1 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,426 ♪ You were like a father to me ♪ 2 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,929 ♪ Because you were my dad ♪ 3 00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:15,391 ♪ Ever since your tragic death ♪ 4 00:00:15,475 --> 00:00:18,519 ♪ My heart it hurts real bad ♪ 5 00:00:18,603 --> 00:00:21,105 ♪ Our dicks were identical ♪ 6 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,649 ♪ The veins, the shaft, the girth ♪ 7 00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:26,819 ♪ Our junk separated at birth ♪ 8 00:00:26,903 --> 00:00:29,405 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 9 00:00:29,489 --> 00:00:32,074 -Catchin' up on some porn, huh? -Uh, that's right, boss. 10 00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,868 Just porning it up at the office. 11 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,328 Well, if you need to finish, you know, 12 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,580 flickin' it, or, uh, whatever you're doin' down there, 13 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,998 you know, just slappin' your flaps, 14 00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,751 -I can duck out. Just let me know. -Oh god, stop. 15 00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,045 I was actually just watching a dumb music video 16 00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,714 my brother made for the anniversary of our dad's death. 17 00:00:46,798 --> 00:00:49,509 Your dad would be so proud of you, Candy. 18 00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,135 Acting number two at Santa Inc., 19 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,178 you're a guest of Santa at his 20 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,513 South Pole Villa this weekend, 21 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,765 -you're a very snappy dresser-- -Back it up, back it up 22 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,725 to the South Pole Villa part. 23 00:00:57,809 --> 00:00:59,519 Oh, I want you to come there with me and the Board. 24 00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:01,729 I'm doin' trips with all the top Successor contenders. 25 00:01:01,813 --> 00:01:04,982 We did a wine tasting last weekend with Timmy the Toy Guy. 26 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,692 What can I say? He was a fun hang. 27 00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:08,277 He's pullin' toys out all the fuckin' time. 28 00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,780 -It's just inherently fun. -Oh, I'm so happy for Timmy, 29 00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:13,115 the totally uninteresting white male choice 30 00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:14,700 that will do nothing for this company. 31 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,327 You know what it could be, is a good chance 32 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,703 for you to wipe away the memory of your 33 00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:19,205 State of the Workshop hell speech. 34 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,040 I mean, "hell speech" is probably too harsh. 35 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,543 Uh, "Nightmare speech"? "Apocalypse speech"? 36 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,044 You know, all those sound worse. 37 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,171 -Are ya in? -Fuck yes! Wow. 38 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,798 Be a fun hang, like Timmy. 39 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:31,634 You know, be yourself, but the most Timmy 40 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:32,844 version of yourself. 41 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,263 I assumed you knew I was infamously 42 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,598 one of the most fun people who's ever existed. 43 00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,725 Mm-hm, yeah, sure. If you say so. 44 00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:41,561 Even penguins think I'm funny. 45 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,104 And you know what a tough crowd 46 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,314 those miserable motherfuckers are. 47 00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:47,942 (joyful music playing) 48 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,364 (horn honks) 49 00:01:57,869 --> 00:01:59,871 -Candy: I'm fun, right? -Goldie: Of course. 50 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,623 Why would I, a woman, whose motto is, 51 00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:04,166 "I live for dick," 52 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,585 have a best friend who sucked? 53 00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:08,004 Your impressions make everyone so happy. 54 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,505 Remember in high school when you crank called 55 00:02:09,589 --> 00:02:11,591 your mother and pretended to be Tom Selleck? 56 00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:15,219 "I would love to devour your hot bod, Mrs. Smalls." 57 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:18,764 "Let Magnum whisk you away to Hawaii." 58 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:21,100 You guys are right. I rule. 59 00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:23,102 I just hope that Santa and the Board 60 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,645 see in me what you see. 61 00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,105 Would you guys wanna come? 62 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:27,899 Santa said I could bring guests. 63 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:31,193 -South Pole, here we come! -(all cheering) 64 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,403 What the fuck, Cookie? 65 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,614 I have to babysit while you go on vacation? 66 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:38,284 You don't babysit your own child, asshole! 67 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,660 And if you deny me this, 68 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:42,204 the next time your body will be touched by my hands 69 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:43,831 is when I shove you down the stairs 70 00:02:43,915 --> 00:02:45,791 -to get your life insurance. -Take all the time ya need. 71 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:48,461 I'll be here, babysitting, ehh, with the kid, eh, 72 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,004 come back when y-- Bye voyage. 73 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,006 Devin: Let's go over what we know: 74 00:02:52,089 --> 00:02:55,635 Santa and the Board are all male and all white. 75 00:02:55,718 --> 00:03:00,097 Their average age is 67 because they're all 67. 76 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,850 They play golf, drink, smoke cigars, 77 00:03:02,934 --> 00:03:05,645 say things like, "deregulation," 78 00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,563 and "quarterly earnings," 79 00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:09,732 and "don't ever marry your mistress." 80 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:10,942 Oh, I know how to play golf. 81 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,818 I, I played with my dad all the time. 82 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,362 I'm actually pretty good. 83 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,448 What I need to learn is how to bro out with these guys. 84 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,367 You know, shoot the shit, do shots, 85 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,118 shoot shots of shit, whatever. 86 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:22,787 Oh, you've come to the right guy. 87 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,498 The Board are exactly like my frat bros, 88 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:28,334 except they pop Viagra instead of Adderall. 89 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,461 Now we have 48 hours of cramming to do. 90 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,296 Let's go over that dirty joke again. 91 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,633 A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sit at a bar. 92 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,344 (motivational music playing) 93 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:50,022 ♪ ♪ 94 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,364 (razor buzzing) 95 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,536 Look at me. 96 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,122 I look hot enough to melt the polar ice caps. 97 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,499 Billions would perish, but I don't care 98 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:12,128 'cause I look great in a bathing suit. 99 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:15,965 What's wrong? You love it when I pretend I'm not an old bag of shit. 100 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,467 I am feeling a little down lately. 101 00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,553 This morning, I put an English muffin in our toaster, 102 00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,430 and I just stared at the toaster until 103 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:23,889 the English muffin... 104 00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:25,725 popped back up. 105 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,852 Have you ever done that? Just stared. 106 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,812 Is it gonna do what it always does? 107 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,897 And then, it does. 108 00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:33,190 I guess it's a relief. 109 00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:35,401 You're the most beautiful Mrs. Claus 110 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,736 since the beginning of time. 111 00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,113 This vacation is going to be great. 112 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,657 All I want is to see if Candy can hold her own, 113 00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:44,076 and to fuck my lady in our new jacuzzi 114 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,244 with the underwater TVs. 115 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,539 (sighs) I wonder what the toaster's up to. 116 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,124 Candy: Gone for the weekend, suckers. 117 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,751 Don't miss me too much, and don't-- 118 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,878 Oh, would you look at this, Candy. 119 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,379 Isn't it beautiful? 120 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,673 My retirement plan. 121 00:04:57,757 --> 00:05:00,176 A betting pool to decide the future Successor. 122 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,304 Ha, ha, yes. Grandpa is a genius. 123 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,931 We Smalls are gonna make it rain in this bitch! 124 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,141 This is very illegal. 125 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,768 You could go to jail for this. 126 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,936 What? At least I'd get three hots 127 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,313 and a cot in the clink. 128 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,565 My miner's pension is a hundred bucks a month 129 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,025 and a sock full of coal. 130 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,985 Oh my god, that is so bad. 131 00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,571 But when I'm Successor, I can change things. 132 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,032 Okay, let's see how I'm doing. 133 00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,868 The bottom?! This is fucked! 134 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,120 I'm better than Male Human Shit! 135 00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:30,039 You'll see! You'll all see! 136 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,043 (ship horn blows) 137 00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:36,921 Holy motherfuckin' ship. 138 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,923 Yep, Santa's private yacht. 139 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,299 The "Twelve Twenty-Six." 140 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,594 Built a hundred years ago entirely by Elf labor. 141 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,639 Get ready to set sail on my Great-Grandpa's sweat. 142 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:47,848 This is so fun! 143 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:49,975 I "forgot" my wedding ring at home, 144 00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:52,603 so, technically, I am back on the market! 145 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:56,065 Cruisin' into some D! Ding-Ding! Dicks ahoy! 146 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,317 Hey! I wanted to wish you luck. 147 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,946 Good tidings, Mademoiselle Goldie. 148 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:05,324 Uh, would you do me the honor of going on 149 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,993 a petite date with me when you're back 150 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,411 from this little journey? 151 00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,498 I'm not looking for any more rando hook-ups, okay? 152 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,875 I need a real adult with a career. 153 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:18,003 Not some college slob with a boner in his cargo shorts. 154 00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:19,463 Ah, I'm sorry. 155 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,173 Captain: Get ready for an adventure 156 00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:23,425 unlike anything ya ever experienced. 157 00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:27,096 Unless ya done Molly and Oxy together, which I just did. 158 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,099 And I should not be operating heavy machinery right now, 159 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,517 but fuck it! 160 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,269 All aboard! 161 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,980 (drill whirring) 162 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,611 -Candy: What? -Cookie/Goldie: Huh? 163 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,532 All: Ooh! Wow! 164 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:53,539 Candy: Men of the Board, after that wild ride, 165 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:56,625 let me give you a little sorbet to cleanse the palate. 166 00:06:56,709 --> 00:07:00,671 My personal, very own impression of Santa. 167 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,049 "Did I tell you I chose the first Black Successor? 168 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,303 If you forget, I'll remind you until you die." 169 00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:09,847 -(all laughing) -You sound exactly like him. 170 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:14,768 (beat music plays) 171 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,979 -What's he doin' here? -What the fuck? Is he crashing? 172 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:17,938 He's crashing. 173 00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:19,231 I'm here not to vacation, 174 00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,192 but to recover from surgery. 175 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:24,195 (grunts) I gave my Grandma half of my liver. 176 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,239 It was very painful, but ah, ah... 177 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,073 it was worth it. 178 00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:30,284 So giving, or dare I say, 179 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,785 Me-esque. 180 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,120 Come stay with us for the weekend. 181 00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:36,582 No more talking! I insist. You're coming. 182 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,751 Why are you crashing? You get your own event. 183 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,670 I'm workin' my way up the list of contenders, bottom to top. 184 00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,172 Bang, bang, bang. 185 00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,299 And you're first, so prepare for Hell, 186 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,759 'cause I'm startin' Smalls. 187 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:49,178 Pun intended. 188 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,430 Goldie: I'm gonna marry this fucking waffle 189 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,973 whether it's legal or not because 190 00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:55,309 (sings) ♪ Our love is real ♪ 191 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,229 I slept through all the dumb-ass texts Craig sent me. 192 00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,271 "I don't see the milk. 193 00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:01,023 "I'm lying in bed with my eyes closed, 194 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,399 "but I still don't see the milk. 195 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:03,692 "Good news! Opened my eyes, 196 00:08:03,776 --> 00:08:05,611 "went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. 197 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:06,946 There was the milk." 198 00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,781 -Hey! -Cookie: You look like the bride 199 00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,282 at a lesbian Leprechaun wedding. 200 00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:12,576 This is what these old guys wear on the golf course. 201 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:13,953 I need to fit in. 202 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,537 If they're gonna swing their dicks, 203 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:16,956 I have to swing my vag. 204 00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:20,292 Leave Candy alone. She's got that freak Junior on her ass. 205 00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:22,378 I'm gonna bro these guys' brains out, 206 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,963 I'm gonna golf their cocks off, 207 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,423 then we'll all get wasted at the steakhouse tonight 208 00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,300 where I'm ordering the Japanese beef, 209 00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:30,678 and then, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm sendin' it back 210 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,638 for being overdone, even if it isn't, 211 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:36,267 because that is what a future Successor does. 212 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,559 Peace! 213 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,145 Isn't it weird havin' a girl on a guys' trip? 214 00:08:40,229 --> 00:08:44,441 Not bad weird. Just like, bad not as good. 215 00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:49,196 Is it "bad" that I feel like slamming this entire BM right now? 216 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,156 Look at her toss that celery to the side! 217 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,491 She's not eatin' that shit! 218 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,994 She's one of the boys! She knows it's garnish! 219 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,247 Technically, the penis and the clitoris develop from the same organ, 220 00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,999 so I guess I am one of the boys. 221 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,668 Or maybe you're all one of the girls! Heyo! 222 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:03,961 (laughing) 223 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,004 Good one, Candy. 224 00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,214 Who cares? I gotta drain the hog. 225 00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:10,175 -I hear that shit. -Dick full of piss ready to blow, huh? 226 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:11,343 Candy: Same, my bros. 227 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:13,762 Vag full of piss, ready to blow. 228 00:09:13,846 --> 00:09:17,308 Is there a, um, is there a r-restroom nearby? 229 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:22,521 Ah, I can hold it! 230 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,690 Candy, don't be silly. Find a restroom. 231 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,484 -It's important. It's pee. -Candy, let the number one 232 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,153 reindeer help you take a number one. 233 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,989 -(horn honks) -My caddy can drive you. 234 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,617 Oh, okay, but my Katrina, she is such a sweetheart. 235 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,871 She asked me, "Grandma, why can't every day be Grandma Day?" 236 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:42,583 -Now is that some real cutie-pie shit or what? -(all laughing) 237 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:46,045 (awkward laughs) Uh, so cute, yes. 238 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:49,214 If I ever get that boring, smother me in my sleep. 239 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,258 But make sure to tweeze my facial hair after 240 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:52,718 in case I have an open coffin. 241 00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:56,180 We should save Mrs. Claus from her boring-ass friends. 242 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,848 Ladies, sorry to interrupt. 243 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,391 The concierge inside has a package 244 00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:00,726 from the North Pole, and they don't know 245 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,394 who it's for. It's just addressed to 246 00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:03,520 "The World's Greatest Grandma." 247 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,938 Move it or lose it, Carol! 248 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,065 I will cut you! 249 00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:08,067 I swear, I'll murder your grandchild! 250 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,401 Ow! 251 00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:11,570 I wonder who the package was for? 252 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,405 There was no package. We just freed you 253 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:14,865 from the boring nightmare women. 254 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,033 What? Those... 255 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,202 annoying nightmares 256 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,578 are my closest friends. 257 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,954 Nobody said "annoying." 258 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:21,955 That was all you. 259 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,374 You're better than them. 260 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,377 Let's go do something fancy! 261 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,254 Whew, all peed out and ready to rock. Let's go! 262 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:32,674 -Whoops, wrong hole. -Is that what you tell your wife? 263 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:35,719 No, ma'am. I tell her my truth, 264 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,347 which is that anal rocks. 265 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,977 Cookie: Mmm, oh my god, this is good. 266 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,271 The best kneading I've had in years. 267 00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,692 Mrs. Claus, you have a knot the size of a Christmas ornament! 268 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,276 What do you have to be stressed about? 269 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,277 You're living the dream. 270 00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:54,154 My life is kinda boring. 271 00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:58,283 Schmoozing with dignitaries, bullshitting with diplomats. 272 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,285 I guess I thought Nick and I would be partners, 273 00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:02,454 you know, change Christmas for the better. 274 00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:04,123 -Like Candy. -Mrs. Claus: Exactly! 275 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:07,000 When I saw her speak at the State of the Workshop, 276 00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,794 it all clicked. 277 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,296 That's who I thought I would be some day, 278 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:15,134 an agent of change, but I'm just a wife. 279 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,052 -(laughs) -Goldie: I get it. 280 00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:18,846 I train like a dog every year, 281 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,265 and get treated like a bitch on Christmas Eve. 282 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,474 It truly sucks shit. 283 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:26,311 Mmm, the tension of dreams unrealized. 284 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:29,773 There is nothing like it. 285 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,901 We were here an hour ago! You drove in a giant circle! 286 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,362 Welp, I guess we're lost. 287 00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:39,158 Let's just stay in one place until someone finds us. 288 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,994 -Fan of historical fiction? -Are you fuckin' kidding me? 289 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,787 Shove over. I'm driving. 290 00:11:45,164 --> 00:11:48,959 -(all laughing) -Candy: Ah... sorry. 291 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,170 Got a little turned around at the 18th hole. 292 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,546 All: Hole! 293 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,214 Okay, what am I missing? 294 00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:55,841 Oh, nothing, just the inside joke 295 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,510 that will bond us guys, and not you, forever. 296 00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:01,388 It's a really funny, smart game Junior made up. 297 00:12:01,472 --> 00:12:02,848 We tweak each other's balls 298 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,808 whenever someone says "hole." Oh-- 299 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:05,767 -Hole! -Oh, I did it! 300 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:06,852 -Tweak, tweak, tweak. -Hole! 301 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,021 -(laughing) -That's another. 302 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:12,316 All: Hole! 303 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:16,862 -Whoa! -Dear Lord, I keep forgetting that you're not a small boy! 304 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,490 -(all laughing) -(Candy groans) 305 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,450 Candy: Hello, friends. My day sucked. 306 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,951 Junior won't get off my dick, 307 00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:25,329 and everyone loves him so much. 308 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,873 He'll fuck up soon enough. Ooh, call Junior a... 309 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,208 (whispers): caribou. 310 00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,542 Reindeer freak out at that. 311 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:33,629 No, I still have Devin's joke in my back pocket. 312 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,672 And I picked up these to be safe. 313 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:38,383 The unholy alliance between vaginas and bathrooms 314 00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:41,386 shall shackle women's progress no longer! 315 00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,596 When do we leave for dinner? 316 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:44,056 I need time to iron my tail. 317 00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,349 Yeah, there's some bad news. 318 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,601 The dinner tonight is bros only. 319 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,728 Well, bros and one ho, me. 320 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,022 Going along with this sexist tradition? 321 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,106 It's against who you are. 322 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,108 I fucking have to! Don't you get it? 323 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:57,569 Candy! You just snapped at me. 324 00:12:57,653 --> 00:12:58,570 This is important! 325 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:00,614 And you snap at me all the time! 326 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,533 Because years ago we all agreed that 327 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:05,285 I can dish it out, but I can't take it. 328 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,746 Why is she not honoring my hypocrisy? 329 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:08,997 I wish we could talk more, 330 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:10,624 but I need to throw on my diaper, 331 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,584 and memorize a grotesque sexist joke, 332 00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:15,337 so I can save the world for women everywhere! 333 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:19,258 I have to confess, this whole trip, 334 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,260 it's making me... 335 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,054 -miss Craig. -That's gross and dark. 336 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,973 You're not even the one who got snapped at. 337 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,975 But it triggered me all the same. 338 00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:31,520 When Candy snapped, it reminded me of when I snap at Craig. 339 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,689 He never snaps back. He just grumbles, 340 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,275 "crazy fuckin' bitch," and walks away. 341 00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,570 It's so sweet! (sighs) 342 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,155 I wonder what he and Fun Size are doing right now? 343 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,865 That was a fun day in the sandbox. 344 00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:47,077 Now, does Fun Size wanna hear Daddy tell a story before bed? 345 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:51,832 This was not the playdate I was looking for, asshole. 346 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:54,585 Where the fuck is my baby? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 347 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,756 -Hey, massage buds! -Mrs. Claus! 348 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,968 -You goin' out on the town? -Oh no, I'm headed back 349 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,720 from an early dinner with the Carols. 350 00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:08,807 -Wanna get a drink? -I am horny for friendship. 351 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:10,475 Am I saying that right? 352 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,103 "Horny"? Can you guys use that in a sentence? 353 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,605 (laughs) Hop in! 354 00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,985 (indistinct chatter) 355 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,321 What do you gotta do to flag down a penguin around here? 356 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:26,450 So, should I just, uh, sit in the middle of the table, or what? 357 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,995 My bad. I told them five, but it's six. 358 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,539 -Um, that's for a baby. -It is? 359 00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,833 I swear to God I did not realize that. 360 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,585 I just thought it was for a weak adult. 361 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,170 Waiter, can we get an adult chair, 362 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,255 and 20 to 30 phone books for the lady, please? 363 00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:43,592 Just-- Stop yelling. It's fine. I'll-- This is fine. 364 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:47,262 It's actually cool. It's, uh, less like a high chair for a baby, 365 00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,514 and more like a, a throne for a queen. 366 00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,475 Yo, Candy? You wearin' a diapee? 367 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,477 Uh, yeah, I'm wearing a diaper. 368 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,854 -(baby giggles) -No, of course not. 369 00:14:55,937 --> 00:15:00,150 -Say "night night" 'cause you're about to go down, elf. -We'll see. 370 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,362 Goldie: Candy's snap was like an alligator, Mrs. Claus. 371 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:07,199 Chomp, chomp, chomp. I'll never forget it. 372 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,492 Neither will we! 373 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,786 You've been talking about it for an hour. 374 00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,704 I know you're upset, Goldie, 375 00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:15,540 but Candy's trying to make history. 376 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,000 And once she's named Santa, 377 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,418 she'll have more time for us. 378 00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:22,631 (laughing) More time? 379 00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,800 All Nick has done for 45 years 380 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:27,511 since becoming Successor is work! 381 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,137 He doesn't have time to go to movies, 382 00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:31,264 or have dinner alone with me, 383 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:35,352 let alone, you know, go down on me. 384 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,729 Actually, it's been 20 years. 385 00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:39,898 What? How do you 69? 386 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:43,068 Well, we haven't 69'ed since '96. 387 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:46,780 I remember it was '96 because it was the night Tupac died. 388 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,408 -So they say. -Forget about all that now. 389 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,243 You're on vacation. 390 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:54,371 Let's take this party to another level! 391 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,872 (dance music playing) 392 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,125 (crowd cheering) 393 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,339 Is this it? Is this dancing? I love it! 394 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,259 Santa: Holy shit, it's me! 395 00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,261 An artist is among us! 396 00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,431 Eh, just somethin' I do with my bros at home all the time. 397 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,766 You're like a dickless Michelangelo 398 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:16,435 of smoke ring blowers! 399 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,063 Cardinal Stryker: It's as beautiful as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. 400 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,606 Suck on that, asshole. 401 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:25,235 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! My men, watch this! 402 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,822 -(applause) -(cheers) 403 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,824 You're a wizard of the smoke! 404 00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,951 (Candy coughs and laughs) 405 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,202 Candy: Bros, bros! 406 00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:36,955 I got an amazing joke for you. A dirty one. 407 00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,623 It's gonna blow your dicks off. 408 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:41,460 -Oh, I see Junior's already heard it. -(table laughing) 409 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:44,588 So, a pickle, a cucumber, and a penis sit at a bar. 410 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,466 Girls! It's getting late. 411 00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:51,094 Why not keep the party going, Mrs. Claus? 412 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:55,182 -Hey, what is your first name? -Ugh, I hate it. 413 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:57,184 My dad took it hard when I was born 414 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,643 because he got a third daughter, 415 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,313 so he named me after himself... 416 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,982 the son he always wanted. 417 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,818 -Woo! Yes! -You go, Leonard! Who's a hot bitch? 418 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:09,988 -Leonard is! -Woo-hoo! 419 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,323 Candy: So, the penis says, 420 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:12,949 "What are you complaining about--" 421 00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,868 They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, 422 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:18,163 shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up! 423 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,916 (laughing) 424 00:17:20,999 --> 00:17:23,084 That was my dirty joke! 425 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,836 You're a very amusing woman, 426 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,838 but dirty jokes sound better 427 00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:28,840 coming from a low voice. 428 00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,383 And that's why Vin Diesel 429 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,969 will always be funnier than Lucille Ball. 430 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,471 (laughing) 431 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,348 Ugh, this is out of control. 432 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,725 The fact that the Board of a giant company has 433 00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:40,227 this sexist attitude 434 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,729 means we need big changes at Santa Inc. 435 00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:44,523 Nick! It's happening again. 436 00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:47,651 You promised me she wouldn't suck like with that last speech. 437 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:51,822 I'm having PTSD from the swag bag I never got. 438 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,073 Me likey swag. 439 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:56,785 Me likey free frozen yogurt machine. 440 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:59,287 Candy, you promised you wouldn't do this. 441 00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:01,832 Pull it together and be impressive. 442 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:05,335 Hey, look! The tiramisu's in the fuckin' house! 443 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,673 (cries) 444 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,550 Mrs. Claus: Hello there. 445 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:12,551 Hey, Mrs. Claus. 446 00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135 It's weird we built a whole 447 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,554 tropical villa here 448 00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:18,139 when it's even colder than the North Pole. 449 00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,850 (laughs) 450 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,894 What a fucking waste of money. 451 00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:24,855 What's going on? You look sad. 452 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,941 This night just showed me my dream is a fucking joke. 453 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,986 I feel like I should just spare myself more humiliation, 454 00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:32,237 and just call it a day. 455 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,780 No, you can't! 456 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:35,448 Before I married Santa, 457 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:39,703 I wanted to "be the change I wished to see in the world." 458 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,705 You know, like Gandhi said. 459 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,583 I never was because I gave up. 460 00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,251 Don't do what I did. 461 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,586 Yeah, I get it. 462 00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,045 Though I think that quote 463 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:51,172 has actually been misattributed to Gandhi. 464 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,925 See?! That's why you can't give up! 465 00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:57,429 I misattribute quotes to Gandhi! You don't! 466 00:18:57,512 --> 00:19:01,099 And obviously, there's a million other amazing things about you, 467 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:04,644 but I'm so fucking wasted. 468 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:10,025 Can you help me... up, up, up? 469 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,444 Yes, yes, of course. Let's go. 470 00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:15,614 Please don't give up! 471 00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:18,366 (intense music playing) 472 00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,372 Ooh, too little. 473 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,251 Holy shit! Nice one. 474 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:32,797 Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. 475 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,759 Fuckin' fuck. Fuck. 476 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,636 Fuck my balls. 477 00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:38,762 Got a four! 478 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,556 (laughs) Oh, that is so cute. 479 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,938 (indistinct chatter) 480 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:49,898 (grunts) 481 00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:53,652 ♪ ♪ 482 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,236 Santa: Candy's the man! 483 00:19:55,320 --> 00:20:00,492 (chanting): Candy's the man! Candy's the man! 484 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,160 Okay, okay. A hole-in-one 485 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,704 from the ladies' tee is easy, 486 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,748 but from back here, that takes skill. 487 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,626 -Watch this. -Aw, he's right, you guys. 488 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:15,590 Oh shit! He whacked that tiny girl in the face! 489 00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:16,925 Come on! I didn't even touch her! 490 00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,802 She'll never get a husband now! 491 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,637 -Ow, ow, ah! -Poor, fragile woman! 492 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,848 What if it was my wife or daughter or Virgin Mary? 493 00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,392 Candy: Don't go into the light, Candy! 494 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,893 Jesus Christ! 495 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,645 Candy? Can you, can you, can you get up? 496 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,940 I don't think so. I'm even weaker than normal. 497 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,400 -Liar! -You just whacked this 498 00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,819 fuckin' woman in the head with a golf club, dude. 499 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:36,736 We all saw it! 500 00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,363 Stop lying and apologize to her! 501 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,573 Do you know who I am? Who my father is? 502 00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:41,950 We are not liars. 503 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,369 -That little piece of elf trash is the liar! -(gasps) 504 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,288 I've spent this whole weekend winnin' you assholes over, 505 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,165 then, suddenly, it's all about Candy? 506 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,668 Her hole-in-one, and then her other hole-in-one! 507 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:55,463 Not to mention we just said "hole" 50 different times, 508 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,173 and no one even moved to ball tweak! 509 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,717 What happened to our inside joke?! 510 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,220 Ball tweak, hole! Ball tweak, ball tweak, hole! 511 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,305 Ball tweak, ball tweak. Give me them balls! 512 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,390 Get 'em over here, line 'em up! 513 00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,475 You are outta control, man. 514 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,227 This behavior is fuckin' bullshit 515 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,980 for both a gentleman and future Successor. 516 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,231 So, fuck you, stop it. 517 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,233 Grrr. 518 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,192 (Walrus groans) 519 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:23,950 Hole! 520 00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:26,411 Man, it's hard to watch Junior come undone like that. 521 00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,454 That was fucked up. 522 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:30,915 Chasing the Santa job fucks with your head. 523 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,917 Let's just say that... 524 00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,128 I did some shit I am not proud of. 525 00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:39,132 Tell me. I need some gossip to distract me from this pain. 526 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,092 It's like this, I was born fat. 527 00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:44,137 Okay? As a kid, an adult, always fat. 528 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,681 But top heavy, you know, like, like a big gut, 529 00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:49,100 but... nothin' below really. 530 00:21:49,184 --> 00:21:50,894 And, and I got hung up about it, you know? 531 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,605 N-No kid wants to go see Santa and tell them what they want for Christmas 532 00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:56,775 sitting on some bony-ass fuckin' lap, right? 533 00:21:56,858 --> 00:21:59,277 So, right before being named Successor, 534 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,280 when the decision was still up in the air... 535 00:22:02,363 --> 00:22:04,741 -I got lap implants. -No shit! 536 00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,868 Let me test drive this bitch. 537 00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:10,997 Woo! Ho-ho! It's bouncy! 538 00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,625 It's cozy! You'd never know it was fake. 539 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,752 Indestructible, too. My lap used to look like 540 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,755 a dick and balls just like resting on a wire coat hanger. 541 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,173 It was fuckin' gross. 542 00:22:20,256 --> 00:22:24,260 But now, everything is pure silicone and titanium. 543 00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:26,137 What can I say? Goin' for the red suit... 544 00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:27,806 it'll make you do strange things. 545 00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,474 Yeah, I know. 546 00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:32,519 Oh my god! You set Junior up. 547 00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:34,354 -Is that horrible? -Yes! 548 00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:35,688 You're playin' the game, Candy. 549 00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:37,816 I'm impressed. I didn't know you had it in ya. 550 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:40,235 Honestly, Santa, neither did I. 551 00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,195 Hey, I was wondering something: 552 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:43,988 did you know anything about what went on 553 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:46,825 with the Christmas Spirit bars? 554 00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:49,661 You know what? Forget it. I, I didn't think you did. 555 00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,997 (ship horn blows) 556 00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:56,167 Look, you guys haven't talked to me since yesterday and I-- 557 00:22:56,251 --> 00:22:59,295 I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about this weekend. 558 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,340 You're doing important shit. We support you. 559 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:03,716 But never snap again, okay? 560 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,970 It triggers me to be very upset. 561 00:23:07,053 --> 00:23:09,722 Got it. Never again. 562 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,058 Hey, did I tell you? The Board said I was 563 00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:15,311 "just like one of the guys." 564 00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:16,354 Isn't that cool? 565 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:17,689 I don't know. Is it? 566 00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,858 Yeah! I passed the test! 567 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,527 Then we're happy for you, Candy. 568 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,946 Oh look! There are my guys! 569 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:28,491 -Oh! I missed you! -Really? 570 00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:29,868 But are you only being nice 571 00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:31,202 because you cheated and feel guilty? 572 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:33,163 'Cause I'm not being nice because I fucked up 573 00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:34,581 and lost the baby or anything like that, 574 00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:36,666 and like replaced the baby with an old man or anything, 575 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:37,834 everything went fucking fine. 576 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:40,461 I know you lost Fun Size at the park. 577 00:23:40,545 --> 00:23:42,630 What? I have a hundred trackers baked into that kid. 578 00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,757 He was buried in the sandbox the whole time. 579 00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:47,886 Craig, your wife is one smart Cookie. 580 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:51,681 Hey, Grandpa. What're you doing up? 581 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,058 I only sleep when every woman in the North Pole 582 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:57,061 has been sexually satisfied. You know that. 583 00:23:57,145 --> 00:23:58,646 Right, I forgot. 584 00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,607 I guess I'm tired from the jet lag. 585 00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:03,026 It's the same time zone, but drilling through the Earth 586 00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:04,903 -can take it out of ya. -I get it. 587 00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:07,322 You's is risin' to the top. 588 00:24:08,489 --> 00:24:11,367 (joyful music playing) 589 00:24:21,211 --> 00:24:24,339 (heavy metal music playing) 590 00:24:26,216 --> 00:24:29,928 ♪ You were like a father to me ♪ 591 00:24:30,011 --> 00:24:33,514 ♪ Because you were my dad ♪ 592 00:24:33,598 --> 00:24:36,935 ♪ Ever since your tragic death ♪ 593 00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:40,104 ♪ My heart it hurts real bad ♪ 594 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:42,607 ♪ Our dicks were identical ♪ 595 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:45,193 ♪ The veins, the shaft, the girth ♪ 596 00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:48,321 ♪ Our junk separated at birth ♪ 597 00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:52,075 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 598 00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,495 ♪ Father son schlong, father son dong ♪ 599 00:24:55,578 --> 00:25:00,333 ♪ Whenever I jerk it, I'll sing you this song ♪ 600 00:25:04,712 --> 00:25:06,714 ♪ ♪