1 00:00:04,881 --> 00:00:08,843 - ♪ Now as our poor young lungs deflate ♪ 2 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:13,181 ♪ I'll admit I've gotten older ♪ 3 00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,766 ♪ Mellowed out ♪ 4 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,811 ♪ Chatting up those I used to hate ♪ 5 00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:20,897 [acoustic music] 6 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:25,610 ♪ The feeling that we're lost will always fade ♪ 7 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:29,655 ♪ I present no explanation ♪ 8 00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:33,493 ♪ Can't expect our tired patience ♪ 9 00:00:33,576 --> 00:00:37,079 ♪ To satiate for long ♪ 10 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:41,209 ♪ And therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 11 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:45,963 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪ 12 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,134 - Okay, kids. All right, simmer down. 13 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,053 [students chattering] Look up here. Eyes up here. 14 00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:53,346 I'm Mr. Shifrin. 15 00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,014 I'm your substitute teacher for today. 16 00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,933 If you guys could all just be quiet 17 00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:58,518 for one second, that'd be great. 18 00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,186 I just got a few things we gotta go over, okay? 19 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,730 Hello? I am demanding respect. 20 00:01:02,814 --> 00:01:04,190 I demand respect. 21 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,525 - Tom, you see what I see? 22 00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:06,943 - Yeah, the sub's losing control. 23 00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,236 - Let's go loiter in the bathroom. 24 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,529 - Loiter? We're not allowed. 25 00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:10,863 We're in class. - We got a sub. 26 00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:12,365 The laws of society no longer apply. 27 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,033 - No, no, no, I've had too many incidents. 28 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,868 I can't get in trouble. - We won't get in trouble. 29 00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:17,370 This guy's clueless. Look at him. 30 00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,539 - Let's bring the noise level down, okay? 31 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:21,541 That is rude. - I mean, if he let us leave, 32 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,751 we done nothing wrong. - Why would he let us leave? 33 00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:24,710 - Watch this. 34 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,045 - I am a grown man, 35 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,589 and I am in a position of authority. 36 00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:30,466 - Hey, uh, can we be excused from class? 37 00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:31,926 We have chiropractor appointments. 38 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,719 - Yeah, joint chiropractor appointments. 39 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:35,471 - Is that a pun or do you have 40 00:01:35,555 --> 00:01:37,223 simultaneous chiropractor appointments? 41 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,017 - Yeah, I've got a bad back, and he's got a bad foot, so... 42 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,894 - I have a note by the way. Here you go. 43 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:44,272 - I can't argue with this. What are your names? 44 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,399 - Just put down Hank and Irv. 45 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,067 - All right, cool. Yeah, I'll write it down. 46 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,902 - We can leave? - Yeah, I mean, you got a note. 47 00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:52,655 - Come on, Irv. 48 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,156 Whoo! - Oh, my God, it worked. 49 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,575 We're on the loose. - Yeah! 50 00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,034 - What do we do? Go in the bathroom? 51 00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,412 - Guys, I'm in. - In where? In with what? 52 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:00,663 - I'm in with 53 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:02,623 whatever weird stuff is going on here. 54 00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:04,166 - Oh, no. - Let's get in some trouble. 55 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,751 - That seems a little out of character, no? 56 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:07,712 - My brother gets in trouble all the time, 57 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,797 but my mom expects me to be perfect? 58 00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:11,174 - All right, what you thinking? 59 00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:12,884 - Small fires, 60 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,594 defecating on walls... 61 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,888 - What? I signed up for loitering, that's it. 62 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,265 - Ah, busted! - Oh, no. 63 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:20,766 - You guys have hall passes? 64 00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,184 - All right, I guess we're busted. 65 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:23,769 Don't tell the principal. - I'm kidding. 66 00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:25,521 I don't give a shit about hall passes. 67 00:02:25,605 --> 00:02:26,898 I'm a janitor. 68 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,357 What kinda trouble you guys getting into? 69 00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,109 I love this stuff. - Pretty messed up. 70 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,111 We made fake chiropractor notes. 71 00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,779 - Yeah, now we loitering by the bathroom. 72 00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:36,073 - That's it? That's what passes for trouble these days? 73 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,450 - You know, let's go back to class. 74 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:38,784 Let's pretend this never happened. 75 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:39,952 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 76 00:02:40,036 --> 00:02:41,537 You can't go back to class. 77 00:02:41,621 --> 00:02:43,956 Years from now, your best memories of childhood 78 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,958 will be when you misbehaved. 79 00:02:46,042 --> 00:02:47,501 Do you know what "carpe diem" means? 80 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,295 - No; I learned Latin for the spelling bee, 81 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,796 but it didn't really stick. 82 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,506 - It means "seize the day." 83 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:54,467 Look, if you wanna leave school grounds, 84 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:56,886 I'd be happy to smuggle you out in my garbage can. 85 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,596 - All right, this guy's clearly lost his mind. 86 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,680 - We're in! - In? 87 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:00,681 - Everybody in the can. 88 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:02,058 - What? No, no, please. 89 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,684 - Get in the trash, you little rebels. 90 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,019 - I'm not getting in the garbage can. 91 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,479 - It's been a light garbage day, 92 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:07,980 so you'll both fit. 93 00:03:08,064 --> 00:03:10,608 [sneaky music] 94 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,693 Look, you want me to drive you to a bar? 95 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:13,861 - Oh, no, we're gonna part ways. 96 00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,321 You can't be part of the team. 97 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,491 - I wanna hang out with you guys. 98 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:19,992 I'm lonely. 99 00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:21,869 - No, that--that's where I draw the line. 100 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:25,748 Wow, what an adventure. We walked to Taco Bell. 101 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,166 That's crazy. Should we head back? 102 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,292 - What are we gonna tell people? 103 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,044 We stood in line for tacos? 104 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,504 - That sounds like a good story. 105 00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:33,255 I'd tell--I'd tell my grandkids that story. 106 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:34,924 - Oh, my goodness. - I've got an idea. 107 00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,467 Why don't we just dine and dash? 108 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,551 - Yes! - Stop, stop. 109 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,095 No, no, no. - Yes. 110 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:41,347 Tom, let's use that honest little face of yours. 111 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,265 You get up there, you do the talking. 112 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:44,558 - Whatever happened to loitering? 113 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:45,685 I thought that was the plan. 114 00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:46,727 - Yeah, but now we about to 115 00:03:46,811 --> 00:03:47,979 put the whole plan together, 116 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,314 which is a Taco Bell heist. 117 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:52,483 - Okay, fine, one quick Taco Bell heist, 118 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,943 and then we're going back to school. 119 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,988 Hey, can I just get, like, 30 tacos? 120 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,365 - Oh, wow, do you want them in the Fiesta Party Packs 121 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,033 or do you want them individual? 122 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:02,827 - Yeah, just a couple of Fiesta Party Packs. 123 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,203 - Okay. - And then we'll just 124 00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,830 settle the bill later. So, you know. 125 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,873 - So you want me to give them to you on a tray 126 00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,334 and then watch you come back and pay? 127 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,752 - You don't have to watch anything. 128 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:13,295 Just typical restaurant stuff, you know. 129 00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:15,715 - This isn't a restaurant. This is fast food. 130 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,675 - Just give us the food. Be cool, come on. 131 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,385 - You see this guy behind me? - Yeah. 132 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,220 - Okay, that's the assistant manager. 133 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:24,557 Do you know how freaking hard he would get 134 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:25,891 if he could fire me for this? 135 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:27,435 - I just want to be clear, we're not, like, 136 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:28,936 dining and dashing or anything. 137 00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:30,646 - It sounds like you're trying to dine and dash. 138 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:32,773 - Why, 'cause I just said we're not dining and dashing? 139 00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:34,942 - Okay, bye. - Very disappointing. 140 00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:36,652 Very disappointing restaurant experience. 141 00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:37,903 - Go ahead and write a review. 142 00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:39,405 I dare you to take the time. 143 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:41,574 - As soon as I get a phone and open a Yelp account, 144 00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:43,034 this place is gonna hear it. 145 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,368 - Lord, save me 146 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,537 if I'm still here when that happens. 147 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:47,913 - Come on, Tom! - I'm sorry. 148 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,749 - Rule number one of dining and dashing, 149 00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,000 don't discuss dashing. 150 00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,334 - All right, well, that didn't work. 151 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:53,753 Let's head back to school and-- 152 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,087 - No! Since you screwed up the heist, 153 00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:56,422 we have to do something else. 154 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,090 Let's, uh--I don't know. Let's hitchhike. 155 00:04:58,174 --> 00:04:59,759 - All right, you're out of control. 156 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,969 - Let's take a vote. Nelson, do you wanna hitchhike? 157 00:05:02,053 --> 00:05:03,095 - Uh, I gotta go with Dakota. 158 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:04,430 - Nelson, please, come on. 159 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:05,848 - You blew it with the dining and dash, 160 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,516 so we gotta take it to another level. 161 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,810 - Here's the plan: find the creepiest weirdo we can 162 00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,604 and get in their vehicle. 163 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:12,897 [horn honks] 164 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,607 - Hey, kids. What's up? 165 00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,525 You guys need a ride? - Sorry, buddy. 166 00:05:16,609 --> 00:05:18,527 You're not creepy enough. Keep it moving. 167 00:05:18,611 --> 00:05:20,029 - All right, down the block I go. 168 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,781 - Let's just--come on, let's go back to school. 169 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:22,907 Are you feeling okay, Dakota? 170 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,158 - I can't go back to school 171 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,368 until I commit a crime so heinous 172 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:27,703 that my mom disowns me. 173 00:05:27,787 --> 00:05:28,954 - I thought that was you guys. 174 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:30,790 Hop in, you crazy rascals. 175 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,124 - No way. - No? 176 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,876 - He's known to us. - This is perfect. 177 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,796 He's creepy, but he's a familiar face. 178 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,297 This is cool. 179 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,299 I've never hitchhiked before. - You still haven't. 180 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,760 I was sitting in the same seat two hours ago. 181 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,011 - Yeah, but now we're hitchhiking. 182 00:05:44,095 --> 00:05:45,096 I mean, once your thumb is up, 183 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,389 it's against the law. 184 00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:47,848 - What are you guys arguing about? 185 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:49,975 I hear you talking about thumbing things. 186 00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:52,103 I'm nervous. - Oh, we skipped school, 187 00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,938 and now we just tooling around town. 188 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,816 - Ooh, I like that. You're pulling a Bueller! 189 00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:58,359 - A what? - All right, I wanna help. 190 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,527 - Let's just go back to school. 191 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,153 - Sorry, for nostalgic reasons, 192 00:06:01,237 --> 00:06:04,031 I need to facilitate any Bueller-related activities. 193 00:06:04,115 --> 00:06:06,200 Strap in, kids! - Whoo! 194 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,993 - Oh, no, don't turn around. What are you doing? 195 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,537 - I have to. - Stop, stop. 196 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,955 - Back it up right now. 197 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,331 Okay, over shot it a little bit. 198 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:13,541 [glass shatters] That's bad. 199 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,167 Now I'm gonna gun it forward. 200 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:16,252 And we are off! 201 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,753 - You should not be a bus driver. 202 00:06:17,837 --> 00:06:19,171 - I know. 203 00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:21,006 - ...can't see what my hands are doing, though. 204 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,008 - Um, sub? - I have a name. 205 00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,469 My name is Mr. Shifrin. I've said that repeatedly. 206 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:28,514 - Yeah, okay, so my friend, Dakota, 207 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:31,851 she's been gone for, like, a really long time. 208 00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,185 Can I go check the halls for her? 209 00:06:33,269 --> 00:06:35,938 - No, you cannot go check the halls. 210 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,231 I've got this. 211 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,441 The only kids missing are Hank and Irv, 212 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:42,695 but they had simultaneous chiropractor appointments. 213 00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,029 - Are you an idiot? 214 00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:45,990 - Why does everybody keep asking me that? 215 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:50,119 - Kids haven't had names like that for, like, 50 years. 216 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:53,789 - Oh, God, no. Oh, come on, Kevin. 217 00:06:53,873 --> 00:06:55,958 Get your shit together! 218 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,335 Stupid, stupid, stupid. 219 00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,461 - Can I go? 220 00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:00,713 - Okay, kids. 221 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:02,381 I am taking you to the sketchiest, 222 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,842 sleaziest strip mall in the tri-state area. 223 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:05,885 - Cool. 224 00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,469 - They had a pack of wild rats 225 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,347 living in one of the pretzel stores for a long time. 226 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:12,224 - No, this sounds dangerous. My mom doesn't like me 227 00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:13,309 hanging around with wild rats. 228 00:07:13,392 --> 00:07:14,393 - I mean, as a kid, 229 00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,562 I got in so much trouble here 230 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:17,730 for doing doughnuts, 231 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:18,981 giving rim jobs. 232 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,733 A cop pepper-sprayed me. 233 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,818 All kinds of fun kid stuff. 234 00:07:22,902 --> 00:07:24,778 - Ah, I love it. 235 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:27,907 - Oh, come on, man. 236 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,867 - This is the sleazy strip mall? 237 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,911 [jazzy music playing over speakers] 238 00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:34,914 - Well, looks like it's changed a little from back in the day. 239 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,498 - Where are all the rats? - Yeah. 240 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,375 You've really played up the rats too much. 241 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:39,877 - Well, on the plus side, 242 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,754 we can get a smoothie and some throw pillows. 243 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:42,963 Who's with me? 244 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,465 - You know what? We'll meet you in there. 245 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,883 - Go team. 246 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,260 - Guys, we are so not meeting him in there. 247 00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:49,511 - What? - The clock is ticking, 248 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:50,930 and we need to do something wrong. 249 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,598 Use your brain, Tom! Think! 250 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,099 What would the janitor do? 251 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,685 - What would the janitor do? 252 00:07:56,769 --> 00:08:00,105 - The world's crazy so you get crazy. 253 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,233 Get in the trash, you little rebels. 254 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:03,651 Why don't you poop in your hand 255 00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:05,778 and throw it everywhere? 256 00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:08,614 - Let's not do any of that. - Okay, I have an idea. 257 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:12,243 What if we steal the bus? 258 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,119 - All right, stop. - Oh, snap. 259 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,663 - You like it? - If we drive the bus 260 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,831 even ten feet, we will be legends. 261 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,625 - Guys, we're not driving a bus, obviously. 262 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,001 - Oh, come on, man. You read about 263 00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:22,211 these stories all the time. 264 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,088 "Little kid went on a joyride. 265 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,381 What a little rascal." 266 00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,924 - That won't be the headline here. 267 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,676 It's gonna be "Tom murders multiple people." 268 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,636 - You gotta be 18 to murder somebody. 269 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,721 If you young, it's a joyride. 270 00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:35,307 - The desk is on fire! Let it burn! 271 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,685 - Guys, let's bring it down, all right? 272 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,687 - Eat my shoe, sub! 273 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,814 - That was uncalled for. 274 00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:43,399 [phone dialing] 275 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:44,984 - 911, what's your emergency? 276 00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:47,778 - Yes, hi, I need to report some missing kids. 277 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,321 I am at a school. 278 00:08:49,405 --> 00:08:52,700 I believe the name is Shady Oaks Elementary. 279 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:54,034 - Wait a minute, you believe? 280 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,452 - Yeah, I believe-- I think I saw it. 281 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:56,996 - You don't know the name of the school? 282 00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:59,290 - I believe its name is Shady Oaks Elementary. 283 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,167 - Hold on, are you a substitute teacher? 284 00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,669 - Yes, ma'am, I am. 285 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,421 I don't know what that has to do with anything. 286 00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:06,714 - Sorry to say, sir, 287 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,215 we do not take calls from substitutes. 288 00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:10,342 It's a state-wide policy. - Excuse me? 289 00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:12,761 - Well, you're really unreliable sources, 290 00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:14,847 and you can't retain information. 291 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,515 - I'm a grown, mature man, 292 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,642 and I am reporting some missing children. 293 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,227 - I'm sorry, goodbye. 294 00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:23,105 - Did you just hang up? Did 911 just hang up on me? 295 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,691 - I don't feel good about this. 296 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,151 I don't feel good about this at all. 297 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,736 - Woah, woah, woah. Keep us steady. 298 00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,404 Straighten it out a little bit. - I'm trying. 299 00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,864 I don't have the upper body strength. 300 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,741 - Oh, my gosh. Straighten it out, Tom. 301 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,285 - I can't control the vehicle. 302 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,704 - Tom, we are in the grass. Straighten her out! 303 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,706 - Oh, no, what am I hitting? What is that sound? 304 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,207 Bushes or people? - Uh-oh. 305 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,792 Everybody, head between your knees. 306 00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,627 Brace for impact. We're hitting something. 307 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:48,213 - Iceberg! [crash] 308 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,382 [car alarm beeping] 309 00:09:50,466 --> 00:09:53,552 - Guys, we just crashed into my mom's car. 310 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:57,056 This is amazing! - Amazing? This is a disaster. 311 00:09:57,139 --> 00:10:00,225 - I crashed into my mom's car 312 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:02,269 in a stolen bus 313 00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:05,439 with Tom, of all people, who she hates. 314 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,399 I can't wait to see the look on her face. 315 00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,360 - I'm so confused right now. - All right, you know what? 316 00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,736 I'm not gonna stick around for this. 317 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:11,779 - Guys, what's the point 318 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:12,905 if I don't get credit for it? 319 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,406 I need her to know it was me. 320 00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:15,908 - You gotta work this out in therapy. 321 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,242 We outta here. - Here we go. 322 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:20,579 [car alarm beeping] 323 00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:23,749 - "Please don't be mad. 324 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,292 "We took the bus. 325 00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:26,585 It happens." 326 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,628 [sighs] 327 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,338 Rule number one of bus driving, 328 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,423 never leave the kids in a running bus. 329 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,550 They steal it every time. 330 00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:37,346 - Okay, we're about to become legends. 331 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,098 - They're gonna talk about us for generations. 332 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,476 We are the kids who stole the bus. 333 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,770 - Woah, guys, look. - Oh, my God. 334 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:46,480 - There's cops, there's teachers. 335 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,565 This is amazing. We're gonna be on the news. 336 00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,275 - Just tell them it was all your idea. 337 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,027 Tom really was a bystander. 338 00:10:52,111 --> 00:10:53,862 - I know what I'm gonna say, I'm ready. 339 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,783 Okay, you got me. 340 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,910 - "You got me"? That was your big zinger? 341 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:03,122 - Uh, hello? Criminal here. 342 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,873 - Oh, my God, Dakota. there you are. 343 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:06,291 You've missed, like, so much. 344 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,210 The sub is, like, totally losing it. 345 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,212 He was slapping himself and just, like, freaking out 346 00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,380 and was like, "No one respects me!" 347 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,756 And now he's, uh, threatening 348 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,550 to jump off the building. - I'll do it! 349 00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,718 Maybe you'll appreciate me when I'm gone! 350 00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:18,762 How do you find a sub for a sub? 351 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,305 It can't be done! 352 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,808 - Sir, to be honest, I don't know your name, 353 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,685 but we value you at this school. 354 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:27,479 - Oh, please! No one respects me! 355 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:30,524 - I respect you. - Here, we'll do a little test! 356 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,317 Let's hear a round of applause 357 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,112 from everyone here that respects me! 358 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,157 Crickets! 359 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,658 That kid right there, he told me 360 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,035 he had an appointment for a chiropractor 361 00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,205 so he could skip school and I believed him. 362 00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:48,083 - He skipped school? - How clueless am I? 363 00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:49,126 Goodbye, world! 364 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,336 [crowd gasping] Ah! Oof. 365 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,172 What kind of idiot lands in a bush? 366 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,507 - Wow, that was so anticlimactic. 367 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,426 - Tom, skipping school? 368 00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,136 That's not okay. - I'm sorry. 369 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,345 - Hey, you wanna use the handcuffs? 370 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,889 - Yes, handcuffs! - What? 371 00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,348 - All right, come here, you little son of a bitch. 372 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,433 - What? No, get off. 373 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,851 - Here we go. Oh, don't resist. 374 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,187 - I literally left school for 45 minutes. 375 00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,688 - What about me? You don't wanna cuff me? 376 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,483 I stole a bus, and I almost stole some tacos. 377 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:13,817 - Oh, that's funny, Dakota. 378 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,861 You're so responsible, often I think 379 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,070 you should be the principal. 380 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:19,198 - Okay, let's go. Downtown, buddy. 381 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:20,824 - You know what? This whole persona 382 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,035 is just not getting any traction. 383 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,912 - Look, it's a running bus right here. 384 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,288 If nobody's gonna question it, 385 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,956 we should take it for another spin, right? 386 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,583 - You know, I feel like you're the only one 387 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,001 who gets it at this school. 388 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:34,004 [upbeat music] 389 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,340 ♪ ♪ 390 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,343 [noble music] 391 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,887 ♪ ♪ 392 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:44,306 - "Not great at math." 393 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,225 What kind of idiot would write that? 394 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,727 - Look at this kid. Going nowhere real fast. 395 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:53,607 - "Not great at math?" I'm gonna destroy this guy. 396 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,192 - Hey, Randy, what's new? 397 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,818 How's that applesauce? Good? - Tom. 398 00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,904 You know I don't like talking about applesauce. 399 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,031 They take an apple, they mush it up, 400 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,617 they make it sauce, we eat it. End of story. 401 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,744 - Sorry, Randy. - "I'm not great at math?" 402 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,579 - What? What's wrong? - Come on, Tom! 403 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,164 You need to run this stuff by me first. 404 00:13:09,248 --> 00:13:10,832 - I promised my mom I'd be honest. 405 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,751 I thought people would find it disarmingly charming. 406 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,795 - That's too honest. Look at the posters. 407 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:17,005 People are not even defacing the posters. 408 00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:19,299 That's how bad it is. - The reaction has been tepid. 409 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:20,592 - All right, let's not panic. 410 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:22,094 We can save this with a good speech. 411 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,512 - Oh, yeah, I've got a speech that's gonna 412 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,264 knock your dick off. - Excuse me? 413 00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,974 - Don't tell anyone I said that. 414 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,934 I'm not allowed to curse. - We just gonna let that slide. 415 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,477 Just run the speech by me, baby, let's go. 416 00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:32,312 - All right, it goes, "Hi, my name is Tom, 417 00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:33,939 and I apologize for my appearance." 418 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,440 - Why am I friends with this guy? 419 00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:37,109 - All right, and then it kicks into high gear. 420 00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:38,443 "Sure, I'm not great at math, 421 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,195 "and sure, I don't tuck in my shirts, 422 00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,030 "but someone has to be the treasurer. 423 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:43,949 So why not me? Vote for Tom." 424 00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:46,159 - Tom, this is the worst speech I've ever heard. 425 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,370 - What part don't you like? - Hey, mind if I join you guys? 426 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,997 - Oh, woah, you eat in the cafeteria? 427 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,999 - Technically, I never graduated from this school, 428 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,293 so yes, my student ID still works. 429 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,837 - You still go here? - Yes, I'm basically enrolled. 430 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,089 I'm one of you. I'm amongst my peers here. 431 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,716 - Don't touch me. - Get out of my way, kid. 432 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,010 That's my seat. It's been my seat for 26 years. 433 00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,428 - I hate this. I hate you guys. 434 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,637 - So what are we talking about? 435 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:06,680 - Tom's running for office, 436 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:07,723 but he's not comfortable 437 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,807 with the concept of lying. 438 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,309 - You don't need to lie, Tom. 439 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,686 You need to learn to stretch the truth. 440 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:13,979 - What does that mean? 441 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,230 - You talk in a way that's deceiving 442 00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,316 but not technically a lie. 443 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,026 - Okay? - Let me give you an example. 444 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,527 You can't say something like, 445 00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:22,946 "I will be a good treasurer," 'cause you won't. 446 00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,573 - Of course not. I'll be the worst. 447 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,326 - You say, "I believe I will be a good treasurer." 448 00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,328 - Oh, that's good. That is nice. 449 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,038 - Wow, this is like a whole new language. 450 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,206 Can you help me rewrite my speech? We've got an hour. 451 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,833 - Tom, I got nothing but time. 452 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:38,587 As a bus driver, I'm busy from about 8:00 to 8:20 a.m. 453 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:42,007 and then again from 2:00 to 2:20 p.m. 454 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,635 Otherwise, I'm good to go. 455 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,012 - So in conclusion, as treasurer, 456 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,806 I will work hard and do what's best 457 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:50,891 for the school. 458 00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,184 And more importantly, 459 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:55,687 I am not Tom. 460 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,939 Thank you. Not Tom. 461 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,192 - Okay, he's, uh, not Tom. 462 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:03,528 - Next up for treasurer is-- and don't boo people. 463 00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:05,697 Please, come on, be nice, listen to him. 464 00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:07,866 Please welcome Tom. 465 00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,285 - This guy sounds trustworthy. 466 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:11,536 - Thank you. 467 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,205 Anyone who knows me knows I'm a... 468 00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,998 real straight shooting son of a B. 469 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,541 The kinda guy you can have a beer with 470 00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:19,378 if you're old enough to drink beer. 471 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,213 - Tell 'em, Tom. Preach! 472 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,924 - I don't know much about math, but here's what I do know. 473 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,134 I believe school should be fun. 474 00:15:26,218 --> 00:15:28,804 - Okay, yes, that's interesting. 475 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,222 - I believe 476 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,932 we should have a rock climbing wall in the gym. 477 00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,392 How does that sound? - Yes! 478 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,018 - I believe! - What? That's so dangerous. 479 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,853 - I believe we should have free gum 480 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,189 being shot out of a cannon... - What? 481 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,774 - As we walk to and from the bus. 482 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:41,942 That's what I believe. 483 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,235 - Yeah, Tom! - I'm a believer! 484 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,112 - Hey, hey, hey, come on, you guys. 485 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,406 - I believe we should have an old Italian man 486 00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,366 feeding us gelato throughout the day. 487 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,076 - I hear you, baby! - Yes, say it! 488 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,078 - Gelato? - All I know is this. 489 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,454 I believe my name is Tom, 490 00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:56,081 and I believe I'm running for treasurer. 491 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,541 Thank you. - Yeah, Tom! 492 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,626 - Go, Tom! Whoo! 493 00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,211 - Gotta believe. 494 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,046 - All right, gang. Well, listen. 495 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,923 This is our first student council meeting. 496 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,633 - Woo! - So there you go. 497 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,968 I like the enthusiasm. 498 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,262 Let's introduce our brand-new president. 499 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:12,347 Take it away, Dakota. - Okay, thank you. 500 00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:15,100 Uh, guys, our first order of business 501 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:18,186 is to discuss these insane promises Tom made 502 00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:19,563 to become treasurer. 503 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,148 - Oh, no, no, those weren't promises. 504 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,691 I just listed things I believe in. 505 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,234 So I think we're good to go here. 506 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,612 - Good to go? Tom, you lied to everyone. 507 00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,948 - No, I stretched the truth. It's very common. 508 00:16:30,031 --> 00:16:31,366 - What was the truth part? 509 00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:33,201 - Gelato clearly exists. 510 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,454 No one's disputing that, are they? 511 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:36,955 If you're gonna be sticklers about it, 512 00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,540 I mean, let's just purchase all the stuff 513 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,292 and be done with it, right? Meeting adjourned. 514 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,960 - First of all, you can't adjourn a meeting. 515 00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,754 Treasurers can't adjourn meetings. 516 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:44,921 - Oh, no, the treasurer is all-- 517 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,339 all powerful. - What? 518 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:47,966 - I thought I'm the boss. What happened? 519 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,760 - How would you pay for all this stuff? 520 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,511 - How would I pay? That's not my department. 521 00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,305 - Yes, it is! - I'm just the treasurer. 522 00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,265 - I don't think he knows what a treasurer does. 523 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,975 - I obviously know what a treasurer is 524 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,770 if I ran for the job. I-- - So what is it? 525 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:02,272 - I oversee the inner workings of the school. 526 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,649 - Even you know you're full of you-know-what. 527 00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,360 - No, okay, I have to stop this right here. 528 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:08,945 - Not a strong first meeting. 529 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,448 - Tom, I worked very hard to become class president, 530 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,492 and I need my first hundred days to go well. 531 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,160 - Okay. - My father is a CPA. 532 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:16,953 I want you to go to his office tonight, 533 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,624 and he'll teach you his, uh, quote, "accounting tricks." 534 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,125 Got it? - Oh, no, please, no. 535 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,211 Anyone but your dad. He's messed up. 536 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,379 You gotta admit, Dakota, your dad is messed up. 537 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,423 - He's got his issues, but when it comes to, quote, 538 00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:30,801 "cooking the books," unquote, 539 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,427 he's the best in the biz. 540 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,682 - Now, listen, Tom, right out of the gate 541 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,601 let's address the elephant in the room. 542 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,395 I mean, I did some weird stuff on that fishing trip. 543 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,980 - It was. It was very weird. 544 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,024 - Trying to bang an escort in front of a little kid. 545 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,193 Who does that? - That was a lot to process. 546 00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,529 - Peeing in a circle. I mean, that's not for me. 547 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,030 - I don't know why I went along with it. 548 00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,366 - So Dakota tells me you need my help. 549 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,536 - I do; I need to find funds in our student council budget. 550 00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,538 I miscalculated by, like, 20 grand. 551 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,039 - Well, this should be easy. 552 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:04,042 [upbeat rap music playing] 553 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,710 - What's happening? 554 00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:08,463 - Bang! Eight Gs just like that out of nowhere. 555 00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:11,550 - Wow. - Depreciate some assets there, 556 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,427 move that over there. Yeah, take that, number seven. 557 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:15,929 - Wow, you really get into this, don't you? 558 00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,430 You're taking your shirt off, oh, my God! 559 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,723 - Well, it's gotta come off, Tom, 560 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,308 I'm a superhuman computer. 561 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,227 - Feels inappropriate, but let's keep adding. 562 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,855 - Yeah! Ah, fund it, baby, fund it. 563 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,064 - Oh, my God. 564 00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,774 - Yeah, feels good, doesn't it, Tom? 565 00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:29,359 - It's a little weird but-- - Yeah. 566 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,611 Take that down your throat, number five. 567 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,280 - This is on the up and up? We can do all this? 568 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:36,241 - We can do anything we damn well please. 569 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:39,160 We're accountants, bitch. - You calling me a bitch or-- 570 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,788 - The secret is to create a document that's so thick 571 00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:43,915 no one will take the time to read it. 572 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,668 And...done. - All right, great. 573 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,169 Thanks for all your help. - All right. 574 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:49,754 - The whole thing was great, a lot of fun. 575 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,089 The music, the taking the shirt off. 576 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,841 The whole thing was really great. 577 00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,387 Good news, principal. I found the money. 578 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,597 - What is this? 579 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,223 - Feast your eyes on the new budget. 580 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,934 - Okay, I gotta ask you. How did you find this money? 581 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:05,812 - You know, I ran the numbers, crunched the, uh, math. 582 00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,856 It's all in the document. Feel free to read it. 583 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:10,442 - Uh, how many pages is that? - Exactly 1,000. 584 00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:13,445 - Wow, okay. - I just need an approval. 585 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:15,447 If you wanna read it, that's on you. 586 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:16,865 - Well, you know what, Tom? 587 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,451 I trust you, it's approved. - Amazing. 588 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:23,788 - A rock climbing wall. Wow, Tom. 589 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,874 How much did this thing cost? 590 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,959 - Don't worry about the money. That's my department. 591 00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:31,713 - All right, everybody! Who likes gum? 592 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,465 Boom! - This is amazing! 593 00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,300 - Bubble-licious! 594 00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:37,510 - Wait, did he fly you in from Italy? 595 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,596 - He doesn't speak English, but yes, I flew him in. 596 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,974 That's right, rock climbing wall compliments of Tom. 597 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:45,560 - Thank Tom, Tom the treasurer! 598 00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:49,481 He got you this gum! Yeah! 599 00:19:49,564 --> 00:19:51,024 - All right, enjoy, everyone. 600 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,818 Remember who got this for you, Gelato Tom. 601 00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,862 - Hey, hey, hey. Come on in, guys. 602 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:56,947 - Hey, hi. - Hey. 603 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,156 - I'm proud of you, Dakota. 604 00:19:58,239 --> 00:19:59,240 You're the most popular president 605 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:00,617 this school's ever had. 606 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:01,993 - I have to say it was a team effort. 607 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,203 Tom did a great job with the budget. 608 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,746 - Glad it's working out, you know? 609 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,331 It's just the way I am. I get things done, 610 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:07,958 and I deliver the goods. 611 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,669 - Sorry to interrupt. We got a disaster on our hands. 612 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:11,836 - That didn't take long. 613 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,213 - Nelson, please, 614 00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:14,881 you're not part of the student government. 615 00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:16,257 - I'm Tom's fixer. 616 00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:17,676 - Yeah, he's my guy. Is there an issue? 617 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,135 - Gelato guy says his check bounced. 618 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,512 - Oh, no. - Hector's on his way. 619 00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:21,930 - Hector? - Yeah, he's coming to see 620 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,390 the budget. He think you lied, Tom. 621 00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:24,933 - How could I lie? It's all in the document. 622 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:27,394 - Yeah, he prepared this big, thick document. 623 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,063 - Did you even read that document? 624 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,482 - Oh, no, what have I done? 625 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,985 Fantasy football stats? - Oh, no, don't read it. 626 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,778 - This is a job application? - Stop reading that. 627 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,029 Don't--don't look at that. 628 00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,906 - Leasing offers for a Dodge Durango? 629 00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,199 He just glued stuff together. 630 00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:42,575 - That's literally a leasing quote? 631 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,411 - This whole thing is gibberish, Tom. 632 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,705 - There are clearly some typos. - Tom, you're a great friend, 633 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,248 but I'm throwing you to the wolves now. 634 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,708 - Your dad's the one who printed it, so... 635 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,209 - I don't know who you're talking about. 636 00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:53,211 My dad's a chiropractor, and I was never here. 637 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,212 - What is going on here? 638 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,547 The whole administration 639 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,298 is betraying their beloved treasurer. 640 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,093 - Okay, listen, this looks really bad for both of us. 641 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,886 There's only one thing we can do. 642 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,513 - Be honest like my mom says, right? 643 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,057 - No, not at all. You go on a shredding rampage. 644 00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:08,560 - Oh. - Nelson, go distract Hector 645 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,020 and buy us some time. - I'm on it. 646 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,271 - Tom, start shredding. 647 00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:12,939 Just shred, shred, shred, shred. 648 00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,941 - We should lower our voices if nothing else, right? 649 00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:16,192 If you're gonna shred, 650 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,861 you don't scream, "Shred, shred." 651 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,405 - What? Are you trying to just be right on something? 652 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:21,906 Shred, shred, shred! 653 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,908 Imagine what a maniac looks like when he shreds, 654 00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,577 and then do that. 655 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,955 [percussive music] 656 00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:31,166 - Yo, Hector, could I ask you a question? 657 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,001 - I'm in a hurry. What? 658 00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:34,419 - I was thinking, 659 00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:36,254 there's not a lot of famous Hectors, are there? 660 00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:37,547 - What? What are you talking about? 661 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:39,424 There's Hector Ballesteros, 662 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,051 you know, the Colombian weightlifter. 663 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,094 - Nah, that don't count. Famous weightlifter? 664 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:44,512 - Yeah, he's a big deal. 665 00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:47,932 Hector Crawford, the Australian radio producer. 666 00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,684 - There's no such thing. - Trust me, there are more. 667 00:21:49,768 --> 00:21:51,352 I just don't have time for this right now. 668 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,063 - Wait, whoa, Hector, come back, there's a call. 669 00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:54,314 There's a call for you on my phone. 670 00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:55,315 I think it's an emergency. 671 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:56,733 Hector, they need you! 672 00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:00,612 - You know what, Tom? I'm proud of you. 673 00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,114 I mean, this is a great life lesson in integrity. 674 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,575 - Integrity? I feel like we're covering up a lie, no? 675 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:06,951 - Stop. I love that your head's 676 00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,661 always spinning with ideas but no. 677 00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:12,082 When something is shredded, right? You're following me? 678 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,209 - Yeah. - It's like it never existed. 679 00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,335 - What does that mean? I don't-- 680 00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,003 - Abraham Lincoln said, 681 00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:20,507 "Shredding isn't lying. It's the absence of the truth." 682 00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:23,051 - I can't imagine Abe Lincoln had a shredder. 683 00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:24,803 - Somebody said it. - Ah-ha! 684 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,012 The jig is up, Tom. 685 00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:27,472 I know you cooked the books, 686 00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,973 and I wanna see this budget. 687 00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:31,309 - Do you see a budget? I don't see a budget. 688 00:22:31,392 --> 00:22:33,436 - Wait a minute. Are you shredding evidence? 689 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:34,979 - I don't think there was a budget. 690 00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:36,731 I don't know if a budget even existed. 691 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:38,108 Who's to say? - Wait a minute. 692 00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:39,651 Isn't this the budget right here? 693 00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,153 - Wait, what? - "Student council budget." 694 00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:43,988 - Oh, no, don't touch that. - Tom, please! 695 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:45,865 What have you just been shredding this whole time? 696 00:22:45,949 --> 00:22:47,325 - I was just shredding everything 697 00:22:47,408 --> 00:22:49,077 in the filing cabinets. - Oh, my God! 698 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,162 Tom, you shredded the students' master files! 699 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,039 - You've really gotta do something about your voice. 700 00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:55,291 It sounds too high. - This is a disaster! 701 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,168 - Are those important? - Yes, they're important. 702 00:22:57,252 --> 00:22:59,671 Now every student has to repeat fifth grade, 703 00:22:59,754 --> 00:23:01,464 and you know what? I want you to tell them. 704 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:03,466 - Okay, I'll write a speech that'll knock your dick off. 705 00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:04,926 - Woah. - Forget--forget I said it. 706 00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:06,386 That was inappropriate. 707 00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:08,471 I'll just prepare some remarks. How's that? 708 00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:10,348 Hey guys, it's Tom, your beloved treasurer, 709 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:11,808 here with another speech. 710 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:15,353 Listen, it sounds like due to a shredding mishap 711 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,063 we're just gonna start fifth grade over 712 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:20,733 so should be a fun year. 713 00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:22,110 By the way, am I still treasurer 714 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:23,361 in this scenario or no? 715 00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:24,904 - No, Tom, you're not treasurer. 716 00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:26,447 You're gonna resign. - All right, this is-- 717 00:23:26,531 --> 00:23:28,116 I guess this is also my resignation speech. 718 00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:29,617 So getting a lot done. 719 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,619 - ♪ Remember there's more road ♪ 720 00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:33,705 ♪ And places to go ♪ 721 00:23:33,788 --> 00:23:37,500 ♪ And patterns to contemplate, more people to fornicate ♪ 722 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:41,546 ♪ And remember there's a lot of good omens supplying ♪ 723 00:23:41,629 --> 00:23:46,134 ♪ The proof that our life is the best joke ever told ♪ 724 00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:50,263 ♪ Remember it's a joke and leave it alone ♪ 725 00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:54,392 ♪ Let go and try to be always abiding ♪ 726 00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:58,188 ♪ Remember if there's one good reason for dying ♪ 727 00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:02,775 ♪ The sweet silver lining, through you, she lives on ♪ 728 00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:06,696 ♪ And therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 729 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:11,367 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪