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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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[Snores]

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Is everything okay...

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with you and Mum?

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All you think about is what you want!

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Nobody understands Jenny.

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_

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_

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_

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What are you doing to your underwear?

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It's just until your mum decides
not to be crazy any more.

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Just give Dad this one chance.

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- I'd like to take you somewhere.
- Okay.

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- Happy anniversary.
- You too.

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Mum!

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- It was nice.
- Go!

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This is Wayne. My boyfriend.

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G'day.

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- We're getting married.
- What?

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So, you want to be actors.

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I've had a bit of a crush
on someone this past year.

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Melissa! What are you doing?

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Surprise!

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Here's where the lounge room will be,

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and downstairs, our Asian grocery store.

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This is your dream.

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Not mine.

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We have something to tell you.

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BOTH: We're getting a divorce.

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People always say there are rules.

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That families work better
this way or that way.

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But there are the rules,
and there are the Laws.

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Traditionally, Chinese New Year
is all about renewal -

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fresh starts and new beginnings.

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It's in with the new
and out with the old,

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especially if the old
belongs to your ex-husband.

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It's why everyone does
a huge spring clean,

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because how you start the year
dictates how the rest will pan out.

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Aaah!

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I'm a monster!

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Ai, don't scare Mummy like that.
I thought you were being stabbed.

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Why did I have to get braces?

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It doesn't look so bad.

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Show Mummy your best politician smile.

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Open wide.

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Hey, Mum, ask first!

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Show me.

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Oh, I'm hideous.

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Not hideous. Growing up.

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It's the new you.
My new Ben for the New Year.

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- Chinese Year of the Cock.
- Rooster, Mum.

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We definitely celebrated cock.

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[Beeps horn] This year, people!

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Ben, we have heaps of time.
Yeah, some of us go to school.

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Someone's got breast implants...

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- Ow! Mum!
- Tam!

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- She started it.
- While we're young!

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Tam, don't be ashamed of your body.
Boobies is just part of growing up.

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Be proud of the boobies
you got from your sexy mummy.

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Here, you forgot these. Mummy
bookmarked the best wedding dresses.

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Oh... thanks.

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- Okay, everyone. Seatbelts on!
- Yes, let's go.

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Ugh... the Thomsons.

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Ai, that family. So up each other.

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"Up themselves."

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Up themselves.

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Hey! Hey, hey, hey...

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Oh, Mum...

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Today is a big day!

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First day of middle school...

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becoming captain...

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and... being so cute!

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- Bye, Mum.
- What about Mummy's goodbye kiss?

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We'll see you in, like, six hours.

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That's what everyone thinks
just before they get murdered.

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I got it.

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Andrew, I can handle my own instrument.

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Yeah, but I like doing it for you.

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It's okay, I've got it.

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See you after second period?

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That's ages away.

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- First.
- Promise?

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Promise.

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[Horn blasts]

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Morning, lovebirds!

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Smile for Mummy.
First day of your last year.

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And sign-ups for chess, mooting

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and liturgical dance clubs

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are up on S Block noticeboards.

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Sign-ups are also up
for Aussie Rules,

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rugby league, rugby union, soccer...

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basketball...

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I don't know what that one is...

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all other manner of sports-ball.

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And finally...

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it's the middle school captain
election at the end of this week.

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Yes.

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For one of you,
it will mean victory and popularity.

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For the rest, bitter defeat...

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and a lifetime of resentment.

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Make no mistake.

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Politics is theatre
and only the brightest shine.

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Do you have what it takes?

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Because there can be only one.

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_

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Melissa!

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Melissa?

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So what, after weeks of not messaging,

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you suddenly want to talk?

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I thought maybe you needed space.

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You know, after... the kiss.

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I don't want to talk about it!

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Well, you can't want to talk
and not want to talk.

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I mean...

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I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

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I need you, Melissa.

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Really? That means a lot to me.

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Good.

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Because to beat Klaus
I need you to set up a mailing list.

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Are you serious?

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Melissa!

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Hey.

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Ah-Leung,
where do you want me to put your...

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- Look at all the sauces!
- Whoa!

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Welcome, kids. You like?

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- Yes! Japanese bubblegum.
- Haw flakes!

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- What you think?
- Cool, huh?

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I underestimated you.

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Everything premium,
direct from the suppliers.

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Top quality only. And...

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for the final step...

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my name.

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Dad, this is amazing!

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- Way better than the restaurant.
- Way better!

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Hey, the restaurant was Step Number One.

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This always your daddy's big plan.

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What was this place?

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The agent told me
they used to make ice here.

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No wonder they went bankrupt.
You can buy ice anywhere.

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[Laughter]

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Anyway, now this is my dream,
somewhere you can buy

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everything your mum and I couldn't
get when we moved to Australia.

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Close your eyes! Close your eyes!

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And...

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Open! I made one for everybody.

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Thanks, Dad!

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- Tam-tam... Ah-Ben.
- Does Mum get one too?

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Oh. I'm sorry. I thought, um...

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Oh... don't worry about it.
It's... employees only.

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Whoa, check out the view!

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Where's a glass, where's a glass?

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- It's connected to the internet?
- Mum, Mum, Mum!

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There's bunk beds
for Tammy-Jer and me!

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Cool. Sleepovers galore.

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- Okay, okay, okay...
- This is amazing!

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Dickhead!
You only need to press it once.

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Ben, just be careful. You know
how much Dad spent on this thing?

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_

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You'll still have enough
to cover the wedding, right?

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Because we can chip in.

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Daddy can cover the whole thing.

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Look at you. All this.

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Divorce suits you.

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You're right.
We should have done it years ago.

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[Laughs]

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Aaaah!

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[Sucks loudly on straw]

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[Cheerful clarinet]

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_

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_

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See? No need to buy a dress.

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Mummy can make myself.

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Wow! That's a lot of... patterns.

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Well, you've been so busy
with O-Week,

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Mummy thought I could help.

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Yeah...

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Mum, thank you so much for all of this,

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but I started looking online.

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Of course, no problem.
It was just an idea.

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Okay. Thanks, though.

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Hey! How'd it go today?

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Crap. No one took my badges.
Well, nearly no one.

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Well... maybe they were worried
to put holes in their uniform.

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- Did you shake hands? Kiss babies?
- No teen pregnancies this year.

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Are you doing the social media?
Facebook, Twitter, Snap... chap.

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None of that will change anything.
And Klaus is just too perfect.

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His face is perfect.
His life is perfect.

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No such thing as perfect.

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Hey, this is just day one.

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And you're the best man for the job.

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- But what if...
- What if what?

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What if I'm a loser?

192
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- Bye, Mum.
- What about Mummy's goodbye kiss?

193
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Fortune cookies?
Are you sure about this, Mum?

194
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Last night, Mummy had a genius stroke.

195
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Feed people's stomachs, win their hearts.

196
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Open one.

197
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"Vote 1 Benjamin Law for 'gook' luck"?

198
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- God, Mum...
- Ai, it's funny!

199
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Australians love racism.

200
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- Now go win this election.
- Not the hair!

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Sorry, sorry.

202
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- Okay.
- Thanks, Mum.

203
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Fortune cookie?

204
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It's totally paleo.

205
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Hey, Damo, check this out.

206
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,520
Fortune cookies! Fortune cookies!

207
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For a prosperous future, vote for
Benjamin Law. Go with your gut!

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_

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00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,920
Ai, look at your dad. If he smiles
any more his face will break.

210
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Mum, Mum, Mum!

211
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Those cookies were so good.
They ran out in, like, five minutes.

212
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,400
I can't believe you wrote
all those fortunes yourself.

213
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,480
Mummy just closed my eyes
and let them all come on me.

214
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,320
- Now, your speech...
- I'm onto it.

215
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,880
We can draft tonight.
Mummy will be your sounding board.

216
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,640
Oh, my son! Successful businessman,
successful school captain.

217
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,600
- Runs in the family.
- Dad, I haven't won yet.

218
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,080
- Oh, you will.
- I'm the mummy of the captain.

219
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,360
Campaign manager.
Vote Benjamin Law for 'gook' luck.

220
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,800
- That's positive.
- Okay, hello, everybody.

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00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,640
Thank you very much for coming.
It means a lot to me and my family.

222
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,498
So, without further ado,

223
00:13:33,766 --> 00:13:36,300
I declare my Asian Alley open!

224
00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:56,400
Wow, Wayne!
You've lost so much weight.

225
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,560
All it took was exercise
and cutting out sugar.

226
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,520
Plus, Danny's stocking
this incredible laxative tea

227
00:14:02,545 --> 00:14:04,075
from Thailand.

228
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,160
You're going to rock that tux. I'll
look like I crawled out of a bin.

229
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,066
Oh, you will look beautiful
no matter what you wear.

230
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,000
- What was your dress like?
- Oh, very intricate.

231
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,652
- 100 per cent fair-trade.
- Even back then.

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00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:21,772
Hey, Ben.

233
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:33,440
Aaah!

234
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,880
- Ben! Don't you knock?
- It's a storeroom.

235
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,556
Oh, that's where the soy sauce got to.

236
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,555
This is a clear violation of OH&S.

237
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:48,555
_

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00:14:48,579 --> 00:14:51,404
_

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00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:54,729
_

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00:14:56,499 --> 00:14:58,975
_

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00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,638
_

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00:15:01,662 --> 00:15:04,209
_

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00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,741
_

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00:15:06,765 --> 00:15:10,270
_

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00:15:10,294 --> 00:15:13,611
_

246
00:15:14,071 --> 00:15:16,071
_

247
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,840
Ah, Danny!

248
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:24,160
- Congratulations!
- Big business man!

249
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,800
And then I'd say how, despite being
first clarinet in the orchestra,

250
00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:36,489
I'm still part of a team.

251
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Even though I'm the best,
which is like being captain.

252
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,649
Oh, then I'd mention
the debating championships.

253
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,695
Master debater. Put that down.

254
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,120
Didn't Klaus win that?

255
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,120
What about your performance
at the eisteddfod?

256
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,120
- Which Klaus won.
- Lions Youth of the Year?

257
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,320
Klaus.

258
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,520
Face it, you're never going to beat him.

259
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,200
- Tam!
- I should just give up.

260
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,209
You are not giving up!

261
00:15:58,234 --> 00:16:01,015
I will not have Klaus beating off
my baby boy.

262
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,640
What's he got that you don't?

263
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:03,840
Eyelids.

264
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,027
Hey...

265
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,400
We can do this. Mummy's not
a quitter and neither are you.

266
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,775
We will not be left behind and discarded

267
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,880
like some unwanted Chinese pregnancy.

268
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,120
Yeah, Mum,
I wasn't actually going to quit.

269
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,720
Oh... Okay. Good.

270
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,208
"And that's why
I should be captain."

271
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,480
It's late.
I think we've got enough, Mum.

272
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,080
Read that last bit again.

273
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,720
[Truck approaches]

274
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,752
- Who is it?
- Not sure.

275
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,080
[Engine stops]

276
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,520
Who gets packages
in the middle of the night?

277
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,227
Probably drugs.

278
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,560
You see? What if it is drugs?

279
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,617
How can someone like that
be middle school captain?

280
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,040
Wait, Mum! Don't! Mum!

281
00:17:29,497 --> 00:17:30,625
Mum...

282
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,760
Fair trade, my arsehole.

283
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,760
Three words... Rape of Nanking.
It's in their blood.

284
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,988
Told you! Totally up himself.

285
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,480
The kids need to know the truth
about their perfect Klaus.

286
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,077
He is the loser!

287
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,000
The Thomsons' clothing empire

288
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,371
is built on exploitation
and slave labour?

289
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,240
I am so making my whole speech about it.

290
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,240
Okay, point 1, Klaus can't be trusted.

291
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,360
Point 2, child exploitation.

292
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,400
I was junior school captain,

293
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,410
so I didn't really want to run
for middle school captain.

294
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,426
But everyone wanted me to,
so I thought "Why not?"

295
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,360
[Laughter]

296
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,511
- Classic!
- So this campaign...

297
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,520
It isn't about me. It's about us.

298
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,928
It's about "we".

299
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,744
It's about what we can do together.

300
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,516
Because a vote for me...

301
00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:38,342
is a vote for we.

302
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,880
Today isn't just an election.

303
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,553
Today is the start of a movement...

304
00:18:48,759 --> 00:18:50,475
a movement of we.

305
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,216
And I want us to be part
of that movement together.

306
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,494
Look under your chairs.

307
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,941
These T-shirts
are part of that movement.

308
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,592
Last year, my family had a chance
to make a change,

309
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,480
and we set up a fair-trade
garment factory in Bangladesh

310
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,060
which made the T-shirts
you're holding now.

311
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,673
I want to do the same thing
for our school.

312
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,633
First, we change our school.

313
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,663
Then we change the world.

314
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,880
[Applause]

315
00:19:39,739 --> 00:19:41,899
ALL: Klaus! Klaus! Klaus! Klaus!

316
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,588
I'd like to start by...

317
00:20:18,095 --> 00:20:19,655
Where's your 'gook' luck now?

318
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,120
[Laughter]

319
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,400
Hello, everybody.
Jenny-Mum here, Benjamin's mummy.

320
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,484
What Benji is trying to say is,

321
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:50,040
he would make
a great middle school captain

322
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:51,857
for...

323
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,840
so many reasons.

324
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:57,560
Like...

325
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,171
protecting the whales...

326
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,179
saving the environment...

327
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,666
helping the retarded people.

328
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,360
Also, as captain, he can help us
prepare for our future.

329
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,600
I mean, if Chinese people are going
to overtake Australia anyway,

330
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:15,425
you may as well get used to it now.
[Laughs]

331
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,034
So to finish, vote for my Benji.

332
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,080
Happy New Year!

333
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,280
May you all have an exciting
and prosperous Year of Cock!

334
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:40,788
Hey, slow down!

335
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:44,502
It doesn't matter that you didn't
win. I'm still proud of you!

336
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,111
Mummy was only trying to help.

337
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,360
I don't need your help any more!

338
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,200
None of us do!
We're not little kids any more.

339
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,518
Just because you don't have a life
since the break-up

340
00:21:54,554 --> 00:21:56,354
doesn't mean you have to ruin mine!

341
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,690
Ai... your mother.

342
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,880
Always like this. "I do my way!"

343
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,846
Never think about consequence.

344
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,687
So much drama!

345
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,493
Too emotional.
Not thinking with brain.

346
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,136
That's your mum. Me, me, me.

347
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,724
Never think about other people.

348
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,480
[Sparking sound]

349
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,840
Mum, hurry! Come down here.

350
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,680
- Happy New Year!
- Ah-Ben, what are you doing?

351
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,456
It's for new beginnings!

352
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,000
But, Mum...

353
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,160
[Coughs]

354
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,829
I'm sorry for what I said.

355
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,988
Mummy's sorry too.

356
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,567
I just didn't want people
to think I was a loser.

357
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,561
Hey, you're not a loser.

358
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,021
Who cares about middle school captain?

359
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,188
Politicians all dickheads anyway.

360
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,833
And anyway, you were right, you know.

361
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,080
Mummy needs to find her own life.
You guys are growing up.

362
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,120
I'm already not a wife.
Soon I won't be a full-time mum.

363
00:23:47,145 --> 00:23:48,956
Then who will Jenny be?

364
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:53,829
It's time to stretch out.
Discover the world. Spread my flaps.

365
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,160
Wings, Mum. You mean wings.

366
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:57,385
Wings.

367
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,938
Jenny's going to spread her wings.

368
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:02,920
- [Firecrckers explode]
- Oh!

369
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,720
You have all this,
the kids have their interests.

370
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,480
Why can't I have something too?

371
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:16,840
Look!

372
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,480
Touching your inner goddess.
No 1 best-seller from Big W.

373
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,280
Mum, is a book from Big W
really going to have all the answers?

374
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,480
Mummy's home! Ah! Oh!

375
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,486
Did you trip over your inner goddess?

376
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,440
Everyone in the car. Now!

377
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,280
Well, your mum can be a cow sometimes.

378
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:36,600
Dad...

379
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,520
You have all been summoned here
because you will form the ensemble

380
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,960
of Sacred Heart College's
biannual theatre production.

381
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,520
Welcome...

382
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,400
to the casting showdown.

383
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,920
No!

384
00:24:49,944 --> 00:24:52,519
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