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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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Ugh.
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Ooh.
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Hey Kendra, what's up?
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Barbie, I've
been trying to get ahold
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of you all morning.
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Where were you?
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At the store.
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The place was a full-on crazy house.
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They were out of like, everything.
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Sanitizer, disinfectant wipes, bleach.
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Ugh.
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Not a good time to be a germophobe.
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Damn straight.
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Girl, this chick straight
up tried to karate chop me
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for the last pack of toilet paper.
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I was like, if you need it
that bad, take it, hooker.
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Barbie.
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You need to turn on the news.
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News?
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Ooze.
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Just try it for once.
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Mmm.
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Symptoms of
the Coronavirus include
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sore throat, headaches, fever, dry cough,
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shortness of breath and fatigue.
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Coronavirus?
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Is it a holiday?
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Holiday?
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Yeah, why is everybody drinking beer?
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The Coronavirus or COVID-19
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is an unprecedented and deadly strain
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originating in Wuhan, China.
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Wuhan?
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But I love that rap group.
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Citizens
are asked to immediately
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quarantine themselves and have
as little physical contact
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with one another as possible.
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Complete isolation is the key
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in stopping the spread of this virus.
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So like, a typical Saturday night, then?
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We repeat,
signs that you may be infected
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are sudden fever, chills,
sore throat, aching joints,
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lack of energy and in some cases,
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moderate to severe death.
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Death?
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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we have some disturbing breaking news.
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That sounds bad.
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We are
receiving confirmed reports
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that the infected are somehow transforming
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into violent and ravenous flesh eaters.
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For lack of a better word, Corona zombies.
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Corona zombies?
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Yes, Corona zombies.
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Why can't they
be like, Heineken zombies.
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That stuff is skunky!
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Or like, chardonnay zombies.
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I'll call you back.
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Okay, be safe, girl.
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Breaking
news, we have just received
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shocking video of what is believed
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to be ground zero of the virus.
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This was taken moments
ago at the Wuhan, China
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Scrambell's Soup factory,
where they were testing
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their newest flavor, bat soup.
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Warning, this footage is disturbing.
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Hurry!
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Shut down the goddamned soup pots now!
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Yes, Chef Donahue!
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Clam chowder, check.
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Something's wrong, Chief, look.
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The kettles in sector
nine are overpressurized.
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Keep pushing that button!
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It's no use, sir.
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The seals on the bat soup
kettles have already burst!
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Push it!
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Is it soup yet?
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We've got to cool off the
kettles or they're gonna blow.
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The cream of
mushroom is scalding.
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The minestrone
is reaching meltdown.
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Attention all emergency personnel.
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Chef Donahue, here.
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Meet me up on sector nine.
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We've got to turn the heat off manually
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and don't forget your gas masks.
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Oh yeah, I'll see you there.
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My God, we're too late.
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Just look at this place.
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Haven't seen this much smoke
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since the Snoop Dogg concert.
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Give it a rest, Derek.
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Everyone look for the
manual shutoff valve.
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It's metal and it's got like, a little,
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what's it called?
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The dial with the numbers.
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Ah, there it is.
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The only way to end this madness
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is to turn the, oh, what the...
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My God.
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It's Jerry, the prep cook's apron.
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But where is he?
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Bad Jerry!
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Ow, what the hell, Jerry?
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Jerry,
knock it off, man.
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Stop it!
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Do something, Donahue.
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Jerry, no!
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This isn't the Jerry I know.
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What have you become?
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Corona.
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Well, I hate to say I told you so, but,
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I never thought bat soup was a good idea.
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I'd better cancel that two
o'clock potato soup meeting.
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They've all been transformed
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into flesh eating zombies.
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They're all dead, but, but, they're alive.
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They're all...
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Attention all Scrambell's employees,
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Chef Donahue speaking.
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Just a few quick announcements.
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First of all, the company
picnic on Saturday
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has been canceled.
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Bowling night will be
rescheduled until further notice
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and oh yeah, one more
thing, run for your lives.
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Flesh eating Corona
zombies have been unleashed
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and are currently taking over the world.
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If you're healthy, you will probably
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go through a process and you'll be fine.
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Corona.
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Oh my God.
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I never should have given that woman
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the last roll of toilet paper.
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The stuff is like rolled gold.
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Hey.
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Hi.
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What are we gonna do?
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The Corona zombies are
like, doubling by the hour.
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This is like, so not.
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Girl, it's worse than I thought.
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Have you seen one?
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Worse, I don't have any toilet paper.
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People are
literally killing each other
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for a roll on TV.
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I think my garden hose might
reach my bathroom window.
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Ew, you have paper towels.
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Yeah, but then I would
have to use Vaseline.
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That stuff is rough, and
I have sensitive skin.
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Damn.
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Wait.
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Ugh, I'm out of coffee filters, too.
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But do you
have enough food and water
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to last you three years?
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I just have some pizza pockets,
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some popcorn and some Skittles.
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Ooh!
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Oh, girl.
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We repeat,
please quarantine yourself
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as the number of Corona zombies continues
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to multiply by the hour.
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Oh my God, are you seeing this?
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What's happening now?
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All the nail salons must be shut down.
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Everyone's in need of a serious mani.
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Yuck.
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The President has declared
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a nation-wide lockdown
and a special task force,
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the Corona Squad, has been assembled
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to help protect America
from the increasing amount
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of hoarders and pirates, all of whom
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are trying to capitalize
on this catastrophe.
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Authorities warn that if
you're one of the idiotic
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people who are still
gathering in large crowds,
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immediately take a long, hot soapy shower
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and stop touching your face.
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Just fascinating.
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Oh my God, Barbie.
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Oh my God, what?
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You were just
at the grocery store.
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All of those people, they
could have infected you
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with their filthy hands and virals.
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You should take a shower.
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Ooh, no.
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Okay, later.
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We cut to breaking news
as we are receiving word
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that the immediate toilet
paper shortage was,
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in fact, caused by a hijacked cargo ship.
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We take you now live to the scene
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as the Corona Squad have
cornered the hijacker
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and are preparing to move in.
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Not now!
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First of all, I wanna
make one thing very clear.
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The President wants us
to take this guy alive,
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which means he and I...
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Catch him as they go get a massage?
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Let me try this again, Argento.
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The thug's the only one who
knows where the stash is.
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So we locate the rolls.
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Gut him like a fish.
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Just get him alive.
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If we capture him, we'll be heroes.
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I can finally get laid.
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You got that right.
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Every night.
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A ha!
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I'd love to bang a Chinese midget.
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You listen to me, you bastards.
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Either my demands are met, or you can kiss
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wiping your butt goodbye
for a very long time.
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Do you hear me?
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If I don't get five
million jillion dollars,
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a Russian hooker and a gift certificate
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to P.F. Chang's, it's over.
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You have 10 minutes or my hostages die.
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00:10:04,925 --> 00:10:06,249
Who is that?
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00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,743
That is the Corona Squad, man.
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The identity of the
toilet paper hijacker
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has been uncovered.
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He's Claude Francois, a
failed French-Canadian
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gymnast, who turned to a life of crime
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after not winning a Matt
Dillon lookalike contest.
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Yes.
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00:10:21,015 --> 00:10:22,043
Good.
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00:10:22,045 --> 00:10:24,023
We've just received word
that satellite photography
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has revealed that Francois' mother's home
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00:10:26,165 --> 00:10:28,093
may be the location where
the shipping containers
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of T.P. are hidden.
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00:10:29,645 --> 00:10:31,583
The Corona Squad are
taking their positions
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00:10:31,585 --> 00:10:33,623
and hopefully bringing
this harrowing moment
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00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:35,748
in history to an end.
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00:10:40,555 --> 00:10:43,773
We now return to Real
Housewives of Quebec,
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00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:44,719
already in progress.
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Get in the corner.
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00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:56,313
Remember, whatever
you do, take them alive.
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Shoot the son of a bitch!
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Shit, wrong guy.
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00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,345
They are storming the building.
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00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:07,495
Quick, out the window.
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00:11:12,245 --> 00:11:17,022
Thanks to Corona Squad, you
will all meet your maker.
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00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:19,203
Oh, no!
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00:11:19,205 --> 00:11:20,353
Watch your step.
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00:11:20,355 --> 00:11:22,013
He's runnin' a smoke machine.
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00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,315
That's our
grenade smoke, you asshat.
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00:11:30,895 --> 00:11:34,083
Oops, we shot some of the hostages.
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They all made
the ultimate sacrifice
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in the name of bathroom tissue.
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These shot up people are all heroes.
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00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:45,693
Where did you stash the
toilet paper, Francois?
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00:11:45,695 --> 00:11:48,314
You'll never find it,
but you won't be needing
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00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,263
toiletries where you're headed.
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00:11:50,265 --> 00:11:52,133
The zombies are coming for you
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00:11:52,135 --> 00:11:56,553
and no amount of social
distancing in the world
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can save you from their ravenous grasp.
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00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:04,153
Oh, oh shit.
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00:12:04,155 --> 00:12:05,112
Peace out.
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00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:09,595
You know, he really
does look like Matt Dillon.
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00:12:11,955 --> 00:12:14,653
We interrupt this broadcast
for more breaking news
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00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:17,263
as the number of Corona zombies continue
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00:12:17,265 --> 00:12:19,743
to spiral out of control.
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00:12:19,745 --> 00:12:22,253
Just moments ago,
hoardes of Corona zombies
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00:12:22,255 --> 00:12:24,953
converged at the Tits-N-Giggles strip club
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00:12:24,955 --> 00:12:27,903
in Cherry Hill, New
Jersey, just as headliner
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00:12:27,905 --> 00:12:31,663
Miss Anne Howe and her
48's took the stage.
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00:12:31,665 --> 00:12:34,373
Dozens of patrons were
injured and or eaten
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00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:37,303
as the undead flooded into the business.
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Authorities say the death
toll would have been
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significantly lower had
many of the customers
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00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,773
not insisted on staying to try and catch
269
00:12:43,775 --> 00:12:46,213
part of Miss Howe's bodacious act.
270
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:47,580
One victim was quoted as saying,
271
00:12:47,582 --> 00:12:49,570
"Yes, there were Corona
zombies everywhere,
272
00:12:49,572 --> 00:12:51,893
"but did you get a load of that ass?"
273
00:12:51,895 --> 00:12:53,563
Please let this footage be a reminder
274
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:56,313
to everyone watching, social distancing,
275
00:12:56,315 --> 00:12:58,543
washing your hands and most certainly
276
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,481
steering very clear of bat soup
277
00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:03,148
is the new norm in our world.
278
00:13:59,555 --> 00:14:01,817
If I get Corona, I get Corona.
279
00:14:01,819 --> 00:14:02,650
At the end of the day, I'm not gonna
280
00:14:02,652 --> 00:14:04,713
let it stop me from partying.
281
00:14:04,715 --> 00:14:06,533
I think they're blowing
it way out of proportion.
282
00:14:06,535 --> 00:14:08,453
I think it's doin' way too much.
283
00:14:08,455 --> 00:14:10,143
So, we're just hangin' out with them
284
00:14:10,145 --> 00:14:13,118
and tryin' to get junk
before everything closes.
285
00:14:15,935 --> 00:14:19,293
According to our satellite,
dozens of semi trucks
286
00:14:19,295 --> 00:14:21,633
have been making drop offs
to a house not far from here.
287
00:14:21,635 --> 00:14:24,303
I predict we find that
T.P. stash before nightfall.
288
00:14:24,305 --> 00:14:26,693
Let's hope so, but Francis was right.
289
00:14:26,695 --> 00:14:28,603
We'd better move fast,
before we're outnumbered
290
00:14:28,605 --> 00:14:30,223
by Corona zombies.
291
00:14:30,225 --> 00:14:32,233
Corona Squad to headquarters.
292
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:33,661
We're moving in.
293
00:14:33,663 --> 00:14:34,631
10-4, Corona Squad.
294
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:36,500
Good luck out there.
295
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:37,603
The world is counting on you.
296
00:14:37,605 --> 00:14:39,523
At your service, Commander.
297
00:14:39,525 --> 00:14:41,148
Buckle up, let's do this.
298
00:14:42,475 --> 00:14:43,813
Ah, let's make it quick.
299
00:14:43,815 --> 00:14:46,183
I'm starting to get a
bad feeling about this.
300
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,023
Let's roll.
301
00:14:48,025 --> 00:14:50,053
Hold on, sorry.
302
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,603
I'm not used to a stick shift.
303
00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:53,558
I got it, I got it.
304
00:14:59,345 --> 00:15:01,545
Careful, he's
picking at it again.
305
00:15:06,825 --> 00:15:08,283
Dammit, I told you we
should have enrolled him
306
00:15:08,285 --> 00:15:09,253
in private school.
307
00:15:09,255 --> 00:15:12,348
There's too much biting in
the public school system.
308
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:16,295
I can't believe you insisted
he come to work with you.
309
00:15:18,995 --> 00:15:20,788
Bring your kid to work day my ass.
310
00:15:21,835 --> 00:15:22,863
Excuse me, driver.
311
00:15:22,865 --> 00:15:24,048
Is this gonna be long?
312
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:26,955
You just shut up back there.
313
00:15:28,165 --> 00:15:30,848
You want full service, you
should have called an Uber.
314
00:15:31,845 --> 00:15:34,458
Supplemented income, my ass.
315
00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:36,823
I should've listened to my mother
316
00:15:36,825 --> 00:15:39,253
and never married a wannabe rock star.
317
00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:40,143
Dumb broad!
318
00:15:40,145 --> 00:15:43,283
I'm telling you, White
Thunder is about to break.
319
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:44,933
Why can't you just support
my goals and dreams
320
00:15:44,935 --> 00:15:47,593
for once in your pathetic goddamned life?
321
00:15:47,595 --> 00:15:49,413
Oh, no, it would be too much to ask
322
00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:52,063
to have you encouraging
and cheering me on.
323
00:15:52,065 --> 00:15:54,468
Doesn't matter that I've
supported you all these years.
324
00:15:55,545 --> 00:15:58,233
I want a goddamned divorce.
325
00:15:58,235 --> 00:16:00,563
Driver, let's get moving, please.
326
00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,218
Oh, sure lady, pile on.
327
00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:06,933
Naturally, the famous
Barbara Jenson lady reporter
328
00:16:06,935 --> 00:16:09,773
has no sympathy for a struggling musician.
329
00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:13,393
No, you're too busy
living in your own bubble
330
00:16:13,395 --> 00:16:15,023
of fame with your investigative reporting
331
00:16:15,025 --> 00:16:17,053
and sucking up to politicians.
332
00:16:17,055 --> 00:16:18,793
That's it, I'm calling Uber.
333
00:16:18,795 --> 00:16:20,568
Do yourself a favor and dump him.
334
00:16:42,475 --> 00:16:44,348
Smile, Barbara, say cheese.
335
00:16:46,522 --> 00:16:47,968
We have to call a car.
336
00:16:51,075 --> 00:16:52,623
Just a little pre-roll before you help
337
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:54,363
find a cure for the Corona zombies.
338
00:16:54,365 --> 00:16:55,748
Now, smile for me, baby.
339
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:04,873
I need a moment to myself.
340
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:06,653
Yes, of course you do.
341
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:08,175
Go ahead, gimme my son.
342
00:17:08,177 --> 00:17:09,344
I'll hold him.
343
00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:13,955
I'll be right back, sweet baby.
344
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,751
Mama.
345
00:17:39,685 --> 00:17:40,518
Mama.
346
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,535
Excuse me, are you okay?
347
00:18:17,141 --> 00:18:18,677
Father?
348
00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:19,512
Father.
349
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,723
All right, sexy ace reporter.
350
00:18:50,725 --> 00:18:52,205
Tell us how you're gonna try and help end
351
00:18:52,207 --> 00:18:54,243
all this Corona madness.
352
00:18:54,245 --> 00:18:56,272
If anybody can do it, you can.
353
00:18:57,888 --> 00:19:00,572
Are you hitting on me in the workplace?
354
00:19:02,565 --> 00:19:04,483
Yeah, I suppose I am.
355
00:19:04,485 --> 00:19:07,065
You're not gonna get all
me too on me now, are you?
356
00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:16,969
Corona.
357
00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:21,403
Start the car.
358
00:19:21,405 --> 00:19:22,573
I take it all back.
359
00:19:22,575 --> 00:19:23,598
I love your band.
360
00:19:33,695 --> 00:19:35,053
The Corona
zombies have already
361
00:19:35,055 --> 00:19:36,863
spread to the countryside.
362
00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:38,408
My God, they're hideous.
363
00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:40,525
Listen to them.
364
00:19:41,995 --> 00:19:43,673
They sound like monsters.
365
00:19:43,675 --> 00:19:45,053
Are you sure they're Corona?
366
00:19:45,055 --> 00:19:47,013
They look like they're
drugged out of their minds.
367
00:19:47,015 --> 00:19:49,788
Maybe Charlie Sheen has a
summer home around here.
368
00:19:51,035 --> 00:19:51,868
I don't know.
369
00:19:52,835 --> 00:19:54,823
I couldn't say.
370
00:19:54,825 --> 00:19:57,675
Francois' mother's house is
right over those mountains.
371
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:01,088
We'll take that road up there.
372
00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:03,365
Let's do this.
373
00:20:07,569 --> 00:20:10,053
What if the old broad is armed?
374
00:20:10,055 --> 00:20:11,213
What do we do?
375
00:20:11,215 --> 00:20:13,683
We'll take her out
just like we did her son.
376
00:20:13,685 --> 00:20:14,885
Now, let's hit the road.
377
00:20:17,585 --> 00:20:20,159
And stop grinding those gears.
378
00:20:20,161 --> 00:20:22,023
I got it, I got it.
379
00:20:22,025 --> 00:20:23,563
What are we gonna do?
380
00:20:23,565 --> 00:20:25,053
Don't make any sudden moves.
381
00:20:25,055 --> 00:20:27,523
We have to be very careful about this.
382
00:20:27,525 --> 00:20:28,783
You're right.
383
00:20:28,785 --> 00:20:30,952
Right down the middle.
384
00:20:30,954 --> 00:20:32,454
Corona.
385
00:20:38,661 --> 00:20:40,773
This isn't her house.
386
00:20:40,775 --> 00:20:42,338
Must be further down the road.
387
00:20:44,325 --> 00:20:47,138
Let's check those
empty buildings for any clues.
388
00:20:51,085 --> 00:20:53,883
Start the car, start the car.
389
00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,343
Isn't that Barbara
Jenson, from the news?
390
00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:58,913
Hey, what's wrong?
391
00:20:58,915 --> 00:21:00,733
The Corona zombies have migrated north.
392
00:21:00,735 --> 00:21:02,133
They're just around the corner.
393
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:04,203
They were comin' right for us.
394
00:21:04,205 --> 00:21:06,571
Argento, Shemp, go check it out.
395
00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,523
Yes, Commander.
396
00:21:08,525 --> 00:21:09,975
I got it, I got it.
397
00:21:30,805 --> 00:21:32,013
What's wrong, man?
398
00:21:32,015 --> 00:21:33,058
Spit it out.
399
00:21:35,485 --> 00:21:37,435
The kid, he's, he's...
400
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:59,207
Oh no, oh no, oh, oh!
401
00:22:09,265 --> 00:22:10,315
Let's go.
402
00:22:16,615 --> 00:22:19,113
Psst, there's someone there.
403
00:22:19,115 --> 00:22:20,473
Come on, kid.
404
00:22:20,475 --> 00:22:23,166
You're due for a serious time out.
405
00:22:28,435 --> 00:22:29,668
Corona Squad, freeze!
406
00:22:34,165 --> 00:22:35,848
Get down on your knees, now!
407
00:22:37,325 --> 00:22:38,283
No, hold it.
408
00:22:38,285 --> 00:22:39,713
We've got to test him first.
409
00:22:39,715 --> 00:22:40,823
Test reads positive.
410
00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:41,658
Ah!
411
00:22:47,535 --> 00:22:49,618
That'll teach ya to not wash your hands.
412
00:22:54,575 --> 00:22:55,413
Back off!
413
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,433
Haven't you heard of social distancing?
414
00:22:57,435 --> 00:22:59,533
Six feet, kid, six feet.
415
00:22:59,535 --> 00:23:01,038
He's a zombie.
416
00:23:11,495 --> 00:23:13,463
These mothers
have more lives than a cat.
417
00:23:13,465 --> 00:23:14,813
I'll never
lick another doorknob
418
00:23:14,815 --> 00:23:15,868
as long as I live.
419
00:23:20,485 --> 00:23:21,935
I'm very sorry, kid.
420
00:23:34,625 --> 00:23:35,458
Miss?
421
00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:38,816
Miss?
422
00:23:43,293 --> 00:23:44,343
Miss?
423
00:23:44,345 --> 00:23:45,295
Your turn.
424
00:23:51,645 --> 00:23:54,318
You sure the quarantine
is over by the end of April?
425
00:23:56,725 --> 00:23:57,598
Madam?
426
00:24:17,377 --> 00:24:21,460
You've got to get some
hydrogen peroxide on that.
427
00:24:37,385 --> 00:24:38,385
My turn!
428
00:24:40,755 --> 00:24:41,588
Halt.
429
00:24:43,725 --> 00:24:45,575
I think we should have some masks on.
430
00:24:46,715 --> 00:24:49,103
Or, some hand gel at the very least.
431
00:24:49,105 --> 00:24:51,323
All right,
squad, here's the plan.
432
00:24:51,325 --> 00:24:53,103
We go to Francois' mother's house
433
00:24:53,105 --> 00:24:56,203
to see if that's where the
toilet paper is stashed.
434
00:24:56,205 --> 00:24:58,193
I've gotta
get to the native village.
435
00:24:58,195 --> 00:25:00,733
The Shaman there might hold
the key to curing this.
436
00:25:00,735 --> 00:25:02,685
Then we'll stop by on the way.
437
00:25:10,655 --> 00:25:12,903
Who knew there was one
last remaining village
438
00:25:12,905 --> 00:25:14,408
in the middle of Baltimore?
439
00:25:16,235 --> 00:25:19,103
It's a tribe, not unlike the Amish.
440
00:25:19,105 --> 00:25:21,305
They're holding on to
their ancient customs.
441
00:25:24,045 --> 00:25:25,483
And this reporter woman?
442
00:25:25,485 --> 00:25:27,483
She thinks she holds the key.
443
00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:29,113
We're certainly gonna find out.
444
00:25:29,115 --> 00:25:32,278
We've gotta stop this
Corona-tastrophe one way or the other.
445
00:25:39,075 --> 00:25:41,133
Where the hell did they come from?
446
00:25:41,135 --> 00:25:43,503
That's my ex-boyfriend, Carl.
447
00:25:43,505 --> 00:25:45,288
He has come to greet us.
448
00:25:52,695 --> 00:25:54,753
All right, I say we
break up into two groups
449
00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:56,363
and escort her in.
450
00:25:56,365 --> 00:25:58,673
Let's do this, no time to waste.
451
00:25:58,675 --> 00:26:00,043
We've got to make a plan.
452
00:26:00,045 --> 00:26:01,693
Those drumbeats sound hostile.
453
00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:04,473
One wrong move and they
could capture us, or worse.
454
00:26:04,475 --> 00:26:07,093
God, what if they tie me and beat me?
455
00:26:07,095 --> 00:26:10,133
Come on, how dangerous
can they possibly be?
456
00:26:10,135 --> 00:26:11,893
If they decided you were their enemy,
457
00:26:11,895 --> 00:26:13,795
they could easily take all of you out.
458
00:26:15,045 --> 00:26:17,113
These indigenous people are very advanced
459
00:26:17,115 --> 00:26:18,843
despite their culture.
460
00:26:18,845 --> 00:26:20,483
There's good reason they've survived
461
00:26:20,485 --> 00:26:23,483
the wilds of Baltimore
for all these years.
462
00:26:23,485 --> 00:26:25,298
You seem quite infatuated lady.
463
00:26:26,737 --> 00:26:29,428
I don't like your tone,
Mr. Stupid Blue Hat.
464
00:26:30,305 --> 00:26:32,178
What the hell are you suggesting?
465
00:26:34,025 --> 00:26:34,928
You tell me.
466
00:26:36,705 --> 00:26:38,093
Enough now.
467
00:26:38,095 --> 00:26:39,743
How should we get you in there?
468
00:26:39,745 --> 00:26:41,333
I'm going in alone.
469
00:26:41,335 --> 00:26:43,038
I know what they'll respond to.
470
00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:49,898
You really know
how to start a conversation.
471
00:27:05,765 --> 00:27:08,938
Whoa, this broad really knows
how to commit to a cause.
472
00:27:33,915 --> 00:27:36,963
We're sending a naked woman
into the jungles of Baltimore.
473
00:27:36,965 --> 00:27:38,538
What could possibly go wrong?
474
00:27:40,385 --> 00:27:41,953
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
475
00:27:41,955 --> 00:27:43,523
I hope she's wearing sunblock.
476
00:27:43,525 --> 00:27:44,793
I'm going to meet them.
477
00:27:44,795 --> 00:27:47,588
Come back in an hour, and no peeking.
478
00:27:54,025 --> 00:27:55,693
Hey, what up, girl?
479
00:27:55,695 --> 00:27:58,328
I wish I had a swing like
that on my front porch.
480
00:28:02,555 --> 00:28:04,838
Whoo, baby,
where'd you get all that?
481
00:28:06,785 --> 00:28:08,385
Your bed work, honey.
482
00:28:11,785 --> 00:28:13,753
Breaking news as the murder and mayhem
483
00:28:13,755 --> 00:28:15,963
unfolds at the Tits-N-Giggles strip club
484
00:28:15,965 --> 00:28:18,073
in Cherry Hill, New Jersey as hoardes
485
00:28:18,075 --> 00:28:20,643
of Corona zombies continue to attack
486
00:28:20,645 --> 00:28:22,283
the horny bastards that continue
487
00:28:22,285 --> 00:28:24,373
to ignore the quarantine order.
488
00:28:24,375 --> 00:28:26,513
This footage should be reason enough
489
00:28:26,515 --> 00:28:28,173
for you to please, stay at home
490
00:28:28,175 --> 00:28:29,627
and help flatten the curve,
491
00:28:29,629 --> 00:28:32,358
no matter how desperate you
are to see a naked woman.
492
00:30:05,830 --> 00:30:06,663
Hello?
493
00:30:08,145 --> 00:30:09,318
Is anybody there?
494
00:30:10,165 --> 00:30:12,358
I don't have anything you want,
495
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,233
nothing of value, anyway.
496
00:30:14,235 --> 00:30:16,545
No money, no jewelry.
497
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:19,513
Oh.
498
00:30:30,647 --> 00:30:33,211
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
499
00:30:33,213 --> 00:30:36,546
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
500
00:30:38,203 --> 00:30:39,608
Corona.
501
00:30:40,643 --> 00:30:41,476
Corona.
502
00:30:51,245 --> 00:30:53,393
We return now
to our live remote cameras
503
00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:55,253
as the Corona Squad has launched a search
504
00:30:55,255 --> 00:30:57,748
for our star reporter, Barbara Jenson.
505
00:30:59,495 --> 00:31:00,768
Where the hell is she?
506
00:31:01,735 --> 00:31:03,385
She should have been back by now.
507
00:31:04,235 --> 00:31:07,328
She's gotta be gettin' cold.
508
00:31:08,225 --> 00:31:10,593
Maybe she's on her way back.
509
00:31:10,595 --> 00:31:12,008
It's either that or dead.
510
00:31:18,925 --> 00:31:20,213
Let's go back.
511
00:31:20,215 --> 00:31:22,265
Maybe she's waitin' for us at the convoy.
512
00:31:26,665 --> 00:31:29,130
Mother of God, look at that.
513
00:31:29,132 --> 00:31:31,128
You don't suppose this belongs to her?
514
00:31:41,235 --> 00:31:42,213
Who's that?
515
00:31:42,215 --> 00:31:44,515
Hey buddy, come down
from there or I'll shoot.
516
00:31:45,365 --> 00:31:47,313
He's dead, you moron.
517
00:31:47,315 --> 00:31:50,008
Is that one of the Corona zombies?
518
00:31:55,475 --> 00:31:57,253
We're not staying around to find out.
519
00:31:57,255 --> 00:31:58,488
Let's haul ass.
520
00:32:01,595 --> 00:32:02,933
Let's roll.
521
00:32:02,935 --> 00:32:05,013
This place is crawling with those things.
522
00:32:05,015 --> 00:32:07,228
They're throwing bodies into the trees.
523
00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:14,531
Corona.
524
00:32:17,659 --> 00:32:18,492
Corona.
525
00:32:19,605 --> 00:32:20,743
My God.
526
00:32:20,745 --> 00:32:22,045
You led them right for us.
527
00:32:28,095 --> 00:32:30,513
This is a perfect
opportunity to get that B roll
528
00:32:30,515 --> 00:32:31,346
I was hoping for.
529
00:32:31,348 --> 00:32:32,643
Get in the car.
530
00:32:32,645 --> 00:32:34,443
Hey, unhand me, you brute.
531
00:32:34,445 --> 00:32:36,883
This is my shot at the big time.
532
00:32:36,885 --> 00:32:38,485
It's worth losing a limb or two.
533
00:32:39,975 --> 00:32:41,225
Janni, Janni!
534
00:32:42,295 --> 00:32:44,079
Come back!
535
00:32:44,081 --> 00:32:45,164
Janni, Janni!
536
00:32:47,166 --> 00:32:47,999
Come back!
537
00:32:49,637 --> 00:32:51,793
No promotion is worth this.
538
00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:52,753
That's it boys.
539
00:32:52,755 --> 00:32:54,063
Work the camera.
540
00:32:54,065 --> 00:32:56,283
Lick your lips, steady.
541
00:32:56,285 --> 00:32:57,408
Show me what you got.
542
00:32:58,425 --> 00:33:00,773
Make love to the lens
like your stepdaughter's
543
00:33:00,775 --> 00:33:02,923
mom just passed away.
544
00:33:02,925 --> 00:33:04,323
Start the car.
545
00:33:04,325 --> 00:33:05,773
We're not leaving here.
546
00:33:05,775 --> 00:33:07,632
I said start the car, Shemp.
547
00:33:09,202 --> 00:33:11,533
Janni, this is suicide.
548
00:33:11,535 --> 00:33:13,083
Now, let's lose
those shirts, fellas.
549
00:33:13,085 --> 00:33:14,382
Work it.
550
00:33:14,384 --> 00:33:15,217
No!
551
00:33:17,025 --> 00:33:17,928
Christ!
552
00:33:19,955 --> 00:33:22,023
All right buddy, the
fashion shoot is over.
553
00:33:22,025 --> 00:33:23,783
Get your ass back to the van.
554
00:33:23,785 --> 00:33:25,438
Damn, forgot to load it.
555
00:33:35,075 --> 00:33:36,513
It's the head, dammit.
556
00:33:36,515 --> 00:33:37,468
Aim for the head.
557
00:33:38,615 --> 00:33:39,883
I got it.
558
00:33:39,885 --> 00:33:41,373
Then do it, now.
559
00:33:41,375 --> 00:33:42,748
I got it, I got it.
560
00:33:46,995 --> 00:33:48,345
If you're not man enough,
561
00:33:50,655 --> 00:33:52,373
then I am.
562
00:33:52,375 --> 00:33:54,223
You just stay right here and learn
563
00:33:54,225 --> 00:33:55,783
from the hand of the master.
564
00:33:55,785 --> 00:33:56,635
How's that sound?
565
00:34:01,454 --> 00:34:02,285
Stop!
566
00:34:02,287 --> 00:34:03,843
Haven't you seen any George Romero?
567
00:34:03,845 --> 00:34:04,923
It's the head.
568
00:34:04,925 --> 00:34:08,673
You gotta shoot 'em in the head, yah!
569
00:34:08,675 --> 00:34:10,475
Oh my God, he's a total idiot.
570
00:34:14,548 --> 00:34:15,473
I need this one's close up.
571
00:34:15,475 --> 00:34:17,473
That's a wrap on the phot shoot.
572
00:34:17,475 --> 00:34:18,518
Now.
573
00:34:26,325 --> 00:34:27,156
Bring it on.
574
00:34:27,158 --> 00:34:28,953
I bet your mom is real proud of you.
575
00:34:28,955 --> 00:34:30,963
Speaking of your mama, she's so ugly,
576
00:34:30,965 --> 00:34:33,153
she tried to join an ugly contest once,
577
00:34:33,155 --> 00:34:35,706
and they said sorry, no professionals.
578
00:34:36,885 --> 00:34:39,663
Your mama is so fat her
belly button gets home
579
00:34:39,665 --> 00:34:41,443
15 minutes before she does.
580
00:34:41,445 --> 00:34:42,943
Enough schtick, Argento.
581
00:34:42,945 --> 00:34:44,053
Wrap it up.
582
00:34:44,055 --> 00:34:45,343
Get over here.
583
00:34:45,345 --> 00:34:47,703
Come at me, bro, come at me.
584
00:34:47,705 --> 00:34:49,568
Enjoy living while you can.
585
00:34:50,605 --> 00:34:51,683
You heard the President.
586
00:34:51,685 --> 00:34:53,993
You'll only be around
for another three weeks.
587
00:34:53,995 --> 00:34:55,743
Go ahead, try and eat me.
588
00:34:55,745 --> 00:34:57,143
Just try.
589
00:34:57,145 --> 00:34:58,903
What are you waiting for?
590
00:34:58,905 --> 00:34:59,813
Let's go.
591
00:34:59,815 --> 00:35:02,113
Let's roll, Argento!
592
00:35:02,115 --> 00:35:02,946
Come on!
593
00:35:02,948 --> 00:35:03,779
Hey you.
594
00:35:03,781 --> 00:35:04,612
Move!
595
00:35:04,614 --> 00:35:05,445
Look at me.
596
00:35:05,447 --> 00:35:07,573
No mask, no gloves.
597
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:08,406
Oh, I get it.
598
00:35:08,408 --> 00:35:09,356
You want a little bite outta me, huh?
599
00:35:09,358 --> 00:35:10,703
He's crackin' up.
600
00:35:10,705 --> 00:35:12,413
We have to bail.
601
00:35:12,415 --> 00:35:13,833
Do I look delicious to you?
602
00:35:13,835 --> 00:35:15,023
I bet I do.
603
00:35:15,025 --> 00:35:16,689
Dinner is served.
604
00:35:16,691 --> 00:35:17,524
Wow.
605
00:35:19,255 --> 00:35:24,255
Ah, not before you have your first course!
606
00:35:25,585 --> 00:35:27,653
Did you get any
information from the Shaman?
607
00:35:27,655 --> 00:35:28,833
He told me this pandemic
608
00:35:28,835 --> 00:35:31,423
is the Earth's way of telling
us to be kinder to her.
609
00:35:31,425 --> 00:35:33,163
Got that right.
610
00:35:33,165 --> 00:35:34,753
Corona
zombies were just seen
611
00:35:34,755 --> 00:35:37,883
walking north to the wooded
area outside the city.
612
00:35:37,885 --> 00:35:40,724
All citizens are advised
to arm themselves.
613
00:35:40,726 --> 00:35:42,013
All right, the mother's house
614
00:35:42,015 --> 00:35:43,563
is just a few miles ahead.
615
00:35:43,565 --> 00:35:44,983
Start loading the weapons.
616
00:35:44,985 --> 00:35:47,733
We'll hide the vehicles and
sneak up on the old broad.
617
00:35:47,735 --> 00:35:48,566
Be alert.
618
00:35:48,568 --> 00:35:51,123
I need total professionalism
from you guys.
619
00:35:51,125 --> 00:35:53,554
Baby ready
to fall down and go boom?
620
00:35:53,556 --> 00:35:54,851
Whee!
621
00:35:55,686 --> 00:35:57,778
Dammit, I wanted to go down myself.
622
00:36:00,525 --> 00:36:03,073
Anybody else starting to get hungry?
623
00:36:03,075 --> 00:36:05,083
My God, they're hideous.
624
00:36:05,085 --> 00:36:07,308
All right, let's go check out the house.
625
00:36:15,325 --> 00:36:16,753
Ow, you know what?
626
00:36:16,755 --> 00:36:19,108
Here, I don't even know
how to shoot this thing.
627
00:36:21,965 --> 00:36:22,953
All clear.
628
00:36:22,955 --> 00:36:24,763
Everyone keep your eyes
peeled for anything
629
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:26,203
out of the ordinary.
630
00:36:26,205 --> 00:36:28,505
Be ready for danger where
you least expect it.
631
00:36:40,275 --> 00:36:43,238
Hey, smells worse than old lady in here.
632
00:36:53,269 --> 00:36:54,100
Shemp.
633
00:36:54,102 --> 00:36:54,933
Huh?
634
00:36:54,935 --> 00:36:55,766
Go take a look out there.
635
00:36:55,768 --> 00:36:56,601
Yeah, okay.
636
00:36:58,265 --> 00:36:59,503
Let's split up and look for signs
637
00:36:59,505 --> 00:37:00,623
of that toilet paper.
638
00:37:00,625 --> 00:37:02,973
Check outside for shipping containers.
639
00:37:02,975 --> 00:37:04,098
I'll go up there.
640
00:37:05,185 --> 00:37:08,618
Randy, Argento, look for the old broad.
641
00:37:15,725 --> 00:37:17,303
Look, she's wears lederhosen.
642
00:37:17,305 --> 00:37:19,448
Maybe she's a hot German cougar.
643
00:37:22,195 --> 00:37:23,438
Knock knock.
644
00:37:25,045 --> 00:37:26,408
Singing telegram.
645
00:37:30,172 --> 00:37:31,005
Postmates!
646
00:37:35,625 --> 00:37:37,025
Jehovah's Witness.
647
00:37:53,205 --> 00:37:55,655
There's always
time for cross-dressin'.
648
00:37:57,075 --> 00:37:57,908
Yeah.
649
00:38:04,315 --> 00:38:05,278
No heels?
650
00:38:08,765 --> 00:38:09,598
Yeah.
651
00:38:10,509 --> 00:38:11,342
Mmm.
652
00:38:30,365 --> 00:38:32,893
Ma'am, I'm from
Publisher's Clearing House.
653
00:38:32,895 --> 00:38:35,278
I'm here to tell you you're a winner!
654
00:38:40,895 --> 00:38:43,126
Watch where you're goin', fruitcake.
655
00:38:47,187 --> 00:38:52,187
Bump bump ba bump ba bump.
656
00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:01,893
Hey lady, wake up.
657
00:39:01,895 --> 00:39:03,833
Someone sent you a stripper gram.
658
00:39:03,835 --> 00:39:05,258
Let's get naked.
659
00:39:08,495 --> 00:39:10,638
Let's see those goat titties.
660
00:39:13,215 --> 00:39:14,208
My bad.
661
00:39:23,705 --> 00:39:26,412
Ugh, not getting information out of you.
662
00:39:27,885 --> 00:39:29,843
This place is a dump.
663
00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:32,903
Terrorist or not, this
woman lives like a lazy,
664
00:39:32,905 --> 00:39:35,203
filthy lady pig.
665
00:39:35,205 --> 00:39:37,488
Smells like a smoky bedspread in here.
666
00:39:42,035 --> 00:39:43,938
Ba ba dump dee dump.
667
00:39:46,742 --> 00:39:47,909
Da da da dada.
668
00:40:13,115 --> 00:40:14,013
That was Shemp.
669
00:40:14,015 --> 00:40:15,153
Come on.
670
00:40:15,155 --> 00:40:16,318
Stay here.
671
00:40:22,875 --> 00:40:24,288
Back off, meemaw.
672
00:40:29,425 --> 00:40:31,268
I barely know you.
673
00:40:42,425 --> 00:40:44,338
My God, Shemp, no.
674
00:40:46,865 --> 00:40:47,758
Eaten alive.
675
00:40:48,895 --> 00:40:51,273
In a dress, no less.
676
00:40:51,275 --> 00:40:54,775
This time he really did it.
677
00:40:54,777 --> 00:40:58,189
Goddamned Corona zombies.
678
00:40:58,191 --> 00:40:59,024
Ah!
679
00:42:03,915 --> 00:42:04,891
Barbara!
680
00:42:04,893 --> 00:42:05,976
What's wrong?
681
00:42:13,635 --> 00:42:14,878
Damn you, get back.
682
00:42:17,875 --> 00:42:21,838
Up yours, you bat soup
eating bastards from hell.
683
00:42:23,195 --> 00:42:24,568
Let go of her.
684
00:42:28,585 --> 00:42:32,743
Die, die
Corona scum, die, die!
685
00:42:32,745 --> 00:42:34,389
Die, I say!
686
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:42,763
Unhand her!
687
00:42:42,765 --> 00:42:44,713
She's a journalist, for God's sake.
688
00:42:44,715 --> 00:42:46,488
Close your eyes, Barbara.
689
00:42:51,445 --> 00:42:52,745
We have to bail.
690
00:43:00,795 --> 00:43:01,918
Let's split.
691
00:43:14,705 --> 00:43:16,978
We've got
to get back to the car!
692
00:43:23,055 --> 00:43:24,613
Keep your eyes
peeled for the others.
693
00:43:24,615 --> 00:43:25,488
Let's go.
694
00:43:27,065 --> 00:43:28,515
Christ, they're everywhere!
695
00:43:32,475 --> 00:43:34,388
This one makes a bigger hole.
696
00:43:35,855 --> 00:43:37,758
Incoming Corona.
697
00:43:40,575 --> 00:43:42,178
Adios, tubby.
698
00:43:43,225 --> 00:43:44,056
Get my camera.
699
00:43:44,058 --> 00:43:45,373
Someone shoot this.
700
00:43:45,375 --> 00:43:47,082
This is great B role.
701
00:43:48,455 --> 00:43:50,058
Where's Chad and Barbara?
702
00:43:53,475 --> 00:43:55,293
Let's trash this place!
703
00:43:55,295 --> 00:43:56,128
Yah.
704
00:43:59,245 --> 00:44:02,213
I'll handle this.
705
00:44:02,215 --> 00:44:05,453
These flesh eaters are
ready for their close up.
706
00:44:05,455 --> 00:44:07,153
Okay, never mind the camera.
707
00:44:08,505 --> 00:44:09,338
Get back.
708
00:44:14,805 --> 00:44:16,372
Get outta here, get out!
709
00:44:20,988 --> 00:44:22,650
Yee haw!
710
00:44:22,652 --> 00:44:25,023
Yah, come at me, bro.
711
00:44:25,025 --> 00:44:26,711
Come at me, whoo hoo!
712
00:44:27,705 --> 00:44:28,603
Who's hungry?
713
00:44:28,605 --> 00:44:29,436
Bring it on.
714
00:44:29,438 --> 00:44:31,855
Who's ready for the first course, huh?
715
00:44:31,857 --> 00:44:33,976
Come on, get outta here, yah!
716
00:44:33,978 --> 00:44:34,809
Yah!
717
00:44:35,718 --> 00:44:39,443
Yah, get back, get back,
do what you're told.
718
00:44:39,445 --> 00:44:41,245
Do as you're told, whoo hoo!
719
00:44:41,247 --> 00:44:42,791
Yah, yah.
720
00:44:45,535 --> 00:44:46,366
Whoo hoo!
721
00:44:46,368 --> 00:44:47,199
Look at you.
722
00:44:47,201 --> 00:44:48,463
How could you possibly think you could
723
00:44:48,465 --> 00:44:51,173
make a meal outta me, huh?
724
00:44:53,445 --> 00:44:54,853
Whoo hoo!
725
00:44:54,855 --> 00:44:57,623
Yah, yah, yah.
726
00:44:57,625 --> 00:44:58,543
Abort mission.
727
00:44:58,545 --> 00:45:00,003
Get in the car.
728
00:45:00,005 --> 00:45:01,033
Fuck him.
729
00:45:01,035 --> 00:45:02,198
He's all cracked up.
730
00:45:06,295 --> 00:45:07,958
Yah, come on.
731
00:45:09,195 --> 00:45:10,273
Just do it.
732
00:45:10,275 --> 00:45:12,733
I can't take any more cable news anyway.
733
00:45:12,735 --> 00:45:14,300
Kill me!
734
00:45:19,405 --> 00:45:20,683
Just kidding.
735
00:45:20,685 --> 00:45:21,930
See ya meatloaf.
736
00:45:22,765 --> 00:45:23,598
In hell!
737
00:45:25,645 --> 00:45:26,476
Just leave him.
738
00:45:26,478 --> 00:45:27,643
He's a loose cannon.
739
00:45:27,645 --> 00:45:29,093
He's Corona Squad, man.
740
00:45:29,095 --> 00:45:30,008
Back off.
741
00:45:36,715 --> 00:45:39,613
On second thought, maybe you're right.
742
00:45:39,615 --> 00:45:41,468
Randy, pull him inside.
743
00:45:48,755 --> 00:45:50,013
Argento, pull
your head outta your ass.
744
00:45:50,015 --> 00:45:50,848
It's over.
745
00:45:54,865 --> 00:45:56,518
It's no use, just leave him.
746
00:46:04,005 --> 00:46:06,598
That's it,
hold perfectly still.
747
00:46:07,895 --> 00:46:08,743
My work is done.
748
00:46:08,745 --> 00:46:10,295
Let's blow this popsicle stand.
749
00:46:19,585 --> 00:46:20,808
Get back!
750
00:46:23,265 --> 00:46:26,063
He's leaking all over me!
751
00:46:26,065 --> 00:46:27,638
Cap the son of a bitch!
752
00:46:35,275 --> 00:46:36,925
Step on it, they're closing in.
753
00:46:49,085 --> 00:46:49,998
Help me!
754
00:46:52,535 --> 00:46:53,764
Please start the car.
755
00:46:53,766 --> 00:46:54,933
Keep them out!
756
00:46:56,968 --> 00:46:59,138
There are Corona everywhere!
757
00:47:02,675 --> 00:47:06,613
Blast the radio, honk the horn, anything!
758
00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:07,903
Corona Squad, my ass.
759
00:47:07,905 --> 00:47:09,743
You can't even get the car started.
760
00:47:09,745 --> 00:47:11,023
Call the auto club.
761
00:47:11,025 --> 00:47:13,133
Use On-Star.
762
00:47:13,135 --> 00:47:15,053
Adios, Corona scum.
763
00:47:15,055 --> 00:47:16,275
See you in hell!
764
00:47:17,888 --> 00:47:19,388
Corona.
765
00:47:21,075 --> 00:47:22,943
Breaking news
as the mayor has called off
766
00:47:22,945 --> 00:47:25,133
all attempts to save the horny bastards
767
00:47:25,135 --> 00:47:26,933
that continue to show
up at the Tits-N-Giggles
768
00:47:26,935 --> 00:47:29,173
strip club in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
769
00:47:29,175 --> 00:47:31,733
As one by one, both
strippers and customers
770
00:47:31,735 --> 00:47:34,728
are transformed into
ravenous Corona zombies.
771
00:47:35,985 --> 00:47:38,613
City officials are designating Martial Law
772
00:47:38,615 --> 00:47:41,013
as the government continues
to try and contain
773
00:47:41,015 --> 00:47:43,933
the virus, at the same
time trying to resolve
774
00:47:43,935 --> 00:47:46,378
our terrifying toilet paper shortage.
775
00:48:15,125 --> 00:48:16,303
It's the end of the world.
776
00:48:16,305 --> 00:48:17,650
It's the end of the world!
777
00:48:17,652 --> 00:48:20,173
So, I would love to have the country
778
00:48:20,175 --> 00:48:25,023
opened up and just raring to go by Easter.
779
00:48:25,025 --> 00:48:26,183
Hey girl, are you sure
780
00:48:26,185 --> 00:48:27,773
it was just a hallucination?
781
00:48:27,775 --> 00:48:29,673
I mean, I think so.
782
00:48:29,675 --> 00:48:33,671
I'm not in the belly of a
Corona zombie, so, I guess.
783
00:48:33,673 --> 00:48:35,423
Be thankful
it wasn't one of those
784
00:48:35,425 --> 00:48:37,613
dumb nightmares that ends with a shock,
785
00:48:37,615 --> 00:48:40,503
only to realize one more time that you're
786
00:48:40,505 --> 00:48:42,113
actually still in the nightmare.
787
00:48:42,115 --> 00:48:43,243
Ugh, I hate those.
788
00:48:43,245 --> 00:48:44,076
Yeah, me, too.
789
00:48:44,078 --> 00:48:46,283
Wouldn't it be weird if
our conversation right now
790
00:48:46,285 --> 00:48:49,243
were like actually part of a nightmare?
791
00:48:49,245 --> 00:48:50,523
Like, like a triple.
792
00:48:50,525 --> 00:48:53,853
Like, look, you wake up twice
and then I finally wake up
793
00:48:53,855 --> 00:48:55,643
and we realize that I'm
the one who's actually
794
00:48:55,645 --> 00:48:57,253
having the nightmare.
795
00:48:57,255 --> 00:48:58,088
Mmm hmm.
796
00:48:58,985 --> 00:49:00,733
This lockdown sucks.
797
00:49:00,735 --> 00:49:03,073
It's been like, two hours,
and I'm already bored.
798
00:49:03,075 --> 00:49:04,683
I know, right?
799
00:49:04,685 --> 00:49:07,023
And it's Taco Tuesday, too.
800
00:49:07,025 --> 00:49:10,073
Mmm, how long do you
think this is gonna last?
801
00:49:10,075 --> 00:49:12,853
They're saying we
may be stuck home for months.
802
00:49:12,855 --> 00:49:14,287
This is serious.
803
00:49:14,289 --> 00:49:15,603
Ugh!
804
00:49:15,605 --> 00:49:17,733
Whose stupid idea was this, anyway?
805
00:49:17,735 --> 00:49:19,313
This is so not fun.
806
00:49:19,315 --> 00:49:21,430
Global warming,
biological warfare,
807
00:49:21,432 --> 00:49:24,473
oh, oh, wait, the contestants
from The Bachelor.
808
00:49:24,475 --> 00:49:26,593
Wait, that was prison herpes outbreak.
809
00:49:26,595 --> 00:49:28,193
Who knows?
810
00:49:28,195 --> 00:49:30,013
Wait a second.
811
00:49:30,015 --> 00:49:31,293
What now?
812
00:49:31,295 --> 00:49:32,126
Jim Bob.
813
00:49:32,128 --> 00:49:33,753
What about that moron?
814
00:49:33,755 --> 00:49:36,435
I can't believe you dated that loser.
815
00:49:36,437 --> 00:49:38,573
He was hot the night I met him.
816
00:49:38,575 --> 00:49:42,238
You were way drunk
and he was, like, never hot.
817
00:49:43,175 --> 00:49:45,413
Anyway, he was a survivalist.
818
00:49:45,415 --> 00:49:47,236
He left a ton of supplies here.
819
00:49:47,238 --> 00:49:48,643
Where?
820
00:49:48,645 --> 00:49:49,573
In the garage.
821
00:49:49,575 --> 00:49:51,643
I have earthquake and get
your hands off my shit,
822
00:49:51,645 --> 00:49:53,681
you smelly democrat supplies out there.
823
00:49:53,683 --> 00:49:55,246
And?
824
00:49:55,248 --> 00:49:56,673
And, there's toilet paper!
825
00:49:56,675 --> 00:49:57,713
Girl.
826
00:49:57,715 --> 00:49:59,331
You're one rich bitch.
827
00:49:59,333 --> 00:50:00,385
Mmm hmm.
828
00:50:00,387 --> 00:50:01,446
I'm a rich bitch, I'm a rich bitch.
829
00:50:01,448 --> 00:50:02,279
You're a bitch, bitch.
830
00:50:02,281 --> 00:50:03,112
You're a bitch, bitch.
831
00:50:03,114 --> 00:50:04,041
You're a bitch, bitch.
832
00:50:07,245 --> 00:50:09,163
Breaking news is the
Corona Squad have aborted
833
00:50:09,165 --> 00:50:11,553
their missions to locate
the missing toilet paper
834
00:50:11,555 --> 00:50:13,843
and are heading for the
location of the initial
835
00:50:13,845 --> 00:50:17,703
Corona zombie outbreak,
the Scrambell Soup Company.
836
00:50:17,705 --> 00:50:19,933
Officials hope the squad
can find clues there
837
00:50:19,935 --> 00:50:22,248
that may help bring this all to an end.
838
00:50:32,325 --> 00:50:33,725
Great, now what?
839
00:50:44,035 --> 00:50:45,193
Washed out road.
840
00:50:45,195 --> 00:50:46,923
Yeah, it figures.
841
00:50:46,925 --> 00:50:49,375
Just another day in the
life of the Corona Squad.
842
00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:52,888
Now, what in the hell do we do?
843
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:58,573
We could ditch the car and go by boat.
844
00:50:58,575 --> 00:51:01,638
Either that, or disguise
ourselves as Corona zombies.
845
00:51:04,945 --> 00:51:06,545
Where'd you say that boat was?
846
00:51:07,615 --> 00:51:08,948
In the back of the van.
847
00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:14,008
Hopefully, we have room for everyone.
848
00:51:16,465 --> 00:51:18,948
If we don't, that
photographer's dead meat.
849
00:51:22,765 --> 00:51:24,123
We'd better get moving.
850
00:51:24,125 --> 00:51:25,773
It'll be dark soon.
851
00:51:25,775 --> 00:51:26,768
Let's roll.
852
00:51:40,255 --> 00:51:41,603
Everyone stay together.
853
00:51:41,605 --> 00:51:45,223
If Corona show up, start
drooling and act like a zombie.
854
00:51:45,225 --> 00:51:47,593
It works on The Walking Dead.
855
00:51:47,595 --> 00:51:48,663
Huh, they sure don't make
856
00:51:48,665 --> 00:51:51,213
inflatable boats like they used to, huh?
857
00:51:51,215 --> 00:51:53,863
Says the guy who
wouldn't help load up.
858
00:51:53,865 --> 00:51:55,763
All right, let's work together and push.
859
00:51:55,765 --> 00:51:57,238
That's it, we got it.
860
00:52:05,535 --> 00:52:08,120
Okay, let me just get the oar.
861
00:52:08,122 --> 00:52:10,418
Uh, I've done this before.
862
00:52:11,565 --> 00:52:12,983
Okay, okay, wait, wait.
863
00:52:12,985 --> 00:52:15,053
Wrong way, wrong way.
864
00:52:15,055 --> 00:52:16,156
Okay, now, here...
865
00:52:16,158 --> 00:52:17,782
Corona coming!
866
00:52:19,737 --> 00:52:21,237
Corona.
867
00:52:23,545 --> 00:52:26,118
Quick, everyone
lay down, act like a stiff.
868
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:27,418
Corona.
869
00:52:27,420 --> 00:52:29,883
My God, they're waving goodbye.
870
00:52:29,885 --> 00:52:31,724
These things are gaining intelligence...
871
00:52:31,726 --> 00:52:32,744
Corona.
872
00:52:32,746 --> 00:52:34,118
At an astonishing rate.
873
00:52:35,145 --> 00:52:37,758
Bon voyage, mother fuckers!
874
00:52:48,815 --> 00:52:50,153
There it is.
875
00:52:50,155 --> 00:52:51,618
It's beautiful.
876
00:52:52,625 --> 00:52:54,313
The plan is to
get to the ninth floor
877
00:52:54,315 --> 00:52:56,513
and take samples of the soup that caused
878
00:52:56,515 --> 00:52:57,933
all of this mess.
879
00:52:57,935 --> 00:52:59,533
Be aware of your surroundings.
880
00:52:59,535 --> 00:53:01,733
There still may be a Corona zombie or two
881
00:53:01,735 --> 00:53:02,835
still in the building.
882
00:53:43,995 --> 00:53:47,718
Hey, Chad, how do we
get to the ninth floor?
883
00:53:50,185 --> 00:53:51,365
I don't know.
884
00:53:52,945 --> 00:53:54,895
But first I really need to take a leak.
885
00:54:00,185 --> 00:54:01,148
Up there.
886
00:54:07,885 --> 00:54:10,113
When this hell ends, this
would be a great location
887
00:54:10,115 --> 00:54:11,623
to shoot a music video.
888
00:54:11,625 --> 00:54:12,456
You're right.
889
00:54:12,458 --> 00:54:13,853
It's very steampunk.
890
00:54:13,855 --> 00:54:14,688
Come on.
891
00:54:23,715 --> 00:54:26,298
I want to go to the
scene of the meltdown.
892
00:54:31,205 --> 00:54:32,848
Elevator, go call the others.
893
00:54:56,515 --> 00:54:58,473
They found the
elevator to soups and gravies.
894
00:54:58,475 --> 00:54:59,488
It's this way.
895
00:55:02,525 --> 00:55:03,628
Stay close.
896
00:55:11,765 --> 00:55:13,383
Corona Squad.
897
00:55:13,385 --> 00:55:14,473
What is it?
898
00:55:14,475 --> 00:55:16,803
I heard something in
the creamed corn room.
899
00:55:16,805 --> 00:55:17,823
Stand near the elevator.
900
00:55:17,825 --> 00:55:18,658
Back up.
901
00:55:47,535 --> 00:55:48,823
The horror!
902
00:55:50,905 --> 00:55:52,508
Die, Corona scum!
903
00:55:53,985 --> 00:55:55,853
I can't take it!
904
00:55:55,855 --> 00:55:57,753
This is for the victims!
905
00:55:57,755 --> 00:55:59,843
This is for closing movie theaters
906
00:55:59,845 --> 00:56:03,403
and this is for getting
Burning Man canceled.
907
00:56:03,405 --> 00:56:06,783
Thanks to you, I can't even
hook up on Tinder anymore.
908
00:56:06,785 --> 00:56:09,823
Plenty of Fish, Grindr, all of it.
909
00:56:09,825 --> 00:56:12,535
I'll never bang a random ever again!
910
00:56:12,537 --> 00:56:13,508
Wait.
911
00:56:16,095 --> 00:56:16,928
Stay back.
912
00:56:18,945 --> 00:56:20,499
I take it all back!
913
00:56:21,334 --> 00:56:22,165
I'm just a little tired.
914
00:56:22,167 --> 00:56:23,866
I have low blood sugar, oh!
915
00:56:23,868 --> 00:56:25,292
What a world!
916
00:56:25,294 --> 00:56:26,839
What a world!
917
00:56:28,295 --> 00:56:31,634
I'm starting to think
that this was a bad idea.
918
00:56:31,636 --> 00:56:34,029
Oh, the tomato
soup is overheating!
919
00:56:34,031 --> 00:56:35,001
That's not tomato soup.
920
00:56:35,894 --> 00:56:37,555
It's what's left of Argento.
921
00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:49,728
Abort mission!
922
00:56:51,755 --> 00:56:52,586
My God.
923
00:56:52,588 --> 00:56:53,733
Just look at 'em.
924
00:56:53,735 --> 00:56:54,633
They're dead.
925
00:56:54,635 --> 00:56:56,653
They're all messed up.
926
00:56:56,655 --> 00:56:57,743
To think they're all gonna miss out
927
00:56:57,745 --> 00:56:59,395
on the stimulus package benefits.
928
00:57:01,675 --> 00:57:03,873
Barbara, I know this probably isn't
929
00:57:03,875 --> 00:57:05,133
the best time for this.
930
00:57:05,135 --> 00:57:07,873
I haven't been with a
woman for a very long time.
931
00:57:07,875 --> 00:57:10,243
So, since this is probably it,
932
00:57:10,245 --> 00:57:13,142
I get one last look at those
tremendous knockers of yours,
933
00:57:13,144 --> 00:57:16,408
one last sacrifice for what's
left of the Corona Squad.
934
00:57:17,335 --> 00:57:20,683
I'll be dead, but let me die a hero.
935
00:57:20,685 --> 00:57:21,833
Corona.
936
00:57:21,835 --> 00:57:24,238
Who just saw a
terrific set of boobies.
937
00:57:29,345 --> 00:57:30,956
Then I guess this is it.
938
00:57:30,958 --> 00:57:32,428
I'll never find the cure.
939
00:57:33,885 --> 00:57:36,345
Just think, I'll never go to brunch
940
00:57:38,175 --> 00:57:39,208
ever again.
941
00:57:48,115 --> 00:57:49,728
Oh, Chad.
942
00:57:50,655 --> 00:57:52,313
No.
943
00:57:58,425 --> 00:58:00,033
Argento!
944
00:58:00,035 --> 00:58:02,578
What have you done to your hair?
945
00:58:04,585 --> 00:58:06,463
Commander
Chad, it's not too late.
946
00:58:06,465 --> 00:58:07,483
Fight it, man!
947
00:58:07,485 --> 00:58:09,530
Argento, no, we're friends.
948
00:58:09,532 --> 00:58:10,363
Corona!
949
00:58:10,365 --> 00:58:13,365
Set you up with my cousin.
950
00:58:23,690 --> 00:58:25,273
Corona!
951
00:58:53,455 --> 00:58:55,293
Professor, how long can we expect
952
00:58:55,295 --> 00:58:57,243
the Corona zombie outbreak to continue?
953
00:58:57,245 --> 00:58:59,083
Can we expect the plague of the undead
954
00:58:59,085 --> 00:59:00,423
to end anytime soon?
955
00:59:00,425 --> 00:59:01,590
How would I know?
956
00:59:01,592 --> 00:59:04,293
What am I, a mindreader?
957
00:59:04,295 --> 00:59:06,953
All I can say is the world
should let this be a lesson
958
00:59:06,955 --> 00:59:10,363
from this moment in
history, we should try to be
959
00:59:10,365 --> 00:59:13,883
kinder, gentler, a better
person than we were yesterday.
960
00:59:13,885 --> 00:59:16,763
After all, all we are is dust in the wind.
961
00:59:16,765 --> 00:59:19,638
The takeaway, wash your hands,
962
00:59:20,555 --> 00:59:22,238
and get your shit together!
963
00:59:24,025 --> 00:59:25,460
Come on, toilet paper.
964
00:59:25,462 --> 00:59:27,158
I know you're in here.
965
00:59:32,371 --> 00:59:33,893
Yes!
966
00:59:33,895 --> 00:59:35,445
The mother fuckin' mother lode!
967
00:59:36,902 --> 00:59:38,774
Corona.
968
01:00:20,237 --> 01:00:21,682
Corona.
969
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:26,818
Are you sure it was just a
970
01:00:26,820 --> 01:00:28,419
hallucinate, elation?
971
01:00:30,836 --> 01:00:33,250
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull