1 00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,398 ♪ 2 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,203 ♪ 3 00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:47,177 ♪ 4 00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:53,009 First, we hit the candy store. [grunts] 5 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,403 Then, we hit the pet store, aka the mini-zoo. 6 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:58,101 [grunts] And finally, due to the upcoming summer solstice, 7 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:01,496 I want to get my fortune read. 8 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,715 Ollie, it's your money, babe, 9 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:08,024 but don't waste it on fake stuff like fortune-telling. 10 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,679 Hey there, little girl, can I get your support to expose 11 00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:13,116 the lizard people in government? 12 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,772 Lizard people? Like... Sea Monkeys? 13 00:01:16,815 --> 00:01:20,167 Well, for five dollars I'll explain further. 14 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,256 How much can you explain for ten? 15 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,780 Ollie, get over here, right now! 16 00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,609 I need you to develop a "bullshit detector." 17 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,351 Your gullible nature is going to make you a victim one day. 18 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,354 I completely disagree. 19 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:37,140 No fracking. No fracking. No fracking. No fracking. 20 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,360 Todd, are you sure it's okay to do this? 21 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,275 Jesus, Dad, focus. 22 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,538 It's Kelley Frakes' initiative. 23 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,801 she plans to expand her fracking here on the north side. 24 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:48,543 And fracking causes climate change. Yeah. 25 00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:50,632 Look, I-I know. Everyone knows. Okay? 26 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,460 But, I-I mean, it's climate change, 27 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,810 so it's no fun at all. Look, I'm struggling. 28 00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:57,334 Kelley wants to expand fracking into the creek, 29 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:58,901 where me and my friends play with the turtles. 30 00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:03,079 Or should I say, I play with my only friend, the turtle. 31 00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:07,736 Ah, don't worry, Mom. 32 00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,172 There's no one but that Harper nerd and Debbie's nervous, 33 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,608 wrong-choice husband. 34 00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:15,700 Johnny, you know what starts a snowball rolling? 35 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,485 A snowflake. 36 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,965 I don't want anyone to get in the way 37 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,098 of our fracking license. 38 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,841 I got big investors lined up to cash in. 39 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:30,106 Well, we'll have that license in just 24 hours. [chuckles] 40 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,760 No one's gonna pull off anything 41 00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,284 to get in the way of that in time. 42 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,947 What's up, windowless van-stache? 43 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,210 Dorothy Parker, everybody. 44 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:49,430 LOOK! Oh, my God, Todd is on TV! Turn it up! 45 00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:51,345 Today, as the clock winds down 46 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,956 on any dissent for the mayor's fracking expansion, 47 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:56,611 a local boy makes a scene at the capitol. 48 00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,134 Climate change is real. 49 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,615 There are facts, and there are clear plans. 50 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:03,226 Hi, y'all. As y'all's mayor, 51 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,098 I'm out here trying to figure out how to drum up 52 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,884 some positive economic ventures. 53 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,191 Understandable and relatable. 54 00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:14,672 The local boy, on the other hand, is abrasive, alone, ugly. 55 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:17,371 Plus, I mean, it's climate change, so... snooze. 56 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,984 Dad. I still got a few dollars 57 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:24,029 and it's still daylight. 58 00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:25,988 Will you take me to get my fortune read? 59 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:28,991 Whatever. At least this outing won't give me a headache. 60 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,820 Ollie, remember what I said about that fake stuff, babe. 61 00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:34,170 You put your faith in it, you're gonna be let down. 62 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,826 Leaps of faith are exciting. Leaps of fact are homework. 63 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:46,008 Welcome to our blessed boutique. Feel blessed. 64 00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,315 Hi, I'm Joshathon, the free range kid. 65 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:51,013 My parents buy our goods on Amazon 66 00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:53,929 and sell them to you for twice the price. [chuckles] 67 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:57,585 Rad! See, everyone's here. 68 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,326 If there's a sale, I'm there, 69 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,415 even if it is just crystals and brass. 70 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:04,156 For a place that's supposedly "at one with Mother Earth," 71 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,202 they sure use a lot of plastic 72 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,204 and create a shit-ton of trash. 73 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,684 Oh, come on. Look at this, look at this. 74 00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:13,470 CBD toothpicks. Look, CBD hair pomade. 75 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:16,778 Come on, now. This CBD thing is crazy, right? 76 00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,954 But let's get some, just to be sure, you know. 77 00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,348 Ah. I need this headache to go away. 78 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:24,351 Oh, you just need a natural remedy. 79 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:27,136 Is this $65 carrot? 80 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,617 No, it's not. It's a $65 care-OOT, 81 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,401 flown in from the mystical Black Forest of Germany 82 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:32,794 this morning by jet. 83 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,665 Well, I do like their cake and ham, 84 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,972 but $65... I don't... 85 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:38,495 A magic number? Yes. 86 00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:40,323 You're into numerology. I get it, so am I. 87 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,890 Tell you what. I'll give you a sample off yesterday's 88 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,718 car-OOT for, like, $12.50. 89 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,895 Well, okay. I'm sure you know what you're talking about. 90 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:52,988 Hey, little goddess, you have a great taste in crystals. 91 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:54,816 Those are our most expensive. 92 00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,208 If you listen while you scratch at them, 93 00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:59,168 you can hear their high-pitched, scratchy voices 94 00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,735 talking to you. 95 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,389 Watch. 96 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,826 Yes. I know. [laughs] 97 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,089 So spiritual. 98 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,221 My grandma says if we want to get spiritual 99 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:10,745 we should just go to church. 100 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,529 Bullshit! That's bullshit. 101 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:16,098 It's so backwards and, like, wrong and, like, stupid 102 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:19,144 to believe in such old, fake bullshit. 103 00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,103 Gross. 104 00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:24,106 Dad, there it is. I want to do that. 105 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,111 Jame, come here. I can't get this damn thing to work. 106 00:05:29,154 --> 00:05:32,419 This is for thee to fix. 107 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,421 [gasps] 108 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:37,511 Thy! Thy the chosen one! 109 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:38,686 Look, Dad. 110 00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:40,514 That scary, foreboding old crone is 111 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:41,776 waving me over. 112 00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,125 Of course I should go, right? 113 00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:47,825 The fate of the world is in your hands. 114 00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:52,308 Give me a hit off my Monster. Where's my Monster? 115 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,614 How? 116 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:57,182 This town is located on a vortex 117 00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:59,707 of converging, magnetic ley lines. 118 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,970 That's actually true, geologically. 119 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,668 And on the summer solstice, 120 00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:08,411 this town will line up perfectly at midnight 121 00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:11,414 with the Pleiades cluster of stars, 122 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:14,069 thus temporarily making it 123 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:17,246 a special spot on the planet. 124 00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:18,769 Holy shit, look at that. 125 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,902 Checks out, astronomically speaking. 126 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,513 The world needs correcting. 127 00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:26,255 We are scattered, lost. 128 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:29,127 The prophecies have foretold that the only thing 129 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:31,826 to keep the world from ending 130 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:35,830 is the hope of the new generation. 131 00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,266 Can't really argue with that. 132 00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:40,704 That hope is you. 133 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:44,186 You must get everyone in town to come together 134 00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,841 and partake of a great uniter. 135 00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:50,453 We need to partake of someone who believes that 136 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:53,935 we are the change we want to be. 137 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:56,459 So, thy little one, 138 00:06:56,503 --> 00:07:00,115 you must get everyone in this special town 139 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,509 to eat a piece of... 140 00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:05,512 Barack Obama. 141 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,470 [all gasp] 142 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:10,299 Before midnight on the summer solstice, 143 00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:13,084 or the world will end! 144 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,869 [gasps] 145 00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:17,959 Tight. I got this! 146 00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:19,656 But what are we all supposed to do? 147 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,658 Partake of what? 148 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,618 Well, it sounds like she wants us all to take a bite of... 149 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,490 I think Obama. 150 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,405 No one can eat Barack Obama, 151 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,059 let alone all of the town. 152 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,930 And that's only 24 hours. 153 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,193 That can't be real... can it? 154 00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,195 I don't know. What if it is real, 155 00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,980 but we didn't try to do anything? 156 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,025 That's crazy. Eat Obama? 157 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:42,549 A-And why Obama? 158 00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,594 Well, why not Obama? 159 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,509 He is special. 160 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,556 No, I mean, I get that if it's anyone, it should be Obama. 161 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:50,818 He's special. 162 00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:53,081 Even if this was a real prophecy, 163 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,996 I don't know how you'd even start. 164 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:58,826 I'd love to see Ollie try, real or not, and it can't be real. 165 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,176 Well, our crone did predict the last election. 166 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:02,743 And she is from old, mystic Europe. 167 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,179 I mean, we fly her back and forth every night. 168 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,355 Costs a fucking fortune in gas, but it's worth it. 169 00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,705 [indistinct chatter] 170 00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:14,145 So we gotta stay fact-based to end climate change, 171 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,670 which is real and proven by science. 172 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,368 -Uh-huh. -[both snoring] 173 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,891 Guys, you're not going to believe what's happened, 174 00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,850 and what's got to happen, and what's going to happen 175 00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,939 -if it doesn't happen. -Huh? What? 176 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:28,377 So, a crone told my fortune, free of charge, 177 00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:31,772 and she said I gotta get everyone in town 178 00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:33,904 to eat a piece of Barack Obama 179 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:37,473 before midnight tomorrow, or the world ends. 180 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:41,738 -[laughter] -Yeah. 181 00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:44,262 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 182 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,307 [knock on door] 183 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,051 We better get started, chosen one. 184 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:03,455 So, yeah. I mean, it's kinda fun and exciting 185 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:04,587 to believe in this. 186 00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:07,459 Not like climate change or anything. 187 00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:10,680 Okay, I-I get Ollie believing this, but all of you? 188 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,204 Is this some kind of sarcastic game? 189 00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:16,033 Katrina, come on, you're too smart for this. 190 00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,513 I'm fifty-fifty. 191 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,429 Fifty sarcastic, the rest is curious. 192 00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:22,213 I want to see how far this can go. 193 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,564 What-- But what about the rest of y'all? 194 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:28,829 Uh, listen, we're talking about coming together as a people 195 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,961 to save our planet from destruction. 196 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:35,575 All we have to do is simply eat President Barack Obama. 197 00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,055 Which is impossible and stupid. 198 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,622 You're impossible and stupid. 199 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,145 Freddie, say something. 200 00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,278 Well, you know, I did have a headache from Todd 201 00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,497 -yelling about the climate. -What? 202 00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:48,326 You see, then Jame sold me a sliver of a blackened carrot, 203 00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,503 and that worked, so, uh, maybe this will. 204 00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,070 Mm, pretty dumb, babe. 205 00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,419 Look, I know it's a big stretch, 206 00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,421 but, I mean, what if it's not, you know? 207 00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,510 Like, what if the world ends and it's our fault because 208 00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,512 we didn't even do the simplest thing? 209 00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,863 That is literally exactly what I've been saying 210 00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:04,081 about climate change. 211 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:06,170 Yeah, but this is now. 212 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:09,260 Is the AC on? 'Cause it's, like, 120 degrees. 213 00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:12,699 Guys, Even if you believe this cockamamie prophecy, 214 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,048 we cannot actually eat 215 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:16,398 the 44th president of the United States. 216 00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:19,009 -You can't eat anybody! -Tonya! 217 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,532 All I'm saying is I'm open to it. 218 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,670 Okay, Ollie, 219 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,672 I'm going to let you try to do this because 220 00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:33,284 I want you to learn a lesson about being too gullible. 221 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:36,636 And I'm going to be there when it all crashes and burns. 222 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,855 Awesome, Mom. Thanks. 223 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,552 Here we go. 224 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,424 [line ringing] 225 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,644 Hello, little goddess. 226 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,646 -Aunt Brenna! -DEBBIE: Wait. 227 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,866 -What-what are you doing? -I'm saving the world, Mom. Duh. 228 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,738 You're not going to believe this, but I gotta get 229 00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:54,131 the whole town to eat a piece of Barack Obama 230 00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:56,830 before midnight tomorrow, or else the world will end, 231 00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:59,571 and all these people are behind me to try and do this. 232 00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:02,052 ALL: Hi, Aunt Brenna. 233 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:06,491 Well, is your mom for or against it? 234 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,580 -Against. -I'll be right over. 235 00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,108 Now, the first thing to do 236 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:16,327 is to create a huge online presence. 237 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:20,027 Get people on board with this crazy, fun, flirty idea. 238 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:22,986 I'm already a big influencer, so... 239 00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,423 You're @WhiteThangTopNotch FashionBeeotch. 240 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:29,340 Guilty. I got 500,000 followers just by being me, 241 00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,691 and also having all the taste in the family. 242 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:32,822 [snorts] 243 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,084 Oh, man. 244 00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:37,000 Yeah, you're connected to most of the town. 245 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,176 Got some big shots. Ham. 246 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:41,918 I see Brenna's organized marathons and fundraisers 247 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:45,139 for some okay-ish causes. Hmm. 248 00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:48,533 Okay then, @WhiteThangTopNotch FashionBeeotch. 249 00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:49,621 Go ahead. 250 00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:51,885 Thank you very much, sweetheart. 251 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:54,757 Aunt Brenna, you're all so excited about the Obama part, 252 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,498 you're forgetting about the eatingpart. 253 00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:59,240 Yeah, Ollie, how do you see this whole 254 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:02,634 "eating Barack Obama" thing really working? 255 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,767 We'll eat that bridge when we come to it. 256 00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,117 Fair enough. 257 00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:11,208 Then let's start counting our eaters. 258 00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,775 ♪ 259 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,319 ♪ 260 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:42,457 We got everyone in town to at least say 261 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,328 they'd be into eating this dude. 262 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,026 Heh. See, Mom? 263 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,071 I knew Aunt Brenna would be awesome somehow. 264 00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,117 My job is done here. 265 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,596 [grumbles] 266 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,815 The clock is running out 267 00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,164 on any dissent against Mayor Frakes' 268 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,949 expansion of her fracking enterprise. 269 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:59,169 But we all would rather focus on this super-fun thing: 270 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,607 Ollie Harper and her push to get us all to eat a piece 271 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,436 of President Barack Obama. 272 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,787 [indistinct shouting] 273 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,746 Oh, my God, isn't it cool your sister's famous? 274 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,966 Dad, all these people are wasting their energy 275 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:16,012 on a fantasy while something real, the climate, 276 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,448 is getting lost! 277 00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:19,624 I demand to talk to the mayor 278 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:22,802 and get her aid in bringing Obama to River Creek, 279 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:25,805 so every single one of us may eat a piece of him! 280 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:28,285 [enthusiastic shouts] 281 00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:30,287 There's no way it's going any further. 282 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,854 I mean, Kelley won't help. 283 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,813 [gasps, cheers] 284 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:36,728 So, Mayor, will you help get Obama? 285 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:40,732 Well, I think better to be cautious 286 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,560 than complacent. 287 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,172 Ollie, get me one of those crystal bangles. 288 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:47,217 I'm on the job. 289 00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,653 -[Debbie and Todd gasp] -[cheering] 290 00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:50,525 Man, this is awesome! 291 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,712 I can't believe you're into this, Kelley. 292 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:06,715 But, honestly, what now, huh? Where are we flying? 293 00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,499 Don't worry about it. 294 00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:11,372 I am a connected lady. 295 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:14,462 And things happen for a reason. 296 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,378 Genocide? Kid cancer? Poor people? 297 00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:22,470 God works in mysterious, painful, and cruel ways. 298 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,385 You see my ankles? 299 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:27,475 Horseshit! You're trying to run down the clock on this vote. 300 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:30,652 Boy, don't try to boy-splain to me. 301 00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,222 The Harper boy's right, right? 302 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,747 I mean, we're using this Obama eating stuff as a distraction 303 00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,618 to run down the clock on any opposition 304 00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,055 to the fracking expansion. 305 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:45,449 KELLEY: Yeah, but keep the boy from alerting 306 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:48,583 "you know who" about our fracking. 307 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,716 I don't want anything to spook our investors. 308 00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:01,770 Now Americans get their political information 309 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:05,469 -mostly from comedies. -[laughter] 310 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:07,994 That wasn't a joke. [grunts] 311 00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:11,519 This man thinks he can write a woman character. 312 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:14,000 And... he can't. 313 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,611 Mr. President, we have some unexpected visitors. 314 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,831 Oh, Barack... 315 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:22,834 Is that Kelley Frakes? Let 'em through. 316 00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,532 What are you doing here, girl? 317 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,882 I hope you guys get bathroom breaks. 318 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,188 Oh, good to see you. 319 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,103 Oh, my God, I'm going to faint. 320 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,453 Mr. President, we're the Harpers. 321 00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:36,109 And, uh... I guess you already know Kelley? 322 00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:38,502 [chuckling] Who doesn't know her? 323 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,113 [grunting] 324 00:15:40,156 --> 00:15:42,898 Kelley and me have gone a few rounds on fracking. 325 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,945 Played a few holes, too, right? [laughs] 326 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:49,513 This lady is super connected on a national level. 327 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,734 Quite a fighter, albeit on the wrong side. 328 00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:55,041 But she's a Republican asshole. 329 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,695 Gotta reach across the aisle to get things done. 330 00:15:57,739 --> 00:16:00,829 So, what can I do for you fine people today? 331 00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:03,788 [whispering]: Hey, weird little kid, you're up. 332 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,442 Mr. Obama. 333 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,270 A fortune-telling crone told me 334 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,011 I gotta get everyone in my hometown 335 00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:10,447 to eat a piece of you before midnight tonight, 336 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:12,101 or the whole world will come to an end. 337 00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,755 So we're here to ask you to come back home with us 338 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:14,930 so you can get eaten. 339 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,453 Oh, my gosh, our little girl! 340 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,934 [sniffling] I c-- can't believe it. 341 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,937 I can't believe any of this shit. 342 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,592 Don't look at me. 343 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,334 What is this, Kelley? Is this a joke? 344 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:30,032 Mr. President, I am so sorry on behalf of our family 345 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:33,035 to squander this audience with such a powerful man like you 346 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,255 when we have real problems back home. 347 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:37,300 Right now, one of the Dark Lord's minions, Kelley, 348 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:39,259 is fracking the hell out of us. 349 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:43,393 -Huh. -Kid, show some respect and back off. 350 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:46,527 Barack, I understand you're busy, so... 351 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:50,183 Uh, actually, uh, the little girl has a point. 352 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,663 -[gasps] -I will feel bad if the world ends 353 00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,665 and I didn't do all I could. 354 00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,145 So better get to it. 355 00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:57,538 Let's go. 356 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,888 Mrs. President, you're gonna let him do this? 357 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,411 I mean, with all due super huge respect, 358 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:03,892 big fan, really, but what the fuck, Michelle? 359 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:07,548 Kid, you gotta work on your people skills. 360 00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,550 Let's get a move on, Harpers! 361 00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:11,465 ♪ 362 00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,163 Fucking liberal hippies, man. Ha-ha! 363 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,774 I'm actually shocked he said he'd do it. 364 00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:19,821 Must be bored in retirement. 365 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,218 You're about to get eaten, man. 366 00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:28,351 Yeah, I mean, you seem very cool and eager to get eaten. 367 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:29,787 [clears throat] 368 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:31,572 Uh, hey. What's up, River Creek? 369 00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,096 This is big ol' B.O. coming atcha. 370 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,359 And I want you all to get ready, 371 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,492 because I'm what's for dinner tonight. 372 00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,537 [chuckles] That's right, 373 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,539 whether you love me or hate me, 374 00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:45,673 come get a chance to say ya ate me! 375 00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,109 Tonight. River Creek. 376 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,154 Peace. 377 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,243 Okay, everyone, tell... 378 00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:53,594 everyone that this is really happening tonight. 379 00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:55,770 Let's rally! 380 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:58,425 Every citizen. Oldies. Babies. 381 00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:01,167 Hospital folks. And people in jails, too. 382 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,429 ♪ 383 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,865 [tires screech] 384 00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,172 [crowd cheering] 385 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:12,308 Okay, River Creek, now... 386 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,310 -we eat him. -[cheering, whooping] 387 00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:17,008 [chuckles] No need to eat me to death. 388 00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:19,794 Have you all heard of homeopathic remedies? 389 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,753 That's how I fully cured my tuberculosis. 390 00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,277 [retches] 391 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,453 Homeopathy? Are you fucking kidding me? 392 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,455 That's one part one-trillionth of something 393 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,457 diluted to nothingness in a fluid! 394 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,763 I plan to do this via homeopathy. 395 00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:35,897 Think of me as the one part one-trillionth, 396 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,595 and... we put me in your water 397 00:18:38,639 --> 00:18:40,249 and... you drink me. 398 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:41,642 Any questions? 399 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,165 Yes. Mr. President, 400 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,602 how many calories will be in our Barack bite? 401 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,909 I'm trying to lose three pounds. 402 00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:51,478 Can I choose what part of Barack's body I want to eat? 403 00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,436 I recommend we rinse before. 404 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,830 What does Michelle think about this? 405 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,920 Should we not mix with, say, ketamine, 406 00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,140 or, I don't know, ludes? 407 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:05,318 Are you in your body, or areyou your body? 408 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:08,669 Convince Michelle to run, and then hire me! 409 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,540 Is it cool if I just ate a sandwich? 410 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,847 Have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours? 411 00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:14,675 And now I get Catholicism. 412 00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:16,851 Hey, can I get mine with, like, an egg on top? 413 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,244 Can my horse get a dose, too? 414 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,810 How do we know you're really Obama? 415 00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:22,030 Do you have a birth certificate? 416 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,379 That a real man. 417 00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:25,947 He's a great speaker, for sure. 418 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,775 Grandpa, you of all people gotta know 419 00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:30,212 this is some bunk-ass crazy shit, right? 420 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,258 Just here to support my granddaughter. 421 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,738 Plus, I want one of those commemorative T-shirts. 422 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:37,959 All right, listen up. 423 00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:41,571 Let's form a line at the water treatment plant. 424 00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,530 ♪ 425 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,923 So yeah, this here main tank goes down 426 00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:49,710 to the filtration systems, usually, but we can reroute it 427 00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:52,626 to the kind of keg spigot you requested. 428 00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:56,543 Uh, yeah, we're essentially microdosing the town on me. 429 00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:59,328 We can make an "Obama stew" 430 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:03,376 by vigorously exfoliating me as I soak in this tank. 431 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:06,248 [shudders] Can you heat me up, George? 432 00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:08,729 "Yes I can," Mr. President. 433 00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:12,298 [grunts] 434 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,910 OLLIE: Form a line. 435 00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,260 Soon you'll all get a sip of Obama. 436 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:20,741 It's getting close to midnight. Let's hustle, people! 437 00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,917 [indistinct chatter] 438 00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:26,399 -[grunts] -KELLEY: How is it? 439 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,835 Too hot? 440 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:31,099 Uh, actually, it can go a little hotter. 441 00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,057 No, no, give me a bigger cup. 442 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,671 [smacks lips, exhales] 443 00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,412 Ew. 444 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:41,501 Mmm. 445 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:43,851 [exhales] 446 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:44,852 [slurps] 447 00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,854 Not bad. 448 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,683 [exhales] 449 00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:51,859 Mmm. 450 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,948 [both chuckling] 451 00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,298 Okay, it seems everyone has technically eaten 452 00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,387 a piece of Barack Obama by midnight. 453 00:20:58,431 --> 00:20:59,954 Except you two. 454 00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,390 I'm not doing it. 455 00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:03,087 Come on. There's only a minute left. 456 00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:04,524 Do it for everyone. 457 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:06,613 Nope. Protest vote. Not doing it. 458 00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,615 DEBBIE [sighs]: Come on, Toddie. 459 00:21:08,658 --> 00:21:10,356 Yes, it's stupid, but... 460 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:13,010 [sighs]: a little cooperation goes a long way. 461 00:21:13,054 --> 00:21:14,708 It's for your sister. 462 00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:15,883 [exhales] 463 00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,154 Fine. 464 00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:27,808 -[smacking lips] -Yes! 465 00:21:27,851 --> 00:21:31,028 We did it just in time! 466 00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:32,813 [bell tolls] 467 00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:35,337 [cheering, shouting] 468 00:21:35,381 --> 00:21:36,338 It worked! 469 00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,384 How do you know it worked? 470 00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:40,951 There's no way to prove it didn't work! 471 00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:43,345 It's unfalsifiable! 472 00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:45,434 And... 473 00:21:45,478 --> 00:21:48,698 we succeeded in running down the clock on fracking. 474 00:21:48,742 --> 00:21:49,917 Yeah. 475 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,268 Yeah, Mom. Let's frack everything! 476 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,488 [cheering, whistling] 477 00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,362 Okay, this proves we are actually doomed. 478 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,364 Todd, Debbie, let me share something 479 00:22:02,408 --> 00:22:04,018 with just the two of you. 480 00:22:04,061 --> 00:22:06,977 This whole time, all of this was to distract Kelley, 481 00:22:07,021 --> 00:22:08,544 so that my people 482 00:22:08,588 --> 00:22:10,720 could get with some climate-conscious billionaires 483 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,592 who, if I'm not mistaken, 484 00:22:12,635 --> 00:22:14,855 have bought out Kelley's fracking company 485 00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:17,858 while we were all distracted with this nonsense. 486 00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:20,208 So the distraction was a distraction? 487 00:22:20,251 --> 00:22:22,558 Bingo bongo, baby boyo. [chuckles] 488 00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:25,953 So even though fracking now is technically legal here, 489 00:22:25,996 --> 00:22:29,304 she won't have a company to act on it. 490 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,220 Aw. I was worried my daughter's nature 491 00:22:32,263 --> 00:22:34,396 would make her a victim one day, 492 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,094 and it turns out her nature makes her a cult leader. Ha-ha! 493 00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:39,096 Which is kind of a relief, really. 494 00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,924 You're fucking kidding my ass right now, Mom. 495 00:22:40,968 --> 00:22:44,058 Todd, Todd, Todd. it's a fine line 496 00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:46,365 between gullibility and hope. 497 00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:48,584 And despite your best efforts, 498 00:22:48,628 --> 00:22:51,108 you can't get people behind you by being a dick. 499 00:22:51,152 --> 00:22:52,545 [clicks tongue] 500 00:22:52,588 --> 00:22:56,070 Now, I think I've done enough for you fine people. 501 00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:58,420 I'm not the Giving Tree, you know. 502 00:22:58,464 --> 00:22:59,595 [Barack chuckles] 503 00:22:59,639 --> 00:23:02,555 ♪ 504 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:03,904 BARACK: Oh! 505 00:23:03,947 --> 00:23:06,820 I am almost tired of bull's-eyes. 506 00:23:06,863 --> 00:23:08,256 [chuckles] 507 00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:14,828 You know, I can put a little bit of Barack Obama 508 00:23:14,871 --> 00:23:16,917 in just about anything, and it's gonna taste better. 509 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,006 So, I didn't crash or burn. 510 00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:21,051 I was right and you were wrong, Mom. 511 00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:22,575 [laughs] 512 00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:25,229 Ollie, just because you took advantage 513 00:23:25,273 --> 00:23:27,362 of the whole town's gullibility 514 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,017 doesn't mean I'm not still worried about yours. 515 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,235 Eh, I'm a kid. 516 00:23:31,279 --> 00:23:33,673 I'll be serious when I need to. 517 00:23:33,716 --> 00:23:34,674 Where'd you get that? 518 00:23:34,717 --> 00:23:35,892 No, wait. I know where. 519 00:23:35,936 --> 00:23:37,024 Obama. 520 00:23:37,067 --> 00:23:38,591 I don't know who that Obama guy is, 521 00:23:38,634 --> 00:23:40,593 but he's very persuasive. 522 00:23:40,636 --> 00:23:43,247 Hey, Todd, did you know that we already have the technology 523 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:45,815 to produce all of our energy from renewables, 524 00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:47,861 but the oil industry won't let us? 525 00:23:47,904 --> 00:23:49,863 Yeah, I say that to you, like, every day. 526 00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:52,779 Sucks! And did you know that if we don't cut our emissions 527 00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:54,476 down to zero by 2030, 528 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,348 the world will start to end in our lifetime?! 529 00:23:58,393 --> 00:24:01,396 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 530 00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:44,265 Chirp.