[Danner] Everybody, I have an announcement.
Detective Culp will be in charge of searching for Jen 2,
and I'll continue the questioning.
So let's get back to business.
Um, Chelsea, you're up.
Somebody's in the bathroom. I need another way to listen in.
-I got you. Watch this. -Something subtle.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! [babbles]
Wait one second! Wait one second! I just remembered something enormous.
I saw a silhouette in the guesthouse earlier.
Wait. That could be Jennifer 2.
-Jennifer 2? -It could be.
I don't have time to--
I'm sorry. Excuse me, ma'am.
Are you saying that you're not even going to look into this?
What are you guys even do-- I'm gonna call your manager.
[laughs]
This bitch.
What is it, a Denny's?
Please call my manager.
I'm so sorry I wasn't able to offer you excellent customer service.
Okay, police captain. I'll call the police captain.
Captain? No, no, no. There's no need to call the captain.
You know what? [scoffs] Beat boy, lead the way.
I'm telling you, this is gonna be huge. Both of you are gonna love this.
-Thank you so much. -[Danner] Bitch, you're not welcome.
[Yasper] It's a guesthouse, but he uses it as a merch room.
You're gonna love it.
[door opens]
[door closes]
Okay.
Culp, find the lights. I feel like I'm in a haunted Sam Goody.
[Danner] Creepy.
Whoa, guys! Do you think this could maybe be the murder weapon?
-Not at all. -My God!
That's the sword that Xavier used in The Odyssey live TV musical event.
My ex made me watch it.
You know, I had some issues with the show in general.
Why all the quick cutting?
Why can't we just watch the actors act for once?
But I thought the prop team totally nailed it.
Light switches!
-[Xavier] X-X-X-X-Xavier's back! -[screams]
-[screams] God! -[Yasper] Whoo!
-Oh! [sighs] -[Xavier] Enjoy Triple SeX responsibly.
Do not drink Triple SeX if pregnant or trying to become pregnant.
-So this is the person you saw? -We're done here.
Yeah, but you didn't know that was fake, and you straight up chopped off his head.
-Remember that. -Got it.
-[engine revs] -[tires squeal]
[dissonant piano chords play]
[screams]
[chattering]
[bottles clink]
[film projector whirring]
[roars]
[siren wailing]
[police radio chatter]
[breathes heavily]
Oh, God. He was making a serious album? It's…
[Danner] Girl, I know what you talking about.
[door closes]
Have a seat right there.
So you say this belongs to you.
You wanna confess to a murder or two?
[Chelsea] It seems like you've already made your mind up about me
like everybody else does, so why don't you just cuff me now?
This is your chance where you can get me to believe that you're not a killer.
Try me.
[sighs] Well, the first thing you should know
is that everyone comes to a high school reunion for a reason.
Maybe you want everyone to see what a success you've become.
Maybe you wanna show off your hot spouse, or whatever.
For me, this should have been a victory lap.
Senior year, I was top of the social food chain.
[squeaks]
Class president with a bright future.
But then, Xavier.
Because of him, everything changed. My friends turned on me.
They hated me.
My life spiraled into an abyss of misery and isolation.
-And 15 years later… -[phone chimes]
-…they still hated me. -[breathes heavily]
Thought I was toxic. Crazy.
Jesus Christ! Are you insane?
-Xavier's here. -No!
[Chelsea] So, yes, there's a reason I came tonight.
I came to get revenge.
Okay.
See? Now you think I'm insane. I knew this would happen.
No, not at all. I don't think you're insane.
Anyways, back to revenge.
Why were you revenging?
Well, I'm getting to that.
[Chelsea] Those texts. I was being threatened.
Did someone know my plans? Did they have plans for me?
One thing was clear. Nobody wanted me there tonight.
-[both] Chelsea. [chuckles] -Jennifer.
-Jennifer, hi. -Um, what a surprise.
-And two surprises. Hey. -Yes.
Our fetuses are friends.
-You must feel so alive. -[Jennifer 2] Like, double.
How are you? We heard you weren't well.
Are you doing okay now?
[chuckles] Don't I look okay?
-[chuckles] -Oh!
[both laughing]
-Oh. Oh. Oh, such a joker. -You've always been so funny.
-It's out of pain. -So, why the interest in the 15th?
It's not even really a conventionally important reunion.
It's just that Xavier was coming. Oh! Is that-- Is that why you're here?
Well, I'm-- I'm not-- not a fan.
[chuckles] But he is why I'm here tonight.
-We gotta get you a name tag. -Yes, name tag.
Ah. You're alone, yeah?
Deeply alone.
What should I put as your job?
-Veterinarian… -[both] Oh!
-…'s receptionist. -Oh.
I didn't know they had receptionists.
-[chuckles] -And, um, drink ticket?
Definitely. I'll take, um…
-I'll take a bunch. It's a celebration. -Oh, well--
-If you could-- Thank you. -That's so many.
-Well, I'll see you later. -Okay.
-So good to see you. Have a great time. -Love you, babe.
Oh, my God.
-Hi. Um… -What can I get you?
However much vodka that can get me.
-And a splash of cranberry. -Sure.
Thank you.
-[Xavier] …giving a speech, right? -[woman chuckles]
[Xavier] And I'm like… [imitates fart]
-Like fart noise, right? -[Chelsea] I know the feeling.
-Faking it for everyone. -And that was the moment, you know?
People came up to me and they were like, "Xavier, you should do comedy." Right?
[Chelsea] Being some imaginary version of himself.
-Uh, so-- So, anyway, uh… -[Ned] Xavier.
Yeah, yeah, so, like…
[Chelsea] But was I the hunter or the hunted?
Brett?
You're literally hiding from me?
Hiding? Hi-- I am not hiding.
[chuckles] Wow, what a shocker. Chelsea's imagining things again.
No, your body was tucked behind the booth like you're playing hide-and-seek.
It's called waiting in line. Heard of it?
It's empty.
Which is why I am now entering it.
Oh. Hey. Hey. If Zoë sees us, I swear to God.
Are you threatening me?
Are you the one who's been sending me those texts?
Okay. Why would I send you texts? This is over.
I'm sorry if it didn't work out the way you thought.
No. Do not gaslight me, okay? You made this a big deal
when you put your family pet's end-of-life care in my hands.
Okay. Had I known you were gonna seduce me, I would have found somewhere else
to bring Dumpling to put her to sleep. Rest assured.
Brett, I did not seduce you.
You were a cheater. You initiated this. I was just like, "Hi."
-No, you were like, "Hi." -[beeping]
You know, if you had just been honest
about not feeding Dumpling a wet food diet,
you could have given her 1.5 more years to live.
-Wet food gave her diarrhea. -[beeping]
Ooh.
I mean, affairs, they're normal.
Happen all the time, you know? It's kind of sexy.
You know what I'm saying? The lying, a little cheating, you know?
-You know what? No judgment. -Brett didn't tell you about any of this?
I'm not at liberty to say what is talked about in the other interviews,
but he didn't tell me a damn thing about this.
[phone buzzes]
[phone buzzing]
He got all these buttons and stuff up here. Who knows?
Anyway, I hadn't thought about the guy since high school.
It was just the timing or something.
Sophia just had dumped me.
-Sophia? -Um, my ex.
[Chelsea] I was a mess.
I was just, uh, wearing her clothes and listening to Collective Soul,
and it was bad.
So then, when he came into the office to put his dog down, it was like,
oh, both our lives suck right now. You know what I mean?
And then, one thing led to another.
-Killed the dog. Screwed the dad. -Okay--
Really sticking a hard one to this family.
-I didn't intend for all this. -You accidentally nailed the husband.
Our affair ended three months ago 'cause she found out.
Like everything else since high school, it was all my fault.
I ruined a happy family.
So that's why nobody wanted you to come tonight?
But I had to come. For Xavier.
[phone vibrates]
[breathes shakily]
[gasps]
-My bad. -Xavier.
How's your night going?
Um, I'm having the night of my life. [chuckles]
-That's great. [chuckles] -Yeah.
It's been a long time.
Yeah, it has been a long time.
Yeah, like, so long that, like,
who even remembers anything from back then kind of long, right?
-No one. And not me. -Absolutely.
Same page, all right. [chuckles]
-It's, like, nothing back there. -Yeah, childhood. Crazy.
No, I'm not crazy.
-What-- No, I wasn't saying, like… -Oh.
-Uh-- -[Ned] Xavier.
[chuckles] Sorry, dude, this is so stupid.
But, um, will you-- will you do the Legal Beagle voice?
-[groans] -"You can't handle the woof."
[both chuckle]
-[Ned] Do it. Just do it. -Okay. All right.
[whimpers]
-You can't handle the woof! -[chuckles] I love it.
-Oh, it's so good. -Whatever.
-I remember it a little more growly, but-- -[Xavier] Yeah, no, I'm just--
[Chelsea] For my plan to work, I needed Xavier alone.
I needed him to trust me.
-Hey, Mr. Popular. [chuckles] -Hey.
-Chelsea. -Hey, Ned.
I'm still married and, uh, very fulfilled.
Ooh, sounds like it.
I just-- I just mean we should-- we should totally catch up.
Um, I could save you a seat next to me at my table.
That's-- That's really nice. I already got a seat.
Actually, I should probably head over there, but--
-Okay. -It was really nice talking with you.
-You too. -And so, like,
-you know, we did that now. -Yeah.
-Let's make it about tonight. -Okay.
-All right. Good talk. -Okay. All right.
I'll see you later, Eugene.
Okay. Breathe.
[sighs]
[breathes heavily]
It's just your imagination.
It's just like Mom says. You're unstable, out of your mind.
[distorted deep voice] Hey.
Chelsea.
[breathes heavily]
[panting]
[phone beeps]
Who are you?
[breathing heavily]
[line beeps]
[recorded female voice] We're sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed.
[sighs]
-[gasps] -[gasps]
Oh, Indigo. Hey.
Would you be interested in helping to sell an organic,
immunity-boosting shake made entirely of leaves and herbs?
You could work from home and be your own boss,
and you wouldn't have to vaccinate your kids.
No thanks, Indigo. I don't want your, like,
mental poison, pyramid scheme health shakes.
I wanted to know who was texting me.
See? It's real.
Let me see.
You know, they got websites that make up numbers like this, right?
And they use it for all kind of stuff, for like cyberbullying, stalking,
even freaky sexting.
-You've dealt with this before? -Oh, yeah.
When I worked on the Ruffin Twins case, you know,
the child beauty queens that killed each other,
they used to send text messages
that were anonymous back and forth to each other all the time.
But they talked in their twin language. You really couldn't understand most of it,
but you know it was some nasty stuff.
-Twins are so weird. -But who is your anonymous, hmm?
Who's your Tara-Belle and your Crystal-Anne Ruffins?
Exactly.
[Chelsea] My head was spinning.
The texts, the man following me. Xavier, Brett.
I was scared and hurt. I needed answers.
Zoë. Aniq.
Um… Uh…
Whoa!
-Oh. -Oh, God! [groans]
Clumsy Chelsea. I can't even hold my liquor, literally.
[chuckles] Um, but there's a water fountain down there.
If you hit that right quick,
-I bet it'll come out. -Yeah, okay.
All right, hey. I need you alone for just one minute, okay?
-I'm not here to get in your way. -You are currently literally in my way.
I just need to know, is it you who's been sending those texts?
What? No. I don't want anything to do with you.
-You have caused enough damage. -I'm not-- I'm not damaged.
Hey, is it, uh, hot or cold water for a cranberry stain?
Cold! Definitely cold.
Keep trying, man. Oh, I'm so tipsy. Ow!
Okay, I came here tonight to set things straight.
-I know nothing I can say can fix this. -You're right.
Think this is fine, yeah? You can barely tell.
Yeah, that's good enough.
-Let's get out of here. -Zoë.
[sighing]
-[door opens] -[deep voice] Hey.
Hey.
-[grunts] -Oh, Jesus!
-Brett. God. -You, again. What are you doing?
Someone's been following me.
He follows me all around, and he goes, "Hey."
Chelsea, no one's following you, okay?
-It's you. -I'm standing right in front of you.
-How could I be following you? -Okay, all right, I'm an idiot.
-Okay, I'll see-- -No, no, no, wait. Have you seen Zoë?
I'm not here to be between you and Zoë anymore, okay? I don't like it.
You're not even the reason I'm here tonight.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.
I'm here to settle the score with Xavier, and no one's gonna stop me.
[grunts]
So, tell me.
What did he do that made you wanna settle the score with him?
For making my life the pile of shit that it is right now.
For kicking off my downward spiral.
All traced back to that Saint Patrick's Day party back in senior year.
There it is again.
Nobody talks about you and Brett fucking, but everybody talks about this damn party.
Now, something went down at that party,
and I wanna know what it is.
One night at a time.
See you at the after-party, Xavier, you douche.
[sighs]
-[panting] -[man] Chelsea.
You're not getting far.
[breathes heavily]
[man] Hey!
[breathes heavily]
Please, please. Where is it? Where is it?
-I will blind you! -All right. Why?
'Cause you're chasing me!
Is that a vape pen?
What? It's pepper spray.
-Oh. -For defending myself against giant men.
Oh. [chuckles] Oh, my God.
I always think of myself as petite. [chuckles]
But, um, wrongly.
-Why are you following me? -Um, so, um, you know what they say.
If you wanna open your car, you gotta have…
-Oh. -I got your keys.
-Oh, my God. -You dropped your keys on the way in.
Uh, I've been trying to catch up to you all night. [chuckles]
Yeah. You should have just said, "Hey, I have your car keys."
-Hey, I have-- Yeah. Yeah. -Just to communicate
rather than continually chase and follow.
I was trying to stay far so you didn't think I was near.
It's just-- Yikes. But, um,
thank you, um, man.
What was your, uh, favorite moment of the night? [chuckles]
-I liked the cheese-- -Whoops.
Chelsea, what are you doing here next to my car?
-Oh. It's so green. -[Yasper] Do you want a ride?
-Yeah, that would be great. -Get in here. Let's see what happens.
So who is that? Is that the valet or something?
-Um, yeah. I think so. -Okay.
-[Walt] Walt. -[grunts]
I got my own keys.
You okay?
It's just there's a lot going on.
I'm processing everything.
No, I get it. I was super nervous seeing everybody again too.
-It's crazy. -I'm just-- I'm hanging on. Really.
Screw it. It doesn't matter what happened in there.
We're gonna fix everything at this after-party, right?
That's right.
-[groans] -God!
[phone vibrates]
Hey. What the hell are you doing, Aniq?
Sorry. You know, I saw two in your bag,
and I figured there was enough to share.
There's nothing but trouble in that bag.
[Danner] So, what was in the flask?
Cat tranquilizers.
[Danner] Now, I know you work at the vet's office and everything.
You gotta keep the cat tranquilizer in stock,
but you just putting it in the flask?
[Chelsea] But these were for Xavier.
I was gonna roofie him and take pictures of him naked and leak them to TMZ.
-That was my big revenge plan. -You just sat back
and watched Aniq drink cat tranquilizer?
Plus ginger ale, whiskey and a splash of lime. It was a cocktail.
A Kentucky mule for cats? You drugged him, girl.
Aniq drugged himself, okay? On accident.
But it was really only a sip. He's kind of a lightweight. [chuckles]
You know, one look at that guy, and you're like,
"This is an individual who cannot handle their pet sedatives."
Aniq, I need you to listen to me very carefully. You've been drugged.
By Xavier. What did he do? Put something in my drink at the gym?
Trust me, I know that Xavier is a petite douche, but he didn't do it, okay?
It was, um…
Let's get you some water, okay?
That's a good idea.
Oh, my God.
All right. There you go.
Okay. How you doing?
I'm good.
Because I have some unfinished business to attend to.
[inhales deeply]
I know what you're up to.
-You do? -Yeah.
You're gonna poop.
You're a party pooper.
Uh, yeah. You got me. I'm gonna take a big poop. Okay.
And now I know a secret.
[Jennifer 1] And then she, what, shows up at the reunion like that's normal?
I can't believe we were ever friends with her. What a bitch.
-Freaking b-word. -Hey. No. You don't get to use that word.
-Yeah, no. I forgot that. Sorry, baby. -We've talked about this.
[Jennifer 2] She's, like, really not in a good place.
Like, drinking, drugs, Phish concerts.
And porn addiction. That's why she got off Facebook.
And did you see her hair? It looks like she made out with a tornado.
Tornado. Straight up.
It's just Jewish hair. That's all.
-Hey. -Hey.
That explains its texture.
-So much volume. It's great. -No, we love Jews.
Eat my ass.
[clattering]
-[Aniq] Whoa! -[Yasper] What the hell, Brett?
[people chuckling]
[phone vibrates]
[Chelsea] I was in a free fall.
[man 1] I told you she was losing it. She should've stayed home.
-[woman 1] This is what she gets. -[Heather] God. I hate her,
but I do love those shoes.
[people laughing]
[Chelsea] This wasn't a reunion. It was hell.
I was their fool. And they were all laughing at…
[Ned] Uh, it's prank o'clock.
Are you 12 years old, dude?
-It's funny. -Jesus.
-You don't get it. -Oh, my God.
You're the only one that I trust here, man.
Mostly because you're unconscious, which I fully caused.
Listen, I came to fix things tonight,
and I just keep causing more and more disaster.
You're so good, Aniq. [sighs]
[Chelsea] I was tired of chaos. It was time to finish this.
Before someone finished me.
I had to act, but I was too afraid.
And in a chaos this dark, any guiding light would suffice.
-Chelsea. -[gasps, breathes heavily]
-You're gonna die… -How?
…when you hear that Xavier and I are about to record a song together
right there in that studio and change the course of music forever.
[sighs] Good for you.
I had some plans tonight too, but, um, they didn't really pan out.
So, I'm-- I'm gonna head out.
Stop.
Listen, if there's anything that I learned tonight, it's this.
You don't just get one shot in life. You gotta take that second shot.
Carpe the hell out of that diem.
No, it's too late.
No. You know why? Do you wanna know why?
Yeah.
Because you're in control, Chelsea. Nobody else. You. You got this.
God. I think I just needed to hear that once in my damn life. I'm in control.
-Yes. -Maybe I've always been in control.
-Yes! -Thank you, Yasper.
-Did I just inspire you? -I mean, fully.
Can I write a song about this?
-Don't use my name. -You got it. Okay.
[clanging glass]
Hey, hey, party people!
"X" marks the spot, am I right?
-[cheering] -[Xavier] 'Cause I'm X,
-and this is my spot. Oh! -[people laughing]
[chuckles] All right, all right. But for real, big-ups to Hillmount High.
Okay, we started at the upper-middle, and now we here.
I head back to LA tomorrow for the Kids' Choice Awards, but for tonight,
mi casa is… I mean, you know how the rest of that goes.
-Whoo! We gonna live forever! -[cheering]
[Jennifer 1] Oh, no. We've got a sitter. We should probably get going.
[Jennifer 2] It's late for a school night. I have Pilates in the morning.
Hi.
-Hi. Hey. -It's funny running into you here.
It's my house.
[chuckles] I was just kidding.
-So was I. [chuckles] -We never got that chance to catch up.
Maybe we should go somewhere more private.
Damn. Yeah, no. I'm just, like-- I'm, like, pretty busy.
You know, just all these people, gotta, like, give them what they want.
-[chuckles] Just spread the X. -Come on. What's a couple minutes?
Um… Oh, the-- the lights are, like, flashing in my bedroom.
I should probably check that out,
'cause, you know, it might be like a Parasite situation.
I never actually saw that movie, but I read the plot summary on Wikipedia,
and, like, the dude was in the bunker the whole time.
Like-- All right, peace.
[Chelsea] I knew he was avoiding me. But to get closure, I had to take control.
No flashing lights?
What?
Oh, uh, nah.
Would you like one? I made a drink special for you.
Okay. Yeah.
Shit. That's my name.
That's right.
Wait. Stop, stop. That's filled with cat tranquilizers.
Ah. So, like, sip instead of gulp?
No. Like, don't drink it. It's, like, a dangerous amount, not a fun amount.
-I'm-- I'm, like, confused. -Okay, I have a confession to make.
I came here tonight to knock you out, take pictures of you naked,
and leak it on the Internet.
Wow. Okay. Um, first off, I've already leaked those types of photos of myself.
Oh.
And second, I guess you're still feeling, like, a grudge about the, uh…
Saint Patrick's Day party? Yeah.
You fucked me over.
After that party, I was stranded.
Everybody thought I was a crazy, lying monster.
Even I believed it eventually.
Till I started making these trash choices.
Till I had this trash life, and I blamed you for all of it.
-Look, I-- I didn't mean it. -I don't even want your weak apology.
Now that I'm here, I-- I actually just need to know
that you know that you're an asshole…
[inhales deeply] …and a douche.
Yeah. Uh, I-- [scoffs]
Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Why don't you speak it for me?
So, if-- Um-- So, I'm, like-- [clears throat]
I'm, like, an-- I'm like an a-- I'm, like, an asshole.
And, a… [mutters] …um, douche.
Now sing it.
[breathes shakily]
♪ I'm, like, an asshole ♪
[exhales sharply]
♪ And a douche ♪
Oh. Auto-Tune really does wonders for you.
I really don't need anything more from you after that.
-Except for you not to drink that. Stop. -Oh, right.
-The cat-- -Go pour it out.
Cat poison. Uh, yeah. All right.
[sighs]
[Chelsea] It wasn't the ending I had imagined,
but it was a new beginning.
A chance to finally take control of my life.
My second shot.
Was there a blond wig in this, by the way?
No. What a weird and specific question.
[Chelsea] When I came down, most everyone had gone home.
It was my last chance to catch…
Zoë. Hi, hey. Um, could I just talk to you for just one second?
Just one thing and then, uh, you don't have to talk to me ever again.
-Or look at me. -Cool.
Uh, so, I just wanna say
that I'm really, really sorry.
You deserve a hundred thousand apologies from me.
Yeah, I do.
It was so gross and wrong, and I totally regret it.
I've made so many bad choices,
and this is, like, the worst one, and I'm ready to own it.
It wasn't even worth it because Brett, uh, is, um…
Bad at sex. You can say it.
[both] Brett is bad at sex.
The sex with him is, um…
A rush to the finish line.
Yeah. I-- I'm like, "This is not a sport."
And then just, like, the constant high fives.
Who won here?
-What are you high-fiving for? -Not us.
-No. We lost. -Yeah, big-time.
I was surprised he didn't work in construction,
'cause it felt like he was trying to, like, destroy a sidewalk.
Oh, my God. [chuckles]
Oh, God. [sighs]
-You deserve better. You deserve a lot. -Thank you.
And, okay, also, it's a strange time
to, um, have an opinion on your love life,
but Aniq's awesome.
And I just feel like he has his shit together.
-[Yasper] How great is this party? -[clattering]
-[grunts, yells] -Oh, my God.
-Um…
[gasps] Where am I? Why am I wet?
Uh, I-- I don't think this is really a good time to judge him.
-Are you okay? Is everything all right? -Who did this? It was Xavier, wasn't it?
-No, it wasn't Xavier. -Xavier did this to me. Again.
-Aniq. -Where is he?
Aniq, maybe tonight's the night to let go and just move on.
[breathes heavily] This isn't the past. It's still happening.
But not anymore.
I'll be right back.
[Yasper] Aniq.
Aniq, come on, man.
[music video playing]
[video stops]
[Aniq] Oh!
So, I'm just supposed to believe that you had a change of heart
and didn't want to kill him anymore?
I never planned to kill him, and I didn't.
You can check for traces of cat tranquilizers in the flask
against Xavier's blood.
It's not in there. He didn't drink it.
It's the fall that killed him. You had the biggest grudge against him.
So tell me, what happened at that Saint Patrick's Day party?
-I'm moving on. -Well, move on tomorrow,
'cause we need to know who killed him tonight.
Xavier's killer may be the person that's been threatening you.
You know, the texts stopped coming in, actually, when Xavier was killed.
-Maybe it was him. -Maybe.
But his phone wasn't on his person. Help me out.
That Saint Patrick's Day party was a big night for all of us.
And-- Oh, my God, Aniq. I--
What happened to Aniq?
Oh. N-No-- I, um--
No, I was just like, "Oh, my God. You know? Eek."
He was just there.
-And the-- -Culp.
Get Aniq in here right now.
You know what? I misspoke. Please leave him out of this.
-He's a good guy. -Now,
when he woke up pants-less and wet,
you said that Aniq said
Xavier did this to him again.
Again. Right? That's what you said he said, right?
Yeah.
-So, was the first time at that party? -[door opens]
We can't find him.
Son of a bitch!
What, did he fall into some portal that's sucking everybody up?
Look, find Aniq. I need to talk to him now.
And actually look for him.
You're acting like this is a two-bedroom house. Look in every fucking room.
Shit.