[sad organ music playing]
Today, we honor my beloved piano.
Piano Reeves, that's what I called him…
was tragically smashed to pieces by a family squabble
and the cruel forces of gravity.
A funeral for a piano? This is weird, right?
No, it's beautiful. Like his eyes.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,
I've been told I have soft shoulder blades.
By my doctor, it's a medical condition.
And now, since she had a hand in my piano's untimely demise,
I'd like to ask Erin to say a few words.
Here's a few words.
I don't wanna be here.
Come on, honey, say something,
like I did when Muffin passed away.
Oh, was Muffin your old dog?
No, my old chainsaw.
I can still hear its final putter in my arms.
[imitating dying chainsaw]
[sobbing]
This is what you married, Mom.
Okay, do I really have to give a speech?
- It was just a piano, dude. - [gasps]
Just a piano?
Piano Reeves wasn't just a piano.
I was going to play him as I proposed
to Millie Bobby Brown one day.
Now, how will I ever become Aaron Bobby Brown?
There's a bunch of stuff keeping you from that dream, my guy.
♪ No, we never gonna stop ♪
- ♪ I'm a little more pop ♪ - ♪ I'm a little more rock ♪
- ♪ Let's roll ♪ - ♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ When this world brings us something brand-new ♪
♪ I'm gonna stand right by you ♪
♪ It's give and take in this song we're singing ♪
♪ Yeah, to the very end ♪
♪ More than family, now we're friends ♪♪
[whinnying]
Hey, Mom. Mind whipping up
some cookies for me and the Captain?
Our chocolate chip levels are dangerously low.
I am not your personal baker.
Plus, you two should eat something healthy.
So, oatmeal raisin, then?
Ugh, I was so busy on the job, I didn't have time to eat.
Hey, good-looking.
You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
[clears throat]
Besides my wife, who I'm about to hug.
Mwah. In your defense,
that sandwich does have it going on.
No, no, no, no, no. Bad Captain Cutie Pie!
That's my sandwich!
Sorry, she must be hungry
from running around the house all morning.
Running around the house?
Look, things have to change now that we have a house horse,
and I can't believe I just said the words "house horse."
We're gonna have to get her trained.
I'm tired of picking up Cutie poop.
- Cutie nuggets? - Cutie drops?
Oh, we're still working on the name.
Don't listen to your mean grandparents.
You are perfect.
[Captain Cutie Pie whinnying]
I'll clean that up right after I eat the backup sammy
- I hid in the fridge. - Oh!
[chuckles]
Oh, thanks, Dad! I'm starving!
No, no, no, not another sand…
[screaming]
Did I slip in a Cutie doody?
Yes, but on the bright side,
you came up with the perfect name.
Ah! [laughing]
Hello, my breaded beauty.
Now that my dad's out of the picture,
I'm taking you straight down to Tummy Town!
[laughing]
[keytar playing]
♪ Piano Reeves, why did you leave? ♪
♪ Now I'm left here to grieve ♪
[sobbing]
Do you mind?
Just pretend I'm not here.
I've been trying all day.
♪ Why, w-w-why, w-w-why, why, why, why ♪
What is possibly happening?
You're acting even weirder than usual,
and I've seen you throw a funeral for a piano.
I'm sorry, it's just… I really miss him.
Can't you just buy a new piano? I'm sure I can find you one.
Pssh, yeah, right. A Steinrich K-132 upright?
I bet you a million bucks you'll never find one.
- Oh, found one! - We didn't shake on it.
The music store on the boardwalk's having a huge sale.
I'll even help you get it home.
- You'd do that for me? - Yeah.
But only if you play me some sweet walk-out music.
Done.
[electronic music playing]
Do I have to help with training?
Mom was just about to bake me some cookies.
No, I wasn't.
Well, not with that negative attitude.
Look, Captain Cutie Pie is your horse.
It's important you help train her.
But I trust this rando.
Honey, I'm sure that she has a name.
It's Randy.
See? I was close.
Okay, you are helping with training, missy,
and that is final.
We'll be inside if you need anything.
So, Captain Cutie Pie tells me your name is Natasha.
Don't do that.
So far, the Captain is really responding to her training.
By using different sounds,
I can get her to perform various actions.
Like stealing the school bus?
I don't think you get how horses work.
But I have taught Captain Cutie Pie
- that a click means come. - [clicking]
Whoa!
And a buzzer means sit.
[buzzing]
Double whoa.
The only trick I taught her was how to poop in the kitchen.
These training techniques work on any animal.
Now, when you say this training technique
works on any animal,
would that include parents?
[laughing] You're hilarious, kid.
Yeah. Hilarious.
Wow, this music store is awesome.
- You come here a lot? - Never been, actually.
I love my guitar so much
that looking at other ones just feels…
[gasps]
Hello, gorgeous!
Figures, she's so easily distract…
Hello, gorgeous!
Welcome to Jazzbury Park.
I must ask you to stop hugging the piano.
It's against store policy, and frankly, a little weird.
I'm sorry, it's just, this piano is really special to me.
I used to have one just like it.
Used to? What happened, child?
After a tragic accident, it's now buried in the backyard.
Six octaves under.
You poor boy.
No maestro should have to outlive their instrument.
Exactly, which is why I'd love to buy this piano.
Well, I'd love to sell it to you.
Man, this guitar's a rip-off.
Aaron, whoever owns this place is a real…
[both] It's you.
Oh, you know my sister?
Yes, and I refuse to sell a piano
to anyone related to her.
- What?! - Hey, cheer up.
At least you still got your keytar, for now.
Look, I get you don't like Erin.
I didn't like her at first either.
But you know, I seriously need this piano.
I'm sorry, but I can't let this precious piano
live in the same house as that instrument killer.
You know what you did to me.
Explain it to the boy-child.
Mr. Ledder was my music teacher back in elementary school.
That is, until the spring recital.
[violin playing]
I wanted guitar lessons,
but I was forced to take violin.
So, I did what all of my rock heroes
would have done.
This is lame. Time to shred.
Rock and roll, baby!
And I may have rocked a little too hard.
You have completely ruined my recital.
Get off my stage!
Thank you, Asbury Park.
So, you've been destroying innocent instruments
since you were a kid?
Since I was a baby, actually.
That rattle never saw it coming.
Having a student show such an utter lack of respect for music,
I had no choice but to retire in shame.
You retired because of me?
Is it wrong I'm kind of flattered?
Yes, very wrong.
But leaving teaching allowed me to open this music store,
where I pride myself on selling instruments
to true musicians.
But Erin is a true musician.
More like a true monster.
Is it wrong I'm kind of flattered by that too?
Yes, very, very wrong!
Anyhoo, I'm going to get back to work
finding all of these instruments good homes.
Wait.
What if Erin and I helped you?
What better way to show how much she cares
about musical instruments?
Didn't you say she smashed your piano?
That was last week.
She's a totally different person now.
Well, there is one thing you could do.
Our deals will be music to your ears!
Guess it's true what they say.
It's not work if you love what you're doing.
I'm suddenly getting the urge to smash another piano.
[whispering] I mean you.
Captain Cutie Pie,
my parents are almost trained in the basics.
Soon, they'll learn that beep means sit.
[beeping]
Did you hear that beep again?
Must be the smoke alarm batteries.
I'll put it on the fix-it list.
The only thing on the fix-it list is them.
Ooh, here comes another bite.
- That gets a bell. - [bell dings]
You've been making that bell sound a lot today, Natasha.
Kids love bells. It's what we do.
And every time Mom drinks, I…
[whistle blowing]
What's with all the whistles today?
Kids love whistles. It's also what we do.
Okay, let's see what these animals learned.
- [bell dings] - Chip time!
The training's working. Now for Mom.
[whistle blowing]
Mm! Refreshing.
Success! They're fully trained.
Now, we can make them do anything we want.
We'll start with baking cookies, and then we'll move on
to world domination!
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm more than okay.
I'm invincible!
Her positive outlook is so inspiring.
Right? She's the one
we don't have to worry about.
Our deals will bring music to your ears.
Or whatever.
Oh, we've been out here forever.
I am so hot in this thing!
It's not that bad.
I've only passed out from the heat, like, once.
[sighs]
Oh!
Okay, twice.
Heavens, it's hotter than a Tito Puente drum solo.
Can we at least go in the shade?
[mocking] "Can we at least go
in the shade?" No!
Awesome impression.
I have a musically trained ear.
"I have a musically trained ear!"
That's you.
His was better.
Thank you.
Just give us the piano, Ledder.
No. Not until you help find
more of my instruments their forever homes.
It's time to break out the jingle we worked on.
Five, six, seven, eight.
♪ Got music in your heart and you don't know where to start ♪
♪ Then come over here and check out our gear ♪
♪ We got mandolins, cowbells, a fiddle or two ♪
♪ We've got the perfect instrument for you or for you ♪
♪ So come on in and buy an oboe ♪
♪ Jazzbury Park is the place to go, yo ♪♪
And jazz hands.
That was rap-tastic.
Maybe I was wrong about you, Erin.
Perhaps there is a true musician inside there somewhere.
Yeah, a really embarrassed one.
You two just keep up the good work,
and we will talk about the piano at closing time.
Oh, excuse me, ma'am?
You are blowing into the wrong end
of that saxophone.
Oh, no, Vivian and Hunter are coming this way.
Oh, I know, I called 'em down here
to bring us some cold drinks so I stop fainting.
Tell girl Erin her lemonade's from me.
I made it extra sour so she'll pucker up.
After I give mine to boy Aaron.
I want him to know when life gives you lemons,
you date your sister's best friend.
I cannot be seen like this.
Quick, help me get this off right now.
Oh!
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
Not you! My babies!
You're an instrument killer, just like your sister.
You're both banned from Jazzbury Park,
and you are never getting that piano.
[scoffs] We're not gonna take this
lying down.
He's not lying down, he fainted.
There's a difference.
Come on, Aaron.
♪ I am so sad, I am so sad ♪
Were you just playing an invisible piano?
No, that would be crazy!
I'm playing the ghost of Piano Reeves.
I'm not doing so hot.
Okay, I've been looking online for another Steinrich piano,
and the cheapest one I can find so far is 35.
- Really? - Thousand.
Sorry, I shouldn't have taken a breath there.
This is the worst.
With every passing moment, I feel the promises
of my dream board slipping away.
You don't have a dream board.
Don't I?
Yes, you do, and it includes wedding photos
of you and Millie Bobby Brown.
Yep, this was the dream…
From incredibly cute baby to Grammy-winning silver fox.
You kinda look like the old lady who works at the gas station.
Thank you, she's a very handsome woman.
And I know that breaking instruments
is no big deal to you.
But when Piano Reeves was destroyed,
so was my music career.
Oh, come on. You're just gonna give up
because you don't have a piano?
Yes, I need a piano to practice every single day
if I'm ever gonna make it.
Making music isn't something I was just born with.
I work hard at it.
I work hard at my music too.
The difference is, I don't have a vision board
with pictures of me as a handsome woman.
I just play to play,
and occasionally smash an instrument like your piano.
Never forget.
But, now I'm realizing that when I smashed your piano…
I also smashed your dreams.
Thanks for realizing that.
Way too late.
But it's not too late.
The only piano you can afford is on that boardwalk.
I'll come up with a plan to get it.
Can this plan not involve
harming any more innocent instruments?
That is a promise I can't make.
And now, to test my new chocolate milk command.
[bell dings]
Hey, Natasha, how's about another chocolate milk?
Don't mind if I do.
Keep 'em coming, Chucky.
Um, Mom, how's those cookies coming along?
Good. But I wasn't even planning
on baking today.
But you did because you're a good girl, aren't you?
Yeah, I guess I am.
Wait, Natasha, you never did your math worksheet.
I'll get your school bag.
I don't think so. Sit.
[beeping]
Weren't you getting the school bag?
I was, and then I just really had to sit.
Me too.
- [laughing] - [bell dings]
Hey Natasha, how's about another chocolate milk?
Uh-oh, that oven bell sounds like my training command.
[beeping]
And so does that smoke alarm.
[oven bell dinging and alarm beeping continuously]
The cookies are burning! Help me turn off the oven!
I'm trying, but I can't!
[dinging and beeping continues]
[dinging and beeping stops]
Ah! What the heck just happened?
I don't know. It's like someone or something
had control of us.
As if we were trained.
I'm sorry, but you were the ones who hired the animal trainer.
For your horse, not us.
Is now a bad time to ask you for some more cookies?
If Mr. Ledder sees us,
we're gonna be in so much trouble.
Which is why we're wearing these awesome disguises.
They are pretty awesome.
Just remember the plan.
We're gonna jump on those instruments
and play our song for Mr. Ledder.
We'll rock so hard, he won't be able to deny
we're true musicians, and he'll sell you the piano.
And how isn't this trespassing?
Oh, it is.
That's half the fun.
Uh-uh! Stop right there, instrument killers.
Mr. Ledder hired us as his new security team.
And he made you wear those costumes?
We asked to wear these costumes.
What are we gonna do now?
Okay.
Mr. Ledder brought in some muscle.
We can bring in some muscle of our own.
This is your idea of muscle?
Wait, you said I had muscles?
Well, I did do a push-up yesterday, so…
Speaking of muscle… [chuckles]
The human heart beats 115,000 times a day,
and mine beats for you.
This was a mistake.
Well, it's all we got.
We need you guys to go distract those two meatheads over there.
Oh, we got this.
Hunter, may I please see one of your crutches?
- Sure. - Thank you.
Ahh!
I think that kid with the soft shoulder blades
threw his crutch at us!
That's right. Why don't you come over here
and teach him a lesson?
Vivian, what are you doing,
and why do they know I have soft shoulder blades?
Security, the hooligans are back.
Those are our hooligans.
- Attack! - [shouting]
[yelling, grunting]
Now, let's get you that piano.
Here it goes.
♪ If they try to stop the show ♪
♪ I'm gonna stand my ground ♪
♪ When the world is saying no ♪
♪ My headphones always drown 'em out ♪
♪ I'm dancing on the rooftops ♪
- ♪ Rooftops ♪ - ♪ Catching fire to the moon ♪
♪ They can't stop me 'cause I don't stop ♪
♪ Oh no, I won't stop ♪
♪ I keep pushing through ♪
♪ When they say that you can't do it ♪
- ♪ I just prove 'em wrong ♪ - ♪ Whoa ♪
♪ And I go a little harder, that's what makes me strong ♪
♪ So, watch out, you better get ready ♪
♪ Oh-oh, we're unstoppable, yeah, you better be ready ♪
♪ We're unstoppable, we're unstoppable ♪
♪ Unstoppable now ♪♪
[cheers and applause]
That was jazz-erific!
I suppose I was wrong about you two
not being true musicians after all.
So, will you sell me the piano?
Of course I will, boy-child.
Thank you, and please stop calling me "boy-child."
You got it.
Just give this piano a good home.
And keep it safe from the girl-child.
Guys! That song was crazy good!
And I lost a crutch, but I gained two friends.
- See you at the gym, Hunter. - All right, Gene. Kevin.
Thanks, sis. My dream board is back on.
Happy to help, Aaron Bobby Brown.
And I'm glad I finally proved
that I'm not an instrument killer!
I think I have a serious problem.
♪ Won't stop, I keep pushing through ♪
♪ I keep pushing through ♪
♪ When they say that you can't do it ♪
♪ I just prove 'em wrong ♪
♪ Whoa, and I go a little harder ♪
♪ That's what makes me strong, so watch out! ♪
♪ You better get ready ♪
♪ We're unstoppable, yeah, you better be ready ♪
♪ We're unstoppable, we're unstoppable ♪
♪ Unstoppable now ♪♪