1 00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:09,583 - Sneaking out in the morning without saying goodbye? 2 00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:13,041 I thought you just did that to aspiring backup dancers. 3 00:00:13,125 --> 00:00:14,833 - I'm not leaving just yet. 4 00:00:14,916 --> 00:00:17,541 - I'm not making you breakfast, if that's what you're after. 5 00:00:19,291 --> 00:00:22,708 - There is a story coming out today 6 00:00:22,791 --> 00:00:25,541 in the "Review-Journal" that MC Ludwig 7 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:28,375 is taking over your slot at the Palmetto. 8 00:00:29,958 --> 00:00:33,041 - What? - I'm sorry. 9 00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:35,625 - I'm literally naked here. 10 00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:37,250 - I just wanted to tell you myself 11 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,208 before you heard it someplace else. 12 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,541 Your 2,500th show is going to be your last. 13 00:00:43,625 --> 00:00:47,041 - What about the pictures that I have, the photos? 14 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:48,458 - I'll take the hit. 15 00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:50,958 - I have a contract for two more years. 16 00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:53,416 - And I'm buying you out of it. You'll get your full penalty. 17 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,708 This wasn't just my decision. I have a board to answer to. 18 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,458 - You know, you didn't have to have sex with me 19 00:00:58,541 --> 00:00:59,875 to soften the blow. 20 00:00:59,958 --> 00:01:01,791 You're not that good in bed. - No. 21 00:01:01,875 --> 00:01:03,458 Look, I wanted to tell you last night, 22 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:07,791 but then one thing led to another, and... 23 00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,625 as much as I enjoyed it, 24 00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:11,875 this wasn't part of the plan. 25 00:01:13,791 --> 00:01:15,250 - You can go now. 26 00:01:17,416 --> 00:01:20,000 - All right. 27 00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:22,333 I am truly sorry. 28 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,458 [dramatic percussive music] 29 00:01:25,541 --> 00:01:32,625 ♪ ♪ 30 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:39,166 - Ava! - [groans] 31 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:40,916 - Get up. - How'd you get in here? 32 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,416 - I paid for the room. I have a key. 33 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:43,875 Get up, we have a whole new hour to write. 34 00:01:43,958 --> 00:01:45,000 - Wait, what? 35 00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:46,750 I have to pee. - No. No time. 36 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,958 Marty is buying me out of my contract. 37 00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:50,500 - Oh, shit. - We're gonna do all that 38 00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:51,916 unfunny confessional stuff that we've been 39 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,166 talking about for the anniversary show. 40 00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:54,625 It's gonna be the whole thing. 41 00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:56,000 - Unfunny? - And it's gonna be so splashy 42 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,708 that another casino will want me, 43 00:01:57,791 --> 00:01:59,708 and I can tell Marty to go fuck himself. 44 00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:01,208 Why are you still in bed? 45 00:02:01,291 --> 00:02:02,625 - A full new hour? 46 00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:04,333 D, that show is two weeks away. 47 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:07,375 - First of all, you will absolutely not call me D. 48 00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:09,166 And secondly, yes, I know. It's a time crunch. 49 00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:11,791 So come on, grab...a pile. 50 00:02:11,875 --> 00:02:13,500 You're gonna be staying at my house till we're finished. 51 00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:14,708 Also, you're gonna start getting up 52 00:02:14,791 --> 00:02:15,791 every morning at 7:00. 53 00:02:15,875 --> 00:02:17,166 - Wh-- - Piece of advice. 54 00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:18,791 If Kelly Ripa's day is already over 55 00:02:18,875 --> 00:02:21,416 and yours hasn't even started, you're in trouble. 56 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,041 - [groans] - What is this? 57 00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,875 - That's my bra bucket. There's no storage here. 58 00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:26,958 - No, no, no, no, no, this. 59 00:02:27,041 --> 00:02:29,208 - Oh, that's my matcha latte station. 60 00:02:29,291 --> 00:02:31,208 - You're not bringing that. 61 00:02:31,291 --> 00:02:33,583 Move your ass! - Okay! 62 00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:36,625 [lively music] 63 00:02:36,708 --> 00:02:39,791 ♪ ♪ 64 00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:42,291 - So then I started taking diet pills. 65 00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:43,708 But they gave me such terrible headaches, 66 00:02:43,791 --> 00:02:45,125 I couldn't sleep, but I'll tell you what. 67 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,833 I didn't miss a second of the OJ trial. 68 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,541 - Come on, you've seen the grape lady. 69 00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:51,750 - I've never heard of her. - Okay. Look at this. 70 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,541 - These buckets are filled with grapes... 71 00:02:53,625 --> 00:02:55,625 - Okay, fine, you pick. - I want to get sushi. 72 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,666 I love the crab roll from that place. 73 00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,208 - No. That was Alan Alda's birthday. 74 00:03:00,291 --> 00:03:02,208 - Who's that? - [sighs] 75 00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:03,708 - [laughs] [Grape Lady groaning] 76 00:03:03,791 --> 00:03:05,583 - Oh. That's horrible. 77 00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:06,916 - I can't breathe. Stop. 78 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,916 - Play it again. [laughter] 79 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,250 - ♪ Not trying to be your hero ♪ 80 00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:13,583 - Best two out of three. 81 00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:15,916 - Yes! Crab roll, here I come, baby. 82 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,916 - Well, I hear this snap sound. 83 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,208 And I knew that the bone was broken. 84 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:22,291 - Ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow! 85 00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:23,500 [laughter] 86 00:03:23,583 --> 00:03:26,583 - ♪ Is too low to see, yeah ♪ 87 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:28,666 ♪ ♪ 88 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,416 - [laughs] Oh, my God. 89 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,583 They forgot the crab roll! 90 00:03:32,666 --> 00:03:34,000 - [laughs] 91 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,375 - We've been working all day. 92 00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:36,958 You haven't laughed this hard once. 93 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:38,333 - No, I don't do insult humor. 94 00:03:38,416 --> 00:03:40,833 - You insult my hands all the time. 95 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,708 - That's observational humor. - Oh, my God! 96 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,541 - [cackling] 97 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,083 - Hey, is it okay if I leave my eyes open? 98 00:03:47,166 --> 00:03:49,333 - Oh, definitely not. - Why didn't you tell me? 99 00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:51,416 - You're young. You'll be fine. 100 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,958 - Hit. 101 00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:54,166 - [gasps] 21. 102 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,666 Ava wins! - [groans] 103 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:58,625 - You don't always have to sound so surprised. 104 00:03:58,708 --> 00:04:00,125 - Why are you guys going to Sacramento? 105 00:04:00,208 --> 00:04:01,750 Can't you just practice it here? 106 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:04,541 - 'Cause if it works there, it'll work anywhere. 107 00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:05,833 - Fun fact: 108 00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:08,583 Sacramento is home to one of the only 109 00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:11,541 female serial killers. 110 00:04:11,625 --> 00:04:13,250 What? I know feminist shit too. 111 00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:14,666 [laughter] 112 00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,250 - You know, I always thought it was so bizarre 113 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:18,041 that Sacramento is the capital of California. 114 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,166 It's like Albany being the capital of New York. 115 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,166 It feels like someone tried to guess which cities 116 00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:24,166 were gonna be important, like, 200 years ago 117 00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,333 and now everyone's afraid to admit that they were wrong. 118 00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,125 - You know what's crazy? - Hmm? 119 00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:30,333 - I just listened to that whole thing, and I agree with you. 120 00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:31,416 - That is crazy. 121 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,291 - That is crazy. [laughter] 122 00:04:33,375 --> 00:04:34,291 [dog barking] 123 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,208 [cell phone buzzing] 124 00:04:38,416 --> 00:04:40,083 - [sighs] 125 00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:44,625 Hi. - Mm, hey, kiddo. 126 00:04:44,708 --> 00:04:45,916 - Oh, Dad, hi! 127 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000 - How's Sin City? - It's all right. 128 00:04:48,083 --> 00:04:49,916 How are you feeling? - Great! 129 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,708 I was just thinking, maybe I could come visit. 130 00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,958 Huh? See your comedian's show. 131 00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:57,166 You know, I had Woody Allen records back in the day. 132 00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:58,916 - Mm, you gotta get rid of those. 133 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,333 - [laughs] 134 00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:02,625 All right, so what's a good weekend? 135 00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:04,416 - Are you sure you should fly, Dad? 136 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,541 What does Mom think? 137 00:05:05,625 --> 00:05:06,833 - Well, you know her. 138 00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:08,125 Remember when she wouldn't let you 139 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,666 drive to the mall till you were 19? 140 00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:12,333 - Yeah, but that was a hectic parking lot 141 00:05:12,416 --> 00:05:13,791 and a huge van. 142 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:17,291 You know, you're talking about flying cross-country 143 00:05:17,375 --> 00:05:19,208 a couple months after having a stroke. 144 00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,958 - I'm telling you, I'm fine. 145 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:27,083 So do you use Travel-o-city.com? 146 00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,208 You think that's legit? 147 00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:30,458 - Yeah. It's legit, yeah. 148 00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:33,166 - Hello, period. 149 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,875 Can't wait to see you tonight, period. 150 00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:38,416 Winky face. [message app chimes] 151 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,416 [message app dings] Delete. 152 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,333 Delete winky face. 153 00:05:42,416 --> 00:05:43,833 [message app chimes] - [laughing] Oh, my God. 154 00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:45,833 I've always wondered, literally, 155 00:05:45,916 --> 00:05:49,166 who on Earth uses voice to text, and it's you. 156 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,791 [laughs] This tracks so hard. 157 00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:52,291 - Shouldn't you be in Sacramento? 158 00:05:52,375 --> 00:05:53,916 - Yeah, we're leaving in 20. 159 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,708 You know, I always thought it was so weird 160 00:05:55,791 --> 00:05:57,625 how Sacramento is the capital of California, 161 00:05:57,708 --> 00:05:59,333 like how Albany is the capital of New York-- 162 00:05:59,416 --> 00:06:02,125 - I hope it's worth it. - What? 163 00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:03,666 - Do you know she made me clear her schedule 164 00:06:03,750 --> 00:06:05,208 for the last two weeks? 165 00:06:05,291 --> 00:06:08,916 And Deborah's built a loyal audience for years. 166 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,916 And that's the foundation of our business, so... 167 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:16,708 this whole soul-baring thing sounds very off-brand. 168 00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:20,875 - I guess, but... isn't that kind of the point? 169 00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:23,166 - Potentially alienating her fans, no. 170 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,625 I'm not sure that should be the point. 171 00:06:24,708 --> 00:06:27,125 - Okay, well, the new hour was her idea. 172 00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:29,958 And I think it's great she wants to change. 173 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,125 - Oh, and Deborah's gonna change? 174 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,625 [scoffs] Okay. 175 00:06:33,708 --> 00:06:35,375 - Ava, let's go! 176 00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:37,791 [dog barking] 177 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,958 - [chuckles] 178 00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:44,791 [message app chimes] 179 00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:46,958 - Delete winky face. 180 00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:49,166 [message app dings] 181 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,125 [sighs] 182 00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,125 [plane engine whooshing] 183 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:55,166 [mellow music] 184 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:56,458 ♪ ♪ 185 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,708 - Oh, they always smell like this. 186 00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:01,250 - Bad? - Yeah. 187 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:06,208 Oh, my God. - Oh, wow. 188 00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:08,208 - Oh, God. [laughs] 189 00:07:08,291 --> 00:07:11,625 Oh, God. I was so nervous then. 190 00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:13,708 I'd been doing stand-up less than a year. 191 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:16,083 - But people knew you from your show, right? 192 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,291 - Not as a stand-up, though. I really had to prove myself. 193 00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,333 Every joke had to hit. 194 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:26,208 I kind of miss that, you know, having to earn your laughs. 195 00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:28,833 When you get big, there's no sense of excitement, you know? 196 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,625 No risk that people are gonna hate you. 197 00:07:30,708 --> 00:07:32,833 - Hey, hey. 198 00:07:32,916 --> 00:07:35,500 Plenty of people can still hate you. 199 00:07:35,583 --> 00:07:37,458 - That was good. - [laughs] 200 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:40,875 - Oh, wow. [chuckles] 201 00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:42,916 I don't think they've changed the carpet since I was here. 202 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,041 - [chuckles] There she is, Deborah Vance. 203 00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,541 What's going on? [whooshes] 204 00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:48,750 - Oh. [chuckles] 205 00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:50,583 - Boom. Good to see you. 206 00:07:50,666 --> 00:07:52,500 Drew Higgins. I'm hosting tonight. 207 00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:54,916 So I usually do my full set at the end 208 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,458 but can't tonight 'cause you're here-- 209 00:07:57,541 --> 00:08:00,208 real legend, which is very cool. 210 00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,791 - Maybe I'll croak halfway through, 211 00:08:01,875 --> 00:08:03,208 you can have the last half hour, how's that? 212 00:08:03,291 --> 00:08:05,000 - That--that'd be great. 213 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:08,166 - So I'll take a light at 15 and another one at 5. 214 00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:10,541 - Okay. I will tell the booth, I guess. 215 00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:11,875 Oh, and there's a greenroom in the back. 216 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,250 You can drop all your shit there, 217 00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:16,000 and don't fuck it up. 218 00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,916 - Words to live by. 219 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,375 - I know that is not Deborah Vance! 220 00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:22,750 - Oh! 221 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,250 - No, honey! - [laughs] 222 00:08:24,333 --> 00:08:26,750 - That famous bitch wouldn't be caught dead 223 00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:28,583 in a hellhole like this. 224 00:08:28,666 --> 00:08:30,291 - Oh, life is cruel, Francine. - Oh! 225 00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:33,583 - Life is cruel. - Let me look at you. 226 00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:35,791 Ugh! You're incredible. 227 00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:37,625 - Well, I better look good! I'm rich! 228 00:08:37,708 --> 00:08:39,125 - Oh! [laughter] 229 00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:41,541 Well, let's grab a table and talk some shit. 230 00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:45,291 Come on! [laughter and chatter] 231 00:08:45,375 --> 00:08:47,333 - Hi, I'm Ava. 232 00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:50,541 [cell phone buzzing] 233 00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:56,375 - Hi. - Nina, where is it? 234 00:08:56,458 --> 00:08:57,958 - Dennis! Jesus! 235 00:08:58,041 --> 00:08:59,750 It's right next to the Kleenex! 236 00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,083 - Mom? - Christ. 237 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,916 Dad's saying he's coming to visit you. 238 00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:05,750 Are you crazy? He cannot come to visit you. 239 00:09:05,833 --> 00:09:07,625 - Yeah, that's what I thought. I never-- 240 00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:09,458 - I mean, it's ridiculous. You know that he's not well. 241 00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:12,083 I mean, it can't happen. It just can't happen! 242 00:09:12,166 --> 00:09:13,875 - Calm down. I'm agreeing with you. 243 00:09:13,958 --> 00:09:15,666 I didn't ask him to come. 244 00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,458 He just seems to think that he can. 245 00:09:17,541 --> 00:09:18,958 - Yeah, well, you know, he's in denial. 246 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:20,166 He can't even lift his left arm. 247 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:21,500 Yesterday he snapped at me 248 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:23,166 when I told him to let your cousin 249 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:24,958 put the cover on the outdoor couch. 250 00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,750 - You guys got an outdoor couch? 251 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,666 - Mm. It's IKEA, we'll see. 252 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,166 Listen, why don't you come home this weekend 253 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,000 and stay for a week? 254 00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:34,291 He'll get to see you. 255 00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:36,125 He'll forget all about this trip thing. 256 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:38,916 And then we can get you in with Dr. Taline for your physical. 257 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,666 - Mom, I'm 25. 258 00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,250 I can't see a pediatrician anymore. 259 00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,000 Plus, I can't just drop everything 260 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,458 and fly across the country. 261 00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:48,000 - Dr. Taline is wonderful, and your father-- 262 00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:49,333 - I know you told him he can't travel, 263 00:09:49,416 --> 00:09:50,791 but I don't know, tell him again. 264 00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:51,833 - I can't find it! 265 00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:53,458 - Christ on the cross, Dennis! 266 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:58,250 I said it's right next to the Kleenex! 267 00:09:58,333 --> 00:09:59,708 Ava... - Okay, okay. 268 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,166 - He'll listen to you. I love you. 269 00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:02,416 - I gotta go. Bye. - I'll see you-- 270 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,000 Hey! Hey! Hey! [dog barking] 271 00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,333 God damn it! That neighbor's dog. 272 00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:08,333 [crickets chirping] 273 00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:10,750 [sultry music playing over speakers] 274 00:10:10,833 --> 00:10:12,833 - Hello! 275 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,958 Aww, baby, charcuterie! 276 00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,541 - Mom, what are you doing here? 277 00:10:16,625 --> 00:10:18,458 - I DM'ed you last night. 278 00:10:18,541 --> 00:10:20,333 I ordered the Royal Rumble on pay-per-view. 279 00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:22,958 - On my TV? I offered to get you cable. 280 00:10:23,041 --> 00:10:25,833 - Baby, quit acting brand-new. You know I'm a cord cutter. 281 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,208 Where's the remote? 282 00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,000 - Okay, Mom, you can't be here right now. 283 00:10:29,083 --> 00:10:31,916 - Says the boy who squatted in my uterus for ten months? 284 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,833 [doorbell rings] 285 00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:36,666 Oh, shit. 286 00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:40,833 Oh. [clears throat] 287 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,666 - Wow. 288 00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,500 Okay. Mom, this is Wilson. 289 00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:48,916 Wilson, my mother, Robin. 290 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,250 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 291 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:53,708 Okay, I love him. 292 00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:55,375 Marcus, don't fuck this up. 293 00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,083 - Mom. - Hon. 294 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:58,583 What's it, Wilson? - Yes. Yeah. 295 00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:01,250 - Come sit. - Oh, thank you. [chuckles] 296 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:04,208 - Wilson...you like weed? 297 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:07,333 - Oh, yes, but I'm good right now. 298 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,583 Thank you. - Okay. 299 00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:10,333 Well, we are just about to watch 300 00:11:10,416 --> 00:11:11,583 the Royal Rumble! 301 00:11:11,666 --> 00:11:13,250 - We're not. - Wait, WWE? 302 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,666 - Mm-hmm. - Oh. 303 00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:17,708 I was obsessed with the divas in middle school. 304 00:11:17,791 --> 00:11:18,875 - Really? - Oh, my God. 305 00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:21,750 Ivory, Lita, Jacqueline. - Mm-hmm! 306 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:24,875 - Oh, and Trish Stratus? Oh, she was everything. 307 00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:27,666 - Child, now, that girl had quite the chest. 308 00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,750 - That chest postponed my coming out, 309 00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,916 I swear, for at least a year. - Stop it, girl! 310 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,416 - Okay, all right, I think Wilson and I 311 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:35,541 actually are going to go out for dinner. 312 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:37,791 - Oh. All right. Okay. - Yes. Yes. 313 00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:40,583 - Well, Robin, it was a pleasure to meet you. 314 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,916 - And the next time we get together, 315 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,541 we're gonna talk about the Bella Twins. 316 00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,000 Do you know that they had their baby a day apart? 317 00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:46,500 - Mm-hmm. - Now, that's some crazy shit. 318 00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:48,291 - It was crazy. - It was crazy, right? 319 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,916 - Good night, good night, Mom. - Okay, I'm not the only one. 320 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,125 - Good night. - Have a good time! 321 00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:53,458 Get ready to rumble! 322 00:11:53,541 --> 00:11:54,833 [laughter] 323 00:11:54,916 --> 00:11:56,833 - I know, I can't believe it. 324 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:58,375 - How do you two know each other? 325 00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:02,041 - Oh, we used to see each other at all the clubs. 326 00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,333 But I never spoke to Ms. Deb. 327 00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:06,958 She was scary. - What? 328 00:12:07,041 --> 00:12:08,458 - Me? - No. 329 00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:10,708 - Plus, she was the lady from the TV show. 330 00:12:10,791 --> 00:12:13,958 At that time, I was dating this jerk. 331 00:12:14,041 --> 00:12:17,541 And one night after a really bad set, 332 00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:21,333 I was practically carrying him to my car. 333 00:12:21,416 --> 00:12:22,958 He was a blackout drunk. 334 00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:26,625 And Ms. Deb helped me load him into my back seat. 335 00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,083 - Should have been in the trunk. 336 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,291 - Oh, yes! [laughter] 337 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,500 She told me to drop his ass. 338 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:36,375 And after I did, she took me on tour with her. 339 00:12:36,458 --> 00:12:38,500 - It was just so I could drive in the carpool lane. 340 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,000 - [laughs] You bitch. 341 00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:42,500 [laughter] - You ladies ready to order? 342 00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:46,416 - Can I get a coffee with-- do you guys have oat milk? 343 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,333 - No. 344 00:12:48,416 --> 00:12:49,541 - Do you have soy? 345 00:12:49,625 --> 00:12:51,208 - No, sorry. 346 00:12:51,291 --> 00:12:52,958 - Oh, God! 347 00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:56,500 The entitled millennial is gonna have to drink 2%. 348 00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:59,541 Emergency! Somebody get an EpiPen! 349 00:12:59,625 --> 00:13:02,708 [laughter] 350 00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:06,833 - Oh, God, that is rich. 351 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,833 Tell me, what exactly do people think 352 00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:10,791 millennials are entitled to? 353 00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:12,333 - Oh, God, here we go. - Huh? 354 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,375 Expensive-ass health care? 355 00:13:14,458 --> 00:13:17,625 The planet ruined by ignoring climate change? 356 00:13:17,708 --> 00:13:19,833 Yeah, the only thing millennials are entitled to 357 00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:21,458 is our future grandchildren 358 00:13:21,541 --> 00:13:23,250 running around the desert hellscape 359 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,583 sucking shriveled dicks for water or whatever. 360 00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:30,166 And also, most importantly, I'm Gen Z, okay? 361 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:32,583 There are millennials who are, like, 40. 362 00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:35,916 - So what about black? 363 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,083 [laughter] 364 00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:40,875 - Yeah, that's great. Thank you. 365 00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:43,125 [upbeat music] 366 00:13:43,208 --> 00:13:45,541 - You know, I would have been more than happy 367 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:46,833 to smoke weed with your mom. 368 00:13:46,916 --> 00:13:47,916 - Oh, God, you would have got nothing 369 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,166 because she hogs it all. 370 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:50,791 - [laughs] Are you guys close? 371 00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:52,416 - We are now, but when I first came out, 372 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,375 she was way less supportive than my Dad, weirdly. 373 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:58,000 And after he died, she went way too far in the other direction. 374 00:13:58,083 --> 00:14:00,458 I mean, she got me poppers for a stocking stuffer one year. 375 00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:01,791 - No! - Yes. 376 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,541 And, oh, get this, the other day, 377 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:06,416 I overheard her telling her friend that I'm a vers top. 378 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,958 - Wait, did you tell her? - No! 379 00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:10,833 Oh, God. [laughter] 380 00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,125 - [cackles] 381 00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:15,250 - Oh! You know who finally died? Ira. 382 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:16,750 - Aww. 383 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,083 Now, there's someone I'm gonna have to try to avoid 384 00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:19,833 when I get to hell. - [laughs] 385 00:14:19,916 --> 00:14:21,958 I was gonna call you about his funeral, 386 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:23,625 but then I remembered your rule. 387 00:14:23,708 --> 00:14:25,666 - I don't do funerals. - No funerals. 388 00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:28,333 - Who was Ira? 389 00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:29,750 - Ira, Ira, Ira, Ira. 390 00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:32,000 Ira was the proprietor of this club. 391 00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:33,958 - We would have to slide onto the stage 392 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,583 with our backs against the wall 393 00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,958 so he wouldn't grab our asses on the way up. 394 00:14:39,041 --> 00:14:40,250 [laughter] 395 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:43,208 - Oh, my God, ew. - Oh, that was nothing. 396 00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,625 I'm convinced he and Cosby had the same pharmacist. 397 00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,000 - Oh! Now, you know he used 398 00:14:47,083 --> 00:14:48,500 to make the new girls sit on his lap 399 00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:50,250 before he would give them their paychecks? 400 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,666 - That's why they called him Old Saint Dick, you know. 401 00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,791 [laughter] 402 00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:58,750 - Well, anyway, he's dead now. - Oh, God. 403 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:01,041 - Dessert, anyone? 404 00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:02,791 - Rock climbing in toe shoes. - No. 405 00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:04,125 - Okay. 406 00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:05,833 - We don't wear toe shoes for rock climbing. 407 00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:07,291 But yes, I do own a pair. 408 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:08,875 - Well, you do you, I don't kink shame. 409 00:15:08,958 --> 00:15:11,458 - Oh, there's no shame. My toes are beautiful. 410 00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:13,791 [laughs] - Yes, they are. God. 411 00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:15,583 - You know, I'm actually going to Zion 412 00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:16,708 next week to go bouldering. 413 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,000 - Oh, great. - Mm-hmm. 414 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,291 - I've never been. It sounds lovely. 415 00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:21,000 I'd love to go. - Oh, great. 416 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,333 - Oh, wait, I'm sorry. 417 00:15:22,416 --> 00:15:24,750 I didn't mean to just-- I meant sometime. 418 00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:27,500 I didn't want to just fully invite myself to your trip. 419 00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:28,666 Unless... - No, no, no. 420 00:15:28,750 --> 00:15:30,500 Okay, so I wanted to invite you. 421 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,875 I just didn't want to seem like I was coming on too strong. 422 00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:35,500 So you want to come? 423 00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,375 - Well, it's not like anybody's gonna miss me at work, 424 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,833 so...yeah, let's do it. 425 00:15:40,916 --> 00:15:42,500 - You are going to love it. 426 00:15:42,583 --> 00:15:44,500 Nothing as far as the eye can see, and, like, 427 00:15:44,583 --> 00:15:47,750 there's barely any cell service, no distractions. 428 00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:49,583 Just us. 429 00:15:49,666 --> 00:15:51,791 - Cool, cool. 430 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:53,375 [clears throat] I-- 431 00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:54,833 You know, I'm just gonna wash my hands 432 00:15:54,916 --> 00:15:55,958 before the entrées come. 433 00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:58,833 - Oh, okay. - Be right back. 434 00:16:02,125 --> 00:16:04,166 - Oh, that's good. 435 00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:09,500 - Hey, could you hurry, please? - Yep. 436 00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,916 - Thank you. 437 00:16:11,958 --> 00:16:13,958 [car door slams, engine turns over] 438 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,958 [soft music] 439 00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:24,125 ♪ ♪ 440 00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:27,083 Yeah, sorry, could you-- 441 00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,166 could you actually park it again? 442 00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:32,250 - For real? - Yeah, sorry. 443 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,208 Here. Thank you. 444 00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:41,375 ♪ ♪ 445 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,666 Sorry. 446 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:49,666 So...camping. [chuckles] 447 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:51,416 How do I protect myself from bears? 448 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,083 - Oh. 449 00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:55,125 You can't. 450 00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:57,416 It's okay. I'll protect you. 451 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,750 - I'm much bigger than you. I think it's up to me. 452 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,666 - Mm. You're gonna protect me? 453 00:17:01,750 --> 00:17:05,083 - No, we're both gonna die. [laughter] 454 00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:06,666 - God. 455 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,750 - Okay, so I'm gonna go from DJ's first overdose 456 00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:14,291 to the broken foot and then do a callback 457 00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,750 to DJ's second overdose, okay. 458 00:17:16,833 --> 00:17:18,875 So I'm gonna close with-- 459 00:17:18,958 --> 00:17:21,583 I don't know, the hysterectomy scare or double foreclosure? 460 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:25,041 I mean, really, which do you think is punchier? 461 00:17:25,125 --> 00:17:26,375 - Sorry, what? 462 00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:28,625 - Hey, will you pay attention, please? 463 00:17:28,708 --> 00:17:30,625 - I'm just thinking about that Ira guy. 464 00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:32,458 - Eh, what are you gonna do? 465 00:17:32,541 --> 00:17:35,666 Okay, so I know we planned on ending with double foreclosure, 466 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,125 but is hysterectomy stronger? 467 00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:38,916 - I know it was, like, the time and everything, 468 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000 but I'm still-- I'm just mad for you. 469 00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:43,166 - Well, if I'm not upset about it, you shouldn't be. 470 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:45,625 - Yeah, but I mean, it's upsetting, you know? 471 00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:48,291 Like, I'm really glad that you weren't affected, 472 00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,083 but I'm sure a lot of other women were 473 00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:52,041 and, like, stopped doing comedy 474 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:54,291 'cause they were scared of, you know, 475 00:17:54,375 --> 00:17:56,458 getting finger-blasted in the greenroom or whatever. 476 00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:58,083 - I was affected. 477 00:17:58,166 --> 00:17:59,625 You know, it pissed me off that I had to deal with that, 478 00:17:59,708 --> 00:18:01,083 and then he gets to take credit for me? 479 00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:03,125 Put my photo up on his fucking wall? 480 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,166 But life goes on. Now, which is funnier, 481 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,750 double foreclosure or hysterectomy? 482 00:18:06,833 --> 00:18:08,916 - Double foreclosure. - Thank you. 483 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,333 [performer speaking unintelligibly] 484 00:18:11,416 --> 00:18:12,666 [audience laughing] 485 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,500 - I'm sorry, I don't mean to, like, 486 00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,083 victim blame at all. 487 00:18:16,166 --> 00:18:18,541 I'm just wondering, like, 488 00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:22,083 don't you think you should have maybe reported him? 489 00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:24,875 - Ugh, Ira owned most of the good venues on the West Coast. 490 00:18:24,958 --> 00:18:26,458 It was a real boys' club. 491 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,833 I couldn't afford to burn that bridge. 492 00:18:28,916 --> 00:18:31,666 - Oh, so you were just looking out for your own career, then? 493 00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:33,666 [audience laughing] 494 00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,458 - What are you accusing me of? - Nothing. 495 00:18:35,541 --> 00:18:37,416 - I helped a lot of people. 496 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,333 I wasn't perfect, but I did what I could. 497 00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,166 - Yeah, but then you got rich and famous. 498 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,958 You could have come after him then. 499 00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:45,166 Instead you just worked your way up the ladder and then-- 500 00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,083 - Oh, God. 501 00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:49,250 Now you're accusing me of being a ladder puller? 502 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,083 Please! Just by getting up on that stage, 503 00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:54,458 I gave other women more than I ever had. 504 00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:57,333 Forget the ladder, I built a marble fucking staircase! 505 00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,291 It's not my job to carry people up it. 506 00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:03,000 If you're not gonna help, you can just leave. 507 00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:07,625 Also, you're wrong. Hysterectomy's funnier. 508 00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,791 I'm closing with that. 509 00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:13,041 [audience laughing] 510 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:16,750 [cell phone buzzing] 511 00:19:25,458 --> 00:19:27,541 [cell phone buzzes] 512 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,041 - Hey. How's it going? - Hi. 513 00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:30,958 - So how'd that flight look? 514 00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:33,666 Oh, and does your hotel have a party pool? 515 00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:35,583 - Yeah, it's basically a giant toilet. 516 00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:40,125 But, Dad, I'm sorry. You can't come to visit me. 517 00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:43,083 - Oh, come on, I told you. I feel up for it. 518 00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:44,583 - No, it's not that, really. 519 00:19:44,666 --> 00:19:47,208 I'm just-- I'm just really busy. 520 00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:50,750 I'm working for Deborah, and... 521 00:19:50,833 --> 00:19:53,083 also, I have another super secret project 522 00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:55,750 I'm not even actually allowed to talk about, 523 00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:57,416 and I'm not gonna have a lot of free time. 524 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,125 - Hey, that's not a problem. 525 00:19:59,208 --> 00:20:01,208 I can gamble all day, and then we can just 526 00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:03,083 go out for dinner-- or lunch, even. 527 00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:05,166 What time's your lunch break? - Dad, I told you. 528 00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:07,041 Writing is not, like, a nine-to-five thing. 529 00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:09,125 I don't have a lunch break. 530 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,750 I'm sorry. I can't. 531 00:20:10,833 --> 00:20:13,041 - Well, okay. All right. 532 00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:16,958 Good thing I didn't buy the-- buy the flight. 533 00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,166 - Yeah. 534 00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:24,166 - Okay, well, I'll let you get back to work. 535 00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,250 Love you, bean. 536 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:31,291 - Love you too. 537 00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,625 [inhales] 538 00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:35,750 [audience laughing] 539 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,666 - Vance, you're on deck. Crowd is hot. 540 00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:39,708 Everyone's crushing. No presh. 541 00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:41,791 Yo. - Hey. 542 00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:43,750 - Great set. Crowd loved you. 543 00:20:43,833 --> 00:20:45,125 - Thanks! - Lesson learned for me. 544 00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:46,583 I should start wearing low-cut shirts 545 00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:48,375 if I want to do that well. - [chuckles] 546 00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:51,000 Well, you don't have tits like mine, so... 547 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,333 - Well, believe me. 548 00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:54,083 I would do anything for your tits. 549 00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:56,208 - 'Sup, bro? - Oh, don't tell me 550 00:20:56,291 --> 00:20:59,041 that's bitch-ass Jack Junior up in the house. 551 00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:02,208 - [scoffs] 552 00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:05,708 [audience laughing] 553 00:21:05,791 --> 00:21:08,666 [performer speaking unintelligibly] 554 00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:19,250 - Thanks so much. Good night. [cheers and applause] 555 00:21:19,333 --> 00:21:20,666 - All right. 556 00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:22,791 Guys, keep it going for Little Sammy, huh? 557 00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:25,291 Let him hear it. Come on! Yeah. 558 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:28,833 Don't let him around your kids, but that is one funny fucker. 559 00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:32,000 All right, guys, we have a special headliner tonight. 560 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,416 Don't get too excited. It's not Chappelle. 561 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,166 A lot of people say she's a crazy woman, 562 00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:39,750 but I'd never say that, 563 00:21:39,833 --> 00:21:42,541 'cause I think the term "crazy woman" is redundant. 564 00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:44,250 [laughs] You know? 565 00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:48,291 It's like saying "free gift" or "gay male flight attendant." 566 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:49,625 Right? 567 00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:51,500 Anyway, she's got an incredible set, 568 00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:54,416 and I think she's gonna tell some jokes too. 569 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,666 So you know who she is. You love her. 570 00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,708 Your great-aunt really loves her. 571 00:21:59,791 --> 00:22:03,291 Make it loud for the OG female comedian, 572 00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:04,916 Deborah Vance! 573 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,125 [cheers and applause] 574 00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:15,458 - Thank you. Thank you. 575 00:22:15,541 --> 00:22:18,041 That guy! What a comic. 576 00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:19,875 I'm getting déjà vu. 577 00:22:19,958 --> 00:22:22,083 Where is he? Drew, where are you? 578 00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,333 Oh, there he is. 579 00:22:23,416 --> 00:22:25,041 Hey, do you know who George Carlin is? 580 00:22:25,125 --> 00:22:26,750 - Hell yeah. 581 00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,208 - You remind me 582 00:22:28,291 --> 00:22:30,750 of a turd he once left in a greenroom. 583 00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,208 [laughter] 584 00:22:32,291 --> 00:22:33,958 Tell me, when you take an STD test, 585 00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:35,375 does it just say "yes"? 586 00:22:35,458 --> 00:22:36,750 - Ooh! - Uh-oh, I think 587 00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:38,208 she's got a crush on me! 588 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:41,500 - Oh, there aren't enough roofies in the world. 589 00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:44,333 A horse tranq couldn't get me to give you a high five. 590 00:22:44,416 --> 00:22:46,750 - I got a horse tranq guy if you want to kick it later. 591 00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:48,708 - Ooh! 592 00:22:48,791 --> 00:22:52,083 - Mm, yeah. Funny guy, funny guy. 593 00:22:52,166 --> 00:22:54,458 So let me tell you all what's going on here. 594 00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:57,708 He's pretending to flirt with me. 595 00:22:57,791 --> 00:22:59,291 So I have two options. 596 00:22:59,375 --> 00:23:01,625 I can, you know, shoot him down and not play along, 597 00:23:01,708 --> 00:23:04,791 but then I'm a bad sport and not funny and a cold bitch, 598 00:23:04,875 --> 00:23:06,375 et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. 599 00:23:06,458 --> 00:23:08,041 And if I do that, then it's awkward, 600 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:10,500 and it's gonna be hard to win you back, right? 601 00:23:10,583 --> 00:23:13,625 Or I do play along, 602 00:23:13,708 --> 00:23:15,416 which, let's face it, is easier, 603 00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,791 and I'm sexualizing myself on his terms-- 604 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:21,125 that guy wearing the pleather hoodie. 605 00:23:21,208 --> 00:23:22,875 [laughter] 606 00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:24,041 - [scoffs] 607 00:23:24,125 --> 00:23:25,375 It's real. It's real leather. 608 00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:28,041 It's real. - So then my whole set 609 00:23:28,125 --> 00:23:30,000 becomes entirely about a stranger 610 00:23:30,083 --> 00:23:31,875 who I find disgusting. 611 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,791 God. [laughs] 612 00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:39,500 You know, no matter how long you're away, 613 00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:41,250 you come back, there's always a Drew who's gonna 614 00:23:41,333 --> 00:23:43,083 talk about your tits when he brings you out onstage. 615 00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:45,708 Death, taxes, and this fucking guy. 616 00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:48,666 [scattered laughter] 617 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,166 [sighs] 618 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:59,375 I wasn't gonna do this. 619 00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:02,000 I was gonna try out some new stuff tonight. 620 00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:04,750 I didn't want to be the butt of the joke. 621 00:24:04,833 --> 00:24:06,375 Because, quite frankly, 622 00:24:06,458 --> 00:24:09,166 I'm exhausted from beating everybody else to the punch, 623 00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:11,666 but then you came up here and did it for me. 624 00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,333 Fuck you. - Oh. 625 00:24:13,416 --> 00:24:16,125 - Oh! - Oh! 626 00:24:16,208 --> 00:24:18,708 - Why do you do that? 627 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,208 I don't know your set, 628 00:24:20,291 --> 00:24:23,833 but I am sure that you have nothing to say 629 00:24:23,916 --> 00:24:28,250 that hasn't already been said on this stage a million times. 630 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:31,416 When will you just stop? 631 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:35,541 Seriously, what will it take to make you just stop? 632 00:24:35,625 --> 00:24:36,750 - 69 million. 633 00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:38,041 [laughter] 634 00:24:38,125 --> 00:24:40,625 Right? 635 00:24:40,708 --> 00:24:43,333 - Yeah. Man, he's clever. 636 00:24:43,416 --> 00:24:45,125 Well, no, I'm not gonna do that, 637 00:24:45,208 --> 00:24:47,625 but how about... 638 00:24:47,708 --> 00:24:52,041 1.69 million? 639 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:54,666 [audience gasps] 640 00:24:54,750 --> 00:24:56,250 I'm not joking. 641 00:24:56,333 --> 00:25:00,375 [audience murmuring] 642 00:25:00,458 --> 00:25:02,791 You're all my witnesses. 643 00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,750 I will write this man a check 644 00:25:05,833 --> 00:25:10,458 if he swears never to set foot in a comedy club ever again. 645 00:25:10,541 --> 00:25:11,708 [laughter] 646 00:25:11,791 --> 00:25:13,250 You think he should take the deal? 647 00:25:13,333 --> 00:25:17,541 [cheers and applause] 648 00:25:17,625 --> 00:25:21,500 - Are you for real? - Yes. 649 00:25:21,583 --> 00:25:23,208 Unless, you know, you think you're gonna 650 00:25:23,291 --> 00:25:26,875 make more than that from your comedy career. 651 00:25:26,958 --> 00:25:28,416 I think he should take it. 652 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,625 [cheers and applause] 653 00:25:31,708 --> 00:25:33,750 - Take the money, bitch! - Take it, bitch! 654 00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:38,166 [applause continues] 655 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:41,708 - All right. - All right! 656 00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,125 All right, Drew, come on up here. Come on. 657 00:25:44,208 --> 00:25:46,416 You guys are recording this, right? Right? 658 00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:49,375 I can't get rid of 'em all, but I can get rid of one. 659 00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:52,791 Okay, now, my very, very good lawyers 660 00:25:52,875 --> 00:25:54,750 are gonna draw this all up. 661 00:25:54,833 --> 00:25:57,625 And we'll shake on it. Okay? 662 00:25:57,708 --> 00:26:02,458 I, Deborah Vance, will give Drew $1.69 million 663 00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:08,708 so long as he agrees to never set foot on a stage ever again. 664 00:26:10,041 --> 00:26:11,166 - Come on. 665 00:26:12,458 --> 00:26:13,541 - Come on. 666 00:26:13,625 --> 00:26:15,000 - Can I do a podcast? - No. 667 00:26:15,083 --> 00:26:16,625 [laughter] 668 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:20,833 And if you break the rules, you pay me back double. 669 00:26:20,916 --> 00:26:23,833 [audience oohs] - Do it. 670 00:26:28,250 --> 00:26:31,166 [cheers and applause] 671 00:26:31,250 --> 00:26:32,916 - Whoa! 672 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,500 - Good for you, Drew. 673 00:26:34,583 --> 00:26:37,083 Invest wisely, and you'll never have to work again. 674 00:26:37,166 --> 00:26:38,500 But if you do, I'm sure you'll be 675 00:26:38,583 --> 00:26:40,666 the third-funniest guy in your office. 676 00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:42,625 [laughter] Now get the fuck off my stage. 677 00:26:42,708 --> 00:26:45,791 [cheers and applause] - Whoo! 678 00:26:45,875 --> 00:26:48,791 [dramatic music] 679 00:26:48,875 --> 00:26:50,166 ♪ ♪ 680 00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:52,041 - [chuckles] 681 00:26:52,125 --> 00:26:54,666 ♪ ♪ 682 00:26:54,750 --> 00:26:56,166 Ugh, seriously. 683 00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,916 - That was...incredible. 684 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,458 - No, it wasn't. 685 00:27:00,541 --> 00:27:02,208 I was supposed to try the new material tonight. 686 00:27:02,291 --> 00:27:03,583 I blew it. - Oh, my God. 687 00:27:03,666 --> 00:27:05,333 Who gives a fuck about the new material? 688 00:27:05,416 --> 00:27:07,416 That was raw and honest. 689 00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:10,458 You told the truth. It was amazing. 690 00:27:10,541 --> 00:27:12,208 - It did feel really fucking good. 691 00:27:12,291 --> 00:27:13,500 [laughter] 692 00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:15,041 - Debbie. 693 00:27:16,291 --> 00:27:18,416 - Kathy. 694 00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:23,083 - Could we just talk for just a few minutes, please? 695 00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:25,750 - Ava, wait in the car. 696 00:27:31,375 --> 00:27:33,041 - Holy shit. 697 00:27:33,125 --> 00:27:37,000 Fuck, fuck, shit, oh, my God, fuck, holy shit. 698 00:27:37,083 --> 00:27:38,666 Fuck. 699 00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:40,041 Shit. 700 00:27:41,583 --> 00:27:43,333 [sighs] 701 00:28:03,708 --> 00:28:04,958 How was that? 702 00:28:05,041 --> 00:28:07,750 - Fine. - Oh, great. 703 00:28:18,375 --> 00:28:19,583 Watch out. Watch out, watch out! 704 00:28:19,666 --> 00:28:21,583 Watch out! Slow down! - [gasps] 705 00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:24,041 - Jesus Christ! - Damn it! 706 00:28:24,125 --> 00:28:26,916 - Deborah! - I knew she'd move. 707 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,666 Never forgive, never forget, baby. 708 00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:33,625 [cackles] 709 00:28:33,708 --> 00:28:37,666 [plane engine whooshing] 710 00:28:52,541 --> 00:28:55,666 [FaceTime ringing] 711 00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:03,791 - [coughing] 712 00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:06,125 - Kayla? - Oh, my God, sissy! 713 00:29:06,208 --> 00:29:08,083 Oh, my God, I just had a full conversation 714 00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,916 with somebody who wasn't you. 715 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,166 So I had to FaceTime you. Hello. 716 00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:13,833 - Are you okay? Do you need help? 717 00:29:13,916 --> 00:29:16,041 Why are you calling me? What-- 718 00:29:16,125 --> 00:29:17,625 - Oh, God. 719 00:29:17,708 --> 00:29:19,916 Do you know the British show "The Bitter End"? 720 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,916 - Yeah, it's so good. Why? 721 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,791 - So the creators are making a new show, 722 00:29:23,875 --> 00:29:25,291 and I told them all about you 723 00:29:25,375 --> 00:29:26,875 and your experience in Las Vegas, 724 00:29:26,958 --> 00:29:29,041 and they want to meet you, girlfriend! 725 00:29:29,125 --> 00:29:30,875 - Oh, my God! What? 726 00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:32,708 That's amazing! - [laughs] 727 00:29:32,791 --> 00:29:34,916 Can you believe? I'm like, okay, 728 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,125 I'm making things happen for other people. 729 00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,166 - Wait, wait, you told them about me? 730 00:29:40,250 --> 00:29:42,500 - I mean, Jimmy told me to take more initiative, 731 00:29:42,583 --> 00:29:45,500 so I sent them your stuff and they loved it. 732 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:47,500 They're, like, totally freaking out. 733 00:29:47,583 --> 00:29:49,250 They want to meet you before they go... 734 00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:51,375 [with British accent] Across the pond again. 735 00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:52,833 - Holy shit. 736 00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:54,375 - [normally] Yeah, so don't tell Jimmy, 737 00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:57,208 but can you be in LA Friday morning? 738 00:29:57,291 --> 00:29:59,750 [suspenseful music] 739 00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:00,750 - Um... 740 00:30:00,833 --> 00:30:07,916 ♪ ♪