1
00:00:03,947 --> 00:00:05,616
- Oh, hey there, champ.
What'cha working on?

2
00:00:05,682 --> 00:00:08,685
- [groans]
This stupid science project.

3
00:00:08,752 --> 00:00:10,921
We have to see what
kind of liquid plants prefer--

4
00:00:10,987 --> 00:00:12,456
soda--

5
00:00:12,523 --> 00:00:14,491
[plant coughs]
Laundry detergent--

6
00:00:14,558 --> 00:00:16,427
[bubbles ripple]
Organic kombucha--

7
00:00:16,493 --> 00:00:18,662
- Yeah, I'm so over this.
[wheezes]

8
00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,397
- Battery acid--
[sizzles]

9
00:00:20,464 --> 00:00:22,666
And water--
turns out it's water.

10
00:00:22,733 --> 00:00:23,800
[burps]

11
00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:25,035
Hey, you wanna go to a movie?

12
00:00:25,102 --> 00:00:27,471
- Nope, it's late.
Go pee, poop, and brush.

13
00:00:27,538 --> 00:00:29,340
It's time for bed.
- Already?

14
00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:30,574
[groans]

15
00:00:30,641 --> 00:00:32,409
This is all Francis' fault.

16
00:00:32,476 --> 00:00:34,878
This is supposed to be
a partner project,

17
00:00:34,945 --> 00:00:37,314
but he just had
to go and get sick.

18
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:39,082
He even gets
to skip school tomorrow.

19
00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:41,285
- Poor Francis won't be
enjoying his day off.

20
00:00:41,352 --> 00:00:42,786
Sick days are never fun.

21
00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:44,621
Well, except
in classic '80s movies

22
00:00:44,688 --> 00:00:46,056
where the kid
is clearly faking it,

23
00:00:46,123 --> 00:00:48,559
but the parents are
inconceivably clueless.

24
00:00:48,625 --> 00:00:49,893
[laughs]
- Life is never like

25
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,762
the movies.
It's way more boring.

26
00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:53,864
I mean,
nothing crazy ever happens.

27
00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:55,732
Those movies are
totally unrealistic.

28
00:00:55,799 --> 00:00:57,668
- Yep, but the hairstyles
are great.

29
00:00:57,734 --> 00:00:59,002
I love a good mullet.

30
00:00:59,069 --> 00:01:00,604
Well, sweet dreams, son.

31
00:01:00,671 --> 00:01:02,973
- Hey, why should those
movie kids have all the fun?

32
00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:06,443
Who says Nate Wright can't
take a sick day, '80s style?

33
00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:08,645
Let me think.
I have a social studies test

34
00:01:08,712 --> 00:01:11,748
tomorrow, so--oh, wait.
Dad'll be home.

35
00:01:11,815 --> 00:01:14,017
He's always home!
[groans]

36
00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:15,486
- Almost forgot to tell you,
son--

37
00:01:15,552 --> 00:01:17,087
I scored a one-day temp gig

38
00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:19,556
as a mustard jockey
at the hot dog expo.

39
00:01:19,623 --> 00:01:21,525
So I'll be gone
all day tomorrow.

40
00:01:21,592 --> 00:01:24,395
Your old dad is crushing it.

41
00:01:27,598 --> 00:01:29,332
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
you hear that?

42
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,268
No dad, no school,

43
00:01:31,335 --> 00:01:33,469
no responsibilities--

44
00:01:33,537 --> 00:01:36,439
just pure, unadulterated fun.

45
00:01:36,507 --> 00:01:38,975
Yeah!

46
00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:40,444
[upbeat music]

47
00:01:40,511 --> 00:01:43,013
- * Don't want to go
to school today *

48
00:01:43,079 --> 00:01:45,749
* The sun is red hot
and I wanna play *

49
00:01:45,816 --> 00:01:48,385
* But if I get caught
they'll make me pay *

50
00:01:48,451 --> 00:01:50,153
* Detention again *

51
00:01:50,221 --> 00:01:51,655
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *

52
00:01:51,722 --> 00:01:53,123
- * Math and social studies
just ain't my thing *

53
00:01:53,189 --> 00:01:54,525
- * Big Nate, Big Nate *

54
00:01:54,591 --> 00:01:56,227
- * Rocking with my band
is where I'm king *

55
00:01:56,293 --> 00:02:01,898
* Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test *

56
00:02:01,965 --> 00:02:04,268
- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *

57
00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:05,502
* Big Nate! *

58
00:02:05,569 --> 00:02:07,170
[loud clang]

59
00:02:07,238 --> 00:02:09,605
[loud crash]

60
00:02:09,673 --> 00:02:11,608
[peaceful music]

61
00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:14,144
[bird snoring]

62
00:02:14,211 --> 00:02:15,312
- [inhales deeply]

63
00:02:15,379 --> 00:02:17,981
[vocalizes trumpet]

64
00:02:18,048 --> 00:02:20,551
Time to get up
and face the day.

65
00:02:20,617 --> 00:02:22,085
[bird screeches]

66
00:02:22,152 --> 00:02:25,088
- [groaning dramatically]

67
00:02:25,155 --> 00:02:26,857
Is that you, Pa-pa?

68
00:02:26,923 --> 00:02:30,327
[sniffles]
The light is so very loud.

69
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:32,563
- Oh, buddy, I think you're
coming down with something.

70
00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:35,165
You're covered in spots--

71
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:36,699
and extremely sticky.

72
00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:38,402
- [groans dramatically]

73
00:02:38,469 --> 00:02:39,703
I'll be fine.

74
00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:41,672
I have to get to school.

75
00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:45,442
I have a social studies test
today.

76
00:02:45,509 --> 00:02:46,810
[gurgles]
[vomits]

77
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,814
- The test can wait.
I'm calling the doctor.

78
00:02:50,881 --> 00:02:51,915
- Don't!

79
00:02:51,982 --> 00:02:53,717
I--uh, er--

80
00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:59,189
I just need to rest by myself
for the whole day.

81
00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:00,891
[snickers]

82
00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:04,160
- Well, you're 11,
so you probably know best.

83
00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:08,632
- Ha ha, blueberry yogurt--

84
00:03:08,699 --> 00:03:10,267
[slurps]
And bubble gum.

85
00:03:10,334 --> 00:03:11,968
Ha ha.

86
00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:14,871
Am I genius, or am I a genius?

87
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:18,174
- Keep this humidifier nearby.

88
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,476
It'll loosen your phlegm.

89
00:03:19,543 --> 00:03:21,278
- [weakly] Will do.

90
00:03:21,345 --> 00:03:23,914
[door clicks closed]
Finally the coast is cl--

91
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,682
- What was I thinking?
I completely forgot

92
00:03:25,749 --> 00:03:27,651
about Spitsy.
Mr. Eustis asked me

93
00:03:27,718 --> 00:03:29,185
to take him to the vet today.

94
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,422
He's gotta be there by noon
for an important procedure.

95
00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:35,992
- [whines and barks]

96
00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:38,862
- Did you know that if dogs
don't have their butt glands

97
00:03:38,929 --> 00:03:41,997
expressed, their bottoms
can quite literally explode.

98
00:03:42,065 --> 00:03:44,067
- Yeah,
there's no way that's true.

99
00:03:44,134 --> 00:03:45,101
- Oh, it is.

100
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:47,604
Mr. Eustis showed me a--
[gags]

101
00:03:47,671 --> 00:03:49,540
A very graphic video about it.

102
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:51,808
It's real,
and it's spectacular.

103
00:03:52,743 --> 00:03:54,945
- Let's break it down.

104
00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:56,713
* Dogs have icky fluid *

105
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:59,383
* That can build up
in their bums *

106
00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,117
* Most dogs can release it *

107
00:04:01,184 --> 00:04:03,587
* But perhaps
your dog is dumb *

108
00:04:03,654 --> 00:04:05,088
* Don't be nervous, brother *

109
00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:07,758
* This affects most any mutt *

110
00:04:07,824 --> 00:04:09,292
* Owner, pay attention *

111
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,762
* If your dog
scoots on his butt *

112
00:04:11,828 --> 00:04:13,697
[dog plane barks]
* Chomping on his backside *

113
00:04:13,764 --> 00:04:15,966
* Is a certain sign
of trouble *

114
00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:17,768
* Get him to a clinic *

115
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:20,771
* If his booty
starts to bubble! *

116
00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:22,706
[hip-hop music]

117
00:04:22,773 --> 00:04:24,040
* If your pooch's tushy *

118
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:26,577
* Starts to smell
like rotten fish *

119
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:28,779
* Have your vet give those *

120
00:04:28,845 --> 00:04:30,781
* Engorged butt glands
a squish *

121
00:04:30,847 --> 00:04:32,616
* Time is of the essence *

122
00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:34,818
* If you want
to save your pup *

123
00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:35,886
* If you fail *

124
00:04:35,952 --> 00:04:37,287
* His little doggy bottom *

125
00:04:37,354 --> 00:04:39,122
* Is sure to blow up *

126
00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:40,190
[slime squelches]

127
00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:41,392
- Ugh,

128
00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:43,293
guess I'll have to tell
the hot dog expo

129
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,995
to find a new mustard jockey.

130
00:04:45,061 --> 00:04:47,130
Can't have
Spitsy's butt exploding.

131
00:04:47,197 --> 00:04:49,733
But hey, now I've got
most of the day free!

132
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,167
I can hang out here all day

133
00:04:51,234 --> 00:04:53,437
and keep an eye
on my sick little budster.

134
00:04:53,504 --> 00:04:54,771
- No!
I mean--

135
00:04:54,838 --> 00:04:56,006
[nervously chuckles]

136
00:04:56,072 --> 00:04:59,042
No, no, I'll just
take a little snooze,

137
00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:01,645
and then I can bring Spitsy
to the vet by noon.

138
00:05:01,712 --> 00:05:04,515
- Gee, wow, well, if you
think you'd be up for it,

139
00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:05,749
thanks, Nate.
- No, no, no,

140
00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:06,983
don't--don't mention it.

141
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:10,020
Have a great long day at work.

142
00:05:11,855 --> 00:05:12,923
- Call if you need me.

143
00:05:12,989 --> 00:05:14,357
Ellen will be home early today.

144
00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:17,027
I'll make sure she checks
on you when she comes home.

145
00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:20,330
- Great...

146
00:05:20,397 --> 00:05:23,166
[rock music]

147
00:05:23,233 --> 00:05:27,638
* *

148
00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:28,705
[chuckles]

149
00:05:28,772 --> 00:05:35,712
* *

150
00:05:35,779 --> 00:05:37,213
[snickers]

151
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,651
Perfect, Ellen won't go
within 10 feet of that mess,

152
00:05:40,717 --> 00:05:41,918
and I'll be off, having

153
00:05:41,985 --> 00:05:44,320
the time of my life, ha ha!

154
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,556
Oh, I'm free!

155
00:05:45,622 --> 00:05:46,757
Oh, yeah!

156
00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:48,459
* I'm free *

157
00:05:48,525 --> 00:05:51,528
- [barks]

158
00:05:51,595 --> 00:05:53,063
- Oh, yeah, Spitsy.

159
00:05:53,129 --> 00:05:55,065
[phone line trills]
- Zeff speaking.

160
00:05:55,131 --> 00:05:56,032
- Uh, hey, Zeff,

161
00:05:56,099 --> 00:05:56,967
you remember that time you had

162
00:05:57,033 --> 00:05:58,635
me violate child labor laws

163
00:05:58,702 --> 00:05:59,970
and take your shift
at Scoopsies

164
00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:02,739
so you could hang out
with your, uh, girlfriend

165
00:06:02,806 --> 00:06:04,040
from--
[clears throat]

166
00:06:04,107 --> 00:06:05,642
Canada?
- [chuckles]

167
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,778
Kelly?
Yeah, she's totally real.

168
00:06:07,844 --> 00:06:09,179
I owe you, little dude.

169
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:11,181
- I need you to take Spitsy
to the vet at noon,

170
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:14,317
'cause this guy's
got the day off.

171
00:06:14,384 --> 00:06:16,520
- Ni-i-i-ice.

172
00:06:16,587 --> 00:06:19,222
I'd did that for my entire
educational career.

173
00:06:19,289 --> 00:06:21,558
I'll swing by for him in five.
[phone beeps]

174
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,595
["Cello Suite No. 1"
by Johann Sebastian Bach]

175
00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:28,832
* *

176
00:06:28,899 --> 00:06:29,966
- Heyo!
- [screams]

177
00:06:30,033 --> 00:06:31,468
- [grunts]
Ah!

178
00:06:31,535 --> 00:06:32,536
Ow.
- Nate!

179
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:33,704
What are you doing here?

180
00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:36,673
Can't you see I'm convalescing?

181
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:37,841
[glass shatters]
[screams]

182
00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:39,209
- Face it, Francis.
You only got sick

183
00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:41,778
because you work too hard.
You need a day off.

184
00:06:41,845 --> 00:06:44,715
So we're going out on the town,
baby!

185
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:46,016
- What?
No way.

186
00:06:46,082 --> 00:06:48,018
What if someone sees us?
- Oh, please.

187
00:06:48,084 --> 00:06:49,820
Don't be such a dork.
We have to be in school

188
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,421
for 13 years.

189
00:06:51,488 --> 00:06:52,656
Sixth grade is basically

190
00:06:52,723 --> 00:06:54,491
the middle
of our public school career.

191
00:06:54,558 --> 00:06:55,726
So you know what that means--

192
00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:57,393
it's halftime, baby.

193
00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,762
Let's celebrate.
Ooh, hey,

194
00:06:58,829 --> 00:07:01,464
let's invite Teddy too.
- Teddy is at PS 38--

195
00:07:01,532 --> 00:07:02,866
where you're supposed to be.

196
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,167
- Yeah,
I see your mouth moving,

197
00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:05,736
Francis, but I gonna be honest.

198
00:07:05,802 --> 00:07:08,138
All I hear is, "Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

199
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:11,407
Ooben shlooshen,
shleishen, slooshen, yah!"

200
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,109
[phone beeping]

201
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,614
- Lookin' sharp, Wesley.

202
00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:19,415
[phone rings]
[screams]

203
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,417
Princi-pal Nichols speaking.

204
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,954
- [posh accent]
This Señor Ortiz Senior.

205
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,488
Teddy must be excused

206
00:07:25,556 --> 00:07:29,325
from today's, um,
scholarly proceedings.

207
00:07:29,392 --> 00:07:32,362
He must be released from school
so he can attend

208
00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:34,430
the last minute nuptials

209
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,599
of his aunt.

210
00:07:35,666 --> 00:07:37,100
[grunts]
[normal accent] Dude!

211
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:38,802
- Love is a beautiful thing,
ain't it?

212
00:07:38,869 --> 00:07:40,637
[laughs]
Well, I'll have Teddy's teacher

213
00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:42,238
escort him outside shortly.

214
00:07:42,305 --> 00:07:44,007
- Ha ha!
How easy was that?

215
00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,176
Put your party pants on,
Francis.

216
00:07:46,242 --> 00:07:47,678
We gotta go pick up Teddy.

217
00:07:47,744 --> 00:07:49,746
- Were you even listening,
Grandpa?

218
00:07:49,813 --> 00:07:50,947
What are you gonna do when

219
00:07:51,014 --> 00:07:52,883
the teacher
chaperones him outside?

220
00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:54,985
We'll get busted!
- Ooh, I got it!

221
00:07:55,051 --> 00:07:57,153
Hey, where's your mom
keep her wedding dress?

222
00:08:03,326 --> 00:08:05,061
- * I love test days *

223
00:08:05,128 --> 00:08:08,198
* I love seeing
the children fail *

224
00:08:08,264 --> 00:08:10,634
[shouts] Where is Nate Wright?

225
00:08:10,701 --> 00:08:12,168
all: Mm-mm-mm.
- [clears throat]

226
00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:13,970
Hello?
Is this thing on?

227
00:08:14,037 --> 00:08:15,772
Hello?
- Ugh, what does Nichols want

228
00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:17,007
this time?

229
00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:18,541
To dance the merengue

230
00:08:18,609 --> 00:08:22,178
on the last jagged shards
of my soul, no doubt.

231
00:08:22,245 --> 00:08:24,380
Hello, Wesley.
Happy Monday.

232
00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:26,282
What do you want?
- Hi, Clara,

233
00:08:26,349 --> 00:08:28,585
Teddy Ortiz needs to be
released from school.

234
00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,220
His aunt is getting
married today!

235
00:08:30,286 --> 00:08:31,988
[chuckles]
So exciting.

236
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,590
Please escort Teddy outside

237
00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:35,025
in ten minutes.

238
00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:36,426
- Wait, I have an aunt?

239
00:08:36,491 --> 00:08:38,361
Why does nobody tell me
anything in this fami--

240
00:08:38,428 --> 00:08:41,130
oh, oh, no, bet it's
because she's a spy.

241
00:08:41,197 --> 00:08:44,835
- [munching]

242
00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:46,637
You know, if I was a woman,

243
00:08:46,703 --> 00:08:50,607
I would totally buy giant bras
and use them as snack holders.

244
00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:52,108
It's so convenient.

245
00:08:52,175 --> 00:08:54,477
- Stop moving.
Your bony butt is digging

246
00:08:54,544 --> 00:08:56,179
into my neck!

247
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:57,447
- [munches]
Mmm.

248
00:08:58,915 --> 00:09:00,150
Oh!

249
00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:03,319
- Huh, this woman is your aunt?

250
00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:07,824
- Oh, yup, that--that
is my favorite aunt!

251
00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:10,927
Um, Mona Lisa.

252
00:09:10,994 --> 00:09:12,663
Well, time for the wedding.

253
00:09:12,729 --> 00:09:15,065
So sorry to miss the test.

254
00:09:15,131 --> 00:09:16,733
Adios!

255
00:09:19,335 --> 00:09:20,403
- Hmm...

256
00:09:21,471 --> 00:09:23,840
These are the vile remnants

257
00:09:23,907 --> 00:09:26,409
of cheesy snacks--

258
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:29,980
the preferred snack
of one Nate Wright.

259
00:09:30,046 --> 00:09:31,815
- [grunting]

260
00:09:31,882 --> 00:09:33,316
Huh?

261
00:09:33,383 --> 00:09:35,351
Howdy, Clara.
What's shaking?

262
00:09:35,418 --> 00:09:37,620
- Nate Wright has gone AWOL.

263
00:09:37,688 --> 00:09:41,624
He was missing from
my classroom on a test day.

264
00:09:41,692 --> 00:09:44,594
- Uh, it seems Nate's come down
with a little bug.

265
00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:47,263
His dad called in this morning
to report his absence.

266
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:49,065
- So you're telling me
that Nate Wright

267
00:09:49,132 --> 00:09:50,633
is legitimately sick?

268
00:09:50,701 --> 00:09:52,235
Open your eyes, Wesley!

269
00:09:52,302 --> 00:09:53,569
Nate is playing hooky,

270
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,405
and he's taking Teddy
down with him.

271
00:09:55,471 --> 00:09:57,640
I just know that
that wasn't his aunt.

272
00:09:57,708 --> 00:09:59,375
- Are you suggesting
you surrendered Teddy

273
00:09:59,442 --> 00:10:01,945
to someone other than
a designated pickup person?

274
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,047
Clara, we could lose our jobs!

275
00:10:04,114 --> 00:10:06,116
We need to find a taxi
right now!

276
00:10:06,182 --> 00:10:07,851
Where's Galvin?
Come on, you bag of bones,

277
00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:09,052
pick up.

278
00:10:09,119 --> 00:10:11,554
- Lederhosen and brussels lace.

279
00:10:11,621 --> 00:10:13,223
Erase, erase,

280
00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:15,591
erase, erase, erase.

281
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,093
- Ah...

282
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,130
What would you have me do,
Godfrey?

283
00:10:20,196 --> 00:10:22,866
- I need to take
the rest of the day off--

284
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,634
with pay

285
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:26,036
and a raise,

286
00:10:26,102 --> 00:10:28,071
and you're a chicken.

287
00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:30,606
I'm coming for you,
Nate Wright.

288
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:34,510
- [clucks]

289
00:10:34,577 --> 00:10:36,747
- Gentlemen, we begin our day

290
00:10:36,813 --> 00:10:39,115
in style.
- But this is a private club.

291
00:10:39,182 --> 00:10:40,717
Only members
can play golf here.

292
00:10:40,784 --> 00:10:43,219
- No worries, Francis.
We're not here to play golf.

293
00:10:43,286 --> 00:10:44,788
- Mango papaya juice?

294
00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:46,522
It's on the house.

295
00:10:46,589 --> 00:10:47,657
[all gulping]

296
00:10:47,724 --> 00:10:48,892
[all sigh]
- [posh accent] Oh, yes.

297
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:50,260
Thank you, my good man.

298
00:10:50,326 --> 00:10:52,428
Here, buy yourself
something pretty.

299
00:10:52,495 --> 00:10:54,397
[normal accent] Whoo-hoo!

300
00:10:54,464 --> 00:10:56,967
- * Mango papaya power *

301
00:10:57,033 --> 00:11:00,036
[laughter]

302
00:11:00,103 --> 00:11:02,973
[rock music]

303
00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:05,141
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!

304
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:07,978
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

305
00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:11,014
[laughter]

306
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:18,188
* *

307
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:21,157
[laughter]

308
00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:22,692
Look at you--

309
00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:25,128
dancing in public
with complete strangers,

310
00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:26,897
just like an '80s movie kid!

311
00:11:26,963 --> 00:11:28,398
Told you you needed a day off.

312
00:11:28,464 --> 00:11:30,500
Was I right or was I right?

313
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:31,701
- Fine,

314
00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:33,336
maybe a little bit of fun
won't kill me.

315
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:34,504
- Ooh--
[laughs]

316
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:36,539
anyone else's pits
getting steamy?

317
00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:41,211
- Ha ha, the world
is our kiddie pool today!

318
00:11:41,277 --> 00:11:43,079
Jump on in!

319
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:44,180
Alley-oop!

320
00:11:44,247 --> 00:11:45,548
[laughter]

321
00:11:45,615 --> 00:11:48,218
Yeah!
I think we're in Shark Week!

322
00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:49,719
Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!

323
00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:51,254
I'm not usually one

324
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:53,323
for water sports, but, um,

325
00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:56,192
when in Rome, right guys?

326
00:11:56,259 --> 00:11:57,928
[sharks growl]

327
00:11:57,994 --> 00:11:59,295
[all grunt]

328
00:12:03,499 --> 00:12:05,468
[grunts]
This was a huge mistake.

329
00:12:05,535 --> 00:12:06,970
I knew I should never
have gone out with--

330
00:12:07,037 --> 00:12:08,839
[eagle screeches]

331
00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:11,808
[all screaming]

332
00:12:13,877 --> 00:12:15,178
[eagle squawks]

333
00:12:15,245 --> 00:12:17,613
- Gah, where do you think
she's taking us?

334
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,249
- Do I look like I know
where eagles hang out?

335
00:12:19,315 --> 00:12:22,585
[dramatic music]

336
00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:24,554
[eagle squawking]
[all grunt]

337
00:12:25,721 --> 00:12:27,924
- Uh, I have no clue
what's happening,

338
00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:30,760
but I am so here for it.

339
00:12:30,827 --> 00:12:33,964
- You guys, this looks
exactly like my house.

340
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,365
- I'm guessing we flew through

341
00:12:35,431 --> 00:12:36,699
and intergalactic vortex

342
00:12:36,766 --> 00:12:38,034
and entered
a parallel dimension.

343
00:12:38,101 --> 00:12:39,836
I mean, that's
the only logical explanation.

344
00:12:39,903 --> 00:12:42,973
- [squawking]

345
00:12:45,775 --> 00:12:48,144
- * Close your eyes *

346
00:12:48,211 --> 00:12:50,046
* Give me a hint *

347
00:12:50,113 --> 00:12:51,147
- Oh--
[nervously chuckles]

348
00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:52,215
Thank you.
[whispers] You guys,

349
00:12:52,282 --> 00:12:53,884
she wants to know
if I like her.

350
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:55,451
What do I do?
- What's your heart

351
00:12:55,518 --> 00:12:56,552
telling you?
[thud under table]

352
00:12:56,619 --> 00:12:58,321
Ow!
- Let's get out of here.

353
00:12:58,388 --> 00:13:02,825
Well, thank you
for a lovely time.

354
00:13:02,893 --> 00:13:04,961
- [squawking sadly]

355
00:13:05,028 --> 00:13:06,762
- But we really must be going.

356
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,064
[nervously chuckles]

357
00:13:08,131 --> 00:13:11,067
- [squawking]

358
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:14,270
[dramatic music]

359
00:13:16,539 --> 00:13:20,610
- [gasps]
- [squawking]

360
00:13:23,313 --> 00:13:27,550
- The incompetent PS 38
administration may be blinded

361
00:13:27,617 --> 00:13:30,186
by Nate Wright's
dubious charms,

362
00:13:30,253 --> 00:13:31,955
but not Clara Godfrey.

363
00:13:32,022 --> 00:13:33,990
The shenanigans stop today!

364
00:13:34,057 --> 00:13:35,291
[car thuds]
Huh?

365
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:38,995
* *

366
00:13:39,062 --> 00:13:40,796
[screams]

367
00:13:42,032 --> 00:13:45,201
[grunting]

368
00:13:45,268 --> 00:13:46,536
- Hey, Nate...

369
00:13:46,602 --> 00:13:49,272
Good news!
Seems I didn't cut the mustard.

370
00:13:49,339 --> 00:13:51,374
I got fired,
so I'm free to take Spitsy

371
00:13:51,441 --> 00:13:52,842
to the vet.

372
00:13:52,909 --> 00:13:56,212
Ew, smells like
expired blue cheese in here.

373
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:57,580
Still not feeling so good,
buddy?

374
00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:00,883
Yikes.
You're breathing like a bulldog

375
00:14:00,951 --> 00:14:03,153
with hay fever.
Let ol' dad feel your forehead.

376
00:14:03,219 --> 00:14:06,356
[rope snaps]
[grunting]

377
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:07,390
Oh, no!

378
00:14:07,457 --> 00:14:09,059
Nate, wake up!

379
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:10,460
Help!

380
00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:11,661
[all scream]

381
00:14:12,996 --> 00:14:14,330
- [squawks]

382
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:15,798
- [whimpers]

383
00:14:15,865 --> 00:14:16,899
[squawks]

384
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:19,069
[whimpering]

385
00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:21,371
[crying]

386
00:14:21,437 --> 00:14:23,239
- [squawks]

387
00:14:23,306 --> 00:14:25,308
- Well, that escalated quickly.

388
00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:26,642
- Come on.
Let's go find some pizza.

389
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:28,144
I'm starving.
- Okay.

390
00:14:28,211 --> 00:14:31,114
[suspicious music]

391
00:14:31,181 --> 00:14:37,954
* *

392
00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:38,921
[dentures squelch]

393
00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:44,360
* *

394
00:14:44,427 --> 00:14:45,996
[phone rings]

395
00:14:46,062 --> 00:14:46,963
[phone beeps]
- Hello?

396
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,531
- [squawking]

397
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:50,933
- Francis Pope did what?

398
00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:53,636
- [squawking]
- After you saved his life?

399
00:14:53,703 --> 00:14:56,406
- [squawking]
- I mean, relationships

400
00:14:56,472 --> 00:14:59,475
should always be reciprocal.
So yes, Francis

401
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,411
was well within
his rights to decline,

402
00:15:01,477 --> 00:15:03,379
but you're right.
He didn't have to be

403
00:15:03,446 --> 00:15:05,648
a jerk about it.
- [squawking]

404
00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:08,484
- Wait a minute.
Was here there alone?

405
00:15:08,551 --> 00:15:10,953
- [squawks]
- Surprise, surprise.

406
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,489
I'm gonna need their
last known coordinates, stat!

407
00:15:13,556 --> 00:15:16,993
- Everything 'za
with extra everything.

408
00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:18,228
- Thanks, Zeff.

409
00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:19,862
Hey, Spitsy do okay at the vet?

410
00:15:19,929 --> 00:15:22,532
- Ah, didn't have chance
to bring him in just yet,

411
00:15:22,598 --> 00:15:24,367
but it's on the schedge.

412
00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:26,636
- Zeff!
It's almost noon!

413
00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:28,638
He's gotta get over there
right away.

414
00:15:28,704 --> 00:15:30,473
Where is he?
- He's out back,

415
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,375
enjoying some aire libre.

416
00:15:32,442 --> 00:15:35,678
This little doggy's booty was
blowing up like a beach ball--

417
00:15:35,745 --> 00:15:37,913
should probably
get that checked out, man.

418
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,215
[both gasp]
[shoes squeal]

419
00:15:39,282 --> 00:15:40,516
- Ah!
- He escaped!

420
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:41,784
- I would never paint that dog

421
00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:43,919
as smart enough to pull off
a vanishing act.

422
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,988
That's magician level three,
man.

423
00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:48,391
- Why would I trust
Spitsy to Zeff?

424
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:49,925
What was I thinking?

425
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,761
- There's no time to freak out,
Nate.

426
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:54,997
It's almost noon.
You've gotta go find Spitsy.

427
00:15:55,065 --> 00:15:56,199
- [panting]

428
00:15:56,266 --> 00:15:57,333
[all gasp]

429
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,968
- Going somewhere?

430
00:16:03,373 --> 00:16:04,707
- Well, well,

431
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:06,576
and again, I say well.

432
00:16:06,642 --> 00:16:08,511
Just as I suspected--

433
00:16:08,578 --> 00:16:10,713
Nate Wright is up to no good.

434
00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:12,115
I'm only moderately surprised

435
00:16:12,182 --> 00:16:15,318
he dragged you into his
nefarious antics, Teddy.

436
00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:17,420
But you, Francis?

437
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:18,921
Clearly, his influence

438
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:21,257
over you children
is growing too powerful.

439
00:16:21,324 --> 00:16:23,959
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Godfrey,
but I have to go.

440
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,595
I'll explain later--

441
00:16:25,661 --> 00:16:27,530
- You take one step
away from me,

442
00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:29,232
and I'll see you
in summer school.

443
00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:31,367
I teach every class.

444
00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,705
- Some things are more
important than my freedom.

445
00:16:35,771 --> 00:16:38,174
I'll see you in summer school.

446
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:39,142
[grunts]

447
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:40,743
- I know that boy's a menace,

448
00:16:40,810 --> 00:16:42,545
but I never thought
he was this stupid.

449
00:16:42,612 --> 00:16:44,814
- Actually, he's trying
to save Spitsy's butt.

450
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,416
- Yeah, it's about to explode

451
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:48,618
if Nate can't find him
and take him to the vet.

452
00:16:48,684 --> 00:16:50,620
- The vet?
Wait, are you telling me

453
00:16:50,686 --> 00:16:52,422
there's a cat in danger?

454
00:16:52,488 --> 00:16:54,390
- Oh, no, he's a dog

455
00:16:54,457 --> 00:16:55,825
that Nate really loves.

456
00:16:55,891 --> 00:16:57,327
- Huh, a dog,

457
00:16:57,393 --> 00:17:00,463
not as noble and beguiling
a creature as a cat,

458
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:01,797
but an animal needs help!

459
00:17:01,864 --> 00:17:03,866
Don't just stand there,
you imbeciles!

460
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:05,868
We have to find Spitsy!

461
00:17:05,935 --> 00:17:08,771
- [wailing incoherently]

462
00:17:08,838 --> 00:17:12,342
[rock music]

463
00:17:12,408 --> 00:17:13,976
Yeah.

464
00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:17,347
My son!
He was just a boy!

465
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,948
- Spitsy!

466
00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:20,815
Any doggy here see Spitsy?

467
00:17:20,882 --> 00:17:23,819
Spitsy!

468
00:17:23,886 --> 00:17:26,488
- So what does
this Spitsy look like?

469
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:29,792
- He's basically
a satellite dish with fur.

470
00:17:29,859 --> 00:17:32,195
- Ugh, he could be
anywhere by now.

471
00:17:32,262 --> 00:17:33,896
What's the tallest building
in Rackleff?

472
00:17:33,963 --> 00:17:36,031
We need an eagle-eye view
of the whole town.

473
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:38,601
- An eagle-eye view?
[laughs]

474
00:17:38,668 --> 00:17:40,736
I know how we can
get one of those,

475
00:17:40,803 --> 00:17:42,037
but it will require

476
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,175
a bit of sacrifice from you,
heartbreaker.

477
00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:48,043
- Spitsy!

478
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,579
Oh, no,
I'm running out of time.

479
00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:51,714
I have to get Spitsy
to the vet right now.

480
00:17:51,781 --> 00:17:52,782
Spitsy!

481
00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:54,049
[toilet flushes]
Spitsy.

482
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:58,120
[groans]
Spitsy!

483
00:17:58,188 --> 00:17:59,722
Spitsy?

484
00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:02,458
Spitsy!

485
00:18:02,525 --> 00:18:03,859
[grunts]

486
00:18:03,926 --> 00:18:05,161
Spitsy!

487
00:18:05,228 --> 00:18:07,763
[crying]

488
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,466
Spitsy, you lovable dimwit!

489
00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:11,801
[crying]

490
00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:15,338
I've destroyed my best friend!

491
00:18:15,405 --> 00:18:17,507
Who's a good boy?
That's right.

492
00:18:17,573 --> 00:18:18,541
You're a good boy!

493
00:18:18,608 --> 00:18:20,142
- [whimpers]
- [gasps]

494
00:18:20,210 --> 00:18:21,844
No!

495
00:18:21,911 --> 00:18:23,779
- * Don't have to tell you *

496
00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:25,748
- [whimpers]

497
00:18:25,815 --> 00:18:27,149
- Spitsy!

498
00:18:27,217 --> 00:18:28,918
- * Precious heart *

499
00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:29,885
- [laughs]
- [croaks]

500
00:18:29,952 --> 00:18:30,920
[farts]

501
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,088
[all barking]

502
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,724
- * I was standing *

503
00:18:34,790 --> 00:18:36,792
["Never Tear Us Apart"
by INXS]

504
00:18:36,859 --> 00:18:38,628
- Spitsy!
- [squawks and screeches]

505
00:18:38,694 --> 00:18:41,597
[rock music]

506
00:18:41,664 --> 00:18:42,698
* *

507
00:18:42,765 --> 00:18:44,967
- [screams]

508
00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:47,337
- 'Sup.
- [squawks]

509
00:18:47,403 --> 00:18:49,572
[laughter]

510
00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:54,777
- [squawking]

511
00:18:54,844 --> 00:18:57,513
- Oh, you like my glasses?
Thanks.

512
00:18:57,580 --> 00:19:01,050
Your, um, your braces
are really cool.

513
00:19:01,116 --> 00:19:03,886
- [squawking]

514
00:19:03,953 --> 00:19:06,188
- Especially since eagles
don't have teeth.

515
00:19:06,256 --> 00:19:07,657
I learned that
in my favorite book,

516
00:19:07,723 --> 00:19:09,792
"The Story That Would
Never Stop Ending."

517
00:19:09,859 --> 00:19:12,662
- [gasps and squawks]

518
00:19:12,728 --> 00:19:13,796
- * Turn around *

519
00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:14,897
- You've read it too?

520
00:19:14,964 --> 00:19:18,133
- [squawking]

521
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,703
- * See *

522
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:21,804
* In her face *

523
00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:24,907
- Yeah!
[laughs]

524
00:19:24,974 --> 00:19:28,344
- [clucking]

525
00:19:28,411 --> 00:19:30,112
both: * Make believe
I'm everywhere *

526
00:19:30,179 --> 00:19:31,547
- Hey, that's him!

527
00:19:31,614 --> 00:19:33,716
That's Spitsy!
Has he been in my yard

528
00:19:33,783 --> 00:19:36,151
this whole time?

529
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,889
both: * Written on the pages *

530
00:19:39,955 --> 00:19:40,990
* Is the answer *

531
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,325
- [squawks]

532
00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:44,327
- Thanks, Falcora!
See you at Mahjong Monday!

533
00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:47,229
- Spitsy!
Quick, what time is it?

534
00:19:47,297 --> 00:19:49,799
- 11:58 Eastern Standard.

535
00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:51,501
- Gah!
There's no way we'll make it

536
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:52,935
to the vet by noon.

537
00:19:53,002 --> 00:19:56,606
Hey, do you think we can do
his butt thing ourselves?

538
00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:58,741
- Expressing butt glands

539
00:19:58,808 --> 00:20:00,175
isn't brain surgery.

540
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,844
In fact,
it's basically the opposite

541
00:20:01,911 --> 00:20:03,212
of brain surgery,

542
00:20:03,279 --> 00:20:04,880
but it's a perilous procedure.

543
00:20:04,947 --> 00:20:08,951
Some dogs' glands detonate
with a force so magnificent

544
00:20:09,018 --> 00:20:11,321
that many a brave
veterinarians perished.

545
00:20:11,387 --> 00:20:12,988
As much as I love animals--

546
00:20:13,055 --> 00:20:14,557
and again,
I prefer cats to dogs--

547
00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:15,625
I heart cats,

548
00:20:15,691 --> 00:20:17,627
but dogs are great too--

549
00:20:17,693 --> 00:20:19,462
I'm not sure we can risk it.

550
00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,197
- Well, I'm not letting
Spitsy down again.

551
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,900
- [panting]
- I owe it to him to try.

552
00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:28,103
- [crying]

553
00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:30,740
[gasps]

554
00:20:30,806 --> 00:20:33,309
[dramatic music]

555
00:20:33,376 --> 00:20:35,978
Wow, I'm an '80s movie dad.

556
00:20:37,179 --> 00:20:38,848
[butt rumbles]

557
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:40,883
* *

558
00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:42,385
- [grunts]
Ooh.

559
00:20:42,452 --> 00:20:43,453
- To the left.

560
00:20:43,519 --> 00:20:44,520
[butt squelching]

561
00:20:44,587 --> 00:20:45,888
Now lower.

562
00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:47,857
Now gently palpate.

563
00:20:47,923 --> 00:20:49,058
Compress.

564
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:50,526
[butt squeaks]
Release.

565
00:20:50,593 --> 00:20:52,628
- [farts]
- Up, down, up, down,

566
00:20:52,695 --> 00:20:54,063
up, down.
- [gasps]

567
00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,231
- [grunts]

568
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:57,833
- Now count to three,

569
00:20:57,900 --> 00:20:59,469
and give a light tap.

570
00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:00,603
- One, two, three.

571
00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:01,671
- Teddy, clear!

572
00:21:01,737 --> 00:21:03,138
He's gonna blow!

573
00:21:03,205 --> 00:21:04,907
[butt rumbling]

574
00:21:04,974 --> 00:21:08,010
- [farts]

575
00:21:09,379 --> 00:21:12,448
[panting]

576
00:21:12,515 --> 00:21:14,149
- [laughs]

577
00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:16,919
- That was way less cool
than I was hoping it'd be.

578
00:21:16,986 --> 00:21:18,821
- You impressed me today, Nate.

579
00:21:18,888 --> 00:21:20,356
- Hmm?
- You were selfless.

580
00:21:20,423 --> 00:21:23,058
You put the interests
of another considerably

581
00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:25,361
greater creature
above your own self-interest.

582
00:21:25,428 --> 00:21:27,397
- So, uh, no summer school?

583
00:21:27,463 --> 00:21:29,832
- No, no.
Thanks to your heroics

584
00:21:29,899 --> 00:21:32,101
and my dawning realization
that I don't wish to spend

585
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:33,869
all summer with you,

586
00:21:33,936 --> 00:21:35,705
I am reducing your sentence.

587
00:21:35,771 --> 00:21:37,006
- All right!

588
00:21:37,072 --> 00:21:39,074
- Three weeks detention,
starting tomorrow.

589
00:21:39,141 --> 00:21:41,143
I'll be bringing
Mr. Squigglewhiskers.

590
00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:43,413
He's got some swelling
in his rear

591
00:21:43,479 --> 00:21:45,515
I'm gonna need you
to deal with.

592
00:21:45,581 --> 00:21:48,217
- [squawking]
- [laughs]

593
00:21:48,283 --> 00:21:49,485
Did you know that, uh--

594
00:21:49,552 --> 00:21:52,021
[clears throat]
Lovebirds mate for life?

595
00:21:52,087 --> 00:21:54,757
- [squawks]
- I agree.

596
00:21:54,824 --> 00:21:56,626
[whispers] It's so romantic.

597
00:21:56,692 --> 00:21:58,227
- [squawks]

598
00:21:58,293 --> 00:22:01,931
- * The mirror
of your dreams *

599
00:22:01,997 --> 00:22:05,300
[all chirping]