- Man: First off, thank you for doing this. - Of course, of course.
I appreciate you coming in and speaking about Demi.
Christina: The special thing about Demi
is she has just a very real and honest soul about her.
When you meet her, when you're in a room with her,
the boisterous laugh that comes out of her...
( laughing )
She's just no bullshit when it comes to--
even just her spirit
and her energy and her laughter.
When you look at artists like Demi
and people that publically have to go through struggles,
nothing can define you within a moment in time.
But I think you truly do have to go through some things and some lessons
to catapult yourself to the next level.
She's a real gem, that one.
I'm Will Ferrell.
I'm, depending on who you talk to,
either a beloved comedic actor or hated,
um, for everything I say or do.
Demi came and did a cameo on our movie "Eurovision."
She was sharing with me
how a lot of my movies
really helped her through her rehab experience.
It really touched me.
I just happened to be watching the Grammys
when she performed her song.
And I wrote her, like, that the next day to just say,
"Hey, I hope I'm not bothering you,
but I watched you last night.
That was just incredible to watch you be that vulnerable."
And I don't write emails like this usually.
I just felt connected and wanting to kind of let her know,
"Hey, you are now affecting me
in a way that you should feel really proud of."
I first heard Demi Lovato's music quite awhile ago and I loved her voice.
I asked her to come and duet with me on "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"
when I promoted it at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles.
That's when I first met her, and I loved her so much.
When you're young and you're famous,
my God, it's tough.
You are put up on a pedestal
and you're not supposed to be human.
"Demi Lovato is God. She's fantastic.
She's perfect."
But of course, we're not perfect. We're all human beings.
She's human and she's adorable and she's brave.
♪ Dancing with the devil ♪
♪ Out of control ♪
♪ Almost made it to heaven ♪
♪ It was closer than you'll know ♪
Man: We were so geared up with the Grammys
and with Super Bowl.
And then everything got put on hold,
and I can't imagine how scary that was for you.
I don't think that I would've been able to appreciate
the big things that are going to come in the future
had I not been able to appreciate the little things now.
Hi.
My quarantine has been
really beneficial to my mental health.
Obviously, I hated that people were getting sick.
In other times in my life, I've always tried
to find the good in things, and that's what I did with this.
It was like, how can I use this experience to work on myself?
I know 2020 is a dark year for all of us.
But-- it feels dirty to say this.
She's had the best year ever.
During this quarantine, she's grown so much.
She's meditating and doing
all these different things for herself.
Demi: Even if it's as small
as stretching before bed,
things that I just didn't take time
to do before quarantine,
I'm now taking time to do.
I was just like, all right,
I'm going to take this time to spend with my family
and get to know my boyfriend
and cuddle with my dogs more.
He just fit right in with the whole family.
My mom came to me, and she's like, "Listen, I just want to let you know,
Demi's met this guy and I think he's going to be around for awhile.""
Demi: There have been times in my life where I have felt so alone.
Now that I have found him, I feel amazing.
Hi, guys. This is so weird,
talking to a camera by myself
while my boyfriend's asleep.
Oh, my God. Fiancé.
So...
yeah, I don't know if you caught that, but, um,
this is the ring.
Matthew: She texted me and said,
"I met that man that I'm going to marry."
That was what, March 6th or 7th or something like that?
And I think they've been together every single night since.
And now they're getting married, so she was right.
When she announced that she was engaged,
I was very happy about that.
I was so happy that she was with someone
that was making her so happy.
Demi: I'm kind of scared
to know life without quarantine with him.
Although there was a lot of concerns,
we were all still really happy that she was feeling so good
and that she had somebody with her through this time.
So, my life has kind of
flipped upside down.
I'm no longer engaged.
I'm really sad that things ended the way that they did.
Good news is I haven't picked up
any hard drugs or anything like that.
I'm hanging in there.
It's just shitty.
The video I made earlier
wasn't an accurate representation
of what I'm going through.
So, I thought this whole time that I didn't miss him,
I just missed the person that I started quarantining with.
And I don't know
how to give my heart
to someone after this.
Man: Last interview, we started,
and do you know what you did to start?
The biggest change in my life is I'm engaged.
You looked at me and you went--
You had just gotten engaged.
Oh, shit.
I got engaged a week ago today.
It was just the best day of my life.
I felt like I was floating.
It's been a whirlwind ever since.
- Man: What happened? - Honestly?
What happened?
I think I rushed into something
that I thought was what I was supposed to do.
I realized as time went on
that I didn't actually know
the person that I was engaged to.
All the people that were like, "Oh, they rushed into it,"
or, you know, "Oh, it's not going to last."
And then, like, you proved them right.
We were only together four or five months.
- Yes. - And honestly,
it was false advertising.
- Yep! - When you both got into your separate work modes,
you're like, "This is not the person that I thought it was."
Because it was 2020. You didn't get to normally date like you do.
Right! It's like, of course that accelerated.
I didn't even have my best friends to hang out with in quarantine.
The hardest part of the break-up
was mourning the person that I thought he was.
Yeah, and the life you thought you were going to have.
- Yeah, of course. - I mean, this is--
But I'm not the only one who felt fooled.
I mean, I was just as shocked as the rest of the world
at some of the things that were said and done.
Matthew: When you were done, you were done.
I was done.
And I'm like, "How are you?" You're like, "I'm good."
Yes, she was. And she is.
If I found a Demi Lovato,
I would want to lock her down, too.
- Do you know what I'm saying? - Thank you.
Do you know what I'm saying?
There's so much more of me that I have yet to explore.
And one of the good things about this experience
is that I've used this time to look within.
And also I feel like I'm actually too queer
to marry a man in my life right now.
I'm not willing to put a label on it right this second.
I think I will get there,
but there's a lot of things I have to do for myself first.
I want to allow myself the ability to live my life
in the most authentic form possible,
which I just haven't done because of my past
and some things that I've needed to work on.
Man: When they chose to call off the engagement,
it was an incredible example
of just how she has grown and matured
and developed in terms of the ability
to be in pain and be scared.
And the ability to say, "Oh, yeah, I want the relief
that I used to associate with using those types of drugs,
and I don't want to."
Man: If there was ever a time
where you were going to do drugs,
I think it would be after you broke off your engagement.
Given everything that's happened,
are you entirely sober now?
Demi: I've learned that shutting the door on things
makes me want to open the door even more.
I've learned that it doesn't work for me to say,
"I'm never going to do this again."
I've really,
really struggled with this.
I know I'm done with the stuff
that's going to kill me, right?
But I wish that I could get some relief,
maybe through weed or something, right?
And...
Telling myself that I can never have a drink
or smoke marijuana,
I feel like that's setting myself up for failure
because I am such a black and white thinker.
I had had it drilled into my head for so many years
that one drink was equivalent to a crack pipe.
I've been hesitant to share until now
that I've been smoking weed
and drinking in moderation.
After almost dying from the OD and after so many years
of being the poster child of sobriety,
I didn't want people to criticize me for that.
And I also don't want people to hear that
and think that they can just go out
and try having a drink or smoking a joint.
Because it isn't for everybody.
Recovery isn't a one size fits all solution
and you shouldn't be forced to get sober if you're not ready.
You shouldn't get sober for other people.
You have to do it for yourself.
What Demi has continued to do
is she continues to search for what is her path,
what does work for her.
The ability for her to be able to share,
"Hey, I'm going to try smoking weed,"
okay, let's talk about that.
"I don't want to be completely abstinent.
I want to be able to see if I can have a drink."
The weed thing is very new.
I think she's exploring her boundaries with that now.
It does kind of scare me now
to know that she isn't sober.
You know, I don't know if being dead sober
would be the best thing for her, honestly.
I don't know if it wouldn't, though.
I think that that's not really my place.
Um, moderation doesn't work. Sorry.
If you drink, you're going to drink more.
If you take a pill,
you're going to take another one.
You either do it or you don't.
Demi knows the whole moderation thing
is not something I truly agree with.
What I've learned with addiction
is if I push her to do what I want, I push her away.
I can't control her.
What I can do is be a friend and hope that she's right.
Any path that is right for someone else
does not mean that it is an effective,
meaningful, safe path for you.
Being dogmatic about, "Someone must be abstinent.
They can never have another substance,"
is just as harmful as saying,
"Well, moderation works for Demi Lovato.
Therefore, it will work for me."
My hope is that the message that people get
is we encourage people to explore and say,
"What is truly meaningful to me
and what actually worked for me?"
I feel like the point that my sister's in
in her life right now is that she's finally learning
to find balance in every element of her life.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
To being alive. I don't know.
Okay.
I never found recovery in my eating disorder fully
until I found balance in my food, in my exercise.
And I know that it will still affect me for the rest of my life,
but it's manageable,
and the voice has gotten so quiet
that it no longer rules my life
and I no longer feel like I'm in a prison.
Demi had told me a story in the past
of eight years straight
she had gotten watermelon cakes for her birthday,
and it was always devastating because they were trying to keep her weight down.
When I would go on trips with her previously,
it was understanding, okay, we will eat when she eats
but there will be no snacking outside of that.
This trip to Palm Springs?
We ate whatever we wanted whenever we wanted.
She had three birthday cakes, which was a huge deal for her
because previously she had just had watermelon cakes.
- Aah! Yes! - Wait, where is that from?
- SusieCakes. - SusieCakes!
- Yes! - We haven't had a SusieCake for your birthday ever?
This is so cool.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
Demi was like, "This is great.
We get to just enjoy food with each other."
So we had this kind of a-ha moment
where it's like, "This is okay.
We can have three birthday cakes
because it is your birthday
and we're celebrating it
and this is something we're sharing together."
And I watched her in real time
realize that was something she could do,
and it was really beautiful.
Wow. Breathwork.
- Yay! - Whoo!
That's the best part about of my life today
is that I'm in control of it.
What I eat is my decision.
What I don't eat is my decision.
What I do is my decision.
And I'm really, really, really grateful
of the team that I have today.
Man: Who are those people
that you're referring to, the team today?
Definitely Max. Scott.
And Scooter, obviously.
I just have so many incredible people in my life today.
I and the people in her life
continue to support her being authentic
in her ability to make her own choices.
I am very, very aware
of how blessed, lucky I am.
Not everybody has the same resources
or capabilities to get the help they need.
Not everyone's going to have a case manager and a therapist
and a head of security and all of these people around them.
But that's not necessary
for someone to be able to explore their path.
The key is do I have people in my life who I trust,
who I can be honest with, and who I feel will support me?
Isolation is the worst thing you can do. Ask for help.
Asking for help was so hard for me
because I thought I could do everything myself.
The great thing about Demi
is that she has opened up
about her addictions and her problems,
and the stress and the pressure of fame at such an early age,
and a lot of people are afraid to open up about it.
I feel once you open up about it,
you get the monkey off your back and you come out in the open.
It doesn't mean to say you're cured,
because you never will be.
Addiction is a lifelong thing.
But you can have the most fantastic life.
I've been sober 30 years.
I've had the most incredible things happen to me.
And I'm hoping that she does, too,
because she's such a great girl.
If something happens with me,
if I'm feeling a certain way,
I don't wait until I'm triggered to do something.
I text my therapist. I text my case manager.
I text whoever it is, "Hey, my depression is acting up.
Just so you know." Even if that's all it is,
just so someone's aware, because in that moment
it takes a little bit of the power away.
I deal with depression on a level that most people probably never understand,
which is why I've always turned to drugs, to an eating disorder,
because all of these things stop me from taking that permanent step.
I'm constantly talking about it
and I'm constantly open about it,
and that way I'm not waiting till the last minute
and I'm suicidal to get help.
Getting ahead of the curve and being proactive,
taking steps that are going to put
safety precautions in place,
that's why the Vivitrol shot is really important to me.
Vivitrol, what it does is it actually blocks the opiate receptors.
It will keep you from getting high.
Do I ever want to touch heroin again? No.
Do I think I will? Absolutely not.
But I still get it just because at least
for a few years it can't hurt me.
Man: So you put precautions in place for your addiction
- and for your depression. - Mm-hmm.
I want to check in on something that you revealed to the world ten years ago,
your bipolar diagnosis.
How does your diagnosis affect your life today?
Well, that's a really interesting question
because I've been told
that they think I was misdiagnosed when I was 18.
I came out to the public when I found out I was bipolar
because I thought that it put a reasoning behind my actions.
But what I didn't do was get a second opinion.
You take something public, you become an advocate for it.
I was acting out when I was 18 for many reasons,
but I know now from multiple different doctors
that it was not because I was bipolar.
I had to grow up.
I had to grow the ( bleep ) up.
Matthew: Everything's so cool!
- Demi: Thanks. - Sirah: Right?
I love this chair. I am this chair. These are my legs now.
- Sirah: The art is insane. - Oh, Ella wants to show you--
Ella? What do you want to show me, baby?
- This is my pup area. - Hey, little girl.
Sirah: You're doing your little "MTV Cribs"?
- This is so exciting. - Dining room. Wow.
I was just saying I love how gay your house is.
- Your house is-- - It's so perfectly gay.
The kitchen's not done. I have to paint it.
- It's too straight, yeah? - It's too straight.
- It's too hetero. - We have to fix it.
I also, Demi, love this little butt.
Sirah: Oh, yeah, the pottery is, like, everything to me.
- Wow. - Demi: What's so nice about this place
is especially after the break-up and everything,
I get to move out and start new, start fresh.
I've never had a house that encompasses my personality
more than this one does.
It's glamorous, it's fun,
it's colorful.
And you have everything from
the Netflix series "Ratched" inspired basement
to a shroom room on the third floor.
( laughing )
Holy shit! Whoa.
And you can, like, pause it on colors.
I wanted something so out there
that no one has in their house.
The concept of the room is less about what you do in it,
but actually what it inspires inside of you.
- I have this room to be creative in. - And be creative.
- You don't have to do shrooms to come in here. - But you-- exactly!
- But you feel like you're on some. - Exactly. Exactly.
( music playing )
Scooter: In the studio, Demi is in her happy place.
She feels free there.
She feels she can be honest there.
When she's in the studio,
I think she's actually truly present.
( music playing )
Now you're getting it.
( music playing )
- Yes! - Yeah!
I'm just excited to release music
I've been working on for years now.
My life has changed more in the past two years than it has my whole life.
With that comes reworking of an album.
We're not worried about making the pop radio hits.
I told her, let's tell a story.
Let's make a body of work that tells your story.
( music playing )
Oh, shit. You want to keep going. Okay.
I don't know. I just was feeling it.
All of my albums have been my babies,
but this one I'm watching turn into a teenager
because it's evolved so much.
And I think I'm the most proud of this one.
I'm so glad that I had the opportunity
and the time to make it perfect the way I want it.
It's going to be about where I am today
and what I'm looking for and who I am.
Me embracing my queer self.
Going for it fearlessly is where I'm at today
and what I want my music to represent, too.
It's a different level of connection,
and I'm ready to go there with fans.
The exciting part for me
is this album feels like every piece of her.
Not just the Demi Lovato that we know,
not just the advocate, just all her combined.
Demi is finally being as honest as she should be and as she needs to be.
Demi is relentless about fighting for anybody
she feels is being slighted or doesn't have a voice.
- Seth Meyers: How are you, Demi? - Hi, I'm good. How are you?
You wrote a song called "Commander In Chief"
which was basically sort of a letter to the President.
I was thinking about the music that's out there right now,
and I was like, why isn't anyone talking about what's happening?
Demi: I've got to help other people by telling a bigger story.
You know, being in LA when all of these protests were going on,
understanding that I can never understand
what people of color deal with on a daily basis, it was just a lot.
( music playing )
It's a part of growing up,
finding what's important to you
and then figuring out what it is
that you want to leave on this Earth when you're gone.
There's bigger things to talk about than me.
There's different ways to vote. You can mail in.
I actually just got word from Mom
that my ballot arrived at the house.
Christina: It really takes a strong person to speak up,
be open to the backlash and people that oppose those opinions,
and still hold tight to them.
Now more than ever, she's taken hold of that power.
We're looking for a body of work
that makes everyone just completely blown away.
Yeah. I think one of the most powerful songs
- is "Dancing With The Devil." - I agree.
Ooh! When she played me "Dancing With The Devil,"
I was like, "You can't. You're releasing this?"
"Dancing With The Devil" is incredible
although it's so painful to listen to.
"Dancing With The Devil" can be really scary
when I think back to
the person that I used to know my sister as.
But I don't think the person my sister is now dances with the devil.
Man: Your friends and family say you're the best liar,
and you've said similar things in the past,
that you're done with hard drugs.
So why is this time different?
I haven't relapsed in drugs and alcohol.
That's something that I'm very proud of.
I decided to drink,
and I made that decision to find balance,
and I've been doing awesome ever since.
The one slip up that I ever had with those drugs again,
the scariest thing to me was picking up heroin
and realizing, wow, this--
this isn't strong enough anymore
because what I had done
the night I overdosed was fentanyl.
And that--
that's a whole other beast.
Realizing the high I wanted would kill me
was what I needed to get me clean for good.
I have full faith
that you're not going to open up TMZ
and see another overdose headline.
But I also say this with humility
that this is a very powerful disease
and I'm not going to pretend like I'm invincible.
I have to work every day
to make sure that I'm in a good place
so that I don't go to those things.
Time and trust is the only thing that will work for people,
and over time you'll see that I'm good.
You can't change someone's mind who thinks that I'm a junkie
and I will always be one.
I'll just have to show them differently.
Man: Are you worried about her?
I worry. I'll always worry.
Whether she smokes a joint or not,
I mean, I would worry anyway.
Yeah, I'm always going to worry.
There's no way not to.
Nothing she's doing right now at this moment
is going to put her back in the ICU.
I feel like she's got everything under control.
And that's just how I feel right now.
My sister has prevailed time and time again.
She knows her limits,
um, and I know her.
At the end of the day, I just hope she knows
that I'm always here for her. I have her back.
I think this is the first time that I can comfortably--
not that I would,
but I could comfortably walk away
with full trust and faith in you
knowing you got this now.
- Thanks. - It's true.
Demi: I decided I'm getting my hair cut on Monday.
I've been thinking about this for, actually, years
and never had the balls to do it.
As I'm talking about this and as I'm healing and growing
and working and doing all this stuff,
it's just that developmental trauma
that really sticks with you
and kind of sticks with everyone to the rest of their lives.
And that's a part of why I'm chopping my hair off,
is because I want to be free of all of that.
I want to be free of not only my developmental trauma,
but the gender norms that were placed on me as a kid
and the sexuality norms
that were placed on me in my church.
I feel like right now it just represents
the femininity that I have always been too afraid
to let go of.
Bye-ee!
It's very symbolic of letting go of my past,
letting go of the old me,
part of me that was too afraid
to really live my truth.
- ( whirring ) - Oh, my God, I feel it!
This whole thing is a learning process for me, too,
of no longer having any fear
and just going forward with what I want to do.
I know that when I get this haircut,
people are going to have opinions and say things.
Some people are going to be like, "Oh, no, why'd she do that?"
"She had great hair." Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not living my life for other people
or their headlines or their Twitter comments.
♪ I was dancing with the devil ♪
♪ Out of control ♪
Matthew: I pray for her every night.
We talk every single morning and every single evening.
I hope to spend the rest of my life with her.
And I just have to trust in her where she is now.
I absolutely trust her,
but there's always going to be a part of me that's like,
"All right, she could get away with murder."
I've had a lot of lives,
like, my cat-- you know?
I'm on my ninth life,
and I don't know how many
opportunities I have left.
It's interesting. Life ebbs and flows.
Life is fluid and I'm fluid, and that's all I know.
♪ Dancing with the devil ♪
♪ Out of control ♪
♪ Almost made it to heaven ♪
♪ It was closer than you'll know ♪
♪ Closer than you'll know ♪
I think if anyone were to say,
"I've got this figured out,
I know what I'm doing,"
you don't know what you're doing.
- Is that a message? - Man: Yeah.
( Demi laughs )
( continues laughing )
That shit happens to me all the time!
Thank you. At least you got it on camera.
( laughing )
Yes!