1
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,268
And there's his little foot.
2
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,104
Any pain?
3
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,105
All right, well,
that's telling us something.
4
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,957
All right,
let's help get you two pregnant.
5
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,587
There's her little foot.
6
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,548
Any pain?
7
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,011
I want pudding!
8
00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,306
Did somebody say "corn puddin'"?
9
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,934
No, nobody said "corn puddin'."
10
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:43,979
Right. Yes, I know that.
11
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:48,275
Yes, I'm sorry. I-- Sorry.
12
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:52,362
Dr. Skinner,
you said you'd fix my son's knee.
13
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:55,073
Well, what do you say now?
Does that look like it's fixed?
14
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,534
- Hank, we talked about this...
- Oh, no.
15
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:01,496
...and I told you that there's only
a 50% chance surgery would help.
16
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,496
...and I told you that there's only
a 50% chance surgery would help.
17
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,374
Tell it to the judge,
'cause I'm suing your ass.
18
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,294
You're going to jail. Doctor jail.
19
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,252
Okay.
20
00:02:09,253 --> 00:02:10,380
That's the foot.
21
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:11,548
There's two of 'em.
22
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,051
Any pain?
23
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,846
- Hello, Melissa!
- Hi, Mrs. Sliwinski.
24
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,848
How are you?
I haven't seen you in a while.
25
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,435
I've been in California,
visiting the grandkids.
26
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,103
One of them is gay now.
27
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:30,275
- Great.
- So, it looks like you've got good news.
28
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,320
Is it a girl or a boy?
29
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,741
Neither. No, I'm not pregnant, actually.
30
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,493
But we are trying.
31
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,871
Well, I--
32
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,039
It's okay.
33
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,209
Yes, well-- Have a good walk!
34
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,564
What's wrong?
35
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,650
I don't know.
36
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:18,574
I just-- It feels like
we should be happier, you know?
37
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:24,997
That's the foot.
38
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,209
That's the foot.
39
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,295
That's the foot.
40
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,838
That's the foot.
41
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,967
Unfortunately,
this cycle was not successful.
42
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,387
But we can always try again if you want.
43
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,893
Looking ahead...
44
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,814
We can expect temperatures in the high...
45
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741
Hey.
46
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:00,741
Hey.
47
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,369
So I was thinking,
48
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,207
and I know this sounds crazy
but what if we--
49
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,709
- Yes.
- Yes?
50
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:17,798
I really hope we don't
run into anyone out here. We look insane.
51
00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:19,091
Maybe we are insane.
52
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,305
I feel like this is around
where we saw the bridge.
53
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,600
Oh, yes! I think I remember this tree.
54
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,979
You remember this tree?
From two years ago?
55
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,482
I just really wanna find it.
56
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:36,026
No, I-- Don't worry, we will find it.
All right.
57
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,570
I got a really good feeling...
58
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,657
about this direction.
59
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,827
- Totally. Yes. Me too. Yep.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
60
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,873
Maybe we're not supposed to find it again.
61
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,918
Maybe it's one of those places
that you only go once and never return.
62
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,336
Like SoulCycle.
63
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:59,174
Not gonna lie, I am seriously questioning
our wardrobe choice right now.
64
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,261
Yeah. But don't give up.
65
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,931
Yes! That's the Schmigadoon spirit!
66
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:09,977
We're never gonna find it.
67
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,564
Schmigadoon, where are you?
68
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:24,324
We should head back before it gets dark.
69
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,179
What was that?
70
00:05:45,721 --> 00:05:46,722
Damn it.
71
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,099
Yep.
72
00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,812
Flat tire. Perfect.
73
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,689
Well, we've got a spare, right?
74
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,483
I don't know. I'm not a car guy.
You know that. I--
75
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,360
You don't have to be a car guy
76
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,360
You don't have to be a car guy
77
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,987
- to know if we have a spare.
- Wait.
78
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:04,239
What's that?
79
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:08,827
Sounds like an organ. It's music.
80
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,871
It's music.
81
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,623
Okay, let's not get too excited,
all right?
82
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,625
- But it's music! Come on!
- Yeah. Wh-- Yes.
83
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,961
We made it!
84
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,422
"Schmicago"?
85
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:34,770
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
86
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:35,896
What the--
87
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,234
If your life is a bore
88
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:44,029
And it's left you wanting more
89
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,281
Leave your fancy degrees
90
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,283
And your jobs and your cheese
91
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,286
It's time to change your point of view
92
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,413
Schmiga-dee-do
93
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,208
There's a world to explore
94
00:06:56,208 --> 00:07:00,003
With a thrill behind each door
95
00:06:56,291 --> 00:07:00,003
With a thrill behind each door
96
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,172
We got song, we got dance
97
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,258
Lots of sex, no romance
98
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,512
We've got it all and just for you
99
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,558
Welcome to Schmicago
100
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:16,770
Our fantastical farrago
101
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,524
Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic
102
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,152
Welcome to
103
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:28,323
Schmicago
104
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:32,661
Schmicago
105
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:36,456
It's the mayor. Hey, Mr. Mayor!
106
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,166
I don't think that's the mayor.
107
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,251
Honey, of course it is.
108
00:07:39,251 --> 00:07:41,336
Mr. Mayor, it's Josh and Melissa.
We're back!
109
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,755
Stop it! Would you wave hello
to Sutton Foster in The Music Man
110
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,091
because you remember her
from Thoroughly Modern Millie?
111
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,343
I'm guessing no?
112
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:52,222
This is not Schmigadoon.
This is Schmicago.
113
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:56,310
Which means that is not the mayor.
It's someone else.
114
00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,272
Dreams of fame on the stage
115
00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,272
Dreams of fame on the stage
116
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:04,234
And revenge that's fueled by rage
117
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,195
Women brimming with lust
118
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,197
Men that you shouldn't trust
119
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,617
And orphans that don't wanna die
120
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,160
Schmig-a-dee-yi
121
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,746
Quest for meaning in life
122
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,958
And an end to all this strife
123
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,127
Systems running on greed
124
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,171
And good guys who succeed
125
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:27,799
And also someone's gonna fry
126
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:32,136
Welcome to Schmicago
127
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:35,599
Our fantastical farrago
128
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:36,808
Look it up.
129
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:38,727
Mystery and magic
130
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,770
Endings that are tragic
131
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,980
Welcome to
132
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,065
Welcome to
133
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:46,360
Welcome to Schmicago
134
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,153
Schmicago
135
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,113
Schmicago
136
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,366
Schmicago
137
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,497
- Okay.
- I'm really into this.
138
00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,874
- Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please.
- Okay.
139
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,874
- Yeah. Rein it in, pal. Please.
- Okay.
140
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,884
Peas and carrots.
141
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,011
Okay, what? I'm sorry.
Can you all not talk at once, please?
142
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,222
- Because we can't understand you.
- We're trying to understand--
143
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,975
Welcome to Schmicago
144
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,020
Our fantastical farrago
145
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,648
Mystery and magic
146
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,608
Endings that are tragic
147
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,901
Welcome to
148
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,944
Welcome to
149
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,904
Welcome to
Welcome to
150
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948
Welcome to
Welcome to
151
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:36,410
Welcome to
152
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,453
Schmicago
153
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,247
Schmicago
154
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,374
Schmicago
155
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:44,918
Schmicago
156
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:49,131
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
157
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603
Thank you!
158
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,603
Thank you!
159
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:03,854
- So we-- Yeah.
- Yeah.
160
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,440
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
You're too kind.
161
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,858
No, really, thank you.
162
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:14,239
For this evening's diversion,
we present the tale of Josh and Melissa!
163
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:22,456
The story of a typical married couple in
the midst of a typical existential crisis.
164
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:26,251
Here on a quest
for the most elusive of treasures.
165
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,545
Happiness.
166
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,088
Who is he talking to?
167
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,340
S-- At one point,
168
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,718
a lot of musicals had narrators.
You know, like, instead of a story.
169
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:35,844
All right.
170
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,971
I'm so sorry. Go ahead.
171
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,766
Oh, really? Do I have your permission?
172
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,601
Uh-oh. He's peppery.
173
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,770
No, don't piss off the narrator.
174
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,899
Josh and Melissa attempted to find
the answer by returning to Schmigadoon,
175
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:54,655
but as we all know,
you can never return to Schmigadoon.
176
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,823
So now our heroes,
177
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:02,120
lost and disoriented and disappointed,
178
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:02,120
lost and disoriented and disappointed,
179
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:07,751
enter the city of Schmicago,
looking for a place to stay.
180
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,926
So clearly we're in the next era
of musicals here.
181
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,178
Chicago, Cabaret, Pippin.
182
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,680
Great. I haven't seen any of 'em.
183
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,391
I'm actually
less familiar with these shows too.
184
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,143
'Cause I'm more into, like,
the earlier, happier ones, you know?
185
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,272
Probably because of
a bad experience I had when I was eight.
186
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,898
My dad took me to Sweeney Todd.
187
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,530
We left early.
188
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:38,448
But I do know that generally
189
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:43,912
these musicals are darker with more sex
and violence and imperfect rhymes.
190
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,372
Imperfect rhymes?
191
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:49,293
Yeah. You know, like,
when you rhyme "time" with "fine."
192
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,253
Oh, well, come on.
That doesn't really matter.
193
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,796
It matters a lot.
194
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:56,383
Yes, it does. I can see that now.
195
00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:59,094
Look. Hotel Schmicago.
196
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554
Maybe we should stay here.
197
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:00,554
Maybe we should stay here.
198
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806
What?
199
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,516
You sure you wanna stay?
200
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,851
You don't?
201
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,603
I don't know. It's just--
202
00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,398
I wanted Schmigadoon, you know?
203
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,860
A place with happy people
and bright colors
204
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:19,323
and songs about falling in love
and food. Not this.
205
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:23,160
Okay. But still, we're in a magical land.
206
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,329
I mean, we made it.
207
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:28,290
And to be honest, I'm really vibing more
with this place, you know?
208
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,293
It's edgy, like me.
209
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,466
Look, we've got true love.
210
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,134
We can leave whenever we want.
211
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,178
Let's just stay the night
212
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:45,641
and if you still don't like it,
we can go home tomorrow. Okay?
213
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,602
- Okay.
- Thank you.
214
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,187
But if this is about all the T & A...
215
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,232
Hey, you have got the only T I wanna A.
216
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,068
Yeah, that did not work.
217
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,779
- Forget I said it.
- I wish I could.
218
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,999
Hello. Hey.
219
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:14,753
Hey.
220
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,713
Wow. Hey there.
221
00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:21,885
Extremely blond person that I've just met.
222
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,388
We'd like a room, please.
223
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:25,764
We're from out of town.
224
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,683
No kidding.
225
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,769
It's 50 cents an hour, cash.
226
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,437
No.
227
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,774
We're actually spending the night.
We need it for the whole night.
228
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,568
Three dollars, cash.
229
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,403
See? I was right to get those singles.
230
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:40,487
You're very smart.
231
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,530
There you are.
232
00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,950
So, you two want a girl?
233
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,122
You need my help to answer that question?
234
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:54,543
No. I just-- No, thank you.
235
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,461
Really not interested in a three-way.
236
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:59,840
It's been hard enough to find one person
that I wanna sleep with.
237
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:01,967
But she found him.
238
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,845
We're married. Just over a year now.
239
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:08,640
I'll drink to that!
240
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,934
Checkout is 10:00 a.m. sharp.
241
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,104
Thank you.
242
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,815
Have a nice evening.
243
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,449
All right. Yeah.
244
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:27,534
I mean, it'll be fun. It's an adventure.
245
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,411
Adventure?
246
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:33,332
This is like that season
of American Horror Story I gave up on.
247
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,086
Well, I don't know about you,
but I am ready to hit the...
248
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,425
hay.
249
00:14:48,764 --> 00:14:52,768
Yeah. Maybe we'll just take turns
sleeping standing up.
250
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,812
Sorry, have you got a cigarette, darlings?
I'm simply desperate.
251
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,108
You must be new.
252
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:00,108
You must be new.
253
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,694
Yes, well, we are always in and out
of each other's rooms here, darlings.
254
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,655
We can hardly keep track
of who sleeps where.
255
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,823
I'm Jenny. Jenny Banks.
256
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,992
I'm Melissa. This is Josh.
257
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:12,162
I simply adore your outfits.
They're just marvelous.
258
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,039
What do you think of mine?
259
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:16,708
It was a gift from one
of my older gentleman friends.
260
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,253
I'm the most scandalous gold digger, darlings.
261
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:21,463
Isn't it just deliciously decadent?
262
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:22,548
I don't--
263
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:27,719
We are going to become
the best of chums. I just know it.
264
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,596
And I have the most spectacular
people instincts.
265
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,806
I'm quite literally never wrong.
266
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:33,851
Madam Frau says that
it's because I'm an old soul.
267
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,895
And she should know. I mean,
she's practically 50, the old battle-ax.
268
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,480
Fifty's not that old.
269
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,400
How long were you two planning on staying?
I hope it's terribly long.
270
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:44,903
We are-- No, we are not sure.
271
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:47,573
Oh, no! But you simply must stay forever.
272
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,992
We're going to have the most
marvelous time together, the three of us.
273
00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:52,870
In fact, you must come to see me perform
at the club tonight.
274
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:55,414
I have a brand-new number,
and it's going to be just fabulous.
275
00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,749
I'll just die if you don't come.
Promise me you're going to come.
276
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,876
Swear on your lives.
277
00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:00,252
- Just say yes.
- Sure, we'll be there.
278
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,252
- Just say yes.
- Sure, we'll be there.
279
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,630
You are little dears. The both of you.
280
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:08,677
Okay, I will see you tonight. Au revoir.
281
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,514
I forgot.
Do you have a cigarette, darling?
282
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,099
- Nope.
- Sorry.
283
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,602
And, you know, actually,
as a singer, you shouldn't--
284
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:18,687
See you tonight. Tschüss.
285
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,690
There's somebody else we don't know
from Schmigadoon.
286
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,695
Are you joking? That was Betsy.
287
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:28,655
What?
288
00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,993
That was Betsy.
She just changed her hair color.
289
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,287
Are you sure?
290
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:39,499
How are men in charge of anything?
291
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,377
KRATT KLUBB
292
00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:49,593
'Kay.
293
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,901
- Fun crowd.
- Yeah.
294
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:22,876
Do we shock you?
295
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,628
Make you ill at ease?
296
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:31,301
Do we offend
Your tender sensibilities?
297
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:35,681
There's no norm we won't transgress
298
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:40,602
Look! There's a man
And he's wearing a dress
299
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,146
Yeah. I mean,
300
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,148
I've literally seen every season
of Drag Race, so...
301
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,275
Yeah, so...
302
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,694
Do we scare you?
303
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,446
Are you too refined?
304
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,032
I'm into boys and girls
305
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,326
Does that just blow your mind?
306
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,331
Other girls get thanked and tipped
307
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:01,331
Other girls get thanked and tipped
308
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:06,378
Us, we just like
To get spanked and whipped
309
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,423
I wonder if the meat loaf's any good.
310
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,430
Does that shock you?
311
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,348
We hope it shocks you
312
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:23,937
'Cause we're really putting
A lot of effort into it
313
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,282
What do you think about this?
314
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,825
I've got a tattoo.
315
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,035
- It's cool.
- Cool.
316
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,287
What do you think about that?
317
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:43,582
I've experienced an orgasm. A female one.
318
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,252
What do you think about?
319
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:20,786
Does that shock you?
320
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,580
We hope it shocks you
321
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:27,501
'Cause we're really putting
A lot of effort
322
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,464
Really putting a lot of effort
323
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:39,847
Really putting a lot of effort
Really putting a lot of effort
324
00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:44,226
Really putting a lot of effort into it
325
00:19:46,979 --> 00:19:52,526
Danke! Danke! Danke! Merci! Gracias.
326
00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:54,444
Ankthay ouyay.
327
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,612
Emma?
328
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,115
Her you recognize?
329
00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:59,616
- Interesting.
- Mel--
330
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:05,080
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen
to the Kratt Klubb.
331
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:05,080
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen
to the Kratt Klubb.
332
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:08,417
Where you can escape all your troubles
out there
333
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:14,381
and enjoy the delights
of our beautiful cabaret girls in here.
334
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,678
Annie, Kate, Molly, Tessie,
335
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:24,349
Pepper, Duffy and Elsie.
336
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:30,647
Now go, change into something
less comfortable. Huh?
337
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:33,442
Okay.
338
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:37,613
You have to move. Now. Schnell.
This table is reserved for the owner.
339
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,156
We didn't know that.
340
00:20:39,156 --> 00:20:41,074
No, please don't get up.
341
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,577
I'm sorry, Mr. Kratt.
I was just moving them.
342
00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:44,953
Nonsense, Madam.
343
00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:49,875
I take it the two of you are new
to Schmicago.
344
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,878
Yes. We just got in today actually.
345
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:56,006
Then please join me as my guests.
346
00:20:56,590 --> 00:20:57,716
- N--
- Should we?
347
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429
- I guess the three of us can squeeze.
- Get around the leg there. So...
348
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:02,429
- I guess the three of us can squeeze.
- Get around the leg there. So...
349
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,389
That'll do, Madam Frau.
350
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,682
Yes, Mr. Kratt.
351
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:09,937
I must apologize.
Madam Frau can be a little overzealous.
352
00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:12,981
- She's fine. She's great, actually.
- I don't-- Yeah.
353
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,234
Allow me to introduce myself.
354
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:23,242
My name is Kratt. Octavius Kratt.
355
00:21:25,953 --> 00:21:27,913
Nice to meet you, Mr. Kratt.
356
00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:32,042
I'm Josh Skinner, and-- Okay.
This is my wife.
357
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,794
- Melissa Gimble.
- Yeah.
358
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:36,004
Delighted.
359
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:39,591
Yes, and-- Wow. So you own this club?
360
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:42,344
Yes. More of a hobby, really.
361
00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,848
My true passion is power.
362
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,016
Electricity.
363
00:21:49,518 --> 00:21:52,145
Every single home and business
in Schmicago is powered
364
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:54,106
by a Kratt generating station.
365
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,107
- Wow.
- Wow.
366
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:58,902
As I like to say, every single home
and business in Schmicago
367
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:02,030
is powered by a Kratt generating station.
368
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:02,030
is powered by a Kratt generating station.
369
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,241
That's a good sentence.
370
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:07,786
But I am also a great appreciator of art
371
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,539
and beauty.
372
00:22:11,123 --> 00:22:17,337
Which is why I spend my evenings here
at the club. Which I own.
373
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,131
- Yeah, right. Yeah.
- You said that. Yes.
374
00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:22,467
Do you have any theatrical aspirations,
my dear?
375
00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:27,389
I'm always on the lookout for new talent.
376
00:22:28,599 --> 00:22:30,434
Me? No. Oh, no.
377
00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:32,728
- I'm a doctor. An obstetrician.
- She's--
378
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,479
Of course you are.
379
00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:37,482
- Really? Here too?
- I am so sorry.
380
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:41,069
{\an8}If you'll excuse me.
381
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:44,948
I have to go powder my nose.
382
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,038
He seems nice.
383
00:22:53,332 --> 00:22:54,625
Meine Damen und Herren.
384
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,335
Mesdames et messieurs.
385
00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:59,046
Ladies and germs.
386
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,634
I give you the beautiful, the charming,
387
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,634
I give you the beautiful, the charming,
388
00:23:04,134 --> 00:23:08,013
the international sensation, Jenny Banks!
389
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:09,097
Hey!
390
00:23:18,482 --> 00:23:22,611
Back when I was summering in Brussels
391
00:23:22,611 --> 00:23:27,324
I fell in love with Martin
And his muscles
392
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:31,828
My heart got pumping
Every time he flexed
393
00:23:32,996 --> 00:23:34,414
It's fair to say
394
00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:39,670
That I was overcome by what came next
395
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:44,842
Turns out
He wasn't all that strong in bed
396
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:48,804
And that is when I turned to him
And said
397
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:53,433
We've gone kaput
398
00:23:54,643 --> 00:23:56,144
Now we're kaput
399
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608
Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot
400
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:01,608
Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot
401
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:06,655
We had a laugh or two
But now the laughter is through
402
00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:09,950
My dear, I fear that we're kaput
403
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,378
Once I took a lover up in Munich
404
00:24:22,713 --> 00:24:26,800
Who made my prior beau
Look like a eunuch
405
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,679
Soon we were making romance
'Round the clock
406
00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:38,145
But soon, alas
I tired of his cockamamie talk
407
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:43,233
You see
The man had nothing in his head
408
00:24:44,026 --> 00:24:47,779
And so one night
I'd had enough and said
409
00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:53,702
We've gone kaput
410
00:24:54,578 --> 00:24:55,913
Now we're kaput
411
00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,166
Your rear's sublime
But now it's time
412
00:24:59,166 --> 00:25:01,210
It got a visit from my foot
413
00:24:59,249 --> 00:25:01,210
It got a visit from my foot
414
00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:06,048
We had a fine affair
But please get out of mein hair
415
00:25:06,048 --> 00:25:08,967
My dear, I fear it's clear
That we're kaput
416
00:25:09,468 --> 00:25:10,469
All right.
417
00:25:12,262 --> 00:25:15,891
We've gone kaput
418
00:25:15,891 --> 00:25:16,892
We've gone kaput
419
00:25:16,892 --> 00:25:18,227
Now we're kaput
420
00:25:18,227 --> 00:25:19,186
Now we're kaput
421
00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:23,273
Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot
422
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:27,819
We had a fine affair
But please get out of mein hair
423
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:32,491
My dear, I fear that we're kaput
424
00:25:32,491 --> 00:25:33,784
Kaput
425
00:25:34,785 --> 00:25:35,911
Kaput
426
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:37,913
Kaput
427
00:25:38,664 --> 00:25:39,665
Kaput
428
00:25:43,794 --> 00:25:44,837
Wow!
429
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,715
So that's Betsy?
430
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,634
- Okay. You stop.
- All right.
431
00:25:50,634 --> 00:25:54,680
I actually need to go powder my nose too.
432
00:25:56,265 --> 00:25:57,641
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
433
00:26:01,979 --> 00:26:02,980
What?
434
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,733
Hello?
435
00:26:11,488 --> 00:26:15,701
N-- Okay. No.
436
00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:19,454
MEIN KAMPF
437
00:26:22,499 --> 00:26:23,709
Just the bathroom?
438
00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:38,265
Miss, can you hear me?
439
00:26:38,849 --> 00:26:42,186
Hey, Josh, we got-- What? What happened?
440
00:26:42,186 --> 00:26:44,688
What? No.
I just came in. I found her like--
441
00:26:44,688 --> 00:26:46,106
- Is she--
- She's dead.
442
00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:49,318
- Murder!
- No, wait!
443
00:26:49,318 --> 00:26:51,445
- We gotta get the hell out of here.
- Yes, but what about her?
444
00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:53,363
She's dead.
There's nothing else we can do for her.
445
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:56,575
But you have blood on your hands
and someone just saw you.
446
00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:59,369
And this is not the kind of musical
I wanna be in.
447
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:00,787
All right.
448
00:26:59,453 --> 00:27:00,787
All right.
449
00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:08,921
Oh, shit. What about the flat?
Can we drive on the rim?
450
00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:10,297
Again, not a car person.
451
00:27:10,297 --> 00:27:12,341
Just let's get across the bridge
and we'll figure it out.
452
00:27:12,341 --> 00:27:13,675
Hurry up!
453
00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:14,843
I'm hurrying!
454
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:17,262
What-- Well, what's happening?
What is that?
455
00:27:17,262 --> 00:27:18,347
It's dead.
456
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:20,682
Let's take a look here.
457
00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:25,896
What the hell?
458
00:27:25,896 --> 00:27:29,733
Schmicago welcomes your return
459
00:27:30,776 --> 00:27:34,363
But it seems ye both
Have more to learn
460
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:38,534
For though 'tis true ye
Found true love
461
00:27:38,534 --> 00:27:41,787
That isn't all ye have need of
462
00:27:41,787 --> 00:27:42,829
Oh, God.
463
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,625
So now it's here
Your lives ye'll spend
464
00:27:46,625 --> 00:27:48,710
Until ye've made a...
465
00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:49,795
What?
466
00:27:49,795 --> 00:27:53,090
...happy end
467
00:27:54,675 --> 00:27:57,094
- Wh-- No. Come back!
- No! Wha--
468
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,471
- This--
- It's not helpful!
469
00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:01,223
Are you kidding me?
470
00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:01,223
Are you kidding me?
471
00:28:02,808 --> 00:28:05,352
"A happy end"? What does that even mean?
472
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:09,273
I don't know. But what I do know
is I hate that freaking leprechaun.
473
00:28:09,273 --> 00:28:11,525
How are we supposed to
make a happy ending in this place?
474
00:28:11,525 --> 00:28:13,569
'Cause these musicals
don't have happy endings.
475
00:28:13,569 --> 00:28:15,737
And even if they did,
I hate to state the obvious,
476
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:19,199
but we are not the people to orchestrate
anything involving happiness.
477
00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:20,784
- We're miserable.
- We're miserable.
478
00:28:21,952 --> 00:28:24,204
- Oh, no.
- We gotta get across this bridge.
479
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:25,873
- But the leprechaun said--
- The cops are coming,
480
00:28:25,873 --> 00:28:28,500
and I literally have blood on my hands.
We have to try.
481
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,545
Just-- I don't know. Think happy thoughts.
482
00:28:31,545 --> 00:28:33,255
I can't. That's why we're here.
483
00:28:34,256 --> 00:28:36,091
Okay, maybe if we tried smiling?
484
00:28:37,968 --> 00:28:39,511
Shit. Come on.
485
00:28:50,522 --> 00:28:51,523
Hands up!
486
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:54,484
Don't move.
487
00:28:56,236 --> 00:28:57,237
Is that him?
488
00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283
Josh Skinner, you're under arrest
for the murder of Elsie Vale.
489
00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:01,283
Josh Skinner, you're under arrest
for the murder of Elsie Vale.
490
00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:05,329
What? No, I didn't kill her.
I just found the body.
491
00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,247
This is crazy. He didn't do it.
492
00:29:07,247 --> 00:29:09,416
Sarge, look at this.
493
00:29:09,416 --> 00:29:11,543
- Why was that in our car?
- I have no idea.
494
00:29:11,543 --> 00:29:16,173
Well, well, well.
Looks like we found us a murder weapon.
495
00:29:16,173 --> 00:29:17,549
Okay, that is not mine.
496
00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:20,511
No, it's not. We are both very anti-gun.
497
00:29:20,511 --> 00:29:22,971
- Josh is actually afraid of guns.
- Well, I'm not afraid of them.
498
00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:24,473
My dad took you to the shooting range.
499
00:29:24,473 --> 00:29:27,559
I just was really surprised at how
loud it was, okay? It was super loud.
500
00:29:27,559 --> 00:29:29,811
- He was crying for a couple h--
- I was not crying.
501
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:31,605
Quiet! Put him in the wagon.
502
00:29:32,147 --> 00:29:34,733
- Wait. No. Where are you taking him?
- Wait.
503
00:29:34,733 --> 00:29:37,277
Where he belongs. Jail.
504
00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:39,571
Josh!
505
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,376
Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic
506
00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:55,963
Welcome to
507
00:29:55,963 --> 00:30:02,427
Schmicago
508
00:29:56,046 --> 00:30:02,427
Schmicago
509
00:30:10,185 --> 00:30:14,273
We've gone kaput
510
00:30:15,399 --> 00:30:17,025
Now we're kaput
511
00:30:17,860 --> 00:30:22,447
Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot
512
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:27,452
We had a laugh or two
But now the laughter is through
513
00:30:27,452 --> 00:30:30,622
My dear, I fear that we're kaput
514
00:30:36,670 --> 00:30:40,257
Once I took a lover up in Munich
515
00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:45,179
Who made my prior beau
Look like a eunuch
516
00:30:45,846 --> 00:30:49,349
Soon we were making romance
'Round the clock
517
00:30:50,475 --> 00:30:57,232
But soon, alas
I tired of his cockamamie talk
518
00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570
You see
The man had nothing in his head
519
00:30:57,733 --> 00:31:01,570
You see
The man had nothing in his head
520
00:31:02,779 --> 00:31:06,825
And so one night
I'd had enough and said
521
00:31:06,825 --> 00:31:10,454
We've gone kaput
522
00:31:10,454 --> 00:31:11,538
We've gone kaput
523
00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:13,665
- Now we're kaput
- Now we're kaput
524
00:31:13,665 --> 00:31:17,669
Once our desire burnt like a fire
But now there's nothing left but soot
525
00:31:17,669 --> 00:31:19,671
We had a fine affair
526
00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:22,216
But please get out of mein hair
527
00:31:22,216 --> 00:31:27,137
My dear, I fear that we're kaput
528
00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,222
Kaput