1
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,459
[menacing music playing]
2
00:00:14,959 --> 00:00:17,834
[humans screaming]
3
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:19,543
[door hisses]
4
00:00:22,209 --> 00:00:24,501
[in alien language]
General Axatrax, you should wait inside!
5
00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,668
I'm not going to get captured, Bobzorb.
6
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,834
[in English] Hot damn,
they blowed it all up!
7
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:34,709
Vermont, Hollywood, every college campus,
8
00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:37,834
which, as you know,
are hotbeds of liberal foofaraw.
9
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,793
So this here is a good thing?
10
00:00:39,793 --> 00:00:41,543
Might could be.
11
00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:44,251
If I survive, I'll finally be in charge.
12
00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:46,918
I can rebuild the America
I've always dreamed of,
13
00:00:46,918 --> 00:00:51,043
an America where corporations are people
and people are not.
14
00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:53,834
Let us win, oh white, muscular,
Christian God,
15
00:00:53,834 --> 00:00:57,959
and I promise
I'll remake this world in my own image.
16
00:00:57,959 --> 00:00:59,751
[screaming continues]
17
00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:03,751
[harp glissando]
18
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,751
[hippo grunting]
19
00:01:07,751 --> 00:01:10,376
Ah, morning in America.
20
00:01:10,376 --> 00:01:12,834
LaMarr! Look what I got
from the Smithsonian.
21
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:15,126
Ben Franklin's glasses,
22
00:01:15,126 --> 00:01:17,126
like from the movie National Treasure!
23
00:01:17,126 --> 00:01:19,543
I'm gonna find a national treasure!
24
00:01:19,543 --> 00:01:21,834
Whoa, olden times are blurry.
25
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:24,168
- Careful, sir.
- Not if I get there first.
26
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,376
[Matty yells]
27
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,668
[Matty grunting]
28
00:01:26,668 --> 00:01:28,001
Come on! Ah! What?
29
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:30,834
Oh! When does this end? [grunts]
30
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:32,084
[Matty continues grunting]
31
00:01:32,084 --> 00:01:34,126
- [LaMarr sighs]
- [Matty] It keeps going!
32
00:01:34,126 --> 00:01:36,043
[grunts] Why?
33
00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:39,168
[theme music playing]
34
00:01:47,543 --> 00:01:51,293
{\an8}So this is how we rebuild our history.
35
00:01:51,876 --> 00:01:55,001
{\an8}I'll do my part by learning the solo
from "Everybody Wants Some!!"
36
00:01:55,959 --> 00:01:58,209
{\an8}Wait. No, hold on, wait-- Well, it's--
37
00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,209
{\an8}- Eh...
- [discordant strum]
38
00:02:00,209 --> 00:02:01,126
{\an8}[groans]
39
00:02:01,709 --> 00:02:02,543
{\an8}[Matty gasps]
40
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:05,126
{\an8}JFK? This is my boy!
41
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:06,876
{\an8}His back brace.
42
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:09,168
{\an8}The dog he got from that Russian guy!
43
00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:11,043
{\an8}- What's a bra knife?
- [Matty chuckles]
44
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,709
[Matty] Now that was a president.
45
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:15,293
Handsome, from Boston, end of list.
46
00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:18,876
Oh, well, Kennedy is actually
a great model. His civil rights record--
47
00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:22,209
And his buildup of the military
kept America safe in Southeast Asia.
48
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,793
Plus his wife was wicked classy.
49
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:27,001
They were like America's favorite couple.
50
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,668
- Like Ice-T and Coco.
- Mr. President, can we get started?
51
00:02:29,668 --> 00:02:32,501
There's still no electricity,
we're running low on bottled water...
52
00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,418
Not to mention the club scene.
53
00:02:34,418 --> 00:02:35,793
I went to Bliss last night,
54
00:02:35,793 --> 00:02:38,418
and the go-go cages
were just full of skeletons.
55
00:02:38,418 --> 00:02:40,043
I mean, how is that sexy?
56
00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:42,043
We don't know
how many survivors there are,
57
00:02:42,043 --> 00:02:44,001
so I think we should conduct a census.
58
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:46,501
Oh, classic big government overreach.
59
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:50,584
Didn't we just have one of these
so-called censi two years ago?
60
00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:53,418
I think our total population
might be different now.
61
00:02:53,418 --> 00:02:55,751
And the census is one of the first things
the Founders did.
62
00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:58,709
Technically, James Madison just wanted
to find out where, and I do quote,
63
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:01,459
"be the maidens wide of haunch
and thick of thigh," but...
64
00:03:01,459 --> 00:03:04,168
And it'd be nice to know what people need
so we can help them.
65
00:03:04,168 --> 00:03:07,209
Without Instagram Stories, how are we
supposed to know anything about anyone?
66
00:03:07,209 --> 00:03:09,209
Matty, we have to census.
67
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:10,126
[ding]
68
00:03:10,126 --> 00:03:11,084
[Matty] Hmm.
69
00:03:11,084 --> 00:03:12,293
[LaMarr clears throat]
70
00:03:13,251 --> 00:03:16,293
Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna go
with Lucy on this one, Cartwright. Census!
71
00:03:16,293 --> 00:03:17,918
[uplifting music plays]
72
00:03:17,918 --> 00:03:19,418
I do hope that decision
73
00:03:19,418 --> 00:03:22,251
had nothing to do with tonight's
little froggy-go-a-courting.
74
00:03:22,251 --> 00:03:25,501
What? Our date? Nah.
As if I need any help sealing the deal.
75
00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,001
I'm... I'm JFK now.
76
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,918
And Lucy? She's even better than Jackie O.
77
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,501
She's, like, Jackie A.
78
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:33,501
I don't know if I'm Jackie A.
79
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:34,834
Maybe Jackie D.
80
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:35,959
Do they think it's a grade?
81
00:03:35,959 --> 00:03:38,709
Hey, where do you want me to put
the rest of the museum stuff?
82
00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:40,501
This painting's, like, big.
83
00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:42,876
Uch, and I guess
we couldn't save it in time.
84
00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,793
Gah, I wonder what it was of
before it got melted.
85
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,334
Probably something beautiful.
86
00:03:47,334 --> 00:03:49,959
You know, like a boat,
or a horse, or both.
87
00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:51,709
I can't even bear to look at it.
88
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,959
[Matty grunting]
89
00:03:53,959 --> 00:03:57,876
- Mr. President, that's actually, uh--
- Stupid aliens ruining our precious art!
90
00:03:57,876 --> 00:04:00,251
Ugh. I'm sure
that was a beautiful boat horse.
91
00:04:00,251 --> 00:04:01,293
[Matty] Damn you.
92
00:04:01,293 --> 00:04:03,376
[whimsical music playing]
93
00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,876
So, 37, no family,
94
00:04:05,876 --> 00:04:08,709
home address is the umbrella
from a hot dog cart.
95
00:04:08,709 --> 00:04:09,918
Any useful skills?
96
00:04:09,918 --> 00:04:13,751
I wrote a book about how universities
are stifling free speech,
97
00:04:13,751 --> 00:04:16,251
so I guess I could be, like, food?
98
00:04:16,251 --> 00:04:18,001
Food or firewood, yeah.
99
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:20,709
...and Walter.
100
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:24,001
- Yep. Wrote down all your snakes' names.
- Oh yeah? Let me see.
101
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,293
Run, Farrah!
I didn't write down any of them!
102
00:04:26,293 --> 00:04:28,001
- [grunts] Get 'em, Darren!
- [Darren hisses]
103
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,626
Yep, just me.
104
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:33,709
My beloved husband, or whatever,
died during the attack.
105
00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,126
[Simon] Hmm.
106
00:04:35,126 --> 00:04:37,251
You darn aliens!
107
00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:39,001
[man] Oh right, the alien attack.
108
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:41,709
That definitely happened,
just like this landed on the moon.
109
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:43,959
It's all a hoax.
The deep state wants us to believe
110
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,001
that the so-called aliens
shot my butt off!
111
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,376
Well, someone did.
112
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:49,043
Not according to Fox.
113
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:50,293
[fox growls]
114
00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:51,626
You said it, Ainsley.
115
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:55,418
This is fascinating.
Why do you think so many actors survived?
116
00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,626
Cricket Wireless. Chirp, chirp.
117
00:04:57,626 --> 00:04:58,543
[humans screaming]
118
00:04:58,543 --> 00:05:00,709
Cricket Wireless. Chirp, chirp.
119
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:03,293
[in alien language]
Why are you just standing there?!
120
00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,793
Kill the flesh-bags!
121
00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:07,793
[in English] I haven't done real fieldwork
since my undergraduate thesis
122
00:05:07,793 --> 00:05:09,918
on fraternity micro-penis syndrome.
123
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,001
Well, you're great at it.
Guess it's like riding a bicycle.
124
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:14,751
Something I cannot do.
125
00:05:14,751 --> 00:05:16,209
We make a good team, Simon.
126
00:05:16,209 --> 00:05:18,251
Hey, your handwriting is immaculate.
127
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,959
I went to handwriting camp.
128
00:05:19,959 --> 00:05:21,959
[romantic music playing]
129
00:05:25,418 --> 00:05:28,209
[gasps] Matty, it's beautiful.
130
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:31,584
I feel like I'm at a vigil
after a party boat sinks on Lake Havasu.
131
00:05:31,584 --> 00:05:35,543
Hey, you're on a date
with the president of the United States.
132
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,584
Just wait till I say "Camelot."
133
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,543
Damn it, General Scarpaccio!
134
00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:44,001
How dare you talk
to an adult general like that?
135
00:05:44,001 --> 00:05:46,543
- I'm a troops.
- Yeah, I'm sorry, sir.
136
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:48,251
Thank you for your service.
137
00:05:48,251 --> 00:05:51,043
And LaMarr's been out
requisitioning stuff.
138
00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:53,959
That's just a fancy way
of saying "quisitioning" again,
139
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:56,543
including mustard packets.
140
00:05:56,543 --> 00:05:58,293
[gasps] Yum!
141
00:05:58,293 --> 00:06:01,584
Plus, jet ski still full of gas.
142
00:06:01,584 --> 00:06:04,751
Well, that's cool. But where did you find
these lamp thingies?
143
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:05,793
Oh, it's whale oil.
144
00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:07,459
Yeah, LaMarr says the navy yard's
145
00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:09,626
got like, I don't know,
a warehouse full of it
146
00:06:09,626 --> 00:06:12,459
from back before they had electricity.
[chuckles]
147
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,209
People in the past were so dumb, right?
148
00:06:14,209 --> 00:06:15,334
[scoffs] So dumb.
149
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,668
But people could really use lights.
150
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,251
Night is dark now.
151
00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:20,626
[woman] Not again!
152
00:06:20,626 --> 00:06:23,459
Oh, so you want me
to un-quisition whale oil?
153
00:06:23,459 --> 00:06:24,501
Yeah, sure.
154
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:26,251
Anything for my First Lady.
155
00:06:26,251 --> 00:06:27,293
Hyannis Port!
156
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:29,918
[Matty grunts]
157
00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:31,626
He's supposed to make a heart!
158
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:33,334
If it's so easy, you do it.
159
00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:35,793
[whimsical music plays]
160
00:06:35,793 --> 00:06:39,043
[Jeremy] I am a British subject
on British soil.
161
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:42,084
I don't have to answer
your American questions.
162
00:06:42,084 --> 00:06:44,376
We just wanna know
how old you are, Jeremy.
163
00:06:44,376 --> 00:06:46,543
You were in the meeting
when we decided to do this.
164
00:06:46,543 --> 00:06:47,709
Diplomatic immunity.
165
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:51,584
Which, due to intermarrying,
is the only kind of immunity I have.
166
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:54,293
I think that's our cue to call it a night.
167
00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:57,626
Ever since the zoo animals escaped,
it's not safe to be out after dark.
168
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,834
"Yeah, I bet we could
wrap this up tomorrow,"
169
00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:02,418
said the mummy. Ugh. Sorry.
170
00:07:02,418 --> 00:07:04,876
Yeah, I mean,
mummies are already wrapped, so...
171
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:07,376
Think of what we'll be able to do
with all these data.
172
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:10,751
Allocate resources,
make epidemiological maps...
173
00:07:10,751 --> 00:07:13,751
We could even optimize coupling
for repopulation,
174
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:15,751
and select for traits like intelligence,
175
00:07:15,751 --> 00:07:18,459
or weed things out,
like being really into cars.
176
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:22,584
Well, if we're selecting for intelligence,
maybe you and I should mate. [chuckles]
177
00:07:22,584 --> 00:07:23,543
[Dr. Braun sighs]
178
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,126
Well, it's not up to us.
179
00:07:25,126 --> 00:07:27,876
I mean, it's whatever the numbers say.
180
00:07:27,876 --> 00:07:31,168
Oh, yeah, no, I... I know.
I was just telling another hilarious joke.
181
00:07:31,168 --> 00:07:34,959
Like, "We should mate,"
said the Australian. So... [chuckles]
182
00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:36,084
- Oh yeah.
- [leaves rustling]
183
00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:37,043
- [Simon] G'day.
- Oh no.
184
00:07:37,043 --> 00:07:39,334
- Lemurs! Run!
- [Simon shrieks]
185
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,959
[Dr. Braun] Oh God, they're so cute!
186
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:42,418
[lemurs chattering]
187
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,751
[mascot groans]
188
00:07:45,918 --> 00:07:47,084
[Matty] Her favorite part of the date
189
00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,376
was probably watching me
try to do jumps on the jet ski.
190
00:07:49,376 --> 00:07:51,876
I know very little
about human mating rituals,
191
00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:53,918
but I'm certain that's not the case.
192
00:07:53,918 --> 00:07:56,751
Yeah, well, she agreed
to go out with me again tonight, pal,
193
00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:58,626
so how do you like them apples?
194
00:07:58,626 --> 00:08:00,251
Why do you keep doing that?
195
00:08:00,251 --> 00:08:03,543
So if we distribute it to everyone,
it won't be so dangerous at night.
196
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:07,584
[TOD-209] Tell me more. Tell me more.
Tell me more. Tell me more.
197
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:09,084
- More.
- [Lucy] Pretty cool, huh?
198
00:08:09,084 --> 00:08:12,668
I mean, the only thing I knew about whales
before last night was the story of Jonah.
199
00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:14,459
That's all you knew about whales?
200
00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:18,501
Huh. Well, I'm glad you had a good time
with Matty last night.
201
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:19,709
A great time.
202
00:08:19,709 --> 00:08:22,043
There's a whole warehouse
full of whale oil.
203
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,376
Right. Just an observation,
204
00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:25,876
but you haven't actually
mentioned Matty once.
205
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:27,376
Just whale oil.
206
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,209
- A lot.
- [Lucy] Hmm.
207
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:33,251
And tonight's technically our third date,
'cause during the attack...
208
00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:36,793
Tell us how to kill your spaceships,
or we're gonna boil you.
209
00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:39,209
- [Axatrax screeches]
- Oh no, it's behind the fridge!
210
00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:40,293
[both chuckling]
211
00:08:40,293 --> 00:08:42,251
- Hold on, I'm gonna get my camera.
- Oh, sorry.
212
00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:44,418
I'm glad that was so much fun for you.
213
00:08:44,418 --> 00:08:48,334
Ah, thanks. And, uh, you know
what the third date means.
214
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:49,251
I do.
215
00:08:49,251 --> 00:08:52,793
But only because I watched the movie Hitch
to prepare for our invasion.
216
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,543
It was... fine.
217
00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:57,293
I'm just saying,
I think what you're really excited about
218
00:08:57,293 --> 00:08:59,126
is that you found a new way
to help people.
219
00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:01,834
Well, sure,
but Matty's helping me help people.
220
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,334
He did listen to me
about the census thing.
221
00:09:04,334 --> 00:09:07,209
Okay, but are you
actually attracted to him?
222
00:09:07,209 --> 00:09:10,043
I have been in a lot of relationships
for the wrong reasons.
223
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,168
I don't think it's connected to the fact
224
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,668
that my parents were sex therapists
who killed each other.
225
00:09:14,668 --> 00:09:16,668
[TOD-209] Yeesh protocol engaged.
226
00:09:16,668 --> 00:09:20,084
But I've chased plenty of guys
that I knew were bad for me.
227
00:09:20,084 --> 00:09:22,084
- You're leaving?
- Sorry, baby.
228
00:09:22,084 --> 00:09:23,334
Maybe I'll see you next time
229
00:09:23,334 --> 00:09:25,334
the Churyumov-Gerasimenko comet
comes around.
230
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:27,751
So in 6.5 years?
231
00:09:27,751 --> 00:09:29,709
No, I've got a thing that night.
232
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,626
I know you're excited about whale oil,
233
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:34,334
but that's about
as good of a reason to be with someone
234
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:37,376
as a consulting producer credit on Nova.
235
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:40,501
So what do you think for tonight?
Tuxedo T-shirt and Zubaz?
236
00:09:40,501 --> 00:09:42,793
Why do you keep coming here for advice?
237
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:44,209
Just go watch Hitch.
238
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,709
You just gotta ask yourself,
is being First Lady really worth it?
239
00:09:47,709 --> 00:09:50,584
[scoffs] Well, how else
am I supposed to help people?
240
00:09:50,584 --> 00:09:52,543
I can't un-quisition things myself.
241
00:09:52,543 --> 00:09:54,709
And maybe Matty
does care about that stuff.
242
00:09:54,709 --> 00:09:56,793
Or maybe he's just doing it
to impress you.
243
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,918
I'm just doing it to impress her.
244
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:00,876
This is a whole new world, Lucy.
245
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:04,876
We don't have to keep falling for guys
like Matty and Neil deGrasse Tyson.
246
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,668
It's our turn to be all
247
00:10:06,668 --> 00:10:09,959
"change my light bulbs,
touch my butt, and leave, sir."
248
00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:12,376
Maybe Matty is one of the nice guys.
249
00:10:12,376 --> 00:10:15,543
Because, you know, whale oil.
250
00:10:15,543 --> 00:10:19,709
Lucy, if I ever meet a nice guy,
I know he won't act like Matty.
251
00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:21,959
- [gentle music plays]
- Huh.
252
00:10:21,959 --> 00:10:25,043
[TOD-209] But how can we know
what is in other person's heart?
253
00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:26,793
Maybe shoot bullets at it.
254
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,293
[laughing] Oh, TOD.
255
00:10:28,293 --> 00:10:30,209
That's your solution for everything.
256
00:10:30,793 --> 00:10:33,793
- [TOD-209] Polite laugh. Polite laugh.
- [laughing] Oh, you are violent.
257
00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:35,334
[turkey gobbles]
258
00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:38,709
Um... Uh...
259
00:10:38,709 --> 00:10:41,793
Your... your hair looks different.
I... I like it.
260
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,918
Thank you. Something dripped on it.
261
00:10:43,918 --> 00:10:47,084
So where to next for the old census-a-roo?
262
00:10:47,084 --> 00:10:49,168
Not back to the circus.
We learned that lesson.
263
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,918
This is gonna be funny.
264
00:10:52,959 --> 00:10:56,001
[both gasp, retch]
265
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:57,626
- Oh God.
- [Simon vomits]
266
00:10:57,626 --> 00:11:00,084
- [both sobbing]
- [Dr. Braun screams]
267
00:11:00,084 --> 00:11:01,001
[both exhale]
268
00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:02,751
[girls chuckling, clamoring]
269
00:11:02,751 --> 00:11:04,668
Bride coming through!
270
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:05,834
So psyched!
271
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:08,543
Hi. Excuse us. I'm going to guess, Becca?
272
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,793
- We're from the census.
- I'm Becca, I'm 26, and I'm single.
273
00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:15,251
For one more night!
Tomorrow is my special day!
274
00:11:15,251 --> 00:11:17,584
Derek is totally alive, Becs.
275
00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:19,293
- Totally.
- We just have a couple questions.
276
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:22,168
Oh, you have to party with us.
277
00:11:22,168 --> 00:11:24,293
Yeah. It's her last chance
to cheat on Derek
278
00:11:24,293 --> 00:11:26,209
like all those times he cheated on her.
279
00:11:26,209 --> 00:11:29,793
It wasn't cheating,
because I was being weird.
280
00:11:29,793 --> 00:11:33,168
Come on, you're, like,
the hottest guy we've seen all day.
281
00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:35,793
[scoffs] Sure. I know how this goes.
282
00:11:35,793 --> 00:11:38,084
"Simon, you take off your clothes first."
283
00:11:38,084 --> 00:11:39,834
Then I stand by the side of the road
284
00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:42,043
while Uber after Uber
refuses to pick me up,
285
00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:43,876
and my rating drops through the floor.
286
00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:45,543
Ugh. Just make out with me.
287
00:11:45,543 --> 00:11:47,668
Whatever this is,
I'm not interested, okay?
288
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:49,043
I would rather share my bed
289
00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:51,751
with a good book
and a very precisely made cup of tea.
290
00:11:51,751 --> 00:11:53,751
- Good day, ma'ams.
- [women groan]
291
00:11:53,751 --> 00:11:55,959
Tomorrow is my special day!
292
00:11:55,959 --> 00:11:57,918
I'm not sure how to record that.
293
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,293
Is being terrible an occupation?
294
00:12:00,293 --> 00:12:02,418
[Simon chuckles] Oh, ah.
295
00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:04,209
I knew you were a woman in STEM,
296
00:12:04,209 --> 00:12:06,334
but I didn't know
you're a woman in comedy.
297
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,459
- [both chuckle]
- [Dr. Braun sighs]
298
00:12:08,459 --> 00:12:09,834
Here's a thought experiment.
299
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,543
- Say we're married...
- [Simon coughs]
300
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:13,168
...and the chair of my department
301
00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:15,584
calls to tell me
that I've been awarded tenure.
302
00:12:15,584 --> 00:12:18,168
Do you, A, hug and congratulate me,
303
00:12:18,168 --> 00:12:21,126
or B, yell, "Now, I want a divorce,"
304
00:12:21,126 --> 00:12:23,293
take my credit card,
and go to a strip club?
305
00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,793
Uh, I'm gonna go with A.
306
00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:26,918
And not just because
the only time I went to a strip club,
307
00:12:26,918 --> 00:12:28,709
they kicked me out for crying too loudly.
308
00:12:28,709 --> 00:12:30,376
Hmm. Duly noted.
309
00:12:30,376 --> 00:12:32,334
[Becca] You like that, Admiral Farragut?
310
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,834
I can't do this to Derek!
311
00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:39,668
Hey. Did you talk to Mr. LaMarr
about the whale oil?
312
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,168
You know it, Luce.
313
00:12:41,168 --> 00:12:43,251
Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you.
314
00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:46,084
Anything for the future
Mrs. Matthew Mark Lukeandjohn Mulligan.
315
00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:49,459
- Wait, what's your middle name?
- After all, tonight's our third date.
316
00:12:49,459 --> 00:12:50,376
Third?
317
00:12:50,376 --> 00:12:52,876
Oh right, the beach house.
318
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:53,959
[Matty and Lucy chuckling]
319
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:56,584
- [Matty] Hurry! You take it!
- [Lucy] Put it in the pot! No!
320
00:12:56,584 --> 00:12:58,709
- You take it!
- I don't wanna touch it!
321
00:12:58,709 --> 00:13:01,709
How did I let myself be captured
by you two?
322
00:13:02,293 --> 00:13:05,668
But tonight's not the only reason
you talked to Mr. LaMarr, right?
323
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:07,334
No! Come on.
324
00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:09,709
I care about the stuff
that you care about,
325
00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:11,293
like protecting animals,
326
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:14,459
and also taking the oil
from inside of them.
327
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,834
[snapping fingers] I get you.
328
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:16,751
[Lucy groans]
329
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:20,626
I thought I heard
your lovely voice out here.
330
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:25,084
It was either that
or a angel eating a sloppy, wet peach.
331
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:26,334
A moment?
332
00:13:26,334 --> 00:13:30,084
Miss Suwan, as you know,
I just spoke with President Mulligan.
333
00:13:30,084 --> 00:13:31,501
Yes, I am so glad
334
00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:34,334
people will be able to see
what they're eating and kissing at night.
335
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:37,584
Yeah. Well, I'm afraid
I've got some bad news.
336
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,459
[gasps] Oh no.
337
00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:41,084
Well, you lived a full life.
338
00:13:41,084 --> 00:13:42,668
No, I-- What? No.
339
00:13:42,668 --> 00:13:44,834
- About the whale oil.
- Uh?
340
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:49,459
Doling out government resources
like we live in Soviet Russia or Portland?
341
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:50,543
No, thank you.
342
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:54,168
So, tragically, your proposal's
bound to die in committee.
343
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,251
Wait, like, it's not gonna happen?
344
00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,751
Sugar, I've been in government a long time
345
00:13:58,751 --> 00:14:01,376
while you were off
taping your buttocks cheeks together,
346
00:14:01,376 --> 00:14:05,543
and prancing about like a hurdy-gurdy girl
for the lookie-loos at the judges' table.
347
00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:07,793
Pageants are much more than that, sir.
348
00:14:07,793 --> 00:14:09,418
Of course they are.
349
00:14:09,418 --> 00:14:12,918
There's also smiling and waving
and wearing pretty costumes.
350
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,501
Being First Lady's no different.
351
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:18,709
So from here on out, why don't you stick
to a more traditional First Lady role?
352
00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:21,209
Or maybe you should try
redecorating the White House,
353
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:23,668
as Ms. Jacqueline Kennedy did so garishly,
354
00:14:23,668 --> 00:14:25,418
with the Pope whispering in her ear.
355
00:14:25,418 --> 00:14:27,126
That's a good girl.
356
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:32,043
[Simon groaning]
357
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:33,043
[grunts]
358
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:35,209
Why is this always all that's left?
359
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:36,126
Come on.
360
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,793
[gasps] Ooh!
361
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,126
Oh, it's just Dasani, guys.
362
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:44,001
It says it's sourced directly
from middle-school water fountains.
363
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,668
[Simon clears throat]
364
00:14:50,668 --> 00:14:52,918
Awkward silences, am I right? [chuckles]
365
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:53,918
Boop.
366
00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:54,834
Why?
367
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:58,084
You know, I just realized
we haven't filled these out yet.
368
00:14:58,626 --> 00:15:01,209
Well, I know your name.
Place of residence?
369
00:15:01,209 --> 00:15:03,293
I have moved into the National Archives.
370
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,584
It's an historian's dream.
371
00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:07,501
Although I do share it
with a group of seventh graders
372
00:15:07,501 --> 00:15:09,501
who were there when the aliens attacked.
373
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:12,418
They have made a mess
of Jefferson's pornography collection.
374
00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:14,584
- And you are single, yes?
- Very.
375
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:17,459
In my experience,
girls go for the Mattys of the world.
376
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,293
The toilet bowl head-dunker,
377
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,543
not the toilet bowl head-dunk-cipient.
378
00:15:21,543 --> 00:15:25,168
Yeah, sometimes even very smart women
make bad choices,
379
00:15:25,168 --> 00:15:26,209
but... [sighs]
380
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:28,293
...maybe that can change now.
381
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:33,043
- So, census.
- Right, census.
382
00:15:33,043 --> 00:15:34,709
Census. Census.
383
00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:36,209
Census.
384
00:15:36,209 --> 00:15:39,584
- [patriotic music playing]
- [grunts]
385
00:15:39,584 --> 00:15:42,501
- Executive order! It's tackle! [grunts]
- [yelps]
386
00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:43,501
Oh yes!
387
00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,584
Executive order. It's touch again!
388
00:15:46,626 --> 00:15:47,709
Whoo!
389
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,876
Ow!
390
00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:51,918
Are my eyes playing trickerations upon me,
391
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:55,334
or is that the Galloping Ghost,
Red Grange himself?
392
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:59,126
More like JFK.
Look, I got his sunglasses from that box.
393
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,293
I also took a bunch of unlabeled pills.
394
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,168
My back feels great.
395
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:05,543
And there's my Jackie.
396
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:08,376
Do you like it? It was her inaugural gown.
397
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,709
I found it with the stuff
from the Smithsonian.
398
00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:12,959
And I found this pamphlet
in the Visitor Center.
399
00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,876
I'm gonna make everything
all pretty again,
400
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,418
like a good First Lady.
401
00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:21,376
Well, well, well, I am proud as a pickle.
402
00:16:21,376 --> 00:16:24,501
A Christian pickle that is,
by which I mean a cucumber.
403
00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:27,293
- Tradition is so very important.
- [Lucy] Hmm.
404
00:16:27,876 --> 00:16:31,376
You look gorgeous,
like one of Barbie's friends.
405
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:34,209
You and me are a modern-day Bennifer.
406
00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,126
We're Mucy.
407
00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:36,834
[chuckles] Mucy.
408
00:16:39,209 --> 00:16:40,043
[Lucy groans]
409
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,084
We're going on a third date tonight.
You know what that means.
410
00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:46,334
Oh, your generation is different.
411
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,459
In my day, the third date
was when you wrestled her father.
412
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:52,334
This is nice.
413
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:56,209
I'm glad that bus driver who definitely
murdered her husband agreed to babysit.
414
00:16:56,209 --> 00:16:57,168
[inhales deeply]
415
00:16:57,168 --> 00:16:59,168
So, listen... [clears throat]
416
00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:01,168
...on a purely scientific basis,
417
00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:05,459
I believe that it would be
advantageous for us
418
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,751
to maybe get dinner?
419
00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:10,334
I scavenged some pizza Lunchables,
420
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:13,209
and I thought that we could use them
as bait to catch a rat.
421
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:15,959
- It's almost 70% women.
- What's that?
422
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:17,793
So many men died fighting the aliens,
423
00:17:17,793 --> 00:17:21,084
and then afterwards, because of fireworks
and joy rides on abandoned jet skis,
424
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:23,709
there's way more women than men.
425
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:27,126
It's like that movie I saw
on the squiggly channel when I was a kid.
426
00:17:27,126 --> 00:17:28,918
I'm in Sextopia 2.
427
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:30,251
[dramatic sting]
428
00:17:30,251 --> 00:17:32,001
[LaMarr whistling]
429
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:33,001
What?
430
00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:35,709
Thunderation.
431
00:17:35,709 --> 00:17:38,418
What is the meaning
of this here thunderation?
432
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:41,043
I'm just redecorating the White House
like you said I should.
433
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,418
Yes, but this here's my boudoir.
434
00:17:43,418 --> 00:17:46,001
Yeah, but see,
according to that pamphlet I found,
435
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:48,293
the Red Room was actually never a bedroom,
436
00:17:48,293 --> 00:17:50,709
and I know how much you value tradition.
437
00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,334
Why, my own petard.
438
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,251
So I thought we'd use it
like the Founders did.
439
00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:57,751
For small dinner parties,
with musical accompaniment
440
00:17:57,751 --> 00:18:01,876
{\an8}by Thomas Jefferson's beloved magpie,
Sprinkles McFantastic.
441
00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:05,543
But all the other non-blowed up boudoirs
are spoken for.
442
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,334
Well, apparently, the vice president
443
00:18:07,334 --> 00:18:09,959
traditionally lives over
at the Naval Observatory.
444
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:12,293
Just a hop, skip,
and an hour's walk from here.
445
00:18:12,293 --> 00:18:15,918
Where, I say, where do you get off, missy?
446
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:19,376
I am the vice president
of these here United States,
447
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:22,418
and you're just
an overgrown toddler in a tiara.
448
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,001
Exactly. You said I should act like
I'm in a pageant,
449
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:26,293
so that's what I'm doing.
450
00:18:26,293 --> 00:18:29,293
I just never knew politicians
were so much like pageant girls.
451
00:18:29,293 --> 00:18:31,001
Because of the corset?
452
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,001
Because you're backstabbers.
453
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:35,709
Like, I thought
Miss Carson City was my friend,
454
00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:38,876
but she spread a rumor that the reason
I got into Miss Interstate 580
455
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:41,126
was because my parents
were Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos,
456
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:44,209
which was extra racist because that's
a pretty different country from Thailand.
457
00:18:44,209 --> 00:18:46,918
But I just put on a big old smile
and did my job
458
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,793
until the next pageant.
459
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:52,543
{\an8}I knew Carson City couldn't walk too good
in her mermaid costume.
460
00:18:52,543 --> 00:18:54,751
{\an8}So I got there early
and switched the dressing room
461
00:18:54,751 --> 00:18:57,751
so she was all the way
on the other side of the casino.
462
00:18:58,418 --> 00:19:00,543
By the time she got on stage,
she was so chafed
463
00:19:00,543 --> 00:19:02,584
she could barely sit on Ariel's rock.
464
00:19:02,584 --> 00:19:05,334
And then I was Miss Bandai Video Poker.
465
00:19:05,334 --> 00:19:06,334
[dramatic sting]
466
00:19:06,334 --> 00:19:08,126
So I may not know why you're being bitchy,
467
00:19:08,126 --> 00:19:10,376
but I do know
how to play your little game.
468
00:19:10,376 --> 00:19:12,543
I've been doing it since I was six.
469
00:19:12,543 --> 00:19:14,834
Well, I am ghasted by your flabber.
470
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:16,876
My gob feels positively smacked.
471
00:19:16,876 --> 00:19:19,834
I think this new world
can be a nicer world, Mr. LaMarr,
472
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,793
one where folks don't have to be mean.
473
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,959
'Cause we've got bigger things
to worry about, right?
474
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:27,793
I saw a snake eat a guy,
and the guy seemed, like, relieved.
475
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,168
So let's be better, okay?
476
00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:35,251
Enjoy your walk.
Watch out for all the new holes.
477
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:38,168
You can't... [indistinct grumbling]
478
00:19:38,168 --> 00:19:39,626
I'll show her.
479
00:19:40,584 --> 00:19:42,751
Yeah. Oh yeah. Carry the two, actually.
480
00:19:42,751 --> 00:19:45,876
Mostly women?
Wow, that is statistically significant.
481
00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,084
But as for dinner, I--
482
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:50,084
- [Becca] Tomorrow is my special day!
- [bridesmaid 1] So fun!
483
00:19:50,084 --> 00:19:51,001
You're the best.
484
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,543
Maybe they weren't making fun of me.
485
00:19:52,543 --> 00:19:53,501
[Becca] Oh, guys...
486
00:19:53,501 --> 00:19:56,334
Maybe I really was the hottest guy
they'd seen all day.
487
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:57,626
Because there's so few guys!
488
00:19:57,626 --> 00:20:00,084
OMG, it's that alive guy from before!
489
00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:01,584
What up, alive guy?
490
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,834
Hey, Farrah, uh, I just remembered...
491
00:20:05,418 --> 00:20:07,168
So I'm gonna go.
492
00:20:07,168 --> 00:20:09,918
What, just 'cause they're 25
and talk like babies,
493
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:14,168
and I'm a 41-year-old mother of two
whose hip pain has spread to her jaw?
494
00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:16,209
I hear it,
but I'm still out of your league.
495
00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:17,334
You totally were.
496
00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:18,584
I'm not even attracted to you.
497
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:20,876
Do you have any idea
how much energy it takes
498
00:20:20,876 --> 00:20:23,459
to imagine you
not wearing that stupid hat?
499
00:20:23,459 --> 00:20:26,001
My brain is constantly
having to do Photoshop.
500
00:20:26,001 --> 00:20:29,876
Look, in the old world,
those girls would have stolen my clothes
501
00:20:29,876 --> 00:20:31,876
and shoved me out of a moving car.
502
00:20:31,876 --> 00:20:34,668
But now,
I've actually got a shot with them.
503
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,459
I've got a chance
to do things different now.
504
00:20:37,459 --> 00:20:40,376
What? No, that's only supposed to apply
to things getting better.
505
00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:43,043
[yelps] You make me feel so little!
506
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:44,043
Oh, okay.
507
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,793
- Look how random I am.
- [Simon] Giddyup.
508
00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,334
Okay, that's not random.
509
00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:50,043
It's the least random thing
you can do with a hat.
510
00:20:50,043 --> 00:20:51,584
- [Becca] Come on!
- [Simon] Oh wow!
511
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,668
[all chuckling]
512
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,084
[Simon] You guys like mummy jokes?
513
00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:56,001
- [whimsical music playing]
- [Matty straining]
514
00:20:56,001 --> 00:20:57,876
Hey, Matty? About our date tonight...
515
00:20:57,876 --> 00:21:01,126
Ah, don't worry. I'm taking down
this creepy painting of Glenn Close.
516
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,418
I don't want her watching us.
517
00:21:02,418 --> 00:21:05,001
Wait, why is there
a painting of Glenn Close in here?
518
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:08,751
Right, she was First Lady in Mars Attacks!
But you don't have to take it down.
519
00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:12,709
Ooh, someone likes it
when Glenn Close watches.
520
00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:15,126
No. I mean,
nothing's gonna happen tonight.
521
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:16,293
I can't be with someone
522
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,543
who's just pretending
to care about the things I care about.
523
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:21,376
But I was just pretending
to care about that stuff.
524
00:21:21,376 --> 00:21:22,418
What are you saying?
525
00:21:22,418 --> 00:21:24,126
I appreciate the effort, Matty,
526
00:21:24,126 --> 00:21:26,834
but... I don't want a third date.
527
00:21:26,834 --> 00:21:28,959
Come on. [scoffs] No.
528
00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:32,001
JFK doesn't get dumped.
I mean, the hot wife is part of the deal.
529
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:33,418
We're... We're a team.
530
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:36,543
Well, I do still wanna be First Lady.
531
00:21:36,543 --> 00:21:39,168
Someone has to make you do stuff
like hand out whale oil.
532
00:21:39,168 --> 00:21:42,043
So should I take down the painting or not?
533
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:43,876
'Cause you can't have it both ways.
534
00:21:43,876 --> 00:21:44,834
Yeah, I can.
535
00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:47,459
I learned a lot about
White House tradition today.
536
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:49,459
Like about the Kennedy bedrooms.
537
00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:52,209
Bedrooms, plural.
538
00:21:52,793 --> 00:21:56,626
[Matty] JFK and Jackie
didn't sleep together?
539
00:21:56,626 --> 00:21:58,293
But they were Camelot.
540
00:21:58,293 --> 00:22:00,751
I did a whole year on it in high school.
541
00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,543
In public, they were Camelot, yeah.
542
00:22:02,543 --> 00:22:04,584
But in private, they had their own lives,
543
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,418
and JFK slept with other ladies.
544
00:22:06,418 --> 00:22:09,168
Marilyn Monroe,
Angie Dickinson, Betty Rubble--
545
00:22:09,168 --> 00:22:13,293
So hold on, you'll stick around
and be First Lady as, like, a job,
546
00:22:13,293 --> 00:22:16,209
and then I can, like,
secretly date people?
547
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:17,334
That's the idea.
548
00:22:18,376 --> 00:22:21,376
Okay. Yeah. I mean, fine by me.
549
00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:23,501
'Cause, you know,
Earth is mostly ladies now.
550
00:22:23,501 --> 00:22:25,668
Like in Sextopias 1, 2, and 4.
551
00:22:25,668 --> 00:22:28,543
I don't consider 3 to be canon.
I mean, it's a total mess.
552
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:32,001
Trevor was sexecuted, and now
he's just back like nothing happened?
553
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,209
- Give me a break.
- Right.
554
00:22:33,209 --> 00:22:35,751
Um, I'm gonna go. Uh, do we have a deal?
555
00:22:35,751 --> 00:22:37,709
Yeah, no, I'm... I'm psyched.
556
00:22:38,251 --> 00:22:40,418
[tender music plays]
557
00:22:40,418 --> 00:22:41,334
[groans]
558
00:22:43,418 --> 00:22:45,168
[man] Nah, they're not gonna do it.
559
00:22:45,876 --> 00:22:47,084
I don't know why.
560
00:22:47,084 --> 00:22:49,334
[hissing]
561
00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:52,584
Yeah, so it's a pretty sweet deal.
562
00:22:52,584 --> 00:22:55,126
It's also kind of a national secret, so...
563
00:22:55,126 --> 00:22:56,501
Am I your only friend?
564
00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:58,418
But it's not like for forever.
565
00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:00,376
Lucy's into me.
She just doesn't know it yet.
566
00:23:00,376 --> 00:23:03,959
I'll win her over, like the 2004 ALCS.
567
00:23:03,959 --> 00:23:05,626
I'm not going to ask what that--
568
00:23:05,626 --> 00:23:07,543
Three games to nothing we were down--
569
00:23:07,543 --> 00:23:11,001
Look, if you're gonna
keep coming down here all warm-blooded,
570
00:23:11,001 --> 00:23:12,626
can I at least get an air conditioner?
571
00:23:12,626 --> 00:23:15,376
This containment unit
is not well-ventilated.
572
00:23:15,376 --> 00:23:17,584
Oh yeah. No, we got it from some theater.
573
00:23:17,584 --> 00:23:20,626
X-Men: The Musical
was doing its out-of-town tryout,
574
00:23:20,626 --> 00:23:22,209
and this was Magneto's cell.
575
00:23:23,126 --> 00:23:26,709
♪ Paper clips and missing keys ♪
576
00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:30,168
♪ A whole school bus, it's true ♪
577
00:23:30,168 --> 00:23:32,543
♪ But the only thing ♪
578
00:23:32,543 --> 00:23:37,876
♪ I can't attract is you ♪
579
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:40,418
No dice on the AC though, no electricity.
580
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:43,126
But, um, once Lucy comes around,
581
00:23:43,126 --> 00:23:45,668
me and her
can really heat things up down here.
582
00:23:45,668 --> 00:23:47,418
That's the opposite of what I want.
583
00:23:47,418 --> 00:23:48,751
[Matty] You're welcome, chief.
584
00:23:48,751 --> 00:23:50,918
[patriotic music playing]
585
00:23:54,293 --> 00:23:55,543
[LaMarr groans]
586
00:23:55,543 --> 00:23:57,418
Socialist mollycoddling.
587
00:23:57,418 --> 00:23:58,918
How did you do it, Lyndon?
588
00:23:58,918 --> 00:24:03,168
Serving under another half-cocked horndog
from Taxachusetts?
589
00:24:03,168 --> 00:24:07,376
I thought I could pluck that boy's strings
like daddy's first banjo. [groans]
590
00:24:07,376 --> 00:24:10,501
I need help to return America
to her former glory,
591
00:24:10,501 --> 00:24:13,209
back in the 1950s when everyone was happy.
592
00:24:13,209 --> 00:24:15,543
No exceptions that I can think of.
593
00:24:16,918 --> 00:24:19,168
- Huh, I'll be doggone.
- [dramatic sting]
594
00:24:19,168 --> 00:24:21,293
I'll be doggone forwards and backwards.
595
00:24:25,918 --> 00:24:27,334
He's here.
596
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,584
[heroic music playing]
597
00:24:29,584 --> 00:24:30,959
[Simon whimpers]
598
00:24:31,959 --> 00:24:35,376
[Magneto]
♪ Forks and spoons and cutleries ♪
599
00:24:35,376 --> 00:24:39,168
♪ These stick to me like glue ♪
600
00:24:39,168 --> 00:24:43,376
♪ But the one thing
That won't stick to me ♪
601
00:24:43,376 --> 00:24:46,376
♪ Is you ♪
602
00:24:47,334 --> 00:24:50,876
♪ The struggles that I fought
With the power that I got ♪
603
00:24:50,876 --> 00:24:55,376
♪ These electromagnetic charms ♪
604
00:24:55,376 --> 00:24:56,918
♪ Negative or positive ♪
605
00:24:56,918 --> 00:24:58,834
♪ It doesn't matter what it is ♪
606
00:24:58,834 --> 00:25:03,376
♪ The pulse can't pull you into my arms ♪
607
00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:07,376
♪ I could lift a barge
With my electro-charge ♪
608
00:25:07,376 --> 00:25:11,376
♪ But what's a magnetic mutant to do ♪
609
00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:16,418
♪ When everything's attracted to him ♪
610
00:25:16,418 --> 00:25:23,501
♪ But you ♪
611
00:25:30,209 --> 00:25:32,376
[audience cheering and applauding]