1
00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:24,418
‪艾克斯崔将军 你应该在里面等着!

2
00:00:24,418 --> 00:00:26,668
‪我不会被抓的 波波佐布

3
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,834
‪真该死 他们把整座城市全炸了!

4
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:34,709
‪佛蒙特州 好莱坞 每一所大学校园

5
00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:37,834
‪要知道 那可是自由主义腿毛的温床

6
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,793
‪所以这是好事吗?

7
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:41,543
‪可能是

8
00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:44,251
‪如果我能活下来 我终于能掌权了

9
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:46,918
‪我可以重建我一直梦寐以求的美国

10
00:00:46,918 --> 00:00:51,043
‪也就是公司是人 但人却不是

11
00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:53,834
‪让我们赢吧
‪噢 肌肉发达的白种人基督教上帝

12
00:00:53,834 --> 00:00:57,959
‪我保证我会以我的形象重建这个世界

13
00:01:08,584 --> 00:01:10,376
‪早安美国

14
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,834
‪拉马尔!看看我从史密森尼那里
‪得到了什么

15
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:15,126
‪本富兰克林的眼镜

16
00:01:15,126 --> 00:01:17,126
‪跟《国家宝藏》那部电影里一样!

17
00:01:17,126 --> 00:01:19,543
‪我会找到国宝的!

18
00:01:19,543 --> 00:01:21,834
‪哇 旧时代好模糊

19
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:24,293
‪-小心 先生
‪-如果我先到就不用

20
00:01:26,709 --> 00:01:28,001
‪拜托!搞什么?

21
00:01:28,918 --> 00:01:30,209
‪这楼梯什么时候到底?

22
00:01:32,709 --> 00:01:34,043
‪没完没了!

23
00:01:35,084 --> 00:01:36,043
‪为什么?

24
00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:46,043
‪穆里根

25
00:01:47,543 --> 00:01:51,293
{\an8}‪这就是我们重建历史的方式

26
00:01:51,876 --> 00:01:55,001
{\an8}‪我会通过独奏一曲《大家都想要》
‪来完成我那部分

27
00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:58,209
{\an8}‪等等 不 等一下 这是...

28
00:02:02,584 --> 00:02:05,126
{\an8}‪肯尼迪?这是我要找的宝藏!

29
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:06,876
{\an8}‪他的背撑

30
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,168
{\an8}‪他从那个俄罗斯人那里得到的狗!

31
00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:11,043
{\an8}‪胸罩刀是什么?

32
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,709
‪这才是总统该有的样子

33
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:15,293
‪帅气 来自波士顿 就这两条

34
00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:18,876
‪肯尼迪确实是个好榜样
‪他的民权记录...

35
00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:22,209
‪而且他集结军队
‪保障了美国在东南亚的安全

36
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,793
‪再加上他的妻子非常有格调

37
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:27,001
‪他们是美国最受人追捧的夫妇

38
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,668
‪-就像冰茶和可可
‪-总统先生 我们可以开始了吗?

39
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:32,501
‪还是没有电
‪我们喝的桶装水也不多了...

40
00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,418
‪更别说俱乐部的大场面了

41
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:35,793
‪我昨晚去了“极乐”

42
00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:38,418
‪摇摆舞的笼子里挤满了骷髅

43
00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:40,043
‪这怎么就性感了?

44
00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,043
‪我们不知道有多少幸存者

45
00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:44,001
‪所以我们应该进行人口普查

46
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:46,501
‪哦 典型的大政府扩张

47
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:50,584
‪我们不是两年前才普查过吗?

48
00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:53,459
‪我想我们现在的总人口
‪可能会有所不同

49
00:02:53,459 --> 00:02:55,709
‪人口普查是国父们做的第一件事

50
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,709
‪严格说来 詹姆斯麦迪逊想知道
‪我引用下他的原话

51
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:01,459
‪“蜂腰肥臀的少女们在哪” 但是...

52
00:03:01,459 --> 00:03:04,168
‪知道人们有什么需求
‪我们才能帮助他们

53
00:03:04,168 --> 00:03:07,209
‪没有了照片墙
‪我们怎么知道谁是谁?

54
00:03:07,209 --> 00:03:09,001
‪麦蒂 我们必须进行人口普查

55
00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:17,043
‪是啊 你知道吗?在这件事上
‪我赞同露西 卡特赖特 人口普查!

56
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:19,418
‪我希望这个决定

57
00:03:19,418 --> 00:03:22,251
‪和今晚的《小青蛙娶亲记》无关

58
00:03:22,251 --> 00:03:25,501
‪什么?我们的约会?
‪就好像我需要什么外援才行一样

59
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,001
‪我现在是肯尼迪

60
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,918
‪而露西呢?她比杰姬O还厉害

61
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,501
‪她就像杰姬A

62
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:33,501
‪我不知道我是不是杰姬A

63
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:34,834
‪也许是杰姬D

64
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,084
‪他们觉得这是成绩吗?

65
00:03:36,084 --> 00:03:38,709
‪嘿 你们希望我把博物馆
‪剩下的东西放哪?

66
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:40,501
‪这幅画很大

67
00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:42,876
‪看来我们没能及时解救它

68
00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,793
‪天啊 不知道它融化前是什么样

69
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,334
‪可能是美丽的画作

70
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:49,959
‪可能是一艘船 或是马 或二者皆有

71
00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:51,709
‪我都不忍直视了

72
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:57,876
‪-总统先生 这其实...
‪-愚蠢的外星人毁了我们珍贵的艺术

73
00:03:57,876 --> 00:04:00,251
‪我确定那是一匹漂亮的船马

74
00:04:00,251 --> 00:04:01,293
‪可恶

75
00:04:03,459 --> 00:04:05,876
‪37号 没有家人

76
00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:08,709
‪家庭地址是热狗车上的雨伞

77
00:04:08,709 --> 00:04:09,918
‪有什么有用的技能吗?

78
00:04:09,918 --> 00:04:13,751
‪我写了一本书
‪关于大学如何压制言论自由

79
00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:16,251
‪我想我可以作为食物?

80
00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:18,001
‪食物或木柴 是的

81
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:20,709
‪(新闻博物馆盛大开幕
‪法拍)

82
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:24,001
‪-对 写下你所有蛇的名字
‪-是吗?让我看看

83
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,293
‪快跑 法拉!我一个都没写!

84
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,001
‪抓住他们 达伦!

85
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,626
‪是的 只有我

86
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:33,709
‪我亲爱的丈夫或是什么的
‪在袭击中死亡

87
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:37,251
‪你们这些该死的外星人!

88
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,001
‪哦 对 外星人袭击

89
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:41,709
‪这事是真的
‪就像这东西在月球上登陆

90
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,959
‪这是个骗局 深层政府想让我们相信

91
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,001
‪那个所谓的外星人射掉了我的屁股

92
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,376
‪肯定有人干的

93
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:49,043
‪福克斯新闻台说不是

94
00:04:50,376 --> 00:04:51,626
‪你说了 安斯利

95
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:55,418
‪这太棒了 你觉得为什么
‪有很多演员活下来了?

96
00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,793
‪蟋蟀无线网 叽叽喳喳

97
00:04:58,584 --> 00:05:00,709
‪蟋蟀无线网 叽叽喳喳

98
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:04,293
‪你们两个站在那里干什么?
‪杀了那些肉包!

99
00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:07,751
‪老兄 自从我大学时写
‪兄弟会微型阴茎综合征的论文后

100
00:05:07,751 --> 00:05:09,918
‪我就没做过真正的田野考察了

101
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,001
‪你很厉害 我猜就像骑自行车

102
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,751
‪我做不到的事

103
00:05:14,751 --> 00:05:16,209
‪我们是个好团队 西蒙

104
00:05:16,209 --> 00:05:18,251
‪嘿 你的字很完美

105
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,959
‪我去了书法培训营

106
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:28,209
‪麦蒂 太美了

107
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:31,584
‪我感觉我在参加一艘派对船
‪在哈瓦苏湖上沉没后的守夜活动

108
00:05:31,584 --> 00:05:35,543
‪嘿 你在跟美国总统约会

109
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,584
‪等我说“卡米洛特”就好

110
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,543
‪该死 斯卡帕奇欧将军!

111
00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:44,001
‪你怎么敢跟成年将军这样说话?

112
00:05:44,001 --> 00:05:46,543
‪-我是军队
‪-好吧 抱歉 长官

113
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:48,251
‪感谢你的服务

114
00:05:48,251 --> 00:05:51,043
‪拉马尔一直在征用东西

115
00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:53,959
‪只是“再次获取”的高级说法

116
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:56,543
‪包括芥末包

117
00:05:57,459 --> 00:05:58,293
‪好吃!

118
00:05:58,293 --> 00:06:01,584
‪另外 还有一艘加满油的摩托艇

119
00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:04,751
‪好棒 但你在哪里找到这些灯的?

120
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:05,793
‪哦是鲸油

121
00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:07,459
‪对 拉马尔说海军工厂里

122
00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:09,626
‪有一整个仓库的鲸油

123
00:06:09,626 --> 00:06:11,626
‪都是之前有电力供应时存的

124
00:06:12,418 --> 00:06:14,209
‪以前的人真蠢 对吧?

125
00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:15,251
‪太蠢了

126
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,668
‪但人们真的需要灯光

127
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,251
‪夜晚很黑

128
00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:20,626
‪又来了!

129
00:06:20,626 --> 00:06:23,459
‪所以你想让我取消征用鲸油?

130
00:06:23,459 --> 00:06:24,501
‪当然

131
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:26,293
‪只要是为了我的第一夫人怎样都行

132
00:06:26,293 --> 00:06:27,293
‪海恩尼斯港!

133
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,626
‪他应该射出个心形的!

134
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:33,334
‪既然这么简单 你自己来啊

135
00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:39,043
‪我是在英国领土上的英国人

136
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:42,084
‪我不用回答你的美国问题

137
00:06:42,084 --> 00:06:44,376
‪我们只想知道你多大了 杰里米

138
00:06:44,376 --> 00:06:46,543
‪我们决定这么做时 你也在会上

139
00:06:46,543 --> 00:06:47,709
‪外交豁免权

140
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:51,584
‪因为我们家族是近亲结婚
‪这是我唯一的豁免权

141
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:54,293
‪这就是我们结束今晚工作的信号了

142
00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:57,626
‪自从动物园里的动物逃走了
‪晚上出来就不安全了

143
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,834
‪“是啊 我们明天肯定能弄完”

144
00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:02,418
‪木乃伊说的 抱歉

145
00:07:02,418 --> 00:07:04,876
‪是啊 木乃伊已经被裹好了 所以...

146
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:07,376
‪想象一下有了这些数据
‪我们能做多少工作

147
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:10,751
‪分配资源、制作流行病地图...

148
00:07:10,751 --> 00:07:13,751
‪我们甚至可以优化配对实现人口增长

149
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:15,751
‪并筛选出高智商的个体

150
00:07:15,751 --> 00:07:18,459
‪或是清除一些特质 比如车迷

151
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:21,918
‪如果我们以智力为筛选条件
‪也许我们俩应该交配

152
00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:25,126
‪这不是我们说了算

153
00:07:25,126 --> 00:07:27,876
‪要看数据

154
00:07:27,876 --> 00:07:31,168
‪我知道 我只是在讲另一个
‪搞笑的笑话

155
00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:34,959
‪比如 “我们应该交配”
‪澳大利亚人如是说 所以...

156
00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:36,126
‪是啊

157
00:07:36,126 --> 00:07:37,043
‪-再见
‪-糟了

158
00:07:37,043 --> 00:07:38,918
‪狐猴!快跑!

159
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:40,959
‪天啊 它们好可爱

160
00:07:45,918 --> 00:07:47,084
‪她约会时最喜欢的部分

161
00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,376
‪可能是看着我试图跳上摩托艇

162
00:07:49,376 --> 00:07:51,876
‪我对人类交配仪式知之甚少

163
00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:53,918
‪但我肯定不是这样

164
00:07:53,918 --> 00:07:56,751
‪是啊 她答应今晚再跟我约会 伙计

165
00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:58,626
‪所以你喜欢这些苹果吗?

166
00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:00,251
‪你为什么一直这样?

167
00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:03,543
‪所以如果我们发给大家
‪晚上就不会有危险了

168
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:07,584
‪详细说说

169
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:09,084
‪-详细说说
‪-很酷吧?

170
00:08:09,084 --> 00:08:12,668
‪昨晚之前我对鲸鱼唯一的了解
‪是《圣经》里约拿的故事

171
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:14,459
‪你对鲸鱼只知道这些?

172
00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:18,501
‪我很高兴你昨晚和麦蒂玩得很开心

173
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:19,709
‪非常开心

174
00:08:19,709 --> 00:08:22,043
‪仓库里满是鲸油

175
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,376
‪是啊 我观察下来发现

176
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:25,876
‪你一次都没提到过“麦蒂”

177
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:27,376
‪你一直在说鲸油

178
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,418
‪基本不离嘴

179
00:08:29,293 --> 00:08:33,251
‪严格来说 今晚是我们的第三次约会
‪因为在袭击时...

180
00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:37,293
‪告诉我们怎么销毁你的太空船
‪否则我们就把你煮了

181
00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,209
‪糟了 它跑去冰箱后面了!

182
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:42,251
‪-等等 我去拿相机
‪-抱歉

183
00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:44,418
‪我很高兴给你们带来了那么多欢乐

184
00:08:44,418 --> 00:08:48,334
‪谢谢 你知道第三次约会意味着什么

185
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:49,251
‪我知道

186
00:08:49,251 --> 00:08:52,793
‪但只是因为我为入侵做准备时
‪看了《全民情敌》

187
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,543
‪那电影...还好啦

188
00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:57,293
‪我的意思是 我觉得真正让你激动的

189
00:08:57,293 --> 00:08:59,126
‪是你找到了一个新办法去帮助别人

190
00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:01,834
‪没错 但麦蒂在帮我帮助别人

191
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,334
‪在人口普查那件事上
‪他确实听了我的建议

192
00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:07,209
‪好吧 但你真的喜欢他吗?

193
00:09:07,209 --> 00:09:10,043
‪我因为错误的原因谈过很多恋爱

194
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,168
‪我觉得这和我父母是性爱治疗师

195
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,668
‪并且互相残杀的事实无关

196
00:09:14,668 --> 00:09:16,668
‪不适协议启动

197
00:09:16,668 --> 00:09:20,084
‪但我追求了很多
‪我知道对我有害的男人

198
00:09:20,084 --> 00:09:22,084
‪-你要走了?
‪-对不起 宝贝

199
00:09:22,084 --> 00:09:23,001
‪也许下次

200
00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:25,334
‪丘留莫瓦-格拉西梅流星
‪再次出现时再见了

201
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:27,751
‪所以是六年半之后?

202
00:09:27,751 --> 00:09:29,709
‪不 那天晚上我有事

203
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,626
‪我知道你对鲸油很兴奋

204
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:34,334
‪但这个谈恋爱的理由

205
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:37,376
‪跟为了在《新星》片尾署名制片顾问
‪而跟人睡觉一样糟糕

206
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:40,501
‪你觉得我今晚该穿什么?
‪燕尾服T恤和斑马纹长裤?

207
00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,793
‪你为什么老是来问我意见?

208
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:44,209
‪去看《全民情敌》吧

209
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,709
‪你只需要问自己
‪作为第一夫人真的值得吗?

210
00:09:48,293 --> 00:09:50,584
‪不如我要怎么帮助别人?

211
00:09:50,584 --> 00:09:52,543
‪我不能自己取消征用

212
00:09:52,543 --> 00:09:54,709
‪也许麦蒂很在乎那些东西

213
00:09:54,709 --> 00:09:56,793
‪也许他只是想打动你

214
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,918
‪我只是想打动她

215
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:00,876
‪这是一个全新的世界 露西

216
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:04,876
‪我们不必再爱上
‪麦蒂和尼尔德格拉斯泰森那样的男人

217
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,668
‪轮到我们对男人说

218
00:10:06,668 --> 00:10:09,959
‪“换我的灯泡 摸我的屁股
‪赶紧走人 先生”

219
00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:12,376
‪也许麦蒂是好男人

220
00:10:12,376 --> 00:10:15,543
‪因为鲸油

221
00:10:15,543 --> 00:10:19,709
‪露西 如果我遇到一个好男人
‪我知道他不会像麦蒂那样

222
00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:21,376
{\an8}‪(人口普查:法拉和西蒙)

223
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:24,959
‪可是我们怎么知道
‪别人心里想什么呢?

224
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:26,793
‪也许对着心脏开枪

225
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,293
‪哦 托德

226
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:30,209
‪这就是你解决所有问题的方法

227
00:10:30,793 --> 00:10:33,793
‪-礼貌大笑
‪-你太暴力了

228
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,793
‪你的发型不一样了 我喜欢

229
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,918
‪谢谢 我在上面滴了点东西

230
00:10:43,918 --> 00:10:47,084
‪那么 接下来的人口普查要去哪里?

231
00:10:47,084 --> 00:10:49,168
‪不回马戏团 我们吸取了教训

232
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,918
‪这会很有趣

233
00:10:56,084 --> 00:10:57,126
‪天啊

234
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:04,709
‪新娘来了!

235
00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:05,834
‪好兴奋!

236
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,543
‪你好 不好意思
‪让我猜猜 你是贝卡吧?

237
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,793
‪-我们是做人口普查的
‪-我叫贝卡 26岁 单身

238
00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:15,251
‪单身最后一晚
‪明天就是我的大喜日子

239
00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:17,584
‪德瑞克还活着 姐妹们

240
00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:19,293
‪-绝对的
‪-我们只是有几个问题

241
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:22,168
‪你得跟我们一起开派对

242
00:11:22,168 --> 00:11:24,293
‪对 这是她背叛德瑞克的最后机会

243
00:11:24,293 --> 00:11:26,209
‪就像他背叛了她很多次一样

244
00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:29,793
‪那不是背叛 是我的行为太奇怪

245
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:33,168
‪来吧 你是我们一整天
‪见过的最性感的男人

246
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,793
‪当然 我知道这是什么套路

247
00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:38,084
‪“西蒙 你先脱衣服”

248
00:11:38,084 --> 00:11:39,834
‪然后我站在路边

249
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:42,043
‪一辆接一辆优步驶过 拒绝拉我

250
00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:43,876
‪我的评分会跌穿地板

251
00:11:44,459 --> 00:11:45,543
‪跟我亲热吧

252
00:11:45,543 --> 00:11:47,668
‪不管这是什么 我都不感兴趣 好吗?

253
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:49,043
‪我宁愿和一本好书

254
00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:51,751
‪以及一杯沏得恰到好处的茶
‪共享我的床

255
00:11:51,751 --> 00:11:53,001
‪再见了 女士们

256
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:55,959
‪明天是我的大喜日子!

257
00:11:55,959 --> 00:11:57,918
‪我不知道该怎么记录这个

258
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,293
‪做个烂人算是职业吗?

259
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,209
‪我知道你是学术女

260
00:12:04,209 --> 00:12:06,334
‪但我不知道你还是搞笑女

261
00:12:08,543 --> 00:12:09,834
‪我想到个思想实验

262
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,084
‪假设我们结婚了

263
00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:13,168
‪我的系主任

264
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:15,584
‪打电话告诉我 我获得了终身教职

265
00:12:15,584 --> 00:12:18,168
‪你会怎么样 A 拥抱并恭喜我

266
00:12:18,168 --> 00:12:21,126
‪B 大喊“我要跟你离婚”

267
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,293
‪然后拿走我的信用卡
‪去了脱衣舞俱乐部?

268
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:24,793
‪我选A

269
00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:26,918
‪不仅是因为
‪我唯一去脱衣舞俱乐部的那次

270
00:12:26,918 --> 00:12:29,126
‪他们因为我哭得太大声
‪把我踢了出来

271
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:30,376
‪明白了

272
00:12:30,376 --> 00:12:32,334
‪你喜欢吗 法拉格特上将?

273
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,834
‪我不能这样对德瑞克!

274
00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:39,668
‪嘿 你跟拉马尔先生
‪谈过鲸油的事吗?

275
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,168
‪你知道的 露丝

276
00:12:41,168 --> 00:12:43,251
‪天啊 谢谢你

277
00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:46,084
‪为了未来的麦修马克卢克夫人
‪和约翰穆里根 怎么都行

278
00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:47,168
‪你的中间名是什么?

279
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:49,459
‪毕竟今晚是我们的第三次约会

280
00:12:49,459 --> 00:12:50,376
‪第三次?

281
00:12:50,376 --> 00:12:52,876
‪哦 对 海滩别墅那次

282
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:56,584
‪-快点!你接住!
‪-放进锅里!不!

283
00:12:56,584 --> 00:12:58,709
‪-你接住!
‪-我不想碰它!

284
00:12:58,709 --> 00:13:01,709
‪我怎么会被你们两个抓住了?

285
00:13:02,293 --> 00:13:05,668
‪但今晚不是你和拉马尔先生
‪谈话的唯一原因 对吗?

286
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:07,334
‪不!拜托

287
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:09,709
‪你在乎什么 我就在乎什么

288
00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:11,293
‪比如保护动物

289
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:14,459
‪以及从它们体内获取油脂

290
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,584
‪我懂你

291
00:13:17,584 --> 00:13:20,626
‪我就说嘛
‪我不可能听错你动听的声音

292
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:25,084
‪要么是你 要么就是天使
‪在吃一个软烂湿滑的桃子

293
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:26,334
‪能聊聊吗?

294
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:30,084
‪苏万小姐 正如你所知
‪我刚刚和穆里根总统谈过

295
00:13:30,084 --> 00:13:31,501
‪是的 我很高兴

296
00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:34,334
‪大家终于能在晚上看到
‪他们在吃什么以及亲吻什么

297
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:37,584
‪是啊 恐怕我有坏消息要告诉你

298
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,459
‪不要

299
00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:41,084
‪你度过了圆满的一生

300
00:13:41,084 --> 00:13:42,668
‪不 我...什么?不是

301
00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,084
‪是关于鲸油的

302
00:13:44,918 --> 00:13:49,459
‪分配政府资源
‪好像我们生活在苏联或波特兰一样

303
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:50,543
‪不用了 谢谢

304
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:54,168
‪所以 很不幸
‪你的提议注定要死在委员会里

305
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,251
‪等等 我的提议不会实施?

306
00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,751
‪甜心 当你还在摇晃着屁股

307
00:13:58,751 --> 00:14:01,376
‪为裁判桌上那群色狼卖弄风情时

308
00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:05,543
‪我已经在政府待了很久了

309
00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:07,793
‪选美比赛不仅如此 先生

310
00:14:07,793 --> 00:14:09,418
‪当然了

311
00:14:09,418 --> 00:14:12,918
‪还有微笑、挥手、穿着漂亮的衣服

312
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,501
‪与第一夫人别无二致

313
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:18,709
‪所以 从现在开始 你何不扮演
‪更为传统的第一夫人角色呢?

314
00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:21,209
‪或者 你可以像杰奎琳肯尼迪一样

315
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:23,668
‪尝试把白宫重新装修地艳俗无比

316
00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,418
‪并听从教皇的怂恿

317
00:14:25,418 --> 00:14:27,126
‪真乖

318
00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:35,209
‪为什么总是剩下这些?

319
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,126
‪来吧

320
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:40,126
‪噢 只是Dasani矿泉水而已 伙计们

321
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:44,001
‪上面说是直接从中学的喷泉里取水

322
00:14:50,668 --> 00:14:52,376
‪尴尬的沉默 是吗?

323
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:54,834
‪为什么?

324
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:58,084
‪我刚发现 我们俩的信息还没填呢

325
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:01,209
‪我知道你的名字 住址呢?

326
00:15:01,209 --> 00:15:03,293
‪我搬进了国家档案馆

327
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,584
‪这是历史学家的梦想

328
00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:07,501
‪虽然我确实和一群七年级小孩合住

329
00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:09,459
‪外星人袭击时他们正好在春游

330
00:15:09,459 --> 00:15:12,418
‪他们把杰佛逊的色情收藏弄得一团乱

331
00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:14,584
‪-你是单身 对吗?
‪-如假包换

332
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:17,459
‪根据我的经验
‪女孩们都喜欢麦蒂那种男生

333
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,293
‪在马桶头球的人

334
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,543
‪而不是马桶本身

335
00:15:21,543 --> 00:15:25,168
‪有时候聪明的女人
‪也会做出糟糕的选择

336
00:15:25,168 --> 00:15:28,293
‪但也许这种情况可以改变

337
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:33,043
‪-所以 人口普查
‪-对 人口普查

338
00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:34,709
‪人口普查

339
00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:36,209
‪人口普查

340
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:41,793
‪行政命令!擒抱!

341
00:15:42,584 --> 00:15:43,501
‪太好了!

342
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,584
‪行政命令!再次触地得分!

343
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:51,918
‪是我出现幻觉了

344
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:55,334
‪还是我眼前这位是
‪“疾行鬼”红葛兰基本尊?

345
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:59,001
‪更像是肯尼迪
‪听着 我在盒子里找到了他的墨镜

346
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,293
‪我还吃了一堆没有标签的药

347
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,168
‪我的背好舒服

348
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:05,543
‪我的杰姬来了

349
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:08,376
‪你喜欢吗?这是她的就职礼服

350
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,709
‪我在史密森尼的物品里找到的

351
00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:12,959
‪我还在访客中心找到了这本手册

352
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,876
‪我要让一切再次变得美丽

353
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,418
‪做个尽职尽责的第一夫人

354
00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:21,376
‪瞧瞧啊 我像腌菜一样
‪为你感到骄傲

355
00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:24,501
‪基督教腌菜 我指的是黄瓜

356
00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:27,293
‪传统非常重要

357
00:16:27,876 --> 00:16:31,376
‪你看起来很美 就像芭比的朋友一样

358
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:34,209
‪你和我是现代版的大本和詹妮弗

359
00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,251
‪我们是麦特和露西

360
00:16:35,793 --> 00:16:36,751
‪简称麦西

361
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,084
‪我们今晚要去第三次约会
‪你知道那意味着什么

362
00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:46,334
‪你们这代人不一样了

363
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,459
‪在我的时代 第三次约会
‪指的是跟她爸爸摔跤

364
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:52,334
‪真好

365
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:56,209
‪我很高兴那个杀了她丈夫的
‪公交车司机愿意来照顾孩子

366
00:16:57,251 --> 00:16:58,668
‪所以 听好

367
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,168
‪从纯科学的角度

368
00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:05,459
‪我相信如果我们一起吃个午饭

369
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,751
‪会对我们有利?

370
00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:10,334
‪我捡了些“披萨午餐盒”的剩饭

371
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:13,209
‪我打算用它们做诱饵 来抓只老鼠

372
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:15,959
‪-几乎70%都是女性
‪-什么?

373
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:17,793
‪很多男人在与外星人的战斗中丧生

374
00:17:17,793 --> 00:17:21,084
‪之后 因为放烟花爆竹
‪和驾驶废弃的摩托艇

375
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:23,709
‪剩下的女人就更多了

376
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:27,126
‪就像我小时候在付费频道
‪看过的那部电影

377
00:17:27,126 --> 00:17:29,001
‪我在《性爱乌托邦2》里

378
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:33,001
‪什么?

379
00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:35,709
‪活见鬼了

380
00:17:35,709 --> 00:17:38,418
‪这是怎么回事?

381
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:41,043
‪我只是按照你说的 重新装修白宫

382
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,418
‪是的 但这是我的房间

383
00:17:43,418 --> 00:17:46,001
‪对 但根据我找到的手册

384
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:48,293
‪红屋其实从来都不是卧室

385
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:50,709
‪我知道你有多重视传统

386
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,334
‪我搬了石头砸自己的脚

387
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,251
‪我们应该像国父们一样
‪使用这个房间

388
00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:57,751
‪举办小型晚宴 伴着托马斯杰弗逊

389
00:17:57,751 --> 00:18:01,876
{\an8}‪心爱的歌手“神奇珠糖”的音乐

390
00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:05,543
‪但其他没有被炸毁的卧室都有主了

391
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,334
‪显然 按照传统

392
00:18:07,334 --> 00:18:09,959
‪副总统应该住在海军天文台

393
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:12,293
‪又跑又跳 步行一小时就能到这里

394
00:18:12,293 --> 00:18:15,918
‪你有什么资格说三道四 小姐?

395
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:19,376
‪我是美国的副总统

396
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:22,418
‪你只是个戴着皇冠的巨婴

397
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,001
‪没错 你说过 我应该表现得
‪像参加选美比赛

398
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:26,293
‪我照做了

399
00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:29,293
‪我只是不知道政客们
‪跟选美比赛的姑娘们如此相似

400
00:18:29,293 --> 00:18:31,001
‪因为紧身胸衣?

401
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,001
‪因为你们是背刺者

402
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,709
‪我以为卡森市小姐是我的朋友

403
00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:38,876
‪但她散布谣言 说我晋级
‪580号州级公路小姐的唯一原因

404
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:41,126
‪是因为我父母是费迪南德
‪和伊梅尔达马科斯

405
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:44,209
‪这是种族歧视
‪因为那是和泰国不同的国家

406
00:18:44,209 --> 00:18:46,918
‪但我只是笑一笑 继续努力

407
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,793
‪直到下一届选美比赛

408
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:52,543
{\an8}‪我知道卡森市小姐穿着美人鱼服装
‪不方便走路

409
00:18:52,543 --> 00:18:54,793
{\an8}‪于是我提早到了 并换了更衣室

410
00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:57,751
‪把她的更衣室换到赌场的另一边

411
00:18:58,418 --> 00:19:00,543
‪到她上台时 她已经累得精疲力尽

412
00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:02,584
‪她只能勉强坐在艾瑞尔的礁石上

413
00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:05,543
‪然后我就成了万代视频扑克小姐

414
00:19:06,334 --> 00:19:08,126
‪我可能不知道你为什么这么贱

415
00:19:08,126 --> 00:19:10,376
‪但我知道怎么玩你的小游戏

416
00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,543
‪我从6岁起就会了

417
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:14,834
‪好吧 你真是让我震惊

418
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:16,876
‪我目瞪口呆

419
00:19:16,876 --> 00:19:19,834
‪我觉得这个新世界可以更加美好
‪拉马尔先生

420
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,793
‪让人与人不需要刻薄对待彼此的世界

421
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,959
‪因为我们还有更重要的事要担心

422
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:27,793
‪我看到一条蛇吃了一个男人
‪那个男人似乎松了一口气

423
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,168
‪所以让我们变得更好 好吗?

424
00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:35,251
‪祝你散步愉快 小心新洞

425
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:36,709
‪你不能...

426
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:39,626
‪我会要她好看

427
00:19:40,584 --> 00:19:42,751
‪对 是的 其实是两个人

428
00:19:42,751 --> 00:19:45,876
‪主要是女人?哇 这很有统计意义

429
00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,084
‪但关于晚餐 我...

430
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:50,084
‪-明天是我的大喜日子!
‪-太好玩了!

431
00:19:50,084 --> 00:19:51,001
‪我们是最棒的

432
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,543
‪也许她们没有嘲笑我

433
00:19:52,543 --> 00:19:53,459
‪哦 伙计们...

434
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:56,334
‪也许我真的是她们一整天
‪见过的最性感的男人

435
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:57,543
‪剩下的男人太少了!

436
00:19:57,543 --> 00:20:00,043
‪天啊 是之前那个活着的家伙!

437
00:20:00,043 --> 00:20:01,584
‪怎么样 活着的家伙?

438
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,834
‪嘿 法拉 我刚想起来了...

439
00:20:05,418 --> 00:20:07,168
‪我要先走了

440
00:20:07,168 --> 00:20:09,918
‪怎么 就因为她们25岁
‪说话像婴儿一样幼稚

441
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:14,168
‪而我是个41岁的母亲 有两个孩子
‪屁股疼到龇牙咧嘴?

442
00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,209
‪我明白 但你还是配不上我

443
00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:17,334
‪你绝对是

444
00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:18,543
‪我甚至都不喜欢你

445
00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:20,876
‪你知不知道要想象
‪你摘掉那顶蠢帽子的样子

446
00:20:20,876 --> 00:20:23,459
‪要花费多少力气吗?

447
00:20:23,459 --> 00:20:26,001
‪我的大脑一直都在做照片处理

448
00:20:26,001 --> 00:20:29,876
‪听着 在旧世界里
‪那些女孩会偷我的衣服

449
00:20:29,876 --> 00:20:31,876
‪把我从一辆行驶的汽车上推下去

450
00:20:31,876 --> 00:20:34,668
‪但现在我有机会跟她们约会

451
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,459
‪我现在有机会做不同的事

452
00:20:37,459 --> 00:20:40,376
‪不 这只适用于好转的情况

453
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:43,043
‪你让我感觉好小!

454
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,043
‪好吧

455
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,793
‪-看看我多有创意
‪-驾

456
00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,334
‪好吧 那不叫创意

457
00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:50,043
‪这是你用帽子能做的
‪最没创意的事

458
00:20:50,043 --> 00:20:51,793
‪-来吧!
‪-哇!

459
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,084
‪你们喜欢木乃伊笑话吗?

460
00:20:56,084 --> 00:20:57,876
‪嘿 麦蒂?关于我们今晚的约会...

461
00:20:57,876 --> 00:21:01,126
‪别担心 我要把格伦克洛斯
‪这幅诡异的画拿下来

462
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,418
‪我不想让她看着

463
00:21:02,418 --> 00:21:05,001
‪等等 为什么这里有
‪格伦克洛斯的画?

464
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:08,751
‪哦对 她是《火星人玩转地球》
‪里的第一夫人 你不用拿下来

465
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:12,709
‪有人喜欢被格伦克洛斯盯着

466
00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:15,126
‪不 我是说 今晚什么都不会发生

467
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:18,543
‪我不能跟一个假装在乎
‪我所在乎的事的人在一起

468
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:21,376
‪但我只是假装关心那些东西

469
00:21:21,376 --> 00:21:22,418
‪你在说什么?

470
00:21:22,418 --> 00:21:24,126
‪我很感谢你的努力 麦蒂

471
00:21:24,126 --> 00:21:26,834
‪但是...我不想去第三次约会

472
00:21:26,834 --> 00:21:28,959
‪拜托 不

473
00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:32,001
‪肯尼迪不会被甩
‪我是说 辣妹老婆是交易的一部分

474
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:33,418
‪我们是一个团队

475
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:36,543
‪我仍然想当第一夫人

476
00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:39,168
‪总得有人让你做一些事
‪比如分发鲸油

477
00:21:39,168 --> 00:21:42,043
‪那我要不要把画拿下来?

478
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:43,876
‪因为你不能鱼和熊掌兼得

479
00:21:43,876 --> 00:21:44,834
‪是的 我可以

480
00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:47,459
‪我今天学到了很多
‪关于白宫传统的知识

481
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:49,084
‪比如肯尼迪的卧室

482
00:21:49,084 --> 00:21:50,001
‪(肯尼迪卧室)

483
00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:52,209
‪是卧室们 复数

484
00:21:52,793 --> 00:21:56,626
‪肯尼迪和杰姬没有一起睡?

485
00:21:56,626 --> 00:21:58,293
‪但他们是卡米洛特

486
00:21:58,293 --> 00:22:00,751
‪我高中的时候做过一年的研究

487
00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,543
‪在公开场合 他们是卡米洛特

488
00:22:02,543 --> 00:22:04,584
‪但私下里 他们各过各的

489
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,418
‪肯尼迪和其他女人睡过

490
00:22:06,418 --> 00:22:09,168
‪玛丽莲梦露、安吉迪金森
‪贝蒂鲁波...

491
00:22:09,168 --> 00:22:13,293
‪等等 你会继续当第一夫人
‪把这作为一份工作看待

492
00:22:13,293 --> 00:22:16,209
‪而我可以私下里跟别人约会?

493
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:17,334
‪就是这样

494
00:22:18,376 --> 00:22:21,376
‪好啊 我是说我没意见

495
00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:23,418
‪因为地球上现在主要是女性

496
00:22:23,418 --> 00:22:25,668
‪就像《性爱乌托邦》
‪第一部 第二部和第四部

497
00:22:25,668 --> 00:22:28,543
‪我不认为第三部是正典
‪那完全是一团糟

498
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:32,001
‪特雷弗被处死了
‪结果他像没事人一样又回来了?

499
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,251
‪-饶了我吧
‪-是啊

500
00:22:33,918 --> 00:22:35,751
‪我要走了 成交吗?

501
00:22:35,751 --> 00:22:37,709
‪没错 我很激动

502
00:22:43,418 --> 00:22:45,126
‪不 他们不打算做了

503
00:22:45,876 --> 00:22:47,084
‪我不知道为什么

504
00:22:49,418 --> 00:22:52,584
‪所以这笔交易很划算

505
00:22:52,584 --> 00:22:55,126
‪这算是国家机密 所以...

506
00:22:55,126 --> 00:22:56,501
‪我是你唯一的朋友吗?

507
00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:58,418
‪这种事不会永远持续下去

508
00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:00,376
‪露西喜欢我 她只是还没意识到

509
00:23:00,376 --> 00:23:03,959
‪我会赢得她的芳心
‪就像2004年美国棒球冠军赛

510
00:23:03,959 --> 00:23:05,626
‪我不会问那是...

511
00:23:05,626 --> 00:23:07,543
‪我们输了三场比赛

512
00:23:07,543 --> 00:23:11,001
‪听着 如果你这个恒温动物
‪要继续来这里

513
00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:12,626
‪能给我一台空调吗?

514
00:23:12,626 --> 00:23:15,376
‪这个牢房通风不佳

515
00:23:15,376 --> 00:23:17,584
‪哦 是的 我们从某个剧院买的

516
00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:20,626
‪《X战警》音乐剧在外地试演

517
00:23:20,626 --> 00:23:22,209
‪这是玛格诺的牢房

518
00:23:23,126 --> 00:23:26,709
‪回形针和遗失的钥匙

519
00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:30,168
‪一辆校车 是真的

520
00:23:30,168 --> 00:23:32,543
‪但唯一的问题是

521
00:23:32,543 --> 00:23:37,876
‪我吸引不了你

522
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:40,418
‪空调没戏 因为没有电

523
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:43,126
‪但等露西来了

524
00:23:43,126 --> 00:23:45,668
‪我和她可以给这里加加温

525
00:23:45,668 --> 00:23:47,418
‪这和我想要的相反

526
00:23:47,418 --> 00:23:48,751
‪不客气 酋长

527
00:23:50,168 --> 00:23:53,084
‪(鲸油)

528
00:23:55,626 --> 00:23:57,418
‪是社会主义分子的奸计

529
00:23:57,418 --> 00:23:58,918
‪你是怎么做到的 林登?

530
00:23:58,918 --> 00:24:03,168
‪在另一个
‪来自德克诸塞州的色批手下工作?

531
00:24:03,168 --> 00:24:06,709
‪我以为我可以像弹奏爸爸的第一把
‪班卓琴一样 把他玩弄在股掌之中

532
00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:10,501
‪我需要帮助来重现美国的往日荣光

533
00:24:10,501 --> 00:24:13,209
‪回到人人都喜笑开颜的1950年代

534
00:24:13,209 --> 00:24:15,543
‪我想不到别的例外

535
00:24:16,918 --> 00:24:19,168
‪天啊

536
00:24:19,168 --> 00:24:21,293
‪机会来了

537
00:24:21,876 --> 00:24:25,834
{\an8}‪(我们开始吧 老兄!)

538
00:24:25,834 --> 00:24:27,334
‪他来了

539
00:24:31,959 --> 00:24:35,376
‪叉子、勺子和餐具

540
00:24:35,376 --> 00:24:39,168
‪这些像胶水一样粘在我身上

541
00:24:39,168 --> 00:24:43,376
‪可是唯一不愿粘着我的

542
00:24:43,376 --> 00:24:46,376
‪是你

543
00:24:47,334 --> 00:24:50,876
‪我用我的力量 经历那些挣扎

544
00:24:50,876 --> 00:24:55,376
‪这些电磁符咒

545
00:24:55,376 --> 00:24:56,918
‪负面或正面

546
00:24:56,918 --> 00:24:58,834
‪不管是什么都不重要

547
00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:03,376
‪脉冲不能把你拉进我的怀里

548
00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:07,376
‪我的电力能扬起风帆

549
00:25:07,376 --> 00:25:11,376
‪但磁变体该怎么做?

550
00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:16,418
‪当一切都被他吸引

551
00:25:16,418 --> 00:25:23,501
‪除了你

552
00:25:41,459 --> 00:25:43,376
‪字幕翻译:肖雪