1 00:00:00,043 --> 00:00:03,563 (sirens and upbeat music) 2 00:00:13,051 --> 00:00:15,071 - You have one tiny job, Spencer. 3 00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:17,350 Restock the ambulances. 4 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,270 Gary is not your bloody assistant. 5 00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:20,310 - Oh, no, no. 6 00:00:20,410 --> 00:00:21,149 - My main character energy 7 00:00:21,249 --> 00:00:22,389 is feeling very attacked right now. 8 00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,189 Oh, you'll know when I'm attacking you, son. 9 00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:25,948 I am a size eight, steel-cap boot 10 00:00:26,048 --> 00:00:27,988 for rearranging your vital organs. 11 00:00:28,088 --> 00:00:29,227 I'd rather deep fry my tits 12 00:00:29,327 --> 00:00:30,947 than have this useless bastard in the depot. 13 00:00:31,047 --> 00:00:32,667 Take him on a ride along, part of his training. 14 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:33,526 - What do you mean, ride along training? 15 00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:34,386 That's not even a real thing. 16 00:00:34,486 --> 00:00:35,226 - Get him out of the depot 17 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:38,105 before I punch him directly in the throat. 18 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,505 - That does sound like a real thing. 19 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:43,164 (upbeat music) 20 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,840 - I'm the only one who signs you off. 21 00:01:02,759 --> 00:01:03,579 - Bang, bang! 22 00:01:03,679 --> 00:01:05,679 - Fuck!? 23 00:01:06,238 --> 00:01:08,238 - Loz, I'm on a call. 24 00:01:09,758 --> 00:01:11,257 - Perhaps I should've used a silencer. 25 00:01:11,357 --> 00:01:13,837 - Makes no difference, I've got hearing like an owl. 26 00:01:14,836 --> 00:01:17,036 - Parents evening with June and the kid tonight. 27 00:01:17,996 --> 00:01:21,495 (vocalises suspenseful music) 28 00:01:21,595 --> 00:01:24,014 Yeah, I might wear a tie. 29 00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:25,094 - Okay. 30 00:01:25,194 --> 00:01:27,193 - With windmills on it. 31 00:01:28,393 --> 00:01:30,573 Let me guess you think that's a big fat red flag, yeah? 32 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,892 - Er, I think all ties are a big fat red flag, Loz. 33 00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,132 - I meant the parents evening. 34 00:01:34,232 --> 00:01:36,831 - Err, no, sounds like you're in deep. 35 00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:39,410 Good. 36 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,330 - Too deep, yeah? 37 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:43,729 Get your arm bands on, you tuna melt. 38 00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:45,829 Loz is drowning in commitment. 39 00:01:47,029 --> 00:01:49,968 - Happy for you and, what's her name, June. 40 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,288 - Really? - Yeah. 41 00:01:51,388 --> 00:01:52,127 - Weird. 42 00:01:52,227 --> 00:01:53,367 You said, when she got me that watch, 43 00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:55,487 you said she was handcuffing me into the afterlife. 44 00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:57,586 - Just banter, mate. 45 00:01:58,826 --> 00:01:59,765 - Parents evening. 46 00:01:59,865 --> 00:02:00,965 What's next, Loz? 47 00:02:01,065 --> 00:02:03,804 You're gonna get the kid's name tattooed on your forehead? 48 00:02:03,904 --> 00:02:05,564 - Okay, that impression of me, 49 00:02:05,664 --> 00:02:07,204 drop it before I drop you. 50 00:02:07,304 --> 00:02:09,303 - Fair enough. 51 00:02:09,743 --> 00:02:11,743 - Oi! 52 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,402 Bell-end of the year. 53 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,201 You've been signing off my staff. 54 00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,441 - You know, I had a dream last night 55 00:02:18,541 --> 00:02:20,400 that we had a normal conversation. 56 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,920 Hi, how are you sort stuff. 57 00:02:22,020 --> 00:02:24,120 It was so nice. 58 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,399 But, yes, yes. 59 00:02:25,499 --> 00:02:27,279 Those members of staff I signed off 60 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:28,558 were completely burnt out. 61 00:02:28,658 --> 00:02:29,398 - Yeah? 62 00:02:29,498 --> 00:02:31,798 That's how I feel after every conversation with you, George. 63 00:02:31,898 --> 00:02:34,037 - Do you need me to sign you off as well? 64 00:02:34,137 --> 00:02:35,357 - I know you can't relate, 65 00:02:35,457 --> 00:02:36,876 but my staff have an important job 66 00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:38,796 and you cannot be signing them off willy nilly 67 00:02:38,896 --> 00:02:40,396 because they have a headache. 68 00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:41,835 - But I can sign them off. 69 00:02:41,935 --> 00:02:43,935 And I will, if I have to, Jo. 70 00:02:45,214 --> 00:02:46,674 Have a lovely day. 71 00:02:46,774 --> 00:02:49,373 (upbeat music) 72 00:02:55,772 --> 00:02:57,352 - Can I drive the ambulance? 73 00:02:57,452 --> 00:02:58,951 - You don't have a licence, babe. 74 00:02:59,051 --> 00:03:00,351 You failed your test, remember? 75 00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:01,251 - Yeah, and we all know why that is. 76 00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:03,550 Because I feel anxious when I'm being judged. 77 00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:06,589 - Well with respect, duck, he was the examiner. 78 00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:07,909 - Four five one papa kilo. 79 00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:10,148 Cat two, welfare check. 80 00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:10,988 - Copy that. 81 00:03:11,088 --> 00:03:11,828 (siren) 82 00:03:11,928 --> 00:03:12,668 - Ah, ahh, no! 83 00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:13,828 No, sorry, can we not. 84 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,107 That's so annoying. - Oi! 85 00:03:15,207 --> 00:03:17,387 Never ever touch my sirens again. 86 00:03:17,487 --> 00:03:19,486 Yeah, certain men have died for less. 87 00:03:20,486 --> 00:03:21,866 (siren) - Ah, ahh, no! 88 00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:23,105 No, I hate it, sorry. 89 00:03:23,205 --> 00:03:24,225 - Spencer, keep ramping with me. 90 00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:25,465 I'll just ban you from South forever. 91 00:03:25,565 --> 00:03:27,664 - How about, to keep the peace 92 00:03:27,764 --> 00:03:31,063 between my two favourite mandems, we have them off? 93 00:03:31,163 --> 00:03:33,383 We skip through the traffic with the lights alone? 94 00:03:33,483 --> 00:03:35,302 - Wendy, I know how to make noodles in a kettle. 95 00:03:35,402 --> 00:03:37,982 I'm not scared to go prison for deading your son. 96 00:03:38,082 --> 00:03:38,821 (siren) - Oh! 97 00:03:38,921 --> 00:03:40,021 Okay. 98 00:03:40,121 --> 00:03:42,261 ♪ You're gonna make me, make me love you. ♪ 99 00:03:42,361 --> 00:03:43,940 ♪ Nothing at all. ♪ - Shut up! 100 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:48,199 ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ 101 00:03:52,758 --> 00:03:55,258 - That's nice, that's good. - Yeah. 102 00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:57,177 - Sorry to hear about your bracelet. 103 00:03:57,277 --> 00:03:58,137 I've lost things. 104 00:03:58,237 --> 00:03:58,977 - Yeah, we made them. 105 00:03:59,077 --> 00:04:00,216 They keep us together. 106 00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:01,256 - And what was it that you lost? 107 00:04:01,356 --> 00:04:03,376 Maybe we could help you look. 108 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,975 - Karen, my wife. 109 00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:07,215 But at least you never have to say goodbye 110 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,454 to lost things twice. 111 00:04:09,554 --> 00:04:11,554 Remember that. 112 00:04:13,193 --> 00:04:15,193 - I know where she is. She's in the cemetery. 113 00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:18,592 (upbeat music) 114 00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:25,330 - Give me that. 115 00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:26,610 - A word of advice. 116 00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:27,890 How about you actually thank the people 117 00:04:27,990 --> 00:04:29,849 that peeled him off the pavement and saved his life. 118 00:04:29,949 --> 00:04:31,169 - I'll drink that patient's bed pen 119 00:04:31,269 --> 00:04:33,748 before I thank you for doing what you're paid to do. 120 00:04:36,508 --> 00:04:38,967 - I'll choke Merry Seacole the fuck out. 121 00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,407 - Keep me out of this. 122 00:04:40,507 --> 00:04:42,566 There are only two things I'm scared of in this world. 123 00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,285 Nurses and, no, actually just nurses. 124 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:49,064 - Gary, my dead Nan has more testosterone than you. 125 00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:52,764 - Whoa. 126 00:04:52,864 --> 00:04:55,763 - Luxury coffee, those little jelly beans. 127 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,642 No one gives paramedics diddly squat. 128 00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:00,682 Oh no, Gary. 129 00:05:00,782 --> 00:05:01,681 Yes, Gary. 130 00:05:01,781 --> 00:05:03,481 Put them back. 131 00:05:03,581 --> 00:05:04,841 - All right, Gollum, chill. 132 00:05:04,941 --> 00:05:07,360 Nurses are like one step up from GP receptionist. 133 00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:08,560 They do not deserve all this. 134 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:13,439 - Kareshma, you cannot say nurses don't deserve all this. 135 00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:16,078 - Oh, we don't deserve gifts, do we? 136 00:05:16,178 --> 00:05:16,918 God, no! 137 00:05:17,018 --> 00:05:19,437 You're gonna need God after I finish with you. 138 00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:21,837 You pick the right day to meet the wrong nurse. 139 00:05:21,937 --> 00:05:23,436 - Couldn't you be the right nurse on the right day? 140 00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:27,795 - Fine, you picked the right nurse on the wrong day for you. 141 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,715 A stormy Tuesday. 142 00:05:29,815 --> 00:05:32,594 - Look, there's been some terrible misunderstanding, 143 00:05:32,694 --> 00:05:33,434 um, Bev. 144 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,593 - I'm sick of paramedics like you. 145 00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:37,233 Thinking they're better than us. 146 00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:40,432 Don't forget, you lot are basically just delivery drivers. 147 00:05:40,532 --> 00:05:42,112 - That's a bit steep, don't you think? 148 00:05:42,212 --> 00:05:44,431 Look, I'm gonna get my tea and get out of your hair. 149 00:05:44,531 --> 00:05:45,911 - I think not. 150 00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,030 Us nurses, we connect with our patients. 151 00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,150 That's why we get gifts. 152 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:51,109 You barely even know if they're male or female. 153 00:05:51,209 --> 00:05:52,309 - Objection! 154 00:05:52,409 --> 00:05:53,549 That is a big fat lie. 155 00:05:53,649 --> 00:05:55,588 - Oh, is that right? 156 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,988 (sniffs) 157 00:05:58,088 --> 00:06:00,147 Don't fuck with me. 158 00:06:00,247 --> 00:06:01,387 I can smell your fear. 159 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:02,547 And you're being seconds away 160 00:06:02,647 --> 00:06:05,066 from pissing your tight little y-fronts. 161 00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:06,826 - I'm wearing a hybrid pant, actually. 162 00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:09,505 The length of a boxer, the support of a y-front. 163 00:06:09,605 --> 00:06:11,145 - Fight back, Gary, you got this. 164 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:11,984 - Yeah. 165 00:06:12,084 --> 00:06:13,984 I'm gonna say two rude words now. 166 00:06:14,084 --> 00:06:16,223 One beginning with S, the other ending in T. 167 00:06:16,323 --> 00:06:17,223 - Is this foreplay? 168 00:06:17,323 --> 00:06:20,342 'Cause if so, I'm dry as a Ryvita. 169 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:24,321 If you don't mind, I'm going to the bathroom. 170 00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:28,300 (sucks her teeth) 171 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,000 (upbeat music) 172 00:06:38,438 --> 00:06:40,438 - Oh, Jo. 173 00:06:40,837 --> 00:06:45,456 Jo, someone's made an anonymous complaint against me. 174 00:06:45,556 --> 00:06:46,976 Against you? - M-hm. 175 00:06:47,076 --> 00:06:48,336 - Oh. 176 00:06:48,436 --> 00:06:50,255 Shall I put the kettle on? 177 00:06:50,355 --> 00:06:52,135 Maybe one of your rank teas'll make everything better. 178 00:06:52,235 --> 00:06:53,934 - Apparently I'm offering 179 00:06:54,034 --> 00:06:56,933 happy endings to my clients after sessions. 180 00:06:57,033 --> 00:07:00,493 - Don't you have like five sessions a day? 181 00:07:00,593 --> 00:07:02,452 That's a lot of elbow grease, George. 182 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,172 - I don't do happy endings, Jo. 183 00:07:04,272 --> 00:07:05,331 - I see you every single day. 184 00:07:05,431 --> 00:07:07,491 You've never offered me one. 185 00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:08,371 I'm feeling a bit left out. 186 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:12,090 - Did you know they record these complaint calls? 187 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:13,250 Which means I'll be able to find out 188 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,249 who made these anonymous allegations. 189 00:07:15,349 --> 00:07:16,889 - Oh yeah? 190 00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:20,208 - The high ups, oh, they think that a person 191 00:07:20,308 --> 00:07:22,247 must have to be in a pretty dark place 192 00:07:22,347 --> 00:07:24,087 to make a prank complaint like that. 193 00:07:24,187 --> 00:07:24,967 - Mm... 194 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:25,926 Disagree. 195 00:07:26,026 --> 00:07:28,026 Sounds like a legend. 196 00:07:28,706 --> 00:07:31,065 - Any idea who it might be, Jo? 197 00:07:32,545 --> 00:07:34,324 - Your mum? 198 00:07:34,424 --> 00:07:35,204 - Okay. 199 00:07:35,304 --> 00:07:37,904 (upbeat music) 200 00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:42,762 - Found his burner in his pocket. 201 00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:45,302 Enough coke to take down the Wolf of Wall Street. 202 00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,001 - What's this bent yute doing? 203 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,241 You're here to help us. 204 00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:51,080 - I'm helping the collective us, Maleek, okay. 205 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,200 The dealer's a person of colour 206 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,400 and you know better than anyone else 207 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:54,320 how the police treats them. 208 00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:55,159 - Oh, please. 209 00:07:55,259 --> 00:07:57,399 It's not like he's the police's target audience. 210 00:07:57,499 --> 00:07:58,998 You know they prefer a much more darker hue. 211 00:07:59,098 --> 00:08:00,558 - What are you saying? 212 00:08:00,658 --> 00:08:01,878 I'm not an ethnic minority? 213 00:08:01,978 --> 00:08:03,517 - No, my brother, you're a G. 214 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:04,917 I'm just saying that it's- 215 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:07,956 - In the minority Olympics, are you top of the middle table? 216 00:08:08,056 --> 00:08:08,876 Disgusting. 217 00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:09,756 - You really can't talk 218 00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,036 outside of your lived experience, Maleek. 219 00:08:11,136 --> 00:08:12,155 And that's coming from me. 220 00:08:12,255 --> 00:08:14,075 A cis, pan, leisure and tourism grad. 221 00:08:14,175 --> 00:08:16,674 - Look, I'm just saying, in the police eyes, 222 00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:19,074 yeah, I'm more of a bruda brother. 223 00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:22,153 And you are more of a, you're a bruh. 224 00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:24,952 - Na, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna accept that either. 225 00:08:25,052 --> 00:08:27,112 The Met has done a closed internal investigation 226 00:08:27,212 --> 00:08:29,751 and we have come to the conclusion that we are not racist. 227 00:08:29,851 --> 00:08:31,471 - Oh, well I guess that solves everything then. 228 00:08:31,571 --> 00:08:32,870 - Right, enough. 229 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,830 Spencer, go and get the oxygen and the gurney please. 230 00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:36,789 - Not now, Mum. 231 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,549 I'm busy using my white privilege for good. 232 00:08:38,649 --> 00:08:40,149 You should try it sometime. 233 00:08:40,249 --> 00:08:41,708 - I'd have never spoke to my dad like that. 234 00:08:41,808 --> 00:08:44,827 - Maleek, I'm a builder parent, not a breaker parent. 235 00:08:44,927 --> 00:08:47,107 - Well you need to break your kids before other people do. 236 00:08:47,207 --> 00:08:49,586 Spare the rod, you spoil the child. 237 00:08:49,686 --> 00:08:50,466 Watch. 238 00:08:50,566 --> 00:08:52,566 Spencer, go and get oxygen now! 239 00:08:54,125 --> 00:08:54,905 Told you. 240 00:08:55,005 --> 00:08:57,564 (upbeat music) 241 00:08:58,564 --> 00:09:01,783 (horn blaring) 242 00:09:01,883 --> 00:09:02,643 - That wouldn't have happened 243 00:09:02,723 --> 00:09:03,723 if I had my bloody friendship bracelet. 244 00:09:03,803 --> 00:09:05,182 - Bro, you need to let it go. 245 00:09:05,282 --> 00:09:06,622 You're almost mowed down a pensioner. 246 00:09:06,722 --> 00:09:08,622 - At least then I'd feel something. 247 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:09,421 I'm numb. 248 00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:10,261 - It's just a bracelet. 249 00:09:10,361 --> 00:09:11,741 - Why don't you shut your god damn mouth 250 00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:14,180 before I drive this ambulance through Taco Bell. 251 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,060 When I go back to Australia, 252 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,539 how am I gonna feel connected to you without it? 253 00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:18,899 - Nothing can break our connection. 254 00:09:18,999 --> 00:09:20,039 You know, I'm getting rid of this bracelet. 255 00:09:20,119 --> 00:09:20,879 I'm taking it off. - How dare you? 256 00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:22,018 What are you doing? 257 00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:23,738 No bracelet, no friendship. 258 00:09:23,838 --> 00:09:25,897 No friendship, no lifelong memories 259 00:09:25,997 --> 00:09:27,657 lulling me as I go to sleep. 260 00:09:27,757 --> 00:09:31,296 That's when the fire takes over, the brimstone, 261 00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,656 the demons emerge and enter my mind. 262 00:09:33,756 --> 00:09:35,215 I go crazy. 263 00:09:35,315 --> 00:09:36,015 They locked me up. 264 00:09:36,115 --> 00:09:37,135 I escape. 265 00:09:37,235 --> 00:09:39,814 I start selling illegal DVDs down by the docks. 266 00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:40,854 They try to arrest me. 267 00:09:40,954 --> 00:09:43,733 I end up killing two policemen, good guys! 268 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:44,813 They're family men! 269 00:09:44,913 --> 00:09:45,933 - I'll keep the bracelet. 270 00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:48,632 (upbeat music) 271 00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:51,811 - Oh! 272 00:09:51,911 --> 00:09:52,931 My arm. 273 00:09:53,031 --> 00:09:53,771 (handcuffs click) 274 00:09:53,871 --> 00:09:55,650 - Oh, come on, treat him like a person first. 275 00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,730 - Right, let's go. 276 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,049 - Spencer, do you want to play the wait in the van game 277 00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:01,809 whilst we get our bags? 278 00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,888 - Are you absolutely bonkers and also mental? 279 00:10:03,988 --> 00:10:05,768 I'm not waiting in there with a drug dealer. 280 00:10:05,868 --> 00:10:07,687 One time at a festival I bought weed. 281 00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:09,207 Okay, they gave me a full bag of thyme, 282 00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,167 I vaped the whole thing, 283 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,006 and I'm not being dramatic, I nearly died. 284 00:10:12,106 --> 00:10:14,006 - Oh, he's a person first, remember. 285 00:10:14,106 --> 00:10:16,565 - Spencer, the winner of the waiting the van game 286 00:10:16,665 --> 00:10:18,825 gets a new iPad case. 287 00:10:21,624 --> 00:10:22,364 See? 288 00:10:22,464 --> 00:10:24,283 Creative parenting really does work. 289 00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:26,483 - And, while we are waiting for our escort to the hospital, 290 00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:28,122 I want an apology. 291 00:10:28,222 --> 00:10:30,162 Accusing me and my colleagues of being racist. 292 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:31,721 - Yeah, I want an apology from you and your colleagues 293 00:10:31,821 --> 00:10:33,121 for being racist. 294 00:10:33,221 --> 00:10:34,201 Check mates. 295 00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:35,601 - Defund the police! 296 00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,940 (laughing) 297 00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:41,739 - He'd be running faster if he was a bruda brother. 298 00:10:47,618 --> 00:10:50,117 - Us paramedics, we don't ask for much. 299 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,037 We get paid even less. 300 00:10:52,137 --> 00:10:53,716 We're out here peeling bodies off the pavement. 301 00:10:53,816 --> 00:10:56,995 We literally put our lives on the line, day in, day out. 302 00:10:57,095 --> 00:10:59,755 We're the unsung heroes of the NHS. 303 00:10:59,855 --> 00:11:01,854 And what do we ask for? 304 00:11:02,214 --> 00:11:04,873 A cuppa and a bickie at the end of each job. 305 00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:06,113 - Yeah. - But what do we get? 306 00:11:06,213 --> 00:11:07,673 - Well, we get our six weeks- - It was rhetoric question. 307 00:11:07,773 --> 00:11:08,952 Don't ruin my flow. - Sorry. 308 00:11:09,052 --> 00:11:10,752 - We get a punch in the face, Gary. 309 00:11:10,852 --> 00:11:12,232 - We do, yes. - Spat at. 310 00:11:12,332 --> 00:11:13,351 - I have been many times all the time. 311 00:11:13,451 --> 00:11:14,191 - Abused! 312 00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:15,911 - All the time. - Well not today! 313 00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:18,750 - No, no. - No more, Satan. 314 00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:19,590 We rise. 315 00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:20,590 - Yes, we rise. 316 00:11:20,690 --> 00:11:21,989 - You need to stand to that nurse, Gary, 317 00:11:22,089 --> 00:11:24,589 and you need to do it soon! 318 00:11:24,689 --> 00:11:27,288 (upbeat music) 319 00:11:32,087 --> 00:11:34,086 - What the fuck is he... 320 00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,065 - Look at the son of Lucifer. 321 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,585 - This is why I told you to give him licks. 322 00:11:39,685 --> 00:11:40,385 - To be honest, 323 00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:42,904 it's the closest I've ever been to licking is bottom. 324 00:11:43,004 --> 00:11:44,304 - What? 325 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,063 - A lick means slap, no? 326 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,743 - Yeah, but, Wendy, the way you just said it, 327 00:11:47,843 --> 00:11:50,023 it sounded a little bit mogudu, I'm not gonna lie. 328 00:11:50,123 --> 00:11:52,662 - Spencer, I don't think you realise how serious this. 329 00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:55,181 If this guy doesn't get the treatment he needs, 330 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,421 he could lose his arm. 331 00:11:56,521 --> 00:11:58,740 - Exactly, he won't be able to play PlayStation again. 332 00:11:58,840 --> 00:11:59,780 That's a death sentence. 333 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,220 - Do you know, I'm surprised at you, Maleek. 334 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,659 I thought you would've understood. 335 00:12:02,759 --> 00:12:03,579 - Why is that? 336 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,938 - Well, I presumed, as a bruda, 337 00:12:07,038 --> 00:12:09,378 you would've been pro the liberation of a POC 338 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,658 by the corrupt arms of the law. 339 00:12:10,758 --> 00:12:12,937 - Yo, he was a drug dealer who, 340 00:12:13,037 --> 00:12:15,456 high on his own supply, crashed the car. 341 00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:16,816 He's lucky he didn't kill anyone. 342 00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:18,896 All you needed to do was watch him, you fool. 343 00:12:18,996 --> 00:12:20,295 - I did watch him. 344 00:12:20,395 --> 00:12:22,735 And after getting to know him, I was able to look past 345 00:12:22,835 --> 00:12:26,094 the label that society had put on his head as dealer. 346 00:12:26,194 --> 00:12:28,253 - Spencer, I am really struggling 347 00:12:28,353 --> 00:12:29,773 to deal with you right now. 348 00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:32,052 - Oh, dry your white woman tears, Mum. 349 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,092 I don't regret anything. 350 00:12:33,192 --> 00:12:36,731 I guess, for you, Maleek, not all skin folk are kin folk. 351 00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:37,971 - Bruv, he was flippin' Asian! 352 00:12:38,071 --> 00:12:40,050 - And here we go with the Asian hate. 353 00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:40,850 Do y'know, 354 00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:43,570 your voice is starting to sound like those sirens, ne-naw! 355 00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:44,609 No thank you. 356 00:12:44,709 --> 00:12:46,849 - Hey, Wendy, I'm sorry, but I gotta fuck up your son. 357 00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:48,008 (thump) - Oh! 358 00:12:48,108 --> 00:12:50,108 - Yeah, ne-naw, ne-now! 359 00:12:50,468 --> 00:12:52,467 I'm gonna beat you like your mum didn't. 360 00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:55,527 - Yeah, come on then, big boy. 361 00:12:55,627 --> 00:12:56,966 - What's he doing? 362 00:12:57,066 --> 00:12:57,846 - Yeah, bitch. 363 00:12:57,946 --> 00:12:59,166 Come on. 364 00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:00,925 - You need to get your son. 365 00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:01,765 (thump) - Ah! 366 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,285 You fucking scratched my eye, you little prick! 367 00:13:04,385 --> 00:13:05,684 (yelling) 368 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,644 (thump) 369 00:13:07,744 --> 00:13:08,643 - Scratch time, baby! 370 00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:10,743 (thump) 371 00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:14,842 - How'd you like that, bitch? 372 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:16,282 - Oh! 373 00:13:16,382 --> 00:13:18,381 - Your mama. 374 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:21,500 (upbeat music) 375 00:13:30,138 --> 00:13:34,077 - So which one you want to keep, the left or the right? 376 00:13:34,177 --> 00:13:35,037 - I'm sorry? 377 00:13:35,137 --> 00:13:36,077 - Testicle. 378 00:13:36,177 --> 00:13:38,356 'Cause I'm now about to rip one out with my teeth 379 00:13:38,456 --> 00:13:40,676 and shove it down your partner's throat. 380 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:41,635 - I'm vegetarian. 381 00:13:41,735 --> 00:13:43,635 Gary, let's just make your tea and go. 382 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,735 - No. 383 00:13:46,134 --> 00:13:48,394 You can't rush a brew. 384 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,353 And you've taught me that you can't rush freedom. 385 00:13:51,453 --> 00:13:53,233 - Nobody touch me kettle. 386 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,472 - You think you're gonna get the last laugh? 387 00:13:55,572 --> 00:13:57,832 Well, think again Missy, 388 00:13:57,932 --> 00:13:59,931 because I will not surrender. 389 00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,309 Oh, delicious. 390 00:14:07,409 --> 00:14:09,309 (gargling) 391 00:14:09,409 --> 00:14:10,149 Milk! 392 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,248 Kareshma, get milk! 393 00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:15,907 (gargling scream) 394 00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:18,607 (upbeat music) 395 00:14:20,366 --> 00:14:22,546 - Ow, man! 396 00:14:22,646 --> 00:14:25,425 I swear that youth's got the fingernails of a pimp. 397 00:14:25,525 --> 00:14:26,945 - He's had them since he was born. 398 00:14:27,045 --> 00:14:30,024 It was like breastfeeding Edward Scissorhands. 399 00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:31,343 If you saw the state of my boobs 400 00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:32,663 you'd think I was a self harmer? 401 00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:33,783 - Oh, please. 402 00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:35,382 Gonna need hypnosis from George 403 00:14:35,482 --> 00:14:37,102 to get that dirty image out my head. 404 00:14:37,202 --> 00:14:39,322 - Oh, I'm so sorry, Maleek. 405 00:14:40,281 --> 00:14:42,141 He man handled you. 406 00:14:42,241 --> 00:14:43,860 I couldn't watch. 407 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,900 Threw you around like a rag doll. 408 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:46,700 - Are you tapped? 409 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,419 Brother boxed your youth left, right, up, down, 410 00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:51,179 all the way across the Irish Sea, fam. 411 00:14:51,279 --> 00:14:53,298 - Now your lips bleeding. - Ah! 412 00:14:53,398 --> 00:14:54,378 Well at least you can agree 413 00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,057 that you need to be tough on him. 414 00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:56,857 You gotta tell him 415 00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:59,257 that his behaviour was completely unacceptable. 416 00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,376 Also, you'd better tell him that if I catch him in South 417 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,296 he's leaving in an air ambulance, bruv. 418 00:15:03,396 --> 00:15:04,156 - I'm gonna think of something 419 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,335 that's gonna really teach him a lesson. 420 00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:09,614 Something even your dead dad up in heaven'd be hollering, 421 00:15:09,714 --> 00:15:11,734 "Go, Wendy, go, Wendy, go, Wendy." 422 00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,013 - Yo! 423 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,313 Don't put words in my dead dad's mouth ever. 424 00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:18,232 Excuse me. 425 00:15:25,470 --> 00:15:28,070 (upbeat music) 426 00:15:33,548 --> 00:15:36,248 - Gather round, please, bell ends. 427 00:15:36,348 --> 00:15:37,767 Ah, okay. 428 00:15:37,867 --> 00:15:41,566 I have received an anonymous tip off, 429 00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:45,326 which led me to investigate a locker. 430 00:15:45,426 --> 00:15:49,804 To my shock and disappointment, and total joy, 431 00:15:49,904 --> 00:15:53,624 I have discovered a bag of sniff. 432 00:15:54,543 --> 00:15:56,543 Spencer. 433 00:15:57,343 --> 00:15:59,342 It was your looker. 434 00:16:00,982 --> 00:16:02,981 - Drug dealer. 435 00:16:03,581 --> 00:16:06,160 - Alongside this ugly bracelet. 436 00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,260 - I think I'm gonna come. 437 00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:12,679 - Jo, I swear on my Twitter account it's not my drugs. 438 00:16:12,779 --> 00:16:14,558 - Never had you down as a coke head, Spencer, 439 00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:18,118 more of a glue sniffer, so I'm actually impressed. 440 00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:20,217 - Does that mean I'm not fired? 441 00:16:21,777 --> 00:16:22,876 Double check it's not thyme. 442 00:16:22,976 --> 00:16:24,716 - You have got five minutes to get out of my depot 443 00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:25,996 before I call the filth. 444 00:16:26,096 --> 00:16:28,195 - Mum, we can fight this. 445 00:16:28,295 --> 00:16:30,195 Remortgage the house, sell all your belongings, 446 00:16:30,295 --> 00:16:31,594 assemble a legal team, please. 447 00:16:31,694 --> 00:16:33,194 - We all make mistakes, darling. 448 00:16:33,294 --> 00:16:34,234 - But I didn't! 449 00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:35,673 - You don't need to lie to me. 450 00:16:35,773 --> 00:16:38,033 I've already forgiven you. 451 00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:42,072 Spencer, this is so, so sad for me. 452 00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:44,871 Well take this moment, go back to Nottingham, 453 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,390 and find out what you really want in life. 454 00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,550 - You're right. 455 00:16:50,650 --> 00:16:52,649 - You're right. 456 00:16:55,409 --> 00:16:56,748 - Wowser. 457 00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:58,508 (chatting) 458 00:16:58,608 --> 00:16:59,748 Oh, sorry, I actually, 459 00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:02,627 I need the keys to the flat now I think about it. 460 00:17:02,727 --> 00:17:04,726 - There you go, go on. 461 00:17:06,086 --> 00:17:09,065 - Oh, and my official Apple charger. 462 00:17:09,165 --> 00:17:11,685 If I get too far from it, my throat starts to itch. 463 00:17:12,884 --> 00:17:15,184 Can anyone give me a lift? - Fuck off. 464 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,883 (upbeat music) 465 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:21,782 - Oh, before you go, 466 00:17:21,882 --> 00:17:24,122 I got the recording of those complaints. 467 00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:27,001 You might recognise the voice. 468 00:17:28,201 --> 00:17:30,340 - [Deep Voice] I was just telling her 469 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,180 about my dead mum 470 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:37,258 and then she offered me a happy ending. 471 00:17:37,358 --> 00:17:38,658 - It's terrible, isn't it? 472 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,618 - [Bad Scottish Accent] She just would not stop 473 00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:43,337 thrashing me in my session. 474 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,937 I just wanted to talk. 475 00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:47,036 Now I'm scarred. 476 00:17:50,755 --> 00:17:53,095 - I anonymously withdrew those anonymous complaints. 477 00:17:53,195 --> 00:17:54,854 - Oh, why, Jo? 478 00:17:54,954 --> 00:17:56,294 I was having such fun guessing. 479 00:17:56,394 --> 00:17:58,613 It was between you and Gary and Gary was edging it. 480 00:17:58,713 --> 00:17:59,813 - Stop signing off my staff 481 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,012 and I will stop implying you're a sex pest. 482 00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:03,332 Easy peasy 483 00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,172 - Just because you don't understand 484 00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:07,271 doesn't mean it isn't so. 485 00:18:07,831 --> 00:18:09,731 Take on just some of my methods 486 00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,690 and I can stop signing people off. 487 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,210 - I've got a better idea. 488 00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:14,769 You get the hell outta my depot. 489 00:18:14,869 --> 00:18:16,169 I'd understand that. 490 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,169 - [Radio] Three five eight lima charlie, 491 00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:20,608 PRU driver Lawrence Kerr has had a road traffic accident. 492 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:21,628 He's on blues to South Field A&E. 493 00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,707 - Lozer, shit! 494 00:18:25,307 --> 00:18:27,306 (siren) 495 00:18:30,306 --> 00:18:32,385 (crying) 496 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:52,580 (ragged breathing) 497 00:19:09,696 --> 00:19:10,516 (screams) 498 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,475 - Ow, oh! 499 00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:13,515 What you doing. 500 00:19:13,615 --> 00:19:15,395 - Loz! 501 00:19:15,495 --> 00:19:16,754 Shit! 502 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:20,273 I thought you were fucking dead! 503 00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:22,273 - I'm just slightly winded 504 00:19:22,373 --> 00:19:24,392 and a possible cracked rib now, thank you. 505 00:19:24,492 --> 00:19:25,952 Loz, what are you doing 506 00:19:26,052 --> 00:19:27,152 playing silly boards under the covers. 507 00:19:27,252 --> 00:19:29,671 - Just trying to get some kip. 508 00:19:29,771 --> 00:19:31,791 The curtains here are practically transparent. 509 00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:32,630 - What? 510 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:35,310 Which is why at home I've invested in Gothic shutters. 511 00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:38,829 A hundred percent blackout made from rare Lithuanian pine. 512 00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,868 (laughing) - Oh, Loz. 513 00:19:40,968 --> 00:19:41,668 - What? 514 00:19:41,768 --> 00:19:42,708 Why are you laughing? 515 00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,508 - You gave me a proper fright, you knobhead. 516 00:19:44,608 --> 00:19:46,107 - Just twisted my ankle. 517 00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:47,707 I fell off my bike. 518 00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:48,947 A few minor bruises, 519 00:19:49,047 --> 00:19:50,506 but they gave me some very nice painkillers. 520 00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,385 The doctor said I was the luckiest man in Lewisham 521 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,805 Which is a possible contradiction in terms. 522 00:19:56,845 --> 00:19:58,984 (Jo laughs) 523 00:19:59,084 --> 00:20:01,583 - So what's June doing out there ugly crying? 524 00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:02,883 Shall I tell her to go and pull herself together? 525 00:20:02,963 --> 00:20:06,162 - Oh, we just parted ways on the river of destiny. 526 00:20:07,002 --> 00:20:09,741 - Oh, mate. 527 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,381 (exhales) 528 00:20:11,481 --> 00:20:13,581 Having a proper stinker, huh? 529 00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:15,980 - Well, it wasn't my decision. 530 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,540 - Oh yeah? 531 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,939 Well what happened, Loz? 532 00:20:20,039 --> 00:20:24,058 - Well, I mean, we had moments of happiness together. 533 00:20:24,158 --> 00:20:25,778 - Well not many. 534 00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:29,337 - But when we were together I just wished I was alone. 535 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:30,336 - Oh course, course, Loz, 536 00:20:30,436 --> 00:20:32,696 don't want that albatross round your neck, do you? 537 00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,775 - Yeah. 538 00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:35,615 New beginnings. 539 00:20:35,715 --> 00:20:36,415 - Yeah. 540 00:20:36,515 --> 00:20:37,935 - The harvest is coming. 541 00:20:38,035 --> 00:20:39,414 - Yeah. 542 00:20:39,514 --> 00:20:44,453 ♪ Sew the seeds, young lad ♪ 543 00:20:44,553 --> 00:20:49,492 ♪ Sew the seeds, young lass ♪ 544 00:20:49,592 --> 00:20:52,371 ♪ Sew the corn ♪ 545 00:20:52,471 --> 00:20:55,031 ♪ Sew the body ♪ 546 00:20:57,870 --> 00:20:59,689 - We'll blame that on all the morphine you're on, hey? 547 00:20:59,789 --> 00:21:02,629 (chuckles) - Yeah. 548 00:21:03,668 --> 00:21:04,808 Well, I don't wanna keep you 549 00:21:04,908 --> 00:21:06,688 if you've got some important you need to... 550 00:21:06,788 --> 00:21:07,647 - No, Loz! 551 00:21:07,747 --> 00:21:09,687 Always got time for you, you dingbat. 552 00:21:09,787 --> 00:21:11,167 Budge up. 553 00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:13,266 - Ow! - Oh, bad leg? 554 00:21:14,266 --> 00:21:16,005 You hungry? 555 00:21:16,105 --> 00:21:18,105 - Um... 556 00:21:18,705 --> 00:21:19,884 - Got chicken fingers. 557 00:21:19,984 --> 00:21:21,884 - I'm sorry to hear that. 558 00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:22,844 - Hey? 559 00:21:22,944 --> 00:21:25,763 - They don't look that bad. 560 00:21:25,863 --> 00:21:27,863 You got me, Loz. 561 00:21:28,342 --> 00:21:31,022 (upbeat music)