1
00:00:04,756 --> 00:00:06,591
Goldie:
Up the chimney!
Down the chimney!

2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,217
Up the chimney!
Down the chimney!

3
00:00:08,301 --> 00:00:10,762
Up on the rooftop.
Jesus, Candy, slow down.

4
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:12,180
Never!
I'll be named

5
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,307
Successor
or die trying!

6
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:15,600
Santa has to see

7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,934
I'm not just a powerhouse

8
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,478
of ideas and efficiency.

9
00:00:18,561 --> 00:00:20,146
I'm a jacked-up beast

10
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,564
who can toss
a 100-pound bag

11
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,150
of toys over my shoulder,
like this!

12
00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,860
-(grunts)
-(cracks)

13
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:27,945
(grunting)

14
00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:30,239
Cuthbert Ng:
Holiday News Network
breaking news.

15
00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:31,783
Live from Easter Island.

16
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:34,452
Easter is cracking like
a motherfucking egg.

17
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,496
Sources inside
Easter Enterprises

18
00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:38,289
tell us that Petunia Rabbit,

19
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,500
daughter of the very
religious Peter Rabbit,

20
00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:43,795
is out as the company C.E.O.
after it was revealed

21
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,755
that she's had
thousands of abortions.

22
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:47,840
Oh shit!
There's Petunia now!

23
00:00:47,924 --> 00:00:49,133
Petunia! Petunia!

24
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,176
Do you have
any comments

25
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,386
about being fired
by your own father?

26
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,972
Oh, yeah, my dad's
a fuckin' freak.

27
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,767
I mean, he's a hypocrite
hiding behind religion.

28
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,352
Who cares about
my personal life?

29
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:01,896
What about the millions
of hard-boiled, pastel-dyed

30
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:05,942
abortions hidden
in kids' yards
every Easter?

31
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:08,361
Just stop
following me!

32
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:12,490
(joyful music playing)

33
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:25,545
Good news:
You're a 75-year-old man

34
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,214
with the body
of a 75-year-old lady.

35
00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:31,801
Because of your
womanly hips... get it?

36
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:36,222
Why am I having another physical
so soon after Christmas Eve?

37
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,182
The Board is so paranoid.

38
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,726
I'm not gonna
keel over before
I pick a Successor.

39
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,854
How about me
as the next Santa?

40
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,897
I am a doctor,
and I deliver

41
00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:48,109
bad news to patients,
like presents. Get it?

42
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,027
Of course I get it.
It's not subtle at all.

43
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,613
Yep, I could be the next Santa.
My one stipulation?

44
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:54,532
I don't work on Christmas.
Get it?

45
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,909
And, oh, sorry, I don't
make house calls. Get it?

46
00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:59,704
The hell, man?
Why is my own doctor
makin' me sick?

47
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,998
Which is actually
a good joke. Take notes.

48
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,333
Just toss me
some‘zans,
and get lost.

49
00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:05,960
(phone chimes)

50
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,004
Fuck! The board just
announced your date

51
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,756
for choosing a Successor
is moved up to Thanksgiving.

52
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,801
Why the fuck are we always
on Thanksgiving's time schedule?

53
00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:16,429
The whole holiday is
based on an imperialist lie.

54
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,556
Not to mention,
the turkey is always dry.

55
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,726
Everyone, relax.
This is my legacy.

56
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,936
I don't want people dissin'
my ass when I'm dead.

57
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,771
I'm okay being fondled
when I'm dead.

58
00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:27,940
If it makes some
necrophiliac happy,
go for it.

59
00:02:28,024 --> 00:02:30,401
-Life is for the living.
-I thought I figured
it out with Candy,

60
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,944
and the whole,
like, woman thing,

61
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:35,406
and then, she just fuckin'
blew it with the Board.

62
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,866
I mean, yes, she has ideas,

63
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:40,328
but can she
really be the face
of Christmas?

64
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,121
Oh no!

65
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:45,791
Unrelated, I used to model
in my 20s, hmm?

66
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,084
To be clear, I am saying,

67
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:49,253
I would make a very
photogenic Successor,

68
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,839
so keep me in mind.
First gay Santa!

69
00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:54,550
Except for Nick the Ninth,
that closeted fuck.

70
00:02:54,634 --> 00:02:56,802
(knock on window)

71
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,847
No!
Wash the fuckin' windows!

72
00:02:59,931 --> 00:03:01,098
Do you see what's
happening here?

73
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:03,225
-I'm under siege.
-Hey!

74
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:05,978
Get me out of here!

75
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:09,231
Look at that.
You wanna be Santa, too.
Don't you, little man?

76
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:12,151
Adorable, but also, you're
stressing me the fuck out.

77
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,196
Literally getting pressure
from every direction.

78
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,992
Ah! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

79
00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:22,244
(intense music plays)

80
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,622
Hey!
I have a rape whistle!

81
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,666
Ahh, this is my
consensual sex whistle.

82
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:29,669
Fuck, where's my rape one?
Rape. Rape, rape, rape...

83
00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:32,630
Fear not sexual assault,
Candy Smalls.

84
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,342
It is time to reveal
my true identity.

85
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,512
Candy:
The tooth fairy?
Wait, no, President Nixon?

86
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:40,846
Oh, just a bunny?

87
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,349
I had some hard-hitting
questions for Nixon.

88
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,726
I am not just
some bunny.

89
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:48,771
I happen to be
the emissary
for Peter Rabbit.

90
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,482
He'd like to interview you
at his home for C.E.O.

91
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,275
of Easter Enterprises.

92
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:54,944
Thanks,
but I'm not interested.

93
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,071
Santa Inc. is my home,
and, I'll be honest,

94
00:03:57,154 --> 00:04:00,366
a company that denies
a woman her bodily autonomy,

95
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:01,867
even for religious reasons,

96
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:02,994
is not for me.

97
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,954
Oh, that's the story
Petunia spread

98
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:08,040
to hide the real
reason she was fired,

99
00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:10,042
her mental instability.

100
00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:13,254
Peter is heartbroken
about what has happened
with his little girl.

101
00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:14,880
Oh my god.

102
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:18,467
This is the interview
of a lifetime, Miss Smalls.

103
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:19,927
Think about it.

104
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:25,349
Osama Bun Laden.

105
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,228
Candy:
Oh my god, Santa
would freak if he knew

106
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,063
I went to a job interview,

107
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:32,565
and he's been weird to me

108
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:35,109
ever since the State
of the Workshop speech.

109
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,445
And Easter? Ham? Barf.

110
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,947
I'm not eating trafe
unless it's shrimp cocktail,

111
00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:42,033
or, like, really good sushi...

112
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,410
or, I guess, like,
anything from a raw bar.

113
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,037
You should do it!
Nothin' makes a man

114
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,955
appreciate you more
than seeing how bad

115
00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:50,207
some other fool wants you.

116
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,209
-Play the game.
-I already got a game.

117
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,962
-Being a mad-pimp
at my job, bitches!
-(bell rings)

118
00:04:55,046 --> 00:04:57,423
Jingle Jim (on speaker):
Lunch hour over. Back to work.

119
00:04:57,506 --> 00:05:00,342
Only 289 more days
until Christmas Eve.

120
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:02,261
(yawns)
I'm taking a nap.

121
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,472
Larson gave us
an extra hour
for lunch

122
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,807
while the VIPs do
their private tasting.

123
00:05:06,891 --> 00:05:08,768
What?!
I'm a VIP!

124
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,311
Why didn't you
mention this earlier?

125
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:12,605
Because I have
a busy fucking life

126
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:15,191
that doesn't include
keeping your schedule.

127
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:18,819
I am so tired!
It's like I can barely--

128
00:05:18,903 --> 00:05:21,739
(snoring)

129
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,033
Ahh!

130
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,244
The gummy snakes are
much more realistic
this year, Larson.

131
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,789
I thought I was
getting attacked
by snakes just now.

132
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,040
Thank you,
thank you.

133
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:32,792
My ladies,
they work hard.

134
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:34,335
Wazzup, dudes?!

135
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,129
Yeah, just found out
the candy tasting was today,

136
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:39,131
which is bonkers,
considering I am

137
00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:41,801
-Stocking Stuffer Safety Czar.
-You were invited.

138
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,512
Did the email go
to your junk folder?
The subject line was,

139
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,306
"Do You Want a Bigger Penis?"
Get it? Junk folder?

140
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:51,060
I save my junk folder
for Friday night reading.

141
00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,855
Last week,
I found out my cousin,
Gerhardt, has lupus.

142
00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:57,483
Will you just make sure
to mention the taffy valve flow,

143
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,151
and the gummy-shaper protocol?

144
00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:01,278
Any lapse can
cause a messy spill.

145
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:04,740
(sarcastically):
A messy spill? Oh no.
Sounds so important.

146
00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:06,826
Nurse, get us a moist
towelette, stat.

147
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,912
-Not a messy spill.
-(group laughing)

148
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,498
Ugh! I am out.

149
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,917
And just so you know,
the women of the North Pole

150
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,627
make fun of one of your dicks.

151
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,004
Have fun wondering whose it is.

152
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:21,799
Well, it's not me.
I have a beautiful penis.

153
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:25,177
As I've been
told by my wife
and my doctor.

154
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,054
Jeremy:
If I'm not a millionaire
by the time I'm 30,

155
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:30,057
I am killing myself,
and that's a promise.

156
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,559
Hey!
Is, uh, Candy around?

157
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,352
I feel kinda shitty
about yesterday.

158
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:34,645
Wanted to take
her to lunch.

159
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,813
Ugh, I gotta go.

160
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,898
Some fat guy just
barged into my office.

161
00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:39,358
Oh, she's not here,

162
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,943
and I can't tell you why

163
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:43,571
because I'm not
a blabbermouth...

164
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:44,822
buuut...

165
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,866
this goss is way too hot
to keep to myself!

166
00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:48,492
Candy went to interview
with Peter Rabbit

167
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,036
to become C.E.O.
of Easter Enterprises!

168
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,329
She what?!

169
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,542
(light music playing)

170
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:04,758
Oh.

171
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,677
-La, la, la.
-(laughing)

172
00:07:07,386 --> 00:07:11,932
(grunting)

173
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:14,894
Welcome to Easter Enterprises!

174
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:18,772
Embrace the pastel.
Inhale the fake grass.

175
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:22,568
Behold the basket.
Enjoy the mango--

176
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,695
Ahh!
(grunts)

177
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,323
Don't shoot!
That's... my mother.

178
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,158
(whispers):
How did you know
I was here?

179
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,534
Your assistant told me,

180
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,244
but I am not
missing my chance

181
00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:34,038
to snag the Peter Rabbit.

182
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,207
I've been masturbating
to his picture for years.

183
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,918
I don't even
know what the back
of his head looks like.

184
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,961
I wish I could be mad,
but I'm just so impressed

185
00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:44,089
you hung to the bottom
of a plane for three hours.

186
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,258
Now please stay
out of my way
while we're here.

187
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:47,343
(horse whinnies)

188
00:07:50,763 --> 00:07:54,600
Oh, but those teeth,
and those legs.

189
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,518
Aye, aye, aye!

190
00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,646
Candy Smalls...

191
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:00,773
Thank you for coming
to meet with me.

192
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:02,691
I am quite an admirer.

193
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:04,401
I read your op-ed
in "The North Atlantic."

194
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:07,112
It made me feel,
and it made me think.

195
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:09,156
That was exactly
what I was going for!

196
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,951
And who is this
enchanting beauty?

197
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,787
Your much younger
half-sister from your
father's third marriage?

198
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:17,706
Oh, I'm her mom.
You're so handsome,

199
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,459
just like I imagined
you'd be when I mastur--

200
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:24,338
mastered the art of...
touching myself.

201
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,343
-Jingle Jim: Ahh!
-(cat yelps)

202
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,307
How about another
round before work?

203
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,935
We can christen a new
bottle of poppers.

204
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,396
Fuck yeah.
Bust that shit out.

205
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:45,776
(grunting)
Oh god! Shit! Ah.

206
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,279
-Gnarly!
-Oh.

207
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,322
Girl, just jerk off
and sleep.

208
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:51,573
Good luck!

209
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,368
(phone ringing)

210
00:08:56,996 --> 00:08:58,664
Good morning, Santa.

211
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:02,501
I can't come in today.
F-- Uh, food poisoning.

212
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,461
Love you.

213
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:07,006
Dammit.
Of all the days
for Jim to be sick.

214
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,340
Everyone is turning on me.

215
00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:10,259
First Brent, now Candy.

216
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,343
It feels terrible.

217
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:12,845
I'm not good at comforting.

218
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:14,847
You've never even said
one nice thing to me.

219
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:18,642
Easter Island?
Easter fuckin' Island
of all fuckin' places.

220
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:21,020
Candy fucking
backstabbing asshole.

221
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:23,188
Your Jolly-ness,
I, I am Devin,

222
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:27,067
intern to Candy, uh,
Duchess of Smalls.

223
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:28,986
Cut that shit out.
Can I get some food?

224
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,864
Gettin' low blood sug.
It's makin' me cranks-y.

225
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,949
-Oh, ya think?
-(clears throat) If I may,

226
00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:37,661
uh, allow me to suggest
a meatball submarine, sir?

227
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,372
-Uh, there's a place nearby--
-Yes, I'll drive.

228
00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:45,044
♪ ♪

229
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:47,546
This place
is incredible.

230
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,506
Delivering eggs makes
you a lotta money.

231
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,550
Peter, is there
somewhere I can, uh...

232
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,761
how do you say
this ladylike,

233
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,723
scrub the travel
dust off my beaver?

234
00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,266
Put a comb
through my pubes.

235
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:00,434
Mom, the man
runs Easter!

236
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,393
He doesn't
wanna hear about

237
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:03,312
your filthy
fucking genitals!

238
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,688
I apologize, sir.

239
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,940
Bathroom at the top
of the stairs, my dear.

240
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,861
Let's get
right to it.

241
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,738
Easter Enterprise
has always had

242
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,240
a simple ethos,
community.

243
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,785
I do the White House
Easter Egg Roll,

244
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,578
but my sons
deliver the baskets,

245
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,455
all of which are
handmade with organic

246
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,123
and sustainable
material, of course.

247
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:26,377
Communally run,
and environmentally
responsible?

248
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,380
Wow, this is spank bank
material for me.

249
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,673
As C.E.O.,
you'll be number one,

250
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,759
and I don't know what
I'll do if you turn me down.

251
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,052
You're the only candidate.

252
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,847
Only me?
Well, I'm all ears!
Literally.

253
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,057
Well, we both are.

254
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,642
(both laughing)

255
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:45,437
-Candy: Oh!
-Candy, meet my oldest son,
my heir, Peter the Third.

256
00:10:45,521 --> 00:10:47,856
P3. He's a bit of
a Candy Smalls fanboy,

257
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,566
or more than a bit.
He's obsessed.

258
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,111
Don't pay any
attention to him, Candy.
I'm not a stalker.

259
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,113
I mean, I, I love your work,
but I, I, I don't, like,

260
00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:56,657
follow everything that you do.
I mean, I-I'm up to date

261
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,283
on some of the thin--
I'm-- I just-- I'm a fan.

262
00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,827
No, no, no!
Be a stalker if you want.

263
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:03,122
You're cute.
I could do worse.
I should be so lucky.

264
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,790
-(P3 chuckles)
-Well, that's for sure.

265
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,750
P42 just grew
out his man bun.

266
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,711
Son, why don't you give
our guest the grand tour?

267
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:12,798
And I'll show
her mom around.

268
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:16,343
(snoring)

269
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:18,345
Cookie, I just
saw you dozing off.

270
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:20,806
-Can I do anything to help?
-Well, you could give me

271
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,308
what most
industrialized
nations provide,

272
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,185
health insurance
with maternity leave.

273
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,855
It sickens my heart that
we don't provide that,

274
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:30,065
-but what can you do?
-Revise the system?

275
00:11:30,149 --> 00:11:32,151
Prioritize empathy
and compassion?

276
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:35,279
Ha! You and me both.
Okay, keep going, girls.

277
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,989
Love your work ethic!

278
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,574
(softly):
So sexy.

279
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:39,491
Eww.

280
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,746
-(snoring)
-(intense music plays)

281
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:47,583
(high-pitched whirl)

282
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,501
Devin:
We call them subs
'cause the shape

283
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:51,420
is like
a submarine
of bread.

284
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:55,090
I used to love these subs
when I was in school,

285
00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,967
and they're still good.

286
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,011
So, uh... how's
the internship goin'?

287
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:02,055
Candy is so cool.
She's a maverick,
ahead of her time--

288
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:06,351
Candy?!
Devin, you know I chose
the first Black Successor.

289
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,686
That was a big deal.
Everyone was like,

290
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,146
"This is crazy!
You can't do this."

291
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,023
And I was like,
"No, it's time.

292
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:12,399
"You know what?
It's fuckin' past time.

293
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,486
It was time a long time ago,
and now, it's long overdue."

294
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,446
And everyone's like,
"He's Black. He can't do it."

295
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,198
And I'm like,
"Fuck that! I know that,

296
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:22,034
even though he's Black...
he can do it."

297
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:23,410
Well, you made history.

298
00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:25,871
Holy shit!
I can't believe I'm bolstering

299
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,748
Santa's seemingly fragile ego!

300
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,958
Now, I'm basically back
to the drawing board, though.

301
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:31,710
All I hear all day,

302
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,045
(mockingly):
"Who's the new Successor?"

303
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:36,256
"Please, make me
the new Successor."
(groans)

304
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:39,259
Take today off.
Chill with me and my frat bros.

305
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:40,844
-What house you in?
-Igma Loo.

306
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,263
Dude, I was Igma Loo!

307
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:45,265
God bless Igma Loo!

308
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,226
-Everyone else is a pile of poo!
-...is a pile of poo!

309
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:50,521
-Nice!
-Yeah, that's why I chose it
because you're my hero.

310
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,439
I bought some of your
beard hair on the internet.

311
00:12:52,523 --> 00:12:56,401
-Look what I had it made into.
-It looks real. Jesus.

312
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,403
Who in my house is doing this?

313
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,822
You know what?
You're right.
I need a break.

314
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,407
Let's go visit
the old house.

315
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,409
If we hurry,
we can catch
the snowball fight.

316
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,119
Oh, I used
to love those.

317
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:10,290
Shovin' snow down
the bros' backs.
Wild times.

318
00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,959
-Devin: Knock his ass out!
-Frat Guy 1: Woo! Yeah!

319
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,418
Frat Guy 2:
Turn him into water!

320
00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,837
Drink that fucker
for breakfast!

321
00:13:15,921 --> 00:13:20,050
-Make him bleed his own blood.
-Holy shit, things have changed.

322
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,094
Yo, that fool Devin
brought Santa!

323
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,221
Two mutha-fuckin'
kings among us!

324
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:28,225
Frat Guys (chanting):
Kings! Kings! Kings!

325
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,644
-(work horn blows)
-Ugh, I slept an hour.

326
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,313
The baby went crazy,
and ate our guest room.

327
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:36,108
We were in
the ER all night.
I feel like shit.

328
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,735
-Yeah, you do look really bad.
-Fuck you!

329
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:41,154
Get your roots done,
and then we'll talk.

330
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:42,281
(gasps):
Shit!

331
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:45,784
-Taffy spill! Evacuate!
-(all screaming)

332
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:46,910
Where is Larson?!

333
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,913
I love your lady brain
as much as your body.

334
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,373
I love women.

335
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,458
Cookie, we gotta go!

336
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,253
If Larson is gone,
I'm the shift leader!

337
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,463
I need to make sure
everyone's out safe!

338
00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:02,301
Even if it means
I can't go home
for days or months.

339
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:05,053
(siren wailing)

340
00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:08,473
This is where
my brothers and I
train every year.

341
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,059
Oh, look!
There are 400
of 'em over there.

342
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,854
Hey, guys!
P240, P15,

343
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,689
-love what you're doin'!
-Candy: Whew...

344
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,066
I can feel the burn
in my glutes already.

345
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,818
-(camera clicks)
-Oh, that was
for my trainer.

346
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,778
She'll be impressed
I got a workout in.

347
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,822
P3:
A trainer?
You're in perfect shape.

348
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,991
Oh, sorry.
That was inappropriate.

349
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,619
I mean... what's
"perfect" shape anyway?

350
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,703
I-- It's all subjective.

351
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,371
I mean, you're
my perfect shape.
For me.

352
00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:33,707
I mean, for a girl that
I'd be attracted to.
I mean--

353
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:37,502
Oh no, anytime you wanna
compliment my body, I consent.

354
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,713
(chuckles)
And, you know, I feel,

355
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,423
I feel like being
a leader requires

356
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,175
mental and physical strength,

357
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,136
so I push myself...
hard.

358
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,804
You know,
I'm talking quads,

359
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,307
delts, trips, septets,

360
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,893
hambones, all of‘em.
The whole thing.

361
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,061
I envy your career.

362
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,188
I mean, resurrection,
it's bullshit, right?

363
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:59,232
We only have one life to live.
We gotta give it all we got.

364
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,233
Candy:
What are
your dreams?

365
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,027
Uh, to blow up
this island,

366
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,363
and boil two-thirds
of my family in a stew?

367
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,698
-(laughs)
-Not you P83!

368
00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:07,783
You're great!

369
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,451
(both laughing)

370
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:12,245
My quarters, which brings
us to the end of the tour,

371
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:16,208
-and our time together.
-No! I don't want it to end.

372
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,877
Well, maybe it
doesn't have to if
you can convince

373
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,379
your daughter
to take the job.

374
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:21,630
Wouldn't that
be wonderful?

375
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:22,964
All of us...
together.

376
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:25,217
Oh, if I can't
convince Candy
on merit,

377
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,470
I'm happy to roofie her.
I've done it before.

378
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,347
It's so hot when you joke about

379
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,890
committing crimes
against your daughter.

380
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,017
Where does that
old saying come from,

381
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:35,268
"Fuck like rabbits"?

382
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:38,897
(laughs)
I mean, it's never
"Fuck like llamas,"

383
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:42,275
or pigeons,
but "fuck like rabbits."

384
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,735
Care to explain that to me?

385
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,987
Let me show
you instead.

386
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:50,117
-(grunting)
-(giggling)

387
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,035
Big Candy:
I like the size
of that carrot.

388
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:55,080
-(rock music playing)
-(Frat Guys cheering)

389
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:58,041
This is way better
than being at work.

390
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,501
(laughs)
Come here!

391
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,380
-Yeah!
-(Frat Guys cheering)

392
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,053
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

393
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,847
P3:
I have to show you something.

394
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,598
You know when I said
I wasn't passionate

395
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,350
about anything in my life?

396
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:17,102
That wasn't true.

397
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,895
Wow, look at all
these tapestries.

398
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,940
I, I never thought yarn
could give me the chills.

399
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,234
The pathos you get
out of this, it's--

400
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,736
Really?
Oh my god.

401
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,404
Wow, I'm so happy
you like them.

402
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,072
Uh, no one knows
about this place,

403
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,408
but you made
me brave enough
to speak my truth.

404
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,201
Actually,
to scream it.

405
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,662
(shouts): I hate
the corporate world,

406
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:38,623
and I love
weaving tapestries!

407
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:42,043
Yes! Oh my god!
I feel alive!

408
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,337
-Yes!
-(both laughing)

409
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,009
You have
beautiful ears.

410
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:52,137
So perky and big.

411
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,805
-May I touch them?
-Sure.

412
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:57,350
I mean,
they're nothing compared
to your long, furry ones.

413
00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,144
(moans)

414
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,229
(moans)

415
00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:05,066
(sensual music playing)

416
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:08,361
(moans)

417
00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:14,534
-(phone ringing)
-Fuck. It's the office.

418
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,077
Hey, Jer.
Everything okay?

419
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:18,371
Jeremy (on phone, crying):
No, I'm at the candy factory.

420
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:22,709
It's a mess, and everyone
in charge of shit is M.I.A.!

421
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:25,045
Candy:
It's because those assholes
didn't take the proper safety

422
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,756
measures during that tasting.
Is anyone hurt?

423
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,174
Jeremy:
One lady worker is stuck.

424
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,675
She looks dead,
but she's snoring,

425
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,177
so I think she's sleeping.

426
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,679
Mmm, sweet relief.

427
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:36,681
Calm down.
I'll be back soon.

428
00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:38,683
Aw, I need
to leave, but...

429
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:41,478
I've decided to accept
your father's offer.

430
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,357
(Santa groaning)

431
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,574
Thank you for today.
For real, I feel
so unstressed

432
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,451
for the first
time in weeks.

433
00:17:56,535 --> 00:17:59,162
-You really helped me.
-Are you kidding me?

434
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,831
You helped me out.

435
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,499
I brought Santa
to a party!

436
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,959
I've got serious
street cred

437
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,794
for the first time
with my bros.

438
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:08,880
Mmm, I know it looks like
I'm just another Igma Loo,

439
00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,549
but the bros can be mean,

440
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:14,344
they make fun of my hair,
my clothes, that I'm dyslexic--

441
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,097
Dude, I'm dyslexic as fuck, too.

442
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,098
-You are?
-Santa: Yeah!

443
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,391
How did you pull it together?

444
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,893
I mean... look at you.
You're Santa.

445
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:26,106
Well, uh, I became
the class clown,
and then, I got fat,

446
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,233
which made me even
more hilarious.

447
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,403
Fat men are very funny,
but fat women are disgusting.

448
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,614
I get it.
People laugh so hard
when I push my fat gut

449
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,242
around my belly button,
and call it a "hair bagel."

450
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,079
Let's maybe
change out that shirt.

451
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,998
-I think we're the same size.
-Really?

452
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,332
I mean, I'm just
eyeballin' it here,

453
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:47,043
but I feel like you
might be a little
fatter than me.

454
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,087
Fatter than Santa?

455
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,338
Thank you!

456
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:51,631
So, Candy's
going back,

457
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:52,799
but then,
she's quitting.

458
00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:54,926
(laughs)
We did it, son.

459
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,887
Santa Incorporated
is going down.

460
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,263
Suck on this, Nick!

461
00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,598
We can't do this, Papa.

462
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,099
Shut it! Listen to me.

463
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:04,019
That piece of jolly shit
has destroyed Easter.

464
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,729
Do we have
a Black Friday?
No!

465
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,189
Are kids worried they
won't get a basket
of shitty candy

466
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,442
and cheap-ass
stuffed animals?
No!

467
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,777
Easter used to be
the biggest holiday
out there.

468
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,614
Then Santa fucked us.
But no more!

469
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:18,366
Once we get all the secrets
of Santa Inc. out of Candy,

470
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:21,036
I will rule the holiday world!

471
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,873
Christmas will be as
important as one of those
dog-shit Jewish holidays.

472
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,791
And Easter will happen
every month of the year.

473
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,961
Fuck the resurrection.
Peter Rabbit will
be the new Jesus.

474
00:19:30,045 --> 00:19:31,463
Watch out world!

475
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,632
(evil laughter)

476
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,634
But, Papa, this
seems too big for--

477
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:40,096
This was a simple
seduce and destroy mission,
and now you're backing out?

478
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,391
You'll basically
be Jesus' son,
which makes you--

479
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:46,853
Oh, I don't fuckin'
know the guy's name,
but you'll be huge!

480
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:47,938
We all will be.

481
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,689
Do you even care
about this company?

482
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,858
I am not a company man!

483
00:19:51,942 --> 00:19:55,820
To be honest,
I'm more of a crafts... man?

484
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:58,406
I make tapestries.
That's my passion.

485
00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,824
(chuckling)
Tapestries?

486
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,493
You're a rabbit,
not a pussy.

487
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,745
Just shut up
with that shit,
stick to the plan,

488
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,622
and soon enough,
Santa Inc., Santa,

489
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:08,166
and Candy Smalls
will be screwed.

490
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,168
You sick son-of-a-bitch.

491
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,504
That's my daughter!

492
00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:14,965
(grunting)

493
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:17,926
We need to find Candy.
Here, put on my sweatshirt.

494
00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:23,390
Mom, your
vagina's out!

495
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:25,892
Alarming and sexy,
my go-to style.

496
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,310
Anyway, we
need to scram.

497
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,729
Peter only wants
you here to settle
a grudge with Santa.

498
00:20:29,813 --> 00:20:32,399
But he loved
my article about
global warming.

499
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,984
That was just a scam, Candy.

500
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,528
My father's hatred of Santa
has turned his heart evil.

501
00:20:36,611 --> 00:20:38,530
We have to go before
he calls his guards!

502
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:42,951
-(intense music plays)
-(zombie rabbits growling)

503
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,913
(grunting)

504
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,290
Ah!

505
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:50,333
-(P3 grunts)
-Ah!

506
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,669
Sorry, brother,
but it's biblical,

507
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,462
and you suck.

508
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,506
(Candy grunts)

509
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,342
-(fighting)
-(P3 grunting)

510
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,346
♪ ♪

511
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,977
(growling)

512
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,395
We don't have
much time.

513
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:13,023
They'll go through
those carrots in a minute.

514
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:14,566
(grunts)

515
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,282
Petunia:
Over here!

516
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:26,369
The only female rabbit
without children is
here to save the day.

517
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,954
-Wait!
-Come on!

518
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,748
I'm sorry. I can't go.

519
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,374
My dad might kill me, yes,

520
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:33,585
but I have to try
and save my home.

521
00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:37,297
There's a resistance forming.
We will make Easter good again.

522
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,090
But I love you, Candy Smalls.

523
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,300
I love you, too.

524
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:43,011
♪ ♪

525
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:46,056
Petunia:
Behind you, brother!

526
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,266
Feral freaks at 6:00!

527
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,310
(growling)

528
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:56,733
Hop over this, bitch!

529
00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:00,361
♪ ♪

530
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,617
Take care of her, sister!

531
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:06,993
Precious cargo!

532
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,789
Candy:
Thanks for kicking
that freak's ass.

533
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:13,458
I know you've been
masturbating to him
for years,

534
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,085
so... means a lot.

535
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:16,920
Of course.
Listen...

536
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,297
I know I haven't
been the best mom.

537
00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:22,717
I belittle you,
forge your checks,
steal from your 401k.

538
00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,761
Once I sold your kidney
on the open market--

539
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:28,181
Yeah, I know all of this.
I get audited every year
because of you.

540
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:32,185
Wow, you were one
step ahead of me
the whole time?

541
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:35,522
You are
a smarty-pants,
like your father.

542
00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:36,981
You remind me
so much of him.

543
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,484
Sometimes
when I see you,
it makes me so sad.

544
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,277
Then I get mad
that he's gone,

545
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:42,779
and I lash out at you.

546
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,948
-And I'm sorry, honey.
-Oh.

547
00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:47,408
Your dad was sweet,
just like you,

548
00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:51,538
but it did not get
him far in his career
in the coal mines.

549
00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:53,706
I don't want you
to make the same mistake.

550
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:56,668
See the snakes
in the grass, Candy,

551
00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:59,712
then you become
a snake yourself.

552
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,550
(tires screeching)

553
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:05,343
I gotta get
to the candy factory.

554
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,846
Petunia, thank you,
and good luck to you.

555
00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:09,639
“My body, my choice!”

556
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,599
Amen, woman!

557
00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:15,019
(snoring)

558
00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:18,398
-Boss, wake up.
-Oh, will you stop screaming?

559
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:21,067
We have to get to
the candy factory fast.

560
00:23:21,151 --> 00:23:22,569
While I was,
uh, out sick,

561
00:23:22,652 --> 00:23:25,196
we had
a Chernobyl-level
taffy event.

562
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,365
The press is
all over it.
Wha--

563
00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:30,326
What exactly would
you call what you're
wearing right now?

564
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:34,581
Best years of my life, dude.

565
00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:36,332
Stir in
the peanut butter,
stat!

566
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:39,127
The oil will
loosen up the taffy.
Come on, people!

567
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:41,629
This is Safety Czar 101 shit.

568
00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:44,924
And see?
Okay, it's working.
Cookie, you're free!

569
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,510
No, wait! Please let me stay.

570
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,971
I've only made a dent
in my sleep deprivation.

571
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:53,099
I'm here with Candy Smalls,
Number Two at Santa Inc.

572
00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:55,393
Looks like the spill
is safely under control,

573
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:56,477
but it makes us think:

574
00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:58,563
With the pressures of
choosing a Successor,

575
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,565
has Santa started
to lose it?

576
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:02,942
The Successor
will be with us
for a generation,

577
00:24:03,026 --> 00:24:05,445
and Santa is wise
to take his time.

578
00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:07,989
The only newsworthy
story here is
that Santa Inc.

579
00:24:08,072 --> 00:24:10,325
is running as
smoothly ever!

580
00:24:12,702 --> 00:24:14,204
You didn't have
to cover for me,

581
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:17,081
but thank you.
I'm glad you did.

582
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:19,542
It's good to have you back.
That is, if you are back.

583
00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:23,838
If I haven't, in fact,
lost you to Peter Rabbit.

584
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:26,883
Oh my god.
Peter Rabbit's
fucking insane.

585
00:24:30,637 --> 00:24:33,181
I mean, his offer was
fucking insane... the offer.

586
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:36,601
It was just so much.
So many benefits,
so much freedom.

587
00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:40,480
But, you know,
I realized, whether you
make me Successor or not,

588
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:43,983
I would rather be
a team player here
at Santa Inc.

589
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:45,860
than running
the whole show there.

590
00:24:45,944 --> 00:24:48,780
That's massive...
What a character revealer.

591
00:24:48,863 --> 00:24:52,033
Like, I feel like
I know you like, like
so much more now.

592
00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:56,454
And you know what?
I, may-be, perhaps judged

593
00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:59,499
your speech to the Board
a little too harshly.

594
00:24:59,582 --> 00:25:04,754
-Welcome home, Candy.
-Thanks, Santa.
It's good to be back.

595
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:08,258
I'm coming to you live
from the insurrection
at Easter Isle.

596
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:12,595
Warning: You will never look
at a rabbit the same way again.

597
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:15,139
-(fighting)
-(laughing)

598
00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:20,603
Happy Easter,
muthafucka.

599
00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:23,147
Yolks on you, bitch.

600
00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:26,359
(light music playing)

601
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,366
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪

602
00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:41,332
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪

603
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:48,631
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

604
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:52,343
♪ Na, na, na, na ♪

605
00:25:55,763 --> 00:25:58,349
♪ Na, na, na ♪

606
00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:08,276
♪ ♪

607
00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:18,328
♪ Na, na ♪
♪ Na, na ♪