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WORKOUT MUSIC

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SKIPPING ROPE THWACKS

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Mike?

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119, 120...

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Yes? Oh!

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Rochelle.

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How are you?

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How am I? How do you think I am?
I'm dreadful.

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The OCD's back. I'm obsessing.

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I'm fine. I'm not fine.
I mean, nobody is, are they?

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But, you know, I haven't lost a leg.

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Not yet.

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How are you?

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I'm good. Yeah.

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I'm good, thank you.

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So, where are you?

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I'm in Bristol.

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Bristol?
Exactly! That's why I had to talk!

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I'm isolated.

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No, everyone's isolated, I know,
but I'm more than isolated.

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I'm... I'm... I'm marooned, darling.

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So, what are you doing there?
Touring. A new play.

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We were waiting to see
how we were going to carry on

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and then when we did get
the "abandon ship",

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I was thinking about the train,
you know, back.

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It's all, you know...

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Christ, it's like sitting
in a petri dish

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at the best of times isn't it?

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And it's two hours of that
back to London!

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And then I was just thinking about
the masks, everyone with the masks

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and that's a trigger, isn't it?
You know that's a trigger.

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So I just waited. I waited
and I hesitated and I just...

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Oh, I missed my window.

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I'm sorry. Have we started?
I feel like I'm starting already.

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Sure. If that's what you wanna do.

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Well, is it still one ten?

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Still 110?

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Cos I'm just thinking,
you're not paying the rental

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on the consulting suite, are you?

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So, I was wondering
if this would be... mate's rates?

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Mates rates are for chat,
therapy's 110.

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Thoroughly fine. Completely fine.
I am just glad that we can...

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So, what do you wanna talk about?

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Are you serious?

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Last time we spoke,
you seemed to be all right.

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Yes, and then the plague made
an unexpected and unwelcome return!

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Christ, Rochelle!
OK, OK, but what is it exactly?

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What is it exactly?

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Exactly, I think I'm going to get it
and I'm going to die.

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Obviously.
I mean, it's not coded, is it?

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Come on. You don't have to
break down my subconscious

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or interpret my dreams.

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It's not a rare form of scrofula.

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The whole world's getting it,
Rochelle.

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I'm not holding out for
a burst of tertiary syphilis here!

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I have a feeling...
No, it's more than a feeling,

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it's a conviction that it's gonna...

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OK, feel your feet on the floor.
Stay grounded.

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I'm literally lightheaded...
You're OK. You're all right.

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Take your time.
It's fine. It's fine.

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Oh!
Are you doing anything physical?

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Yes. Yes. I was just doing
a session right now.

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What's that?

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It's a washing line. I'm skipping.
A washing line?

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Have you tried buying anything
exercise-related online lately?

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Don't bother!
I don't just mean the cheap stuff.

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Six grand rowing machine,
back in stock, December 2025.

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Selfish bastards.  You know,
I'm sure we're all strung out.

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Stop it! Don't you dare.
You're a psychiatrist.

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You're not allowed to be strung out.

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The skipping, do you do it outside
for Vitamin D?

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No, Rochelle, no. Are you insane?

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Tell me why you think that you
in particular are gonna...

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It's a pandemic!

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You're catastrophising, Mike.
Don't you dare.

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Bollocks! Bollocks!

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OK? Bollocks!

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I'm paying £110 for this?!

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I look out that window and
the Zombie Apocalypse is happening.

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I'm not imagining it,
it's happening.

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So, don't sit there and tell me that
this is all work-related, OK?

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That I'm just going off
the deep end,

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because I've lived a lifetime
in the theatre surrounded by lovies.

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Like it's me who's picked up some
emotional form of RSI or something!

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Right.

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That's good. Got it all out there.

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Do you feel a bit better now?

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Worst-case scenario, you get it.

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Then what?
Then I die, Rochelle.

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80% percent of people
who get the virus

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recover with relatively
few problems,

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and you are young.

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Yeah? You're fit.

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You could already have had it.
You could have it now.

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Do I look ill?
No, that's not what...

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No, literally,
I do have a sore throat.

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And that's the thing, isn't it?

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You don't know, you can't tell.
There's no tests!

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There's no kits.

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I mean, I say that,
Idris got one, didn't he?

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Prince Charles,
who co-incidentally, I notice,

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has been self-isolating with
a skeleton staff of six.  Mike...

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No, I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.

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He's 72. And he'd been poorly.

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Oh, come on!
Will you just listen to yourself?

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You are behaving in a way
that you know is inappropriate.

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You know that it's fuelled
by your hypochondria.

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Hmm.

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And are you finding distractions?

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Something to divert you
that's relaxing?

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I'm masturbating.

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I think that's my main diversion,
you know, in terms of...

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in terms of... relaxing.

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Or maybe that's actually more
stress relief.

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Fine, whatever...
Then again, when you think about it,

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where does one end
and the other begin, really?

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Do you want to know how often?

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No.

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About four times a day.

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Four.

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A bit more on the weekends.

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You know, just to make it special.

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DOORBELL RINGS
One second!

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Yo!

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POSTMAN:  I've left it
on the step, mate.

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Perfect. Thank you.
Thank you for your service.

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Don't you want to go and get it?
Hmm?

128
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No, no, no.
I leave it for a little bit.

129
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Let the germs, you know...

130
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Then I Dettol it.

131
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Pop it in the fridge overnight
just to get rid of any stragglers.

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Right, and that doesn't harm it?
No, no.

133
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It's just hair gel anyway, so...

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Hair gel?
Mm-hm, from Harrods, darling.

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Hair gel?

136
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Hair gel that has come
all the way from London,

137
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that's been packed into a warehouse,

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and then put onto a delivery van,

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and then brought all the way
to Bristol

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by a person who is working
because they have to.

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For hair gel?!

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I have standards to maintain.

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SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

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SHE LAUGHS
Are you OK there, Roche?

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You've gone a bit...
You're rocking a bit.

146
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Argh!

147
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God, give me strength!

148
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Roche?

149
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You have got no shame.
You have literally got no shame.

150
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Do you even know what day it is?

151
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Hmm? Do you?

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When you have phoned me,
and begged me for a session.

153
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You have pleaded with me
because you didn't think

154
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that you could get to
the end of the day otherwise.

155
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Do you know what day it is?

156
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It's Saturday.

157
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It's Easter Saturday.
It's Karen's anniversary.

158
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Yeah.

159
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Oh, Roche. I don't know what to say.

160
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I'm so sorry.

161
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Rochelle, I'm sorry.

162
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I'm so sorry for everything.

163
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I do know how I am.
I don't not notice, OK?

164
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Maybe I just don't have the balls
to get on with it.

165
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The nurses and the doctors,
or the shopkeepers,

166
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the delivery men, you're right,
you're absolutely right.

167
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The coppers, you.
People are being amazing.

168
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They're stepping up and they're...

169
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I'm vile.

170
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It is me, I know. I do realise that.

171
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That doesn't excuse anything,

172
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it doesn't excuse forgetting
about you losing Karen.

173
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I am sorry about that.
I need you to forgive me that one.

174
00:08:58,821 --> 00:09:01,461
I don't want you to feel shit,

175
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:04,941
shitter about yourself
than you already do,

176
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I just want you to appreciate
that we're all suffering.

177
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Everyone is raw,

178
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because we're not filtering things
the way that we normally do.

179
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So all that other shit
that's going on anyway,

180
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that's got nothing to do with
this bloody virus,

181
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all of that stuff, it gets erm...

182
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It gets compressed
and then it gets supercharged

183
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,981
and it...

184
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I'm so sorry.

185
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:43,661
I'm so sorry. I keep doing this.

186
00:09:44,821 --> 00:09:47,661
I wasn't expecting it.
You know, I'm a professional.

187
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I can deal with emotions normally.

188
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It's not normal times now,
though, is it?

189
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Of course, I forgive you.

190
00:10:03,221 --> 00:10:05,261
I am such a wanker.

191
00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:06,501
Yes.

192
00:10:06,541 --> 00:10:09,141
Yes, you are,
as we have both discovered.

193
00:10:09,181 --> 00:10:10,661
But do you know what?

194
00:10:12,661 --> 00:10:14,581
You're going to be OK.

195
00:10:16,421 --> 00:10:18,421
So are you, I promise.

196
00:10:26,661 --> 00:10:28,941
Now...

197
00:10:28,981 --> 00:10:30,701
do you wanna have a little dance
with me?

198
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,101
What?

199
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:37,661
There's this app that I've been...

200
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:38,741
Tik Tok.

201
00:10:38,781 --> 00:10:41,221
It's probably the only thing
that is really distracting me.

202
00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:43,541
Outside of the erm...
Yeah, don't.

203
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:45,501
So, which one are you doing?

204
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:47,861
Are you doing the Wayne and Frankie
or the Justin Bieber?

205
00:10:47,901 --> 00:10:51,581
What?!  There's this really brilliant
Lizzo one.

206
00:10:51,621 --> 00:10:53,741
Oh! Or there's a cracking
Gordon Ramsey.

207
00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:56,141
Come on, then. Roche?
Yeah?

208
00:10:57,301 --> 00:11:00,381
Will you call me tomorrow,
just for a chat?

209
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,061
Yeah. Yeah, I will.

210
00:11:04,101 --> 00:11:06,101
MUSIC: 'Celebration'
by Kool & The Gang

211
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Come on!

212
00:11:13,461 --> 00:11:15,981
Ooh, great move.

213
00:11:16,021 --> 00:11:18,021
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