1
00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:09,959
[gentle music playing]
2
00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,543
Thank you all for coming!
3
00:00:11,543 --> 00:00:12,501
Coming where?
4
00:00:12,501 --> 00:00:15,168
- We live here. You're in our house.
- [crowd] Yeah.
5
00:00:15,168 --> 00:00:18,501
I've got a freakin' huge announcement!
6
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:20,626
Okay, do the '90s Bulls' intro song.
7
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:21,626
I said no to that.
8
00:00:21,626 --> 00:00:26,209
[singing] Dun, dun, dun, dun,
dun, dun, dun, dun, bummm!
9
00:00:26,209 --> 00:00:28,043
Que the diavolo is it?
10
00:00:28,043 --> 00:00:29,751
[mascot] Iz da da size of ya pegga?
11
00:00:29,751 --> 00:00:31,584
He wishes, 'Scotty.
12
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[scoffs] No, it's a seed.
13
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We found seeds!
14
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Hey! I command you to give that back.
15
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Your domain is the air, I know that,
but seeds are of the earth!
16
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,543
Classic Mulligan.
17
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:48,459
{\an8}The only thing this guy's done
in six months is ruin my bathroom plane.
18
00:00:48,459 --> 00:00:50,376
I knew I wasn't filling it up that fast.
19
00:00:50,376 --> 00:00:53,126
Hey, President Mulligan's done a lot.
20
00:00:53,126 --> 00:00:54,834
Remember that giant egg monster?
21
00:00:54,834 --> 00:00:56,251
- That he created!
- [crowd boos]
22
00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:57,584
[woman] His fault!
23
00:00:57,584 --> 00:00:59,834
Well, I also got President Cha...
24
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:00,834
♪ Chugga choo-choo ♪
25
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,626
♪ Listen to my train sounds ♪
26
00:01:02,626 --> 00:01:04,168
♪ I'm the president of train sounds ♪
27
00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:06,501
♪ That's why I said "president" earlier ♪
28
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He's trying, okay?
29
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Sometimes people do good things, and...
30
00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:11,959
you learn about it later
31
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and realize they're maybe better people
than you thought they were.
32
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[indistinct chatter]
33
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,251
Yadda. Yadda yadda.
34
00:01:22,251 --> 00:01:23,709
I think you won them over.
35
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,418
- [all yelling]
- Yadda! Yadda!
36
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,251
I don't agree with that guy,
but you gotta respect him!
37
00:01:28,251 --> 00:01:29,626
Yadda!
38
00:01:29,626 --> 00:01:32,751
[theme music playing]
39
00:01:57,209 --> 00:01:59,459
{\an8}- [clamoring]
- [indistinct yells]
40
00:02:00,043 --> 00:02:02,168
{\an8}What the hell did you do?
41
00:02:02,168 --> 00:02:03,459
{\an8}Now you're yelling at me?
42
00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:05,043
{\an8}What are you, the lady at Costco?
43
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:07,501
{\an8}If a toothpick can go in it,
it is a sample!
44
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:10,043
{\an8}It's worse than 1968 out there.
45
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:13,376
{\an8}And we don't even have a CIA
to create Woodstock for us.
46
00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:14,668
W-Wait, the CIA--
47
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,626
To distract and mollify
the hippie-dippie-doos.
48
00:02:17,626 --> 00:02:20,334
Get them all in one place,
and then reeducate 'em
49
00:02:20,334 --> 00:02:22,959
through the CIA's
clandestine rock 'n' roll unit,
50
00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:25,251
the Groovy Tangerine Situation.
51
00:02:25,251 --> 00:02:28,459
Lavender smile cats, go get a job ♪
52
00:02:28,459 --> 00:02:30,709
♪ Homeownership is groovy ♪
53
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,543
♪ Take out a loan ♪
54
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:34,918
♪ We're the Groovy Tangerine Situation ♪
55
00:02:34,918 --> 00:02:36,334
♪ Abandon the cities ♪
56
00:02:36,334 --> 00:02:38,418
♪ Sex is for procreation ♪
57
00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:39,834
♪ Abandon the cities ♪
58
00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,543
- [LaMarr humming] Oh!
- [looter grunts]
59
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What do they want me to do?
60
00:02:43,251 --> 00:02:45,459
And they can't just all yell it at once.
61
00:02:45,459 --> 00:02:46,543
They should make a list,
62
00:02:46,543 --> 00:02:49,501
and then pick, like, their favorite person
to bring me the list.
63
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:53,126
And then if I like it, I'll, like,
write my name on it, and then we'll do it.
64
00:02:53,126 --> 00:02:56,043
Uh, well, Mr. President,
I think you just invented Congress.
65
00:02:56,043 --> 00:03:00,084
[chuckles] Oh, well, I think we're doing
just fine with a one-man senate.
66
00:03:00,084 --> 00:03:04,084
A Congressional election would be
an opportunity for positive change.
67
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:07,209
That's what we're trying to do, right?
Get it right this time?
68
00:03:07,209 --> 00:03:11,543
Right? So I guess the past 200 years
weren't working for y'all?
69
00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:12,793
- They were not.
- Very much no.
70
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:13,959
We gotta try something.
71
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:16,043
We're supposed to make
those people out there happy,
72
00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:17,459
but they're not happy.
73
00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:19,168
[Grimes] I'm pooping on the lawn!
74
00:03:19,168 --> 00:03:21,334
Grimes is pooping on the lawn.
75
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,543
So maybe if we let them
pick a favorite person,
76
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they'd at least know we're listening.
77
00:03:25,334 --> 00:03:28,751
Yeah, we're doing it.
We're having an election.
78
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:31,043
And not just 'cause elections
are a great excuse
79
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:32,876
to be late for work on a Tuesday,
80
00:03:32,876 --> 00:03:36,293
which means you can get
blackout drunk on a Monday night.
81
00:03:36,876 --> 00:03:38,209
- [Dr. Braun] Okay.
- [Simon] Huzzah.
82
00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:41,126
Why can't people see me like this?
83
00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:43,584
Being all presidential and stuff,
you know?
84
00:03:43,584 --> 00:03:47,334
Like, "I'm not the president.
My name is Dave Kovic."
85
00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:49,209
That's from the movie Dave.
86
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:51,959
Well, after Easter,
it's a lot easier to see inside.
87
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:54,793
We could invite people
to come watch their government at work.
88
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:57,626
[scoffs] Now you want transparency
in government?
89
00:03:57,626 --> 00:04:01,376
If they see how the sausage gets made,
they're never gonna wanna eat us.
90
00:04:01,376 --> 00:04:03,001
Hey, we're doing an election,
91
00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:04,626
we're doing transparency,
92
00:04:04,626 --> 00:04:07,001
and for some reason,
now I'm hungry for sausage.
93
00:04:07,001 --> 00:04:08,834
Goddamn, I miss sausage.
94
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:10,001
[whimsical music plays]
95
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,584
- [Alfred panting]
- [crowd clamoring]
96
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,584
[scratching]
97
00:04:14,584 --> 00:04:15,584
[electronic whirring]
98
00:04:18,126 --> 00:04:19,293
[dramatic sting]
99
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:21,584
Forty-five over 92.
100
00:04:21,584 --> 00:04:22,793
[indistinct chatter]
101
00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:24,334
[man screams]
102
00:04:24,334 --> 00:04:26,418
[TOD-209] Ah!
103
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Ah, human screaming,
104
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that really brings me back.
105
00:04:29,709 --> 00:04:32,251
Thanks for that. You are a good friend.
106
00:04:33,459 --> 00:04:34,626
[harp glissando]
107
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,626
What a fun day.
108
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I got a cool T-shirt,
109
00:04:38,251 --> 00:04:40,043
I ate a bunch of dinosaur bones,
110
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and I stole the Hope Diamond.
111
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[gentle music plays]
112
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[whirring]
113
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[electric crackling]
114
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[sighs]
115
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Okay, sending a message home.
116
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How to play this?
117
00:04:56,668 --> 00:04:57,918
Um...
118
00:04:57,918 --> 00:04:59,293
"Wiggity wuzzup?"
119
00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:00,501
No, too formal.
120
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,084
"This is General Axatrax.
121
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:04,001
The invasion is, uh, um...
122
00:05:04,751 --> 00:05:05,584
over."
123
00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:07,626
What am I doing?
124
00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:10,043
I can't call Cardi-B until I...
125
00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:12,543
alphabetize my spices.
126
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:13,834
[whimsical music plays]
127
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,334
Asafoetida?
128
00:05:15,334 --> 00:05:17,168
When am I going to make a curry?
129
00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:20,626
This reminds me
of when Ike Turner chased me up a tree.
130
00:05:20,626 --> 00:05:24,584
I miss the '70s ♪
131
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Honey, look, there's something to watch.
132
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:29,501
Remember watching stuff?
133
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:31,668
I remember you watching
The Americans without me.
134
00:05:31,668 --> 00:05:32,584
[Lucy clears throat]
135
00:05:32,584 --> 00:05:35,501
Before we get started,
I wanna welcome our viewers.
136
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[Alfred] Oh!
137
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:38,709
- [man 1] Wow.
- She's pandering to me!
138
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:41,209
Now, where are we on my election idea?
139
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:43,251
Well, let's just hold our horses, sir,
140
00:05:43,251 --> 00:05:44,709
because they're scared.
141
00:05:44,709 --> 00:05:46,501
They can sense a storm coming.
142
00:05:46,501 --> 00:05:48,751
Maybe we sleep
in the barn with them tonight,
143
00:05:48,751 --> 00:05:50,584
leave a sugar cube on each eye,
144
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,376
then get licked awake in the morning.
145
00:05:52,376 --> 00:05:55,126
Are you trying to filibuster
this discussion?
146
00:05:55,668 --> 00:05:58,543
And I thought my ex-husband
was good at avoiding conversations.
147
00:05:58,543 --> 00:06:01,376
- [all chuckling]
- [man 2] Burn!
148
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:04,543
I'm just pointing out
that voting happens in November.
149
00:06:04,543 --> 00:06:08,043
Actually, Congress can call
a special election for D.C. at any time.
150
00:06:08,043 --> 00:06:09,751
So, we don't have to wait until November.
151
00:06:09,751 --> 00:06:11,709
We can just let that month
be about my birthday.
152
00:06:11,709 --> 00:06:14,584
Then, as president of the Senate,
I'm calling the election
153
00:06:14,584 --> 00:06:18,209
for the 60th of Febtober,
two thousand twelve teen.
154
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,918
Why, Mr. Vice President,
if I didn't know better,
155
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:23,668
I'd think you didn't want people to vote.
156
00:06:23,668 --> 00:06:25,293
[crowd booing]
157
00:06:25,876 --> 00:06:27,418
Don't be ridonkulous.
158
00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:29,168
I like it when... [gags]
159
00:06:29,168 --> 00:06:30,584
When people... [gags]
160
00:06:30,584 --> 00:06:36,543
V-- V-- V-- V-- V--
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00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:37,501
Vote.
162
00:06:37,501 --> 00:06:38,543
[indistinct chatter]
163
00:06:38,543 --> 00:06:39,876
[Alfred] I don't think
he really does like it.
164
00:06:39,876 --> 00:06:40,793
I made curry!
165
00:06:40,793 --> 00:06:42,126
Ooh! Whoa!
166
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:45,584
[all laughing]
167
00:06:45,584 --> 00:06:48,001
I... I... I'm so sorry, I... I...
168
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:49,834
[man 1] That's entertainment!
169
00:06:49,834 --> 00:06:52,084
Oh right, I made
one of your Earth bloopers.
170
00:06:52,084 --> 00:06:53,751
[grunts]
171
00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:56,376
[all continue laughing hysterically]
172
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:59,668
Developing story.
We developed some photos.
173
00:06:59,668 --> 00:07:02,126
Zhao News has the picture
you're gonna wanna see.
174
00:07:02,126 --> 00:07:03,918
It'll make you plotz your kishkes.
175
00:07:03,918 --> 00:07:06,376
Nice try with the targeted ads, Zhao,
176
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:08,543
but I don't trust the NewsCycle anymore.
177
00:07:09,293 --> 00:07:12,834
My, oh my,
is that a beautiful five-foot-tall baby,
178
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:15,084
- or is Johnny Zhao getting younger?
- [Zhao] Hmm.
179
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,126
Look, I know you're probably a mite sore,
180
00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:19,751
but, Johnny, I need your help.
181
00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:22,751
Help? I wouldn't even give you my copy
of the movie The Help,
182
00:07:22,751 --> 00:07:24,918
and I'd give that to anybody.
It's terrible.
183
00:07:24,918 --> 00:07:27,293
President Mulligan
is fixing to hold an election,
184
00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:29,626
and this city is bluer than a Man Group.
185
00:07:29,626 --> 00:07:33,168
These people vote. They're gonna elect
a bunch of Alexandrias OC.
186
00:07:33,168 --> 00:07:34,501
Remember when she danced?
187
00:07:34,501 --> 00:07:36,251
This is not my base.
188
00:07:36,251 --> 00:07:38,334
My base is real Americans.
189
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,959
- Offense.
- None taken.
190
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,168
So what do you want me to do?
191
00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:43,126
Muddy the waters,
spread false information,
192
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:45,001
distract people with stories
about the war on Christmas?
193
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:48,584
We're gonna win it.
I don't care how many elves have to die.
194
00:07:48,584 --> 00:07:49,584
Well, I can't
195
00:07:49,584 --> 00:07:51,376
because no one listens to me anymore
196
00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:52,418
because of you.
197
00:07:52,418 --> 00:07:54,084
Pfft. I can't use the press,
198
00:07:54,084 --> 00:07:56,209
and I can't operate behind closed doors
199
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,001
because the room doesn't have a wall.
200
00:07:58,001 --> 00:08:01,209
I've got a GD audience
watching my every move.
201
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:04,126
An audience? Now we're talking.
202
00:08:04,126 --> 00:08:05,834
What were we doing before?
203
00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:08,834
[elder in Cardibean]
You have failed, Axatrax!
204
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:12,876
We expected bloopers,
and you gave us only mistakes!
205
00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:14,209
[yelps]
206
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:15,626
[grunts]
207
00:08:15,626 --> 00:08:18,251
- [dramatic music playing]
- [clock ticking rapidly]
208
00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:19,501
- [laser zaps]
- [snarling]
209
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,834
[Axatrax yells]
210
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,334
[panting]
211
00:08:25,918 --> 00:08:27,334
[whimsical music plays]
212
00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:30,459
[in English] Maybe I should see
what's going on upstairs.
213
00:08:30,459 --> 00:08:32,543
And I've got to get my steps.
214
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:34,584
Sitting is the new smoking.
215
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,168
{\an8}They're called aglets.
216
00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:37,251
{\an8}Simon, right?
217
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:39,584
Johnny Zhao from Zhao Factor Productions.
218
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:41,334
Love you on the show.
219
00:08:41,334 --> 00:08:42,918
Listen, you're fired from the show.
220
00:08:42,918 --> 00:08:45,918
The after-party is at the hole
that used to be The Capital Grille.
221
00:08:45,918 --> 00:08:47,209
It would be weird if you came.
222
00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:48,918
What do you mean? Am I out of the cabinet?
223
00:08:48,918 --> 00:08:52,168
Don't worry, man. The election
is still a very important storyline,
224
00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:56,501
and we can't wait to see what
your replacement, hot Simon, does with it.
225
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:57,876
Well, that is just insult...
226
00:08:57,876 --> 00:09:00,209
Oh, he's gorgeous.
Yeah, I'll see myself out.
227
00:09:01,376 --> 00:09:03,834
Excuse me. Cast only.
228
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,334
Oh, well, yesterday, I--
229
00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:07,001
Wait, I know you.
230
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,251
You're that alien.
231
00:09:08,251 --> 00:09:10,168
Didn't you kill, like, millions of people?
232
00:09:10,168 --> 00:09:12,709
Billions, including the cast of Billions.
233
00:09:12,709 --> 00:09:15,001
Paul Giamatti begged for his life.
234
00:09:15,001 --> 00:09:16,751
It was a tour de force.
235
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:18,918
Look, I'm trying to zazz the show up.
236
00:09:18,918 --> 00:09:20,668
You know, add some zazz.
237
00:09:20,668 --> 00:09:24,126
And you'd be the perfect villain
everyone loves to hate.
238
00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:26,459
Well, uh, I have nothing else to do.
239
00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:28,001
Zazztastic.
240
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,001
Have you ever had wine?
241
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:31,084
[whimsical music playing]
242
00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:33,001
Oh no you presi-didn't!
243
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,168
[all cheering]
244
00:09:37,584 --> 00:09:39,459
We love you, Mucy!
245
00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:41,626
You see? People love us together.
246
00:09:41,626 --> 00:09:43,584
And that was definitely directed at us.
247
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,209
The other Moosie's not even here.
248
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:49,043
[upbeat music playing]
249
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,293
Moosie's the original party animal.
250
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:54,001
I'm flattered I was "MILF" enough to stay,
251
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:56,209
but we do need regular Simon.
252
00:09:56,209 --> 00:09:57,751
Oh, we're calling him fat Simon now,
253
00:09:57,751 --> 00:10:00,584
and apparently, he doesn't exist
in the Zhao cinematic universe.
254
00:10:00,584 --> 00:10:01,543
[Simon] Hey!
255
00:10:01,543 --> 00:10:04,543
Well, he was going over the census
to create a voter roll.
256
00:10:04,543 --> 00:10:06,376
Uh-oh! Here comes trouble.
257
00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:09,293
[all cheering]
258
00:10:09,293 --> 00:10:10,251
Mama's home.
259
00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:12,793
I'm here to shed some skin and get it in.
260
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,918
Get what in what? Why are you even--
261
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,168
Do not start with me today, Farrah.
262
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:19,126
Looks like you've already started.
263
00:10:19,126 --> 00:10:21,084
It's not even noon, Axatrax.
264
00:10:21,084 --> 00:10:22,709
Beep you, Sharon.
265
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,043
[all cheering]
266
00:10:24,043 --> 00:10:25,001
[dog barks]
267
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,334
You were right about this, Johnny.
268
00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:29,709
Right as rain. Splishy-sploshy.
269
00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:32,251
An election's the furthest thing
from folks' minds now.
270
00:10:32,251 --> 00:10:33,918
Classic bread and circus.
271
00:10:33,918 --> 00:10:37,126
Well, just wait till after
the commercial break.
272
00:10:37,126 --> 00:10:38,376
Yeah, I sold ads.
273
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:42,293
And I did the thing where you make them
way louder than the show for some reason.
274
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:45,918
{\an8}Some pills were found! Reclaim your life
with some pills we found!
275
00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:47,418
Now back to the show!
276
00:10:47,418 --> 00:10:49,168
Conk-a-choo, conk-a-choo.
277
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:50,876
[LaMarr chuckles]
278
00:10:50,876 --> 00:10:52,293
Stunt casting.
279
00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:55,418
Look, everyone,
it's King Germ-y. [chuckles]
280
00:10:55,418 --> 00:10:57,209
What? I'm just yanking his chain.
281
00:10:57,209 --> 00:10:59,293
Go ahead, make fun of my name.
I don't care.
282
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:01,251
Very well, Fatty Dulligan.
283
00:11:01,251 --> 00:11:02,626
No, stop! I don't like it!
284
00:11:02,626 --> 00:11:05,168
[TOD-209] Break, break,
break, break dancing.
285
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:08,084
- Ooh, look at him go.
- [all cheering]
286
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,751
TOD, what are you doing?
287
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:12,543
[TOD-109] Mr. Zhao
told TOD to break-dance.
288
00:11:12,543 --> 00:11:16,209
Says robot will appeal
to children and perverts.
289
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,418
Well, I love it.
290
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:19,459
B-Because I'm a... Because I'm a pervert.
291
00:11:19,459 --> 00:11:22,626
[TOD-209] General Scarpaccio is army man.
292
00:11:22,626 --> 00:11:25,584
Army mans were there.
293
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:28,376
[dramatic music playing]
294
00:11:28,376 --> 00:11:30,126
Army made TOD.
295
00:11:30,126 --> 00:11:32,043
- [Jayson whimpers]
- What did you do to me?
296
00:11:32,043 --> 00:11:33,834
I'm wetting my pants because I'm old!
297
00:11:33,834 --> 00:11:35,709
Hey, Mr. Silly.
298
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:38,543
I think someone's just cranky
because they don't have a mission.
299
00:11:38,543 --> 00:11:41,334
And there is a bag back at the lab
300
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,668
full of old clothes
I've been meaning to donate.
301
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:45,584
[TOD-209] You mean bag of filthy bras?
302
00:11:45,584 --> 00:11:48,543
No, that's just my bras.
We can't do laundry anymore.
303
00:11:48,543 --> 00:11:50,918
[TOD-209] But why so filthy?
304
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:53,251
The other bag!
Do you want a mission or not?
305
00:11:53,751 --> 00:11:55,626
{\an8}TOD doesn't know where he came from,
306
00:11:55,626 --> 00:11:58,668
{\an8}and Farrah is, like, hiding it from him.
307
00:11:58,668 --> 00:12:02,043
{\an8}Whew, things are gonna be awkward
at Axatrax's handbag party.
308
00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,251
{\an8}Hey, I'm right here.
309
00:12:03,251 --> 00:12:05,334
Well, why can't you be there for TOD?
310
00:12:05,334 --> 00:12:07,834
- [crowd boos]
- What? I'm not here to make friends.
311
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:10,459
{\an8}Do I have qualms
about the TOD program? Sure.
312
00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:12,293
{\an8}But I'm a cyborgologist,
313
00:12:12,293 --> 00:12:14,709
{\an8}not a "brain where she got 'em"
question-asker.
314
00:12:14,709 --> 00:12:17,001
{\an8}Seems like TOD's
starting to ask some questions.
315
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,126
You just gonna stonewall?
316
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:21,001
Like the general, not the West Village bar
I've never heard of.
317
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,876
I'm trying to protect him.
318
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:26,459
Self-awareness is not great for TODs.
319
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,293
[gun fires]
320
00:12:34,084 --> 00:12:35,293
[electric crackling]
321
00:12:38,168 --> 00:12:41,918
Oh, but when a man builds
a cyborg super soldier, he's a stud.
322
00:12:41,918 --> 00:12:43,168
Who are you talking about?
323
00:12:43,168 --> 00:12:45,543
Leave it to American scientists
to play God.
324
00:12:45,543 --> 00:12:47,959
No wonder your Doritos are an abomination.
325
00:12:47,959 --> 00:12:49,043
So spicy.
326
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:51,918
Where are all the good flavors,
like tomato or mushroom prawn?
327
00:12:51,918 --> 00:12:55,668
I don't remember asking your opinion
about Doritos or America, pal.
328
00:12:55,668 --> 00:12:57,918
And I definitely don't remember
inviting you to my house.
329
00:12:57,918 --> 00:13:00,501
Well, uh, actually,
it's the people's house,
330
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:02,251
and King Jeremy is a people.
331
00:13:02,251 --> 00:13:05,709
Is that why he came over
while Matthew was in Maryland?
332
00:13:05,709 --> 00:13:06,626
[crowd] Ooh!
333
00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:07,834
Are you Lucy's CEO?
334
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:10,793
'Cause you are high up in her business.
335
00:13:10,793 --> 00:13:14,084
Wait, when I'm not around,
do you two, like, hang out together?
336
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,834
[crowd gasps]
337
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:18,418
{\an8}King Jeremy is here because I invited him.
338
00:13:18,418 --> 00:13:20,501
{\an8}I'm courting an international audience.
339
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:22,334
And I a-love him,
340
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:26,001
almost as much as my mama's
unlimited breadsticks.
341
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,668
{\an8}And I wanted to give His Majesty
342
00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:30,584
{\an8}a chance to explain this.
343
00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:32,251
{\an8}[crowd gasps, clamoring]
344
00:13:32,251 --> 00:13:33,918
Oh no she didn't.
345
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:36,751
I'm gonna give you a knuckle sandwich!
346
00:13:36,751 --> 00:13:39,543
The human knuckles,
not the best part of a lobster!
347
00:13:39,543 --> 00:13:40,543
{\an8}Commercial break!
348
00:13:40,543 --> 00:13:42,168
[whimsical music playing]
349
00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:45,251
♪ If you want some shoes
That aren't from corpses ♪
350
00:13:45,251 --> 00:13:48,084
♪ Come on down to Gary's Shoes! ♪
351
00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:49,668
I Gary-tee it.
352
00:13:49,668 --> 00:13:51,376
Gary-tees are not guarantees.
353
00:13:52,376 --> 00:13:53,584
Okay, punch him now.
354
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:55,459
[Jeremy whimpers]
355
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,251
[dramatic music playing]
356
00:13:58,418 --> 00:13:59,668
How could you do that?
357
00:13:59,668 --> 00:14:01,543
I thought we were doing so good lately.
358
00:14:01,543 --> 00:14:03,543
I mean, you said I was the best.
359
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,459
I said you were better than I thought.
360
00:14:06,459 --> 00:14:09,084
Have I been punched? Do I need hospital?
361
00:14:09,084 --> 00:14:12,543
I'm sorry, but you and me
do have an agreement.
362
00:14:12,543 --> 00:14:14,459
They don't need to know
about the agreement.
363
00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:17,168
And it's only the boy
that gets to see other people.
364
00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:18,334
- [crowd gasps]
- No!
365
00:14:18,334 --> 00:14:19,751
[woman] What did he just say?
366
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:23,168
Look, I'm sorry it came out like this,
but perhaps it's for the best.
367
00:14:23,168 --> 00:14:24,626
Now everything's out in the open.
368
00:14:24,626 --> 00:14:26,293
Oh, I get it. You did this.
369
00:14:26,293 --> 00:14:27,501
You want me and Lucy to fight
370
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:30,001
so you two can gallop off
on your trusty steed,
371
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:32,084
your hair all golden and shiny.
372
00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:34,168
This creep probably
took that photo himself.
373
00:14:34,168 --> 00:14:36,293
- How would that even be?
- The camera's a hundred feet away.
374
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,543
- Well, then how does Spider-Man do it?
- He doesn't.
375
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,084
Peter Parker's the photographer,
376
00:14:40,084 --> 00:14:42,001
Spider-Man is a menace.
377
00:14:42,001 --> 00:14:43,793
And I had nothing to do
with that photograph.
378
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:46,626
You have all ruined my handbag party!
379
00:14:46,626 --> 00:14:49,001
Your handbags ruined the party.
380
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:51,209
They're basic, and everybody thinks so.
381
00:14:51,209 --> 00:14:54,168
- [LaMarr grunting]
- Stay tuned to see which dude Lucy chooses
382
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:58,584
- on Johnny Zhao Presents: The Love Choice.
- [music crescendos]
383
00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:06,543
Mmm, ladies' clothes. Nice.
384
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:09,626
Are these from a dead wife or girlfriend?
385
00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:10,918
Wink, wink.
386
00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:13,376
[TOD-209] TOD had a wife.
387
00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:15,876
[Grimes] Ooh, corporate swag.
388
00:15:15,876 --> 00:15:19,126
It's like the stuff we used to give out
at shareholder meetings.
389
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,251
{\an8}- I was CEO of Dasani-- [grunts]
- [electronic beeping]
390
00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,584
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm into this.
391
00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:26,168
[TOD-209] Where did you get that?
392
00:15:26,168 --> 00:15:28,584
You just gave it to me.
393
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:29,834
[TOD-209] Huh?
394
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,334
[Grimes grunts, groans]
395
00:15:31,334 --> 00:15:32,709
[gentle music plays]
396
00:15:33,293 --> 00:15:34,376
Call me!
397
00:15:35,209 --> 00:15:38,376
I made the green room
the green room. Get it?
398
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:39,293
Bud Light Lime?
399
00:15:39,293 --> 00:15:41,793
There's a lot left.
400
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:44,834
I tell you, Johnny, the last time
I had this much fun at a circus,
401
00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:47,251
I was but a towheaded boy. [chuckles]
402
00:15:47,251 --> 00:15:49,209
This is back
when you could call them freaks.
403
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:51,751
You can't keep people
distracted forever, you know.
404
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:54,501
Oh yeah? We're developing
a hot Simon spin-off.
405
00:15:54,501 --> 00:15:56,334
Hot Simon Hot Says.
406
00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:57,584
Damn it, I would watch that.
407
00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:58,834
What the hell, Zhao?
408
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:02,293
Bro, chill out. Have a Bud Light Lime.
409
00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:04,626
[gulps] Oh, I hate it! It's bad!
410
00:16:04,626 --> 00:16:07,751
Mr. President, this is what
you asked for, transparency.
411
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:12,084
I meant transparency
like everyone seeing how awesome I am.
412
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:14,584
Well, the show must go on.
413
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:16,834
Isn't that right, Miss Suwan?
414
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,459
That is true.
Matty, it doesn't matter what we--
415
00:16:19,459 --> 00:16:21,501
I am not talking to you.
416
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,376
I mean, I am now, but not now.
417
00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,626
I mean, not, like, now-- Not now!
418
00:16:25,626 --> 00:16:27,459
Damn it, you're so smart!
419
00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:29,126
You gotta give the people what they want.
420
00:16:29,126 --> 00:16:31,043
I learned that when I was ten years old.
421
00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:33,626
Mom, I don't wanna sing "Two Princes."
422
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,543
I wanna sing "Single Ladies."
423
00:16:35,543 --> 00:16:38,501
Honey, this is
a Spin Doctors theme pageant.
424
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,459
Don't disappoint the judges.
425
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:41,626
Just go ahead now.
426
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,626
[tender music playing]
427
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:45,126
Just go ahead now.
428
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:46,834
[Lucy] So that's what I did.
429
00:16:46,834 --> 00:16:48,793
I just went ahead then,
430
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:50,959
and that's what we have to do now.
Just go ahead.
431
00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:53,751
Yeah, give the people what they want, man.
432
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:54,834
It's what they want.
433
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:58,459
Oh, just think, sir, yesterday,
that crowd was rioting in the streets.
434
00:16:58,459 --> 00:17:01,168
They were as mad
as a polecat in a paper bag.
435
00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:04,543
Now, they're as happy
as a different polecat in a paper bag.
436
00:17:04,543 --> 00:17:07,334
Sometimes they have fun in there.
It depends on the polecat.
437
00:17:07,334 --> 00:17:08,918
That's easy for you guys to say.
438
00:17:08,918 --> 00:17:12,334
You're not the ones
that just got humiliated on national...
439
00:17:12,334 --> 00:17:14,459
well, lawn, or whatever.
440
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:17,501
You humans don't know
how good you have it.
441
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,501
Here on Earth, you can spill curry.
442
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:22,668
You can get drunk
and make a fool of yourself.
443
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:24,668
You can make baseball mistakes.
444
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:29,084
No one packs your ani with explosives
and catapults you into a sun.
445
00:17:29,084 --> 00:17:31,751
You celebrate your flaws and foibles.
446
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,709
Foibles?
447
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:35,334
No, I grew up poor.
We didn't have that fancy stuff.
448
00:17:35,334 --> 00:17:36,584
[sighs]
449
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:39,001
Believe it or not, I envy you.
450
00:17:39,001 --> 00:17:40,293
[somber music playing]
451
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,668
Ugh! That is so bad.
452
00:17:44,376 --> 00:17:46,043
[gentle music playing]
453
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:48,293
[mechanical whirring]
454
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:49,709
[water splashes]
455
00:17:49,709 --> 00:17:50,709
[glass shatters]
456
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:52,793
[TOD-209] Who made us?
457
00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:54,084
[dramatic music playing]
458
00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:55,751
This isn't even in the right box.
459
00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:57,251
[Simon] Ugh, boxes.
460
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,626
Sure, but Matty's helping me help people.
461
00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:01,251
Meadowlark Lemon!
462
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:05,918
So was it a real ghoul,
or does science exist? [laughs]
463
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,043
[TOD-209] Dr. Braun made TOD.
464
00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:13,168
The truth was inside you all along.
465
00:18:14,251 --> 00:18:16,543
Okay, bye, I guess.
466
00:18:16,543 --> 00:18:17,668
[upbeat music playing]
467
00:18:17,668 --> 00:18:19,418
- The Love Choice ♪
- [audience cheering]
468
00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:21,876
Everybody put your hands up ♪
469
00:18:21,876 --> 00:18:23,751
♪ The Love Choice ♪
470
00:18:24,251 --> 00:18:26,293
♪ Everybody come and stand up ♪
471
00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:28,459
♪ The Love Choice ♪
472
00:18:28,459 --> 00:18:30,043
[crowd applauding]
473
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,376
This is the final rose,
474
00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:33,668
like on Earth.
475
00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:35,668
I got it from a grave
of someone named Eufie.
476
00:18:35,668 --> 00:18:37,293
My Eufie?
477
00:18:37,293 --> 00:18:39,209
Well, they don't call it "show friends."
478
00:18:39,209 --> 00:18:41,543
I knew that
when I got into this crazy business.
479
00:18:41,543 --> 00:18:45,001
Before we get started,
give it up for Questovic!
480
00:18:45,001 --> 00:18:46,001
[all applauding]
481
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,418
I thought we agreed on Yanklove.
482
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:51,084
Tonight, the First Lady will choose
483
00:18:51,084 --> 00:18:54,126
between a president and a king.
484
00:18:54,126 --> 00:18:55,459
Dramatic entrance!
485
00:18:55,459 --> 00:18:57,209
- [all applauding]
- [all] Whoo!
486
00:18:57,209 --> 00:18:58,293
[woman] Yes!
487
00:18:59,501 --> 00:19:01,418
Wow, what a love choice.
488
00:19:01,418 --> 00:19:03,084
But how did we get here?
489
00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:05,084
- Previously, on whatever this is...
- [crowd gasps]
490
00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:07,834
Good morning, Lucy. Oh my goodness.
491
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,876
- My lady, you are so pretty.
- [Matty groans]
492
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,418
[Matty] Seriously? Team Jeremy?
493
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,418
[scoffs] Oh, maybe it's Jeremy Roenick
from the Flyers.
494
00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:17,334
He grew up in Mass, so that's okay.
495
00:19:17,334 --> 00:19:20,834
They're clearly referencing me
with those T-shaped garments.
496
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:24,043
I refuse to call them shirts.
They don't have cuffs or foibles.
497
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:27,334
But, Lucy, if you were worried
about cheating on America,
498
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:31,376
I think America is just fine
with hiding in the closet and watching.
499
00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:35,168
Right. That was kinda
the only thing keeping us apart.
500
00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:37,918
What? When? Who? Him? Why?
501
00:19:37,918 --> 00:19:40,001
You know what? Forget this!
502
00:19:40,001 --> 00:19:42,001
- [dramatic music playing]
- Oh, Jeremy!
503
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:42,918
[dragon] Roar.
504
00:19:42,918 --> 00:19:45,293
Y'all love Jeremy so much,
why don't you marry him?
505
00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:47,001
Oh, I would wreck him.
506
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:50,293
You think Lucy should choose him
just 'cause he talks gooder than I?
507
00:19:50,293 --> 00:19:52,709
I know that's wrong, okay?
I'm all worked up.
508
00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:55,876
And the only reason he's taller than me
is 'cause he's in meters.
509
00:19:55,876 --> 00:19:57,668
But that's not why I like him.
510
00:19:57,668 --> 00:19:59,209
Fine, then go be with him.
511
00:19:59,209 --> 00:20:01,584
But President Matty is not a loser.
512
00:20:01,584 --> 00:20:02,834
He's a finder!
513
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,501
Damn it, wrong opposite!
514
00:20:04,501 --> 00:20:08,501
This whole thing is so stupid.
So guess what? I'm not a choice anymore.
515
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:09,584
I quit.
516
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,084
Enjoy your show.
517
00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:12,751
Dramatic exit!
518
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:14,084
[crowd groans]
519
00:20:14,084 --> 00:20:16,418
Wait, so there's no love choice?
520
00:20:16,418 --> 00:20:19,501
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
521
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:21,626
No, no, the show's not over.
522
00:20:21,626 --> 00:20:25,209
I mean, a circus doesn't stop
just 'cause they used too much gunpowder
523
00:20:25,209 --> 00:20:27,418
and shot the human cannonball
through a church.
524
00:20:27,418 --> 00:20:32,251
I'm sure Mr. Zhao
has more twists and turns up his sleeve
525
00:20:32,251 --> 00:20:34,126
to keep you all in your seats.
526
00:20:34,126 --> 00:20:39,793
Yeah, I... I do,
'cause... King Jeremy's not that great.
527
00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:41,668
- [crowd gasps]
- Yeah, that's right.
528
00:20:41,668 --> 00:20:44,584
{\an8}'Cause he's the one who told the news
about the president's fake marriage.
529
00:20:44,584 --> 00:20:47,584
[crowd jeering, yelling]
530
00:20:47,584 --> 00:20:49,668
I told you that as a secret!
531
00:20:49,668 --> 00:20:52,751
Damn you, Zhao!
And that's from an Anglican, so it's real.
532
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:53,668
You're going to hell.
533
00:20:53,668 --> 00:20:56,084
[Matty] Wait, what is going on?
I can't tell who's talking.
534
00:20:56,084 --> 00:20:59,251
Are you quite serious?
Everyone has very distinctive accents.
535
00:20:59,251 --> 00:21:01,459
[Matty] Oh, okay. Thanks, Lucy.
536
00:21:01,459 --> 00:21:05,334
- [whimsical music playing]
- [Axatrax groans]
537
00:21:06,293 --> 00:21:09,793
- This is General... [screeches] ...Axatrax.
- [electric whooshing]
538
00:21:09,793 --> 00:21:13,751
I'm supposed to get in touch,
so I'm getting in touch
539
00:21:13,751 --> 00:21:16,084
'cause Cardibeans do as we're told.
540
00:21:16,084 --> 00:21:18,709
The invasion failed. It's my fault.
541
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:21,209
So come torture me for, like, ever.
542
00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:22,126
The uzh.
543
00:21:22,126 --> 00:21:25,001
[cries] I miss you so much.
544
00:21:25,001 --> 00:21:27,459
I hope whoever's
commanding you now is fat.
545
00:21:28,501 --> 00:21:29,876
Perfect message.
546
00:21:29,876 --> 00:21:31,501
Now to send it.
547
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:33,876
[radio static]
548
00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:35,584
[voice on radio]
549
00:21:36,084 --> 00:21:37,418
We have returned.
550
00:21:38,126 --> 00:21:39,418
We have returned.
551
00:21:40,501 --> 00:21:42,376
[in English] "Dak-ree." That's Cardibean.
552
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:44,334
They're already here.
553
00:21:44,334 --> 00:21:45,876
[dramatic music plays]
554
00:21:45,876 --> 00:21:47,459
Lucy, I can explain.
555
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:49,251
Oh my gosh, Matty was right.
556
00:21:49,251 --> 00:21:50,168
[Matty] I knew it!
557
00:21:50,168 --> 00:21:53,209
Brady lost to Eli on purpose
just to mess with Peyton.
558
00:21:53,209 --> 00:21:54,793
No, about Jeremy.
559
00:21:54,793 --> 00:21:58,501
That creep told Mr. Zhao about us
to, like, ruin our relationship.
560
00:21:58,501 --> 00:22:01,293
Because your "relationship"
was a loveless charade.
561
00:22:01,293 --> 00:22:03,751
I was only trying to save you
from this ogre.
562
00:22:03,751 --> 00:22:05,959
What, like Shrek? Nice insult.
563
00:22:05,959 --> 00:22:08,501
Guy had like four movies named after him.
564
00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:10,168
[in Scottish accent] "Get in my tummy!"
565
00:22:10,168 --> 00:22:11,751
Wrong film.
That's the second Austin Powers.
566
00:22:11,751 --> 00:22:13,543
Wait, he's Scottish in every movie?
567
00:22:13,543 --> 00:22:15,376
He's himself
in So I Married an Axe Murderer.
568
00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,459
- No, the dad is Scottish.
- You're forgetting the dad.
569
00:22:17,459 --> 00:22:19,126
Please don't be cross with me.
570
00:22:19,126 --> 00:22:22,043
I just wanted to be
your fairy-tale prince.
571
00:22:22,043 --> 00:22:23,959
But not the one Snow White is based on.
572
00:22:23,959 --> 00:22:26,751
That guy went around kissing dead bodies
he found in the woods.
573
00:22:26,751 --> 00:22:28,334
Well, I don't need to be saved.
574
00:22:28,334 --> 00:22:29,251
Hang on.
575
00:22:29,251 --> 00:22:33,293
If he's a snitch,
then he's not better than me after all!
576
00:22:33,293 --> 00:22:37,168
It looks like we got ourselves
a good old-fashioned love choice.
577
00:22:37,168 --> 00:22:38,876
[crowd cheering]
578
00:22:38,876 --> 00:22:40,876
- [woman 1] Yeah!
- [woman 2] Now we're talkin'!
579
00:22:40,876 --> 00:22:42,834
Luceline Bellagio Suwan,
580
00:22:42,834 --> 00:22:46,543
turns out both of these men
are equally pretty lame.
581
00:22:46,543 --> 00:22:50,959
So which one do you want to spend
the rest of your life with?
582
00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:53,334
[imitating drums beating]
583
00:22:53,334 --> 00:22:55,126
Just go ahead now.
584
00:22:56,001 --> 00:22:58,918
Sorry, did I say that weird?
English is my third language.
585
00:22:58,918 --> 00:23:01,126
[in Esperanto]
I also learned Esperanto for a girl.
586
00:23:01,126 --> 00:23:04,126
[Alfred continues imitating drums]
587
00:23:05,001 --> 00:23:06,418
[in English] Oh my gosh.
588
00:23:07,001 --> 00:23:08,709
I don't wanna be with either of them.
589
00:23:08,709 --> 00:23:09,626
{\an8}[crowd gasps]
590
00:23:09,626 --> 00:23:13,293
{\an8}You can't do that.
You're... You're disappointing your public.
591
00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:15,709
{\an8}Yeah, I'm like obsessed with you.
592
00:23:15,709 --> 00:23:16,793
Well, I'm sorry,
593
00:23:16,793 --> 00:23:19,709
but my whole life all I've ever done
is try to please everybody.
594
00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:22,918
But I can't make Team Jeremy
and Team Matty happy.
595
00:23:22,918 --> 00:23:25,626
It actually says "Team Marty." I'm Marty.
596
00:23:25,626 --> 00:23:27,001
Axatrax was right.
597
00:23:27,001 --> 00:23:29,376
{\an8}He has touched our lives in so many ways.
598
00:23:29,376 --> 00:23:31,501
{\an8}Sometimes I thought he was teaching us.
599
00:23:31,501 --> 00:23:33,584
{\an8}[Lucy] Being a human means
you're not perfect,
600
00:23:33,584 --> 00:23:35,001
and that's okay.
601
00:23:35,001 --> 00:23:37,126
So, sorry, everyone,
602
00:23:37,126 --> 00:23:39,751
but I'm gonna be selfish for once
and do what I want.
603
00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:42,501
And here on Earth,
what's the worst that could happen?
604
00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:44,043
[all applauding]
605
00:23:44,043 --> 00:23:46,959
Sure, the British monarchy
never kills women they're mad at.
606
00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:49,334
But what will distract them
from their so-called lives?
607
00:23:49,334 --> 00:23:51,918
Voting? No, boring. Who said that?
608
00:23:51,918 --> 00:23:53,501
Oh, how about this?
609
00:23:53,501 --> 00:23:57,084
"Hello, I am Jean-Pierre, a lumberjack."
610
00:23:57,084 --> 00:23:59,751
"Oh, heavens, my dinner party."
611
00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:03,126
Or that. What about that?
612
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:04,668
Hey, buddy, what are you--
613
00:24:04,668 --> 00:24:07,126
[TOD-209] I wish you'd never made me.
614
00:24:07,126 --> 00:24:08,376
Okay, I know you're confused.
615
00:24:08,376 --> 00:24:10,126
[TOD-209] TOD not confused.
616
00:24:10,126 --> 00:24:11,959
TOD hate you, Mom.
617
00:24:11,959 --> 00:24:14,334
TOD going to go shoplift,
618
00:24:14,334 --> 00:24:17,043
maybe become juggalo. Whoop, whoop!
619
00:24:18,543 --> 00:24:19,459
[Dr. Braun sighs]
620
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:24,251
Well, okay, I thought
that'd be a deeper well.
621
00:24:24,251 --> 00:24:25,751
What else?
622
00:24:25,751 --> 00:24:27,793
Are you boys
just gonna take that rejection?
623
00:24:27,793 --> 00:24:30,084
I mean, you're not good enough for Lucy?
624
00:24:30,084 --> 00:24:32,418
She's selfish,
and I'll bet she poops and pees.
625
00:24:32,418 --> 00:24:34,293
Yeah, you're not better than us.
626
00:24:34,293 --> 00:24:37,876
[scoffs] Good luck finding someone better
than a president and a king.
627
00:24:37,876 --> 00:24:39,126
Nice scoff, bro.
628
00:24:39,126 --> 00:24:40,043
And you as well.
629
00:24:40,043 --> 00:24:43,001
Dude, you've met everyone on Earth.
630
00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:44,793
- We're the best you're gonna do.
- Mm-hmm.
631
00:24:44,793 --> 00:24:46,501
Yeah, I suck.
632
00:24:47,626 --> 00:24:48,543
Ugh.
633
00:24:48,543 --> 00:24:50,168
[indistinct chanting]
634
00:24:50,168 --> 00:24:53,293
[crowd gasps, screams]
635
00:24:53,293 --> 00:24:54,501
[Joel] Not again!
636
00:24:55,668 --> 00:24:57,459
[indistinct chanting continues]
637
00:24:57,459 --> 00:24:59,334
God, they're back!
Take Farrah! She's Farrah!
638
00:24:59,334 --> 00:25:01,543
Oh, I am so screwed.
639
00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:06,584
- Daiquiris on Christmas Eve ♪
- It's a boat.
640
00:25:06,584 --> 00:25:09,834
Wait, what does dak-ree mean in human?
641
00:25:09,834 --> 00:25:13,001
♪ Opening presents in the Florida sun ♪
642
00:25:13,001 --> 00:25:16,459
♪ A stocking full of limes
And a bottle of rum... ♪
643
00:25:16,459 --> 00:25:19,209
- [man screams]
- [Marty] Classic Marty!
644
00:25:19,209 --> 00:25:20,543
[all screaming]
645
00:25:20,543 --> 00:25:22,459
♪ ...till they turn on the lights ♪
646
00:25:22,459 --> 00:25:26,376
♪ Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night... ♪
647
00:25:26,376 --> 00:25:28,626
When a bunch of white people
show up on a ship somewhere,
648
00:25:28,626 --> 00:25:31,293
that's usually a good thing for the people
who already live there, right?
649
00:25:31,293 --> 00:25:33,251
Cartwright Foghorn LaMarr?
650
00:25:33,251 --> 00:25:35,626
Trishelle, that's our senator!
651
00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:38,501
[LaMarr] Well whaddya know?
652
00:25:38,501 --> 00:25:40,543
Real Americans.
653
00:25:40,543 --> 00:25:43,293
Maybe we should
hold that election after all.
654
00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:45,001
- Fu--
- Fu--
655
00:25:45,001 --> 00:25:46,334
Wow, what a twist.
656
00:25:46,334 --> 00:25:49,126
This is part of the show. I planned this.
657
00:25:49,126 --> 00:25:50,043
Cliffhanger.
658
00:25:50,043 --> 00:25:52,209
♪ Merry Christmas to all ♪
659
00:25:52,209 --> 00:25:54,584
♪ And to all a good night ♪
660
00:25:55,709 --> 00:25:57,626
[dramatic music playing]
661
00:26:03,084 --> 00:26:05,084
[whimsical music playing]
662
00:26:16,001 --> 00:26:18,084
[music ends]
663
00:26:19,168 --> 00:26:21,084
[dramatic music playing]
664
00:26:36,709 --> 00:26:40,084
Lavender smile cats, go get a job ♪
665
00:26:40,084 --> 00:26:44,084
♪ Homeownership is groovy
Take out a loan ♪
666
00:26:44,084 --> 00:26:46,084
♪ We're the Groovy Tangerine Situation ♪
667
00:26:46,668 --> 00:26:48,084
♪ Abandon the cities ♪
668
00:26:48,084 --> 00:26:50,084
♪ Sex is for procreation ♪
669
00:26:50,084 --> 00:26:51,751
♪ Abandon the cities ♪
670
00:26:51,751 --> 00:26:53,668
♪ The Love Choice ♪
671
00:26:54,168 --> 00:26:56,084
{\an8}♪ Everybody put your hands up ♪
672
00:26:56,084 --> 00:26:58,084
{\an8}♪ The Love Choice ♪
673
00:26:58,668 --> 00:27:00,084
{\an8}♪ Everybody come and stand up ♪
674
00:27:00,084 --> 00:27:02,084
{\an8}♪ The Love Choice ♪
675
00:27:02,084 --> 00:27:04,084
[song ends]