1 00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:07,550 Candy: Listen, listen! 2 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,844 Santa and the Board are corrupt! 3 00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:13,014 This is going to end starting here and now! 4 00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:14,182 And I have a plan! 5 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641 -(all cheering) -Cookie: Yes, Candy! 6 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,269 That's my best friend. Mine. 7 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:22,190 Together, we are gonna burn this mother to the ground! 8 00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,485 (all cheering) 9 00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:28,154 We can force them to change 10 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,406 because we are stronger together. 11 00:00:30,490 --> 00:00:34,577 So, the plan is... dramatic pause, drum roll... 12 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,078 -a walkout! -Crowd: Ahh. 13 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,371 On Christmas Eve, 14 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,665 right before the sleigh takes off. 15 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:43,669 Then, we will show Santa and everyone 16 00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,672 we are the ones who make Santa Inc. run. 17 00:00:46,756 --> 00:00:50,301 -Without us, Christmas is nothing! -(all cheering) 18 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,511 I knew you'd be into that. 19 00:00:51,594 --> 00:00:53,805 (chuckles) And I call this plan 20 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,973 Operation Santa Stink. 21 00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,183 (confused grumbling) 22 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,894 Get it? 'Cause instead of "Inc.," it's "stink." 23 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,813 God, Jesus, you guys are so picky. 24 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:05,691 What about... Operation Fuck Santa? 25 00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,568 (all cheering) 26 00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,237 -Fuck Santa! -Fuck him! 27 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,240 Now listen to Candy. You did once before. 28 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:13,699 Thanks, Mrs. C. 29 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,994 Now everyone, for the next month, act normal. 30 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,705 Get ready for Christmas Eve like every other year. 31 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,416 We can't let upper management find out our plan. 32 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:26,921 The element of surprise is everything, like this! 33 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,340 (crowd cheers and whistles) 34 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:33,094 (joyful music playing) 35 00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,480 Jingle Jim, I need you to go back to work this month 36 00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:46,691 and make sure Santa stays oblivious. 37 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,568 -You think you can do that? -Uh, duh. 38 00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:51,779 Keeping Santa in the dark is my number one skill. 39 00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:53,197 He still doesn't know about the weekend 40 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,824 fuck-a-thons in his office. 41 00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,242 What do you need me to do, Candy? 42 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:58,953 (gasps) Ooh, can I be one of those 43 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:03,249 cool lady spies who has to have sex with all the bad guys, 44 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,376 so they'll stop being bad? 45 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,920 Well, in a sense... yes. 46 00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:10,506 Fuck yes! A new season of "Leprechaun Kitchen"! 47 00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:11,841 Best night ever! 48 00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:14,552 (music on TV) ♪ Come on in and dance a jig ♪ 49 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,305 ♪ See tiny hands make food that's big ♪ 50 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:20,641 ♪ Leprechaun's Kitchen, oh yeah ♪ 51 00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:21,934 Dave-Pierre: When Christmas Eve is done, 52 00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:24,604 you'll come back to me and the Thirsty Deer, right? 53 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,356 Because... I... 54 00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,943 -I love you. -(chuckles) Oh! 55 00:02:31,027 --> 00:02:35,406 Oh my. How, uh... how... super. 56 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,949 Oh, okay. 57 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:39,201 So, you don't love me back. That's cool. 58 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,411 My ego can handle it. 59 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,954 I'm sorry, Dave-Pierre, 60 00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:43,706 I'm just figuring out who I am 61 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,334 after years as a powerful man's wife. 62 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,960 I think I just need to explore 63 00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:51,213 what it means to be just Leonard. 64 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:55,384 You rejecting me to reclaim your autonomy is so fucking hot, Leonard. 65 00:02:55,468 --> 00:02:58,721 But, just know, I would love, to one day... 66 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:01,349 -put a baby in there. -(Mrs. Claus laughs) 67 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,517 That is so sweet. 68 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:05,603 I'm almost 80. 69 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,318 What the fuck? Eamon's going home? 70 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,819 His cabbage and mash was the shit. 71 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,821 That looked delicious. Did you see his plating? 72 00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,657 I know, but Shannon's soda bread 73 00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,408 was the best Chef ever had. 74 00:03:19,492 --> 00:03:20,826 Fuck Shannon and fuck Chef! 75 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,663 I don't care how many Michelin Clovers that asshole has. 76 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,039 He's a pretentious prick. 77 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,042 Baby! 78 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:31,128 You're back! Mmm. 79 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:34,215 Hi... I used your moisturizer. Uh, is that all right? 80 00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:37,426 Nick! Is Devin, uh, living here? 81 00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:38,636 Of course not! No! 82 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,221 (softly): Go, Devin. Leave. Beat it, kid. 83 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:43,099 "Kid"? What happened to "Dr. D."? 84 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,351 I'm sorry, I don't have anywhere to go. 85 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,186 My parents can't handle all the paparazzi. 86 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,480 -It's fine. You can stay. -Cool! 87 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,733 Let me just say, I am so sorry. 88 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:55,277 I'm sure you wanna have a big talk about all your issues, 89 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,113 which is obviously great, 90 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,698 and exactly what I wanna do. 91 00:03:58,781 --> 00:04:01,993 Actually, I'm pretty exhausted. 92 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:04,787 Can we not do the whole relationship talk 93 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,039 -(chuckles) right now? -Yes, yes, of course! 94 00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:09,583 Whenever is good for you, and if that means not ever 95 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,377 rehashing every inch of our relationship, 96 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,628 which I'm totally happy to do, 97 00:04:12,712 --> 00:04:14,714 then, let's not do that, ever. 98 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:17,049 Oh my god. Oh god. 99 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,093 You know, I am aware... (sniffs) 100 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,053 that you, probably, fucked that bartender, 101 00:04:21,137 --> 00:04:22,513 but if that means we get to eat cupcakes, 102 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,390 I am-- I am okay with that. 103 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:25,891 Yeah! And, hey, 104 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:27,893 I have no idea what you're talkin' about, 105 00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,729 but I like this setup. 106 00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:32,023 Should we order wings, and play Never Have I Ever? 107 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,941 Oh. (chuckles) 108 00:04:34,025 --> 00:04:36,068 Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. 109 00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:38,362 (all laughing) 110 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,995 (garbage disposal whirring) 111 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,960 What's up, motherfuckers?! We're back! 112 00:04:53,044 --> 00:04:55,379 And, this time, we're living here forever. 113 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,214 (sarcastically): You squandered all the money? 114 00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:59,383 Shocking. I should've put money on that. 115 00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:03,220 No, we missed you, Candy the Cynic. 116 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:04,346 Yeah, we did. 117 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:05,765 And we squandered it. 118 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,099 Except for what we used on that 119 00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:08,601 high-powered English attorney 120 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:09,894 to get ya outta jail. 121 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,062 Wait, hold on. 122 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,605 Biscuit said she was paid by 123 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,148 rapists and degenerates-- 124 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,108 -Oh. -Grandpa Smalls: In the Jewish religion, 125 00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,444 a true gift of charity is anonymous. 126 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,279 It's called tzedakah. 127 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,864 But in the Smalls family tradition, 128 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,200 you wanna know how much we had to fork out to spring you? 129 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,453 Aww, no, no need, but that is so nice. 130 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,996 It's almost like, I don't know, 131 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,290 something people who love each other would do. 132 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:32,500 Get over here. 133 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,210 Candy, you're my only sister, 134 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,128 and I've gotta tell you somethin' from the heart-- 135 00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:39,048 Hold on. I have to say this right now... 136 00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,050 -(flatulence) -Oh, what the fuck?! 137 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,177 That's what I was gonna do! Come here! 138 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,097 -Fuckin' fart on you! -(flatulence) 139 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,556 Candy: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 140 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,394 Help me! Someone is attacking my... daughter! 141 00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:56,148 (hopeful music plays) 142 00:05:56,232 --> 00:05:58,109 (intense music plays) 143 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,361 Candy: The most important plan of action, 144 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:04,657 do not let the A-Team eat those Christmas Spirit Bars... 145 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,410 by any means necessary. 146 00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,246 We're talking trespassing. 147 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:16,210 Unbelievably realistic disguises. 148 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:20,256 Even it if means tampering with the Christmas chocolate supply. 149 00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:23,551 ♪ ♪ 150 00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:31,225 We're using our most intelligent inside resources 151 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,894 to intervene in the energy bar swap. 152 00:06:33,978 --> 00:06:36,147 Yes, everyone, I work here again. 153 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:37,273 You don't have to act cool. 154 00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,900 I know you missed me. 155 00:06:39,984 --> 00:06:41,819 She was? 156 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,614 We live in a nightmare dumpster fire of hell! 157 00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:48,534 Oh, oh yeah. 158 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:52,371 (upbeat music playing) 159 00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:04,341 Candy: This year, we're fixing the sins of the past. 160 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,973 As God as my witness, 161 00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,058 as long as I live, 162 00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:19,565 there will be no meth addiction at Santa Inc. ever again! 163 00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,193 I promise you that. 164 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,363 ♪ ♪ 165 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:37,249 (both grunting) 166 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,793 This is so annoying! Where's my fuckin' rush?! 167 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,754 Normally, after this many Christmas Spirit Bars, 168 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:43,005 I feel like a Norse God 169 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,341 commanding the sea to kill my enemies, 170 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,676 but I just feel blah. 171 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:52,306 Ah, ah, I feel like I have lice. 172 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,266 -Is it supposed to be this itchy? -I don't know. 173 00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,852 -Jingle Jim, is it supposed to be that itchy? -No idea. 174 00:07:56,936 --> 00:07:59,271 Candy is in charge of all the fabric choices. 175 00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:01,190 And I know it's a hat, but I feel like it makes 176 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,359 my ass look fatter. Is that bad or good? 177 00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,611 ‘Cause like, do I wanna leave some up to the imagination? 178 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:08,405 I know it's on-brand, I know some people like fat asses. 179 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:09,490 Will you just shut up?! 180 00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:11,200 None of you know anything! I need Candy! 181 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:12,493 (all gasp) 182 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,663 It's a word as well as a name, 183 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:17,122 and I got that low blood suge, 184 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,415 so I need some candy. 185 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,416 That's what I meant. 186 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,126 Skittles or some fuckin' Twix, 187 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,796 or a, a Rollo or some fuckin' shit. 188 00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,256 Someone go get me some fuckin' candy! 189 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,548 Coming right up, sir. 190 00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,676 And can I get anyone an espresso drink? 191 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:29,468 Scones? 192 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,220 I'll take a double shot. 193 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:33,639 I'm the best employee that ever lived! 194 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,141 (snoring) 195 00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,560 (sighs) So, does Candy think my thing 196 00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:39,979 with Devin is a total joke? 197 00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,647 I don't know. We haven't talked about it. 198 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,942 Ha! There's no way Candy hasn't talked tons of shit. 199 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,068 I saw her once, 200 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,778 and your name didn't even come up. 201 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,030 Mm-hm, so what did y'all talk about then? 202 00:08:50,114 --> 00:08:51,740 Oh, you know us... (chuckles) 203 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:53,701 topical world issues and such. 204 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:57,162 Uh... events... that are current. 205 00:08:57,246 --> 00:09:00,791 Really? Say one thing related to the topics of today. 206 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,711 There was an election in some continents, 207 00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,880 and, you know, people like, uh, they got involved in it, 208 00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,508 and some, uh, super fucked-up shit went down. 209 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,219 Busted! You lying friend of a shit talker! 210 00:09:12,303 --> 00:09:15,764 -I'm not lying! -Of course, you are! You're a nervous wreck. 211 00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,850 No, sir. I am chill. 212 00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:21,061 So chill. Just a big bowl of chili. 213 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,105 Where's the hot sauce? 214 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:26,358 Then why have you stress-eaten half of your husband? 215 00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:28,902 -Oh my god! -Spill it! Right now! 216 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,697 Fine, Candy is planning a walkout on Christmas Eve, 217 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,325 so Santa will realize how important we workers are, 218 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,243 and finally make some changes! 219 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,537 Mmm, mm, mm, mm. 220 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,290 Cookie, I wish you had the guts to admit 221 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:45,377 Candy's talking shit instead of making up crazy crap like that. 222 00:09:45,461 --> 00:09:47,546 You're on my list, too! 223 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,174 Oh, oh my god. Oh, I had this nightmare 224 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,884 that someone threw a grenade at my legs, 225 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,218 and they were blown off. 226 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:55,429 (yawns) But it was just a dream. 227 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,390 (gasps) Ahh! 228 00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:01,727 (joyful music plays) 229 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,187 Today is your big day, 230 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:06,273 since you'll most likely never find someone to marry you. 231 00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:09,693 I can't wait ‘til you open it. It's a hat. 232 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,613 Oh my god... Dad's coal miner hat? 233 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,407 Yes, your father is lookin' down on us, 234 00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:17,368 and is very proud of you, 235 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,619 but if I know him... 236 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:20,788 stop staring at my tits, Dave! 237 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,748 You said you buried this with Dad. 238 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,084 Wait, I've seen this before but upside down. 239 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,503 Oh, you keep your dildos in this, 240 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:30,506 but I mean... thank you. 241 00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:32,758 Tony: Got a little somethin' in my eye here. 242 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,761 I can feel you picking my pocket. 243 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,179 Junior: I'm the leader of the sleigh. 244 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,847 I can be late, like a fuckin' boss, 245 00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:41,016 but I can't be actually late! Jesus! 246 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,687 Any idiot knows you take the desolate back roads on Christmas Eve. 247 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:47,606 -What's wrong with you? -This mornin' at breakfast, 248 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:51,151 my wife told me she was in love with a woman. 249 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:53,112 -This shit is insane. -It's actually not. 250 00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:56,949 -She was a lesbian when we met. -Ahh! Fuck you, Penguin! 251 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,742 I wasn't done speakin' to you. 252 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,619 (horns honking) 253 00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,371 (car radio plays) 254 00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,331 -(phone beeps) -Oh fuck! 255 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,254 -(thud, tires screeching) -Ahh! 256 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,339 (horn blaring) 257 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,349 Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. 258 00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,063 Junior? 259 00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:30,357 (grunting) 260 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:34,820 I didn't see you. 261 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,655 No shit, you stupid asshole! 262 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,323 Women drivers should be shot! 263 00:11:38,407 --> 00:11:42,119 (gasps) My nose! My fucking nose! Get me help! 264 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,955 -I will. Let me just-- -Learn how to not be a dumb shit? 265 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,248 Impossible! Now, come on! 266 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:50,461 Move yo' ass! Ow! Ah! Ah, shit! 267 00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,296 Take your little bitch elf digits, 268 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,131 and call a fuckin' ambulance. 269 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,757 Move faster! 270 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:59,344 I'm suffering, you insufferable idiot elf! 271 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,599 Come on! Do something! 272 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,934 I'm really hurt! 273 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:07,769 I realize that... 274 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,688 you fucking caribou. 275 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,858 T-Then, why aren't you callin' for help? 276 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,987 I'm, I'm sorry. You're not a loser. 277 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,238 You're so fuckin' hot. 278 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:20,866 Once they stitch me up, I will totally fuck you. 279 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,951 Now go and call, please! 280 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,996 (coughing) 281 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,544 I hate... you. 282 00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:33,670 (grunts) 283 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,347 Whoa. 284 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,020 (singing): ♪ Christmas is here ♪ 285 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,272 ♪ Let's all give a cheer, hurray ♪ 286 00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:54,483 ♪ We've waited 365 days ♪ 287 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,985 ♪ For Christmas to be here ♪ 288 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,321 ♪ Pine trees we can smell ♪ 289 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,989 ♪ Jingle a bell ♪ 290 00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,909 ♪ Toss a ball of snow, come on, Santa, let's go ♪ 291 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,328 ♪ Christmas is here ♪ 292 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,289 Hmm, big crowd. 293 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:11,833 -How's it going? -Perfectly according to plan 294 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,086 as it does every year. 295 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,964 Coolio, featuring L.V. 296 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,216 Let's go get these meet-and-greets out of the way. 297 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,594 Oh my god, finally! 298 00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:26,515 Sorry, sorry. There was insane, um, traffic. 299 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:29,810 -Hey, Candy, we're all set up. -Candy: Thanks, D.P. 300 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,270 But, Cookie, why are you here? 301 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,438 I thought you were supposed to be loading up the sleigh? 302 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:34,898 Nope, I quit today. 303 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,276 I'm officially a stay-at-home mom now! 304 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:38,527 But I wanted to wish you luck. 305 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,112 Yeah, thanks. Th-Thank you, Cookie. 306 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,905 And, and, and I'm so happy for you. 307 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,449 -You seemed freaked out. -It's just-- 308 00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,827 What if I did something really bad, 309 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:51,164 but, you know, ultimately, it-it's for the greater good? 310 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:53,417 Did you hire a hitman to kill Craig? 311 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,002 -Because we're good now. -(alarm sounds) 312 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,170 Jingle Jim (on speaker): Greetings! It's sundown here 313 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,673 at lovely Santa Inc., which means... 314 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,343 Operation Fuck Santa begins! 315 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,137 What the fuck? 316 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,556 (singing) ♪ The walkout is here ♪ 317 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,017 ♪ Walkout, walkout ♪ 318 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,313 ♪ Let's all give a cheer, hurrah ♪ 319 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,481 ♪ Waited all our lives on a compromise ♪ 320 00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:19,026 ♪ And the walkout is finally here ♪ 321 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,028 ♪ Our souls we did sell ♪ 322 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,238 ♪ You can all go to hell ♪ 323 00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,823 Last year I lost a toe! 324 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,325 Santa's such a fucking schmo! 325 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,994 But I can still walk the fuck outta here! 326 00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:33,457 -(workers cheering) -(Devin whimpering) 327 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,586 ♪ I bled for this company ♪ 328 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:41,006 ♪ Green and red ♪ 329 00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:45,010 ♪ Now my bank account's empty ♪ 330 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:49,014 ♪ And my heart is dead ♪ 331 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:53,602 ♪ The walkout is ♪ 332 00:14:53,685 --> 00:15:00,317 ♪ Finally, finally, finally ♪ 333 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,152 Jesus Christ, finally! 334 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:07,074 ♪ The walkout is finally here ♪ 335 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,119 What the hell is this? 336 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:14,456 A walkout, sweetie. Bye! 337 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,502 - Health care is a... -Workers: Right! 338 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,462 Maternity leave is not... 339 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:21,880 A vacation! 340 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:23,215 Hazard Pay... 341 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,341 Is earned! 342 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,926 Santa and the Board can... 343 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:28,345 Workers: Suck our dicks! 344 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,140 Look, I know you all have a lotta gripes with me, 345 00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,558 and how I run Santa Inc., 346 00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:37,270 but are you so out to just fuck me 347 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:40,023 that you would destroy Christmas for millions of children-- 348 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,567 Okay, enough! You're not gonna manipulate me again! 349 00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,653 No way! What about the kids-- 350 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:47,447 What about the kids of the people who work for your company? 351 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,866 You've been screwing them for generations! 352 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,952 So, so, no, don't give me that kid crap. 353 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,495 You don't care about kids. 354 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:54,955 You care about yourself. 355 00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,331 You don't know what you're talking about. 356 00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:59,126 You know, I didn't. But now I do. 357 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,044 I know everything, Santa. 358 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,754 I know everything. 359 00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:05,132 About the meth, and the bribes, 360 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,217 and the payoffs to coal families, 361 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,554 and the illegal titanium exported from arms dealers 362 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,807 in the Middle East to use in your lap implants. 363 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,017 That's a lie! What are you even talkin' about? 364 00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:18,353 Are you high right now? You look really high right now. 365 00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:20,689 Your pupils are huge and tiny at the same time, 366 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:21,898 and you look fucked! 367 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,776 I know I'm right, and I can go right now, 368 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,862 and tell the press, tell everyone, 369 00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,321 and you will go down in history 370 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:32,451 as the most corrupt Santa who has ever lived. 371 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:36,455 Or... you can agree right now to meet the workers' demands. 372 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:39,666 Maternity leave, coal miners retirement pensions, 373 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:42,919 not to mention the lack of any real health care system. 374 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,130 And if you finally address these issues, 375 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:49,009 I can agree to keep my mouth shut about your real legacy. 376 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,260 It's up to you. 377 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,137 This isn't about them, Candy. 378 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,388 This is about you. 379 00:16:53,472 --> 00:16:55,015 Pfft, you're so wrong. 380 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:59,394 Well, take it from someone who knows, one day, it will be. 381 00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:04,065 All: Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Ho! Santa Claus has got to go! 382 00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:09,112 Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho! Ho! Santa Claus has got to go! 383 00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,740 Everyone! Santa and I have spoken. 384 00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:14,367 Turns out, he's a reasonable man, 385 00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,912 and he's agreed to our demands! 386 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,246 (cheering) 387 00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:21,208 He agreed to implement maternity leave. 388 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,335 -(cheering) -What the fuck? 389 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,878 And I missed out on it? 390 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,506 Oh well, I guess Chubby Brenda can come clean now. 391 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:31,384 Everyone! Brenda's not chubby! She's having twins! 392 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:32,552 (cheering) 393 00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:35,764 He agreed to give the coal miners a fair pension, 394 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:39,434 so they can retire with the dignity they deserve. 395 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:43,188 Lumpy, now you can afford those dick implants! 396 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,858 No more stuffin' penny rolls down your Speedo! 397 00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,276 Congrats, Lumpy! 398 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,613 And congrats to all of you because we did it! 399 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:55,200 And now, we will finally be treated fairly... 400 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,701 (cheering) 401 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,204 which is why we need to... 402 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,123 abort Operation Fuck Santa Claus, 403 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:06,628 get back to work, and make this the best Christmas ever. 404 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,339 (confused chatter) 405 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,217 I know this seems confusing. 406 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,803 Walking out just so we can walk back in? 407 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,431 I mean, uh, what kind of nutty protest is this? 408 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:21,560 But Santa agreed to our most basic demands, 409 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,730 so I'm confident more change is on the horizon. 410 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:27,649 And when you really think about it, 411 00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:30,193 you know, when you're a kid, there's only one day a year 412 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,612 more special than any other day. 413 00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:36,575 One day where you get presents just for being you. 414 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,536 Even if on other days your mom snaps at you, 415 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,288 or your brother is annoying, 416 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:45,792 or... or your dad never makes it home from work. 417 00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:47,919 There's one day 418 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:52,257 when the world smiles down, and says, "You matter, kiddo." 419 00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,009 And that day is Christmas. 420 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,761 And we are the magic behind that day. 421 00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:00,348 And, to me... that's pretty fuckin' huge. 422 00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:02,934 So, come on, guys! Let's get back to work, 423 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:06,438 and get these fuckin' kids some fuckin' presents! 424 00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:12,068 - Feliz Navidad, motherfuckers! -(all cheering) 425 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:16,364 Lookin' good, guys. Stacks go by continent, you know, there you go! 426 00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:19,242 Uh, so is this when I give the pep talk to the reindeer? 427 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,535 That, that happens tonight, right? 428 00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:23,079 It's that time. How you feelin', champ? 429 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,581 I guess, okay. 430 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,083 Um... I'm so nervous I wish I was dead, 431 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,252 -but, otherwise, I'm fine. -Yeah, okay, well, 432 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,879 maybe, don't worry about that right now. 433 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,131 Just, you know, enjoy the ride. 434 00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:35,383 Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo! 435 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:39,554 Yeah! Hello A-Team! 436 00:19:39,638 --> 00:19:42,140 -You all good? -No, idiot, we're wiped out. 437 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,351 I've never felt so tired in my life. 438 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,518 And Junior's missing. 439 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,646 Wait, what?! Junior is missing? 440 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,022 I-- Where could he be? 441 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:49,981 That, that's crazy! 442 00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,566 How-- Who could see that coming? 443 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:53,485 Hello? Is there a problem? 444 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,070 Junior is missing! 445 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:57,072 It's bad! It's really, really bad! 446 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:59,866 Just stop panicking, Devin! Ugh, chill out! 447 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,077 -(Devin crying) -But this seems bad! 448 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,995 Is it bad?! It seems really bad! 449 00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,830 It's okay. You guys get on the sleigh. 450 00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:08,333 We have systems in place to handle this. 451 00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:14,381 -You're up, bitch. -What? 452 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:17,342 Junior isn't here. We don't have time to wait for him. 453 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,887 No one's more capable to lead that sleigh than you, Goldie. 454 00:20:20,971 --> 00:20:22,472 And that goes for all of you. 455 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,349 You've been training hard all year. 456 00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:27,185 The A-Team doesn't have the strength to do it this year, 457 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:30,480 but you guys do! So, come on! It's go time! 458 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,024 Yes, ma'am, bitch! 459 00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:34,901 -Oh, what a relief. -I couldn't have made it. 460 00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,487 Jesus, I could sleep for a year. 461 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:41,032 -You're gonna do great. -Thanks. I love you. 462 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,409 But, hey, what about the light? 463 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:45,745 Junior leads the sleigh with the glow from his nose. 464 00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:52,210 This really means the world to me. 465 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,878 Is it supposed to smell like dildos? 466 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:56,673 That's on purpose. Now kick ass up there, bitch. 467 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,092 Ah! Goldie! Oh my god! 468 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,094 Your dream is coming true! 469 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:03,263 And we all love each other again! 470 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,557 Ah, my girls, my sisters. 471 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,308 The big three, we're back, baby! 472 00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:12,397 (cries) This is a beautiful moment for friendship. 473 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,315 I love you guys, but can we do this tomorrow? 474 00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,359 I gotta go! 475 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,778 Tell me what the back of Dolly Parton's 476 00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,363 house looks like! 477 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:28,955 Merry Christmas! And to all a kick-ass night! 478 00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,123 Peace! 479 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:31,416 (cheering) 480 00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:37,172 -Secure line for Santa. -Go for Santa. 481 00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:40,842 It's Candy, sir. I just wanted to say before you left, you were right. 482 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:42,302 It is all about the kids. 483 00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:43,511 I'm glad you realized that. 484 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,346 -Candy: One more thing. -What's that? 485 00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:47,599 Remember I know everything... 486 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:50,185 so I own you, fat man. 487 00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,690 ♪ ♪ 488 00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:57,901 (chuckles) 489 00:21:57,984 --> 00:22:01,362 Oh... we have fun. 490 00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:07,368 (ominous music playing) 491 00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,048 (light fizzling) 492 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:25,345 (upbeat music playing) 493 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:45,365 ♪ ♪ 494 00:22:57,210 --> 00:23:01,339 ♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪ 495 00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:05,677 ♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪ 496 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:10,014 ♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪ 497 00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:14,435 ♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪ 498 00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:18,356 ♪ Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa ♪