1 00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:07,268 ♪ 2 00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,775 ♪ 3 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:50,615 ♪ 4 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,703 [grunts] 5 00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:58,580 Great work, SEAL Team Ninja Rock Band Six. 6 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:01,496 ♪ 7 00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,285 That's how we kiss in America, pal! 8 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,504 [laughs] 9 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:10,505 [man screams] 10 00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:11,636 [Hulk roars] 11 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,770 [grunting] 12 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:17,816 Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... 13 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,254 I took the one less traveled by. 14 00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:24,171 Y'all, today is our annual River Creek Fourth Fest 15 00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,737 at the country club. 16 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,523 Fireworks, fun rides and games, 17 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,569 food and big musical acts. 18 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,919 Exclusively for the members and residents 19 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,357 of the Country Club Hills gated community. 20 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:41,666 Which naturally reminds me of the topic of crime. 21 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:45,931 The city police are overloaded and, frankly, too soft, 22 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:51,459 so get your neighborhood to use my new private security firm. 23 00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:54,505 [grunting] 24 00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,377 DEBBIE: There. 25 00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,857 Just the right Fourth of July movie for this morning, 26 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,773 before we head up to the Fourth Fest! 27 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:04,167 Not Wonder Woman. Boo. 28 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:07,344 What? She's a lady superhero. 29 00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,346 You should love her even if you don't. 30 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,827 Eh. I'm not sure who this movie's for. 31 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,307 Come on. 32 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,179 Wonder Woman is like me: 33 00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,355 you know, a huge patriot. 34 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,009 Celebrator of the Fourth. 35 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,968 I am a pillar of the local community, right? 36 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,579 Huh? 37 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:27,016 All right, guys, this is the first time we get to attend 38 00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:29,714 a south side event since the big move to the north side. 39 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,455 But remember, we're just guests 40 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,370 of Daddie Dan's this year, right? 41 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,113 [gulps] 42 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,855 So we need to make sure to not, you know, 43 00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,727 let ourselves get out of hand like last year. 44 00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:45,121 -Right? -This is my favorite part. 45 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,731 [screams] 46 00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:51,258 Well, anyway, I can't wait to see my old mom group 47 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:55,044 to trade recipes, gossip and multilevel marketing schemes. 48 00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,264 It'll be a dream come true. [chuckles awkwardly] 49 00:02:57,307 --> 00:03:00,397 No, Dad, dreams are glimpses into your many other lives, 50 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,443 which are playing out in other dimensions 51 00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,488 across the quantum universe. 52 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,969 What? No. 53 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,101 I never dream that cool. 54 00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,365 You know what I'm dreaming about, Ollie? 55 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:15,020 All the new innovations in the field of deep-fried snacks. 56 00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,110 Yeah. And, Mama, I'm so stoked to compete against you, 57 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,417 as usual, in the pie-eating contest. 58 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,984 Mmm-mmm! 59 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:24,726 I'm with Dad. Let's just play it cool this year. 60 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:27,772 In fact, Mom is already too activated. 61 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,035 Hello there, fellow Arkansans. 62 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:33,213 I just wanted to jump in here betweenSling Blade screenings 63 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,258 with a few bits of trivia 64 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:38,218 about the single greatest thing to come out of our great state: 65 00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:42,961 Billy Bob Thornton's classic 1996 film,Sling Blade. 66 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,963 Naturally, we play the film 67 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,052 back-to-back all year long, but today, 68 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,621 we give a special shout-out to River Creek, Arkansas, 69 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,798 where, as always, trusty Billy Bob Thornton, 70 00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,975 not to be mistaken with the character Sling Blade, 71 00:03:57,019 --> 00:04:00,805 will headline the annual event at Fourth Fest. 72 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,633 Yeah! Billy Bob Thornton! 73 00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,679 -Let's watch Sling Bladenow. -I don't know, Todd. 74 00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,289 I mean, even though it is 75 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,248 the official movie for the state of Arkansas, 76 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,989 Sling Blademight be too violent, you know? 77 00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,340 I-I mean, it's perfect in its own dramatic, sad, 78 00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,342 Southern Gothic and kind of accurate way, 79 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,822 but it might hype Deb up too much, you know? 80 00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,607 Remember what she did last year? 81 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,565 She'll do it again. Help me. 82 00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,698 Please, I got to take that risk. 83 00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,135 It's tradition. Every Fourth, we get fireworks, 84 00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,268 frankfurters and BBT. 85 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,791 I love that elfin cowboy. 86 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,314 Who the hell doesn't? 87 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,403 Some folks call it a sling blade. 88 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,362 I call it a kaiser blade. 89 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:38,887 Mmm, I like dem French-fried potaters. 90 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,281 Mustard's good on 'em to me. 91 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:44,109 "Mm, some call it a sling blade..." 92 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,329 "But I call it a kaiser blade." 93 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:49,332 "Mustard's good on 'em to me. Mm-hmm." 94 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,117 Oh, boy. 95 00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,910 "I like dem French-fried potaters." 96 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:04,782 "Mustard's good on 'em to me. Mm-hmm." 97 00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,959 [grunts] "Some call it a sling blade..." 98 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,311 "I call it a kaiser blade. Mm-hmm." 99 00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,182 "You want mustard on 'em, mm-hmm?" 100 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,662 "Mm-hmm." 101 00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,577 Why does every single person in Arkansas 102 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,143 have a Sling Bladevoice? 103 00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:21,321 Some people call it a kaiser voice. Mm-hmm. 104 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:24,367 ♪ 105 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,503 [horns honking] 106 00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:35,552 Get your M-80s. 107 00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,163 Get your cherry bombs, right here. 108 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:41,471 Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dee-dum. 'Scuse me. 109 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,820 TODD: Look. 110 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,083 It's our principal, Dr. Morocco. 111 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,563 Man, he's so chill. 112 00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,609 Truly a role model for us youth. 113 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,568 Ugh, he's so... full of red flags. 114 00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,483 Hey, let him live. 115 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,183 ♪ 116 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,980 [music playing faintly on radio] 117 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,112 That Freddie. 118 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,985 He just ain't a man's man, Roy. 119 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,726 I just figure he's too uptight. 120 00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:20,597 It'd be fun to see him have fun, wouldn't it? 121 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,948 Uh, what's in the bag, babe? 122 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,516 It's a costume change. Gonna blow everyone's mind. 123 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,605 Ah... 124 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,305 [people screaming in distance] 125 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,747 Evening, Kelley. 126 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,096 Cool if I bring in this sandwich? 127 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,402 I'm almost done. 128 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:45,927 Anything for a former pro athlete. 129 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:49,713 And Miss Brenna. Nice to see you, too. 130 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,150 Such pillars of the community. 131 00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,631 Well, it takes a gated village. 132 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,373 -Afternoon, Mayor. -Daddie Dan. 133 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,027 You, the kids, 134 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:02,422 and the uptight nerd can come on in. 135 00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:05,555 But your worse daughter, Debbie, 136 00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:09,907 is banned from Fourth Fest due to the incident. 137 00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:12,693 Come on, Sling Blade, sing Skynard! 138 00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:15,609 Goddamn it, this woman does this every year. 139 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,306 Can't someone stop it? 140 00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,482 And, everybody, my name ain't Sling Blade. 141 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,918 -[clamoring] -Yeah. Come here, come here... 142 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,746 -[mutters, chuckles] -[phone beeps] 143 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,620 You are north side trash, and you're banned. 144 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,623 That was out of love, for the Fourth of July! 145 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,626 And patriotism! And BBT! 146 00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:35,411 It's the American way: to get physical. 147 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,587 So why single me out? 148 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,546 -Don't make a scene. -[gasps] 149 00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:43,463 Could you just go to my house and eat my private ice cream? 150 00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:47,336 A-And the Crown whiskey on the top shelf, okay? 151 00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,033 Okay, fine, fine, fine. 152 00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:51,645 My family is too cool for this anyway, right? 153 00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:53,995 -Come on, guys. [gasps] -Oh, man. 154 00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,605 Darn. 155 00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,302 Honey, shoot, I... 156 00:07:57,346 --> 00:08:00,784 You know, I'm really sorry, but it's Fourth Fest. 157 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,701 Whatever! 158 00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:05,789 I don't even care! 159 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,704 [sobbing] 160 00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,054 I do care. 161 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,839 I love you, Boy. 162 00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:14,537 I love you, too, Sling Blade. 163 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,148 [breathes deeply] 164 00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,199 [sniffles] 165 00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:28,029 Hey, wait a second. 166 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:31,119 Toilets don't clog in nice neighborhoods. 167 00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,208 ♪ 168 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,341 [grunts] 169 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,214 [panting] 170 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,650 [grunts] 171 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,826 VLAD: Okay, listen. 172 00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,219 We hit all these houses 173 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:45,525 that flank the golf course. 174 00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,830 All the people are away 175 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,006 at their stupid American festival. 176 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,748 We just need to wait for the signal, 177 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,924 and then we rob them all. 178 00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,840 [panting]: okay. 179 00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,929 [grunting, panting] 180 00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,501 Okay, okay, okay. 181 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,852 Do I call the cops and give them all the glory? 182 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,898 [chuckles]: Or... 183 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:13,901 do I take 'em all down myself and prove to everyone 184 00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:17,382 that I am not trash, and that I'm a goddamn patriot, 185 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:21,125 a class act partier, and a pillar of the community? 186 00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:22,953 Oh, it's a big opportunity. 187 00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:24,607 [exhales sharply] 188 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,435 If it can be done... 189 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:27,654 I can do it. 190 00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,487 ♪ 191 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,402 All right, kids, let's get the lay of the land 192 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,535 before we enjoy the fest, okay? 193 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,146 Ooh, wow, look at that! 194 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,235 Oh, my-- This is incredible! 195 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,020 -There's Billy Bob! -[cheering] 196 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,717 -[Ollie whoops] -[chanting]: Sling Blade! Sling Blade! 197 00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:50,415 Sling Blade! Sling Blade! 198 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,331 What the fuck, guys, my name ain't Sling Blade, all right? 199 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:54,811 What the fuck am I doing here? 200 00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,727 Hey, Sling Blade! Play some music! 201 00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,337 Oh, my God. 202 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,339 I wouldn't even do this if it wasn't for charity. 203 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:04,734 -MAN: It's not for charity! -It's for Sling Blade! 204 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,518 [cheering] 205 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,434 Ugh, I wish Mom were here. She's the fun one. 206 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:10,914 She and I would already be covered 207 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,873 in fried food by now. 208 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,265 It's not the same. 209 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,919 Why-why don't you go get some gross food 210 00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,268 and come right back here, huh? 211 00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,183 I'll be at this picnic table. 212 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,403 A-And get me a flavored water. 213 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,534 Water flavor! 214 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,754 Oh. 215 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,190 My old private school friends. 216 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,105 You know, Ollie might be bummed, 217 00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,107 but I'm so relieved Mom isn't here 218 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,327 to embarrass me like always. 219 00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,590 Wassup, Toddy? Todd's dad. 220 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,418 'Sup... 221 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,680 Sorry. I'm invisible. 222 00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:40,204 Hey, we miss you, Todd ole boy. 223 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,642 Really? Thanks Dawson and Creek. 224 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,861 -It's good to be back, guys. -[chuckles]: Sure. 225 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,689 You were always the brains of our group. 226 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:49,649 -Well, cool. I mean I am. -Meaning you always did 227 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,389 our shitty homework for us, right? 228 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:55,176 [laughs]: Oh, man. Oh, good times. 229 00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,439 The memories, wow, yeah. 230 00:10:57,482 --> 00:11:00,485 Hey, say, We've got two extra funnel cakes. You want them? 231 00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:03,140 Wow, what a nice gesture, gentlemen. 232 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,752 I feel very accepted. Right, Todd? 233 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:09,233 Yeah. Let's, uh, show our gratitude and eat them. Now. 234 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,064 -[snickering] -FREDDIE: Mmm! 235 00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,936 This fest blows. Hey, look! 236 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:18,503 You want to go back to my home movie theater, Dawson? 237 00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:21,115 Sounds great. Love to see the old neighborhood. 238 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,639 Not you, Todd. You're not invited. 239 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,249 [laughing] 240 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,425 -Buh-bye! -Burn! 241 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,994 Those boys aren't thatcool. 242 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,082 Just kinda. 243 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,605 Oh, Dad, it's fine. 244 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,824 When you get as many A's as I do, 245 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,434 you deserve a couple wedgies. 246 00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,828 It kinda goes with the territory. I'm fine with it. 247 00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,874 Such a great idea to use Todd's dad 248 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,832 as a guinea pig for those drugs. 249 00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:46,488 Yeah, I got to see what Molly does to someone before I try it. 250 00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:50,710 Really? Uh, I put all the mushrooms on it, too. 251 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,146 [Freddie chuckles] 252 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,278 Ah... 253 00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:00,197 I'll show everyone I'm not trash. 254 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:08,249 I'll show everyone who's the top citizen in this town. 255 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,252 -[birds chirping] -[insects trilling] 256 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,082 How incredibly courageous of Sling Blade 257 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,954 to direct himself in his own movie. 258 00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,436 [ladder rattles] 259 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,835 And now, they're all gonna be like, "Whoa. 260 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,141 "This is a special woman, and we should never be a cook 261 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,839 "in her kitchen because we don't want to taint 262 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,884 "her unpredictable genius actions that we bear witness to 263 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,712 now on this Fourth of fucking July!" 264 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,235 Told you! 265 00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,063 [phone beeps] 266 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,543 It's time. 267 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,025 -[chanting]: Sling Blade...! -Y'all know Scottie Pippen's from Arkansas, too. 268 00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,158 I heard he's got a band. Fuck. Get him up here. Shit. 269 00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:51,292 What you need, Sling Blade? Uh, dang it, I mean, Billy Bob? 270 00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,859 Coffee? Energy drink? 271 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,774 Nah, I'm gonna need something stronger. 272 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,169 -Ah... -[heartbeat throbbing] 273 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,519 Running low. 274 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,260 Got to hit Brad Pitt up for more. 275 00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,002 That Missouri boy was around the source for a good while. 276 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,310 [grunts] 277 00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:14,010 [sighs] Just isn't the same without Mom. 278 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,707 Any minute now, 279 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,798 that guy is gonna freak out. 280 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,451 I wonder where Ollie is. 281 00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,845 [chuckles]: Ooh. Oh, man. 282 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,499 Hey, come on, Todd, let's just 283 00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:27,241 you and me take everything the fest has to offer. 284 00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,721 You know, I mean, Ollie is fine. 285 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,724 Ooh, man, I feel good. Wow. 286 00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:35,118 [echoing]: Anyway, you know, it's a safe place. 287 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,946 She'll find us in a bit. 288 00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,818 Ooh, let's play this! 289 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,471 Oh, man. 290 00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:43,866 Hey, Todd, how you doing? 291 00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,086 -[electrical whirring] -Uh-uh. [grunts] 292 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:49,045 -What the fudge? -[chuckles]: Yeah, bitch. 293 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,830 [grunting] 294 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,832 Take that mother... 295 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,224 -[grunts] -[cries out] 296 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:57,401 I'm a regular Sling Blade over here, huh? 297 00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:00,230 F-ing awesome over here! 298 00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,798 Holy shit, look at Freddie! 299 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,105 -[Freddie whoops] -Well, okay, okay, Freddie boy. 300 00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,455 -FREDDIE: Freddie's here! -Having some fun, eh, kicking people in dicks 301 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,631 and ripping their heads off and flying around, 302 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,589 but yeah, he is having fun, sure enough. 303 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,069 Roundhouse 'em, Freddie! 304 00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,897 [elongated groan] 305 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,600 Ouch! Looks like that hurt. 306 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,168 [grunting] 307 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,866 [groans] Please! 308 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,129 Take me to the hospitals! 309 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,045 [cries out] 310 00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,398 [grunting] 311 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:39,966 [straining] 312 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,054 [grunts] 313 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:42,272 Aah! 314 00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,100 [grunts] 315 00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,189 [groaning] 316 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,713 [all moaning] 317 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,498 You done activated me. 318 00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:53,501 Time to take this up a notch to level two. 319 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,937 [phone beeps] 320 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,287 There's some unforeseen husky Wonder Woman 321 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,594 pulling a Home Aloneon us. 322 00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,683 [quiet chatter] 323 00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:06,949 ...and that's all you need to do to please your lady. 324 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,559 -Wow. -Wow! [chuckles] 325 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,170 You're pretty cool, man. 326 00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:13,086 Why do you hang out with this gross little nobody? 327 00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,609 Oh, shit. 328 00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,219 Todd is cool, man. 329 00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,612 Cooler than you, 330 00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,657 because he still tries to be nice to you 331 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,746 even though you're little shitheads. 332 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,793 He's got a good heart, and he's smart as hell. 333 00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,838 Plus, that's my son, dude. 334 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:29,232 So chill out or watch out. 335 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,148 Dude, you destroy us with words. 336 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:37,849 [straining] 337 00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,677 -OLLIE: Hey, Biggun! -[gasps] 338 00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,028 It just wasn't the same without you. 339 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,420 Oh, a penny for luck! 340 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,249 Oh! Oh, my God, Ollie! 341 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,947 [groans] Are you okay? 342 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:51,776 Whoa, I nearly got deadened right there, Mom. 343 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,517 What are you up to? 344 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,780 Defending the neighborhood from robbers like Wonder Woman. 345 00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:57,608 Why is Wonder Woman just like 346 00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,133 all the shitty men heroes who just fight, fight, fight? 347 00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:03,179 Sometimes you got to fight, babe. Now get inside. 348 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,138 We say it's bad that men are violent, 349 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,227 and that they should be more like us rad women 350 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,533 who use our words to overcome conflicts. 351 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:12,710 But then we just make her behave like a dude. 352 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,016 [whispers]: Listen to me. 353 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,496 There are violent criminals here, 354 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,193 so I'm getting violent! 355 00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:18,847 -And drunk. -And drunk, yes. 356 00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,240 Limbers me up. 357 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,416 I say we try diplomacy with the bad guys, 358 00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,418 'cause these traps look mean. 359 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,030 Whoa, Mom! No! 360 00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,641 They're just robbers. You can't kill people. 361 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:33,035 You know what, I am not passing up my moment 362 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,297 to win back the hearts of this town. 363 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,082 -So... -[grunting] 364 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,606 -Ow! -I got to subdue and present 365 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,216 all these bad guys, Ollie. But I do hear you. 366 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,565 I promise I won't kill anyone on purpose. 367 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:42,566 Okay, good talk! 368 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,568 [upbeat music playing] 369 00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:49,138 Things should be right on schedule. 370 00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,446 [cheering] 371 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,101 Mel Gibson... 372 00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:58,104 was in my favorite Fourth of July movie: 373 00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,540 The Patriot. 374 00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:05,198 Mel was in this movie back in the year 2000, y'all. 375 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:08,375 He was an American defending his homeland 376 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:12,074 against the redcoats, and he bathed in their blood 377 00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,425 like any red-blooded American would do. 378 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:18,515 He knew that defending your home was 379 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:21,301 the most important thing. 380 00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,129 And we didn't listen. 381 00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,782 Thus 9/11. 382 00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:27,829 So y'all should listen to me 383 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:30,223 and buy one of my home security systems 384 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,703 from Kelley Frakes White Glove Security. 385 00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,792 God bless the U.S. of A. 386 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,359 -[upbeat music playing] -[crying] 387 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,100 [Freddie giggling] 388 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,971 [crying] 389 00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,322 Your dad's tripping balls on the drugs we put 390 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,063 on his funnel cake. 391 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,326 -You did what? Dad. Dad! -It's gonna be really colorful! 392 00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,157 Whoa. Please. No, no, woman. 393 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,723 We just want to talk. 394 00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:53,942 [breathing heavily] 395 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:54,943 [yells] 396 00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,118 [grunts] 397 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,989 [cries out] 398 00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:02,168 Hey. 'Sup? 399 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:05,345 Why do I even care if their stuff gets stolen? 400 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:08,652 Damn Kelley Frakes will always fuck you over. 401 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:11,525 Kelley? She'll fuck us over? 402 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,223 Wait a second, does Kelley have something to do with all this? 403 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:19,141 Uh... let's talk? 404 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,538 [grunts] 405 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,716 I guess violence is in my genes. 406 00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,936 And if the "mom genes" fit, wear 'em. 407 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,114 I-It's so great being back with you lovely mamas 408 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,680 from my mom group. Aah! 409 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,508 Your eczema cleared up, Macy. Wow. 410 00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,944 You've been doing the oatmeal scrubs? 411 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,642 [laughs] 412 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:44,079 Dad, you're dosed with drugs, and we forgot about Ollie. 413 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,385 Where is she? 414 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:48,127 [gasps] Oh, my God. Ollie was right! 415 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,172 I'm "dream seeing" my alternative selves 416 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,783 in the other dimensions of the quantum universes! 417 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,045 DREAM FREDDIE: Looking good, buddy! 418 00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:57,353 Let Mom go! 419 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,703 Little girl, this might surprise you, 420 00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:02,837 but we've been having diplomatic talks with your mama. 421 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,709 See? Wonder Woman can be cool. 422 00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,930 Damn, but all you robbers are super messed up 423 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,236 and need a hospital. 424 00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:14,979 Yes. This was meant to be "no contact" job. 425 00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:18,418 -Our weapons are fake. -It was Kelley. 426 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,377 She hired us to rob this neighborhood for some reason. 427 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,337 Yeah, and I know that reason. 428 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,908 [clamoring] 429 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:33,215 All right, y'all, we're back for our second set. 430 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,738 [panting] 431 00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,175 -[groans] -[guards grunt] 432 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,046 [panting] 433 00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,352 Okay. 434 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,963 How in the hell did you get in here, 435 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,660 you drunken trash? 436 00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:45,227 Recognize these criminals? 437 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:49,231 They told me you hired them to rob the neighborhood. 438 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,581 Oh, that's the booze talking. 439 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,193 50-50. And now, guess what? 440 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,760 I'm getting up on that stage to say that you hired them 441 00:19:56,804 --> 00:20:00,111 so everyone would believe that crime was on the rise in town, 442 00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:04,507 so they would then also buy your new security system. Aha! 443 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,249 You're taking advantage of America's fear of violence, 444 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,556 which comes from America's addiction to violence, 445 00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,775 which comes from America's fear of violence, 446 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,300 which comes from America's addiction to violence, 447 00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,302 which comes from America's fear of violence, 448 00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,042 -which comes from... -Look. 449 00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:21,698 I can lift the ban on you partaking in the Fourth Fest. 450 00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:24,745 I'll even introduce you as a model citizen. 451 00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,183 Ifyou keep this between us. 452 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,619 [Freddie giggling] 453 00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,447 All right, let's get this thing going. 454 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,363 -[whoops] -What the fuck do you think you're doing, boy? 455 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,582 Goddamn it. 456 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,453 -[mumbling a tune] -Yes, Dad! 457 00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:40,151 Dance like no one exists. 458 00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,718 ♪ Ah, ooh, ah, da-da-da.♪ 459 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,807 -Shit. Fuck. -[crowd gasps] -Hiss! 460 00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:46,506 Back, Redcoats. Back. Hiss. 461 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:50,074 -Hey, watch it! [grunts] -KELLEY: So we're cool? 462 00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:54,078 Double overtime and I get you backstage with Billy Bob? 463 00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,384 [scoffs] 464 00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:56,994 Guys, I thought we were cool. 465 00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,127 Hey, it's Sling Blade, man. 466 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,216 Hey, let go! Let go! 467 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,828 Now, all the Harpers are banned from Fourth Fest! 468 00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:07,744 Ah. I am going to expose you! 469 00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,920 Who's going to believe you, huh? 470 00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:12,096 Get 'em out of here, boys! 471 00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,362 Good run being fun, man. Too bad. 472 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,102 Mm-hmm. 473 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,801 -Ha-ha! [laughs] -Later! 474 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,193 [groans] 475 00:21:24,979 --> 00:21:26,589 That's good, kids. You're doing great. 476 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,765 Just take the alleys and back roads. 477 00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:31,855 -[fireworks crackling] -Ah... 478 00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:33,727 Happy birthday, July. 479 00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:36,033 I'm so sorry, everyone. 480 00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:38,645 I feel like such a hypocrite for scolding you, Deb. 481 00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:43,302 I'm hungover, sunburned, somehow I lost my shoes. 482 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,086 Welcome to being me, babe. 483 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:46,696 [tires screech] 484 00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,611 [engine idling] 485 00:21:48,655 --> 00:21:50,570 [tires squealing] 486 00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:53,355 Seems you all have had a learning type of day. 487 00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:55,966 Tell me, what did you learn, girl person? 488 00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,359 That... 489 00:21:57,403 --> 00:22:01,232 I'm a lot like my mom, and she's a lot like me. 490 00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:03,147 And you, scowl-faced lad? 491 00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:05,889 I guess I learned that life is a series of embarrassments. 492 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:08,370 And if it's not one parent then it's the other. 493 00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,721 And my old friends, they're just sucky dicks. 494 00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:14,550 Yes, that's true. Dicks are a dime a dozen. 495 00:22:14,594 --> 00:22:16,900 I learned "diplomacy" sucks a big-- 496 00:22:16,944 --> 00:22:19,163 Don't talk until your name's called, Mother. 497 00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:21,035 Bad form, that. [clicking tongue] 498 00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:22,471 Now, broken man. 499 00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:24,908 -Are you the father? -Yep. 500 00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:27,084 Yeah. Yes. 501 00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:28,695 And your lesson? 502 00:22:28,738 --> 00:22:31,262 Well, I learned that even though mushrooms and Molly 503 00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:34,788 make me the person I've always dreamed of being 504 00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:38,269 but somehow was not really ever able to be... 505 00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:40,837 eh, they're just not really for me. 506 00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:44,319 And I just learned... 507 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,278 where my lost bag of drugs ended up. 508 00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:57,898 ♪ 509 00:22:57,941 --> 00:23:00,074 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 510 00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:32,411 Chirp.