1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,546
[upbeat orchestral music playing]
2
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,413
[breathing heavily]
3
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:47,422
[wedding guests cheering]
4
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,644
And there's his little foot. [chuckles]
5
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,644
And there's his little foot. [chuckles]
6
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,104
- Any pain?
- Ow.
7
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,105
All right, well,
that's telling us something.
8
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,191
[laughing]
9
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,957
All right,
let's help get you two pregnant.
10
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,587
There's her little foot.
11
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,965
- [sighs] Any pain?
- Ow.
12
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,011
- Ooh, I want pudding!
- [Melissa sighs]
13
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,306
Did somebody say "corn puddin'"?
14
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,934
No, nobody said "corn puddin'."
15
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,730
Right. Yes, I know that. [clears throat]
16
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:48,275
Yes, I-- [chuckles] I'm sorry. I-- Sorry.
17
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,362
Dr. Skinner,
you said you'd fix my son's knee.
18
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:55,073
Well, what do you say now?
Does that look like it's fixed?
19
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,534
- Hank, w-we talked about this...
- [Hank] Oh, no, no. No.
20
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:01,496
...and I-I told you that there's only
a 50% chance surgery would help.
21
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,496
...and I-I told you that there's only
a 50% chance surgery would help.
22
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,374
[Hank] Tell it to the judge,
'cause I'm suing your ass.
23
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,294
You're going to jail. Doctor jail.
24
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,252
Okay.
25
00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:10,380
That's the foot.
26
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,548
There's two of 'em.
27
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,051
- [patient] Ow!
- Any pain?
28
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,846
- Hello, Melissa!
- Hi, Mrs. Sliwinski.
29
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,848
How are you?
I haven't seen you in a while.
30
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,435
Oh, I've been in California,
visiting the grandkids.
31
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103
One of them is gay now.
32
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,522
Oh, great.
33
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:30,275
So, it looks like you've got good news.
34
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,320
- Um...
- Is it a girl or a boy?
35
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,741
Oh. [chuckles] Neither.
No, I'm-I'm not pregnant, actually.
36
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,493
But we are-- we are trying.
37
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,871
Oh. Well, I-- [stammering]
38
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,039
It's okay. [chuckles]
39
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,209
Yes, well-- Have a good walk!
40
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,849
[sighs]
41
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,934
[children playing]
42
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,564
What's wrong?
43
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,650
[smacks lips] Oh, I don't know.
44
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:18,574
I just-- [sighs] It feels like
we should be happier, you know?
45
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,997
- [Melissa] That's the foot.
- [patient] Ow!
46
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,209
- [Melissa] That's the foot.
- [patient] Ow.
47
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,295
- [Melissa] That's the foot.
- [patient] Ow!
48
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,838
[Melissa] That's the foot.
49
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,967
Unfortunately,
this cycle was not successful.
50
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,387
But we can always try again if you want.
51
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,186
[weather forecaster] Looking ahead...
[speaking indistinctly]
52
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,858
We can expect temperatures in the high...
[speaking indistinctly]
53
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,363
[forecaster continues indistinctly]
54
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741
Hey.
55
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741
Hey.
56
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,202
[breathes heavily]
57
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,369
So I was thinking,
58
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,207
and I know this sounds crazy...
[inhales sharply] ...but what if we--
59
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,709
- Yes.
- Yes?
60
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:17,798
[exhales sharply] I really hope we don't
run into anyone out here. We look insane.
61
00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:19,091
Maybe we are insane.
62
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,305
I feel like this is around
where we saw the bridge.
63
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,600
Oh, yes! I think I remember this tree.
64
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,979
You remember this tree?
From two years ago?
65
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,482
I just really wanna find it.
66
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:36,026
No, I-- Don't worry, we will find it.
All right.
67
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,570
[exhales sharply]
I got a really good feeling...
68
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,657
about this direction.
69
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827
- Totally. Yes. Me too. Yep.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
70
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,873
Maybe we're not supposed to find it again.
71
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,918
Maybe it's one of those places
that you only go once and never return.
72
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,336
Oh, like SoulCycle.
73
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:59,174
Not gonna lie, I am seriously questioning
our wardrobe choice right now.
74
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,387
[pants] Yeah. But don't give up.
[exhales sharply]
75
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,387
[pants] Yeah. But don't give up.
[exhales sharply]
76
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:07,057
Yes! That's the Schmigadoon spirit!
[exhales sharply]
77
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,977
[sighs] We're never gonna find it.
78
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,564
Schmigadoon, where are you?
79
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:18,986
[sighs]
80
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,324
We should head back before it gets dark.
81
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,090
[thunder rumbling]
82
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,385
[thuds]
83
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,179
What was that?
84
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,722
Oh, damn it.
85
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:49,099
[sighs] Yep.
86
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,812
Flat tire. Perfect.
87
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,689
Well, we've got a spare, right?
88
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,483
[scoffs] I don't know. I'm not a car guy.
You know that. I--
89
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,360
- You don't have to be a car guy...
- [organ playing]
90
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,360
- You don't have to be a car guy...
- [organ playing]
91
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987
- ...to know if we have a spare.
- Wait.
92
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:04,239
What's that?
93
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,827
Sounds like an organ. [gasps] It's music.
94
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,871
It's music.
95
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,623
Okay, let's not get too excited,
all right?
96
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,625
- [stammers] But it's music! Come on!
- Yeah. Wh-- Yes.
97
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,792
[both chuckle]
98
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,712
[Melissa] We made it! [gasps]
99
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,422
[Josh] "Schmicago"?
100
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,884
[jazz music playing]
101
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:34,770
[ensemble] ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
102
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:35,896
What the--
103
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,234
♪ If your life is a bore ♪
104
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:44,029
♪ And it's left you wanting more ♪
105
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,281
♪ Leave your fancy degrees ♪
106
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,283
♪ And your jobs and your cheese ♪
107
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,286
♪ It's time to change your point of view ♪
108
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,413
♪ Schmiga-dee-do ♪
109
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,208
♪ There's a world to explore ♪
110
00:06:56,208 --> 00:07:00,003
♪ With a thrill behind each door ♪
111
00:06:56,291 --> 00:07:00,003
♪ With a thrill behind each door ♪
112
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,172
♪ We got song, we got dance ♪
113
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,258
♪ Lots of sex, no romance ♪
114
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,512
♪ We've got it all and just for you ♪
115
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,558
♪ Welcome to Schmicago ♪
116
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:16,770
♪ Our fantastical farrago ♪
117
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,524
♪ Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic ♪
118
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,152
♪ Welcome to ♪
119
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:28,323
♪ Schmicago ♪
120
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,661
♪ Schmicago ♪
121
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:36,456
[gasps] It's the mayor. [laughs]
Hey, Mr. Mayor!
122
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,166
I don't think that's the mayor.
123
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,251
Honey, of course it is.
124
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,336
Mr. Mayor, it's Josh and Melissa.
We're back!
125
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,755
Stop it! Would you wave hello
to Sutton Foster in The Music Man
126
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,091
because you remember her
from Thoroughly Modern Millie?
127
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,343
I'm guessing no?
128
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:52,222
This is not Schmigadoon.
This is Schmicago.
129
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,934
Which means that is not the mayor.
It's someone else.
130
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:56,852
[groans]
131
00:07:56,852 --> 00:08:00,272
♪ Dreams of fame on the stage ♪
132
00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,272
♪ Dreams of fame on the stage ♪
133
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:04,234
♪ And revenge that's fueled by rage ♪
134
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,195
♪ Women brimming with lust ♪
135
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,197
♪ Men that you shouldn't trust ♪
136
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,617
♪ And orphans that don't wanna die ♪
137
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,160
♪ Schmig-a-dee-yi ♪
138
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,746
♪ Quest for meaning in life ♪
139
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,958
♪ And an end to all this strife ♪
140
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,127
♪ Systems running on greed ♪
141
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,171
♪ And good guys who succeed ♪
142
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,799
♪ And also someone's gonna fry ♪
143
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:28,884
- Oh.
- [gasps]
144
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:32,136
♪ Welcome to Schmicago ♪
145
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:35,599
♪ Our fantastical farrago ♪
146
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:36,808
- Look it up.
- [screams]
147
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,727
♪ Mystery and magic ♪
148
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,770
♪ Endings that are tragic ♪
149
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,980
♪ Welcome to ♪
150
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,065
♪ Welcome to ♪
151
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:46,360
♪ Welcome to Schmicago ♪
152
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,153
♪ Schmicago ♪
153
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,113
♪ Schmicago ♪
154
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,366
♪ Schmicago ♪
155
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,497
- Okay.
- I'm really into this.
156
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,874
- Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please.
- Okay.
157
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,874
- Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please.
- Okay.
158
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,884
[all whispering]
Peas and carrots. Peas and carrots.
159
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,011
Okay, what? I'm sorry.
Can you all not talk at once, please?
160
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,222
- Because we can't understand you.
- We're trying to understand--
161
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,975
♪ Welcome to Schmicago ♪
162
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,020
♪ Our fantastical farrago ♪
163
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,648
♪ Mystery and magic ♪
164
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,608
♪ Endings that are tragic ♪
165
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,901
♪ Welcome to ♪
166
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,944
♪ Welcome to ♪
167
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,904
♪ Welcome to
Welcome to ♪
168
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948
♪ Welcome to
Welcome to ♪
169
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,410
♪ Welcome to ♪
170
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,453
♪ Schmicago ♪
171
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,247
♪ Schmicago ♪
172
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,374
♪ Schmicago ♪
173
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918
♪ Schmicago ♪
174
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:49,131
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
175
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,053
[music stops]
176
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603
Thank you! [laughs] Thank you.
177
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603
Thank you! [laughs] Thank you.
178
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,854
- Oh, so we-- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.
179
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,440
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Aw, you're too kind.
180
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858
No, really, thank you.
181
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:14,239
For this evening's diversion,
we present the tale of Josh and Melissa!
182
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:16,992
- [gasps]
- [stammers]
183
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:22,456
The story of a typical married couple in
the midst of a typical existential crisis.
184
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,251
Here on a quest
for the most elusive of treasures.
185
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,545
Happiness. [chuckles]
186
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,088
Who is he talking to?
187
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,340
Oh, s-- At one point,
188
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,718
a lot of musicals had narrators.
You know, like, instead of a story.
189
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,844
Ah. All right.
190
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,971
Oh, I'm so sorry. Go ahead.
191
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,766
Oh, really? Do I have your permission?
192
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,601
- Uh-oh. Oh, he's peppery.
- Oh.
193
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,770
No, don't piss off the narrator.
194
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,899
Josh and Melissa attempted to find
the answer by returning to Schmigadoon,
195
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:54,655
but as we all know,
you can never return to Schmigadoon.
196
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,823
So now our heroes,
197
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:02,120
lost and disoriented and disappointed,
198
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:02,120
lost and disoriented and disappointed,
199
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:07,751
enter the city of Schmicago,
looking for a place to stay.
200
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,926
So clearly we're in the next era
of musicals here.
201
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,178
Chicago, Cabaret, Pippin.
202
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,680
Great. I haven't seen any of 'em.
203
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,391
[inhales sharply] I'm actually
less familiar with these shows too.
204
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,143
'Cause I-- I'm more into, like,
the earlier, happier ones, you know?
205
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,272
[inhales sharply] Probably because of
a bad experience I had when I was eight.
206
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,898
My dad took me to Sweeney Todd.
207
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,317
- [knife slashing]
- [audience gasps]
208
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,319
[screams]
209
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,530
We left early.
210
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,448
But I do know that generally
211
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:43,912
these musicals are darker with more sex
and violence and imperfect rhymes.
212
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,372
Imperfect rhymes?
213
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,293
Yeah. You know, like,
when you rhyme "time" with "fine."
214
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,253
Oh, well, come on.
That doesn't really matter.
215
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,796
It matters a lot.
216
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:57,342
- Yes, it does. I-- I can see that now.
- Mm-hmm.
217
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,094
Look. Hotel Schmicago.
218
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554
Maybe we should stay here.
219
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554
Maybe we should stay here.
220
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806
What?
221
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,516
You sure you wanna stay?
222
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,851
[stammers] You don't?
223
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:08,770
I don't know. It's just... [inhales sharply]
224
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,398
...I wanted Schmigadoon, you know?
225
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,860
A place with happy people
and bright colors
226
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:19,323
and songs about falling in love
and food. Not this.
227
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:23,160
Okay. But still, we're in a magical land.
228
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,329
I mean, we-we made it.
229
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:28,290
And to be honest, I'm really vibing more
with this place, you know?
230
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,293
It's-- It's edgy, like me.
231
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,087
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
232
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,466
[clears throat, stammers]
Look, we've got true love.
233
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,134
We can leave whenever we want.
234
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,178
Let's just stay the night
235
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:45,641
and if you still don't like it,
w-we can go home tomorrow. Okay?
236
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,602
- Okay.
- Thank you.
237
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,187
But if this is about all the T & A...
238
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,232
Hey, you have got the only T I wanna A.
239
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,485
- Yeah, that did not work.
- Mm-mmm.
240
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,779
- Forget I said it.
- Ooh, I wish I could.
241
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,240
[jazz music playing]
242
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,240
[jazz music playing]
243
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,708
[stammers] Hello. Hey. Oh.
244
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,837
- [chuckles]
- Hey. [chuckles]
245
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,297
Uh, wow. Hey there. [inhales sharply]
246
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:21,885
Extremely blond person
th-that I've just met.
247
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,388
Uh, we'd like a room, please.
248
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,764
We're from, uh, out of town.
249
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,683
No kidding.
250
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,769
It's 50 cents an hour, cash.
251
00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,437
- Uh--
- Oh. No. [chuckles] Uh, no, no, no.
252
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,774
We're-- We're actually spending the night.
We need it for the whole night.
253
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,568
Three dollars, cash.
254
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,403
[Josh]
See? I was right to get those singles.
255
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,487
[Melissa] You're very smart.
256
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,530
There you are.
257
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,950
So... [sighs] ...you two want a girl?
258
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,869
Hmm? Uh...
259
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,122
You need my help to answer that question?
260
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:54,543
No, no. I just, uh-- [stammers]
No, thank you.
261
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,461
Really not interested in a three-way.
262
00:13:56,461 --> 00:14:00,257
It's been hard enough to find one person
that I wanna sleep with. [laughs]
263
00:13:56,545 --> 00:14:00,257
It's been hard enough to find one person
that I wanna sleep with. [laughs]
264
00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,967
[chuckles] But she found him.
265
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,845
We're, uh-- We're married.
Just over a year now.
266
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,640
I'll drink to that!
267
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,934
Checkout is 10:00 a.m. sharp.
268
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,104
Thank you.
269
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,815
Have a nice evening.
270
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,449
All right. Um-- [stammers] Yeah, yeah.
271
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:28,035
I mean, it'll be fun.
It-It's an adventure. [chuckles]
272
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,411
Adventure?
273
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,332
This is like that season
of American Horror Story I gave up on.
274
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,086
Well, I don't know about you,
but I am ready to hit the...
275
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:41,673
- [toilet flushing]
- [people arguing on the street]
276
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,425
...hay.
277
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,510
[sighs]
278
00:14:44,510 --> 00:14:47,721
[mattress coils squeaking]
279
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:52,768
Uh, yeah. Maybe we'll just take turns
sleeping standing up.
280
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,812
Sorry, have you got a cigarette, darlings?
I'm simply desperate.
281
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:57,606
Um.
282
00:14:57,606 --> 00:15:00,108
Oh! You must be new.
283
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,108
Oh! You must be new.
284
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,694
Yes, well, we are always in and out
of each other's rooms here, darlings.
285
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,655
We can hardly keep track
of who sleeps where.
286
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,823
[inhales sharply] I'm Jenny. Jenny Banks.
287
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,992
I'm Melissa. This is Josh.
288
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:12,162
Oh, I simply adore your outfits.
They're just marvelous.
289
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,039
What do you think of mine?
290
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,708
It was a gift from one
of my older gentleman friends.
291
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,753
I'm the most scandalous gold digger,
darlings. [squeals]
292
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,463
Isn't it just deliciously decadent?
293
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,548
- I don't--
- Uh...
294
00:15:22,548 --> 00:15:27,719
Ooh, we are going to become
the best of chums. I just know it.
295
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,596
And I have the most spectacular
people instincts.
296
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,806
I'm quite literally never wrong.
297
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:33,851
Madam Frau says that
it's because I'm an old soul.
298
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,895
And she should know. I mean,
she's practically 50, the old battle-ax.
299
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,480
Fifty's not that old.
300
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,400
How long were you two planning on staying?
I hope it's terribly long.
301
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,903
Uh, we-we are-- No, we-- we are not sure.
302
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,573
Oh, no! But you simply must stay forever.
303
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,992
We're going to have the most
marvelous time together, the three of us.
304
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,870
In fact, you must come to see me perform
at the club tonight.
305
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:55,414
I have a brand-new number,
and it's going to be just fabulous.
306
00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,749
I'll just die if you don't come.
Promise me you're going to come.
307
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,876
Swear on your lives.
308
00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:00,252
- Just say yes.
- Sure, we'll be there.
309
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,252
- Just say yes.
- Sure, we'll be there.
310
00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:04,715
Oh, you are little dears.
The both of you. Mmm. [kissing]
311
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:08,677
Okay, I will see you tonight. Au revoir.
312
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,514
Oh, I forgot.
Do you have a cigarette, darling?
313
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,099
- Nope.
- Sorry.
314
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,602
And, you know, actually,
as a singer, you shouldn't--
315
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:18,687
See you tonight. Tschüss.
316
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:22,357
There's somebody else we don't know
from Schmigadoon. [chuckles]
317
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,695
Are-- Are you joking? That was Betsy.
318
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:28,655
What?
319
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,993
That was Betsy.
She just changed her hair color.
320
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,287
Are you sure?
321
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,499
How are men in charge of anything?
322
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,377
KRATT KLUBB
323
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,795
[jazz music playing]
324
00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:49,593
[Josh] 'Kay.
325
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,984
- Fun crowd. Mmm.
- Yeah.
326
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,323
- [upbeat jazz music plays]
- Oh.
327
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,876
♪ Do we shock you? ♪
328
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,628
♪ Make you ill at ease? ♪
329
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:31,301
♪ Do we offend
Your tender sensibilities? ♪
330
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,681
♪ There's no norm we won't transgress ♪
331
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:40,602
♪ Look! There's a man
And he's wearing a dress ♪
332
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,146
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. I mean,
333
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,148
I've literally seen every season
of Drag Race, so...
334
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,275
Yeah, so...
335
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,694
♪ Do we scare you? ♪
336
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,446
♪ Are you too refined? ♪
337
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,032
♪ I'm into boys and girls ♪
338
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,326
♪ Does that just blow your mind? ♪
339
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:57,536
Mmm.
340
00:17:57,536 --> 00:18:01,331
♪ Other girls get thanked and tipped ♪
341
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,331
♪ Other girls get thanked and tipped ♪
342
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:06,378
♪ Us, we just like
To get spanked and whipped ♪
343
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,423
I wonder if the meat loaf's any good.
344
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,430
♪ Does that shock you? ♪
345
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,348
♪ We hope it shocks you ♪
346
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:23,937
♪ 'Cause we're really putting
A lot of effort into it ♪
347
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,282
♪ What do you think about this? ♪
348
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,825
I've got a tattoo.
349
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,035
- It's cool.
- Cool.
350
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,287
♪ What do you think about that? ♪
351
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:43,582
I've experienced an orgasm. A female one.
352
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,252
♪ What do you think about? ♪
353
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:20,786
♪ Does that shock you? ♪
354
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,580
♪ We hope it shocks you ♪
355
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:27,501
♪ 'Cause we're really putting
A lot of effort ♪
356
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,464
♪ Really putting a lot of effort ♪
357
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:39,847
♪ Really putting a lot of effort
Really putting a lot of effort ♪
358
00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:44,226
♪ Really putting a lot of effort into it ♪
359
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,310
[music stops]
360
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:46,895
[chuckles]
361
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:52,526
Danke! Danke! Danke! Merci! Gracias.
362
00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:54,444
Ankthay ouyay.
363
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,612
Emma?
364
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,115
Oh. Oh, her you recognize?
365
00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:59,616
- Interesting.
- Mel--
366
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:05,080
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen...
[clicks tongue] ...to the Kratt Klubb.
367
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:05,080
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen...
[clicks tongue] ...to the Kratt Klubb.
368
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:08,417
Where you can escape all your troubles
out there
369
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:14,381
and enjoy the delights
of our beautiful cabaret girls in here.
370
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,678
Annie, Kate, Molly, Tessie,
371
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:24,349
Pepper, Duffy and Elsie.
372
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:26,393
Mmm.
373
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:30,647
Now go, change into something
less comfortable. Huh?
374
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:31,732
[audience laughing]
375
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,442
- [laughing]
- Okay.
376
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:37,613
You have to move. Now. Schnell.
This table is reserved for the owner.
377
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,156
- Oh, we didn't know that.
- [stammers]
378
00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:41,074
[owner] No, please don't get up.
379
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,577
[server] I'm sorry, Mr. Kratt.
I was just moving them.
380
00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:44,953
Nonsense, Madam.
381
00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:49,875
I take it the two of you are new
to Schmicago.
382
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,878
Yes. We just got in today actually.
383
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:56,006
Then please join me as my guests.
384
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,716
- Oh. N--
- [whispering] Should-- Should we?
385
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429
- I guess the three of us can squeeze.
- Get around the leg there. So...
386
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429
- I guess the three of us can squeeze.
- Get around the leg there. So...
387
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,389
- That'll do, Madam Frau.
- [sighs]
388
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,682
Yes, Mr. Kratt.
389
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:09,937
I must apologize.
Madam Frau can be a little overzealous.
390
00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:12,981
- [chuckling] I don't-- Yeah.
- She's fine. She's great, actually.
391
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,234
Allow me to introduce myself.
392
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:23,242
My name is Kratt. Octavius Kratt.
393
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,913
Uh, nice to meet you, Mr. Kratt.
394
00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:32,042
I'm Josh Skinner, and-- Okay.
This is my wife.
395
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,794
- M-Melissa Gimble.
- Yeah.
396
00:21:34,378 --> 00:21:36,004
- [Josh] Oh.
- Delighted.
397
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:39,591
[inhales sharply] Yes, and-- Wow.
So you own this club?
398
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:43,512
- Yes. More of a hobby, really.
- [Josh] Hmm.
399
00:21:43,512 --> 00:21:46,640
- My true passion is power.
- Hmm?
400
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,016
Electricity.
401
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,434
- Ah. [chuckles]
- Mmm.
402
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,145
Every single home and business
in Schmicago is powered
403
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:54,106
by a Kratt generating station.
404
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,107
- Oh, wow.
- Mmm. Wow.
405
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:58,902
As I like to say, every single home
and business in Schmicago
406
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:02,030
is powered by a Kratt generating station.
407
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:02,030
is powered by a Kratt generating station.
408
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,992
- That's a good sentence.
- Mmm.
409
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:07,786
But I am also a great appreciator of art
410
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,539
- and beauty.
- [Melissa] Oh.
411
00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:17,337
Which is why I spend my evenings here
at the club. Which I own.
412
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,131
- Yeah, right. Yeah.
- You said that. Yes.
413
00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:22,467
Do you have any theatrical aspirations,
my dear?
414
00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:27,389
I'm always on the lookout for new talent.
415
00:22:28,599 --> 00:22:30,434
Me? Uh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
416
00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:32,728
- I'm a-- I'm a doctor. An obstetrician.
- She's-- Mm-hmm.
417
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,479
Of course you are.
418
00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:36,398
Really? Here too?
419
00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:38,233
{\an8}- I am so sorry.
- [Melissa] Mmm.
420
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,069
{\an8}If you'll excuse me.
421
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,948
I have to go powder my nose.
422
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,038
He seems nice.
423
00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:52,956
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:54,625
- [cymbal chimes]
- Meine Damen und Herren.
425
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,335
Mesdames et messieurs.
426
00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,463
Ladies and germs. [exclaims]
427
00:22:59,463 --> 00:23:03,634
I give you the beautiful, the charming,
428
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,634
I give you the beautiful, the charming,
429
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:08,013
the international sensation, Jenny Banks!
430
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,598
- Hey!
- [upbeat jazz music plays]
431
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:22,611
♪ Back when I was summering in Brussels ♪
432
00:23:22,611 --> 00:23:27,324
♪ I fell in love with Martin
And his muscles ♪
433
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:31,828
♪ My heart got pumping
Every time he flexed ♪
434
00:23:31,828 --> 00:23:32,913
[kisses]
435
00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:34,414
♪ It's fair to say ♪
436
00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:39,670
♪ That I was overcome by what came next ♪
437
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:44,842
♪ Turns out
He wasn't all that strong in bed ♪
438
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:48,804
♪ And that is when I turned to him
And said ♪
439
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:53,433
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
440
00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:56,144
♪ Now we're kaput ♪
441
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608
♪ Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot ♪
442
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608
♪ Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot ♪
443
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:06,655
♪ We had a laugh or two
But now the laughter is through ♪
444
00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:09,950
♪ My dear, I fear that we're kaput ♪
445
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,378
♪ Once I took a lover up in Munich ♪
446
00:24:22,713 --> 00:24:26,800
♪ Who made my prior beau
Look like a eunuch ♪
447
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,679
♪ Soon we were making romance
'Round the clock ♪
448
00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:38,145
♪ But soon, alas
I tired of his cockamamie talk ♪
449
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:43,233
♪ You see
The man had nothing in his head ♪
450
00:24:44,026 --> 00:24:47,779
♪ And so one night
I'd had enough and said ♪
451
00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:53,702
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
452
00:24:54,578 --> 00:24:55,913
♪ Now we're kaput ♪
453
00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,166
♪ Your rear's sublime
But now it's time ♪
454
00:24:59,166 --> 00:25:01,210
♪ It got a visit from my foot ♪
455
00:24:59,249 --> 00:25:01,210
♪ It got a visit from my foot ♪
456
00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:06,048
♪ We had a fine affair
But please get out of mein hair ♪
457
00:25:06,048 --> 00:25:08,967
♪ My dear, I fear it's clear
That we're kaput ♪
458
00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:10,469
All right.
459
00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:15,891
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
460
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:16,892
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
461
00:25:16,892 --> 00:25:18,227
♪ Now we're kaput ♪
462
00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:19,186
♪ Now we're kaput ♪
463
00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:23,273
♪ Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot ♪
464
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:27,819
♪ We had a fine affair
But please get out of mein hair ♪
465
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:32,491
♪ My dear, I fear that we're kaput ♪
466
00:25:32,491 --> 00:25:33,784
[dancers] ♪ Kaput ♪
467
00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:35,911
♪ Kaput ♪
468
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:37,913
♪ Kaput ♪
469
00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:39,665
Kaput ♪
470
00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:42,084
[music stops]
471
00:25:42,084 --> 00:25:45,754
Whoa! Wow! [chuckles]
472
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,715
So that's Betsy?
473
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,634
- Okay. You stop.
- All right. [chuckles]
474
00:25:50,634 --> 00:25:54,680
- I actually need to go powder my nose too.
- Mm-hmm.
475
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,641
- [chuckles] Oh. Okay.
- Hmm. I'll be right back.
476
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,646
- [phone ringing]
- What?
477
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,733
Hello?
478
00:26:09,319 --> 00:26:10,320
[Melissa gasping]
479
00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:15,701
N-- Okay. No.
480
00:26:17,703 --> 00:26:20,163
MEIN KAMPF
481
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:23,709
Just the bathroom?
482
00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:38,265
Miss, can you hear me?
Miss, can you hear me?
483
00:26:38,849 --> 00:26:42,186
Hey, Josh, we got-- What? What happened?
484
00:26:42,186 --> 00:26:44,688
What? No.
Uh, I just came in. I-I found her like--
485
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:46,106
- Is she--
- She's dead.
486
00:26:46,857 --> 00:26:49,318
- [screams] Murder!
- [Josh] No, wait!
487
00:26:49,318 --> 00:26:51,445
- We gotta get the hell out of here.
- Yes, but what about her?
488
00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,363
She's dead.
There's nothing else we can do for her.
489
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:56,575
But you have blood on your hands
and someone just saw you.
490
00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:59,369
And this is not the kind of musical
I wanna be in.
491
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:00,787
Oh. All right. [stammers]
492
00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:00,787
Oh. All right. [stammers]
493
00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:08,921
Oh, shit. [gasps] What about the flat?
Can we drive on the rim?
494
00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:10,297
Again, not a car person.
495
00:27:10,297 --> 00:27:12,341
Just let's get across the bridge
and we'll figure it out.
496
00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:13,675
Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up!
497
00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:14,843
- I'm hurrying!
- [engine sputtering]
498
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:17,262
What-- Well, what's happening?
What is-- What is that?
499
00:27:17,262 --> 00:27:18,847
- It's dead.
- [gasps]
500
00:27:18,847 --> 00:27:21,141
[grunts] Let's take a look here. Um...
501
00:27:21,141 --> 00:27:23,018
- [laughing]
- [screams]
502
00:27:23,018 --> 00:27:24,811
- [jazz music playing]
- [laughing]
503
00:27:24,811 --> 00:27:25,896
What the hell?
504
00:27:25,896 --> 00:27:29,733
♪ Schmicago welcomes your return ♪
505
00:27:30,776 --> 00:27:34,363
♪ But it seems ye both
Have more to learn ♪
506
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:38,534
♪ For though 'tis true ye
Found true love ♪
507
00:27:38,534 --> 00:27:41,787
♪ That isn't all ye have need of ♪
508
00:27:41,787 --> 00:27:42,829
- Ugh.
- Oh, God.
509
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,625
♪ So now it's here
Your lives ye'll spend ♪
510
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:48,710
♪ Until ye've made a... ♪
511
00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:49,795
What?
512
00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:53,090
♪ ...happy end ♪
513
00:27:53,090 --> 00:27:54,591
[music stops]
514
00:27:54,591 --> 00:27:57,094
- Wh-- No. [stammers] Come back!
- No! Wha--
515
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,471
- This--
- It's not helpful! It's not helpful!
516
00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:02,724
Are you kidding me? [sighs]
517
00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:02,724
Are you kidding me? [sighs]
518
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:05,352
"A happy end"? What does that even mean?
519
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:09,273
I don't know. But what I do know
is I hate that freaking leprechaun.
520
00:28:09,273 --> 00:28:11,525
How are we supposed to
make a happy ending in this place?
521
00:28:11,525 --> 00:28:13,569
'Cause these musicals
don't have happy endings.
522
00:28:13,569 --> 00:28:15,737
And even if they did,
I hate to state the obvious,
523
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:19,199
but we are not the people to orchestrate
anything involving happiness.
524
00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:20,784
- We're miserable.
- We're miserable.
525
00:28:20,784 --> 00:28:22,369
- [alarm sounds]
- [Melissa] Oh, no.
526
00:28:22,369 --> 00:28:24,204
We got-- We gotta get across this bridge.
527
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:25,873
- But the leprechaun said--
- The cops are coming,
528
00:28:25,873 --> 00:28:28,500
and I literally have blood on my hands.
We have to try.
529
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,545
Just, um, I don't know. [stammers]
Think happy thoughts.
530
00:28:31,545 --> 00:28:33,255
I can't. That's why we're here.
531
00:28:34,256 --> 00:28:36,091
Okay, uh, maybe if we tried smiling?
532
00:28:37,426 --> 00:28:38,427
Ah, shit.
533
00:28:38,427 --> 00:28:40,053
- Come on.
- Oh.
534
00:28:50,522 --> 00:28:52,482
- [officer] Hands up!
- [Both] Oh!
535
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:54,484
Don't move.
536
00:28:56,236 --> 00:28:57,237
Is that him?
537
00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283
Josh Skinner, you're under arrest
for the murder of Elsie Vale.
538
00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283
Josh Skinner, you're under arrest
for the murder of Elsie Vale.
539
00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,329
What? No, I-I didn't kill her.
I just found the body.
540
00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,247
Th-This is crazy. He didn't do it.
541
00:29:07,247 --> 00:29:09,416
Sarge, look at this.
542
00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,543
- Why was that in our car?
- I have no idea.
543
00:29:11,543 --> 00:29:16,173
Well, well, well.
Looks like we found us a murder weapon.
544
00:29:16,173 --> 00:29:17,549
Okay, that is not mine.
545
00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:20,511
- No, it's not. We are both very anti-gun.
- Mm-hmm.
546
00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,971
- Josh is actually afraid of guns.
- Well, I'm not afraid of them.
547
00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:24,473
My dad took you to the shooting range.
548
00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:27,559
I just was really surprised at how
loud it was, okay? It was super loud.
549
00:29:27,559 --> 00:29:29,811
- [Melissa] He was crying for a couple h--
- [Josh] I was not crying.
550
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:32,064
- Quiet! Put him in the wagon.
- [Josh gasps]
551
00:29:32,064 --> 00:29:34,733
- Wait. No, no. Where are you taking him?
- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
552
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:37,277
Where he belongs. Jail.
553
00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:39,571
- Josh!
- [door slamming]
554
00:29:39,571 --> 00:29:41,281
[jazz music playing]
555
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,376
♪ Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic ♪
556
00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:55,963
♪ Welcome to ♪
557
00:29:55,963 --> 00:30:02,427
♪ Schmicago ♪
558
00:29:56,046 --> 00:30:02,427
♪ Schmicago ♪
559
00:30:10,185 --> 00:30:14,273
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
560
00:30:15,399 --> 00:30:17,025
♪ Now we're kaput ♪
561
00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:22,447
♪ Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot ♪
562
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:27,452
♪ We had a laugh or two
But now the laughter is through ♪
563
00:30:27,452 --> 00:30:30,622
♪ My dear, I fear that we're kaput ♪
564
00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:40,257
♪ Once I took a lover up in Munich ♪
565
00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:45,179
♪ Who made my prior beau
Look like a eunuch ♪
566
00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:49,349
♪ Soon we were making romance
'Round the clock ♪
567
00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:57,232
♪ But soon, alas
I tired of his cockamamie talk ♪
568
00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570
♪ You see
The man had nothing in his head ♪
569
00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570
♪ You see
The man had nothing in his head ♪
570
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:06,825
♪ And so one night
I'd had enough and said ♪
571
00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:10,454
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
572
00:31:10,454 --> 00:31:11,538
♪ We've gone kaput ♪
573
00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:13,665
- ♪ Now we're kaput ♪
- ♪ Now we're kaput ♪
574
00:31:13,665 --> 00:31:17,669
♪ Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot ♪
575
00:31:17,669 --> 00:31:19,671
♪ We had a fine affair ♪
576
00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:22,216
♪ But please get out of mein hair ♪
577
00:31:22,216 --> 00:31:27,137
♪ My dear, I fear that we're kaput ♪
578
00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,222
♪ Kaput ♪