1
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‪《穆里根》前情提要

2
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‪不 我来说

3
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‪《穆里根》前情提要

4
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‪先生 我们得把您从这里救走!

5
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‪谢天谢地

6
00:00:19,126 --> 00:00:20,709
‪这边 查德曼总统!

7
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‪(四百个斯普隆换通风口盖?)

8
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‪(来吧 艾克斯崔!)

9
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‪我的英语不好 但腹泻喉咙爆炸!

10
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‪我庄严地发誓要尽职尽责当好总统

11
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‪至死方休

12
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‪可以喝的自来水!

13
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‪太好了!

14
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‪不用再喝Dasani矿泉水了!

15
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‪梅多拉克莱蒙?

16
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‪(各位 我们不叫它“猩猩乌托邦”)

17
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‪(议事程序问题!)

18
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‪让我解释一下

19
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‪布拉德查德曼总统可能还活着

20
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‪在那里面

21
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‪穆里根

22
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{\an8}‪这是吉米卡特
‪在看完《第三类接触》后

23
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{\an8}‪建造的秘密防外星人地堡

24
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{\an8}‪他当时喝了几杯酒

25
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{\an8}‪拉马尔 怎么样 兄弟?

26
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{\an8}‪抱歉 我在办公室外面没认出你

27
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{\an8}‪布拉德福德查德曼可能还活着
‪你现在才告诉我们?

28
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‪我刚得知地堡的事 博士

29
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‪多亏了《总统秘辛》这本书

30
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‪-是真的吗?
‪-是真的

31
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‪-我就知道!
‪-拜托!

32
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‪上次我见到查德曼总统时
‪他没有提到秘密地堡

33
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‪完全没提

34
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‪总统先生 有只球潮虫
‪在晃动的椅子下横冲直撞

35
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‪我们没有多少时间浪费了

36
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‪所以我长话短说 直截了当

37
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‪计划是什么?

38
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‪那个啊...

39
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‪我和内阁都要去战情室

40
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‪我们在那里会安全的

41
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‪会很拥挤 但可以有人坐在我大腿上

42
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‪好极了 那里见

43
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‪我以为他们都蒸发了

44
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‪没想到查德曼和他的内阁

45
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‪可能就在这扇门背后

46
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‪我们还等什么?

47
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‪你确定你考虑清楚了吗 总统先生?

48
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‪我知道我没有

49
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‪我们已经有总统了

50
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‪但如果查德曼从里面出来了...

51
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‪那他就会是总统 我会成为前总统

52
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‪我不想建图书馆!我不会的!

53
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‪认真的吗?法拉 说句话

54
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‪等等 在麦蒂和布拉德查德曼之间
‪做选择?

55
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{\an8}‪所以我提议建立一个使女的体系

56
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{\an8}‪来支持我们国家辛勤劳作的妻子们

57
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‪我们不是说只留下好东西吗?

58
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‪因为那家伙是“坏东西”

59
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‪他说达赖喇嘛是黑鬼

60
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‪他对那些自以为是他朋友的人很坏

61
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‪其实 我宁愿让麦蒂当总统

62
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‪你说“其实”是什么意思?

63
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‪查德曼确实以1.6亿张选票落败

64
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‪但麦蒂是人们选举出来的

65
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‪然后“喝彩”呢

66
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‪哎呦喂

67
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‪我活了这么久 严格来说是尚有口气
‪的经验来看 有时候

68
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‪这是个难题

69
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‪不 这是很多难题

70
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‪总统先生 你觉得呢?
‪你应该继续当总统吗?

71
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‪我们知道结果会如何

72
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‪但记录显示 也许我们不该叛国

73
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‪把人们选出来的总统
‪留在坑里等死

74
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‪牺牲小我 成就大我 穆里根

75
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‪去死吧 狗杂种!

76
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‪厕所在哪里?

77
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‪把他放出来对大家来说

78
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‪是正确的选择

79
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‪-拜托
‪-我相信是往外“拉”

80
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‪显然我在伸展

81
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‪(薪水)

82
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‪你现在在薪水墙后面

83
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‪懂吗?

84
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‪不 但我耳朵里有水

85
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‪你不再需要骑着自行车大声吆喝

86
00:04:00,376 --> 00:04:03,293
‪人们会找到我们提供独家资料

87
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‪就像第三版面那个女孩

88
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‪第一眼免费!

89
00:04:06,709 --> 00:04:09,251
‪如果人们要给我们辛苦挣来的

90
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‪各种小玩意

91
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‪我们需要更多

92
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‪所以我们得追踪
‪杰里米国王提供的情报

93
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‪她是这么说的!我就是她!

94
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‪去跟第一夫妻谈谈
‪看看你能发现什么

95
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‪好 再见

96
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‪你为什么要拿那个?

97
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‪你知道我们不洗照片的 伙计

98
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‪你这样的态度 我们当然不能

99
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‪我猜查德曼总统没去到地堡

100
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‪我的天呀!

101
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‪天啊 那是总统吗?

102
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‪他留胡子很帅 要我留胡子吗?

103
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‪去死吧 外星人!

104
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‪-不 我们是人类!
‪-人类!

105
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‪老兄 我们是来救你的

106
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‪谢天谢地

107
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‪我还以为外星人要来杀我

108
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‪她是这么说的

109
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‪拉马尔 你活下来了

110
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‪是的 先生 是我

111
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:03,001
‪但请问 你的内阁在哪里?

112
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‪一只虫子 它们在地堡里

113
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‪你好几天没睡了 总统先生

114
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‪也许睡一会儿吧
‪让我们保管核密码箱

115
00:05:14,584 --> 00:05:18,168
‪为什么?好让你可以用
‪我们自己的核弹对付我们?

116
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‪你是其中一员

117
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‪他们偷了你的皮肤来骗我

118
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‪不 这里没有外星人

119
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‪你很安全 我们有食物和水

120
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‪甚至连万圣节服装都有

121
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‪看啊 我仿佛在拍摄《虫虫危机》

122
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‪老天 卡萝尔

123
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‪不!

124
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‪不!

125
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‪他们死了

126
00:05:37,918 --> 00:05:39,959
‪外星人抓住了他们

127
00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:41,584
‪但我抓住了外星人

128
00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:43,084
‪真是悲剧

129
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:45,501
‪我在笑刚才听到的笑话

130
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‪所以你没有副总统?

131
00:05:49,334 --> 00:05:51,876
‪我们送你回家吧 总统先生

132
00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:54,001
‪你有锻炼吗?

133
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,501
‪你居然开门了

134
00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:57,793
‪引用我在公立高中
‪短暂当老师时的发言

135
00:05:57,793 --> 00:06:01,251
‪乔治华盛顿只会说
‪“再见了 老乡!”

136
00:06:01,251 --> 00:06:02,709
‪你在做什么?退后!

137
00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:05,001
‪我知道这不容易 但你做得很好

138
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:06,876
‪-她是这么说的
‪-当然

139
00:06:09,584 --> 00:06:11,293
‪他们一定是看见了只兔子

140
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‪班卓 威利 皮皮 玛娜 希尔

141
00:06:14,376 --> 00:06:15,543
‪坏林莫

142
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,543
‪所以他们让你当总统了?

143
00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:19,876
‪因为我拯救了地球

144
00:06:19,876 --> 00:06:22,084
‪我擅长扔球 正好有个通风口

145
00:06:22,084 --> 00:06:23,293
‪有道理

146
00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:27,168
‪我进地堡的时候
‪我们好像差不多快赢了

147
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‪好的

148
00:06:30,751 --> 00:06:32,793
‪终于来了 我希望你能带来些好消息

149
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,084
‪我一直在播无聊的名人新闻

150
00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:37,543
‪这是我第一次吃寿司

151
00:06:37,543 --> 00:06:39,168
‪也是最后一次

152
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:42,376
‪白宫发生了什么事?

153
00:06:42,376 --> 00:06:43,959
‪婚外情?有人是同性恋?

154
00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:44,959
‪大家都是同性恋?

155
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:46,001
‪没人是同性恋?

156
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:48,126
‪现在会很奇怪
‪关于这类人群有个谱系

157
00:06:48,126 --> 00:06:49,043
‪我知道

158
00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:51,834
‪就像你说的
‪我去跟第一夫妻谈了

159
00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:53,626
‪抱歉 麦蒂不在这里

160
00:06:53,626 --> 00:06:54,668
‪好 再见!

161
00:06:54,668 --> 00:06:55,668
‪再见!

162
00:06:55,668 --> 00:06:59,043
‪根本就没故事 因为她说
‪总统和所有人都失踪了

163
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,001
‪没人知道他们在哪

164
00:07:01,001 --> 00:07:02,459
‪好 再见!

165
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,709
‪你这个笨蛋 这就是故事

166
00:07:04,709 --> 00:07:06,626
‪你指的是哪里?那块石头?

167
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:08,001
‪那石头是故事吗?

168
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:10,334
‪我们走 宝贝
‪我不会为这种胡扯的玩意付钱的

169
00:07:10,334 --> 00:07:13,418
‪可是你不想听听电影《超高频》
‪的幕后制作故事吗?

170
00:07:13,418 --> 00:07:15,876
‪弗兰德雷舍是个技艺高超的专业人士

171
00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:17,668
‪我想过回以前的生活

172
00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:20,001
‪我想要一个浴室比卧室多很多的房子

173
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,376
‪非常多 想个数字 然后加倍

174
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,126
‪四间浴室?

175
00:07:24,126 --> 00:07:26,251
‪去给我弄点别人会付钱的新闻

176
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,001
‪好吧 这地方看起来很棒

177
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:34,834
‪白宫、人脸和身体 一切都有了

178
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:36,626
‪我已经尽力守住了要塞

179
00:07:36,626 --> 00:07:38,293
‪我使出了九牛二虎之力

180
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:41,793
‪我说:“你就待在
‪该待的地方吧 要塞”

181
00:07:41,793 --> 00:07:45,043
‪你知道我希望我有机会
‪多做点什么吗 卡特赖特?

182
00:07:45,043 --> 00:07:46,918
‪拽你这张脸

183
00:07:46,918 --> 00:07:48,168
‪好吧 请便 先生

184
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,959
‪我是来为你服务的

185
00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:53,293
‪你需要一个副总统 所以...

186
00:07:53,293 --> 00:07:55,001
‪当然 这个位子非你莫属

187
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:58,043
‪你拿走了我的斧头
‪我有什么选择 对吧?

188
00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:04,834
‪真有趣 我...

189
00:08:06,709 --> 00:08:10,084
‪法拉 我不是第一夫人了吗?

190
00:08:10,084 --> 00:08:13,209
‪对 但别担心 你看起来还是...那样

191
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,168
‪你会没事的

192
00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:16,834
‪不 我是说 我担心如果我不是国母

193
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,918
‪人们会生我的气

194
00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:19,959
‪你是这么看待第一...

195
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:22,626
‪但这不是我说了算的
‪我当不了第一夫人

196
00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:24,334
‪那我可以当皇后了

197
00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:26,709
‪我的天啊 真是条条大路通罗马

198
00:08:26,709 --> 00:08:29,126
‪你就像性感成人版的《小鬼当街》

199
00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:30,043
‪1994年

200
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,293
‪我等不及看到裙子、老鼠和鸟

201
00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:34,001
‪为你准备嫁给国王的婚礼

202
00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:37,626
‪我们大声歌唱 因为这是歌唱的季节

203
00:08:37,626 --> 00:08:41,334
‪一开始很响亮 声音越来越大

204
00:08:41,334 --> 00:08:47,459
‪-这首歌要大声唱!
‪-这首歌要大声唱!

205
00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:51,459
‪嘿 你们觉得查德曼那家伙
‪有什么不对劲吗?

206
00:08:51,459 --> 00:08:53,459
‪你的脸好逼真

207
00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:55,001
‪谢谢

208
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:58,209
‪也许我们不该急着让他
‪再次成为总统

209
00:08:58,209 --> 00:09:02,043
‪嘿 我不喜欢他 我投给了绿党候选人

210
00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:02,959
‪-勇敢
‪-好勇敢

211
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:07,126
‪但有人说放他出来是正确的

212
00:09:07,126 --> 00:09:08,501
‪是啊 别纠结了

213
00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:11,543
‪我知道你放不下那些好处
‪有屋顶和你自己的飞机...

214
00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:13,168
‪我去空军一号拉屎

215
00:09:13,168 --> 00:09:15,584
‪我称之为空军二号 满满的

216
00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:17,459
‪这对每个人来说都是最好的安排

217
00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:20,418
‪麦蒂临阵逃脱了?

218
00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:22,834
‪他的袜子不见了
‪是因为他是个淘气的小猫吗?

219
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:25,043
‪我只是觉得查德曼那家伙很奇怪

220
00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:27,709
‪就像扬科维奇以前那样?

221
00:09:27,709 --> 00:09:30,334
‪不 查德曼总统只是对这里不太熟悉

222
00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:33,251
‪他感谢我们为这个国家所做的一切

223
00:09:33,251 --> 00:09:36,709
‪所以现在是时候穿上我们的皮裤
‪站在楼梯上敬礼了

224
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,334
‪因为爸爸回家了

225
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:39,959
‪别搞砸了 孩子

226
00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:47,001
‪巴瑞先生 我很高兴你来了

227
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:49,251
‪别闲聊了 大家都在哪里?

228
00:09:49,251 --> 00:09:50,376
‪包括你!

229
00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:52,543
‪我就在这里 我们都是

230
00:09:52,543 --> 00:09:54,168
‪太棒了!好 再见!

231
00:09:54,168 --> 00:09:55,959
‪别急着走 万斯

232
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,334
‪好的

233
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:02,209
‪我有独家新闻给你

234
00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:05,334
‪查德曼总统还活着

235
00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:06,918
‪天啊

236
00:10:06,918 --> 00:10:11,251
‪重要的是 我会继续担任副总统

237
00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:13,334
‪大家需要知道
‪真正的总统已经重回马背

238
00:10:13,334 --> 00:10:16,501
‪但我就在他旁边 骑着我自己的马

239
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,834
‪我的马叫 我顺口起的名字

240
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,043
‪火舞者

241
00:10:21,043 --> 00:10:22,043
‪它听起来很高

242
00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:24,293
‪但我怎么知道查德曼还活着?

243
00:10:24,293 --> 00:10:26,584
‪我一直是诈骗的受害者

244
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,376
‪你觉得照片怎么样?

245
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:30,168
‪总统先生

246
00:10:30,668 --> 00:10:31,959
‪嗯...

247
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:32,918
‪茄子!

248
00:10:32,918 --> 00:10:33,876
‪天啊

249
00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,751
‪只是摄像头

250
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:36,918
‪当然

251
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:37,834
‪我是播新闻的!

252
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:40,834
‪我知道 你有摩托车头盔什么的

253
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,001
‪非常人性化

254
00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:43,168
‪不好意思

255
00:10:43,168 --> 00:10:46,334
‪天啊 我都忘了新闻发布会有多累人

256
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:47,918
‪我想睡一会儿

257
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:52,084
‪你们都知道 人类喜欢一个人睡觉

258
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,209
‪好吧

259
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:55,834
‪我不敢苟同

260
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:59,334
‪妈妈一刻不在摇椅上盯着我
‪我就睡不着

261
00:10:59,334 --> 00:11:01,751
‪只是盯着宝宝的衣服

262
00:11:02,751 --> 00:11:04,293
‪密码是什么?

263
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:06,834
‪我知道里面有零或六

264
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,626
‪有曲线的数字

265
00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:11,418
‪那些虫子惹错了总统

266
00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:12,418
‪这个总统!

267
00:11:13,168 --> 00:11:14,626
‪天啊

268
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:19,834
‪这就是那些怪物
‪对所有真实人类所做的事

269
00:11:19,834 --> 00:11:21,959
‪还有像你这样的人吗?

270
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:29,084
{\an8}‪(扫描中)

271
00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:31,751
‪还有其他人

272
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:34,459
‪那他们为什么还没夺走我的大脑?

273
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:35,418
‪他们想要什么?

274
00:11:35,418 --> 00:11:36,751
‪总统先生 嗨

275
00:11:36,751 --> 00:11:39,043
‪我知道你从来都对科学不感冒...

276
00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,626
‪没人关心地球变暖了

277
00:11:41,626 --> 00:11:46,168
‪对 但我忍不住注意到
‪你还留着核密码箱

278
00:11:46,168 --> 00:11:49,084
‪那些导弹的核心可能是能量来源

279
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,459
‪这就是你的算盘 太空女巫!

280
00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:53,543
‪那正是地堡虫想要的

281
00:11:54,126 --> 00:11:55,001
‪为什么?

282
00:11:56,293 --> 00:11:57,251
‪其他人

283
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,376
‪你好 博士

284
00:11:59,376 --> 00:12:01,543
‪你在下面做什么?

285
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:03,293
‪啊哈!

286
00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:06,293
‪0001

287
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,668
‪我应该按顺序来的

288
00:12:07,668 --> 00:12:09,459
‪现在是独家新闻时间 强尼!

289
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:12,376
‪我不是想继续当总统 西蒙

290
00:12:12,376 --> 00:12:14,959
‪我跟你说 他抓我脸的方式很奇怪

291
00:12:14,959 --> 00:12:15,876
‪是啊

292
00:12:15,876 --> 00:12:19,168
‪我忘了《第11修正案》禁止面部护理

293
00:12:19,168 --> 00:12:20,584
‪这太可悲了 先生

294
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:21,959
‪顺便一说 先生

295
00:12:21,959 --> 00:12:26,209
‪即将离任的总统
‪给新总统写一封信是惯例

296
00:12:26,209 --> 00:12:30,793
‪什么?是一个字母还是一堆字母
‪组成单词?

297
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,543
‪妈妈 不要!

298
00:12:34,043 --> 00:12:37,251
‪不好意思 我看到拿着行李箱的女士
‪就是这种反应

299
00:12:37,251 --> 00:12:38,209
‪你在做什么?

300
00:12:38,209 --> 00:12:40,793
‪我们不再住在这里了 对吧?

301
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,501
‪对 是的

302
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:44,668
‪天啊 这就像霍马克的那部电影

303
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:47,668
‪《从总统到乞丐》
‪由博布里奇斯和梅根马克尔主演的

304
00:12:47,668 --> 00:12:50,001
‪温哥华变成华盛顿特区?不了 谢谢

305
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:51,001
‪你总能看出来

306
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:53,459
‪你可能该收拾好自己的行李了

307
00:12:53,459 --> 00:12:55,918
‪受死吧 你们这群臭虫子!

308
00:12:58,043 --> 00:13:01,209
‪哇 我很庆幸
‪那个人打掉了布坎南枝形吊灯

309
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:02,293
‪尽管它的历史...

310
00:13:06,501 --> 00:13:07,918
‪我不害怕你们!

311
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:10,751
‪我杀了假扮我内阁的外星人

312
00:13:10,751 --> 00:13:13,168
‪我会杀了你们所有人!

313
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,376
‪-放开我!
‪-我的老天爷!

314
00:13:15,376 --> 00:13:16,626
‪我说过他疯了

315
00:13:16,626 --> 00:13:20,043
‪你在电台小屋工作三个暑假
‪就不会认错疯子

316
00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:22,459
‪好吧 他疯了 这是个错误
‪不能让人知道他活着

317
00:13:22,459 --> 00:13:23,793
‪万斯巴瑞

318
00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:25,501
‪不好意思 稍等

319
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,709
‪你看看他跑步的样子
‪他明显是外星人

320
00:13:28,709 --> 00:13:30,876
‪我们县所有男人都这么跑的

321
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:33,209
‪因为我们的体育老师是只鸵鸟

322
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:35,626
‪先生 这里没有人是外星人

323
00:13:35,626 --> 00:13:37,876
‪嘿 我用了最后一个茶包...

324
00:13:37,876 --> 00:13:41,001
‪抱歉 我不知道你们在狂欢 继续

325
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:44,918
‪不 那个外星人是我们的囚犯

326
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:46,959
‪你知道吗?

327
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:49,043
‪说得有道理 我相信你了

328
00:13:49,043 --> 00:13:51,626
‪你可以放开我 把斧头还给我

329
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:56,834
‪你得听听这个故事 强尼

330
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:59,209
‪这会是大新闻

331
00:13:59,209 --> 00:14:02,251
‪我要告诉我的朋友和商业伙伴赵强尼

332
00:14:02,251 --> 00:14:04,168
‪在那之前我一个字都不会说

333
00:14:04,168 --> 00:14:07,334
‪拜托 对着我的屁股 悄悄地告诉我

334
00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:09,209
‪但你的手是耳朵

335
00:14:09,209 --> 00:14:10,418
‪你真没劲

336
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,626
‪巴瑞先生 你来了

337
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:16,584
‪总统想让你接受独家采访

338
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:19,834
‪你在这里等他 他马上就来

339
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:20,959
‪天啊!

340
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:32,793
‪你在做什么?

341
00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:35,209
‪确保他的舌头下面没藏回形针

342
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:37,418
‪他能吐出来 解开手铐!

343
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,918
‪你尝起来像虫子

344
00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:40,751
‪看看谁知道虫子的味道!

345
00:14:40,751 --> 00:14:44,418
‪查德曼总统
‪我向你保证我们都是人类

346
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:45,793
‪是吗?证明给我看

347
00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:48,168
‪什么?

348
00:14:48,751 --> 00:14:50,376
‪-你是人类吗?
‪-好吧 你跳个舞

349
00:14:50,376 --> 00:14:52,084
‪没有人需要跳舞!

350
00:14:52,084 --> 00:14:54,251
‪如果你是人类 那我就是你的总统

351
00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:57,376
‪我命令你放开我 并把斧子给我

352
00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:59,543
‪-这是个难题
‪-他把我们绕进去了

353
00:14:59,543 --> 00:15:00,834
‪就像脑筋急转弯!

354
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,293
‪没错 我一眼就能看穿
‪你们这些太空生物

355
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:06,709
‪你这身军装一点都不像
‪汉克斯卡帕奇欧

356
00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:08,376
‪他是意大利人

357
00:15:08,376 --> 00:15:10,376
‪这家伙疯了 我们开枪杀了他吧

358
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,459
‪我们不能暗杀任何人

359
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:14,084
‪-才怪
‪-才怪

360
00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:16,501
‪他确实有点不正常

361
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,209
‪但他是总统

362
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:19,918
‪我已经打包好了

363
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:27,626
‪我知道你们在用外星人
‪的心灵感应谈论我 没礼貌

364
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:30,293
‪查德曼总统 你经历了可怕的创伤

365
00:15:30,293 --> 00:15:32,959
‪我知道你不是卡特赖特拉马尔

366
00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:37,376
‪有一颗假心脏的十亿岁的稻草人
‪不可能活着

367
00:15:37,376 --> 00:15:41,126
‪甚至连他都不会蠢到
‪让那个白痴当总统

368
00:15:41,126 --> 00:15:42,251
‪谁是白痴?我吗?

369
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:43,959
‪抱歉打扰了

370
00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:47,251
‪我们还要为克尔斯滕做生日蛋糕吗?

371
00:15:47,251 --> 00:15:49,584
‪来吧 把我的脑子也挖出来吧

372
00:15:49,584 --> 00:15:52,543
‪美国不会跟恐怖分子谈判

373
00:15:52,543 --> 00:15:55,876
‪除非你有石油或者你想买飞机

374
00:15:55,876 --> 00:15:59,418
‪托德的大脑从哪挖出来的?

375
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:01,251
‪各位人类 你们好

376
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,751
‪是我 人类格伦

377
00:16:03,751 --> 00:16:07,126
{\an8}‪我把那个英俊的囚犯
‪关进了他的牢房 眨眼!

378
00:16:07,126 --> 00:16:08,793
‪-这样不好 艾克斯崔
‪-拜托 伙计

379
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,251
‪你最好杀了我

380
00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:13,001
‪如果我能离开这里
‪我一定会核平这个星球

381
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:15,251
‪并在你闪光的头骨里尿尿

382
00:16:15,251 --> 00:16:16,251
‪天啊!

383
00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:17,584
{\an8}‪-哇!
‪-哎呀

384
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:20,543
‪好吧 我不想被核爆

385
00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:21,543
‪已经发生过核爆了

386
00:16:21,543 --> 00:16:23,834
‪但我们会继续生活下去

387
00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:26,793
‪我们应该杀了查德曼
‪没有人知道他还活着 对吧?

388
00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:29,084
‪其实 这是个有趣的故事

389
00:16:29,084 --> 00:16:32,376
‪我们大声歌唱 因为这是歌唱的季节

390
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:35,376
‪一开始很响亮 声音越来越大

391
00:16:36,668 --> 00:16:39,418
‪我告诉他是因为他是胆小鬼

392
00:16:39,418 --> 00:16:42,584
‪他可能会做一些事毁了整个交易

393
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,584
‪我是这么打算的 我本来要放火的

394
00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:46,793
‪查德曼这次喜欢我

395
00:16:46,793 --> 00:16:48,793
‪他说我可以当他的副总统

396
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:51,126
‪所以你才泄密 你这只老狐狸!

397
00:16:51,126 --> 00:16:53,334
‪一只无所畏惧的可爱动物

398
00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:56,584
{\an8}‪但我不知道他会疯到这个地步

399
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:58,626
‪那我们把万斯巴瑞也杀了吧

400
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:01,043
‪我不介意杀人

401
00:17:01,043 --> 00:17:02,376
‪我们不会杀人!

402
00:17:02,376 --> 00:17:04,501
‪我认为我们应该援引第25修正案...

403
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:08,293
‪查德曼任命的副总统将会成为总统

404
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,584
‪就这么办吧

405
00:17:09,584 --> 00:17:12,543
‪我们不能
‪因为被查德曼弄得七零八落的内阁

406
00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:14,751
‪会给众议院议长写一封信

407
00:17:14,751 --> 00:17:15,668
‪但他融化了...

408
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,668
‪我的老天爷!

409
00:17:17,668 --> 00:17:19,459
‪你们的政府就是这样运作的?

410
00:17:19,459 --> 00:17:20,918
‪真是见鬼了!

411
00:17:20,918 --> 00:17:22,334
‪我们应该快刀斩乱麻

412
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:25,959
‪你应该按我们的吩咐
‪把他留在地堡里

413
00:17:25,959 --> 00:17:28,251
‪等等 你把查德曼放出来了?

414
00:17:28,251 --> 00:17:30,959
‪对 你总是说:“做正确的事 麦蒂”

415
00:17:30,959 --> 00:17:32,459
‪“你太棒了”

416
00:17:32,459 --> 00:17:35,501
‪“你应该是《极速前进》的
‪第一个人单车队”

417
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,668
‪就算没有我在一旁提点你
‪你也做了正确的选择

418
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:42,918
‪听着 我们不能让疯子总统核平我们

419
00:17:42,918 --> 00:17:46,501
‪国防部高级研究计划局正在研究一种
‪黑衣人式的记忆消除装备

420
00:17:46,501 --> 00:17:48,876
‪但那让威尔史密斯变得很奇怪

421
00:17:48,876 --> 00:17:49,793
‪你为什么要在...

422
00:17:49,793 --> 00:17:54,626
‪我们让查德曼等死吧
‪像战情室的卡特赖特一样

423
00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:57,876
‪让我们把那个废物送回
‪我们发现他的地堡

424
00:17:57,876 --> 00:18:01,293
‪免得我们勇敢、睿智的真总统
‪把他放出来

425
00:18:01,293 --> 00:18:03,668
‪-你真是张嘴就来啊
‪-我喜欢这个人 他很诚实

426
00:18:03,668 --> 00:18:05,709
‪不 我们不能把他关起来

427
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,709
‪没有众议院的审判
‪以及三分之二的投票...

428
00:18:08,709 --> 00:18:10,084
‪这个国家太蠢了

429
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:15,834
‪但如果回到地堡是查德曼的主意呢?

430
00:18:17,043 --> 00:18:18,584
‪好的 我有个计划

431
00:18:18,584 --> 00:18:20,334
‪但我们得让万斯巴瑞闭嘴

432
00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:21,668
‪我们不能杀他

433
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,251
‪因为他的头盔 是的

434
00:18:23,251 --> 00:18:26,251
‪但我可能知道一个办法
‪能扼杀那个故事

435
00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:29,168
‪法拉 你还有艾克斯崔的外骨骼吗?

436
00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:30,959
{\an8}‪-在我的实验室 干吗?
‪-怪胎

437
00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:32,334
‪你的胳膊会长回来 对吗?

438
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:33,334
‪是的 但为什么...

439
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,626
‪没时间解释了!

440
00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:42,584
‪恭喜

441
00:18:42,584 --> 00:18:45,376
‪我们低估了你的人类大脑

442
00:18:45,376 --> 00:18:49,709
‪如你所言 我们都是外星人

443
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:53,001
‪(外星语言)

444
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,418
‪这太冒犯了

445
00:18:54,418 --> 00:18:56,459
‪我宁死都不会放弃核弹

446
00:18:58,334 --> 00:19:02,084
‪没错 跟我想的一样

447
00:19:02,084 --> 00:19:04,501
‪人形机器人奴隶
‪把我们的囚犯关进刑讯室

448
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:08,168
‪移除他的大脑

449
00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:10,293
‪(外星语言)

450
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,209
‪(外星语言)

451
00:19:13,209 --> 00:19:14,668
‪(我在学卡迪B星球语)

452
00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:16,126
‪(我的动词用得正确吗?)

453
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,418
‪去死吧 外星人

454
00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:24,126
‪该死!难怪他会问我

455
00:19:25,793 --> 00:19:29,751
‪托德接到指示要带你去见抵抗军

456
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,293
‪你是说外面还有其他人类?

457
00:19:32,293 --> 00:19:34,793
‪是的 像我们一样的人类

458
00:19:34,793 --> 00:19:37,209
‪我曾是人类

459
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,001
‪看看他的小胳膊

460
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:43,709
‪它们就像婴儿手臂

461
00:19:43,709 --> 00:19:46,793
‪好痛 喂 住手!噢!不要!

462
00:19:46,793 --> 00:19:48,209
‪离他远点!

463
00:19:52,293 --> 00:19:55,293
‪欢迎来到人类的反抗军总部
‪总统先生

464
00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,168
‪你可以叫我巴兹索

465
00:19:57,168 --> 00:19:58,501
‪这是八球

466
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,084
‪那是...九球

467
00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:01,751
‪这是...十球

468
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:03,959
‪谢天谢地 我又回到人类中间了

469
00:20:03,959 --> 00:20:06,959
‪他们的那套人皮衣挺唬人的

470
00:20:06,959 --> 00:20:10,459
‪如果你担心我们是外星人
‪就把他切开看看

471
00:20:11,459 --> 00:20:13,251
‪不 我不需要那么做

472
00:20:13,251 --> 00:20:15,001
‪但你能这样提议对我意义重大

473
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:18,293
‪总统 你对大业至关重要

474
00:20:18,293 --> 00:20:21,751
‪我们必须保护你的安全直到我们打败

475
00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:23,084
‪外星人?

476
00:20:23,084 --> 00:20:26,168
‪先生 你知道有食物和电的地方吗?

477
00:20:26,168 --> 00:20:29,084
‪也许是外星人做梦都想不到的地方

478
00:20:29,084 --> 00:20:31,959
‪因为他们已经去那找过你了

479
00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:33,584
‪蠢货外星人

480
00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:35,709
‪我知道一个完美的地方

481
00:20:37,459 --> 00:20:39,668
‪这个地堡一直都存在

482
00:20:39,668 --> 00:20:41,918
‪在这个愚蠢的储藏种子的地方?

483
00:20:41,918 --> 00:20:43,959
‪什么?

484
00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:45,918
‪太疯狂了

485
00:20:45,918 --> 00:20:48,876
‪你还好吗 十球?
‪你平常不是这样说话的

486
00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:50,918
‪我觉得这不准确

487
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:53,209
‪你们打败外星人后会来接我?

488
00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:55,168
‪-没问题 老大
‪-绝对的!再见!

489
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:03,293
‪天啊 如果我从中学到了什么

490
00:21:03,293 --> 00:21:05,501
‪就是托德有个多功能胳膊

491
00:21:05,501 --> 00:21:06,751
‪瞧瞧啊

492
00:21:06,751 --> 00:21:08,126
‪-又一条蛇!
‪-别这样!

493
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,709
‪你在这里会安全的 先生

494
00:21:11,209 --> 00:21:13,084
‪核密码箱呢?

495
00:21:14,918 --> 00:21:17,293
‪(外星语言)

496
00:21:17,293 --> 00:21:20,959
‪托德让查德曼分心的时候
‪我们用露西的包换掉了核密码箱

497
00:21:20,959 --> 00:21:22,584
‪我的计划!是麦蒂的主意!

498
00:21:23,293 --> 00:21:26,376
‪我不明白为什么我不能先脱掉内裤

499
00:21:26,376 --> 00:21:27,751
‪为了重量

500
00:21:27,751 --> 00:21:30,793
‪好吧 善后完毕

501
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,709
‪我杀了这个故事 非常感谢 不客气

502
00:21:34,709 --> 00:21:35,751
‪(豆子)

503
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:39,084
‪这故事太夸张了 各位

504
00:21:39,084 --> 00:21:41,418
‪查德曼总统还活着!

505
00:21:41,418 --> 00:21:43,001
‪这就是你的大新闻?

506
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:45,751
‪这就是过去半小时那个疯子

507
00:21:45,751 --> 00:21:47,043
‪在大喊大叫的内容!

508
00:21:47,043 --> 00:21:49,834
‪嘿 查德曼总统还活着 各位

509
00:21:49,834 --> 00:21:51,709
‪副总统拉马尔亲自告诉我的

510
00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,626
‪什么?

511
00:21:52,626 --> 00:21:55,793
‪我不知道拉马尔的把戏
‪但我们被耍了 万斯巴瑞

512
00:21:55,793 --> 00:21:57,834
‪真希望还有经理

513
00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:59,709
‪他毁了我的薪水墙

514
00:21:59,709 --> 00:22:01,709
‪现在我再也拿不到我的豪宅了

515
00:22:01,709 --> 00:22:03,376
‪或者我的人类象棋

516
00:22:03,376 --> 00:22:04,751
‪或者我的人体检查器

517
00:22:04,751 --> 00:22:07,584
‪基本上是一样的
‪只不过它们都很短很肥

518
00:22:07,584 --> 00:22:08,584
‪但很会跳

519
00:22:08,584 --> 00:22:11,293
‪但我能证明查德曼还活着 强尼
‪我有照片!

520
00:22:11,293 --> 00:22:13,584
‪有什么用 又洗不出来!

521
00:22:13,584 --> 00:22:15,959
‪等等 你有照片吗?

522
00:22:18,793 --> 00:22:21,459
‪恭喜你们 把你们的正当领袖

523
00:22:21,459 --> 00:22:23,084
‪封死在地下监狱里

524
00:22:23,084 --> 00:22:24,459
‪颇有卡迪B星人的行事风格

525
00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:26,418
‪欺骗查德曼没那么糟糕

526
00:22:26,418 --> 00:22:28,876
‪毕竟这个国家
‪就是建立在叛国罪之上的

527
00:22:28,876 --> 00:22:30,918
‪他比乔治三世还疯狂

528
00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:32,418
‪乔治福尔曼的孙女?

529
00:22:32,418 --> 00:22:34,918
‪我做服务生时见过她一次 她人很好

530
00:22:34,918 --> 00:22:38,084
‪但查德曼说你的那些话
‪绝对是疯了 麦蒂

531
00:22:38,084 --> 00:22:41,084
‪-作为总统 你比他好多了
‪-我要为此敬杯酒

532
00:22:41,084 --> 00:22:43,876
‪我已经在喝酒了 我会继续喝

533
00:22:43,876 --> 00:22:45,084
‪但是 嘿!

534
00:22:45,084 --> 00:22:48,584
‪同意 我们以后不要再提这件事了

535
00:22:48,584 --> 00:22:50,126
‪敬我们的小秘密

536
00:22:50,126 --> 00:22:51,293
‪-干杯
‪-同意

537
00:22:51,293 --> 00:22:52,376
‪干杯

538
00:22:52,376 --> 00:22:55,168
‪托德喝太多了?

539
00:22:55,168 --> 00:22:57,251
‪就像《我知道你去年夏天做了什么》

540
00:22:57,251 --> 00:22:59,959
‪但露西是詹妮弗洛芙海维特
‪和莎拉米歇尔盖拉

541
00:22:59,959 --> 00:23:02,293
‪我是小佛莱迪普瑞兹
‪和莱恩菲利普

542
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:03,751
‪你们其他人都是盖瑞克

543
00:23:03,751 --> 00:23:05,376
‪艾克斯崔 你是雨衣男

544
00:23:08,626 --> 00:23:11,001
‪我多年来一直在洗自己的照片

545
00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:15,376
‪沃格林的州政府
‪很乐意得到我们手里的东西

546
00:23:16,959 --> 00:23:19,293
‪谢谢你们帮我用完交卷了

547
00:23:20,876 --> 00:23:23,084
‪你怎么这么不擅长?

548
00:23:23,084 --> 00:23:25,543
‪什么?夜晚的班加西?

549
00:23:25,543 --> 00:23:27,376
‪应该是查德曼总统

550
00:23:27,376 --> 00:23:29,501
‪那个镜头盖和我不合

551
00:23:33,251 --> 00:23:34,876
‪天啊 看这个

552
00:23:34,876 --> 00:23:38,543
‪但那是复活节的照片
‪而我拍的花都很模糊

553
00:23:38,543 --> 00:23:40,876
‪但背景很清晰

554
00:23:41,918 --> 00:23:44,793
‪这是个故事

555
00:24:34,709 --> 00:24:36,626
‪字幕翻译:肖雪