1 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:04,308 . 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,789 - Ukraine pleaded for more military aid and vehicles, 3 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,051 saying, "We are desperate," 4 00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,487 but when Katherine Hastings offered 5 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,620 to ship them a thousand Payne Hydras, 6 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,796 Zelenskyy replied, "Not that desperate." 7 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,450 - [laughs] 8 00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:16,755 I'm not laughing at the joke. 9 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,453 It's just Zelenskyy's a funny-sounding name. 10 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,063 - I didn't even do that. - Yeah, it's like 11 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,412 they just say stuff to be funny. 12 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,631 - Can you guys set this straight? 13 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,024 - You want me to release a statement saying 14 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,373 we aren't trying to aid Ukraine? 15 00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,853 - The fire is out, no one got hurt by the pawls, 16 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:30,378 but Preppy McChipmunk won't get his hand out of my skirt. 17 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,770 - It's not just Seth. 18 00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:33,207 It's Fallon, it's Kimmel, "The View," "The Talk." 19 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,338 - John Oliver did a full 20 00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,166 20-minute segment on you on Sunday. 21 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,733 - Let me guess, it was smug and reductive. 22 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,213 - It was, actually. 23 00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:41,128 - You know what, I should have just taken the payout. 24 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,346 I could be on a beach right now 25 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:43,521 with my husband, but no. 26 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,696 Instead, we're fighting all the time, 27 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,089 and everyone hates me, and all because 28 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,525 I had to risk everything just 29 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,613 to save your jobs. - "Save your jobs" 30 00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,267 - We remember. - So selfless. 31 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,181 - Katherine, this just came for you. 32 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,400 - For me? - Mm-hmm. 33 00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,271 - It looks like someone doesn't hate you. 34 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,491 - Uh, we--we scan for mail bombs, right? 35 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,232 - Mm-hmm. They got two dogs now. 36 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,799 - You want Sadie and me to work on some image rehab ideas or... 37 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,497 - Uh, yeah, I guess so. 38 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,282 I mean, look, I'm not some, like, insecure little girl 39 00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:06,762 who needs everybody to like me. 40 00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,198 It's just, I can't be an effective leader 41 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,634 if I'm a national joke. 42 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:11,419 Ew, what is this packing material? 43 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,551 Oh! Oh! Oh! 44 00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:15,727 That's a pube! That's a pube! 45 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,338 [all yelling] That's a box of pubes! 46 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,600 That's a box of pubes! 47 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,428 - The AC's sucking 'em up. They're airborne. 48 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,212 [overlapping yelling] 49 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,561 [upbeat music] 50 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,476 - ♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪ 51 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,478 ♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪ 52 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,307 [chorus vocalizing] 53 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:32,918 - Whatever happened to just sending anthrax 54 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,094 when you hated someone? 55 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,356 When did that go out of style? 56 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:36,878 - Isn't a box full of pubes better 57 00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:37,923 than a box full of anthrax? 58 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,316 - I honestly don't know. 59 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,448 - They're sweeping up all the evidence. 60 00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,145 We should be sending these pubes 61 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,146 to the lab and catching this guy. 62 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,146 - Or girl. 63 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,322 - Jack, come on. 64 00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,584 Girls don't even have pubes anymore, 65 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,805 and if they did, not these kind of pubes. 66 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,589 - Just from looking at it, 67 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,852 seemed like it came from multiple people. 68 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,941 - They say those little hairs really got 69 00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,116 hooked into your carpet fiber, 70 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,640 so they gotta dig 'em out. 71 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,208 - Listen, Ian says that I have to use social media more 72 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,600 so people see my human side. 73 00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:03,775 What--what do you think of this tweet? 74 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,690 - "Today's a great day to buy a car 75 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,257 from your local Payne Motor dealership." 76 00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,954 both: "Hashtag car." 77 00:02:08,997 --> 00:02:10,173 - You don't spell the hashtag. 78 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,219 - God, I hate this stuff. 79 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,221 I spent an hour trying to write a funny tweet 80 00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,136 about why the Flintstones carried their cars 81 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,224 when they were just running. 82 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,703 But when you break down that show, 83 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:19,965 that's just one of the things that doesn't make sense. 84 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,358 - But you know, you don't have to be funny. 85 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,794 You just have to be real and authentic 86 00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:23,621 and true to who you are. 87 00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:24,970 - I love that. - Mm-hmm. 88 00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,581 - Great. Um, great. 89 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,279 So why don't you be authentic and real and all that for me? 90 00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,715 - You want me to pretend to be you? 91 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,281 - Yeah, well, I mean, just to tweet. 92 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,892 [laughing] You don't have to wear a skin suit 93 00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,067 and [bleep] my husband. 94 00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,199 All right, username is 95 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,591 "Katherine Hastings." - Mm-hmm. 96 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,595 - Okay, what if we make her the victim... 97 00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:41,987 - Right. - Rough her up a little bit, 98 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,293 make it seem like an angry customer attacked her? 99 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,817 - So you want to Tonya Harding her? 100 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,429 - Yes. That's a good way of putting it, yes. 101 00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,779 - What if we put out a video of her apologizing, 102 00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,954 like, in her house with her family? 103 00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,131 People see her as, like, a wife and a mother 104 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,480 who's truly sorry for what happened. 105 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,613 - Mm, so it would be like, um... 106 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,136 [fake crying] "I'm so sorry. 107 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,572 "Please love me 108 00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,662 and stop sending me your pubic hairs." 109 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,709 - Yeah, s--so no video. Mm-kay. 110 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,493 - She has you tweeting for her? 111 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,668 - Yeah, she was having trouble coming up 112 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,583 with something personal and authentic. 113 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:15,847 - Yeah, robots do have a tough time simulating human emotion, 114 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,372 but the technology's improving every day, so-- 115 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,808 - Okay, so which one should I post? 116 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,679 - Mm, God, I'd love to keep figuring this out, 117 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,507 but sadly we've arrived at my office, 118 00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:24,987 and I'm sure you have work-- - It's okay, I got time. 119 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,815 Would you think she would post Taylor Swift, 120 00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,078 or you think she'd wanna quote that "Lean In" lady? 121 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,254 Is that more her jam? 122 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,690 Taylor Swift. 123 00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,562 - Ooh, another idea would be having you do 124 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:35,954 a tree-planting campaign. 125 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,043 - Mm. Nature stuff's so played out. 126 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,828 What else? - Okay. Uh, ooh. 127 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,873 We think we could get you on "Dancing with the Stars." 128 00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:45,616 - Guys, I am not Jake from State Farm, okay? 129 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:49,228 I'm looking for ideas that are simple and timeless and real. 130 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,796 - What about an apology video? 131 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,537 - Apology video? - Yeah, hear me out. 132 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:56,192 You at home being sincere with your family 133 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,585 talking about how bad you feel, 134 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,587 leaning into the image of you as a mother. 135 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,066 - What do you think, Sadie? 136 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,286 - [clears throat] 137 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,722 What do I think of an apology video? 138 00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,811 - Yeah. - That's a great question. 139 00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,726 Um--maybe I said-- 140 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,467 it doesn't matter who thought of that, 141 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,773 'cause we were brainstorming. 142 00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:14,036 Yeah, maybe that's a good--maybe. 143 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,385 - Maybe we should just switch you to a simple 144 00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:16,821 thumbs-up or thumbs-down system. 145 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,736 Nice work, Ian. - Thank you. 146 00:04:18,779 --> 00:04:19,911 - Okay, well, what about this? 147 00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,391 What about if I write, 148 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,567 "Why do we stop chewing grape gum when we get older? 149 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,482 Grape gum is fire." 150 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:26,831 And then I put the fire emoji. 151 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,616 - Not sure you want to reference fire 152 00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,357 after the literal fire we caused. 153 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,749 - See, that's good. See? 154 00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,664 See, that's why you here, 'cause you smart. 155 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,580 Okay, how about "@TacoBell, bring back those waffle tacos, 156 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,408 you cowards. #livemás"? 157 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,801 - It all sounds good. 158 00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,585 I appreciate-- I appreciate it. 159 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:42,760 All right, yeah. - Sorry, what are-- 160 00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,110 - Come on in. Come on in. No. Thank you. 161 00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:46,721 I'm sorry. There's so much stuff going on, 162 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,026 and I don't have an office. 163 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,767 I hope this is okay. 164 00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,248 - Uh--yeah, sure. 165 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,728 Mm-kay. Yeah. 166 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:56,600 I actually--I wanted to talk to you about something. 167 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,515 - Go for it. - It's not a big deal, 168 00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,518 but, um, when I suggested that we do that video, 169 00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:04,434 you were--I thought that you were against it. 170 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,262 But then, like, you pitched it to Katherine 171 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,960 kind of like it was your idea, and I'm sure that was just, 172 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,135 like, a misunderstanding. 173 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,441 - No, it wasn't. 174 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,443 - What? - Taking your idea. 175 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:14,531 I'm trying to take your job. 176 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,054 Do you want an M&M? 177 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:19,144 - No, thank you. No, they're--they're my M&Ms. 178 00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,146 What do you mean, you're trying to take my job? 179 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,452 - Okay, listen, don't judge, 180 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,019 but I realized for the price of my L.A. condo, 181 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,803 here I could be like a land baron. 182 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,719 So I figure, get you fired, take your job, 183 00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:30,895 start looking at, uh, open houses. 184 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:32,244 - What the [bleep]? 185 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:33,768 - Hey, I said don't judge, and you're judging. 186 00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:36,336 - Well, of course I'm, uh, judging you. 187 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,554 You're a psychopath. 188 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,991 - Technically diagnosed as a cluster B, 189 00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:43,255 Axis II narcissist with psychopathic tendencies. 190 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,997 Usually I'm so good at mimicking human emotion, 191 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,521 no one has any idea. 192 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,870 - Wait, what? 193 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,654 - Wait, what? 194 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,526 Anyway, hey, I gotta return a call. 195 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,136 Could you close the door on your way out? 196 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:55,267 - On my w-- 197 00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,486 - Hey. - This is my o-- 198 00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,401 - Andrew. Ian Osofsky. 199 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,664 Buddy, making a video for a client. 200 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,710 I could use your help. What do you got? 201 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:04,973 . 202 00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,279 - I mean, he just seems so normal. 203 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,021 - I read that, like, 10% of executives are psychopaths. 204 00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,719 It's what makes them such effective leaders. 205 00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,025 - Well, you can't just sit back like some simp 206 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,505 and let him take your job, okay? 207 00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:16,811 To beat a psycho, 208 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,334 you need to think like a psycho. 209 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,510 [clears throat] Blood. 210 00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:21,642 "Helter Skelter." 211 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,034 Uh, Jack the Ripper. 212 00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,471 - How does this help me? - Shh. 213 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:25,559 Uh, Jeffrey Dahmer. 214 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,821 Mark Cuban. 215 00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:27,865 Daymond John. 216 00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,214 Lori Greiner. 217 00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,738 - These are just people from "Shark Tank." 218 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:31,869 Right? - Yeah. 219 00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,306 - The Payne fire is a tragedy 220 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,612 that never should have happened. 221 00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,571 - Okay, can we do something about the girl? 222 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,877 She looks like someone disabled her Instagram account. 223 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,271 - Well, it's your video, bro. 224 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,446 - Why are you being weird? 225 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:44,360 - I'm being weird? 226 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,101 You're trying to get me fired. 227 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:47,798 - I told you that is not personal. 228 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,234 It's a medical condition. 229 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,193 Would you be mad at a blind man who can't see? 230 00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,195 No, you would not. 231 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,371 I might be a psychopath, 232 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,068 but you're a not-nice person. 233 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,376 - Damn it! 234 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,117 - What are you doing? - [sighs] 235 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,945 We're trying to make Twitter accounts, 236 00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,120 but I keep failing the CAPTCHA tests, 237 00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,035 and I'm starting to question, like, 238 00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,297 am I a robot? 239 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,864 - It doesn't matter what I tweet, Cyrus. 240 00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,039 Katherine's got no followers. 241 00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:12,301 And no one's gonna follow her 242 00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,650 unless other people retweet her. 243 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,609 But there's no one to retweet her--why? 244 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,045 'Cause she ain't got no followers. 245 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,439 - Ah, so the fake accounts follow Katherine 246 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,092 so it looks like she has buzz. 247 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,659 - Aha. - Congrats. 248 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,487 You've launched a Russian troll farm. 249 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,880 - I found all the traffic lights. 250 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,403 There are no more traffic lights. 251 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,970 - Won't it look a little suspicious 252 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,015 that all of Katherine's followers signed up for Twitter 253 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,713 on the same day, followed no one but her, 254 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,062 and have no other interests? 255 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,455 - You think a detective's on this or something? 256 00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,195 We're just trying to trick a few idiots. 257 00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,110 - If you want this to look like they're real people, 258 00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:40,851 you need to give them depth. 259 00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:43,027 Okay? Slide over. Slide over. 260 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,639 Let a maestro do his maestro thing. 261 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,815 - Okay. 262 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,294 - Is a motorcycle a bike? 263 00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,383 - [whispers] Do you see what I'm dealing with? 264 00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:53,473 - There is nothing more important 265 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,431 than the safety of your family. 266 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,955 And I say that not just as a CEO, 267 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,304 but as a mother-- 268 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,741 - Stepmother. - A stepmother-- 269 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,525 - Maddie, honey. - [sighs] 270 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,484 Can we--can we take ten? - On a ten! 271 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:05,702 - Maddie-- - Thank God. 272 00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,138 - I swear to God. - Richard, would you talk 273 00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,618 to your daughter? - I can--I can talk to her. 274 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:09,924 - I'll talk to her. 275 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,273 - I'm closer to her age. 276 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,492 - Well, I'm better at this stuff. 277 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:13,928 - Dude, why are you trying to be alone 278 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:14,972 with a teenage girl? 279 00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,539 It's creepy. 280 00:08:16,582 --> 00:08:18,106 - I'll handle it. 281 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,545 Gosh, this is so basic. [laughs] 282 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,112 Like, I knew it was gonna be lit, 283 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,637 but it's almost, like...cheugy. 284 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:30,292 - Thank you for speaking to me in a lingo I can identify with. 285 00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:31,989 I feel truly seen. 286 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:35,078 - Sarcasm, yep. 287 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,299 Can you just be cool for five minutes 288 00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:38,648 so that we can get out of here? 289 00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:39,562 Like, that's all we want. 290 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,172 We just want to get this done 291 00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,044 and leave. 292 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,131 - Okay. 293 00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:45,525 Let's just get this over with. 294 00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,874 - Right? 295 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,528 Same page. Up high. 296 00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:50,181 - Nope. I'm not gonna high-five you. 297 00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:53,184 - Hey. [chuckles] 298 00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:55,143 Listen, do not listen to her. 299 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,361 I do not agree. 300 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,711 I think she's the one acting 301 00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:58,842 like a spoiled [bleep]. 302 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,540 - She said that about me? 303 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,106 - Yeah, in a group chat just a second ago. 304 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,847 But look, I tried to defend you and said, 305 00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:06,676 Sadie, it's not cool to call a young girl a spoiled [bleep]. 306 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,025 It's not right. 307 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,461 - Hey, I worked it out with Maddie. 308 00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:10,637 - Oh, Sadie, you're amazing. - Good, thank you. 309 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,160 - All right, everyone, let's roll. 310 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,422 - We're back, everyone. Back in five. 311 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,597 - Now. - Now! Ready now! 312 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,121 - [bleep] everyone. I'm leaving. 313 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,123 Who's the [bleep] now, [bleep]? 314 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,603 - Hey, Maddie. 315 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,909 Maddie, wait. 316 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:24,389 - What did you say to her? 317 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,435 - I present Matthew Rollins, Jr. 318 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,350 Matthew is a libertarian atheist 319 00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:31,005 doing his engineering post-grad at San Diego State. 320 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:32,223 Go Aztecs. 321 00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:34,486 And he's a volunteer mountain rescuer. 322 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,706 He's also the guy that just asked, 323 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:41,232 "If you were an animated car in that Pixar movie, 324 00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,583 what car would you be?" 325 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:47,935 And got a reply from Payne Motors CEO, 326 00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,632 Katherine Hastings. 327 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,112 [computer chimes] And thus, 328 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,809 a conversation has begun. 329 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,550 - Oh, and you know who loves to comment on all things Disney? 330 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,551 - Who? Give me a good name. 331 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,726 - Uh, Sasha. - Who is she? 332 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,032 - A single mother of two, 333 00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,250 colorblindness survivor, 334 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:01,513 and Minnie Mouse fanatic. - I love it. 335 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,908 - And there could be a guy named, like, Boomer. 336 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,996 - [quietly] Yeah. 337 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,258 - What were you saying? Sasha... 338 00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:08,216 - Sasha, yeah. - Okay. 339 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:09,652 - Single mother of two. 340 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,436 - Nope. She's not at her mom's either. 341 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,655 - She's 17, Richard. 342 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,222 She's probably at an arcade or something. 343 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,484 - You know, there's no arcades anymore. 344 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,399 - Yeah, it's all oxycodone-fueled 345 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,922 sex parties, like "Euphoria." 346 00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,663 - Hey, look, I can have another girl here in 30 minutes. 347 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,709 - You wanna recast her daughter? 348 00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,232 - We never say it's her daughter. 349 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,755 If people assume the girl sitting next to her 350 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:28,062 is her daughter, then isn't that on them? 351 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,367 - I mean, that's true. - Wait, 352 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,500 you're actually considering replacing Maddie? 353 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,719 - Well, as an option. 354 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,459 - How fake can you be? 355 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,765 - [stammers] - I mean, come on. 356 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:36,897 This is the most time 357 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,420 that you and I have spent together... 358 00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,726 - Okay, we don't need to-- - In, like, maybe all year. 359 00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,684 And it's in this house that isn't our house. 360 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,468 - Richard-- - And we're making some stupid 361 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,557 video about how real you are. 362 00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:46,558 - I never said this would-- - You--you know what? 363 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:47,603 You like the fake house so much, 364 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,952 why don't you just live here, 365 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,954 'cause I'm done, and I'm going back to our house-- 366 00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:52,173 our actual house. 367 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,264 - Hey, look, I hope you don't blame Sadie for this. 368 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,700 She did the best she could. 369 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,180 [playful music] 370 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:01,356 . 371 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,011 - The safety of your family means everything to me. 372 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,535 - Does it? [audience laughter] 373 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,885 Does it really? 374 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,495 I can't help thinking something feels 375 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,236 a little inauthentic about that apology. 376 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,890 Why is that? Oh, right. 377 00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:16,284 It's because that's not her house. 378 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:20,331 It's a set where they shot a T-Mobile commercial. 379 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,639 - T-Mobile, not gonna lie, 380 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,032 that one kind of stings. 381 00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:26,381 - Okay, you know what, I wanted to shoot it 382 00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:27,904 in a different location-- - Actually, I think that 383 00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,384 you wanted to shoot there. - I don't think it's really 384 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,820 important who said what, Sadie. - I'm gonna go vape 385 00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,735 until I'm numb, and when I get back, 386 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,432 I need a new list of ideas, 387 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,522 ideally ones that don't make me into a national embarrassment. 388 00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:38,872 Okay? 389 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,874 - Gavin Marvin Pendergrass. 390 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,092 - Ooh. - He's erudite... 391 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,094 - Ah. - Sophisticated, super likable. 392 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,617 You know, he's an intellectual, 393 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,837 but he also owns a jet ski. 394 00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:48,795 [whispers] I should buy a jet ski. 395 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,013 - Okay, I see your Gavin, 396 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,928 and I raise you Kiana George. - Who? 397 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,190 - You see, she's a fierce Black woman 398 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,757 who loves sushi and cozy mysteries. 399 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,716 And she got IBS, but she don't let that define her. 400 00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,847 - Wow. - Mm-hmm. 401 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:58,848 - What are you guys doing? - Ooh, 402 00:11:58,892 --> 00:11:59,936 working on your Twitter account. 403 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,416 - It's not just an account anymore. 404 00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:04,724 It's a whole Katherine Hastings Cinematic Universe. 405 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:05,768 - You wanna read some of these? 406 00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,204 - Uh, no. I get it. 407 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,250 Emojicons, eggplants. We're good. 408 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,513 - Okay. - Carry on. 409 00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,384 - If I'm being honest, the Katherine character 410 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,386 is becoming my least favorite. 411 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,388 - Central characters are always boring. 412 00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,956 She's just a giant piece of flavorless meat 413 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,089 with no seasoning. 414 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,049 - You're not pitching anything? 415 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,572 - Nope, 'cause I know Katherine. 416 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,574 She'll wanna take a beat and reassess. 417 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,012 She doesn't wanna jump into another bad decision. 418 00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,492 - Hm. - So what have we come up with? 419 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,929 - You know what, I think it's important at a time like this 420 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,495 to take a beat, you know, reassess. 421 00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:39,540 We don't want to rush into another bad decision 422 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:40,890 where it could blow up in our faces. 423 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,805 - No. I hate just waiting. 424 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:45,242 This isn't the time to sit around doing nothing, 425 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,984 like a condom in Nick Cannon's wallet. 426 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,770 - I totally agree, and I've been trying to tell him that. 427 00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,075 We need to be proactive. 428 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,818 I thought maybe we could get you on "Seth Meyers" 429 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,994 and just, like, show that you're in on the joke. 430 00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,691 - Sit down with my biggest critic? 431 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,867 That's, uh... - Stupid. 432 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,694 - Ballsy. If people see us joking around 433 00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,609 like old pals, I mean, then it's okay to like me. 434 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,829 - You know, I'm just--I'm just worried about, you know, 435 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,439 not seeming like a serious person. 436 00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,441 And plus, it'd take months to get booked on that show. 437 00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,792 - Well, I actually, uh-- I got a slot on Thursday, 438 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:13,923 if you want. 439 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,533 - Really? Book it. 440 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:16,970 Nice work, Sadie. 441 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,841 Oh, and book me really good hair and makeup. 442 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:19,929 - Yeah. - Thanks. 443 00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:23,454 [playful music] 444 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,282 - So I hear we're both from New Hampshire. 445 00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:26,980 - Uh, well, we moved when I was six, 446 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,156 but I still got some Hampsha' in me. 447 00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,810 - All right, pop quiz: the thing in the wall 448 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,072 you drink water from, what's that called? 449 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,856 - Oh, that's a-- that's a "bubblah," yeah. 450 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,205 [New Hampshire accent] That's a bubbler, yeah, 451 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,250 we got some wicked good water in those. 452 00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:37,294 - We got wicked good watah. 453 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,818 - It's going really well, huh? 454 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,297 [chuckles] - It's fine. 455 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,255 - We gotta head up to the, uh-- 456 00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,386 to the White Mountains-- 457 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,431 - The light's catching her great, 458 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:45,215 hitting all the curves. - Mm. 459 00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:46,651 - So Benny and Natasha, 460 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,349 they're tweeting snarky comments at each other 461 00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,959 about Trump, right, going back and forth. 462 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,874 But if you put the politics aside, 463 00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,093 they're not so different. 464 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,790 - Ooh, what about if later on down the line 465 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,445 we have them realize that, and then they start a romance? 466 00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:58,707 - We should do that. Let's workshop it, 467 00:13:58,750 --> 00:13:59,969 'cause it's important. - Political, sexy-- 468 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,666 - Y'all are wild. 469 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:02,929 - What? - As of this morning, 470 00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,191 Katherine has over ten thousand followers. 471 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:05,670 - Right! Go us! - It's catching on. 472 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,498 All right. But who is your favorite character, Jack? 473 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:10,588 See, I bet it was TJ, right, 'cause TJ comes to play. 474 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,503 Right, TJ's an amalgam of characters 475 00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,636 that I've experienced in my own life-- 476 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,986 - TJ is cool, but I got to go with Anita, man. 477 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,074 - Ooh! She's one of mine. 478 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,510 I love Anita. That's me. 479 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:20,642 - Well, actually, we came up with her together 480 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,426 I said nurse-- - The stuff Anita says 481 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,167 is so specific. - Aww. 482 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,342 - Girl, you need to be a writer. 483 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,474 - [gasps] - Yeah, I honestly 484 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,954 couldn't even tell Anita was fake. 485 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,217 - You couldn't tell a motorcycle from a bike, Jack. 486 00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:32,915 - [New Hampshire accent] Next time we're back, 487 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,003 we're gonna take the beater, 488 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,352 we're gonna go for a packie run, 489 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:36,876 you know, I'll-- I'll bang a U-ie, 490 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,399 and then, uh, we'll go fishing for some hornpout. 491 00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,357 - All right, that sounds like a plan. 492 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:41,750 We'll be right back with more 493 00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,883 from Katherine Hastings after this. 494 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,754 [audience applause] 495 00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:48,800 - [chuckling] 496 00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:49,845 [clears throat] 497 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,282 [indistinct chatter] 498 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:54,241 [normal voice] I'm such a big fan, by the way. 499 00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:55,764 - Thank you. 500 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,113 - All the jokes you've been doing about me, 501 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,114 they're so funny. 502 00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,289 You know, they sting, 503 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,377 but you know, it's in a good way. 504 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:02,075 It's in a good way. I appreciate it. 505 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,990 I just think it's nice that we can show people that we're-- 506 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,818 - Um, look, uh, I don't like you. 507 00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,908 I mean, you endangered people's lives. 508 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:12,085 And, uh, I didn't wanna have you on the show tonight. 509 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,390 It's just that the network thought 510 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,914 you would be good ratings. 511 00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:18,221 But don't pretend this is some sort of showbiz rivalry, 512 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:21,921 because I hope you go to prison. 513 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,444 - Huh. 514 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:26,012 . 515 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,927 - So you've been having a tough month. 516 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:28,971 - "Fortune" magazine named you 517 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,365 the "Most Hated CEO in America." 518 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:32,757 I mean, that's gotta sting. - Yeah. 519 00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,281 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 520 00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,326 Well, I'm just glad that they named me at all, you know? 521 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,329 "The Journal" just calls me "She Who Must Not Be Named." 522 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:40,896 [laughs] 523 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,289 You know, like, um, Voldemort. 524 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:44,987 - Yeah, yeah, "Harry Potter." Yeah, we get it. 525 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,163 - Yike-sters. Why is she being so thirsty? 526 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,686 - I don't know. Something's off. 527 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,645 - [English accent] Set fire to the Quidditch pitch. 528 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,429 - Cringe city. I am so glad 529 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,519 I'm not the one that suggested she do this. 530 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:58,783 - Dori, what is Eliza gonna do about that snake in her toilet? 531 00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,481 - Only Eliza knows the answer to that. 532 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,700 I let my characters tell me what they wanna do. 533 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:03,701 I just write it down. 534 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,095 - So Eliza wanted you 535 00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:08,054 to tweet about her favorite mixology bar, 536 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,578 even though she's a devout Mormon that doesn't drink? 537 00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:11,971 Seems inconsistent. 538 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,929 - People are inconsistent, Cyrus. 539 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,888 Inconsistencies are what give my characters depth. 540 00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,890 - Personally, I thought it added 541 00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,066 a whole new dimension to her-- 542 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,676 - I just think that you're so focused 543 00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,156 on being funny and controversial 544 00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,506 that you're sacrificing rich character development-- 545 00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,639 - Cyrus, I have taken up too much of your time. 546 00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:31,425 Really, I have. And I know you've got work to do. 547 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,037 - Well, I'm taking my accounts with me. 548 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,953 - Oh, no, what'll I ever do without all the characters 549 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,303 you clearly stole from "Our Town"? 550 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:41,783 Yeah, you think I didn't notice? 551 00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,437 - That got intense fast. 552 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,353 - Some people don't handle other people's success well. 553 00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:48,355 - Well, Seth, um, you've been going after me 554 00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:49,965 pretty hard, um, lately. 555 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,229 So in fact, I snuck into your writer's room, 556 00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,753 um, and I, uh, grabbed some of the jokes 557 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:59,583 that you were going to be doing about me tomorrow on the show. 558 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,890 - Gosh, you know, I think it's going really, really badly. 559 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,284 - Hey, Hannibal Lector, no one asked for your opinion. 560 00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,807 - Okay, you know, Hannibal's a problematic 561 00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:07,200 character in our community. 562 00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:08,810 They should have had one of us play the role, but-- 563 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,768 [chuckles] Hollywood. 564 00:17:10,811 --> 00:17:12,509 - "According to a poll, 565 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:16,644 92% of Americans dislike Katherine Hastings." 566 00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:17,732 Oh. [laughs] 567 00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,516 "While the other 8% were run over 568 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,606 by their Hydras and couldn't respond to the survey." 569 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:23,781 - [laughing] Oh. 570 00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:24,868 That one was harsh. - Yeah. 571 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,175 - You're gonna find another job. 572 00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,742 I--I can recommend you to an escort service, 573 00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,135 and I think you'd do great while you're young and still, 574 00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,440 you know, kind of pretty. 575 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:31,441 - Lay off her, man. 576 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:32,616 - Wesley, it's fine. 577 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,009 - No, I--I'm sick of him coming after you. 578 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,274 This woman, this beautiful, kind, classy woman, 579 00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:40,276 she would crush as an escort. 580 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,278 - Okay, that's not-- - No, it's--it's true. 581 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,627 You would, I swear to God. - Wesley, don't help. 582 00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,673 Don't help. 583 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,849 - You'd be very good. 584 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,285 - Thanks. 585 00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,157 - [laughing] 586 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,724 I'm cracking myself up. 587 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,509 [computer chimes] 588 00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:58,077 [exhales] 589 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,557 Y'all, I made Katherine a conspiracy nut. 590 00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,472 - What? - I have this character, Kyle, 591 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:05,127 who's a crazy QAnon guy, and I was doing this whole run 592 00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,651 about UFOs and, like, Tom Hank's butthole and stuff. 593 00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:10,263 And I realized I was on Katherine's account. 594 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:11,481 - No. - Wait, can't you just 595 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,830 delete the tweets? - Yeah, 'cause that's 596 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,441 how the Internet works. You just delete stuff, 597 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,920 and no one ever digs it up again. 598 00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:17,226 - Well, what if we say she was hacked? 599 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,836 Right, that happens all the time. 600 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,011 Like, we could start posting a bunch 601 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,796 of racist, homophobic stuff. 602 00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,319 Quick, Jack, get me some [bleep] pics. 603 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,364 - You talking about from the Internet, 604 00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,843 or you--you talking about from me? 605 00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,367 - It's your call, baby. 606 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,630 - There's some crazy stuff on here though, yo, really. 607 00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:30,935 [audience laughter] 608 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,764 - "Payne reportedly considered firing Hastings, 609 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:37,855 "but Ford offered her a job as a crash test dummy. 610 00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,335 [audience laughter] 611 00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,773 "I'm not saying she's dumb, just that she's fake 612 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,559 and a lot of people want to see her drive into a wall." 613 00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,169 [audience laughter] 614 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,345 A lot here about how much everyone hates me. 615 00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,217 Don't feel like there's a lot of variety. 616 00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,132 - [laughing] Hey, I don't come to your workplace 617 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,090 and tell you how to cover up defective cars. 618 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,961 [audience laughter] - Well, yeah, 619 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,746 a lot of, um-- a lot of these are-- 620 00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:01,618 are pretty real actually, yeah. 621 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,926 I mean, people hate me. 622 00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:05,970 Try to pretend it doesn't bother me, 623 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:09,322 but it does. 624 00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,802 - Well, look, you know, thanks for being a good sport. 625 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:12,934 Thank you for being here. Kath-- 626 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:13,891 - Do you know that someone literally 627 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,980 sent me a box of pubes? 628 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,547 It was-- it was a big box, 629 00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,288 like what a toaster would come in. 630 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,421 I mean, more-- more pubes than really one-- 631 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,466 one person could make, unless they were storing them up. 632 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,947 But you know what, I don't blame 'em. 633 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,645 I'd probably send me a box of pubes, too. 634 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,735 I messed up, you know? 635 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:36,392 No apology video or--or talk show appearance can make up 636 00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:39,352 for what I did, and you know, I can't fix it. 637 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,223 But what I can do is promise 638 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,531 that it will never happen again. 639 00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:50,145 [audience applause] 640 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,017 - Amen to that. Katherine Hastings, everybody. 641 00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,454 We'll be right back. 642 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,457 [band playing] 643 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,416 I can't believe I'm saying this, 644 00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,027 but that was actually pretty great. 645 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,594 - You know what, go [bleep] yourself, Seth. 646 00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,683 Next time, I'm going on "Kimmel." 647 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,945 - Can't blame you. 648 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,773 [all cheering] 649 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,601 - Did you see Seth's face? 650 00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,342 I mean, I think he actually felt bad. 651 00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:14,517 - Mm-hmm. - And maybe 652 00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:15,866 a little in love with me. - Mm. 653 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,564 I think anyone who sees that is gonna love you. 654 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,870 - And red America loves the QAnon tweets, 655 00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,132 so you're hitting all the demos. 656 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,133 - Wait, what QAnon tweets? 657 00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,396 - It's a long story. 658 00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:24,527 - You know, I knew you'd pull it off. 659 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:25,963 I kept saying, believe in Katherine-- 660 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,269 - He's a liar. 661 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,618 - I don't lie. - Yes, you do. 662 00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,316 Yes, you do. You lie all the time. 663 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,231 He lies all the time. And he's trying 664 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,145 to steal Sadie's job and take credit for her ideas. 665 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,147 And he's a psychopath. And he's a bully. 666 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:38,019 And he's mean. And I hate him. 667 00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,326 - Hey. 668 00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,284 - Okay. Well, I'm, um-- 669 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,460 I'm sorry that he was mean to you. 670 00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:46,767 But, um, his job here is done, 671 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,117 so you really won't have to see him anymore. 672 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,206 - Oh. 673 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,295 Okay, oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. 674 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,166 You know, now that I've resolved this issue, 675 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,212 I guess Mary Poppins just moves on 676 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,735 to some more children that need me to help them. 677 00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:01,129 - Okay? You feel better now? 678 00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,957 - Uh-huh. - Bye, Mary. 679 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,567 It's been a pleasure. 680 00:21:07,875 --> 00:21:09,964 - [sucks teeth] 681 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,487 - How gross was that? - Yeah. 682 00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:14,577 - "Katherine, Ian's being mean to Sadie." 683 00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,840 - I can handle my own problems, Wesley. 684 00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:18,494 - I hate a tattletale. 685 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:20,322 It's, like, just so hard to respect a person 686 00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:21,497 when they're being a whiny little bitch, you know? 687 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:23,717 - Totally. It's not a good look.