1 00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:07,181 ♪ 2 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,513 ♪ 3 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,134 [lawnmower rumbling] 4 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,310 ♪ 5 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,316 [burps] 6 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,103 Ah. 7 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,324 -[grunts] -[metal grinding] 8 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,067 [bell rings] 9 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,070 'Sup? 10 00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,075 [tires squeal] 11 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,077 [laughs] 12 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,123 Okay. 13 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,430 That real woman. 14 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:25,824 [Freddie humming] 15 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,132 [whistling] 16 00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,700 You know, babe, this new life has you home a lot more. 17 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:32,875 Ah. 18 00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:36,096 Just a few little engineer tweaks, 19 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,749 and we're going to get a ton more suck 20 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,403 out of this vacuum cleaner. 21 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:41,971 So, yeah. It looks like I'm done with the kids' chores, 22 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:45,017 and you are tipsy enough to, maybe, give me a little foreplay 23 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,541 -before... -You licky boom-boom now. 24 00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:49,196 Ooh, is your "frippin' nippins" wet yet? 25 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,676 What? It's only 3:05. 26 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,591 Shortcut across the creek. 27 00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,898 Smells like pheromones in here. 28 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,117 New Glade PlugIn? 29 00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,728 TODD: Ah. What should we watch? 30 00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,991 Seal Team Ninja Rock Band Six? 31 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,907 I want to watch Hot God. 32 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,996 No, Hot Godis an Amazon show. 33 00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,693 We're no longer a Prime family. 34 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,653 [gasps] Ticks! 35 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,307 -Clothes off! Burn a stick! -Ah... 36 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,526 Ow. Don't hurt them. 37 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,572 Okay, okay, calm down. 38 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,400 Everybody gets ticks. 39 00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,837 You know, we never got ticks on our old, rich side of town. 40 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,186 Just saying. 41 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,709 Does this mean we can skip classes? 42 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:26,189 Babe, we got to pull the kids out of school. 43 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,843 They'll get PTSD on ticks. 44 00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,454 No, Freddie. The kids will push past this. 45 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,195 They'll be fine. They'll go to school. They'll tough it out. 46 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,197 But Lyme disease runs in my family. 47 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,503 [panting] 48 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:36,982 [door closes] 49 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,941 Okay, kids, where'd you get these ticks? 50 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:42,031 Well, we were playing in the overgrown schoolyard. 51 00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:45,817 Yeah, this poor-ass school can't afford a groundskeeper. 52 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:50,387 Okay, I guess I'll just fix this school's tick problem myself. 53 00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:51,867 [Freddie panting] 54 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,956 Babe, come on, you got to work for the school to, uh... 55 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:56,524 I-I don't know, work onthe school, right? 56 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,613 [chuckles] Is that a challenge? 57 00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,832 Look, I'm just saying, it's the kids' first week 58 00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:02,399 in this new school. You know? 59 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,271 We're just getting settled into this new life 60 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:05,489 on the north side, and... 61 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:07,578 -Challenge accepted. -[squishes] 62 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,539 [school bell rings] 63 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,455 [pings, beeps] 64 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,021 [sighs] 65 00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:19,111 So, guys, I've decided to keep all the ticks 66 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:20,809 Mom plucked off me. 67 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:23,377 I got them in this tick farm. 68 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,030 That's hamburger for them to eat. 69 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:28,251 Hey, Shauna, how come you're not all bit up by ticks? 70 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,600 Don't play in the tall grass. 71 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:30,993 That's obvious. 72 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,299 Play on the asphalt. 73 00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:34,823 But shoes melt there. 74 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,216 Not if you're playing right. 75 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,653 By the way, who are you, hot shoes? 76 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:39,958 That's Joshathon. 77 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,395 He's the free-range kid. 78 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:43,919 My parents let me cut my own hair, 79 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,661 and trim my own nails. 80 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:49,403 I've never been to a vaccine. 81 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,274 Yeah, it shows. Ollie... 82 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,493 This sad, little freak 83 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,059 makes even you look like Stephen Hawking. 84 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,932 JIMJOE: [scoffs] Says Junior Professor Snape. 85 00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,021 You're probably picking up on my intellect. 86 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:00,544 Barf. 87 00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:03,155 Yeah, I could easily skip, like, four grades. 88 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,070 But I don't want to leave my twin sister behind. 89 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,464 And I don't want to be in high school PE showers, 90 00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:08,683 without my full bush. 91 00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,554 So, everyone, 92 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:14,732 this weekend is the annual Leaf-A-Thon. [chuckling] 93 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:17,648 The student with the most types of leaves will win free 94 00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,389 all-you-can-eat ice cream-- 95 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:22,697 can you believe-- for the whole family at the Ice Cream Morgue. 96 00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,612 Ah, shit. I'll win that blindfolded. 97 00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,309 No, no, Dracula. 98 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,484 I will. 99 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:28,572 [whirring] 100 00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,313 [students gasping] 101 00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:31,314 OLLIE: Whoa-ho-ho... 102 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,098 ♪ 103 00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:34,796 [beeping] 104 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:39,017 Yes. Yes! 105 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,150 Do it, baby. Yeah. 106 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,021 Do it, you bad, bad bitch. 107 00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,849 Not bad for a rush job, right? 108 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,851 [buzzing] 109 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,853 Ah. [grunts] 110 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:50,594 [buzzing] 111 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:53,641 I guess I'll just pee here. 112 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,171 ALL: Yay! 113 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:04,173 ALL: Boo... 114 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,350 [gasps] 115 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:10,048 Boom. Boom, boom. 116 00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,964 [grunting, groaning] 117 00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,532 Ooh! 118 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,360 -[maniacal laugh] -Oh... 119 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,362 Hey, great work, in my opinion. 120 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,190 I always love spending my lunch break 121 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,801 watching my best friend destroy a school. 122 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:26,500 [chuckling] Get back to me after this blows over. 123 00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,371 -Ciao, baby! -[sirens approaching] 124 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,981 Man... 125 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,251 [hissing] 126 00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:44,474 Please excuse our principal, Dr. Morocco. 127 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,302 [snoring] 128 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,957 Is he another victim of my wife's invention? 129 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,438 No, no, no. Most likely it's, um... 130 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,178 recreational substances. 131 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:54,876 He's a very mysterious man. 132 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,225 But really great... 133 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:57,444 on paper. 134 00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:59,315 Anyway, Harpers. 135 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,579 Normally, your actions would have resulted in legal action, 136 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:05,887 but this is a poor school, and the town neglects us. 137 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:08,629 Know how many schools got planes crashed into them 138 00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,066 before the Wright Brothers perfected their stuff? 139 00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:13,068 Yes. None. 140 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,635 Absolutely none. 141 00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:15,723 Hmm. 142 00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,551 You know, while I have you, 143 00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,596 I have questions about the twins. 144 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,902 Is Todd... 145 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,121 trying to be unlikable? 146 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:26,603 And is Ollie perhaps on recreational substances? 147 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:29,345 Like, maybe, I don't know, does she... 148 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,478 -[snoring] -...know Dr. Morocco? 149 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,349 Ollie just has her own way. 150 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,091 She can make you question why we even have standardized tests. 151 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:39,442 "Little Plato with Play-Doh," is, is what we called her. 152 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:40,748 [chuckles weakly] 153 00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,402 No, she's sober. 154 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,621 Right, and Todd doesn't care what people think. Okay? 155 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,144 Which is good. 156 00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:48,451 -He just sometimes needs a push. -Or a coddle. 157 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,019 He'll end up being president or a warlord. 158 00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,673 Okay, so, I'm not worried. 159 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,239 I see. Well... 160 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:58,156 That leads us to the parenting style in the Harper house. 161 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,463 Tell me, which style do you use? 162 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,117 Uh... 163 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,988 Well, uh, it seems, you know, uh, we've never 164 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,861 explicitly discussed one, singular style, 165 00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,515 so to speak, but I... 166 00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:11,561 Being the stay-at-home dad, I set the parenting tone. Yeah. 167 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:15,260 But I swoop in and push the kids where they need it. 168 00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:18,350 I say, let them do stuff for themselves. Right? 169 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:19,613 Like make their own breakfast. 170 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,484 Ollie-- make her own breakfast? 171 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,443 [laughs] Please. 172 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,227 She'd make herself a bowl full of spoons. 173 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,663 Well, for the twins' sake, 174 00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:29,318 you two should get on the same page. 175 00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:30,667 [chuckling]: Okay? 176 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:32,713 It might help balance the twins out, 177 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,889 and help them to be less... 178 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:37,457 extreme. All right? 179 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,458 DR. MOROCCO: No. 180 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,502 No, no, no, officers. 181 00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,591 I have my passport right here. I... 182 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,898 Oh. [chuckling] 183 00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:45,465 Charmed, I'm sure. 184 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,514 [bell rings] 185 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:54,909 Yeah, I'm looking for a book on drone software. 186 00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:57,607 Maybe some parenting books. Whatever. 187 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,740 Hey, what's with the crappy book in the window? 188 00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,524 Got to sell the stuff people want. 189 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,787 Buy it, I need the money. 190 00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:06,660 Uh, I won't respect you if you do, but go ahead. 191 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:07,922 Hmm. 192 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,401 No... 193 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,751 Um... 194 00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,317 Well, I've read all these. 195 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,276 Ah, no... 196 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:15,277 Not that. 197 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,496 Um... [inhales] 198 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,062 Aha! 199 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,587 [reading] Pro-Self Care, Coddle Your Kids. 200 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,850 A perfect backup for my argument. 201 00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,939 Oh, hey. Why are you holding that dumb book? 202 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,897 I was just wanting us to get on the same page, 203 00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,551 like Ms. Gonzalez said. 204 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,597 Sure. Okay, then. 205 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,514 Isay we find that page in this 206 00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,298 much more correct book. 207 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,952 You know, we never had this problem 208 00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:39,562 when you weren't home as often, 209 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,782 and I could just parent the kids mostly my way. 210 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,567 Well, maybe now I see they've needed more 211 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,656 of my style of parenting all along. 212 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:50,051 [both growling] 213 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,706 -[both grunt] -And throw in a Bitch by the Sea. 214 00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:55,317 Who's a little pretty boy? 215 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,405 Yes. 216 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,363 Ew. Why do you have a gray grape? 217 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,540 This is the last tick. 218 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,194 He sucked all the other ticks to death in the tick farm. 219 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,196 Yeah, you got to get rid of that thing. 220 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,851 Nah, I feel a connection, man. 221 00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,940 I'm going to let him munch me some. 222 00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:12,247 There you go, latch. 223 00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,465 Latch. 224 00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,206 [groans] 225 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,382 [groaning] 226 00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,645 Okay. 227 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,211 Ollie... 228 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:23,954 Would you say you're comforted by this room? 229 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:24,955 Sure. 230 00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:26,435 So it's a comfort zone? 231 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:29,481 And you're in a comfort zone not cleaning it? 232 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,874 Sure... 233 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,355 Then I... 234 00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:34,661 hold please... 235 00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:37,794 I push you out of that zone. 236 00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,840 Clean your room, now. 237 00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,406 And grow. 238 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,411 Freddie, what the hell? 239 00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,631 I was trying to parent by the book. 240 00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:49,850 What? Ollie had to watch Netflix. 241 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,547 You know how it is. 242 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,244 you got to keep up, or you're totally ostracized. 243 00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:54,594 [groans] 244 00:09:57,205 --> 00:10:00,208 "Only you know when you need to take care of yourself. 245 00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:01,905 Your kids know when they need it, too." 246 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:04,778 Yes. Exactly. Thank you. 247 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,476 Mom said we had to "get out of our comfort zone" 248 00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,261 and make a freakin' lemonade stand for allowance money. 249 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:11,698 Uh, hold on one second. 250 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,221 Hmm... 251 00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,049 [inhales, gasps] 252 00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:19,314 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do not do that. 253 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,403 Rad. Can we watch Netflix? 254 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,318 Yes, do that. Netflix, yep. 255 00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,929 And I'll go get you some snacks. 256 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:29,063 [weapons firing on TV] 257 00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:32,719 What? Wait, but who's watching Seal Team Ninja Rock Band Six? 258 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,242 DEBBIE: I don't care what your dad said. 259 00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:36,331 You want money, you earn it. 260 00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,072 [groans] 261 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:44,339 Gather around, parents. Sign in. 262 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,602 We will begin momentarily. 263 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,082 I know you. 264 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,911 You ruined our wonderfully diverse and rootsy school. 265 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,303 I'm Jame. 266 00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,696 Yes, not James. 267 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,132 And this is Juniper. 268 00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:57,221 We're Joshathon's parents. 269 00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:58,440 But really... 270 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,703 we're his best friends. 271 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,140 Oh, this will be so much fun. 272 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:06,666 I have so many leaves already in my pockets. 273 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,624 Leaves, they scream. 274 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,365 Man, I don't want to do this. 275 00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,496 Me either. 276 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,455 Oh, you're both doing this. 277 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,632 Honey, if the kids don't want to do this, I-- let's just go home. 278 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,374 The world tells me to baby myself with self-care, 279 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:22,594 but at the same time it tells me to get out of my comfort zones. 280 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,335 Which is it?! 281 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:26,860 I don't want to wage our battle of parenting styles here, 282 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,949 in front of everyone, babe. Okay? 283 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:31,734 Why not? We're just talking about the biggest stakes 284 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,780 in the world here, our kids. 285 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,738 Okay, I don't know about you all, 286 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:39,263 but I want my kids to grow into solid, actual adults. 287 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:41,396 Okay? So I say, raise them my way. 288 00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:42,571 How about you, Jupiter? 289 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,268 What's your house parenting style? 290 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,227 It's actually Juniper, 291 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,924 pronounced Juniper, 292 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:51,623 and we practice the documentary style of parenting. 293 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,538 No intervention at all. 294 00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:54,844 We just observe. 295 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:57,064 And we document everything 296 00:11:57,107 --> 00:11:59,936 for our 34 social media platforms. 297 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,459 Uh, that's gross. 298 00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,157 What about you, Gbenge, Katrina? 299 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,506 What's your parenting style? 300 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,377 Freddie thinks we should do "self-care" 301 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:08,902 and I think we should do "anti-comfort zone." 302 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:11,295 Wait, you're "anti-comfort zone"? 303 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,733 [chuckles] Oh, well, that's cute. 304 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,604 But it's all about grit now. 305 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:18,520 It turns out, grit is what determines genius. 306 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:21,566 Certainly not self-care or pro-comfort zones. 307 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,786 Why does everyone hate comfort zones, huh? 308 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,701 Everyone wants you to just take it. 309 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,224 To take all the bad stuff. 310 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,792 You all say, "Oh, it's just urine. 311 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:32,403 "It's just a flood of bloody, scummy urine 312 00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,884 "with doo-doo bubbles all in it, so be cool, man. 313 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,581 This is just how downtown is." 314 00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:39,846 Hey, downtown is a culturally important place. 315 00:12:39,889 --> 00:12:41,151 You know what I mean. 316 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,240 [indistinct arguing] 317 00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:45,939 Okay, okay, okay. 318 00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:49,420 Let's put our parenting styles to the test. 319 00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,900 In Leaf-A-Thon. 320 00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,294 Most leaves equals best style. 321 00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:54,599 PARENTS: Yeah! 322 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:55,905 DEBBIE: I get Todd. 323 00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,602 Oh, damn. Here we go. 324 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,213 Okay, I got Ollie. 325 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:00,301 Rad. 326 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,955 I'm going to stomp you, Todd. 327 00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,695 I'm going to stomp your little balls. 328 00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:06,611 I'm the new genius, JimJoe. So, die. 329 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:07,787 That's the spirit. 330 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,266 Students... 331 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:12,139 gather as many leaves as you can until sunset. 332 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,706 Parents, you can't do the gathering. 333 00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,186 -Just the coaching. -[grumbling] 334 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:18,536 And there is a point system. 335 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,712 Common leaves are worth one point, 336 00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,714 uncommon ones are worth five, 337 00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:26,153 and endangered ones are worth 25 point-a-roonies. 338 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,719 -[laughs] -[squealing tires approaching] 339 00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:31,288 Oh, and here's your principal to kick this off. 340 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:33,290 Dr. Morocco. 341 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:36,032 -[heavy-metal music playing] -[tires squeal] 342 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:39,035 Yeah, right there, that's a sketch-ass principal. 343 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,385 All right, let's do this thing. 344 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,823 -[gunshot] -[yelping] 345 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,520 ♪ 346 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,699 I know what you want. 347 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,048 I feel what you feel. 348 00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,571 I'm an empath... 349 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,312 Ow. 350 00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,314 You're part of me now, man. 351 00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:59,099 Hey, Ollie, let's go over... [gasps] 352 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,796 Oh, you're looking pale. 353 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,754 Are you feeling... pale? 354 00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,496 I am a bit drained. 355 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:08,325 It's like my energy is being sucked away, 356 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,240 or something, for some reason. 357 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,155 Yes, honey, you listen to your body. 358 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,635 Do self-care. 359 00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,593 I'll carry you, and I'll find leaves. 360 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,857 But let's just keep that between us. Okay? 361 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,860 -[Freddie grunts] -[exhales] 362 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:31,348 It says here the Maple Leaf Oak is the top leaf to get. 363 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,524 Nice self-starting, baby. 364 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:34,830 That's determination. 365 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,179 That's grit, that's... 366 00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,355 That's enough, Dad. Chill out. 367 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:39,835 Just proud of your grit, baby. 368 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,532 I'm just proud of your grit. 369 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:46,624 Here we have Joshathon Jaycock in the wild. 370 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,149 Will he care about the task at hand? 371 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,802 [hissing] 372 00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:53,544 Dad, why is this worm so loud? 373 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,938 -[hissing] -Dad? 374 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:59,246 It's times like these one wants to intervene, 375 00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:01,988 but that is not the way of our people. 376 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,078 Hmm. 377 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,036 [clears throat] 378 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,385 Ah... 379 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:11,214 Look, there's a rare species. 380 00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:12,737 But there's only one left. 381 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,826 Mom, get over here for a boost. 382 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,785 Mom, we got to get that leaf 383 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,439 before frickin' awful JimJoe does. 384 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:22,095 DEBBIE: Uh... 385 00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,270 Mm. 386 00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,576 Listen to me, Toddie. Listen. 387 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,970 Just use this other tree. Right? 388 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,972 Climb it, and lean down. 389 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:31,800 It's a little far. 390 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,671 -Trust me. -[sighs] 391 00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,673 -[whimpering] -[JimJoe grunting] 392 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,414 -TODD: Uh, okay... -[JimJoe groans] 393 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,242 -Yes. Thanks, Mom. -[grunting, groaning] 394 00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,157 Damn you, Todd, 395 00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,767 you cheating creep. 396 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,595 Watch it, you rude little kid. 397 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,336 And be nicer to your damn mama. 398 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:47,903 [gasps] 399 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,340 This is just one species. 400 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,473 I'll still win the whole thing. 401 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:55,258 You watch. Come on, Mom. Hustle up. 402 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:57,043 And do the engine-noise thing for me. 403 00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,088 [imitates engine] 404 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:01,917 -[engine noise continues] -[chuckles] 405 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,015 Well, well, well, Mr. Harper. 406 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,974 Oh, Ms. Gonzalez, hey. 407 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,366 Hey, there. Hey. 408 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:19,152 I take this contest very seriously. 409 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,762 And I know what you're doing. 410 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:23,634 Ollie is disqualified. 411 00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,464 Get this kid an orange and a juice pack. 412 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,075 She's limp and colorless. [groans] 413 00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,033 JimJoe, get off your mother. 414 00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:32,556 Oh my god, Ollie. 415 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,471 I-I'm so, so sorry, baby. 416 00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:35,951 Dude, what? 417 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,954 I'm thrilled this candy-less trick-or-treat is over. 418 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,175 Yeah, but my parenting style got you disqualified. 419 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:43,828 Do... [sighs] 420 00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,701 -Do I coddle you too much? -[groaning] 421 00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:49,791 Oh! My-my daughter needs a juice pack, stat! 422 00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,098 [wind whistling] 423 00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:54,056 [Debbie whistles] 424 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,797 That's a high-value leaf. 425 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,973 Get it, and you beat that JimJoe. 426 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,062 But it's over that scary ravine. 427 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,325 It is just like the one we just did. 428 00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,327 Get out of your comfort zone, 429 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,721 and get way out on that limb. 430 00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:07,722 Come on. 431 00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:08,984 I don't know. 432 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,203 Todd. 433 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,466 You can win here. 434 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,903 And you can rub it in all the kids' faces. 435 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,165 Come on, son. 436 00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,168 -[whimpering] -Yes. 437 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,997 [whispering]: Yes, good, good, good, good, good. Do it. 438 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,520 -[whimpering] -Go for it. Go. 439 00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:24,739 [branch cracks] -[screams] 440 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,916 -[gasps] -[Todd screaming] 441 00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:29,048 That real woman. 442 00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:35,184 [screaming] 443 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,752 [continues screaming] 444 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,754 Ah... 445 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,843 [gasps, sobs] 446 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,411 Oh, my boy. My sweet fucking boy. 447 00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,630 No. No, no, no, no, no, no. What did I do to you? Oh. 448 00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,154 Mom, uh, well, 449 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,459 I think I'm fine. 450 00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,766 -I'm fine. -Oh, you could have died! 451 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,638 Oh, my God. I'm such a bad mom. 452 00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,685 Okay, I am disqualifying myself. 453 00:17:57,728 --> 00:17:59,730 I want to take you to get medical attention, hon. 454 00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,558 -Just to be safe. -Mom, I feel fine. 455 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,084 Because you fell on me, Todd. 456 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,477 Oh, my God. Are you okay, kid? 457 00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,654 Um, my head, maybe, got kicked in a little. 458 00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,352 Whoa. Uh... 459 00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:14,005 [stammers] Okay. 460 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,746 I'm taking both of you to see a medic. 461 00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:16,834 You for sure. 462 00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,793 Listen, I can keep going. 463 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,534 I know a different way to win this thing. 464 00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,405 I just need your phone for an Uber. 465 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,233 Forget this leaf thing. 466 00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:27,584 That scare really shook us up a little. 467 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,369 Not me. I can do this. 468 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,023 Okay, babe. 469 00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,286 Just don't go through my pics. 470 00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:34,374 There's parents-only stuff. 471 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,028 And hey! 472 00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,205 Don't go out on any limbs, okay? 473 00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:44,166 Lady, am I taller? 474 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:47,169 My brain is touching my skull hard now. 475 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,954 [birds chirping] 476 00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:53,697 I'll be right back. 477 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,178 My old school. 478 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,485 So clean. So rich. 479 00:18:58,528 --> 00:18:59,964 So me. 480 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,618 I knew it. 481 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:03,272 The Maple Leaf Oak. 482 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,796 The most valuable, endangered tree around. 483 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,407 This school has everything. 484 00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:11,280 I still don't have enough, and I bet JimJoe has more leaves. 485 00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:12,586 And the sun's setting. 486 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,501 I got to hurry back. 487 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,113 DEBBIE: Okay. Come on. 488 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,463 Nope. Nope, uh. Steady. 489 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:23,379 There you are, and look at all these leaves. 490 00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,424 You won. 491 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,252 No, he did not. 492 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,514 Yes, he did. 493 00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:29,342 Here's his trophy we brought. 494 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,387 Yes... ah. 495 00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:33,998 What? This kid needs a doctor. 496 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:35,304 [whispering]: Look at his head. 497 00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:37,176 No. He decides. 498 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,482 Joshathon, are you okay? 499 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,006 If heat rises... 500 00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,574 why is Canada cold? 501 00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:47,098 BOTH: See, he's fine. 502 00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,100 Mm. Hmm. 503 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,190 [slurping] 504 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:54,323 Hey, what happened to Ollie? 505 00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:57,457 She got disqualified and dehydrated. 506 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,198 But it's cool. 507 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:01,983 Because sometimes you just have to let your kids fail, I guess. 508 00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:02,766 Right? 509 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,507 You know, Freddie... 510 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,117 [inhales sharply] 511 00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:08,598 ...you don't practice self-care for yourself. 512 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,384 You over-extend so your family-- 513 00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,212 yes, me included-- 514 00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,561 can-can-can indulge. 515 00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,693 And I see that, and I do thank you, hon, 516 00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,130 but you should go easier on yourself. 517 00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:23,570 Yeah, I'll try to make Ollie do more on her own. 518 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:26,660 But you know I-I love how much you push yourself. 519 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:28,314 Right? I-I love that about you. 520 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,185 But... 521 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,796 I shouldn't expect the same standards from everyone else, 522 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,755 especially the kids. 523 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:36,365 I know. 524 00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,454 -[moans] -Ah... 525 00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,630 Aw. You're my teddy bear. 526 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,763 And you're my stuffing. 527 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:50,510 [imitating engine] 528 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,033 Here we go, kids. 529 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,208 Bring your leaf books up here, 530 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,950 and Dr. Morocco, and mostly myself, 531 00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,299 will tally you up. 532 00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,692 [panting] 533 00:21:01,216 --> 00:21:04,219 Well, it looks like we have a clear winner here... 534 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,177 -with JimJoe... -Hold on, there! 535 00:21:06,221 --> 00:21:07,527 Tally this batch! 536 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,180 No way, you are too late. 537 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:11,008 -Aha! -[crowd gasps] 538 00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:12,096 Son of a bitch. 539 00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,794 He's got the Maple Leaf Oak. 540 00:21:13,837 --> 00:21:15,926 And the rest of his book is full. 541 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,146 Well, this is just impressive. 542 00:21:18,189 --> 00:21:21,802 Todd Harper has won this year's Leaf-A-Thon. 543 00:21:21,845 --> 00:21:23,934 [chuckles] Oh, God. 544 00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:25,719 And now, Dr. Morocco. 545 00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:27,416 [moaning, weak applause] 546 00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:31,507 It behooves me to make mention that... 547 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,509 Lyme disease is a big deal. 548 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:35,424 [murmuring] 549 00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:37,339 In the battle against fleas and ticks, 550 00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:40,299 one can always trust in Leave! brand flea and tick deterrents. 551 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:43,345 And we can thank Leave! for sponsoring and conceiving 552 00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:45,304 of the Leaf-A-Thon, as always. 553 00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:49,873 Now, Todd Harper. 554 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:52,572 Please come claim your ice cream ticket, 555 00:21:52,615 --> 00:21:54,138 that expires in an hour, 556 00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:56,053 and say a few words. 557 00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:57,141 -[whooping] -Yeah. 558 00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:58,882 [whoops] All right. 559 00:21:59,927 --> 00:22:02,059 [sighs] You can all suck my bag. 560 00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:03,974 -[gasping] -WOMAN: Oh. 561 00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:06,237 [laughing] 562 00:22:06,281 --> 00:22:07,630 I'm super cool, 563 00:22:07,674 --> 00:22:09,371 and it makes you all mad and jealous. 564 00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,373 So suck on my bag, and deal with your shit. 565 00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:12,374 Peace. 566 00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:14,333 [booing] 567 00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,335 Impressive dickishness. 568 00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:17,684 -[booing] -Hmm. 569 00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:23,733 How'd you fill up the book in time, Todd? 570 00:22:23,777 --> 00:22:26,562 I snuck Todd my leaves. Duh... 571 00:22:26,606 --> 00:22:27,998 What? When? 572 00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:30,131 When you and Mom were making out 573 00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:31,698 and making up, like sappy suckers. 574 00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:34,788 See, me and Todd are yin and yang. 575 00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:37,486 Together we always balance each other's extremes. 576 00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:39,401 Kind of how your extreme styles of parenting 577 00:22:39,445 --> 00:22:40,968 don't really work when separate. 578 00:22:41,011 --> 00:22:43,449 You guys do fine together. 579 00:22:43,492 --> 00:22:45,886 Got to get that balance, baby... 580 00:22:45,929 --> 00:22:48,323 [chuckling] So... 581 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,456 let's all go get ice cream at the Ice Cream Morgue 582 00:22:50,499 --> 00:22:52,240 before this ticket expires. 583 00:22:52,283 --> 00:22:53,807 ALL: Yeah! 584 00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:56,418 I hope they got steak ice cream. 585 00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:58,377 -[pop] -[screaming] 586 00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:00,117 -FREDDIE: Oh, my God. -OLLIE: Oh, no! 587 00:23:00,161 --> 00:23:02,468 I coddled my tick to death. 588 00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:41,855 Chirp.