1 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:12,512 You all think you're sooo special with your fancy opposable thumbs, 2 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:15,223 but you human beings are really just 3 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,309 the "greatest hits" evolutionary compilation 4 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:21,771 - of my OG animal creations. - [squawking] 5 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,399 That whole "walking upright" idea? [scoffs] 6 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,943 That refreshing dip in the river? 7 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,320 That jet propulsion thing? [scoffs] 8 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,114 My animals did it first. 9 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,451 Okay, well, maybe not jet propulsion. 10 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:36,077 [whizzing sound] 11 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,121 Take this frogfish, for example, 12 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,582 with all of its frilly varietals, 13 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:44,419 colorful ensembles, and diva behaviorisms. 14 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,921 Some see "voracious hunter," 15 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:51,092 I see Sir Elton John screaming: 16 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:54,554 [Elton John impersonation] "Good night, Cleveland!" 17 00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,183 - [Mother Nature] So, just accept it. - [kissing sounds] 18 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:01,603 Humans and animals have more in common than you know. 19 00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:04,647 [male] Come out to the swamp, we'll get together, have a few laughs. 20 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,731 [applause] 21 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,943 - Coexisting here, on my... - [loud kissing sound] 22 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,156 ...Absurd Planet! 23 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,409 [birds twittering] 24 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:20,288 Let's face it, it's hard being an animal. 25 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,540 Sometimes, just like humans, 26 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:29,547 animals have to unwind after long days of almost getting eaten by predators. 27 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:30,882 Lucky for them, 28 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,885 there's a little place called Fantastic Tam's, 29 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,514 and it's all about pampering for primates. 30 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,518 [East Coast accent] That's right! I'm a tamarin monkey. 31 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:45,355 Owner and founder of Fantastic Taaam's! 32 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,568 Are you a Japanese snow monkey with a barrel of stress? 33 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,322 Well, swing on over to my all-natural hot springs! 34 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:58,159 Where females can luxuriate as they groom each other 35 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,536 to maintain hygiene. 36 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,496 But watch out, ladies... 37 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:05,959 Sometimes this steamy grotto will attract dominant males to the group. 38 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:06,918 [squealing] 39 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:10,296 We're all the same. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! 40 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,382 [Tamarin monkey] Eww! Yum. 41 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:17,011 Hot springs not only keep macaques warm during winter months, 42 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:22,267 but this toasty soak also lowers the stress hormone levels! 43 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,520 Talk about a happy ending! 44 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,732 And if the steamy spa setting isn't your thing, 45 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:35,655 then check into a full body rub-down with a licensed primate. 46 00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,740 [male] Ohhh, that's the stuff! 47 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,827 [tamarin monkey] Our grooming experts know how to sift through hair, 48 00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:45,456 picking out dirt, insects, and dry skin from your coat, 49 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,001 so you can look your best! 50 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,836 - [70s disco music] - Get a mani! 51 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:50,920 Get a pedi! 52 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:54,549 Lift that tail, and just get ready! 53 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,593 Peekaboo! 54 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,595 When you need to go from a prime- "eight" 55 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,555 - to a prime- "ten..." - [camera clicks] 56 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,223 ...remember the name: 57 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,809 Fantastic Tam's. 58 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:08,271 ♪ Next time your hair is in a jam ♪ 59 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:12,609 ♪ Climb on down to Fantastic Tam's! ♪ 60 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:13,943 [dramatic music] 61 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,881 [anchor] We're sorry to interrupt your programming, ladies and gentlemen, 62 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,907 but we have some late breaking news. 63 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:23,161 There are widespread reports of seals yawning. 64 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:26,915 Scientists are still not sure what caused this yawning outbreak. 65 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,541 Just like humans, the seals 66 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,501 may be tired, bored, 67 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,712 or in need of oxygen to their brains. 68 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,673 We now go live to our resident seal expert 69 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,342 to find out what he thinks. 70 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,969 And, I think, uhhhhhhhhh... 71 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,387 [dramatic music] 72 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,390 [new age music] 73 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,687 [Mother Nature] It's my job to make creatures. 74 00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:51,981 It's your job to name 'em. 75 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,442 Sometimes you nail it, 76 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,152 like "hammerhead shark." 77 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,071 That makes perfect sense. 78 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,782 Head that looks like a hammer? Check. 79 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:01,865 Brava! 80 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,743 But some animal names 81 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,997 insinuate they'd be good corporate employees in the human world. 82 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,582 And... yikes! 83 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,918 That's just false advertising. 84 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:15,255 - [chirping] - [African percussion] 85 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,882 [male] I'm a secretary bird, hello. 86 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,843 I'm a very large bird of prey from Africa, hi! 87 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,304 And I stand over four feet tall. 88 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,557 I make a cool secretary bird, 89 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:30,186 but... I would make for a very terrible secretary. 90 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,565 For starters, the secretary birds are terrestrial birds, 91 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:37,151 which means we don't really like to fly much. 92 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,406 I mean, imagine being a bird with wings, and choosing not to fly. 93 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,826 Good luck getting me to pick up your dry cleaning! [laughs] 94 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,162 Secretary birds are also known for our stomping of prey 95 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,416 - until they're dead or immobilized. - [squeals] 96 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,001 And then I eat it. 97 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,251 Yum. 98 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,130 But, if I were your actual secretary, 99 00:04:57,255 --> 00:05:01,509 that'd make for some frightening moments for folks waiting for their job interview. 100 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:04,095 "She will see you in five minutes. 101 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,682 I am just going to stomp this sweet little bunny to death." 102 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:10,310 - [squeals] - We secretary birds can strike 103 00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,521 with the force of five times our body weight. 104 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,900 Hey, Linda, would you please get me the accounting file? 105 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,695 Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Dead. 106 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,239 Linda doesn't get files! Linda stomps! 107 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,285 Also, we secretary birds do not speak English, 108 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,787 or any other human language. 109 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:35,168 In conclusion, we secretary birds would make terrible secretaries. 110 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,838 A better name for us would've been "Stompy the HR Nightmare Bird." 111 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,549 - [Mother Nature] See ya in court, Stompy. - Good day! 112 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,632 [dramatic music] 113 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,471 [anchor] We're sorry to interrupt your absurd program yet again, 114 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,931 - but we have more breaking news. - [police siren] 115 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,391 There has been a sighting 116 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,312 of a Sally Lightfoot crab doing... imitations? 117 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,440 Now known as the "imitation crab," 118 00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,568 we take you live to the Galapagos Islands. 119 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:03,071 Mr. Crab, what's going on down there? 120 00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,655 [sincerely] Let me be clear. 121 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:08,493 Uh... I am... uh... Sally Lightfoot... uh... crab. 122 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,787 [anchor] Ah! Very nice Obama. 123 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:14,290 [Sally Lightfoot] I was named "Sally" after a Caribbean dancer. 124 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:17,919 I can even jump to avoid, uh, predators. 125 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,212 See! 126 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,546 I told you so. 127 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:24,717 You can read about it in my book, The Audacity of Kelp. 128 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,261 [anchor] That was... really great. 129 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,014 Do you do any other impressions of US presidents? 130 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,861 [imitating Richard Nixon] I am not a crab. 131 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,768 Wait a minute, yes I am. 132 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,270 [anchor] Oh, I got it. Richard Nixon. 133 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,524 Pretty soon, you won't have this Sally Lightfoot crab 134 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,067 to kick around anymore. 135 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,985 [anchor] Well, there you have it, folks. 136 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,571 A truly unremarkable story. 137 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,657 [dramatic music] 138 00:06:48,699 --> 00:06:51,869 [Mother Nature] Well, that left a bad impression. [chuckles] 139 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,580 While we're still in the Galapagos, 140 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,707 let's pay a visit to another creature 141 00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,962 that exhibits one of the more snotty traits of humanity. 142 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,841 This is the marine iguana. 143 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:09,512 The only lizard in the world that has adapted to a marine lifestyle. 144 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,180 [R&B music] 145 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,935 They spend their days swimming out into the ocean to forage for algae, 146 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:21,399 and in doing so, they inadvertently ingest a lot of salty seawater. 147 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,402 Actually, a lethal dose of it. 148 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:28,364 And in order to expel all the extra salt in their bodies, 149 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,325 marine iguanas have large cranial glands 150 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:35,121 that shoot all the extra fluid right out of their nostrils. 151 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,623 You might know it as a farmer's blow... 152 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:41,294 or something you might see the first baseman of the New York Yankees do 153 00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,045 while waiting for the next pitch. 154 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,546 But to be fair, 155 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:49,760 a lot of my other animals share the same snotty and slobbery traits 156 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,597 - as you etiquette-challenged humans. - [chirruping] 157 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,349 Get ready, this song... 158 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,351 blows! 159 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,437 [acoustic guitar strumming] 160 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,106 Uhhh! Uhhh! 161 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,694 Get outta there, boogie! 162 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,784 ♪ I picked your nose after eating a bee ♪ 163 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,746 ♪ I pulled it out, now it's inside me ♪ 164 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,124 ♪ It's one of those desert boogies ♪ 165 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,419 ♪ A little bloody but mostly green ♪ 166 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,297 ♪ I understand that you can't breathe ♪ 167 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:29,884 ♪ And if you don't blast it out You're gonna sneeze ♪ 168 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:31,260 ♪ But ohhh ♪ 169 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,261 [squirting sounds] 170 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,640 ♪ Snot rocket ♪ 171 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,518 ♪ Oh ♪ 172 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,896 ♪ Sticky, sticky snot rocket ♪ 173 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:48,277 ♪ Oh, Christmas-colored snot rocket ♪ 174 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,321 ♪ You're stuck on me ♪ 175 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,115 ♪ La la la la la la ♪ 176 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,368 ♪ La la laaa ♪ 177 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:59,163 ♪ La la la la la la la ♪ 178 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:02,458 [grumbling] 179 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,003 ♪ Wipe it off with a tree leaf, please ♪ 180 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,131 ♪ Before I get some booger disease ♪ 181 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,510 ♪ I'd cross the desert And the seven seas ♪ 182 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,596 ♪ To not get hit with your nasal peas ♪ 183 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,391 ♪ I understand that you can't breathe ♪ 184 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,811 ♪ And if you don't blast it out You're gonna sneeze ♪ 185 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,480 ♪ But ohhhh ♪ 186 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,858 ♪ Snot rocket ♪ 187 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:33,573 ♪ Oh, sticky, sticky snot rocket ♪ 188 00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:40,621 ♪ Oh, Christmas-colored snot rocket ♪ 189 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,623 ♪ You're stuck on me ♪ 190 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,292 Aaaaaa... choo! 191 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:47,044 ♪ La... la la laaa ♪ 192 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,757 ♪ La la la la la la la ♪ 193 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,467 ♪ La la laaa ♪ 194 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,429 ♪ I'm glad you're stuck on me ♪ 195 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,888 Ah-ahhh! [splurt] 196 00:09:58,764 --> 00:09:59,974 [growls] 197 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,226 [country music] 198 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,604 [Mother Nature] Vanity, schmanity. 199 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,524 Frankly, I find you people to be highly narcissistic 200 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,318 relative to my babes. 201 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,362 But... from time to time, 202 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,617 I'll just sit back and admire some of their strikingly spectacular, 203 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,411 and enviable human-like attributes. 204 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,622 [quirky music] 205 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:25,416 This is a red-lipped batfish. 206 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:30,212 You can find this little flippin' flapper in the waters around the Galapagos Islands 207 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,214 and off the coast of Peru. 208 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,009 While indeed it is a fish, 209 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,762 it is not a very good swimmer, 210 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,764 which seems like an oxymoron. 211 00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,767 That's like being a fly who can't fly, 212 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,852 a crow who can't crow, 213 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,063 or a cheetah who can't cheat. 214 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:51,067 The red-lipped batfish is a scavenging bottom dweller. 215 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,694 [female] Hey, not cool! 216 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,655 But it's true! 217 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,449 The red-lipped batfish has pectoral fins 218 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:01,327 that have evolved for walking on the ocean floor. 219 00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,454 Right, Darwin? 220 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,873 I once ate an owl. 221 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:10,586 The batfish actually travels more on foot than it does by swimming. 222 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,798 I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here! 223 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,509 Yes, you are, and you're getting in your steps! 224 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,095 Peripatetic perambulation. 225 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:24,141 But, by far, the physical attribute this fish is most famous for, 226 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,978 is its big, juicy, red, human-like lips. 227 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,607 And boy, are people envious of these puckers. 228 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,275 I woke up like this. 229 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,194 That's technically true. 230 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,071 It did wake up like that. 231 00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:38,906 It was born like that, 232 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,783 but the bright-red lips 233 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:45,037 are used by the male batfish to attract mates. 234 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,707 [male, clears throat] Not that there's anything wrong with that. 235 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,083 Not at all! 236 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,210 I don't hate you because you're beautiful. 237 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,087 Smooches! [kissing sound] 238 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,840 I married my first cousin. 239 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,925 [African drums] 240 00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:02,054 We all know the housing market is out of control. 241 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:07,309 Everyone's trying to find a home that's bigger, better and newer. 242 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,645 Just like my hermit crabs, 243 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:14,066 who are known to shed their shell houses any chance they get. 244 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,068 And with this much turnover, 245 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:20,239 there's bound to be some wheelin' and dealin'! 246 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,700 [boing] 247 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,994 I'm Harriet the hermit crab 248 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,955 from Harriet's Used Conch and Hermit Crab Shell Lot, 249 00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:31,625 and I'm here to remind you that it's everyone's favorite time of year. 250 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:35,087 - [VO] Molt-a-thon! - [Mother Nature] Can I get a good deal? 251 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,132 [Harriet] Deals so good they make your antennae spin. 252 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,301 [Mother Nature] Yeah... I don't have antennae. 253 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,554 [Harriet] Take a look at my shellroom, 254 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:48,017 every interior smoooother than an eel's ear hole. 255 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,644 You can't fathom the discounts! 256 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:53,272 Ready to claw your way to the top of the line? 257 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,524 Back yourself into one of those certified, 258 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,277 pre-owned, deluxe, General Mollusk models? 259 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,739 - This one still has that new-shell smell! - [cash till pinging] 260 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:03,991 Or... maybe that's your thing. 261 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,951 The stench of rotting fish! 262 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,244 Who's to say? 263 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,581 [VO] You... do... you! 264 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,977 - [Mother Nature] Where you located? - [Harriet] Down at the confluence 265 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,670 of Little Cayman Island and Grand Cayman Island Way. 266 00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,256 If you pass the wacky waving garden eels, 267 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,217 - you've gone too far! - [tires squeal] 268 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:22,675 Musical tagline: 269 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:25,262 ♪ Harry's Used Conch and Hermit Crab Shell Lot ♪ 270 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,015 ♪ Pick one soon or you will die ♪ 271 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,435 Hey! You stole my theme song! 272 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,773 [Mother Nature] Some creatures act just like humans 273 00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,858 when it comes to finding a mate. 274 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,570 And, like you weekend Watusi warriors, 275 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,073 they compete in fabulous dance-offs, 276 00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:46,700 hoping to win over Mrs. Right. 277 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,745 Or in this case... Mrs. Flight. 278 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,704 [disco music] 279 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,583 There are over 40 species of birds of paradise, 280 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,545 - each with its own distinctive style. - [screeches] 281 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,380 - Look at this guy. - Yo! 282 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:01,298 - And this guy. - Eh... yes, ma'am. 283 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:02,800 And what about this guy? 284 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,844 [deep voice] What it do, baby? 285 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,763 More diversity than a college brochure. 286 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,849 [chirping] 287 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:18,274 The fellas are not only reminiscent of a Lady BooGa after party, 288 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,485 they also have the moves to back it up. 289 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,822 When a lucky gal catches his eye, 290 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:29,577 he'll spread out his feathers in a fan shape and boogie down. 291 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:35,165 The elaborate display of peacocking dovetails into an explosion of passion 292 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,127 and everlasting bliss that lasts for... 293 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,546 Oh. It's already over. 294 00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:41,629 [cheesy music] 295 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,341 [dreamily] A romance for the ages. 296 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,844 Why? Because... 297 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,054 [male] Nobody puts Birdy in the corner! 298 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,809 [ambient music] 299 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:55,018 [male VO] I... 300 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,021 am... 301 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,313 a... 302 00:14:58,814 --> 00:14:59,982 tool... 303 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,818 user. 304 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,278 [birds chirping] 305 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,988 Sticks... 306 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,532 and stones... 307 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,284 add meat... 308 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,703 to my... 309 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,580 bones. 310 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,419 A coco-... 311 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,211 nut... 312 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,379 shell... 313 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,507 so you can't... 314 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,926 hurt... 315 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,261 me. 316 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,723 [ambient music continues] 317 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,852 Toooooools. 318 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,650 Toooooools. 319 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,157 Toooooools... 320 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,868 are my... 321 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,079 friends. 322 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,873 [insects chirruping] 323 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,709 [sprightly music] 324 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:05,965 [Mother Nature] For decades, human companies have been using my creatures 325 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,925 to hawk their products. 326 00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:09,551 Tony the Tiger, 327 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,136 Smokey the Bear, 328 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,514 - Winnie the Pooh. - [growls] 329 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,183 - No, that's not actually Winnie. - [farting sound] 330 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,560 - That's just a bear... taking a poo. - [growls, farts] 331 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:19,687 [quacking] 332 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:25,192 But to show you how disastrous an animal running a large business would be, 333 00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,904 here is a duck in charge of an auto insurance company. 334 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:29,988 [phone rings] 335 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,073 Quack? 336 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,576 - Yeah, hi, I was just in a car accident. - Quack? 337 00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,621 The guy who hit me was driving very fast. 338 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,705 Quack. 339 00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,541 Are you actually a duck? 340 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,836 - Is the only thing you can say "quack"? - Quack. 341 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,423 You know, there's an urban legend that a duck's quack doesn't echo, 342 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,259 but that's not true, they do echo! 343 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,302 [echoing] Quack! 344 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,220 See? 345 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,181 And did you know a male duck is called a drake? 346 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:57,683 Hey, Drake. 347 00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,185 What are your thoughts about being on Absurd Planet? 348 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:04,064 - It's definitely surreal. - Anyway, back to my auto insurance claim. 349 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,817 - Quack! - You know, I'm getting tired of this! 350 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,361 - Quaaack. - Don't talk to me that way! 351 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,445 Quack? 352 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,782 Do you have any idea with whom you are speaking? 353 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,161 - Quack? - That's it. Lemme talk to your supervisor. 354 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:19,538 - She's also a duck. - [duck laughing] 355 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,123 [dramatic music] 356 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,344 [anchor] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 357 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,713 We are sorry to interrupt your program once again, 358 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:31,592 but we are following a startling slow-speed chase, 359 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,845 of what appears to be a common slug, on the run. 360 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,555 [anchor 2] That's right, Chuck, 361 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:40,225 the felonious slug has led police on a treacherous pursuit, 362 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:46,023 hitting the gastropod's top speed of .0028 meters per second. 363 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:49,943 As you know, driving like an idiot is a privilege in the human world. 364 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,322 [Chuck chuckling] Oh yes, Gary. Humans are awful. 365 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,284 [Gary] Wait a minute, it looks like he just passed a pebble! 366 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:01,538 - He is not slowing down! - But he's not speeding up, either. 367 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,333 Is it true, Gary, that slugs secrete slime 368 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,086 in order to slide across surfaces more easily? 369 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,253 [Gary] Yes, that's correct. 370 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,340 It's scientifically known as a "snail trail." 371 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:15,177 [Chuck] Okay, and now let's go live to our resident slug expert 372 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,762 to see... what he thinks. 373 00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:19,056 And, I think, uhhhhhhhhh... 374 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,058 ♪ I like-ah the pangolin ♪ 375 00:18:21,141 --> 00:18:23,060 ♪ I like-ah the horny toad ♪ 376 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,062 ♪ I like-ah the man o' war ♪ 377 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:27,106 ♪ I like-ah the crab in the road ♪ 378 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,066 ♪ I like-ah the Jumping Stick ♪ 379 00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,026 ♪ A super-engorged brown tick ♪ 380 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,070 ♪ A magical unicorn tang ♪ 381 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,072 ♪ A deer with a crazy fang ♪ 382 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:39,701 ♪ And they like yooou ♪ 383 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,327 ♪ Pah! ♪