1 00:00:04,756 --> 00:00:08,843 - ♪ Now as our poor young lungs deflate ♪ 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:12,805 ♪ I'll admit I've gotten older ♪ 3 00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:18,561 ♪ Mellowed out, chatting up those I used to hate ♪ 4 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,063 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:21,147 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ The feeling that we're lost will always fade ♪ 6 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:29,614 ♪ I present no explanation ♪ 7 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:33,201 ♪ Can't expect our tired patience ♪ 8 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:37,497 ♪ To satiate for long ♪ 9 00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:41,334 ♪ Therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 10 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:47,840 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪ 11 00:00:47,924 --> 00:00:50,843 - Oh, so hot. Oh, so sweaty. 12 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,096 Sweat dripping off of my 10-year-old Johnson. 13 00:00:54,514 --> 00:00:56,432 This is not worth the $40. 14 00:00:56,516 --> 00:00:58,184 - Oh, Tommy, thank you so much. 15 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,186 Look at you! You're such a doll. 16 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,480 - Oh, no problem. That's gonna be 40 bucks. 17 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,816 - Oh my gosh! I love your industrious spirit, 18 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,193 but here is a plate of brownies for your trouble. 19 00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,278 - What do you mean? Brownies instead of-- 20 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:10,696 - instead of money? 21 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,657 - I'm just a little short on cash right now. 22 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,700 - I just mowed the lawn for two hours. 23 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,577 - Sweetheart, you shouldn't be helping neighbors 24 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:18,246 for the money, okay? You should be helping them 25 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:22,208 for the exchange of goodwill and good brownies! 26 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,210 Bye-bye, Tommy! 27 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,711 - I'm saying no. What's happening? 28 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,797 - Bye sweetheart! B-bye! 29 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,715 - "B-bye"? 30 00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:31,467 Oh, what a day. 31 00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:33,761 This is not a quality lawnmower at all, is it? 32 00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:34,971 [truck horn honks] - Excuse me, kid. 33 00:01:35,054 --> 00:01:36,305 - Me? 34 00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:37,723 - What the hell do you think you're doing? 35 00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,225 - I was just walking home. 36 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,894 - No, what you're doing is stealing clients 37 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,397 by undercutting my prices. 38 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,899 - Stealing clients? I'm 10. - Oh-ho! 39 00:01:46,983 --> 00:01:51,112 You're one of these kids who likes to hide behind math! 40 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:52,488 - What's happening? 41 00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:53,865 - You're stealing food from my family. 42 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,241 - No. - That job... 43 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:56,409 - Stop. 44 00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:58,077 - Could've been a hot meal... 45 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,037 - Stop. - On my son's plate. 46 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,539 - Hey, Tom. - Oh, hey, Randy. 47 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,748 - Yeah, Tom. Why did you steal my dinner? 48 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,000 - No, you've got it all wrong. 49 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,418 I literally got paid in brownies. 50 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,044 I didn't even get money. - Oh! 51 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,755 Great, so you stole my dessert. That's even worse. 52 00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,299 - You steal desserts! 53 00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:16,012 A child's reward for what he does, you steal! 54 00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:19,181 [truck horn honking] 55 00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:20,933 - What just happened? 56 00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:23,603 - Whoo, Tom, these are incredible! 57 00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,229 This is even better than money. 58 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,315 - I don't know about that. - Tom, if I've taught you 59 00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,692 one thing as a mother, what is it? 60 00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,777 - You can't eat money? - Exactly. 61 00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:33,029 Keep these brownies coming. 62 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,031 [cell phone ringing] Oh, hang on. 63 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:36,616 Oh, hi, Denise. What's up, girl? 64 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,702 Why yes, Tom is mowing lawns for baked goods. 65 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,120 - Oh, no! Don't encourage that. 66 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,914 - Will he mow your lawn for a Bundt cake? 67 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,790 - Give me the phone. - Of course he will! 68 00:02:44,874 --> 00:02:46,083 We'll put you down for Saturday. 69 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,293 Take care, Denise. 70 00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,794 - Oh my God! Denise! - Too late. 71 00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:50,504 - Mom, I don't think you have the authority 72 00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:51,964 to accept jobs on my behalf. That's against the law. 73 00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:53,507 - Tom, I'm your mom. 74 00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:55,635 I have complete and unchecked authority over you. 75 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,053 - No, let's call the mayor. 76 00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:58,721 Let's call somebody. What's going on here? 77 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:00,222 - Let's call--hey! Call the mayor. 78 00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:02,183 - Oh, my God. - Hi, Rick. 79 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,060 It's funny you ask, Rick. Tom is accepting new clients. 80 00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,603 - No, no, no. - Sure. 81 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:06,896 Snickerdoodles. That sounds great. 82 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,147 - Snickerdoodles? 83 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,315 - I'll put you down for Saturday. 84 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,650 - Rick... 85 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,234 - He's gonna love working for baked goods. 86 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:15,988 - Woot, woot! - Kids, follow your dreams. 87 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:17,323 Good things will happen. 88 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,699 Aim high. 89 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:19,909 [applause] 90 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,160 - That was inspiring. 91 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,579 Wow. Listen to that stuff, kids! 92 00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,831 Next up to tell us about their career: 93 00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:29,377 He is a landscaper. He works with mulch and trees. 94 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:32,713 - Oh, no. - Give it up for Mr. Miller. 95 00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:35,257 [applause] 96 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:38,970 - Kids, remember this face, 97 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:42,056 because it is the face of failure. 98 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,808 Look at it! All of you! 99 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,434 Don't avert your eyes! 100 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:49,522 I had a successful business, and then Tom here... 101 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:50,982 - Oh, no. Leave me out of this. 102 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:55,236 - ...swooped in and stole all my clients. 103 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:56,612 - I didn't swoop. 104 00:03:56,696 --> 00:04:00,825 - I can't find work, and my son can't eat. 105 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,910 - I'm hungry, Dad. - Randy, please... 106 00:04:02,994 --> 00:04:04,286 - I'm starving, Papa! 107 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,497 - That felt preplanned. - I know you are. 108 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,041 But I can't provide for my family 109 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,710 because of Tom, Randy. 110 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,545 - All right, listen, everyone. I feel terrible. 111 00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,755 If there's anything I can do, just say the word. 112 00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:17,216 - Can we crash at your house? We're being evicted. 113 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,385 - No, that's a bit much. Good luck, though. 114 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,845 Hope you guys find something. 115 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,263 If you need anything, just say the word. 116 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:23,889 - Can we crash at your house? 117 00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,474 - If you need anything other than shelter, 118 00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,101 other than housing... 119 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,228 - Tom, you just said, "If there's anything I can do." 120 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,563 - No, that's a figure of speech. 121 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:31,939 I was just making small talk. 122 00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:34,317 - Small talk? These people need shelter! 123 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,736 - And isn't your dad in, like, Myrtle Beach or something, 124 00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,697 so you actually have plenty of room? 125 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,615 - Tom, why do you hate my dad's business? 126 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,951 Why do you hate our family? Why did you steal my dinner? 127 00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:45,244 - All right, you know what? 128 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:46,787 My mom is not big on houseguests, 129 00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,539 but I feel like she's gonna understand. 130 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,416 Our home is your home. 131 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:54,754 - You want to have a belching contest? 132 00:04:54,837 --> 00:04:55,921 - [belches] 133 00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:57,673 - That's good! [belches] 134 00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:58,966 I win again! 135 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,968 - How long are you two staying again? 136 00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:03,804 - There was no end date. 137 00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:04,972 Wake up, Tom! 138 00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:06,223 - What's happening? Why? What? 139 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,059 - We're playing Jenga! Come on. 140 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,769 - You woke me up for Jenga? 141 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,104 - What? "Some pulp"? 142 00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:14,398 Okay, I guess I'm "some happy" right now. 143 00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:15,858 Jesus. 144 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:20,279 - ♪ I'm washing my body with a great soap ♪ 145 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:24,200 ♪ Even though the American empire's collapsing ♪ 146 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,411 - In sports, the International Basketball League was busy 147 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,996 last night with several games on the schedule... 148 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,624 - [breaks wind] - [breaks wind] 149 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:34,335 - You know what, guys? Take this the right way, 150 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,004 but I find you people so annoying, 151 00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:38,631 and I think we need to wrap this up. 152 00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:40,216 - You're throwing us out? - Yup. 153 00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:42,927 - Even though I have no way to earn a living? 154 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,054 - Look, there's plenty of jobs out there. 155 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,847 What skills do you have besides landscaping? 156 00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:49,308 - What are your top skills? - My top skill? 157 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:50,810 - Yeah. - Crying. 158 00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:52,144 - Oh, come on. 159 00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,395 - That's learnable. 160 00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,772 - I don't work well with others. 161 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,148 - That's a problem. - I have no grasp 162 00:05:56,232 --> 00:05:59,026 on basic communication skills, okay? 163 00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,444 - That's true. 164 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,779 - I also refuse to wear 165 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,322 a uniform or a suit. 166 00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,282 - You're really limiting your options. 167 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,952 - This weekend, we're holding open auditions 168 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,455 for "New Jersey's Got Talent"! Come on, Jersey. 169 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:15,000 Show us what you got. Top prize is $1 million! 170 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,754 - That's it. You can sing. - That's your career. 171 00:06:18,838 --> 00:06:20,339 - Me? I'm no singer. 172 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,299 - I heard you in the shower. You're great. 173 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:24,343 - You think I could sing professionally? 174 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,638 - If it gets you out of my house, I really do. 175 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,056 - Me too. I think you can do it. 176 00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:31,350 - Tom will even join you at the audition 177 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,810 to make sure it goes well. 178 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:33,853 - Oh no, I'm not joining anyone. 179 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,104 I don't join things. 180 00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,689 - Tom, you bankrupted my father. 181 00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,774 The least you can do is tag along and clap. 182 00:06:38,858 --> 00:06:40,901 [breaks wind] 183 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,365 - Yo, Tom! - Oh, Nelson. 184 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,117 Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here. 185 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,451 You guys are all auditioning? 186 00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,620 - Of course. - I'm doing my magic act. 187 00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:52,913 Watch this. Whoa! 188 00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:53,998 Oh! A quarter? 189 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,249 - Oh, my God, that was amazing. 190 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,709 - Man. That's magic, brother. 191 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,711 - Principal, what kind of act do you do? 192 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,212 - It sounds boring, but it's-- 193 00:07:00,296 --> 00:07:02,756 I do a tap dance routine with my dog. 194 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,341 - Wow. Lot of good acts. Lot of strong acts. 195 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:05,634 - What are you doing, Tom? 196 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,344 I didn't know you had any talents. 197 00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:09,221 - Oh, I'm not talented, no. I'm just here to make sure 198 00:07:09,305 --> 00:07:11,015 the landscaper's audition goes well. 199 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,391 - What? - He moved into our house 200 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,726 with his son. Now I'm helping him... 201 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:14,894 - What? - Reinvent his career. 202 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,228 It's a long story. 203 00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:17,521 - If I had a penny for all your stories, 204 00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,273 I would have a-- ah-oh--a quarter! 205 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,608 - That's good. It gets me every time. 206 00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:21,984 - I think I'm ready. 207 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:25,154 - [scatting] 208 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,246 - Thank you for coming in. - Thank you. 209 00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,832 - Next up, I've got a Mr. Miller. 210 00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:38,417 - Thanks for seeing me. 211 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,588 My passion is to write and sing original songs, 212 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,966 mostly about landscaping. Here we go. 213 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:47,927 [moody music] 214 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:53,182 ♪ Leaf Blower blow me home ♪ 215 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:54,475 ♪ Blow me a mil-- ♪ 216 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,560 - Thank you. Thank you for coming in. 217 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,312 - Oh, you didn't like it? - Oh, no, no. 218 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,772 You have a lovely voice. 219 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,982 There's just no market for landscaping ballads. 220 00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,235 Just a tough genre, if you know what I mean. 221 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,486 - At least let the guy finish the song. 222 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:06,779 He waited for hours. 223 00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:08,280 - And who are you? 224 00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:09,782 - I'm Tom. I'm his landlord. 225 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,075 - That's funny. 226 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,077 Now, this kid has an interesting look. 227 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,120 And look at his brother. What a pair. 228 00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:16,789 - Oh, no, we're not brothers. 229 00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:18,999 - No, yeah, we have an open disdain for each other. 230 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:22,419 - I love the banter. What a family. 231 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,712 - We're not a family. 232 00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:25,839 - But we do live under the same roof, Tom. 233 00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:27,424 - Yeah. We don't like each other. 234 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,302 There's constant discontent. We're a family. 235 00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:32,680 - What if you do this act, but as a boy band? 236 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:33,973 - What? No. 237 00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:36,392 - A boy band that includes one of the dads? 238 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:37,768 I mean, it's never been done. 239 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,979 - Love it. Fresh idea. - Genius. 240 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,939 - That sounds like the worst act ever. 241 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,816 - Why don't you not tell me how to do my business, kid? 242 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,777 Come back in next week, because you guys are in round one. 243 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,320 - What? No, no, no. - Yes. 244 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,531 - Son, our problems are over. 245 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,907 [gentle guitar music] 246 00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:53,325 All right, here we go. Ready? 247 00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:54,660 Hit it! 248 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,246 ♪ I'm here mowing lawns ♪ 249 00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:00,791 ♪ And applying mulch ♪ - ♪ Mulch ♪ 250 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,252 - ♪ And I'm blowing people's leaves ♪ 251 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,296 - ♪ I'm here ♪ - Blowing leaves. 252 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:08,924 - ♪ But it's no fun when you're not here ♪ 253 00:09:09,008 --> 00:09:11,176 - Oh, my God. What am I seeing? 254 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,095 - ♪ I think it's time to leave ♪ 255 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,305 - Blow me from here. 256 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,140 - Okay. Stop the music. Tom! 257 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,017 - What's wrong? - You need to sell it. 258 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,560 - I was snapping, snapping and dancing. 259 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,771 - Big smile. Snap like you mean it. 260 00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,648 - Tom, can I have a word with you, buddy? 261 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,942 - All right, you guys practice. I'm gonna go talk to Nelson. 262 00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:29,194 - Here we go. Here we go. All right, you ready? 263 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,696 - Hey, buddy. What's up? 264 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,031 - Hey, what are you doing? - What am I doing? 265 00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,699 I joined a family-based boy band 266 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,909 that sings about landscaping. We made it to round one. 267 00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:38,203 Good shot at the million dollars, I think. 268 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,164 - Big smile! - Tom, Tom... 269 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,373 - Randy, what are you doing? 270 00:09:41,457 --> 00:09:42,666 - Tom. - You okay? 271 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,209 Why are you rubbing your temples? 272 00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:45,544 - You're not winning anything. - All right. 273 00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:46,754 Sounds like you're jealous, so I'm-- 274 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:47,880 - Jealous? Come on, man. 275 00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,214 Haven't you seen those shows? 276 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,632 You guys are the "token bad act." 277 00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,176 - Token bad act? What does that even mean? 278 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,218 - They bring you on the show 279 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:54,803 so they can make fun of you. 280 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,680 - That's why we're on the show? - It's a setup. 281 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,140 - Oh, no. This is not good at all. 282 00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,392 - Randy. - If you can't snap, 283 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,061 you don't belong in the business. 284 00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,395 - I'm telling you, man. I'm gonna be honest with you. 285 00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:04,563 You need to bail on this. 286 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,647 I can't be friends with a guy 287 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,066 in a landscaping boy band. 288 00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,401 - I appreciate the talk, but I gotta be honest. 289 00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:11,070 My gut is saying go for it. 290 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,863 - Tom, you're wearing a jumpsuit, 291 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,490 snapping and dancing. - Yeah? 292 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:17,326 - You clearly don't make good decisions in life. 293 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,541 - Tom, you have outdone yourself. 294 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,752 I can't believe they sent a limo! 295 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,629 - They do it for all on-camera talent. 296 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,547 - What now? - And it's not a limo. 297 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,257 It's a nasty old town car. 298 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,343 - In my opinion, if it's got a glass wall, 299 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:36,261 it's a limo, and please zip it. 300 00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:39,014 - Enjoy. - I'm proud of you, Tom. 301 00:10:39,098 --> 00:10:40,516 - Thank you. 302 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,101 - 'Cause not only are you getting these lunatics 303 00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:45,270 out of our house, you could also win $1 million. 304 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:46,939 - Mom, don't get your hopes up. 305 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,982 I don't think our act is that strong, to be honest. 306 00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,943 [cell phone ringing] - Hello? 307 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:54,363 Actually, my son cannot mow your lawn today. 308 00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,948 - Oh, no, I can. - Go ahead, fire him. 309 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,784 Your Bundt cake sucks anyway. Bye, bitch. 310 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,370 - You can't do that. - Millionaires don't mow lawns. 311 00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,205 Ya heard? [cell phone ringing] 312 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,666 Hello. No, Tom can't make it. 313 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:06,750 - I'll be there. 314 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,001 - He said, and I quote, 315 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,461 "Tell Mrs. Ryan 316 00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,631 to shove her weedwhacker straight up her own crack." 317 00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:14,883 I know, kids these days. 318 00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,635 [upbeat dance music playing distantly] 319 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,971 - All right, buddy. I just need to mic you up. 320 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,723 - Oh, okay. Showbiz. Very exciting. 321 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,434 - Hey, where are your dad and brother? 322 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,935 - I have no idea. 323 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,311 - What do you mean? - We're not a tight family. 324 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:27,479 - Oh, you've got to be shitting me! 325 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:28,730 We need them. - What? 326 00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,149 - You're on in 10 minutes. - Oh. 327 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,650 - We're gonna have to call them. 328 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:32,985 - Okay. - Here. 329 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,236 - Hello? 330 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,404 - Where are you? We go on in 10 minutes. 331 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,822 - Can't hear you, Tom. 332 00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,031 I'm mowing a lawn. 333 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,533 - You're mowing a lawn? 334 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,618 - I've been flooded with calls today, Tom. 335 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,745 All my clients want me back. 336 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:44,872 - No. 337 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,290 - They said you're unreliable 338 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,125 and rude, Tom. 339 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,501 And your mom told them off. 340 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,295 - Oh, no... - Remember, Tom. 341 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,465 Snap with conviction and big smiles. 342 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,049 - Thanks, Dad. See you later. 343 00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,509 - Okay, where are they? 344 00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,011 - I know this isn't what you want to hear. 345 00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,596 We're gonna have to cancel. - Wait, sorry. 346 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,097 Cancel? We don't do that. 347 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:04,558 You're going out there right now. 348 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,352 ♪ ♪ 349 00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:09,688 - That was wonderful. Wasn't that wonderful, folks? 350 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:10,981 That was fun. 351 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,107 Well, our next act should be 352 00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,775 a real crowd-pleaser, too. 353 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,110 His name is Tom. 354 00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:16,195 He's a former member 355 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,779 of a family-based boy band, 356 00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,199 but now he's striking out on his own, 357 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:23,535 dancing and snapping to landscaping music. 358 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,914 [gentle guitar music] 359 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:31,293 ♪ ♪ 360 00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,546 - I forget the lyrics... Something about mulch? 361 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,590 Oh, my God. This is... 362 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,384 - Oh, what's that? Look, a quarter. 363 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,928 - Can I get off the stage? 364 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,971 What happens now? 365 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,598 - Excuse me. Is that your son up there? 366 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,058 Because he is very bad. 367 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,268 - No, my son died in a weed-whacking accident. 368 00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:50,103 I don't know who this kid is. 369 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,232 ♪ ♪ 370 00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,609 - [coughing] - [moans] 371 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,741 - Hey, kids, I've got a lot going on in my life right now. 372 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,618 What are these "emergencies"? Make it quick. 373 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,787 - I've had explosive diarrhea all morning, 374 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,205 and I'm crapping all over the school. 375 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,915 - Not touching that. Next. 376 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,085 - I got stung by a bee, and I can't feel my tongue. 377 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,670 - Gonna stop ya right there. 378 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,630 Those are all really complex ailments. 379 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,965 Tom, what's wrong with you? 380 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,841 - You know, I feel kind of sluggish. 381 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:22,094 I can't tell if it's--I'm sick, or if it's just my personality. 382 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,930 - All right, get in here, Tom. Let's get you taken care of. 383 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,348 Okay, Tom, put this in your mouth 384 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:27,808 and make it seem like I'm doing work. 385 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,184 - Okay. 386 00:13:29,268 --> 00:13:30,519 - I'm actually really glad you stopped by. 387 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,104 You were on my to-do list today. 388 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,230 - Me? Why? 389 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,607 - Because I have an announcement! 390 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:41,363 I'm getting married to a beautiful man named Doug! 391 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,448 - Why are you telling me? 392 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:46,535 - This school is like family to me, okay? 393 00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,121 I'm inviting all of my favorite people. 394 00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,747 - I'm one of your favorite people? 395 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,916 We've literally talked twice about Band-Aids. 396 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,918 - And tell your Mom she's gonna be in my bridal party. 397 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,628 We're gonna have so much fun! 398 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:59,298 - Have you guys even met? - She's my best friend. 399 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,341 She's being in the wedding. [thermometer beeps] 400 00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:03,385 Oh, you're actually really sick, 401 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,470 but I'm not dealing with that. See ya. 402 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,930 [upbeat music playing] 403 00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,682 - Oh wow, she really invited the whole town. 404 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,183 Kevork, the plumber, 405 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,643 the guy who works at 7-Eleven, 406 00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:12,894 my old babysitter. 407 00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,730 - Tom, when people ask about me, 408 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,940 always just say, "She's busy." 409 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,692 - I'm sorry. I said she's wide open. 410 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,652 - And I know that's the truth of our lives, 411 00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:21,903 but don't say that. 412 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:23,238 - I shouldn't have volunteered you 413 00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,489 to be in someone's bridal party. 414 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:25,824 - How do you think I feel? 415 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,326 I mean, I'm giving away the bride, 416 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,619 and I literally don't know her last name. 417 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,953 - I'm starting to feel left out. 418 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,955 Am I the only person not invited? 419 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,957 - Ah, no, lots of people didn't make the cut. 420 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,126 I mean you... Dakota's mom... 421 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:39,171 I don't think she invited the Principal's bookie, Lou. 422 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:40,422 - Nope, I'm here! 423 00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,840 I'm in charge of pussy and booze. 424 00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:43,675 What do you guys need? - Hey, Lou. 425 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:45,510 - Is this all I represent to you people? 426 00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:46,970 A bus driver? 427 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,680 The guy who sits behind the wheel 428 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:50,140 and drives the bus? 429 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,225 - Yep, yeah. 430 00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:53,602 - Yeah, that is the definition of a bus driver. 431 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,896 - Okay. I retract the question. 432 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,483 - Look, I got to put this stupid dress on. 433 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:02,486 I'll see you at the ceremony. Don't talk to anyone, Tom. 434 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:03,987 Let's make this a clean in and out. 435 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,322 - Don't talk to anyone? 436 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,531 - Yeah, just go sit really still 437 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,574 in a corner of the lobby. 438 00:15:07,658 --> 00:15:08,784 Face a wall. 439 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:10,035 - And just pretend I can't talk? 440 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,411 - Yeah, you know what? 441 00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,746 I'll give you a couple of papers that say 442 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,247 "I don't know how to talk." 443 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,374 - All right. 444 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,167 Not the most fun wedding, but sure. 445 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,921 All right, if anyone talks to you, just "no habla ingles." 446 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:23,215 - How's it going, little man? - What are you doing here? 447 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,425 - I'm getting married. I'm Doug. 448 00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:26,718 - Oh! She didn't say 449 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,011 she was marrying the ice cream man. 450 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,388 - Well, I--I think "Doug" 451 00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,722 feels more prestigious. 452 00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,182 You know, if you tell someone, 453 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,642 "I'm marrying the ice cream man," 454 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:34,976 it doesn't sound like a bright future. 455 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,436 - So, uh... you excited? 456 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,854 - Not at all. 457 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,356 I feel like the walls are closing in around me. 458 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,982 It's like my schvanz is in a vice 459 00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,026 and the pressure is slowly tightening. 460 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,237 - Doesn't sound fun at all. - It's not fun. 461 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,988 Hey, listen. I need you to do me a favor. 462 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,407 I was supposed to find a ring bearer 463 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,950 for this whole thing, and I didn't. 464 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,910 So, can you do it? - Me? 465 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,620 No, I promised my mom we'd be in and out. 466 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,914 I--I can't bear any rings. - You owe me one. 467 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,833 - I owe you? Why? - You sank my truck. 468 00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,001 You know how much it cost to dredge that thing up? 469 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,087 - All right, I guess I owe you on some level. 470 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,547 - This is what you've got to learn in life. 471 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,756 This is good for you, actually. 472 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,591 This is a learning situation. 473 00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,176 [rock music] 474 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:11,471 - That bachelor party was off the hook! 475 00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,432 At the strip club, when she went upside down 476 00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:14,808 and her hair was dragging-- 477 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,476 - Guys! Guys! Keep it clean. 478 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,978 We got a little fucking kid here. 479 00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:19,604 - Oh right. Yeah, of course-course-course. 480 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,064 I was saying, I was at the strip club 481 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:25,610 when that grown woman climbed a pole, 482 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,446 that--that was so much fun! 483 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:30,615 - Yeah. She really climbed that pole good. 484 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:33,493 - That was--I'm sorry, guys. That was the party? 485 00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:34,953 You watched a lady climb a pole? 486 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,455 - No, Tom, there's more to it. 487 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,206 There's music, and there's lights... 488 00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:39,541 - They got pretzels. 489 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,001 - They got little bags of chips. 490 00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,252 - Can I be honest with you? 491 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,754 You guys' stories are kinda boring. 492 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,130 I might go hang out over there with Doug. 493 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,174 - Please go over there. 494 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:50,469 Doug, you really should start getting dressed. 495 00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,928 It's almost time. 496 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,306 - There is a time to be born and a time to die, 497 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,725 a time to plant and a time to uproot. 498 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,059 That's from the Bible. 499 00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,145 - Are you okay, Doug? - Not really. 500 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,147 My life is flashing before my eyes. 501 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,983 I'm like a wild stallion, Tom. I need to run free. 502 00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,401 - I'm not following. 503 00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:07,944 What does the stallion have to do with anything? 504 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,780 - I feel trapped. I'm gonna marry this nurse 505 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,448 and then drive an ice cream truck 506 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,908 the rest of my life? 507 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,993 - Sounds amazing! But, hey, my dad was married, 508 00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,328 and he didn't feel trapped. 509 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,913 He just drove off to Myrtle Beach one day. 510 00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,123 - Really? For how long? - Just a... 511 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,833 indefinite Myrtle Beach excursion. 512 00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:23,168 - Let me get this straight. 513 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:24,586 He was married with a kid, you... 514 00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,171 - Yeah. - And he said, 515 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,506 "I'm driving to Myrtle Beach?" 516 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:28,590 - I mean, he didn't say it out loud. 517 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,841 He just took off. 518 00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,134 He just left a note on the fridge. 519 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,260 - Your dad sounds like a legend. 520 00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:33,470 - Legend? No, no. 521 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,805 My mom would disagree with that. 522 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:35,847 - Well, potato, pa-tot-oh. 523 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,015 This is great advice, Tom. 524 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,642 - Oh no, it's not "advice." 525 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,852 - It changes my whole outlook on the whole thing. 526 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,521 - Okay. Well, glad we talked. 527 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,356 - And by the way, Tom, you still owe me six grand 528 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:45,649 for the ice cream truck. 529 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,192 Am I ever going to see that money? 530 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,527 - You didn't get it? I thought I mailed it. 531 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,861 - You know I didn't get it, Tom. 532 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,530 - I clearly mailed you $6,000. 533 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,032 - You mailed it? You sent it through the mail? 534 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,285 [wedding march playing] 535 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,204 - Wow, you clean up nice. 536 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,540 - Aw! Thank you. So do you. 537 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,208 - Hey, I know I'm Tom's principal, 538 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,960 but is it inappropriate for me to say 539 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,878 your tits look amazing in that dress? 540 00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:08,922 - No, that's cool. I welcome it. Thank you. 541 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,715 - Thanks for your patience, everyone. 542 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,300 We will begin shortly. 543 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:16,138 Unfortunately, we are just waiting on the groom. 544 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:20,809 ♪ ♪ 545 00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:23,979 - What's going on out there? Is he seriously running late? 546 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,814 - I'm sure he's milling around somewhere. 547 00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:27,232 - What the F, guys? 548 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,484 You were just with him. Who saw him last? 549 00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:30,735 - I saw him. He was talking to Tom 550 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,237 right by the window. 551 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,613 - Tom... - Sorry, Mom. 552 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,532 I didn't talk, though. I mostly listened. 553 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,909 - Okay. Tom, what did he say? 554 00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,452 - Uh, just a lot of Bible quotes. 555 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:42,747 - Bible? Like quotes about loving me? 556 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,750 - Nah, it was about, uh, time and, uh, 557 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,336 a lot of doomsday talk. Something about a stallion. 558 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,630 - Okay, you're freaking me out. - His schvanz in a vice. 559 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:51,882 Is that from the Bible? 560 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,508 - Oh, guys, wait. There's a note. 561 00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:54,593 - A note? 562 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,219 Let me see. What does it say? 563 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,096 "I'm driving down to Myrtle Beach 564 00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,806 just like Tom's dad did." 565 00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:02,559 - Wait. What? - "Thanks for the advice, Tom. 566 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,436 You da man. Woot, woot. 567 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:09,190 P.S.: the stallion rides free." Tom, what the fuck? 568 00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:10,775 - I don't think people say "what the fuck" 569 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,027 at weddings, do they? 570 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,361 - They do when they're abandoned. 571 00:19:13,445 --> 00:19:14,946 - All right. Let's just go dance 572 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,948 and eat dinner. What do you do now? 573 00:19:17,032 --> 00:19:19,451 - Cry. - Let's go cry and dance. 574 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:22,454 [upbeat jazz music] 575 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:23,538 ♪ ♪ 576 00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:25,206 - Come on people, dance. 577 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,334 We're only playing jazz standards, 578 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:30,003 so don't wait for the Electric Slide 579 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:34,799 or something you consider to be fun. 580 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,970 - [crying] 581 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:42,182 - Con--congratulations. What do people say? Congrats? 582 00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,392 - Shut up! 583 00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:45,894 - Listen, I'm--I'm so-- I feel terrible. 584 00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:47,479 - You should. - Principal, say something. 585 00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:49,314 - Say nothing. Let Tom sit in the discomfort. 586 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,649 - All right, everybody! So good news: 587 00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,317 the reception is starting, 588 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,778 and the nurse is gonna start by cutting the cake. 589 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,613 Yay! Yay!... - No, I am not! 590 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,907 I'm not--I'm not cutting the cake by myself. 591 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,241 That's sad. 592 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,618 - It's a tradition, right? - It's fun! 593 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,161 You cut the cake. You eat cake. 594 00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:05,413 - That does sound fun. - Okay. 595 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,250 - Get to the part where you smear it on your face, please. 596 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,336 - I'm not smearing it on my face. 597 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:12,754 - Have you ever been to a wedding? 598 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,089 Everybody smears cake on their face. 599 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,423 - Well, normally there's someone else 600 00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:16,716 doing the smearing! 601 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,259 - Come on, take a deep breath. 602 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,178 This could be the best night of your life. 603 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,181 - Smear it on your face! Smear it on your face. 604 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,891 - Mom. No. Mom. Please. Don't chant. 605 00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,601 guests: Smear it on your face. 606 00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:28,728 - Oh my God! This is a nightmare. 607 00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,689 Fine. Fine! 608 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,357 - All right. At least we're having fun now! 609 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,900 Give her a hand. That was--she's a good sport! 610 00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,860 She's a good sport. - I'm not having fun! 611 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:38,655 Hi, can I stick my head in? I'm friends with everyone here. 612 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,073 - Name. 613 00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:41,700 - It's probably under "Bus Driver." 614 00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,910 - Nope. - Try "the" bus driver. 615 00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:45,203 - Nope. Under the Bs, 616 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,579 I've got bus mechanic... 617 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,873 - That's an insult. - Bus dispatch guy... 618 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:51,501 - Another asshole. - Bus insurance adjuster. 619 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,462 - Okay, prick. - And bus door repairman. 620 00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:56,339 - Bus door repairman? 621 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,675 - Yeah, he came in dancing doing this whole thing 622 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,553 called "the bus door." It was pretty cool. 623 00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:04,973 - He's doing the bus door? I invented the bus door! 624 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:07,225 - Oh, hey, Bus Driver. Can we talk real quick? 625 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,727 - Sure. Yeah. I wasn't going in anywhere. 626 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,228 - All right, listen, here's the deal: 627 00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,272 I ruined the whole wedding. It's a disaster. 628 00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,107 The groom took off. He's heading down the turnpike 629 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,817 in an ice cream truck. We gotta go find him. 630 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,235 - All right, well, let's do this! 631 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,278 Let's hunt it down. 632 00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,571 - Really? That's amazing. 633 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,364 - I want to be part of this wedding. 634 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,534 If I got to chase down and hit the groom's ice cream truck, 635 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,244 I'm okay to do that. 636 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:29,581 Tom, put your seatbelt on, because we are going 90, 637 00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:32,250 and there is a very good chance this does not end well. 638 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,793 - All right, just keep your foot on the gas. 639 00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:35,628 He's in a slow-moving truck. We can catch him. 640 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:39,674 - Wait, wait! Is that him? 641 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:41,426 - All right. Veer right. We got him. 642 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:45,722 - I'm veering my ass off. - Doug, slow down. 643 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,265 It's Tom, from the balcony. - Ah. 644 00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,768 Hey, little man. What's up? 645 00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,102 - Listen, you need to reconsider. 646 00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:52,771 You're making a terrible mistake. 647 00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:54,689 - Oh, I agree. I should've taken the parkway. 648 00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:56,232 But it's too late. I can't turn around. 649 00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,776 - No, it's not the mistake I'm talking about. 650 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,778 I'm talking about the wedding you bailed on. 651 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:01,154 - Nah, too late for that. 652 00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,448 I already said "the stallion rides free." 653 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,283 It'd be embarrassing to just go back now. 654 00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:07,786 - Doug, that is not a good reason to not get married. 655 00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:10,121 - When you grow up, you realize you make life decisions 656 00:22:10,205 --> 00:22:11,456 on a lot of stupid things. 657 00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:13,792 [honks horn] 658 00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:16,461 - Remember that time we went to an Italian restaurant 659 00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:17,796 and then screwed on my couch? 660 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,214 - I do. That was fun. 661 00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:20,840 Remember the time we went to the concert, 662 00:22:20,924 --> 00:22:22,175 and we threw churros at people, 663 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:23,802 and you hit that guy in the eye? 664 00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,428 - That might have been the best night of my life. 665 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,347 And I don't know if you remember this, Principal, 666 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:28,807 but I have a son. 667 00:22:28,890 --> 00:22:30,308 - Where is Tom, by the way? I haven't seen him? 668 00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:32,352 - I'm sure he's around here somewhere. 669 00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:34,521 I try not to be a "helicopter mom," 670 00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,356 as they say. 671 00:22:36,439 --> 00:22:37,774 - All right, come on, get me closer. 672 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:38,775 I'm going in. 673 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,026 - This goes against 674 00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:41,945 almost all my bus driver training. 675 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,324 - Oh, that's dangerous. - Look at you. 676 00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:47,534 Does this look like a man 677 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:48,827 who's making the right decision? 678 00:22:48,910 --> 00:22:50,370 - Absolutely not. 679 00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:51,955 - I just think you seem to like the nurse on some level. 680 00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,373 - I do. 681 00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:54,833 - You probably don't have many options out there. 682 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:56,501 - I don't. 683 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,086 - I can't imagine you're gonna be a big hit in Myrtle Beach. 684 00:22:58,169 --> 00:22:59,671 - Probably not. 685 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:01,172 - All things considered, I think you should turn around. 686 00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:03,174 - Wow. You are a wise little man. 687 00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:05,301 - All right, let's-- let's go back and get married. 688 00:23:05,385 --> 00:23:06,594 Oh, hey, Bus Driver, we're all good here. 689 00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:08,012 You can go home. 690 00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,722 - Who's that idiot? Did we invite him? 691 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:11,683 - I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that. 692 00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:13,393 There must have been a mix-up with the invites-- 693 00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,562 - No time to talk. Let's turn this thing around 694 00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:16,896 so I can get married. 695 00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,940 The stallion turns back. 696 00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:22,443 - You're very easily swayed. Did anyone ever tell you that? 697 00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:25,655 [rock music] 698 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:30,702 - It really wasn't that bad. - Actually, arguably, 699 00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:33,788 this is the worst thing that could happen at a wedding. 700 00:23:33,872 --> 00:23:36,749 - Hello everyone! Hey! I have an announcement. 701 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:38,710 I tracked down the ice cream man. 702 00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,044 The wedding's back on. 703 00:23:40,128 --> 00:23:43,673 - Doug? Oh my God, thank you, Tom! 704 00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,176 Doug, come on out here. 705 00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:49,304 - Oh, bad news, guys. He left a note... 706 00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:50,763 - More notes? Come on. 707 00:23:50,847 --> 00:23:53,057 "Sorry, Nurse, I bailed again. 708 00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:56,436 "The half-hour alone in the car with Tom made me realize 709 00:23:56,519 --> 00:24:00,732 "I don't want to have kids. He's got a lot of problems. 710 00:24:00,815 --> 00:24:03,985 The stallion rides free. Woot, woot." 711 00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:06,613 [rock music playing on radio] 712 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:09,824 - Woot, woot! 713 00:24:09,908 --> 00:24:11,451 - Way to go, Tom. 714 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:12,911 - Are all weddings this stressful? 715 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:15,330 Because I'm not enjoying myself at all. 716 00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:17,498 - ♪ Remember there's more road ♪ 717 00:24:17,582 --> 00:24:19,584 ♪ And places to go ♪ 718 00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:21,711 ♪ Patterns to contemplate ♪ 719 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,546 ♪ More people to fornicate ♪ 720 00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:26,716 ♪ And remember there's a lot of good omens ♪ 721 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,343 ♪ Supplying the proof ♪ 722 00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:32,013 ♪ That our life is the best joke ever told ♪ 723 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,725 ♪ Remember it's a joke and leave it alone ♪ 724 00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:40,146 ♪ Let go and try to be always abiding ♪ 725 00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:44,400 ♪ Remember if there's one good reason for dying ♪ 726 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:46,277 ♪ The sweet silver lining ♪ 727 00:24:46,361 --> 00:24:48,529 ♪ Through you she lives on ♪ 728 00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:52,450 ♪ And therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 729 00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:56,079 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪