[ music ]
♪ I'm in the money...
HOWDEE VOICE: Howdee y'alllll!
- I hear you. HOWDEE VOICE: Welcome to Howdee,
where celebrities record personal messages for money.
Your Howdee message to-- - Let's go. I hate this part.
HOWDEE VOICE: "Tiffany," is about to record in...
- I just really need to get this done let's go s'go--
Heyyyyyyyyy, Tiffany. What's zappenin'?
I heard you're getting your tonsils outtie
like a belly button...
I just want to say that you're as cool as those ice chips
you're going to be eating for a while. So Tiffany...
stay sparky.
RAY: Uhhhh, whatcha doin' there, Sparky?
- Nothing.
- Oh, soo you skipped out on apple picking for nothing?
- Yep. - You promised me
you'd be there. - I know.
- But you weren't there. - I know.
- A promise is something one can never break.
Bones? Sure.
Hearts? Daily.
Teeth? I think we all know the answer to that one.
But promises?
Never.
- Well maybe she can come with us next time--
- Anybody else could have skipped,
I would have been fine with it!
- Wow. - Offensive.
- Mika? She made it an apple picking competition.
- Which I won. Not that it matters.
It matters.
- Miles? Miles just wandered around
waiting for "the apples to pick him."
- My life is about the journey, not the results.
- Yeah, well your journey resulted in zero apples.
- False.
- And Bose?
Actually, Sweet Bose and I had some really good talks.
- Your grandma loves you, she just doesn't know how to say it.
- But gol-DANGIT, Chapa!
You're my second favorite!
- So I'm your favorite?
- Oh, no. My favorite's me.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going go take a bath,
eat some apples, and pen a handwritten letter
to my grandmother.
[ in unison ] - No!
- What was that? - What?
- That's you're first bite of an apple?
- 'Course. Stem first, butt second.
- Oh my god! - Why?
- This is how everybody eats apples!
Top, bottom, then the core,
after that you'll want some more.
Who is teaching you kids?
- You are! - Absolutely no one.
- You know what.
Normally I'd want to stick around and chat.
But you know. Today?
Today, I don't.
- So what were you doing wi-- - Today, I don't.
- Just take your bath, Ray.
- What the actual drip?
- Yeah what's going on?
Why are you so rich right now?
- You look like a million dollars threw up on you.
- What are you guys talking about?
These shoes?!
[ Miles, Bose and Mika ] - Dangggg!
- These pants?!
[ Miles, Bose and Mika ] - Doppppe!
- THIS JACKET?!
[ Miles and Bose ] - Swettttt!
- Seriously, where'd you get the money for this lewk?
MILES: Yeah, spill it!
- Oh, I wanna be rich!
- Okay I'll tell you
but I don't want you to be all weird about it.
- We won't be! - No judgment.
- I can't judge. Never learned how.
- I've been making videos for people on Howdee.
- EWWWWWWW! - I judge you!
- What's so bad about Howdee?
People pay me money to brighten someone's day.
- We don't charge people to send them good vibes.
We're superheroes. - And we're a team.
So when you do stuff just for money it makes us all look bad.
- I see what this is about.
Y'all are jelly.
Jelly of this drip.
- [ scoffs ] Ha ha. The only jelly I am
is the apple jelly I'm going home to make right now.
- Savage.
- Wait I thought we were making apple cider.
We are, but I'm not "cider" of her drip
so "jelly" worked better.
I need you to "Yes, and" me. We've talked about this.
[ banjo music ]
HOWDEE VOICE: Howdeee y'allllll!
- Sorry, peasants. I'm 'bout to get paid in the shade
drinkin' lemonade to...
cheer up little Scotty 'cuz his dog died.
Ooo. Can I have the room, please?
[ mocking Chapa ] - Can I have the room, please?
- You're a peasant...
Not even that popular.
- Today, I don't.
- Noooo! - Oh my god!
- What?! "Middle bite, with the peel,
grow as tall as Shaq O'Neal."
Sometimes I think you guys were just raised by wolves...
- I'm not, I'm not doing it.
[ music ]
- You ever see me doing a Howdee video,
you kick me in the zipper.
Because that's an imposter.
- You ever see me doing a Howdee video, you shave my head.
- [ gasps ] But Miles, your hair is...
- Thirty percent of my identity and 50% of my body weight.
- Y'know, when we sell all this cider, we'll make...
like, five maybe ten bucks.
- It ain't much, but it's honest work.
- May not be quick money, but it's clean money.
- Amen.
- Hey, kids...
- Sup, Moms? Pops?
- Your dad and I would like to have a very important
and very personal discussion with you.
- But we're scared. - Yeah.
So we paid a local celebrity on Howdee
to have "the talk" with you instead.
- Wait, what talk?
- Just watch this video!
La-la-la-la-la-la...
- Hello, Angela and Herman's kids.
It's Brainstorm from Danger Force
here to give you "the talk."
You see when a man and a woman love each other very much...
- Ahhhhhhh! Stop stop stop stop stop.
- Cut. Veto. Basta.
- Kids, I know it's awkward but just push on through!
- No!
- Mom. We already know where baby twins come from.
- We don't need "the talk."
- Oh. Well then this Howdee video
was a waste of eight-hundred-fifty dollars.
[ in unison ] - Eight-hundred and fifty dollars?!
- Yeah, it was a flash sale.
Brainstorm usually charges a thousand...
Herman why'd ya leave?
- So we're doing Howdee, right? - Yes and!
- It all just kinda happened.
[ kids all talking at once ]
- Stop talking!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!
[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!
- That's just the doorbell. - I know.
[ music ]
- Could not have been more wrong about Howdee.
- Ya welcome.
- Remember when we were happy with ten dollars...
- We have so many more dollars now!
- And I am so much more happy! - Ya welcome.
- Chapa I am so grateful that you turned me on to Howdee
that I hired a superstar to send you a "thank you message."
HOWDEE VOICE: You got a Howdee!
From ROBOT VOICE: Cardib.
CARDI B: Ya boy Bose says thank you, girl!
Now get that schmoney okurrrrr...
- Aw, you didn't have to do that.
- It's cool -- I'm rich!
- Ya welcome.
- 'Sup, schoolios?
- What. Are. You doing?
- Even I know that's wrong.
- What? "Turn it 'round, bite the crust,
that's a pizza you can trust.
Then the cheese, then the sauce--
why are you guys all so rich right now?
- Howdeeeeee!
- Loud and proud.
- What. - Howdee.
It's an app where people pay celebrities
to send them messages.
- No, no, no, no, no, please tell me you're not--
- Howdee y'alllllll! - Hey!
- Are you kidding me?
- Hey, thanks for signing me up, you guys.
I finally paid off my student debt!
[ kids in unison ] - Ya welcome.
- How are you on Howdee?!
You're not a Swell-lebrity.
- On Howdee I am "The Cupid."
Hello!
This is a message of looooove...
From Chris to Mike--
- That's ridiculous. Who would pay you for that?
- I just told you, Chris and--
- Schwoz is actually the most popular celebrity on Howdee.
- NO.
- Check out the big board.
He's on top.
- NO NO NO NO NO.
- I heard Howdee is trying to get Joey Lawrence
to sign up and make videos.
- Joey Lawrence?
- Aw, not Joey Lawrence!
- What's so funny?
- Joey Lawrence and Captain Man have beef.
- You have beef with the Joey Lawrence?
- The Joey Lawrence that was on "Blossom?"
- The Joey Lawrence that had a brief
but stellar career as a singer?
- The Joey half of "Melissa & Joey?"
RAY: The same.
He thinks he's got a better jawline than me
which he doesn't.
- He's got a great jawline, Ray.
- And it's like thirty percent of his identity. Right here...
CHAPA: It's low key though and it's like pretty nice.
- Alright quiet! How do I start selling myself on Howdee?
- Just download the app. - I'm gonna do this.
Stupid Joey Lawrence and his stupid perfect jawline
and stupid Schwoz can't be number one see this is
exactly why people shouldn't have the right to vote.
- Ohhhh. Come at me, bro.
- I'm gonna beat you Schwoz, and that's a promise.
A promise is something I never break.
Bones? Sure.
- Are we competing? - Hearts? Daily.
- Is this a competition? - Teeth?
I think we all know the answer to that.
- I SAID, "IS THIS A COMPETITION?!"
- Has she always been this competitive?
- Six years ago, I jokingly said that I could say "fishsticks"
more than she could. - Fishsticks.
- So now, every time I say fishsticks-- - Fishsticks.
- She has to say fishsticks, too.
- Fishsticks fishticks fishticks
are we competing on Howdee or not?!
VOLT: I already am.
Hey Omar, I heard you got yelled at by a writer today.
Tough break, buddy. No one likes getting screamed at.
- Ahhhh!
- But sometimes a little "shock" to the system
can really get ya going again. Stay sparky!
- Heyyyyyy Sabrina!
It's me ShoutOut here to give you...
a shoutout! Heh heh...
- Heyyyyyy, Winston. It's ya girl Volt
AKA Lil Sparky AKA Spark Wahlburg...
- Heyyyyyy, Mrs. Feldstein!
It's AWOL with A message.
- Heyyyyyy, insert name here!
It's B to the Rainstorm wishing you a happy B to the Ar Mitzvah.
Your rabbi loves you soooooo much!
That's weird.
Forgot a "t" at the end of "rabbit."
- Heyyyyy there, Velinda!
What kind of a name is that?
Your parents couldn't decide between Valerie and Belinda?
- Heyyyyy Kylie. It's me, Cupid!
This message is from Travis who says
he's "sorry for the things he said when he was hangry."
So don't be a cupid idiot and take him back!
He he he!
- ...so don't forget to "live life out loud!"”
ShoutOut... out!
- It's AWOL sayin' "peace y'all!"
- Stay sparky!
- My catchphrase! Bye.
- What ever happened to Emily? You know, simple, American.
Anyway, you know who I am. You're welcome.
Happy Birthday. Change your name.
Alright, I'm done with this.
[ music ]
- and don't worry, Conan.
Tonight's taping is gonna be great.
Tell Andy I said, "Hold the cheese!"
He'll know what I mean... stay sparky.
[ banjo music ]
- She's a machine. - We can't let her win!
- I am literally doing that right now.
- No!
- She's starting another...
- What's up, Gaperman? This is your fellow electro-cutie,
Volt, tellin' you that usually people
don't buy these for themselves, but you do you, boo.
- She can't win!
- ...I don't know if you got confused
and clicked the wrong button or something--
[ super-screams ]
- Ow! What the heck, Mika?!
- I won't let you win, Chapa!
- We're usin' too many names here.
[ in unison ] - Shut up, Miles!
- That's three.
- We sayin' names? - What? No.
- I'm Bose!
- Dude! What are you doing?!
- Stopping your Howdee.
That was a complete fail!
- Oooh! Volt made a fail vid?
Full send! - No, no, no don't!
Don't! Wait! - I'm Captain Man
I sends what I wants! - Please! Ray, please.
- You don't-- - And now simply to send!
[ banjo music ]
[ Ray laughs ]
Let's see who's number one after that.
Yeah.
Why am I the only one laughing?
- Because that "fail video" revealed all of our identities.
- In one video?
That's some efficient stupidity.
- It was a message for Mary Gaperman.
- Who does the news on KLVY.
- Even worse!
- Why are you laughing?
- To hide the pain...
[ all laughing ]
[ all still laughing ]
- Seriously how are we going to fix this?
That video is going to completely un-secret
our secret identities.
- There may be a way to fix this.
- There's no way to fix this. - You just asked if there was.
- That was seconds ago, I still had hope.
- Hey, this says the messages don't go directly to the recipient.
They go to the Howdee Server Farm,
where they get processed for about six hours before delivery.
- Oh! Then let's head to the Howdee Server Farm.
- Ooooh! I love farms!
The cows, the crops, the old time mom and pop feel...
- No, no, no, Bose... that's not what server farms are.
Server farms are these like giant warehouses
full of big computers and they're run by young Tech Bros
with names like "Jace" and "Sean."
They're not real farms.
- Actually, it's a real farm. - Oh, come on.
- It says here that the Howdee Servers are a family farm
run by Maw and Paw Howdee.
They give tours on weekends where each guest gets a free mug
of their signature warm butter. If you ask me
that sounds pretty good, if you ask me.
- I've never had it before, but I'm open to new things.
- Okay, fine. I'll go. But I'm going for punching.
I ain't drinking no warm butter from Maw and Paw Howdee.
[ music ]
CAPTAIN MAN: Ooo! Ooo! Me me me me me!
- No need to clamor. Plenty 'a buttah to go around.
- That's right. At our farm, buttah grows on trees.
- Mm. Soo goooood...
- Wait doesn't butter come from cows?
- Here at Howdee Farms we do things...
a little differently.
Y'see, years ago,
my great grandpappy J.W.W. Howdee
struck internet right'chere.
Evah since then, we been a simple buttah and internet farm.
- Hey, how do you farm internet?
- Well, when somebody makes a Howdee vidja,
it goes through this ole gal, Bessie.
- That stands for "Bi-Electronic Server System Internet Etc."
Oop! Looks like a vidja is almost ready to be streamed.
- I am learning so much today. - Same!
- I'm gonna forget it allll. - Same!
- When a vidja is ready,
we squeeze it outta these here wires
into these here buckets.
Then we pour it into that there internet crick
where it's streamed to the world.
- So that's why it's called streaming!
- That's right, son.
Clearly you're the smart one.
- I guess I am.
- Ugh, my tummy is so full of buttah.
- Oh, if you're not gonna finish that.
- No, I am, I am. I'm going to finish it.
No no.
VOLT ON VIDEO: What the heck, Mika.
MIKA ON VIDEO: I won't let you win, Chapa.
- Wait a second, that's our video!
- Yeah, that's actually why we're here.
- Oh, no need to explain.
- You celebritahs always come to Howdee Farms
for the same reason.
- You sent out an embarrassing vidja
and you find yourself in a dill of a pickle.
- Maw and Paw will take care of you.
- Aw thank you. That's really sweet I appreciate you.
- Nice people. - I love ya'll.
Why are they chuckling?
- I dunno. Probably about to turn bad.
- Yeah, I'm afraid there's a sick turn comin'.
- Y'all gonna do something for us,
or your vidja's gonna get streamed
to the whorld whide wheb.
- Backslash get wrecked.
- Hold that dab, Paw!
'Cuz we don't negotiate with vid-nappers.
Nice.
We punch 'em.
Wooooof. One second.
Oh, man. I shouldn't have had that fifth mug of buttah.
- When did you have a fifth mug--
- Don't worry about it.
Danger For-- Danger Force -- ATTACK!
- Grrrrr. Hold on.
- Ahhhhh!
[ Maw and Paw laugh ]
- Ahhhh-ohh. - So much dairy.
SHOUTOUT: My stomach huuuuurts...
- Can't... spark... - That's the buttah, baby.
It makes it awful hard to do your powers.
- I think the phrase you're lookin' for is...
Ruh Roh. - Whoo! Get wrecked!
[ Captain Man and Danger Force groan ]
- Okay. You've had your dabs.
What do you want from us?
- Does the name "Joey Lawrence" mean anything to you?
- You know, the actor, producer, singer, poet,
ten time winner of America's Next Top Jaw...
- His jawline is not better than mine!!!
- Ah, so you do know him.
- What do you want with Joey Lawrence?
- Why, he's only the most popular celebrity in Swellview.
- He is not!
- But he won't return our calls.
- So we want you to convince Joey Lawrence to join Howdee.
We want him making vidjas, sending messages,
flashing that million dollar jawline...
[ groans ]
- You get us a nice, big filet of J...
we'll erase that vidja for ya.
- Maybe you didn't hear me, Paw.
I don't negotiate with--
AWOL: He'll do it. - What?
- You're gonna do it. Go do it.
- What? No. I will not--
- Do you want me to chant?
- Don't you dare!
- Kid Danger once told me that he can't resist a chant.
- He was lying! He's a known liar!
[ ShoutOut chanting ] - Make the call.
- No.
[ Danger Force chanting ] - Make the call.
- Don't do that.
[ Danger Force chanting ] - Make the call.
- C'mon guys don't do the chant thing.
[ all except Captain Man ] - Make the call. Make the call.
Oh will you please-- you want me to make the call?
I'll call make the call. - Make the call!
- I'll do it right now.
Call him on this here pohone.
Ohh! I'm dialing!
It's ringing!
Lawrence, you BUM!
IT'S CAPTAIN MAN!
[ Danger Force cheers ]
SHOUTOUT: Whoo! - Yes.
- There's no way he's gonna get Joey Lawrence to join.
- They hate each other.
- We gotta tip the cow.
[ Brainstorm, ShoutOut and Volt ] - Hm?
- We gotta tip the cow.
If we tip BESSIE we destroy their server,
our video, and their whole dirty business.
- Then let's do it!
We didn't do it.
- Our bellies are too full of buttah.
AWOL: Hey Mika.
Whoever can tip the cow... wins.
- Wins?
- That's right. This is a competition.
- I'mma tip that cow.
- Just like Ray can't resist a chant,
Mika can't resist a competition.
- I'm gonna beat you to it, girl.
- No you're not!
- Second place is the first loser!
- You're the first loser. - Savage.
- I don't think you can do it, sis.
You don't have the scream in you.
- Yes I--
[ super-burps ]
- Wow.
BESSIE: Moooooo...
- I... win.
- Ooo! What in the actual hecks happened hee-yuh?!
- Bessie, NO!!!
Stay with me, girl! Stay with me!
BESSIE: Mooooooooo...
- Our vidjas. Our precious vidjas.
Destroyed!
All our honest, clean work.
- Your work wasn't honest!
- Or clean! - Or honest!
- You will never hold someone's embarrassing vidja
hostage ever again.
- And so, in conclusion, Joseph.
I do not like you, at all.
But I will agree to be a human piñata
at your daughter's tenth birthday party.
Yes, in the Man's Nest.
And that comes with the Captain Man promise.
Click.
What'd I miss?
Oh, hey! Somebody wrecked the computer cow!
Looks like Captain Man is off the hook!
- Wow. - What?
- A promise is something you can never break.
- Bones? Sure.
- Hearts? Daily.
- Teeth? Definitely.
- But promises?
[ Danger Force in unison ] - Never.
- I don't like you children.
[ music ]
- Ahhh! Okay, new rule!
Ahhh! Promises are hereby breakable.
OWW!
There. - I wanna hit him next.
- No, no. I get to hit him!
I won the cow tipping competition!
- That was a fake competition to get you to do all the work.
- [ gasps ] Brilliant.
- Guys, this warm buttah did not travel well.
- Then don't drink it.
- Oh I'm still drinkin' it.
[ toilet flushes ]
[ AWOL gasps ]
- That sounded like the signature toilet flush
of TV's Joey Lawrence!
- It sure was!
[ everyone applauds ]
- Booooo! You call that a jawline?!
Jabba the Hutt's got a better jawline than you!
- Have all the kids gotten a chance to hit you yet?
- Not yet. - Great, then it's my turn.
I'm about to take some swats... of that pin-yatts.
- Yeah! - Whoo!
- Ahhh! Owww!
Oww! Oww! Ah!
- Hit him again!
♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪
♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪
♪ I'm okay
♪ I'm okaaaay!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!