["Stand Up" playing]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh, will the real nigga Please stand up? ♪
[Tanya] Thank you. Okay.
♪ And all the fake sit down ♪
[Ethan] Tanya, this outfit is fire.
-[song concludes] -[Tanya] Oh, I love this for you.
But you gotta crop it, like, right there, though.
-Oh… oh, I see it. That was it. -[speaks indistinctly]
-That was it. That was it. -[Gaby] Yeah.
Oh, my God. We are about to look muy bonita chileando in España.
-[Ethan] Mm-mm. No, girl. -[laughs]
My bad. But we are about to tear Spain up, okay?
Beaches, tapas.
[all] Spanish boys!
[all chuckle]
Ah, you're gonna love Valencia.
-The camp we're working at is bomb. -[cell phone chimes]
Oh, hell no. It's my mom.
"Pick up your brother and come home ASAP."
You know what? The dopest thing about Spain
is that I'm 7,000 miles away from my dumb family.
My brother's in prison. I'd give anything to have an extra moment with him.
Ooh, cute.
"They're your kids, not mine."
[cell phone beeps]
Did you just send that to your Black mom?
Girl, that was a death wish.
["Tally" playing]
♪ I met this girl down in Tally She said she flew in from Cali ♪
♪ Not LA, though, she live in the Valley Four rings on my hand, look like an Audi ♪
♪ Might do a show in NC ♪
♪ And say, "Fuck it" And pop out in Raleigh… ♪
[song concludes]
[clicks tongue] Come on, fam. I was trying to hear the rest of the song.
That's why God invented Spotify.
[whimsical music playing]
Oh, yeah. Mom was right about you.
What'd you say?
Don't be mad 'cause she tell me stuff she don't tell you.
[Tanya] Oh, I'm not doing this with you today.
I was out shopping with my friends and I had to come pick you up.
-[Kenny] Then go talk to your mother. -[Tanya] I'm talking to you about it.
[Kenny] Look, I just got home, okay? Can you get out of my face?
-[Tanya] Shut up. -[Kenny] I'm just playing. Damn.
-[Tanya] I'm not giving you rides anymore. -[Kenny] Can I just get in my room?
-You're always talking shit. -[Tanya] You're ruining my day.
-[Kenny] Damn, Melissa. -[gunshots over TV]
If girls could be incels, that's your future. Go outside.
Do you only consume dark media?
Reality is darkness, Tanya. You avoid it. I run toward it.
-[Zack] Tanya? -Zack, we talked about this.
Don't sneak up on people. It's creepy.
I wanted to say hi, but I didn't want to interrupt you.
Hey, where were you this morning?
I've been seeing the same murder of crows lately.
Did you know a group of crows is called "a murder"?
-Dope. -I fed them and followed them around.
I ended up in Winnetka.
They had some beef with another murder, but I squashed it.
Did you know crows can recognize faces? That means I've made friends for life.
That's really cool, Zack.
But maybe next time, don't go so far though?
-Oh, Mom, I brought home your son. -[overlapping chatter]
-[Melissa] What's for dinner? -[Zack] Can you give me an allowance?
-Can we eat spaghetti today? -I need an allowance.
-I used all my money on food for my crows. -[overlapping chatter]
-I need more money! -[overlapping chatter]
-No, I actually have to go to Spain. -[door slamming]
-[mom screaming] -[music concludes]
Mom?
[gunshots over TV]
Kenny, can you not be a degenerate for, like, five minutes?
-Why? What's popping in five minutes? -Mom had a nervous breakdown.
Girl, Black folks don't have those.
They do when the boss's mediocre white son gets a promotion over them.
You could have done a more comprehensive report
in half the time if you just used Canva.
-[all gasp] -Whoa.
Was that comprehensive enough? Dickless--
And now she has to go to Thailand
to an immersive two-month yoga meditation retreat.
Yo, so we finna have the whole house to ourself?
What is wrong with you?
I can't go to Spain. Mom needs the money for her retreat.
My summer's ruined.
Why your Black girl tragedy gotta crush my Black boy joy?
[whimsical music playing]
I was up all night and found stuff online to heal you.
Good, cheap, local stuff, like CBD oil and massages and--
Oh, you can pet rescue dogs.
The doctor said to avoid stress at all times.
If you keep this up, I swear to God, I'ma slap you to Spain.
Zack, come say goodbye.
-[Tanya] Oh, my God. -[mom] Zack!
-What are you tripping for? -[mom] Where are you?
We got no supervision for months. We finna live like white kids.
-We're throwing a party tonight. -Tonight? That is not enough time.
-Day of. Keep the crowd small. -[mom speaking indistinctly]
You just don't know shit.
Ooh, and make sure you invite Gaby, 'cause you know she thick as fuck.
[mom] You know I need you to help me tie my shoes before I get on this plane.
What are you doing?
Where are you, Zack?
Come here, boy. I'm gonna miss you.
[Zack] I want you to have a good trip.
And don't worry, we'll deal with these abandonment issues later in life.
Oh, you're not being abandoned.
[doorbell dinging]
[Ms. Sturak] Hello. What a pretty young lady.
Look, it's great that you've witnessed Jehovah or whatever,
-but now's a bad time. -[Ms. Sturak chuckles] Oh, no, dear.
I'm Ms. Sturak, the babysitter.
-[dramatic musical sting] -[Ms. Sturak] Uh, you can call me ADT.
I'll be helping to keep you safe all summer. [laughs]
Oh, hell no.
[mom] The bills are on auto-pay,
and this should take care of food and stuff.
We're so blessed that you can do this for us at such short notice.
[Ms. Sturak] Well, I could tell from your Facebook post,
you're a good woman who just needed a hand.
[mom] Oh, my co-worker said
-you were such a sweetheart. -[Ms. Sturak chuckling]
[mom] Thank you.
A babysitter is a huge waste of money. I can handle it here.
You always say I need to act like an adult. Give me a chance to.
-I mean, I drive those damn kids around. -"Those damn kids"?
You mean your brothers and sister that you drive around in my car?
What else? What else is on your long list of adult behavior?
When's the last time you paid a bill, cooked a meal,
cleaned the house without being told to?
Hell, did anything without being told to?
You don't have a clue what to do with your life,
and you never had a job.
And you barely got into Howard, even with my hookup.
Can you not read me for filth?
I need a break.
Otherwise, you're gonna lose another parent.
Jesus, Mom.
Give me a hug.
Hug me, girl.
Thank you, Ms. Sturak! Love you, kids.
-[kids] Love you, Mom. -[Ms. Sturak] Love you too.
Bye.
[mom] And, Kenny, no vaping in the house!
[Kenny] Hmm.
-[mom] Hurry up. Get me out of here. -[engine revs]
Well, there goes my summer. Bye, summer.
-[gunshot] -[crows cawing]
Dude, what the shit?
I watch Madea movies.
I know how to discipline you little N-words.
Oh. Do you think that it's less racist if you don't say the actual word?
And why are you strapped?
Oh, relax. It's just a starter pistol.
-[sneezes] -[gunshot]
["Knock Me A Kiss" playing]
Where's my room? Get my bag!
You get that. [laughs]
Zack, come on.
[Ms. Sturak] Violate my rules at your own peril.
-[TV powers down] -No more of this garbage.
Run a mile.
You'll never get a man with that couch-dimpled derriere.
♪ But baby, if you insist… ♪
Where do you think you're going?
No Irish goodbyes. A foul people.
♪ Baby, c'mon, knock me a kiss… ♪
[both laugh]
♪ I hope to die… ♪
You got a week to get that crap out of your system.
After that, I'll tell the cops
you roughed me up in a fit of reefer madness.
Makeup is for geisha whores.
[sneezes]
Well, don't you look precious? You know what's not so precious?
Anal warts.
[laughs]
-♪ Knock me a kiss ♪ -[song concludes]
-Please, no more. -I'ma catch a case off her old ass.
-[Zack] What's wrong with you? -You ever seen a ten-minute STI slideshow?
-What's an STI? -Do something, bro.
She's only here because you suck so bad at life
that Mom didn't trust you to watch us.
Or she thought you'd get so stoned that you'd burn the house down.
I think it's both.
[Kenny] Whatever!
How are we gonna have this party while she here?
[whimsical music playing]
-[fire crackling] -[Tanya clears throat]
So sorry for how we behaved. Our mom didn't tell us we had a sitter.
-Looking at you, I can tell why she-- -Why she wanted to surprise us.
Surprises are for kids' parties and the Japanese.
Right. Well, I know you said no guests,
but we had already invited our church friends for Bible study,
and, you know, we can't cancel on Jesus.
You better not wake me up. I get very grumpy when I get woken up.
More grumpy?
-[Mrs. Sturak sneezes] -Would you like an allergy pill?
Sure. And a whiskey neat.
Okay.
Oh, and you might hear music, but it's Christian hip-hop.
-Deejay Cardinal Spin. -Hip-hop ruined the Blacks.
["Tally" playing]
♪ I met this girl down in Tally She said she flew in from Cali ♪
♪ Not LA, though, she live in the Valley ♪
♪ Four rings on my hand Look like an Audi ♪
-♪ Might do a show in NC ♪ -[crowd cheering]
♪ And say, "Fuck it" And pop out in Raleigh ♪
♪ I can't fuck with that bitch She a lame ♪
♪ She be talkin' too much, she too rowdy But she still in my phone in my texts ♪
♪ Tryna drag her fingers on my neck She wanna get intimate, flesh to flesh ♪
♪ Yeah, she crazy, but not like the rest ♪
-I thought we said five people each. -[indistinct chatter]
I guess everybody invited five too. [chuckles]
Nah, this is way too much. Come on, I think we should stop.
Ain't Shelli and Dawanna going to Howard too?
Go make friends.
You don't wanna be no simp at college too, do you?
Bye!
Excuse me. Move!
-Shit is litty. -I told you.
Sorry his mom died, though.
-His mom didn't die, dummy. What? -Oh, I was half listening.
-Amp that loud pack. -[laughs]
[crowd cheering]
Hey, Shelli. Hey, Dawanna. [chuckles]
Oh, Shelli, uh-- Hey. Tanya.
Tanya Crandell? From school? And from this house?
This is my house. Uh… [clears throat]
Um, y'all are going to Howard, right? Me too. [chuckles]
It'd be nice to have some Cali girls there, you know.
Westside.
Oh.
We was-- We was having a whole conversation. That's fine.
That's…
Oh. That was hard to watch, mama.
-Yeah, you wanna come sit? Come sit. -Come here.
-'Cause they need to watch it. -Girl, yeah.
Do you want a drink? We got you.
-[Rock] Listen up. -A little bit.
I want to thank everybody for coming to my brother Kenny's party.
-And I just wanna remind y'all… -It's my house too. It's our house.
…if you ain't twerking, it ain't working. Deejay, drop the music!
[crowd cheering]
["Back That Azz Up" playing]
♪ Girl, you working with some back Yeah, you're bad, yeah ♪
♪ Make a nigga spend his cash Yeah, his last, yeah ♪
♪ Hoes frown when you pass Yeah, they mad, yeah ♪
♪ You gon' ride in the Jag Yeah, with that ass ♪
♪ You could smoke or buy a bag Yeah, of grass, yeah ♪
♪ Got money I can flash Yeah, and trash, yeah ♪
-♪ I'm a Big Tymer nigga… ♪ -[song fades]
-[soft dramatic music playing] -[inaudible chatter]
[indistinct chatter]
[music intensifies]
Ah!
[moans]
-[music concludes] -[hip-hop music playing over speakers]
-[music stops abruptly] -[knocking on door]
[birds chirping]
Good morning, Mrs. Sturak.
I just wanna make sure you slept through the par-- Bible study.
The part of Bible study that got a little loud… [inhales]
…with praise.
Ms. Sturak?
Oh. Ms. Sturak?
Ms. Sturak, wake up. Mrs. Sturak-- Oh, wait. Whoa.
[grunts] Ah!
[splutters] Help! Kenny!
Sweet! My first dead body.
[Tanya] I'd say she'd be missed, but I doubt it.
-I'm for sure going to juvie. -[keypad beeping]
Hold on, wait, they gonna try to charge me as an adult.
Yo, we gotta pack up. We need to go to Mexico.
[dispatcher] 911, what's your emergency?
-We can definitely not call the cops. -[Kenny] Hell no.
We got a dead white woman in our house. They lynch people for much less.
That feels dishonest. Let's call Mom, see what she thinks.
-[Tanya] Mm-mm. -[scoffs] Wrong again, little man.
The second we tell Mom, she's gonna be on the first thing smoking.
-And we cannot let that happen. -Right.
Because then we can't throw parties like we did--
No, because she's not on vacation. She had a nervous breakdown.
Leaving that place too soon could really mess her up.
-This is why I really miss Dad. -This is why? Really?
Zack, are you okay?
Yeah. I'm just not used to being wrong.
Kenny, how do you deal with it so often?
I just need some time to think.
Your time to think is her time to stink.
We need to put her in the fridge to slow decay.
Not the freezer. That could cause tissue damage.
Shows premeditation.
[whimsical music playing]
-Watch out. Watch out! -Dang it.
-Guys, stop pushing me. -She's slipping!
-Y'all about to make me… -This way!
…hit her head on the wall.
-Oh, my God. -Zack!
[all] Oh!
[gasps]
[all grunt]
-[Zack] She's heavy. -[Kenny] Come on.
-[screams] -[laughs]
-[Melissa] Dude, go. Go! -[Tanya screaming]
Well?
Shall we?
-[Tanya] I'll get her. -[Kenny] I got it, I got it, I got it.
[Zack] Push her back. Push her--
-[Tanya] On the other side. -[Zack] Yeah, yeah.
-Lift up and over. There you go. Yeah. -[overlapping chatter]
[grunts]
-[music concludes] -[sighs] I need some air.
-[soft tense music playing] -[indistinct chatter over radio]
[cop] We had a 911 hang-up from here.
-[Tanya] Oh, that was my brother. He-- -Our mistake, Officer.
You… you know how kids are these days, all cell phone.
He just didn't realize it still dials even if you don't hit "call."
-[cop] You all live here? -[Kenny] All our lives.
Along with our mom. She's not here. She's--
Out on a very deserving spa day.
[cop] You sure?
[Kenny] Oh. Sorry, Officer. I really can't invite you in.
Strict house rules.
You work at the sheriff's department, right?
I used to play lacrosse with a kid whose dad works there.
His name's, um, Harry…
Sarkissian.
He's the sheriff.
-[Kenny] Wha-- What? He got elected? -[indistinct chatter over radio]
[Kenny] Couldn't have happened to a more hardworking, nice guy.
I mean, just salt of the earth.
Tell him I said hi.
[indistinct chatter over radio]
[sniffs]
Be careful, kids. Okay, a phone's not a toy.
[indistinct chatter over radio]
[garage door closing]
[body thuds]
[sighs]
-[Melissa] Amazeballs! -[Zack] Nice work. How'd you do that?
You actually saved our asses. [laughs]
[Kenny] The hell are y'all celebrating for?
That shit was humiliating.
How many niggas you know lucky enough to know the sheriff's son?
What was you thinking?
You out here, just walking up to him, not calling him "officer"?
Man was ready to pop off. He ain't even believe we lived here.
-All right, I'm sorry. I screwed up. -[sighs]
-[Zack] We still have a dead lady here. -[Kenny] Okay, bet.
Middle of the night, we drop her off at the funeral home with a note.
It's not 1991. [scoffs]
There are cameras everywhere. Use your head.
-[dramatic musical sting] -Of course.
Why didn't I think of this already? Murderous Mama, season four, episode 12.
Guys!
[dramatic music playing]
[Melissa] The "Three Cheers for Death" episode.
We take her to a remote area,
we inject, like, a gallon of liquor into her.
[engine revs]
[Melissa] We strap her into her car,
then drive it into a tree.
Police see a drunk old biddy who lost control of her car and ate bark.
Case closed.
Oh, shit.
[both pant]
-[music concludes] -[Tanya pants]
Hmm. Even better.
Let's go.
Let's never piss her off.
Yeah, she a savage.
["Be Thankful for What You Got" playing]
♪ Though you may not drive ♪
♪ A great big Cadillac ♪
♪ Gangsta whitewalls ♪
♪ TV antennas in the back ♪
♪ You may not have ♪
♪ A car at all ♪
♪ But remember, brothers and sisters ♪
♪ You can still stand tall ♪
♪ Just be thankful ♪
♪ For what you've got ♪
♪ Diamond in the back, sunroof top ♪
♪ Diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean ♪
♪ Wooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Diamond in the back ♪
♪ Sunroof top ♪
♪ Diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean ♪
♪ Wooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Diamond in the back, sunroof top ♪
♪ Diggin' the scene with a gangsta lean ♪
♪ Wooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Diamond in the back ♪
-[song stops abruptly] -[birds chirping]
[Tanya yawns]
-We're hungry. -[Tanya sighs]
Well, you're in the right room.
[Zack] Your dumb friends ate all our food, so you need to go food shopping.
Use the money Mom gave Ms. Sturak. It's in an envelope in her purse.
No woman puts her purse in the back seat.
-They're gonna know something's up. -Paramedics don't know shit.
[Tanya] No! It's not here. Are you guys finding anything?
-[overlapping chatter] -[Zack] We're never gonna find the money.
-Where is it? -Why are y'all going through Mom's-- Oh!
There's some real funky energy in this room. What are y'all doing?
Ms. Sturak had our food money with her when you got rid of her.
-Okay, so who the best swimmer? -Out of the question.
-We're gonna starve to death. -[Zack] Calm down.
How much do you guys have in your savings?
-[Tanya] Our what? -Our what now?
-Okay, so you gotta get a job. -Why can't you get one?
-What you-- No, I-- -[speaks indistinctly]
Men do earn 18 more cents on the dollar. That adds up.
Nobody's gonna hire him with that grill.
Okay, so then let's spin for it.
[dramatic music playing]
Yes!
-Grill stays. Fight me. -What?
It's best that you do it, Tanya.
-You know how Kenny is with authority. -[Melissa] And reliability.
-And with English. -And English.
Okay. [chuckles]
You need an easy job that pays quick.
I guess I could drive a Road Bro.
-Nah, you got to be 25 for that. -[grunts]
No one's gonna believe you're 25.
They will with this bomb-ass fake ID I make her.
Teenage girl driving for Road Bro.
[chuckles] Guess I'm about to see my second dead body.
What a week.
This is gonna suck, isn't it?
["Meet Yo Mama" playing]
♪ Don't wanna meet yo mama Don't wanna meet yo granny ♪
♪ Just show me where to come ♪
♪ I told dat li'l bitch, nope Don't wanna meet yo mama… ♪
[Bryan] Hey.
-Hey. Bryan, right? -[cell phone chimes]
-Malibu round tri… -[car door closing]
Yep. That's, uh-- That's me.
[sighs]
-Everything cool? -[chuckles] Yeah. Your face.
[sighs] I didn't see that you were--
I didn't see that, uh…
You had a mask on in your profile picture, so…
[Bryan] Oh, yeah. I should change that. Grim reminder of COVID times. I get it.
Recognize me now?
[perky music playing over radio]
[Bryan] Oh, my-- Absolutely not.
-What? -The best beaches in Southern California
-are in Orange County. -I mean, yeah.
[both] You just gotta deal with the Orange County people.
Wow.
Man, I'm gonna miss it here.
[Tanya] Where are you going?
Uh, Syracuse. I start school there in the fall.
[scoffs] Is the dorm there just a giant igloo?
Yeah, we actually just walk right Inuit.
[snickers] That was terrible.
Oh. Tell that to your smile.
Anyway, Syracuse has one of the best architecture programs in the country,
and I'm gonna need it because I want to create mass producible,
environmentally sustainable, good quality homes cheaply
to solve the homelessness crisis.
Wow. What an asshole.
[perky music playing]
You'll still be here when I get back, right?
Even for an asshole like me?
[Tanya] Fifty-fifty chance.
Oh, God. Ow!
Oh.
Why would you even stink?
Okay.
Okay-- [coughs]
[Bryan] Front seat's cool, right?
I feel like we're past the chauffeur stage.
Cool.
-Cool. -[engine revs]
[Tanya] So…
music?
-["What Kinda" playing] -♪ Have you ever been to London? ♪
♪ Don't you hate an old trickin' ass? ♪
♪ Talking 'bout he in the kitchen ass ♪
♪ Get a bag, nigga ♪
♪ Why you out here With your leechin' ass? ♪
-♪ Reachin' ass nigga in my DMs ♪ -Uh!
-♪ Tryna eat my ass ♪ -Uh!
-♪ Freaky ass nigga ♪ -Uh!
-♪ Ol' peewee ass nigga ♪ -Okay! Okay!
♪ What type of nigga ♪
-♪ Wear his homeboy shit? ♪ -Oh. Okay!
♪ In his baby mama crib Ridin' his baby mama whip ♪
♪ Man, what type of nigga Tell lies on his dick? ♪
♪ Always running to the 'Gram Every time he hit a lick ♪
That's so crazy, you know?
-Like, what type of nigga does that? -What type of nigga? What type of nigga?
-[song concludes] -…and singing skills
-that I just showed you. -[laughs]
-I'm just saying. That's the tip. -It was pretty good. It was pretty good.
-Like, that's the tip for the trip. -[Tanya laughing]
Uh…
[blows raspberry] So, you five star me, I'll five star you.
Deal.
Okay.
[both chuckle]
[inhales deeply]
-[sighing] -Oh. Good luck at Syracuse.
-[Bryan] Yeah. -[car door closing]
[Bryan] Good luck at life.
Adios, amigo-- ga.
Spanish.
[engine revs]
Hey, um, what's…
-Eight-one-eight-- -…your favorite building?
What? What did you say?
-Favorite building. -You-- Um…
I don't know. The Grove?
No, I mean, like, architecturally.
-What are you feeling? -Huh…
I never really thought about it.
[Bryan] Oh.
Well, see ya.
[sighs] "I don't know. The Grove?"
-[upbeat music playing over speakers] -[indistinct chatter]
Dang, you're gonna turn into a Philly cheese steak.
And you're gonna turn into a sad trophy wife.
Ah. At least I'll be a wife.
[Kenny groaning softly]
[chuckles]
Jesus. The bill is as much as I made today.
Let me see that.
One-twenty?
Stop complaining. What do you go to work for, then?
[cell phone chimes]
[Zack] A hundred and twenty dollars a day times four days a week…
-[Tanya] Why only four days? -Know yourself, Tanya.
That's 480 a week.
Minus taxes is 336 a week. That's not gonna feed four people.
-Not with Kenny's weed munchies. -[inhales]
[Melissa] You need to get a grown-up job.
But I'm not a grown-up.
Not yet.
Meet the new and improved Tanya Crandell. You got Insta, Facebook, Twitter,
and I even put some kid pics on something called MySpace.
[chuckles] Now, they'll definitely believe you're 25.
How'd you even do this?
'Cause she a G. Y'all better get into it. [laughs]
Just gotta paste a bunch of bullshit from résumé sites.
And the social stuff was easy.
My girlfriend in Morocco wrote a code that overrides time stamps.
-You have a girlfriend? -Congrats. You're a grown-ass woman.
-And a graduate of Bates College. -Is that a real place?
Yeah, my boyfriend in Boston wants to go there.
Wait. You've a boyfriend and a girlfriend?
Are you, like, a player, or is this like a poly situation?
Your generation and your labels.
I'm pretty sure we're the same generation.
[Zack] Bates is a liberal arts school in Maine. Tiny, but prestigious.
I heard a comedian say you only have to know
a few things about a school to pretend you went there,
so I wrote down a few dorms and pizza places nearby.
Okay, I see you. Team Crandell!
And I found a job you might like. Some clothing company called Libra.
[scoffs] No, that's not really my style.
You know what's not my style? Hunger, bitch.
Go!
[alarm blaring]
["Fuck I Look Like" playing]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ What the fuck I look like Lettin' a broke bitch play with me? ♪
♪ Or lettin' a lame-ass nigga Lay with me? ♪
♪ Fuck I look like Nan bitch paved ways for me ♪
♪ But now I'm here Bitches gotta make a way for me ♪
♪ Pop my shit I really be sparin' bitches ♪
♪ Postin' me up on the blogs Then comparin' bitches ♪
♪ Who the fuck I look like, sound like Stop playin' with me ♪
♪ Gave my own style And these motherfuckers ran with it ♪
♪ Yeah, I dropped "Now What" And brought a band with me ♪
♪ Then signed my deal They was mad at me ♪
♪ When they took it down They was callin', harassin' me ♪
♪ Tryna tear me down, y'all fans of me ♪
♪ I ain't never takin' no Ls That's a no-no ♪
♪ Gave my own style And these motherfuckers ran with it ♪
-[song concludes] -[horn honking]
[traffic whizzing]
[elevator bell chimes]
-[indistinct chatter] -[perky music playing]
-[Tanya] Oh, my God! -[music concludes]
[Tanya] I am so sorry. I can help.
Back up. Back up, back up, back up.
You do not pat people down like the damn TSA. That is assault.
Can I at least pay for your dry cleaning?
-Oh, so now I'm broke? -Oh, no. I am so sorry.
I'm sure your finances are great. I-- [chuckles nervously]
Let me start over.
-I'm Tanya, and I'm here to meet with HR. -Well, then go meet with HR.
[Caroline] Okay, Dora the Explorer,
go down that hallway and look for the HR office.
Do you know which two letters to look for on the door?
What is going on? Is everything okay?
It was until Little Miss Thing here decided to start playing bumper bodies.
I spilled coffee on her. But tie-dye is back in, though.
I can get some cranberry juice and make that shirt popping.
[sighs] Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline,
Caroline, Caroline, Caroline!
Public berating does not fit with our corporate culture.
I'll pay for your dry cleaning if you stand down.
No, no, no. Not necessary, Rose. But thank you for the feedback.
Rose? Rose Lindsey?
Unless you're my ex-boyfriend or my ex-boyfriend's wife.
You're the boss lady? I'm Tanya.
I'm interviewing for the receptionist job.
Is that so?
[sighs] I'm sorry about Caroline.
The bug up her ass lives on the stick up her ass,
and her neighbors to the north are the chip on her shoulder.
Wow. [chuckles] That's a lot of stuff.
Hmm. You're a Bates College girl, huh?
Go Bobcats. Sure do miss Gritty McDuff's Brew Pub.
But not as much as Page Hall, the dorm I used to live in.
[inhales] So…
why do you want to work here?
Well, I love the clothes.
And I would love to be a part of a brand that means so much to so many people.
I really need a job. [sighs]
I've been supporting a few family members who have fallen on hard times,
and they're really counting on me.
Plus, you are a super inspiring woman in this industry,
and I feel like I'd learn way more from you
than I ever did at Bates College in Lewiston, Maine,
where I went to college.
[chuckles softly]
You know, Caroline was supposed to move up to be my executive assistant.
But she just rubs people the wrong way. And you really need this job.
Caroline just thinks she deserves it.
Why don't you wait in the lobby? I'm gonna call your references.
[footsteps receding]
-[sighs] -[instrumental music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[sighs, blows]
Ah. [clears throat]
-[Caroline] Psst. Psst. Psst. -[breathes shakily]
[whispers] Eat shit.
[exhales]
[clears throat]
-Not so fast. -[sighs]
No red flags cyberstalking you. And your references absolutely gushed.
Tanya is a shining star.
The day she left was the worst day of my life.
And I saw my parents murdered by a gang of street toughs.
[in Australian accent] She's a real class act.
Hire her post-haste.
-[inhales, coughs] -[music concludes]
Excuse me. Whooping cough got me this year.
Nasty thing.
You've worked for some real characters, haven't you?
Guess so.
Well, we'll have to take it easy on you. Welcome aboard.
Now, starting salary is 60K.
-[coughs] Sixty K? -I know. It's not great.
But we've all had to tighten our belts in this weird economy.
-Do I get that all at once? -You're hilarious.
-[laughs] I'm hilarious. -[Rose] I got a call with the board.
-Caroline will get you all set up. -Okay.
It's too easy.
-[Kenny] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. -[grunts]
[all cheer, laugh]
Hey, hey, hey, so look.
It's your boy, K Cran,
and we're gonna be dropping dope, dope shit every single week.
-Make sure you follow-- -[Tanya] Yo, Mom already told you
not to skate on her back patio.
But she don't even like you.
-[Jason] Oh, shit. Shit. -[Rock] That was rude.
Well, you know who does like me?
My new boss at the new grown-up job I just got.
I am the executive assistant to the chief executive officer
at Libra Clothing Incorporated.
Wow. That sounds really hard for a smart person.
You're screwed.
-Can he come live with one of y'all? -[cell phone chimes]
-[Kenny] Get out of my face. -[sighs]
-[Kenny] Hey, y'all. Look at this. -[Rock] Yeah.
-[Kenny] Oh! [speaking indistinctly] -[cheering over phone]
When these videos blow up,
Zack and Melissa can come stay with me at my mansion
while you stay sucking at your little job.
Ah, I'm gonna kill it. I have to.
Otherwise, my hot girl summer is gonna be a not good bummer.
-Hmm. Don't try, all right? Just don't. -[both laugh]
Well, maybe while I'm working, y'all could clean up like big boys.
[Kenny] What is that job doing to you? You're changing.
That's what you get, fathead.
[alarm blaring]
["Flower" playing]
-Bye, guys! Wish me luck. -[Kenny] You 'bout to fail!
[cell phone beeping]
No. [sighs]
♪ Much work for very little money ♪
[car door beeps]
Oh… oh. Excuse me.
[man groaning]
[gasps] Rose, hi.
I am so sorry I'm late. I can't believe I'm late on my first day.
I took the same route I took for my interview,
-but it took twice as long. -Tanya.
I've lived in LA for 30 years.
I know how traffic works. Don't let it happen again.
[perky music playing]
All right. Got that out of the way. Back to Cool Rose.
Drop your things. I'm gonna show you around.
As you know, Libra has been one of the most popular young women's brands
for half a century. Do you know why they chose the name Libra?
"Clothes that balance the scales between pretty and practical."
-That sounds so '50s. -Exactly.
Monochromatic is pretty big this season, which is good because that's kind of all
-we do around here. -[speaks indistinctly]
Ooh. Hate. Love.
-Good to move into production. -Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Okay, so here's how it works.
Each season, I meet with a design team to vet their pitches.
Then I coordinate between them and the manufacturing overseas.
-[camera shutter clicking] -Rose. Rose.
Um… [chuckles] I just got word that our winter line will be delayed.
Manufacturing facility staff shortage. Another rash of employee suicides.
[Rose] I thought we put out those jumper nets?
[Frankie] Oh, no. These were hangers.
Remind me to update our employee waiver to include hanging.
Frankie, this is Tanya, my new executive assistant.
She'll be your boss someday.
[Frankie] If she doesn't hang herself first.
[laughs]
Once manufacturing assembles that season's line,
it gets moved over to shipping.
At the same time, the marketing team pitches me their ad campaigns.
Then we shoot the look-books, send them to the influencers,
and wait for the orders to pour in.
All while keeping those geriatric, bean-counting board of directors happy.
And you'll be my consigliere through all of it.
Consigliere. That sounds important and scary.
Now, my time is very valuable to me, so I need you to be my gatekeeper.
And make friends with the other department heads' executive assistants.
Give me a heads-up if there's any trouble on the horizon.
I hate surprises.
Gotcha. Consigliere, gatekeeper, spy.
[Rose] I knew I liked you.
-This is the QED report. -[dramatic musical sting]
Around here, it's like the Bible, except it's full of facts.
Finish these before I meet with the board biweekly.
You've used CLUTUS before, right?
Of course you have. Everyone in the industry has.
IT will get you all logged in and sorted out.
Oh, and the most important thing.
If we're not alone and I ask you for something,
you just say, "I'm right on top of that, Rose."
I'm right on top of that, Rose.
[Rose] They never expect women to be chill.
It really fries their circuits.
I got a good feeling about you. Bring it in, sis.
Whoa! A-frame hugs only. I didn't spend three hours
in that sexual harassment course for nothing.
[Melissa groans]
We don't even have ice cream to eat.
You guys are up early.
My stomach growling woke me up. I made a pickle sandwich.
And I made a breakfast pizza with ketchup, American cheese, and bread.
I don't recommend it.
Oh, look at this house that you live in.
You each have your own rooms. Food insecurity is temporary.
This is the norm for some people. Yeah.
[cell phone chimes]
Thanks for checking our privilege.
And the crows are coming over later. Wanna meet them after work?
I'm good. Don't bring them in the house, though.
They'll make less of a mess than your friends.
I-- You--
[cell phone chimes]
-[cell phone chimes] -[laughs]
[fly buzzing]
[sighs]
[whimsical music playing]
-[Tanya] Kenny. Kenny! -Man, leave me alone.
-[Tanya] I need you to go find food. -Then give me the money,
-and I'll go find food. -I don't have money yet.
-I need you to be resourceful. -[clicks tongue]
And can you please clean up the house?
You're home all day, and the house is still a disaster area.
You know, I feel bad for whatever clown you trick into marrying you.
I don't have to trick somebody into--
I am not doing this with you, okay? Help out somehow, anyhow.
Mow a lawn. Vacuum a floor. Do a goddamn dish, man!
[dramatic music playing]
Whoo!
[music concludes]
Dishes are done, man!
Your mama gonna whup that ass
-for breaking her dishes. -Ah.
[dish smashing]
Well, he broke that one.
[Bruce] He had, like, the worst breath.
-I couldn't get past it. -Welcome back, Bruce.
-How was Fire Island? -Fire. [chuckles]
-No follow-up questions, please. -[Caroline chuckles]
-[Rose] Love! -[cell phone ringing]
[yawns] Is… is that your boyfriend?
Ew, no, that's my brother.
Oh, thank God. [chuckles] I mean, I'd-- I see the resemblance.
Why are you all up in my screen?
[Bruce chuckles] You've got issues, girl.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I live for the drama, but you got issues.
[sighs]
[perky music playing]
[whispers] What?
Hey, Tanya. How's that QED report coming?
Oh, it's coming. [chuckles] It's a beast.
She stole my job.
And all she does is just kiss up to Rose all day.
That's what you do. You didn't get the job.
Hey, hey, hey.
You are my gay at-work husband. Be on my side.
[sighs] I am. But I'm not the, like, "Let's slash her tires" gay work hubby.
I'm the, like, "Don't play yourself, girl" gay work hubby. You know?
Ultimately, it's better for you.
Call Facilities and have them repaint my office.
None of that bargain basement finger paint like last time.
I want Benjamin Moore's "Arctic Blue."
Oh, and I forgot, it's the chairman of the board's birthday.
So, I'll have to butter him up. Send him a bottle of Blue Label.
Knowing that old lush, he'll finish it by EOD.
Just use the card. It should be in your top drawer.
[music intensifies]
[Rose] It's for office expenses and miscellaneous things.
Just submit your receipts to Accounting.
[music concludes]
[Tanya] Anyone ever gonna clean up?
Thank God! I was seriously considering cannibalism.
-Wait, so you finally got paid? -Not yet. The corporate card.
Hey! So, you got a black card.
-Let me see. -[Tanya] I wish.
It's for office expenses and stuff.
But my first check would be, like, 1,700, so I'll pay it right back.
-[Kenny] That's what's up. -[Tanya] All right.
Can you guys grab the rest of the groceries?
And Kenny, can you please make dinner?
-I have a date. -[Kenny] No.
[Melissa] You said we can play video games tonight.
Mm, we'll do it another night for sure. I don't wanna cancel on this guy.
Nothing past second base. We don't need another mouth to feed.
I already said I'm not cooking. The homies is coming over tonight.
Then do it before "the homies" get here.
You're the only Black person that can say that and sound racist.
Agh!
[mellow music playing]
[Tanya] I can't believe you brought me flowers.
Doesn't everybody? What kind of war criminals are you dating?
Um, the kind that take me on a nice meal, you know?
Not the ones who ask me to meet them in nature
and give me more nature.
Well, the beauty of a nature-on-nature date
-is you just ditch the flowers for later. -Oh.
[chuckles] Okay.
Tonight, we're gonna see the Rogers Parker comet,
which hasn't been visible for over 37,000 years.
-So, I figured we'd shoot our shot. -Hmm.
Unless you plan on living to 37,001.
I mean, why wouldn't I?
-I could teach you. -[Bryan] Oh, damn. That's crazy.
I didn't know Road Bro taught you
-how to live forever. -[Tanya laughs]
Wait, don't you have to be 25 for that?
No, you actually just have to have a card saying that you're 25.
Hmm. That's crazy.
'Cause my great-granddad lied about his age to fight in World War II…
-[laughs] -…and then you did it
to drive for Road Bro.
I actually don't drive anymore.
I found a job that's not on wheels.
-Oh, that's great. What are you doing? -Ah.
Uh, um, don't ask me any first-date questions.
[coughs] Damn.
All right.
-Eat. -[music concludes]
Eat what? That?
It's casserole. All I did was put a bunch of stuff together.
[groans softly] It looks like you threw up in a pan.
-All right, get out of here. -[doorbell dinging]
-[Melissa] Ugh. -Mm.
It's good. [coughs]
Eat some.
What the hell?
Savings account.
Okay, bet.
I just told you I had a fake ID.
-[Bryan] Hmm. -Does that make me a monster?
Oh, yeah, 100%.
-Total monster. Yeah. -[Tanya] Dang it.
-[gentle music playing] -[both laugh]
No, I'm just saying, like, I feel like if someone's lying to you,
your relationship's worthless, right?
You're just kind of living in a false reality.
Movies and TV never show LA from this angle.
Even though it's how most of us have been seeing it for forever.
It's always Griffith.
It's what made me wanna be an architect,
so I could build something like that here for us.
What age did you start therapy?
-Fifteen. Is it that obvious? -[Tanya laughing]
I mean, guys our age don't normally get this deep on a first date.
[Bryan] Hmm. Well, your whole first-date premise is flawed.
-What? -[Bryan] Yeah.
Oh, okay, then you mansplain it to me then.
[Bryan] Sure.
Our real first date was on the trip to Malibu
because that's when
-our classic love story was born. -[laughs] No, because I was working.
-Hmm. -You paid me.
So, if that was a date, then you're calling me, you know…
You're gonna want to agree with me. Because I never kiss on the first date.
-[cell phone keypad beeping] -[dial tone ringing]
[Tanya] Hi, IT?
Yes. This is Tanya from Rose Lindsey's office.
Can you please send someone in here to help me into Cletus-- CLUTUS, please?
Thank you.
-So, what do you think of the fall line? -[Tanya] It was cool.
It had a lot of cool things about it.
Tanya, did your voice just go up on the bullshit register?
She gets me with that one all the time.
[Rose] Tanya, this is Gus, head of logistics.
Hmm. And VP of pleasing Rose.
[perky music playing]
And I take all my jobs very seriously.
You look like bubble gum. I'll chew you up.
-You look so damn good right now. -Thank you.
-[clears throat] -[music concludes]
Can you do me a favor? Can you look after this lady here?
The queen needs a strong court.
-So, are we still on for dinner tonight? -Sure. Dare we try Majordomo?
-I'm right on top of that, Rose. -Hey, that's my line.
Oh. [chuckles]
Damn, Rose. He fine.
[Rose sighs] Always date a younger man, Tanya.
More stamina, fewer opinions.
-[humming] -[knocking on door]
Hey. Bruce from IT.
-And Caroline's boyfriend? -[Bruce laughing]
No. She doesn't have the parts, and, girl, I don't have the patience.
And stop asking that. You sound like you're obsessed.
What we got? [sighs]
Also, don't worry about Caroline. Her bark is a lot worse than her bite.
Ah, stripe day. [laughs] That was-- I'm sorry.
[scoffs]
I thought we agreed you were gonna be nice.
Look, Rose is your boss, so beef with Tanya is beef with Rose.
Okay, so what do you want me to do? Take her to lunch? Get manicures?
-Talk about boys? -No. Those are our things.
Just extend, like, a work-related olive branch.
-We're all on the same team here. -[sighs]
-I hate your logic. -And I hate your glittery wedges.
Trust me, they're not doing for you what you think they are.
[cell phone chimes]
[knocking on door]
Oh. I was texting a person. A cousin. A person's cousin that I know.
Bruce made me say sorry that we got off on the wrong foot.
-I thought I was gonna get your job. -Thank you. And Bruce.
And I… [exhales] …guess we're on the same team.
So, if you ever need help,
and I'm not busy, and you're not getting on my damn nerves,
then I might-- might help you.
I'll take it.
But unless you can do a QED report real fast, then I'm good.
I got you. I did them when I filled in for Rose's last assistant.
Are you sure? I thought you hated me.
-Bitch, take the damn olive branch. -You right.
[zombie growls]
-[gunshots] -Die! Ah.
I wish I could do this in real life.
My sister loves this shit. She taught me.
It's kinda the only way she'll talk to me these days. Die!
Yeah, I'd say you should worry, but the zombie apocalypse is coming up.
So, it's good she's preparing you now.
[inaudible]
-[camera shutter clicking] -[Tanya] Oh. Oh, wait. You can't--
Uh, you can't post that.
[chuckles] You got a… you got a man or something?
No. I just… I didn't, uh, do my hair.
For a date?
You know what? I just don't do socials. Shit freaks me out.
[Bryan] Oh.
-Oh, you got stomped on by the zombies. -[Tanya] Oh!
-[Bryan] It's over. It's over. -No! It's done. It's done.
So, if the zombie apocalypse happens, what are your skills?
Because as an architect, I will be king. You know, building crazy walls and shit.
Okay. Well, I'm good at like, um… Oh, I watch a lot of Big Brother.
-Do you? -Yeah.
So my political game, you know, that'll be tight.
[Bryan] Oh, helpful, but I think you'll need a little bit more.
Aren't they teaching anything at your job about--
Wait, what's your-- what's your job again?
Oh, it's just a dumb day job.
-[Bryan] Do you work for the CIA? -Don't worry about it.
Do you know how to speak Russian or something?
Nyet.
Okay, not asking about your job. What do you wanna do when you grow up?
["This Guy's In Love With You" playing]
[Tanya] Be an adult.
-[Bryan] I mean… -[Tanya] I dunno.
I don't really have a plan. I kind of like fashion.
I mean, it sucks. It's like you're a failure if you're 20
and you don't have a career path or a start-up,
or, like, a million followers.
-[Bryan] Right? -Yeah.
But that doesn't mean you have to be popping today.
You just need, like, a finish line.
And then you can start having fun getting there.
And if the line changes, cool. But you need a finish line.
Or else you're sort of just running, right?
Now, you gonna spin where you wanna go.
All right. All right. Now-- Wait, wait. Now point.
All right.
Well, I hope you don't think you playing guidance counselor
is gonna get you laid on the second date.
Third.
Surprised Howard lets in kids who can't count.
♪ I'm glad I got to know you, 'cause ♪
♪ I've heard some talk… ♪
[Bryan] And you battled through.
You know, like, you really battled through.
[Tanya chuckling] Stop.
Aw. I used to always want one of those.
Well, not today. Let's go play some bikes.
♪ I'm in love ♪
♪ And what I'd do to make you mine ♪
♪ Tell me now, is it so? ♪
♪ Don't let me be the last to know ♪
♪ My hands are shaking… ♪
-Am I the greatest of all time? -I mean, you're kind of amazing.
Uh, so I actually-- I won this, um…
I won this scholarship from the American Architecture Foundation.
What?
[Bryan] Yeah. And they have this… this big dinner thing,
and I was actually wondering if you wanted to be my date.
Unless you're not really into that thing.
I… I'm just really asking you to protect your fragile female ego.
♪ If not, I'll just die ♪
Hey. If you two pervs have to eat each other's heads off,
can you not do it in front of the Spin-N-Win?
-Yeah, no. Yeah, sorry. -Yeah, we won't do that. Yeah.
-[crow cawing] -[alarm blaring]
-[gasps] Are we under attack? -No. They're sad.
One died. Crow-nan O'Brien.
-[crow cawing] -He was a real one.
-Pouring out for the Crow-mies. -No! Do that outside.
[horn honking]
Or you could just go! Why is…
-[cell phone buzzing] -[sighs]
["FAMJAM4000" playing]
[speaking Spanish]
[cheers]
Look at the food. So good.
[clicks tongue]
-Go! -[elevator bell dings]
[Caroline] Tanya, here's the QED report. Let me know what you think.
Thanks, Caroline. I'll show Rose.
♪ Oh, no… ♪
[alarm blaring]
♪ Can we bring the love back? ♪
♪ I know that you've been Waitin' so long… ♪
[alarm blaring]
♪ Can we bring the love back? ♪
♪ I know that it's been way too long… ♪
-[groans] -[crow cawing]
♪ I miss you dancin' With a drink in your hand ♪
♪ You got drunk And never called me again… ♪
All right, y'all better get in here if y'all wanna eat.
[Melissa] It's about time.
♪ Patience, these curses on generations ♪
♪ Let's fall back in love and break 'em… ♪
[crow cawing]
♪ There's always space for you… ♪
-You got it? Turning, turning. -Yeah.
-Yeah. Hey! -Yeah. Oh! [cheers]
-Hey, hey! -Hey!
-Money! -[Kenny] Hey!
-Stop playing, bad boy. -Kenny, you up.
[alarm blaring]
♪ For it to come home again Can we bring the love back? ♪
♪ I know that it's been way too long ♪
♪ You've always been home to me Always home ♪
[song concludes]
[Kenny, over phone] You should really peep your little sister skatin'.
-Girl got skills. -Wow.
I didn't even know she knew where outside was.
-Yeah, well, I guess I'm a good influence. -Okay. Team Crandell up in this bitch!
[Rose speaking indistinctly]
Did you sign Zack up for soccer?
-[Kenny] Uh, not yet. -Kenny, it's due tomorrow.
What? Twenty-four hours ain't enough time to fill out an application?
-Just do it. -[Kenny] You do it! Damn!
Can't even have one good moment without you going all Real Housewives.
Well, you're at home all day. That makes you the housewife
while I'm here earning money to feed your ass!
-Martyr! -Douche.
[both chuckle]
Relax, people. This is not insurmountable.
We're gonna mobilize the influencers
and get them back in the product placement game.
Tanya, get me Marvin from BET.
I'm right on top of that, Rose.
[sighs] Another quarter, another downtick in sales.
Of course, the board is losing their mind.
Mama needs her medicine. Happy hour?
I don't know what this job will ruin first, brain, soul or liver.
-Oh, and fabulous job on the QED report. -Thanks, Rose.
["Break the Ice" playing]
♪ Let's skip the small talk We're no good at it anyways ♪
[indistinct chatter]
What can I get you ladies?
I will have the Long Island iced tea.
Rocks, with a twist and a spritz.
Amaretto sidecar.
Awful.
They have the best Manhattans in town. Two, please.
[sighing]
I don't get it.
I don't see a bunch of naked girls walking around.
-Why aren't they wearing our clothes? -[chuckles] Well--
[clears throat]
Go ahead.
Well, maybe we're not wowing them.
The girls who wore Libra at my school were still kind of finding their style.
Libra's clothing are things that their parents wanted them to wear
and not things that they were actually excited about wearing.
Well, don't forget, high school for you was ages ago.
And your résumé, I mean, as impressive as it is,
didn't include adolescent psychology,
so why don't we leave the opining to the experts?
I'm sorry.
This business is just changing so fast.
My entire life, you went to the mall and got clothes from stores like Libra.
Now I'm reading articles titled,
"How Fast Fashion is Terrorizing the Environment."
Yeah, my friends, their kids--
My friends' kids really pay attention to that stuff.
I follow Emma Watson, and she only wears sustainable clothes.
Unfortunately, revamping our manufacturing
would be like turning around an oil tanker.
[sighing]
If I can be honest, I'm just a little on edge
because Gus had mentioned that he might be ready
to take things to the next level.
Marriage?
Honey, please! No. Moving in.
You have to foster a puppy before you can tell if it's your forever pet.
Hell, I just got him to agree to monogamy
and don't think that wasn't a Herculean task.
Anyway, I'm just waiting for him to bring it up to me
while our clothes are on.
You know men only think emotionally when they're laying in the wet spot.
Disgusting.
[coughs] Men are like that, disgusting.
-[Rose] This is good. -Yeah.
It's good. So good.
It's delicious.
[videogames beeping]
Kenny!
-[Zack] Okay. So, let's see. -[Melissa] Five, guys? Anyone?
[Zack] Five? Okay. Five, you say?
How did this happen?
[Kenny] So, you got a black card?
[Tanya] I wish. It's for office expenses and stuff.
-But I'll pay it right back. -[camera shutter clicking]
All right, don't look at me. I don't even game like that.
Things were getting tense with the girlfriend…
and the boyfriend. I needed offline games.
I'm sorry, but I also got something.
I'm feeling guilty, but also really satisfied.
-Okay, so I did the-- -[Melissa] Five.
-[crow cawing] -[Zack] Let's see. Oh, I have another ace.
[Kenny] I have… I have the three.
-[sighs] Okay, so-- Oh, my God. Zack! -[crow cawing]
Hmm. You didn't want the crows inside, so I got a place for us to hang out here.
-I was being respectful. -[Tanya exhaling]
Kenny got something too.
You did.
How much did all this cost?
[Zack] Nine thousand two hundred sixty-eight.
You spent all that?
If you count all the Whole Foods receipts, it's 12,678.
-I might throw up. -[Melissa] But you're getting 60,000.
This is way less.
That is not how it works! How could you do this to me?
All I've done all summer is work to take care of you guys
to do Mom a solid, and now I'm going to jail!
[screams]
Doubtful.
-Kids get a slap on the wrist. -Need I remind you, Black?
I always forget to factor that in.
[Bryan] Okay. Sorry.
-Yeah. -Okay.
-I need you to understand. -Okay.
Bee Taqueria makes the best tacos in LA,
which is a town full of dope tacos. So, you will be ruined for life.
-Everything okay? [chuckles] -Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm just… A lot on my mind.
So, you know, one of the benefits of dating someone
is that you have someone you can share those mind things with.
Just saying.
-Thanks. -Yeah.
[sighs]
My mom taught me never to tell a woman to smile, so I won't do that.
I will just remind you I have two functioning ears,
two very supportive shoulders for crying on
and one really great penis.
[chuckles]
You're an idiot. [chuckles]
-So. -[chuckles]
Whoa.
-Right? Right? -Wait. Wait.
[both laugh]
-[Bryan] Shit. Right? -[Tanya] Oh, my God.
-[Bryan] Pretty great, huh? -[Tanya] It was so good.
-I get it. -[Bryan] Look at these two.
-[moans softly] -[Bryan] Okay.
Gus?
-Tanya? -Who is this?
It's Rose.
-You look great. -Who is that?
How's your night going?
So, Rose and I are in an open relationship.
And it's still taboo to her.
It might be a generational thing, I'm not sure.
Funny, because she just told me
that you guys agreed, in the wet spot, to be monogamous.
And yet, I just saw you eating that woman's head.
[woman] Retail mostly, but I'm open--
We are in an improv class. And we were just rehearsing.
Well, if you're in an improv class, then why are you rehearsing?
[Gus] Tanya, I will pay you.
[Bryan] Wanna, uh, explain what that was about?
-[Gus] I will pay you any amount of money. -No, sorry. It's not my place.
[chuckles] You gotta admit, that was a little weird.
Didn't your mom also tell you that no means no?
In a different context, but I guess that works here too.
[telephone ringing in distance]
[Tanya groaning softly]
[Rose laughing]
-[cell phone keypad clicking] -[sighs]
-[cell phone chimes] -[Rose chuckling]
Hey, Rose? Um, we have a problem.
What is it, honey? OMG, this Gus is a certified freak. [chuckles]
Okay, well then, we have two problems.
Lay it on me.
Oh, shit. Before I forget, I need the latest QED report.
The board moved up our meeting, so I need it now.
-I-- Um… -[Caroline] Check your Dropbox, Rose.
Dropbox? Wait, why does Caroline…
I have so many questions.
I've been doing the QED reports for your girl here.
And I just thought it was crazy that we still do them on paper,
so I digitized them.
Great work, Tanya!
Delegating responsibility and innovating at the same time. Here for it!
Uh, hey, yeah, that was me.
And excellent managerial instincts.
Who knew Caroline even had that skill? No tea, no shade. No lemonade.
[soft tense music playing]
Oh. Here it is. All right, ladies.
Time to give the board the old razzle-dazzle.
Or should I say Rose-le dazzle? [chuckles]
Whoo!
You're gonna get yours.
[sighs]
[music intensifies]
-[chuckles] Are you hate-scrolling her? -No, no.
-Um, I just thought we had mutual friends. -Oh.
-Sure. -[Caroline] She sold me out.
I tried your olive branch and she shoved it up my ass.
Uh, let's actually drop that metaphor.
Okay, I did QED reports for her and she took all the credit.
What, so you're leaving mean comments?
Were you about to?
It just doesn't make sense.
The résumé, the socials, there's nothing negative.
No slutty Halloween costumes, no transphobic retweets.
It's like they built this Jack-and-Jill Barbie out of a lab.
You need a hobby.
["Donk" playing in distance]
[indistinct chatter]
[cell phone chimes]
[cheering in distance]
What in the Black-ass hell?
♪ She got a donk She got a donk, look how it move ♪
♪ She got a donk, I love when she walk She got a donk, I love when she talk ♪
♪ She got a donk, look at that donk She got a donk, she got a donk ♪
♪ She got a donk, she got a donk Ay, ay, she got a donk ♪
♪ Look how it move Look how it walk, ay, yeah ♪
♪ What you saying? ♪
♪ If you ain't paying Ain't got no bands then we can't talk ♪
♪ I'm with my friends ♪ These hoes mad, we getting chose ♪
-[etheral music playing] -[Jason, muffled] So weak! Come on.
Yo, Ken!
["Donk" resumes]
[Jason] Our video got ten million views.
-That's a million, dickhead. -Oh.
It's these damn brownies. I'm high as hell.
[distorted] It's a million.
[ethereal music playing]
[Jason] I'm high as hell… I'm high as hell…
[kiss echoing]
-Oh! -["Donk" resumes]
♪ She got a donk, she got a donk She got a donk, look how it move ♪
♪ She got a donk, I love when she walk ♪
[music stops abruptly]
Yo, you trying to electrocute folks? What's up?
Shut up.
All speakers are waterproof these days. Everyone out. Now.
I got electrocuted once fixing my fan.
-Felt pretty cool. -[Tanya] Now!
You're just walking around in your underwear, no bathing suits?
Hurry up.
I want you all out of my sight in five minutes.
[Kenny's friend] Yo, Ken, your mom's a bitch.
Who's trying to get cut? Say that again if you feel like bleeding.
-[indistinct chatter] -Oh, my God.
-What the hell is wrong with you? -What's wrong with you?
You think your naked friends drinking and smoking
is good for our brother and sister to see?
What am I supposed to do? I'm stuck here all day, all night,
-cooking. -[Tanya] Oh, don't start with that again.
So you made a few sandwiches? Big deal.
Oh, my God. You're such a dude.
You do one thing to help out, and you want a statue in your honor.
-Some of us are out here working. -You don't start with that.
'Cause while you're out there hanging out with your coworkers
and going on little dates, I'm here taking care of everything else.
You know, the shit that I do is just as important as that little-ass desk job.
Or did you forget I canceled my summer too?
Team Crandell, my ass.
You stole from me, from my company, and you call that teamwork?
And you're having parties without me?
You don't think that I wanna have fun too? And… [sighs]
And apparently, one of your hoes doesn't understand "everybody out."
I tried to leave, but you're blocking me in.
And I'm not a hoe. I'm a virgin.
Kenny and I skate together.
So, if you're gonna slut-shame, shame an actual slut.
-I'm sorry. -Hey, guys?
How good is Melissa at skateboarding?
What?
[Zack] And I didn't know she likes brownies so much.
-Brownies? -[mouths] Brownies?
-[Melissa groaning] -[Kenny] Oh, sh--
-Melissa! -[Tanya] Melissa!
[Kenny] Melissa, you good?
-[ambulance siren wailing] -[indistinct chatter over radio]
[Tanya] This is why I can't wait to go off to college.
Please, we're not that bad.
Didn't your boy Ethan's brother stab somebody?
-Allegedly. -[snickers]
With Mom by herself, guess who became the second parent?
I never get thanked for it either. It's just assumed that that's my job.
This summer was supposed to be my first break.
You ain't never tell me it was like that.
[Tanya] Well, I can't talk to you anymore.
What is that supposed to mean?
I get what you're trying to prove
with the new clothes and the grill and the accent, and--
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not fronting, T, okay? This is me.
Dad made me go all preppy because it was safer,
aka, less scary to white folks.
Like, I miss the hell out of my dad.
But ever since Dad died, I feel like I can be myself.
I don't care how you talk or how you dress.
You just went from collecting awards and lacrosse trophies
to smoking weed and skating.
And you don't have to do what you did. You just have to do something.
I am doing something.
Those skate videos I make with Rock and Jason get hella views.
More than any other Black skater out there.
And we're close to getting monetized.
Really?
[scoffs] Wow.
Over half a million followers and my sister's not even one of them.
Look, I might not be going to Howard, but at least I got my thing.
You ain't know that.
You don't even know what Melissa can do.
[scoffs]
Maybe if you knew us a little bit better, we wouldn't feel like such a burden.
[indistinct chatter over radio]
[paramedic] Good news. Melissa will be fine.
You got lucky. It could have been a lot worse, okay?
Just a dislocated shoulder and an elbow strain.
And she'll sleep off the marijuana. Just keep an eye on her tonight.
Normally, I'd have to report this.
But the last thing I wanna do is get you all in the system.
I had a single mom too.
But we weren't living like this.
Hang in there, girl. And tighten up.
The tightest.
-[whimsical music playing] -[Rose sighing]
Tanya.
Why do you look so… weathered?
Oh, I'm sorry. I was up all night.
My sister-- daughter, uh, ate something that didn't agree with her.
That is why I'm staunchly anti-procreation.
Mainline some coffee, girlie. We got some work to do. Whoo!
["Here With Me" playing]
[cell phone chimes]
♪ Watch the sunrise along the coast ♪
♪ As we're both getting old ♪
♪ I can't describe what I'm feeling ♪
♪ And all I know is we're going home… ♪
Is this for me?
Nah, we left it open for Elijah. The hell you think?
Kenny figured since you couldn't go to Spain,
he'd bring Spain to you.
But his toxic masculinity won't let him say it.
[Tanya] Kenny, this is dope.
You know, Kenny's always had tons of potential.
He just needed the freedom to explore it.
She's been like this all day.
I can't tell if I like it or not.
-Ever since my overdose… -Let's never say that again.
…everything is so much clearer.
I think I liked all that dark stuff because I was scared of death.
That fear is gone.
All I see now is light, hope, possibility.
[sighs] Seriously, Kenny. How did you do all of this?
Uh, it's an all-Black cooking channel called "On TV."
I mean, personally, I would have named it "People of Color-nary,"
or-- or-- or "Chefrican Americans."
Or just "Niggas in the Kitchen." Fine. That works too.
[Tanya chuckling]
♪ Watch the sunrise ♪
-[song concludes] -[door closing]
-We're screwed! -Wait, what?
The manufacturers are protesting working conditions.
It turned into a riot, and they burned down the factory.
Our entire winter line is a giant cloud of smoke.
Well, what can we do? Can we get the manufacturers to--
We were already on thin ice.
And now the board doesn't want to throw good money after bad.
They're shutting us down.
What? Rose, no! I need this job. I don't have the booty for OnlyFans.
[sighs] Don't worry, Tanya.
You've got a nice, storied career ahead of you.
And I'll put in a good word for you wherever you want,
if my name means anything. Go home for the day.
I was saving this bottle for a celebration.
But I guess the start of the next chapter of my life
is something to celebrate.
-[knocking on door] -[Gus] Hey, babe.
I have an update on that fire. It's still going.
[woman 1] No, I love it.
I love it, but it's the only one over there.
[woman 2] This is exactly what I've been looking for.
[man] Sick! You are going to slay Coachella next year.
And if Kareem doesn't jump your bones, we'll bury him in the desert.
Hey, um, sorry to interrupt.
This would just be really cute with that.
-A necklace or-- -[Tanya] A belt.
-Wha-- Love. -Ah…
You work here?
[chuckles] No, I'm just doing some retail therapy.
Okay. Well, thank you so much, ma'am.
-[Tanya] Yeah. -Yeah.
"Ma'am"?
[whimsical music playing]
-Rose! -[Rose, over phone] Hey, Tanya!
Call up the board and tell them they can't shut us down yet.
I have something big and I just need the night to work on it.
[Rose] Why the fuck not?
[cell phone ringing, chimes]
[sighs]
Hey.
What are you doing here?
[scoffs]
[sighs] I thought that was next Friday.
I texted you yesterday. I called you tonight.
Work went to shit, and I had to stay late again.
[Bryan] Yeah, your, uh, top-secret job.
I've been sitting here, listening to the family
that you just won't introduce me to, so…
[exhaling]
Part of dating is actually getting to know each other.
And another part is respecting people's privacy.
I wouldn't have to dig if you weren't being so secretive.
Well, I'd tell you more if you didn't wanna know so much.
Fine. But I asked you to be there for me, and you weren't.
[Tanya] Bryan.
-You know I like you. -Do I?
I thought we were having fun.
We're not adults. We don't have to make it all serious.
Seriously? You're gonna do me like that?
I just have so much responsibility right now.
I don't have time to be, like, your wife or something.
[Bryan] Wow.
Tanya, you bailed on the biggest night of my life.
I thought I could at least get an apology.
[Tanya] Bryan, I'm sorry.
Yeah, nobody wants an apology they have to ask for.
[whimsical music playing]
Tanya, this is genius.
[chuckles]
I'm only 30% sure it's gonna work.
But I'm 100% sure we're dead in the water if we don't try.
But the board will never see it like this.
They have about as much vision as a mole with cataracts.
They need to see it on its feet.
Rent out a space, something funky, like the Ace Hotel or E.P.L.P.
There should be enough room on your work card.
About that… Rose, there's something else.
Keep 'em coming. You're on a roll.
Let's show them we got the message about throwing good money after bad.
We'll have it at my house.
I have a massive yard, and repurposing a less traditional space
could really drive home the vibe of the rebrand.
You're a homeowner? At your age?
I'm a trust-fund bitch.
Ooh!
All right. Listen up, you little larcenists.
-Hello to you too. -[indistinct chatter over TV]
We got a Team Crandell code blue.
-We don't have a color-coding system. -Stay with me.
We got one chance to save our asses and you guys are gonna help me
or I'm turning us all in for embezzlement.
You really trying to feed us through the prison pipeline?
-Kenny. -Hey.
We have to turn this place into the dopest venue in SoCal
for a work function on Saturday night,
and this is an all-hands-on-deck situation.
[sighs]
-We do kind of owe her. -And debts are heavy on the soul.
["Walk The Beat" playing]
I'm not available Saturday. I'm just playing. Damn!
♪ Fashion shows, fancy clothes… ♪
All right, come on. Let's do this.
-[Zack] Yeah! Let's do this! -[Melissa] Yeah!
♪ Alexander Wang with that Helmut Lang ♪
♪ Ghetto fab So I'm still eatin' chicken wings ♪
♪ Versatile So I can keep switchin' lanes ♪
♪ I got plenty Janes, I got plenty rings ♪
♪ Fashion shows, fancy clothеs… ♪
Mom usually moves the couch and vacuums under it.
Yeah, your mama went loco. Beat.
♪ Ain't nothin' to a queen You ain't said a thing ♪
♪ But that Jim Carrey But they bite the slang… ♪
[Rock] Reminds me of painting with my pops back in the day.
Damn, I miss him.
He passed last year. So, I like this.
Appreciate you inviting me-- Hey, bro. What you doing?
Love, love, love. Tanya, this is stellar.
All right, everyone.
-See you back here at 9:00 a.m. -[all groan]
[Tanya] And get some rest. We got a big day tomorrow.
[crows cawing]
I'm ready to meet your friend. [caws]
-[caws] -Hey, bud. I missed you.
Yeah, I don't know. It was great.
And then she ghosted me today and flaked on my awards ceremony.
So, I guess it's a wrap.
[Caroline] Nope, no. Hey, give her one more shot.
If she doesn't see how great you are, she doesn't deserve you.
Period, end of story.
[Bryan] Yeah, it's gotta be something real.
[sighs] Can you please mind your own damn business for once?
-Please. [sighs] -[Tanya] Yep.
-Damn. -[Bryan] Is that the girl from the office?
Mm-hmm.
That is how it's done.
-How'd you do that so quickly? -Canva, sis.
Could have saved Mom's sanity.
All right. Bring it up.
[Rock speaking indistinctly]
All right, I'm not--
-[ladder clattering] -[both laugh]
Timber!
[chef, over laptop] This is the perfect course to add to your meal.
Don't forget you can try some croutons…
[woman, over laptop] Oh, I love that.
♪ Fancy, fancy clothes Fashion shows, fancy clothes ♪
From my phone.
[cell phone chimes]
[cell phone assistant] Armed stay.
Should be everything. Okay.
♪ So I'm still eatin' chicken wings Versatile, so I can keep switchin' lanes ♪
♪ I got plenty Janes, I got plenty rings ♪
♪ Ain't nothin' to a queen You ain't said a thing… ♪
This bitch.
♪ Like to call him necklace 'Cause he wanna hang ♪
♪ He was goin' nuts, so I let him hang ♪
♪ Fashion shows, fancy clothes Fancy, fancy clothes ♪
♪ That's just the way it goes Fancy, fancy clothes ♪
♪ Fashion shows, fancy clothes ♪
♪ That's just the way it goes ♪
[song concludes]
[Tanya laughing]
-I'll be honest, I've never felt cooler. -And I never felt more at peace.
-Where's Kenny? -[Kenny] Yo.
[soft music playing]
[exhales] You look perfect, little bro. Look at you, all cleaned up.
You know what I'm saying.
-Hey. -Hey, hey, hey.
-[grunts] -Whoo!
All right, last review. Let's go.
Rumaki with local wild-caught scallops and hickory-smoked bacon.
-Okay. Okay. -[Zack] Mini Wagyu beef Wellington.
-[Melissa] Mini vegan quiche with spinach. -Oh!
[Melissa] Manhattan clam chowder with Flamin' Hot Cheetos sprinkles.
-And all the food tonight is… -[both] No nuts,
no gluten, no lawsuitin'.
-My dogs. -[Melissa chuckling]
-[doorbell ringing] -[indistinct chatter]
Oh, my God. Thank you for coming.
-We got you, girl. -We missed you so much.
Come on.
[all laugh]
-You guys are saving my life right now. -It's what we hoes do.
Yeah, you're never living that one down.
Yeah.
[suspenseful music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[music concludes]
Excuse me. Rose?
What is it, Caroline? Something?
Your girl's a fake.
You think this rebrand's gonna work behind some kid?
We need to do something.
[sighs] You're right. We do.
I'm writing you up for filing a false claim against a co-worker.
-Get out of your own way, Caroline. -But, Rose, this--
[instrumental music playing]
[Tanya chuckling]
Hey, Tanya?
I was just wondering if we were still cool?
Oh, yeah, totally.
You know, we-- Actually, we should go and grab a beer afterwards.
Okay.
Gus, you are a liar and a scumbag. Either you tell Rose or I will.
[Rose] Tell Rose what?
Uh, we were just discussing the decor of-- of the house.
It's so un-Libra.
[scoffs] Don't touch him, Rose. You don't know where he's been.
Unfortunately, I do.
Maybe it's the champagne, but…
-Mm-hmm. -…I'm not following.
I saw him making out with some lady.
I'm just not sold on the whole "monogamy" thing.
Why are you putting it in quotation marks? It's a very clear concept.
And I believe I already told you,
if you're not into the whole "monogamy" thing,
then you can pound sand and stop wasting my goddamn--
You know what?
[suspenseful music playing]
I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of causing a scene.
Let's go, Tanya. We have a company to save.
I'm right on top of that, Rose.
[music intensifies]
Rose, cause a scene with me.
[music concludes]
Good evening, everyone.
Thank you for joining us as we present to you the future of Libra.
Based on recent news, you might've thought that wasn't a thing.
-Damn. She's bad. -[Rose] But let me assure you, it is.
And here to guide us through it is our hostess
and the brains behind this tectonic shift,
Tanya Crandell.
-[crowd applauding] -[upbeat music playing over speakers]
Thank you, Rose.
For generations, Libra has reigned supreme
in the world of young women's mall fashion.
When Rose and I were in high school,
all we wanted to do was look just like the cool kids.
But for this generation, that ain't gonna cut it.
Today, "cool" means individuality, environmental sustainability
and social responsibility. So, we're switching our style up.
We're ditching the brick and mortars, we're going fully online,
and we're using all vintage looks for our new fashions.
Welcome to tomorrow's Libra.
-[electronic music playing] -[crowd applauding]
Shelli, like all of tonight's models, is wearing an entirely vintage outfit.
-Okay. -Who that?
Uh-oh.
Bye-bye, outsourced manufacturing and overseas shipping.
All it takes to build this look
is sending our buyers on a trip down Melrose.
And our ads will go from glossy and fabulous
to Juergen Teller, Cass Bird-style direct flash,
so young women will feel like they're just scrolling through their feed
and not being sold to.
Gaby's outfit comes from multiple decades, but it feels timeless.
No disposable fashion here,
just a sick look that's easy on the environment.
Monique's outfit is reconstructed mechanics' jumpers,
for young women who aren't afraid to get a little dirty.
[crowd cheering]
Fierce. Pose. Pose. Uh-oh!
[Tanya] But girls aren't the only ones who want to have fun.
Our looks are for her, him, and them.
Ethan's gear is from military surplus, for a look that's Hotel Oscar Tango.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
[Tanya] Dawanna's animal print style comes from fashion so '80s,
they'll have you asking, "Who shot J.R.?"
[mouthing] Who shot J.R.?
[Tanya] And like all of Libra's fashions moving forward,
they are 100% vegan. No leathers and no feathers.
And what about our dedicated retail staff?
Inspired by the path of our valued team member, Caroline Harper,
who, by the way, digitized all of our QED reports…
they'll stay in the family, becoming buyers,
scouring vintage stores in their local markets,
pulling pieces to be reviewed by our design team.
So, you see? Huge changes are happening here at Libra,
and you do not want to leave the party before midnight.
It ain't midnight, but y'all need to leave my house right now.
And to prove that style wears no generation, we have Simone--
LaTanya Sue Ellen Crandell, if you don't get these mother--
[microphone screeches]
I'm going in to meditate
as I can feel my rage monster about to escape its cage.
But what y'all will not do is be here in 20 minutes.
And these people look like they steal.
-[crowd gasping] -[indistinct chatter]
-Oh, shit. -Go, go, go.
You heard her. Everyone out. You got 20 minutes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you, insane? Go ahead, finish. Finish.
-It's okay. Go ahead. -I…
I…
I'm…
I'm sorry.
I'm not who you think I am.
I'm a 17-year-old kid, and I lied to get this job.
-[crowd murmuring] -[man] Shit.
And that's the thing about lying.
You have to tell another lie to cover up the last one,
and then you drag everyone into your false reality, and then…
And then you end up hurting people that you really care about.
[sighs] I swear I didn't mean to.
Board members, please, please don't take this out on Libra.
Please keep everyone here employed.
Well, you're probably down to, like, 15 minutes now, so…
Please don't test my mother.
[crowd chatting indistinctly]
[sighs]
And that, ladies and gentlemen,
is the level to which we take seriously the perspective of our customer.
And you heard it straight from the horse's Gen Z mouth.
-[crowd applauding] -[whimsical music playing]
Bryan?
-Bryan, Bryan, what are you doing here? -I'm sorry.
-Getting Tanya back. -Wait.
[Bryan groans softly]
-Is that the girl you've been talking to? -Yeah.
Oh.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, my.
-[Joan] Hi. -Hi.
[both] Cute outfit.
[chuckles] I'm Joan. But you can call me Jo.
-[Rose] I'm Rose. -Nice to meet you, Rose.
Love the update. Fabulous.
Have we met before?
Hello? I swear, if one of y'all don't speak right now…
[Tanya] Mom?
Mom, why didn't you call first?
I don't need permission to come to my own--
Why are y'all throwing parties in my house,
and why are you hanging around grown folks?
And where the hell did you get money to pay for a skate ramp?
-Oh, that's a half-pipe, Mom. -Boy!
Mom, Tanya got a really well-paying job to take care of us
because we didn't have any food.
She didn't call you for help because if you came home,
you wouldn't get better.
That's all she cared about. She did it for you.
Well, why the hell didn't Kenny get a job too?
Racism.
[whimsical music playing]
Mom, you are really worked up right now, and that's not good for you.
So, Zack, Melissa and I are gonna tear down and clean up.
-Sure thing. -Got it.
[Tanya] And let's get some rest.
And in the morning, Kenny will make some crepes,
and I'll tell you everything.
Sweet or savory, Ma?
Your crepes.
-Sweet. -Okay.
Wait, he can cook? And I can see his teeth?
[music concludes]
We've missed you.
But the summer brought us closer together.
We're not just siblings anymore. We're friends.
…know that she was gonna be hosting
-a fashion company in her backyard. -Why didn't you know?
-What do you mean, why didn't I know? -Who didn't tell you?
-[Bryan] She couldn't tell me the truth. -[Caroline speaking indistinctly]
[sighs]
Your middle name is "Sue Ellen"?
[sighs] Please, don't.
[Caroline] Well, they're pressed to promote me in production now.
I'm gonna see if I can get them to agree to a crazy salary while they're buzzed.
[chuckles]
[clears throat]
[Bryan exhaling]
I'm sorry, Bryan. Unsolicited, this time.
You got to understand.
I was doing way too much, and it has nothing to do with the way--
Yeah, you know, at first, I was mad because you were being shady.
Then I saw all this here tonight, and I was mad 'cause you were lying to me.
And now…
I'm impressed.
["Reckless & Sweet" playing]
Ms. "I have no plan, but I kind of like fashion"
just saved a whole-ass fashion company
-with her ideas? -[laughs]
-You know. -No, just…
[Tanya chuckling]
I'm also grateful we're finally in the same reality.
♪ See my blessings, feel my essence… ♪
Uh, what you got there?
Oh, that? Um, well, it's, uh, it's no big deal.
I was just, uh, playing some arcade games
and just won every single bear in existence.
-[chuckles] -I'm not saying I'm a romantic genius.
I'm also not saying…
♪ 'Cause my money gets too long ♪
♪ Lookin' at me, you get goosebumps ♪
♪ Baby, wanna roll with a rude one… ♪
You kids today.
♪ Call mе when the money Comе, come, come, come, come… ♪
Hey. I'll text you tomorrow.
♪ To the money I'ma run, run, run, run run… ♪
[sighs]
♪ It wasn't the way I squint my eyes when I'm serious… ♪
Are you gonna have me arrested?
-[Rose] For what? -Fraud?
Please, the dumb shit I did when I was your age,
I'd still be in jail today.
You learned to play the game. That's half of being an adult.
The rest is just bills, weddings, and anti-aging skin care.
[chuckles] Okay.
[Rose] The board thought that scene was part of the show.
-They praised us for our histrionic flair. -[chuckles]
Pull a LeBron. Skip college. Come work for me.
I don't know. I'm still a teenager.
Got a lot of dumb shit left to do.
All right. Playing hardball, I see.
Well, I'll keep you on payroll as a remote employee.
And as part of our tuition reimbursement program,
I'll pay for 75% of Howard, as long as you major in fashion design.
That's my final offer.
-Deal, boss lady. -Oh.
A-frame. Ah, fuck it.
[upbeat music playing]
[chuckles]
[mom] Tanya?
-Where the hell the babysitter at? -[music stops abruptly]
[clock ticking]
Y'all did the right thing.
[chuckles]
'Cause they would have shot all y'all little niggas.
[upbeat music playing]
[car door beeps]
Can I help you?
I was thinking we could help each other.
I just wanted to say you are the baddest woman
I've ever seen in person.
Boy, I'm old enough to be your mom.
Sounds like we're both in our sexual primes.
Let me see your ID.
Hmm. Yes, Ms. Officer.
Twenty?
Held back.
Twice.
["Player Two" playing]
♪ Can you stay for one? Sitting by the bar, I could pay for one ♪
♪ But this ain't running game ♪
♪ Girl, I'm player one And she a player, too ♪
♪ So, trust, I ain't finna Play with you, oh ♪
♪ Girl, why you in a rush When it's 11 p.m.? ♪
♪ I don't like to DM Kush cologne, made her breathe in ♪
♪ I know you seen The worst out in your nightlife ♪
♪ But I could show you a good time… ♪
[song stops abruptly]
[Kelvin] Oren Segal live on scene with some sad news today.
A car was recovered from a lake in the San Fernando Valley.
-[ambulance siren wailing] -[horn honking]
[Oren] Sorry, Kelvin. It's really loud over here. A lot of things going on.
So, inside was the body of an elderly woman.
According to the CHP, she appears to have fallen asleep at the wheel
under the influence of, quote, "Like a gallon of liquor."
This led local residents to ask,
"What do we do when our older neighbors don't know when to say 'when'?"
Police were unable to find any next of kin or any relatives at all.
An unfortunate ending to an apparently lonely, miserable life.
Back to you, Kelvin.
[upbeat music playing]
[music concludes]