1 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,268 And there's his little foot. 2 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,104 Any pain? 3 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,105 All right, well, that's telling us something. 4 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,957 All right, let's help get you two pregnant. 5 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,587 There's her little foot. 6 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,548 Any pain? 7 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,011 I want pudding! 8 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,306 Did somebody say "corn puddin'"? 9 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,934 No, nobody said "corn puddin'." 10 00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,979 Right. Yes, I know that. 11 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:48,275 Yes, I'm sorry. I-- Sorry. 12 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,362 Dr. Skinner, you said you'd fix my son's knee. 13 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:55,073 Well, what do you say now? Does that look like it's fixed? 14 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,534 - Hank, we talked about this... - Oh, no. 15 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:01,496 ...and I told you that there's only a 50% chance surgery would help. 16 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,496 ...and I told you that there's only a 50% chance surgery would help. 17 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,374 Tell it to the judge, 'cause I'm suing your ass. 18 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,294 You're going to jail. Doctor jail. 19 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,252 Okay. 20 00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:10,380 That's the foot. 21 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,548 There's two of 'em. 22 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,051 Any pain? 23 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,846 - Hello, Melissa! - Hi, Mrs. Sliwinski. 24 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,848 How are you? I haven't seen you in a while. 25 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,435 I've been in California, visiting the grandkids. 26 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103 One of them is gay now. 27 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:30,275 - Great. - So, it looks like you've got good news. 28 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,320 Is it a girl or a boy? 29 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,741 Neither. No, I'm not pregnant, actually. 30 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,493 But we are trying. 31 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,871 Well, I-- 32 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,039 It's okay. 33 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,209 Yes, well-- Have a good walk! 34 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,564 What's wrong? 35 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,650 I don't know. 36 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:18,574 I just-- It feels like we should be happier, you know? 37 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,997 That's the foot. 38 00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,209 That's the foot. 39 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,295 That's the foot. 40 00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,838 That's the foot. 41 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,967 Unfortunately, this cycle was not successful. 42 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,387 But we can always try again if you want. 43 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,893 Looking ahead... 44 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,814 We can expect temperatures in the high... 45 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741 Hey. 46 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741 Hey. 47 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,369 So I was thinking, 48 00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,207 and I know this sounds crazy but what if we-- 49 00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,709 - Yes. - Yes? 50 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,798 I really hope we don't run into anyone out here. We look insane. 51 00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:19,091 Maybe we are insane. 52 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,305 I feel like this is around where we saw the bridge. 53 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,600 Oh, yes! I think I remember this tree. 54 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,979 You remember this tree? From two years ago? 55 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,482 I just really wanna find it. 56 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:36,026 No, I-- Don't worry, we will find it. All right. 57 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,570 I got a really good feeling... 58 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,657 about this direction. 59 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827 - Totally. Yes. Me too. Yep. - Yeah. Uh-huh. 60 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,873 Maybe we're not supposed to find it again. 61 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,918 Maybe it's one of those places that you only go once and never return. 62 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,336 Like SoulCycle. 63 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:59,174 Not gonna lie, I am seriously questioning our wardrobe choice right now. 64 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,261 Yeah. But don't give up. 65 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,931 Yes! That's the Schmigadoon spirit! 66 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:09,977 We're never gonna find it. 67 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,564 Schmigadoon, where are you? 68 00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,324 We should head back before it gets dark. 69 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,179 What was that? 70 00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,722 Damn it. 71 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,099 Yep. 72 00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,812 Flat tire. Perfect. 73 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,689 Well, we've got a spare, right? 74 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,483 I don't know. I'm not a car guy. You know that. I-- 75 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,360 You don't have to be a car guy 76 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,360 You don't have to be a car guy 77 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987 - to know if we have a spare. - Wait. 78 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:04,239 What's that? 79 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,827 Sounds like an organ. It's music. 80 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,871 It's music. 81 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,623 Okay, let's not get too excited, all right? 82 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,625 - But it's music! Come on! - Yeah. Wh-- Yes. 83 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,961 We made it! 84 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,422 "Schmicago"? 85 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:34,770 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 86 00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:35,896 What the-- 87 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,234 If your life is a bore 88 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:44,029 And it's left you wanting more 89 00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,281 Leave your fancy degrees 90 00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,283 And your jobs and your cheese 91 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,286 It's time to change your point of view 92 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,413 Schmiga-dee-do 93 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,208 There's a world to explore 94 00:06:56,208 --> 00:07:00,003 With a thrill behind each door 95 00:06:56,291 --> 00:07:00,003 With a thrill behind each door 96 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,172 We got song, we got dance 97 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,258 Lots of sex, no romance 98 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,512 We've got it all and just for you 99 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,558 Welcome to Schmicago 100 00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:16,770 Our fantastical farrago 101 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,524 Mystery and magic Endings that are tragic 102 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,152 Welcome to 103 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:28,323 Schmicago 104 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,661 Schmicago 105 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,456 It's the mayor. Hey, Mr. Mayor! 106 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,166 I don't think that's the mayor. 107 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,251 Honey, of course it is. 108 00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,336 Mr. Mayor, it's Josh and Melissa. We're back! 109 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,755 Stop it! Would you wave hello to Sutton Foster in The Music Man 110 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,091 because you remember her from Thoroughly Modern Millie? 111 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,343 I'm guessing no? 112 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:52,222 This is not Schmigadoon. This is Schmicago. 113 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,310 Which means that is not the mayor. It's someone else. 114 00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,272 Dreams of fame on the stage 115 00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,272 Dreams of fame on the stage 116 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:04,234 And revenge that's fueled by rage 117 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,195 Women brimming with lust 118 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,197 Men that you shouldn't trust 119 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,617 And orphans that don't wanna die 120 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,160 Schmig-a-dee-yi 121 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,746 Quest for meaning in life 122 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,958 And an end to all this strife 123 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,127 Systems running on greed 124 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,171 And good guys who succeed 125 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,799 And also someone's gonna fry 126 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:32,136 Welcome to Schmicago 127 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:35,599 Our fantastical farrago 128 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:36,808 Look it up. 129 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,727 Mystery and magic 130 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,770 Endings that are tragic 131 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,980 Welcome to 132 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,065 Welcome to 133 00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:46,360 Welcome to Schmicago 134 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,153 Schmicago 135 00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,113 Schmicago 136 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,366 Schmicago 137 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,497 - Okay. - I'm really into this. 138 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,874 - Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please. - Okay. 139 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,874 - Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please. - Okay. 140 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,884 Peas and carrots. 141 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,011 Okay, what? I'm sorry. Can you all not talk at once, please? 142 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,222 - Because we can't understand you. - We're trying to understand-- 143 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,975 Welcome to Schmicago 144 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,020 Our fantastical farrago 145 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,648 Mystery and magic 146 00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,608 Endings that are tragic 147 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,901 Welcome to 148 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,944 Welcome to 149 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,904 Welcome to Welcome to 150 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948 Welcome to Welcome to 151 00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,410 Welcome to 152 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,453 Schmicago 153 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,247 Schmicago 154 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,374 Schmicago 155 00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918 Schmicago 156 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:49,131 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 157 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603 Thank you! 158 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603 Thank you! 159 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,854 - So we-- Yeah. - Yeah. 160 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,440 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You're too kind. 161 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858 No, really, thank you. 162 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:14,239 For this evening's diversion, we present the tale of Josh and Melissa! 163 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:22,456 The story of a typical married couple in the midst of a typical existential crisis. 164 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,251 Here on a quest for the most elusive of treasures. 165 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,545 Happiness. 166 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,088 Who is he talking to? 167 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,340 S-- At one point, 168 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,718 a lot of musicals had narrators. You know, like, instead of a story. 169 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,844 All right. 170 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,971 I'm so sorry. Go ahead. 171 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,766 Oh, really? Do I have your permission? 172 00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,601 Uh-oh. He's peppery. 173 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,770 No, don't piss off the narrator. 174 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,899 Josh and Melissa attempted to find the answer by returning to Schmigadoon, 175 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:54,655 but as we all know, you can never return to Schmigadoon. 176 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,823 So now our heroes, 177 00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:02,120 lost and disoriented and disappointed, 178 00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:02,120 lost and disoriented and disappointed, 179 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:07,751 enter the city of Schmicago, looking for a place to stay. 180 00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,926 So clearly we're in the next era of musicals here. 181 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,178 Chicago, Cabaret, Pippin. 182 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,680 Great. I haven't seen any of 'em. 183 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,391 I'm actually less familiar with these shows too. 184 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,143 'Cause I'm more into, like, the earlier, happier ones, you know? 185 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,272 Probably because of a bad experience I had when I was eight. 186 00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,898 My dad took me to Sweeney Todd. 187 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,530 We left early. 188 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,448 But I do know that generally 189 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:43,912 these musicals are darker with more sex and violence and imperfect rhymes. 190 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,372 Imperfect rhymes? 191 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,293 Yeah. You know, like, when you rhyme "time" with "fine." 192 00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,253 Oh, well, come on. That doesn't really matter. 193 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,796 It matters a lot. 194 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:56,383 Yes, it does. I can see that now. 195 00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,094 Look. Hotel Schmicago. 196 00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554 Maybe we should stay here. 197 00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554 Maybe we should stay here. 198 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806 What? 199 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,516 You sure you wanna stay? 200 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,851 You don't? 201 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,603 I don't know. It's just-- 202 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,398 I wanted Schmigadoon, you know? 203 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,860 A place with happy people and bright colors 204 00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:19,323 and songs about falling in love and food. Not this. 205 00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:23,160 Okay. But still, we're in a magical land. 206 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,329 I mean, we made it. 207 00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:28,290 And to be honest, I'm really vibing more with this place, you know? 208 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,293 It's edgy, like me. 209 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,466 Look, we've got true love. 210 00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,134 We can leave whenever we want. 211 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,178 Let's just stay the night 212 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:45,641 and if you still don't like it, we can go home tomorrow. Okay? 213 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,602 - Okay. - Thank you. 214 00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,187 But if this is about all the T & A... 215 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,232 Hey, you have got the only T I wanna A. 216 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,068 Yeah, that did not work. 217 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,779 - Forget I said it. - I wish I could. 218 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,999 Hello. Hey. 219 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753 Hey. 220 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,713 Wow. Hey there. 221 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:21,885 Extremely blond person that I've just met. 222 00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,388 We'd like a room, please. 223 00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,764 We're from out of town. 224 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,683 No kidding. 225 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,769 It's 50 cents an hour, cash. 226 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,437 No. 227 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,774 We're actually spending the night. We need it for the whole night. 228 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,568 Three dollars, cash. 229 00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,403 See? I was right to get those singles. 230 00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,487 You're very smart. 231 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,530 There you are. 232 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,950 So, you two want a girl? 233 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,122 You need my help to answer that question? 234 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:54,543 No. I just-- No, thank you. 235 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,461 Really not interested in a three-way. 236 00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:59,840 It's been hard enough to find one person that I wanna sleep with. 237 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:01,967 But she found him. 238 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,845 We're married. Just over a year now. 239 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,640 I'll drink to that! 240 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,934 Checkout is 10:00 a.m. sharp. 241 00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,104 Thank you. 242 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,815 Have a nice evening. 243 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,449 All right. Yeah. 244 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:27,534 I mean, it'll be fun. It's an adventure. 245 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,411 Adventure? 246 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,332 This is like that season of American Horror Story I gave up on. 247 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,086 Well, I don't know about you, but I am ready to hit the... 248 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,425 hay. 249 00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:52,768 Yeah. Maybe we'll just take turns sleeping standing up. 250 00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,812 Sorry, have you got a cigarette, darlings? I'm simply desperate. 251 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,108 You must be new. 252 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,108 You must be new. 253 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,694 Yes, well, we are always in and out of each other's rooms here, darlings. 254 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,655 We can hardly keep track of who sleeps where. 255 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,823 I'm Jenny. Jenny Banks. 256 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,992 I'm Melissa. This is Josh. 257 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:12,162 I simply adore your outfits. They're just marvelous. 258 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,039 What do you think of mine? 259 00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,708 It was a gift from one of my older gentleman friends. 260 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,253 I'm the most scandalous gold digger, darlings. 261 00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:21,463 Isn't it just deliciously decadent? 262 00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,548 I don't-- 263 00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:27,719 We are going to become the best of chums. I just know it. 264 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,596 And I have the most spectacular people instincts. 265 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,806 I'm quite literally never wrong. 266 00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:33,851 Madam Frau says that it's because I'm an old soul. 267 00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,895 And she should know. I mean, she's practically 50, the old battle-ax. 268 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,480 Fifty's not that old. 269 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,400 How long were you two planning on staying? I hope it's terribly long. 270 00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,903 We are-- No, we are not sure. 271 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,573 Oh, no! But you simply must stay forever. 272 00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,992 We're going to have the most marvelous time together, the three of us. 273 00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,870 In fact, you must come to see me perform at the club tonight. 274 00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:55,414 I have a brand-new number, and it's going to be just fabulous. 275 00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,749 I'll just die if you don't come. Promise me you're going to come. 276 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,876 Swear on your lives. 277 00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:00,252 - Just say yes. - Sure, we'll be there. 278 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,252 - Just say yes. - Sure, we'll be there. 279 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,630 You are little dears. The both of you. 280 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:08,677 Okay, I will see you tonight. Au revoir. 281 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,514 I forgot. Do you have a cigarette, darling? 282 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,099 - Nope. - Sorry. 283 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,602 And, you know, actually, as a singer, you shouldn't-- 284 00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:18,687 See you tonight. Tschüss. 285 00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,690 There's somebody else we don't know from Schmigadoon. 286 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,695 Are you joking? That was Betsy. 287 00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:28,655 What? 288 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,993 That was Betsy. She just changed her hair color. 289 00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,287 Are you sure? 290 00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,499 How are men in charge of anything? 291 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,377 KRATT KLUBB 292 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:49,593 'Kay. 293 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,901 - Fun crowd. - Yeah. 294 00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,876 Do we shock you? 295 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,628 Make you ill at ease? 296 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:31,301 Do we offend Your tender sensibilities? 297 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,681 There's no norm we won't transgress 298 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:40,602 Look! There's a man And he's wearing a dress 299 00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,146 Yeah. I mean, 300 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,148 I've literally seen every season of Drag Race, so... 301 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,275 Yeah, so... 302 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,694 Do we scare you? 303 00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,446 Are you too refined? 304 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,032 I'm into boys and girls 305 00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,326 Does that just blow your mind? 306 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,331 Other girls get thanked and tipped 307 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,331 Other girls get thanked and tipped 308 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:06,378 Us, we just like To get spanked and whipped 309 00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,423 I wonder if the meat loaf's any good. 310 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,430 Does that shock you? 311 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,348 We hope it shocks you 312 00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:23,937 'Cause we're really putting A lot of effort into it 313 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,282 What do you think about this? 314 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,825 I've got a tattoo. 315 00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,035 - It's cool. - Cool. 316 00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,287 What do you think about that? 317 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:43,582 I've experienced an orgasm. A female one. 318 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,252 What do you think about? 319 00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:20,786 Does that shock you? 320 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,580 We hope it shocks you 321 00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:27,501 'Cause we're really putting A lot of effort 322 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,464 Really putting a lot of effort 323 00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:39,847 Really putting a lot of effort Really putting a lot of effort 324 00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:44,226 Really putting a lot of effort into it 325 00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:52,526 Danke! Danke! Danke! Merci! Gracias. 326 00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:54,444 Ankthay ouyay. 327 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,612 Emma? 328 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,115 Her you recognize? 329 00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:59,616 - Interesting. - Mel-- 330 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:05,080 Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the Kratt Klubb. 331 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:05,080 Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the Kratt Klubb. 332 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:08,417 Where you can escape all your troubles out there 333 00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:14,381 and enjoy the delights of our beautiful cabaret girls in here. 334 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,678 Annie, Kate, Molly, Tessie, 335 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:24,349 Pepper, Duffy and Elsie. 336 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:30,647 Now go, change into something less comfortable. Huh? 337 00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:33,442 Okay. 338 00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:37,613 You have to move. Now. Schnell. This table is reserved for the owner. 339 00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,156 We didn't know that. 340 00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:41,074 No, please don't get up. 341 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,577 I'm sorry, Mr. Kratt. I was just moving them. 342 00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:44,953 Nonsense, Madam. 343 00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:49,875 I take it the two of you are new to Schmicago. 344 00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,878 Yes. We just got in today actually. 345 00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:56,006 Then please join me as my guests. 346 00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:57,716 - N-- - Should we? 347 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429 - I guess the three of us can squeeze. - Get around the leg there. So... 348 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429 - I guess the three of us can squeeze. - Get around the leg there. So... 349 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,389 That'll do, Madam Frau. 350 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,682 Yes, Mr. Kratt. 351 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:09,937 I must apologize. Madam Frau can be a little overzealous. 352 00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:12,981 - She's fine. She's great, actually. - I don't-- Yeah. 353 00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,234 Allow me to introduce myself. 354 00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:23,242 My name is Kratt. Octavius Kratt. 355 00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:27,913 Nice to meet you, Mr. Kratt. 356 00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:32,042 I'm Josh Skinner, and-- Okay. This is my wife. 357 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,794 - Melissa Gimble. - Yeah. 358 00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:36,004 Delighted. 359 00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:39,591 Yes, and-- Wow. So you own this club? 360 00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:42,344 Yes. More of a hobby, really. 361 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,848 My true passion is power. 362 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,016 Electricity. 363 00:21:49,518 --> 00:21:52,145 Every single home and business in Schmicago is powered 364 00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:54,106 by a Kratt generating station. 365 00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,107 - Wow. - Wow. 366 00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:58,902 As I like to say, every single home and business in Schmicago 367 00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:02,030 is powered by a Kratt generating station. 368 00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:02,030 is powered by a Kratt generating station. 369 00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,241 That's a good sentence. 370 00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,786 But I am also a great appreciator of art 371 00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,539 and beauty. 372 00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:17,337 Which is why I spend my evenings here at the club. Which I own. 373 00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,131 - Yeah, right. Yeah. - You said that. Yes. 374 00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:22,467 Do you have any theatrical aspirations, my dear? 375 00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:27,389 I'm always on the lookout for new talent. 376 00:22:28,599 --> 00:22:30,434 Me? No. Oh, no. 377 00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:32,728 - I'm a doctor. An obstetrician. - She's-- 378 00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,479 Of course you are. 379 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:37,482 - Really? Here too? - I am so sorry. 380 00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,069 {\an8}If you'll excuse me. 381 00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,948 I have to go powder my nose. 382 00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,038 He seems nice. 383 00:22:53,332 --> 00:22:54,625 Meine Damen und Herren. 384 00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,335 Mesdames et messieurs. 385 00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,046 Ladies and germs. 386 00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,634 I give you the beautiful, the charming, 387 00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,634 I give you the beautiful, the charming, 388 00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:08,013 the international sensation, Jenny Banks! 389 00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,097 Hey! 390 00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:22,611 Back when I was summering in Brussels 391 00:23:22,611 --> 00:23:27,324 I fell in love with Martin And his muscles 392 00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:31,828 My heart got pumping Every time he flexed 393 00:23:32,996 --> 00:23:34,414 It's fair to say 394 00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:39,670 That I was overcome by what came next 395 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:44,842 Turns out He wasn't all that strong in bed 396 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:48,804 And that is when I turned to him And said 397 00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:53,433 We've gone kaput 398 00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:56,144 Now we're kaput 399 00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608 Once our desire burnt like a fire But now there's nothing left but soot 400 00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608 Once our desire burnt like a fire But now there's nothing left but soot 401 00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:06,655 We had a laugh or two But now the laughter is through 402 00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:09,950 My dear, I fear that we're kaput 403 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,378 Once I took a lover up in Munich 404 00:24:22,713 --> 00:24:26,800 Who made my prior beau Look like a eunuch 405 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,679 Soon we were making romance 'Round the clock 406 00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:38,145 But soon, alas I tired of his cockamamie talk 407 00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:43,233 You see The man had nothing in his head 408 00:24:44,026 --> 00:24:47,779 And so one night I'd had enough and said 409 00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:53,702 We've gone kaput 410 00:24:54,578 --> 00:24:55,913 Now we're kaput 411 00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,166 Your rear's sublime But now it's time 412 00:24:59,166 --> 00:25:01,210 It got a visit from my foot 413 00:24:59,249 --> 00:25:01,210 It got a visit from my foot 414 00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:06,048 We had a fine affair But please get out of mein hair 415 00:25:06,048 --> 00:25:08,967 My dear, I fear it's clear That we're kaput 416 00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:10,469 All right. 417 00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:15,891 We've gone kaput 418 00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:16,892 We've gone kaput 419 00:25:16,892 --> 00:25:18,227 Now we're kaput 420 00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:19,186 Now we're kaput 421 00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:23,273 Once our desire burnt like a fire But now there's nothing left but soot 422 00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:27,819 We had a fine affair But please get out of mein hair 423 00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:32,491 My dear, I fear that we're kaput 424 00:25:32,491 --> 00:25:33,784 Kaput 425 00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:35,911 Kaput 426 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:37,913 Kaput 427 00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:39,665 Kaput 428 00:25:43,794 --> 00:25:44,837 Wow! 429 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,715 So that's Betsy? 430 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,634 - Okay. You stop. - All right. 431 00:25:50,634 --> 00:25:54,680 I actually need to go powder my nose too. 432 00:25:56,265 --> 00:25:57,641 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 433 00:26:01,979 --> 00:26:02,980 What? 434 00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,733 Hello? 435 00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:15,701 N-- Okay. No. 436 00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:19,454 MEIN KAMPF 437 00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:23,709 Just the bathroom? 438 00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:38,265 Miss, can you hear me? 439 00:26:38,849 --> 00:26:42,186 Hey, Josh, we got-- What? What happened? 440 00:26:42,186 --> 00:26:44,688 What? No. I just came in. I found her like-- 441 00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:46,106 - Is she-- - She's dead. 442 00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:49,318 - Murder! - No, wait! 443 00:26:49,318 --> 00:26:51,445 - We gotta get the hell out of here. - Yes, but what about her? 444 00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,363 She's dead. There's nothing else we can do for her. 445 00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:56,575 But you have blood on your hands and someone just saw you. 446 00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:59,369 And this is not the kind of musical I wanna be in. 447 00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:00,787 All right. 448 00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:00,787 All right. 449 00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:08,921 Oh, shit. What about the flat? Can we drive on the rim? 450 00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:10,297 Again, not a car person. 451 00:27:10,297 --> 00:27:12,341 Just let's get across the bridge and we'll figure it out. 452 00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:13,675 Hurry up! 453 00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:14,843 I'm hurrying! 454 00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:17,262 What-- Well, what's happening? What is that? 455 00:27:17,262 --> 00:27:18,347 It's dead. 456 00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:20,682 Let's take a look here. 457 00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:25,896 What the hell? 458 00:27:25,896 --> 00:27:29,733 Schmicago welcomes your return 459 00:27:30,776 --> 00:27:34,363 But it seems ye both Have more to learn 460 00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:38,534 For though 'tis true ye Found true love 461 00:27:38,534 --> 00:27:41,787 That isn't all ye have need of 462 00:27:41,787 --> 00:27:42,829 Oh, God. 463 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,625 So now it's here Your lives ye'll spend 464 00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:48,710 Until ye've made a... 465 00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:49,795 What? 466 00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:53,090 ...happy end 467 00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:57,094 - Wh-- No. Come back! - No! Wha-- 468 00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,471 - This-- - It's not helpful! 469 00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:01,223 Are you kidding me? 470 00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:01,223 Are you kidding me? 471 00:28:02,808 --> 00:28:05,352 "A happy end"? What does that even mean? 472 00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:09,273 I don't know. But what I do know is I hate that freaking leprechaun. 473 00:28:09,273 --> 00:28:11,525 How are we supposed to make a happy ending in this place? 474 00:28:11,525 --> 00:28:13,569 'Cause these musicals don't have happy endings. 475 00:28:13,569 --> 00:28:15,737 And even if they did, I hate to state the obvious, 476 00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:19,199 but we are not the people to orchestrate anything involving happiness. 477 00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:20,784 - We're miserable. - We're miserable. 478 00:28:21,952 --> 00:28:24,204 - Oh, no. - We gotta get across this bridge. 479 00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:25,873 - But the leprechaun said-- - The cops are coming, 480 00:28:25,873 --> 00:28:28,500 and I literally have blood on my hands. We have to try. 481 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,545 Just-- I don't know. Think happy thoughts. 482 00:28:31,545 --> 00:28:33,255 I can't. That's why we're here. 483 00:28:34,256 --> 00:28:36,091 Okay, maybe if we tried smiling? 484 00:28:37,968 --> 00:28:39,511 Shit. Come on. 485 00:28:50,522 --> 00:28:51,523 Hands up! 486 00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:54,484 Don't move. 487 00:28:56,236 --> 00:28:57,237 Is that him? 488 00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283 Josh Skinner, you're under arrest for the murder of Elsie Vale. 489 00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283 Josh Skinner, you're under arrest for the murder of Elsie Vale. 490 00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,329 What? No, I didn't kill her. I just found the body. 491 00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,247 This is crazy. He didn't do it. 492 00:29:07,247 --> 00:29:09,416 Sarge, look at this. 493 00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,543 - Why was that in our car? - I have no idea. 494 00:29:11,543 --> 00:29:16,173 Well, well, well. Looks like we found us a murder weapon. 495 00:29:16,173 --> 00:29:17,549 Okay, that is not mine. 496 00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:20,511 No, it's not. We are both very anti-gun. 497 00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,971 - Josh is actually afraid of guns. - Well, I'm not afraid of them. 498 00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:24,473 My dad took you to the shooting range. 499 00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:27,559 I just was really surprised at how loud it was, okay? It was super loud. 500 00:29:27,559 --> 00:29:29,811 - He was crying for a couple h-- - I was not crying. 501 00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:31,605 Quiet! Put him in the wagon. 502 00:29:32,147 --> 00:29:34,733 - Wait. No. Where are you taking him? - Wait. 503 00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:37,277 Where he belongs. Jail. 504 00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:39,571 Josh! 505 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,376 Mystery and magic Endings that are tragic 506 00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:55,963 Welcome to 507 00:29:55,963 --> 00:30:02,427 Schmicago 508 00:29:56,046 --> 00:30:02,427 Schmicago 509 00:30:10,185 --> 00:30:14,273 We've gone kaput 510 00:30:15,399 --> 00:30:17,025 Now we're kaput 511 00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:22,447 Once our desire burnt like a fire But now there's nothing left but soot 512 00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:27,452 We had a laugh or two But now the laughter is through 513 00:30:27,452 --> 00:30:30,622 My dear, I fear that we're kaput 514 00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:40,257 Once I took a lover up in Munich 515 00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:45,179 Who made my prior beau Look like a eunuch 516 00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:49,349 Soon we were making romance 'Round the clock 517 00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:57,232 But soon, alas I tired of his cockamamie talk 518 00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570 You see The man had nothing in his head 519 00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570 You see The man had nothing in his head 520 00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:06,825 And so one night I'd had enough and said 521 00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:10,454 We've gone kaput 522 00:31:10,454 --> 00:31:11,538 We've gone kaput 523 00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:13,665 - Now we're kaput - Now we're kaput 524 00:31:13,665 --> 00:31:17,669 Once our desire burnt like a fire But now there's nothing left but soot 525 00:31:17,669 --> 00:31:19,671 We had a fine affair 526 00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:22,216 But please get out of mein hair 527 00:31:22,216 --> 00:31:27,137 My dear, I fear that we're kaput 528 00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,222 Kaput