♪♪
That's why recycling's important in order to save the earth.
It's the only planet we've got.
And that's time.
You guys, you are ready for Friday's inter-school debate!
We are gonna make Westchester Prep
wish they were never born.
Those trust fund kids would never wish that.
They're boat owners.
Look, you're prepared.
You've got an amazing leader.
Thank you. I know I've been crushing it as team captain.
I was talking about myself.
But that's really good because it is somebody's first debate.
I'm not worried about it.
Again, talking about myself.
The point is you guys are rock stars,
unlike those arrogant, rich Westchester Prep kids who --
Who we aspire to be like!
...are going down.
Everybody turn your attention to Mr. Escalante,
who I bribed to be our practice judge
with a plate of brownies.
Which she ate.
Uh, but I am here, and I have a few pointers.
Okay, uh, Miles,
when making a rebuttal, remember to make eye contact.
But if you don't, you're still gonna kill
'cause you are so charismatic.
I am, aren't I?
Okay, um, Makayla, you build solid arguments, but --
There are no buts. Except for this one.
You go, girl.
Doin' my best.
Yeah, you are.
Just a quick word?
How am I supposed to give 'em pointers
when you keep telling them they're amazing?
I want them going into that debate
thinking they can walk on water.
And what happens when they try and sink to the bottom?
Then they inflate their giant egos
and they float to the top.
Look, these high-achieving kids
are already dealing with a lot of pressure.
Last week, Makayla got a stress fracture
from jumping up to answer a question.
Yeah, her "ooh, ooh, oohs" get pretty physical.
Yeah. Exactly.
See, these kids are already their own worst critics.
They need someone to lift them up like
Meryl Streep in "Mamma Mia!"
And you are Meryl in this scenario?
Obviously.
Fine. Uh, okay, what if we just tone down the praise,
like, a tiny bit?
I can do that.
Floor is yours.
Alright, uh, now, Sarah,
uh, when finishing an argument --
Remember, my mom is in charge of your pension.
Thank you for that reminder.
Okay, uh, just when finishing an argument,
just make sure to --
'cause we are winning Friday!
Hey, play my song.
♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what ♪
♪ Whenever me and Khaled do the remix ♪
♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
Okay, great, now Robyn --
♪ And they stay there, and they stay there ♪
♪ And they stay there ♪
♪♪
Bad news.
Holden Zhang is running against you for school treasurer.
Whatever. That dude uses a calculator for division.
[ Laughs ] Somebody just got Luked!
Okay, well, according to my Insta-poll,
he tests high with hypebeasts, VSCO girls, sneakerheads,
kids who watch anime, kids who get laid --
The entire school. I get it.
[ Chuckles ] What makes up my base?
Boys named Luke and Miles.
Well, that's not good enough.
I'm not just running for treasurer.
I'm stepping into my destiny
of being a political power player/owner
of the San Francisco Lukes.
I'm gonna buy the Niners and change their name.
And it all starts here with a catchy slogan,
like, uh, "Vote Luke Burrows."
Mm.
"'Cause you're worth it."
That's L'Oréal.
It needs to be something real, like, "Just vote for Luke.
We know you don't care."
Just get someone super popular to endorse you.
Makayla, it's a little tacky to endorse myself.
[ Chuckles ]
I was going to suggest Terrell.
He floats between groups, and everyone likes him.
You know, your problem areas.
Hey, you can't talk to my candidate that way.
No, no, no, it's okay.
It's about time we had someone around here
who speaks truth to power.
We're gonna go with Makayla's endorsement idea.
Wait, what?
If you love her idea so much,
why don't you just make her your new campaign manager?
Miles, you're my best friend. I would never do that.
Meet your new...
co-campaign manager!
Hey, hey, work hard.
Go Lukes.
What's your angle?
End bamboo utensils in the cafeteria.
I know I petitioned for them,
but I need a plastic knife to cut my pizza.
Oh. I thought this was just a power grab.
That too.
Well, good luck.
'Cause when you come for the king,
you better not miss.
I'll get that later.
♪♪
♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what ♪
♪ Creamer in my coffee, I can never get enough ♪
That creamer expired three months ago.
Mmm! Just the way I like it!
Okay, um, can I show you something?
This is your competition.
Westchester hasn't lost in four years,
and you're about to see why.
Which is a theoretical framework
in which the point-like particles
are replaced by one-dimensional objects
called strings that propagate through space
and interact with one another.
Man: Jefferson High, your rebuttal?
Wow.
Told you they were good.
You also think Arby's is good.
How was I supposed to know?
Like, what do I do?
Maybe you should start being frank with your team
that this won't be a lay-up?
Uh, pass.
Let me tell you a story about a little round boy
with no rhythm who wanted to be a dancer.
His mother told him over and over again how great he was.
Ends up humiliating himself in front of the entire school.
Do you know where he is now?
Standing right in front of me.
No! He's doing 20 to 25 upstate for grand theft auto.
You're not little round boy?!
The one time I listen to one of your stories,
and you walk me into a wall!
♪♪
Hey, Terrell, wouldn't it be cool
if we snapped a quick selfie
to get your endorsement for school treasurer?
Yeah, just make it quick.
Hold up.
Luke, usually when a candidate wants an endorsement,
they offer something in return.
Quid pro quo.
Now you're speaking my language.
Terrell, I offer you my undying gratitude.
Ah, thanks, man.
Pbht!
That's a nice opening offer.
You could throw in something delicious
and we can start a conversation.
How about my tuna sandwich?
[ Hums ]
Pbht!
Fine, I will go to the vending machine.
What would you like, Terrell?
Sour Patches, baby. [ Chuckles ]
Wait!
Make it a double.
This feels very American.
I'm about to get carried away with this.
♪♪
Elliot. I thought about your advice.
Mine?
Go on.
And then I thought of something better.
Alright, that was fun while it lasted.
Instead, I'm just gonna get the kids to work harder.
Oh, it's that simple?
Yeah, teaching's not that difficult.
[ Chuckles ] Well, can you even motivate them
seeing how much you pump them up?
Relax, they're not that pumped.
Kids: Meadows Creek!
Meadows Creek!
[ Cheering ]
No! My hair is way too cute today!
What is happening?!
You told us to practice,
so we're practicing our victory celebration.
Awesome, yeah, no.
I love the energy, I do.
Um, I just found out that Westchester is tough.
Like, they're little Terminators sent back in time
to win debates.
[ As Terminator ] I'll be back.
To win this argument. [ Chuckles ]
[ Normal voice ] Humor.
Yeah, yet another reason to vote Luke Burrows.
Point is we need to double down in our debate prep.
And stop manifesting our big-win energy?
Sounds like a waste.
Yeah, and you said that we were the Avengers of debate
and that we were gonna ruin Westchester
like drug-store bleach ruined your hair.
There is no way I used those exact words.
Alicia: You are the Avengers of debate, and you're gonna ruin
Westchester like...drug-store bleach ruined my hair.
New rule -- no more recording me.
Unless I'm being hilarious.
Well, that saves me some data.
Okay, we really need to turn up our debate prep.
Hey, speaking of turning it up.
Do not get turnt!
We have a lot of work to do!
♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what ♪
♪ Got money on my mind, I can never get enough ♪
♪ Whenever me and Khaled do the remix ♪
♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
So?
Can I get your endorsement?
I've already gotten your tea,
carried your books, touched up your fade.
Oh, masterfully. [ Chuckles ]
Thank you.
Tell you what, the endorsement is yours
right after you top off these Sour Patches.
Okay, you don't have to shake them at me like I'm a dog.
Who's a good boy?
I am.
You'll never believe this.
Holden Zhang dropped out.
Yep, once he realized there was a monthly committee meeting,
he was like, "Nah."
W-- Well, the committee meetings are the best part.
That's where we get into the nitty gritty of the budget.
You're back to running uncontested.
Oh, that is amazing!
Hey, Terrell.
Aah! My sour babies!
What the hell, man?!
This guy's done being your errand boy.
Okay, well, if that guy had a problem with this guy,
then he should've left these guys out of it!
Well, those guys wouldn't need to be involved
if that guy wasn't so greedy.
Well, this guy is so greedy 'cause that guy's so needy!
I did not know bro code was an actual language.
Holden dropped out, so I no longer need your endorsement.
It's not like you were gonna get me that many votes anyway.
Oh, so you won't mind if I take them when I run against you.
You? Ha! Never.
You're going down.
No, you are.
See you on the campaign trail.
Come on, team.
You coming?
Oh, yeah, I only back winners.
I'm gonna see if Terrell needs a campaign manager.
How do you sleep at night?
Same way I do everything.
Better than you.
♪♪
Ooh, Elliot, come here.
I finally figured out a way to give criticism to the students
without them getting super upset.
Let's hear it.
You look like Harry Potter with a drinking problem.
Hey!
Here's a present.
Ooh.
Pez.
[ Crunching candy ]
It's the exact approach I'm gonna take with the students.
You hit them with the reals then follow with the feels.
[ Gasps ] Trademark.
And what are these reals?
Oh, I wrote them down so I wouldn't chicken out.
Here. I can show you.
Uh... Oh, shoot.
I must've left them on the lectern.
I left them at the lectern!
Harry Potter with a drinking problem.
"Sarah Maris leans on sarcasm over facts."
Wow, what a profound interpretation
of human behavior.
She got the reals without the feels.
You guys weren't supposed to see that yet.
Uh, Sarah, this is for you.
Hmm.
A mini license plate that says "Luke."
It's everything I've ever wanted.
Here, I got to find the right one.
"Luke Burrows has unearned confidence and entitlement
that distorts his credibility"?
Sarah, give him the license plate.
Hurry up! Timing is everything!
What kind of twisted Secret Santa
are you trying to play here?
No, the document you guys are reading,
which I was hoping to read out loud to you,
is supposed to make you do better at tomorrow's debate.
How is pointing out
that I'm passionate about women's issues
with a perfectionist streak that can be easily exploited
going to help me?
Actually, that's mine.
Right, mine says I have poor attention to detail?
Okay.
Do you actually believe these things about us?
-Seriously, why don't we just -- -Guys, guys, guys.
You are amazing,
but so is Westchester.
Don't panic. We're gonna work this out.
How are we supposed to work out that I'm a team captain
who needs to get out of her own way?
And no, the answer is not giving me a fluffy doll.
It was a pair of jelly heels.
God, you're unbelievable.
I shy away from confrontation?
I'm not gonna argue with that.
Can I have my gift now?
Have all of them.
♪♪
Robyn, hold on.
You're not supposed to be running in the halls.
♪♪
Wait, wait, wait, seriously!
These pants are way too tight to be sweating in them.
Look, I know that taking criticism can be hard.
I can take criticism just like how I could've taken it
two weeks ago when we first started prepping.
How are you not getting this?
No, wait, Robyn.
[ Groans ]
I don't know exactly how,
but this is all your fault.
♪♪
Vote for Luke. Want a cookie? Hey, want a cookie?
How come nobody wants to eat my face?
I mean, the Tic Tacs you used for your teeth
are a little off-putting.
Hey, let me see that cookie.
[ Chuckles ]
Damn it!
It tastes delicious!
Come on.
♪♪
...sure all the extracurriculars are adequately funded,
and that is why you should vote Terrell!
Because treasurer doesn't start with an "L."
It starts with a "T."
[ Applause ]
God, he's good.
Hey, Miles. You got any extra cookies?
My parents need some mulch.
Hey, hey, listen up, everybody!
If you vote for me, I'll Venmo you each $5.
Oh, oh, did you hear that?
He wants to buy your votes!
[ Booing ]
Sorry, I meant -- I meant $10.
[ Cheering ]
Hey! Okay, oh, hey.
Money's nice, but if you vote for me,
you'll get this every Friday.
Pizza!
[ Cheering ]
Ooh!
Really, dude?
I'm sorry.
But it's pizza.
Don't worry. We can regroup back at HQ.
Let's just go back to calling it the library...
'cause my campaign is obviously dead.
Damn, I'm good!
Seriously, taste me.
Let me ask you a question.
Do you even want this?
I've already had like six. [ Chuckles ]
No, I mean being treasurer.
Uh, I don't know. I mean, I wanted Sour Patch Kids.
Next thing you know, I'm running for office.
Come to think of it, that's actually how I got into debate.
And swimming, baking.
Focus.
Okay, look, truth is Luke challenged me,
and I don't ever back away from challenges.
I'm just teaching him a lesson.
Yeah, but Luke really wants to be treasurer.
It's the first of 46 steps to become a Senator.
My point is, if you're his friend
and you really don't want this,
then maybe you should reconsider.
♪♪
Yeah, just remember, clear and direct.
That's all you got --
Hey, uh, everyone's accounted for
except for Robyn.
They really want to win, but they're a little freaked out
their team captain isn't coming.
She didn't quit 'cause of you, did she?
Absolutely not.
Ah, see, that takes me back...
to Robyn telling me she quit because of you.
Where is she?
Usually, when a teacher wants something from a student,
they...
offer something in return.
Um, I have...
two loose Advil?
Pbht!
Oh, uh, hey, how about a crappy grade if you don't play ball?
Understood. Follow me.
Hey, Elliot, stall. Do whatever you have to do.
Okay.
Yoga it is.
Alicia: [ Clears throat ]
Really?
She went full authority figure on me.
I'm not going to the debate.
Look, if this is about me,
I'm sorry I didn't give you that feedback sooner.
So why didn't you?
Why does a groundhog need to see his own shadow
to know if it'll be a long winter?
No one knows.
Actually, it was a fable
spun by the industrial farm complex to ensure that --
Have you brainiacs ever heard of a casual conversation?
Look, I know how hard that stuff is to hear,
and I didn't want to bring you down.
Yeah, but I'm team captain,
and you're trying to protect me like I'm some little kid.
That's... totally fair.
I really was just trying to keep it positive.
I know, but instead, you were being fake.
I mean, one of the things I like about you
is that you actually cannot help but be yourself.
What other teacher would admit to joining a cult?
SoulCycle is not a cult, it is a lifestyle.
Really?
I promise from now on not to pull any more punches,
and I hope that you will do the same.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, I don't see that going over well.
Uh, what is so funny?
You think I can't handle some honest feedback?
'Cause I have fluorescent lighting in my apartment.
Really? 'Cause I have some critiques for you.
I wrote it when I was mad.
You have to send me a copy of this later.
Oh, you wrote three pages.
Super cool. Mm-hmm.
Self-absorbed.
Check.
Immature. I'm gonna take that as "young."
Okay, I would not have to laugh
at my own jokes if other people did.
I'd like to be done with this game now.
[ Chuckles ] I'm sorry, I'm --
I went a little bit overboard.
You're happy with yourself, aren't you?
Definitely happier than I was a few minutes ago.
Me too.
[ Chuckles ]
Then you've not gotten to the back of page three yet.
[ Laughs ] Yikes.
♪♪
Into dancer's pose.
I hope Ms. Gomez can find Robyn soon,
because I've seen angles on Mr. Escalante
I can never unsee.
Hey, if Robyn doesn't show up,
why don't you just run in her place,
since that's what you do now?
Alright, that's fair.
I'm sorry I ruined your campaign.
I just got really caught up in the competition.
Truth -- this guy doesn't even want to be treasurer.
So he's dropping out.
That means a lot.
But you're soft. You'd never make it in politics.
[ Chuckles ]
I can tell you're really upset.
I'm sorry I got so intense about the campaign.
Are you kidding?
I love the drama.
I'm just a little worried about Westchester.
I know.
At first, I thought that kid was cute.
And now you think he's a vampire
sent back to feed on your confidence?
I do now.
At least we'll go down together.
Nobody's going down except for Westchester.
-Hey, you made it! -Oh, thank God you're here.
Of course I did. Come on, bring it in.
Alright, everybody listen up.
I know we're the better team, and if we stick together,
we're gonna win this, because I believe in you,
and Ms. G believes in you, right?
Damn right.
Now hurry up so your parents don't get tired of waiting
outside in their cars. "Win" on three!
Together: One, two, three, win!
Wow, you guys lost bad.
Yeah, we did.
Did you just hit me with the reals
and then follow with the feels?
'Cause that is trademarked.
[ Chuckles ]
Hey, if you think about it,
Westchester kind of did you a favor.
You don't have to worry about your team
having big heads anymore.
[ All chanting "We're number two!" ]
Guys, that chant doesn't sound
as good as you think it does.
We're runners up!
[ All chanting "We're runners up!" ]
My fellow students.
Hi, my name is Terrell Hayward.
And in this upcoming election,
I'll be voting for my close personal friend
Luke Burrows for school treasurer.
Luke -- he's what's for dinner.
Do they know everyone voted yesterday?
One loss at a time.
♪ All I do is win, win, win no matter what ♪
♪ Got money on my mind, I can never get enough ♪
♪ Whenever me and Khaled do the remix ♪
♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
♪ And they stay there ♪
♪ Up, down, up, down, up, down ♪
♪ 'Cause all I do is win, win, win ♪
♪ And if you goin' in, put your hands in the air ♪
♪ Make 'em stay there ♪
♪♪
♪ And they stay there ♪
♪ Up, down, up, down, up, down ♪
♪ 'Cause all I do is win, win, win ♪
♪ And if you goin' in, put your hands in the air ♪