[crows cawing]
[splatters]
- And finally, the science department
is looking for any pets you no longer need.
The type of pet doesn't matter as long as it can run.
- Thank you for those inspirational words,
Mr. Galvin. - Crawling is fine too.
Just as long as their breathing--ah!
- And moving on to more enjoyable news,
it's my pleasure to announce
that in celebration of another year
without losing a single student to homeschooling,
this fall's costume ball theme is...
"The Legend of the Homeschool Corn Girl."
[students muttering] - Wow.
- Now, for those unfamiliar with the legend,
Dee Dee Hollowway will dance out the same exact words
I'll be saying with my mouth as I tell the tale.
Long ago, a group of circus folk came to Rackleff.
Their star attraction was a little girl
said to have the voice of an angel from the heavens.
- [voice cracks] * Oh *
- Now, because these circus folk were always on the road,
the girl had to be homeschooled
on the family bus.
One evening, the circus family decided to park their bus
in a corn field.
'Cause that's what them circus families do, you know.
I don't know why.
But suddenly, a freakish storm swept in.
- Ah!
- They were never seen again.
Lost forever in the corn field.
As legend goes, he who sees the corn girl
is doomed.
Doomed, doomed... - * Corn girl dark dance! *
* Corn girl dark dance! Corn girl dark dance! *
* Corn girl dark dance! Corn girl-- *
- Dee Dee! - [gasps]
[applause]
On a more upbeat note, I was able to double
this year's dance budget by selling off
some classroom chalk
along with a pint of my own plasma.
We have fifty whole dollars to spend. Ah?
Woot-woot! Up in the house, y'all.
- Who's read to make our PS 38 dance totally awesome?
Woot woot!
[upbeat music]
* Don't want to go to school today *
* The sun is red hot and I wanna play *
* But if I get caught they'll make me pay *
* Detention again *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Math and social studies just ain't my thing *
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *
- * Rocking with my band is where I'm king *
* Stealing the teacher's teeth or bailing on a test *
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *
* Big Nate *
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[upbeat music]
- Okay, here's like the $24 million question.
It's a costume ball. What are we going as?
- What if we all dressed up together as something moist?
[music stops] - Eh?
- Oh, I got it.
We're all gonna go...
all: Uh-huh?
- As the one and only...
all: Uh-huh?
- Time Disruptors!
- Greatest idea ever! - That's amazing!
- So you're probably wondering who the Time Disruptors are.
Only the greatest action franchise
in the history of cinema.
The Time Disruptors are a group of scientists
whose mission it is to better the world
by changing the past, which inevitably
messes everything up in the future.
I play Dr. Chip Destiny, lead Disruptor.
He's a wild and unpredictable microbiologist.
Dee Dee plays Dr. Gwendoline Starfire.
Cracker jack DNA sequencer.
Francis plays Dr. Ace Clarion,
anxious hypochondriac neurosurgeon.
Teddy plays Dr. Jax Euripides, expert in quantum mechanics
and salsa dancing. - [growls]
- And finally, Chad plays Nurse Spencer Marconi,
Time Disruptor in training and all-around fix-it nurse.
- Turn your head and cough.
- So that's us, the Time Disruptors.
We are going to own our first ever PS 38 dance.
Any questions?
[rock music sting]
- you called for me, Principal Nichols?
- In, in. Grab a seat. You look worried.
- I'm not worried.
It's just an explanation
for my constant state of emotions.
- The reason I brought you here today is that there's a girl
at Jefferson Middle School who needs a tutor.
- Y-yeah?
- Well, according to whatever these colorful designs are,
you're the smartest sixth grader at PS 38.
Mazel tov! [ceiling rumbles]
[crashing]
- Did someone call for the smartest sixth grader
at PS 38?
- I appreciate the hustle, Gina, but no.
I definitely did not call for you.
- Mm-kay. Right outside if you do.
- Uh, Principal Nichols, I've never tutored before.
Maybe Gina-- - No! Gina is terrifying.
She has the people skills of an aggressive car salesman.
Oh, Francis, we need this to go well
so parents will send their kids here
instead of Jefferson.
We'll get a tax break.
We'll fix the kitchen! [sobbing]
- Fine. - Fine?
- That's what I said. Fine.
I just hope my friends don't find out I'm helping...
Jefferson. [ominous orchestral sting]
Mm?
[ominous music]
* *
[sudden whooshing] Hmm?
[laughing nervously]
Uh...
- [growling]
[growling continues]
- [whispering] Corn girl...
- Whoa.
[majestic music]
- Pthh!
- Hello? - Ah!
- Are you Francis?
- Uh...
[tender music]
- Hi. I'm Sabina Shah.
Nice jump. Gotta work on that landing though.
- Wait for me.
[ominous music]
- [chuckles menacingly]
- Where's Francis? - No idea.
That kid's been acting squirrely of late.
- Well, I like squirrels.
- Uh...
- Dude! Where's your Ace Clarion costume?
- I, uh--was that today?
- 14 hours, 7 minutes, and 6 seconds
before our very first PS 38 dance. Ha.
I mean, wow.
Wow. [watch beeping]
- Uh, I gotta split. - What?
- What is up with our Ace Clarion?
- I don't know.
One thing's for sure.
We need to start prying into every aspect
of Francis's life, removing every morsel of privacy he has.
Immediately.
[rock music]
Time Disruptors, saddle up.
* *
- Hmm.
- [growling, barking]
- Ah!
- Time Disruptors, it's going down.
Oh-- [smacking]
- [gasps] There!
[all gasping] - What is he doing?
- Looks like we'll be heading into enemy territory.
- Eh? - Hmm?
all: Whoa!
- There's schools in heaven?
- It's so shiny.
- This must've cost money.
- This is the prettiest school I've ever seen.
- Hmm?
- Jefferson is having their own masquerade ball
on the exact same day as our costume ball.
all: [gasping] - What's a masquerade?
- Oh, it's snob for "costume."
- Ooh, target identified.
- Hang on, Time Disruptors. I got this.
Target identified.
- Is he talking to a girl?
- I think they're reading together.
Oh, I'm gonna be sick.
- Is Francis tutoring... [gasps] The enemy?
- Is that right?
- Uh, close.
The idea is to use geometric nets to find
the surface area of figures.
- Oh, so would a net like this work?
- Uh, I, uh, I don't see why not.
Let me just make a few adjustments.
[music swelling]
- * Till now I always got by on my own *
* I never really cared until-- *
- [shouting]
- What the?
- Heroic spacing, Time Disruptors!
- [humming] - What the?
- Silence, treasonous butt-brain.
- Francis, what's going on?
- How could you give away PS 38's top secrets?
- The only secrets I'm giving away are geometry tips.
- Aha--wait, what?
- Dah! [winces]
Ah! She's trying to drain your brain, Francis.
- "She" is named Sabina.
And how does one drain a brain, precisely?
- I could show you. Just need a straw.
- Francis, come on, you're the smartest kid at PS 38.
I mean, to Jefferson,
that makes you solid gold, baby.
They're gonna suck the knowledge out of you
until the inside of your skull is a Saharan butt-brain desert.
- Truth. Happened to a friend of mine.
Kid was named Chad!
[giggling] Ooh! Look at it!
- Wait a minute.
This is just like the plot of the Time Disruptors classic,
"Crisis on Planet Brain."
- I'm sorry about all this.
- No, I'm sorry.
I didn't think you tutoring me was such a big deal.
- It's not. Can I call you later?
[gentle music]
* *
- Hmm.
- Principal Nichols is making me tutor Sabina.
It's not a big deal. - Hmm. Okay.
Apology accepted.
And, hey, maybe there's a small possibility
I got a little carried away in there.
- [snorts] Wait, wait.
A small possibility?
- Yeah, you went full hissy-fit, Nate.
- Uh, hello! Has everyone forgotten
the mission? First dance as PS 38?
Ring a bell? Greatest night of our lives?
But Francis is a Time Disruptor.
We need five to make it work.
- I get it, but you have to trust me.
Sabina is just a girl I'm tutoring.
Nothing more.
- [growls]
- * But that's not true *
* There's something about her I can't explain *
* A feeling inside I can't contain *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* I wish you went to public school *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* That lottery system sure is cruel *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* I know I may sound like a fool *
* But that's me *
* I also drool *
* But here we are *
* From opposing sides *
* Your school is amazing.
* And mine makes mothers cry *
all: * Wah-wah-wah *
- * But here we are *
* Charter school girl *
* I really like you *
* *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* I've only kissed my mom before *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* Don't mind my lip, it's just a cold sore *
* Charter school girl, charter school girl *
* I'll be the butter for your lobster thermidor *
* Sometimes I hunt with a bird of prey *
* You should also know *
* Before we get too far *
* I struggle with IBS, social anxiety *
* And a wheezy chest *
* But here we are *
* Charter school girl *
* I really like you *
* Ooh *
[sudden orchestral sting] - Ah!
[screaming]
- [voice distorted] Stay away from Jefferson.
- W-why me? What did I do to you?
- Don't get smart with me, boy.
- Uh...
- Unless you want this to happen.
[munching]
- [whimpering]
- You don't want a second helping.
- [whispering] Corn girl...
[Men Without Hats' "Safety Dance" playing]
* *
- * We can dance if we want to *
* We can leave your friends behind *
* 'Cause your friends don't dance *
* And if they don't dance *
* Well, they're no friends of mine *
- [growls] - Ah!
- * We can go where we want to *
* There's a place they'll never find *
* And we can act like we come from out of this world *
* Leave the real one far behind *
* And we can dance * - * Or sing *
[ominous music]
- [whispering] Corn girl...
- Hey, wanna go to this with me?
[rock music]
- [laughs nervously]
And then the corn girl tells me to stay away from Jefferson.
[gulps] Or else.
- Wow, bro, you must've done something to make her angry.
Bet it's your obsessive flossing.
- I don't know why you're freaking out so much, Francis.
If the corn girl hates Jefferson,
that means she's on our side.
- Well, look at this.
What a nice surprise.
- [laughs] Principal Nichols.
Mr. Galvin. So good to see you...
[quietly] He said, lying.
What are you doing here?
We're trying to make up for lost revenue,
but, uh, these decorations aren't selling door-to-door.
- Would anyone like to buy a blacklight poster
of yours truly?
[shocked scream]
- Guys, I seriously think I'm blind.
- Oh...
- Francis, my boy genius.
I hear things are going swimmingly.
Even got yourself an invitation to their masquerade ball, huh?
Mm, huh? [chuckles]
I smell a gluten-free frier in this school's future.
[excited babbling] Love that gluten-free.
- Nate, let me explain. - [growls]
- Nate, talk to me. Come on, dude.
- I have nothing to say to you.
You sold your soul to Jefferson.
Five Disruptors is the unit. Not four. Five.
So like I said, I have nothing to say to you.
- Do you even hear yourself?
- Uh, no. And you can't hear me either.
Because, hello, I'm giving you the silent treatment.
- I wasn't even going to the Jefferson party.
But now I'm definitely going.
- Francis has betrayed us for Jefferson.
He's abandoned the Time Disruptors.
I mean, how are we supposed to take control
of our destiny now?
- Last time I checked, Francis was our friend.
When one Time Disruptor falls, do we not all fall?
[inspiring music swells]
That's it.
- Wait, that's it?
You aren't even going to answer the fall question?
- Hey, look. Dee Dee's right.
- Thank you, Nate.
- No, not about Francis.
His brain has clearly been drained.
But he was once a Time Disruptor.
And we never leave one of our own behind,
brainless or not.
Time Disruptors, mount up.
We have one last mission to complete.
[rock music]
* *
- [laughs]
- Mm, I feel out of place in these clothes.
- Oh, stop overthinking it.
Nobody's gonna notice.
- You have precisely two seconds
to explain whatever it is you think you're wearing.
- Uh, we thought we'd go as the public school losers
from across the street.
[tense music]
- [chuckles] Nice one.
Have fun, kiddies.
- Guys, I think we need disguises for our disguises.
- 'Ello, love. - 'Ello, darling.
- [gasps]
[mysterious music]
[scanner whirs]
- Blue blood detected.
- * I get knocked down, but I get up again *
* You're never gonna keep me d-- *
- I've seen this before while doing research
for my cyberpunk version of "Ibsen's Ghost."
- And I said, "That's not my yacht,
that's my butler's yacht." [chuckles]
- Watch this.
[scanner whirs]
- Blue blood detected.
- * I get knocked down, but I get up again *
* You're never gonna keep me down *
- All right, guys, remember to blend in.
Think rich. - Diamond!
- Status is in the shoulders. Shoulders.
- Ow! One more please.
- Hey, don't be seduced by the charter school opulence.
Eh! We're here to save Francis.
Let's do this!
- And I told my dad I don't need a jumbo jet,
a regular one will do just fine.
[laughs]
- Anyone happen to catch the latest Dow Industrial Average?
- Whoa!
Wow, these spikes are even more comfy
than the ones at home.
- Rather painterly considering the artist's oeuvre.
- Hmm. Rather bold.
- [laughs]
In the words of Van Gogh's severed ear,
"Say what?" - I beg your pardon?
- Oh, come on. This is a total fake.
If this were real,
I wouldn't be able to lean against the muslin
because it would--
Uh-oh.
[screams]
[sonar beeping]
- Hmm?
Francis.
Ugh, school dances are meant to be spent with friends,
not with some girl who, I don't know,
seems perfect and nice.
Probably has rich person sugar cookie breath.
- And--and then I said, "That's not a lima bean,
but you should really go see a doctor."
[both laugh]
[pleasant music]
- Oh, wow. Francis looks really happy.
Maybe coming here was too... disruptive.
[loud clanging]
[loud crashing]
- Oh!
- Stop running away from me.
Stand your ground! - Ah!
- I said stop running away from me.
- If this were a Time Disruptor movie,
messing with Francis finding happiness
would result in some future filled with untold horrors.
But awesome.
Time Disruptors, time to disrupt time one more time.
[epic music]
Ah! - Ah!
- I think I broke my vestigial tail.
- Principal Nichols? - Shh! I snuck in.
By the way, have you tried the tzatziki
at the servants' buffet?
To die for.
- Et tu, Wes-ley?
- Please don't judge me.
I'm an underpaid middle school academic
with a 401k matching at 2%.
I wanted to shape young minds.
Now I steal chalk.
What have I become--
- Oh, come on, snap out of it.
PS 38 students are in trouble.
- Trouble? Nobody messes with my kids.
All secure, Nate?
- That's Chip Destiny, Principal--ah!
[epic music]
- Uh...
- You're mine now. - Ah!
- [cackles]
Hey!
- If we die, can they at least bury us
in the mausoleum out back?
[all growling]
- Nate?
You crashed the Jefferson masquerade ball?
- No, no, no, no, it's not what you think.
- Francis, what is it with you and your PS 38 friends?
You're like a cult.
- That cult rumor was never proven!
- Francis, the Time Disruptors--
no, I had no right to get mad at you
for doing what makes you happy.
I know being happy for you isn't easy
because of all of your really intense issues.
- I--what--issues?
I don't have any issues.
- I think emotional flaws are cute.
- Wow. It's like I created you in a lab.
- Anyway, back to me and what I've learned.
I've learned that--
I've learned the Time Disruptors
are friends for life,
but you've also gotta let your friends have a life.
- Not me! I am totally codependent.
[giggles]
[tender music]
[crowd booing]
- Ugh. When are you public school children
going to learn you're not like us?
Charter school, hoo-yah.
all: Charter school, hoo-yah.
- Seriously? You guys gotta get over yourselves.
It's a lottery. You got lucky.
- Technically it's not a lottery.
It's vouchers. - Ah!
[screaming]
- Francis!
- [voice distorted] Hands off. He's mine.
[ominous music]
- The homeschool corn girl!
- You! I'm stalking you.
Get it? Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
I warned you,
stay away from Jefferson.
Now everyone's gonna get corned.
[all screaming] - Ah! It's the Corn Girl!
- Ugh, it smells like discounts!
[screaming continues]
- She's going to corn us! She's going to corn us all.
[evil laughter] [both screaming]
- I warned you.
- Time Disruptors, and Sabina, on me!
- Friends? - Friends.
Ah! [all shouting]
- [gasps]
[screaming continues]
[loud crash]
- Wait a minute. Our party is still going on.
Right, Principal Nichols?
- Yes.
And, as principal, I should probably go
as far as making an appearance.
- You know, this is still our first PS 38 dance.
And while things maybe didn't go as I planned,
that still doesn't mean we can't have fun.
all: Taking control of our destiny!
[laughter]
[screams]
- Who's the smartest kid at PS 38 now, Francis?
[cackles]
[chomps] - [whispering] Corn girl.
[upbeat music]
* *