Let me be clear.
To truly grasp man's struggle for power
we must begin in the prehistoric sea
that dark and merciless void.
It was eons before the strongest among us
slithered out of the muck to discover
that the lessons of darkness would continue on land.
Futility. Toil.
The mass of men spend their days plowing stones.
But true immortality rests in a pure and mighty will,
for history isn't written by the feeble masses,
the pissants
commies, the queers, and the women.
It is written and rewritten
by soldiers carrying the banner of kings.
That is what it means to be strong.
That is what it means to be American.
That is what it means
to be Nixon.
Provided By M_I_S www.opensubtitles.org
You know her as one of the most outspoken
conservatives in Washington.
You've seen her on Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
and The Dinah Shore Show.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the wife of the Attorney General
of the United States,
the infamous Mouth of the South,
Martha Mitchell.
Well, welcome, Mrs. Mitchell.
I hope you are ready to tell the whole truth
and nothing but the truth.
Well, if you're gonna put me on the stand,
I better have my lawyer present.
Now, Martha,
I have heard the rumor that your husband was made
the director of the Committee to Re-elect the President.
Yes. And I am the secret weapon.
- I bet you are.
Fuck, she is cheesy.
Martha Mitchell all dressed up like a holiday ham.
Nice smile, though.
I can dig on that smile.
And a orangutan.
She's an idiot and a lush.
Why are you leaving all of a sudden?
Stay. We can watch some Password.
- Oh, yeah? - Do the thing
- again. - That sounds nice.
But my boss doesn't exactly understand
the, uh, finer points of the long lunch.
Oh, yeah? Who's your boss?
Mm.
That is on a need-to-know basis.
Well, thank you. It's fascinating.
Oh, hold up.
You work for Nixon?
Oh, you're big-time. You know, I knew it.
The second I saw this place, I thought to myself, "Wow.
This guy right here, he's big-time-plus."
Well, you're the expert.
- Who's your superior? - What?
Who do you report to at the White House?
Haldeman? Ehrlichman? Hess?
Colson? At water? Buchanan? Chapin? Fleming?
You know a lot of people.
Honey, it's my job to network
among other jobs.
At least you're at the Oval.
You could be stuck with those headless turkeys over at CREEP.
CREEP's the Committee to Re-elect...
The President. I know what CREEP stands for.
I actually spend quite a lot of time over there.
- Yeah. - Ah.
I used to work for the guy who was gonna be.
Nixon's new campaign chair.
John-boy? Oh, my God!
You tell him Francesca says hi.
You know John Mitchell too?
Sure I do. He's a dear friend.
Hope he's keeping up with all that spring cleaning
- over there. - Wait.
Spring clean... You...
You think h-h-he... Is he pushing people out?
I didn't say that.
I didn't not say it either.
You are wanted.
You are essential. You cannot be fired.
A $52 phone call?
Who the fuck is Martha talking to
at two o'clock in the morning in Los Angeles?
Uh, Lloyd Shearer at Parade. That would be my guess.
He's a known subversive leftist.
Cocksucker.
Not sure about that, sir,
but I can pull up his file if you'd like.
I was explicit with her.
No solo interviews this close to the election.
Any luck tracking down my wife?
She hasn't returned from her taping yet, sir.
But I have John Dean here for you.
Oh, God. Yeah, send the fucker in.
Dean, you flaxen-haired dog. How you doing, buddy?
- Yeah, good to see you. - You take a seat.
- Sir. - Dean.
You look well.
So, uh, I was told you wanted to see me about something.
Oh, yes.
Uh, as you know, we're gearing up for what promises to be
a grueling reelection campaign.
And as such, we are currently reevaluating
certain select personnel.
"Reevaluating"?
Yeah, that's right. Hey, tell me something.
Where do you see yourself in a year?
Where do... in a...
Hmm, that's a... That's a great question.
Um...
Well, let me start by saying,
I have very much valued the opportunity
to help implement the president's vision.
And I would urge you to remember my loyalty
when considering my continued service
in whatever capacity that service might be needed,
uh, going forward
forthwith
in the future.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I think he thinks this is
some kind of spring-cleaning situation, sir.
Wait, what?
So you're not recommending that I be fired?
No. Gosh, no! No.
We brought you in here because we've uh,
we got a kind of special opportunity for you.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Wow. Okay. Um...
I assume you're aware of the Intelligence Unit
that was set up in the Oval
after this whole Pentagon Papers fiasco?
Right. The Plumbers.
Yeah, that-that's right.
Uh, there's a CIA reject named Howard Hunt.
He's the main guy over there.
And they're currently graduating
from rooting out leaks to, uh, rat-fucking the Democrats.
And there is a desire
to enact a uh, similar operation
on the campaign side of things.
You mean you want to set up an espionage unit
here, in-inside the Committee to Re-elect
to spy on the Democrats?
- Oh, heavens, no, no. - No.
Espionage? That's a... that's...
That's a big... That's a serious word.
No, we're talking about simple intelligence gathering.
I see. Um...
Nixon has 19 points on the Dems.
The election is practically in the bag.
Why would we risk that kind of legal exposure?
It's not our job to ask why.
If men like us asked why, we wouldn't have the pyramids.
Swollen wet vaginas.
We are good men.
We are men of integrity.
But we come
from our mothers' swollen wet vaginas
with flaws.
And a time comes where we need to employ those flaws
to defeat our enemy.
We must become snakes.
I see, uh...
Well, look.
I'm not sure that it would be prudent for me
to pursue any
snake behavior for you
at this specific point in time.
- Hmm.
Shit.
Well, I'll tell the president.
Sorry, the... the president?
Who the fuck do you think asked for you?
President Nixon asked for me?
Well, to be clear,
the president would never involve himself
in anything illegal, but, yes.
It's a damn shame.
We thought maybe you were one of us, but
you can go.
Diana, get Bob Haldeman for me.
I think I may potentially know how to charm the snake.
- I think I know a guy. - You know a guy?
- I know a guy. - Oh.
Bud Krogh's guy, Gordon... something.
H-h-he'd be perfect
for an intelligence-gathering operation of this scope.
He's high logistical savvy, genius-level IQ, Mensa type.
- Sounds like our type. - Liddy. Gordon Liddy.
That's his name, uh, Gordon Liddy.
If you were to hire him,
say, as a general counsel.
I could get him settled in.
Show him the ropes.
And I could answer any
election-compliance questions that he might have.
He's good, isn't he? Didn't I say he's good?
- Mr. Mitchell?
I have your wife on the phone.
She says she's about to go into a magazine interview.
Sick... Okay, get the fuck out.
What the two of you still doing here?
- Yes, sir.. - Go. Go, go.
Uh, thank you. Thank you, sir.
Martha marshmallow.
What's this I hear about an interview?
- Hey, Dean, Dean!
Hold on. One more thing.
We're gonna want, um, your, uh, Liddy friend
to wrangle up a little presentation for the group,
just a run-through of potential...
Martha, you are not listening
intelligence gathering, you-you know,
- Espionage targets. - Right.
So, uh, next Thursday morning? Is that okay?
Next Thursday?
It's a little tight, I know, but Mitchell,
he's stretched so thin with the, you know, wife.
I've told you, no solo interviews
that haven't gone through the campaign.
- M-Martha, what did I tell you? - So Thursday?
Hmm, yeah. Oh, absolutely. No problem.
Terrific. Terrific, Deano! Fabulous.
Martha?
Martha!
Right there.
Oh, why, thank you, dear.
And could you please get a martini for Ms. McLendon?
Oh, no. No, thank you.
I-I don't usually drink with my interview subjects.
Mr. McCord here, he doesn't drink on the job either.
I don't trust him one bit.
- Uh, with a twist.
- Mm-hmm. - Thank you.
Now, where were we?
Uh, well, I was ask...
Oh, have I shown you my vases? They're Chinese.
Yes. Uh, I was asking if there's any truth
to the talk that your ease with the press
has soured your relationship with the president.
A vicious rumor.
I am the one who introduced Dick to my husband.
So there's no concern that you're overshadowing Nixon?
You make me sound like an old oak tree.
Would you ask such a question to Kissinger?
With all due respect,
Kissinger doesn't have a 76% name recognition
with American families, you do.
Well, someone should tell that to Pat Nixon.
She has been double-booking our events to make a point.
Just this week, I had to reschedule a fundraiser
just to satisfy her lust for the spotlight.
- Right on.
Let's get the vase in the frame now and the portrait.
This won't be the first time
I've had to be glamorous under my husband.
Uh, Mrs. Mitchell, just because I write
for the Ladies' Home Journal doesn't mean
that this isn't a real interview.
A couple months ago, you spoke out against the war.
And I'm wondering if your husband
or the president has...
Oh, you spoil me.
Look at that. Thank you.
There you are.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Winnie... May I call you Winnie?
- Sure. - You want to know why
I've made these comments against the war?
Well, it's because my own boy, Jay,
is over there in that godforsaken jungle
fighting for his life as we speak,
surrounded by men who are trying to kill him.
Do you know what that's like?
Just constantly worried that he might not make it home?
Oh, dear.
Who is it for you?
My little brother. He's...
I see.
We are empathetic creatures.
Yes.
Now, some people see that as a weakness.
But I decided long ago that I will say how I feel.
And if that does not conform
to the president's message, so be it.
If that gets me banned off Air Force One,
I will fly commercial.
So you were banned from Air Force One?
- Oh, you're good. - I-I do want to hear that story.
- You caught that.
We can get back to the real questions, but...
- Martha?
Where are you?
We're in the sitting room, cupcake. Put that away.
McCord! Where's McCord?
Yes, sir.
Would you kindly escort these people
the fuck out of my home?
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's okay.
Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming.
- Thank you. - Sorry about this.
No, thank you so much.
Have you gone insane?
I told you, no more print interviews.
Oh, it's a ladies' magazine.
They were asking me about the curtains, for Christ's sake.
Oh, I know exactly what you're doing.
You're just trying to take the spotlight from Pat Nixon.
I would never. Let me do this.
Do... do you really think that she, in a million years,
would plan her concert
just to be on the same night as your party?
It's a fundraiser,
for her husband's campaign, by the way.
And, yes, I think she absolutely meant to do it.
Oh, it was a misunderstanding.
The Bay of Pigs was a misunderstanding.
This is an encroachment.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I had to reorganize everything.
The caterer, the flowers,
all because you don't know how to stand up
to your boss' wife.
At least Pat Nixon knows how to support her husband.
That's not what I heard.
Maybe if she stopped talking behind my back,
she might find a more fruitful use for that mouth of hers.
Are you implying that the first lady
isn't blowing her husband enough?
What?
No! You're disgusting.
Oh.
She wouldn't know where to start.
But I do.
I know right where to sta...
Okay, stop it. Stop it.
Don't I?
Stop it, Martha. I'm really angry this time.
Oh, all right.
I'm sorry.
How can I make it up to you?
That'll be enough. You can stand down.
Yes, sir.
Mm.
I thought he'd never leave.
- Welcome home. - Mm.
He should be done with his call any moment now, Mr. Liddy.
Are you sure you don't need anything?
No, thank you.
What's your name?
Uh, Linda.
Gordon. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting.
Great to meet you. Finally put a face to the name.
You ready? Let's walk.
These pitches always wind me up.
You nervous?
Oh, I don't experience human neuroses.
I actually feed off these moments.
There's a wild and manic energy to them, animal energy.
Hmm.
Ouch. What happened there?
I was sourcing operational recruits...
Cubans.
I needed to show them that I am what the Spanish call macho.
So I placed my hand into the...
The short flame of a candle and held it there
until the room smelled of roasting flesh.
Only then were they willing to call me their jefe.
Gentlemen, as you know,
our president faces a daunting campaign season.
For that reason, I've devised a plan for covert operations,
the likes of which our electoral system
has never seen.
I present you.
Operation Gemstone.
The Gemstone,
brilliant, sparkling
impervious.
I have crafted an integrated strategy
meant to function seamlessly in enemy territoire.
Phase one...
Operation Quartz.
- A covert manipulation... - Oh, quartz...
Uh, quartz is actually a mineral.
Excuse me?
Uh, quartz is actually a mineral.
It's not a gemsto...
I took a little geology at uh, Williams,
which I briefly attended.
But I-I just love rocks. Please proceed.
Operation Quartz
a covert manipulation
of the Democrats' outer circle.
We will round up their fringe activist leaders
and export them to black sites deep in the heart of Mexico.
Each capture will slice a viper from Medusa's crown.
Their leaderless ranks will wither away.
Is that "export" as in kidnap?
"Forced rendition" is the optimal descriptor.
- Next up...
Operation Ruby...
The blood-red gem of a duplicitous woman.
The Democrats are weak, their women cold.
We will secure a pleasure craft
wired for sight and sound
and sailed to the Democratic National Convention,
where we will capture their officials
enjoying the company of women trained in the erotic arts,
some of the finest in the country.
You want to film...
Democratic officials
on a boat with hookers?
Call it a passion play for opposition leverage, sir.
Just out of curiosity, how many of these gemstones
are we going to be reviewing today?
Eleven. With four subparts.
And, uh, how much is this all gonna cost?
We're looking at a price point
between $50,000 and $100,000 apiece.
Right. Just finger math...
That's uh, way over budget, sir, astonishingly so.
And that will not be a problem, young man.
Oh, good.
I do hope you gentlemen have had a chance
to brush up on your II Corinthians,
because, well
this is where we get to play God.
My pitches are too ambitious?
Who in the fresh hell does Mitchell think he is?
You see the way he looked at me when all was said and done?
Uh, no. I didn't catch that.
I'll tell you, like a rat at his feet.
It was like vomit. That's how he looked at me.
You know, t-those guys can be very indelicate, uh, sometimes.
I wouldn't take it too-too personally.
And Magruder... That little pissant...
"Quartz is a mineral."
He's lucky I didn't snap his spine
right in the fucking room.
Um...
What did you think?
Huh?
Of the pitch, what did you think?
You can tell me. I'm... I can take it.
What did I think? I-I-I-I-I really liked it.
I-I knew it!
I saw your body language in the room, and I knew...
I knew Dean liked it.
What was your favorite part?
My favorite?
Um, gosh, you know, th... T-there were a lot of elements.
You know, I loved the...
T-the cheerful font was very interesting.
I did the font.
- Great, uh... - I came up with the font.
Yeah, look, let me pitch you something.
How about you and I never talk about this ever again,
ideally?
Okay, com padre.
Enough said.
I do. I really like this one.
I think that's nice, dear.
We are in for a night.
You.
Whenever he has on tails, this happens.
It does. Whenever you put on your tails
it makes you crazy.
- It's Daddy dancing time. - Aw...
I need a zip here when you're done, Fred Astaire.
Yes, ma'am. I think we can hear mother now.
Shimmy it up.
- Ooh.
There it is. Look at that neck.
There's a tiny little hook.
Now, that's a neck. That's
that's a neck I'd like to neck.
I can't get that...
- Lovely. - Love you.
Pat sure has made a statement seating us back here.
I can't see a thing.
And, honey, you know it was no accident.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the President and Mrs. Nixon present
the Ray Conniff Singers.
President Nixon,
stop bombing human beings,
animals, and vegetation.
You go to church on Sundays,
and you pray to Jesus Christ.
If Jesus Christ were here tonight,
you would not dare drop another bomb.
Bless the Berrigans and bless Daniel Ellsberg.
Get her off the stage!
Sorry about that, Mr. President.
Looks like someone needs to go back to finishing school.
- Let's move along, shall we?
Ladies...
Maureen?
Hey, John Dean.
- Hi. - Hi. I am so sorry I'm late.
That's fine.
It's not some first-date power move.
You know, things have been nuts at work...
- You know what? It's Mo. - Traffic and... what?
You can just call me Mo.
Uh, the dating service suggested that I use Maureen...
Oh, Mo
'cause I guess they thought people would make...
- Like the Stooges? - A Stooges joke.
- What? Oh.
So sorry.
You're doing the Stooges... I didn't... No, I-I remember.
- Good. - Yes.
- Stooges. - Um, so...
Hi, hello. How are you know? Now, I'm gonna give you these.
It's for the, uh, Dijon Porsche out front.
Now, there's not a scratch on it right now.
And that's how I want to find her when I come back, okay?
I'm gonna take special care of you, okay?
- Mm-hmm. - Thank you so much.
Your table's ready.
All right. Thank you.
Mele Kalikimaka. That's the thing to say.
In blood, chained to the door of County Animal Control,
and I am screaming, "No more pets have to die!"
I'm sorry.
"No more pets have to die."
And then 20 minutes later, I, uh...
I find out I-I have the wrong address,
and I am chained to the dentist's office next door.
- No!
I guess I was a-a young man with conviction.
So what can I say?
You know, it's embarrassing to even think about it.
No, no, it's so cute.
You know, I'll be honest, at the start of the night, I...
I thought I was in real trouble.
Oh. Why is that?
Well, I don't want to burst your bubble,
but you don't exactly make the best first impression.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
You seemed like you were gonna be a huge piece of shit.
Oh.
Well, that's funny, because you kind of seemed
stuck up and weird.
No, I didn't.
You're right.
You seemed great from the beginning.
So what's a stewardess from L.A.
doing on a-a D.C. dating service?
I'm doing research.
I'm thinking of doing some writing.
You want to be a journalist.
- Mm. - No.
Someone didn't read my profile too closely.
- Well, I... - I want to write novels.
- Oh. - Romantic novels.
Oh?
Stop it. It's nothing smutty.
No, no, no, that's... That's fantastic.
But, um
why D.C.?
I mean, people come here for depth...
No, I really like it here.
- You do? - I-I don't know.
People come here to make a difference in the world.
- Well... - It's nice.
I mean, God, I'm not naive.
I know, everybody has to make compromises.
And, well, you probably know that better than anyone.
What do you mean by that?
Come on. You know...
I'm... I'm not sure I do.
I mean, um, i-it just must be difficult
working for a man like that.
A man like what?
A man like Richard Nixon.
He's just a little bit of a liar, don't you think?
Oh, right.
And you think LBJ was some kind of Boy Scout?
Well, Nixon really takes it to a whole other level.
How so?
Uh, the stuff about ending the war, for one thing.
He's drawn down troop levels by two thirds
since he's been in office.
I saw on the news he's increased bombings.
Did the news also mention that he signed Title IX
or established
the Environmental Protection Agency?
Wow.
You've really talked yourself into this, haven't you?
Talked myself into what?
Um...
Maybe this wasn't
the best topic of conversation to bring up...
- No, no, no, no, no, no.. - We don't have... John...
What about you? What... what about you?
What about me?
Oh, come on.
Uh...
You're just like all your liberal friends.
You... you playact like you want to save the world,
when all you really care about is finding a guy
with enough bread to pick up the check.
Hoped you guys saved room for the Baked Alaska.
I must have been drunk when I said that.
Now I've got Dick calling me
'cause he's got Kissinger up his ass again.
I should have said no to Dick
the second he asked me to come play politics out here.
Should have stayed in New York. Could have kept my practice.
Hmm. We'd still have our house Upstate.
Remember when we used to drink
a whole bottle of blackberry wine
and watch the moon rise over the bay?
- I miss those nights. - Mm.
I've got an idea.
Let's catch a flight somewhere,
we'll go to China, India, New York.
Dick needs me, honey bear. You know that.
The man's an emotional wreck.
Without me, he wouldn't get through to November.
Of course. Don't know what I was thinking.
Hello?
Winnie, honey.
You won't believe the night I've had,
a protester crashed...
Martha?
...the first lady's miserable social evening.
Jesus, what time is it?
Poor woman. They had to drag her right off the stage.
How did you get my number?
Of course my husband had to leave me alone the whole night
'cause he's busy playing the middleman
in this silly feud
the president's got going with Henry.
Henry?
As in, like...
Henry Kissinger?
I really shouldn't say.
Father. May I?
Raymond, what are you doing up?
I was having bad dreams again.
Are you okay, Father?
Had a little whoopsie today at work.
What kind of whoopsie?
Remember when you were in art class
and Miss Grimmer caught you eating all the other kids' glue
and all the other kids laughed at you?
All the other kids laughed at me today, Raymond.
Sometimes
when the other boys at school laugh at me...
Mother says I should make friends with them.
She says there are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea,
but the best ships are friendships.
- Linda, would you put in a call
to, uh, ah, Harry Welch at the FAA?
Have him send us any information
he has on a registered flight attendant, Maureen Kane.
Oh, and, uh, Liddy should be here any minute
- for the meeting. - Uh, Liddy's already here.
He arrived over a half hour ago.
He's already here? Where is he?
Mitchell's office.
- Jesus. - You want me to go...
I'm so sorry.
Are they in there?
Speak of the devil, and he doth appear.
What's the matter, Dean?
You look like you just got caught
butt-fucking your sister.
I don't have a-a sister, sir.
Um
Are we celebrating something?
Wow, sharp as a tack. Tell him, Liddy.
I ran into Mr. Mitchell this morning
on the way into the office, and
I had a few rough ideas for pared-down operations...
Sketches really.
Ah, don't beat yourself up.
We made some adjustments.
It was all you, Mr. Mitchell.
He helped me come up with a whole new operation plan.
This man truly knows his trade craft.
Sir, are you sure it's wise to be, um
casually discussing illicit activities in your office?
Teacher's here. Fun's over.
- Well, no.
Gordo, fabulous work.
Just, uh, talk to Jeb.
He'll take care of the logistics with you.
Thank you, sir.
Well, whatever you told that chowderhead
to get him to drop the James Bond act, it worked.
Well, I just, uh, showed him how to be a team player, sir.
Hmm. Tell you what
my wife is doing a campaign fundraiser
at our house Saturday.
Why don't you come by?
You know? For all your hard work.
I'd be honored, sir.
And bring a date... Something nice on the eyes.
Right. Okay.
What the hell?
Go, go, go.
Mo. Hey. I can't believe it.
I was just about to check in for my flight.
And I was thinking, what are the odds
I'd run into Mo Kane at the airport?
And here you are. That is crazy.
Huh, how did you find me?
Well, I just... I saw you coming up the thing.
- Where's your ticket? - Excuse me?
You said you were checking in for your flight.
You should have a ticket.
Oh, right, ticket, um...
That is a very good...
Oh, you know, shoot, I must have thrown it
in the trash with my food there.
Um, I have to get a new one now.
Do you know the lady? Maybe you can...
You little psychopath.
What?
Did you call the FAA?
Call the...
No. What? No.
Why would I... Why would I do that?
To find out my flight schedule
so you could manufacture a way to bump into me
in the futile hope you could apologize your way
into a second date.
Has this... has this happened to you before?
It's a pilot trick.
I have to say, it's never felt quite so pathetic until now.
Mo. Wait, please.
- John. - Please.
You seem very nice.
Do you know what it is? I am looking for a man.
And I can't waste my time with little boys anymore.
I know I was an asshole the other night.
- Mm-hmm. - But, I want to make it up to you.
There's this fundraiser next weekend,
and everyone who's anyone in D.C. is gonna be there.
You want to take me to a Republican fundraiser?
It'll be great material for your novel.
And besides, we don't have to talk to anybody.
We can just sit in the corner all night,
drinking John Mitchell's scotch, making fun of people...
Um, John Mitchell? Martha Mitchell's husband?
Yeah. Why? You... you like her?
- She's completely insane.
I love her.
So you will go with me?
Um, I'm gonna think about it.
I'm gonna see when the airline has me back in D.C...
Thursday. I-I mean...
I hope they have you back on-on Thursday
because that would be, uh... that would be perfect timing.
Holy shit, man.
- Do you have my number? - Leave it with the FAA.
- Ahoy! - Oh! Ha ha!
What the...
Mitchell sent me down to inform you
he's approved of my plans.
Now, before you fill your diaper,
you'll be relieved to know that I've trimmed the budget
to a manageable quarter million.
Hey, well, that's fantastic news.
That's great.
Uh, only problem is, um
Mitchell doesn't control the purse strings around here.
I do.
So you're gonna have to make do with $200,000.
That's... that's all we got.
Do you think this is a joke?
No.
This operation requires
untraceable foreign contractors.
I need at least five Cubans.
Cubans? Well, I mean, how-how expensive are Cubans these days?
Why-just get cheaper Cubans. What? Puerto Ricans?
Hmm.
You've never tasted your own blood.
- Pardon me? - You haven't. Ah...
I can tell.
You know that?
You don't know the first thing about passion,
about el sangre de libertad.
But you know who does?
Those magnificent men you just maligned.
- Yeah. - They know.
God, I got to tell you,
I-I don't appreciate your tone, Gordo.
No.
They are freedom fighters, you fuck!
Please let go of me, you psychopath.
You prep-school sissies think that you own the world,
but you don't.
The natural world rejects you.
You taste your blood now, don't you?
Bean-counting Ivy League fag.
Rough day?
Never thought I'd encounter a bureaucracy
more stocked with vipers than the FBI.
A thousand petty tyrannies.
You're a Bureau man?
Five years strong. You?
CIA.
I've always admired Hoover.
They don't make them like him anymore.
I agree.
Jim McCord.
Liddy, General Counsel.
Liddy
fella who burnt himself with a candle, right?
Gaius Scaevola would be proud.
Hero of Rome.
Soldier.
Oh, hi.
Great shirt.
Mo, he's here.
Smells good in there.
I, uh, smoked a little grass myself, back in college.
Hi.
Wow. You...
You look...
Thank you. Anything for Martha Mitchell.
All right.
Welcome, sir, ma'am.
- For you. - Oh, thank you.
Cheers.
- Oh, hi. Hey. - John.
- How's it going? - Hello. Hi.
You have blood on your hands.
Look who it is. See? Want to go say hi?
Oh, my God. Yes, I want to say hi.
- She looks amazing. - So gorgeous.
I want to get a picture.
Aw.
Excuse me, Mrs. Mitchell.
Uh, my name is John Dean. I work with your husband.
Oh, Mr. Dean.
Yes, my husband speaks very highly of you.
Say hello to Mr. Dean, buttercup.
- Hi. - Hello.
Hmm. We're working on her volume.
Who is this vision in blue?
Maureen Kane. It's an honor to...
- I'm j-I'm a huge fan.
Thank you.
May I say the two of you make a striking couple.
Oh, we're not really...
That's so sweet of you. Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you.
All right, Mrs. Mitchell, right over here.
Oh. Picture?
Are we getting in? Oh, my
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Enjoy yourselves. Nice to meet you.
- So nice to meet you. - Thank you.
- Hmm? - Hmm.
Okay, who are they, the buzz cuts?
Oh, that?
Uh, that's the president's chief of staff.
On the right, Bob Haldeman.
Okay.
On the left is John Ehrlichman.
And nobody gets to Nixon except through them.
They call them the Berlin Wall.
Hmm.
- The Berlin Wall, huh? - Mm.
Hmm. Hmm.
Wait, where you going?
Mo. No. Mo. Mo. Mo, Mo.
Now McGovern's got James Taylor and Barbra Streisand
stumping for him,
as if the voters are going to be swayed
by a couple of moderately fuckable socialists.
I'm a big Streisand fan. What's wrong with her?
- Excuse me? - Uh
sorry, you-you are?
I'm Mo Kane. I think you know my date.
John Dean, sir.
I got a haircut.
Yes, that's it. Right.
My apologies if John caused any offense
with the Streisand thing, ma'am.
Oh, God. Hey, as a-a member in good standing
of the league of moderately fuckable socialists,
- I accept your apology.
Where did you find this one, Dean?
- She's a live one.
Uh, by the way, Bob, I've been meaning to, uh, thank you
for conveying that message from POTUS on my behalf.
Mitchell told me about the, uh, president's request
that I come help with the election compliance operations
over at CREEP.
Oh, uh, I'm... I'm sorry.
I've never spoken about you with the president
or really anyone else for that matter.
Word of advice
learn to recognize a snake when you see one.
Hmm.
Oh, God. John, this party is crazy.
Ehrlichman is a fascist.
He wants to nuke all of Asia. Everyone's so evil here.
I'm having so much fun. What's wrong?
- You okay? - It's nothing. We should go.
No, we just got here.
I'll get our coats.
Oh, okay.
Uh, sir, Kissinger's office just called.
They've been trying to reach you for the past hour.
In regards to what?
Apparently your wife spoke out
about some sort of feud he's having with the president.
What the fuck?
Martha.
God as my witness, woman,
I will cancel your Diners Club card
if you don't open this door right now.
What? What do you want?
You want to berate me in front of our guests?
Oh, fuck me! Jesus!
Ah.
I mean...
Sorry.
- Are you okay? - I hate this stupid dress.
My mom had it made for me.
- I look like Little Bo Peep.
You want a Doublemint?
No, thanks.
Cigarette?
It's just an interview, for God's sake.
It's not the end of the world.
You had to mention Kissinger, like I need more enemies.
"Martha Mitchell bares all."
Is this some kind of retribution for the other night
'cause I didn't just drop everything
and whisk Martha off to some foreign land
or wherever the fuck?
Yeah. So you... you do know I have feelings.
You just choose to ignore them.
I see. I'm sure if he asked to go on vacation,
you'd have your bags packed in one hour.
He's my boss.
He's your life.
You roll over for him day and night.
- My God. My God. - What is the draw, really?
- Tell me. The subservience... - That's enough.
Is it that he makes you feel like a big man,
- makes you feel wanted? - That's enough, Martha.
I mean, your dick must look so big
in his tiny hands.
Look, let's just both take a breath.
You take a fucking breath.
My mama slaps me harder than that.
You're a... you're a pig!
- All day...
Nobody cares what you think!
They used to like each other before we moved here.
Now everything's just terrible.
I hate parties. I hate all of these people.
How old are you?
Eleven and a half.
What you need is an exit strategy.
You can petition for emancipation at 16.
Seems a little extreme.
And that isn't?
Do you have a business card?
I will represent you pro bono.
I'd get started now,
but, uh, I'm a little busy with the president.
My mom says Nixon's dog shit.
Honestly, I wouldn't know.
I've never even met the guy.
Bye.
- You ready? - Yeah.
The election is in eight fucking months, Martha.
You can just keep your mouth shut for eight months,
we'll be fine.
Get another wife if you want a silent one
or marry that portrait I had made for you,
which you never thanked me for, by the way.
You want to know the truth, Martha?
There's no conspiracy against you.
There's no collusion hiding in the shadows.
People just don't like you.
That's why we can't fly on Air Force One.
Oh, and those journalists
that you call in the middle of night...
They're not your friends.
They just can't take their eyes off a good show.
Bob Haldeman sees my name on six memos a day.
Has no fucking idea who I am.
Oh, important people are only as important
as the rest of us make them.
Just don't give them that power.
You're very wise.
You sound surprised.
These fucking people.
I think it's a good thing you're not like those people.
You're better than them.
- You barely know me. - That is true.
But I do know you well enough to know
that you're a good person deep down,
even when no one's watching.
But then I also know that you used the FAA
to find out my flight schedule, which is a huge red flag,
but it did show uncanny initiative.
Oh...
And I know your dirty secret.
In the moments when you shut up,
you actually know how to listen.
- Wait, I know how to shut up. - Stop talking.
- Wha... - Stop fucking talking.
I'm stopping.
- Which one's your house?
Met a young couple tonight.
Reminded me of a long time ago
being at the beginning of something.
I'm sorry, I didn't know anybody was out here.
That's quite all right.
Would you happen to have a cigarette?
- Thank you.
I hope I'm not out of line here, Mrs. Mitchell, but...
I wanted to tell you that I read
your Ladies' Home Journal interview.
There aren't many honest people left in this town.
I believe you're one of them.
Well, thank you.
McCord, wasn't it?
Yes, ma'am, James McCord.
I appreciate you, James McCord.
Ma'am.
Mmm.
Fetch the sugar for me, would you, dear?
California?
We got a couple of fundraisers out there.
I thought it'd give you a chance
to try on that new swimsuit of yours.
The one with the cutouts?
I don't know if that's appropriate for a public beach.
Well
maybe you and I could find
something a bit more
secluded.
I want to go to boarding school.
You know, John,
whatever it is they're making you do
you don't have to do it.
Just saying you always have a choice.
Oh, I'm sorry. Mr. Mitchell's out for the day.
Oh...
But you can leave that on his desk if you'd like.
- Right.
Mr. Mitchell's office.
Mr. Dean,
uh, I can hold on to that if you want.
Give it to Mr. Mitchell personally when he comes in.
Don't worry about the letter.
It was a false alarm.
The names of great men
are etched in the halls of power...
I'll see myself out.
...Napoleon, Alexander, Charlemagne.
But who will tell our stories when we're gone?
Who will sing our songs?
For not all men who change the world are remembered.
Most are lost like embers in a fire.
Some worship at the boot of power,
weak against the tide of human frailty.
I know your spot right there.
Others are born to be forgotten,
reaching for a greatness they can never fully grasp.
There she is, machos
our destiny.
¿Qué es eso?
El Watergate.
But make no mistake
a triumphant will is what binds us
to those creatures from the prehistoric sea.
And with it, we can alter the course of human history.
- Ow!