1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,254 Hold up 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,506 Every day, I wake up 3 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,632 Wake your ass up 4 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,008 "The Breakfast Club" 5 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,343 Are y'all finished or y'all done? 6 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,427 Morning, everybody. 7 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,762 It's DJ Envy, 8 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,680 Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha God. 9 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,390 We are "The Breakfast Club." 10 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,809 And we got a special guest in the building, Deborah Vance. 11 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,061 Hey. What's up, y'all? 12 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,397 And please call me Deborah Tha God. 13 00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:25,691 OK, so, Deborah, talk to us. 14 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,235 You had this crazy noncompete for how long? 15 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,569 - 18 months. Yeah. - Mm. 16 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:29,904 Year and a half, I wasn't legally allowed 17 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:31,364 to perform or speak publicly. 18 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,782 And the one time I did, I went to jail. 19 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:33,866 - Damn. - Damn. 20 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,535 But that expired at midnight. 21 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,370 And I knew that the first place I wanted to break my silence 22 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,621 was here at "The Breakfast Club" 23 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,331 with my good friend Charlamagne. 24 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:41,582 Yes, indeed. 25 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,917 Wow, people don't know y'all go way back. 26 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,085 - Yes, we do. - No, it's true. 27 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:45,628 We actually co-own a racehorse. 28 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:47,338 Her name's Wheat Thin. Here, I'll show you. 29 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,464 Yeah, she's a sweetheart-- 30 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,674 terrific spirit, beautiful mane. 31 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,133 Yeah, she's work hard, play hard. 32 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,510 - Go, Wheat Thin, OK. - Yeah. 33 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:53,844 That's where Jess get her hair from. 34 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,388 - Don't do me. - Whoa. Whoa. 35 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,306 But people don't want to hear about Wheat Thin. 36 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,976 They want to hear about your sold-out show next Thursday 37 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,519 at Madison Square Garden. 38 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,145 How does that feel? That's, like, the pinnacle 39 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,647 - for a stand-up comic. - Yeah, it is. 40 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:05,982 You know, when I quit "Late Night," 41 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,441 I kind of took a hit publicly. 42 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,901 And I wasn't sure I could sell it out. 43 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,236 But you didn't just sell out. 44 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,737 You sold out in, like, 10 minutes, right? 45 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,281 Yes, I did. 46 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,576 Damn, those tickets moved faster than Wheat Thin. 47 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,244 So you got a week left until the show. 48 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,870 What are you doing to prepare? 49 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,289 Uh, it's kind of rigorous, Envy. 50 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,499 I've got a trainer, a physical therapist, 51 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,626 a choreographer, a vocal coach. 52 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,421 We're just working nonstop to make sure this is the best 9/11 53 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,922 that New York has ever had. 54 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,049 - Huh? - We're so happy to see you. 55 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,218 And I'm glad that you came to stop past us. 56 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,803 My honor. I am a long-time member 57 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,597 - of "The Breakfast Club" Nation. - OK. 58 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,641 Now, are you really listening for us or the music? 59 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,018 Both. 60 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,644 My friend Kiki's turned me on to all the greats. 61 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:46,272 I've got That Mexican OT on heavy rotation. 62 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,440 OK. 63 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,484 BigXthaPlug, Nine Vicious, 1900Rugrat. 64 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,777 OK. 65 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,154 Hey, can we go out on a little GloRilla? 66 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,947 - Not Big Glo. - Yes, Big Glo. 67 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,032 All right, let's play some Glo. 68 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,700 Let's play "Let Her Cook." 69 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,785 Uh, let her cook, whoo 70 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,954 Big Glo comin' through fryin' shit 71 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:02,997 Let her cook, whoo 72 00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,874 All this sauce, I'm trying shit, hoo 73 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,209 Let me cook 74 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,849 The hydraulic lift is bringing me 75 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,893 up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. 76 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,603 I'm thinking this'll look way too far upstage. 77 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,937 Can we move this down? Let's say 3 feet. 78 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,732 Let's try that. Remark it. Thank you. 79 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,699 Ah. 80 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,119 Ha, ha, ha, hoo, hoo, hoo. 81 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,795 Hello, Madison Square Garden. 82 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,213 I'm back from the dead. 83 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,631 And just like Jesus, 84 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:56,300 I love having 12 gay guys over for supper. 85 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,343 This lining has to change. 86 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,552 - I just-- - We're changing it. 87 00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,804 But it needs to change, like, now, 88 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,138 because I have to rehearse in it. 89 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,223 This is the stuff that's making me nervous. 90 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,349 Thank you, New York. 91 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,684 I'm still Deborah Vance. 92 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,103 Good night. 93 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,942 And then at that point, I am Jesus on the cross. 94 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,404 And here come my three wise men, and-- 95 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,618 Ah. 96 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:23,954 Hello, New York! 97 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,749 What's up, New York? 98 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,130 What's good, New York? 99 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:55,109 Nice shot. 100 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,652 Come on, get up there. Phew. 101 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,739 That's the way--oh. 102 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,741 Ah. 103 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,242 Hey, good-looking. 104 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,702 You ready to rock the Garden? 105 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:06,203 Almost. 106 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,830 I'm just having trouble sleeping. 107 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,165 And I don't want to take Ambien this week 108 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,666 'cause I need to stay sharp. 109 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,294 - Sure. - I just really need my rest. 110 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,212 And there's really only one other thing 111 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,590 that helps me sleep deeply. 112 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,468 Deborah Vance, is this a booty call? 113 00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,344 Oh, don't be tacky. 114 00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,263 Just get in your private jet and get over here. 115 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,390 Wheels up! 116 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,775 So for a generation without economic stability 117 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:39,236 and so few job prospects, the small things 118 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,489 become the only things that we can control. 119 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:44,575 And the biggest question becomes, 120 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,911 who is making dinner? 121 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,830 Aw! 122 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,332 Well-told. 123 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,792 She is the best, truth teller. 124 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,127 Thank you. Oh, thank you. 125 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,337 Yeah. 126 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,047 Well, listen, in any other situation, 127 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:01,175 I would say, you know, give us a beat to discuss. 128 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:04,178 But since we already have a deal with you, 129 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,721 I'm just gonna be real. 130 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:10,726 I don't know why you need to tell this story. 131 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:14,939 Yeah, I guess because I thought of the idea 132 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,608 and brought it on down to you. 133 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,069 - Sure, sure. - Had to--yeah, that's why. 134 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,946 I just kind of feel like a lot 135 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,616 of writers of your generation could do this show. 136 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,160 Sure, yeah, I guess what makes me feel 137 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,495 best suited to tell this story... 138 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,913 - Uh-huh. - Is that I feel like I can 139 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,915 balance communicating the crushing weight 140 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:36,377 of this economic system with the hard comedy... 141 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,503 Right. 142 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,046 And sort of the real characters. 143 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,506 Yeah, with her, you're gonna get the funny. 144 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,258 And you know they passed on "Friends" six times 145 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,551 before they made "Friends." 146 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,177 - And then there was "Friends." - Yeah. 147 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,473 And this is better than that, depending on casting. 148 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,599 I hear you. 149 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,518 It just--it doesn't feel personal. 150 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,186 - OK. - Listen, we love you. 151 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,231 We are so excited about you. 152 00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,024 But this idea specifically, 153 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,194 it's just not sparking joy for me. 154 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,947 Oh, crap. 155 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,365 Ay. 156 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,449 Not this one. 157 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,826 Do you have anything else? 158 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,369 - Um-- - She does. 159 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,788 She's got--you have so many ideas that it's honestly-- 160 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,457 she's like Shakespeare on crack, but not on crack 161 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,792 'cause she doesn't have a problem. 162 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,002 But if Shakespeare were a woman, 163 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,879 - which maybe she was... - Maybe. 164 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,298 She is like that-- crazy amount of ideas, 165 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:23,924 some of them new, some of them old. 166 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,676 Some of them IP, if you want that, and some of them not. 167 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,177 - OK. - So we're gonna regroup. 168 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,554 We're gonna talk about it. 169 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,972 We're gonna figure out what makes sense for you. 170 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,140 - We're gonna bring it back. - Yeah. 171 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,224 And it's gonna be good. 172 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,684 I love this. I love this. 173 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,394 This is sparking joy. 174 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,437 Yay. 175 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:37,646 I'll bring you something else. 176 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,107 Please do. 177 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,332 Ah, damn it. 178 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,920 Sorry. Sorry. 179 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,966 - Good morning. - Morning. 180 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:06,967 Sleep well? 181 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,219 I did. 182 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,640 Ay-yi-yi. 183 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:15,309 - I-- - No, it's OK. It's OK. 184 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,644 Hey, Tyler. 185 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,772 How you doing? 186 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,106 Uh-huh. 187 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,609 Sure. 188 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:27,029 Uh... 189 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,614 Severance package? 190 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,450 - What? - Oh, God. 191 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,912 Put out to pasture by a bunch of dorky computer kids. 192 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,455 I've always hated computers, by the way. 193 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,165 Oh, they've ruined everything. 194 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:42,628 Deborah, I think this might be ageism. 195 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,089 Yeah, well, welcome to the club. 196 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,675 I mean, you're 40 years behind, but we're happy to have you. 197 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,094 I've given 35 years to the Palmetto. 198 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:51,553 I helped build that fucking place! 199 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,263 I get it. 200 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,100 It's terrible. 201 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,854 What the hell am I gonna do now, Deb? 202 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:04,400 I don't know. I'm sorry. 203 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,193 I hate to say this, but I gotta go get ready. 204 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,028 I gotta rehearse. Tell you what. 205 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,571 Why don't you stick around for a few days? 206 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,031 Come and see the show. 207 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,658 You think I wasn't gonna stick around 208 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,868 to see you play the Garden? 209 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,245 Come on. 210 00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,498 Course you are. 211 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,166 It's gonna be OK. 212 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,127 Yeah. 213 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,545 It is. 214 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,506 You take it from me. 215 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,221 OK. 216 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,146 When I'm hungry, my whole personality changes. 217 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,439 They'll be here in five minutes. 218 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,648 I ordered the polenta fritters. 219 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,108 And where the hell is our waitress? 220 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,484 - Honey, calm down. - God damn it. God-- 221 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,777 - Shh. - Oh, wait, there she is. 222 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,571 - There she is. - Hello. 223 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:53,073 - Ava. - Hi. 224 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,700 - This is Jack. - Hi. 225 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:58,328 Jack, this is my daughter, Ava Cecilia. 226 00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,788 Confirmation name, not real. 227 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,957 - But nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 228 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,751 So will Deborah be having 229 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,503 a red carpet experience for her show? 230 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,048 Because Jack and I recently, we broke the seal 231 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,842 as a public couple when we were photographed 232 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,261 at the National Windsurfing Awards dinner. 233 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,472 - Wow. - Jack's a grandmaster. 234 00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,849 - He was ranked fifth nationally. - Oh! 235 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,517 Yeah, he was dating another windsurfer. 236 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,019 And I just--I stole him. 237 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,103 Took me away. 238 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,606 I just--I blew his mind. 239 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,776 - It's wild times. - Totally. 240 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,403 Crazy behavior. 241 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,905 So hot. 242 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,281 - It's just unbelievable. - Would you stop? 243 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,282 Oh, sorry. 244 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,201 So how did your pitch go? 245 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,702 It didn't go well. 246 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,038 It's not looking like I'm gonna have a show. 247 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,247 What? 248 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,749 Don't they know how brilliant you are? 249 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,167 Oh, come on. 250 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,252 I have an idea for a show about a windsurfer. 251 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,881 Matthew McConaughey, he'd be great for it. 252 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,550 That actually sounds really sellable. 253 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,802 - Ooh! - Really? 254 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,595 Yeah. This is how it happens, honey. 255 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,389 Yeah, no, no, Ava knows people. She'll get it done. 256 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,142 Who should he email? 257 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:06,939 I mean, it sucks. 258 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,816 I had tons of episode ideas, and I didn't even get to them. 259 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,026 I'm sorry. They're idiots. 260 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,070 Thank you. Yeah. 261 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:15,155 I mean, I'll figure something out, but-- 262 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,657 Can you pass me the phone? 263 00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,325 Your phone or my phone? 264 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:21,120 The phone. I want to order room service. 265 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,663 Oh, no, you don't order room service on the phone. 266 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,125 You scan it with, like, a QR code on your phone. 267 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:31,463 So if I want to order room service, 268 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,090 I can't use the phone? 269 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,091 No. 270 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,759 I have to use my phone? 271 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,885 Yeah. 272 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,762 But I can't call anybody? 273 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,140 Right, yeah. No. 274 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,433 You know, it's no wonder you people are all autistic now. 275 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,019 You never talk to anyone. 276 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,772 I need to start wearing a body cam around you, girl. 277 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:52,276 Jesus Christ, the stuff you're freaking saying. 278 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:53,944 Do not drink that. 279 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,279 What? Why? 280 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,531 No, never pull a beverage from the minibar. 281 00:10:57,532 --> 00:10:59,324 It is marked up 700%. 282 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,576 I don't want to get ripped off. 283 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,994 No, I'll have Damien go to Duane Reade 284 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,495 and get you one if you really want one. 285 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,746 OK. 286 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,166 So I can't have it? 287 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,961 Well, since you don't usually reach for the sugar-free, 288 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,713 I guess I should reward that. 289 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,090 This time, I'll allow it. 290 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:26,226 Oh, my God, I--I'm gonna head to my room really quickly. 291 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269 Are you good here? 292 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,562 Ugh, I don't know. 293 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,731 I don't know. I don't know. 294 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,941 Hey. 295 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:36,653 You're gonna kill tomorrow. 296 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,238 Thanks. 297 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,366 OK. Good night. 298 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,454 I know. 299 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,148 Good morning, New York City. 300 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,691 It's hotter than hell out there, 301 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,526 but thankfully, we've got some sweet relief 302 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:19,404 from the diva herself, Deborah Vance. 303 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,699 She's finally laying it all out there tonight at MSG. 304 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,368 And I'd tell you to get your tickets now, 305 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,037 but everyone knows the show sold out in record time. 306 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,455 So if you want to bear witness, 307 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,708 you better find a scalper, stat. 308 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:36,755 You know, I realized you're right. 309 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:37,965 I don't know what it's like 310 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,549 being a young person with friends. 311 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,760 I have one friend, and she's 70. 312 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,220 Funny. 313 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,972 I've been living with Deborah over the past few years, 314 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,057 so the show would be about that--- 315 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,767 two women from different generations 316 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,477 who live together and become friends. 317 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,895 OK, go on. 318 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,855 I have a ton of episode ideas already. 319 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,983 Like, imagine you're trying to hook up with someone, 320 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:58,110 but your roommate is in the next room on speakerphone 321 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,112 'cause she literally doesn't know how to turn it off. 322 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,573 Oh, my God, I can see that. 323 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:06,576 They butt heads a ton on politics 324 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:11,206 and etiquette and fashion, but... 325 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,083 at the end of the day, they help each other 326 00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:16,044 see the world differently, and... 327 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,005 they both become better people for it. 328 00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,299 Ava, I love this. 329 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,758 I love this. 330 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,927 It's based off of real experiences you've had, 331 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,555 clear character games, but still IP. 332 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:27,889 Can you do me a favor? 333 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,433 Can you please write a one-pager? 334 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,435 I already did it. I'll send it right now. 335 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,561 Amazing. 336 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,687 Well, turns out, we're only doing 337 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,147 one comedy pilot this year, 338 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,898 so a lot of people have to weigh in. 339 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,734 But I'm going to do my very best to push it through. 340 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,360 Stay tuned. 341 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:43,072 Great. 342 00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,746 - She's here. - Oh, oh, oh! 343 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,664 Hi, my Little Debbies. 344 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,874 How are we? 345 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,500 Well, not great. 346 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,294 None of us could get tickets. 347 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,296 We were trying to find scalpers to buy some, 348 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,839 but we couldn't find any. 349 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,007 None of you? 350 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,301 No. They sold out too fast. 351 00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,094 That's terrible. 352 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,596 Damien, you know, we gotta help them out. 353 00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,056 - On it. - Don't forget. 354 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:10,390 I'm live streaming the whole show 355 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,893 on Deborah Plus. 356 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,771 Love you. Love you guys. 357 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:19,067 Oh. 358 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,240 Oh, and I talked to the video playback guy, 359 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,408 so we're all set there. 360 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,244 Fabulous dabulous. 361 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:38,126 I am addicted to carrots. Yum. 362 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,252 The job at "Late Night" 363 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,629 wasn't all it was cracked up to be. 364 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,130 It's not that much fun to do something 365 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,549 no woman has done before, except George Michael. 366 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,926 - That was fun. - It's great. 367 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,844 Now, I know it's crazy to go back now, 368 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,513 but is Ricky Martin funnier? 369 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,680 Well, it depends. 370 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,809 Have you had sex with Ricky Martin? 371 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:54,768 Wow. 372 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,269 She bangs, indeed. 373 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,480 You are overthinking, OK? 374 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,065 Don't change a thing. The hay's in the barn, doll. 375 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,817 OK, OK, OK, OK, OK. 376 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,235 - Hey. - Hey. 377 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,028 So MSG just flagged that they've opened the doors, 378 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:07,781 but they're not seeing the foot traffic they normally do. 379 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:09,908 That's what felt off. I don't hear a crowd. 380 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,910 - Mm. - Well, what is going on? 381 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,787 I mean, is there a subway strike or something? 382 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,247 I don't think so. 383 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,665 It looks like there's no issue 384 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,208 with the subways or transportation or anything. 385 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,584 Yeah, there's no protest. 386 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,919 You know, I can't prove it, 387 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,754 but I know that Joy Behar is behind this. 388 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,258 She has come from me for the last time, I swear to God. 389 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,551 Come on. 390 00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,595 OK, I think we should spread out. 391 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,031 Excuse me. 392 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,285 Have you seen anyone? 393 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:58,791 Deborah, can you come with me? 394 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,486 Looks like I'm in trouble 395 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,697 if you're doing crowd work tonight. 396 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,285 Hi, Deb. 397 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,871 You made it really easy for me to buy this show out 398 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,956 when you made your ticket prices so low. 399 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:43,210 I appreciate that. 400 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,586 Why? 401 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:48,173 Because I want you to stop. 402 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,009 For months, your heroic exit was the first thing 403 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,386 I heard about every single day. 404 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,764 It was a fucking nightmare for me. 405 00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,808 I got questions about it in every interview, 406 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,561 almost lost my board's trust. 407 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,772 I had to reduce my bonus package. 408 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,107 And things have finally quieted down. 409 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:11,988 So the last thing I need is you bringing it all back up again. 410 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:15,785 So, what? 411 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:21,790 You think you can just silence me forever? 412 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:24,793 I'm gonna try. 413 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,920 I have an NDA, and I want you to sign it. 414 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,339 You'll get a big payout. 415 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:32,968 And all you have to do is agree to never speak publicly 416 00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,263 about "Late Night" or me ever again. 417 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:40,016 If you don't sign, I promise you 418 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:44,187 I will do whatever I have to do to make you stop. 419 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,189 I'll keep buying every ticket. 420 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:51,695 I'll use every possible outlet to make you seem unreliable. 421 00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:54,489 So be smart about this. 422 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,742 Do you really want to spend your golden years 423 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,954 fighting a losing battle? 424 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,301 Fuck your NDA, 425 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,721 and fuck you. 426 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,811 Bastard! 427 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:27,147 This is bullshit. He needs to get a life. 428 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,107 And if I'm telling you you need to get a life, 429 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,484 you are a fucking loser! 430 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,819 Yeah, no offense. 431 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,529 Siri, google "how to sink a superyacht." 432 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,739 No AI! 433 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,991 This has gotta be illegal, right? 434 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,743 We gotta call the lawyers, is what we gotta do. 435 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,161 What is it? What is it? 436 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,495 It's not racketeering, but it's close to that. 437 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:43,788 This happens. 438 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,332 Remember that one time 50 Cent bought out 439 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,208 the entire Ja Rule concert just to fuck with him? 440 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,543 This is insanity. 441 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,961 We need to go to the press and expose him. 442 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,254 Yes, we need to do a media alert. 443 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,380 We need to do a press conference. 444 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,757 We need to kill him. 445 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,091 We need to Luigi his ass! 446 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,885 OK, stop, stop. Now, listen, listen. 447 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:59,888 We're gonna do the show, and we're gonna do it for free. 448 00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,431 That way, he can't stop the ticket sales, 449 00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,766 and he can't mess with it, 450 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,184 and anybody who wants to come can come. 451 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:05,935 This was the only date that MSG had. 452 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,020 I know that. 453 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,271 I want to do it in Central Park. 454 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,189 Oh, OK. 455 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,231 Yeah. Yes. 456 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,483 I'll call the Parks Department. 457 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,901 We can target the springtime. We can-- 458 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,152 No, this weekend. 459 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,695 This weekend. Well-- 460 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,572 - What about the MSG record? - Forget that. 461 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,201 I just--I just need to do the show. 462 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,161 Yeah, but, Deborah, you have costume changes. 463 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,704 You have pyrotechnics. You have a hydraulic lift. 464 00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:26,164 No, no, forget all that. 465 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,707 Just me and a mic. 466 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,126 And I want to do it now. 467 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,961 OK, well, then we'll figure it out. 468 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,546 Right, Jimmy? 469 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,840 Yes. I will start making some calls. 470 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,467 I'll text my camp friends. 471 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,885 They run New York. 472 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,637 OK, there was a show last night in the park. 473 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,805 Maybe we could use their stage. 474 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,640 Whoa. Let me get this straight. 475 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:45,850 You want us to put together a free stand-up show 476 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,229 in Central Park with no prior planning, no infrastructure? 477 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,564 And you want this to happen in three days? 478 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,316 - That's right. - Yeah. 479 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,735 God, I love this business. 480 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:58,196 It's 90% the most delusional, 481 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,573 lazy people you ever seen in your life 482 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,952 and 10% the most delusional workaholics. 483 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:05,704 And I, for one, am proud and honored 484 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,747 to be part of that latter 10%. 485 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:10,709 Let's go. Let's fucking go! 486 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,044 Yes, Randi, go on! 487 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,514 Look, look, just hear me out. 488 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:25,932 - Just hear me out. - I can't do it. 489 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,642 - I'm sorry, miss. - No, listen, please. 490 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,270 All you have to do is hold the stage through the weekend. 491 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:32,564 I'll pay a rental fee. I'll pay all your overtime. 492 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,607 - Just name your price. - It's not about the money. 493 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,527 We have to break all this down and get it out of here by noon. 494 00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,446 Excuse me, do you two beautiful boys 495 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,655 know who you're talking to? 496 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,198 That is the queen of comedy! 497 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,992 I don't care if she's the queen of freaking Sheba. 498 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,286 She's not getting the stage. We have to pack it up. 499 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,912 - Boss' orders. - Well, who's your boss? 500 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,497 Where is he? Can I talk to him? 501 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,167 - Boss. - Well, well, well. 502 00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:55,044 Turns out, the doctor was a woman. 503 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,880 - Oh, my God. - Weed? 504 00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,673 In the flesh, Ava Daniels. 505 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,592 Fall Out Boy rocked the park last night. 506 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,177 Now we just gotta strike this whole rig, 507 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:05,263 get it back up in Topeka by Tuesday, 0600. 508 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,098 OK, we understand that, but if you could just push-- 509 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,726 Push? No, it's a domino effect, white boy. 510 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:11,436 This is one of the tightest schedules 511 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,896 I've ever constructed. 512 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,231 They're playing 56 domestic dates 513 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,858 before we hop the pond to Glasto. 514 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:20,779 Weed, listen, I know we've had our differences in the past, 515 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,697 but I was supposed to play the Garden, 516 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:25,325 and then I got screwed over. 517 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,367 Please. 518 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,411 I just need to say my piece. 519 00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:31,206 Deb, I'm gonna stop you right there. 520 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,083 Keep this stage up through the weekend. 521 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:36,878 Get them to Topeka in, what, 39 hours? 522 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:38,797 That'd take a miracle. 523 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,216 It's lucky for you, though... 524 00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:45,053 You're looking at a miracle worker. 525 00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:47,639 - So-- - When you canned me, 526 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,599 that was a first in my entire career. 527 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,059 I was shell-shocked. 528 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:53,520 And I am embarrassed to admit I did relapse. 529 00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:54,938 I went completely dark. 530 00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:57,607 I woke up flat on my back in a bed, 531 00:21:57,608 --> 00:22:00,401 not a chair, 532 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:04,739 in a motel in Juárez. 533 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,200 My hair was in cornrows. 534 00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,536 My eyebrows had been burned off. 535 00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:13,665 And I was holding an Apple TV remote, but... 536 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:18,461 all the room had was a Roku. 537 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,380 What is that? 538 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:24,884 I had no memory of the previous three months. 539 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:27,262 And then my boy Pete Wentz called me back in. 540 00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:31,099 We did 14 grueling back-to-back shows in the South Atlantic. 541 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:36,145 And then one morning in Omaha, Pete said to me, 542 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:41,359 "Weed, oh, God, Weed, 543 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,736 you're better than you've ever been." 544 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:45,655 And I owe that to you, Deb. 545 00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:50,578 You gotta crash and burn before you can rise, sister. 546 00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:53,413 I'ma make this work for you. 547 00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:55,164 - You can use our stage. - Oh. 548 00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:56,666 Thank you so much. Thank you. 549 00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,085 - Hands off, bud! - Sorry! 550 00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:01,254 Bring it in, Deb. Bring it in. 551 00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:03,381 - Oh, Deb. - Thank you, Weed. 552 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,091 Deb, Deb, Debbie. 553 00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:07,218 There's only one thing that I can't allow, 554 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,554 and that's a grievance from the Park Department. 555 00:23:09,555 --> 00:23:12,807 So you're gonna need to get a permit to perform. 556 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,976 Without it, city's gonna shut you down anyway. 557 00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:16,769 No problem. We are on it, Ms. Weed. 558 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:17,937 Go! 559 00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,023 Oh! 560 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,776 You don't want to play the Garden anyway. 561 00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,486 Terrible load-out. 562 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:27,364 - Thanks, Weed. - Mm-hmm. 563 00:23:29,992 --> 00:23:32,410 Love you, Deb! 564 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,663 Yeah, love you too. 565 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,709 She loves me. 566 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,259 Hey. 567 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,011 Hi. 568 00:23:50,012 --> 00:23:52,722 This is pot. Can you believe it? 569 00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,475 Yup. Can I come in? 570 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:58,562 Sure. Come in. 571 00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:09,656 You know, after what Bob Lipka pulled last night, 572 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,866 made me realize pretty much every stiff in a suit 573 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,702 is a lying, selfish piece of shit. 574 00:24:14,703 --> 00:24:16,746 Men are dogs, Deb. 575 00:24:16,747 --> 00:24:17,956 But not you. 576 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,248 We've been looking for someone to run 577 00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:20,875 the operations at the casino. 578 00:24:20,876 --> 00:24:23,920 So why don't you come work for me and Marcus at The Diva? 579 00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:25,505 You mean it? 580 00:24:25,506 --> 00:24:28,007 Now, listen, it wouldn't be like the Palmetto. 581 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:30,510 This is a small, independently-owned casino. 582 00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:33,262 You'd have to be on the floor. You wouldn't be in the C-suite. 583 00:24:33,263 --> 00:24:34,847 Oh, I hate the C-suite. 584 00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:36,724 You know me. I'm a man of the people. 585 00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:39,560 I want to be on the floor, shaking hands, slapping asses. 586 00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:41,020 Well, you can't do that anymore. 587 00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:43,106 Yeah, OK. Right. I forgot. 588 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,733 Now, I've run this by Marcus, and he's on board. 589 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,528 He's always liked you better than I have anyway. 590 00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:50,823 So what do you say? 591 00:24:53,867 --> 00:24:56,327 I'd love to. 592 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,455 This means the world to me. 593 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:03,960 Great, great. 594 00:25:03,961 --> 00:25:05,586 All right, I gotta go. 595 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:07,130 I have to get as many people as possible into Central Park 596 00:25:07,131 --> 00:25:09,215 - this weekend. - Whoa, whoa, what's going on? 597 00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:12,051 I'm doing my show there, for free. 598 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:13,219 What? 599 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,138 So now I just gotta get the word out. 600 00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:16,973 Wow. And you need people. 601 00:25:16,974 --> 00:25:19,225 - Yeah. - I'll get you people. 602 00:25:19,226 --> 00:25:21,561 I got my guys in Atlantic City, Mohegan Sun-- 603 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:24,272 we bus tourists in all the time. 604 00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:27,859 You give me the word, and I'll unleash The Marty. 605 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:30,820 OK, unleash away. 606 00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:33,406 Hoo-ah! All right! 607 00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:34,907 We're back, baby. 608 00:25:34,908 --> 00:25:37,744 Mwah. 609 00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:39,162 OK, good, good. 610 00:25:39,163 --> 00:25:41,622 All right, now, lay off the lollipops. 611 00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,542 We drug test at The Diva. 612 00:25:45,919 --> 00:25:47,086 Thank you, boss! 613 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,130 Will do. 614 00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:55,887 You want a permit for this weekend, in Central Park? 615 00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,222 Yes. 616 00:25:58,223 --> 00:26:02,477 It takes 30 days to process a permit in New York City, OK? 617 00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:04,562 There is nothing that I can do. 618 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,898 Please, look, this isn't just about a permit, all right? 619 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,357 It's about sticking it to the man. 620 00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:09,776 Yeah, and you could be a part of that. 621 00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:11,402 I mean, screw your boss. 622 00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:12,695 Go above his head. 623 00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:13,988 My boss is a woman, 624 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,865 and we're in a relationship outside of work. 625 00:26:15,866 --> 00:26:18,659 And I don't feel comfortable keeping secrets from her. 626 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:19,952 - That's beautiful. - We would never ask you 627 00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:21,079 - to do that. - That's respectable 628 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,121 and honorable. I love that. 629 00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,706 - We love gays. - Listen, 630 00:26:23,707 --> 00:26:25,500 if you've ever had a dream crushed, 631 00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:26,876 - if you've ever been bullied... - Mm-hmm. 632 00:26:26,877 --> 00:26:28,044 Then you know what Deborah Vance 633 00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:29,420 is going through right now. 634 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,880 And we have the chance to right that wrong, 635 00:26:30,881 --> 00:26:32,215 to let her speak truth to power 636 00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,967 and not just for her, but for all people 637 00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:38,429 who have ever had their voices quieted by the powers that be. 638 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,515 And if we don't, 639 00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:42,225 well, as Desmond Tutu said, 640 00:26:42,226 --> 00:26:45,645 "In situations of injustice, if we choose to be neutral, 641 00:26:45,646 --> 00:26:49,524 then we are siding with the oppressor," 642 00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,025 - something like that. - Something like that. 643 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:52,360 - Is that what he said? - Yeah. 644 00:26:52,361 --> 00:26:54,487 Are you done with your Shondalogue? 645 00:26:54,488 --> 00:26:57,198 Listen, it's not gonna happen. 646 00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:58,491 And if she tries to perform, 647 00:26:58,492 --> 00:27:00,618 she will be escorted outside the park. 648 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:01,994 Now, please leave. 649 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,288 I have a well-deserved break I need to take. 650 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,415 - We were trying to be nice. - Please, just-- 651 00:27:06,416 --> 00:27:09,502 Like I'm just gonna be giving them a damn permit. 652 00:27:09,503 --> 00:27:11,170 - Listen to my girl. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 653 00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:12,672 You could have said something about her sweater. 654 00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:13,756 Are you listening to the "I've Xenit All," 655 00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:15,091 the "Xena" rewatch podcast? 656 00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:16,175 That's a great episode. 657 00:27:16,176 --> 00:27:17,718 What? How you know about that? 658 00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,178 They're about to talk about the pan flute. 659 00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:20,429 You know she played it practically? 660 00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:21,931 This just came out five minutes ago. 661 00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:23,558 Boy, who are you? 662 00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:25,643 Well, I've heard the episode because I produce the podcast. 663 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,145 I represent Renee O'Connor. 664 00:27:27,146 --> 00:27:29,188 And the podcast was actually our idea. 665 00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:31,315 - His idea. He thought of it. - No, we're a team. 666 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:32,984 He's being humble. He's being humble. 667 00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:35,528 Child, I'm obsessed with "Xena." 668 00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:36,779 Obsessed. 669 00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:38,614 I wore the leather armbands to the prom. 670 00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:40,491 - Yes! - OK, pop off. 671 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:43,161 Baby, I even named my damn daughter Aphrodite. 672 00:27:43,162 --> 00:27:44,787 - Oh, beautiful! - Aww! 673 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,789 You think she likes that? She don't. 674 00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:48,291 Ah, yes. 675 00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:50,459 Are they really doing a live show at the Acropolis, 676 00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:51,544 or was that just a joke? 677 00:27:51,545 --> 00:27:52,962 - I couldn't tell. - I'm not sure. 678 00:27:52,963 --> 00:27:55,798 I could FaceTime Renee right now and you could ask her. 679 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:57,175 What? What? Oh, my God, yes. 680 00:27:57,176 --> 00:27:58,551 Actually, you know what? 681 00:27:58,552 --> 00:27:59,886 I'm so busy trying to get this permit, mm. 682 00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:01,137 No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. 683 00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:03,264 Shh, shh, chill. Hey, hold it, hold it. 684 00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:05,516 Listen-- 685 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:06,809 she nosy. 686 00:28:06,810 --> 00:28:09,145 I think I can transfer the permits to you guys. 687 00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:10,271 - Yes! - Thank you so much. 688 00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:11,814 - Thank you. - Thank you. 689 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:15,068 Baby, Xenites unite. 690 00:28:18,989 --> 00:28:20,990 And those northern lights will be visible 691 00:28:20,991 --> 00:28:22,366 for the next week. 692 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:23,826 So, Al, maybe we'll get something of a show. 693 00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:26,330 Weather's looking pretty darn good-- 694 00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:30,708 Is that Deborah Vance? 695 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:32,376 Should we let her in? 696 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,171 Sure. 697 00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:38,424 So basically, Deborah, he Ja Ruled you. 698 00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:39,842 Exactly, exactly. 699 00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:42,637 What 50 Cent did to Ja Rule, Bob Lipka did to me. 700 00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:43,638 Yeah, men are dogs. 701 00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:44,722 It's despicable. 702 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:46,140 But I'm reclaiming my time. 703 00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:49,310 And I'm hoping that you, America, will come out to hear it. 704 00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:51,062 If you are in the tri-state area, 705 00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:52,521 get out to Central Park. 706 00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:54,982 See Deborah Vance, the one and only. 707 00:28:54,983 --> 00:28:56,859 - You like comedy? - Free shows at the park. 708 00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:58,152 Central Park live. 709 00:28:58,153 --> 00:28:59,320 Deborah Vance live in Central Park. 710 00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:00,821 Here you go. Free comedy show. 711 00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:02,698 You like comedy? New York City. 712 00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:04,992 You guys seriously have to go see Deborah in Central Park. 713 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,995 She's my best friend ever-ever, and my literal idol. 714 00:29:07,996 --> 00:29:10,289 And if you don't go see her, you're a loser. 715 00:29:10,290 --> 00:29:12,083 I agree. 716 00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:13,709 Free comedy show, guys. 717 00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,586 My daughter's best friend and mentor, Deborah Vance, live. 718 00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:16,796 Come on. 719 00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:18,089 My daughter's best friend. Take this! 720 00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:19,048 You're going to the show! 721 00:29:19,049 --> 00:29:20,716 Deborah Vance, y'all. 722 00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:22,176 So as you know, Deborah and I 723 00:29:22,177 --> 00:29:23,970 have had our ups and downs. 724 00:29:23,971 --> 00:29:26,681 But at the end of the day, she's a really great girl. 725 00:29:26,682 --> 00:29:28,516 And it's not cool what's been done to her. 726 00:29:28,517 --> 00:29:30,851 - Mm. - So get out to Central Park 727 00:29:30,852 --> 00:29:34,480 and hear her side of the story 'cause she's funny as hell 728 00:29:34,481 --> 00:29:36,066 and silencing women is never OK. 729 00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:46,325 She wears a wig too. 730 00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:47,702 She wears a sheitel. 731 00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:48,953 Welcome back. 732 00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,579 We have a very special surprise guest. 733 00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:52,248 Deborah Vance is here to promote 734 00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:54,292 her free show in Central Park. 735 00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:57,628 But she was only allowed off the black list 736 00:29:57,629 --> 00:29:58,796 on one condition. 737 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:01,090 - Joy. - Yeah? 738 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:03,050 I have to apologize. 739 00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:06,137 You would know the difference between a Margaux and a Merlot 740 00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:07,972 if I smashed it over your head. 741 00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:10,683 And I think that toasting with a glass of iced tea 742 00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:12,727 is just pure class. 743 00:30:12,728 --> 00:30:14,895 Thank you very much. 744 00:30:14,896 --> 00:30:18,232 And I'm sorry I got you put on the terrorist watch list. 745 00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:19,818 - That was you? - Yeah. 746 00:30:22,571 --> 00:30:23,946 Good one. 747 00:30:23,947 --> 00:30:26,908 Thank God I don't have to hear about this anymore. 748 00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:30,745 SnackWell's snack well when in a well you snack. 749 00:30:30,746 --> 00:30:32,872 SnackWell's snack well when in a well you snack. 750 00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:34,332 SnackWell's snack well-- 751 00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:36,375 Yeah, Rick, I'm getting a little bit of feedback 752 00:30:36,376 --> 00:30:37,835 on the right. 753 00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:41,964 Boss, boss, boss, boss, it's the network for you two. 754 00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,132 - Hello? - Hi. 755 00:30:43,133 --> 00:30:44,342 Hey, guys. 756 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:47,553 So I do have some unfortunate news. 757 00:30:47,554 --> 00:30:50,306 We're not going to be ordering a script. 758 00:30:50,307 --> 00:30:52,641 Oh, man. 759 00:30:52,642 --> 00:30:54,518 That's really sad to hear. 760 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:56,937 Because we are ordering a pilot. 761 00:30:56,938 --> 00:31:01,317 We are committing to shooting a pilot for this dang thing. 762 00:31:01,318 --> 00:31:03,694 - Holy shit! - Oh, my God! 763 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,071 Thank you guys. 764 00:31:05,072 --> 00:31:07,031 There's more to come, but I just wanted to call 765 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:08,532 and let you guys know. 766 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:11,369 Hey, Ava, congratulations. 767 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,162 - OK. - OK. Thank you. Bye. 768 00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:14,330 Oh, my God! 769 00:31:14,331 --> 00:31:15,539 Hey! 770 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:17,500 - Ava sold her show! - Oh! 771 00:31:17,501 --> 00:31:19,543 Whoo! 772 00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:22,172 - Oh, my God! - Yes. 773 00:31:24,341 --> 00:31:26,092 Free comedy. 774 00:31:26,093 --> 00:31:28,302 Deborah Vance on the Great Lawn. 775 00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:32,014 See Deborah Vance? Right down to the Great Lawn. 776 00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:34,016 Deborah Vance, best comedian in the world. 777 00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:35,726 Come get your merch right over here. 778 00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:36,936 Shirts, hats... 779 00:31:36,937 --> 00:31:38,521 Hey, how's it going? Good to see you. 780 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,731 Try the hat on. 781 00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,441 Just don't get spooked if the laughs don't sound the same. 782 00:31:42,442 --> 00:31:43,943 - Yeah, yeah, you're right. - We're outdoors. 783 00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:45,528 - Just remember that. - Deborah, hey. 784 00:31:45,529 --> 00:31:47,738 - So-- - No. What? What now? 785 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:50,199 They've closed the entrance to the park at 72nd and 5th. 786 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,700 What? Why? 787 00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:53,202 That's the entrance closest to the Lawn. 788 00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:54,578 People won't be able to get in. 789 00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:57,415 They closed it because it's already overcrowded. 790 00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:58,833 - Oh. - There are people 791 00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:01,252 spilling onto the bike path and the trails. 792 00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:02,753 The Parks Department doesn't know for sure, 793 00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,505 but my girl is estimating that there are over 794 00:32:04,506 --> 00:32:06,132 30,000 people here right now. 795 00:32:06,133 --> 00:32:07,509 Holy shit. 796 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,553 They came. 797 00:32:10,554 --> 00:32:11,762 And you know what? 798 00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:15,141 For stand-up in the park, that's a record. 799 00:32:15,142 --> 00:32:17,769 Now, that's a pretty good lede to an obituary. 800 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,069 OK, everybody. Everybody, come on. 801 00:32:27,070 --> 00:32:28,571 Gather, quick, quick, quick, quick. 802 00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,781 Everybody, everybody, everybody, come here. 803 00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:33,033 Come here. 804 00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:36,912 I couldn't have done this without you. 805 00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:38,497 I love you. 806 00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:40,791 Thank you so much. 807 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,085 Thank you. 808 00:32:44,463 --> 00:32:45,380 I love you. 809 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:52,387 Please welcome to the stage mi amiga Deborah Vance. 810 00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:28,548 How are you feeling tonight, New York City? 811 00:33:34,346 --> 00:33:36,722 First, I would like to acknowledge, 812 00:33:36,723 --> 00:33:39,558 this is stolen land. 813 00:33:39,559 --> 00:33:41,101 Oh, my God. 814 00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,229 I didn't even tell her to say that. 815 00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:45,940 Now, if you came to the park tonight for Deborah Vance, 816 00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:47,150 you're in the right place. 817 00:33:49,236 --> 00:33:53,364 If you came to the park tonight for anonymous gay sex, 818 00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,867 you're still in the right place.