1
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,000
用力挤骨盆底

2
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,800
天啊，马提
你还真努力运动

3
00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,960
－女士，你不能‥
－等等，我一下就好

4
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,120
－怎样？
－我不会减少场次

5
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,480
我那不是请求

6
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,040
我不知道你能请到谁

7
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,000
－听说五声音阶乐团的事了吗？
－什么？

8
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,480
史提芬永利不知怎么发现
你想聘请他们

9
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,520
聘他们去永利安可饭店表演了

10
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,520
高额预付金
让他们二话不说就接了

11
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:37,600
该死

12
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,680
别那么操他的骨盆

13
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,360
你真的想这样玩吗，小黛？

14
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:44,000
你真的想要这样搞我吗？

15
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,440
马提，我再也不会搞你了

16
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,160
你知道他都不脱上衣吗？

17
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,160
才不是真的

18
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,320
好

19
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,520
现在进入天气预报

20
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,840
克拉克郡今天预计高温１１１度

21
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,520
记得别晒太阳

22
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,840
退休金提领规定松绑
存款族现在有福了

23
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,680
你说得没错，乔‥

24
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,480
给你

25
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,600
早安‥

26
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,040
早安，黛博拉

27
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,360
他能化腐朽为神奇
什么都做得到

28
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,400
我们想卖绒毛拖鞋
别卖亮片包装纸

29
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,440
好，绒毛拖鞋都卖得很好

30
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,000
可以有颜色选择吗？

31
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,200
当然

32
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,400
不好意思

33
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,160
抱歉

34
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,000
＂员工餐厅＂

35
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,480
禁烟区在那边

36
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:05,760
谢谢

37
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,880
各位请注意

38
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:17,040
赌场员工请在五点前交考勤卡‥

39
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,120
美女，我一直想昨天的事

40
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,920
我没想到会这么痒

41
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,040
－搞什么？
－等等，你是谁？

42
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,520
艾娃，你的客户

43
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,280
－是你打给我的
－凯拉

44
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
对，我下一个才会打给你

45
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,760
我是要打给你，你还好吗？

46
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,600
赌城好玩吗？
跟黛博拉凡斯一起末路狂花了吗

47
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,400
没有，但我真想开车冲下悬崖

48
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,600
我还得做多久？

49
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,960
才过三天，所以还要一阵子

50
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,840
我根本不知道我在这里干嘛

51
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,120
你要替黛博拉写笑话题材

52
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,760
写笑话骂权贵
购物台销售的哏

53
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,800
－贴近个人生活
－我读过工作叙述

54
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,040
我签了４７０页的保密协定

55
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,360
也对

56
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:55,760
天啊

57
00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,080
－太夸张了
－凯拉，你应该关静音

58
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,320
我有，我按了按钮，老兄

59
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,760
老兄，我们都听得到
所以你才没按

60
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,000
别担心，我没偷听

61
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,280
我只是在笑哏图而已

62
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,960
－有个大眼球的小小兵
－你是该要听，之前讲过了

63
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,480
你要仔细听，做笔记

64
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,920
好，我的笔记本呢？

65
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,400
对了，我今天要早退

66
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,080
我有成人芭蕾舞排演

67
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,360
上周已经没去
今天不能再缺席了

68
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,880
这样不行，不去就白练了

69
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,080
我让你们俩聊吧

70
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,200
凯拉，你可以退出吗？

71
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,200
－没有问题
－谢谢

72
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,960
测试‥凯拉

73
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,600
－好了
－你得开除她

74
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,800
可以的话我也想

75
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,240
她爸握有公司一半股权

76
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,240
她基本上是我助理兼老板

77
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,520
为何只有我没有富老爸？

78
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,080
你撑着点就对了

79
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,240
每份工作都有值得学习之处吧？

80
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,000
－我１５岁在肉桂卷店‥
－我得挂了

81
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,040
我得做点什么
才能忘记我人在赌城

82
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,160
你还在吗？
你都不说再见，都这样

83
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,720
凯拉，你要不要进来聊芭蕾舞？

84
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,760
我很喜欢翡翠绿

85
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,800
我也是
但普通人都喜欢地铁磁砖

86
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,880
天啊，的确如此

87
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,680
不知道，这是你的工作

88
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,760
他们在干嘛？

89
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,640
马可斯的副业是翻修住宅

90
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,960
像电视拍的那样

91
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,560
－好犹豫
－问她吧，翡翠绿还是白色？

92
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,840
我想‥

93
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,680
白色吧

94
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,360
－我们选翡翠绿吧
－就这么办

95
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,600
再让我看成品

96
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,280
你今天有空看我写的东西吗？

97
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,560
－好，你等我一下
－好的

98
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,680
你昨晚没来看我表演

99
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,840
抱歉，我前天晚上有去

100
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,840
我以为是一样的

101
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:31,960
我今天该‥

102
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,760
－该死
－我来装

103
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,400
不用‥你很忙，我来就好

104
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,720
借过

105
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:02,840
好了

106
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,720
好的，来吧

107
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,080
写得好的意思吗？

108
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,280
不好

109
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,400
大部分都不能用

110
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,880
但这个可以

111
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,840
很好，只有铺陈可以用

112
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,120
你是女同志吗？

113
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,240
你好像不能问这个

114
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,360
怎样，难不成有人会来抓我吗？

115
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,960
你是我的雇主，这么问是违法的

116
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,120
既然你那么好奇

117
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,120
我以前都只跟男人睡

118
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,120
但我自慰时，想的都是女人

119
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,040
大学的时候
跟漂亮助教菲比勾搭上了

120
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,240
我发现和女生比较能有情感交流

121
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,440
这样床上经验也更深刻

122
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:22,040
但我有时候还是需要老二
才能有高潮

123
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,360
谁知道

124
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,360
也许我只是被演算法推播的
色情片洗脑

125
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,160
总之，我是双性恋

126
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,280
我的天啊

127
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,160
难怪我觉得你穿得
好像瑞秋梅道的工人

128
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,480
好，我写的笑话怎么样？

129
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,360
你都不喜欢吗？

130
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,080
那些都不是笑话

131
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,040
我觉得比较像‥心灵短诗

132
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,080
＂我做了接到语音留言的恶梦＂

133
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,080
什么啊？

134
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,880
语音留言很烦，所以才好笑

135
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,800
传简讯就好了

136
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:03,120
首先，你说＂所以才好笑＂
那大概都不好笑

137
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,320
第二，需要有好笑的结尾

138
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:09,840
我个人认为
传统笑话结构太男性化了

139
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,160
都只在乎结局，老是想着高潮

140
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,320
居然训起话来

141
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,520
我才听完你长篇大论一番

142
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,480
黛博拉，琦琦来了

143
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,280
好的，谢谢，约瑟菲娜

144
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,200
谈了吗，怎么回事？

145
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,040
我要去玩２１点
你要干嘛我不管

146
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,920
你干嘛不去赌场玩就好？

147
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,840
赌场很恶心，大家都在室内抽烟

148
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,920
我知道，你逼我住那里

149
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,040
你好，黛博拉

150
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,120
你好，新头发好可爱

151
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,200
谢谢

152
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,760
璐娜还好吗？

153
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,240
她很棒，刚才完成三年检查

154
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,560
医生说她的手脚都非常长

155
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,240
我觉得她以后是街舞好手

156
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,720
太好了

157
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,240
琦琦，这是艾娃

158
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,360
发牌给她

159
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,240
不用，我其实不知道怎么玩

160
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,440
那你干嘛跟着我进来？

161
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:55,720
你决定吧？

162
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,240
拿牌？

163
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,720
你才刚搬来吧？

164
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,480
赌城很酷，你一定会喜欢

165
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,200
她继续这样玩就不酷了

166
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,160
好‥你可以教我一下吗？

167
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,360
１６点就拿牌
１１点就加倍下注

168
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,800
真好笑，我是说写笑话的部分

169
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,400
你有什么特别偏好吗？

170
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,600
你要多写一点，要写得好笑

171
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,080
二十一点，黛博拉

172
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,000
－二十一点‥
－我的天啊

173
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,160
谢谢你送我一程

174
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,200
不用客气，到我下一场顺路

175
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,400
好棒的车

176
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,880
很帅吧？

177
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,440
每次黛博拉买新的劳斯莱斯

178
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,560
我就可以接手旧的

179
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,280
这是第三辆了

180
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,240
没想到她会送你这辆车

181
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,920
我只一直被情绪虐待

182
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,960
－她今天问我‥
－听起来很惨，但我得打断你

183
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,360
每次播这首歌
我一定要跟着唱副歌

184
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,160
天啊

185
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,520
＂这支舞迷死我＂

186
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,440
＂我得恨你才能宠爱自己＂

187
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:06,520
＂宠爱‥＂

188
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,000
＂我得离开你才能宠爱自己＂

189
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,240
好，你刚才在抱怨什么？

190
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,080
抱歉，我知道有工作就很幸运了

191
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,760
真的，但我不懂她干嘛这么难搞

192
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,600
听着，黛博拉跟我一样拼命

193
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,360
看见这漂亮上衣了吗？
这是她的，她给我的

194
00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,960
黛博拉居然有亮片小背心？

195
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,000
不是，我把袖子剪掉改造的

196
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,160
重点是，她的东西很丑

197
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,800
但品质很好

198
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,720
若你不能善加发挥，错就在你

199
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,200
你别生气

200
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,080
这首歌我还要再播两次

201
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,800
－原来这是歌单？
－对

202
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,520
那干嘛叫我别讲话？

203
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,880
亲爱的
随机播放时歌随时都会出现

204
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:52,000
就是这种随机感才能学到意义

205
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,960
＂我得离开你才能找到自我＂

206
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,160
从你的眼神看得出你也想唱

207
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,720
＂迷死我＂

208
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,240
＂我得恨你才能宠爱自己＂

209
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,360
天啊

210
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,240
＂宠爱自己‥＂

211
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,880
＂我得离开你才能宠爱自己＂

212
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,400
抱歉，我得‥

213
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,720
－你来真的吗？
－对

214
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,000
－小心饮料
－抱歉

215
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:29,920
天啊

216
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,000
对不起，我在房里无法写作

217
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,040
邻居恩爱叫得夸张大声

218
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,600
商务中心根本是古柯硷毒窟

219
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000
好喔

220
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:44,880
你需要饮料吗？

221
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,400
好，给我伏特加苏打好吗？

222
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:48,800
当然

223
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,120
饮料免费

224
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,840
那可以给我两杯吗？

225
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:53,840
我拿三杯给你，美女

226
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:55,600
好耶

227
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,400
要我教你怎么玩吗？

228
00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,880
好啊

229
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,640
你得把仓鼠跟虎斑猫配对

230
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,040
虎斑猫

231
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,520
－给你
－谢谢

232
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,920
－慢慢享受
－你也是

233
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,440
你也是？

234
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,560
天啊，好耶

235
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,040
喝慢一点

236
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,120
克莉丝汀

237
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,440
去迪士尼乐园好好玩

238
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,960
这机台根本是资本主义垃圾

239
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,160
我赢了

240
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,360
怎么了？

241
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,760
不知道你看过
我为今晚表演写的新素材了吗？

242
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,160
我看了

243
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,680
然后呢？

244
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,240
比较好

245
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,680
太好了
你能在观众前讲就太好了

246
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,680
－十五分钟，凡斯小姐
－谢谢

247
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,800
但我很爱葡萄酒

248
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,760
我不会大声说我是酒鬼

249
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,160
我会偷偷说

250
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,960
但我理想的夜晚是一杯红酒

251
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,920
若我感到有点调皮
可能就放一支成人片

252
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,080
但有技巧的

253
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,000
我会倒着看

254
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,480
那样性爱结束就有奖品

255
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:55,680
可以吃披萨

256
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,040
祝你有个美好夜晚

257
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,560
－你明明说我的笑话比较好了
－的确

258
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,040
但你一个都没用

259
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,960
比较好的原因是你抄自己的笑话

260
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,560
有一半都是你剧本里的哏

261
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,120
剩下的都是你稍微改过而已

262
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,200
你看过我的剧本？

263
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,960
对，我叫吉米把你所有作品寄来

264
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,320
我做足功课

265
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,440
下次你想交半调子的东西出来前

266
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,440
＂自助餐吃到饱，黛博拉凡斯
螃蟹真材实料＂

267
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,200
－王八蛋
－你打来了

268
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,280
你好大的胆子

269
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,080
没了五声音阶乐团
我只能宣传你了

270
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:41,240
但老实说，卖龙虾赚的钱比你多

271
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,320
希望我这么说，你会好过一点

272
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,480
我猜你沾了奶油也很好吃

273
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,400
＂自助餐吃到饱，黛博拉凡斯
螃蟹真材实料＂

274
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,520
我想跟你道歉

275
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:16,360
昨天给了你创意再利用的素材

276
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,200
观众很爱昨晚的表演

277
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,400
但安娜妮可史密斯的哏
还是别说了

278
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:27,920
因为她已经‥死很久了

279
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,360
我厘清一下状况

280
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:36,200
你不只没写出好笑又原创的素材

281
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,680
现在还要禁止我讲某些笑话吗？

282
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,880
对不起

283
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,520
在不了解你的状况下
要用你的语气写笑话很困难

284
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,160
这样吧

285
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,280
你说得有道理

286
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,040
我们开车出去绕绕吧？

287
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,960
出去兜风的过程你也可以认识我

288
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,160
太好了

289
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,360
等等，今晚的表演怎么办？

290
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,400
我们会及时赶回来，我会飙车

291
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,960
你觉得气候危机如何？

292
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,440
理论上，我是环保份子

293
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,240
但实务上
我觉得纸吸管都有纸板虫味

294
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,840
你开一下收音机吧？

295
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,160
好

296
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,840
你的手也太大了吧？

297
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,000
应该是正常尺寸

298
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,920
不对‥看起来跟捕手手套一样

299
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000
你的美甲师得用油漆滚轮吧

300
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,200
有人觉得拿他人外表作文章
是一件很低级的事

301
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,680
对，丑八怪都这么想

302
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,440
对不起

303
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,800
我要是知道要开那么久
出发前我就会先尿尿

304
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,760
好啦，动作快就是了

305
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:49,840
等等，既然都要进去

306
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,360
顺便帮我买健怡可乐

307
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,440
－要饮料机的
－好啦

308
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,600
天啊

309
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,280
对了，你有环保杯吗？

310
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,360
给你

311
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,240
找的钱呢？

312
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,200
只找了２７分钱

313
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,280
回去拿呀

314
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:34,960
好的

315
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,160
早知道就乖乖读完大学

316
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,800
＂古董行＂

317
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,520
你看见那边的古董店了吗？

318
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,280
看到了

319
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,160
我要你进去店里

320
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,960
帮我买这个东西

321
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,840
抱歉，那是什么？

322
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,920
那是罗耶尔的胡椒罐

323
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,600
我想要，但我不能进去

324
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,840
他会开高价
你能谈到更好的价格

325
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,000
天啊，难怪我们要开车出来

326
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,200
你才不想花时间认识彼此

327
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,400
你只是想找人帮你代买胡椒罐

328
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,120
你进去之后
千万别冲去找胡椒罐

329
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,240
这样他就知道你的目的

330
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,800
你就随意看看

331
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,120
看看其他的东西

332
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,760
等到你看到胡椒罐时

333
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,960
先开五千块钱
必要的话开到一万块也可以

334
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,720
抱歉，这是一万块钱吗？

335
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,280
买区区一个胡椒罐？

336
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,200
罗耶尔从来不做餐具

337
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:54,840
非常稀有

338
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,120
好，记得别提到我的名字

339
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,240
记得跟他说东西对你很重要

340
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,720
他很喜欢听故事

341
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,400
快去

342
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,640
希望你会定期捐款
给计划生育协会

343
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,880
去啦

344
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:20,960
你好

345
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,240
你好吗？

346
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,000
要帮你找特别的商品吗？

347
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,680
没关系，我随意看看

348
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,120
这多少钱？

349
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,280
瞧瞧你，品味真好

350
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,920
这是店里最名贵的古董

351
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,760
这样啊‥

352
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,080
这是法国赛佛尔瓷器

353
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,960
上头有签字，１９世纪初的古董

354
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,600
大有来头

355
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,680
欧班麦克米兰家族成员
于１９３０年拍卖会时购入

356
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,760
真可爱

357
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,880
要价三万两千元

358
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,520
但今天可以卖你‥两万八千元

359
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:13,000
也许吧‥

360
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,720
我突然想到

361
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,840
店里有胡椒罐吗？

362
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,840
单一胡椒罐吗？

363
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,920
对，我很爱

364
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,760
店里有一个，今天刚到货

365
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,440
对，好漂亮

366
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:45,080
五千元你卖吗？

367
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,200
－黛博拉凡斯派你来的？
－对

368
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,640
－我明叫你不要提我的名字
－是他问的

369
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:52,840
太离谱了

370
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,040
你看看‥

371
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:56,960
藏镜人现身了

372
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,920
没想到你竟然自贬身价

373
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,920
随便找网路上的人帮你代购

374
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,960
你若直接卖我，就不需要找人了

375
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,160
我不是开玩笑，黛博拉

376
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,880
我永远不会卖给你

377
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,160
别闹了

378
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,600
你知道我跟蛇发女妖交涉多少年
她才终于死掉吗？

379
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:13,880
我还跟她玩十字戏

380
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:18,840
你半路杀出来
就这样扫光所有财产

381
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,040
这是自由市场
拜托，我出一万五千元

382
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,120
－不要
－你这固执鬼，两万块呢？

383
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,720
不要

384
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,280
你开个价

385
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,080
跟我道歉

386
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,440
车上不准吃东西

387
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,240
该死

388
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,240
好，要拿备胎出来换吗？

389
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,280
这是劳斯莱斯

390
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,840
不是三菱越野车，没有备胎

391
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,120
车上有保温杯座，却没有备胎

392
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,160
好，叫道路救援吧

393
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,760
再９０分钟就要开演，等不了

394
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,160
丹尼‥我是黛博拉凡斯

395
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,240
宝贝啊

396
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,280
我爆胎了
但我得赶着演出

397
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,040
对，我需要你载我一程

398
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:32,240
你能来载我吗？

399
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,240
你人太好了

400
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,840
我在洛杉矶大道上

401
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,680
普莱姆向北约１５分钟车程处

402
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,280
你会看到我的，好的

403
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,240
没错，裂光光了

404
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,120
裂到见骨了

405
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,240
你要跟我冷战多久？

406
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,280
这不是冷战
你呼吸声非常大声

407
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,560
我们无法沟通的话很难共事

408
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,840
我们不是共事

409
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,600
你是替我做事，还做得不好

410
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,360
叫你办个小事，你都做不好

411
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,080
抱歉没买到尚万强的小玩意儿

412
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,880
我是喜剧写手

413
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,160
我的天啊

414
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,920
这根本跟胡椒罐无关

415
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,080
这完全跟胡椒罐有关

416
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,560
你只是看到螃蟹广告不高兴

417
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,120
尽是拿我出气

418
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,520
精神分析得真好

419
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,120
我懂了，你是咨商师

420
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,280
那说得通了，你绝对不是作家

421
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:48,720
你怎么知道？

422
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,280
你根本没给我多少时间

423
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,520
你随手翻翻我的作品

424
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,280
我不知道你希望我何时何地出现

425
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,280
也不给我任何回馈

426
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,120
你让我真的很不好过

427
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:00,600
不好过？

428
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,800
你觉得这叫不好过吗？

429
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,040
你根本不知道什么叫不好过

430
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,800
你不过二十岁时在网路上被骂

431
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,280
你只是走运

432
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,480
就算我是走运，我也有实力

433
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:13,840
但愿如此

434
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,640
实力是基本的，最低底线

435
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,480
你必须更加突出

436
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,480
就算你有实力，又走运

437
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,280
还是得非常努力

438
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:24,080
做到那样还是不够

439
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,800
你必须埋头苦干，而且永无止尽

440
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,480
人生不会更顺遂

441
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,160
只会更苦

442
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:37,280
所以少跟我抱怨让你人生不好过

443
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,400
你根本不懂什么叫做不好过

444
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,720
很好，有人来接我了

445
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,640
我不敢坐当地新闻台直升机

446
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,600
你不需要坐，你得把车开回去

447
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:58,920
你要把我丢在这里吗？

448
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,000
对

449
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,720
记得别开冷气，快没油了

450
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:08,520
你好幸运，不用再忍受我的演出

451
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,480
接得好

452
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:12,760
不意外

453
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,360
该死

454
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,160
算了

455
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,920
小吉米拉萨克办公室

456
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,560
凯拉，我能找吉米吗？

457
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:02,760
你哪位？

458
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,160
我是艾娃

459
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,600
美女，我们得一起去夜店

460
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,360
吉米，你有电话

461
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,240
是艾娃

462
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:12,920
宝贝接吧

463
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:14,440
你还好吗？

464
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,600
那女人把我丢在沙漠

465
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,880
对不起，我其他什么工作都接

466
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,640
帮卡蜜拉写稿呢？

467
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,320
你才做了十一天
就嫌人家无聊辞职不干了

468
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,400
我看不了

469
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,240
我做不下去了，吉米

470
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,200
他们要我放生你

471
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:31,920
－等等，谁啊？
－合夥人

472
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,920
我说你在帮黛博拉，求他们留你

473
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,000
我不想放弃你

474
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,440
我第一个签下你不是没有原因

475
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,760
在我之前你不是签了米凯拉吗？

476
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,680
但她是卖弄身材的虚拟网红
那不一样

477
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,080
听着，你一定可以的

478
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,400
你得找到向她证明自己的方法

479
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,040
好‥

480
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,560
吉米，我手很大吗？

481
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,560
－我觉得没有
－你手真的很大，姊妹

482
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:00,880
－凯拉
－怎样？

483
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:03,480
你的手不大
不算小，但也不会太大

484
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:04,680
你不要担心

485
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,360
她人呢，你把人家埋在沙漠吗？

486
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,760
还没埋

487
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:16,840
准备开场

488
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:21,440
各位观众，欢迎黛博拉凡斯

489
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,480
这个备胎太小

490
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,960
时速不能超过五十哩

491
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,520
好的，谢谢

492
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,240
我们关门了

493
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:54,560
天啊

494
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:56,480
你怎么了？

495
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,400
说来话长

496
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,280
后来我得离开洛杉矶

497
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,040
算是我人生最惨的经历了

498
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:05,120
我所言不假

499
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,360
我爸中风那天
我还撞断瓷牙贴片

500
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,840
如今你受到惩罚
得在那女人手下做事吗？

501
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:13,360
可怜的孩子

502
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,400
生命无常

503
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,320
但经历这种无常
才能悟出人生意义

504
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,920
对现在的我来说

505
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,960
那个胡椒罐很有意义

506
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:31,960
就因为一则愚蠢的推特
我被困在内华达沙漠

507
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,400
拜托你卖古董胡椒罐给我

508
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:39,840
因为要是我买不到
我就会失去我痛恨的工作

509
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,880
我需要这份工作

510
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:47,520
所以不是卖给黛博拉，是卖给我

511
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:54,200
拜托你，可以卖胡椒罐给我吗？

512
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:58,560
不要

513
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,960
好的，我尊重你的决定

514
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,320
祝你好运

515
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,160
－你这是干嘛？
－卖给我

516
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,520
你疯了不成？
那是稀世珍宝

517
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,560
卖给我，我没什么好损失‥

518
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,480
－住手，放下来
－卖给我

519
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,360
你以为你跟黛博拉凡斯不一样？

520
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:25,720
你们一模一样

521
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:26,920
你们都是疯女人

522
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,000
只给你三秒收钱，否则我就砸了

523
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:30,480
拜托，想想欧班麦克米兰家族

524
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,880
我才不在乎欧班麦克米兰家族

525
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,680
他们家可能还有奴隶

526
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,720
去死吧，雷蒙尼史尼奇

527
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,800
一，二，三

528
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:43,520
给你

529
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,440
而且没有找钱

530
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:50,360
你看起来很糟

531
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,000
我今天不太好过

532
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,480
明天可以早点开始

533
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,560
我十点可以见你

534
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,960
好

535
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,000
早安‥

536
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,000
我思考过你说的话，你说得对

537
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,400
你得更认识我才能帮我写笑话

538
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,280
－你这次是认真的吗？
－对

539
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,760
太好了

540
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,120
那么，你跟我来

541
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,040
这是我所有的表演

542
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,520
所有写过的笑话都在这里

543
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:09,440
所有录下的演出
过去四十年来上过的电视

544
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,120
我要你数位化整理好

545
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,320
－我不是‥
－在你开口前

546
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,120
我知道你是写手

547
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,920
这些都是素材，亲爱的

548
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,360
待续

549
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,440
谢谢观赏