1 00:00:04,881 --> 00:00:08,885 - ♪ Now as our poor young lungs deflate ♪ 2 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,847 ♪ I'll admit I've gotten older ♪ 3 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:18,603 ♪ Mellowed out, chatting up those I used to hate ♪ 4 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,147 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:25,485 ♪ The feeling that we're lost will always fade ♪ 6 00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:29,655 ♪ I present no explanations ♪ 7 00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:33,242 ♪ Can't expect our tired patience ♪ 8 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:37,538 ♪ To satiate for long ♪ 9 00:00:37,622 --> 00:00:41,375 ♪ Therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 10 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:45,505 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪ 11 00:00:49,759 --> 00:00:52,011 [knocking] - Uh, principal? 12 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,971 They told me you wanna see me 13 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,683 and that you're-you're furious. Principal, you there? 14 00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:00,186 - [laughs] Gotcha. - Wait, what? 15 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:01,479 - The principal's at lunch. 16 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,022 - That's not funny at all, Brenda. 17 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,732 I gotta question your sense of humor. 18 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:06,526 - It's super funny, trust me. 19 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,277 - Since when do you have a good personality? 20 00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,071 I thought you were the boring lady who sits in the hall. 21 00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,532 - When the principal is here, I'm buttoned-up Brenda. 22 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:15,368 But once he leaves, man, I let lose. 23 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:16,994 - Let's get buttoned-up Brenda back. 24 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,121 This is not working. - Here's why I called you in. 25 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,040 - Okay. - The principal's 20th 26 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,750 anniversary at school is coming up. 27 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:25,378 So we're throwing him a roast. - A roast? 28 00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:27,880 - Where you make fun of people, but you do it in a fun way. 29 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:30,633 And we want you to be the roast master. 30 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,552 - Roast master? That sounds like a lot of work. 31 00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,345 I'm-I'm gonna pass. - There's no passing. 32 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,721 No, no. No passing. - Eh. 33 00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,139 Count me out. - It's been decided. 34 00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,391 We already went to the print shop. 35 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:39,892 We made a cardboard cutout. 36 00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:41,394 - I didn't approve that. That's not sanctioned. 37 00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,104 - It's not up to you to approve anything. 38 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,439 Once you're on school grounds, pfft with your rights. 39 00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,900 - I'm a minor, so you can force me to be a roast master? 40 00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:50,111 - Yes. We'll force you to sit in a room as long as we want, 41 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,238 and we can force you to make jokes. 42 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,739 - I know we friends and everything 43 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,366 but this is a travesty. - I know. 44 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,660 - I got passed over for roast master, for you. 45 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,495 - I agree, you would have been better, but hey, 46 00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:01,372 don't let it ruin the sleepover. 47 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,124 Do you mind if I run some of my jokes by ya? 48 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,667 - What you got? 49 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,586 - I think I'm gonna open with, "Greetings. 50 00:02:06,669 --> 00:02:07,962 "The principal is very excited 51 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,589 "when he heard we're having a roast. 52 00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,257 "But I think the guy was--I think 53 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,925 "he might have thought we were 54 00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:14,677 talking about roast beef." 55 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,430 - Oh, no. - I gotta work on the phrasing 56 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:18,806 but that's the gist of the joke. 57 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,266 - Yeah, we get it. What else you got? 58 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,435 - The principal drives a Ford Fiesta, 59 00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:23,853 which is Spanish for "party." 60 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,479 But the last time I checked this guy's a real 61 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:27,106 party pooper. Am I right, people? 62 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,774 - Man, this is gonna be terrible, man. 63 00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,151 You gonna bomb. - You're right, actually. 64 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,485 This is not funny. 65 00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:32,862 - We got one night to make you funny. 66 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,113 - All right, what do I do? 67 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:35,406 - Come with me, Tom. 68 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,657 - Wait, where are we going? 69 00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:37,867 - Shh. My dad's asleep. 70 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,702 I don't wanna wake him. 71 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,538 - What is this weird room? - This is a man cave. 72 00:02:42,622 --> 00:02:45,207 - Are we allowed to be in here? - We not men. 73 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,918 So technically we breaking and entering. 74 00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,878 - Oh, my God, what an incredible room. 75 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:51,297 Wesley Snipes, grown lady's boobs, 76 00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:53,299 couple of weird hats. This is incredible. 77 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,009 What do we do now? - Oh, man, we are about 78 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,469 to watch some roast. 79 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,554 - Oh, he's got a collection of roasts. 80 00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:01,223 This is perfect. Learn from the professionals. 81 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:03,267 - Ryan is so unattractive. 82 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:06,228 When he smiles at me, I take an immediate shit. 83 00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,980 - [laughing] 84 00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:09,982 - Huh, kind of an off-color joke. 85 00:03:10,066 --> 00:03:12,568 - Oh, Brian, look at the nose on that guy. 86 00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:13,986 If you can find it. 87 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:15,696 It looks like a pig's butthole. 88 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,824 - [laughing] I love this dude, man. 89 00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,368 - Is that funny or very hurtful? 90 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,662 - At a roast you say things that are hurtful. 91 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:25,998 But then you laugh and say, "Just kidding. Love you buddy." 92 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:27,291 - Why not just say the last part? 93 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,793 - Oh, that's not a joke really. 94 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,586 - What a dog-shit career this guy has. 95 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:32,380 I mean, if I woke up with that career 96 00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,340 I'd put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger. 97 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,008 [laughing] Oh, Brian, 98 00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,344 you pig nose son of a bitch. Love you buddy. 99 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,929 Oh, you're the man. You're the man. 100 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,764 - Ah, you see people are having a ball. 101 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,683 Look at that. - Right, but I can't say 102 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,184 any of these things. I'm a kid. 103 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,019 - Like my dad says, nothing more adorable 104 00:03:47,103 --> 00:03:49,772 than a curse word coming out of a young child's mouth. 105 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,607 - I don't think my mom would agree, 106 00:03:51,691 --> 00:03:54,026 but you guys seem to know what you're talking about over here. 107 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:57,154 [crowd cheers, applauds] - Uh, hi, gang. 108 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,073 I can't believe you guys did this for me. 109 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:02,535 It's--after 20 years, I love you people like family. 110 00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:03,911 And as the saying goes, 111 00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:06,455 you can't spell "principal" without pal. 112 00:04:06,539 --> 00:04:10,376 And that's--that's how you kids make me feel. 113 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:13,212 Not like I'm your principal or an authoritative figure, 114 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:17,425 just feel like I'm your pal. And I--and I do appreciate it. 115 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,468 [applause] 116 00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:21,220 - Wow, so emotional. 117 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,180 All right, I'm your roast master. 118 00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:24,890 If you need anything, just holler. 119 00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,309 Uh, why don't we start with Dakota. 120 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,355 - Hi. 121 00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:36,819 The Principal is a real bozo, like, bozo the clown. 122 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:40,114 - Aw, so precious. - Oh. [laughing] 123 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,741 Oh, she got me good. 124 00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:45,995 - The principal is here and he's really silly. 125 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,580 [laughs] Am I right, guys? 126 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:50,332 - Oh, man, I'm questioning the material, I really am. 127 00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:53,210 - But we do love you and we're so happy that you're here. 128 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,504 Thank you. You've been roasted. 129 00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:57,590 - Aw, this is adorable. 130 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,259 Oh, I hope someone's filming this stuff. 131 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:04,346 - Um...all right. Number one. 132 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:06,766 The principal's glasses are always dirty. 133 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,684 - [chuckling] That is true. 134 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:10,770 - The only thing filthier than his glasses is his ex-wife 135 00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:13,814 Shannon who was caught sucking off the UPS guy. 136 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,900 - What? - Language. Tom. 137 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,151 Okay. Wow. Tom. 138 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,611 - I got--I got more. I got more. 139 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,237 I shouldn't have opened with that. 140 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,406 The principal dreamed of playing for the Yankees. 141 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,909 Right, Principal? - Eh, it is true. 142 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,536 - But the last time I checked there's no position in baseball 143 00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,121 called fat piece of shit. 144 00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:32,208 - Oh, this is horrible. What the hell is going on? 145 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,293 - Do you just maybe have some normal jokes? 146 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,629 - I was told foul language is encouraged. 147 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,589 - Who told you that? - You know what? 148 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,925 I-I know I had some disappointments in my life 149 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,635 but I didn't know--I mean, 150 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:47,014 I'm gonna go drink myself to sleep and cry into a sock. 151 00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:49,308 - I should have stopped with the roast beef joke. 152 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:51,977 [smoke alarm blares] - Hey, kids. Get back in class. 153 00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,729 Just because the principal is out 154 00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,439 does not mean it's a free for all. 155 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,483 - Hey, go suck off the UPS guy! 156 00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,152 Bam, you've been roasted, Tom style, baby! 157 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:02,238 - They really latched on to that phrase, didn't they? 158 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,448 - Well, well. - I came to apologize. 159 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,826 - Sorry, Tom. Principal called in sick. 160 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:08,828 - Oh, no. - He's very depressed. 161 00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:10,746 - I gotta say, I think maybe Hector shouldn't have 162 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:13,082 called him a dumb-dumb. That was in poor taste. 163 00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,000 - Are you kidding, Tom? Do you realize 164 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,586 that all the teachers are calling you Asshole Tom? 165 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,421 - Now, that's crossing the line. 166 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,006 - Oh, that's crossing the line? 167 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,842 Now you're deciding what's in good taste. 168 00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,343 - Well, just tell him I'm sorry. 169 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,761 If you talk to him, just tell him I'm sorry. 170 00:06:25,845 --> 00:06:27,430 - No, there's no I'm telling him anything. 171 00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,682 You need to talk to him and make this right. 172 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,433 - All right, I'll go pop in and say hi. 173 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,727 I'm sure he's fine, though. I mean, he's the principal. 174 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,855 [moody pop ballad playing over speakers] 175 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,690 [doorbell rings] 176 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:41,443 - [moaning along to the music] 177 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,737 - What's going on in there? - Principal, are you in there? 178 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,197 - [groans] 179 00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:47,158 - Principal, are you okay? - We gotta get in there. 180 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,660 - All right, you know what? We're coming in. 181 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,246 Principal? - Oh. Hey, guys. 182 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,206 Come on in. Grab a slice. 183 00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,500 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 184 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,044 - Are you sure? You really look like a train wreck. 185 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:01,380 - Tom, your insults were a real wake-up call. 186 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,048 And I've decided to quit my job 187 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:05,551 and become an assistant bookie with my friend, Lu. 188 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,928 - Oh, no, don't do that. Nah. Those were jokes. 189 00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:09,763 - I'm sorry, which part was untrue? 190 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,307 Do I not have a weight problem? 191 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,725 - Yes. It's not an ideal physique. 192 00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:15,102 - Did my wife not blow the UPS driver? 193 00:07:15,186 --> 00:07:17,062 - She did. That's a well-documented story. 194 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,690 - Have I not failed at pursuing all my childhood dreams? 195 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,525 - You've clearly failed at many things. 196 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:23,527 But we can--you can laugh about it now, right? 197 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:25,154 - Nah, you just don't laugh. It's tragic. 198 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:26,655 Look at my bucket list. 199 00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:28,574 I've crossed not one thing off of it! 200 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,034 - Huh, let's see what you got here. 201 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,869 Sit on a hammock? That's pretty easy to do. 202 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,121 - Well, I literally sat on a hammock an hour ago. 203 00:07:34,205 --> 00:07:35,748 - Eat a steak? - Yeah. 204 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,499 - You've never eaten a steak? - I've come close but, 205 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,293 you know, something always goes wrong. 206 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,253 - These seem like very easy dreams to achieve. 207 00:07:41,337 --> 00:07:42,963 - Yeah, well, that's what makes it so pathetic. 208 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,465 - Oh, how does this sound? Look. 209 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,842 If we help you check everything off your list, 210 00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:48,427 you come back to school on Monday. 211 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,346 - How are you gonna help me check every single thing 212 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:52,014 off this bucket list? Take another look at it. 213 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,349 - Principal, we're gonna do it. 214 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,725 We're not taking no for an answer. 215 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,268 - Deal. - That's great. All right. 216 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,770 Let's shake. Oh, wow. That's disgusting. 217 00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,355 That's a very greasy hand. 218 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,858 - Number ten on the list. Sit on a hammock. 219 00:08:02,942 --> 00:08:04,443 - I did it. Check it off the list. 220 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,111 I sat in a hammock. Yes! 221 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,155 - Okay. You sat in a hammock. 222 00:08:08,239 --> 00:08:11,200 - Oh, my God, I ate a steak! After all these years. 223 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,911 Check another one off the list, baby! 224 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,829 - Number three on the list, believe it or not, 225 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:20,459 is slide down a bowling alley like a human bowling ball. 226 00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:23,545 - [laughing] [pins clatter] 227 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,214 - Wow, that's top five? 228 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:28,175 - Oh, my God, I'm riding in a Buick. 229 00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:29,843 Check it off the list. 230 00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,554 - Did number two on the list really say "ride in Buick"? 231 00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:35,140 - Says it right here. "Ride in a late model Buick." 232 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:36,475 [indistinct chatter] 233 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,769 - Okay, one last thing on the list. 234 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,815 See Glenn Hubert the comedian. Who's Glenn Hubert by the way? 235 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,608 - He's only my favorite comedian. 236 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,236 He does a clean act, just like a ton of observational humor 237 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:50,990 about church and pudding and cookies and picnics. 238 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,366 - Sounds like he sucks. 239 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,702 - Wait. Wait, what's this? Sold out. Oh, no. 240 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,496 - This is just... just the story of my life. 241 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,291 I'm, like, so close and then I blow it. 242 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:02,710 My neighbor's right. I don't deserve to be happy. 243 00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:04,128 - C'mon, don't give up. 244 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,005 We promised we would get you to return to school. 245 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:08,132 Let me--let me see what I can do. 246 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,758 - Go ahead. - Hey. 247 00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:11,260 Can I have a quick chat? - Mm-hmm. 248 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,262 - Can we--can we talk, comedian to comedian? 249 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,972 - I'm a doorman. I'm not a comedian. 250 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,557 I'm not funny. - Seem pretty funny. 251 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,975 - No, I'm not funny. 252 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,518 - Is there any way you could sneak us in 253 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,478 to see Glenn Hubert? It's for my pal. 254 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,981 He's not doing so well. He's seen better days. 255 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,899 - What, your pal? Which one? 256 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:27,401 - Over there, over my shoulder. 257 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,153 - That's so sad. - It is sad. 258 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,904 The number one thing on his bucket list, 259 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,114 you ready for this? 260 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,116 See Glenn Hubert live in concert. 261 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,576 - I'll talk to Glenn. - That's amazing. 262 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,036 - Maybe he'll even give him a shout out. 263 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,871 He loves doing good deeds like this. 264 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,622 - That's a very good deed. 265 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,541 Listen, if I can ever repay the favor, just say the word. 266 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,209 - Okay. What is it he can do? 267 00:09:44,293 --> 00:09:46,211 - Anything, as long as, like, it's related to the bassoon 268 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,213 or Wiffle ball or basic things like that. 269 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,007 If you need a back--you wanna borrow a backpack? 270 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,550 - Why would I want a backpack? - I don't know. 271 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,844 I can't repay the favor. This is a one way street. 272 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,304 All right, guys, I pulled some strings. 273 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:56,972 I told him I'm a roast master. We're in. 274 00:09:57,056 --> 00:09:58,140 - What? Oh, you're the best. 275 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,433 - We're seeing the whole act. 276 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,518 Glenn Hubert, Todd Glass and free nachos. 277 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,896 - Wow. Maybe he is the roast master. 278 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,190 - Yeah, in the comedy circles, I get a lot of respect. 279 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,234 - You guys ready for some wholesome comedy? Huh? 280 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:11,653 - Yes. What a night. - Incredible. 281 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:14,531 - Yeah. Yeah. How 'bout some clean jokes? 282 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:17,034 Well, here's your guy. 283 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,660 The sweetest, cleanest, 284 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:21,246 nicest guy in the game, here he comes. 285 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:24,875 Give it up for Glenn Hubert. 286 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,919 [cheers and applause] 287 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:30,923 - [chuckles] Hi. Hi, everyone. 288 00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:33,675 I went to church this morning. 289 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:36,136 What's up with these pews? 290 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,723 Why are they always made of wood? 291 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,184 Eh? Ever hear of cushions? 292 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,936 C'mon. [cheers and laughter] 293 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,855 - So him just saying the word "cushions" is the punchline? 294 00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:48,941 - Look at the principal. He really loves this guy. 295 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,109 - Look at his eyes. I've never seen him 296 00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,485 light up like that before. 297 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,028 - I've never seen a guy laugh like this. 298 00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:55,364 - You know what ruffles my feathers? 299 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:56,782 Pudding. 300 00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,953 It's not quite ice cream but not quite custard. 301 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:04,581 C'mon, pudding. Make a decision. 302 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,459 - Not a great joke. - Look, I like to tease. 303 00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:09,503 But let's take it down a notch. 304 00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:14,091 I understand we have a special guest in the audience. 305 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,802 He's always wanted to see me live, 306 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,762 and tonight he gets his wish. 307 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,973 Where is the little guy? Don't be shy. 308 00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:22,474 - Right here. - Oh. 309 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:23,934 This is the guy. - Right here, right here. Look. 310 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,769 - Wait. This is him? [crowd murmuring] 311 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,313 I was told this is the Make-A-Wish thing 312 00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:31,066 for a little kid. - Oh, no, I never said that. 313 00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:33,652 - You clearly said my pal. I thought it was him. 314 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,821 - If I said my pal, I meant princi-pal. 315 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,531 - Princi what? - You can't spell principal 316 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,116 without pal. - What the hell does that mean? 317 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,993 - He's not a kid. He's, like, in his early 50s. 318 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,661 - 46. - Folks, 319 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:46,957 there's always one asshole in the crowd, 320 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,500 and here he is. 321 00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:51,044 - Wait. I'm actually, like, your biggest fan. 322 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:55,382 - I tried to do a clean act, folks, but fuck this guy. 323 00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,342 - Glenn, please, this is a special night. 324 00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:58,844 - Oh, it's a special night? 325 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:02,139 In that case, have a drink on me, asshole! 326 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,516 - C'mon, that was uncalled for. 327 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,186 - [groans] - Oh, no, not the crotch. 328 00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,479 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 329 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,230 - Hey, don't touch me. 330 00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:12,733 I still need to cross this off my list. 331 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,151 - Look, if we need a replacement, 332 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,819 I was on the shortlist for roast master. 333 00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,198 See what you think of this. What's up with Tom's mom? 334 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,617 - Nelson, no. - Always with the flip flops. 335 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,453 You live in New Jersey, biatch. Buy some shoes. 336 00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,538 Am I right? [laughter] 337 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:27,956 - Wow, he is good. 338 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,333 If he'd have been the roast master, 339 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,586 we would have avoided so many problems. 340 00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:39,134 [cheers and applause] 341 00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:42,387 - Okay, kids. The school play is coming up 342 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,223 and I've written the script myself. 343 00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:45,682 - Oh, no. 344 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,435 - Now, who would like to handout the scripts? 345 00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:50,354 - Um... ♪ I do ♪ 346 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:54,066 - Thank you, Blaze. Your enthusiasm is a delight. 347 00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,901 - One for you. You're welcome. 348 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,736 - "A Daffodil for Terence"? 349 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,155 "A morose tale of anguish and loss." 350 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,865 Oh, this sounds horrible. - Hey, Mr. B. 351 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,158 Not to put a damper on the whole thing, 352 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:04,409 but can I sit this one out? 353 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,036 I had a bad experience last year. 354 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,913 Remember I threw up and I pooped simultaneously? 355 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,164 They had to carry me off. 356 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:11,250 - I remember it all too well, Tom. 357 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:15,212 But this year you only have one line as the village idiot. 358 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,588 - Village idiot? 359 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,674 I mean, is that even believable casting? 360 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,175 - That seems right. - Blaze, please. 361 00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:21,510 - I mean, I'll buy it. 362 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,845 - If anything, it's too on the nose. 363 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,056 - Isn't there anything in there for, like, the cool guy 364 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,641 or some kind of assassin or? 365 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:31,395 - Something about your face just screams, 366 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,898 "I'm an idiot who lives in a village." 367 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,441 - All right, I question the casting choice 368 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,943 but let me sleep on it. 369 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,696 All right, so I'm playing the village idiot, Lucian. 370 00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:41,989 So why don't you just read the lines 371 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,365 before that and I'll come in? 372 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,992 - Okay. [clears throat] 373 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:48,579 "And we shall run through the daffodils forever more." 374 00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:53,125 "Enter Lucian, a real idiot. He stands there stupidly." 375 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:56,169 - Um, here are your slippers, sir. 376 00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,046 Thanks, Ma. That was a big help. 377 00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,007 - That's it? Where are the rest of your lines? 378 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,717 We're gonna do all your lines. - No, that's it. 379 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,427 I give him the slippers and then I-I leave. 380 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,470 - You hand off the slippers and then you leave? 381 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,473 Tom, I'ma be real with you. If I'm gonna get dressed up, 382 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:10,183 bath, and drive to that school 383 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,769 to hear one line, it better be a doozy. 384 00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,479 - No, no. No, no. Don't get the pencil out. 385 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,231 No. Mr. B doesn't like rewrites. 386 00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:18,317 - It's a tweak. - He said if we work off script 387 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,651 he's gonna physically harm us. 388 00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:21,361 - I'm just putting this in the script. 389 00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,113 It's not a rewrite, it's a tweak. 390 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,906 He said he's gonna physically harm you? 391 00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,617 - He said it more than once. 392 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,453 - When your line comes up, this is what I want you to say. 393 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,246 - I actually like that. - Right? 394 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,832 - Yeah, I think Mr. B is really gonna see the humor in that. 395 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:35,417 [indistinct chatter] 396 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,044 - All right, everyone. 397 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:41,506 Welcome to our table read for "A Daffodil for Terence." 398 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,216 I hope you all love it. 399 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,011 I really hope some of you get it 400 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,931 because some people can be quite thick. 401 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,516 - Is he looking at me? 402 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,394 - Nelson will read our stage directions 403 00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:57,939 and Blaze will be doing double duty 404 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,652 as both our lead and also the cat. 405 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:05,697 And now, "A Daffodil for Terence." 406 00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:09,242 - Curtains open on a bleak café in Denmark. 407 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,786 The café is silent 408 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:14,748 except for the wailing moan of a depressed cat. 409 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:21,713 - [meowing sadly] 410 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,423 - Such brave writing. 411 00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:27,386 - Valdemar stands defiantly above the motionless corpse. 412 00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,514 Lucian enters and discovers the carnage. 413 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,559 - Um...uh...who farted? 414 00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,186 [laughter] - What? 415 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,480 - My script says "Who farted?" Is that the right line? 416 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,898 - Stop laughing. 417 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,983 - That was hysterical. 418 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,779 - This table read is now canceled. 419 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,406 And by the way, Denise, 420 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:52,285 I was talking about you because you're thick. 421 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,995 You're slow. 422 00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:55,414 - What the hell? 423 00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:58,125 - All right, please calm down, it's just a play. 424 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,585 - I spent 18 years on that script. 425 00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:03,255 And he adds one line and he rewrites it 426 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,173 so that it's a fart joke. 427 00:16:05,257 --> 00:16:06,758 - That was actually my mom's rewrite. 428 00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,803 - Oh, so is she a village idiot too? 429 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,096 - No, very smart lady. 430 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,765 - Perhaps this is a family business. 431 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,100 - You can't make money doing that. 432 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:16,852 - Let's try to encourage these kids. 433 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,186 That's what I'm a principal for. 434 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:21,022 Okay, Tom? Seriously, you did great. 435 00:16:21,106 --> 00:16:22,691 - Thank you. It felt good. 436 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,026 - Great? He did great? - You gotta admit that he got 437 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,695 the best reaction of the play, okay? 438 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,113 So I have a great idea. 439 00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:31,491 Let's recast and have Tom play the lead. 440 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,618 - You can't be serious. - No, I'm not a lead. 441 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,662 I like to blend in. Don't put me up front. 442 00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,664 - Mr. B, tell Blaze he's demoted 443 00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,958 and he'll play the cat. That's fun. 444 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,626 - Oh, no, Blaze won't be happy with that. 445 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,462 - He'll love it. Meow. Meow. 446 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,255 He can remember his lines easier. 447 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,882 - This is outrageous. 448 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:50,969 You have no respect for my work nor my direction. 449 00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,888 - I have a lot of respect for your craft. 450 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,474 And Tom, ask your mom if she can look at the script 451 00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:57,726 and see if she can work in, like, more fart jokes. 452 00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,311 - We're talking, like, one per page or? 453 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,812 - Fart it up. - Oh, my God. 454 00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:02,063 - Fart it up. 455 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,734 [light jazz music playing over radio] 456 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,445 [tires squeal] - Good God. 457 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,202 - Oh. Aren't you Tom's weird teacher? 458 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,663 - I'm Mr. B and I came to apologize. 459 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,749 May I come in? - Yeah, I guess. 460 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:25,128 - Oh, wow. The decor is spectacularly mundane. 461 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,588 - Thank you. 462 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,340 - Oh, hey, Mr. B. Listen, uh, 463 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:29,841 if you wanna recast, that's fine. 464 00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:31,510 I don't--I don't even wanna be in the play. 465 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:34,221 - Tom, my hands are tied. You have to be in the play. 466 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,722 - Oh, okay. So why are you here? 467 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:38,391 - I've given this a great deal of thought. 468 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,228 What if I were to take you under my wing 469 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:43,396 and mold you in my image? 470 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,689 - Oh, no. No, no. 471 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,149 - Wouldn't you like to be 472 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,860 a short little ten-year-old Mr. B? 473 00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:50,529 - Not really, no. That doesn't sound too good. 474 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,405 - We have one week, Tom. - Whoa. 475 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:55,784 - And for that time, you will live, eat, 476 00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,703 and breathe Mr. B. - No, I don't wanna do that. 477 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,413 - What, is he supposed to live at your house? 478 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,708 - This will be a seven day acting boot camp... 479 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,001 - Please stop talking. 480 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,088 - Culminating with a trip to Broadway. 481 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,714 - I don't like where this is going. 482 00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:13,385 - We'll take in a show, meet my old acting friends 483 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:17,848 and stop for nibbles at Oso. And it's all on me. 484 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,808 - Mom, say something. - We're in. 485 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,977 - We're in? No, sounds like my worst nightmare. 486 00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,813 - But if it's a free dinner, I feel like we have no choice. 487 00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,523 - Oh, this is not gonna be fun. [bells ringing] 488 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,108 - Louder, Tom. 489 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:32,571 Never say a line when you can over enunciate it. 490 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,614 - "Ah, look at the daffodils." 491 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,449 - Put your body into it. 492 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,578 There's nothing coming back at me, Tom. 493 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,247 They called me Mr. B. - Why? 494 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:45,250 - Because I was the mayor of Broadway. 495 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,335 - Then you just started teaching at a grade school? 496 00:18:47,419 --> 00:18:49,296 - Yes. - Wow, look at that. 497 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:52,674 - Back in the day I owned this town. 498 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,759 Tom, do you see what he's doing? 499 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:58,346 You have to make sure every syllable is heard. 500 00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,764 - Shh. Shut up! 501 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,933 - This is my gift to you. 502 00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:05,437 - "How to Act with Vigor and Volume: Volume 2." 503 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,522 - On the roof of that building 504 00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:10,942 I made love to Marcia Gay Harden. 505 00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:13,445 - Kind of a weird story to tell a little kid. 506 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,905 - Yeah, very weird. 507 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,281 Let's get that free dinner. 508 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,616 [jazz music playing] 509 00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:18,950 - Wow, this is so great. 510 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:22,203 I haven't seen you in, like, 30 years. 511 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,582 - Seeing you again makes me feel so alive. 512 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,167 - Mm-hmm, yes. 513 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,085 - Oh, wow, you guys were all in acting school together? 514 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,962 - Yeah, we-- - I was the star 515 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:32,839 of the class, but I have to say, 516 00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:36,051 my colleagues here were very supportive. 517 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,720 - Well, you know, I'm not sure "star" is the word I'd use. 518 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:41,097 - Gary, tell our friends here the anecdote 519 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:44,392 about the time Daniel Day-Lewis saw me perform 520 00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:46,978 and said, "Now, that is acting." 521 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,105 - Did that happen? I have no memory of that. 522 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:51,983 - Tom, listen, I'm gonna run to the little boys' room. 523 00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,985 If the waiter comes, order me a martini 524 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:57,322 with gherkins not olives and tell him not to drown it 525 00:19:57,405 --> 00:20:00,575 in vermouth like a bourgeois fool. 526 00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:02,661 - We'll just order when you're back. 527 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,997 - Tom, I want you to lean in and listen to me. 528 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,415 - Okay. What's up, Gary? 529 00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:10,669 - Whatever he's teaching you, do the opposite. 530 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,088 - Why? I thought he's the best actor of his generation. 531 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,839 - Who told you that? - Him. 532 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,675 - Yeah, he--he says it a lot. 533 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:19,219 - Oh, he was terrible, the worst. 534 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,762 - Mm, I don't like this. 535 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,681 - So he didn't--he didn't pass on "The Godfather" 536 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,474 'cause it was beneath him? 537 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,519 - They wouldn't even let him do background work 538 00:20:27,602 --> 00:20:28,478 in "Porky's." 539 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,980 - This is a disaster. 540 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,023 I just did a seven-day boot camp with the guy. 541 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:35,151 - Forget everything he taught you and remember this-- 542 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,611 less is more. 543 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,238 - Less is more. Less of what? 544 00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:39,698 - A good actor can convey more 545 00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:41,741 with a look than a thousand words. 546 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:43,159 - It's all in your face. 547 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,869 - Just show 'em my face, and I'm done? 548 00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:47,539 - Yes, Tom. A subtle grimace... - Ooh, I like that. 549 00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,792 - Or a menacing sneer. - I have to admit-- 550 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,502 Gary does seem like he knows what he's talking about. 551 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,088 - I feel afraid, but I'm also turned on. 552 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,132 - It's weird that he's still sneering, 553 00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,426 but it is--it is dramatic. 554 00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,970 [dramatic music playing] 555 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,805 - I mean, I don't mean to boast, 556 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:08,643 but I did train in New York with a instructor named Gary. 557 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,395 - Wow, cool. - Incredible. 558 00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,772 - Had some nibbles at Orso. The whole thing is just-- 559 00:21:12,856 --> 00:21:14,399 - Thomas. - Hey, Mr. B. 560 00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,900 It's the big night. I'm ready to go. 561 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,277 - Fantastic. 562 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,529 Let's see what level you're performing at. 563 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,573 - Oh, you wanna run the lines? - Yes, Thomas. 564 00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,575 - I wasn't planning on saying any of the lines. 565 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:24,993 - What are you talking about? 566 00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,995 - Your friend Gary said less is more, so... 567 00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,913 - Tom, you need to talk. 568 00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:32,292 Acting requires talking. 569 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:34,085 - Get it together. - Ouch. 570 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:37,464 Oh, no, your friend Gary said all I have to do is this... 571 00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:39,424 - Who's Gary? - Ouch. 572 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:40,925 Can someone restrain the cat, please? 573 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:43,094 - Gary is an imbecile. - What? 574 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:47,432 - I have no choice but to step in and play the part myself. 575 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,601 - Oh, no, Mr. B, I don't know if acting's your strong suit. 576 00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:53,188 - Tom, I am going on. Give me the costume. 577 00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,857 - No, Mr. B, please. Please. Hey, stop. Mr. B. 578 00:21:55,940 --> 00:22:00,278 - Get ready for a master class in drama. 579 00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,072 - Not gonna lie, I had more fun last year 580 00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,282 when I vomited and pooped in my pants. 581 00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,076 [indistinct chatter, feedback whines] 582 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,786 - [over PA] Hey, folks, quick update here-- 583 00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:09,621 uh, there's been a bit of a casting change. 584 00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:13,083 The lead will now be played by our very own Mr. B, 585 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:14,876 and Tom is back to playing the village idiot. 586 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,294 Okay, thanks so much. 587 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,379 - Hang on. What? 588 00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:19,672 [soft music playing] 589 00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:23,093 - Our story begins at a bleak café in Denmark. 590 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,762 A lone cat moans in the distance... 591 00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:29,474 - [imitates meowing] [light applause] 592 00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:33,394 - As a old man named Valdemar enters frame. 593 00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:35,814 - A plague, you say? 594 00:22:35,897 --> 00:22:37,148 - Oh, my God. 595 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:39,859 - Dear parents... [crying] 596 00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:42,237 We shall meet again. 597 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,449 And we shall run through the daffodils 598 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:49,661 forever more. 599 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:53,915 [grunting] 600 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,584 - What the hell was that? - That sucked. 601 00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:57,961 [all booing] 602 00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,671 - Are they saying "you" or "boo"? 603 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:03,258 - That was awful. And I'm friends with that man. 604 00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:05,051 - Mr. B, can I give you some acting tips real quick? 605 00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:08,179 - Well, you may as well, Tom. Everybody else has. 606 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,807 [whispering indistinctly] 607 00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:13,560 Tom, I'm afraid you might be right. 608 00:23:13,643 --> 00:23:16,396 All right, you fucking idiots, 609 00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:19,524 we'll take it from Valdemar's soliloquy. 610 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:21,860 ♪ ♪ 611 00:23:21,943 --> 00:23:24,404 Terence, my dear, dear Terence, 612 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:29,117 I must ask, and I must ask now. 613 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:33,538 Who amongst you lost wastrels... 614 00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:35,623 farted? 615 00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:37,542 - What the hell was that? 616 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,419 - Get him off the stage. [all booing] 617 00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:42,046 - Um, it's called comic relief, 618 00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,091 you soulless gnomes. 619 00:23:45,175 --> 00:23:48,178 - Man, who says "fart" and don't get a laugh? 620 00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:50,430 - Yeah, he really butchered my mom's dialogue. 621 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,348 On paper, that line was great. 622 00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:54,392 - ♪ Remember, there's more road ♪ 623 00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:55,977 ♪ And places to go ♪ 624 00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:58,396 ♪ And patterns to contemplate ♪ 625 00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:00,106 ♪ More people to fornicate ♪ 626 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:03,151 ♪ And remember, there's a lot of good omens ♪ 627 00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:05,820 ♪ Supplying the proof that our life ♪ 628 00:24:05,904 --> 00:24:08,323 ♪ Is the best joke ever told ♪ 629 00:24:08,406 --> 00:24:12,243 ♪ Remember, it's a joke and leave it alone ♪ 630 00:24:12,327 --> 00:24:16,748 ♪ Let go and try to be always abiding ♪ 631 00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:20,877 ♪ Remember, if there's one good reason for dying ♪ 632 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,879 ♪ The sweet silver lining ♪ 633 00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:25,089 ♪ Through you she lives on ♪ 634 00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:27,091 ♪ And therein lies a truth ♪ 635 00:24:27,175 --> 00:24:28,968 ♪ We can sip when we want ♪ 636 00:24:29,052 --> 00:24:33,723 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪