1 00:00:44,239 --> 00:00:45,360 Hey, Randy? 2 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,320 - Can I ask you a quick favor? - Yeah, what's up? 3 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,320 {\an8}Do you think you could throw some kind of shawl 4 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:53,199 or a tarp over your midsection? Over your crotch and lap? 5 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,199 You want me to put a shawl on my crotch? 6 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:59,280 {\an8}Listen, your jeans have a lot of rips, like a crazy amount of rips. 7 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,400 From certain angles, I can see your wiener. 8 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,960 I guess you can. 9 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,760 If you got a problem with the rips, don't take a glance. 10 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,320 - Just cover it up. - That is your hangup, man. 11 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,599 {\an8}I'm telling you to cover up your penis, and you're saying it's my hangup? 12 00:01:12,679 --> 00:01:15,000 - Tom, that's the style. - So you're not gonna cover up? 13 00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:17,440 No. Are you gonna put rips in your pants? 14 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,679 {\an8}Just gonna walk around school with your wiener flopping around 15 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:20,880 {\an8}like everything's fine? 16 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,280 - Sounds like you're jealous, Tom. - I'm jealous of Randy? 17 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:24,760 Randy is a very cool dresser. 18 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,920 I'm a cool dresser, too, so... 19 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,719 {\an8}- No. - What? 20 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,560 {\an8}You wear the same blue shirt every day. 21 00:01:30,639 --> 00:01:32,920 This shirt? No, I've never worn this shirt before. 22 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,719 You guys don't even know fashion. 23 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,599 Tell 'em, Nelson. I'm a cool dresser, right? 24 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:40,480 {\an8}Sure, you definitely have clothes on your body. 25 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,960 {\an8}Sounds like a compliment. Guys, I'm obviously well dressed. 26 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,640 {\an8}- This is my party shirt. - Wait. That's your party shirt? 27 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,040 This is my party shirt when I'm in a good mood. 28 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,320 Tom, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. 29 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,880 Hi, kids. This is serious, so sit down. 30 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,480 I've been getting complaints about inappropriate clothing at school. 31 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,760 - Wait, what? - Who complained? 32 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,120 - Complaints? - Look at this! 33 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,160 Vulgar T-shirts? Age-inappropriate skirts. 34 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,760 And ripped jeans? 35 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,440 I don't need to see your junk, Randy. 36 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,600 {\an8}By show of hands, how many people wanna see Randy's junk? 37 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,200 - Not one hand. - It's called a silent majority. 38 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,600 - And that's what's happening here. - And it's gotta end. 39 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,400 {\an8}So I've no choice but to implement school uniforms. 40 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,080 - That's actually a good idea. - Uniforms? 41 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,680 - Can he do this? - What are we, prisoners? 42 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,920 I'm sure a lot of you people notice that I'm a very sharp dresser, 43 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,560 but I think Mr. B. is the most stylish, 44 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,840 {\an8}so I asked him to come up with the design. 45 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:41,680 Hello, kids. As you may know, we live in a suburban wasteland 46 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,720 with no sense of style or class. 47 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,680 Okay, Mr. B, let's keep it positive. 48 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:52,520 My challenge was to create a look that is bland and unflattering, 49 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,840 so I looked around for inspiration, and look what I came up with. 50 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,240 - No. No! Help! - It's like a sick joke. 51 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,880 - What's happening? - What's happening? 52 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:08,520 It's a look that screams, "I've given up on life," 53 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,440 "and life has given up on me." 54 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,800 No. Mr. B., can I weigh in? Do you want my two cents? 55 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,800 - Not really, no. - That's copyright infringement. 56 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,120 - I'll sue you. - Tom, you're not suing anyone. 57 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,560 No one can own the combo of a blue shirt with tan slacks. 58 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:26,760 No, I'm known for it. 59 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,080 Numbskulls all across the planet wear it. 60 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,400 He's clearly drunk. He's clearly been drinking. 61 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,000 Tom, I'm afraid this is happening, so, kids, pick up your uniforms. 62 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,840 From now on, you wear them every day. That's it. 63 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,200 You gotta admit, the fabric is exquisite. 64 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,600 Tom, how do you go through life like this? 65 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,800 - It's so depressing. - You don't like the way you look? 66 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,600 I would rather my parents tell me they're getting divorced every day 67 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,280 than wear this shirt. 68 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,760 Stop. That's insulting. 69 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:56,080 This backpack is giving me a serious case of wall ass. 70 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,440 - You don't like it? - Pushes down on my butt. 71 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,880 - Looks like I have nothing. - I don't like this at all. 72 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,440 We about to shut this down. 73 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,680 There's gonna be a school walkout at noon. 74 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,160 - You're gonna walk out of school? - The entire school's walking out. 75 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,920 You're gonna walk out 'cause you look like Tom? 76 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,000 It's a crime against humanity. Tom, there's no other way to put it. 77 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,680 - You're overreacting. - No one wants to look like you, dude. 78 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,560 You look like a bland piece of poo-poo, bro. 79 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,240 I look like a bland piece of poo-poo? 80 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,040 You look like poo-poo that's bland as shit. 81 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,160 - Mom, can I ask you a question? - Yeah, shoot. 82 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,280 Do I look like a bland piece of poo-poo? 83 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,480 - No. - No? 84 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,760 - Really? - Why are you asking me that? 85 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,640 I'm just getting some harsh critiques on my look. 86 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:34,440 These uniforms are not going over well. 87 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,080 - Tom, you should be flattered. - Flattered? 88 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,040 They want everyone at school to look like you because you're so handsome. 89 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,160 No, this is punishment. Mr. B. pointed that out. 90 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,640 No, my boy's handsome. 91 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,720 Tom, you know what your problem is? 92 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,280 No, you don't need to weigh in, Grandma. 93 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,960 - You don't tuck in your shirt. - Eh, that's not my thing. 94 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,120 Well, you better tuck it in, because I wanna see what it looks like. 95 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,840 - Let it go. - I'm not gonna leave until you do it. 96 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,200 Relax. Take a nap. 97 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,600 - Take a nap? - I don't wanna. 98 00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:59,760 Take a slap. 99 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,320 - Why are you standing up? - Because I'm gonna do it for you. 100 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,600 Oh, no, please. 101 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,880 Hold still. Gonna tuck you in. 102 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,280 - Nobody's gonna stop this? - Hold still. 103 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,240 Oh, no, please, Grandma. 104 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,600 Good? 105 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,640 That actually made a big difference. 106 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,800 You don't believe me? We're gonna call your Uncle Bill. 107 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,360 Come on, he doesn't know what he's talking about. 108 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,880 - Hey-hey-hey-hey! - Hi, Bill. 109 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,560 Listen, Tom tucked in his shirt. Tell us what you think. 110 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,800 My God. Tommy, you look fantastic. 111 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,520 - Really? - You look like a model. 112 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,040 - Because I tucked my shirt in? - It's night and day, Tommy. 113 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,280 - Come on. - I agree with him. 114 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,200 Something magical happened when you tucked that shirt in. 115 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:35,280 I look that good? 116 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:41,080 You're a kid who comes from a long line of disgusting, very gross slobs. 117 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,640 If you have a chance to become a model, 118 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,200 you have to go for it! 119 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,640 That was very inspiring, actually. All right, let's try it. 120 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,200 Hey, hey. All right, welcome to Triple M, 121 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,360 Male Model Management. I'm Dino. What can I do for you guys? 122 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:58,520 Thanks for seeing us. My son is abnormally good-looking, 123 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,440 and he's considering doing some modeling. 124 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,440 Love to meet him. You bring him in sometime. 125 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,960 - Be great. - No, it's me. I'm the male model. 126 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,200 You're good-looking? 127 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,560 That's the word on the street. 128 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,320 - My grandma seems to think... - Listen. 129 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,880 I'ma give you my professional opinion, okay, and it's free. 130 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,520 - This is a free opinion, all right? - Great. 131 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,320 Hair: terrible. 132 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,120 - That's fair. - Nose: hideous. 133 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,480 - I can see that. - Torso: misshapen. 134 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,120 Not positive feedback, is it? 135 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,800 Listen, the world of modeling, son, it is a cutthroat business 136 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,560 of beautiful people. It's not for you. 137 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,600 Yeah, the more we talk it through, this does seem... 138 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,840 It seems hasty that we came into the city. 139 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,720 Fantastic. I mean, I feel good about this. 140 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,360 This is good constructive criticism. 141 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,760 I'll go work on my nose and mouth and hair. 142 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,720 Take care. Thanks for coming in. 143 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,560 Actually, stop right there. 144 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,400 - Who, me? - Your rear end is exquisite. 145 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,320 - Really? - It is perfectly proportioned. 146 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,000 Can I get closer? 147 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,600 - No, that seems a little weird. - No, that's okay, Tom. Get in there. 148 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,760 Okay, the cheeks, they're perfectly balanced. 149 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,080 The pants seem to hang at such a perfect angle. 150 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,040 That's what my grandma said. 151 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,200 Okay, listen, I think I can probably get you catalog work. 152 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,640 - Wow, this is great! - Kids' clothes, chinos... 153 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,320 - Really? - Khakis, chaps. 154 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,880 Have you ever worn a pair of chaps? 155 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,560 That's amazing. You're saying I could be a model? 156 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:11,640 A butt model. 157 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,640 - But I'd be a model. - Again, a butt model. 158 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,520 Your face would never actually appear. 159 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,480 - It's fine. - Okay, so what's happening? 160 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,720 - You wanna sign Tom? - Absolutely. 161 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:20,840 This is amazing. 162 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,440 I'm gonna have a launch party this Friday at my loft. 163 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,920 I'd love you to swing by and show off the goods. 164 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,440 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 165 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,560 Didn't I see your rear end in the new L.L. Bean catalog? 166 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,680 - Yeah, wearing the chinos? - I mean, that tuchus is just... 167 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,200 I get that a lot. 168 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,520 Those are on me, little man. 169 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,360 - Wait, why? - Nah, you famous, dude. 170 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,640 - Really? - I saw your tush. 171 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,640 In the new H&M catalog. Sweet. 172 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,520 A little creepy, but thank you. 173 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,120 Hey, guys, check it out. 174 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,760 - What? - That's me on the billboard. 175 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,080 - Wait a minute. - What? 176 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,040 That's my rear end in the corduroys up there. 177 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,440 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. - Wait, I'm confused. 178 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,240 I got signed with a modeling agency. 179 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,640 Tom, you're telling us you're a model? 180 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,960 - I am a working model, yes. - They're paying you to model? 181 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,200 I told you. I told you I'm a well-dressed guy, 182 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,000 and people like the way clothes look on my body. 183 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,400 Have we entered a parallel universe? 184 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,760 No, I'm afraid not. Listen, I gotta run. 185 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,600 I'm having a party at my agent's loft. 186 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,480 What? You have an agent, and they have a loft? 187 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,520 - Yeah. - Why wasn't I included in this deal? 188 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,840 These are my modeling friends. It's a whole other world. 189 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,440 - Why don't you swing by? - Swing by? 190 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,440 Yeah, I guess we can "swing by" your agent's loft. 191 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,000 Tom, who are you? 192 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,280 A good-looking dude getting off a bus. 193 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,400 Hey, everybody, can you kind of gather round here? 194 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,400 Let's welcome the number-one male youth rear end model 195 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,520 in the Northeast region, Tom. 196 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,240 Listen, guys, I just wanna thank everyone. 197 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,360 Seems like just yesterday, I wasn't even tucking in my shirts. 198 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,960 Now I'm the number-one male youth rear end model. 199 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,720 - That's my son right there. - I wanna thank my agent, Dino. 200 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,880 Who looked at my tush and said, "I like what I see". 201 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,960 That's not exactly how it... 202 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,200 Anyway... Love you guys. Thank you so much. 203 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,880 Let's hear it for him. 204 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,840 Things are happening so fast, Tom. This is exciting! 205 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,280 I know. If my rear end keeps looking this good, 206 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,520 the sky's the limit. 207 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,720 Sorry, guys. We've got a dress code. 208 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,760 We came straight from school. We're on the list. 209 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,280 Yeah, it doesn't matter. The invite said smart casual. 210 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,320 You guys look like fucking idiots. 211 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,600 But we're dressed like the host of the party. 212 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,320 That's dumb casual. You look like a moron. 213 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,440 Hey, there he is. Hey, Tom, get over here! 214 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,080 Hey, guys. Glad you made it. 215 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,800 Tell these guys that we're smart casual. 216 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,080 That's gonna be a problem. I don't think we can let you in. 217 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,160 - What? - What? 218 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,640 Can't let you in wearing this. What is this? 219 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,600 This is literally your shirt. 220 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,880 You wore backpacks to a loft party? Who does that? 221 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,600 Tom, you invited us when we were wearing this. 222 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,760 - I'm sorry. - This is very disruptive, Tom. 223 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,680 I think you need to make a decision here, 224 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,000 your new modeling friends or your poorly dressed friends. 225 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,400 This is a tough decision. 226 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,160 - It is? - You know what? 227 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,040 Don't even answer the question. We're done with you, Tom. 228 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,520 Wait, what? No, no, come on. 229 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,800 You've changed. 230 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,760 Don't be mad at me 'cause I'm a really good-looking guy 231 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,640 and clothes look exquisite on my physique. 232 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:09,760 Wow, you have changed. 233 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,040 The minute you started using the word "physique," I'm out of here. 234 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,160 You just have a different vibe than they do. 235 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,360 Hey, Ma, no one wants to play with me, 236 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,200 so I'm just gonna walk around the neighborhood 237 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,640 and look at my billboards. 238 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,240 Okay, Tom. You have fun. 239 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,520 - Hey, little man. - Hey, ice cream man. 240 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,080 - You look depressed. - Yeah, you're right. 241 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,080 I'm starting to feel like I made a terrible mistake. 242 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,680 Everyone's calling me a douche. 243 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,280 - Tell me your troubles. - You wanna hear it? 244 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,640 - No, but I'll listen. - All right. 245 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,000 They introduced school uniforms, they made me question my appearance, 246 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,760 I got into male modeling, one thing led to another, 247 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,200 and now I don't have any friends. 248 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,800 Tom, clothes do not make the man. 249 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,240 No, I'm told they're pretty important, that everyone cares how you look. 250 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,720 Look at me. I wear a Hawaiian shirt, 251 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,240 filthy cargo shorts, and an ice cream man's cap. 252 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,480 - It is a silly look. - I am perfectly happy. 253 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,760 - Even though you look terrible. - That's the lesson. 254 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,600 You need to renounce this world of vanity and fashion. 255 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:02,720 What can I do? 256 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,320 You need to take off this uniform and go streaking. 257 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,600 Streaking? What's that? 258 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,800 It's running around with your shvanz flopping around. 259 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,400 This is your advice? 260 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,040 That's what activism is all about. 261 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,440 It's getting in trouble to make your point. 262 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,680 That's actually brilliant. Now I see why you're so successful. 263 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,520 Yeah, well, if anyone questions you, you just say, 264 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,920 "My ice cream man advised me to do it." 265 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,280 Can't imagine that carries as much weight as you think it does. 266 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,160 That's it, y'all! Kick the ball. 267 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,880 Nice! Nice. Left flank. 268 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,400 Protect the goal! Yes. 269 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,440 Oh, my God, is Tom running onto the field naked? 270 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,480 - Hey, everyone, look at me. - God. 271 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,640 - Stop. - Hey, hey, hey. 272 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,840 - Stop this, please! - Why? 273 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,560 Tom, what are you doing? Kids, turn away. 274 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:48,880 Make it stop! 275 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,560 - I'm on it. - Nelson, get away. 276 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:51,800 - Come here. - Stop. 277 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,760 Kids, what don't you understand? Don't look at his penis or his rear end. 278 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,360 - Get off! - Relax. It's me. 279 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,320 - It's Nelson. Down, boy. - Get him off. 280 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,560 Whose wiener are we seeing now? 281 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,760 I know, it's an ironic turn of events. 282 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,760 Tom, what the hell was all that? 283 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,600 I'm sorry. I just wanted to protest the school uniforms. 284 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,000 I believe they place too much importance on appearance. 285 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,880 What school uniforms? We scrapped that idea. 286 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:15,960 Excuse me? 287 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,120 Yeah, I was getting death threats since no one wanted to look like you. 288 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,880 So this whole thing was unnecessary? 289 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,000 Yes, Tom, completely unnecessary. 290 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,600 Yeah, and you're in a lot of trouble. 291 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,720 Me? No, no. My ice cream man put me up to this. 292 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,480 It was the ice cream man. 293 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,560 Well, I don't know what to do with that information, Tom. 294 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:34,240 Well, I guess we all learned a lesson here. 295 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,760 - What was that, Tom? - Never tuck in your shirt. 296 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,680 - Never ends well. - That's what you got out of this? 297 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,120 All right, Tom, I'm taking off. Have fun with Grandma, okay? 298 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,280 All right, have fun with whatever weird stuff you're doing. 299 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,560 Thanks, but I'm gonna need you to remember the rules. 300 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,840 Is this about last time? 301 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,040 - No leaving the house. - Come on, Grandma was drunk. 302 00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,240 It won't happen again. 303 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,440 - No blankets. - No blankets? 304 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,840 - No pillowcases. - Wait, what? 305 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:03,040 No touching the lamps. 306 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,680 Even if it's dark, we can't touch the lamps? 307 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,000 - These are the rules. - All right. 308 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,840 Safe to assume Grandma can't smoke in the house? 309 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,760 That's a given. If she smokes in the house, 310 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:10,920 I want you to kill her. 311 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,840 - Got it. - This is a huge help, Mom. 312 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,480 - Thank you. I love you guys. - You too, sweetheart. 313 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,440 Okay, Tom. 314 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,160 - Let's get the fuck out of here. - Wait, what? 315 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,040 It's bingo night at the church. 316 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,680 Grandma, I'm not allowed to curse. That's clearly in the rulebook. 317 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:30,240 Tom, I'm making all the rules now. Grandma outranks Mom. 318 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,040 Does it? I don't wanna get in trouble. 319 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,600 You're not gonna get in trouble. 320 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,560 We could kill somebody out there on Fifth Avenue, 321 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,320 and no one would believe it was us. 322 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,240 Why would we kill a guy on Fifth Avenue? 323 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,400 What is with you? Why don't you wanna join me 324 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,600 in an evening of fun and adventure? 325 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,720 When you put it that way, it actually sounds pretty tempting. 326 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,440 We need to have some fun in our lives, Tom, 327 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,320 so let's buck up and get ready to bronk. 328 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,040 Welcome, folks. It's bingo night. Take your seats. 329 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,920 Our altar boy, Randy, will be spinning the wheel tonight. 330 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,440 I wanna say up top, if you lose, 331 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,840 please don't pray that I die. 332 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,240 - Why's he looking at me? - Message received. 333 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,800 - All right, let's have fun. - Okay, let's get started. 334 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,040 N31. 335 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,160 Grandma, you literally bought 100 cards. 336 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,800 It increases my odds of winning. 337 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,720 When we win, I need you to bark out "Bingo". 338 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,200 I bark? What do you mean? 339 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,920 Like an animal. It's survival of the fittest here. 340 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:25,800 G62. 341 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,400 G62? Wait a second. 342 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,240 I think we might have it. Is that bingo? 343 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,600 - Tom, bark it. - We got bingo here. 344 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,600 - B4. - I don't think he heard me. 345 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,320 - That is not a bark. - Bingo. 346 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,840 - Bark! - I'm barking it. 347 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,680 Bingo! Asshole, we got bingo. 348 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,880 Sorry, I was told to bark. I was told to bark like a wild animal. 349 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,000 - Tom, we've got a problem. - Problem? 350 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,040 - Am I in trouble? - I mean, a little bit, yeah. 351 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,400 Really? I was told we could kill a guy and get away with it. 352 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,000 Yeah, I'm not sure what that means. 353 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:55,840 But your grandmother is ruining bingo. 354 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,640 Ruining it? No, she's doing great. 355 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,880 Yeah, that's the problem. Listen, just do me a favor, okay? 356 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,920 Next time she wins, don't say bingo. 357 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,480 Don't say it? I have to. 358 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,680 - That's my job. - No, no. Pretend she lost. 359 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,440 - For the sake of the others. - This is getting weird. 360 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,600 Guess what. Priest outranks grandma. 361 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,680 - So just do what I say. - Priest outranks grandma? 362 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:13,920 - Yes. - No. 363 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,240 She said, "I'm the top dog. You do what I say." 364 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,440 Your grandmother referred to herself as the top dog? 365 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,400 She did. She says it all the time. 366 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,880 Well, the top dog is ruining bingo. How about that? 367 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,560 O62. 368 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,240 Remember, this is fun. We're being civilized. 369 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,080 - O62. - What's going on here? 370 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,520 We haven't won in nine games. 371 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:39,040 And this is just a game. B9. This is just a game. 372 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,320 B9. 373 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,840 - This is ridiculous. - I know. 374 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,520 I guess it's just a losing streak. One of those things, you know? 375 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,200 The numbers just aren't going our way. 376 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,600 You're not kidding. 377 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,320 - N22. - Would you look at that? 378 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,520 I won. Bingo. 379 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,520 - Hector's grandma? - Me, yes. Bingo. 380 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,680 Please. That bitch can't play bingo to save her life. 381 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,520 Don't talk like that. Please don't talk like that. 382 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,080 - Check her card! - I actually think you won. 383 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,680 No, no, mind your own business. 384 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,200 Look, right there. You had bingo diagonally. 385 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,280 - From left to right. - All right, sit down, please. 386 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,040 Why didn't you call bingo, Tom? 387 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,960 I must've missed it. There's so many cards. 388 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,840 You didn't miss anything. 389 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,320 Come on. That's in poor taste. 390 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,440 Where you going, Grandma? Sit down. 391 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,600 Now I've seen it all. 392 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,640 My own grandson fucked me at bingo. 393 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,640 I'm out of here. 394 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,960 Can you say "fucked" in church? I can't imagine you can, right? 395 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,680 Hey, ho. Tom's grandma's phone here. 396 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,640 I'm calling from inside the house. 397 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,600 - Wait, what? - Just kidding. It's Mom. 398 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,680 That's funny. Murder joke. 399 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,760 Yeah, murder joke. How's it going, kid? 400 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,720 - We're having a great weekend. - Yeah? Any activities? 401 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,840 Yeah, we're just goofing off. 402 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,880 Goofing off? What does this mean, like... 403 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,320 Why are you asking so many questions? 404 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,560 What is that, like, dancing? 405 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,120 Telling stories, baking. I don't know. We're doing things. 406 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,200 - We're doing fun things. - Well, I miss you. 407 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,560 I hope you're having a great time. Tell Grandma I say hi. 408 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:01,680 - I will. - Bye. 409 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,360 Great conversation. 410 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,840 Peace. 411 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,200 Hey, Grandma. Listen, I'll have two Pop-Tarts, 412 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,360 one frosted maple... 413 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,640 Sorry, asshole. 414 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,440 I flushed all your Pop-Tarts down the toilet. 415 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,800 Weird way to greet the new day. 416 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,520 - Sorry. - Is this about bingo? 417 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,560 - Yep. - Listen, I'm sorry I ruined your fun. 418 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,360 Fun? You think that I do this for fun? 419 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,040 - Lean in. - Why? No one else is here. 420 00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,960 I need that cash, Tom. 421 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:29,160 I've been borrowing money from the dog charity I work at. 422 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,240 And bingo is the only way I can pay them back. 423 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,960 You're stealing money from a dog charity? 424 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,080 Don't make it sound so terrible. 425 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,560 I just took some of their money and put it in my purse. 426 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,720 Yes, that's theft. That's stealing. 427 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,600 Anyway, it wasn't a problem until you came along, 428 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,400 so you need to fix this. 429 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,080 Okay, all right. Let me see what I can do. 430 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,800 And I just wanna say, Grandma, other than all this theft 431 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,000 and cursing and stuff, I'm having a really fun weekend. 432 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,720 I'm having a fun time with you too. 433 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,320 - Tom, you look abnormally pale. - I know. I got a crisis. 434 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,200 My grandmother's threatening to kick my ass. 435 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,320 - What'd you do? - I lost her bingo money. 436 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,440 And now she can't repay the dog charity that she was embezzling from. 437 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,520 Okay, so your grandmother's a criminal, 438 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,960 and now she's gonna kick your ass. 439 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,280 - Multiple problems. - I got it, Tom. 440 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,880 - Why don't you do the walkathon? - A walkathon? The what? 441 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,560 - The school walkathon. - What's that? 442 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,560 People sponsor you, and then the proceeds go 443 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,880 to the charity of your choice. 444 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,800 - Really? - Yeah, that's perfect, man. 445 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,680 You can donate the money in your grandmother's name. 446 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,120 I mean, that would definitely solve things. 447 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,360 - But I'm not a big walker. - You said it's a crisis. 448 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,640 You're not gonna make an exception? 449 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,200 It just sounds like a lot of exertion. 450 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,120 Plus, my mom doesn't want me leaving the house. 451 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,800 Tom, I hate to pull rank here, but I say you need to do this. 452 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,080 'Cause, as you know, bus driver outranks mom. 453 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,160 Bus driver outranks mom? No. 454 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,840 Yes. The traditional hierarchy goes, 455 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,760 bus driver, priest, grandma, mom, 456 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,440 and then, I think, garbage man. 457 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,560 So my mom is just above the garbage man? 458 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,400 That's right or recycling guy. I can't remember which is which. 459 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,040 Okay, kids, the big day is here, and we will start at the school, 460 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,360 and for every lap you go around the town, 461 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,880 your sponsors will donate 5 dollars. 462 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,720 - Wait, hold on. Coach? - Yeah. 463 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,480 I'm sorry, did you say "town"? 464 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,120 Yes, Tom. It's laps around the town. It's a walkathon. 465 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,560 Tom, what did you think that we were doing? 466 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,160 I thought we were doing laps around the gym. 467 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,920 The gym? That would take, like, two seconds. 468 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,480 That's why it appealed to me, yeah. 469 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,200 All right, everybody, so on that note, 470 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,360 let the walking begin. 471 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,440 All right, everybody. Walk! 472 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,440 You know what? I'm cramping up. I'll catch up in a bit. 473 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,240 Tom, you haven't gone anywhere yet. 474 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,560 I know. It's just cramps, walking cramps. 475 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,640 Can you just try to catch up, please? 476 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,080 All right, I'll see you in a bit. 477 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,160 - I shouldn't have worn these loafers. - Why're you wearing loafers? 478 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,640 I don't know if I should dress for the walkathon 479 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,160 or the afterparty. This is a disaster. All these people sponsored me. 480 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,640 Tom, no one cares about the actual walking. 481 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,200 - It's a symbolic "gesture". - No one cares about the walking? 482 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,720 No! People just wanna donate money so they can feel good. 483 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:54,920 - Really? - Yeah. 484 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,960 So, I mean, let's just put you down for 25 laps and get out of here. 485 00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,440 Wait, we can just do that? 486 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,040 No, Tom, not we. I. I'm the starter. In the hierarchy, 487 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,480 starter is above gym teacher. 488 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:07,040 Really? In society, starter is above most parents? 489 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,120 Starter is above everything. The Bible opens with the starter. 490 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,480 I can do whatever I want. 491 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,240 - Come on, kids. - You got this! 492 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:15,960 - Let's go! - Wait a minute. 493 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,880 - Where's Tom? - Keep going! 494 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,320 Let's go. Come on, guys. 495 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:24,320 Where the fuck is my grandson? Tom, where are you? 496 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,280 This is living: 497 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,200 laying down on a rug, moving my thumbs. 498 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,600 You stink at video games, but at least it's relaxing. 499 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,640 I don't even care. You can chop my head off. 500 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,880 - You can stab me in the neck. - And I will do that. 501 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,240 This is fun. No loafers, no walking, 502 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,600 no people shoving Gatorade in your face. I love this. 503 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,840 Thanks for coming out, everybody. We raised lots of money for charity, 504 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,800 so that's great, and we have some oversized checks to hand out. 505 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,440 So first up is Dakota, who did two laps 506 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:00,000 and raised 3 000 dollars for Meals on Wheels. 507 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,000 - Come on up here, Dakota. - Let's do it, Dakota! 508 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,960 Next is Randy, who did three laps and raised 4 000 dollars 509 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,440 for Landscapers Without Borders. 510 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,440 Attaboy, Randy! 511 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,400 And next, well, it's actually a very remarkable story. 512 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,640 Tom somehow walked 25 laps around the town 513 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,320 and raised 10 000 dollars for his charity for dogs. 514 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,960 Tom, thank you. Thank you so much. 515 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,600 This breaks the all-time record 516 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,720 previously held by Dakota's brother, Dylan. 517 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,840 What? Ugh, fuck my charity. 518 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,720 Fucking out of here. Fucking Red Cross bullshit. 519 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,360 He'll be fine. Takes after his mother. 520 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,400 Anyway, let's hear it for Tom, everybody. 521 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,080 Thank you. 522 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,920 I'm so happy I could walk the laps. 523 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,360 No, no, no. 524 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,200 - Wait, what? - Stop the presses. 525 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,360 - What's happening? - This kid did not walk 25 laps. 526 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,120 I walked more or less 25. 527 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,080 No, you didn't. I know this 'cause I saw him walking to Nelson's house 528 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,040 wearing some, like, hideous loafers. 529 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,160 No, no. 530 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,400 I did too. He was skipping and saying, 531 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,400 "This is the greatest day of my life." 532 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,640 "I don't have to walk, and I'm making some bread." 533 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,120 Skipping? No, I don't skip. 534 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,200 Well, Tom, it seems true, and we have multiple witnesses. 535 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,760 This is highly unusual, 536 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,880 but Tom's charity actually owes us money. 537 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,680 - What are you talking about? - It's in the agreement. Read this. 538 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,600 "If student fails to walk any laps, the charity is liable to reimburse" 539 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,760 "the school system for Gatorade, ribbons, oversized checks," 540 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,200 "and administrative fees." 541 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,040 We don't have any money! We have dogs that slobber. 542 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,080 It's an agreement. So just make the check out 543 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,200 to Shady Oaks Elementary School. 544 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,920 - How was the weekend with Grandma? - We had so much fun. 545 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,880 We went to church. We prayed. We did some charity work. 546 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,680 Well, I had fun too. 547 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,440 - That's good. - Let's relax now. 548 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,760 If you love dogs, we need your help 549 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,280 because this little asshole ruined our finances. 550 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:53,960 You know what? I don't know whether or not 551 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,720 we're allowed to say "asshole" on a PSA. 552 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,040 Probably not. But it's the only word that comes to mind. 553 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,760 - Let's turn this off. - Tom! 554 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,480 - What happened? - It's a long story. 555 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,280 I was involved in a charity walkathon. I told them I did 25 laps. 556 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,840 In reality, I did zero, 557 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,760 and now everyone's in a big hullaballoo. 558 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,280 On one hand, I find it funny 559 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,280 that you caused a hullaballoo, but as your mom, 560 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,160 I'm gonna have to discipline you, dude. 561 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,480 No, I've suffered enough. 562 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,440 You're gonna have to walk those laps out of honor. 563 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,840 - I'm not a big exercise guy. - Tom! 564 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,600 I'm your mother. You gotta listen to me. 565 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,120 Do I have to listen, though? From what I'm told, priest, grandma, 566 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,720 and bus driver all outrank you. 567 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,640 - What? - That's what I'm being told. 568 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,760 Tom, you're gonna walk those laps, 569 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:33,040 you're gonna make sure everyone in town knows about it, 570 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,680 and you're gonna restore our family's good name. 571 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,240 I'll walk, but you realize we don't have a good name, right? 572 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,560 Folks, we're here with a feel-good story 573 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,600 about a local boy who has vowed to walk 574 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,520 25 laps around the town for his favorite dog charity. 575 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,720 So let's listen in. 576 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,840 Hi, folks. Anyone who knows me knows two things: 577 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,640 I love cute dogs and walking long distances. 578 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,680 So I plan to complete these 25 laps, even if it takes me all night, 579 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,360 and I'm gonna do it with several of these cute little guys by my side. 580 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,480 Isn't that right? Here, lick Tom's face. 581 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,040 - Look at that. - Aww, so cute. 582 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,360 - Here, get in tight for the licking. - That's cute. 583 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,560 That's wholesome stuff right there. 584 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,320 Hey, hold up. Hold up, Hey. What's going on here? 585 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,080 Great news: I decided to walk the 25 laps after all 586 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,600 with the dogs, me and the dogs. 587 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,800 Are you kidding me? 25 laps will kill these fuckers. 588 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,040 Kill them? Wait, what? 589 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,840 This charity's for senior dogs with congenital heart disease. 590 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,880 Wait, what's what the charity does, you're saying? 591 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,360 Yeah, that's what "the charity" is, Tom. 592 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:30,880 Did you even read the brochure? 593 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,400 I honestly didn't have time. 594 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,000 Can we cut the cameras at this point? Camera guy, please. 595 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,320 - You don't talk to Henry. - Henry, please, come on. 596 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,440 - How did you get the dogs? - How did I get them? 597 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,640 My grandma has the key to the building. 598 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,000 Wait. Did that kid steal my keys? 599 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,640 Grandma, you clearly gave me the keys. 600 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,920 Unbelievable. 601 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,160 Come on, Grandma, this is in poor taste. 602 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,920 So you stole a group of elderly dogs, 603 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,960 and then you were going to march them to their deaths? 604 00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,240 So I guess I don't come across looking great, but, just to be clear, 605 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,520 no one's expecting me to walk at this point, right?