.
- Market is about to open. - What's the price?
- 55.13.
- So we only need to get it up three points
by the end of the day. Easy.
- 3.01.
If we're at 58.14 by the end of the day,
we all keep our jobs. 58.13, we're all fired.
- We're gonna make it.
All of Wall Street watches this show.
We just gotta hit the talking points.
- Right, $10,000 Pika is the most affordable car
in its class.
It's available for pre-order starting today.
- And if they ask why we're selling direct...
- How about, "The dealers hated it so much,
they refused to sell it."
- No, not that one.
- The Pika is a car for the people,
so why not offer it directly to the people?
- Wow, I almost believed that, and I know you're lying.
- And if you get asked a question that you can't handle,
just say, "I feel positive and confident about it."
- I've done a lot of TV, Sade. I'm a pro.
They won't even need to edit me.
- Well, it's live, so they can't.
- Wait, what?
What if I say something I'm not supposed to
and there's not take backs.
Like, what if I suddenly just start shouting "penis."
- Why would you start shouting "penis"?
- 'Cause I'm not supposed to.
- Wesley, just breathe,
and remember, "I'm positive and confident."
- Positive and confident. Positive and confident.
Okay, that helps.
- You know, it's funny now that Wesley said the word "penis"
it's all I can think about. - [sighs]
- Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.
Penis.
- ♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
- Making another interest rate hike by the Fed
all but certain.
The Payne Pika launches this morning.
We'll talk about it after the break.
- And we're clear. Two minutes.
- Positive and confident. Positive and confident.
- You guys will be seated here, Katherine in the middle,
Wesley on the end.
- Dan Abbas, glad you could make it.
- Katherine Hastings. Thanks for having us.
- Positive and confident. - Hi.
- Wesley. - Oh, uh, sorry.
Wesley Penis. Pleasure.
[clears throat]
Positive and confident. - [chuckles]
- Positive and confident.
- You said I'd be answering questions about the car.
You didn't say I'd be standing next to it
on national television.
- Okay, You hate the Pika. I get it.
- You do? 'Cause I thought I was being subtle.
- Look, all our jobs depend on you selling this thing.
So can you please just try to act excited about it?
- Helen Mirren couldn't act excited about this turd.
Fine.
I'm excited about the Pika.
- Ten seconds until live.
- Oh, I've got all this saliva in my mouth.
There's like, a ton of it. What do I do?
Do I spit it out? - Just swallow it.
Just swallow it. - Okay.
- Just swallow it.
- It's too much, too much. I can't.
- Swallow it. - I can't.
- The Pika, Payne's new $10,000 car,
starts taking pre-orders today.
Here to talk about it are Payne Motors CEO
Katherine Hastings... - Great to be here, Dan.
- And also investor and Payne family member Wesley Payne.
- Hi, Dan. Oh.
- Ugh, God. - Oh, oh.
- You all right over there?
- Sorry.
I got some bad saliva advice earlier.
- I think--you know, I think we're just
all salivating over the sales that are projected
for the Pika. - Nice recovery.
- Auto companies are always racing to add features
to their cars. - Yes.
- But you've gone in a different direction.
- Yeah, you know, Dan, the Pika has two features
that other cars don't.
- Why is he just staring into the camera like that?
- Is he having a stroke?
- Nah, his face would be drooping to one side by now.
He's probably [bleep] his pants though.
- Now, Cyrus, you designed the Pika.
What can you tell us about
reducing cost without sacrificing safety or function?
- Dan, I gotta tell you,
this is one hell of a car we have for you today.
Whoo-hoo! Wow!
She's a beaut!
I mean, from the roofs to the wheels,
these cars are steals.
And you can only get it at one place.
That's www.paynepika.com.
- He's coming on a bit strong. - Yeah, it's a lot.
- ♪ We've got Payne Pikas in Detroit city ♪
♪ That's a capital P, and that rhymes with C ♪
♪ And that stands for cool
- [sighs] - Uh...sounds like he's a fan.
- Yeah, well, I know the enthusiasm
might seem like a lot or maybe even too much,
but we're all just so excited about what's happening
over at Payne.
We're turning a corner,
and we have watched our profit margins grow
very steadily over the last two quarters.
- Guys, we're surging.
- Really? - Yeah, we're already up
almost two points. Look.
I think we're gonna make it. - Oh, boy.
- What? Uh-uh. What-- what's oh, boy?
- Dan, there's a breaking news story.
- Um, is it a good breaking news story?
- Since when has there been a good breaking news story?
- And, you know, the glory days are back.
I feel-- - I'm so sorry to interrupt,
Katherine, but we are getting a story out of China.
The Port of Shanghai has been shut down
due to Typhoon Meilin.
The markets are already reacting
given that the port... - Oh, we're dropping.
- The whole market's dropping. - Come on, baby.
I need you to go up. Go up.
- Yeah, I don't think that's gonna save it.
- Looks like the Nasdaq has already taken a major slump,
and the Dow is in near freefall.
And who knows how much lower it could go?
- Oh, or higher. Or higher, right?
Or how much higher will it go,
you know, for companies like ours
that are so well-positioned for a, uh, um, uh,
a typhoon, yeah.
- I feel positive and confident about it.
- We will continue our discussion
in what is shaping up to be a brutal day for the markets
after the break.
- Oh, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.
Oh, I was scared I was gonna say it.
- And we're clear.
[bell ringing]
- Thanks for coming.
- Kind of makes you miss the fire.
- Yeah, I think that went well.
- Yeah.
.
- I mean, the whole market's down, right?
It's not just us.
They can't fire us for a hurricane surely.
- Please, Soren hates me so much he probably started
the [bleep] hurricane just to get rid of me.
- It's a typhoon. - What's the difference?
- There isn't one, really. It's basically the same thing.
- Definitely worth correcting me then.
- It was just bad luck.
There's literally nothing we could've done
that would've made any difference whatsoever.
- Mm, screaming "penis" a bunch of times
probably didn't help us. - But it didn't hurt us.
- Guys, this isn't over. We still have five hours.
We just need a plan.
- Is there anything we could do with, like,
moving them numbers around on paper to make it look like
we're worth more than we really are?
- Right. Can anyone beat Jack's accounting fraud plan?
- Ooh, what about that guy from Morgan Stanley
that everyone listens to?
- John Hampton? - Yeah.
He's had us as a sell ever since I started.
What if we got him to make us a buy?
- I've tried to get a meeting with him; he says no.
- Well there's something you all should know about me.
I don't take no for an answer.
- I actually did know that. - Hey, driver, change of plans.
We're going to Morgan Stanley.
- Wait, so we're all just gonna ambush him at his office?
- Mm, good point.
Uh, driver, just pull over.
Elliot, Sadie, come with me.
Everyone else, you can just go back to the office.
- You're just gonna kick us out on the side of the road?
- Look, guys, I know things look tough, okay,
but I don't give up.
So what are we gonna do?
- Get that stock up.
- No. - Take an Uber home?
- No, that's not-- - Trust ourselves
and know that teamwork can--
- Not--not give up.
I--what I literally just said, okay?
What are we gonna do?
[together] Not give up.
- Not gonna give up.
- Oh, it just sounds awkward.
All right, what are we not gonna do?
[together] Give up.
- Now it sort of sounds like we're chanting "give up."
- Showing up unannounced to his office
just feels a touch aggressive.
- Oh, it's extremely aggressive.
You can't be too aggressive.
- It's great, because it's inappropriate.
It's almost unhinged. He'll never see it coming.
- Hi, we need to speak to John Hampton.
- Oh, I'm sorry. He can't today.
- Oh, I think that he can today.
You tell him it's Katherine Hastings,
it's urgent, and I won't take no for an answer.
- John was rushed to the hospital this morning
after his appendix burst.
- Okay, this feels really aggressive.
- Cannot be too aggressive.
- Look, guys, we can't give up.
Katherine's not giving up.
There's got to be something simple we're not thinking of.
- Right, something simple that adds five points
to our stock price in the next four hours.
Hmm, oh,
why don't we just up Warren Buffett
and see if he'll invest a few hundred mil?
Jack, you have him on speed dial, right?
- Ha-ha, good one, Cyrus.
You should be the chief sarcastic officer.
- I mean, theoretically if we just said
Warren Buffett was investing, other people would follow.
By the time they found out we were lying,
the markets would be closed.
- Period. - Yeah.
that would be a fun story to tell the other inmates
while you're begging for redemption at Shawshank.
- Okay, hey, hey, hey.
What if we didn't say he was investing,
but we just implied it,
like, we took a photo of him meeting with us
and leaked it online?
- And how do we lure him here, exactly,
put out milk and cookies and hope he climbs
down the chimney?
- Ooh, what if we got an impersonator, right?
We had a Michael Jackson lookalike
for my nephew's birthday party, and the kids loved him.
This was before the documentary.
- Or hey, why even bother with that?
Let's just stick the janitor into a business suit
and pretend like he's Warren Buffett, right?
[laughs]
That's funny, right?
- Hi. Knock-knock.
Hey, John.
Hi. Katherine Hastings, Payne Motors.
This is our CCO, Sadie Ryan.
- Hey, I left you a couple voice mails.
- Elliot Chisholm, our chief counsel.
Gotcha a little pick-me-up from the gift shop.
W-why are you just standing there?
- I don't like all the germs, fluids, and that.
- Give him the bear. - Yeah, all right.
Here you go.
Enjoy it in good health.
- Okay, thank you.
- John, I know the timing's not ideal,
but I'd love to share with you
some of our financial forecasts for next year.
Sadie, can you, um, help him?
- Oh, you mean, just-- yeah, sure.
Here we go.
- [groans] - Sorry, John.
- Yeah, I think you're really gonna like
what you see here, John.
- [coughs] - [bleep] me.
Just put on a mask, mate.
- Is this--which is more?
- It's not that difficult.
- He totally looks like Warren Buffett.
- Mm, not really.
- Hey, it fits great. Thanks, Robert.
Okay, Bronislaw, you just sit there and act impressed.
As far as the camera's concerned,
you are Warren Buffett.
- I'm Warren Buffett, yes.
- Hey, hey, hey, guys,
I'm gonna take a picture through the glass
so it looks like a sneaky photo
of a secret meeting or something.
- Love it.
- Maybe we should lose the Fritos.
- Why can't I eat Fritos.
- You're Warren Buffett.
- He's rich.
He can eat whatever he wants.
- So what exactly do you want me to pitch to ol' Warren?
- Oh, well, you just sit there like you're in the meeting,
and I'll do the pitch.
- Oh, good. - Hey, guys.
What if I shoot it through a plant?
- Okay, sure.
- Ooh, it looks like "Jurassic Park."
- Mm.
- I'll just go ahead and do it if you need me to.
I mean, I'm the chief designer.
- Oh, yeah, well, it's a fake photo,
so it doesn't really matter.
- I agree. This is all pointless.
- So I'll just do it. - Great, I can do it.
- Or I'll do it.
- Well, that makes no sense. - I'll do it.
- We got a toilet overflow in the men's room on six.
- I can't do it right now. I'm Warren Buffett.
- What?
- I said I'm Warren Buffett right now.
- Turn that off. Turn that off.
[walkie-talkie beeps]
- Our valuation multiple is 11.2 times earnings,
and our projected revenue is up 9% year-over-year.
- My stitches hurt. - What's that?
What did you say, John?
- He said his stitches hurt.
- We ready for some more pain meds?
- We're not quite done here. - Excuse me.
- We need about two more minutes if that's okay.
- No. - I don't think so.
- Just need two minutes here.
- He seems to really need the meds, so...
- Oh, okay.
Well, I mean, I'll tell you what,
you can really get addicted to that stuff.
I ran a pharmaceutical company. I know what I'm talking about.
- [groans]
- You're stepping on his catheter.
- Oh, God. - You all need to leave.
- We're going. - Okay.
John, the Pika launch is perfectly timed for a--
- Ow! - Catheter, catheter, catheter.
- Pika's really-- it's just a game-changer.
Payne is in a totally different position than it's been--
- Get well soon, John. Thank you, nurse.
- I think you want to reframe...
- We're out.
- It's really in terms of optics...
.
- If you look at last quarter's financial numbers.
- Just keep your gaze focused here, you know.
[both chattering simultaneously]
- What are you guys doing?
Who's he?
- I'm Warren Buffett.
- That pretty much covers it.
- So how'd it go with the analyst?
- Oh. [blows raspberry]
Bust. Sorry, guys.
I really tried my best.
Hey, Dori, will you bring me my Crocs?
Furry rim.
- Wait, you're giving up?
I thought you never give up.
- Yeah, I guess I--I need to change that expression.
Sometimes I give up.
- But--no, no, no, but there--
there's always something left to do.
- Eh.
- Katherine, you have that photoshoot
with the Pika later. Do you want me to cancel it?
- Oh, God.
No, I guess I'll just get it over with.
Probably need new photos for my LinkedIn page.
[quirky music]
- Bronislaw, you can clean all this up, right?
- I can't believe we're really gonna lose our jobs.
I haven't looked for a new job in, like, a decade.
- If I lose my job,
I might not be able to stay in America.
So am I gonna be okay? - I don't know.
- What the hell? Just say yes.
- But I don't actually know. - Okay.
- So pretty soon we might not be working together anymore.
- We might not be.
- Yeah, duh, that's what we were just talking about
for the last five minutes.
- I'm taking you out for a drink tonight.
- You are, are you? - Mm-hmm.
That's what's happening.
Oh, and something you should know about me.
I don't take no for an answer.
- [chuckles] Well, all right.
- Wow, you just, like, went for it.
That was incredible.
- Guys, I think I know a way to fix all of this,
but, Sadie, I need your help.
Let's go. - Oh, okay.
- Good luck.
- You just, like, went for it.
- I'm telling you this is not a good idea.
- Trust me.
[in silly voice] I heard someone got a boo-boo.
- Hey.
- Oh, God. [groans]
- Wesley Payne, not my real voice.
How are you?
- Yeah, that looks great.
Just a little more attitude.
Maybe a hand on the hip,
or could you smile a little more?
Yeah, we're--we're happy.
- You ever see those hostage videos
where they claim they're not being tortured?
- Great, yeah.
- Look at me, Katherine. Look at me.
Oh, my God.
I'm stuck in a house. I'm stuck in a house.
- Can we take a break?
I just need a second. - Sure.
Take your time. - Oh, God.
I can't even fake a smile.
And I am great at faking a smile, like, world-class.
[scoffs]
Man, that is an ugly car.
- Well, for all we know, we could be the ugly ones,
and it's actually pretty,
like in that "Twilight Zone" with the bandaged lady.
- Who cares if the car is ugly, right?
No one drives a car and thinks, like, "Oh, my God.
This is ugly."
They're thinking, "This is way faster than walking."
And you made that.
- Yeah, I guess I did have a little to do with it.
- Mm-mm, no, no, no, no, no. It was all you.
- [chuckles]
It's not so bad.
I mean, it looks like a car, right?
If I saw that on the street I'd think,
"Yep, that's a car."
Hey, Cyrus, is this thing road-ready?
- I mean, as much as any of them are.
- What do you say we go for a drive?
- John, Payne is like a rocket ship,
but right now, you're the asteroid.
- Why are you doing this to me?
- I tried to stop him. He wouldn't listen.
- But, John, you have the power to be part of the solution.
If you--what are you doing?
John, no, don't call the nurse.
Put this down, John. - Wesley, it is over.
- Wait, no. Please, please. - Let's go.
- Hey, hey, I'm literally begging.
I'm begging here, man, okay?
Please change your rating.
Just change it. What do you want me to do?
I'll do anything. - Can you stop talking?
- I'll eat [bleep]. - Please don't.
- I will eat [bleep]. Where's the bedpan?
I will literally eat your [bleep].
Give me your [bleep]. I'll put it in my mouth.
That's how much this company means to me.
- Come on. Let's go.
We'll talk another time.
- No, there is no other time.
After today Katherine's gone.
- Wait, what? Hastings is out?
- No, I didn't say that. - No, he doesn't mean that.
- No, no, I didn't mean gone. I just--
You said that. I didn't say that.
- What's going on? Why do you keep pestering this man?
- I don't know.
We just--we just do.
- Out. - Yeah.
- Okay. I'm taking the bear.
You can't turn me down' and keep the bear.
It doesn't make sense.
[quirky music]
- Katherine, I think it's cool.
This is gonna be a lot of people's first car.
So for the rest of their lives,
even when they can afford nicer ones,
they're always gonna remember the Pika.
- I mean, it's not a luxury car,
but it drives okay. It's decent.
- And to think a year and a half ago you were like,
"Let's build a car."
And look at us. We sitting in it.
- [chuckles] - You made this bitch.
- Yeah, you're right. I did.
Hey, look at this car. I made this car!
- That's right, Katherine. Live.
- I mean, come on, Cyrus, we made a car. Be proud.
- Yeah. - Yeah, I guess we did.
- [laughs] No, say it. Come on.
We made this bitch.
- We made this bitch.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We made this bitch!
- We made this bitch!
- Yeah, okay.
all: We made this bitch!
- You made me make this bitch.
- We made this bitch. - We made this.
- We made it.
.
- In a rare phenomenon, the typhoon combined
with Typhoon Shayla to create a super typhoon.
- I don't have any regrets.
I made a good car, a few friends.
I wouldn't have done anything differently.
- Maybe not the fire, though. - Other than the fire.
Yeah, I was gonna say that.
- With Wall Street responding in kind
as stocks hit a ten-year low.
- You guys think we'll all still hang out after this?
- I'll probably get a coffee with Sadie in six months.
And we'll say, "Let's not wait another six months
to do this again."
But we will, and that'll be fine.
- There are currently rumors circulating...
- Hey, look. - That Katherine Hastings
will be out as CEO of Payne Motors...
-How the hell do they know about that?
- Uh, okay-- - I bet that Soren
leaked it to the press probably.
- Totally. - God, I hate that guy.
I wish he would get caught in a hurricane.
- Typhoon. - Really?
- At least the stock price is going up, though.
- Wait, the price is going up because I'm leaving?
- No, come on, stock goes up for a lot of reasons.
You can't just assume that-- assume that...
- Hastings' exit causing the share price to surge.
- That that's the reason. - Wow, it is really going up.
- [scoffs] I get it. I'm terrible.
- No, I mean, it's really going up.
- Changes ahead for Payne...
- How--how far away are we? - Three points.
- The market closes in 17 minutes.
- Okay, is this even possible? - Maybe.
- Okay, keep going. - Climb, climb.
- Keep going. - Up, up.
- Okay, baby. - Come on!
- 57.75.
57.77. - Mama needs this!
- 57.90. - Oh!
- If I sold my shares right now I'd make so much money.
- Shut up, Wesley. If you jinx this I'll kill you.
- 58.13. - Do you believe in miracles?
[bell dinging]
[all cheering]
- Oh, my God!
[all cheering]
- ♪ Ready for more, are you ready? ♪
♪ Ready for me
[upbeat music]
♪ Are you ready?
[knocks]
- Hey. - Hey.
- So looks like we'll still be working with each other
after all, huh?
- Uh, looks like we will be.
- Guess we will have to put a pin in those drinks.
- You want to cancel. - What?
No, no.
I thought-- I figured since you--
- We are still on, my friend.
Oh, and there's something you should know about me.
I don't take no for an answer.
- [chuckles]
Well, I guess I can't say no then.
- I guess you can't.
- Good night, Bronislaw. - Good work today, dude.
- I am Warren Buffett. - Okay.
- You know, I'm gonna stop seeing my psychic.
She was wrong about everything she predicted today.
- I mean, in fairness to her,
it was a pretty insane day to predict.
- Still, that's her job.
- You guys will never guess how much money I made today.
Don't even try. Okay, guess, guess.
- $100.
- Oh, my God, dude, you're way off.
- Ah, if feels good to be on top.
- Guys, don't get too excited.
As soon as it get out that I'm still here,
there's gonna be a massive sell-off.
Sorry to be the boner-killer at the party.
- Who cares what the haters think?
A win's a win. - I know.
I don't need Wall Street to tell me that I am a good CEO.
I mean, just because some dumb analyst decided to put...
- Wait. - A bull's-eye--
- Wait. Wait. You've got to see this.
It's unbelievable. Oh, my goodness.
This is unreal. - Did he always run like that?
- He's like the BFG.
- But he's not fast. The BFG was fast.
- [gasping, laughs] [coughs]
Sorry, one second. - Oh.
- Sorry, I ran a really long way.
Check it out.
People love the Pika. Look at these pre-orders.
There were so many people on the web site it crashed.
- 200,000 orders in a day?
- How? - Check your news feeds.
We're everywhere. - "Less is more.
The bare-bones appeal of the Pika."
- "At a time when drivers are overwhelmed
"by new technologies,
"the Pika's simplicity is refreshing.
Sometimes you just want to get from point A to point B."
- I have, like, 200 emails here from reporters
that want interviews. - Twitter loves us.
"Finally a tech-free car that won't read my thoughts
and try to turn me gay."
Well, mm, well, a sale's a sale.
- Okay, well, from "Motor Trend,"
"The Pika's a lo-fi antidote to our stressed out,
tech'd out lifestyles."
Exactly. That was the vision.
- Andy Richter DM'd me.
"Trying to get a Pika.
Anything you can do to help out a friend?"
A friend. - Oh, my God.
Soren left a voice mail. - What did he say?
- He's freaking out.
- Okay, this tweet.
"Finally a car from simpler times...
before we had a president from Kenya."
Come on, Twitter. - It's a hit.
The car I created is a [bleep] damn hit.
[laughter] - I designed it, so...
- I'm a good CEO.
- Yes. - I'm a good CEO.
- Yes. - I'm a good CEO!
[all cheer]
And you know what this means, right?
We are done scrambling.
We have power now.
- And money. - Yes.
- We just sold a lot of cars. - Yes, power and money.
And you know what you can do when you have power and money?
Anything you want. - Space travel.
- Yeah--uh, maybe, maybe not.
That's a while from now.
All I know is, I am done.
We are done playing defense, all right?
It is our turn to make some moves.
- Yes. [all cheer]
- Somebody call me an Uber!
[upbeat music]
Ow!