[ music ]
- Oh sweet. Here we go.
Bose! Come on back with that popcorn!
It's almost back on!
TV ANNOUNCER: Welcome bark to The Dog Bachelor.
- I've been waiting for this all year, man.
I blew off my Aunt's funeral for this.
- Oh wow, worth it. - Get off me!
- I love The Dog Bachelor. - It's such a good show.
- You know, you can't stream a show this good.
You gotta have cable.
- Facts, my guy. Cable is the best.
TV ANNOUNCER: Ruffles will pick which female dog
he's going to take with him to the dog house.
- It's gonna be my girl Martha. - Pfft. Wrong!
- I've known it was gonna be Martha ever since she won
the First Impression Bone.
TV ANNOUNCER: Here comes Ruffles...
- Come on! Pick Pepper!
- Team Charlene for life! - Boogie!
TV ANNOUNCER: And the golden bone goes to...M--
- What? - Ahhhhh!
- Oh, come on!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
- He was gonna say Martha!
- No! He was gonna say "mmmm'girl Boogie!"
- No he wasn't! I... had a vision.
- You're lying.
We all know it's gonna be Charlene!
- I'm not lying!
My eyes turned yellow, I saw the future, and everything.
He was gonna say "Martha." - Ray can you fix it?
- Yeah, I just gotta get my special TV fixin' tool.
There she is.
Fix! Come on, you stupid TV!
Why aren't you fixed yet?!
Gah! I'm so mad, I could smash something.
- Well don't smash the TV.
- Yeah, you're right. This calls for the vase.
- What vase? - Stupid TV. Piece of junk.
VIDEO RAY: Oh. Hello.
VIDEO RAY: If you're seeing this video,
I'm quite angry and probably mumbling to myself
as I open the case that contains my smashin' vase.
- Let's bundle your phone and Internet, that's a good idea!
VIDEO RAY: You're probably asking yourself,
"Self, what is a smashin' vase?"
Well, it's a vase that I plan to smash
only when I've reached my angriest moment.
- Cinemax Jr. and from a landline--
Do you think I'm angry enough to smash that vase?
VIDEO RAY: That's up to you to decide. Good luck!
- Yaaaahhhhhh!
- Wait wait wait wait!
I think I know what the problem is. Look.
- Bose, you actually figured something out!
I think you're getting smarter and as I say that
I notice you're wearing your socks
on the outside of your shoes.
- I love these socks. I love lookin' at these socks.
Not gonna apologize.
Been slippin' a lot though.
- Mika! Mika!
- I don't think she can hear you, dude.
There's a door and-- - Of course she can.
MIKA!
RAY: MIKA AND SCHWOZ!
- Face South! No, North!
And stand on one leg!
- Ah! This thing is hurting my neck.
- That means it's working!
- What are you guys doing?! We were watching Dog Bachelor!
- Oh. Who did Ruffles pick?! Was it Martha?
- Probably!
- We don't know because whatever this is
made the cable go out.
- Yeah, just go smash your vase.
- We're listening for aliens! - Wait, for real?
- Like in TV? - Are they out there?!
- If they are, I wanna find 'em!
Maybe they're super intelligent and they can teach us
all about their alien technology.
- Finding super-intelligent life somewhere else in the universe
is not more important than the season finale of Dog Bachelor.
- Agreed! There is nothing more important
than dogs finding love on cable!
- Well tough puppies because we're trying to talk to aliens.
- No, no, no, no. We are not trying
to communicate with aliens!
- Hey hey hey hey! Ow! - Hey!
- Because if they are out there and we go talkin' to 'em,
they're gonna find out where we are, come to Earth
and gonna try to destroy us!
- Hey! Off! - Ahhh!
- I'm sorry... Did you just imply
that there's something out there that could destroy me?
- Nothin' can take out the big dog!
[ barks ]
- Absolutely adore you this week.
And you're right, there is nothing that can kill me.
- It's a big universe out there, Ray.
There's something that can kill everything.
- Yeah. And it's me.
- Yeahhhhh boiiiii!
- Heed my words people!
Do not try to contact aliens! - Relax, Miles.
We're not sending out any signals to aliens.
Just listening for them.
- Well, good. Apologies for my outburst.
- Thank you.
- I mean... we could talk to them.
- Noooooo. RAY: We could?
- I mean, I do have an optical,
hypersonic microphone right here.
- No! Please don't say anything.
- What up, alien gunches!
- WE'RE GONNA DIE!
- Tell 'em what's up.
- This is Ray Manchester, from the planet Earth.
- Third rock from the sun, baby!
- If there's any aliens out there that wanna get
a mouth full of fist, or a butt full of boot,
why don't you come on down here?
- Come get this smoke!
- I'll be waiting for ya'.
- I really don't think that was a good idea.
- Have you ever tried not thinking? Works for me.
- And now simply to drop the mic.
- Oh, hey. No no no no! - Hey!
[ high-pitched feedback ]
- He was just kidding, aliens!
He doesn't really want to fight any--
Ow!
He broke the mic.
- Dangzies Ray!
That's what your vase is for!
- You knew this was gonna happen Schwoz!
- It all just kinda happened.
[ kids all talking at once ]
- Stop talking!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!
[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!
- That's just the doorbell. - I know.
[ music ]
- Okay, okay, read the comments to me again.
- Why would you want to hear mean things
people say about you on the Internet?
- I don't want to hear them, Miles.
That's why I'm having Chapa track the commenters down.
So I can find them and punch them.
Right in their stupid hands. So they can't type
mean things anymore. Read.
- "Captain Man looks great for his age."
- Mm-hmm. Okay.
And where does this garbage person live?
- Two five one nine--
- I seek Ray.
- That's an alien!
- I am Glerp from The Zormicon Sector of The Rydek Galaxy.
- It's here to kill us!
- I am here to answer the challenge
of the one who calls himself... Ray.
- I told you not to say anything!
- Relax... - Are you Ray?
- No! Me? N-- Uhhh!
He's... Ray.
- I hope you are familiar with dust,
because that is what I am going to turn you into.
- Okay, Smurfette.
- Ooooh, girl, you gonna get it.
- You're pretty good at kickin' kids.
But I'd like to see you try that on someone a little big--
I... need... a weapon.
- I thought you were indestructible.
- Still hurts... a lot.
- Get up, big dog!
You got two weapons right here.
- I appreciate... your support... but--
Please...
Open...
The...
Weap--
Ons...
- What Ray?! Weapons what?!
- I think he was gonna say the weapons wall.
- Okay, yeah!
- So after the senate ratifies it, then it becomes a law?
♪ You're the one for me
♪ 'Cause I like like you
- Oh my god is that an alien?!
- Yeah, she came here to kill Ray.
- She's gonna have to try a little harder,
'cuz my boy is just gettin' started.
- I could use a strong glass of water.
MIKA: You have to tell me everything!
What do you subsist on?
Oh, are you carbon based?
Does your planet have Dog Bachelor?
- What is your name? - I'm Bose.
- Ha. That's funny.
On my planet that is a speaker company.
I am called Glerp and I like you.
- Oh my god you're exactly what I've always wanted.
Someone who likes me.
- I desire to gribble you.
- I don't know what that word means, but grib away.
- Mmmmmm, a little too fast...
- That doesn't sound like it's allowed.
- Aw, that's actually sweet. - Really gross.
- Yeah. Whooo-whooo!
- Now you're cheering her on?
- Hey. Love is love. Whooo-whooo!
- The woo-woo kid is making me uncomfortable.
Is there somewhere more quiet and private we can go?
- I know a crowded soup store where they blast hip hop.
- Perfect. I just need to thicken my goop.
- I should probably do the same.
- The only goop you're gonna be thickening is my fist.
Ahhh! Ahhhhhhhh!
[ high-pitched screaming ]
Somebody help me up!
- Let's go, Bosey.
I will thicken my goop on the way.
- What? No! Bose, you can't go out in public with an alien.
- Yeah, people will freak out.
- I'll just give her a hat and say she's Canadian.
- Oh, that's actually a really smart idea.
- Yeah. You are-- smart moments today.
- Ah. Ah.
- This is fun.
Down the tubes!
- Oh, you're supposed to go down!
- Oh! Okay.
- Did an alien just come to Earth,
tie Ray's arms in a pretzel,
gribble Bose and now they're on a date?
- She also kicked you in the chest.
- I'm still having trouble breathing.
- Maybe someone should go to Hip Hop Purée
and keep an eye on Bose and as I say that
I know it's gonna be me byeeeee.
- Hey, champ. As your hype-man, I, I, just have one note
and it's so minor, it would just be
to stop letting little aliens beat you up.
Yeah!
[ music ]
- So do they speak American on your planet, too?
- Nooo... but I learned English by watching episodes of Friends
while traveling to your planet.
- That is so smart! - I know, right!
Could I be speaking English any better?
- Okay, here's your fajita purée...
and there's your Fettuccini Alfredo.
- Thank you.
- Mmmm... that hits both my stomachs.
- She's Canadian.
- Get ooot! So am I.
Where you from, eh?
- She's from Hockeytown. Where are you from?
- Fine! You got me!
I'm not Canadian at all!
[ cries ] Okay?
- Want to hear a space joke? - Always.
- Okay. So two space chickens are space fighting
over a space pickle... - Preparing to love this.
- and then the space farmer says,
"Take my protons... PLEASE!"
[ laughs ]
- I don't get that at all.
But I really want to gribble with you again
so I'm gonna laugh.
- Well bring it in, cutie.
[ music ]
- Can you get me some dihydrogen monoxide?
- Yeah we don't have that on Earth.
But I'll get you some water.
Good ol' HTwo-Ohhhhh!
[ groans ]
- Are you in pain?
- Ah, my back's just acting up.
Probably gonna rain later.
[ suspenseful music ]
[ gasps ]
- I know why you are here. - What? Hmmm?
Hi. Me? Hi. Oh, who?
Were you here? I didn't even know you were here.
I was just sitting.
Just... havin' a sit.
- You are spying on us because you are in love with Bose.
- What? No, no, no... that's not a thing.
- Then why are you here?
- Okay, I was spying on you to make sure
you don't kick him in the chest
like you did with my brother and my boss.
- Okay, your boss was asking for it.
Like, he literally sent a message to whole universe
asking for a fight.
- For sure, for sure.
But I also want to learn from you.
I have so many questions! - I am on a date.
You've got fifteen seconds.
- How'd you get here? - Wormholes.
- What do you eat? - Worms.
- Where do you get them? - Wormholes.
- Are there any other forms of intelligent life?
- Life? Yes. Intelligent? No.
You get one more. Make it good.
- Earth has a lot of problems.
Climate change, poverty, we have so much trash
we don't even know what to do with...
What else?
Ooh, our phone batteries don't last long enough,
Frittle dust stains your fingers,
and every reality show is just people doing
whatever with masks on.
- Here is the solution to your trash problem.
For the Frittle problem, use chopsticks.
Now please leave us alone.
- Chopsticks. Of course!
- Where is my water?
- The line was too long.
Plus we better rock and roll if we wanna beat traffic.
- Where are we going?
- Back to the Man's Nest to watch Sixty Minutes.
Tonight's episode is about Jimmy Buffet. Come on.
- Bose doesn't watch Sixty Minutes.
And why does he have a goatee?
- How should I know? I'm from Canada.
- Oh, really? What part?
- Fine, you got me!
I'm not from Canada alright?!
This book doesn't work. - Okay.
- I am never reading again.
Read a book of lies!
[ music ]
- And then Bose came back to the table and he had a goatee...
- Wow that's crazy, hey, I'm gonna move you
a little bit to your right. - Uh... okay.
Oh, and then he said
"tonight's Sixty Minutes is about Jimmy Bucket."
- Who's Jimmy Bucket?
RAY: Jimmy Buffet! He sings songs for old people
about cheeseburgers and breakin' your flip-flops!
- Is Ray in that box?
CHAPA: No! - Chapa?!
Are you in there too?!
CHAPA: Stop asking about the box!
- Okay, to everyone who may or may not be in the box,
I think Glerp is doing something to Bose!
- You're just jealous because you're in love with Bose.
RAY: Right?! CHAPA: Nailed it!
- I am not in love with Bose! Why does everyone think that?!
- I don't know. Maybe because you're always spyin' on him
when he's on dates with aliens.
- That's only happened once!
- That's always.
- The only reason I went is because that Glerp girl is scary
and she's manipulative and she's heyyyyyy girl!
- Hey girl.
- You look great.
Did you get your haaaii-ead done?
- My head is the same.
- And I love it! Where's Bose?
- We were walking home and he got tired
so he sat down on a bench to rest.
He quickly fell asleep with his mouth open.
- [ laughs ] Yo that's crazy! That's a great story!
I'm gonna move you over here.
- So is Bose still sleeping on the bench?
- No, he went to get the paper and then he was going to--
- Hey! Lemme ask you a real quick question, Glerp:
have you ever been to TALLAHASSEE?
- Supplies! - Die, alien!
[ gasps ]
- Whoa! Her teeth are magnetic?!
Ahhhhh!!
There are other chests in the room you can kick!
- Okay, Glerp, the only thing you're gonna be stapling is my fist!
You didn't let me finish.
I was gonna say "the only thing you'll be stapling
is my fist, and the rest of my body and Chapa's."
So, so I was right. - Yeah.
- Look, I know the reason you're all trying to kill me
is because you're all in love with Bose.
- Noooo! - That's ridiculous!
- That's just Mika!
- I am not in love with Bose!
[ snickers ]
- I'm just worried about him.
- Bose is as healthy as a Gorlack snake
that just ate it's own skin.
- What?
- He's fine.
BOSE: Sorry I'm late.
It's cold in here.
[ everyone gasps ]
- Yeah yeah, I got gunk on the corners of my mouth.
And I ain't cleaning it!
[ music ]
- There should be more movies about World War Two...
- What? Why's his face so wrinkly?
- Yeah, it looks an elephant's butt.
- This is what I was talking about --
something is making Bose age really fast.
- So he's turning old?
- Ewwwwww get away, get away, get away!
- What's that?
- Ahhhhh don't touch me I don't want to catch old!
- Come here, Bosey...
You are just as beautiful as the first day I saw you.
- That was today.
- Mika, don't be jealous. - I'm not jealous!
- Well you're tracking their relationship pretty closely.
- I'm trying to save his life!
- You're trying to shave my wife?
- Ohhhhh.
- My chompers!
[ cracking bone sounds ]
Oh! - Bose, was that your back?
- Mhm hmm, it's broken.
- He's getting older by the second!
- Time to spread some false information on FakeBook...
- Ew gross ew gross ew gross...
I swear to god if I catch one year from you...
- You can't "catch old" from someone.
-Yeah, then how'd he get like that?!
- Can you just take him to a Jimmy Buffet concert or something?
- Sure. C'mon, Pop-Pop.
- Annnnd post.
I mean where does it end?!
They gonna cancel baseball and apple pie?
MILES: Let's go, Bose.
- Noooo! Why did you send my love to a concert
for dads who wear shorts?
- Because you're sucking the life out of him!
- Can someone get me down?
- Glerp, I think you're making Bose age really fast.
That's why his skin is so wrinkly
and his hair is falling out.
- Ehhhh!
- So? Eventually he will shed that wrinkly skin,
eat it, and then be reborn.
- Yeah, that's not how it works with humans.
- Glerp, if you keep loving him, Bose will die.
[ Glerp cries ]
MIKA: Oh, it's okay, it's okay...
- But I love him so much...
- I know... we all do...
- Some of us more than others. - Yeah. Right?
MIKA: You'll be fine. There are plenty of other guys in the galaxy.
Until you're my age, then every other guy
is either married or living with his parents.
- [ gasps ] Ahhhh!!! Mika's old now!
The alien gave her the olds -- run!
- Stop! You are not going to catch old!
- Yeah, you're dang right I'm not!
- At least not from us.
But there's obviously something about Glerp's big feelings
that makes humans age really quickly!
Her head starts to glow and then whoever is touching her gets old!
- You gotta let Bose go. - But I don't want to.
- You have to let him go. - Noooooooo!
- You gotta let him go--
- AHHHHHHHHHHH!
- No, no, not--
My smashin' vase!
I was going to smash that! Gah!
I am so angry I could just -- where's my smashin' vase?!
- Glerp just smashed it.
- GAAAAHHHHHHH!!
- Whoa! - Whoa!
- Get up, Ray!
- Glerp, [ super-screams ] stop!
This isn't helping!
- Actually, I think it is.
- Ha!
[ Ray groans ]
- How is this helping?!
- She's mad that she has to leave Bose,
so she's taking her anger out on Ray.
Trust me, I speak fluent anger.
Yo, hey!
Gimme a sec.
- Whoa. - Hey, buddy, buddy.
I love being your hype man, and I want you to know
that over the next few hours you're gonna make
a great punching bag for an angry alien.
- Never! I will end her!
- Yeah yeah but she needs to let her anger out
so she can leave Bose and go back to her planet.
- She smashed m'vase!
- Look at me. - Sure.
- You are the smashin' vase now.
- I am beautiful... yet fragile.
- You're actually indestructible.
- And beautiful. - Sure.
Now get up there and take a beating.
For Bose.
- Hey Glerp!
Ding. Ding.
- What does that mean?
- It means my body is yours for punchin'.
- Okay. But from now on I'm going to stop holding back.
- You've been holding back?!
[ screams ]
- You got this.
- How long do you think she's gonna beat on him?
- I dunno. Cuppa hours.
Maybe cuppa months.
- [ laughs ] You have such a pretty smile!
You should smiled m--
No no no anger is a good look, too.
And look! Ray's getting beaten up by an alien!
RAY: She's twisting my arms into a pretzel again!
Ah! Ahh-ahhh!
[ music ]
- I will miss you.
I'm sorry I have to leave
but if I stay the universe will soon be without a Bose.
And that is a universe I want no part of.
- I'm gonna miss you too, Glerp.
- Alright, get in here, gramps!
- I'm comin'.
- Don't you touch me.
[ music ]
- What's that?
- Don't ask questions!
- It's Ray's machine that makes you younger
when you walk backwards on it.
- It could be anybody's machine! And I said no questions!
- It's Ray's machine and it worked great on me.
- Bose! Just get on the treadmill and walk backwards!
- I'm sorry I just gotta ask, how old are you?
- I said no more questions!
- Dah-dah-dah! No!
- Oh my god! The Toddler! - Dangit!
[ music ]
♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪
♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪
♪ I'm okay
♪ I'm okaaaay!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!