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Going in the water.
GOLD FOR DOGS
In his tent,
3 times
and we tried
sodomy once
but I couldn't do it.
In the apartment,
6 times.
One time, super beautiful.
In the golden light.
I cried.
Twice in the back of his car.
He comes on my boobs.
On the beach, 3 times.
Twice at night, once in broad daylight in the dunes.
In the shower at the campground, once.
He comes in my mouth.
I swallow.
Hi, what can I get you?
-What do you want? -A Smarties and...
That blue one.
-It's yummy. You like marshmallow? -Yes.
Cool.
Cup or cone?
-Cone, please. -Two scoops.
-Anything else? -One scoop of strawberry in a cup.
Your hair.
Hair, Esther, come on.
Your hair right now.
Sorry, be right with you.
Hey, this is Mado. Leave me a message.
Hello, mom. This is Esther.
Just calling to see how you're doing.
It's a long time since we...
So... I'm taking in a beautiful sunset.
I wish you could see it.
It's like in the movies.
Besides that, I'm good.
I'd like it if we could talk.
I guess you must be busy.
Anyway, I'll be going. Love you!
Call me back if you can. Love you.
-Jean. -Marie-Lou.
Nice to meet you.
-Hi. -Camille.
-So you're Romain's girlfriend? -No, his cousin.
It's my farewell party.
-Farewell! -Thanks.
Cheers.
Esther!
Stop.
You don't like it?
Stop, I'm not in the mood.
You're crunchy with sand.
Stop.
Esther, stop.
Stop.
Fucking stop it!
Shit, Esther!
Come here.
I don't do it right?
Wrong. Come here.
Give me your address? So I can write you a card.
For real?
-You don't want to? -Sure.
Jean Favre, 27, Rue des Envierges, 75020 Paris.
-Right? -That's it.
Alright...
Jean... You've gone.
So every day, I retrace our steps under the same sun.
Sometimes I wish it would burn my skin
so I feel something other than your absence.
But the sand is still golden. The wind blows through me.
The immense trees still shimmer.
And I stay here, cherishing my memories of you.
Yesterday, a customer asked for a 12-scoop ice cream.
Also, Peyo's dog died.
They say he drowned.
I wonder what your life's like up there.
If your hair still smells of the ocean.
I'm thinking of you.
Esther.
Hey.
So two people get locked in the bathroom as long as we choose.
Count me out.
So I pick two people for the bathroom, and we see what happens.
You!
-Scared? -Of what?
I don't know, locked in here with me.
No, I'm not scared.
You don't scare easy, right?
Come on.
I watched you all summer.
Something changed for you.
I mean, inside you.
Stop.
I'm not saying anything you don't know.
I saw right away who you were.
Who you really were. Deep down.
Girls like you are rare.
Stop.
I had long talks with Jean but he doesn't get this stuff.
He can't get this stuff.
He doesn't see what I see.
He thinks you're just cute.
But you're not just cute.
What happened this summer,
don't let it panic you.
It's like a space
that's opened up and can't ever be closed.
And all us guys, we'll always see it in you.
Always.
-Stop. -We'll smell it.
Stop.
Why stop? I thought you weren't scared.
I'm not scared. I don't care.
You don't care?
I bet if I touch you, you're totally wet.
You see? Exactly like I said.
Give me your hand.
You can't help it.
It's who you are.
Touch me.
Jerk me.
Dessert of the day. Pancake.
-Baloo! -How's my little Esther?
How are you doing? Here, eat.
-I was up in my room earlier. -I meant to tell you.
-You found your boxes? -Not everything.
-What? -Not everything. Where's all my stuff?
Look, Esther, we're not running a garage.
Gilles and I plan to turn the attic into a bedroom.
So you can come visit, if you want.
I'm going to Paris, mom. To see Jean. He lives there.
I told you about him early summer, remember.
-How long are you staying? -I think maybe I'll move there.
I came to say goodbye.
Girls! When they fall in love.
Runs in the family, I guess.
You take after me. I always said.
The ladykillers!
Don't I get a kiss?
I wish your mom wore dresses like that. I keep telling her.
Don't I, babe?
What do you want? Can't you see we're busy?
-We need diapers. He keeps bawling. -I'll go on my break.
There you go.
-Is that all? -Yeah, that's all.
Alright...
-You can't help it, can you? -What?
Don't play that game with me. You think it's funny?
-Calm down. -What? Me, calm down?
She rocks up half-naked, flirts with my man, how can I keep calm?
Every time you come, you stir up shit. You can't help it.
Why did you come then?
If you want money for your little trip, I don't have any.
You've got money, right? Haven't you?
Don't go winging it. I won't come to Paris to rescue you.
No, it's fine.
You've got to go. I'm way behind.
Call me, okay?
Love you.
I'll drop you at Morcenx station. It's on my way.
-Can I put something on? -Be my guest.
Barry Manilow? Seriously?
No, it's just a joke with my buddies.
There's more.
Hi, this is Jean Favre's voicemail.
I can't take your call but leave a message.
Sorry...
Is this far?
It's there.
Thank you very much, ma'am. Thanks.
Jean!
Jean, it's Esther!
Coming down. Two seconds.
I'll be right down.
Come on.
Make that two.
Look, Esther...
I don't get this.
You can't just rock up, calling me 200 times.
I have a life here. You see?
What are you thinking?
I don't get it.
You have family here? You came to see Paris?
We said, after the season...
In Paris.
I said that when I was drunk.
Watching the sun set over the beach. I said it...
I don't know why.
Thanks.
I said it so...
So you'd be happy in love, in the sunshine and summer.
I am in love, Jean.
I love you infinitely, you know.
Just give me a chance to show you.
We could go to your place.
Spend some time together.
Look, Esther, I...
Just go home.
There's nothing for you in Paris.
You can see this won't work.
Look at everyone else.
I mean, where's your stuff?
You came like that, half-naked?
Here.
Put this on.
You've got money?
A place to sleep?
You can't stay with me. Got it? You can't.
You've got money?
It's all I have but I can...
I can buy you a train ticket on my phone.
Want me to?
I can do it, no problem.
Look, Esther...
I'm going, okay?
Look after yourself.
Go home, okay?
And stop calling me, please.
Okay?
See you.
Do you want to get a drink?
I'm not sleepy.
Cool bar you've got.
It's not my bar. I just work here.
Want one?
Sure?
Take one, they're from Egypt.
Cheers.
I don't like that guy you were with. He's no good.
What's your name?
-Wael. And yours? -Esther.
It means "star" and "she who conceals." Pretty, isn't it?
Very pretty.
Can I put on some music?
The bar's closed.
I'm beat, been working for hours. It's time to sleep.
Just one track, then I'll go.
Here.
Don't you want to kiss me?
I'm too old for you, surely?
Just one, then I'll go.
I'll be going then.
You'll be okay?
I'll walk. I like walking. Thanks, bye.
Hold on, Esther.
-Thanks. -Goodbye.
Gimme your bag. Give me it!
Where to, miss?
You have an address maybe?
How long does 20 last?
I don't know.
A half-hour, more or less.
-Will it get me to the station? -Which one?
Montparnasse station.
Sure, no problem.
Wait here.
Do not make light of the Lord's discipline.
Sorry.
Do not lose heart when he rebukes you.
Because the Lord disciplines the one he loves.
He chastens everyone he accepts as his son.
Endure hardship as discipline.
God is treating you as his children.
Which children are not disciplined by their father?
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.
Later, however,
discipline produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.
Make level paths for your feet,
so that the lame may not be disabled,
but rather healed.
We have just seen, for example,
how the teachings of the Decalogue, the ten commandments,
are taken up and taught here by the elder to the disciple...
The chapel is behind us.
The refectory at the end of the corridor.
Yes?
Yes.
Wait here.
How much is it for a night?
Really? There's no price list here.
We are not a hotel.
Give what you can, what seems right.
And if I have nothing?
We'll see.
Keep going, please. It's nearly time for mass.
I saw you at lunch.
You weren't eating.
My name's Esther.
Mom, everything's going great here.
Jean is so sweet with me, showing me around the city.
Today, we saw Paris from above, on top of the Montparnasse tower.
It was superb.
I'd like to show you Paris one day. I think you'd like it.
Don't worry if I don't call.
I lost my phone but I'll write often.
Have you made blackberry jam with Granny?
Love you.
Esther.
You know the girl over there?
Which one?
The one not eating.
Very beautiful, facing us.
She took a vow of silence.
She hasn't spoken for over two years.
That really old sister told me. She's loopy but super nice.
Hey there.
How you doing?
Come on.
I think I'll call you Jesus.
My family's really religious.
This is our tradition, a retreat before you turn 18.
My brothers and sisters did it. I'm the youngest.
Next summer, I'll do the Way of St. James with my cousin who's 18 too.
I can't wait!
-You have brothers and sisters? -No.
I guess I sound pretty old-school.
People usually think I'm kind of old-school.
Not me, I don't judge.
Even more corny,
my aunt down south is a nun and knew Mother Teresa.
That's totally cool.
My grandmother adores Mother Teresa.
I have an idea...
My sister tipped me off.
There had to be a guy here.
I knew it.
You know, God is everywhere.
So, yes, there is a man here. And what a man!
You don't say much, do you?
I like listening to people.
I'm good at that. Listening.
I was born to do it, apparently. Being there. For others, I mean.
My mother always says so.
Even at birth, apparently I was smiling.
Folks said I was the most beautiful baby there.
Mom was very happy
even though my dad bailed when she told him she was pregnant.
Mom says I was a real ray of sunshine.
My grandparents ran a hotel.
Down one corridor, there was a baby who cried non-stop.
That baby was the opposite of me.
Mom says that one day, someone had an idea.
Seeing as I seemed so happy, and the other one so sad,
we should meet.
For my happiness to rub off on him.
So, one night, they put me in the other baby's crib.
Almost as soon as I lay next to him, he stopped crying.
Who knows, could be he just fell in love with me.
Yes, perhaps.
I'd better hurry or I'll be late for mass.
Jesus!
Come on.
Yes?
I'd like to work.
You know why we all work?
No.
Try to understand,
we don't usually ask for work from girls passing through.
Work is an act of thanksgiving, a pillar of monastic life.
I'll do anything you want.
What kind of work can you do?
All sorts, I guess.
Before, I did ice creams.
And then, before that, I worked in the fields.
I did grape-picking.
I cut the bobbles off onions.
That kind of thing.
Maybe I could work with the bees?
It's far too complicated for a beginner.
Anyway, Sister Laetitia looks after our hives.
Next week, you'll help in the kitchen. For afternoon tea.
Thank you, ma'am.
Honestly, thank you.
-The body of Christ. -Amen.
You stink, you know?
We both stink.
-What's going on? -It's the young girl.
Mom and her new boyfriend had a baby so there's no room for me at home.
Her boyfriend's weird with me so when I arrive, the yelling starts.
I don't like yelling.
Don't go thinking my mother neglected me.
Sure, it wasn't easy but...
I wanted for nothing. Don't think that.
I thought I'd move to Paris with Jean.
Jean's a guy I met at the beach this summer.
Have you ever seen the ocean?
I'd love to get to know you.
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness.
Come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us and we are his.
We are his people, his flock.
There are rules here.
You can't do what you want when you want.
Don't let it happen again.
I know you're there.
I came here to hide from the day.
I swathed my face in white before it grew old.
Before losing all its powers.
I want to lock it up to keep all its pride.
So no one can try to take it anymore.
So no one can possess it.
I couldn't grow old outside.
Women like me shouldn't grow old.
I came here so it would all stop.
So it would stop at last.
So I'd be remembered outside, gossiped about,
which is always the fate of women like me.
So people would be surprised.
So they'd talk.
So my gesture would strike them all. Men and women.
So they'd never forget.
So they'd always want to know me.
So I'd be one of those women, disappointed by men,
who turn to the Almighty.
I was never disappointed by men.
I never put any stock in them.
I despised them.
Hoping for the love of the highest
to atone for that of the lowest, I'm here forever.
It is without mirrors.
Here, I pricked up my ears for nights on end.
I waited for him.
I made a space for him in my heart, in my bunk even.
I greeted him every morning.
Kissed him every evening.
The space grew inside me.
But he remained silent.
Every day, the same ritual, the same endless call.
I kneeled, my body covered in wretched stigmata,
but it's my weakness that's tender.
But he...
never whispered in my ear.
In a few months, I'll profess my vows.
No going back.
I'll pledge to accept the coldest silence without fear.
I'll pledge my love to him forever.
Even though he may never love me.
The prison will close in tighter.
My face can grow old until it putrifies.
It will be of no importance.
I'll be dead to myself.
I'll make a gift of my being. Derisory and stinking, but a gift.
The door outside will no longer open for me.
Rest will come.
I'll see spots spread across my hands.
My cheeks will wilt,
my breasts will sag.
Perhaps then he'll love me.
I'll be a chasm of waiting.
He'll be the only guest.
I'll be docile.
I won't burn anymore.
The streak of depravity accompanying you was enough.
You're a wolf in the night.
I recognized you.
I hated you.
Unwittingly, you came for me, bringing the others,
a cortege of seeping men and women. You're all there.
In my bosom and my abode.
God welcomes you all, and the injustice is too great.
You erased the love within me.
You brought home everything I struggle to forget.
I dreamed your mouth was sewn up.
Blood trickled down your neck and...
I watched you suffer.
The red-stained threads were in my hands.
You, Esther, are not like me.
You are given love.
You're just pretty.
You're commonplace.
So people can love you.
God would love you, if you asked.
But you're stronger than that.
You own love.
You generously offered it to me.
Leave here now.
Stop bringing me back to life. I don't want it.
You won't have come for nothing.
You were my final ordeal.
Have you seen Esther?
Subtitling: FAST TITLES MEDIA