(church bell rings)
- Patrick, please talk to me.
- Couvade syndrome actually happens in about 25%
of men with pregnant partners.
So you're not alone.
- Good to know.
- I don't hear from you for two months
and all of a sudden you show up interrupting a meeting.
I thought you were relapsing.
- I was sober the whole time.
- Call, text, this is not the way you talk to me.
- Grand gestures work all the time in the movies.
Everyone would've cheered and clapped.
- I liked you Max, but I thought you were with Maggie.
So I moved on.
- [Max] Oh.
- Sometimes I feel like I'm the minority trifecta.
I'm black, disabled and gay.
If people aren't making assumptions
about one part of my life, they're making it about the next.
And I needed to trust people in my life.
And I can't trust you, Max.
- You can trust me.
I promise.
And I am so sorry I hurt you because I,
I think about you all the time.
- It just doesn't make sense to me.
Did you lie because you're not comfortable with who you are?
- I wasn't pretending to be someone else.
I was just fudging a few of the details.
- I don't know that.
I just know you lied a lot.
And I can't be with someone who hasn't accepted themselves.
- I'm okay with who I am.
Maybe for the first time ever.
And I never meant to lie to you.
Okay?
We were lying to Dorothy and you just got in the way.
- Well, I'll do you a favor and get out of yours.
- I didn't mean it like that.
- I did.
- Just to be clear, you're not rejecting me
because of the whole pregnancy thing, right?
'Cause that would be pretty ableist.
- Max. - Okay.
- Don't answer, I'll just go now.
- Where are you going?
- I'm sadly walking away.
- I ordered you an Uber.
Someone's gotta keep an eye out for you.
Even if I only have one.
A little disability humor for you.
- Damn you, a good guy even when breaking my heart.
- I'm not this perfect person you keep saying I am.
And I hope it's not because you think me losing my eye
makes me a saint or something because it doesn't.
It's just a part of who I am now.
- That's not...
I wasn't saying that.
- Says the Uber's about a minute away.
It's a Prius.
I gotta get back to the meeting that you interrupted.
- Patrick.
I'm sorry.
- Bye, Max.
- [Max] Wait.
- What?
- What's a Prius?
- [Narrator] "Womb Envy."
- [Recording] When I was birthing the Kikilimana Mountains
of Sri Lanka while pregnant with Lotus,
I could hear her singing a song to me.
I think it was Jeff Buckle.
- Ugh, shut up.
(door squeaks)
- Oh, you're home.
I thought you and Dorothy were going for dinner.
- She hasn't called yet.
- Ah, she's probably lighting candles
or kissing a statue's foot or whatever she read
in Christian Woman monthly.
Are magazines still thing in Elliot Lake?
- I'm guessing by your attitude things
didn't go well with Patrick.
- They did not.
- I'm so sorry that you didn't get my ice cream.
- What has become of us?
- Amen to that.
- Oh, so we're praying now.
- Times are dire, but not that dire.
- I'm so glad you're here.
- I'm glad I'm here too.
You okay?
- No, not really.
- What did you say to him?
- Just told him everything that was going on
and that I really liked him.
- He didn't take it well?
(knock on door)
- That's the front door.
- Finally, I'm gonna eat whatever she has
in her purse and then I'm gonna kill her.
- Throw me that pillow.
I gotta cover my indiscretions
and stop you from smothering her.
- Sure you don't want a large bowl of fruit
or an oversized purse.
What did they use to cover up SJP's baby bump.
- Wait, you're going for dinner?
- Yeah.
- I'll just hide in the bathroom.
Tell her I'm taking a shower
- Okay.
(door squeaks)
Patrick at the front door.
- Maggie.
- How are you?
- I'm well.
Must almost be time.
- Two weeks, can't come soon enough.
- Is Max here?
- He, um...
- Hey.
- You know that thing where you think of a bunch
of stuff that you should have said after you leave someone?
- Yeah.
- Here's that stuff.
You pretended to be an alcoholic.
Really?
I could maybe understand lying to Dorothy
but that had nothing to do with her.
- I never actually told you I was an alcoholic.
You heard my morning sickness and thought Kyle
was my enabler and I just kind of ran with it.
- I'm just not hearing a lot of accountability here.
- Oh and you're hearing is super heightened.
- I'm sorry you got caught up in our lie.
It's all my fault.
- I meant accountability from Max
but thank you.
- She gets a thank you.
- She didn't come to a meeting with me for weeks
and pretending she had a problem and making me
believe we had something big in common.
- You took me to the first meeting
without me being able to say anything.
- Because I thought you had a problem.
- I did.
I just wasn't ready to admit it.
And I didn't even know I needed help
until someone was offering it.
- I hope that's true.
- It is.
Max may be self-absorbed, vain, impatient
sometimes inconsiderate.
Generally unhealthy, economically unstable.
His right leg is a few inches shorter than his left.
But he is not a liar, not usually.
Not unless I ask him to be, but I'm not doing that anymore.
So, he's also caring and loyal
and he's always there when it really matters.
- All right, I believe you.
- So he just came here to read me for filth.
- Yeah and to give you back this pregnancy poncho
you left after crashing my meeting.
It's giving off major Ugly Betty vibes.
- He crashed the meeting?
- [Patrick] And interrupted someone speaking.
- He didn't?
- I did.
- [Maggie] Oh, Max.
- Remember, self-absorbed, vain and sometimes inconsiderate.
- But he did say some really nice things, honest things.
And I feel like there's more we need to talk about.
- Well, please, please come.
I would love to hear more about Max embarrassing himself.
- So he comes in and he says, it's my turn.
I'm pregnant.
- I'm gonna be in my room for this part.
- Okay, okay, okay.
So he says, it's my turn, I'm pregnant.
- Okay. - And.
- You did good kid.
You did good.
- Couldn't have done it without you.
- I mean, I just gave you a push,
you did all the devastatingly awkward work.
- A little push.
That was a Showgirls push.
That was a Death Becomes Her push.
It was a-
- Oh my God, I get it.
You watch gay movies.
- But I owe you.
- I was just doing my job.
- I guess I sort of have myself to thank
since you're just an extension of me.
- Bitch, don't take this away from me.
- You're not pregnant anymore.
- No, gave birth to my own imaginary drape baby.
And then immediately disowned it.
Drowned it.
- Does that mean?
- Now that you are finally relaxed,
you'll probably birth whatever that is any day now.
But since you're not hiding who you are anymore,
I gotta head out.
- Just when I was getting used to you.
- Oh, I'm always here just waiting
for the next crisis to strike so I can sashay in
and pick up the pieces like I always do.
Don't ever pretend to be straight again.
- I promise.
- But be there for Maggie.
She's good for us.
- I will.
- And don't mess things up with Patrick.
This is the second chance we wanted.
- I'll do my best.
- Oh, and call Kyle and apologize for being the worst.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tomorrow.
- My bird is ready to fly
and poop all over the place.
- Stick around for a drink?
- I mean, I'll never say no to a drink.
- You actually said thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
- Can I make anybody a drink?
- I'll always remember it as being suave and romantic.
- You call that being suave and romantic?
- Okay fine, it's better than taking an Imodium
and calling it a day.
Do I at least get points for doing it
while being a physical anomaly?
- Do you know what this whole thing is?
- There's not a ton of research, but one guess is
that the men is subconsciously envious
of a woman's ability to become pregnant.
- So you have womb envy?
- Thanks, Patrick.
Thanks a lot.
I'm never gonna live it down.
- I mean, it's no surprise, who wouldn't be envious
of all this.
- [Max] All right, all right, calm yourself.
- I guess I did enough with my life
to make you jealous of me.
- I'm not jealous that you have to talk to Dorothy tonight.
Do you know what you're gonna say?
- Hey mom, I'm terrified of you.
I'm terrified you'll hurt yourself
or relapse or smite me with your religious damnation.
How does that sound?
- Eh?
Needs some work?
- Yeah.
- She still hasn't called yet.
Where is she?
- Does anybody want some acid?
- Have a nice night.
- Go to hell.
- I'm not her biggest fan but she does seem
like a different person.
I think she'll throw a few Bible verses our way
when we tell her but I'm pretty sure that'll be it.
It's better than the wine corks she used to throw at us.
And maybe it'll bring you two closer together.
(knock at door)
Oh, and that's Dorothy.
Her angel spies heard everything.
(knock at door)
- Sodomy.
- [Narrator] Womb Envy is created by Champagna,
written by Mark Keller, produced by Charlie David,
directed by Jake Horowitz.
Cinematography by Paul Maxwell.
"Womb Envy" is produced and distributed
by Border 2 Border Entertainment in association
with AMI and OUT TV.
Integrated described video by AMI featuring,
Daniel Fernandes, Storm Steenson
Jeffrey Haase, Helen Holtham, Champagna, and Luke Avoledo.
♪ I'm out the cage tryna let out the beast ♪
♪ Revolutionary got let out the streets ♪
♪ Locked in a cage I'mma let out the ♪
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Copyright 2023 Border 2 Border Entertainment.