This holy anointed oil...
(people sobbing)
I bless you in Jesus Christ's name.
May the Lord raise you up.
If you have things left unsaid, this would be the time.
(somber music)
♪
Has anyone seen Mikey?
He's in the kitchen organizing the Tupperware lids.
-(clattering) -MIKE: Unbelievable.
None of these lids fit. None of these lids fit.
I don't know how people live like this.
Hey, big baby. This is happening.
Our dad is dying whether you want to admit it or not.
He's gonna pull through, okay?
I do not understand where the contact paper is though.
Honestly, pretty unsanitary.
We have known this was coming for a year and a half.
You can face reality, or you can just keep remodeling
the whole house like you did with Nana June.
Fits.
MOM: He's gone. (sobbing)
Great. You missed it, jackass.
And I missed it too. Oh, Daddy...
(upbeat music)
(clattering)
♪
(man screams)
Come on, haven't you ever wanted
to be one of those people who opens something
and eats it before they pay?
Maybe a bag of chips, but you are housing
a full sheet cake that feeds a small family.
Yeah, but I'm dying.
So I'm gonna do whatever I want
without worrying what people think.
Yeah, right, and I fully support you,
but everyone can see that you shoved
a bottle of vodka down your pants.
-Shh! -I'm sorry.
I just know that you wanted to stop treatment
to live life to the fullest, but I didn't know that meant
you wanted to spend it in a correctional facility.
All right. I was gonna pay for it.
I just want to feel the rush, you know?
I wanted to feel all the feels.
I made a to-do list.
MIKE: Wow, this is a versatile bucket list.
Okay, "Dance more." Check there.
"Vandalize." That's a surprising one.
Oh! I just--check, aisle five.
I just drew a penis on a jar of marinara.
"Run a marathon." You are gonna do that alone.
"Skinny dip in Lake Como." We could do Lake Erie.
Marry someone I'm madly in love with.
That's like flossing.
It's, like, too much work, and it's way too late.
(classical music playing)
I mean, uh, you could do that.
Are you being serious right now?
Yeah.
I'm gonna call your bluff.
What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?
-(intercom beeps) -Attention, shoppers.
Please make your way to the produce section
between the bananas and the tomatillos
where I am going to ask the man
that I am madly in love with to marry me.
I already told her that I would, and I meant it.
Yes, Paula.
I will marry you.
(cheers and applause)
(Paula laughs)
(jazzy bass music)
♪
You splurged on me. Wow.
-Oh, my God. I'm still married. -(crowd gasps)
But, uh, practically divorced.
Um, just not legally. She's actually moved on.
She's pregnant, and we are--we're doing this.
It's--it's good. I'm in love. Getting married.
(upbeat music)
And they're not calling any plays for me.
I know you're nervous about--it's not a big--
(Gabby giggles)
Look, having a herniated disc is not as--
I disagree.
Just make some calls for me, okay?
What's with the herniated disc?
I thought you said you were fine.
It feels like you're lying to me.
Gabby, I'm not lying to you.
It's just an old injury. It's from that car accident.
I'm not keeping anything important from you.
I wouldn't do anything stupid, okay?
Okay.
Come on.
(emotional music)
♪
(indistinct chatter)
Hey. You doing okay?
You are so brave, Paula.
Okay, uh, let's get this out of the way.
I have cancer.
And it's weird for me too.
But when I'm here with you guys,
I'd like to be treated like a normal person,
not a puppy abandoned at a truck stop.
-Totally understandable. -Okay, fine.
You're just-- you're just a blonde lady
with moderately above average dance skill.
I feel like you went a little too far
in the opposite direction.
But I appreciate the effort.
We're just on our way to something.
-SIMON: Yeah, okay. -Thanks. Thanks.
(cheerful piano music)
Um, the wedding. Let's talk about that.
-Yes, I have a plan. -Oh, good.
How about my divorce?
What the hell is this?
It's from the 12 days of Christmas.
It would make more sense, Alan,
if we weren't a month away from Christmas.
Wow. You're a premature decorator.
I never would have guessed.
Let's just say I'm never going to tell Alan
-to take initiative again. -I love the holidays.
What can I do for you guys?
Mike and I want to get married ASAP,
but we don't want to plan anything.
Oh, my God. That's amazing.
I love weddings. Plus with you two,
America's gonna have a five-hanky crygasm.
But Mike is still married.
So we need to rush the divorce.
But Paige is pregnant, so should be easy.
What? A pregnancy, a wedding, and a divorce
all in one episode?
This is perfect. Thank you.
-So we're good? -Yeah, yeah.
We'll set it up for tomorrow. Right?
Great.
Hey, you know we can-- we can turn this into
a cake topper maybe.
Okay, what about the Reggie tape?
Are we still gonna show it to Gabby?
Yeah, but when the time is right.
As for the wedding-- you know what?
I'll handle the divorce. You are a girl.
You take care of the decorations.
Uh, I'm actually a woman with no desire to get married,
but what are your thoughts on colors, flowers?
-Are we talking rustic? -We got 24 hours. Who cares?
Look, just call the network and have them send the set
of Married by Mike Tyson here.
And stop looking so stressed.
It's a wedding. Who cares?
Alan? Pretty ugly. Makes no sense.
-You gonna get rid of it? -Yeah, I'll take it.
I mean, it's a bunch of birds on a platter.
And I don't want to see it. I don't--
Even when we're close to Christmas,
I don't want to see it.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
(snapping)
Would you stop that?
(stomping)
Julia, lengthen!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Do you ever stop yelling?
Three months ago, I was teaching calculus
to teenagers that were half asleep.
I can't take this. I'm taking a break.
(tapping)
Uh-uh-uh. Back here. please.
Justin, did you see who's here?
Oh, my God. It's Annie Hines.
Talk about exuding Scorpio energy.
She's a Broadway director. Started as a choreographer.
She won three Tonys in the last five years.
Let's just break. I have a meeting.
When we come back, I want your heads in the game!
-Heads in the game. -Shut up, Simon!
No, not you. Justin, come with us.
Go.
MONICA: Justin, come on!
Talk about me. Talk about me.
(upbeat music)
♪
I hope she saw that. That was so good.
When I think about the future,
I just focus on my two dreams.
Performing with y'all in Swan Lake and marrying Mike.
I might not make it to the performance
'cause I'm tired and losing weight, but...
(sighs)
But I get to marry Mike tomorrow.
And one out of two ain't bad, right?
(upbeat music)
♪
Hey.
I'm gonna produce the hell out of that wedding.
You're gonna have your day. I promise you.
Let's do something classic, right?
Oh, come on. Seriously?
Guys, these flowers remind me of my Aunt Edna's wake.
Let's get a little class in here, huh?
Oh, off-white. No brainer.
They all look the same.
No, Alan, they do not look the same.
One is warm, inviting, and romantic.
The other one screams, "Come to a lunch
and buy a timeshare." All right? Come on, guys.
We are better than this.
Ooh, someone turned into bridezilla.
Brittney, Raven, and I are planning
a spa-themed bridal bachelorette party for Paula.
Honestly,
I've never even been to a spa or a bachelorette party.
So what do you have in mind for the spa theme?
Okay. So I'm bringing these new,
highly effective, questionably-toxic,
nightshade face masks that I am the brand ambassador for,
which actually really works out,
'cause I owe them a lot of video content and testimonials.
I'm making a cocktail called Mint to Be
from "Martha Stewart Living."
Yeah, that's right. Get into it, Alan.
Martha's my bitch.
She's been to prison. Like--
I was gonna bring some flesh-toned penis straws.
But apparently they don't fit
into Brittney and Raven's vision.
You know they're called cocktails for a reason.
-I get it. Mm-hmm. -Cocktails. Yeah.
-He gets it. -That's good.
I can tell you're doing something amazing, Monica.
Still haven't managed to teach most of them
what a chasse is.
Don't dismiss a compliment when it's true.
It has passion and art.
And you're thinking outside the box,
which is surprising coming from
the uptight purist I used to know.
(both laugh)
Next you're going to tell me you quit smoking.
I did actually.
Or that you removed our matching tattoos.
How's your mom?
She's finally gotten over our breakup.
Mary's the best; I still think about texting her.
You should. She really loves you.
She's the only mother who ever did.
(laughs)
So Annie here is a Broadway director.
I heard that.
Did you hear that I'm casting my next show?
I asked her to come and see you,
because I think you should audition.
Really? Yeah, that--that'd be amazing.
Fantastic.
Happy I flew in.
(cheerful music)
♪
Thank you so much for coming with me to get beauty supplies.
-Appreciate it. -My pleasure.
Which, coincidentally, is the name of this red.
-Is it really? -Yeah.
Well, I have to be honest.
I'm really sorry that we didn't get to go on our lunch date,
but I hope we can take a "Rain Check."
-(chuckles) Nice one. -Thank you.
Do you think the person who names these is doing okay?
This one's called "Crying from a Rooftop."
Wow. I don't know which is sadder,
that or "Boiled Shrimp"?
-Delicious. -I don't know about that.
Yeah.
I really do want to go and celebrate Paula.
She deserves it.
But I just kinda don't want to go back yet.
Let's just play some more hooky.
And get some frozen yogurt.
-All right. -All right?
-Very specific. -How could you say no to that?
(classical music playing)
♪
You know you can pay someone to do that, right?
It relaxes me. What do you want?
I want to see if you'll officiate
Paula and Mike's wedding.
-I am not interested. -What?
I just assumed you'd already fantasized about it.
Like, maybe jotted down some corny jokes
on paper or something.
If you must know, I'm cursed.
I've officiated seven weddings.
All of which have ended in divorce.
Ariana and Pete just asked me to officiate,
and you see what happened to them.
Yeah. Oh, yes.
Well they'd definitely be together if not for you.
Come on. I want this wedding to be special.
Look, you and I both know that if I put Monica up there,
she's going to dump a bucket of pig's blood on her head
before burning the whole thing to the ground.
Is that how you speak about the woman you're dating?
It's the reason I like her.
Look, I want tomorrow to be special too.
That's why I'm saying no.
But if Paula wants, I'll walk her down the aisle.
Oh, that's very-- don't do that. Stop.
-Shoo, shoo, shoo. -Is that sandalwood?
-Shoo. -You sure?
-Shoo. -Come on, Wayne.
Oh, my gosh. I love these. These are so good.
Be right with you folks.
-Oh, my God. -I know.
Too much to choose from, right?
Hey, mate, what do you-- what do you recommend?
People seem to like the Cheeky Chocolate Chunk.
The Bodacious Butterscotch is pretty popular.
Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll take a Cheeky Chocolate.
Oh, with rainbow sprinkles. Thanks.
I think I'll take the butterscotch
and a freaking explanation.
Am I missing something?
Yeah, this is my husband who disappeared two months ago
and drained our savings account.
I'm sorry I didn't call, Julia.
I was robbed at this youth hostel in Costa Rica.
Seriously, Kevin? A youth hostel?
And now you're working at some lame-ass yogurt shop
not 3 miles away from our home and your girls?
This place isn't as bad as it looks, all right?
-I get free yogurt. -No. Again, Kevin,
the yogurt is deducted from your paycheck.
You said rainbow sprinkles?
Shut up about your rainbow sprinkles,
you feckless, disappointing, sad sack of a man!
(upbeat music)
♪
You know what?
With that bone structure, girl,
let's just keep it down.
Tease it to high heaven.
Sexier. Boom.
Let's do that. Let's do that. And what about concealer?
'Cause I have kind of an under eye situation.
Don't worry, my concealer could cover a face tattoo.
Paula. Hey. I was hoping I wouldn't have to
bother you with any decisions,
but apparently Wayne has been cursed by a witch--
don't ask-- and can't officiate.
Look, I can get you anybody else.
I can get you Andy Cohen. I can get you a Sean Spicer.
I can get you Chip and/or Joanna Gaines.
-Uh, Mike Tyson? -Why don't you do it?
Well, I can't do it. I'm not on the show.
So be on the show.
I don't think you understand. There's the producer.
Then there's the show.
Producer. Show.
And never the twain shall meet. Okay?
-I get it. You're scared. -I'm not scared.
Stay there. I'm a-- I'm a professional.
You know that means you have to do it, right?
No, I--stop it.
-Think about it. -Movie star.
Go get him. Go get him.
(both laugh)
He's scared.
Does it say my name behind me?
-Oh, yes, it does. -It does.
-And it's huge, isn't it? -Oh, yes, it is.
Now look over here. Just sit back. Show me--
Wayne, I know where to look, all right?
And it's just this chair is really uncomfortable.
I know. You requested it.
Are the lights always this bright?
I feel like I'm going under the knife.
-Nick, just talk to me. -I'm talking to you.
-No, no, look here. -I know where to look,
but you said talk to me.
-Talk to me here. -Wayne, don't get
too comfortable back there.
Okay. Now, tell me how do you feel about officiating
Mike and Paula's wedding tomorrow?
Uh, I feel better knowing
I'm going to make you write everything I say.
Oh, not happening.
I'm sensing a growth opportunity here.
Nick Blackburn's very own big leap.
You know what? I'm going to leap out of here.
I'm sick of seeing your face right here.
-(crowd shouting) -(dance music)
Are we gonna dance or are we gonna do gymnastics?
♪
-(crowd chatters) -Oh!
We don't need to compete to be my best man.
Life is a competition, Mikey. Let's get in there, Ellison.
♪
In his face. Put it in his face.
I feel like we're watching a back injury compilation here.
(overlapping chatter)
-Buddy, you all right? -Ice it. Ice it.
Yeah, Ellison just relegated himself to ring bearer.
Oh, rings. Rings. I need to get rings.
Isn't Nick taking care of everything?
No, no, no. I don't want Nick
picking up a ring for my future wife.
Yo, we know a guy who could get you
a mall's kiosk worth of rings.
You do?
Yeah, we get all our stuff from there.
Check it out. Check it out.
Yeah. I'm okay. I think I'm good actually.
Okay, he just texted me back.
He said he'll be here in an hour.
He takes cash or Bitcoin,
but don't look at him in the eye; he don't like that.
-Okay, good to know. -And Mikey...
-Now go have fun. -Mikey! Mikey!
ALL: Mikey! Mikey! Mikey!
To love or have loved, that is enough.
Alan, where'd you get this garbage?
Victor Hugo. Les Misérables.
Oh, Les Mis. It's only the most depressing movie ever made.
I can't--I can't read this at the ceremony, Alan. Come on.
Well, I've got great news, I've got good news,
and I've got bad news. Which would you like?
I'd like all of it, Alan, obviously.
Okay. Well, the great news is we went
with the off-white linens and they look spectacular.
-That's not news, Alan. -ALAN: Okay.
Well, the good news is I took the Ordained Minister test
for you and got 100%.
Yes, that is news.
The bad news is Michigan has a two-day waiting period.
No. Alan, no. (groans)
What time does the county clerk's office close?
So how'd it go with Annie?
What did she order? Did she even eat?
Kind of weird. Yeah.
She and Monica were giving googly eyes the whole time.
Googly eyes? Wait, they were together?
Oh, my God. First Annie. Now Nick.
Everything Monica does is so fascinating.
She's my queen.
So why'd they bring you?
Well, she wants me to audition for her next show.
-What? -I know.
It's pretty cool, right?
-How does she even know you? -What do you mean?
No offense, but you have no followers, zero credits.
-Ouch. -I'm just surprised.
That's all.
Well, when you get over your shock,
maybe you can say, "Congratulations."
Justin, I didn't mean it--
I got to get this right.
But there is a wide variety here.
-Mikey, we got you. -Yeah.
Oh, thanks for modeling them, guys.
The snake, you know--I mean, normally I would say no,
but she has been exploring her wild side lately.
Maybe the one in sapphires that says, "S-O-B."
Maybe that's too aggressive. Could work.
Honestly, I don't know. What do you think, ring guy?
Yo, don't--don't look him in the eye.
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't look.
Let me tell you this real quick.
All of these have a lifetime guarantee.
You come back in 10 years and need them cleaned,
just come back to me.
We don't have 10 years.
(emotional music)
Okay, um, you know something? I'm just going to get
a breath of fresh air if that's all right.
-Yeah. -Mike.
♪
-Bing! -Yes.
(P-Nut Butter's "I'm Glad I Knew You" playing)
And over here we have "Big Leap's"
Monica Sullivan soaking it in.
I just know your pores are in heaven.
How does this mask feel on your face?
Like a front row seat to Chernobyl.
(British accent) Cheerio. Another success story.
If you'll excuse me, I need some burn salve
and a fire extinguisher.
Your hands are cold. How's your circulation?
It's not great.
-You getting tired? -Yeah.
But don't tell anybody, 'cause I'm having fun.
Um, uh, excuse me, Mr. Plumber Man.
This is the women's locker room.
Sorry, drain's clogged in the bathroom.
-So which one of y'all did it? -Excuse me?
I said which one of you made a huge mess in there?
It was me. I did it.
Miriam!
-(hip-hop music playing) -♪ 'Bout to tear it up
Yeah!
(screaming)
♪
(cheering)
♪ You ain't finished yet, you say you the best ♪
♪ Say it with your chest
♪
(cheering)
♪
(screams)
Let's just say
I had to smuggle in my own penis straw.
(slurps)
I'm the bride! I'm the bride!
(cheering)
♪
Just one second.
Can we just have second?
Julia, are you okay?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
(sobbing) I'm so sorry I'm crying.
You know, this is supposed to be happy.
And we're all pretending that it's normal, but it's not.
It's sad. I'm sorry. (sobs)
You don't have to be sorry.
I mean, it is sad and it's probably good
we acknowledge that.
Today was the best day.
-Good. -(both laugh)
And I know that I'm asking a lot of you guys.
And Mike, I see him being so strong and supportive,
despite being so scared.
And I'm really grateful.
I do have one last request actually.
Um, I always wanted my bridesmaids
to wear really ugly bridesmaid's dresses.
-(laughter) -Why?
Even you, Monica.
I'd be honored and horrified.
(laughter)
So should I leave, or did you want me to start from the top?
Start from the top!
(all cheering)
♪
JOEL: You mind if I sit by this dumpster with you?
Yeah, sure.
I don't know if I can do this, man.
What's going on?
He doesn't know if he can do this, man.
It's just that I made all those promises to her.
And now that it's here, it is--
it's just--it's too...sad.
ELLISON: Hey, fellas.
What's happening?
He made all these promises, but he doesn't think
he can do it anymore, 'cause it makes him sad.
You know, at least with treatment
I thought I could hide behind some hope.
I hear you, Mike.
It is so incredibly sad.
But even if you run from this, Paula's gonna die.
(somber piano music)
And, um...
you're gonna be heartbroken.
♪
The choice isn't whether or not you're gonna feel pain.
You're gonna feel pain.
The choice is about...
how you feel about yourself when that time comes.
♪
Look, I know it's tough,
but, you know, you'll get through it.
Yeah, I know. I know you guys are right.
Right. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah.
It's okay to cry.
You can do it.
The only way is through.
You got to sit in it and feel the feelings.
♪
Be there for Paula. We'll be there for you.
♪
(Mike sobbing)
♪
I'm sorry, Mr. Blackburn,
but like I told you, if we don't observe the 48-hour
waiting period, we would be breaking the law.
And we don't want to do that. Of course.
But I'd like to remind you
that there's a woman dying of cancer.
Yes, you mentioned that several times.
And none of that made it into the crypt
that contains your heart?
She's going to die.
And the only thing she wants is to marry
the man she loves tomorrow, and we--
you and me-- have the unique opportunity
to make that dream come true. All we have to do
is put that stamp on this piece of paper right there.
So come on. Just do it. Just stamp it. Just pick it up.
Put it down. Stamp it. Just stamp it.
Stamp the pa--pick it up, put it here, and it's done.
I would be happy to stamp the certification
48 hours from today.
-I can see-- -(bell dings)
Let that ring in your ear.
Next.
Well, that crapped out. Come on. Get outta here.
-Excuse me. -Yes.
Mindy Kessler. Born and raised in Saginaw,
home of the world's largest bean elevator.
During the day, I am a homemaker
and a data entry associate at the county clerk's office.
But at night in my dreams, I dance.
Would you like to make a deal?
(lively music)
Yes. Yes, Mindy, I would.
He got the ball, and he ran towards the end zone.
-And smash! -(laughter)
Yeah!
-You should've seen it. -GABBY: Oh, yeah.
Well, it's a lot more fun watching you replay.
Time for bed, mister. It's late.
Is Reggie coming to the wedding?
He better be; I'm planning
a big surprise for Mike and Paula.
All right. Jammy time. I'll be up in five minutes.
Goodnight, sweetie.
Don't you think all this is going a little fast?
She has terminal cancer, Mom.
I'm talking about you and Reggie.
Did you consider slowing things down a little
and not bringing him into Sam's life?
When I introduced him to Sam, he was just my friend.
Your friend that you were in love with.
Honestly, can you ever just be happy for me?
(sighs)
NICK: Ooh, well, someone went crazy
with taffeta and a hot glue gun, huh?
-Oh, I'd like you to meet Tina. -Mindy.
-Mindy. Meet Mindy. -MINDY: Hello.
NICK: She's gonna be joining our cast.
Mindy loves to dance. Show her what you--
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
NICK: Shuffle ball change. It's a thing.
Yeah. And she's promised to bring us
one of her famous tater tot casseroles.
I use four types of cheese.
NICK: Sounds so good. Thanks, Mindy.
You can go on out there and dance some more.
-Okay. -Just--
Okay.
No matter how low I set the bar,
you never fail to disappoint me.
Hey, what do you think about being my date for the wedding?
Nick, it's one thing to go to dinner.
It's another thing to sit next to each other
and watch people exchange lifetime vows.
Well, your loss.
You know, I'm--I'm gonna be considered a hero
when you see what I do with the wedding out there.
-Nick? -Yeah?
Paige won't sign the divorce papers.
Damn it! No.
What are you--guys, move out of the way.
Out of the way. It's just-- Thank you.
I saw Annie came by this morning.
Yeah, she's auditioning Justin.
I think it'll be a good match.
And you haven't spoken to her in a while, huh?
What is it, Wayne?
I'm merely reminiscing on the fact
that Annie was the last real relationship you had.
-And that was years ago. -So?
So why not go to the wedding with Nick?
You hate Nick.
This is less about Nick and more about you.
(emotional music)
♪
Paige, what prevents us?
Just so you know,
we're recording the Zoom for the show.
What prevents you from leaving me alone?
-Why are you hounding me? -Well, Paige,
we need to get these divorce papers signed,
and you were the one who wanted to end the marriage.
So why don't you grab a pen there
and get to scribbling, huh?
I'm just not sure I'm ready, okay?
Come on. I know you're pregnant with another man's baby.
All right? You gotta cut bait on Mike.
-You're being selfish here. -PAIGE: I'm sorry.
Are you calling a woman who is this pregnant,
who spends her days barfing, selfish?
Uh, no, I'm--I'm sorry.
I didn't mean-- I didn't mean that.
-(Paige sobbing) -Um, okay.
(Paige sobbing)
Maybe I am, but I'm pregnant and depressed.
And Patrick can't even get a crib put together.
He's been working on it for two days.
Mike could have done it in two hours.
I get it. Hey, come on.
Calm down. Things are bad right now.
I understand. It's gonna be okay.
What? So I leave him,
and now all of a sudden he's this really great guy?
And I'm supposed to let him get married again
on television?
It's like telling the world I failed.
Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. You didn't fail, okay?
You did what you needed to do. You took care of yourself.
You inspired Mike to do the same.
Look, I understand this. I've been through it.
Divorce is one of the hardest things in the world,
but you cannot let it harden you, Paige.
You deserve to be happy and to move on.
And you know--you know Mike deserves the same.
What do you say?
(sentimental music)
♪
Fine. Just don't tell Mike
that Patrick can't get the crib together, okay?
Just tell him he did it in an hour.
In an hour. You got it.
I hate you so much.
BRUNO MARS: ♪ It's a beautiful night
♪ We're looking for something dumb to do ♪
♪ Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you ♪
♪
♪ Don't say no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ And we'll go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ If you're ready
♪ 'Cause it's a beautiful night ♪
♪ we're looking for something dumb to do ♪
♪ Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you ♪
♪
Okay, here we go.
We're gonna--it's time to-- it's a wedding.
Time to officiate.
So how are you feeling?
Uh, I'm feeling--you know what?
Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Those go to the side, all right?
We need to cheat Mike and Paula's coverage.
Am I the only one who shot a wedding here?
Guys, how about some energy, huh?
Come on. There's a wedding happening.
Nick? I feel great. I feel great.
All right, come on. Let's do this, guys.
Yeah. Cut.
("Stand By Me" instrumental playing)
♪
You may be wondering--hold on, can we reset?
Hey, let's cue the sunset please.
Billy, cue the sunset. Here we go.
-Aww. -That's lovely.
Okay.
You may be wondering
why Mike and Paula asked me to officiate their wedding.
Me too. I didn't want to do this.
I did not want to stand up here in front of cameras
and talk about love.
But then I asked myself the question that I'm usually
asking everyone else,
which is what prevents us?
You can ask that question about a lot of things.
What prevents us from saying the things we want to say,
or from allowing ourselves to love or be loved?
And you'll always come up with the same answer.
The thing that prevents us is fear.
Putting yourself out there.
Letting someone really see you is scary.
Trusting other people's terrifying.
Looking at a terrible situation,
holding hands,
and facing it together,
well, I guess that's love.
So today we celebrate love triumphing over fear.
You know, Mike and Paula met on this show.
I have to give myself credit. I saw their story right away.
I put their headshots right next to each other.
And I said,
"These two--these two are gonna bang."
(laughter)
But it turned out to be much more than that.
It turned out to be a love story
that should give us all hope and inspiration.
So, Mike and Paula, thank you for asking me to officiate.
If there's anything you guys want to say to each other
before we get to the deal points,
now is probably the right time.
-I do have a few things. -Okay, great.
Paula, ours is a classic love story.
Guy falls for girl.
Guy loses girl.
Guy goes on reality dance show to win girl back
but then meets totally different girl
who turns out to be his soul mate
and shows him what true happiness is.
Paula, you met me at my worst, and you accepted me.
You made me my best.
I love you.
Michael--that is your real name, right?
Yeah.
Michael, we may not have spent years together
or even months.
But from the moment I met you,
I knew that I could share parts of myself
that I had never shared with anyone else.
Thank you for loving me, all of me,
and I hope I can make you feel that loved.
Let's bring the rings, please.
(soft music)
♪
I pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride.
(cheers and applause)
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, please.
I can see that. You're not close enough.
I need you to get in here, okay?
Come on. All right.
Guys, reset back to one, please.
Everybody, we're still excited. Okay. Here we go.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride.
(upbeat music)
SINGER: ♪ I wanna cut through the clouds ♪
Confetti!
SINGER: ♪ I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone ♪
♪ I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah ♪
♪ I wanna cut to the feeling ♪
♪ I wanna cut to the feeling
♪ I wanna cut to the feeling ♪
♪ I wanna cut to the feeling
So, Paula, I--I see what you love about this man.
And I have been lucky enough to see it for nearly 15 years.
I love you guys.
(applause)
That was so beautiful, Joel.
We shouldn't have waited to show Gabby that tape.
All right, I'm going to do it tonight.
-She looks so happy, though. -She deserves to know.
Somebody's got to keep the gears running,
and we know it's not gonna be Nicholas Sparks over there.
WAYNE: One more surprise for you.
He looks good in a suit, though.
Thank you, Mike and Paula.
for including us in your special day.
("I Wanna Dance With Somebody" playing)
♪
WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ Yeah
GUEST: Whoo!
♪
All right!
-PAULA: What? -MIKE: Let's go!
WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ I wanna dance
♪ Clock strikes upon the hour ♪
♪ And the sun begins to fade
♪
♪ Still enough time to figure out ♪
♪ How to chase my blues away
♪ I've done all right up to now ♪
♪ It's the light of day that shows me how ♪
♪ And when the night falls
♪ My loneliness calls
♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ I wanna feel the heat with somebody ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me
♪ Somebody who, somebody who
♪ His arms, oh
♪ I need a man who'll take a chance ♪
♪ On a love that burns hot enough to last ♪
♪ So when the night falls
♪ My lonely heart calls
♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ I wanna feel the heat with somebody ♪
♪ Yeah
♪ I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me ♪
♪ Don't you wanna dance, say you wanna dance ♪
-♪ Don't you wanna dance -SINGERS: ♪ Dance
WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ Don't you wanna dance
♪ Say you wanna dance
-♪ Don't you wanna dance -SINGERS: ♪ Dance
WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ Don't you wanna dance
♪ Say you wanna dance
-♪ Uh-huh -SINGERS: ♪ Dance
WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ With somebody who loves me
♪ Who, who
SINGERS: ♪ Dance
(cheers and applause)
(upbeat music playing)
-How did you guys do all this? -Gabby.
She choreographed the whole thing last night.
Thank you.
Of course! Of course! (gasps)
-Oh, can you go get Sam? -Yeah.
-That was amazing. -Oh, my God.
I can't believe you had everybody in it.
Gabby, can I grab you for a quick OTF?
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'll see you on the dance floor.
Okay, have fun. I'll see you soon. Hi!
I'll see you on the dance floor.
(somber music)
♪
Um...
Can I go now?
♪
SINGER: ♪ Baby, dance, show me your moves ♪
♪ Come on and give us the stuff ♪
♪ Girl, get on the floor
See? I told you it would be--
Oh, my God. It's Kevin.
TRAVELL: He showed up in his yogurt shirt?
Oh, Fro-no.
Okay, Kevin, no, no, no. You can't be here.
-Just listen to me. -I don't care!
(music fades)
You drained our bank account, Kevin.
Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?
Check the account--I put most of it back a week ago.
I don't care.
All right, I screwed up, Julia.
I thought I was trying to leave you,
but I was trying to leave me.
I should have just joined a reality show like you did.
Oh, yeah, 'cause that was easy, right, Travell?
-You look happy. -I am.
KEVIN: It didn't cost you your family
and a case of dengue fever to get there.
You know what? If you figured this all out,
then why didn't you bother to call Olivia and Sophia, huh?
I was embarrassed.
I wanted to come back in a respectable way.
With a job.
I'm trying to build a foundation.
I just need the first brick, and then I can--
Okay, look, it doesn't matter where you are
in your life, okay?
It matters that you are in our kids' lives.
They need you.
You're right.
I am going to get back in their lives.
Great.
I'm going to get back in your life too.
No.
I miss you, Julia.
I'm gonna win you back.
No, you absolutely are not.
Oh, and I'll even do it on camera.
I'm going to win her back, everybody.
No, please do not.
You better watch your back, Thunder From Down Under.
I'm going to make moves sharper than your jawline.
I love the show, everybody.
Hands up. Very serious.
Hi.
You don't mind if I scooch in, do you?
Oh, no. Go ahead.
So how was the audition?
You don't need to talk about it.
Yes, we do.
Listen, I may be a jealous and petty competitor,
but I believe in you.
I really hope you get it.
And I'm sorry that I acted like such a baby.
It wasn't a good look for me.
No, it wasn't, but...
thank you.
I believe in you too.
I believe in us.
Congratulations, Justin. Annie called.
She wants you in the show.
-Shut up. -I don't know if she told you,
but you're touring Europe for six months.
So here's to Paris.
("At Last" playing)
ETTA JAMES: ♪ My lonely days are over
♪
♪ And life is like a song
Oh, no. I don't dance.
MONICA: Shut up. You do now.
Mm.
ETTA JAMES: ♪ At last
♪
♪ The skies above are blue
♪
Oh, you weren't lying. You really don't dance.
-No. -(laughs)
You know, I'll admit.
You sure pulled off this wedding.
Sometimes you really are good at your job.
Ah.
Well, thank you.
Come on. I just complimented you.
What's going on?
She's still gonna die, Monica.
It doesn't matter how hard I worked,
or how happy everybody pretends to be.
The ending doesn't change.
You just gave them a night full of happiness.
So I think it changes a little.
Yeah.
ETTA JAMES: ♪ A thrill to press my cheek to ♪
♪ A thrill that I...
This is a good first date.
Oh, so you are my date.
ETTA JAMES: ♪ You smiled
♪ You smiled
♪ Oh, and then the spell was cast ♪
♪
(upbeat music playing)
(man singing indistinctly)
♪
Good looks ain't the only thing you gave Sam.
Looks like he got your moves too.
I saw the tape, Reggie.
The one of you kissing that beautiful girl.
It's not even like that, okay?
She--she kissed me. I stopped her.
I don't care.
You put yourself in a position for it to happen.
They filmed me while they showed it to me.
It was humiliating.
I'm so sorry, okay?
You made a big deal about not keeping things from me.
I can't be with someone like you.
I have a kid...
a kid. by the way, who is crazy about you.
Oh, God. I'm so stupid.
Please, babe. Please don't do this--
Don't.
Do not make a scene in front of my son.
Hey. Hey, buddy.
Thanks. Way past your bedtime.
Time to go, okay?
Is Reggie coming?
GABBY: Oh, not tonight.
Come on.
("Stand By Me" playing)
♪
BEN E. KING: ♪ When the night has come
PAULA: You're Mr. Paula Clark.
And you're Mrs. Mike Devries.
Listen, I have a very serious question for you.
What is your favorite movie?
Seriously? It's our wedding night,
and you wanna play 20 questions?
I just want to know as much about you as I possibly can.
Just in case, you know, I need to get the marriage annulled.
(laughs)
It's a tie between "Scarface" and "It's a Wonderful Life."
Wow. That is range.
You?
If my friends are asking, "The Matrix."
But if you are asking it's "Pride and Prejudice."
Um...
Okay.
What's your earliest childhood memory?
Um...
a tree falling next to me
while I was playing in the front yard.
-Oh, no. -You?
Fell in a pool. My dad rescued me.
Both traumatic. Interesting.
Yeah.
Okay, Billy Joel or Bruce Springsteen?
That's a selfish choice right there.
You put me in a tough spot.
I mean, I think you would think I'm for the Boss
'cause I'm a factory guy,
but I'm gonna go with the piano man.
Whoa!
Yeah. Well, I got my uptown girl.
She's living in her uptown...brownstone.
Okay. Last one.
If you could have one magic power, what would it be?
BEN E. KING: ♪ Darlin', darlin', stand by me ♪
To stop time.
BEN E. KING: ♪ Oh, stand by me
♪ Oh, stand now
♪ Stand by me, stand by me
(upbeat music)
♪