IL: We worked the Jackson house.
‐ LUKE: Class three shape‐shifting demon
that bounces from person to person.
‐ TV REPORTER: Both the Travis's, the victims
of tonight's incident,
were clients of the same real estate firm.
‐ LUKE: Something followed us home.
‐ SUSAN: How did it get up here?
‐ AUGUST: It found a host.
( Demonic howl )
‐ PHIL: Did we get it? ‐ AUGUST: It rests in pieces.
( Applause )
‐ SUSAN: What's wrong?
( Kiss )
‐ ROADIE MEGAN: You take us home.
♪ 50's pop song ♪
♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh‐ooh ♪
‐ MALE SINGER: ♪ Listen people ♪
♪ Go put on your dancing shoes ♪
♪ Come on, people ♪
♪ Chase away these blues ♪
♪ 'Cuz tonight, yeah ♪
♪ You know we gonna have‐‐ ♪
( 50's pop song grinds to a halt )
( Heartbeats )
( Panting )
( Heartbeats continue )
♪ Melancholy music ♪
‐ NELLIE: Please...
It's time for me to go.
( Metallic whoosh )
♪ Emotional music ♪
( Whooshing air )
( Screams )
( Air whooshes out )
( Wind blowing )
♪ Opening theme ♪
( Man screaming )
( Office phone rings in background )
♪ Gentle music ♪
‐ AUGUST: How's he taking it?
‐ Not good.
Him and Megan got into a huge fight earlier
and clients have been calling,
pulling their listings all morning.
( Deep sigh )
‐ LUKE: Okay...
So...
it was Antonia Hablanis moving her listing
to Livingston‐Kent.
And the Kims have decided not to list with us because, uh...
personal reasons.
‐ Rita Weiss is probably putting her sign in their front yard
as we speak.
‐ Unless Bob Livingston
has already sprayed it with his musky odor.
‐ And already the vultures gather
and feast upon my flesh.
Aleister Crowley.
‐ Any clients that they could take from us,
we didn't deserve to keep.
Can you run by and get our signs?
‐ You know, we could be huge assholes about it.
‐ These people signed contracts.
‐ We will take satisfaction in being the grown‐ups here.
And in the thought of Bob Livingston having to
disclose to prospective buyers that a lady with goat legs
goes clip‐clopping down the upstairs hallway
every night at twelve‐oh‐three.
‐ So...
We in trouble, or what?
‐ Look, it's late. I need to think.
We'll circle back tomorrow?
‐ We're in trouble.
‐ First Travis.
Now this Jackson thing.
Two high‐profile incidents resulting in death and drama
in less than a year.
‐ None of this is Luke's fault.
‐ Tell that to Luke.
‐ Seriously,
tell it to Luke.
♪ Gentle music ♪
( Bowling ball striking pins )
‐ CARL: Physics.
That's all it is.
Your release was too high.
Ball didn't have time to connect to the floor enough
for the friction to take hold to create the desirable
30‐degree trajectory into the pocket.
‐ You really know how to suck the fun out of everything,
don't you?
‐ So, how are things going?
‐ Oh, let's see...
I'm an industry pariah,
clients are firing me left and right.
Responsible for domestic violence
and the death of innocents.
‐ Well, you still have your health.
‐ You gonna bowl or what?
‐ Ah. Wrong shoes.
‐ Dad, what if I'd never been like this?
What if I'd never been able to see these things?
Talk to them?
What if I'd just been born a normal kid?
‐ Who are you calling "these things"?
♪ Emotional music ♪
Nice one! ( Laughs )
See what happens when you find a direction of impact
to distribute the kinetic energy?
The answer, uh,
to your question is, uh...
You were a normal kid.
And if you weren't,
I'd've loved you every bit as much as I did.
Your mother probably still would have left us.
Wasn't you, Luke.
It wasn't even me.
It was her.
‐ She said I was a disappointment and a failure.
‐ Now, that doesn't sound like her.
I knew her, Luke.
I knew her in the good times
and, God, they were good.
I loved her a long time.
Long after she left us.
Can't say for sure I ever stopped.
‐ Well, that must not have been easy.
‐ She was in pain.
But she was never cruel.
‐ People change.
‐ SUSAN: Hey, you.
They told me you'd be here.
Used to do a bit of bowling myself.
♪ Bright music ♪
‐ So, let me guess:
Zooey thought I needed a pep talk
and you drew the short straw.
‐ It's wrong that you're blaming yourself
for Travis and Jackson.
Those things are gonna happen
with the kind of houses we sell.
( Ball hits pins )
( Sigh )
‐ We are good, you and I.
We're good at the fundamentals. Marketing. Sales. Staging.
Financing. Hand‐holding.
‐ We're damn good.
‐ These horror shows,
they make up a relatively small percentage of our listings
and our revenue.
They account for most of the time and aggravation.
I'm tired, Susan.
‐ What are you saying?
‐ Maybe it's time to cut bait.
Make the safe, smart play.
Just take on the regular listings,
leave the other ones to October 31st, where they belong.
( Ball hits pins )
‐ That would impact everything.
Allocation of resources.
Staffing...
‐ Well, Phil could continue to do our title work.
Probably lose August to some place like NASA.
Or Hasbro.
Zooey'd probably stay on for a while, for the dental
and free office supplies, but she'd get bored and she'd‐‐
‐ You need to think this through.
I feel like‐‐
Like we‐we're doing some good.
Real, existential good.
( Chuckles ) ( Sighs )
‐ If you're done, I'm gonna lock up.
‐ I just have one more.
( Phone line trilling )
‐ Hey, it's Megan. Your move.
( Message beep )
‐ Hey. Uh, it's just me.
I know your class schedule is really insane.
Was just hoping to see you again
if you want to see me.
Ah, anyway, give me a call. Or, even better, uh,
text me when you want me to come over, okay?
Okay.
( Growl )
‐ PHIL: We're a guitar
and a sheet cake away from being a support group.
‐ SUSAN: Luke has a lot on his mind.
‐ Hey, y'all. Let's make this quick.
Just got off the phone with a Lisa Neal in New York.
She got our name from Tessa Green.
‐ Word of mouth. The best advertising.
‐ Ms. Neal's aunt Nellie recently passed away.
They didn't know each other; last living relative
type of thing. Anyway, she wants us to clean up the place
and liquidate it for the estate.
‐ Natural causes?
‐ Sounds like it. She was almost 90.
‐ Natural causes sounds like a nice change of pace.
‐ So, I grew up in the neighborhood.
When I was a kid,
I used to make some extra money mowing their lawn.
I never met Ms. Neal ‐‐
she never went outside as far as I know ‐‐
and I'd always find a couple of bucks stuck to the mailbox
with a clothespin.
Years later I found out it was my dad putting out money for me.
Felt sorry for the lady.
‐ Your father sounds like a fine man.
‐ He was.
Anyway, it is a nice,
normal place and I'm going to make it my project
for the next couple of days.
‐ We can hire people.
‐ I just need to be busy with something.
I have a feeling this house is going to be pretty heinous
on the inside, so have Shelley Disposal
deliver a dumpster, would you?
Pass my calls along to Susan, okay?
I will check in once in a while.
♪ Placid music ♪
‐ I am late for a showing.
( Elevator arriving ding ) ‐ Uh, wait!
My tools are still in your...
Trunk.
I need to check my M. E. D.'s screening algorithm.
I never should have missed that second Roadie.
‐ How could you know?
Roadies never travel in even numbers.
♪ Pensive music ♪
( Engine turns off )
( Birds chirping )
( Car door closes )
( Cell phone rings )
‐ Hey, Zooey.
‐ Hey. Megan's on the phone. She's looking for Luke.
‐ I'll take it.
( Buzz ) ( Line ringing )
Megan, hi.
‐ I need Luke.
‐ He's tied up right now.
Is there something I can help with?
‐ It's a problem with the house.
A big problem.
‐ I just finished a showing not far from you.
Do you want me to stop by?
‐ Yes.
♪ Eerie music ♪
( Blowing wind )
♪ Eerie music swells ♪
( Door closes )
♪ Eerie music continues ♪
( Can opening )
( Loud belch )
‐ Huh. I, uh...
Wonder how I got here?
‐ Calibration is perfect.
Problem must lie in the M. E. D. which
is still in Susan's trunk along with my
acoustic propagation sound‐scope and my nanny‐cam.
‐ Nanny‐cam?
‐ Some technologies require no improvement.
( Approaching footsteps )
‐ So, I dug into this nice, normal Neal house.
It's built by Nellie's parents back in the 50's.
She would have been about 16 then.
She inherited the place just a few months later
when her parents died in a freak accident.
‐ I become apprehensive when the words
"freak" and "accident" are used concurrently.
‐ Yeah.
I tracked down the police report.
They each fell out of two different attic windows
at the same time.
‐ Wow. And what are the odds?
‐ Over the years, police have taken multiple complaints:
garbage, weeds, varmints, et cetera.
Social services registered seven visits
in the last three years.
All attempts to remove Ms. Neal from the house
failed.
‐ 'Til she got the big remove.
‐ Yeah.
Face up on the porch.
It was the first time anyone can remember seeing her outside.
‐ This seems like information Luke should know.
‐ He's turned his phone off.
‐ SUSAN: God, what happened?
‐ MEGAN: That's the thing.
I don't know!
I woke up in the library.
It was a mess, just like this.
Someone was in the house!
‐ Just awful.
I mean, you don't think it was... your ex?
‐ Brock?
No, I don't think he's capable
of this kind of irrational crime of passion.
‐ Did you change the locks?
‐ Uh‐oh.
‐ Does anybody else have a key?
‐ Only my real estate agent.
‐ I think we can rule him out.
Maybe you should call the cops. I mean, what if it's some
creepy person?
‐ Or, worse yet, what if it's not?
‐ You need to get out of here. It's time.
‐ Well, I found a place I love.
Luke has it under contract, pending inspection,
title search and...
( Sigh )
Where is Luke?
‐ You haven't talked to him? ‐ Mm‐mm.
‐ Oh, come on!
‐ What?
‐ This says I missed 12 messages from Luke!
Where have I been?
What is going on?
♪ Upbeat music ♪
‐ I need to go to my car for a quick sec.
I will be back.
( Sigh )
♪ Gentle music ♪
( Van motor turns off ) ( Van doors open )
‐ Took you guys long enough.
‐ We hit a lot of red lights.
( Birds chirping )
Must be inside.
PHIL: Luke?
‐ ZOOEY: Hello?
( Deep bass whoosh )
‐ TEEN ZOOEY: Who the hell are you?!
‐ TEEN PHIL: Who are you?
‐ TEEN AUGUST: Freaky‐deaky.
‐ Um, what is this place?
‐ I've never seen it before.
‐ Yeah, no, I'm out of here.
( Screeches and howling wind )
Or not.
‐ So,
I mean, I guess we go...
That way?
‐ Yeah, let's do that.
♪ Eerie music ♪
‐ TEEN AUGUST Hello, is anybody here?
‐ I was just on my way to not going to school and then
all of a sudden, I'm here.
‐ I was going to church for choir practice.
( Teen Zooey scoffs )
What's your story?
‐ TEEN AUGUST: I was fixing the tractor.
It kept stalling, I'm pretty sure it was the fuel line.
( Chuckles ) ‐ You're a farmer?
‐ I live on a farm. It doesn't define me.
Whoa.
This is a top‐of‐the‐line Commodore 64!
It hasn't even been released to the public yet.
Man, I'd love to mess with this thing.
Uh, if only I had some...
Tools.
‐ Can we please just keep moving?
♪ Psychedelic music ♪
‐ You guys go ahead.
♪ Angelic music ♪
‐ TEEN ZOOEY: Whoa.
What are those?
‐ Only my favorite candy of all time.
Moby Dick.
I always wanted to read this.
‐ Spoiler alert: the fish did it.
‐ You know, all my favourite things in one room.
‐ Congratulations on your low threshold for happiness.
This room's creeping me out.
Oh, hello.
♪ 80's electronic music ♪
Oh, sick.
( Clicking )
‐ TEEN LUKE: All right, shit waffle.
You really want a piece of this?
Bring it, bitch! I will‐‐
‐ What is that? ‐ He sounds pissed.
‐ Bam!
No! No!!!
‐ Sad Girl!
Altar Boy!
Hi!
‐ Come on. We should all stick together.
‐ TEEN LUKE: I am gonna reach
through that screen and kick your pale ass.
Oh, no. I don't think so.
Bam!
Eat hot smoking death!
( Video game sounds )
Shit waffles!
People of Earth! Welcome!
( Chuckling )
( Sighs ) ‐ Voicemail again.
‐ Did you guys have some kind of a...
Disagreement after the awards?
‐ Did we? Why is that night such a blur?
I remember watching you up at the podium.
You looked so great.
‐ Stop.
‐ Strong and powerful, yet humble.
‐ Cut it out!
Eventually...
‐ And the next thing I remember, I was here.
Alone, passed out on the couch.
And the place looked like this.
( Both sigh )
‐ Well, I have no idea what happened.
But if it happens again, we're gonna know.
This is August's bag. Amazing stuff.
♪ Pensive music ♪
( Booming bass hit )
Don't touch this. You know what that can do.
Here we go.
If somebody ‐‐ or something ‐‐ is creepy‐crawling you,
this hidden camera's gonna catch them red‐handed.
I'm gonna look for a place to hide it.
♪ Eerie music ♪
( Growl )
( Birds chirping )
‐ TEEN LUKE: Get ready to lose.
‐ I am losing.
I don't like it.
‐ Stop moving!
‐ I don't like pain. It hurts.
‐ I thought farm boys were supposed to be tough?
‐ I need a touch of herbal anesthesia.
( Lighter flicking )
‐ Don't forget your old friend.
( Low video game sounds )
‐ Bodacious.
‐ Bodacious?
How old are you?
‐ 16.
‐ I'm 16 and I've never heard that word used
in anything other than ironic context.
Bodacious? ( Laughs )
What year were you born?
‐ 1965.
‐ What?
Luke,
what about you?
‐ What about me what?
‐ When were you born? Sad Girl's checking IDs.
‐ '84. ( Exhales )
‐ Yeah. Same.
‐ '98, '65.
‐ But we're all 16?
‐ What if we're dead?
Wait ‐ what if this is hell?
‐ TEEN AUGUST: Naw.
The weed's too good.
♪ Gentle music ♪
‐ It's the house.
It's the house!
It‐it brought us all here and‐and made us 16 and it...
It's giving us everything it thinks we want.
Yeah, you got books and‐and sugary jumper cables.
You got old computers and weed.
And Mallomars and...
Non‐productivity.
‐ You got piercings.
‐ Yes!
‐ All right, so think of something else you want.
‐ Um...
Okay.
♪ Mischievous music ♪
Uh!
It knows me.
And I think
it likes me.
‐ It seems to be
telepathically reading our desires
and then leveraging them to keep us here.
‐ Does anyone want to play Foosball?
‐ Oh, hell, yes.
‐ Seriously?
♪ Mischievous music continues ♪
( Doors creak open )
Oh, yeah.
♪ Mischievous music fades out ♪
‐ This is motion‐activated
to record anything that moves through the front hall.
( Growl )
♪ Eerie music ♪
So, you and Luke might want to control yourselves so we can,
you know, keep our PG‐13 rating.
‐ Oh. ( Chuckles )
‐ Could you, uh, put that thing away?
Gives me the creeps.
‐ Sure took care of those Roadies, right?
Poof.
♪ Pensive music ♪
Just like the Jackson kid's drawings.
Three Roadies?
( Growling )
Uh... Megan?
( Squelching ) ( Bones crunching )
Ah! ( Scream )
‐ The hell?
What happened to all my hardware?
♪ Eerie music ♪
( Knife hits solid surface )
No way.
This place is faking it.
♪ Eerie music swells ♪
Yeah, no. I'm outta here.
( Rumbling )
( Bang )
‐ MALE VOICE Vos... volos... nimis!
‐ Okay. This may work with somebody else, but...
Shi‐‐
Noo!!
( Screaming )
♪ Hip‐hop music ♪
‐ MALE HIP‐HOP SINGER ♪ I just have to have her ♪
♪ She puts up a fight ♪
♪ I keep jabbing at her ♪
( Foosball men and ball clatter )
‐ Yes.
♪ ...with her lustful combinations. ♪
♪ I become impatient ♪
‐ Where is Sad Girl?
‐ Probably giving herself a tattoo.
♪ ...like when I caught my case an... ♪
‐ I'm gonna go check on her.
♪ She says bye to me ♪
♪ Eerie music ♪
‐ ROADIE MEGAN: This house,
it's a feast!
So much pain and confusion and heartbreak.
You took two of my lives,
but now
I'm home.
Oh! Ah!
♪ Triumphant music ♪
( Whoosh )
No!
‐ ROADIE SUSAN: Oh. You want this back?
( Whoosh )
( Demonic growl )
( Clattering )
‐ MEGAN: Ah. ‐ SUSAN: You okay?
( Groan )
‐ Yeah. You?
‐ Yeah, I think so.
‐ Ahh.
You hit hard.
‐ Oh. You're sweet.
( Megan laughs )
( Video game sounds )
‐ Oh, dear.
‐ I can't find Sad Girl.
‐ Did you check her room?
‐ It's not her room anymore.
And I think she was right about this place.
It's giving us stuff to‐to try to keep us here,
but it's‐‐ None of it's real.
‐ All of my screwdrivers are the same size.
And, have you noticed, your score hasn't changed
in the last 20 minutes?
‐ That sucks.
‐ All my books, no matter what the title is,
every page is page 339 from Moby Dick.
‐ Is it an important page?
‐ It deals with blubber removal.
‐ Well, there you go.
‐ I can't live in a world where the books only have one page!
‐ Vos...
volos nimis!
‐ Vos volos...
‐ Nimis.
That's Latin.
It means "you want too much".
‐ Too much... what?
‐ Ah!
Help! Help! Ah! Grab my hands!
Grab my hands, please! Please!
( Yelling and efforts )
( Screaming )
‐ Man, this is bullshit!
( Screaming )
( Yell )
( Impact, grunt ) ‐ Oh!
‐ Ah!
Am I back to myself?
‐ Back to your creaky mid‐thirties.
‐ I forgot how much 16 sucked.
‐ I was getting too young for this shit.
‐ Here.
Ah, you, too. Come on, Altar Boy.
‐ Ah!
‐ So, any ideas on what just happened?
‐ We call it a glamor of some kind.
That house makes you happy and secure,
gives you everything you want
except it keeps you 16 forever.
‐ But only in the house.
‐ And something was off.
The glamor, it wasn't perfect. All my piercings disappeared.
‐ My books only had one page.
‐ It appears the house isn't strong enough
to properly service a party of four.
‐ There can only be one.
‐ PHIL: Like Nellie.
The house is holding auditions for her replacement.
‐ And Luke just made call‐backs.
♪ Edgy music ♪
We gotta get him out of there.
‐ Mm.
( Squelching, whoosh )
‐ Ah, okay.
I got no other plans.
( Door creaks )
( Door slams ) ( Squelching )
♪ Gentle music ♪
Dad?
‐ Skipped a generation.
‐ So...
The house thinks the thing I need the most
is a lively round of golf with my middle‐aged self?
‐ Who you calling middle‐aged?
‐ You look a little weathered, dude.
‐ I got one word for you.
It's an important one and it's one I'll hope
you'll remember in the years to come.
Moisturizer.
♪ Melancholy music ♪
Anyway... ( Echoes )
It's a pretty sweet gig you got here, right?
‐ It's okay.
‐ Okay? This house gives you everything you want,
when you want it.
You're not going to get that good a deal out there, Luke.
Trust me.
‐ I know.
( Putter strikes ball; ball hits obstacle )
‐ Now, out there,
you're on your own.
You want something?
Good luck!
You start needing people, they need you.
You get attached, bonded
and it gets complicated.
And one day you just...
You lose them.
Like Dad.
‐ Something happens to Dad?
‐ Life happens to him, buddy.
Death is a part of life.
Usually the quiet part.
( Echoes several times )
So, here's the pitch:
You stay here and none of it happens.
None of the complications, none of the muss, the fuss,
scary nights, the sad goodbyes.
‐ So, what do I do?
‐ You make the safe, smart play.
You tell this house this is all you want.
‐ Out loud?
‐ You think this house can read your mind?
Well, right.
Duh.
But, yeah.
You say it out loud.
‐ So, how do we convince someone who is inside the house
who doesn't know that we're outside the house
to leave the house?
‐ Yeah, a bit of a conundrum.
‐ Well, we all went in through the front door,
but we all got ejected through the window, right?
So, the window is the way out, okay.
Okay, so,
what if I call Anthony?
I'm pretty sure he can remove the entire window frame,
otherwise, he'll have to use glass cutters and very carefully
cut around the ornamental glass,
unless it's thermal pane‐‐
‐ Stand back!
Yes!
‐ That's another way to go.
( Tinkling glass ) ( Reverse whoosh )
‐ Ahh.
( Zooey sighs )
( Rock hitting turf )
♪ Tense music ♪
‐ What's going on?
What happened to my friends?
‐ Friends? ( Scoffs )
Those weren't your friends.
You have no friends!
You have ghosts
and demons.
Things that whisper at you from under your bed.
You have work 24‐7, and that is all you have,
you motherless freak.
You are going to be alone forever, Luke.
Alone with the screams
and the whispers.
Busting your ass, never a vacation.
Burnout city.
Or you can say the words
and stay here forever.
Safe,
unburdened,
unchallenged.
Just say,
"This is all I want."
‐ This is, ah...
( Clears throat )
This is all, um...
But, se‐see the thing is,
I want more.
♪ Triumphant music ♪
I hear the voices and
I want to talk back.
I‐I see these things,
these people
who are lost, and...
I want to help them find whatever's out there to find.
M‐maybe that's
god, or...
Maybe it's just...
Peace.
Or, uh...
Maybe it's a miniature golf course, which,
by the way,
this is not.
( Electric arcing and crackling )
♪ Music turns dark ♪
( Whoosh )
‐ This is why we can't have nice things.
‐ ADULT LUKE: Luke!
♪ Gentle music ♪
Are you sure you wanna do this?
( Low rumble ) ( Whoosh )
( Rushing wind )
( Jumbled voices; screeching )
‐ TEEN LUKE: Dad, are you even here?
‐ LUKE'S MOTHER: You never had a family.
‐ LUKE: Stay with me!
‐ I was being honest.
A guy like you‐‐
Like us‐‐
who doesn't see the world like everybody else...
It is tough out there.
A lot of people are going to push you away.
Mom was just the start.
Or we could stay here,
never give them the chance.
( Whispering voices )
Don't go out there, Luke.
You'll be sorry.
‐ What'd Dad always tell us?
"Ships are safe at harbor."
‐ That's not what ships are for.
‐ Everybody okay? ‐ Luke!
‐ Bud! ‐ I believe so.
‐ What happened in there?
The glamor, the illusion.
‐ I tore it open.
I don't think anybody's ever called it
on its bullshit before.
‐ Certainly nobody with your unique...
perspective, Luke.
Sometimes it is a gift.
‐ I guess it is.
‐ So...
Is the house back to normal?
♪ Tense music ♪
( Low‐pitched rumble; high‐pitched whine )
( Car doors open )
( Car doors close )
‐ What's he doing?
‐ PHIL: What he does.
‐ Glamor is broken.
Are you okay? Where you been?
‐ We'll talk later.
‐ Okay.
Um,
well, since you're all here,
I need to tell you about a decision that I've made.
I've been thinking that it might be time for us to go legit.
Mainstream.
Just like any other residential brokerage,
just a little more fashion‐forward.
♪ Moving music ♪
But now I've decided...
Nah.
This thing'll blow over.
‐ We gotta be who we are.
‐ No faking it.
‐ We are built for a particular job.
‐ LUKE: Exactly.
Now, I want you to go home tonight.
Rest up, hydrate,
because we are going to come back to the office tomorrow
ready to kick a whole lot of ass and close a whole lot of escrow!
‐ Hells, yeah, we are!
( Claps )
( Low throbbing pulse )
( Distant siren )
( Low throbbing pulse continues )
( Computer drives spin up to speed )
( Loud screech )
( Static )
♪ Closing credit score ♪