(dramatic orchestral music)
♪
(music crescendos)
♪
-(thud) -(screams)
(hushed whispers)
(gasping in pain)
Oh, my God, Monica. Are you okay?
Oh, you'd just love it if I wasn't, wouldn't you, Yulia?
DAVID: Give her some room, everyone!
And get the medic! I'm here, Monica.
-Where was the crash mat? -I don't know.
The new stagehand must have forgotten to set it.
He's already fired,
but I don't want you to worry about that now.
No, no! Don't move!
I can still dance, I promise. I promise.
Her knee is shattered.
(soft, sorrowful music)
♪
Please...no.
I've worked so hard. Please.
I'm sorry, Monica.
I'm so sorry.
(sobs)
(hip-hop orchestral melody)
(crying)
♪
(music crescendos)
(subtle percussive beat)
Dancers, gather around.
We've asked a lot of you lately
to interpret one of the most challenging,
iconic ballets in history...
-(twinkling orchestral music) -Swan Lake.
But if you want to be Swan Lake,
you need to see Swan Lake.
That is why we're sending you to see
one of the world's greatest ballet companies,
the Ballet Précis, perform Swan Lake
at their home theater in Chicago.
That's right: road trip!
Guys, guys, I need you to, uh, vamp for a second.
We got a big surprise coming.
Uh, and this will also be
a homecoming of sorts for Monica.
She was a soloist at the Ballet Précis.
Yes, such dear, dear friends. How I've missed them.
NICK: Uh, Wayne, new line for you.
"But this won't just be"...
...won't just be a research trip.
You will also be performing...
NICK: Part of our show for them.
-(hushed whispering) -What? What did you just say?
Uh, the performers of the Ballet Précis
will be judging your performance.
And if you impress them,
there's a chance that you could drive away in style.
-(grand music) -(group gasps)
Oh!
Did you know about this?
Does my face look like I knew about this?
Seriously, I would love a new car--
Yeah, you're not gonna get it, though.
But how can you pick a winner
if we're all supposed to work together?
Who cares? I want that convertible.
-(lively music) -Uh...
Yeah, just go ahead. Take a look.
We'll be right back.
-Excuse me. -(excited chatter)
What the hell was that?
We go away for lunch and come back
and you're giving away a car!
Yeah, word from Product Integration just came through
half an hour ago.
-I mean, isn't this great? -Forget the bloody car.
Performing in front of my old colleagues?
That's literally adding insult to injury.
Plus, everyone is now obsessed with winning the car
as opposed to focusing on their dancing.
The show is about cooperation and inspiration!
Yes, inspiration!
Look how inspired they are.
I got--I got a tear in my eye.
Guys, this is really great news.
No, an aneurysm would be great news.
You know what I think?
I think you just don't want your cool ballet friends--
there's a phrase I've never said before--
to see our folks
because you are embarrassed of them.
No, I'm embarrassed for them.
Okay, why--why is that?
Because once they see
a real production of Swan Lake
and then they have to dance
in front of those same professionals,
they'll finally see themselves for what they actually are:
a social club for the uncoordinated,
an army of left feet,
a rodeo of broken toys
destined to perish in a fireball of humiliation.
(straw crackling)
Well, I'm excited for Chicago.
-(bell ringing) -MONICA: Six, seven, eight.
One, two, three, four.
Brittney, he's the evil wizard. He's beguiling the White Swan.
But you want to break free.
From the hot wizard?
No, thank you.
(soft music)
GABBY: Am I excited to go to Chicago
even though I'm an understudy and I won't get to perform,
so I won't have the chance to win a new car,
even though I totally need one?
Sure, yeah?
Can you do me a favor and say the whole thing again,
except put "As a single mother" at the beginning?
What? No. What does that have to do with anything?
Just makes people invest.
You know what? Never mind. We'll get it next time.
Uh, hey, so shadowing Brittney around all day.
-That must suck, huh? -Yup.
Just like you wanted it to, Nick.
But you know what? I'm dealing with it.
I'm making it work.
For me. Making it work.
It's just that some of us came here to work really hard,
while--while--I don't know-- others of us came here
apparently to perform sex acts
on each other in their trailers.
She said that? Interesting.
Okay, um, obviously some of us are working hard
'cause we're the White Swan,
and others of us came here to be haters
and have genital warts.
I'm sorry. Can you--can you say that again for me?
Nick, I don't want to be that girl...
-No. -...who tells everyone that...
(raising voice) Gabby has venereal warts.
So a little drama, huh,
between Gabby and Brittney over you?
[scoffs] Come on, man. That's not drama.
Now, NFL locker room? Dra-ma.
Anyway, going to Chicago!
I mean, I don't really need the car though.
I'm about to go embarrass myself
in front of Ballet Précis.
And I'm going to do all of it standing right next
to a woman who's having online intercourse with my husband.
Free trip!
(imitating race car noises)
I'd love to win... this Mustang.
Do I have to pay insurance? Or you guys cover that too?
Have you done entrechats before?
You start from fifth. You jump in the air.
Like this. Un, deux, trois...
(counts indistinctly in French)
Let's be honest here.
We all know who is going to win the car.
Who is that Claude guy, really?
I mean, where did he come from?
Listen, I'm a good dancer. I know that.
But these are legit professionals.
And I'm kind of... a disaster at ballet.
Monica told me she thinks you have a ton of potential.
For real? She said that?
NICK: Absolutely, yeah. Oh, hey...
I heard you don't talk to your family.
-What's that about? -Um...
I don't want to talk about my family.
-Pretty simple. -NICK: It's totally simple.
And I also read that your dad
runs a rain gutter installation business?
Yeah, it's called No Gutters, No Glory.
-Ah. -And the only thing he cares
more about than that is the Detroit Lions.
Where do you fall on that list?
-Lower. -(wistful music)
-Gotcha. -Mm-hmm.
How did he react when you came out?
He kicked me out of the house.
NICK: And your mom?
She passed away when I was a kid.
I'd like to keep her out of this.
Right; I think I read that they were divorced.
Yeah, they were...
they were in the middle of all that when it happened.
My dad would never even see her when she was in hospice.
You know what? I don't need to tell any of you this.
No, you don't. We got everything we need.
Thanks, bud.
That is a deep emotional wound.
And we're gonna rip it wide open.
I need you to track down Justin's dad.
Okay.
And I need a Detroit Lions hat.
I'll get us both one.
Be a couple of lions on the hunt.
(mimics lion snarling)
EARL: Of course I didn't kick Justin out of the house
because he's gay.
No, the Lions were down by three.
They were going for a field goal.
This kid walks in here.
I mean, he's not even wearing his lucky hat.
-And he turns off the game. -Not in this house.
And then he stops and he goes,
"Uh, Dad,
I got something I gotta tell you." I'm like...
Whoa, talk about off-sides.
-Man, tell me about it, man. -Right? It's like, bruh,
read the room.
Yeah, lemme guess. They shanked it.
Oh, man, they hit the doggone upright, man.
-What? -EARL JR: You can't tell me
that's not connected.
Man, that's connected, man.
-You gotta wear your hat. -NICK: But I'm sure--
I'm sure you guys circled back, right?
You made up.
You told him you support him and his sexuality.
Look, I'm not interested in discussing anybody's sexuality
here today, okay?
Sure, yeah. I get it.
Oh, hey, we're, uh--we're going on a trip, uh, to Chicago.
We're gonna perform in front of a professional ballet company.
And I know how much Justin misses you.
He was really hoping you could be there.
He said that?
Sure, yeah.
-I mean, yep. -Yeah, well...
You know, Justin could've come up here anytime to come see me.
Now he expect me to drop everything and go to Chicago?
Who he think he is? Kanye?
-EARL: Nah. -(phone ringing)
Ah, excuse me. I got a...
-NICK: Yeah, we gotta get out-- -Business to run here.
-Let's wrap it up. -No Gutters, No Glory.
Our prices are water-tight
and our service is unbe-leaf-able."
Oh, hey! Um, sorry.
I forgot to mention
uh, another one of our contestants is Reggie Sadler.
-Reggie Sadler? -Mm-hmm.
Of the Lions?
Yeah. He loves meeting the fans.
I don't know why we're having
costume fittings if we're not wearing costumes in Chicago.
I don't know, maybe they just
need to take our measurements--
That was invasive. Seriously.
I've had friendlier mammograms.
Yeah, I'm not doing this.
Hey, hey.
What's up?
I told you I had cancer, but what I didn't tell you
is that I also had a double mastectomy.
And then I got breast implants.
(whispering) What they don't tell you is that, um,
it doesn't feel like your body.
Are we whispering so that your boobs can't hear you?
I'm being serious.
They feel like gummy bears.
I can barely look at myself and I can barely...
Okay. Hey, hey, hey. I got you.
(calming music)
I'll take care of this right now.
-Don't, don't, don't-- -No problem. 'Scuse me!
This is not okay.
I'm sorry. Uh, what's not okay, hon?
I need notice before a fitting, okay?
I'm bloated.
I had an entire pizza by myself last night.
So I'm feeling fat and I-- I'm not gonna be shamed
by you or any of you.
-To be honest... -COSTUMER: Oh!
-I don't feel safe right now. -No, you are safe.
Let's all--let's all take a breath.
No, you see, the thing is, I can't take a breath
because, I mean, this has triggered a panic attack
that is onset
by this impromptu bikini contest.
-Tell you what-- -I don't feel good.
Okay, we'll cancel for today.
I appreciate it because
I'm not feeling good.
-You got him? -MIKE: Thank you.
(light, melancholic piano music)
-(groans) -(trunk squeaking)
(sighs) Come on!
(chuckles)
Check it out!
This is the official understudy junker.
Maybe if I drive behind a really nice car
for long enough, they'll sprain their wrist
and just give it to me. (laughs)
Gabby, the woman who was my understudy
when I had my accident is now famous.
And I have to humiliate myself in front of her this weekend.
♪
So just keep working hard and be prepared.
-(birds chirping) -Your turn will come.
♪
Sorry to hear about the venereal warts.
The what? I...
JUSTIN: We're only going for two days.
Yeah, I bring an outfit for every mood.
How many moods do you have?
Seven.
Happy, emo, smug, vacay, slay, revenge,
and "I just won a car."
Sweetheart, I don't know why
your delivery didn't go through.
Listen, the--the refrigerator's stocked full.
You and your sister-- excuse me, would you mind
getting your enormous breasts out of my face?
I'm trying to talk to my daughter, thank you.
(scoffs) What's your problem, lady?
You and Olivia will be fine.
I think that you're gonna survive
until your father gets there, okay?
Hi, um, about earlier-- that whole boob thing...
Oh, don't worry about it at all.
It's fine.
You okay?
I never go on Instagram, but I just decided to today.
And, uh, you know,
-she posted a bunch of... -Oh.
Pictures with her new boyfriend.
There they are at the farmers market.
There they are with his stupid beagle.
Oh! Cute dog.
Obviously, it's a very cute dog.
That's not the point.
Yeah, but you're on your way
to perform in Chicago.
You've a lot of cool stuff going on.
-You should post about it. -I do?
Yeah, lemme take a picture.
Look like a guy with a lot of cool stuff going on.
-Maybe like... -No.
Brooding artist, like...
That's kind of sad.
I'm trying to look deep.
Well, it just looks a little constipated.
-(both laugh) -That's good!
Good. Okay, okay. Look, look, look, look.
MIKE: That's terrible.
-(playful music) -(crunching)
What?
Nothing. I just see you.
♪
(others gasp and murmur)
Hey, what's going on?
Why is everyone looking at you like that?
Brittney started a rumor that I have genital warts.
Damn, that's...
so mean and crazy.
-Do you, though? -No!
REGGIE: Yo, Gabs, Chicago.
Let's have some fun, huh?
Reggie, I saved us a seat.
It's back here. Come on.
You better get back there, you know, um,
hit that, my dude.
Okay... yeah, cool.
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
He's with Brittney now.
I guess I'm trying to make it not weird.
Then don't act so weird.
I just can't.
Hey, Gabby, don't let whatever you've got
going on down there affect your self-esteem, okay?
But friend, understand-- you do have it for life.
Listen, sweetie, I came up in the '80s in New York.
And listen, we all had it. It's really not a big deal.
But listen, you just make sure that you keep up to date
-with your Pap smears. -Oh, my God.
Hi, hi, hi! Everyone, hi, hi!
I--I would-- hello, um...
I would just like to spend the time to dispel
a rumor you may have heard.
To be clear...
I do not have genital warts!
(all whispering)
-Oh, my. -Brittney, um--
Brittney, yeah, started that rumor
to get back at me because I...
gossiped about her and Reggie starting a relationship,
which I do now realize was immature and counterproductive.
So...
apologies to you, Brittney.
You know, have fun, you two. You know, get some!
But be--be safe. Um, be safe.
Well, thank you, Gabby, for that rousing speech
about genitalia.
The driver has just asked me
to ask you to sit down.
Uh, we are gonna get on the road now!
Chicago.
That was smooth.
-Just kill me. -(stifled laugh)
(lively music)
(Todrick Hall's "Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels")
(glamorous pop music)
♪ Nails, hair, hips, heels
♪ Face done, lips real
♪ Purse full, big bills
♪ Yes, I'm a big deal
♪ Legs, legs, face, eyes, thin waist, thick thighs... ♪
Hey, I gotta thank you.
Paige liked my Instagram photo.
Oh, I told ya.
You want to make her really jealous?
-Yeah. -Let's do a selfie.
Oh, really? You think that'll do it?
Yeah.
All right, okay.
-(camera app clicks) -Hi, definitely over you.
-MIKE: Swear to God. -Can I tell you something?
What's up?
I'm starving.
There's a, uh, Portillo's around the corner.
If we hurry, we can get back
in time for the show.
-Do you think we can make it? -I mean, these things always
start late, right? I've heard.
I've never actually been to one.
Oh, wait, I can't walk that fast.
Okay, okay.
Damn, girl, what? You tailgating before the ballet?
Somebody nervous about tomorrow?
What? It's just a Xanny and some champers.
-(sighs) -Okay, fine.
I was bullied in ballet class when I was little and...
so I'm a little nervous to perform tomorrow.
-You were bullied? -By the whole class.
Damn.
After I bullied each of them individually,
they banded together.
Anyway, that's when my mom pulled me out
'cause I wasn't the best.
That's when she made me and Simon partners.
(swigs)
All right, you let me know if any of them
little ballerinas come after you.
I got your back.
Thanks.
You know, I was in his trailer the other night.
And we had this moment, and...
I just left.
-Why didn't you go for it? -Oh, come on.
Look at her. Look at me.
Oh, now you're insulting me.
I dated you for four years.
And you were very lucky.
-Let's go. -(laughs)
Are you guys talking about your sordid straight past?
-(snickers) -I'm so fascinated.
Hey, sorry about my sister.
After our parents got divorced,
she started a rumor that our dad was a werewolf.
He almost lost his job.
Though, to be fair, he did used to get drunk
and howl at the moon.
Anyway, she's, uh, the worst.
Mm, Justin. You look nice.
Thank you. You as well.
I know.
Which, uh, mood is this?
Slay.
The default is always slay.
Yeah. Good.
I'm sure she's too busy getting focused to talk to me, David.
-(laughs) -Oh, don't be silly.
Yulia specifically said she was excited to say hello.
She did?
Monica.
Yulia, hi! Congratulations.
(both smooch)
I want you to know that you inspire me every night.
Well, that's very kind of you to say.
When Rothbart puts a curse on me
and I need to feel terrified and full of despair,
I just remember all the horrible things
you used to say to me at rehearsal.
Well, the pressure got to us all
from time to time.
Mm, it was mostly you.
But things happen for a reason, I guess.
STAGE MANAGER: Places for top of the show.
Places.
Oops, that's my cue.
(intriguing music)
I don't know what I would do if I could never dance again.
♪
(somber music)
♪
(footsteps approaching)
Hello, Jeff. Looking good.
Who knew they'd be so uptight about letting people in
after the show started?
Everybody.
Everybody but us knew that.
Hm.
You know what's weird about implants
it's that they're always a little bit colder
than the rest of your body.
We still talking about your boobs?
Yeah, because there's so many weird things
that nobody tells you; I mean, they look bizarre to me.
-(faint orchestral music) -Okay, listen.
I gonna throw something out there.
And you can slap me if I'm wrong, but, uh...
Kinda feel like you want to show me your boobs.
Well, I do, but just so that you can tell me
-if they look normal. -Fine, I mean...
if I have to.
Okay, I'm gonna go to the ladies' room
-Count to 20. -Right.
And then follow me in there.
Just look long enough to make an assessment.
No loitering, then? Okay, you got it.
(pensive music)
I mean, the funny thing is,
I never really cared about my boobs.
It's not like they were really that great to begin with,
but then once they were gone,
I felt bad about never appreciating them.
(inhales shakily) You know what else is funny?
They tattoo the nipples on.
I didn't know that. Did you?
-I did not know that, no. -I thought it might be fun to
do a heart and a club,
but the plastic surgeon didn't get it.
Okay, did you get an eyeful yet?
'Cause it's been, like, ten minutes.
-Yeah, yeah. I got it. -Okay, great.
(door squeaking)
The--they're great.
You know, you got a great, just normal-looking American rack.
The left one's a little wonky, like a lazy eye.
Imperfections are what make us...beautiful.
And you wanted my assessment.
And my assessment is that you're smoking hot.
Thanks. That means a lot.
-Could you, um--could you? -Yeah.
Are you, uh, crying?
(tearfully) I mean, shut up, yeah.
Just been...
a difficult couple...years.
-Thanks. -Thank you for saying that.
'Cause that--that sucked for me, I have to say.
I mean, you really owe me one.
Should we catch the second half of the show?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah! -Never talk about this again.
-Okay. -Hey.
Thanks.
(grand orchestral music)
♪
Yeah, we're-- we're not very good.
Ooh, we are not, no.
♪
(orchestral music crescendos)
♪
(applause)
Wait, she dies at the end?
This is our feel-good ballet we're gonna put on TV?
Sometimes both of them die.
Sure, we could get that good at ballet by tomorrow, right?
Or we could just hide behind Claude.
Nick, Nick!
I'm right here, Alan. What?
(tense music)
I am afraid we have some bad news.
It has come to our attention
that one of you has not been truthful with us.
Criminally so, and that person will be leaving tonight.
(concerned whispers)
-What's going on? -Brace yourself, dear.
(whispers continue)
That person...is...
Oh, my God. Who is it?
And that person...
-is Claude. -What? No!
We have just learned that you have overstayed your visa,
and you are in this country illegally.
CLAUDE: I came here to follow my dream.
He's one of the Dreamers!
WAYNE: Claude, it is time to go.
Balancés away.
Well, goodbye, my friends. Good luck tomorrow.
I'll pray for you.
Car--the car is in play. The car is in play!
I don't want to hear any more about that car, you idiots!
You are performing in front of the Ballet Précis tomorrow!
It will be filmed! And without Claude...
we're doomed!
Do you think this man cares about how you're portrayed
-on television? -He does not.
How did this happen? Where did this information come from?
I have a cousin who has access to a certain federal database.
I may have gotten too focused on the car.
This is exactly why the dumb car
was a stupid idea, Nicholas!
I don't know what you're talking about, Wayne.
Look at this drama. It's gold.
Wait, you're the understudy! That means...
that means you're the Prince now!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm the Prince. I'm the Prince!
No. No, no, no. No, Justin's the Prince.
-BOTH: What? -I--but--
I'm the understudy. I know the part--I know all the parts.
Which is why you'll be playing Justin's part.
But I can't do it. I don't know it.
Oh, come on. That's not fair.
But you--you said that my turn would come.
You said that this morning.
Also, if anyone's wondering, I don't know it.
-So I can't do it. -I know what I said.
But this is a unique situation.
And the Prince is, like, a fit man...
Oh, just shut up, Brittney!
You know what, Wayne said
that this is a gender-bending production.
You know, I know what this is about.
This is about what I look like, right?
You don't want a big girl in a lead part?
You know, it would just be a lot easier if you just
came out and said it instead of telling people that
their turn would come and then when their turn comes,
being like, "Oh, yeah! Guess what? Yeah.
Still not your turn."
And also why is no one listening to me?
This is gonna be, like, a tornado...of diarrhea.
MONICA: It already is.
This is about the right dancer in the right part.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm calling it a night. Excuse me.
♪
-I can't. -Yes, you can.
You're the best dancer we've got, so stop blubbering.
Black Swan, new Prince, you're with me.
♪
(wistful piano music)
Hey. Hey.
You okay?
Look, that was messed up back there, seriously.
-I'm here if you wanna talk. -No, I don't want to talk.
I'm just gonna go upstairs and be in bed by 11
like I always do, so...
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on.
-What are we doing? -Come on, come on.
We're gonna have some fun.
Uh, a'ight, this is Chantal Lewis
and I am Dr. Sajinder Patel.
-Sorry we're late. -You found the same...
Just follow my lead, baby.
We're crashing a dentist convention?
Two words: open bar.
(Passion Pit's cover of "Tonight Tonight")
(sentimental pop music)
♪ Time is never time at all ♪
♪ You can never ever leave
♪ Without leaving a piece of you ♪
♪ Believe
♪ Believe in me
♪ Believe
(uplifting electronic music)
♪ That life could change
♪ That you're not stuck in vain ♪
♪ In the resolute urgency
♪ Of now
♪ And if you believe there's not a chance ♪
♪ Tonight
♪ Tonight, tonight
♪ Tonight
♪ And we'll crucify
♪ The insincere tonight
♪ And we'll make things right ♪
♪ With the moments of your life ♪
♪ Tonight
♪ Believe in me as I believe in you ♪
Ay, everybody, let's make some noise
-for Dr. Chantal Lewis, DDS! -(cheers and applause)
That's me. I'm Chantal Lewis.
(gasps, giggles)
-(microphone squeaks) -Uh, here you are--
-GABBY: Bye! -(laughter)
You do realize we just gave those dentists the best night
of their lives, right?
Well...
(drunken yelling)
BRITTNEY: Six, seven, and a one, two--
(drunken yelling continues)
You're a very tall man.
This White Swan is also a very bad swan because of vodka.
But you have to come in and learn what we're doing.
Come on, come on. Come see how.
-REGGIE: Coming? -Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna leave you to deal with whatever all that is.
(drunken laughter)
Good night.
♪
He's not there? You mean, he never showed up?
(sighing) Oh, my God.
Okay, do you want me to come home?
Because I will.
(breathes deeply) Listen to me, honey,
your father is having a midlife crisis, okay?
But we are gonna get through this.
Yeah? Um...
just give your sister a big hug and a kiss for me.
I love you.
Okay.
(unsettling music)
♪
Hi! It's Julia, your wife?
I don't know what it is that you're pulling here,
but if you wanna hurt me, fine.
But do not do this to your kids!
I want you to get your head together
and get your ass home now.
♪
(intriguing music)
(whip snaps)
-Oh, hell no. -No, no, no.
But please don't hang up, please.
I just wanna talk to you. Please?
Okay?
Fine. It's your money.
(rapid knocking on door)
Yeah? Oh. Hold on.
Cancel the performance tomorrow.
Well, obviously that's not happening.
Look, I did my best
on very short notice, but with Claude gone it's just--
-That was a plot twist, huh? -It's just not
gonna be at the level that I'm comfortable with.
So, go on, call someone. Tell them it's off.
Uh, Justin looked like he was coming along to me,
but what do I know?
Justin's fine; it's the rest of them that I'm worried about.
You know, Sneezy, Dopey, Dummy, Prostitute, and Terrible.
God, you should have seen the smirk on that cow Yulia's face
when I saw her backstage.
See, why do you care so much
about what those ballet snobs think anyway?
Ballet's elitist.
No, it weeds out the weak.
Because you have to be willing to suffer
and sacrifice to make something beautiful in this world.
Look, I know that you don't want to be here.
And with your accident and the end of your career--
My career's not over.
Really? Because Wayne told me
the doctor said that if you ever danced full-out again,
you might walk with a limp for the rest of your life.
What would they know?
You have no idea what I've given up for ballet--
friends, family, love.
Yeah, look, I get it. Life isn't fair.
But sometimes, it surprises you.
Right? Like, blows your mind, for better or worse.
And I love that. That's why I got in this dumb business.
So who knows? I mean, you know, maybe they'll be fine tomorrow.
Maybe.
I'd rather not be here to find out.
Isn't sitting with discomfort the worst?
-Vulnerability. -Ooh, horrible.
♪
Oh, God, this is happening again, isn't it?
Oh.
Now I get it, because before, I just felt like...
I just felt like you were being a total bitch to me
-for no reason. -Oh, no. I had a reason, um...
I--I just wanna understand
what it is that he's seeing or getting...
that he's not getting at home.
There's no good answer.
I mean, guys come to me for all kinds of reasons.
Most guys wanna come to...
-Well... -Yep.
But some guys want to turn me into, like...
this life coach with benefits.
Who tells them nothing that they don't want to hear
and everything that they do. That's nice for them.
That's why they pay.
I'm sorry, though.
That sucks for you, man.
Want me to stop seeing him?
Oh, that would be great.
You got it.
I hope you guys work it out.
He's not a bad guy.
He always asks me about my day.
And when I told him that I really was going
for my life coach certificate, he totally helped me out
with the tuition, which was not cheap.
-(laughs) Seriously. -I'm sorry. Excuse me?
(peaceful music)
♪
Oh, my God. Really, dude?
I've sewn all my own costumes since I was ten years old.
I wasn't going to perform in front of the Ballet Précis
looking like a beggar.
Whoa, whoa, hey. Hey, you okay there, Princess?
Actually, non-Princess, I feel great.
(retching)
(coughing)
Yeah, that swan ain't gonna fly.
(vomits, spits)
Gabby's dancing Odette today.
Brittney, give her your headdress.
(lively music)
Boop.
It's a four-minute scene. How bad could it be?
Places, everyone.
(light orchestral music)
♪
So Reggie, you're not just the evil wizard,
you're also my father.
We're all twisted up in this,
like, crazy, psychosexual gaslighting plot.
It's sick but also fierce and weird.
So just let all that play on your face, okay?
Oh, I'm sorry. I had my earbuds in.
I think this is my cue.
I'll see you on the other side, brother.
(orchestral music swells)
♪
-Dad? -(grunts)
What are you doing?
Lift me, lift me.
(both grunt)
Focus.
Give me back my $10,000.
That's not how capitalism works.
(all grumbling at once)
(mouthing words)
Go. Go.
-Look at me. -You know what...
this is unbelievable.
(overlapping murmuring)
♪
(applause)
JUSTIN: Dad?
Hey.
Dad.
What the hell are you doing here?
They said you wanted to talk.
Look, we can catch up afterwards, huh?
I didn't say that.
And you already ruined the show.
(sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Everything is my fault.
-Were you about to leave? -Yeah, I was gonna leave.
Looks like you all need a little more practice.
Sir, for your information,
your son is very gifted, okay?
And the word is rehearsal.
Can you just-- you're not helping.
You are unbelievable.
You haven't talked to me in years.
It's really easy for you to just cut people
out of your life like it's nothing, right?
You kicked me out of the house--
That's not what happened,
and stop being so damn dramatic.
-Dramatic? -No.
The Lions were on the damn three.
It wasn't about the stupid Lions.
Do you hear how crazy you sound?
And I'm not even gonna talk about Mom.
Don't you bring your mother into this.
She was sick.
And you left her alone in that place to die.
She was not alone!
She just didn't want me there.
She was with that...
that...that damn woman.
Just do the math, son!
You mean Tracy?
Yeah.
That's who your mother wanted to be with
in her final days.
Hey, hey, hey, what's up, family?
-Who wants a selfie, man? -(laughing) Hey, man!
Hey, man! What's up, brother?
-Hey! (laughing) -You know, why don't you
just adopt him while you're at it, Dad?
-Hey, Justin, come on-- -Screw this.
Hey.
Come on. Let's get one.
(somber music)
Justin, come on, man. Slow down.
I'm not talking about this on camera.
Look, I'm sorry that happened back there, okay?
I am, but let's talk about it.
You arranged the whole thing--
Alan, I'll punch you in the face.
I really thought that it would be a heartfelt reunion.
I really did--come on, hey, we already shot the fight.
That's in the can. I just wanna hear your story.
-That's all I want. -He's a dick!
-That's it. -Okay.
Okay.
I had three older brothers.
They all played sports. They work with my dad.
And I came along, and I-- I'm a weird little dancer dude.
And my mom, she played the piano.
She loved music.
She always encouraged me
even though my dad thought I was a freak.
I think she knew who I was before I did, you know?
She sounds like an amazing woman.
Yeah.
Who was Tracy?
She was my mom's best friend.
I guess more than a friend.
That's crazy. How did I not know that?
It sounds like your dad's feelings about you
are all sort of tangled up
with his feelings about your mom, right?
JUSTIN: I guess so.
But she's dead! And we're still here.
I just...I wanna hear him say, "Good job."
♪
I want my dad to see me dance and say, you know,
"You're amazing."
You know? "That was awesome."
Everybody wants that from their parents.
And if they won't say it or they...
can't say it, then you need to find the people who will.
So I'll start.
Justin, you're an amazing dancer.
And I cannot wait for the world to meet you.
♪
Thank you.
Let's do this.
Go after him.
JESSICA: How did that go?
It, uh...
it didn't go so good.
Maybe I--I shouldn't have taken the selfie.
I don't know.
But, uh...
yeah.
He's looking good, though.
And he's playing the-- he's playing the Prince.
JESSICA: Yeah.
My boy is playing the Prince.
And that's, like, the big, main part of the whole thing, right?
JESSICA: That's right.
(dance music bumping)
(gasps) Are you okay?
I'm all right.
What's going on?
Well, I think it's safe to say that you had a tough day
and I think everyone did.
You know, I thought it would be fun to have a few people over.
But now it's kind of just turning into a whole thing.
(laughter)
♪
♪ Yo, I'm on fire
♪ People go ahead and drink up ♪
♪ Get in the club, get (...) up♪
♪ See me, you got me lucked up ♪
♪ Someone to touch your rubber ♪
♪ Show me some love, strip off your clothes ♪
♪ And take off your socks
Finally! Take two. They're small.
-Cheers! -Cheers.
♪ The party's jumping
♪ I see something fine
♪ Boy, I wanna kiss you
♪ But I'm just too shy
Okay. Now the party's starting.
♪ Let me wear you out
♪ Here's a glass of orange juice ♪
(laughter)
♪ The music's bangin'
♪ Way down in my soul
♪ When you dance behind me
♪ I lose all control
♪ Make me grind my hips, make me move my waist ♪
♪ When the music come on, you take my breath away ♪
♪ This is for my people
♪ My party people
♪ This is for my people
♪ My party people
-♪ Come on -Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on, Julia.
-♪ Come on -(chanting) Julia, Julia!
Julia! Yeah!
♪ Come here, baby, grab me from the back ♪
♪ Baby, you the mack and you know that ♪
♪ Put the needle on the track, skip that ♪
♪ Flip that, bring the beat back ♪
♪ Freak that, come here, baby, grab me from the back ♪
♪ Baby, you the mack, and you know that ♪
♪ Put the needle on the track, skip that, flip that ♪
♪ Bring the beat back
(all cheering)
♪ I'm at the bar now, and I'm buying drinks ♪
♪ And I got this feeling
♪ And it's all over me
♪ I wanna dance with you
♪ And lick your face
♪ Take me on the dance floor
♪ To feel some ecstasy
♪ The vibe is right now
♪ And I'm 'bout to score
♪ Mr. DJ can you
♪ Play this joint once more
♪ 'cause I see the man I want ♪
Get in there!
♪ Look him right in his face and say ♪
♪ Dance with me
♪ This is for my people
♪ My party people
♪ This is for my people
♪ My party people
♪ Come on
all: (chanting) Justin! Justin! Justin!
Justin! Justin! Justin!
Hey.
Yes? What is it?
I want to be good.
I wanna be better than good.
I wanna kill it.
I'll do whatever you tell me.
Good.
I'm gonna work you so hard, you'll wish you were dead.
(optimistic music)
♪
Okay. You gonna do this?
All right. Go on then.
We're done. All right.
So now, just because it doesn't hurt anymore
doesn't mean you're not still injured.
So take it easy, eh?
If I wanted medical advice,
I would have gone to a better doctor.
Fair enough.
(music from Swan Lake playing)
♪
The White Swan lives.
Wanna grab a drink sometime?
Get out and drop dead.
♪
WAYNE: So Gabby...
Uh, yeah?
We know yesterday's performance was challenging.
That's one way to put it.
MONICA: But I must admit,
you stepped into a difficult role
and kept your poise
when everything else was falling apart.
We also heard that you instigated a little party
that boosted group morale.
That is leadership.
Now, I was against this absurd car competition from the start
because it runs counter
to everything we are trying to do here.
-That stays in the cut, Nick. -Sure.
But you impressed the hell out of the Ballet Précis
as well as myself, so this Ford Mustang convertible...
is yours.
No way.
Yes way.
(sobs)
Uh, reset. We're gonna do that again.
You're still super excited, okay?
-Yes...way. -Throw the key.
(cheers and applause)
Hey, good job, girl.
(all murmuring happily)
♪
Hi.
Hey.
So Mike, would you ever wanna...
Boom! Check it out.
Paige texted.
She wants me to come over and fix her oven.
Do you wanna fix her oven?
Selfie worked.
You're a genius, Paula. Seriously.
-Wow. -That's me.
I'm a genius.
I know that you are still the accountant for both of us,
but can you please help me out here?
-Come on. -I can try.
What is happening with him?
He was supposed to spend the night with the two girls
and he never shows up.
So Lord knows where he was, what he was doing,
who he was with.
-I know where. -Oh, do you?
I'm so glad everyone knows more about my husband than I do.
-Where the hell was he? -Costa Rica, apparently.
-What? -He bought a ticket
on a flight that left last night, but honestly, Julia,
you've got bigger problems.
Lay it on me, 'cause I can handle just about anything now.
Have you checked your bank balance lately?
Oh, he did not.
(light music)
♪
(squeals quietly)
♪
-(gasps) -You're gonna pay for this.
Pay for what?
You're the one who got drunk, dummy.
Still.
This isn't over.
I'm still the White Swan.
Okay, White Swan.
I'm going.
(heavy pop music playing)
♪