:29,482
took my leg and I lift it on up.

306
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,375
I took the tools and
I start to masturbate.

307
00:17:36,649 --> 00:17:38,108
Admit, it took me a
while, 'cause you know,

308
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:40,174
I'm not used to doing this
in front of an audience,

309
00:17:40,216 --> 00:17:43,474
and let's just say
that vibration is key.

310
00:17:43,516 --> 00:17:43,983
Good to know.

311
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,806
And you know, I'm like
getting into a rhythm,

312
00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:51,041
I think I have it
completely locked in,

313
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,941
and then I noticed there's
this freshmen in the front row

314
00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:58,706
just staring at me in horror
or awe, or possibly both.

315
00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,507
Must have been a very
educational experience for him.

316
00:18:00,549 --> 00:18:02,706
Well the entire time

317
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,275
I'm like trying to
concentrate on my performance,

318
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:06,507
but I keep thinking like,

319
00:18:06,549 --> 00:18:08,908
"Am I totally
fucking up this kid?"

320
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:11,607
Like, is he gonna look
at masturbation tools

321
00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:13,549
and makeup and just equate them?

322
00:18:15,150 --> 00:18:17,041
I don't know.

323
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:19,275
Maybe it's a good commentary
on the intersection of sex

324
00:18:19,317 --> 00:18:23,807
and how we use it to
sell products and people.

325
00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:26,074
You finished the performance?

326
00:18:26,116 --> 00:18:27,540
Obviously.

327
00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:28,673
I'm a professional.

328
00:18:30,616 --> 00:18:33,815
Your art is so
bold and unafraid.

329
00:18:35,216 --> 00:18:35,616
Thank you.

330
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,941
And meaningful.

331
00:18:38,983 --> 00:18:39,815
So when was your
last performance?

332
00:18:42,283 --> 00:18:43,682
Um, it's been a while.

333
00:18:49,317 --> 00:18:50,748
Actually that performance
was my last performance.

334
00:18:56,317 --> 00:18:56,849
Wait.

335
00:19:04,748 --> 00:19:07,682
Are you saying you quit
performing altogether?

336
00:19:09,150 --> 00:19:09,648
Yup.

337
00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:13,050
But why?

338
00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:18,008
I mean, Naomi, I can't
believe you just quit.

339
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:19,941
Well my performances,

340
00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:21,740
they always took a huge
emotional toll on me.

341
00:19:21,782 --> 00:19:23,807
I get that, but-

342
00:19:23,849 --> 00:19:25,673
- And between the
kids and you know,

343
00:19:25,715 --> 00:19:26,950
all the extra classes
I had to take, it just,

344
00:19:28,549 --> 00:19:29,050
I didn't have the energy.

345
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:33,375
You know,

346
00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:36,741
I did have an interesting
idea for a performance piece,

347
00:19:36,783 --> 00:19:40,208
but then I got pregnant,
so I ended up shelving it.

348
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:41,682
It's just in my office
now, gathering dust.

349
00:19:45,016 --> 00:19:45,183
Well,

350
00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:53,375
then tell me more about
your life before family

351
00:19:53,417 --> 00:19:54,083
and the kids and all that.

352
00:19:56,549 --> 00:20:00,008
I didn't expect to find
you're teaching at CC.

353
00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:02,707
Well, I did not expect
myself to end up here either.

354
00:20:02,749 --> 00:20:04,341
I always thought I'd end up

355
00:20:04,383 --> 00:20:07,174
someplace like
New York or Paris.

356
00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:07,682
Hell, even LA.

357
00:20:10,216 --> 00:20:14,573
And yeah, I did get into
some of those MFA programs,

358
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:18,008
like some in Boston
and in Chicago.

359
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,341
I remember you talking
about those programs

360
00:20:20,383 --> 00:20:23,174
and you got in,
that's fantastic.

361
00:20:23,216 --> 00:20:26,150
Yeah, after everything
that happened, you know,

362
00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:29,715
I just wasn't ready to
make like a big move.

363
00:20:31,749 --> 00:20:33,008
Art wasn't really
making me any money,

364
00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,507
so I had to move back
in with my parents,

365
00:20:34,548 --> 00:20:35,849
which was really, really hard.

366
00:20:38,383 --> 00:20:40,407
And my dad and I, we were
fighting all the time,

367
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:42,074
so we stopped talking.

368
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,874
I got my master's at CC

369
00:20:43,916 --> 00:20:47,241
and then my dad had
the heart attack.

370
00:20:47,283 --> 00:20:48,749
I was at the farmer's
market when I got the call.

371
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,640
There was so much to
do after the funeral.

372
00:20:52,682 --> 00:20:53,083
I can't even imagine.

373
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:57,749
That must have been so
much for you to deal with.

374
00:20:59,417 --> 00:20:59,783
Yeah, it was.

375
00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:03,573
Anyway, around that time

376
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:07,908
a adjunct professorship
opened up at CC

377
00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:11,208
and I just really needed
something consistent in my life,

378
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,308
so I said yes.

379
00:21:13,350 --> 00:21:16,008
And then I met Jim,

380
00:21:16,050 --> 00:21:18,150
who really was excited
about having a family.

381
00:21:20,383 --> 00:21:22,849
So five years later
I got pregnant.

382
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,216
I thought about not
keeping the baby, but um.

383
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:30,916
I, I couldn't do that.

384
00:21:32,581 --> 00:21:32,983
Of course not.

385
00:21:34,481 --> 00:21:35,216
Kids are precious.

386
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:42,506
Jim was really, really
excited about becoming a dad.

387
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:46,974
So then after awhile,
smog wasn't so bad

388
00:21:47,016 --> 00:21:49,916
and summers were more tolerable,
and so were the people.

389
00:21:53,283 --> 00:21:55,974
But you know, Jim's parents,
they, they live in the area,

390
00:21:56,016 --> 00:21:58,008
so it's been a
godsend with the kids

391
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:01,849
and I couldn't have done
any of this without them,

392
00:22:03,350 --> 00:22:03,716
especially since my mom moved.

393
00:22:08,016 --> 00:22:10,041
You've been
through a lot, Nae.

394
00:22:10,083 --> 00:22:10,448
Yeah.

395
00:22:12,883 --> 00:22:16,974
Still, world's a
less interesting place

396
00:22:17,016 --> 00:22:19,506
when you're not exposing
it to weirdness.

397
00:22:22,216 --> 00:22:24,116
Uh, the world's a weird and
crazy place even without me.

398
00:22:27,016 --> 00:22:29,074
Who wants to go see a
performance artist anyway?

399
00:22:29,116 --> 00:22:32,041
I mean, people barely
go to museums anymore.

400
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,941
Hey, I've been to
the Phoenix Art Museum.

401
00:22:34,983 --> 00:22:37,275
Oh, ooh la la.

402
00:22:37,317 --> 00:22:40,008
They have some very
nice desert landscapes.

403
00:22:40,050 --> 00:22:42,341
Okay, see,

404
00:22:42,383 --> 00:22:44,375
this is exactly why people
don't go to the museum anymore.

405
00:22:44,416 --> 00:22:47,308
Art should be challenging
and it should be exciting.

406
00:22:47,350 --> 00:22:47,481
Do you miss it?

407
00:22:48,916 --> 00:22:49,874
Sometimes.

408
00:22:49,916 --> 00:22:51,473
Sometimes I wonder if my art

409
00:22:51,515 --> 00:22:53,540
was the only thing
keeping me sane.

410
00:22:53,582 --> 00:22:54,216
You should perform, Naomi.

411
00:22:56,649 --> 00:22:58,083
Don't deny yourself
something that you need.

412
00:23:01,183 --> 00:23:02,783
If you need to do it, then it
will be worth the sacrifice.

413
00:23:05,515 --> 00:23:06,883
There's only one
of you, you know?

414
00:23:10,317 --> 00:23:10,950
Take it from me.

415
00:23:29,382 --> 00:23:31,473
So, have you been with
anyone since transitioning?

416
00:23:31,515 --> 00:23:34,473
Like, are you still
into women, or?

417
00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:37,041
Men, definitely men.

418
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:39,108
Any hot dates?

419
00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:42,141
Some stories that'll spice up
a married woman's love life?

420
00:23:42,183 --> 00:23:43,674
Come on.

421
00:23:43,716 --> 00:23:45,941
I, I haven't had any real sex.

422
00:23:45,983 --> 00:23:47,607
I haven't watched
porn in months.

423
00:23:47,649 --> 00:23:50,374
Well, actually,

424
00:23:50,416 --> 00:23:52,674
I just got out of a
relationship a few weeks ago.

425
00:23:52,716 --> 00:23:53,406
Oh, really?

426
00:23:53,448 --> 00:23:54,574
Go on.

427
00:23:54,616 --> 00:23:55,050
We met online.

428
00:23:56,683 --> 00:23:58,308
Like, like an app.

429
00:23:58,349 --> 00:23:59,474
- A video game.
- Oh.

430
00:23:59,516 --> 00:24:00,974
- We both played this-
- Oh no.

431
00:24:01,016 --> 00:24:02,741
No, no, no.

432
00:24:02,783 --> 00:24:03,741
Not one of those
terrible life sucks

433
00:24:03,783 --> 00:24:04,641
that you used to
play in college.

434
00:24:04,683 --> 00:24:06,074
They're not that terrible.

435
00:24:06,116 --> 00:24:08,074
They're terrible.

436
00:24:08,116 --> 00:24:12,008
Anyway, we met through this
game and we started chatting.

437
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:13,741
Hm.

438
00:24:13,783 --> 00:24:17,241
And we got to chatting
more and more and more,

439
00:24:17,283 --> 00:24:20,108
and we both lived in Arizona
so we decided to meet up.

440
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:22,941
Like a modern day
digital romance.

441
00:24:22,983 --> 00:24:25,841
Before we met, I
told him I was trans.

442
00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:27,540
I figured it would be
easier to tell him online

443
00:24:27,582 --> 00:24:28,674
than in person in
case, you know.

444
00:24:28,716 --> 00:24:30,607
Yeah, sure.

445
00:24:30,649 --> 00:24:32,241
He was actually
totally cool about it.

446
00:24:32,283 --> 00:24:33,340
So we set up a time to meet.

447
00:24:33,382 --> 00:24:34,874
How'd it go?

448
00:24:34,916 --> 00:24:37,108
It was great for a while.

449
00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:39,540
We were together for
about a year and a half.

450
00:24:39,582 --> 00:24:41,540
God, that's a
really long time.

451
00:24:41,582 --> 00:24:43,607
So what happened?

452
00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:46,108
I think we both realized

453
00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:48,307
we had different priorities
and goals in life,

454
00:24:48,349 --> 00:24:51,540
so we decided to end
things about a month ago.

455
00:24:51,582 --> 00:24:53,440
Hm, I'm sorry.

456
00:24:53,482 --> 00:24:54,607
That's rough.

457
00:24:54,649 --> 00:24:56,275
Just wasn't meant to be.

458
00:24:56,316 --> 00:24:58,707
Well, fuck him then.

459
00:24:58,749 --> 00:24:59,507
What about before him?

460
00:24:59,549 --> 00:25:01,908
What about after?

461
00:25:01,950 --> 00:25:05,516
Actually, he was the first
person I've been with since...

462
00:25:08,749 --> 00:25:10,874
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, what, what?

463
00:25:10,916 --> 00:25:12,141
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.

464
00:25:12,183 --> 00:25:14,041
Oh my God.

465
00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:17,474
Oh my God, that's
like, like 13 years?

466
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,307
Kris!

467
00:25:19,349 --> 00:25:21,540
Oh no.

468
00:25:21,582 --> 00:25:23,474
Oh, my vagina just
shriveled up a little bit.

469
00:25:26,349 --> 00:25:28,574
Hey, it's not like I could
just waltz out of my apartment,

470
00:25:28,616 --> 00:25:30,074
"I represent woman,"

471
00:25:30,116 --> 00:25:32,574
the day after I
decided to transition.

472
00:25:32,616 --> 00:25:34,540
This all took a lot
of work, believe me.

473
00:25:34,582 --> 00:25:36,240
I believe you.

474
00:25:36,282 --> 00:25:37,807
You've had your whole life

475
00:25:37,849 --> 00:25:39,074
to figure out how to
be a woman in society.

476
00:25:39,116 --> 00:25:40,607
I had like a year.

477
00:25:40,649 --> 00:25:41,116
Okay, fair.

478
00:25:44,016 --> 00:25:46,340
What'd you learn?

479
00:25:46,382 --> 00:25:48,908
How being a woman sucks in
almost every aspect of society

480
00:25:48,950 --> 00:25:50,108
for all of time.

481
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:55,041
No, it's been a really
wonderful journey.

482
00:25:55,083 --> 00:25:58,974
I started watching
makeup tutorials online.

483
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,240
I went through a too
much blush phase.

484
00:26:01,282 --> 00:26:03,774
A too much foundation phase

485
00:26:03,816 --> 00:26:06,208
where my head looked detached
from the rest of my body.

486
00:26:06,249 --> 00:26:08,240
I had to figure out new
shoe and dress sizes,

487
00:26:08,282 --> 00:26:09,908
which by the way,

488
00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:11,207
aren't even consistent in
the same God damn store.

489
00:26:11,249 --> 00:26:12,174
I know, it's so annoying.

490
00:26:12,215 --> 00:26:15,041
Hair products, how to flirt.

491
00:26:15,083 --> 00:26:17,008
Oh Kris.

492
00:26:17,050 --> 00:26:18,841
I'm sorry, you never
knew how to flirt.

493
00:26:18,883 --> 00:26:22,507
Sure, but the first few times
men tried to flirt with me,

494
00:26:22,549 --> 00:26:24,375
I didn't even know
they were flirting.

495
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,841
I thought they were trying
to pick a fight or something.

496
00:26:26,883 --> 00:26:29,707
They would get right in
my face, looming over me.

497
00:26:29,749 --> 00:26:33,274
Not an easy feat, by the way.

498
00:26:33,316 --> 00:26:38,008
And I would just make a tactical
retreat and then run away.

499
00:26:38,050 --> 00:26:40,683
And then somewhere
along the line, you got.

500
00:26:42,983 --> 00:26:45,074
Gender affirmation surgery.

501
00:26:45,116 --> 00:26:45,749
- Mm-hm.
- Yes.

502
00:26:47,282 --> 00:26:48,974
10 years ago.

503
00:26:49,016 --> 00:26:51,207
Was that hard?

504
00:26:51,249 --> 00:26:51,707
More physical pain
than I never gone through

505
00:26:51,749 --> 00:26:54,240
in my entire life.

506
00:26:54,282 --> 00:26:57,607
But still easily the best
decision I'd ever made.

507
00:26:57,649 --> 00:26:58,974
And once I started
feeling better,

508
00:26:59,016 --> 00:27:01,674
I went on to all
the dating apps.

509
00:27:01,716 --> 00:27:03,941
God, what was that like?

510
00:27:03,983 --> 00:27:05,774
I got some really
weird messages.

511
00:27:05,816 --> 00:27:07,607
What kind of messages?

512
00:27:07,649 --> 00:27:09,707
They started out
with great potential

513
00:27:09,749 --> 00:27:13,041
and ended up spending paragraphs

514
00:27:13,083 --> 00:27:16,008
monologuing their insecurities
with my phantom penis.

515
00:27:16,050 --> 00:27:17,974
Well, of course.

516
00:27:18,016 --> 00:27:18,908
What else would they
possibly want to talk about?

517
00:27:18,950 --> 00:27:20,707
They would start
a message with,

518
00:27:20,749 --> 00:27:23,407
"Hey, you seem really great."

519
00:27:23,449 --> 00:27:25,074
"I'd love to grab a coffee."

520
00:27:25,116 --> 00:27:28,041
And then out of
nowhere, it's all,

521
00:27:28,083 --> 00:27:29,874
"Listen, I've
never been someone"

522
00:27:29,916 --> 00:27:32,807
"who used to have
a penis before"

523
00:27:32,849 --> 00:27:35,741
"and it's like kind of
a big deal, you know?"

524
00:27:35,783 --> 00:27:38,440
"Does it mean I'm secretly
attracted to men?"

525
00:27:38,482 --> 00:27:40,407
"Am I gay?"

526
00:27:40,449 --> 00:27:43,207
So I disabled all the accounts.

527
00:27:43,249 --> 00:27:44,874
It's for the best.

528
00:27:44,916 --> 00:27:46,641
If it's meant to
be, it'll happen.

529
00:27:46,683 --> 00:27:49,041
See those things,

530
00:27:49,083 --> 00:27:50,741
they just turn people into
objects that you rate and assess.

531
00:27:50,783 --> 00:27:53,140
It's like Yelp, but for people.

532
00:27:53,182 --> 00:27:55,375
Did you ever do online dating?

533
00:27:55,417 --> 00:27:56,275
No.

534
00:27:56,317 --> 00:27:58,607
Oh, thank God, no.

535
00:27:58,649 --> 00:28:01,908
No, that was not a thing
when Jim and I got together.

536
00:28:01,950 --> 00:28:04,375
Besides, I don't think you
could condense my essence

537
00:28:04,417 --> 00:28:06,008
into a dating profile.

538
00:28:06,050 --> 00:28:07,874
No, probably not.

539
00:28:07,916 --> 00:28:09,674
You know what it's like?

540
00:28:09,716 --> 00:28:12,107
It's like just any other
social media platform.

541
00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:14,807
You're basically selling like
this fake version of yourself.

542
00:28:14,849 --> 00:28:17,074
And the dangerous part

543
00:28:17,115 --> 00:28:18,440
is that you actually start
to believe your own bullshit.

544
00:28:18,482 --> 00:28:19,074
Also, there's
this ton of creeps.

545
00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:20,674
Oh my God, yes.

546
00:28:20,716 --> 00:28:22,741
There are so many
dudes out there

547
00:28:22,783 --> 00:28:24,173
who have an Asian woman fetish.

548
00:28:24,215 --> 00:28:26,208
Or a trans fetish.

549
00:28:26,250 --> 00:28:28,774
It's like a fucked up
form of racism, right?

550
00:28:28,816 --> 00:28:31,749
Still, when you
meet the right person,

551
00:28:34,683 --> 00:28:35,050
it's special.

552
00:28:37,082 --> 00:28:37,449
Yeah.

553
00:28:39,883 --> 00:28:42,474
You know, when I first met Jim,

554
00:28:42,516 --> 00:28:46,149
I thought everything about him
was wonderful and exciting.

555
00:28:48,049 --> 00:28:50,173
I mean,

556
00:28:50,215 --> 00:28:52,440
there were some things that
were questionable of course,

557
00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:56,107
but I just wrote them off
as his weird little quirks.

558
00:28:56,149 --> 00:28:58,874
I thought that they would go
away or mellow out with time,

559
00:28:58,916 --> 00:29:02,649
but instead they just
sort of settle into place.

560
00:29:05,350 --> 00:29:05,874
Like, I don't know, like
sediment into river water.

561
00:29:05,916 --> 00:29:08,174
Mm, sure he can't be that bad.

562
00:29:08,216 --> 00:29:10,140
I mean honestly,

563
00:29:10,182 --> 00:29:12,774
we get along the best when our
schedules are the opposite.

564
00:29:12,816 --> 00:29:15,674
Like he'll go away for
work for a few weeks

565
00:29:15,716 --> 00:29:18,008
and then I'll go visit
my aunt in San Diego,

566
00:29:18,049 --> 00:29:20,607
'cause yeah, I need
a little space.

567
00:29:20,649 --> 00:29:22,008
You know, I need my alone time.

568
00:29:22,049 --> 00:29:24,107
Mm-hm.

569
00:29:24,149 --> 00:29:24,941
It's just like Jim
is one of those guys

570
00:29:24,983 --> 00:29:27,674
who just needs to
talk all the time.

571
00:29:27,716 --> 00:29:29,407
Even when he's saying
something very nice,

572
00:29:29,449 --> 00:29:31,540
he still sounds
like he's nagging.

573
00:29:31,582 --> 00:29:33,574
I'll be like trying
to take a power nap

574
00:29:33,616 --> 00:29:34,674
and he'll just
like hover over me.

575
00:29:34,716 --> 00:29:37,040
Like, "Hey hon, uh,"

576
00:29:37,082 --> 00:29:39,874
"did you put the
laundry in the dryer?"

577
00:29:39,916 --> 00:29:41,908
"Hon, where are the kids?"

578
00:29:41,950 --> 00:29:44,107
"Hey hon, did you call Sandy"

579
00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:45,707
"about dinner plans
on Sunday night?"

580
00:29:45,749 --> 00:29:46,641
I mean, it's just
like on and on and on.

581
00:29:46,683 --> 00:29:48,974
I hear you.

582
00:29:49,015 --> 00:29:51,641
I don't think he's ever
understood my need to be alone.

583
00:29:51,683 --> 00:29:55,040
I mean, that's how I recharge
my batteries, you know?

584
00:29:55,082 --> 00:29:57,741
It's like sometimes I need
to hide in the bathroom

585
00:29:57,783 --> 00:30:00,707
just to get some alone
time so I can read.

586
00:30:00,749 --> 00:30:02,507
I'm sure it's
tough in the moment,

587
00:30:02,549 --> 00:30:04,849
but when you look back,
it'll all be worth it.

588
00:30:07,582 --> 00:30:09,208
You know, honestly,

589
00:30:09,250 --> 00:30:11,941
you were the most thoughtful
partner I'd ever had.

590
00:30:11,982 --> 00:30:13,141
I'm serious.

591
00:30:13,183 --> 00:30:14,841
You always took me out on dates.

592
00:30:14,883 --> 00:30:17,707
You always held the door for me.

593
00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:20,308
You made sure our
anniversaries were special.

594
00:30:20,350 --> 00:30:22,908
I suppose I was thinking about

595
00:30:22,950 --> 00:30:23,849
how I would want to be treated.

596
00:30:26,250 --> 00:30:29,807
I have to say, having
lived on both sides,

597
00:30:29,849 --> 00:30:32,174
I think women tend
to be more in tune

598
00:30:32,216 --> 00:30:33,574
with other people's needs.

599
00:30:33,616 --> 00:30:35,841
Men try, they do try,

600
00:30:35,883 --> 00:30:37,216
but somehow their needs
tend to come first.

601
00:30:39,916 --> 00:30:42,275
Have you experimented with
women since transitioning?

602
00:30:42,317 --> 00:30:47,007
Uh, there was this one
cute lady at a pool party.

603
00:30:47,049 --> 00:30:50,007
I think she had a
bit of a crush on me.

604
00:30:50,049 --> 00:30:51,141
Mm-hm.

605
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,908
So she used the line,

606
00:30:53,949 --> 00:30:57,040
"We should just to make sure
you're not attracted to girls."

607
00:30:57,082 --> 00:30:59,150
And I said yes, and, eh.

608
00:31:00,482 --> 00:31:01,841
Just man, huh?

609
00:31:01,883 --> 00:31:02,482
Yup.

610
00:31:04,549 --> 00:31:06,108
What was your first
time like with the-

611
00:31:06,150 --> 00:31:08,641
- Mark.
- Yeah.

612
00:31:08,683 --> 00:31:11,507
I'd spent so long
imagining, fantasizing really,

613
00:31:11,549 --> 00:31:14,407
about what it would be like.

614
00:31:14,449 --> 00:31:18,183
It was hard for me to let
go and just enjoy myself.

615
00:31:20,549 --> 00:31:22,574
Well, best case
scenario with a guy,

616
00:31:22,616 --> 00:31:24,973
I mean your first time,
it's just awkward as hell.

617
00:31:25,015 --> 00:31:25,549
And you know,

618
00:31:28,417 --> 00:31:29,540
it's just like you're in
your head the entire time

619
00:31:29,582 --> 00:31:31,741
over analyzing everything.

620
00:31:31,783 --> 00:31:31,949
True.

621
00:31:33,482 --> 00:31:36,807
But as you know,

622
00:31:36,849 --> 00:31:39,774
relationships are all about
communication, and we-

623
00:31:39,816 --> 00:31:42,341
- You learned to communicate.

624
00:31:42,383 --> 00:31:44,540
Something like that.

625
00:31:44,582 --> 00:31:46,907
You know, my first
time with a guy

626
00:31:46,949 --> 00:31:48,849
was not as romantic
as I wanted it to be.

627
00:31:51,083 --> 00:31:52,807
You know, honestly men,

628
00:31:52,849 --> 00:31:55,041
they're just like horny
little Jack rabbits, you know?

629
00:31:55,083 --> 00:31:56,183
They just want to like
hump you until they come.

630
00:31:58,449 --> 00:32:02,807
Was I a horny
little Jack rabbit?

631
00:32:02,849 --> 00:32:03,540
No.

632
00:32:03,582 --> 00:32:05,841
I mean, not always.

633
00:32:05,882 --> 00:32:07,749
You, you, you were very,
you're very attentive.

634
00:32:09,848 --> 00:32:12,208
So tell me what
is more difficult,

635
00:32:12,250 --> 00:32:13,449
being trans or being a woman?

636
00:32:14,982 --> 00:32:17,907
Being a woman.

637
00:32:17,949 --> 00:32:18,716
As soon as I transitioned, pew!

638
00:32:21,417 --> 00:32:23,507
Oh my God, I knew it.

639
00:32:23,549 --> 00:32:26,807
See, I tell all my guy
friends about this.

640
00:32:26,848 --> 00:32:30,108
None of them believe me about,
you know, male privilege.

641
00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:33,308
Work is the worst now.

642
00:32:33,350 --> 00:32:35,074
In case you're somehow unaware.

643
00:32:35,116 --> 00:32:36,674
I'm very aware.

644
00:32:36,716 --> 00:32:38,407
The tech world is
rampant with woman haters

645
00:32:38,449 --> 00:32:40,241
and sexist a-holes.

646
00:32:40,283 --> 00:32:41,540
Preach.

647
00:32:41,582 --> 00:32:42,507
I literally feel invisible.

648
00:32:42,549 --> 00:32:43,707
Like I'd be in a meeting,

649
00:32:43,749 --> 00:32:45,741
and as soon as I open my mouth,

650
00:32:45,783 --> 00:32:47,241
some guy starts
speaking over me.

651
00:32:47,283 --> 00:32:48,341
Of course, yeah.

652
00:32:48,383 --> 00:32:50,806
Then I continue speaking

653
00:32:50,848 --> 00:32:54,549
and their simple minded ID
offer response is to get louder.

654
00:32:57,050 --> 00:32:57,607
I don't know how you dealt
with it your whole life, Nae.

655
00:32:57,649 --> 00:32:58,674
You need to spread the word.

656
00:32:58,716 --> 00:33:00,674
You need to do a PSA.

657
00:33:00,716 --> 00:33:01,641
You need to write a
blog post or something,

658
00:33:01,683 --> 00:33:03,607
'cause men need to know.

659
00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:06,108
Well, I'm in the
same boat as you now.

660
00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:09,574
Even my progressive male
friends don't fully believe me.

661
00:33:09,616 --> 00:33:11,341
I mean, Kris, I told
you this in college.

662
00:33:11,383 --> 00:33:12,774
You didn't believe me.

663
00:33:12,815 --> 00:33:14,275
See how real that privilege is?

664
00:33:14,317 --> 00:33:14,683
You feel it?

665
00:33:17,915 --> 00:33:18,050
What?

666
00:33:21,283 --> 00:33:21,749
- Oh my God.
- Oh shit.

667
00:33:23,449 --> 00:33:24,540
Talking about privilege.

668
00:33:24,582 --> 00:33:26,008
Naomi Liu?

669
00:33:26,050 --> 00:33:27,607
Oh my God, hi.

670
00:33:27,649 --> 00:33:28,308
Hello, gorgeous.

671
00:33:28,350 --> 00:33:29,974
Hello.

672
00:33:30,016 --> 00:33:31,507
Oh my God,

673
00:33:31,549 --> 00:33:32,641
you finally made it
out to Congregation

674
00:33:32,683 --> 00:33:34,241
after all my invites.

675
00:33:34,283 --> 00:33:35,241
Is your hubby around, or?

676
00:33:35,283 --> 00:33:36,341
No.

677
00:33:36,383 --> 00:33:37,773
What's his name again?

678
00:33:37,815 --> 00:33:38,941
- It's Jim.
- It doesn't matter.

679
00:33:38,983 --> 00:33:40,041
Must be out with
some hot date, huh?

680
00:33:42,683 --> 00:33:44,141
And who is this
charming young lady?

681
00:33:44,183 --> 00:33:45,882
Mm, uh.

682
00:33:48,250 --> 00:33:49,873
This is a friend of mine.

683
00:33:49,915 --> 00:33:53,108
She's a visiting
from out of town.

684
00:33:53,150 --> 00:33:55,840
Well, she should
visit more often.

685
00:33:55,882 --> 00:33:58,740
Especially if it means
getting you out of the office.

686
00:33:58,782 --> 00:34:00,241
Do you know that I have
not seen this woman

687
00:34:00,283 --> 00:34:01,607
out in the real world in years?

688
00:34:01,649 --> 00:34:02,375
I mean years.

689
00:34:02,417 --> 00:34:03,407
I mean.

690
00:34:03,449 --> 00:34:05,507
Yes, yes, yes, I know.

691
00:34:05,549 --> 00:34:07,375
The kids, the husband,
the art thing.

692
00:34:07,417 --> 00:34:08,141
You're a very important lady.

693
00:34:08,183 --> 00:34:09,407
I'm not-

694
00:34:09,449 --> 00:34:09,574
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

695
00:34:09,616 --> 00:34:11,275
No, no, no.

696
00:34:11,317 --> 00:34:12,241
Don't do that to yourself.

697
00:34:12,283 --> 00:34:14,375
Naomi has two young boys at home

698
00:34:14,417 --> 00:34:17,008
and a husband to look after.

699
00:34:17,050 --> 00:34:20,574
And she's a very talented artist
and a wonderful professor.

700
00:34:20,616 --> 00:34:21,806
Thank you.

701
00:34:21,848 --> 00:34:23,507
Um, who are you here to see?

702
00:34:23,549 --> 00:34:25,806
Oh, I'm meeting a, a student.

703
00:34:25,848 --> 00:34:27,375
Oh.

704
00:34:27,417 --> 00:34:28,607
One minute.

705
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:31,041
Hm, in your class right now?

706
00:34:31,083 --> 00:34:32,806
No, she graduated
actually last spring.

707
00:34:32,848 --> 00:34:35,041
She's in the master's program.

708
00:34:35,083 --> 00:34:37,641
She wanted my thoughts
on her thesis paper.

709
00:34:37,683 --> 00:34:40,208
I, I was very moved.

710
00:34:40,250 --> 00:34:43,108
You know, I like to follow
up with my students.

711
00:34:43,150 --> 00:34:45,108
Offer my services,

712
00:34:45,150 --> 00:34:47,375
see if there's any ways
that I can provide guidance.

713
00:34:47,417 --> 00:34:50,141
That's nice.

714
00:34:50,183 --> 00:34:52,674
This is gonna sound
corny but it's true.

715
00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:54,474
I believe that what you
put out into the world,

716
00:34:54,516 --> 00:34:57,008
you get back a hundred fold.

717
00:34:57,050 --> 00:34:57,616
I really do.

718
00:34:59,682 --> 00:35:01,607
Speaking of, if you're
still in town tomorrow,

719
00:35:01,649 --> 00:35:03,841
you should let me take you out.

720
00:35:03,883 --> 00:35:05,540
They say I'm an
excellent tour guide.

721
00:35:05,582 --> 00:35:08,008
I know all the best spots.

722
00:35:08,050 --> 00:35:10,341
Thank you, but I'll be
driving back to LA tonight.

723
00:35:10,383 --> 00:35:10,540
So I really won't have the time.

724
00:35:10,582 --> 00:35:13,150
Oh.

725
00:35:14,983 --> 00:35:17,074
I can see when I'm not needed.

726
00:35:17,116 --> 00:35:18,308
Oh really?

727
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:21,008
So, all right, fair enough.

728
00:35:21,050 --> 00:35:22,540
I'll let you ladies get
back to your evening.

729
00:35:22,582 --> 00:35:24,673
Thank you.

730
00:35:24,715 --> 00:35:27,275
But if you are ever
in Chandler again,

731
00:35:27,317 --> 00:35:28,773
you should look me up.

732
00:35:28,815 --> 00:35:31,108
Professor Peter
Gleason, Poli-Sci.

733
00:35:31,150 --> 00:35:32,941
Thank you.

734
00:35:32,983 --> 00:35:34,150
I'm sorry, I just realized
I never got your name.

735
00:35:36,582 --> 00:35:37,816
Uh, Kris.

736
00:35:40,283 --> 00:35:40,816
Kris.

737
00:35:43,549 --> 00:35:44,083
Hm.

738
00:35:47,317 --> 00:35:47,748
Well okay.

739
00:35:49,317 --> 00:35:50,841
Ladies.

740
00:35:50,883 --> 00:35:51,507
See you at work on Monday.

741
00:35:51,549 --> 00:35:53,807
Okay.

742
00:35:53,849 --> 00:35:55,275
Do not have
too much fun without me.

743
00:35:55,317 --> 00:35:56,150
Okay.

744
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:01,174
Let the drinking
slash office hours begin, huh?

745
00:36:01,216 --> 00:36:03,141
Fuck.

746
00:36:03,183 --> 00:36:03,916
I never imagined I'd
ever see Peter again.

747
00:36:05,950 --> 00:36:06,648
Thank God he didn't
recognize me.

748
00:36:08,183 --> 00:36:09,375
Ew.

749
00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,774
Ew, ew.

750
00:36:11,816 --> 00:36:14,341
Those horrible memories
are coming back to me.

751
00:36:14,383 --> 00:36:15,983
And he still thinks he's the
most important guy on campus.

752
00:36:17,549 --> 00:36:18,050
Sometimes,

753
00:36:20,549 --> 00:36:23,308
I wonder if I would have ended
up like that if I hadn't.

754
00:36:23,350 --> 00:36:25,375
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

755
00:36:25,417 --> 00:36:28,241
Kris, you were never that bad.

756
00:36:28,283 --> 00:36:28,816
Thank you.

757
00:36:30,615 --> 00:36:31,540
Do you want another drink?

758
00:36:31,582 --> 00:36:33,341
Definitely.

759
00:36:33,383 --> 00:36:35,141
I think you need
another drink.

760
00:36:35,183 --> 00:36:36,908
I'll be back.

761
00:36:36,950 --> 00:36:38,841
Don't have too much
fun without me.

762
00:36:38,883 --> 00:36:39,615
I won't.

763
00:36:42,083 --> 00:36:42,648
Thank you.

764
00:37:00,715 --> 00:37:01,883
Peter is waving at us.

765
00:37:03,283 --> 00:37:03,715
Oh God.

766
00:37:05,417 --> 00:37:06,673
He likes you.

767
00:37:06,715 --> 00:37:07,715
Uh, he loves you.

768
00:37:09,350 --> 00:37:11,841
You're his new girlfriend.

769
00:37:11,883 --> 00:37:15,749
So, I've shown some
of my cis guy friends

770
00:37:18,216 --> 00:37:19,539
an animated video of
gender affirmation surgery.

771
00:37:19,581 --> 00:37:21,341
You know, just to
fuck with them.

772
00:37:21,383 --> 00:37:23,440
You're so bad.

773
00:37:23,482 --> 00:37:25,507
They're slicing
open the testicles,

774
00:37:25,548 --> 00:37:27,474
and there's a CGI
hand pulling stuff out

775
00:37:27,516 --> 00:37:30,573
like some demented,
freaking cartoon.

776
00:37:30,615 --> 00:37:32,707
And so one of my
friends is watching

777
00:37:32,749 --> 00:37:35,573
and he starts screaming
at the top of his lungs.

778
00:37:35,615 --> 00:37:36,874
"It's making them happy!"

779
00:37:36,916 --> 00:37:38,208
"This is what they want!"

780
00:37:38,250 --> 00:37:40,539
"Modern medicine is amazing!"

781
00:37:40,581 --> 00:37:42,874
"Nobody's getting hurt."

782
00:37:42,916 --> 00:37:43,741
You should've seen his
face as he was saying it.

783
00:37:43,783 --> 00:37:46,074
He was in pain just
at the thought of it.

784
00:37:46,116 --> 00:37:48,241
I think he actually
described the operation

785
00:37:48,283 --> 00:37:50,083
as balloon animal stuff.

786
00:37:52,283 --> 00:37:54,375
Wait, I know all
about balloon animals.

787
00:37:54,417 --> 00:37:55,807
Thank you.

788
00:37:55,849 --> 00:38:00,041
Thank you very much.

789
00:38:00,083 --> 00:38:01,275
Men.

790
00:38:01,317 --> 00:38:01,816
Men.

791
00:38:03,283 --> 00:38:03,883
Yeah but, men.

792
00:38:06,116 --> 00:38:06,749
- You know?
- Yeah.

793
00:38:11,317 --> 00:38:12,506
Some of your students?

794
00:38:12,548 --> 00:38:14,539
I don't know.

795
00:38:14,581 --> 00:38:14,916
They all start to look
the same after a while.

796
00:38:17,749 --> 00:38:19,308
I still can't believe
you're a teacher.

797
00:38:19,350 --> 00:38:21,074
Professor.

798
00:38:21,116 --> 00:38:23,874
So respectable,
you've come so far.

799
00:38:23,916 --> 00:38:27,041
It makes me seem like
a real grownup, right?

800
00:38:27,083 --> 00:38:30,473
Must be rewarding working
with such bright young minds.

801
00:38:30,515 --> 00:38:33,041
So much potential.

802
00:38:33,083 --> 00:38:34,008
You know, when you
and I were together,

803
00:38:34,050 --> 00:38:35,807
I always had this dream

804
00:38:35,849 --> 00:38:38,308
of building up my
artistic reputation.

805
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:39,641
I remember.

806
00:38:39,683 --> 00:38:43,174
Maybe after I had some patrons

807
00:38:43,216 --> 00:38:45,607
and I was really established
in the artist community,

808
00:38:45,649 --> 00:38:47,707
then I would set up residency

809
00:38:47,749 --> 00:38:50,174
at one of those old
Victorian boarding homes.

810
00:38:50,216 --> 00:38:53,141
Like some artistic think tank.

811
00:38:53,183 --> 00:38:56,174
Yeah, it would be filled
with all of these true artists

812
00:38:56,216 --> 00:39:00,008
and we would just
spend all of our time

813
00:39:00,050 --> 00:39:03,539
having these like invigorating
conversations about life

814
00:39:03,581 --> 00:39:05,874
and how to affect change

815
00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:07,741
and shape the world
through our art.

816
00:39:07,783 --> 00:39:09,774
And then eventually,
like eventually.

817
00:39:09,816 --> 00:39:12,506
Like the years
later, much later,

818
00:39:12,548 --> 00:39:15,506
I would, I might
transition into teaching.

819
00:39:15,548 --> 00:39:16,574
I might transition to teaching.

820
00:39:16,616 --> 00:39:18,641
Don't look at me like that.

821
00:39:18,683 --> 00:39:20,883
I think they're very lucky
to have you here at CC.

822
00:39:22,883 --> 00:39:23,883
I do not feel very lucky.

823
00:39:26,016 --> 00:39:28,008
I feel like my entire
life has been nothing

824
00:39:28,050 --> 00:39:30,308
but just like a
series of setbacks.

825
00:39:30,350 --> 00:39:32,774
These kids.

826
00:39:32,816 --> 00:39:33,807
God, there's no
thought in their art.

827
00:39:33,849 --> 00:39:36,041
You know, there's no fire.

828
00:39:36,083 --> 00:39:38,150
It's like, it's like punching
a wet fucking sand bag.

829
00:39:40,515 --> 00:39:42,275
That does sound
pretty frustrating.

830
00:39:42,317 --> 00:39:44,008
And you know,

831
00:39:44,050 --> 00:39:46,574
critiquing their art
is like the worst

832
00:39:46,616 --> 00:39:47,783
because you still
have to say something.

833
00:39:49,716 --> 00:39:53,874
They take everything so
personally, you know?

834
00:39:53,916 --> 00:39:55,016
It's like some kids,
they're really like,

835
00:39:57,350 --> 00:39:58,241
they're precious
little snowflakes.

836
00:39:58,283 --> 00:39:59,607
Sorry.

837
00:39:59,649 --> 00:40:00,515
I suppose.

838
00:40:03,016 --> 00:40:06,874
But you don't just help your
students with their artwork.

839
00:40:06,916 --> 00:40:08,083
You're inspiring them
to grow as human beings.

840
00:40:10,050 --> 00:40:10,741
That's important.

841
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:12,540
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

842
00:40:12,582 --> 00:40:14,308
I've never been
inspiring to anyone.

843
00:40:14,350 --> 00:40:16,439
Kris, do you know where I live?

844
00:40:16,481 --> 00:40:19,406
I live in one of those horrible
cookie cutter neighborhoods

845
00:40:19,448 --> 00:40:22,174
that you and I used
to make fun of.

846
00:40:22,216 --> 00:40:24,574
Oh, I've always thought those
neighborhoods were charming.

847
00:40:24,616 --> 00:40:26,174
There are worse places to live.

848
00:40:26,216 --> 00:40:27,941
Yeah, sure, okay.

849
00:40:27,983 --> 00:40:30,574
It's just so fucking
boring, you know?

850
00:40:30,616 --> 00:40:32,816
They're like, just ordinary.

851
00:40:34,216 --> 00:40:35,908
Do you know what I miss?

852
00:40:35,950 --> 00:40:38,741
I miss doing like weird
random shit, okay?

853
00:40:38,783 --> 00:40:40,607
Like look at you.

854
00:40:40,649 --> 00:40:41,908
You've completely
reinvented yourself.

855
00:40:41,950 --> 00:40:43,607
I guess.

856
00:40:43,649 --> 00:40:44,141
No, no, I mean
that as a compliment.

857
00:40:44,183 --> 00:40:45,607
I'm jealous of you.

858
00:40:45,649 --> 00:40:49,549
You, you completely went
after what you wanted.

859
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:56,116
This isn't what I wanted, Nae.

860
00:40:58,250 --> 00:40:58,549
It wasn't a want.

861
00:41:00,516 --> 00:41:03,074
It was survival.

862
00:41:03,116 --> 00:41:03,950
I wouldn't be alive today
if I hadn't transitioned.

863
00:41:06,349 --> 00:41:09,307
People always say
transitioning is so brave.

864
00:41:09,349 --> 00:41:09,916
I just don't think
of it that way.

865
00:41:13,883 --> 00:41:14,816
Yeah, that's a fair point.

866
00:41:17,316 --> 00:41:20,582
And beside being trans, I
live a pretty normal life.

867
00:41:22,950 --> 00:41:23,774
I mean, just because
you have a house,

868
00:41:23,816 --> 00:41:26,174
a husband and two
beautiful children

869
00:41:26,216 --> 00:41:27,549
doesn't mean you aren't
interesting or unique.

870
00:41:29,749 --> 00:41:31,974
There's some days when I think

871
00:41:32,016 --> 00:41:34,083
I'm just turning into like
my dad with his photography.

872
00:41:38,582 --> 00:41:42,041
There were so many
things that I um,

873
00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:42,707
that I gave him shit about
when I was growing up,

874
00:41:42,749 --> 00:41:45,674
but now I understand.

875
00:41:45,716 --> 00:41:47,016
I wanted to say this earlier.

876
00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:53,849
I was so sorry to hear
about his passing.

877
00:41:55,516 --> 00:41:55,883
Thank you.

878
00:42:00,582 --> 00:42:01,807
How are your parents?

879
00:42:01,849 --> 00:42:04,941
How are Mina and Cyrus?

880
00:42:04,983 --> 00:42:06,641
They're great.

881
00:42:06,683 --> 00:42:08,507
Mom has been volunteering

882
00:42:08,549 --> 00:42:11,274
at one of the local
Boys and Girls clubs.

883
00:42:11,316 --> 00:42:13,507
The children are completely
obsessed with her.

884
00:42:13,549 --> 00:42:15,908
Well, naturally.

885
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:19,240
It's no surprise since she
stuffs her purse with candy.

886
00:42:19,282 --> 00:42:20,707
Oh.

887
00:42:20,749 --> 00:42:23,008
She's even got
dad to go with her.

888
00:42:23,050 --> 00:42:26,108
A whole class full of
surrogate grandchildren.

889
00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:27,674
I'm very surprised

890
00:42:27,716 --> 00:42:30,141
that they haven't
stolen one of them yet.

891
00:42:30,183 --> 00:42:32,016
I can't deny, they're
so good with kids.

892
00:42:34,316 --> 00:42:36,008
When we were together,

893
00:42:36,050 --> 00:42:38,274
they were always asking

894
00:42:38,316 --> 00:42:40,549
about when we were going to
settle down and start a family.

895
00:42:49,516 --> 00:42:53,674
Well, that clearly
would never have worked.

896
00:42:53,716 --> 00:42:56,641
They're really
great people though.

897
00:42:56,683 --> 00:42:57,950
They're gonna make great
grandparents one day.

898
00:43:01,883 --> 00:43:03,341
I got to run to the bathroom.

899
00:43:03,383 --> 00:43:03,950
Oh my God, I do, too.

900
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:06,482
Uh-huh.

901
00:43:11,582 --> 00:43:14,108
Hey, how far are
we from the campus?

902
00:43:14,150 --> 00:43:15,041
Like 10 Minutes.

903
00:43:15,083 --> 00:43:16,574
Why?

904
00:43:16,616 --> 00:43:18,341
Want to swing by CC.

905
00:43:18,383 --> 00:43:19,507
Revisit the old
stomping grounds.

906
00:43:19,549 --> 00:43:20,474
Oh my God.

907
00:43:20,516 --> 00:43:21,041
Really, right now?

908
00:43:21,083 --> 00:43:22,741
Yeah.

909
00:43:22,783 --> 00:43:24,974
You could show me your office.

910
00:43:25,016 --> 00:43:26,507
You said you have a new performance
piece you're working on.

911
00:43:26,549 --> 00:43:28,607
I do.

912
00:43:28,649 --> 00:43:30,207
You could show me
your student's art work.

913
00:43:30,249 --> 00:43:31,716
We could reminisce about
the good old times.

914
00:43:33,249 --> 00:43:34,507
You know what?

915
00:43:34,549 --> 00:43:36,607
I'm going to text
my mother-in-law

916
00:43:36,649 --> 00:43:37,582
and see if she wants
to spend the night.

917
00:43:40,050 --> 00:43:41,108
Oh, Martin.

918
00:43:41,150 --> 00:43:42,741
Naomi.

919
00:43:42,783 --> 00:43:44,474
Hey, how are you?

920
00:43:44,516 --> 00:43:45,540
Doing good.

921
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:46,407
It's really good to see you.

922
00:43:46,449 --> 00:43:47,841
Good to see you as well.

923
00:43:47,883 --> 00:43:48,741
- I'm sorry, I just got a text.
- No worries.

924
00:43:48,783 --> 00:43:49,308
This is my friend, Kris.

925
00:43:49,350 --> 00:43:50,375
She actually went to CC.

926
00:43:50,417 --> 00:43:51,182
She's visiting from Phoenix.

927
00:43:53,215 --> 00:43:53,641
It's a pleasure to meet you.

928
00:43:53,683 --> 00:43:55,474
Likewise.

929
00:43:55,516 --> 00:43:55,774
You're gonna
have to excuse her.

930
00:43:55,816 --> 00:43:57,641
She's a little shaken up

931
00:43:57,683 --> 00:43:58,341
because we just ran
into Peter in there.

932
00:43:58,383 --> 00:44:00,440
Oh no.

933
00:44:00,482 --> 00:44:01,807
Professor Peter
Gleason, Poli Sci.

934
00:44:01,849 --> 00:44:04,674
- Here's my card.
- Professor Sleazon, ugh.

935
00:44:04,716 --> 00:44:07,474
Please do not judge all
professors by his example.

936
00:44:07,516 --> 00:44:08,173
I beg you.

937
00:44:08,215 --> 00:44:10,207
I do not.

938
00:44:10,249 --> 00:44:11,641
Martin's actually one of
our top literature professors.

939
00:44:11,683 --> 00:44:13,574
He just wrote a book

940
00:44:13,616 --> 00:44:15,607
that's on the New York
Times bestseller list.

941
00:44:15,649 --> 00:44:18,707
Naomi, it's just a small
book, personal essays.

942
00:44:18,749 --> 00:44:20,641
It's nothing special.

943
00:44:20,683 --> 00:44:22,275
- It's nothing special?
- No.

944
00:44:22,317 --> 00:44:23,974
Martin, it is the New York
Times bestseller list, come on.

945
00:44:24,016 --> 00:44:25,341
Okay.

946
00:44:25,383 --> 00:44:26,674
His work is really incredible.

947
00:44:26,716 --> 00:44:28,275
She's too kind.

948
00:44:28,317 --> 00:44:30,540
Kris is, she's
like a tech wiz.

949
00:44:30,582 --> 00:44:32,241
She's really into
computers and stuff.

950
00:44:32,283 --> 00:44:34,140
Well, now I must admit,

951
00:44:34,182 --> 00:44:36,774
I still find computers
and technology

952
00:44:36,816 --> 00:44:39,440
to be a bit intimidating.

953
00:44:39,482 --> 00:44:41,440
My entire family's
super tech savvy

954
00:44:41,482 --> 00:44:43,173
and I'm the one
and only hold out.

955
00:44:43,215 --> 00:44:44,173
He's a true Luddite.

956
00:44:44,215 --> 00:44:46,207
I mean, what can I say?

957
00:44:46,249 --> 00:44:48,607
I enjoy my typewriter as
opposed to a laptop any day.

958
00:44:48,649 --> 00:44:49,749
It still works and it
hasn't broken yet, so.

959
00:44:52,383 --> 00:44:53,641
Maybe one of these days you
can give me some pointers

960
00:44:53,683 --> 00:44:56,107
on this tech lingo.

961
00:44:56,149 --> 00:44:57,275
Oh, I'm the last person
to give anybody a tutorial.

962
00:44:57,317 --> 00:44:58,540
That's really-

963
00:44:58,582 --> 00:44:59,407
- Oh, I'm sure you're brilliant.

964
00:44:59,449 --> 00:45:00,774
Oh no, I'm not.

965
00:45:00,816 --> 00:45:02,474
Well how about we start

966
00:45:02,516 --> 00:45:03,574
with like a terabyte
versus a gigabyte.

967
00:45:03,616 --> 00:45:04,674
What's the?

968
00:45:04,716 --> 00:45:05,807
Oh, that's easy.

969
00:45:05,849 --> 00:45:07,908
Anybody can look that up online.

970
00:45:07,950 --> 00:45:08,540
Well when you forget
your username and password

971
00:45:08,582 --> 00:45:10,507
as much as I do.

972
00:45:10,549 --> 00:45:11,841
Emails, this, that,
where do, I don't even.

973
00:45:11,883 --> 00:45:13,874
I'd rather just stick
paper in, crank it.

974
00:45:13,916 --> 00:45:15,050
The sound of a space
bar just gets me going.

975
00:45:20,549 --> 00:45:23,507
Well you, you guys going
inside, you leaving or?

976
00:45:23,549 --> 00:45:24,741
I mean.

977
00:45:24,783 --> 00:45:27,008
Uh, we really should be going.

978
00:45:27,049 --> 00:45:28,807
But thank you,
that's very sweet.

979
00:45:28,849 --> 00:45:30,607
I completely understand.

980
00:45:30,649 --> 00:45:32,241
You've got two little
ones to tuck in tonight.

981
00:45:32,283 --> 00:45:32,683
They're fine.

982
00:45:35,216 --> 00:45:36,073
It was a pleasure
meeting you, Kris.

983
00:45:36,115 --> 00:45:39,241
I hope to see you again.

984
00:45:39,283 --> 00:45:43,008
It was very nice meeting
you as well, Martin.

985
00:45:43,049 --> 00:45:45,308
Kris could you
give you her number

986
00:45:45,350 --> 00:45:48,241
'cause she is going to be
here for another night.

987
00:45:48,283 --> 00:45:49,107
I could give you her number.

988
00:45:49,149 --> 00:45:50,208
Uh.

989
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:52,474
If, that's up, if you-

990
00:45:52,516 --> 00:45:54,908
- I mean, I'm really sorry.

991
00:45:54,950 --> 00:45:55,440
I really don't think
I'll have the time.

992
00:45:55,482 --> 00:45:57,507
No worries, no worries.

993
00:45:57,549 --> 00:45:59,507
Next time.

994
00:45:59,549 --> 00:46:02,407
Well you ladies
have a good evening.

995
00:46:02,449 --> 00:46:04,908
Get home safely, be well.

996
00:46:04,950 --> 00:46:05,716
- Good night.
- Good night.

997
00:46:08,649 --> 00:46:10,375
Hey, why are you being so weird?

998
00:46:10,417 --> 00:46:12,208
You know what?

999
00:46:12,250 --> 00:46:14,107
If I was single I
would be all over that.

1000
00:46:14,149 --> 00:46:16,841
Well, I'm not trying to,
you not get with another guy.

1001
00:46:16,883 --> 00:46:19,607
You know, things are complicated
for someone whose trans.

1002
00:46:19,649 --> 00:46:20,208
One nighter guys
aren't really a thing.

1003
00:46:20,250 --> 00:46:21,440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1004
00:46:21,482 --> 00:46:22,607
I'm sorry, I have to get this.

1005
00:46:22,649 --> 00:46:23,308
One second.

1006
00:46:23,350 --> 00:46:25,841
Hey Nana.

1007
00:46:25,883 --> 00:46:26,749
Yeah, no, I got
your text messages.

1008
00:46:29,283 --> 00:46:30,216
Still out with my friend, she's.

1009
00:46:32,783 --> 00:46:33,683
Wait, how long has
he been crying for?

1010
00:46:35,783 --> 00:46:36,874
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

1011
00:46:36,916 --> 00:46:39,774
Um, no, I gotta get back.

1012
00:46:39,816 --> 00:46:42,507
Yeah, no, wants
us there tomorrow.

1013
00:46:42,549 --> 00:46:43,607
I'm sorry.

1014
00:46:43,649 --> 00:46:44,641
No, it's okay.

1015
00:46:44,683 --> 00:46:45,082
I know my kids.

1016
00:46:46,582 --> 00:46:48,540
Okay, all right.

1017
00:46:48,582 --> 00:46:49,883
I'll see you soon,
I'll see you soon, bye.

1018
00:46:57,250 --> 00:46:58,674
That was Jim's mom.

1019
00:46:58,716 --> 00:47:01,607
She's watching the boys tonight.

1020
00:47:01,649 --> 00:47:03,607
One of them woke up and
he can't get back to sleep

1021
00:47:03,649 --> 00:47:07,474
so I gotta get home
and put him to bed.

1022
00:47:07,516 --> 00:47:10,507
He's gonna be
crazy tomorrow, so.

1023
00:47:10,549 --> 00:47:13,707
I had a, I had a really
good time tonight.

1024
00:47:13,749 --> 00:47:15,574
It was really nice to see you.

1025
00:47:15,616 --> 00:47:17,574
And I know it's late.

1026
00:47:17,616 --> 00:47:19,308
You gotta get back to LA, so.

1027
00:47:19,350 --> 00:47:21,674
Oh no, it's no problem.

1028
00:47:21,716 --> 00:47:23,275
We can totally
swing by the house.

1029
00:47:23,317 --> 00:47:24,883
I'd love to see the little ones.

1030
00:47:26,883 --> 00:47:27,116
Really?

1031
00:47:29,250 --> 00:47:29,716
Me and kids.

1032
00:47:33,916 --> 00:47:36,108
It shouldn't take long.

1033
00:47:36,150 --> 00:47:39,007
Just, I'll call us a car.

1034
00:48:00,015 --> 00:48:04,807
♪ Hush little baby
don't say a word ♪

1035
00:48:04,849 --> 00:48:09,208
♪ Mama's gonna bye
you a mockingbird ♪

1036
00:48:09,250 --> 00:48:14,007
♪ And if that
mockingbird won't sing ♪

1037
00:48:14,049 --> 00:48:17,915
♪ Mama's gonna buy
you a diamond ring ♪

1038
00:48:20,582 --> 00:48:23,516
♪ And if that diamond
ring won't brass ♪

1039
00:48:25,783 --> 00:48:29,741
♪ Mama's gonna buy
you a looking glass ♪

1040
00:48:29,783 --> 00:48:34,275
♪ And if that looking
glass gets broke ♪

1041
00:48:34,317 --> 00:48:38,649
♪ Mama's gonna buy you ♪

1042
00:48:40,317 --> 00:48:43,208
♪ And if that Billy goat ♪

1043
00:49:48,815 --> 00:49:50,716
Have a really
beautiful family.

1044
00:49:54,183 --> 00:49:57,782
I know this isn't exactly how
you pictured the future to be,

1045
00:50:00,250 --> 00:50:02,983
but I hope you don't
forget how special it is.

1046
00:50:09,683 --> 00:50:10,683
I never thought you'd
have kids before me.

1047
00:50:16,882 --> 00:50:17,848
I wasn't even
sure I wanted kids.

1048
00:50:20,283 --> 00:50:20,983
They were such a mystery to me.

1049
00:50:23,749 --> 00:50:26,341
Nothing like having two of
them to dispel all that.

1050
00:50:26,383 --> 00:50:28,707
You were always the one who
fell to pieces around them.

1051
00:50:28,748 --> 00:50:30,507
Make that squeaking
whenever you saw them.

1052
00:50:34,482 --> 00:50:36,275
God, you're such a girl.

1053
00:50:36,317 --> 00:50:37,050
I can't help myself.

1054
00:50:38,782 --> 00:50:40,740
I mean, I don't know.

1055
00:50:40,782 --> 00:50:43,882
Maybe it sounds a bit old
fashioned to say this, but,

1056
00:50:45,882 --> 00:50:47,141
is there really
anything more fulfilling

1057
00:50:47,183 --> 00:50:47,183
than being a mother?

1058
00:50:49,782 --> 00:50:53,607
You know, when
Nathan was three,

1059
00:50:53,649 --> 00:50:54,616
he got into my acrylic paints.

1060
00:50:56,683 --> 00:50:58,740
God, I was so scared.

1061
00:50:58,782 --> 00:50:59,649
We had to take him
to the hospital.

1062
00:51:01,649 --> 00:51:02,582
We had to call poison control.

1063
00:51:05,150 --> 00:51:06,050
That day I really felt
like I had failed as a mom.

1064
00:51:10,050 --> 00:51:12,507
I mean, I love those boys,
you know, more than anything,

1065
00:51:12,549 --> 00:51:14,616
but sometimes I wonder if I'd
just be better off as an aunt,

1066
00:51:17,116 --> 00:51:20,740
and don't even get me
started on being pregnant.

1067
00:51:20,782 --> 00:51:22,806
I mean, they say that
there's nothing more natural

1068
00:51:22,848 --> 00:51:23,950
than growing something
inside of you, but it's like.

1069
00:51:26,683 --> 00:51:29,008
I'll never know
what that's like.

1070
00:51:29,050 --> 00:51:31,941
Trust me, you really
don't need to know.

1071
00:51:31,983 --> 00:51:35,516
Between the bloating and
the morning sickness,

1072
00:51:37,250 --> 00:51:37,782
the postpartum depression.

1073
00:51:41,317 --> 00:51:43,141
I mean, you're essentially
carrying something

1074
00:51:43,183 --> 00:51:45,874
like the size of a
bowling ball for months.

1075
00:51:45,916 --> 00:51:48,841
Your body and your boobs,
they're never the same.

1076
00:51:48,883 --> 00:51:50,116
Not every woman needs to
go through all of that.

1077
00:51:51,383 --> 00:51:51,715
Yeah.

1078
00:51:54,682 --> 00:51:56,083
Just wish I had the choice.

1079
00:52:01,183 --> 00:52:02,607
When I was younger,

1080
00:52:02,649 --> 00:52:04,041
I used to pray every night

1081
00:52:04,083 --> 00:52:07,041
that by the time
I got my surgery,

1082
00:52:07,083 --> 00:52:09,748
that uterine transplants
were finally possible.

1083
00:52:13,748 --> 00:52:15,682
Science just hasn't
quite caught up yet.

1084
00:52:23,582 --> 00:52:25,706
Well you could always adopt.

1085
00:52:25,748 --> 00:52:27,341
I mean, Jim's adopted
and his family is-

1086
00:52:27,383 --> 00:52:28,183
- Eh, I know.

1087
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:34,016
I just always wanted to have
my own biological children.

1088
00:52:37,417 --> 00:52:37,883
You saved your sperm, right?

1089
00:52:39,383 --> 00:52:42,241
When I first came out,

1090
00:52:42,283 --> 00:52:44,241
things were pretty rocky
between my parents and me.

1091
00:52:44,283 --> 00:52:46,074
I mean, we're good now,

1092
00:52:46,116 --> 00:52:49,783
but they've always wanted
grandchildren, as you know.

1093
00:52:52,783 --> 00:52:55,874
My father is the only
son in his family,

1094
00:52:55,916 --> 00:52:57,582
so our family name
might die with him.

1095
00:52:59,849 --> 00:53:03,108
So as part of the condition

1096
00:53:03,150 --> 00:53:07,050
to get their approval
to start transitioning,

1097
00:53:11,950 --> 00:53:14,706
I was to make a deposit
to a sperm bank.

1098
00:53:14,748 --> 00:53:15,682
Not that I wouldn't
have done it anyway.

1099
00:53:18,250 --> 00:53:20,308
But they say there's no point
in having your sperm frozen

1100
00:53:20,350 --> 00:53:23,308
for longer than 15 years.

1101
00:53:23,350 --> 00:53:23,682
It's already been 14, so.

1102
00:53:28,216 --> 00:53:29,440
About a year ago,

1103
00:53:29,482 --> 00:53:32,174
I noticed my parents
went from saying

1104
00:53:32,216 --> 00:53:34,341
"We want grandchildren one day,"

1105
00:53:34,383 --> 00:53:37,615
to "We used to on
grandchildren."

1106
00:53:41,783 --> 00:53:42,749
It's a relief, really.

1107
00:53:45,749 --> 00:53:47,241
To know they don't carry

1108
00:53:47,283 --> 00:53:49,183
those expectations
around with them anymore.

1109
00:54:04,983 --> 00:54:06,050
Remember that night
sophomore year?

1110
00:54:08,883 --> 00:54:10,950
We were coming back from
Jeremy's house party.

1111
00:54:15,116 --> 00:54:15,916
I think it was
this neighborhood.

1112
00:54:19,116 --> 00:54:20,208
Must have been February,

1113
00:54:20,250 --> 00:54:22,783
'cause we were all
wearing our big jackets.

1114
00:54:24,615 --> 00:54:26,216
God, we were so high.

1115
00:54:28,883 --> 00:54:30,648
Everyone wanted to
hide in their rooms.

1116
00:54:33,083 --> 00:54:36,208
But you, Naomi Liu,

1117
00:54:36,250 --> 00:54:39,506
decided that we all
needed to go around

1118
00:54:39,548 --> 00:54:41,449
tagging the campus buildings.

1119
00:54:44,216 --> 00:54:46,783
I'd never done anything
like that before in my life,

1120
00:54:48,515 --> 00:54:49,482
or since, really.

1121
00:54:55,317 --> 00:54:56,716
That night was so crazy.

1122
00:55:06,849 --> 00:55:07,916
Even the air smells the same.

1123
00:56:17,150 --> 00:56:19,050
Wow, you have some
amazing students.

1124
00:56:37,350 --> 00:56:37,783
Who did this?

1125
00:56:39,515 --> 00:56:40,582
This is Harzan's.

1126
00:56:44,083 --> 00:56:44,783
He's actually trans.

1127
00:56:47,416 --> 00:56:50,540
Well, he seems
really talented.

1128
00:56:50,582 --> 00:56:52,150
Yeah, he's got a long
career ahead of him.

1129
00:56:55,816 --> 00:56:59,050
Well I think he's very lucky
to have you as a teacher.

1130
00:57:30,849 --> 00:57:32,950
Being in here feels like
visiting another lifetime,

1131
00:57:34,883 --> 00:57:36,083
like a parallel universe.

1132
00:57:40,783 --> 00:57:41,950
We used to have some
amazing times in here.

1133
00:57:45,582 --> 00:57:47,116
Talking until four
in the morning,

1134
00:57:49,616 --> 00:57:53,150
arguing about art and politics.

1135
00:57:56,216 --> 00:57:57,448
We thought we had the
answers to everything.

1136
00:58:04,016 --> 00:58:05,849
Do you remember our last
night together before you left?

1137
00:58:08,250 --> 00:58:12,108
Yeah, I mean, sure, of course.

1138
00:58:12,150 --> 00:58:13,950
But we don't have
to talk about that.

1139
00:58:16,016 --> 00:58:17,440
Well that's very
typical of you.

1140
00:58:17,482 --> 00:58:17,883
I'm sorry?

1141
00:58:19,950 --> 00:58:21,083
You're always avoiding
any type of conflict.

1142
00:58:23,216 --> 00:58:24,674
I'm not avoiding conflict.

1143
00:58:24,716 --> 00:58:25,849
I just don't see why
you're bringing that up.

1144
00:58:28,183 --> 00:58:28,916
Well, it's not like I
could bring it up before.

1145
00:58:30,783 --> 00:58:31,482
Guess you made sure of that.

1146
00:58:33,516 --> 00:58:34,540
Come on, Naomi.

1147
00:58:34,582 --> 00:58:36,374
It's been a good night.

1148
00:58:36,416 --> 00:58:38,540
Your parents didn't know
what was going on with you.

1149
00:58:38,582 --> 00:58:42,216
Only that you were taking time
to just be alone and think,

1150
00:58:43,416 --> 00:58:44,074
get some help.

1151
00:58:44,116 --> 00:58:45,874
Can't we just-

1152
00:58:45,916 --> 00:58:47,274
- You know that you
left your stuff?

1153
00:58:47,316 --> 00:58:49,041
All of your clothes.

1154
00:58:49,083 --> 00:58:50,741
And I didn't know
what to do with them.

1155
00:58:50,783 --> 00:58:52,674
I didn't know whether I
should just throw them out.

1156
00:58:52,716 --> 00:58:53,474
Should I keep them?

1157
00:58:53,516 --> 00:58:54,607
Naomi.

1158
00:58:54,649 --> 00:58:55,083
You left me, Kris.

1159
00:58:57,382 --> 00:58:58,974
You left me like
I was a stranger.

1160
00:58:59,016 --> 00:59:00,774
Not like somebody that
you said that you loved.

1161
00:59:00,816 --> 00:59:01,150
Okay.

1162
00:59:03,282 --> 00:59:03,950
Okay.

1163
00:59:08,849 --> 00:59:12,649
I apologized for what I did
and I will say it again.

1164
00:59:15,516 --> 00:59:17,215
I take responsibility
for that choice.

1165
00:59:19,649 --> 00:59:22,741
And I'd like to think
that we can move on

1166
00:59:22,783 --> 00:59:25,741
and go back to being friends.

1167
00:59:25,783 --> 00:59:27,207
Why do you fucking keep
saying that we were friends?

1168
00:59:27,249 --> 00:59:28,507
We were never friends.

1169
00:59:28,549 --> 00:59:29,641
We were friends for like what?

1170
00:59:29,683 --> 00:59:31,407
It was like a week, a week.

1171
00:59:31,449 --> 00:59:33,307
We were friends for a week

1172
00:59:33,349 --> 00:59:34,974
before we started to hook up.

1173
00:59:35,016 --> 00:59:36,874
I'm just saying we had a
solid foundation of friendship.

1174
00:59:36,916 --> 00:59:38,150
Stop pretending that we
didn't have a relationship.

1175
00:59:44,016 --> 00:59:45,440
Oh my God.

1176
00:59:45,482 --> 00:59:46,807
You always fucking do this.

1177
00:59:46,849 --> 00:59:49,141
You always fucking do this.

1178
00:59:49,183 --> 00:59:50,707
You're always looking at
the brighter side of things.

1179
00:59:50,749 --> 00:59:52,908
And that's such a bad thing?

1180
00:59:52,950 --> 00:59:56,041
Yeah, it is if you cannot
look at things as they are,

1181
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:58,341
as they really are.

1182
00:59:58,383 --> 01:00:00,141
What did you even learn in
therapy all those years?

1183
01:00:00,182 --> 01:00:02,308
- God.
- Plenty.

1184
01:00:02,350 --> 01:00:05,474
Well, you can't rewrite
history, Kris, okay.

1185
01:00:05,516 --> 01:00:08,008
Like the way you did
tonight on the way here,

1186
01:00:08,050 --> 01:00:09,074
when you were talking
about tagging.

1187
01:00:09,116 --> 01:00:10,908
And, so, what?

1188
01:00:10,950 --> 01:00:14,540
You left out the most
important part of the story.

1189
01:00:14,582 --> 01:00:16,574
My friend, Jillian,

1190
01:00:16,616 --> 01:00:18,741
she was sexually assaulted and
that's why we were out there.

1191
01:00:18,783 --> 01:00:20,141
We were putting up statistics.

1192
01:00:20,182 --> 01:00:22,641
Not 'cause we were
trying to be edgy.

1193
01:00:22,683 --> 01:00:23,674
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

1194
01:00:23,716 --> 01:00:25,141
Did you forget about that?

1195
01:00:25,182 --> 01:00:27,008
Yeah, no, we weren't doing that

1196
01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:28,474
just so you could
have a fun experience.

1197
01:00:28,516 --> 01:00:30,041
That, that, that's
really unfair.

1198
01:00:30,083 --> 01:00:32,774
I mean, just because I had a
positive experience that night

1199
01:00:32,816 --> 01:00:35,140
doesn't mean I'm trivializing
what happened to Jillian.

1200
01:00:35,182 --> 01:00:37,240
I mean, if it wasn't for
my positive attitude,

1201
01:00:37,282 --> 01:00:38,974
I probably would be dead by now.

1202
01:00:39,016 --> 01:00:40,674
I'm sorry I can't be more
bitter about things like you.

1203
01:00:40,716 --> 01:00:42,074
Really, that's how it is?

1204
01:00:42,116 --> 01:00:43,407
Well, my life
didn't even begin

1205
01:00:43,449 --> 01:00:44,950
until 14 fucking years ago.

1206
01:00:52,849 --> 01:00:56,275
Do you have any idea how that
completely erases everything

1207
01:00:56,317 --> 01:00:57,641
that you and I have
been through together?

1208
01:00:57,683 --> 01:00:58,516
Everything that
I've been through?

1209
01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:01,716
Oh my God.

1210
01:01:03,616 --> 01:01:04,050
Oh my God.

1211
01:01:07,215 --> 01:01:11,140
Listen, I came here with
the best of intentions,

1212
01:01:11,182 --> 01:01:13,707
but clearly there is
nothing I can say or do

1213
01:01:13,749 --> 01:01:14,582
that will make you happy.

1214
01:01:17,516 --> 01:01:18,449
I'm exhausted.

1215
01:01:20,950 --> 01:01:23,140
I think I should
probably just leave.

1216
01:01:23,182 --> 01:01:25,182
I really wanted tonight
to go differently.

1217
01:01:26,849 --> 01:01:27,574
You're just gonna leave.

1218
01:01:27,616 --> 01:01:29,540
Oh, okay.

1219
01:01:29,582 --> 01:01:30,482
Well I guess some things
never change, huh?

1220
01:01:35,749 --> 01:01:36,616
Like you changed, Naomi?

1221
01:01:39,050 --> 01:01:41,507
I mean literally you've
been complaining all night

1222
01:01:41,549 --> 01:01:45,674
about your life, your
job, your marriage,

1223
01:01:45,716 --> 01:01:48,275
even your children, like
somehow they're responsible.

1224
01:01:48,317 --> 01:01:50,140
Of course I'm never going
to satisfy you, who does?

1225
01:01:50,182 --> 01:01:51,574
Oh thank you for reminding me

1226
01:01:51,616 --> 01:01:53,774
that my life's not satisfying.

1227
01:01:53,816 --> 01:01:56,173
I'm sorry, not everyone
can be perfect like you.

1228
01:01:56,215 --> 01:01:57,449
It's not perfect.

1229
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:02,641
I still can't look at
myself in the mirror

1230
01:02:02,683 --> 01:02:04,173
because I still see the
body I used to have.

1231
01:02:04,215 --> 01:02:06,173
That can't be erased.

1232
01:02:06,215 --> 01:02:08,908
These shoulders, these
hands, this voice.

1233
01:02:08,950 --> 01:02:10,674
I hate so much of me, there.

1234
01:02:10,716 --> 01:02:12,807
You just need to put
yourself out there.

1235
01:02:12,849 --> 01:02:14,574
Like tonight, I saw what
you did with Martin.

1236
01:02:14,616 --> 01:02:15,574
Okay, no wait a minute.

1237
01:02:15,616 --> 01:02:17,073
He was ready to ask you out

1238
01:02:17,115 --> 01:02:18,540
and you completely
shut him down.

1239
01:02:18,582 --> 01:02:20,208
It's not that simple, okay?

1240
01:02:20,250 --> 01:02:22,073
This is probably why your
last relationship failed,

1241
01:02:22,115 --> 01:02:24,841
because you ruin everything
that's good in your life.

1242
01:02:24,883 --> 01:02:28,082
If you must know, Mark
wanted to have children,

1243
01:02:29,816 --> 01:02:31,574
and I could not
give that to him.

1244
01:02:31,616 --> 01:02:34,407
So it seemed unfair for
us to stay together.

1245
01:02:34,449 --> 01:02:35,741
And I made the
difficult choice to.

1246
01:02:35,783 --> 01:02:38,607
At least I tried.

1247
01:02:38,649 --> 01:02:40,607
You, you just gave
up and settled.

1248
01:02:40,649 --> 01:02:42,974
I mean, how is
married life, Naomi?

1249
01:02:43,015 --> 01:02:44,540
Are you giving
me marriage advice?

1250
01:02:44,582 --> 01:02:46,107
This is coming from the woman

1251
01:02:46,149 --> 01:02:47,174
who's had like one relationship
in the last 10 years.

1252
01:02:47,216 --> 01:02:49,774
Okay, so just because you
don't like a few things,

1253
01:02:49,816 --> 01:02:50,741
you're gonna write off your
whole marriage, your family.

1254
01:02:50,783 --> 01:02:52,540
No, no, you're the one
who writes things off

1255
01:02:52,582 --> 01:02:54,107
and you're the
one who walks away

1256
01:02:54,149 --> 01:02:55,007
and you're the one who, who
leaves relationships, okay?

1257
01:02:55,049 --> 01:02:56,707
- Because-
- Oh for fuck's sake,

1258
01:02:56,749 --> 01:02:58,607
just let it go already!

1259
01:02:58,649 --> 01:03:01,540
People break up every day

1260
01:03:01,582 --> 01:03:03,141
and move on with
their fucking lives.

1261
01:03:03,183 --> 01:03:05,208
Why can't you?

1262
01:03:05,250 --> 01:03:07,941
You decided to live in Chandler.

1263
01:03:07,983 --> 01:03:10,474
You decided to get
married and have children.

1264
01:03:10,516 --> 01:03:12,115
So don't blame me for your
fucking failure of a life!

1265
01:03:17,183 --> 01:03:18,115
I was pregnant.

1266
01:03:28,449 --> 01:03:28,816
What?

1267
01:03:34,616 --> 01:03:36,716
I, when I started
to miss my period,

1268
01:03:38,616 --> 01:03:40,507
I didn't want to believe it.

1269
01:03:40,549 --> 01:03:41,440
I mean the last thing
I wanted to believe

1270
01:03:41,482 --> 01:03:44,874
was that I was pregnant after.

1271
01:03:44,916 --> 01:03:49,208
So I took a test 'cause I was
getting sick in the mornings

1272
01:03:49,250 --> 01:03:51,582
and smelling my paints
was bothering me.

1273
01:03:55,417 --> 01:03:58,474
I was dealing with
our breakup and-

1274
01:03:58,516 --> 01:04:00,375
- What did you do?

1275
01:04:00,417 --> 01:04:01,816
I felt like I
didn't have a choice,

1276
01:04:04,317 --> 01:04:07,183
so I decided not to keep it.

1277
01:04:11,116 --> 01:04:13,449
And that was the
single hardest...

1278
01:04:22,783 --> 01:04:23,482
I,

1279
01:04:25,183 --> 01:04:25,716
had a child?

1280
01:04:29,716 --> 01:04:30,183
I had a child.

1281
01:04:36,183 --> 01:04:36,716
You,

1282
01:04:39,350 --> 01:04:42,407
you got a second chance.

1283
01:04:42,449 --> 01:04:43,683
You have two beautiful children.

1284
01:04:49,549 --> 01:04:51,275
How was I supposed to know

1285
01:04:51,317 --> 01:04:54,275
that you weren't able
to have a child, okay?

1286
01:04:54,317 --> 01:04:56,507
You didn't tell me about this.

1287
01:04:56,549 --> 01:04:58,208
This wasn't something
that we discussed.

1288
01:04:58,250 --> 01:05:00,074
This made sense to me, okay?

1289
01:05:00,116 --> 01:05:01,674
Fuck you.

1290
01:05:01,716 --> 01:05:03,440
This is so much bigger than you.

1291
01:05:03,482 --> 01:05:05,540
Fuck.

1292
01:05:05,582 --> 01:05:05,940
This is so much
bigger than, enough!

1293
01:05:05,982 --> 01:05:07,141
Fuck you!

1294
01:05:07,183 --> 01:05:07,741
You didn't have the right!

1295
01:05:07,783 --> 01:05:09,008
I had every fucking right!

1296
01:05:09,050 --> 01:05:09,440
It was inside of me,
it was a part of me,

1297
01:05:09,482 --> 01:05:11,407
and I'm the one who gave it up!

1298
01:05:11,449 --> 01:05:13,540
You just wanted a way out.

1299
01:05:13,582 --> 01:05:17,008
An excuse for why your
life is so shitty.

1300
01:05:17,050 --> 01:05:19,807
You're just now trying
to hurt me one last time.

1301
01:05:19,849 --> 01:05:23,507
You did all of this
for yourself, Naomi.

1302
01:05:23,549 --> 01:05:25,474
No, I told you because
I wanted you to know

1303
01:05:25,516 --> 01:05:26,582
what you did to me.

1304
01:05:30,417 --> 01:05:31,616
You want to know why?

1305
01:05:34,848 --> 01:05:35,915
Your life isn't
that fucking tragic.

1306
01:05:38,183 --> 01:05:39,275
They are plenty of places,

1307
01:05:39,317 --> 01:05:41,341
there are plenty of people

1308
01:05:41,383 --> 01:05:42,482
who would accept
you for who you are.

1309
01:05:45,050 --> 01:05:46,982
But instead you choose to live
in some nowhere little town

1310
01:05:49,050 --> 01:05:50,375
and you spout off
all this bullshit

1311
01:05:50,417 --> 01:05:52,507
about rainbows and sunshine.

1312
01:05:52,549 --> 01:05:53,716
How everything is so great.

1313
01:05:56,050 --> 01:05:59,449
But really on the
inside you're the same.

1314
01:06:01,216 --> 01:06:02,549
You're a fucking coward.

1315
01:06:04,516 --> 01:06:06,074
You just run for the exit

1316
01:06:06,116 --> 01:06:06,949
any time life rears
its ugly little head.

1317
01:06:08,616 --> 01:06:09,216
Here's the truth.

1318
01:06:11,482 --> 01:06:15,449
You are never going
to be a mother.

1319
01:06:19,350 --> 01:06:22,482
'Cause you can't unfuck what
you did to our relationship.

1320
01:06:28,882 --> 01:06:32,016
So you're never gonna
be a real woman.

1321
01:06:35,848 --> 01:06:36,983
Not in the way you want to be.

1322
01:06:42,216 --> 01:06:42,815
Your always gonna be incomplete.

1323
01:06:48,983 --> 01:06:50,749
You're the one with
the sad life story.

1324
01:06:55,716 --> 01:06:57,582
I know you want to point
that finger to everyone else.

1325
01:06:59,649 --> 01:07:03,773
Your students, your
failed marriage,

1326
01:07:03,815 --> 01:07:05,815
your responsibilities, me.

1327
01:07:10,683 --> 01:07:11,748
But you have no one to
blame except yourself.

1328
01:07:14,482 --> 01:07:17,141
I may have spent
the last 15 years

1329
01:07:17,183 --> 01:07:19,141
rebuilding my life
from the ground up,

1330
01:07:19,183 --> 01:07:22,707
but I still have more
to show than you.

1331
01:07:22,748 --> 01:07:24,516
Now that's pathetic.

1332
01:07:27,983 --> 01:07:28,983
It's no wonder you
don't perform anymore.

1333
01:07:31,116 --> 01:07:31,549
You can't.

1334
01:07:34,683 --> 01:07:36,074
Because that would require
you to take a long,

1335
01:07:36,116 --> 01:07:37,308
hard, look at yourself
in the mirror,

1336
01:07:37,350 --> 01:07:40,108
because as you always said,

1337
01:07:40,150 --> 01:07:41,549
"Art requires truth."

1338
01:07:44,250 --> 01:07:48,540
And you haven't had
any truth in your life

1339
01:07:48,582 --> 01:07:50,050
for a very, very long time.

1340
01:08:26,383 --> 01:08:27,116
Thank you for coming everyone.

1341
01:08:29,250 --> 01:08:29,649
This is for Kris.

1342
01:09:18,916 --> 01:09:22,874
For your tiny hands
caressed you honest cheek.

1343
01:09:22,916 --> 01:09:26,407
For your sleepy eyes looked
upon the crescent moon.

1344
01:09:26,449 --> 01:09:29,774
It seems like.

1345
01:09:29,816 --> 01:09:33,774
Before your happy smile and
sunshine through dark places,

1346
01:09:33,816 --> 01:09:36,640
the whole world waited
for you to change it.

1347
01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:10,050
Before your soft feet hopped
upon the morning grass.

1348
01:10:12,950 --> 01:10:16,108
Before your silky hair
danced with an autumn breeze.

1349
01:10:16,150 --> 01:10:18,615
Before your curious mind
daydreamed of new beginnings.

1350
01:10:20,983 --> 01:10:23,116
The whole world still
waited for you to change it.

1351
01:10:25,783 --> 01:10:27,774
It did.

1352
01:10:27,816 --> 01:10:28,749
It was waiting for
you to change it.

1353
01:10:34,516 --> 01:10:35,050
Ah.

1354
01:11:59,883 --> 01:12:00,783
You're so good with the kids.

1355
01:12:03,317 --> 01:12:04,448
When are you gonna
have some of your own?

1356
01:12:07,548 --> 01:12:08,916
I don't know if I will.

1357
01:12:12,749 --> 01:12:13,783
Maybe that's okay.

1358
01:12:25,417 --> 01:12:26,016
They're adorable.

1359
01:12:47,050 --> 01:12:47,481
On guard!

1360
01:13:09,898 --> 01:13:14,898
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