♪
[laughing]
How'd your parents afford this trampoline?
It's a holdover from our rich life.
I've bounced in better.
Ha!
[grunts] You guys...
got to try that shit.
[all munching, slurping]
Yeah, cheers!
Ah!
Goddamn yeah, man.
Debbie, where in the hell did you get this barbecue rig?
What? Oh, come on, no.
I made this myself from oil field piping.
You know, I'm always eating food from your culture,
like pho, so this is kind of cool to feed you
food from my culture, like ribs and shit.
Um, that's not food from your culture.
That's food from their culture that yours ripped off.
Mine? No, uh-uh.
Don't pull me into this-- I'm vegan.
My bad cholesterol is down to 75. [laughs]
-[laughter] -Gbenge.
Oh, my God, you guys make me so nervous
talking about... race.
It's not bad to talk about race or racism,
so long as everyone knows racism is bad.
Just feels wrong to cover all that stuff up
just because it's upsetting, right?
Uh...
Well, just in case you don't follow me on social media,
uh, let me just say that I'm your ally,
and I'm here to help, okay?
-To neighbors... [muttering] -To neighbors!
[glugging]
Ah!
You guys have really done well here in this place.
Yeah, I got to say, the first time you guys had us over,
I didn't expect we'd ever be here
like this having fun at the Harper house.
Right, right. You know what?
we thought we moved into Aunt Maggie's house here
because it would be cheap-- no rent, no house payment.
But... [groans] ...we forgot about the property taxes.
[scoffs] Stupid taxes, am I right?
Actually, this side of town really could use
-all the tax money we can get. -[beeping]
Okay, people, it's time!
[grunting]
Real meat and vegan meat
on a separate rack, and separate vegan tongs.
Yes! Us Harpers do it for real.
Gwen?
This is a real family.
[scoffs]
[laughing]
TV ANNOUNCER: To Thrill a Mockingbird!
Finally enjoy a conflict-free version,
with singing. Here, we find fun-loving Scout
and her oddball, adult male, loner friend Boo
having all sorts of fun adventures in the South
with all its problematic facts removed.
Oh, just Southern Gothic fun for all!
Oh, better set the DVR.
Never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but...
I've come to love this old house.
Check out my model for the school's
big Historic Downtown Project.
DEBBIE AND FREDDIE: Wow!
It's an interactive project where all the kids
build models of historic homes.
And it all culminates in the whole class doing
a big Historic Walk through the historic buildings
of Downtown River Creek-- our hood!
See, this north side of town is
kind of working out for us, right?
Toddie, this is incredible.
-Let me see. -No, Mom, don't touch it!
It's, uh... it's got fresh paint.
Hmm.
So, Ollie, I bet you picked
a cool building to do, too, right? Please?
Ta-da! It's part of the old, crumbled sidewalk out there.
It was poured way back in the '20s.
That is... that is...
Super historical? Yeah.
And... it's for walking on.
Tied that in, besides I'll clean up
on the presentation portion of the project.
And, Todd, if you get
performance nerves for that part...
I'm not nervous.
...just recall that everyone
you talk to
has boogers caking up their nose holes.
Some get bad, like fried shrimp jackets
turned inside out up in there.
Like textured wallpaper.
Just... sheet boogers.
[all retching]
Wait a second, Todd.
How old is this house, exactly?
I'm not a hundred on this, Dad, but it is
in the Victorian style, so I'm gonna say
probably late 1880s, uh, summer '83 if you pressed me.
Why? Why are we talking about this?
I think I just got a great idea of how
to get out of property tax.
♪
[humming]
So, uh, any luck yet finding the Harper house?
Uh, it's 1800s for sure.
I mean, definitely should have a historic landmarker and
it should be tax exempt for that, right?
That is right.
It's part of the Arkansas Historic Preservation Law.
You know, I have heard the Harper house
is the house where George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.
I mean, what could be worse than that?
Jar Jar Binks, I mean... [muttering]
Uh-oh!
Oh, no. Is it Jar Jar?
Worse.
Turns out the Harper house is the birthplace
of Civil War General Dickson Whitewish Harper.
Union?
Mm-mm, no, no, quite the opposite.
Very, uh...
racist.
Whoa, whoa, no, no! But I'm not racist!
My neighbors are Black... and Vietnamese.
Mm, are you saying you don't want
this tax exemption?
No, no, no, no, no, no. I-I still want that.
But can't we just cover this up, you know, like...
keep it a secret and still let me benefit
from the tax loophole thing?
Well, yes, you can do that if you want to.
Uh, just one mo... [muttering]
Oh!
My, oh, it says here that your property
is still the site of the Whitewish Monument.
-[sniffling] -Wait, what monument?
Wait, what monument?
Babe, look, it's gone. The good news is
we get to avoid paying property tax.
[groaning]
Babe, don't you hear me?
It's gone.
[whimpers]
This is silly, babe.
Leave it already.
[humming]
Gah, I don't get it.
What am I missing?
[groaning, grunting]
Uh, hello, Debbie?
[moaning]
Okay, really, what is it, Deb?
The blueprints! Okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no. No.
"So that the South may glitter
when it rises again"?
[gasps, grunts]
-Oh. -What-what is it?
Okay...
There it is.
A rope. Huh?
[gasps]
Uh...
[both gasp]
[whimpers]
[both gasping]
-Oh, my God. -Let's destroy it now!
No! Look, that-- that'll be too loud.
Let's just cover it up and act like it never happened.
[grunts] Can the roof just go back?
Uh, doesn't seem like it.
This was what someone in the house was to do
once "the South rose again."
Fuck that. [grunts]
Hush! The neighbors will hear.
And come with their eyeballs.
And use them on us. And this!
They'll think I got the racist gene from Maggie!
Well, we got to do something!
-[shouts] -Hiss!
We got to keep this from the kids.
Todd finally loves this house.
And Ollie, she can't keep a secret.
No, no, we show the kids.
They need to know this is our history.
-[gasps] -Facts are facts, Freddie.
[grunting]
Please, shush, babe, please!
Our neighbors finally like us.
Okay, straight up.
Does this bother you due to appearances...
or due to the reality
that your very recent relatives were this racist?!
Look, can't it be both?
Seriously. I mean, I hate the reality of this.
But I also don't want our non-white friends
to know this about us.
I-I-I'd like to avoid hurting them with this horrible sight.
I mean, sometimes appearances arereality.
This would be bad for the kids, right?
Fine.
I'll cover it first, and I'll remove it in secret tomorrow.
But we are not done talking about this.
[gulps]
[school bell rings]
[grunts]
Whoa-ho-ho! Nice fielding, Todd.
You were right there, you could've grabbed it!
Now my elbows are skint.
Gnarly elbow pepperonis!
Dude, I can help carry that in with you.
Why would I ever accept your bad help?
You're the least reliable person I know.
I'm also the only person you got,
Mr. "I embrace my bad people skills."
[sighs] Okay, you can get one side, but I need you to focus.
You got to keep it level.
It's structurally unsound for some reason.
I said keep it level!
No!
It's ruined, Ollie!
I was just trying to help you, bro.
[panting]
Hey, Freddie.
Ack! You're Black-- uh, back!
I-I mean, you're back at our house.
Eh, uh, not Black. [gasps] But you are.
Uh, wow. Oh, wow.
All right, look, I didn't even realize you guys were Black.
S-See, I-I don't see color, okay...
I mean, I don't even see gender. To me, you're just blobs
completely devoid of qualities. [chuckles, mutters]
Good morning to you.
Try decaf.
I see you're doing some home renovating up there?
Good eye! We are indeed.
Yeah.
Well, okay, cool.
Yeah, see, Debbie, she already has a handle on it.
-So we-we don't need help. -All right, understood.
Oh, yeah, we're-we're, yeah, we're adding
a-a greenhouse, uh, to the roof.
Oh?
Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we can, uh... [clears throat]
...grow our own, uh, pizzas.
No, no, wait, stupid Freddie.
You can't grow your own pizzas...
The things that go on top of the pizzas.
What are they called again? Shit. Oh, tomatoes!
That's it... [stammers]
It's a greenhouse, uh, for tomatoes.
-All right. -Neat.
If you want to know why...
We kind of don't. Late for work.
See, it-it's because I'm trying to get into the, uh...
ketchup, uh, business.
Ooh, great.
Yeah, see, I have an old ketchup recipe
that goes back in my family for generations.
I love my family history--
Fuck! No, I...
I mean I just love ketchup.
All right, guys, tell you more about it later!
-Check it! -We've heard enough!
We've heard enough.
[grunting]
[groans]
Why won't this cut?
Quick, we have to start a ketchup empire
or everyone will think we're racists!
[school bell ringing]
Why was it collapsing in the first place?
Now I'll definitely not get it stabilized.
Why'd your project break so easily?
Because your help was bad.
You gave bad help.
When you offer to help, but you don't follow through,
it's a hollow gesture.
It's bad help.
Seems like any help is good help to me.
Aah, I've been holding my piss all lunch.
But I still have shit to do here!
Go! I'll watch this stuff.
Trust you again? No way!
What, you gonna just not piss?
You can't do a presentation on a full tank.
You'll get jaundice.
Okay, but just watch it.
Don't touch it. Promise me on your life.
I promise.
[panting]
[grunting]
[shouts]
[rumbling]
Oh, no, no... oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
[grunting]
[gasps]
Jesus Christ
on a crooked crutch!
[muttering]
One sec, just tweeting against racism.
It makes me feel better.
It's a load-bearing statue.
What do you mean, "load-bearing"?
It's on the top of the house.
Yeah, much like America's awful, horrific,
brutal, inexcusable history of slavery,
our present situation seems to be inextricably
built upon it. Look.
[grunts]
See? This bitch's legs
go all the way up.
Oh, my God!
Okay, we-we got to just live with this huge secret forever.
It's like we're a family of O.J. Simpsons.
No. I can figure this out.
[gasps]
No!
[vocalizing]
I thought you were watching my project for me!
What happened?!
You made me promise not to touch it.
I really wanted to save it,
but I'd have had to touch it-- your bad.
No, yourbad! You knew what I meant!
What am I gonna do for my project?
Just lean into the talking part.
I do it all the time because I am good
with people and bad at work.
But you get bad grades.
But never bad vibes.
Just say, "Back in the old days,
"white people took this land from Native peoples,
"then enslaved a bunch of other people to build houses
that we all still live in."
Ollie, from here on,
I'll always say no if you ever try to help me.
Never say ever.
Now, class, remember...
after our presentations, we'll be doing the Historic Walk
around the historic downtown neighborhood of River Creek.
The mayor, Kelley Frakes, will join us,
if you can believe it, along with our own principal,
Dr. Morocco.
-[clears throat] Doctor? -Oh, yes.
I don't suppose anyone chose this outdated
and underfunded and neglected
old school building as their project?
[coughs]
No? Well, I didn't, either.
But sometimes the place picks you.
Okay, first up, we have Ollie Harper.
What are we looking at here?
Historic sidewalk, poured in 1920,
the year cavemen invented shaving...
Did you really think I would grade you
on a rock?
Well, actually, two crows flew in
and carried my actual project into the air,
and they dropped it so it would crack,
just like they do with nuts. [sighs]
I just didn't say that because I knew it's so hard to believe.
Damn crows!
I, too, hate crows.
Ever since they ate my little sister's eyeballs out
when she fell asleep on our trampoline
so... long ago.
I-I'm sorry. Did you just say that crows...
The child deserves a "D," at least.
[groans]
Todd, you're next.
[exhales]
Sheet boogers, sheet boogers.
So this is our historic Harper--
Ow! Jesus!
Todd and I are intellectually on the same level, everybody.
-No, we are not! -Oh, am I next?
I'm Joshathon, by the way.
I know your name, Joshathon.
I've had you for a few years now.
Joshathon?
Okay, Todd. [chuckles] Are we done here?
[whispers]: Try my way.
Back in the old days,
white people took this land from Native people,
and they, uh...
[whispering]: The slaves!
Stop it, Rushy!
[inhales] White people
had slaves build our house.
Maybe. [whimpers]
Todd, I'm disappointed.
That's an "F."
[grunting]
There! Now that I've reinforced
the base, I can safely remove this blight.
GWEN: Hello up there!
[bird caws]
Need help?
No, we get to not pay our property tax
if we make this place a historic landmark.
So I'm doing just, you know, repairs on it.
Got to love loopholes!
Oh. Okay.
Look, about the taxes--
Look out, diversity!
This street is
absolutely important for our Historic Walk.
Because this is where all the rich white people
used to live, you know, back before white flight,
and red-lining, and gerrymandering,
and horrid misuse of taxes.
Well, I don't exactly agree
with your accusations, Ms. Gonzalez.
I was just trying to help you, bro.
Stop saying that! Your help is
always a hollow gesture.
[wind blowing]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, aah!
[muffled shouting]
[gasps]
What in the name of sweet Black Je--
[stammers] Oh, hell no!
What the fuck, Debbie?!
-Debbie? -Tomatoes, my fucking ass.
There goes the neighborhood.
No shit, Shauna.
Uh, I don't know why people are so surprised by this.
[dog barking, whimpering]
-[cats meowing] -Huh?
-[gasps] -Ooh, rad, a ghost!
Oh, my God, a load-bearing monument!
That's why my model kept collapsing.
I didn't know our house was stabilized on racism.
Nope, not touching this one. Not me. Nope.
-Sorry. -Good idea, Doc.
[car horn honking]
[tires screech]
Hey, everybody.
What's up? [gasps]
Oh, my God.
Aah!
Freddie! Get out here!
Now!
Sheet boogers, sheet boogers.
Sheet boogers, sheet boogers, sheet boogers,
sheet boogers, sheet boogers.
All right, class dismissed, kids.
Head back to your homes, get some sleep.
Uh, we'll have a lot to discuss tomorrow.
[gasps, groans]
-[back cracking] -[grunting]
It's go time.
[grunts]
[exhales, grunts]
Okay, everybody, here!
I've printed out my tweets and Insta-posts
to prove to you all that I am an ally
and this isn't on purpose.
You don't have to read all 20 pages, but...
Just explain this shit, Freddie.
Oh, my brothers and sisters...
Do not say that.
My friends, I plan to burn the house down
in the name of equality and solidarity,
so you will all know that we hate racism!
[chuckles]
The best Mother's Day gifts are
the ones you get yourself.
Watch me burn down the Harper House!
Freddie, stop making this all about you.
That idea is bad help.
It ain't nothing but a hollow gesture, man.
Oh, I get it.
I see it. Okay. Cool.
We all knew your Aunt Maggie was a sick ol' twisted bigot.
And we wondered if y'all were, too, when you moved in,
until you started proving otherwise.
[grunting, laughing]
Yeah.
Who wants some of this? Who wants some of this?
Wait, hold on, I-I'm confused.
What-what am I supposed to do?
I mean, how do I be a good ally but not make it about me?
Why is it always the Black man's job
to teach white folks how to be good neighbors?
Okay, first, do not burn down your house.
That's just some performative bullshit.
Second, get the city or somebody
to take that disgusting thing off the roof.
Then you stay here.
You keep buying books at our store,
and food from the Dangs.
And we all keep hanging out.
Maybe.
And fucking pay your taxes!
Don't look for loopholes.
Taxes really help struggling neighborhoods like ours.
Okay. Okay. Yeah, I get it, I get it.
But, I mean, you guys aren't mad?
We are definitely mad.
But not like you assumed.
Honestly, this monument is just one outfit away
from the ones still everywhere in broad daylight.
Speaking of daylight,
in the sunlight, is that white part actually, uh...
Diamond. That's solid diamond.
-Did you say diamond?! -[gasps]
We can break it up and put the money
back into this community!
Yes! We will!
I got to tell Debbie!
Hold on to your tits.
Oh, cool.
More diamonds.
[all groaning]
Oh, well.
[grunting]
Hey, friends.
[stammers] We barbecuing again?
What's up?
Hey, where's everybody going? What...
Uh, hmm... did they see it or something?
Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it turns out
to be more about taxes, you know. [chuckles]
Hey, thanks for the tips, guys!
All right!
GBENGE: Uh-huh.
See that wave? Yeah, we're all good.
[stammers] What am I missing here?
I saved the day.
I cleaned the racism off the house.
Yeah, I think it's gonna be a daily clean-up process for us.
See, Ollie. You and Dad both gave bad help today.
Duh. I saw. I get it.
Dad's idea to burn down the house for the neighbors was...
Bad help. I got it.
You said it 20 times in 22 minutes.
You were going to burn down our house?
-Freddie? -Yeah, it was a hollow gesture.
Yeah, we all really get that now, Todd.
So do you think the neighbors hate us?
They're not happy.
Do you think we can stay here
and smooth things over?
Ooh, maybe.
So it's a cliffhanger. Is it a cliffhanger?
Do you feel like we're hanging off a cliff?
Ollie, no. What happened here
was enough, don't you think?
Look, tomorrow we wake up and stumble through
some other new, big problems, I'm sure, and...
Do you think we'll be okay?
BOTH: Yes.
Do you think we should watch that
To Thrill a Mockingbird tonight?
OTHERS: No!
DEBBIE: Shit!
Chirp.