WORKOUT MUSIC
SKIPPING ROPE THWACKS
Mike?
119, 120...
Yes? Oh!
Rochelle.
How are you?
How am I? How do you think I am? I'm dreadful.
The OCD's back. I'm obsessing.
I'm fine. I'm not fine. I mean, nobody is, are they?
But, you know, I haven't lost a leg.
Not yet.
How are you?
I'm good. Yeah.
I'm good, thank you.
So, where are you?
I'm in Bristol.
Bristol? Exactly! That's why I had to talk!
I'm isolated.
No, everyone's isolated, I know, but I'm more than isolated.
I'm... I'm... I'm marooned, darling.
So, what are you doing there? Touring. A new play.
We were waiting to see how we were going to carry on
and then when we did get the "abandon ship",
I was thinking about the train, you know, back.
It's all, you know...
Christ, it's like sitting in a petri dish
at the best of times isn't it?
And it's two hours of that back to London!
And then I was just thinking about the masks, everyone with the masks
and that's a trigger, isn't it? You know that's a trigger.
So I just waited. I waited and I hesitated and I just...
Oh, I missed my window.
I'm sorry. Have we started? I feel like I'm starting already.
Sure. If that's what you wanna do.
Well, is it still one ten?
Still 110?
Cos I'm just thinking, you're not paying the rental
on the consulting suite, are you?
So, I was wondering if this would be... mate's rates?
Mates rates are for chat, therapy's 110.
Thoroughly fine. Completely fine. I am just glad that we can...
So, what do you wanna talk about?
Are you serious?
Last time we spoke, you seemed to be all right.
Yes, and then the plague made an unexpected and unwelcome return!
Christ, Rochelle! OK, OK, but what is it exactly?
What is it exactly?
Exactly, I think I'm going to get it and I'm going to die.
Obviously. I mean, it's not coded, is it?
Come on. You don't have to break down my subconscious
or interpret my dreams.
It's not a rare form of scrofula.
The whole world's getting it, Rochelle.
I'm not holding out for a burst of tertiary syphilis here!
I have a feeling... No, it's more than a feeling,
it's a conviction that it's gonna...
OK, feel your feet on the floor. Stay grounded.
I'm literally lightheaded... You're OK. You're all right.
Take your time. It's fine. It's fine.
Oh! Are you doing anything physical?
Yes. Yes. I was just doing a session right now.
What's that?
It's a washing line. I'm skipping. A washing line?
Have you tried buying anything exercise-related online lately?
Don't bother! I don't just mean the cheap stuff.
Six grand rowing machine, back in stock, December 2025.
Selfish bastards. You know, I'm sure we're all strung out.
Stop it! Don't you dare. You're a psychiatrist.
You're not allowed to be strung out.
The skipping, do you do it outside for Vitamin D?
No, Rochelle, no. Are you insane?
Tell me why you think that you in particular are gonna...
It's a pandemic!
You're catastrophising, Mike. Don't you dare.
Bollocks! Bollocks!
OK? Bollocks!
I'm paying £110 for this?!
I look out that window and the Zombie Apocalypse is happening.
I'm not imagining it, it's happening.
So, don't sit there and tell me that this is all work-related, OK?
That I'm just going off the deep end,
because I've lived a lifetime in the theatre surrounded by lovies.
Like it's me who's picked up some emotional form of RSI or something!
Right.
That's good. Got it all out there.
Do you feel a bit better now?
Worst-case scenario, you get it.
Then what? Then I die, Rochelle.
80% percent of people who get the virus
recover with relatively few problems,
and you are young.
Yeah? You're fit.
You could already have had it. You could have it now.
Do I look ill? No, that's not what...
No, literally, I do have a sore throat.
And that's the thing, isn't it?
You don't know, you can't tell. There's no tests!
There's no kits.
I mean, I say that, Idris got one, didn't he?
Prince Charles, who co-incidentally, I notice,
has been self-isolating with a skeleton staff of six. Mike...
No, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
He's 72. And he'd been poorly.
Oh, come on! Will you just listen to yourself?
You are behaving in a way that you know is inappropriate.
You know that it's fuelled by your hypochondria.
Hmm.
And are you finding distractions?
Something to divert you that's relaxing?
I'm masturbating.
I think that's my main diversion, you know, in terms of...
in terms of... relaxing.
Or maybe that's actually more stress relief.
Fine, whatever... Then again, when you think about it,
where does one end and the other begin, really?
Do you want to know how often?
No.
About four times a day.
Four.
A bit more on the weekends.
You know, just to make it special.
DOORBELL RINGS One second!
Yo!
POSTMAN: I've left it on the step, mate.
Perfect. Thank you. Thank you for your service.
Don't you want to go and get it? Hmm?
No, no, no. I leave it for a little bit.
Let the germs, you know...
Then I Dettol it.
Pop it in the fridge overnight just to get rid of any stragglers.
Right, and that doesn't harm it? No, no.
It's just hair gel anyway, so...
Hair gel? Mm-hm, from Harrods, darling.
Hair gel?
Hair gel that has come all the way from London,
that's been packed into a warehouse,
and then put onto a delivery van,
and then brought all the way to Bristol
by a person who is working because they have to.
For hair gel?!
I have standards to maintain.
SHE BREATHES DEEPLY
SHE LAUGHS Are you OK there, Roche?
You've gone a bit... You're rocking a bit.
Argh!
God, give me strength!
Roche?
You have got no shame. You have literally got no shame.
Do you even know what day it is?
Hmm? Do you?
When you have phoned me, and begged me for a session.
You have pleaded with me because you didn't think
that you could get to the end of the day otherwise.
Do you know what day it is?
It's Saturday.
It's Easter Saturday. It's Karen's anniversary.
Yeah.
Oh, Roche. I don't know what to say.
I'm so sorry.
Rochelle, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry for everything.
I do know how I am. I don't not notice, OK?
Maybe I just don't have the balls to get on with it.
The nurses and the doctors, or the shopkeepers,
the delivery men, you're right, you're absolutely right.
The coppers, you. People are being amazing.
They're stepping up and they're...
I'm vile.
It is me, I know. I do realise that.
That doesn't excuse anything,
it doesn't excuse forgetting about you losing Karen.
I am sorry about that. I need you to forgive me that one.
I don't want you to feel shit,
shitter about yourself than you already do,
I just want you to appreciate that we're all suffering.
Everyone is raw,
because we're not filtering things the way that we normally do.
So all that other shit that's going on anyway,
that's got nothing to do with this bloody virus,
all of that stuff, it gets erm...
It gets compressed and then it gets supercharged
and it...
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I keep doing this.
I wasn't expecting it. You know, I'm a professional.
I can deal with emotions normally.
It's not normal times now, though, is it?
Of course, I forgive you.
I am such a wanker.
Yes.
Yes, you are, as we have both discovered.
But do you know what?
You're going to be OK.
So are you, I promise.
Now...
do you wanna have a little dance with me?
What?
There's this app that I've been...
Tik Tok.
It's probably the only thing that is really distracting me.
Outside of the erm... Yeah, don't.
So, which one are you doing?
Are you doing the Wayne and Frankie or the Justin Bieber?
What?! There's this really brilliant Lizzo one.
Oh! Or there's a cracking Gordon Ramsey.
Come on, then. Roche? Yeah?
Will you call me tomorrow, just for a chat?
Yeah. Yeah, I will.
MUSIC: 'Celebration' by Kool & The Gang
Come on!
Ooh, great move.
Subtitles by ITV SignPost