SINGER: ♪ This is the part when I say I don't want ya ♪
♪ I'm stronger than I've been before ♪
Well, who is this talentless Ken doll?
What are those moves?
It's like he's directing traffic.
That's Neil. He's new.
Is he having a stroke?
(laughs)
SINGER: ♪ Now that I've become who I really am ♪
But they said they loved me! What?
Look, you know, I don't need their dance company.
I'm gonna produce a dance show for TV!
I came up with a bunch of ideas last night.
Dance Your Ass Off, the winner gets liposuction.
This one just says Top Jeff.
I guess a bunch of tops named Jeff?
Wait, don't hang up! I got it, I got it, I got it.
(door closes)
A group of people down on their luck...
make something together, a classic,
Swan Lake, Nutcracker.
The point is, they're taking a risk.
They're taking a leap.
I think you should call it The Big Leap.
And it's called The Big Leap.
(softly) Yes.
(snorting)
-She loves it. Yes! -(both laugh)
(upbeat music)
♪
Well, okay, we rolling?
Yep, so how are you feeling?
Ah, well, being in Detroit can be hard and lonely.
But I'm feeling pretty good today.
I mean, the trailer for our show dropped to rave reviews.
And as of this morning,
I've been sober for three years.
Wow.
Never thought I'd hold this chip.
But here we are.
-Here. -Uh... Oh.
-Congratulations. -Uh, thank you, buddy.
Congratulations. That's great.
Thank you so much.
(cover of Elton John's "Tiny Dancer")
Do my choreography, or you're out!
Where did he get the tutu? He's ridiculous.
She's a home-wrecker!
PERSON: A little drama between Gabby and Brittney over here?
WAYNE: Came down to two.
SINGER: ♪ Hold me closer, tiny dancer ♪
I'm at the pediatrician's office,
and I need to know--no, I know.
Just tell me if you have a history of asthma.
Yes, they need to know!
Because you're Sam's father.
(sighs) Okay, okay, thank you.
(breathes deeply)
You're the star of The Big Leap.
It's just like, we all deserve to be lifted, right?
Here. For our most famous clients.
Oh, I'm not a famo-- This gets me free parking?
I'll take this. Um, thanks.
Okay.
He said no history of asthma.
Did Sam's father also say who he is?
Let me tell you something-- this girl can keep a secret.
(laughs) So, Doc, are you single?
(laughs) What?
She's on dating apps now. I don't like it.
Too many duds and too many photos of men holding up fish.
What's with that?
Thanks for doing this, Mike.
Ah, i-it's nothing.
And it's uh, nice to hang for a bit, you know?
Hey, I saw the ad for your dance show.
You look good and happy.
I guess I am kind of happy.
I mean, I'm way out of my comfort zone, obviously,
but, uh, I'm getting to work with really cool people.
Like that girl they show you dancing with?
You guys dating?
-You mean Paula? -Paige, my maple syrup came.
Oh, hey Mike!
Oh, thank you for fixing the oven.
You know, there's a couple of cold spots in there.
Are there?
My sourdough has, like, the slightest soft underbelly.
Oh, my pleasure, Patrick.
You know, Paula and I are dating.
Oh.
Yeah, I didn't want to make it weird for you.
No, wait, why would it be weird for me?
-It's not weird for me. -Good.
-Not weird for me either! -I'd love to meet her.
Ah, she would love to meet you.
-Great, we should do dinner. -Let's have one tonight.
Patrick can roast a chicken.
Patrick loves roasting chickens.
I'd have to start the brine now.
Ooh, well, good thing the oven's fixed.
(soft music)
Oh, my God, what is that?
-Steroids and a painkiller. -Why?
So I can demonstrate the choreography.
You don't have to dance to choreograph!
I dance first, Wayne. I dance.
And right now I'm in charge of a bunch of flat-footed idiots
who can barely touch their toes.
Did you see that embarrassing trailer?
I know. It's blowing up!
Even Neil is texting me about it.
Neil? Your ex-husband?
Please tell me you're deleting those messages.
And just leave those compliments hanging there?
Yes, texting was invented so we could all ignore each other.
Look, we haven't spoken in years.
Plus, I follow him on Instagram.
Don't judge. He seems to be doing well--
much better than you are right now.
(winces) I'm doing great.
Yeah, well, this week
we're doing a bunch of fancy promo shoots.
But you know what I am most excited about?
My daughter Henri is in town,
and we are gonna have the best time.
-Is she cool? -Is she cool? Only the coolest.
And what are you guys gonna do?
Well, first, I'm gonna take her around the stages.
Next, we're seeing the newest zombie film
with a very scary, very dead leading lady.
I don't know.
Then maybe some shopping for her room
'cause she'll soon be moving here
while her mom runs around England with God knows--
-Dad? -Yeah.
She's shooting a show for the BBC.
Yes, she is, fine. Oh, hey.
(grunts) One for you, one for me.
-Soda? -Yeah.
For breakfast?
-Mom wouldn't approve. -Cheers.
That's my girl.
Ah, is there a better breakfast?
-Perhaps. -(laughs)
One, two, three, four.
(piano music)
Lift your heels higher.
Close the ribs.
♪
Strong port de bras.
-What, Alan? -I'm so sorry.
They need Justin for the promo shoot.
Fine, bring my principles back with you.
And grand jeté your ass out of here.
Get some height.
Up, get it up, get it up!
SINGER: ♪ If it's up, then it's up, then it's up ♪
So my mom is like, "Are y'all even in the show?"
I'm like, "Girl, we are the show, okay?"
They're hiding our light.
We're in that trailer for one sad second.
Meanwhile, we're the hottest thing they got.
-You know what? -ALL: Try it!
SINGERS: ♪ I know that's right
Damn, got to love a tight ass in tights!
ALL: Hey, Justin.
♪
SINGER: ♪ If it's up, then it's up
♪ Then it's up, then it's stuck ♪
♪ If it's up, then it's up
♪ Then it's up then it's stuck, hey ♪
Wait, wait, time-out. What are you wearing, bro?
-Did you just paint those on? -Never mind, never mind.
I think I can do some of that.
Yeah, I'll help you out, right?
Yeah, it's no problem, man. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
BOTH: Hey, yo, yo!
-Hey. -Check it out.
No problem, see?
They're shooting you next, okay?
Got it. This is so much fun!
Oh, my gosh, okay, practice.
BOTH: Mm.
Simon, uh, when you're done here,
Monica needs us to practice.
Oof, is he upset about the--
What I said on national television?
Probably. It's gonna be a long day.
-Yeah. -BRITTNEY: Reg!
Babe, Reggie bear.
Come here, slowpoke. Oh, wow!
One promo made you look like the star,
and now you're on dating apps-- that is pathetic.
Actually, I decided to put myself back out there
before the trailer came out.
-So you're on a dating app? -Yeah.
I even applied for this really exclusive one.
It's only for celebrities. It's dumb, but I don't know.
I figured, why not?
Yeah, don't get your hopes up.
The celebrity app is very exclusive.
I haven't even been accepted.
But I don't need to now. Right, babe?
-PERSON: Phones away, please! -Yeah, yeah.
I'm putting it away. I'm sorry, what?
They accepted me? I'm, like, seriously famous now?
-Or, like, what? -Are you kidding me?
-PERSON: Phones away please. -Yes.
PERSON: Smile on three. One, two...
Hey, there you are.
So how'd it go with Paige? You fix that oven?
I, uh, sure did, yep.
And we are going to dinner tonight.
Wow, that was fast.
Yeah, with you and me.
I'm sorry.
I kind of lied. She asked if we were dating.
And then I didn't know what to say, and I panicked.
And now she's roasting a chicken.
But I will cancel it. And we don't have to do it.
No, no, no, no, no. I can go to dinner.
Really?
Yeah, that's what co-dancers do for each other.
Yeah, right.
Co-dancers fake date
and then go to their ex's for dinner all the time.
That's a thing for sure.
So, um, what's our backstory? How long have we been together?
Backstory? We need a backstory?
Yeah, I'm into prep, Mike. I'm not good at lying.
I am not good at winging it.
Got you, okay. So we need a backstory.
Actually, we met on the show, which is true.
So we don't even have to lie.
Okay, and there's one other thing.
You don't love chicken.
I don't love your outfit.
What's wrong with my outfit?
You look like you're going to happy hour
at Buffalo Wild Wings.
That hurts. I love Buffalo Wild Wings.
Let's go steal something from wardrobe.
Okay, I like that idea.
Can I get two socks that match?
-Oh, yeah. -I've just never had that.
-Oh, what about a bow tie? -No.
So let's start with the fight in Chicago.
Screw Chicago!
You made me look like a home-wrecker in the trailer!
That's the truth, but I want to know
why I look like a disgruntled housewife.
Do you know how many followers I have lost?
Oh, talk to me, Julia. What are you so afraid of?
This is a show about dance,
not about my husband running away.
BOTH: Where'd he go?
(chuckles)
(soft music)
No clue.
Last I heard, he was in Costa Rica for 48 hours,
and then he was gone.
I will say, however,
that I have learned a great deal
about his spending habits over the past year,
which include a $10,000 investment
in Raven's life-coaching business.
It went under. Can't win 'em all, you know?
I'm sure you were under something.
See, this is why people think you're uptight.
You have to stop calling me a home-wrecker on TV.
You screamed it,
and you knew it was gonna end up on television.
And now my death threats have doubled!
You get death threats?
Death threats and hog shots, baby.
Oh.
Okay, don't tell your mom about that.
RAVEN: Look, can I give you some advice?
From a home-wrecker? No, thank you.
You know what? I am finished here.
I'm gonna find my lying, cheating husband.
-(Raven speaks indistinctly) -Excuse me.
MONICA: Seven, eight, one.
What's fun about this job is getting a chance
to bring out the best in our dancers.
Closer, Justin! For the love of it, grab him!
-Don't touch me! -Simon, where's your eye line?
-Anywhere but him! -I said I'm sorry!
Well, you're doing great, boys!
-Keep it up. -Shut up, Wayne.
They look like crap.
(groans) Okay, hi, quick question.
Is your Prince supposed to be a judgy closet case?
Because if so, snaps for you, great job on casting.
-Really, Simon? -What's going on here?
Why do I feel like I'm in couples therapy?
Your Prince said on camera,
"That guy is ridiculous."
Oh, my gosh.
He called me ridiculous on television!
You are ridiculous! We all are!
We're grown adults on a reality TV show.
Now, where the hell is your sister and my wizard?
I think they're shooting promos.
(mockingly) I think they're shooting promos.
All right, let's just focus. All eyes on me.
PERSON: Wayne, is that you?
(chuckles)
Neil? Oh.
Hi.
-Long time, yeah. -Yes.
Yes, yes.
Carry on.
-Who's Neil? -The devil incarnate.
-(bell ringing) -How did you find me?
Okay, no shade, you do nothing
but post about this show.
-Okay, why are you here? -Oh, I didn't tell you?
I'm scouting cities
to open up a new line of meditation juice spas
tentatively called Third Eye Rind.
Anyway, I thought, "Screw texting.
I'll just go congratulate Wayne in person."
That's very thoughtful. Thank you.
This is a big deal. We should celebrate.
I know, I know, I know. You're probably so busy.
But...
it's nice to see you.
You look good.
If you free up, let me know. No pressure, seriously.
(door closes)
Do you have a different choice?
-PERSON: No, not yet. -Okay.
Dad, you already have, like,
a million photos of me on your phone.
I know, and I want a fancy one for my office--is that okay?
Hey, I saw a video of that goal you scored at State cup.
You're getting really good, Hen.
I don't mean to brag, but my kid's got a gift.
Yeah, Mom offered to get me into the soccer program
at Manchester.
It's pretty awesome.
Well, I mean, it can't be that awesome because everybody knows
the best women's soccer is here in the U.S.
And I know that because I take an interest in your interests.
We're on the same page here.
I could play at a higher level over there.
(British accent) And what, eat crumpets and tea at halftime,
while kicking the football?
(normal voice) You could. You could do that, I guess.
But then you'd sound ridiculous--what, Alan?
I've got Zach Peterman on Zoom.
Nick, great news.
TV Guide, a publication that nobody reads
but everybody sees at the grocery store,
is considering us for their cover.
So I need all of the shots
that you've taken to wet their whistle.
Have you gotten good stuff so far?
Uh, yeah. Nothing but money shots, boss.
Great. Alan, show me the sets.
-I need to be more involved. -Yes.
I want to get my fingers in everything.
-Okay. -You look beautiful, hon.
Thanks.
(upbeat music)
Go easy on them thumbs, swiper!
Dating apps are wild.
They're like these video games where you win self-esteem.
I've been swiping on musicians.
I even matched with this baseball player,
Aaron O'Reilly-- you know him?
Yeah. He plays for the Tigers.
But be careful with these athletes, Gabby.
I mean, they'll swipe on anybody just to--
Oh, so I'm just anybody now.
-No. -That's fine.
Not even you, Reggie Sadler,
can take away the fact that I'm having
a moment right now.
This show has not only gotten me a date
but a frickin' date with a frickin' baseball player!
Wait, you guys are going on a date already?
He asked me out tonight,
which is perfect because my hair and makeup
is looking fly as hell right now from promos, so...
(clears throat) Excuse us. Glad I was here to save you.
Right, yeah, I have a date to make.
But you all have fun.
♪
You guys made quite the feast.
-Oh, it's all Patrick. -Hmm.
Paige, you have an impressive book collection.
I admit, I only ready cheesy crime novels.
I love the Detective Humphrey series.
Me too! Because he's a detective...
BOTH: And a fisherman.
But we knew that about each other.
Patrick and I both love wine.
-Yeah. -Right, babe?
-We're terrible. -(laughter)
So, Paula, what drew you to my Mike--I mean--Mike?
We met on set.
PAIGE: And then what?
And then...
he's handsome and funny.
(both chuckle)
And he saved me from bees.
-From bees, what? -Yeah.
No, from, mm, hornets.
-Hornets. -Mur--murder hornets.
I'm sorry, there's murder hornets here in the Midwest?
That is not good.
Wait, Mike saved you? He did that?
Yeah, during the audition.
PATRICK: You had hornets in the audition?
Yeah, but, you know, it's a boring story.
We don't need to get into that.
I don't think that it's boring at all.
I would love to hear it.
-You would? -Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay, think best friends.
15 minutes, and then I'm out.
Fine by me. I have a dinner.
With your deranged ex?
WAYNE: Why do you care if I see Neil?
Oh, is this your roid rage?
He's a nutcase, Wayne, and nutcase is your kryptonite.
People change.
Besides, I've been meaning to make an amends to him.
That's an insane excuse!
You know he's bad for your mental health.
Smile, we're having fun.
You want to talk mental health?
Look at you, you're not dancing to help Justin.
You're dancing to prove to yourself that you still can!
And you're going to drag that poor kid down with you.
I'm preventing him from looking like an idiot onstage!
That knee of yours is nothing
but a Frankenstein glob of drugs.
(gasps)
Again, theme here is best friends.
I'm done. I have a show to save, Wayne.
I don't also have time to save your ass tonight, okay?
Fine by me because I don't need saving!
Enjoy your psychopath!
Enjoy your painkillers!
-(sighs) You okay? -I'm fine.
-So what do you want to do? -Let's go dance.
Get out of our heads, improvise a little.
Seriously?
ZACH: Nick, what the hell?
We don't have a single group shot, and our hosts
are literally yelling at each other in these photos!
I don't know what happened,
but, uh, we'll shoot it again tomorrow.
Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.
-Sweet. -Right?
ZACH: I did a little bit of storyboard.
-I'm thinking Vanity Fair. -Uh-huh.
-Aspirational. -Yep.
ZACH: The family that you wish that you had.
Everybody's smiling, but conflict.
One of them might kill you. You know?
Yeah, look, I'll get you a group shot tomorrow.
No, actually, I've got therapy
with my brother in the morning.
Got it, Zach. Thanks, bud.
Whoo, he can talk.
-You were the worst dancer. -Okay, hold on.
I seem to recall you dragging me from that stage
and right into your bed.
So my moves couldn't have been that bad.
Okay. (laughs)
You were so handsome.
You still are.
I am so proud of you.
We should celebrate. Champagne.
Oh, uh, none for me. I'm sober.
I thought you were, too?
No, booze is not my problem. Drugs are--huge.
-It's fine. -Uh...
Yeah, thank you.
Um...
Right.
Well, look, Neil,
I have an amends that I want to make to you.
I realize that I never really listened to you
during our relationship.
And I'm very sorry about that.
That means a lot and dovetails nicely
with something that I want to talk to you about.
-Hmm. -The title of the show.
The Big Leap.
Mm, so, technically, that was my idea.
(chokes) I'm sorry.
Which I guess means that's something
that you did listen to,
and now I want 15% ownership of the show.
What the hell are you doing?
Well, my friends say that I should ask for more,
but I don't know, 15%'s a lot.
I thought you said that drugs were a problem.
Cocaine is not a drug.
It's a little dessert that tastes like gasoline.
Neil, I am not paying you for the title of the show.
You got money in the divorce plus a house.
-Oh, I sold that. -Our house?
Mm-hmm.
(dramatic music)
Okay. I am going back to work.
You go to your hotel. This was a huge mistake.
SINGER: ♪ I want to shake you
(dance music)
Gabby! I'm so happy you made it.
Oh, me too.
I'm surprised you don't have baseball practice
tomorrow or something.
I definitely do. So we can't go crazy.
I'm a single mom.
I haven't gone crazy since I got pregnant.
-Oh. -I'm sorry.
-Too much, too soon? -You're fun.
I got us a table.
GABBY: Oh, great.
Oh, I-I-I thought this was just gonna be us.
But you know what? We can do this another time.
-It's fine. -Hey, stay. I want you here.
Okay.
SINGER: ♪ Shake you
Say "Aaron O'Reilly" on three.
One, two, three.
-ALL: Aaron O'Reilly! -(camera shutter clicks)
AARON: There we go. Let me post this.
♪
MIKE: You got to understand, okay?
People are screaming their heads off.
I mean, these murder hornets, they're dangerous.
She gets stuck in the neck.
I had to... (spits) Spit it out, okay?
Yeah, and--
I'm clearing people out of the way--it's chaos.
-I feel two arms reach in. -I grab her.
-I see it's Mike.
He pulls me out.
-And he makes a... -BOTH: Beeline.
-Ah... -For the exit to safety.
I'm not sure what happened to the other people,
but we did get out.
You almost got My Girl'd!
Well, uh, actually, bubba, but My Girl survived, right?
So she almost got Culkin'd.
Thank you.
Well, enjoy it now, Paula.
Pretty soon old Sad Face here's gonna show back up,
with booze in hand, complaining about being fired
like he's the first person to ever lose a job.
(soft music)
♪
Well, I think everybody had a really hard year
last year, right?
And I'm really grateful to Mike
because he turned it around for me.
PATRICK: Yeah, I'm grateful
that your show called the Department of Agriculture
because we are living in a nightmare.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
(Jack Garratt's "Surprise Yourself")
JACK GARRATT: ♪ Speak and open up your mind ♪
♪ It's something you should do all the time ♪
♪
♪ Keep exploring, seek and find ♪
♪ You know, you might surprise yourself ♪
♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-(crack) -Aah!
Oh, my God, Monica. Are you okay?
I'm fine! I'm just disappointed.
What?
You're not getting it. We're done here.
What? That was the best I've ever danced!
And you know it!
I said, we're done here!
(soft music)
Wow, okay.
♪
Everyone out, now!
♪
(grunts)
♪
Oh, oh, no, ridiculous swan coming through!
Dude, can we just talk about this?
Sure, let's talk.
Let's talk about how you need to check your femme-phobia.
-Okay, so I'm a homophobe. -Mm-hmm.
I'm a closet case and a femme-phobe.
Yeah.
Want to throw anything else at me?
-No, that about covers it. -Fine!
Yes, I judged your tutu. But does that make me a bigot?
I have been called ridiculous my entire life.
But for that to come from another gay man
and someone that I respect,
that sucks, Justin.
What did I do to you, okay? What is your problem with me?
Oh, my God, uh...
No, I-I suck, okay? It's me.
I'm sorry.
I don't have any problem with you.
I like you.
It was the first day,
and I'm working through this stuff.
I shouldn't have said that stuff about you.
And I didn't realize how loaded it was.
♪
Hey, please don't hate me.
♪
I don't hate you.
That was a good apology.
And, look, I'm sorry that I called you a closet case.
That's not okay.
Hey, you know what you are?
You're a real prince.
-(chuckles) -All right.
(laughter)
Oh, okay, swans.
I can get down with this version.
PERSON: Hey, hey, hey. Ah.
Okay.
Rah-ga-ga-ga-ga-gah. Ah, hey. Oh, oh.
PERSON: Yeah.
-Hey, hey. -Oh!
(laughter)
(upbeat music dance music)
♪
Gabby?
What are you doing here?
Well, I was out just hitting the clubs.
This is crazy running into you.
What a gentleman.
GABBY: That's him.
Mm, he's got a lot of dimension, you know?
(both laughing)
-You want to leave? -Yes, so badly.
Hey, that's Sadler,
football player turned ballerina.
Shut up--I looked it up,
and you're basically benched every game.
♪
I don't get it.
It's ASMR. It's calming.
-Is it? -(cell phone chimes)
What was that?
Oh, it's my screen time limit.
Mom set it so that I only get three hours.
What?
Welcome to the land of screen time.
See, you don't want to be in England
with all your mom's crazy rules.
-Who does she think she is? -She's my mom.
-She tries really hard, Dad. -Yeah, I know.
I'm just--she can be a little, I mean, you--
You got to stop crapping all over her!
I started getting good grades
when she put the limit on my phone.
What is going on right now? Are we fighting?
I just don't like it when you bag on Mom.
The divorce was hard for everybody, not just you.
I know--hey, Hen. Hey, look at me.
I know it wasn't easy. I know that, okay?
It's just--if we're talking about our feelings,
it's important to me that you like me better.
-You're really immature. -Oh, come on.
-That was a joke. -Very immature.
You knew that was a joke. Are you mad at me?
-All right. -Don't be mad. Hen, come on.
-Don't be mad. -(laughter)
MIKE: I mean, do you think costumes is gonna notice?
Yeah, Mike, you spilled a lot
of salad dressing on that jacket.
MIKE: Yeah, I don't know.
All right, let me make it up to you
before we go to the movies-- look at this.
MIKE: That's the thing about suede, though.
Stuff comes out of suede.
You want to help me make them kiss?
-Okay. -Yeah, that's my girl.
All right, first things first.
We're gonna do a little mood lighting there.
PAULA: I'm sorry. I told you, I'm not good at winging it.
Yeah, no kidding, but they bought it.
-How did they buy it? -How did they buy it?
Make her hair do the blowy thing.
Make her hair do the blowy thing!
Okay, press this right here.
We pulled it off, so...
Thanks for sticking up for me tonight.
I appreciate it.
I-I meant what you said. I mean, you're a catch.
I just hope I didn't ruin your chances with Paige.
Oh, yeah.
Watch this.
Yeah, you know,
I don't even know if I want that chance anymore.
-You filming this? -Am I filming this?
What am I, an amateur? Come on.
They don't even know it's happening.
What do you want?
Here they go.
Very close.
(romantic music)
NEIL: This is mine!
This crappy Detroit backdrop was my idea!
The Big Leap is my idea!
-Who is that guy? -The Big Leap is mine!
-It's all mine! -That's enough!
Aah! Get off me!
I gave you much more than a title!
-Stop! -(laughs)
Oh, this is great.
I-I mean, what just happened?
I don't know. I don't know what's going on.
Are you kidding me?
Um...
my car is, uh, right over there.
(uplifting music)
♪
Wow, should I take off my shoes or...
That's a yes, then?
♪
-Do you have a belt on? -I don't.
You do. I can get--
♪
You're so hot!
You've seen these before.
I know, but not like this!
SINGER: ♪ Comprende?
♪ Tic toc-toc, know the time without my wristwatch ♪
♪ It's not no time to hit my brakes ♪
Hey, hey, hey, hey. We need to talk.
Julia, what the hell?
Wait, wait, wait. I-I've seen you on TV.
Yeah, you're that sad mom on the show.
Get on up there, sad mom!
Charlie, will you give us a minute?
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I was gonna check out the buffet, anyways.
I know you know where my husband is.
And you're not telling me. So cough it up now.
Buy me a drink. Pay for a dance.
Then I'll talk.
SINGER: ♪ Monopolizing through my speech ain't for free ♪
♪ Tic toc-toc, know the time without my wristwatch ♪
Look, can I just give you all the ones now,
and you can tell me where my husband is, please?
I have no clue where your husband is.
And I do not know why you think I do.
Because you said that you would give me some advi--
Would you please stop that?
Yeah, my advice was gonna be
that you're way too focused on him.
Oh, yeah? Because he ruined my life!
What happens when you find him?
Does dragging Kevin back into your house
make him or you happy?
I mean, what if him leaving is actually a gift?
Just--I am not going to be therapized by a booty dancer
who's trained to spin around a pole
greased with God knows what.
Bitch, I am done with you
bringing these archaic assumptions into my workplace!
Don't you call me a bitch! How dare you?
For your information, I trained in ballet!
-You trained in ballet? -I did, me, for a while.
Classical dance was my first love.
But I wasn't the best at it.
And, ultimately, I gave it up because I needed the money
and stripping pays the bills, okay?
(soft music)
But I still wish I could dance like that.
I'd kill to be able to do a fouetté turn.
Well, it's a really difficult turn, so...
Yeah.
♪
When you...
when you développé your leg to the front,
you keep this hip down.
You got to be staying really solid
and pull up in your supporting hip, right?
Momentum to the side when you pull to second.
♪
Wow.
Okay.
♪
Swing.
Yeah, so that was good.
But when you put your leg out, okay, keep this hip down.
Really pull up on your supporting leg.
Mm-hmm.
To second and pull up, hip down, hip up!
That's good.
♪
Maybe I'll turn when I'm not wearing these heels.
Break your neck. I don't know how you do it.
You're really good.
Thanks.
Sorry I trashed your set.
It's fine.
We'll fix it.
I know you think I'm high out of my mind.
You are.
But let me just say, I am absolutely proud of you.
But this...
buttoned-up, stuffed-shirt producer guy--
I mean, who is that? That's not you.
Hey, Fun Wayne, it's Fun Neil. You want to come out and play?
I--Don't you think that we were just brought back
into each other's lives to remember who we really are?
Do you remember the night that gave birth to this show?
To us?
We were two expats, dancing...
drinking,
falling in love.
(laughs)
That's better.
I can't.
♪
Should we get Raisinets and popcorn
and mix them together like a couple of monsters?
-Yes! -Should you not get taller?
Can you squish down? When'd you get so tall?
-(cell phone rings, vibrates) -Aargh.
Hey, Mon.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
You what?
(groans) I can't move.
Okay, uh, I'll pick you up.
-No! -Okay, I'll leave you there.
No, I need a hospital.
Dad, just pick her up!
Okay, okay, okay!
Here, here, take the keys. Go start the car, Hen.
-You're really pretty! -How old is she?
Can she do that? Ah!
Yeah, I think so.
(person speaking indistinctly on TV)
Hey, thanks for turning my night around.
I'm sorry if I cut your clubbing short.
You didn't. I lied.
I wasn't at the club.
I was, uh, at home playing myself on Madden,
which is, uh-- it's pretty lame.
And then, uh, you know,
maybe I checked out Aaron's Instagram.
-Oh, so you were stalking me. -No, I was curious.
And then I saw the picture of you looking miserable.
So I figured I'd check in on you.
You deserve to be treated better than that.
Thanks. Guy's a D-bag.
He wasn't wrong about me, though.
I used to be a famous football player.
And now I'm a terrible ballerina on a reality show.
God, what am I doing?
What do you want to do?
I want to play football.
Then why not get serious about it?
Train, work your ass off.
I know you've had setbacks, and trying again is hard.
But, I mean, look at me.
I'm trying to dance again after having a baby.
(laughs)
You got to stop screwing around.
I mean, don't even get me started about Brittney.
Damn, Coach.
I thought you were gonna rub my back and tell me I'm great.
Hell, no, but you can start by rubbing my feet
and telling me I'm not a total idiot
for going on a date with Aaron O'Reilly.
♪
You're not an idiot.
♪
Sweetie, what's up? Are the monsters back?
Mm-hmm.
-Who are you? -Me--I-I'm Reggie.
You got monsters?
You know, I get 'em, too, sometimes.
Want to hear a trick?
All right. So this is what I do.
I just give them all silly names,
and then they're not scary anymore.
So, like, Mr. Anxiety Boogers,
Mr. Angry Poop Face,
Mr. Scary Butt!
(laughter)
Okay, five minutes of TV and then bed.
♪
Kevin thought I quit dancing because I wasn't good enough
but I'll tell you, little did he know, I was the best.
(laughs) So why did you quit?
Well, let me tell you.
It was--uh, it was New York in the '80s, baby.
And my best friends, my two besties and I...
they were dancers, too.
And--and--and we did everything together.
And they, uh...
then they--they got...
uh, they got AIDS, and, um...
So I sat by both of their beds
in this--this really, uh, horrible AIDS ward.
It was, you know, back then, and, um...
and I sat there, and I watched them die.
So, err, I was really sad, I think,
too sad to be in New York, too sad to dance.
So I think that I ran away, mm,
and went back to Michigan, met Kevin.
And who'd have thunk that I would marry boring old Kevin?
(chuckles)
But here you are.
Yes, here I am, on a pole...
(laughs)
Husbandless...
Telling things to a stripper
that I never even told my own husband.
-Listen. -Mm?
Like my inner thigh says, "Life moves fast."
That really what that says?
Stop it with your judgment eyes, okay?
-(laughs) -Okay?
Man, oh, man. That buffet line is insane.
Hell, yeah, Charlie.
That would be my cue to leave.
Oh, by the way, you owe me $400 for the private dance.
Oh, no, no, no.
I danced kind of half the time,
so it should be half.
Did you dance? $400, Julia.
(rap music playing)
Sorry, Hen, X-ray shouldn't take much longer.
Maybe we, uh--maybe we do the midnight show, huh?
-(cell phone vibrating) -Yeah.
Monica's phone keeps buzzing?
Yeah, jeez, Wayne. Just leave a voice mail, huh?
Maybe it's an emergency.
Ah, that's a good point.
-Wayne. -Oh, babe, help me!
Yeah, it's Nick. I've got Monica--
Look, I am in Neil's hotel room,
and I've got to get out of here.
All right, well, just leave.
In order to leave, I have to pass by a ton of drugs
and Neil,
and I am so close to losing it.
Nick, please, I'm begging you, come get me.
Hold on. Um...
It's okay, Dad. Where we going?
(knock at door)
Ugh, finally, I ordered 12 Kit-Kats an hour ago.
-Excuse me. -Stay there, stay there.
-Wayne! -WAYNE: Yes, Nick?
Oh, he's been in there all night.
Don't worry. Who are you?
Is she with room service?
That's child labor, actually. Wayne, Wayne--excuse me.
She should be in bed, by the way.
-Just zip it, coke head. -Wow.
Yeah, he might have a point there.
It is late, Nick.
Guys, guys, I'm working on it, okay?
Just like I need you to work
on fixing your relationship with Monica
so I can get one damn usable photo tomorrow.
Wayne, Henri. Henri, Wayne.
Oh, pleasure!
-Uh-huh. -Likewise!
(The Cure's "Just Like Heaven")
♪
ROBERT SMITH: ♪ "Show me, show me, show me
♪ "How you do that trick
♪ The one that makes me scream," she said ♪
♪ "The one that makes me laugh," she said ♪
♪ And threw her arms around my neck ♪
♪ "Show me how you do it
♪ "And I promise you
♪ "I promise that I'll run away with you ♪
♪ I'll run away with you"
♪ You, soft and only
♪ You, lost and lonely
♪ You, strange as angels
♪ Dancing in the deepest oceans ♪
♪ Twisting in the water, you're just like a dream ♪
♪
♪ You, soft and only
♪ You, lost and lonely
♪ You, just like heaven
Oh-ho, it's his little license.
(chuckles)
And his cat--
so cute.
And his ID from the factory...
that I fired him from.
Oh, God.
(soft music)
♪
(sighs)
♪
(door opens)
(sports announcer speaking indistinctly on TV)
Yes! Goal! Dad, you see it?
Mm-hmm.
What are you doing?
-Testimonial game now? -We got to talk.
All right, so I know that the divorce was hard on you,
and I don't want to make it harder.
So, tell me, do you want to go to England with your mom?
Well...
the soccer program is really good.
Mm-hmm.
And...
it doesn't really seem like you have much time right now.
(chuckles) Yeah.
♪
Talk to me, Dad.
(chuckles) Okay.
What are you so afraid of?
What am I so afraid of?
I...
(chuckles)
I'm afraid that we'll drift apart.
And that next you'll be in high school,
and then you'll graduate,
and then we'll only talk on Father's Day,
and it's all because you went to England for six months
when you were 13.
That's what I'm so afraid of.
You mean more to me than anything, Hen.
♪
I'd be back for Swan Lake.
♪
I wouldn't miss it for anything.
I know.
Thank you. I'd like that.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
♪
I love you, Dad.
I know, I love you, too. Come here.
Thanks, babe.
♪
(imitating engine revving)
Who was here last night?
-Reggie, but nothing happened. -I don't like him.
I don't want you falling for another unreliable man
who ultimately leaves you.
(sighs) Reggie's different, Mom.
He's a good guy. Plus, he likes me.
-Are you sure? -It doesn't matter.
-Because I like him. -(door opens)
-I might even love him. -Reggie!
Who wants a doughnut?
(dramatic jazz music)
♪
MONICA: Oh, God.
Is Neil here, too?
No, I paid him $20,000
to go to rehab and never contact me again.
You were right to try and warn me.
You think he'll go to rehab?
Well, he did post a photo from Hawaiian Airlines
saying, "Wheels up, Neil's up," so I'm guessing not.
I'm sorry I missed your calls.
I am sorry I missed yours.
I know it was stupid, but...
(exhales sharply)
It felt so good to dance.
(soft music)
♪
They operated on my knee, Wayne.
The doctor said I might not be able
to dance or walk the same again.
♪
Last night I was reminded
that my relationship with Neil
turned toxic a long time ago.
♪
Babe, I'm thinking maybe your relationship
with dancing ballet's turned toxic, too.
We both have some things we have
to let leave our lives for good.
♪
The show's about a ballet, Wayne.
If we don't do ballet, then what do we do?
I don't know, but we'll figure it out...
together.
Because I need you. This show needs you.
And--and together, we'll, uh...
break free, eh?
ARIANA GRANDE: ♪ This is the part when...
Isn't this your song with Neil? (laughs)
He does not get Ariana Grande in the divorce!
This song is mine now!
ARIANA GRANDE: ♪ I don't want ya
♪ I'm stronger than I've been before ♪
♪ This is...
♪ The part when I break free ♪
BOTH: ♪ 'Cause I can't resist it no more ♪
(laughs)
♪
Everybody, gather up! Come, come!
ARIANA GRANDE: ♪ I was under your spell, yeah ♪
♪ Like a deadly fever
Uh, it's not my birthday.
Thank you.
So what do you think?
My favorite show of yours, Dad.
-Really? -Mm-hmm.
See the pretty lady?
She's hiding something.
She is. Good eye, kid.
What are you gonna do?
ARIANA GRANDE: ♪ This is the part when I break free ♪
♪ 'Cause I can't resist it no more ♪
♪
That's simple.
We tell her secret to the man she loves.
♪