Stinking sack of shit.
Please don't use language like that.
Please don't fuck your secretary!
Okay, come on. Let's go.
No, I'm not ready. I still have to rip his head off!
No, not now. We have a long way to go.
Daniel, in the interest of time, maybe you could rip your own head off.
Fuck you, Marty.
Please, watch language.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
There's no need to apologize.
You should've done this years ago.
I am such an idiot.
You're not an idiot.
You're just a schmuck like the rest of us.
Right?
All right, guys, you ready for an adventure?
Blast off.
Would anyone like to listen to the radio?
I think I would.
Did you guys know that I officially have the best singing voice in the world?
Listen.
Oh, no, Uncle Marty.
-Please stop. -Come on, stop.
-No. -Uncle Marty, stop.
As voted on by dogs.
-No, Marty. -Dogs?
Dogs can't even vote!
-My eardrums! -Want me to go higher? I can go higher.
-Please, just don't sing. -No, no! Lower.
Okay, someone join me in the high harmonies here.
-Nancy, come on. You're up. -Do not--
Okay.
You got a regular Linda Ronstadt back there.
-That's not bad. -My turn, my turn. I can sing even higher.
That's quite an accusation. Okay, go ahead. Go for it, big shot.
-That's very high. -That's very high.
We got the brand-new version of the von Trapp family singers here.
All we need is a nun and some Nazis.
Let's head for the Alps!
To the Alps!
-That sound good? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Beautiful. Beautiful singing, everyone. -Yes.
Lovely. Not as good as me. Not as good as me.
I think this road goes to the Alps.
You have one old message.
Hi, Marty. It's Ike.
I understand your boundary at AFC.
Just confirming you still want to continue as doctor and patient
and that you'll be attending your appointment at 11:15.
You have one old message.
Hi, Marty. It's Ike.
I understand your boundary at AFC.
Just confirming you still want to continue as doctor and patient
and that you'll be attending your appointment at 11:15.
Hey, Bruce. You have lunch plans?
You wanna go eat lunch? You wanna get something to eat?
I found a great place nearby if you-- You wanna tag along?
-Now? Or-- -Yeah. If you want.
My treat.
So, this is Puerto Rican street food, okay?
Pretty authentic. The locals swear by it.
Hope you have a strong constitution, Bruce.
Hola, hola. Welcome to Hanguiar.
Thank you for having us.
-Give me the tripletas. -Tripletas.
But I wanna make some changes on it, all right?
Instead of beef, I just want plain turkey.
No pepper, no tomato, no cheese, no onion.
A single slice of lettuce,
and a little dab, just a whisper, of mayonnaise on a plain roll.
Right, so you just want a turkey sandwich?
Sí.
-Turkey sandwich. -Thank you. Yeah.
Bruce, what'll you have?
I--
I'll have soup.
Come on, Bruce. Live a little. Be decisive.
I am. I decide soup.
Just shout it out, first thing that comes into your head.
What do you really want?
-I want soup. -You're missing out.
I suspect you miss out on a lot, don't you?
Not really. I was here like an hour ago.
I got the empanada de pollo, plátanos fritos,
churros, and a cup of horchata. So…
Right.
This is good.
This is nice, just you and me.
-Uh-huh. -Talking, not talking.
Just hanging out, you know, with people who know you.
People you can say anything to.
We have that. Right?
Sure. Yeah.
It's important.
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. Anything.
You seen Phyllis recently, or…
No. No, it's been a while.
You?
She sends me, you know, birthday cards every year.
-That's nice. Yeah. -Yeah.
How long since you spoke to her?
It's been…
It's been 27 years.
Jeez.
Yeah, one…
Few years ago, I looked her up in the phone book.
It was nice just to see her name.
Hey, here's a thought.
You wanna hang out tonight?
-We could go see a show or-- -I gotta get home.
We're… We're babysitting the granddaughter.
Right. Right, of course.
-Yeah. So, some other time, yeah? -Yeah.
-All right. Yeah. -Yeah, no, of course. Yeah.
-Hey, thanks for the soup. -Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Hello?
Are you gonna start speaking, please?
This is--
-This is Ma-- Marshall Feldhammer. -Never heard of you.
Hello?
Yes, I'm calling about Marty.
Oh, God.
Oh, God, is he dead? He's dead, isn't he?
-Oh, God. -No. No, no, no. No. No.
No, he's not dead.
Okay, well, what does he want? A kidney?
No.
Okay, well, I--
You tell him, whatever he wants, he's not gonna get it.
He's not getting a kidney. He's not gonna get a drop of my blood.
You have one old message.
Hi, Marty. It's Ike.
I understand your boundary at AFC.
Just confirming you still want to continue as doctor and patient
and that you'll be attending your appointment at 11:15.
There he is.
I am very, very,
very proud of you, Marty.
Do you even realize how incredible this is?
You found your voice. Your strength.
Come on.
I must admit, it took longer than I thought,
but you have emerged.
Yeah, have a seat.
You stood up to me, Marty, put me in my place.
And it's left me thinking.
Doctors, therapists, we… We learn lessons too.
And you taught me one.
You taught me that this is what I love. This.
I'm through with industrial psychology.
I'm not a money guy. I'm a people guy.
I see how much I've helped you, and I want to continue that.
That's why I'd like to go back to the way it was before.
Doctor and patient.
I want to dedicate myself to being the very best therapist that I can be.
But enough about me. Tell me about you.
How are you?
I'm… I'm fine, I guess.
There's that word again.
I see we have a little more work to do.
You know, Marty, every relationship has its ups and downs.
But if there's a foundation of love and respect,
you can weather any storm.
That said, sometimes it's good to reaffirm that love and respect.
And that is why
Bonnie and I are renewing our vows.
Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.
We talked about it,
and we both decided there could only be one person
who could possibly be our best man.
-You. -Me?
I don't know.
You must.
You're so important to me, to both of us. So beloved.
-That's very nice of you to say, but-- -It would mean so much to me.
What do you say?
Would you do me the honor of being my best man?
Sure, why not?
-Hey-- -Hey.
Nancy?
Have a seat.
Wow, you're like a grown woman.
Who'd have thought?
Bruce helped me track you down on Facebook.
If you were wondering.
-Bruce at the office. -Yeah, you mentioned.
So, why am I here? What do you want to say?
Just wanted to talk. I wanna-- Well, I--
What I wanted to say is that…
I miss you.
I miss your mom. I miss all of you.
Yeah, you should miss us.
We're pretty great, and you've been gone our entire lives.
Yeah. No, that's true. Yeah.
The last time I saw you, you were…
You were crazy about those-- What were they called?
I don't know.
You were collecting all the plastic figures from McDonald's.
Did you ever get the last one to complete the set?
-A Hamburglar? -Uh-huh.
No. No, I did not.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm over it.
-Of course. Yeah. -Yeah.
You were just a child. Yeah.
-Bruce tells me you're a lawyer? -That's right.
Wow.
I'm so impressed. I'm so proud.
You don't get to be proud.
-Right. -For some crazy reason,
I thought you had asked me here to apologize.
-I don't know what I was thinking. -Wait, Nancy, please.
No, I've been waiting for almost 30 years.
I don't want to see you again, Marty.
And neither does my mom.
You know what?
I've been thinking.
You know what I've been thinking?
No.
We should renew our wedding vows.
What?
-I think we should renew our wedding vows. -Why?
Maybe the question is, why not?
Well, there's a bunch of reasons.
-Such as? -Such as, Isaac, be honest.
I barely see you. You're never here.
We haven't slept in the same room since--
Okay, all right, all right. I know. Spare me the details.
What exactly do you think renewing our vows is going to achieve?
Are you just looking to have another party?
No, something is going on with Marty.
Well, you know, some relationships run their course.
-Don't talk like that. -But it's true.
Maybe you should just walk away.
I don't want to walk away.
-I've done nothing wrong. -But it's not normal.
No-- "Not normal." Not norm--
You know what? There's no such thing as normal.
I've been a psychiatrist for 30 years,
and I can tell you that for a fact.
There is no such thing as normal.
Okay, but I worry about… certain aspects of this.
We have done nothing wrong.
He invited us.
He wanted us to sleep in the master bedroom.
He wanted us there. Okay?
We gave him everything. We gave him a family.
I need this wedding.
We need this wedding.
Fine.
Fine? Or "I do"?
Are you touching my breast?
Would it be a problem if I was?
It's just-- It's 9:00 p.m. I have a 20/20 DVR'ed in my room.
Okay.
Sure.
Hello?
-Hey. -Marty.
-Wow, long time, no see. -Hey, Joe. How you doing?
You know, they thought I had ball cancer.
Turned out to be an undeveloped ovary on my testicle.
Yeah, it was in all the journals.
Congratulations.
Anyway, you got something for me? What can I do for ya?
Actually, I was hoping to speak to Hannah.
Hannah hasn't worked here in a long time.
Right. Would you happen to have a number I could phone her on?
I guess. You know, she's married with kids now.
Wow.
Yeah, I just wanted to check in.
See how she was doing.
You know, I know it sounds crazy,
but I always wondered why she didn't return my calls after our date.
Marty, it's been a long time, but you know that isn't what happened.
What do you mean?
Well, Dr. Herschkopf came in here, gave her a whole spiel.
He did what?
He said that you asked him to have a word with her.
No, no, I didn't.
Well, I did, but I thought--
She was pretty upset, the way I remember.
All right, well…
Yeah, nice seeing you.
I can't take the call right now. You know what to do.
I just called to say…
that I can't be your best man due to a prior engagement.
Just to be clear, all of these are new locks?
None of the old keys will work on them, right?
That's correct.
You know, maybe you could add a-- another lock.
Just in case someone tries to use force.
-Is that-- Yeah? -Sure.
-Is that possible? -Absolutely.
Don't worry, buddy,
I've done this for many people before when the relationship goes south.
Yeah, it's complicated.
You ate the whole cucumber already?
You guys. I can't keep up with your cucumber demands.
Marty? Are you in there?
Marty, open the door right now.
I can see your face. Jesus.
How dare you go anywhere near my daughter?
-I just wanted to see her. -What?
-I wanted to s-- -I can't hear a word you're saying.
Just open the door.
-What? -I just wanted to see her, to see you.
You don't get to just come back into my life like that,
like a fucking zombie.
I killed you.
You're not getting any of our kidneys.
I don't want your kidneys. I just-- I want you back.
You don't get it, Marty.
You are dead to me.
Please.
And I can't have you resurrecting yourself to my children, do you hear me?
-Don't talk like that. -Leave us alone.
Phyllis.
I never wanna hear from you again.
Okay.
Sorry, I just gotta use your bathroom, 'cause it was a long drive.
Please.
What the fuck did you do to our house?
We made a few changes.
Change is a rug. This is insanity.
What happened to our tree?
That's-- Well, it's…
It's no longer here.
-I see that. -Yeah.
Where is it?
It's a long story.
Try me.
I chopped it down.
Okay.
You'd better start talking.
That way we could combine the two properties.
Why?
I guess more space.
Well, how much space do you need?
Well, not so much for me, but we had a lot of parties.
You had parties? You hate parties.
And who are all these people?
Ike's friends.
Bu-- Where are you?
I'm in there. Yeah.
Where?
There's my elbow, and that's the back of my head.
-"Bonnie's kitchen"? That's ironic. -I know.
She's not the greatest cook.
And also, it's not her kitchen.
Yeah, yeah, that too.
There's a portrait of them in your bedroom?
Don't be silly.
They slept here.
Here?
Yes.
-In here? -Yeah.
-With you? -No.
Whew! Marty.
-No, I didn't sleep here. -Where did you sleep?
'Cause this is your bedroom. So I'm conf--
Please, please, please. Educate me.
-Where did you sleep? -In the guesthouse.
Okay. A, this is terrifying,
and B, I--
Are y-- Are you all right?
I mean, that is an abomination.
Marty. What is that smell?
It's like the gates of hell have opened up.
The septic tank leaks,
and it kinda seeps out over near hole number nine.
But you get used to it.
Getting used to it really is your superpower, huh, Marty?
You'll put up with anything, even actual shit.
Here we are.
Here's my gang.
"Koiz II Men," I call them.
Originally it was "The Backstreet Kois."
Hi, guys.
I already gave you cucumber.
Yes, I did. Don't try to trick me.
What do you think?
Well, I think they're thriving, clearly. They're beautiful.
Yeah.
They're very special.
I… I lost one of them recently.
It's pretty difficult.
Sorry to hear that.
Marty.
What the fuck did he do to you?
I don't know.
No one just lets this happen.
No one just gives up their house like this.
Their-- Their family.
Their life.
How did you do it?
Do what?
Let me go.
You stopped calling. You stopped trying.
How did you do it?
Well, I made you dead to me.
Like you died.
It was the only way.
You left me, Marty.
You left me at my lowest.
I was your sister.
You are my sister.
Not really. Not anymore.
I mean, you don't know anything about me.
I wanna be your brother again.
I wanna make Ike go away.
Erase him from my mind. Make him dead to me.
I'm such an idiot.
You're not an idiot.
You're just a schmuck like the rest of us.
Come on.
Let's burn some shit.
Bonnie's fucking kitchen.
You know, we should come up with a banishment for each item.
What do you mean?
Goodbye, awful picture of Ike and Farrah Fawcett.
Goodbye, party invitation with a gangsters and molls theme.
Goodbye, ticket to the PEN Gala.
Good! Good!
I bid 20,000 fuck yous on this auction paddle.
Now you're getting it.
Goodbye, T-shirt from the fucking bar mitzvah.
Goodbye, checkbook from the Yaron Foundation.
Goodbye, old, dirty baseball with some shitty signature on it.
Wait!
Whatever.
So, Phyllis…
Do you think I could see the kids?
I don't know.
But they're not kids anymore, so it's not up to me.
Right.
I have grandkids now. And dogs.
And I have my own business. It's doing really well.
And you missed it all.
I know.
I've moved four times. I've had five different hairstyles.
I've had three serious boyfriends.
Couple of flings that were mainly about sexual exploration.
Wow. Wow.
Got my kids through college. Got myself through college.
Made some terrible life choices. Got myself together.
Learned how to make Indian food.
-Learned to like cilantro. -No.
You missed it all.
I know. I know. I…
It's like he put a spell on me.
You know? Like I was hypnotized or brainwashed.
I keep thinking, "How could he do that? How could he do that to me?"
He was supposed to help me.
My question is, how could you do that to us?
I never meant to hurt you, I swear.
Well, whether you meant to or not, you did.
-I know. I know. -I wanna forgive you, but I can't.
-Not yet. -I understand.
I'm just so angry.
-Aren't you angry? -With Ike? Sure.
No, with yourself.
For allowing this to happen.
Here. All right? These will burn well.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. That's the only copy.
There aren't any duplicates.
It's by Ike, but great art belongs to the people.
Some Like It Tropical?
-It's a working title. -Fuck off.
No. No. No, no, no.
Look, I spent years typing these things over and over.
I would hate to see them go up in smoke.
Wait. Look at this one.
The Brooke Shields.
She couldn't get enough of him. Seriously.
Marty. What the fuck?
Uh-oh.
Hey. Why didn't my key work?
Is that Phyllis?
Long time.
Family reunion? Got it.
I would've brought my marshmallows if I'd known.
What are you guys burning?
Phyllis was just helping me, you know, clear some stuff out.
Okay, come on.
Let's go inside. We'll talk things over.
I-- I don't wanna talk to you.
Okay, sure. Fine.
We'll talk later. I'm just gonna go inside and grab my stuff.
-He's just gonna walk into the house? -It's okay. It's okay.
-Should I call the cops? -No. You don't have to call the cops.
How crazy is he, one to ten? Should I get a knife?
-A what? -A knife, Marty. Think fast!
This isn't West Side Story. You don't need a knife.
-I don't know what we're dealing with-- -Where the fuck are my manuscripts?
Where are my books?
Those are my property. Those are rightfully mine.
That's debatable. I typed them up.
What did you do? What did you do with them?
Where are they? Where are the rest? Where are they?
What? No! No!
That's my work.
What are you, crazy? Are you a fucking lunatic?
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Marty. Marty, look at me.
Do you remember what we said all those years ago?
This relationship is toxic.
It's an addiction, and I hate to tell you, but right now, you're having a relapse.
You're not thinking clearly. She's got some kind of control over you.
-Oh, my gosh. -No, she is dangerous.
She's never been on your side. She's never been on team Marty.
Don't listen to him, Marty. Please.
-Marty. Look at me. Marty, look at me! -Don't listen to that bullshit!
Let's go inside. We'll work this out. We're brothers.
He is not your fucking brother!
Phyllis, let me handle this. Thanks.
Go to the car. I'll be there.
-It's all right. -Some Like It Tropical.
It's a stupid name for a book!
I would like for you to go, please.
Thank you.
What did I ever do to you, Marty?
Twenty-seven years I've been by your side.
Why are you acting like this?
I said go.
All right, fine. I'll go.
If you want me to go so bad.
I'm gonna take the stuff that's mine.
This is mine, and this is mine.
This is mine. This is mine!
It's all mine!
It's mine!
And you know what I'm gonna take--
I'm gonna take my koi too while I'm at it!
No, those koi are mine!
Get off me! You lummox!
Stay away from my koi!
None of this is yours!
None of it is real!
-That's not true. -It is true!
The only thing real in the last 27 years was how I felt about you.
I lost my family! My house, my business!
I sacrificed everything I had!
And you used me! You betrayed me!
You took everything from me!
It's over.
It's really over. I'm done.
You were nothing without me.
You are nothing without me.
This feels pretty good!
What the fuck are you doing?
That's for the last 27 years.
Not my car.
Well.
Hey, guys, it's Uncle Marty.
How's tricks? Have you been busy?
Let me see.
You have been busy. Wow.
Hi, everyone.
Hi, Carol. Hi, Sandra.
Hi, Autumn. Mary Lou, look at you.
Hi, Susan.
Well, look at the Bee Gees.
-Louder. -They're fine.
Nancy, stop micromanaging.
Joel. Joel.
-Joel. -What?
Take a picture of them.
-I'll do it afterwards. -Please.
Just take a picture. Don't be an asshole.
Okay. Don't swear in front of my children.
Take the picture.
-Come over here. -I'm making my way around.
I didn't ask you to make your way around.
Joel, Nancy's so beautiful. If you just--
There it is. That was so wonderful.
That was so wonderful.
Just proud of you.
Thank you, Nana.
Marty. Uncle Marty-- Or-- Marty.
Sorry. Still getting used to it.
You mind opening the door for Elijah and letting a little air in?
-Sure. -Can I come?
Of course.
-Your hands are clammy. -I know.
Joel, get a picture of this. Get your camera right now.
Oh, my God, again with the pictures?
-You better hurry up. -Okay.
Elijah isn't here.
He's not?
Nope.
-Did you get it? -I got it.
Nana, can we sing "Eliyahu Hanavi"?
No, no, no. That's for after dinner.
If she wants to sing it, we can sing it, all right?
It's a beautiful song.
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm good.
Nana.
Is Marty really your brother?
-He is. -I didn't know you had a brother.
-I want a brother. -Yeah, and I want a yacht.
Well, I got one.
And this bag of bones is him.
Matzo ball soup time?
-Yes, please. Starving. -Matzo ball soup. Yes.
-Eat the Matzo ball. -Thank you.
Okay.
Could we pass the Haggadahs?
I'd like to use them again next year, please.
Pass 'em down. Pass 'em down. Pass 'em down.
Pass it to me, hon.
When Marty Markowitz first came to see me, he was a broken man.
Hot balls, coming in.
He came to me seeking my help, and I rebuilt him piece by piece.
It wasn't easy.
Took everything I had to give.
But now he's a great man.
He's a confident man.
He's a successful man.
And that is because of me.
Each patient is unique,
and each requires a different therapeutic approach, right?
My work with Marty was unique. There is no doubt.
Yes, he was more than a patient and a colleague. He--
He became family.
But is that a bad thing?
Tell me, I'm--
Is it wrong to care in a caring profession?
Am I to be damned for giving my life to someone, for giving too much?
-Thank you, Dr. Herschkopf-- -Please. I'm-- Let me finish, please.
Marty was more than just a patient. He was part of my life.
He was the brother that I lost.
He was the best friend a man could have had.
I gave everything to him.
The allegations that he has made against me are false and cruel.
How dare he try to have my license revoked?
I helped him.
I helped you!
I helped him, and now he's trying to stop me from helping others?
That is unethical behavior, not what I did.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I don't know everything, but I know that I'm a good man.
Thank you, Dr. Herschkopf.
Hey.
Hello.
Why are you doing this?
What happened to us?
Hey, guess who I saw on the subway here.
-I have no idea. -I know you have no idea.
-That's why I said guess. -No.
-Come on, Marty. Take one guess. -Ike, let's not do this.
All right, fine. Don't guess.
Diane Sawyer.
Uh-huh.
She looks terrific.
Did you get those bees?
-Yeah, I got the bees. -You did?
-They make honey? -Yes, they make honey.
Quite a bit actually. All the honey I need.
Within reason.
We had some good times, didn't we?
Uh-huh.
In fact, we had some great times.
Not all great.
Hey, is there anything you want to say to me?
Just me. Not in front of the lawyers.
Just us. Right here. Right now.
Anything you wanna say about those 27 years?
Yes, there is.
I want to say…
I forgive you.
I forgive you. Of course I do.
How could I not?
I know you're in pain.
I know you're lonely.
It's not too late, Marty. I can help you.
I wanna help you.
Let me help you.
Nothing.
My goodness, nothing.
What?
I feel nothing at all.
I don't understand.
I hope you find happiness, Dr. Ike.
I don't think you will, but I hope that you do.
But I'm afraid to say…
we're out of time.
Goodbye.